You died, that much you know. Surrounded in your final moments by loved ones and members of your congregation. You left in peace - as if to sleep - and awakened here.
You have not ascertained whether this is Heaven, Hell, or somewhere else. The angels, if that's what they are, regard you indifferently with a thousand eyes as they go about their unknowable business. Great burning wheels fly through a sky of shifting clouds; and alien, marble structures start to fractalise if you look at them long enough.
All your life you showed others that the Lord's presence was all around them, but truthfully this is the first time you've ever really felt it. A great comfort surrounds you. It softens your muscles and calms your mind but the longer you dwell on it, the more suffocating it becomes.
This is a place of paths and one leads to a tower in the distance. You are sat down, but there is little of interest nearby.
[[Stride toward the tower.->Fall over]]
[[Stand up gingerly.->First steps]]You stand up quickly but immediately fall over. All the angels in your vicinity turn to look at you. If they look with pity, you aren't sure. Perhaps they see you a threat, a fool, or prey - but soon enough they ignore you again.
[[Try that again...->First steps]]For the last few months you had been resigned to bed. You only ever walked assisted, on laboured trips to the lavatory or - on a few occasions - to the rose garden on those unseasonably warm autumn days.
Now you have the body of your younger self but it is alien to you. What's more; the ground moves and changes colour beneath your feet. It is unsettling. Yet, after a little while, you move with renewed confidence though the marble maze.
Where or why you are you do not know, but you spent your life devoted to impossible questions - so what's one more?
[[Find answers in the tower.->The crowd]]The tower doesn't seem to get closer no matter how far you walk. However, the angels have become more numerous than where you awoke. Some float between smaller structures, while others are turned - fixated - on a great kaleidoscopic light in the distance.
Occasionally the angels sing, but you do not understand the words. It's then you notice that all around you is song. The Lord's song - a ripple through your skin and a beat in your heart. It is ecstatic.
[[The song is irresistible.->Singing]]
[[Yet, the tower compels you forward.->Toward the tower]]At first you struggle to follow along but soon you find the rhythm. The angels' language is unfamiliar, so you sing along in yours. When you close your eyes, all you can see are shifting lights and flashes - memories, you realise, of your life.
When you open your eyes again, you are stood amongst the angels. Most do not notice you but a few glance over warily, or curiously? You can barely see what the crowd is looking at now - on the far side of the throng. It doesn't matter. The light is so bright. The song is so pure. You are gripped with pleasure.
Then, the singing stops. Silence drowns you.
[[Sing anyway! You must! -> Angel's ire]]
[[Join the silence. -> Be silent]]
[[Leave the crowd... ->Onward journey]]The tower looks a little closer now, but it's hard to tell in this place. Objects move when you walk toward them, and when you stand still details emerge from the surface of things like smoke. Yet the tower... the tower does feel a little closer; perhaps. The path towards it is clear - and there fewer angels that way.
However, as if sent to distract you, a beautiful glade of flowers sits beyond an archway. It is down an incline that deviates greatly from your path. It glistens with all the beauty of the Garden of Eden. Perhaps it is, but is paradise meant for you? Perhaps that's the test?
[[Give in to the allure of the glade...->Glade]]
[[Resist temptation. The tower awaits.->Folly]]From the depths of your soul and with all the strength in your lungs you cry the purest hymn you’ve ever heard. You could never have hoped to preach this when you were alive. The Lord’s song bursts free from you and it is exhilarating. You fall to your knees, enraptured in delight.
The angels, however, are not impressed. You are grabbed by your shoulders and dragged along the ground. You try to stumble, still grinning, and each time your foot scuffs the ground small sparks of light fly upward.
Unceremoniously you are dumped beneath a tree. Like most things here, it is mostly white but textured with coloured hexagons that shift erratically out of view. One of the angels turns its many heads toward you and inspects you closely with each of its eyes in turn. The process takes some time until, either satisfied or bored, it leaves.
When you stand, you notice the large crowd of angels has mostly dispersed.
[[Look around. ->Onward journey]]The silence continues... stretching toward the precipice of infinity. The angels murmur but they do not sing. The crowd is dispersing now. The light in the distance fades, and the Lord's song has ended. Yet your heart is full of light, your lungs are full of air - your mind, of memories and love. You yearn so strongly for release that you begin to shudder.
