A Castle Built From Random Rooms

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''A Castle Built From Random Rooms'' <center><img src="images/rooms/castle001.jpg" width="100%"></center> There's a castle on the hill, built from random rooms. People enter. No one leaves. But still everyone lines up outside, eager to see what wonders hide inside. You shuffle forward, step up to the gate, and prepare to take your turn... - [[Step up to the gates|choose a character]] <<set $totalrooms to 10>> <<set $room to random(1, $totalrooms)>> <<set $roomsplayed to 0>> <<set $rerolls to 0>> <<set $showcharacterdetails to 0>> <<set $room0 to 0>> <<set $room1 to 0>> <<set $room2 to 0>> <<set $room3 to 0>> <<set $room4 to 0>> <<set $room5 to 0>> <<set $room6 to 0>> <<set $room7 to 0>> <<set $room8 to 0>> <<set $room9 to 0>> <<set $room10 to 0>> <<set $room11 to 0>> <<set $faqread to 0>> <<set $secret1 to 0>> <<set $secret2 to 0>> <<set $secret3 to 0>> <<set $methodofdeath to "You died in some mysterious unrecorded way (presumably due to a failure in the castle's surveillance system coverage).">> <<set $corpsemonsterkills to 0>> <<set $dragonkills to 0>> <<set $batkills to 0>> <<set $girlcharmed to 0>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle012p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle012.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> <<if $room1<1>>Through the door is a brightly coloured room<<if $charsmell>5>> that smells faintly of mice<</if>>. A few small beds are pushed up against the far wall, and beyond that is a door to the next room. The floor is strewn with discarded toys, and in the middle of the mess three small creatures the size and shape of children but as furry and feral as tiny cats are wrestling with each other with a fervour so demented they don't notice your arrival in their lair at all. What will you do: - [[Try splitting the creatures up before they hurt each other]] - [[Have a lie down in one of the beds]] - [[Inspect the toys strewn around the floor]] - [[Ignore the creatures and everything else in the room and leave by the far door|enter the castle]] <<else>> Through the door is the same brightly coloured room<<if $charsmell>5>> that smells faintly of mice<</if>> that you entered some time before. The beds are still pushed up against the far wall, and the door to the next room is still located on the far wall. <<if $catfriends>0>>Your three catlike companions recognise their old home immediately, and rush off to cavort around in the midst of all their mess again, attacking each other in a frenzied show of joy so utterly overwhelming they forget all about you instantly.<<set $catfriends to 0>> <<else>>The floor is still a mess of discarded toys, and the three small creatures the size and shape of children but as furry and feral as tiny cats are still wrestling with each other with a fervour so demented they don't notice your new arrival in their lair at all, again, just like before.<</if>> What will you do: - [[Try splitting the creatures up before they hurt each other]] - [[Have a lie down in one of the beds]] - [[Let the creatures play and quickly leave the room|enter the castle]] <</if>> <<set $room1 +=1>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle003p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle003.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You find yourself in a small room that's completely empty, or at least appears to be. <<if $room2>0>>You have the feeling you've been here before, but it's impossible to truly tell.<</if>> - [[Search the room|2 search the room]] - [[Smell the room|2 smell the room]] - [[Leave the room|enter the castle]] <<set $room2 +=1>><<set $room2search to 0>><<set $room2smell to 0>>

<<set $roomsplayed += 1>><<include "update room number">><<if $roomsplayed > 100>><<include "exit the castle">> <<else>><<include $room>> <</if>>

''generic new room template'' [[enter the castle]] <<set $room1000 +=1>> ''death link stuff'' <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>>...except you suddenly realise that you're not actually dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. They might have reached 0 health, but you've still got a few slivers of it left. What a relief! [[Stand up, stretch your legs, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>[[Game Over|game over]]<</if>> ''luck tests'' <<set $templuck to random (0,10)>><<set $templuck to $templuck+$charluck>><<if $templuck>10>>lucky<<else>>unlucky<</if> ''choose a character choices (tests, etc, but cut for demo)'' - [[Be someone else|choose a character]] - [[Be a specific certain someone else|Be a certain someone else]] - [[enter the castle]] - [[entry hall]] Perhaps add ''mortal weakness'' and ''special skill'' back in later ''enter the castle test stuff'' [[enter the test room]] ''Inventory'' Things you can only get in the castle: <<set $catfriends to 0>>''Cats:'' $catfriends <<set $teddybears to 0>>''Teddybears:'' $teddybears <<set $truffles to 0>>''Truffles:'' $truffles <<set $tinydiamonds to 0>>''Tiny Diamonds:'' $tinydiamonds <<set $randomroomhousecredits to 0>>''Game Credits:'' $randomroomhousecredits dead bats dead moths dragon eggs ''currently unused character attributes'' <<set $charhearing to random(1, 10)>>''Hearing:'' $charhearing <<set $characcuracy to random(1, 10)>>''Accuracy:'' $characcuracy <<set $charanger to random(1, 10)>>''Anger:'' $charanger <<set $charloudness to random(1, 11)>>''Loudness:'' $charloudness

<<set $showcharacterdetails to 1>><<if $rerolls<1>><img src="images/rooms/castle002.jpg" width="100%"> But who are you? That's what the sentient stone sentinels at the gateway want to know. Luckily your entry wristband contains every possible piece of your personal information, even down to a slightly out of date photo of your face most likely culled from some long obsolete social media site. So this is who you are today:<<else>>You decide to be someone else, and now this is who you are today:<</if>> <div id="character"><<set $charface to random(1001, 1037)>> <<include $charface>> <<set $charname to random(2001, 2030)>>''Name:'' <<include $charname>> <<set $charage to random(7, 77)>>''Age:'' $charage <<set $charoccupation to random(3001, 3020)>>''Occupation:'' <<include $charoccupation>> <<set $chardescription to random(4001,4021)>> ''Description:'' <<include $chardescription>> </div> <<set $charhealth to random(1, 10)>>''Health:'' $charhealth <<set $charsize to random(1, 10)>>''Size:'' $charsize <<set $charstrength to random(1, 10)>>''Strength:'' $charstrength <<set $charresistance to random(1, 10)>>''Resistance:'' $charresistance <<set $charspeed to random(1, 10)>>''Speed:'' $charspeed <<set $chardexterity to random(1, 10)>>''Dexterity:'' $chardexterity <<set $charintelligence to random(1, 10)>>''Intelligence:'' $charintelligence <<set $charcharm to random(1, 10)>>''Charm:'' $charcharm <<set $charimpatience to random(1,10)>>''Impatience:'' $charimpatience <<set $charsight to random(1, 10)>>''Eyesight:'' $charsight <<set $charsmell to random(1, 10)>>''Sense of Smell:'' $charsmell <<set $charluck to random(1,10)>>''Luck:'' $charluck And this is what you've got in your pockets and/or bag: <<set $poundcoins to random(1, 10)>>''Pound Coins:'' $poundcoins<<set $catnip to random (0,1)>><<if $catnip>0>> ''Catnip:'' $catnip<</if>> <<if $rerolls<1>>"That's a lot of stats," you say, after reading through all your accumulated data. "You're a complex figure," the left hand stone sentinel replies, deflecting your implicit criticism of it's information collation methods with a well placed compliment. "But if you're not to your own liking, there's always time to change," the right hand one adds, helpfully.<<else>>''Character Rerolls:'' $rerolls<</if>> Will you: - [[Be someone else|choose a character]] - [[Enter the castle|foyer]] <<set $rerolls +=1>> <<set $catfriends to 0>> <<set $teddybears to 0>> <<set $truffles to 0>> <<set $tinydiamonds to 0>> <<set $dragoneggs to 0>> <<set $randomroomhousecredits to 0>> <<set $killedbats to 0>> <<set $moths to 0>> <<set $phoenixes to 0>> <<set $cheekyskeletons to 0>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle023p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle023.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> "Congratulations," says the owl. "You escaped the castle and did not die." <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>>...except you suddenly realise that you've only actually escaped the ''Random Room House'' you were virtually trapped in, rather than the castle built from random rooms you're actually trapped in. As the end credits play on the screen in front of you, you slowly [[stand up, stretch your legs, and begin to remember where you were|3 again]].<<else>>You do not know who the owl is, but you accept its congratulations nonetheless. Well done! ''Statistics'' ''Total Rooms Escaped:'' $roomsplayed ''Foyer'': $room0 ''The Bedroom:'' $room1 ''The Hallway:'' $room2 ''The Other Hallway:'' $room9 ''Corridor (under construction):'' $room8 ''The Games Room:'' $room3 ''Home Cinema:'' $room4 ''Dragon's Lair:'' $room5 ''Belfry:'' $room7 ''The Hole:'' $room10 ''Exitway:'' $room6 ''Secret Crab Cave:'' $secret1 ''Hidden Cat Dimension:'' $secret2 ''Lost Terror:'' $secret3 ''The Endless Dark:'' $room11 ''Ending:'' Owl Ending ''Total Treasures Collected:''<<set $treasures to $poundcoins+$catnip+$teddybears+$truffles+$tinydiamonds+$dragoneggs+$killedbats+$moths>> $treasures ''Pound Coins:'' $poundcoins ''Catnip:'' $catnip ''Teddybears:'' $teddybears ''Truffles:'' $truffles ''Tiny Diamonds:'' $tinydiamonds ''Dragon Eggs:'' $dragoneggs ''Dead Bats:'' $killedbats ''Dead Moths:'' $moths ''Total Creatures Freed:'' <<set $creaturesfreed to $phoenixes+$catfriends>>$creaturesfreed ''Phoenixes'': $phoenixes ''Cats:'' $catfriends ''Total Creatures Killed:''<<set $creatureskilled to $batkills+$dragonkills+$corpsemonsterkills>> $creatureskilled ''Bats:'' $batkills ''Gigantic Dragons:'' $dragonkills ''Hideous Cat-Headed Corpse Monsters:'' $corpsemonsterkills ''Total Creatures Charmed:'' <<set $creaturescharmed to $cheekyskeletons+$girlcharmed>>$creaturescharmed ''Cheeky Skeletons:'' $cheekyskeletons ''That Lady Who Lets You Escape:'' $girlcharmed ''Total Accumulated But Unweighted Score:'' <<set $totalscore to $roomsplayed+$treasures+$creaturesfreed+$creatureskilled+$creaturescharmed>>$totalscore [[Play Again|a castle built from random rooms]] <</if>>

<<set $oldroom to $room>><<set $room to random(1, $totalrooms)>><<if $room === $oldroom>><<set $room to $room+=1>><</if>><<if $room > $totalrooms>><<set $room to 1>><</if>>

[[New Game|a castle built from random rooms]] [[About]] [[Credits]]

''About'' ''A Castle Built From Random Rooms'' is a work in progress/early access/demo version of a full game that'll probably never exist. But if it does exist, it will be basically the same as this, but on a grander scale, and include the following features: //   - over a hundred random rooms instead of about ten    - character jobs and descriptions that actually add individualised effects/skills/starting equipment and so on    - special pre-chosen characters with particulalrly challenging stats levels for extra difficult challenges    - more stats! more items! more use of the stats and items within different rooms to create different outcomes!    - high scores and loot rankings and possibly even achievements of some kind    - less bugs (aspiration)    - decent endings (stretch goal)// What the game almost certainly won't ever have: //   - any semblance of quality or coherence    - sound and/or music    - monetary success// If you'd like to get in touch with me about anything, or follow and/or support me across the internet in various places, please do. ''email:'' dngdng@gmail.com ''website:'' <a href="https://accumulationofthings.com/things/" target="_blank">an accumulation of things</a> ''patreon:'' <a href="https://www.patreon.com/davidguy" target="_blank">davidguy</a> ''ko-fi:'' <a href="https://ko-fi.com/davidnguy" target="_blank">davidnguy</a> ''itch.io:'' <a href="https://dngdng.itch.io" target="_blank">dngdng</a> ''bluesky:'' <a href="https://bsky.app/profile/dng.bsky.social" target="_blank">dng</a>

