The next three days were rather typical. I finally got several shifts at my work, so I went there first then hung out with Brainard and his friends. My co-workers were teasing me about my love of Anise, but I just ignored them. Most of those comments aren’t worth the effort to respond to. Some days are easier than others and at first, I got mad. It’s not any easier, but I’ve learned to handle their chiding remarks.\n\n\tThe day I finally told her, the day she finally found out… I was working in the back when one of the guys called out my name. I had my ear buds in, so I didn’t hear him. He did so a third or fourth and finally got the hint and tapped my shoulder. At first lightly, then roughly. I took my earbuds out and glowered.\n\n\tMe: What?\n\n\t“Dude, there’s this hot chick out there. You gotta see her.”\n\n\tMe: I’m not interested.\n\n\t“C’mon, she’s a real girl. Not like that tranny you hang around.”\n\n\tMe: Excuse me? What did you say to me?\n\n\t“Just hurry up bitch. We ain’t got all day.”\n\n\tI stare daggers at him and am about ready to do some serious damage when I notice some commotion in the dinning area. Apparently this girl was a famous TV Show actress and a score of men were surrounding her, asking for autographs and such. I noticed Anise was sitting there expectantly. She had one of her famous lunches prepped just for me sitting on the counter. While I wanted to go for the autograph at least for her, I didn’t even know if she’d want it. Apparently one of my other co-workers interpreted it as gawking, because one of them spoke up.\n\n\t“See? What did I tell you? Isn’t she a hottie?”\n\n\tMe: Not really.\n\n\t“Oh c’mon bro. She’s a model.”\n\n\tMe: Yeah? And?\n\n\t“You’re just jealous.”\n\n\tMe: No, I’m not.\n\n\t“Then what’s with that staring.”\n\n\tAnise was staring at me, expecting an answer. I look at her, then the actress and I bolted. I know it’s cowardly, I know it wasn’t the right thing to do. But I was scared. I was confused and I felt alone. I ran through the kitchen and into the back, where all the dumpsters were. I took heavy drags of breath, trying to re-orientate myself from the dizzying experience. I felt a hand touch my shoulder and I looked up. \n\n\tAnise: What the hell is going on?\n\n\tI look at her. No, I can’t. I can’t tell her. I have to. I’m cornered, my act was up. I had to tell her the truth. Even if it hurt. I was so scared to lose everything I had worked towards. I could even lose my home for this. But, I couldn’t give up what I had earned. All that work I did to discover myself… Gone. Finally I opened my mouth.\n\n\tMe: I’m ace.\n\n\tAnise smirked, as if to hold in a laugh. Then she exploded into uproarious thunder and filled the entire hall with her low, nasely voice. She wiped tears from her eyes, still laughing a little bit. She then brought her lips to mine, holding me tenderly by the waist.\n\n\tAnise: So what?\n\n\tI look at her with mild confusion. This wasn’t the reaction I expected. I thought she’d be angry or confused or something. Not, happy?\n\n\tMe: I don’t understand.\n\n\tAnise: What, did you think that because you’re ace that I would love you any less?\n\n\tI look away from her for a moment, shame covering my face. She lifts it up with an index finger, staring at me with those beautiful eyes of hers.\n\n\tAnise: Just because your ace doesn’t mean that I love you any less. I love you for who you are. Will it be a little bit of work? Yes. Are you worth every single second? You bet. I’m honestly more angry at you for not telling me than for telling me. I understand, you’re scared and nervous and worried. But, I thought you were better than this. I thought you could come to me and tell me anything. If something’s on your mind, don’t be afraid to tell me, okay? I love you.\n\n\tShe runs her hands through my hair. I blush a deep hue of red. I look into those eyes and give her a kiss back.\n\n\tMe: I love you too. Always. \n\n\tAnise: And here I thought you were cheating on someone else.\n\n\tMe: Never! I only have eyes for you.\n\n\tAnise: That’s a relief, it really is.\n\n\tMe: I wasn’t even interested in that girl. She isn’t you. She never will be. I just wanted to get an autograph for you since I know you like one of her shows.\n\n\tAnise: You remembered?!\n\n\tShe picks me up, covering my faces with wet kisses. After she sets me down, my face is littered with red lipstick markings. I look down at the floor, embarrassed beyond all getup. \n\n\tAnise: You really are the man of my dreams. Come on then. You got a job to do yes?\n\n\tI nod and look at the back alley I’m in. This is where I confessed I was ace. This was where my clock reset to zero. I followed her along , because I knew that I’d follow her along the path of those wedding bells. [[I had thirty days until wedding bells but now?|fin]] Now I only have eighteen. And I couldn’t be looking forward to those eighteen days anymore than I already am.

