Dreams

{ (set: $canal to "unexplored") } { (set: $park to "unexplored") } { (set: $cat to "lost") } { (set: $dog to "lost") } { (set: $relationship to 0) } { (set: $flat to "not_moved") } { (set: $art to "not_interested") } { (set: $marriage to "against") } { (set: $bottle to "down") } { (set: $drink to "full") } { (set: $broken to "neutral") } It was late summer. [[Your friends had invited you to the pub.]]

[[You hadn't felt like it.]]

Instead you’d… [[Gone for a walk by the canal.]] / [[Gone for a walk in the park.]]

{ (set: $canal to "explored") } The canal near your flat had been a small strip of sanity in the otherwise manic city of London. Here, life seemed to move slower. People (and one white cat) had lounged on their riverboats. Others looked on in envy from the trendy cafés that appeared after every other bohemian shop and craft brewery. The air was tinged with the salt of the Thames – it would have almost been pleasant if it wasn’t mingled with the rest of the city. You were coming to the point where you normally crossed the small bridge and turned back to your flat. [[That’s when you’d heard him.]]

{ (set: $park to "explored") } The park had been your own little oasis in the stagnant heat of London in summer. It seemed to be getting hotter every year, and that one was the worst. Your shirt had clung to your waist, outlining the belly that would only get worse later in life. You’d felt self-conscious about it. You still do. All around you, modelesque people jogged in tiny shorts. The men were shirtless, the women were able to get away with just a sports bra. Other people straight out of a magazine laid together in the grass, or were walking their well-groomed, well-behaved, dogs. This had been a mistake. Perhaps the canal would have been better. You’d started to turn around. [[That’s when you’d heard him.]]

(if: $canal is "explored")["Crystal! Here kitty!" [[It was a deep, resonate voice.]]] (if: $park is "explored")[Haley! Here girl! [[It was a deep, resonate voice.]]]

You’d looked for the owner of that voice. It belonged to a man who was much – //lighter// – than you would have expected from it. He was about 5,7, with scruffy, curly black hair. There was a wisp of a beard stuck to his face, and he’d worn clothes that would indicate some sort of artist… or maybe a scavenger? [[You’d instantly fancied him.]]

You hadn’t been sure what to do. He’d looked distressed. [[You’d decided to go up to him.]] / [[You’d turned to walk away.]]

(if: $canal is "explored")[“Everything okay?” you’d asked. The man’s eyes had darted at you, as if he hadn’t realised people could see or hear him. “Oh!” he’d laughed. “Yeah. I’m just looking for my neighbour’s cat, [[Crystal]].”] (if: $park is "explored")[“Everything okay?” you’d asked. The man’s eyes darted at you, as if he hadn’t realised people could see or hear him. “Oh!” he’d laughed. “Yes. I’m just looking for my neighbour’s dog, [[Haley]].”]

(if: $canal is "explored")[The man had looked a little unsettled - another “London Crazy.” You’d decided it would be best to walk away. “Hey you!” that voice had said behind you. You’d frozen, goosebumps erupting like miniscule mountain ranges all along your skin. You’d turned around, the man was close, looking up at you. You’d gone to talk but he’d got there first. “Have you seen my neighbour’s cat, [[Crystal]]?”] (if: $park is "explored")[The man looked a little unsettled - another “London Crazy.” You’d decided it would be best to walk away. “Hey you!” that voice had said behind you. You’d froze, goosebumps erupting like miniscule mountain ranges all along your skin. You’d turned around, the man was close, looking up at you. You went to talk but he got there first. “Have you seen my neighbour’s dog, [[Haley]]?”]

You’d let the man describe Crystal. A small, pure white thing, with a missing fang. You were about to say sorry when you’d suddenly remembered the white cat you’d passed by earlier. The two of you had run back in that direction. “Crystal!” the man had shouted upon seeing the cat lazing in the sun on the roof of the riverboat. [[It gave him a faint nod of recognition.]]

The man described Haley to you. A portly beagle with the most ridiculous ears. She’d managed to break free of her leash and was loose somewhere in the park. You were about to tell him that you hadn’t seen a dog like that, when something had caught your eye. A beagle matching Haley’s description was being lead out of the park by another man. She was resisting. [[The two of you had raced over.]]