[[Sing. Sing! SING! -> Angel's ire]]
[[Leave the crowd... ->Onward journey]]Away from the crowd of angels, and away from the Lord's song, you feel more relaxed in yourself... and a little empty. Yet, you can still feel Him all around you. This brings relief.
In the distance, the tower beckons.
[[Onwards then... ->Toward the tower]] As you walk further into the glade you are assaulted by the colours. Not the kaleidoscopic, shifting patterns of the otherwise white structures - but true colour. The grass is green, the flowers a wash of yellows and blues, and a ring of standing stones are decorated with pink ribbons. The sun is bright overhead and, for the first time since you arrived, you notice shadows, and the heat of a summer's day.
The angels here are sitting. Some hold hands, others sway gently in the breeze. Some of those with compatible bodies hold each other in an embrace. But most sit in solitude, studying orbs with no discernable purpose that collapse in and out of space. They appear hypnotised.
Then, you notice a human face. Not one of the angelic caricatures - with their too-many-teeth or a hundred eyes - but that of an old friend from when you were younger.
[[Go and sit with your friend.->Saying Hello]]
[[Try and take one of the orbs from an angel.->The Orb]]You cannot remember the name of your friend. It has been almost half a century since you last saw them - at a wedding of a mutual acquaintance? Or was it a funeral? Perhaps you officiated, you can't remember. Yet, sat here, it is as if no time passed at all. Perhaps that is the purpose of this place, wherever it is - to reconnect with those once thought lost.
For a little while you make small talk. It is a comforting distraction from your situation.
[["Where are we?", you ask.->Topic One]]
[[Ask if they can see the angels.->Topic Two]]
[[Leave your friend.->Leave your friend]]The angel does not resist as you take the orb from its hands. In fact, it falls backwards onto the grass. Its face is comprised almost entirely of mouths - most of them fixated into a blissful smile.
The object radiates impermanence, yet as you grip it tighter - something pushes back from within. The surface bulges and warps. Each time you squeeze, the clouds above you move.
The blissful angel gestures toward the orb, then toward its face, then then perhaps towards you. Its intentions are not clear.
[[Look closer at the orb.->Place the orb on your face]]
[[Give the orb back to the angel.->Give the orb back to the angel]]
[[Take the orb to your friend.->Take the orb to your friend]]You take a closer look the orb, and glean no truth about its purpose.
Then, a tube extends from the bottom - forcing its way into your mouth and a foulness into your lungs. The world skitters away. You close your eyes and the darkness ripples like a pool. You can feel it stronger now, the embrace of your lord. Where before it smothered you, now it is like a blanket of light - dancing across your skin...
You can hear voices now, but they repeat themselves over and over and over again. There is laughter too.
[[Laugh?->Hell]]You try to give the orb back to the angel, but it laughs with its dozen mouths. As you get closer, it touches your lips with one of its hands. The skin is at once old and young - smooth of complexion, but criss-crossed with lines of light where wrinkles would be. Additionally, it has an extra thumb. For a moment, it looks like you do too.
Finally, the angel touches the orb and falls back onto the grass in peace. Some of the other angels nearby look at you quizzically before turning their attention back to their own orbs.
[[Take the orb to your friend.->Take the orb to your friend]]
[[Look closer at the orb.->Place the orb on your face]]Your friend smiles as you approach. They take the orb from you and gesture for you to sit next to them.
"You probably don't want that right now mate. You alright yeah?"
The orb shrinks and disappears in their hands.
[["I'm well, thank you." ->Saying Hello]]
[["I'm alright, yeah." ->Saying Hello]]
[["I... yeah." ->Saying Hello]]
[["..." ->Saying Hello]]You laugh with the voice of the devil. Then, you scream. The angels come for you.
Something is wrong. All of this is a lie. You're still old, sick and lying in your bed. Thrashing. Pain. These aren't your loved ones! These are not angels! They do not comfort you they pin you down! Smothering. Cruel. Impatient. A dark end! So many eyes. Shining their brightness into your soul. You did not consent to this! You did not ask for judgement!
[[Someone grabs you by the shoulders.->Rescued]]You emerge from the darkness of your soul and look into the face of your friend. The orb is gone, the laughter too. You're safe and young and peaceful again.