''Credits'' ''A Castle Built From Random Rooms'' was written, designed and programmed by David Guy, using the <a href="https://twinery.org" target="_blank">TWINE</a> interactive fiction game engine. The artwork used in this game has been taken from public domain sources. The faces used for the character portraits have all been cropped out of the illustrations in <a href="https://comicbookplus.com/?cid=2460" target="_blank">Scoops</a>, a British science fiction magazine from 1934 (as lovingly archived by <a href="https://comicbookplus.com" target="_blank">Comic Book Plus</a>). The character names are the first names of the authors of whatever random books were on my bookshelf behind me at the time I was adding the names. The original versions of the room illustrations are taken from <a href="https://www.oldbookillustrations.com" target="_blank">Old Book Illustrations</a>. The illustrators whose work I've repurposed here are John Dickson Batson (1860-1932); Gustave Brion (1824-1877); Frederick Catherwood (1799-1854); Richard Cattermole (1795-1858); Harry Clarke (1889-1931); Edouard de Beaumont (1821-1888); Gustave Dore (1832-1883); George Du Maurier (1834-1896); C. Gilbert; William Thomas Horton (1864-1919); John Augustus Knapp (1853-1938); Henry Macbeth-Raeburn (1860-1947); Auguste Etienne Francois Mayer (1805-1890); Henry Monnier (1799-1877); Peter Newell (1862-1924); Joseph Neal Paton (1821-1901); Arthur Rackham (1867-1939); and Odilon Redon (1840-1916). The primary inspiration for this is <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Citadel_of_Chaos" target="_blank">The Citadel Of Chaos</a>, written by Steve Jackson and illustrated by Russ Nicholson, mainly because I've always loved the way that not only is it basically set in a castle built from random rooms, but that almost all the illustrations are drawn from your point of view as you peer into a new room. Which is nice. (Also the room with the three baby goblins in it is the most unsettlingly eerie section of any Fighting Fantasy gamebook ever made.) And that's all the credits.

<<if $catnip>0>>The creatures must be able to smell the catnip in your bag, because they instantly stop wrestling with each other and instead start squeaking up at you plaintively, their eyes wide with imploring need. Do you: - [[Give the creatures the catnip from your pocket]] - [[Keep the catnip to yourself]] <<else>>You bend down and put your arms into the writhing mass of wrestling beasts, <<if $charcharm>5>><<set $catfriends to 3>>and succeed in your mission to prevent the little creatures hurting each other, and although there's a tense moment in the aftermath of your intervention where they stare balefully at you for spoiling their fun, you quickly use your natural charm to stroke their little heads and earn their trust, which means you're now friends with three purring cat creatures who seem eager to follow your every move. But what is your next move? Do you: - [[Have a lie down in one of the beds]] - [[Inspect the toys strewn around the floor]] - [[Leave the room through the far door]] <<else>><<set $charhealth -= 1>><<if $charhealth<1>>but although you succeed in preventing them from hurting each other, you simply redirect their ire towards your own self. They scratch and bite at your legs with their malformed teeth and their ragged little claws, overcoming your weak and weary attempts to fight back, until you're reduced to the same sorry state as the rest of their 'toys'. Your adventure ends here, in ignominious death. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>>...except you suddenly realise that you're not actually dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. They might have reached ''0'' health, but you've still got a few slivers of it left. What a relief! [[Stand up, stretch your legs, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>[[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You were scratched to death by some not-quite-cats.">><</if>><<else>>but although you succeed in preventing them from hurting each other, you simply redirect their ire towards your own self. They scratch and bite at your arms with their malformed teeth and their ragged little claws, and although you shake them off with ease, they still manage to injure you ever so slightly. Your health now stands at ''$charhealth''. The creatures hiss at you from beneath the beds, their unblinking eyes glaring malevolently at you, and you decide it's better to simply leave the room as quickly as possible rather than risk upsetting them any further. - [[Open the door into the next room|enter the castle]]<</if>> <</if>> <</if>>

There are three beds here. A big one, a small one, and one that's neither particularly big nor especially small. - [[Lie down in the big bed]] - [[Lie down in the little bed]] - [[Lie down in the bed that isn't the big bed or the small bed]]

You realise with horror that the discarded toys aren't toys at all, but the headless, disembowelled bodies of the various prior victims of the feral beasts currently fighting each other in the middle of the room. A quick count suggests at least 80% of the corpses are mice, but there's also some rats, a couple of rabbits, and <<if $charintelligence>6>>a coypu<<else>>what looks like some sort of giant vole<</if>>. <<if $catfriends>0>>Your newly acquired furry friends seem eager to impress you, and scurry off under their beds before quickly returning. They drop their prized possessions at your feet and look up at you eagerly, squawking and squeaking excitedly. Two of the presents are just even more horrifyingly mutilated corpses (<<if $charintelligence>6>>a ruddy duck and a baby swan<<else>>a couple of birds you aren't clever enough to identify<</if>>), but the third one is a cute (if slightly chewed) little teddy bear. You gratefully add this to your backpack of supplies<<set $teddybears +=1>>, although admittedly you have no idea what possible use it could be. <<if $teddybears>1>>But at least you've got ''$teddybears'' of them now.<</if>> Having accepted this present, you can either: - [[Have a lie down in one of the beds]] - [[Leave the room through the far door]] <<else>>The sight is so frightening you decide there and then to flee the room rather than risk interacting any further with such vicious monsters, and quickly make your way to the far door. [[Move on to the next room|enter the castle]]<</if>>

Your three new friends are eager to follow you out of the door. Do you: - [[Take them with you into the next room|enter the castle]] - [[Leave without them]]

<<set $catfriends to 0>>It takes a while, but you manage to shoo the three persistent little terrors back away from the door and close it behind you without them following. You can hear them scratching and whining away, but you've made your choice now, and they'll just have to accept it. - [[Turn around and see where the door has lead you to|enter the castle]]

The bed's huge, but really comfy too making it perfect for you to get a great night's sleep.<<set $charhealth +=2>> Your health is slightly restored, and now stands at ''$charhealth''.<<if $catfriends>0>> The strange creatures you've befriended are all curled up asleep on the other beds looking utterly content with themselves and with life in general. When they realise you're awake, though, they immediately start pestering you again. You play with them for a bit, then [[get up and try to leave through the far door|Leave the room through the far door]].<<else>><<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle029p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle029.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> When you sit up, you notice the three creatures from before have stopped fighting and are watching you silently from the floor, their eerily big eyes staring at you with unblinking fascination. Slightly disconcerted by the attention, you hurriedly [[get up and leave by the far door|enter the castle]].<</if>>

<<if $charsize>4>>You're way too big for this tiny bed. Although you do eventually manage to fall asleep, the cramped quarters mean you manage to wake up feeling less refreshed than if you'd never bothered having a nap in the first place. <<if $catfriends>0>>The strange creatures you've befriended seem to have had more success than you in this endeavour, however, and are all curled up asleep on the other beds looking utterly content with themselves and with life in general. When they realise you're awake, though, they immediately start pestering you again. You play with them for a bit, then [[get up and try to leave through the far door|Leave the room through the far door]].<<else>>When you sit up, you notice the three creatures from before have stopped fighting and are watching you silently from the floor, their eerily big eyes staring at you with unblinking fascination. Slightly disconcerted by the attention, you hurriedly [[get up and leave by the far door|enter the castle]]<</if>><<else>>The bed's tiny, but luckily so are you, and it's just the perfect size for you to get a great night's sleep.<<set $charhealth +=2>> Your health is slightly restored, and now stands at ''$charhealth''.<<if $catfriends>0>> The strange creatures you've befriended are all curled up asleep on the other beds looking utterly content with themselves and with life in general. When they realise you're awake, though, they immediately start pestering you again. You play with them for a bit, then [[get up and try to leave through the far door|Leave the room through the far door]].<<else>><<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle029p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle029.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> When you sit up, you notice the three creatures from before have stopped fighting and are watching you silently from the floor, their eerily big eyes staring at you with unblinking fascination. Slightly disconcerted by the attention, you hurriedly [[get up and leave by the far door|enter the castle]].<</if>><</if>>

<<if $charsize>8>>You're way too big for this medium sized bed. Although you do eventually manage to fall asleep, the cramped quarters mean you manage to wake up feeling less refreshed than if you'd never bothered having a nap in the first place. <<if $catfriends>0>>The strange creatures you've befriended seem to have had more success than you in this endeavour, however, and are all curled up asleep on the other beds looking utterly content with themselves and with life in general. When they realise you're awake, though, they immediately start pestering you again. You play with them for a bit, then [[get up and try to leave through the far door|Leave the room through the far door]].<<else>>When you sit up, you notice the three creatures from before have stopped fighting and are watching you silently from the floor, their eerily big eyes staring at you with unblinking fascination. Slightly disconcerted by the attention, you hurriedly [[get up and leave by the far door|enter the castle]]<</if>><<else>>The bed's not exactly huge, but luckily neither are you, and it's just the right size for you to get a great night's sleep.<<set $charhealth +=2>> Your health is slightly restored, and now stands at ''$charhealth''.<<if $catfriends>0>> The strange creatures you've befriended are all curled up asleep on the other beds looking utterly content with themselves and with life in general. When they realise you're awake, though, they immediately start pestering you again. You play with them for a bit, then [[get up and try to leave through the far door|Leave the room through the far door]].<<else>><<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle029p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle029.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> When you sit up, you notice the three creatures from before have stopped fighting and are watching you silently from the floor, their eerily big eyes staring at you with unblinking fascination. Slightly disconcerted by the attention, you hurriedly [[get up and leave by the far door|enter the castle]].<</if>><</if>>

<<set $catnip to 0>><<set $catfriends to 3>>You remove the catnip from your pocket and throw it onto the floor. The creatures dive onto it with astonishing eagerness, rolling around in overstimulated bliss as the effects of the drug drives them temporarily even wilder than they already were. Eventually the euphoria wears off, and they stagger slowly to their feet in a slightly addled daze. They make appreciative mewing noises at you, however, and this seemingly means you are now good friends with three purring cat creatures who are eager to follow your every move. But what is your next move? Do you: - [[Have a lie down in one of the beds]] - [[Inspect the toys strewn around the floor]] - [[Leave the room through the far door]]

<<set $charhealth -= 3>><<set $catnip to 0>>You decide to keep the catnip to yourself, but the little mosters won't take no for an answer. They quickly overpower you, climbing up your legs and tearing at you in a ferocious frenzy that does a surprising amount of damage to both your clothes and your flesh. <<if $charhealth<1>>In fact, such is the damage they inflict upon you, you never even discover if they free the catnip from your pocket or not, because you are already dead. Your adventure ends here. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>>...except you suddenly realise that you're not actually dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. They might have reached ''0'' health, but you've still got a few slivers of it left. What a relief! - [[Stand up, stretch your legs, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>[[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You were scratched to death by some not-quite-cats.">><</if>><<else>>Eventually they manage to free the catnip from the confines of your pocket, and as it drops to the floor their attention is entirely consumed by its ineluctable allure. By now your health stands at ''$charhealth'', and you decide it's better to simply leave the room as quickly as possible rather than risk upsetting them any further. As they cavort around dementedly in their drugged up bliss, you stagger off towards the corner where the door forward is located. - [[Open the door into the next room|enter the castle]]<</if>>

Delete when done Egg room Top Trumps competition room (using own stats) Library Room of trapped/lost/defeated players Kitchen Wine cellar Feast room Room with a hole in the floor Timed room with falling spike ceilings Empty room (variants) Long room Little pub Spider room Treasure room Irritating riddle room Simplistic maths puzzle room Wardrobe Orchard Living plant Cows A busker A grandmother by a roaring fire Little red riding hood room/wolf A chest (locked) Fruit machine Incredibly annoying man A tree Washing machines Frogs Bees Tentacles A ghost Darkness Pantry Fighting pit A beach Two doors logic puzzle Bedroom Gallery Disco Various monster rooms Campfire room Mysterious fountain Woods River Rope bridge Skeletons Graves