You hadn’t wanted to simply walk onto a stranger’s boat, but after several knocks at (what you presumed was their front door), the only response to come was a solid “Fuck off!” That had angered you, and you’d jumped on their roof, scooped the cat up (who was surprisingly chill about it all) and ran with the man as you heard the door to the boat unbolt. That’s how you'd met Dean. It turned out that he was an artist and that most of it was made from scrap he came across in London – so, you’d been kinda right on both accounts. [[He’d offered to buy you a drink to say thank you.]] / [[He’d offered to buy you lunch to say thank you.]]

You’d confronted the man. At first, he'd tried to claim that Haley was his, but couldn’t keep up the charade as the dog desperately yelped to be with the only one of the three men she knew. You’d threatened to call the police – where this bravado had come from you didn't known. The man had practically thrown the dog at the two of you as he ran to a nearby, dented-to-shit van, and drove off. That’s how you'd met Dean. It turned out that he was an artist and that most of it was made from scrap he came across in London – so, you’d been kinda right on both accounts. [[He’d offered to buy you a drink to say thank you.]] / [[He’d offered to buy you lunch to say thank you.]]

You’d gone to one of the nearby café’s. The other patrons had been busily typing away on expensive laptops or holding “casual meetings” with clientele. Dean had insisted on getting you a beer, but you’d managed to persuade him that a coffee was just fine. [[You hadn’t wanted to tell him that you didn’t drink.]]

You’d tried to turn the offer down – it was too much for the simple act you’d performed. He wouldn’t take no for an answer and you were soon in a bistro that’s entire frontage was one large sliding door. You’d ordered the vegetarian moussaka (they had no meat). Dean wanted to buy you wine. You’d managed to convince him that you were fine with cola. [[You hadn’t wanted to tell him that you didn’t drink.]]

From that moment, life just did that thing where it all seemingly falls into place. Dean was in the death throes of a relationship. The guy, a masters student studying contemporary art, was battling a crippling work load, and debilitating depression, [[but refused to take medication or go through therapy.]]

Initially, you’d met up for fun, and then, for moral support also – or so you’d told yourself. You’d known Dean for a few weeks, helped him scavenge for scrap for his “art” (you hadn’t told him that you didn’t get it), and were round his for board games every Wednesday evening. [[Then you’d put your arm round him.]] / [[Then you’d put your hand on his leg.]]

It made him more creative, or so he’d thought. Dean had tried desperately to get him to seek help, but the guy wouldn’t listen. At the point you’d met Dean, he was [[exhausted by the relationship.]]

It was late – you’d just beaten him by building a better society in his latest game. You were sat next to each other on the floor, backs against the sofa, just chatting when you’d noticed the tears in his eyes. “Sorry,” he’d said. “Gerard was… upset earlier.” His head had turned down, you’d followed it. A large, purple bruise you’d missed earlier sat on his arm. “I told him to not go,” he’d continued, [[“but he ran out.”]]

Now you thought about it, Dean had been distracted that night. He’d fidgeted, made unusual mistakes during the game. Checked his phone multiple times. Checked the door in equal measure. How had you not realised something was up? You’d tried to think what to do, but your body reacted for you and you’d soon found your hand gently squeezing Dean’s leg. He’d looked up at you, matching the surprised look on your own face. You’d have pulled away except his hand had come down to meet yours, and soon the two of you were pulling towards each other. [[Then you were kissing.]]

And that’s how you’d started. Dean broke off his relationship with the art student. You’d gone round several times whilst it was happening, mostly to keep Dean feeling safe. You saw the guy once, a scrawny, dishevelled thing. He was yelling from across the street about Dean’s betrayal and how he’d off himself because of it. Before you could go out there to confront the guy (something Dean urged you not to do), a neighbour had yelled back that they’d call the police if he didn’t leave. It worked. You never saw him again, but Dean had to change his phone number and locks and was always on edge for the next few months. [[You’d told him there was nothing to worry about.]] / [[You’d told him you’d be there to protect him.]]