"You alright mate?" they ask. You cannot bring yourself to respond.
Gently they guide you to the center of the standing stones and there, for a while, you sit in silence below the light of the sun. Great wheels cart through the sky, turning to some arcane design. You feel the Lord around you still, but are unsure which one it really is.
The clouds really are beautiful here.
[[Talk to your friend.->Saying Hello]]
[[Make your excuses and leave.->Leave your friend]]As you get up to leave, your friend places their hand on your shoulder. They smile, but don't stand up themselves.
"Take care," they say. Or you feel, or you think. You're not quite sure...
As you turn - the glade is gone. You are back in the white space. It stretches out in all directions... a field of both nothing and intricate detail, if you know how not to look. There are angels here, but their forms are even more twisted than before. Their indifference is scathing. Memories flash through your mind and the place contorts to fit.
Then, there is the tower - and on it is a door that leads...
[[To your student dorm, when you were as young as you feel now.->Student Dorm]]
[[To your church, where you spent most of your life.->Church]]"Don't you know? Man, you're always like this", your friend laughs. It's a beautiful laugh. You could get lost in it. Had you always thought this way about them?
They offer you some water, and you drink together. You hadn't realised how dry your mouth was. The coolness is a relief from the summer heat.
Your friend talks of bands you used to listen to when you were younger, and you are quite content to simply listen. Oh how your life changed when you let the Lord into your life. Everyone else grew up and had children, and you got a whole family of your own. You smile as you recollect the faces of your congregation.
You miss them, though one day you'll be reunited.
[[Ask if they can see the angels.->Topic Two]]
[[Say goodbye.->Leave your friend]]Your friend asks you to describe the angels, and they listen patiently and intently. Some of the details you can't find the words to describe, but they seem to understand anyway.
"Yeah I saw things like that once. Would you call them angels though? Dunno mate. But that feeling that... someone is there with you, all around you. Yeah man, it's cool."
It is then you realise they are not really here. You are speaking to a ghost of a memory. Talk of this place is like talking to yourself. So, you turn the conversation to older things - of your time together when you were alive. It is a comfort.
[[Say goodbye.->Leave your friend]]You walk for hours, but if you are making progress toward the tower, you couldn't possibly say. What you are sure of is that the ground is treacherous here - like walking through mud.
You are growing increasingly tired. When was the last time you ate? Do you need to eat any more? Or will the light of the Lord sustain you? Perhaps sustenance awaits at the tower.
[[Continue on!]]
[[Give up, and go back to the Glade.->Glade]]You are stuck. The white ground has swallowed your feet. For a moment you are alive again - surrounded by noise and smoke and people and sweat. Then, once more, you are Here. Wherever here is.
A chariot passes, and the angels onboard take pity on you. Or perhaps they have completed a hunt. You aren't sure, nor are you in a position to argue. They free you from your predicament, and load you on like cargo. After a little while, you're back at the glade of flowers. Perhaps paradise was meant for you after all. The angels disembark, and gesture for you to do the same.
[[Refuse.]]
[[Disembark.]]The angels practically throw you from the chariot and - to your misfortune - you find the ground is solid once more. The angels soon forget about you, and flitter away. After a moment, you realise the chariot is gone too. What there is, as there has always been, is the embrace of your Lord. It is gentler here, in this alluring place. The tower is not in sight.
[[Look around the glade.->Glade]]As you step from the chariot, you are pleased to find the ground is solid once more. The angels have since forgotten about you, and flittered away. After a moment, you realise the chariot is gone too. What there is, as there has always been, is the embrace of your Lord. It is gentler here, in this alluring place. The tower is not in sight.
[[Look around the glade.->Glade]]The dorm room is small, but it is yours. It's the first space you ever really owned. Magic happened here; tears fell and love was made and in the end you found your faith.
As you turn, so does the room. Without really noticing how, you're now standing on the wall. Then everything begins to... collapse, backward, as if it's drawn in two dimensions. You try to turn your head but it seems impossible in this flat world. You are forced to watch the far wall.
It's then you notice your reflection in the mirror. It studies you for a while. Then it begins to climb out of the frame and, as it does so, the third dimension bleeds back into the room. You can move again, just about.
[[Run away!]]