<<set $room2search to 1>><<if $charsight>8>>You give the room a fairly thorough look, and at first can't see anything of interest. But eventually your superior eyesight notices something glinting in the dirt. It's a tiny diamond, which after admiring for a moment, you put in your pocket for safekeeping.<<set $tinydiamonds +=1>><<else>>You give the room a fairly thorough look, but can't see anything of interest. <<set $templuck to random (0,10)>><<set $templuck to $templuck+$charluck>><<if $templuck>10>>Yet luck must be with you, because just as you're about to give up, something catches the light, and on inspection it turns out to be a tiny diamond. You admire it for a moment, and then put it in your pocket for safekeeping.<<set $tinydiamonds +=1>><</if>><</if>> <<if $room2smell>0>>There's nothing else to do here, really, except [[leave the room|enter the castle]].<<else>>Having searched the room, you can either [[smell the room|2 smell the room]] or [[leave the room|enter the castle]]. <</if>>

<<set $room2smell to 1>><<if $charsmell>8>>Your exceptionally keen sense of smell leads you to the corner of the room, where with a little digging, you uncover a very impressive looking truffle. <<set $truffles += 1>> <<if $room2search>0>>Having already searched the room, there's nothing else to do here, really, except [[eat the truffle|3 eat the truffle]], or [[leave the room|enter the castle]].<<else>>Now, you can either [[eat the truffle|3 eat the truffle]], [[search the room|2 search the room]] or [[leave the room|enter the castle]].<</if>><<else>>You can't smell anything of note. <<if $catfriends>0>>However, the furry companions you befriended in an earlier room seem excited by something in the corner, and on inspection you find they've uncovered a small catnip plant. You break the leaves off and place them in your pocket for safekeeping, worried that it might make them go a little too wild outside the safety of their bedroom, and also that they'll only get jealous if you try eating it yourself.<<set $catnip += 1>><</if>> <<if $room2search>0>>Having already searched the room, there's nothing else to do here, really, except [[leave the room|enter the castle]].<<else>>Now, you can either [[search the room|2 search the room]] or [[leave the room|enter the castle]].<</if>> <</if>>

<<if $showcharacterdetails > 0>> <<include $charface>> ''Name:'' <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>>Mayor<</if>> <<include $charname>> <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>>Haggar<</if>> ''Age:'' $charage ''Occupation:'' <<include $charoccupation>> ''Description:'' <<include $chardescription>> ''Health:'' $charhealth ''Size:'' $charsize ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Speed:'' $charspeed ''Dexterity:'' $chardexterity ''Intelligence:'' $charintelligence ''Charm:'' $charcharm ''Impatience:'' $charimpatience ''Eyesight:'' $charsight ''Sense of Smell:'' $charsmell ''Luck:'' $charluck ''Inventory'' ''Pound Coins:'' $poundcoins<<if $catnip>0>> ''Catnip:'' $catnip<</if>><<if $catfriends >0>> ''Cats:'' $catfriends<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> ''Teddybears:'' $teddybears<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> ''Truffles:'' $truffles<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> ''Tiny Diamonds:'' $tinydiamonds<</if>><<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>> ''Game Credits:'' $randomroomhousecredits<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> ''Dragon Eggs:'' $dragoneggs<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> ''Dead Bats:'' $killedbats<</if>><<if $moths>0>> ''Dead Moths:'' $moths<</if>> ''Rooms Entered:'' $roomsplayed <</if>>

It's dark in here, the only light the flickering screen of an old and hellishly complex looking arcade machine. The attract screen is currently asking if you're a bad enough dude to play a game called RANDOM ROOM HOUSE. What are you going to do now? - [[Show that you're definitely a bad enough dude to play Random Room House|3 play the game]] - [[Accept that you're not anywhere near a bad enough dude to play Random Room House and slink off through the next door|enter the castle]] <center><<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle013p.jpg" width="80%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle013.jpg" width="80%"><</if>></center> <<set $room3 +=1>>

<<if $poundcoins>0>><<set $poundcoins -= 1>>You slam a pound coin into the machine with as much attitude as you can muster, and are quickly rewarded with a pleasurable electronic chime and the notification that you now have "1 Credit(s) remaining". - [[Press Start|3 play random room house]] <<else>>You might be a bad enough dude to play Random Room House, but you're not a rich enough dude, I'm afraid. The game costs £1 to play, which is unfortunately exactly £1 more than you currently have. All you can do now is give the buttons a few forlorn and futile presses, waggle the stick a little, and then [[move on to the next room|enter the castle]]. <</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>>As you press start, a memory access error appears on the screen, warning of an irreversible inversion loop. You suddenly remember that you're already playing the game, and trying to play the game inside the game is obviously beyond the capabilities of such a primitive machine. As the inversion loop is irreverisible the game crashes, and because you are already in the game, you crash with it, disappearing forever in some sort of fatally desperate memory dump. Your adventure ends not only down here, in the virtual layer of existence, but also up there, in the reality layer of existence. [[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "A computer crashed and wiped out the reality you existed in.">><<else>>"It is sometime in the 1990's," the introductory text explains. "Castle City, a well know Crime Capital, has been ruled by violence and death for many years. A fact which <<include $charname>> Haggar, the newly elected Mayor, plans to change. "At the centre of the problem is the huge estate agent known as Mad House. Mad House controls all the major buildings in the city, connecting the most deadly rooms up randomly somehow in a labyrinth dubbed Random Room House. "When Mad House learned of <<include $charname>>'s plans to clean up Castle City's rental market, it took immediate action to bring this mayor under its control. "And so one day Mayor <<include $charname>> Haggar awakens in the Random Room House, from which it is said to be impossible to escape... "...except through DEATH!!!" - [[Press Any Button|enter the castle]] <<set $randomroomhousecredits +=1>><</if>>

Oh yeah, this is where you were, in the room with the RANDOM ROOM HOUSE arcade machine in it. Weirdly, you realise that all the things you picked up and/or used during your time playing the game have somehow transferred over to real life. That is if this is real life? But how could you even begin to tell... So, anyway, what are you going to do now? - [[Play the game again|3 play the game]] - [[Accept that you've wasted enough of your life playing video games and resume your quest to escape this infernal castle made from random rooms|enter the castle]] <center><<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle013p.jpg" width="80%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle013.jpg" width="80%"><</if>></center>

<<set $templuck to random (0,10)>><<set $templuck to $templuck+$charluck>><<if $templuck>10>>You can't believe your luck. The truffle is not only really tasty, but strangely empowering too. You can feel yourself getting healthier, stronger and speedier too.<<set $truffles -= 1>><<set $charhealth +=1>><<set $charstrength +=1>><<set $charspeed +=1>> You health now stands at ''$charhealth'', your strength at ''$charstrength'', and your speed at ''$charspeed''.<<else>>The truffle is really tasty, and restores a small slice of your health, which now stands at <<set $charhealth +=1>>''$charhealth''.<</if>> <<if $room2search>0>>Having already searched the room, there's nothing else to do here, really, except [[leave the room|enter the castle]]. <<else>>Now, you can either [[search the room|2 search the room]] or [[leave the room|enter the castle]].<</if>>

introductory passage, with rules, explanations, etc

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle005p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle005.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> <<set $temprand to random (1,5)>>It's dark in here, the only light the flickering screen of an archaic television set tuned to <<if $temprand>4>>an undead<<else>>a dead<</if>> channel. - [[Watch the TV|4 watch TV]] - [[Examine the TV|4 examine TV]] <<if $temprand>4>>- [[Ignore the TV and leave the room|4 back attack]]<<else>>- [[Ignore the TV and leave the room|enter the castle]]<</if>> <<set $room4 +=1>>

<<if $temprand>4>>As you gaze at the TV screen, a figure suddenly emerges from the TV static, its ghostly face howling in unholy anguish as it throttles you rapidly to death. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle010p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle010.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>>...except you suddenly realise that you're not actually dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. What a relief! [[Stand up, stretch your legs, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>Your adventure ends here. [[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You died at the hands of a ghost.">><</if>><<else>>You watch the TV for a while. It's not very interesting. It's just static. But then again you haven't actually seen TV static for a while. Now everything's digital you just don't get transmission voids quite as evocative as this.<<if $temprand>3>><<if $catfriends>0>> By your side, the not quite cats currently accompanying you on your adventure arch their backs and hiss disconcertingly at the TV, claws digging into the floorboards in preparation for... something. But as far as you can tell there's nothing there. Just the endless infinite tv static of an undead channel.<</if>><</if>> <<if $temprand>3>><<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle009p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle009.jpg" width="100%"><</if>><<else>><<if $temprand>2>><<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle008p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle008.jpg" width="100%"><</if>><<else>><<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle007p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle007.jpg" width="100%"><</if>><</if>><</if>> - [[Watch the TV some more|4 watch TV]] - [[Examine the TV|4 examine TV]] <<if $temprand>3>>- [[Ignore the TV and leave the room|4 back attack]]<<else>>- [[Ignore the TV and leave the room|enter the castle]]<</if>> <</if>> <<set $temprand to $temprand += 1>>

<<if $temprand>4>>Before you can examine the TV, a figure emerges from the TV static, its ghostly face howling in unholy anguish as it throttles you rapidly to death. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle010p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle010.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>>...except you suddenly realise that you're not actually dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. What a relief! [[Stand up, stretch your legs, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>Your adventure ends here. [[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You died at the hands of a ghost.">><</if>> <<else>> You examine the TV for a while. It's really old. It even has a physical off switch behind the screen that looks like it would make a satisfying clunk if you pressed it.<<if $temprand>3>><<if $catfriends>0>> By your side, the not quite cats currently accompanying you on your adventure arch their backs and hiss disconcertingly at the TV, claws digging into the floorboards in preparation for... something. But as far as you can tell there's nothing there. Just the endless infinite tv static of an undead channel.<</if>><</if>> - [[Stop examining the TV and watch it for a bit|4 watch TV]] - [[Turn the TV off|4 turn off TV]] <<if $temprand>3>>- [[Stop examining the TV and leave the room|4 back attack]]<<else>>- [[Stop examining the TV and leave the room|enter the castle]]<</if>> <</if>> <<set $temprand to $temprand += 1>>

You take a few quick steps towards the door in your usual nimble manner. As you turn the handle and open the door, you suddenly feel a strange ghostly sensation at the base of your neck, as if something cold and wet had slithered momentarily against your skin. You shiver, shudder, lose a little bit of strength<<set $charstrength -=1>>, and then [[continue through the door to the next room|enter the castle]] without ever finding out what it was that touched you.

names list: Angela Kelly Ann Kathy Margaret Leonora Octavia Eileen Camilla Kang Eleanor Hiromi Mieko Tove Anna Natsuo Ursula Nancy Eimear Hope Kristin Shirley Miranda Emily Virginia Lotte Kobo Chinua Douglas Cesar Isaac Italo Iain James Samuel Alfred Matsuo Jorge Richard Charles Leonard Blaise Anton Kazuo Haruki Alain Do-hyun Hideo Carlos Yukio Gene

"Oh, so you want to be a particular person, do you?" one of the stone sentinel scoffs. "Well I suppose we can facilitate that," says the other. "Just take your pick from the rogues' gallery below." <a data-passage="David"><img src="images/faces/face009.jpg" width="100" /></a> <a data-passage="Nancy"><img src="images/nancyface.jpg" width="100" /></a> "Or you can just be another random version of your actual self instead," the sentinels suggest. "Or settle for who you already are. It matters nothing to me." - [[Be someone else|choose a character]] - [[Be a certain someone else]] - [[enter the castle]] - [[entry hall]]