“Yes, there is!” Dean had come back with. “What if he goes through with his threat? How will I feel if that were to happen?! What if he harmed me or, God forbid, you!” [[You’d apologised, you were just trying to be comforting.]] / [[You’d kept on telling him it would be fine.]]

Dean had taken comfort in that thought. It always made him relax. “Well, you’re big and strong. No one could hurt you,” he’d say. It was bizarre. You’d never seen yourself like that before. You were tall, but you’d always struggled to maintain a healthy weight. Yet, Dean didn’t see that. He saw it as a strength. [[He made you feel special.]]

“It’s okay,” Dean said. “I know you’re trying to help me, just, don’t disregard my feelings. I’m allowed to have them.” You’d told him that of course he’s entitled to his feelings. He appeared to shrug it off. After a few moments he’d spoken again. “You’re so big and strong. No one could hurt you,” he’d said. It was bizarre. You’d never seen yourself like that before. You were tall, but you’d always struggled to maintain a healthy weight. Yet, Dean didn’t see that. He saw it as a strength. [[He made you feel special.]]

It was the first argument you would have. Dean had screamed about how you were disregarding his feelings, that he was allowed to have them. You hadn’t known what he was going on about, but quickly backed down. Later, the two of you had made up and things seemingly went back to normal, but you were always careful about letting Dean [[express himself from then on.]]

After you two made love, he’d liked nothing more than to rest against your chest and play with your unruly bush of hair. It’d made you uncomfortable at first, but he loved it. He'd loved running his fingers across your belly. Gradually, you started to accept your body for what it was. [[Dean just had that effect on you]].

“You’re so big and strong. No one could hurt you,” he’d say. It was bizarre. You’d never seen yourself like that before. You were tall, but you’d always struggled to maintain a healthy weight. Yet, Dean didn’t see that. He saw it as a strength. [[He made you feel special.]]

//[[…the weeks to months…]]//

{ (set: $relationship to $relationship +1) } { (set: $flat to "moved") } You were round each other’s so often that it just made sense to do this. Suddenly, you’d had more money to spend on each other and your hobbies. You’d gone out together more with your friends, bought more games, ordered in more often, upgraded your wardrobe, gone on holidays, and generally did everything those with disposable income can. It was a nice change for Dean who’d never had much money, earning most of it through small, infrequent commission pieces. He was embarrassed at first by the amount you would spend on things, [[but gradually grew more comfortable with it.]]

{ (set: $relationship to $relationship -1) } The two of you had talked about it for weeks, but ultimately, you’d both decided you needed your own space. It was okay. You were round each other’s most nights anyway. You were aware of the slight absurdity to it all but were also relieved to have somewhere to call your own. Money was tight at times, especially for Dean who’d never had much money, earning most of it through small, infrequent commission pieces. But he was happy, preferring the more [[bohemian lifestyle anyway.]]

//[[…the months…]]//

{ (set: $relationship to $relationship +1) } { (set: $art to "interested") } Dean’s sculptures became more and more intriguing. You’d still not understood them, even when he gave you his artist’s spiel about the “unity of rubbish” how it “represented the bonding plastics go through” how we “could only hope to achieve the same level of kinship”. It may have been some form of protest against the plastic island in the Atlantic. Despite this, you’d thought his skills were improving. There was an elegance to his work and, gradually, more galleries showed their own interest. You’d joyfully accompanied Dean to their evenings and attempted to trade words with the other artists and art enthusiasts, but it never quite gelled. Ah well, [[it’d made Dean happy.]]

{ (set: $relationship to $relationship -1) } Dean’s sculptures became more bizarre and you couldn’t get to grips with them, even when he gave you his artist’s spiel about the “unity of rubbish” how it “represented the bonding plastics go through” how we “could only hope to achieve the same level of fellowship”. It may have been some form of protest against the plastic island in the Atlantic. You’d put your foot down when he’d suggested that his next one would be made from discarded needles. It’d upset him, but you’d insisted it was only for his safety (you also hadn’t wanted such a thing in (if: $flat is "moved")[ [[your flat]]). ] (if: $flat is "not_moved")[ [[his flat]]). ]

//[[…to years…]]//

//[[The days turned to weeks...]]//

Dean liked booze – and gradually, you’d become partial to [[a tipple yourself.]]