[[Approach yourself...->Approach yourself]]Your heart beats quickly, so loud that you can hear it. The great stone arches of the church are like a ribcage - rising and falling in time to your breath. You are young now, younger even than you were before. Younger possibly than you can ever remember. As you walk, it is as if you're swimming through waters. The light through the windows is red and golden and beautiful; though you cannot make out the pictures on the stained glass. There is a song, a woman's song. It is comforting.
The pews of the great space are filled with everyone you've ever known. They turn to face you expectantly. A thousand burning eyes.
[[Deliver a sermon.]]
[[Run away!]]You climb the pulpit, light radiating from you. Before the lost eyes of the congregation you feel empowered. In this time, in this place, you are the very embodiment of the Lord.
You can see the shadows on their faces. Every lie and every treacherous thought. You will cleanse them of their sins. You will lead them to salvation!
Opening your holy book, you ready yourself to speak... but there is nothing. You scrabble for words but the crowd is restless. They heckle. They point. It is your sins that are laid bare now. You back away and cover your eyes - falling into a foetal position. For a while there is silence, but for the heartbeat of the church.
Then there is a light so bright that you cannot bear to look at it.
[[Open your eyes.]]You run, and you run, and you run, and you run.
Heaven, or Hell, or wherever this is chases you. The land moves, the air grasps, the clouds descend and a hundred angels move to block your path.
Your skin crawls, you grow older. Perhaps you never died; you aren't really here. Then the wrinkles part like dust and you are young again. And the sun shines. And the world is green and brown, and blue, and red, and orange, and golden. Realer still than even the glade was - this is a real place, a human place. Then it falls away, and you are back in death.
You run with you eyes closed, and then you fall. You tumble. You crash. You land. There is a light so bright that you cannot bear to look at it.
[[Open your eyes.]]The light fades and the first thing you see is a paramedic turning off a torch and putting it away. You are given some water. A small crowd exchanges whispers, but you can't make out the words. They disperse. You can't see it, but you can feel it all across your body; you're sunburnt.
The medic leaves and you are left sitting on a flat boulder with your housemate.
"You twat," they say.
You're in a field. A festival in a field. You're young, and very much alive. On the horizon is a tower on a hill, and all around is the chatter of people - stumbling from tent to tent. There is the occasional scream of joy and the flash of glitter. Music cascades from all directions in a clash of styles and crowds sing together. You have lost your shoes.
[[Where have I been?->Conclusion]]
[[I thought I was dead...->Conclusion]]"Well you've been saying 'I thought I was dead' for the last ten minutes. It's a miracle we convinced them you're alright."
It's starting to come back to you now.
"But you've been wandering about mashed by yourself all day. Sam saw you over at the stone circle, said you seemed alright - but we found you off your face on the floor!"
The ground still breathes as you do; but it's an earthy ground of mud and grass. The angels are gone, but you find yourself drawn to the thousand eyes of the ever-moving crowd of people. They pay you no notice, as you would expect, yet you can't shake the feeling that everyone is looking at you. It'll all wear off soon.
Your housemate loosens something from around your neck - it's a clerical collar. The robes you are wearing are tattered, muddy, and cheaply made.
"Tsk, you're not going to get the deposit back on your costume."
You mumble a few apologies, and they give you a hug.
"It's alright; we love ya. Just don't take so much next time yeah?"
[[Replay?->Title Card]]
<div id="endtext">What might you have done differently?</div><div>
</div>
<div id="title">[[W H I T E S P A C E->START]]</div>Your reflection moves of its own volition until it gets closer. Then, it starts to mirror you as you might expect.
You wave your right hand, and it does the same. You tilt your head to the left, and it does the same. You lean in closer, and it does the same. You inspect yourself for what could be hours. So this is what you looked like when you were young. Lost to time now, except in this place. The Lord's embrace holds you close and you are filled with gratitude for the gift you were given. The smile radiates from your face and all the way down your spine until it grounds itself in the earth.
Satisfied, you step away from your reflection.
Your reflection steps towards you.
You stumble backwards and trip. The reflection looms over you, stripping away your identity piece by piece. You cannot bear it. You roll into a ball and cry.
Then there is a light so bright that you cannot bear to look at it.
[[Open your eyes.]]