"Okay, David it is," the sentinel says. "There you go." <div id="character"><<set $charface to 1009>> <<include $charface>> <<set $charname to "David">>''Name:'' $charname <<set $charage to 46>>''Age:'' $charage ''Occupation:'' Sleeping ''Description:'' <<set $chardescription to "You're not very good at anything at all, but your beard's pretty big (and so's the rest of you).">> $chardescription </div> <<set $charhealth to 4>>''Health:'' $charhealth <<set $charsize to 10>>''Size:'' $charsize <<set $charstrength to 6>>''Strength:'' $charstrength <<set $charspeed to 2>>''Speed:'' $charspeed <<set $chardexterity to 2>>''Dexterity:'' $chardexterity <<set $charintelligence to 8>>''Intelligence:'' $charintelligence <<set $charcharm to 1>>''Charm:'' $charcharm <<set $charanger to 2>>''Anger:'' $charanger <<set $charimpatience to 3>>''Impatience:'' $charimpatience <<set $charloudness to 6>>''Loudness:'' $charloudness <<set $charsight to 3>>''Eyesight:'' $charsight <<set $charsmell to 1>>''Sense of Smell:'' $charsmell <<set $charhearing to 4>>''Hearing:'' $charhearing <<set $charluck to 1>>''Luck:'' $charluck ''Special Skill:'' Has a beard ''Mortal Weakness:'' Existence And this is what you've got in your pockets and/or bag: ''Inventory'' Things you can only get in the castle: <<set $catfriends to 0>>''Cats:'' $catfriends <<set $teddybears to 0>>''Teddybears:'' $teddybears <<set $truffles to 0>>''Truffles:'' $truffles <<set $tinydiamonds to 0>>''Tiny Diamonds:'' $tinydiamonds <<set $randomroomhousecredits to 0>>''Game Credits:'' $randomroomhousecredits Things you can start with: <<set $poundcoins to 0>>''Pound Coins:'' $poundcoins <<set $catnip to 0>>''Catnip:'' $catnip [[enter the castle]]

"Okay, Nancy it is," the sentinel says. "There you go." <div id="character"><<set $charface to 1000>> <<include $charface>> <<set $charname to "Nancy">>''Name:'' $charname <<set $charage to 8>>''Age:'' $charage ''Occupation:'' Being Nancy ''Description:'' <<set $chardescription to "You're the best at everything.">> $chardescription </div> <<set $charhealth to 10>>''Health:'' $charhealth <<set $charsize to 10>>''Size:'' $charsize <<set $charstrength to 10>>''Strength:'' $charstrength <<set $charspeed to 10>>''Speed:'' $charspeed <<set $chardexterity to 10>>''Dexterity:'' $chardexterity <<set $charintelligence to 10>>''Intelligence:'' $charintelligence <<set $charcharm to 10>>''Charm:'' $charcharm <<set $charanger to 10>>''Anger:'' $charanger <<set $charimpatience to 10>>''Impatience:'' $charimpatience <<set $charloudness to 11>>''Loudness:'' $charloudness <<set $charsight to 10>>''Eyesight:'' $charsight <<set $charsmell to 10>>''Sense of Smell:'' $charsmell <<set $charhearing to 10>>''Hearing:'' $charhearing <<set $charluck to 10>>''Luck:'' $charluck ''Special Skill:'' Is Nancy ''Mortal Weakness:'' Nothing And this is what you've got in your pockets and/or bag: ''Inventory'' Things you can only get in the castle: <<set $catfriends to 0>>''Cats:'' $catfriends <<set $teddybears to 0>>''Teddybears:'' $teddybears <<set $truffles to 0>>''Truffles:'' $truffles <<set $tinydiamonds to 0>>''Tiny Diamonds:'' $tinydiamonds <<set $randomroomhousecredits to 0>>''Game Credits:'' $randomroomhousecredits Things you can start with: <<set $poundcoins to 100>>''Pound Coins:'' $poundcoins <<set $catnip to 1>>''Catnip:'' $catnip [[enter the castle]]

You press the off button and it turns the TV off with a nice impressive clunk.<<if $temprand>4>><<if $catfriends>0>> This seems to satisfy your companions, who stop hissing at the TV in terror and go back to not hissing at the TV or even paying it any attention whatsoever in the slightest, as if it no longer exists in their particular reality. Now all that matters is rubbing themselves up against your legs and purring.<</if>><</if>> The problem now is it's too dark for you to see. - [[Turn the TV on|4 turn on TV]] - [[Leave the TV alone and try and find your way out of here in the dark|4 leave room dark]]

You press the off button and this time it turns the TV on. <<set $temprand to random (1,5)>>The room is once again bathed in the glow of an old CRT television set tuned to <<if $temprand>4>>an undead<<else>>a dead<</if>> channel. <<if $temprand>4>><<if $catfriends>0>> Your feral companions immediately start hissing at the TV in terror, as if some great and terrifying creature is approaching. - [[Watch the TV to see if you can see whatever it is that the cat creatures can see|4 watch TV]]<</if>><</if>> - [[Turn the TV off again|4 turn off TV]] <<if $temprand>4>>- [[Ignore the TV and leave the room|4 back attack]]<<else>>- [[Ignore the TV and leave the room|enter the castle]]<</if>>

<<set $templuck to random (0,10)>><<set $templuck to $templuck +$charluck>><<if $templuck>10>>Even though it's pitch dark, there must be some vague source of light from somewhere, as you notice something glinting on the floor. You shuffle over to it, pick it up, and realise you've been lucky enough to find a tiny diamond. <<set $tinydiamonds +=1>> After placing the diamond in your pocket, you resume your attempts to find a way out of here in the dark. <</if>><<if $templuck>8>>It takes you a few minutes of stumbling and fumbling, but eventually you locate the door and subsequently the door handle, and from that point on you [[leave the room with a minimum of fuss|enter the castle]].<<else>>You find yourself stumbling around to no avail for quite some time. Eventually you walk straight into a wall and hit your head <<set $charhealth -= 1>><<if $charhealth<1>>just about exactly hard enough to kill you. Your adventure ends here, in utterly embarrassing death. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>> ...except you suddenly realise that you're not actually dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. They might have reached ''0'' health, but you've still got a few slivers of it left. What a relief! [[Stand up, stretch your legs, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>[[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You walked into a wall in the dark and died.">><</if>> <<else>> hard enough to do ''1'' whole point of damage to your health. But fortunately for you, this blow also causes the door to rattle in its frame and open very slightly, letting in some light from whatever random room it leads to, and now you're free to navigate your way successfully and safely out of the room. - [[Leave the room|enter the castle]]<</if>><</if>>

<img src="images/rooms/castle000.jpg" width="100%"> Oh no. You're dead. ''Statistics'' ''Total Rooms Visited:'' $roomsplayed ''Foyer'': $room0<<if $room1>0>> ''The Bedroom:'' $room1<</if>><<if $room2>0>> ''The Hallway:'' $room2<</if>><<if $room9>0>> ''The Other Hallway:'' $room9<</if>><<if $room8>0>> ''Corridor (under construction):'' $room8<</if>><<if $room3>0>> ''The Games Room:'' $room3<</if>><<if $room4>0>> ''Home Cinema:'' $room4<</if>><<if $room5>0>> ''Dragon's Lair:'' $room5<</if>><<if $room7>0>> ''Belfry:'' $room7<</if>><<if $room10>0>> ''The Hole:'' $room10<</if>><<if $room6>0>> ''Exitway:'' $room6<</if>><<if $secret1>0>> ''Secret Crab Cave:'' $secret1<</if>><<if $secret2>0>> ''Hidden Cat Dimension:'' $secret2<</if>><<if $secret3>0>> ''Lost Terror:'' $secret3<</if>><<if $room11>0>> ''The Endless Dark:'' $room11<</if>> ''Method Of Death:'' $methodofdeath [[Try Again|a castle built from random rooms]].

Angela

Kelly

Anna

Kathy

Margaret

Leonora

Octavia

Eileen

Camilla

Kang

Eleanor

Hiromi

Mieko

Lauren

Tove

Kobo

Chinua

Douglas

Cesar

Isaac

Italo

Iain

James

Samuel

Alfred

Matsuo

Jorge

Haruki

Gene

Alain

Greco-Roman Wrestler Folklorist Poet Not A Poet Fulltime Egg Boiler Parachute Packer Radiation Absorber Cat Admirer Shadowy Presence Pursuitist Distractioner Whistler Provider Of Evocations Lifeguard Deathguard Narrator

Greco-Roman Wrestler

Folklorist

Poet

Anti Poet

Egg Boiler

Metronome

Parachute Packer

Radiation Absorber

Cat Handler

Shadowy Presence

Pursuitist

Distractioner

Whistler

Violinist

Lifeguard

Deathguard

Narrator

Hod Carrier

Diarist

Bellower

You're so scared of ghosts you refuse to even acknowledge they're real. You keep spiders in a cage of their own making. The sound of lawnmowers annoys you intensely. You distrust visible pipes and/or wires. There's a tattoo on your shoulder that's a map to hidden rooms. Favourite Game: Conkers Only just discovered apricots and peaches are two distinct things. An interesting fact about you is that the interesting fact about you is that there are no interesting facts about you. Doesn't have a phone. You loom more ominously than you should. Can't swim. Favourite Food: Flour (plain) Allergic to sunlight. Slightly ill but carrying on regardless. Bored.

You're so scared of ghosts you refuse to even acknowledge they're real.

You keep spiders in a cage of their own making.

Bored.

The sound of lawnmowers annoys you intensely.

Slightly ill but carrying on regardless.

Allergic to sunlight.

Favourite Food: Flour (plain)

Can't swim.

You loom more ominously than you should.

Doesn't have a phone.

An interesting fact about you is that the interesting fact about you is that there are no interesting facts about you.

Won Olympic gold at your second attempt.

Once released a concept album about the vacuum of space.

You distrust visible pipes and/or wires.

There's a tattoo on your shoulder that's a map to hidden rooms.

Favourite Game: Conkers

Only just discovered apricots and peaches are two distinct things.

Scared of the dark.

Obsessed with swords.

You sink in freshwater.

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle004p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle004.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> As soon as you open the door a gigantic dragon attacks without warning. There's nothing else to do but FIGHT! ''GIGANTIC DRAGON'' ''Strength:'' 8 ''Resistance:'' 6 <<set $dragonhealth to 7>>''Health:'' $dragonhealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <<if $charspeed>5>>[[FIGHT!|5 you attack]]<<else>>[[FIGHT!|5 you defend]]<</if>><<set $room5 +=1>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle016p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle016.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You find yourself in a fairly unremarkable room with a fairly unremarkable door at the end. As you approach it, a young lady steps out of the shadows and blocks your path. <<if $room6>0>>"Oh, it's you again," she says. "Well, I hope you've got something interesting for me this time. Or else!"<<else>>"And where do you think you're going?" she asks. "Because I'm not letting you through this door unless you give me something interesting first."<</if>> - [[Ask her why you should give her something interesting at all|6 ask]]<<if $poundcoins>0>> - [[Give her a pound coin|6 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Give her some cats|6 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Give her some bats|6 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Give her some moths|6 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Give her a teddybear|6 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Give her a dragon's egg|6 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Give her some catnip|6 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Give her a tiny diamond|6 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Give her a truffle|6 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Don't give her anything|6 nothing]] <<set $room6 +=1>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle015p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle015.jpg" width="100%"><</if>><<set $bats to 0>> As soon as you open the door a bat starts fluttering about in a mildly irritating way. You can either FIGHT or NOT FIGHT! ''BAT'' ''Strength:'' 2 ''Resistance:'' 2 <<set $bathealth to 2>>''Health:'' $bathealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth [[FIGHT!|7 you attack]] [[DON'T FIGHT!|7 ignore bat]] <<set $room7 +=1>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle022p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle022.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> This corridor <<if $room8>0>>still<</if>> appears to be under construction, rubble strewn everywhere in a fairly dangerous fashion. - [[Search the rubble to see if it hides anything interesting|8 search]] - [[Step carefully round the rubble and proceed to the next room|enter the castle]] <<set $room8 +=1>>

You step through the gates and they immediately close behind you, locking themselves tight so that you can't escape, and then disappearing entirely just for good measure. The only way is onwards and inwards. <img src="images/rooms/castle011.jpg" width="100%"> You turn and examine this first room you've found yourself in. It's some sort of foyer area, with notices on the wall explaining the various rules of the game. In an alcove there's a vending machine selling ointments and salves, and at the far end of the room you can just about see a fairly drab door through which you can hopefully enter the castle proper and finally start doing some adventuring. - [[Check out the rules and regulations notices]] - [[See what you can buy from the vending machine]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room and begin your exploration of the castle|enter the castle]]<<set $room0 +=1>><<set $roomsplayed += 1>>