[[You’d moved in together.]] / [[You’d kept your own separate places.]]

A law firm had been looking for new associates and were paying them above the average wage. You’d registered your interest without expecting much, but, to your surprise, they hired you. Life became more comfortable. [[You’d taken a further interest in Dean’s art.]] / [[You’d tried to find ways to push away from Dean’s art.]]

//[[…to years…]]//

Your lives were expanding. You’d become a highly regarded associate at your firm, and Dean’s works were being exhibited in international galleries. All seemed to be going great. Dean had broached the subject of marriage with you. Did you see the two of you getting married in the future? [[You’d been for it.]] / [[You’d been against it.]]

{ (set: $relationship to $relationship +1) } { (set: $marriage to "for") } Our lives are in a state of flux. There are so few constants we have, and that’s a terrifying thought. Perhaps that’s why you were in favour of marriage. If there could be a single constant, however fleeting, surely it should’ve been the one you loved? You’d agreed that there could be a future where the two of you were married. Two weeks went by and you were engaged. The next month was spent in a weird, giggly sort of [[euphoria.]]

{ (set: $relationship to $relationship -1) } You hadn’t seen the need to marry – what would it even change? Isn’t that what everyone says? Weren’t the two of you already as happy as you could be? Dean hadn’t understood. He’d tried to say that, “for so long we couldn’t be married – or even be out in public – but now we can. Shouldn’t we cherish that?” You’d come back with that just because you could get married, it didn’t necessarily mean you had to. The next few months had been awkward. The two of you never had a full-blown argument, but you’d certainly had cold moments. Friends noted a change and asked if everything was okay. It was. Just a lovers’ spat. [[Nothing more.]]

[[Then came the offer.]]

[[Nothing more]].

(if: $relationship is 3)[//[[…and your relationship grew in strength…]]//] (if: $relationship is -3)[//[[…and your relationship struggled on…]]//] (else:)[//[[…and your relationship carried on…]]//]

(if: $relationship is 3)[//[[…and your relationship grew in strength…]]//] (if: $relationship is -3)[//[[…and your relationship struggled on…]]//] (if: $relationship is 2)[//[[…and your relationship carried on…]]//] (if: $relationship is 1)[//[[…and your relationship carried on…]]//] (if: $relationship is -1)[//[[…and your relationship carried on…]]//] (if: $relationship is -2)[//[[…and your relationship carried on…]]//]

Your firm had wanted to expand and set-up a new branch in Boston, America. There had been rumours about it for months, but you’d just kept to your cases, having little interest in gossip. [[Until the partners had held a meeting one Friday.]]

[[A meeting you’d been asked to attend.]]

You’d frozen upon seeing the invite sitting in your inbox. What could it be about? Was there a problem? You’d wanted to text Dean but thought better of it. It would’ve just worried him. [[So, you’d gone to the meeting.]]

“We want you to head it up,” the partners had said. “We want you to finally become one of the family.” A partnership. That’s what they offered you! Not only that, you’d be in charge of establishing a brand-new team in America, taking on some of the biggest firms out there! They’d told you to take some time and think it over. They knew you had commitments here. [[You hadn’t needed it.]]

[[Or so you’d thought.]]

You’d told them that you’d discuss it with your partner and give them an answer by the end of the week. [[That night, you’d told Dean about the offer.]]

[[“So, you turned it down, right?”]]

Was all he’d said. You hadn’t known how to respond. You’d just stood there still holding the plastic bag that contained a nice, mid-range bottle of champagne. [[You’d thought it was a joke.]] / [[You’d got angry.]]

“No, I’m being serious,” he’d come back with. “Why would you even be considering moving to America?” [[You’d felt your stomach drop.]]

You don’t remember what you’d said to him. It’d come out more like a dog’s bark than anything resembling words. “Woah! Calm down,” he’d responded. “Do you not realise why I’m upset? How could you even consider moving to America?” [[You’d felt your stomach drop.]]

You’d fought that night. It was the most blazing row you’d ever had. You hadn’t experienced anger like this before. How could the man you loved be so flippant about your dream job? "[[But I love London!]]"

[[He’d screamed at you.]]

“It’s where I feel the most inspired!” How the fuck could he have known that? He’d never really //been// anywhere else. Sure, you’d gone away on small holidays, but he’d never allowed himself to truly //experience// another place! Isn’t that what fucking artists are //supposed// to do?! [[You’d picked up the bottle of now warm champagne…]]

[[…and brought it down on Dean’s latest piece.]] / [[…and raised it above your head.]] / [[…and tried to open it.]]

(if: $art is "interested")[Time seemed to slow. You hadn’t wanted to do this. In the second before impact, you’d seen the work Dean had put into it. It was one of the smaller pieces he’d done recently, but it had only been a month since you’d gone mudlarking in the Thames looking for the tiny time capsules swallowed by the gunge of the river. He’d been so proud of it, and of you. He’d even let you give him a hand. [[And now, it was a hundred different shapes flying around the room intermingled with glass and mid-range champagne.]] { (set: $broken to "good") }] (if: $art is "not_interested")[Time seemed to slow. You hadn’t wanted to do this. But this thing was hideous. Like all of Dean’s work. What even was it? A jumble of crap he’d pulled from the muck left when the Thames recedes. //“Mudlarking”// he’d called it. It stank of the river’s gunge – dead creatures, pollution, faeces, anything you can – and wouldn’t want to – imagine. He’d been proud of it. You’d hated it. [[And now, it was a hundred different shapes flying around the room intermingled with glass and mid-range champagne.]] { (set: $broken to "bad") }]

{ (set: $bottle to "above") } “What are you doing?!” Dean had shrieked as he’d backed away, arms up to the sky. What had you been doing? This was the man you’d loved. You hadn’t thought you were intending to threaten him, but that’s just what you’d done. A painful memory resurfaced – Dean’s arm – bruised from his ex. You’d stood panting, the energy from anger dissipating, turning to a bitter regret. Your grasp had given out and the bottle slipped from your palm. [[It'd smashed into a dozen pieces. Mid-ranged champagne flowed across the wooden floor.]]

{ (set: $drink to "drunk") } The foil had slipped against your palm, barely coming off. Was it superglued to the fucking cork? You’d become more flustered and dug your fingernails further in. After some more huffing you’d heard Dean’s giggle. “What are you doing?” he’d laughed. What had you been doing? Why were you trying to open the champagne? Either way, just like that, the argument was over. The charged energy of the room had dissipated and soon, after some more effort, you and Dean had been sat on the floor, backs against the sofa, taking swigs from the bottle. [[It was warm, mid-range champagne; but at that moment, it was the best thing you’d ever tasted.]]

(if: $art is "interested")[Dean had screamed. His tears had formed a second before your own. He hadn’t said anything – he’d just crouched amongst the rubble and wept. You’d slumped next to him, sobbing yourself. You’d wanted to put your arm round him. You didn’t. [[The rest of the week had passed in silence.]]] (if: $art is "not_interested")[Dean had screamed. His tears had formed an instant later. He hadn’t said anything – he’d just crouched amongst the rubble and wept. Your anger had remained. Mostly at yourself - at how happy smashing that pile of shite had made your feel. But now Dean was sobbing – the man you’d loved. You’d nearly put your arm around him. You didn’t. Instead you’d gone out and got drunk with a friend. [[The rest of the week had passed in silence.]]]

You’d stood still towering over Dean still. Your eyes were wide with shock. He’d started to hyperventilate. You’d snapped out of your own spell and gone to comfort him. He’d shook his head and pushed passed you, running out of the flat. By the time he’d come back, you’d cleaned up the shattered bottle and spilled champagne. You’d gone to speak to him, only to discover that he was accompanied by a one of his friends. Embarrassment swelled inside of you. The friend hadn’t known what had happened. The three of you had a “fun”, awkward night. You’d dreaded the moment when they’d leave, and when it finally came about, Dean locked himself in the bedroom. [[The rest of the week had passed in silence.]]