Obsessed with words

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<<if $faqread>0>>You reread<<else>>You read<</if>> the neatly printed set of rules hanging on the wall<<if $charimpatience>7>>, but don't have the patience to get beyond the first couple of lines, most of which are devoted to simply telling you that they're the rules and regulations of the game, like you don't already know that!<<else>>. ''The Rules And Regulations Concerning This Castle Built From Random Rooms'' //This set of rules and regulations covers the code of conduct for players such as yourself who have entered this castle and wish perhaps to explore the random rooms from which it is built, and maybe even one day escape its infernal neverending labyrinth of death and despair (plus occasionally some cats).// ''The Construction of The Castle'' //Beyond this room, the castle has been constructed in such a way that the exit door always leads to another room in the castle in no readily predictable order (which also explains why the entrance door is shut and sealed behind the player, so as to prevent them falling into some terrifying void). However, currently the castle is undergoing extensive renovations, so of the planned 100 rooms, only 10 are available. This may lead to the player encountering rooms they have previously visited at a rate much higher than would happen when the castle exits its current "early access demonstration" state.// ''The Purpose Of The Castle'' //The Castle's purpose is unfathomable.// ''The Construction of The Player'' //The player is constructed from randomly assigned statistics in a variety of categories, all of which affect how the player either performs in specific tasks or interacts with the environment within each room. As the analysis software that extracts this information is still slightly unreliable, some errors may occur during the identification phase. In such a scenario, players should ensure they reaffirm themselves before entering the castle itself, as once inside no corrections can be made until either escape or death. Roles and/or descriptions assigned to the player are currently inferences, and have no effect on the player or their interactions with the castle.// ''The Purpose Of The Player'' //The player exists purely to enter the castle and subsequently escape from the castle. How the player achieves this is entirely up to them.// ''Winning The Game'' //Winning the game at its most basic level involves merely escaping the castle. Beyond this, players can of course choose their own criteria of success, from maximising the amount of money, loot, rooms, friends or items they discover/steal/escape with. Once the castle's construction is complete, full statistical analysis of performances over time should be available, but for now such a thing is merely a dream of an idea of a dream of a reality.// ''Losing The Game'' //Losing the game at its most basic level involves failing to escape from the castle. This can occur in a number of ways, such as death, death, or possibly even another type of death. Also you might get stuck in a hole if you're too big to safely explore the hole. So beware of holes, and also death.// ''Apologies And/Or Disclaimers'' //Neither the Castle nor its Constructors apologise for any of their actions to date. This policy has been adopted to meet and in some ways exceed current internet standards of corporate responsibilty.// After <<if $faqread>0>>rereading<<else>>reading<</if>> through all that long winded garbage<<if $faqread>0>> again<</if>>, your impatience rises by <<if $faqread>0>>''2'' this time<<set $charimpatience +=2>><<else>>''1''<<set $charimpatience +=1>><</if>>. You really should be getting on with things out there in the castle rather than standing about here in the foyer reading the rules all day. <</if>> <<if $charimpatience<8>>- [[Reread the rules and regulations|Check out the rules and regulations notices]] <</if>>- [[See what you can buy from the vending machine]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room|enter the castle]] <<set $faqread +=1>>

The vending machine only accepts pound coins<<if $poundcoins<1>>. Unfortunately, you do not have any pound coins. All you can do is gaze enviously at the treats safely stored away inside for a few moments, and then try doing something else. - [[Check out the rules and regulations notices]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room and begin your exploration of the castle|enter the castle]]<<else>>, of which you currently have ''$poundcoins''. Quite a lot of the items appear to have sold out already, but there's still a few items left you could buy. - [[Buy the Eat Me cake]] - [[Buy the Drink Me drink]] - [[Buy some Mystery Meat]] - [[Buy some Catnip]] If you don't want to buy any of these, you can either: - [[Check out the rules and regulations notices]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room and begin your exploration of the castle|enter the castle]]<</if>>

<<set $poundcoins -= 1>><<set $charsize +=2>>You buy a slice of the Eat Me cake, and, following the instruction implicit in its name, quickly eat it. It's delicious, nutritious, and surprisingly expandalicious. You can actually feel yourself growing larger with every bite, and by the time you've finished gobbling it all down, you've become noticably larger in all 3 spacial dimensions (you are now a ''$charsize'' on the universal measurement scale). <<if $poundcoins>0>>After eating that delicious slice of cake, you still have some money left, so you can try buying something else if you want, or maybe do something else entirely. It's up to you (obviously). - [[Buy the Eat Me cake]] - [[Buy the Drink Me drink]] - [[Buy some Mystery Meat]] - [[Buy some Catnip]] - [[Check out the rules and regulations notices]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room and begin your exploration of the castle|enter the castle]]<<else>>However, after eating that delicious slice of cake, you don't have any money left at all, so you'll have to do something else, I'm afraid. - [[Check out the rules and regulations notices]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room and begin your exploration of the castle|enter the castle]]<</if>>

<<set $poundcoins -= 1>><<set $charsize -=2>>You purchase a can of the Drink Me drink, and, following the instruction implicit in its name, quickly drink it. It's bloody horrible, and you can actually feel yourself growing smaller with every mouthful as your body contracts in disgust at this vile liquid that you still for some reason feel dutybound to finish. <<if $charsize>0>>By the time you've finished forcing it all down, you've become noticably smaller in all 3 spacial dimensions (you are now a ''$charsize'' on the universal measurement scale). <<if $poundcoins>0>>After drinking that entire can of impossibly awful swill, you still have some money left, so you can try buying something else if you want, or maybe do something else entirely. It's up to you (obviously). - [[Buy the Eat Me cake]] - [[Buy the Drink Me drink]] - [[Buy some Mystery Meat]] - [[Buy some Catnip]] - [[Check out the rules and regulations notices]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room and begin your exploration of the castle|enter the castle]]<<else>>However, after drinking that entire can of impossibly awful swill, you don't have any money left at all, so you'll have to do something else, I'm afraid. - [[Check out the rules and regulations notices]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room and begin your exploration of the castle|enter the castle]]<</if>><<else>>Eventually, you shrink down to actual nothingness, and disappear from the planes of existence altogether. Your adventure ends here. [[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You were reduced to nothing.">><</if>>

<<set $poundcoins -= 1>>You purchase the mystery meat. Even after eating it, you still cannot tell exactly what meat it was, or even if it was meat. Whatever it was, it seems to have had no discernable effect on you in any way you can really tell.<<set $temprandluck to random (0,3)>><<set $charluck to $charluck + $temprandluck - 1>> <<if $poundcoins<1>>As you no longer have any pound coins, there's nothing else you can afford to buy. - [[Check out the rules and regulations notices]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room and begin your exploration of the castle|enter the castle]]<<else>>As you still have some money left (you currently have ''$poundcoins'' pound coins in your inventory), you could buy something else if you want. - [[Buy the Eat Me cake]] - [[Buy the Drink Me drink]] - [[Buy some Mystery Meat]] - [[Buy some Catnip]] But if you don't want to buy any of these, all you can now do is either: - [[Check out the rules and regulations notices]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room and begin your exploration of the castle|enter the castle]]<</if>>

<<set $poundcoins -= 1>>You purchase some catnip and put it in your pocket for later.<<set $catnip +=1>> <<if $poundcoins<1>>As you no longer have any pound coins, there's nothing else you can afford to buy. - [[Check out the rules and regulations notices]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room and begin your exploration of the castle|enter the castle]]<<else>>As you still have some money left (you currently have ''$poundcoins'' pound coins in your inventory), you could buy something else if you want. - [[Buy the Eat Me cake]] - [[Buy the Drink Me drink]] - [[Buy some Mystery Meat]] - [[Buy some Catnip]] But if you don't want to buy any of these, all you can now do is either: - [[Check out the rules and regulations notices]] - [[Leave through the door at the far end of the room and begin your exploration of the castle|enter the castle]]<</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle004p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle004.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You strike the dragon with your mighty fists<<if $catfriends>0>>, your cat friends hissing you on several feet behind your feet.<<else>>.<</if>><<set $tempattack to 0>><<set $tempstrength to $charstrength+$charluck>><<set $tempattack to random (1, $tempstrength)>><<set $tempdragonresistance to random (0,6)>><<set $tempdamage to $tempattack - $tempdragonresistance>><<if $tempdamage < 0>><<set $tempdamage to 0>><</if>> <<if $tempdamage<1>>But your blow doesn't do any damage at all. All you can do now is [[defend the incoming blow|5 you defend]]. ''GIGANTIC DRAGON'' ''Strength:'' 8 ''Resistance:'' 6 ''Health:'' $dragonhealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <<else>><<set $dragonhealth to $dragonhealth - $tempdamage>><<if $dragonhealth <1>>Your blow deals ''$tempdamage'' damage, landing with such devastating effect the dragon dies from its wounds. [[Victory is yours|5 the dragon is dead]]. <<else>>Your blow deals ''$tempdamage'' damage to the dragon, leaving it's health at ''$dragonhealth''. Now you must [[steady yourself for its retaliatory blow|5 you defend]]. ''GIGANTIC DRAGON'' ''Strength:'' 8 ''Resistance:'' 6 ''Health:'' $dragonhealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <</if>> <</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle004p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle004.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> The dragon snaps at you with its mighty jaws. <<if $catfriends>0>>Your cat friends scamper into the shadows in terror, never to be seen again.<<set $catfriends to 0>><<else>><</if>><<set $tempresistance to $charresistance+$charluck>><<set $tempdragonattack to random (0, 8)>><<set $tempdefence to random (0,$tempresistance)>><<set $tempdamage to $tempdragonattack - $tempdefence>><<if $tempdamage < 0>><<set $tempdamage to 0>><</if>> <<if $tempdamage<1>>But its bite doesn't do any damage at all. Now you can quickly [[retaliate|5 you attack]]. ''GIGANTIC DRAGON'' ''Strength:'' 8 ''Resistance:'' 6 ''Health:'' $dragonhealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <<else>><<set $charhealth to $charhealth - $tempdamage>><<if $charhealth <1>>Its bite does ''$tempdamage'' damage, and is so deadly it kills you stone dead. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>>...except you suddenly realise that you're not actually dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. They might have reached ''0'' health, but you've still got a few slivers of it left. What a relief! [[Stand up, stretch your legs, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>[[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You were bitten to death by a gigantic dragon.">><</if>> <<else>>The dragon's bite deals ''$tempdamage'' damage to you, leaving your health at ''$charhealth''. Now's your chance to [[retaliate|5 you attack]]. ''GIGANTIC DRAGON'' ''Strength:'' 8 ''Resistance:'' 6 ''Health:'' $dragonhealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <</if>> <</if>>

The gigantic dragon gives out one last scream and then slumps to the floor, utterly dead. Unlike normal beasts, its corpse begins to dissolve almost as soon as it dies, which is kind of weird, but at least it means you can get through the door it would otherwise have been blocking. Also it leaves behind a mysterious sparkling egg, which you pick up and put in your pocket. <<set $dragoneggs +=1>><<set $dragonkills +=1>> - [[Move onto the next room|enter the castle]]

<<set $poundcoins -=1>>"I'm not sure money counts as interesting, exactly," she says, flipping the coin up into the air and then catching it with her other hand. She makes no attempt to return it to you. It's hers now. "But I'll accept it. Of course I can't let you actually escape this place for one measly quid, but I can do the next best thing and send you somewhere secret." She turns a dial on the door behind her, then steps aside and lets you approach the exit. "Until we meet again!" she says with a smile. "If we meet again!" - [[Open the door|secret 1]]

<<set $catfriends to 0>>You offer your cattish friends to her in payment. "Well, they're certainly interesting, I'll give you that," she says. "But I can't accept them. They go where they please and do what they will." The two of you watch the three of them scurry off into the corner and disappear into a space behind the skirting board you hadn't even noticed was there. "See? I told you. There's no controlling their kind. So how about you give me something else instead?" - [[Ask her why you should give her something interesting at all|6 ask]]<<if $poundcoins>0>> - [[Give her a pound coin|6 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Give her some bats|6 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Give her some moths|6 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Give her a teddybear|6 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Give her a dragon's egg|6 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Give her some catnip|6 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Give her a tiny diamond|6 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Give her a truffle|6 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Don't give her anything|6 nothing]]