You’d both drunk the entire bottle. “This is awful stuff,” Dean had said as he took a swig. “Yep,” you’d replied taking one of equal measure. [[The rest of the week had passed in silence.]]

(if: $broken is "good")[It had been a hard week. You’d helped Dean pick up the pieces of the fractured sculpture, but he’d been the one to solely put it back together. Neither of you spoke to each other much. [[It was time to make your decision.]]] (if: $broken is "bad")[It had been a hard week. Dean had left the pieces of his sculpture on the floor. One day you’d come (if: $flat is "moved")[home] (if: $flat is "not_moved")[around] to find they were tidied up. He’d thrown the entire lot away. He stayed out most nights. You didn’t know where or who with. It made it so that by the time Thursday evening had rolled around, the two of you were no closer to talking about it than you were the Friday before. [[It was time to make your decision.]]] (if: $bottle is "above")[It has been a hard week. Dean had kept to himself. You’d got the feeling he was a little scared of you. (if: $flat is "not_moved")[You’d stayed round your flat](if: $flat is "moved")[You’d stayed round a friend's] during it, feeling disgusted with yourself. It made it so that by the time Thursday evening had rolled around, the two of you were no closer to talking about it than you were the Friday before. [[It was time to make your decision.]]] (if: $drink is "drunk")[It had been a hard week. Whenever you had tried to broach the subject, Dean would change topic. He was retreating, sticking his head in the dirt whenever he was confronted by something that he couldn’t handle. It made it so that by the time Thursday evening had rolled around, the two of you were no closer to talking about it than you were the Friday before. [[It was time to make your decision.]]]

It was Friday morning. You’d known what you were going to tell the partners. [[You were taking the job.]] / [[You couldn’t leave London.]]