<<set $teddybears -= 1>>"Now that is interesting! And genuinely rare!" she says. "Not least because it's mine. Some despicable thieves stole it from me years ago!"<<if $catfriends>0>> She glances down at your three catlike friends currently prowling about the room. "Naming no names, of course!"<</if>> The woman takes the teddybear from your hands and gives it a hug. "So there we go, I suppose," she says. "I get what's mine and you get what's yours. Which is freedom, right? Well, it's too late to change your mind now. You're getting out and I'll never have to see you again!" - [[Open the door and leave the castle forever|exit the castle]]<<set $girlcharmed +=1>>

<<set $dragoneggs -= 1>>"Eggs are not interesting," she says. "But they're very tasty." She pops it into her mouth and swallows it whole. "So I can't set you free, but I can at least show you something secret, grant you some mysterious glimpse of the full strangeness and horror of the castle complete." She spins a dial on the door, then ushers you through it. "No screaming now!" - [[Step through the door|secret 3]]

<<set $catnip -=1>>"Do you think I'm a cat?" she asks. "Because I am most definitely not a cat." She rips up the catnip leaves, gives them a tentative sniff, then pushes them underneath the door behind her. "Let's hope those kitties down there appreciate the offering." Then she stands aside and points you towards the door. "Make sure to tell them I said hi!" - [[Open the door|secret 2]]

"A tiny diamond! Interesting and (relatively) rare!" she says. "You must have pretty good eyesight to find one of these!" She clicks it into her lapel like its a mark of military rank. "And I suppose a bargain's a bargain, so here you go. I'll let you leave this castle now, just like that!" She snaps her fingers, then disappears in a puff of smoke. When that clears, all that's left for you to do is try the door. - [[Open the door and leave the castle forever|exit the castle 2]]<<set $girlcharmed +=1>>

<<set $truffles -=1>>"I'm not sure a mushroom's that interesting, you know," she says. "But I'll eat it." "Of course I can't let you actually escape this place just for giving me a snack." She turns a dial on the door behind her, then steps aside and lets you approach the exit. "But just this once I'll send you somewhere safe!" - [[Open the door|2]]<<set $room to 2>>

"Why? Why?" she says, laughing. "Why not! Don't I deserve to see something interesting once in a while? I've spent a lifetime guarding this door. The rest of the castle is a mystery to me. It's only through your gifts that I can even begin to imagine the rest of this place." She stops laughing and stares directly into your face with a slightly disconcerting intensity. "But don't think you can get away with giving me any old rubbish. If it's not interesting enough, I might just send you back into the castle instead of letting you outside." She laughs again, her whole countenance changing instantly. "Oh yeah, did I forget to say? This is the only exit from this place! If you don't give me something good I'll just send you back to yet another random room. I can you know. I'm the only one who knows how this place works!" Then she holds out her hand and waits for her gift. - [[Don't give her anything|6 nothing]]<<if $poundcoins>0>> - [[Give her a pound coin|6 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Give her some cats|6 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Give her some bats|6 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Give her some moths|6 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Give her a teddybear|6 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Give her a dragon's egg|6 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Give her some catnip|6 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Give her a tiny diamond|6 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Give her a truffle|6 truffle]]<</if>>

"Are you sure?" she says, once it becomes clear you plan on giving her nothing interesting at all. "Are you sure you're sure?" - [[Definitely don't give her anything|6 nothing 2]]<<if $poundcoins>0>> - [[Give her a pound coin|6 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Give her some cats|6 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Give her some bats|6 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Give her some moths|6 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Give her a teddybear|6 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Give her a dragon's egg|6 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Give her some catnip|6 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Give her a tiny diamond|6 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Give her a truffle|6 truffle]]<</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle017p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle017.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> The crabs dance and dance. - [[Continue watching|secret 1 a]] - [[Move on|enter the castle]] <<set $secret1 +=1>><<set $roomsplayed += 1>><<set $crabs to 0>>

"Oh, well, that's that I suppose," she says. "Not much I can do about it if you're going to be so rude. Let's just hope next time we meet you've changed your tune, because otherwise you'll never find your way out of here!" She spins a dial on the door, locks it into place, then stands aside, leaving the door unguarded. "All set now," she says with a cheerful grin. "Hope you don't get lost down there! Or eaten! That'd just be awful!" - [[Open the door|11]]

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle006p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle006.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> There are creatures moving around in the dark. You can hear them. You can feel them. But you don't dare disturb them. - [[Move on as quickly and quietly as you can|enter the castle]] <<set $secret2 +=1>><<set $roomsplayed += 1>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle014p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle014.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> There are some things too frightening to explain in words, some sights you're too scared to linger on any longer than you have to. - [[Suppress your shudders and move quickly on to some new room|enter the castle]] <<set $secret3 +=1>><<set $roomsplayed += 1>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle015p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle015.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You strike at the bat with your hands.<<set $tempattack to 0>><<set $tempstrength to $charstrength+$charluck>><<set $tempattack to random (1, $tempstrength)>><<set $tempbatresistance to random (0,1)>><<set $tempdamage to $tempattack - $tempbatresistance>><<if $tempdamage < 0>><<set $tempdamage to 0>><</if>> <<if $tempdamage<1>>But your blow doesn't do any damage at all. All you can do now is [[defend the incoming blow|7 you defend]]. ''BAT'' ''Strength:'' 2 ''Resistance:'' 2 ''Health:'' $bathealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <<else>><<set $bathealth to $bathealth - $tempdamage>><<if $bathealth <1>>Your blow deals ''$tempdamage'' damage, landing with such devastating effect the poor old bat dies instantly. [[Victory is yours|7 the bat is dead]]. <<else>>Your blow deals ''$tempdamage'' damage to the bat, leaving its health at ''$bathealth''. Now you must [[steady yourself for its retaliatory blow|7 you defend]]. ''BAT'' ''Strength:'' 2 ''Resistance:'' 2 ''Health:'' $bathealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <</if>> <</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle015p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle015.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You ignore the bat. It continues fluttering around near your head, but that hardly matters. What now: - [[Search the room|7 search the room]] - [[Move on to the next room|enter the castle]]

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle015p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle015.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> The bat swoops down to scratch at you with its little claws.<<set $tempresistance to $charresistance+$charluck>><<set $tempbatattack to random (0, 2)>><<set $tempdefence to random (0, $tempresistance)>><<set $tempdamage to $tempbatattack - $tempdefence>><<if $tempdamage < 0>><<set $tempdamage to 0>><</if>> <<if $tempdamage<1>>But the bat's claws don't do any damage at all. Now you can quickly [[retaliate|7 you attack]]. ''BAT'' ''Strength:'' 2 ''Resistance:'' 2 ''Health:'' $bathealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <<else>><<set $charhealth to $charhealth - $tempdamage>><<if $charhealth <1>>The bat scratches you and you die. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>>...except you suddenly realise that you don't actually die, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that dies. They might have reached ''0'' health, but you've still got a few slivers of it left. What a relief! [[Stand up, stretch your legs, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>[[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You were scratched to death by a bat.">>><</if>><<else>>The bat's scratch deals ''$tempdamage'' damage to you, leaving your health at ''$charhealth''. Now's your chance to [[retaliate|7 you attack]]. ''BAT'' ''Strength:'' 2 ''Resistance:'' 2 ''Health:'' $bathealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <</if>> <</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle015p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle015.jpg" width="100%"><</if>><<set $bats +=1>><<set $killedbats +=1>> The bat falls dead at your feet, and you pick its corpse up and put in your bag for later. But no sooner have you done that when another one starts fluttering about you in a mildly irritating way all over again. Once again all you can do is either FIGHT or NOT FIGHT!<<set $batkills +=1>> ''BAT'' ''Strength:'' 2 ''Resistance:'' 2 <<set $bathealth to $bats +2>>''Health:'' $bathealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth [[FIGHT!|7 you attack]] [[DON'T FIGHT!|7 ignore bat]]

<<if $charsight>8>>You give the room a fairly thorough look, and at first can't see anything of interest. But eventually your superior eyesight notices something glinting in the dirt. It's a tiny diamond, which after admiring for a moment, you put in your pocket for safekeeping.<<set $tinydiamonds +=1>><<else>>You give the room a fairly thorough look, but can't see anything of interest. <<set $templuck to random (0,10)>><<set $templuck to $templuck+$charluck>><<if $templuck>10>>Yet luck must be with you, because just as you're about to give up, something catches the light, and on inspection it turns out to be a tiny diamond. You admire it for a moment, and then put it in your pocket for safekeeping.<<set $tinydiamonds +=1>><</if>><</if>> Satisfied there's nothing else here for you to find, you [[move on to the next room|enter the castle]].

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle021p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle021.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> <<if $killedbats>1>>"Bats? You've been going round killing bats?" she says. "Why the hell would you do something like that? It's utterly monstrous. And don't even try and pretend it was an accident. How the heck do you accidently kill $killedbats bats?" Before you can muster up some sort of defence, she suddenly perks up. "But don't you worry, I can bring them back to life!" she says. "Just need to borrow a little bit of your health first... so, let's see, if we proceed at a 1 to 1 ratio, that's... ''$killedbats'' of your healths I'll be needing." She puts one hand on your chest, and as the things you've killed regain the status of living creatures once more, you can feel yourself weakening by the bat.<<set $charhealth to $charhealth-$killedbats>> <<if $charhealth<1>>By the time all the bats are alive, you're well and truly dead. Your adventure ends here. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>>...except you suddenly realise that you're not actually dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. They might have reached ''0'' health, but you've still got a few slivers of it left. What a relief! [[Stand up, stretch your legs, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>[[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You gave up your life so that some bats could relive theirs.">><</if>><<else>>Once she's finished revivifying all the bats, your health stands at ''$charhealth''. "Now, no more killing bats, you hear?" she says. You reluctantly nod your head, as she turns, spins a dial on the door, and then steps aside to let you open it. "Now, let's see if you can control yourself this time!" [[Open the door|7]]<</if>><</if>><<if $killedbats<2>>"You killed a bat? Why the heck would you do something like that?" she asks, staring at the stiffened corpse you've handed her with horror. "Well, I suppose maybe it was an accident. Or at least we can both agree to pretend it is. But no more killing bats, you hear? It's not nice." You reluctantly nod your head, as she turns, spins a dial on the door, and then steps aside to let you open it. "Now, let's see if you can control yourself this time!" - [[Open the door|7]]<</if>><<set $killedbats to 0>><<set $room to 7>>

<<if $catfriends>0>>Before you can even think of searching the rubble yourself, your three friendly cat creature companions start exploring it themselves, clambering over it and forcing themselves under it in frenzied excitement. You stand and watch, wondering for a while if you'll ever actually see them again, but eventually all three emerge from various holes, their faces covered in cobwebs, and their mouths filled with gifts that they drop dutifully at your feet. Two of the moths they've caught quickly flutter away, but the third one is dead enough that it can't escape. You put it in your pocket for safekeeping even though it's just a dead moth and what possible use could a dead moth have.<<set $moths +=1>><<else>><<if $chardexterity>5>>You nimbly step over and round and through and on the rubble with elegant dexterity, <<set $templuck to random (1, $charluck)>><<if $templuck>4>>and it doesn't take you long to unearth a small, some might even say tiny, diamond amongst the mess.<<set $tinydiamonds +=1>><<else>>yet even after a good few minutes of searching, you discover nothing.<</if>><<else>>You stumble over the rubble like a clumsy oaf for a few minutes. <<set $templuck to random (1, $charluck)>><<if $templuck>4>> You think you've found nothing, but a click in your step indicates that something's become stuck in your shoe, and on closer inspection there's a tiny little diamond caught in the soles of your shoes.<<set $tinydiamonds +=1>> You put it in your pocket will a fairly pleased little smile.<<else>>Eventually you conclude you're never going to find anything interesting here, and give up the search empty handed.<</if>><</if>><</if>> - [[Move on to the next room|enter the castle]]

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle017p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle017.jpg" width="100%"><</if>><<set $crabs +=1>> The crabs dance and dance and dance... That's all they do... <<if $crabs>2>>It's all they'll ever do...<</if>> <<if $crabs>3>>down here in the dark...<</if>> <<if $crabs>4>>in the secret of their lair...<</if>> <<if $crabs>5>>dance<<for _i to 0; _i lt $crabs; _i++>> and dance<</for>>...<</if>> - [[Continue watching|secret 1 a]] - [[Move on|enter the castle]]

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle020p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle020.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> Congratulations. You escaped the castle and did not die. Now you <<if $phoenixes>1>>and the phoenixes you freed<<else>><<if $phoenixes>0>>and the phoenix you freed<</if>><</if>> can continue your journey on towards the moon. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>>...except you suddenly realise that you've only actually escaped the ''Random Room House'' you were virtually trapped in, rather than the castle built from random rooms you're actually trapped in. As the end credits play on the screen in front of you, you slowly [[stand up, stretch your legs, and begin to remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>> ''Statistics'' ''Total Rooms Escaped:'' $roomsplayed ''Foyer'': $room0 ''The Bedroom:'' $room1 ''The Hallway:'' $room2 ''The Other Hallway:'' $room9 ''Corridor (under construction):'' $room8 ''The Games Room:'' $room3 ''Home Cinema:'' $room4 ''Dragon's Lair:'' $room5 ''Belfry:'' $room7 ''The Hole:'' $room10 ''Exitway:'' $room6 ''Secret Crab Cave:'' $secret1 ''Hidden Cat Dimension:'' $secret2 ''Lost Terror:'' $secret3 ''The Endless Dark:'' $room11 ''Ending:'' <<if $phoenixes>0>>Moon And Phoenix Ending<<else>>Moon Ending<</if>> ''Total Treasures Collected:''<<set $treasures to $poundcoins+$catnip+$teddybears+$truffles+$tinydiamonds+$dragoneggs+$killedbats+$moths>> $treasures ''Pound Coins:'' $poundcoins ''Catnip:'' $catnip ''Teddybears:'' $teddybears ''Truffles:'' $truffles ''Tiny Diamonds:'' $tinydiamonds ''Dragon Eggs:'' $dragoneggs ''Dead Bats:'' $killedbats ''Dead Moths:'' $moths ''Total Creatures Freed:'' <<set $creaturesfreed to $phoenixes+$catfriends>>$creaturesfreed ''Phoenixes'': $phoenixes ''Cats:'' $catfriends ''Total Creatures Killed:''<<set $creatureskilled to $batkills+$dragonkills+$corpsemonsterkills>> $creatureskilled ''Bats:'' $batkills ''Gigantic Dragons:'' $dragonkills ''Hideous Cat-Headed Corpse Monsters:'' $corpsemonsterkills ''Total Creatures Charmed:'' <<set $creaturescharmed to $cheekyskeletons+$girlcharmed>>$creaturescharmed ''Cheeky Skeletons:'' $cheekyskeletons ''That Lady Who Lets You Escape:'' $girlcharmed ''Total Accumulated But Unweighted Score:'' <<set $totalscore to $roomsplayed+$treasures+$creaturesfreed+$creatureskilled+$creaturescharmed>>$totalscore [[Play Again|a castle built from random rooms]] <</if>>

"Yeah, no," she says, not just shaking her head at your gift but outright refusing it. "Sorry, but no." Maybe you should try giving her something else. - [[Ask her why you should give her something interesting at all|6 ask]]<<if $poundcoins>0>> - [[Give her a pound coin|6 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Give her some cats|6 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Give her some bats|6 bats]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Give her a teddybear|6 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Give her a dragon's egg|6 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Give her some catnip|6 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Give her a tiny diamond|6 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Give her a truffle|6 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Don't give her anything|6 nothing]]

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle024p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle024.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You find yourself in a small room that's completely empty, or at least appears to be. <<if $room9>0>>You have the feeling you've been here before, but it's impossible to truly tell.<</if>> - [[Search the room|9 search the room]] - [[Smell the room|9 smell the room]] - [[Leave the room|enter the castle]] <<set $room9 +=1>><<set $room9search to 0>><<set $room9smell to 0>>

<<set $room9search to 1>>You give the room a fairly thorough look, but can't see anything of interest. Having searched the room, you can now either: <<if $room9smell>0>>- [[Leave the room|enter the castle]] - [[Look up|9 aargh]] <<else>>- [[Smell the room|9 smell the room]] - [[Leave the room|enter the castle]] - [[Look up|9 aargh]] <</if>>

<<set $room9smell to 1>><<if $charsmell>6>>Your at least moderately keen sense of smell leads you to the corner of the room, where with a little digging, you uncover a few stalks of catnip. <<set $catnip += 1>> <<if $room9search>0>>Having already searched the room, there's nothing else to do here, really, except [[leave the room|enter the castle]] or [[look up|9 aargh]]. <<else>>Now, you can either [[search the room|9 search the room]] or [[leave the room|enter the castle]].<</if>><<else>>You can't smell anything of note. <<if $catfriends>0>>However, the furry companions you befriended in an earlier room seem excited by something in the corner, and on inspection you find they've uncovered a small but quite tasty looking truffle. You put in your pocket for safekeeping, worried that they'll only get jealous if you try eating it yourself.<<set $truffles += 1>><</if>> <<if $room9search>0>>Having already searched the room, there's nothing else to do here, really, except [[leave the room|enter the castle]] or [[look up|9 aargh]]. <<else>>Now, you can either [[search the room|9 search the room]] or [[leave the room|enter the castle]].<</if>> <</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle025p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle025.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You look up at the ceiling. There's a cheeky skeleton up there looking down at you. What now: - [[Say hello to the cheeky skeleton|9 hello]] - [[Don't say hello to the cheeky skeleton|9 no hello]] - [[Leave the room without saying a word to the cheeky skeleton at all|enter the castle]] <<set $politeness to 0>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle025p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle025.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> "Hello," you say. "Hello," the cheeky skeleton says back. - [[Say goodbye to the cheeky skeleton|9 goodbye]] - [[Don't say goodbye to the cheeky skeleton|9 no goodbye]] <<set $politeness +=1>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle025p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle025.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You don't say hello. The cheeky skeleton doesn't say hello back. - [[Say goodbye to the cheeky skeleton|9 goodbye]] - [[Don't say goodbye to the cheeky skeleton|9 no goodbye]]

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle028p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle028.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> There's a hole here. - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]] - [[Throw something into the hole|10 throw]] - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]] <<set $room10 +=1>><<set $room10examine to 0>>

It's dark inside, and not very wide. - [[Throw something into the hole|10 throw]] - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]] <<set $room10examine to 1>>

<<if $charsize>10>>You're too big to enter the hole. What now: <<if $poundcoins>0>>- [[Throw another pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw a dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw a dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw a teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw a dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw a tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw a truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Throw yourself into the hole|10 you]]<<if $room10examine<1>> - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]]<</if>> - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]<<else>>You enter the hole feet first and slowly lower yourself down. There's a few footholds on the way down, and it's honestly a much easier climb than you'd ever have expected. Almost exactly ten metres down, the hole stops being a hole and suddenly becomes a puddle, or perhaps a pool. It's too dark down here to tell definitively just how deep it actually is. - [[Test the depth of the puddle or pool with one of your feet|10 test]] - [[Step into the puddle or pool without testing the depth first|10 pool]] - [[Climb back up to the room above|10 climb]]<</if>>

You decide to throw something into the <<if $room10examine>0>>dark, not very wide <</if>>hole. <<if $poundcoins>0>>- [[Throw a pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw a dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw a dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw a teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw a dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw a tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw a truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Throw yourself into the hole|10 you]] - [[Don't throw anything into the hole|10 nothing]]

You throw a pound coin into the hole. After exactly 1.428 seconds you hear a splash.<<set $poundcoins -=1>> What now: <<if $poundcoins>0>>- [[Throw another pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw a dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw a dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw a teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw a dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw a tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw a truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Throw yourself into the hole|10 you]]<<if $room10examine<1>> - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]]<</if>> - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]

You throw one of your cattish friends into the hole. For exactly 1.428 seconds it shrieks in terror, then there's a splash, some more shrieks, then silence for ten seconds, before it emerges wild eyed and furious from the hole. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle026p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle026.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> It takes significantly less time than that for it to exact its revenge upon you, as it and its two friends quickly eviscerate you for your abominable crimes. You are dead and you deserve to be dead. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 1>>...except you suddenly realise that you're not actually dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. What a relief! You never actually threw a cat down a hole, you just virtually threw a cat down a hole, which is a lot less evil. Maybe you even deserve this reprieve. [[Stand up, stretch your legs, pet your cat friends apologetically, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>Your adventure ends here. [[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You died at the claws of a vengeful cat and its companions.">><</if>>

You throw a dead bat into the hole. After exactly 1.428 seconds you hear a splash.<<set $killedbats -=1>> What now: <<if $poundcoins>0>>- [[Throw a pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw another dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw a dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw a teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw a dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw a tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw a truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Throw yourself into the hole|10 you]]<<if $room10examine<1>> - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]]<</if>> - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle027p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle027.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> <<if $phoenixes>0>>You throw another dead moth into the hole. You don't hear anything for a while, but then a great big fiery bird comes whooshing out of the hole and flies round your head again, before disappearing out of an exceptionally distant window once more, through which you can still just about see the moon.<<else>>You throw a dead moth into the hole. You don't hear anything for a while, but then a great big fiery bird comes whooshing out of the hole and flies round your head a few times before disappearing out of an exceptionally distant window through which you can just about see the moon.<</if>> You <<if $phoenixes>0>>really <</if>>love the moon.<<set $phoenixes +=1>><<set $moths -=1>> What now: <<if $poundcoins>0>> - [[Throw a pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw a dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw another dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw a teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw a dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw a tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw a truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Throw yourself into the hole|10 you]]<<if $room10examine<1>> - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]]<</if>> - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]

You throw a teddybear into the hole. After exactly 1.428 seconds you hear a splash and also a faint scream.<<set $teddybears -=1>> What now: <<if $poundcoins>0>>- [[Throw a pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw a dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw a dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw another teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw a dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw a tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw a truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Throw yourself into the hole|10 you]]<<if $room10examine<1>> - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]]<</if>> - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]

You throw a dragon egg into the hole. After exactly 1.428 seconds you hear a splash and a smash.<<set $dragoneggs -=1>> What now: <<if $poundcoins>0>>- [[Throw a pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw a dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw a dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw a teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw another dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw a tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw a truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Throw yourself into the hole|10 you]]<<if $room10examine<1>> - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]]<</if>> - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]

You throw a piece of catnip into the hole. It disappears silently into the dark.<<set $catnip -=1>> What now: <<if $poundcoins>0>>- [[Throw a pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw a dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw a dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw a teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw a dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some more catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw a tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw a truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Throw yourself into the hole|10 you]]<<if $room10examine<1>> - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]]<</if>> - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]

You throw a tiny diamond into the hole. After exactly 1.428 seconds you hear a very little splash.<<set $tinydiamonds -=1>> What now: <<if $poundcoins>0>>- [[Throw a pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw a dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw a dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw a teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw a dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw another tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw a truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Throw yourself into the hole|10 you]]<<if $room10examine<1>> - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]]<</if>> - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]

You throw a truffle into the hole. It disappears silently into the dark.<<set $truffles -=1>> What now: <<if $poundcoins>0>>- [[Throw a pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw a dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw a dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw a teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw a dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw a tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw another truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Throw yourself into the hole|10 you]]<<if $room10examine<1>> - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]]<</if>> - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]

<<if $charsize>10>>You're too big to fit down the hole so you can't throw yourself down the hole. What now: <<if $poundcoins>0>>- [[Throw a pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw a dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw a dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw a teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw a dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw a tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw a truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>><<if $room10examine<1>> - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]]<</if>> - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]<<else>>You throw yourself into the hole. After exactly 1.428 seconds you hit the very shallow water with a bone shaking, body crunching, brain destroying crash. You are dead. Really impressively dead. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>>...except you suddenly realise that you're not really impressively dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. What a relief! [[Stand up, stretch your legs, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>Your adventure ends here. [[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You threw yourself down a hole and died down the hole.">><</if>><</if>>