(if: $relationship is 3)[Dean had been heartbroken that night. He’d believed that, even though you hadn’t spoken about it, you would have chosen him over your career. Maybe you would have – if you’d talked – but this was an opportunity that may never come around again. You’d had to take it… even if that meant ending your engagement. You’d held Dean’s face in your hands and pulled him into an embrace. It would be the last you two would ever share. He stayed in London and kept making his odd sculptures. You occasionally saw them posted online accompanied by a small article. You always read them, despite the pain. They still made no sense. [[Boston was great.]]] (if: $relationship is -3)[“So, this is it, then?” Dean had shouted. “The final knife through the heart?” He could be so dramatic. It was one of the things you were excited to get away from. The accusations had come thick and fast. Dean’s tongue could be vicious when he was upset: "You’d never been able to commit to them." "You didn’t want to get married, or even move in after all this time." "You hated his art." "Why had you even stayed together this long?" It was a good question. You’d put the few belongings you had round Dean’s into a bag and left with barely a wave. The next few weeks building up to the move had been an odd mixture of pain and cold logistics. You and Dean had communicated only via short messages – with him occasionally sending hurt, vitriolic clusters back at you. And then you were in Boston and away from it all. Dean stayed in London and kept making his odd sculptures. You occasionally saw them posted online accompanied by a small article. You always clicked off them, happy to be rid of that world. [[Boston was great.]]] (if: $relationship is 2)[Dean’s face could only have looked more shocked if you’d slapped him, which you almost felt like doing. He’d accused you of being selfish. What was wrong with the life you had? What was wrong with him? You’d tried to say that you’d wanted to talk to him properly all week and he hadn’t let you. He’d shrugged that off. (if: $flat is "not_moved")[You didn't want to live with him!](if: $art is "not_interested")[You'd never cared about his art!] (if: $marriage is "against")[You'd never been able to commit to him!](if: $marriage is "for")[You were engaged!] You’d allowed Dean to vent. He’d cried, you’d cried – and then, it was over. He stayed in London and kept making his odd sculptures. You occasionally saw them posted online accompanied by a small article. (if: $art is "interested")[You always read them, despite the pain. They still made no sense.](if: $art is "not_interested")[You always clicked away from them – happy to be rid of that world.] [[Boston was great.]]] (if: $relationship is 1)[Dean’s face could only have looked more shocked if you’d slapped him, which you almost felt like doing. He’d accused you of being selfish. What was wrong with the life you had? What was wrong with him? You’d tried to say that you’d wanted to talk to him properly all week and he hadn’t let you. He’d shrugged that off. (if: $flat is "not_moved")["You didn't want to live with him!"] (if: $art is "not_interested")["You'd never cared about his art!"] (if: $marriage is "against")["You'd never been able to commit to him!"](if: $marriage is "for")["You were engaged!"] You’d allowed Dean to vent. He’d cried, you’d cried – and then, it was over. He stayed in London and kept making his odd sculptures. You occasionally saw them posted online accompanied by a small article. (if: $art is "interested")[You always read them, despite the pain. They still made no sense.](if: $art is "not_interested")[You always clicked away from them – happy to be rid of that world.] [[Boston was great.]]] (if: $relationship is -1)[Dean’s face could only have looked more shocked if you’d slapped him, which you almost felt like doing. He’d accused you of being selfish. What was wrong with the life you had? What was wrong with him? You’d tried to say that you’d wanted to talk to him properly all week and he hadn’t let you. He’d shrugged that off. (if: $flat is "not_moved")["You didn't want to live with him!"] (if: $art is "not_interested")["You'd never cared about his art!"] (if: $marriage is "against")["You'd never been able to commit to him!"](if: $marriage is "for")["You were engaged!"] You’d allowed Dean to vent. He’d cried, you’d cried – and then, it was over. He stayed in London and kept making his odd sculptures. You occasionally saw them posted online accompanied by a small article. (if: $art is "interested")[You always read them, despite the pain. They still made no sense.](if: $art is "not_interested")[You always clicked away from them – happy to be rid of that world.] [[Boston was great.]]] (if: $relationship is -2)[Dean’s face could only have looked more shocked if you’d slapped him, which you almost felt like doing. He’d accused you of being selfish. What was wrong with the life you had? What was wrong with him? You’d tried to say that you’d wanted to talk to him properly all week and he hadn’t let you. He’d shrugged that off. (if: $flat is "not_moved")["You didn't want to live with him!"] (if: $art is "not_interested")["You'd never cared about his art!"] (if: $marriage is "against")["You'd never been able to commit to him!"](if: $marriage is "for")["You were engaged!"] You’d allowed Dean to vent. He’d cried, you’d cried – and then, it was over. He stayed in London and kept making his odd sculptures. You occasionally saw them posted online accompanied by a small article. (if: $art is "interested")[You always read them, despite the pain. They still made no sense.](if: $art is "not_interested")[You always clicked away from them – happy to be rid of that world.] [[Boston was great.]]]

(if: $relationship is 3)[You’d decided to stay. How could you have done anything other than that? Dean was your love. You’d moved in together. His art was amazing – if not a little hard to comprehend – and you were engaged. Still, you couldn’t help but feel like the world was pulled out from under you when you told the partners your decision. They were quite shocked – how could they not be? You had to take the rest of the day off sick. [[But you were still with your love.]]] (if: $relationship is -3)[That’s it. You’d decided to stay. Dean had been surprised. So were you. You hadn’t committed to a damn thing this entire relationship, yet you were willing to throw away a dream job – all for what? So Dean’s dream of staying in London could remain a thing? It didn’t make sense, but you were too attached to Dean to let go. Still, you couldn’t help but feel like the world was pulled out from under you when you told the partners your decision. They were quite shocked – how could they not be? You had to take the rest of the day off sick. [[But you were still with your love.]]] (if: $relationship is 2)[You’d decided to stay. It wasn’t easy. After a sleepless night, you’d told Dean what you were going to do. He’d cried with relief and promised he would make it work – show you why he couldn’t leave London – why it was so special to him. (if: $marriage is "for")[Afterall, you were engaged(if: $flat is "not_moved")[.] (if: $flat is "moved")[and living with each other.] You needed to see more of his world.] (if: $art is "interested")[Plus, you enjoyed his art. Could you help him to expand upon it further?](if: $art is "not_interested")[Maybe that would make you understand his art better... not that you were especially interested in that.] (if: $flat is "not_moved")[Though, you hadn't moved in together yet...] Still, you couldn’t help but feel like the world was pulled out from under you when you told the partners your decision. They were quite shocked – how could they not be? You had to take the rest of the day off sick. [[But you were still with your love.]]] (if: $relationship is 1)[You’d decided to stay. It wasn’t easy. After a sleepless night, you’d told Dean what you were going to do. He’d cried with relief and promised he would make it work – show you why he couldn’t leave London – why it was so special to him. (if: $marriage is "for")[Afterall, you were engaged(if: $flat is "not_moved")[.] (if: $flat is "moved")[and living with each other.] You needed to see more of his world.] (if: $art is "interested")[Plus, you enjoyed his art. Could you help him to expand upon it further?](if: $art is "not_interested")[Maybe that would make you understand his art better... not that you were especially interested in that.] (if: $flat is "not_moved")[Though, you hadn't moved in together yet...] Still, you couldn’t help but feel like the world was pulled out from under you when you told the partners your decision. They were quite shocked – how could they not be? You had to take the rest of the day off sick. [[But you were still with your love.]]] (if: $relationship is -1)[You’d decided to stay. It wasn’t easy. After a sleepless night, you’d told Dean what you were going to do. He’d cried with relief and promised he would make it work – show you why he couldn’t leave London – why it was so special to him. (if: $marriage is "for")[Afterall, you were engaged(if: $flat is "not_moved")[.] (if: $flat is "moved")[and living with each other.] You needed to see more of his world.] (if: $art is "interested")[Plus, you enjoyed his art. Could you help him to expand upon it further?](if: $art is "not_interested")[Maybe that would make you understand his art better... not that you were especially interested in that.] (if: $flat is "not_moved")[Though, you hadn't moved in together yet...] Still, you couldn’t help but feel like the world was pulled out from under you when you told the partners your decision. They were quite shocked – how could they not be? You had to take the rest of the day off sick. [[But you were still with your love.]]] (if: $relationship is -2)[You’d decided to stay. It wasn’t easy. After a sleepless night, you’d told Dean what you were going to do. He’d cried with relief and promised he would make it work – show you why he couldn’t leave London – why it was so special to him. (if: $marriage is "for")[Afterall, you were engaged(if: $flat is "not_moved")[.] (if: $flat is "moved")[and living with each other.] You needed to see more of his world.] (if: $art is "interested")[Plus, you enjoyed his art. Could you help him to expand upon it further?](if: $art is "not_interested")[Maybe that would make you understand his art better... not that you were especially interested in that.] (if: $flat is "not_moved")[Though, you hadn't moved in together yet...] Still, you couldn’t help but feel like the world was pulled out from under you when you told the partners your decision. They were quite shocked – how could they not be? You had to take the rest of the day off sick. [[But you were still with your love.]]]

[[You were happy.]]

[[Really, really happy.]]

//So happy…//

[[Something was different now, though.]]

[[It hurt.]]

Melinda was offered the partnership. Jealousy had built up inside you. Over the next few months, you saw the Boston branch build itself up, gaining the notoriety that [[should have been yours.]]

[[You began to resent Dean.]]

His voice aggravated you. The way he moved made you want to throw him down some stairs. (if: $art is "interested")[The art you found charming was now just the junk it had always been.](if: $art is "not_interested")[The art you’d always disliked seem to become ever more prevalent.] [[You’d stayed for this?]]

You’d stayed for //[[him?]]//

It didn’t last much longer.

Now you’d thought about it, Dean had been distracted that night. He’d fidgeted, made unusual mistakes during the game. Checked his phone multiple times. Checked the door in equal measure. How had you not realised something was up? You’d wrapped your arm around him. It was meant as a comforting gesture, but you’d felt a shudder twist through your chest. This was the first time you’d really held Dean outside of the quick greeting and goodbye hugs. [[Then you were kissing.]]

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More galleries gained interest in Dean’s work. He’d kept inviting you to their evenings – you’d always found a way out of going. You couldn’t have imagined being in a room full of other artists and art enthusiasts. [[Eventually, Dean had stopped asking you to go.]]