You throw nothing into the hole. After exactly 1.428 seconds you hear no splash. What now: <<if $poundcoins>0>>- [[Throw another pound coin into the hole|10 pound coin]]<</if>><<if $catfriends>0>> - [[Throw a cat into the hole|10 cats]]<</if>><<if $killedbats>0>> - [[Throw a dead bat into the hole|10 bats]]<</if>><<if $moths>0>> - [[Throw a dead moth into the hole|10 moths]]<</if>><<if $teddybears>0>> - [[Throw a teddybear into the hole|10 doll]]<</if>><<if $dragoneggs>0>> - [[Throw a dragon's egg into the hole|10 egg]]<</if>><<if $catnip>0>> - [[Throw some catnip into the hole|10 catnip]]<</if>><<if $tinydiamonds>0>> - [[Throw a tiny diamond into the hole|10 diamond]]<</if>><<if $truffles>0>> - [[Throw a truffle into the hole|10 truffle]]<</if>> - [[Throw yourself into the hole|10 you]]<<if $room10examine<1>> - [[Examine the hole|10 examine]]<</if>> - [[Enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle025p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle025.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> "Goodbye," you say. "Goodbye," says the cheeky skeleton.<<set $politeness +=1>><<if $politeness>1>><<set $charcharm +=1>><<set $cheekyskeletons +=1>><</if>> - [[Leave the room|enter the castle]]

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle025p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle025.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You don't say goodbye. The cheeky skeleton doesn't say goodbye either. - [[Leave the room|enter the castle]]

You test the depth of the puddle or pool with your foot. It's definitely more pool than puddle, in that your toes never reach the bottom. Also, it might just be your imagination, but your wet foot feels all tingly now. - [[Step into the pool|10 pool]] - [[Climb back up to the room above|10 climb]]

You step into the pool at the bottom of the hole. You keep your hands on the foothold you were standing on, but there's no need for you to worry because the water must have a very high mineral content, and you float in it without any apparent effort on your behalf. The water's kind of warm, soothing in the way that a hot tub might well be, and you can even feel it rejuvenating your body, improving several of your statistics all at once. <<set $temprand to random (0,2)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charhealth to $charhealth +$temprand>>Your health increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charhealth''. <</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,2)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charstrength to $charstrength +$temprand>>Your strength increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charstrength''. <</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,2)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charresistance to $charresistance+$temprand>>Your resistance increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charresistance''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,2)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charspeed to $charspeed+$temprand>>Your speed increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charspeed''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,2)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $chardexterity to $chardexterity +$temprand>>Your dexterity increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$chardexterity''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,2)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charintelligence to $charintelligence+$temprand>>Your intelligence increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charintelligence''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,2)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charsight to $charsight+$temprand>>Your eyesight increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charsight''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,2)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charsmell to $charsight+$temprand>>Your sense of smell increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charsmell''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (1,2)>><<set $charsize to $charsize+$temprand>>And your size increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charsize''. You feel refreshed. Now what? - [[Stay in the pool a little longer|10 stay]] - [[Climb back up to the room above|10 climb]]

<<if $charsize<11>>You climb back out of the hole. Now what? - [[Throw something into the hole|10 throw]] - [[Re-enter the hole|10 enter]] - [[Ignore the hole and leave the room|enter the castle]]<<else>>You try to climb out of the hole, but realise too late that the rejuvenating waters of the pool have expanded you up to a size much wider than the hole. There's simply no other way out, either, and you continue expanding down there in the warm waters at the bottom of the hole until eventually you explode. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>>...except you suddenly realise that you're not actually dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. What a relief! You never actually exploded at all, you just virtually exploded, which is a lot less detrimental to your health in so many ways. [[Stand up, stretch your legs, pet your cat friends apologetically, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>Your adventure ends here. [[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You expanded and expanded and eventually exploded.">><</if>><</if>>

You stay in pool at the bottom of the hole. The water's still kind of warm, and you can feel it rejuvenating your body even further, improving several of your statistics all at once at an ever increasing rate as you float there at the bottom of the hole. <<set $temprand to random (0,3)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charhealth to $charhealth +$temprand>>Your health increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charhealth''. <</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,3)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charstrength to $charstrength +$temprand>>Your strength increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charstrength''. <</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,3)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charresistance to $charresistance+$temprand>>Your resistance increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charresistance''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,3)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charspeed to $charspeed+$temprand>>Your speed increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charspeed''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,3)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $chardexterity to $chardexterity +$temprand>>Your dexterity increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$chardexterity''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,3)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charintelligence to $charintelligence+$temprand>>Your intelligence increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charintelligence''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,3)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charsight to $charsight+$temprand>>Your eyesight increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charsight''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (0,3)>><<if $temprand>0>><<set $charsmell to $charsight+$temprand>>Your sense of smell increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charsmell''.<</if>> <<set $temprand to random (1,4)>><<set $charsize to $charsize+$temprand>>And your size increases by ''$temprand'' to ''$charsize''. You feel even more refreshed now. - [[Stay in the pool a little longer|10 stay]] - [[Climb back up to the room above|10 climb]]

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle031p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle031.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> It's dark in here. <<set $tempdark to random (1,4)>><<if $tempdark===1>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===2>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 2]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===3>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 3]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===4>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 4]]<</if>> <<set $room11 +=1>><<set $roomsplayed += 1>><<set $darkmonster to 0>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle031p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle031.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> It's cold in here. <<set $tempdark to random (1,6)>><<if $tempdark===1>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 2]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===2>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 2]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===3>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 3]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===4>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 4]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===5>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 5]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===6>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 6]]<</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle031p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle031.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You can hear shuffling coming from... somewhere. <<set $tempdark to random (1,6)>><<if $tempdark===1>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===2>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 3]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===3>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 3]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===4>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 4]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===5>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 5]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===6>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 6]]<</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle031p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle031.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> It's lonely in here. <<if $catfriends>0>>Even your cat friends have abandoned you now.<<set $catfriends to 0>><</if>> <<set $tempdark to random (1,6)>><<if $tempdark===1>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===2>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 2]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===3>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 4]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===4>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 4]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===5>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 5]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===6>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 6]]<</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle031p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle031.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You're lost in here. <<set $tempdark to random (1,6)>><<if $tempdark===1>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===2>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 2]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===3>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 3]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===4>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===5>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 5]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===6>> - [[Step into the dark|11 dark 6]]<</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle030p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle030.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> <<if $darkmonster<2>>Aaa<<if $darkmonster>0>>aaaa<</if>>rgh! <<set $tempdark to random (1,6)>><<if $tempdark===1>> - [[Run away into the dark|11 dark]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===2>> - [[Run away into the dark|11 dark 2]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===3>> - [[Run away into the dark|11 dark 3]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===4>> - [[Run away into the dark|11 dark 4]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===5>> - [[Run away into the dark|11 dark]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===6>> - [[Run away into the dark|11 dark 6]]<</if>><<set $darkmonster +=1>><<else>>Aaaaaaaaaaargh! There's no running away this time. ''HIDEOUS CAT-HEADED CORPSE MONSTER'' <<set $monsterstrength to $charstrength+2>><<set $monsterresistance to $charresistance+2>><<set $monsterhealth to $charhealth+2>>''Strength:'' $monsterstrength ''Resistance:'' $monsterresistance ''Health:'' <<set $monsterhealth to $charhealth+2>>$monsterhealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth [[FIGHT!|11 you defend]]<</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle031p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle031.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> There's a door here. - [[Step out of the dark (and through the door)|enter the castle]] <<set $tempdark to random (1,5)>><<if $tempdark===1>> - [[Step into the dark (and away from the door)|11 dark 2]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===2>> - [[Step into the dark (and away from the door)|11 dark 2]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===3>> - [[Step into the dark (and away from the door)|11 dark 3]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===4>> - [[Step into the dark (and away from the door)|11 dark 4]]<</if>><<if $tempdark===5>> - [[Step into the dark (and away from the door)|11 dark 5]]<</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle030p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle030.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> The cat-headed corpse monster flails its arms at you in a shambling and horrifying way <<set $tempresistance to $charresistance+$charluck>><<set $tempmonsterattack to random (0, $monsterstrength)>><<set $tempdefence to random (0,$tempresistance)>><<set $tempdamage to $tempmonsterattack - $tempdefence>><<if $tempdamage < 0>><<set $tempdamage to 0>><</if>> <<if $tempdamage<1>>But they don't do any damage at all. Now you can quickly [[retaliate|11 you attack]]. ''HIDEOUS CAT-HEADED CORPSE MONSTER'' ''Strength:'' $monsterstrength ''Resistance:'' $monsterresistance ''Health:'' $monsterhealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <<else>><<set $charhealth to $charhealth - $tempdamage>><<if $charhealth <1>>Its arms strike you had enough to do ''$tempdamage'' damage, and the blow is so deadly it kills you stone dead. <<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><<set $randomroomhousecredits -=1>><<set $charhealth to 2>>...except you suddenly realise that you're not actually dead, it's just your character in the arcade game you were playing that's dead. They might have reached ''0'' health, but you've still got a few slivers of it left. What a relief! [[Stand up, stretch your legs, and try and remember where you were|3 again]]<<else>>[[Game Over|game over]]<<set $methodofdeath to "You were killed to death by a hideous cat-headed copse monster in the endless dark or its lair.">><</if>> <<else>>Its blows deal ''$tempdamage'' damage to you, leaving your health at ''$charhealth''. Now's your chance to [[retaliate|11 you attack]]. ''HIDEOUS CAT-HEADED CORPSE MONSTER'' ''Strength:'' $monsterstrength ''Resistance:'' $monsterresistance ''Health:'' $monsterhealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <</if>> <</if>>

<<if $randomroomhousecredits>0>><img src="images/rooms/castle030p.jpg" width="100%"><<else>><img src="images/rooms/castle030.jpg" width="100%"><</if>> You strike the hideous cat-headed corpse monster with your mighty fists.<<set $tempattack to 0>><<set $tempstrength to $charstrength+$charluck>><<set $tempattack to random (1, $tempstrength)>><<set $tempmonsterresistance to random (0,$monsterresistance)>><<set $tempdamage to $tempattack - $tempmonsterresistance>><<if $tempdamage < 0>><<set $tempdamage to 0>><</if>> <<if $tempdamage<1>>But your blow doesn't do any damage at all. All you can do now is [[defend the incoming blow|11 you defend]]. ''HIDEOUS CAT-HEADED CORPSE MONSTER'' ''Strength:'' $monsterstrength ''Resistance:'' $monsterresistance ''Health:'' $monsterhealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <<else>><<set $monsterhealth to $monsterhealth - $tempdamage>><<if $monsterhealth <1>>Your blow deals ''$tempdamage'' damage, landing with such devastating effect the hideous cat-headed corpse monster dies from its wounds. [[Victory is yours|11 the monster is dead]]. <<else>>Your blow deals ''$tempdamage'' damage to the hideous cat-headed corpse monster, leaving it's health at ''$monsterhealth''. Now you must [[steady yourself for its retaliatory blow|11 you defend]]. ''HIDEOUS CAT-HEADED CORPSE MONSTER'' ''Strength:'' $monsterstrength ''Resistance:'' $monsterresistance ''Health:'' $monsterhealth ''YOU'' ''Strength:'' $charstrength ''Resistance:'' $charresistance ''Health:'' $charhealth <</if>> <</if>>

The hideous cat-headed corpse monster lies dead at your feet. As you look at it lying there you can't help but wonder if somehow it is a dark reflection of your own self, in so much as you also like cats, and you're probably going to look kind of hideous once you're a corpse. But just as you're about to lose yourself in maudlin introspection, you notice a door in the wall just behind where it was standing, which you somehow know will lead you back to one of the regular random rooms of the castle.<<set $corpsemonsterkills +=1>> - [[Escape the endless dark|enter the castle]]