St. Christopher's Montessori School for Excellent Thinkers didn’t have it’s own local library. Instead, it borrowed the facility of a local library called Pennywise. Sometimes, it’s referred to as Pennywise Resale as it was originally a thrift store specializing in books. Dupont has over thirty two libraries, a point of pride of the city. Sometimes it’s mockingly called “bookworms” by our rivals, Clemington. It’s connect to the school by a raggedy brick road that has seen better days. The actual location of the school is farther away from where my lovely lady lives, so I had to take two trains and a bus to get there.\n\nWhen I arrived, I was greeted by the scent of an old, dilapidated building and the massive hug of a thin, scrawny teen. \n\n???: S’uuup!\n\nHe looked so different than I remembered. The flowing and ruffled hair let way to a half shaven tangle of blue hair covered in a beanie. His chest bound by a tight binder and drapped over a non-offensive hoodie. He wore baggy jeans and had thick work boots. He truly embraced his non-binary status and really, who he is.\n\nMe: Hey Brainard.\n\nBrainard: How goes it? Haven’t seen you in ages\n\nHe ruffles my hair. The gesture would have gotten me into a frenzy, as I hated my shaggy hair, but this time it seemed natural. Almost like greeting a friend you hadn’t seen in a long time.\n\nBrainard: Whoops, sorry. Forgot you hated that.\n\nMe: It’s good. Wanna sit down and talk.\n\nBrainard: Let’s!\n\nWe made our way to a small table in the corner. There, piles and piles of books about gender and sexuality were stacked haphazardly onto the table, barely covering the surface. It was neater than I expected and I took to appreciating Brainard’s appeal to aesthetic. Some of these books were even ones I read, which is quite remarkable. I was starting to see that I was wrong in my initial judgments of him. While he continued to pile on a couple more books, I began to recount what I had been through. I began with the move to university, having kept in contact with Anise long distance. I explained to him that we moved in together and I proposed to her. We began working on setting up a wedding. Then the feelings of fear over the wedding, the discovery that I was ace, everything in between.\n\nDuring the whole conversation, he didn’t interrupt. He nodded, took notes, asked clarifying questions and even made the occasional “I totally see why you did that” or “That makes sense”. Compared to Lola, I felt extremely comfortable in his presence. It helps that, during the few years we spent apart, he really grew up. He no longer interjected with his clownish responses, tried to get me all riled up or anything. He was as patient as anything. When I finished, he looked as his notes, mulled things over and then spoke.\n\nBrainard: So, you’re sex repulsed?\n\nMe: H-huh?\n\nBrainard: It means you don’t like sex. Clearly you feel uncomfortable with sleeping with your wife, right?\n\nMe: I m-mean, I guess? Also, not wife yet.\n\nBrainard: Whoops, my bad. Anyways, that’s quite alright. You don’t have to have sex with her to love her. I’m sure that if you told her that she’d understand.\n\nMe: And what if she doesn’t, then what?\n\nBrainard: You know, there’s a lot of beautiful transwomen who could use your love. You really don’t have to let one girl rule how you feel.\n\nMe: I know but… I love her.\n\nBrainard: Then if you do, then you’ll find a way to make it work.\n\nMe: I guess…\n\nBrainard: It’s okay. If nothing else, I can just be here to listen. I don’t have to give any advice.\n\t\nMe: No, please! I like your advice. It makes sens and feels helpful.\n\nBrainard must’ve been taken aback by that stamenet because he didn’t say much else for a moment. \n\nBrainard: Wow, man. Thanks. That really, really is a sweet thing you said, there.\n\nI nod briefly.\n\nBrainard: Listen, I know a place where we can get you to my level. There’s a ton of people who know each other and they’d looove to get to know you. What do you think?\n\nMe: I don’t know about that.\n\nBrainard: Give it some thought, okay? Here’s my number; text me when you get a chance okay?\n\nMe: Alright. Thanks.\n\nBrainard: And remember: [[one day at a time.]]

30 Days until Wedding Bells\nby Team Koala Lampoon\n\n[[Click here to continue.|TheSlashingSpades]]

The next six days felt the most happiest I had ever been. No longer was I tagging along with Anise, holding her bags on long mall trips or going to spend time with her friends. I was doing something for me for once. Brainard showed me a place called “The Gateway”. I read some of those books that Brainard stacked on the desk. He referred to it as: “my homework” and would ask me what I thought about each of them. It felt like I had a proper mentor who was willing to guide me. I met some of his friends in between reading at The Gateway and long conversations with Brainard. While I got more and more comfortable with my asexuality, I became more and more conflicted with my relationship with Anise. I really didn’t want to give up this newfound freedom and appreciation for myself. I couldn’t give it up now. She would attempt to pry the information from me but I was reluctant. I hadn’t realized how bad it was until finally…\n\n\nAnise: Yes. Yes I know it’s nothing but… He hasn’t been telling me where he’s going, he’s been coming home late and he keeps calling and texting this friend of his. I think he’s been cheating.\n\nI caught her on the phone, talking to one of her friends. I hid in the corner. This was my ninth day before my wedding. I hadn’t told a soul about what I had been doing. And yet, I was helping with preparations, acing my vows (no pun intended) and doing everything in my power to make everything right. And now I was eavesdropping on a conversation with my beloved. What was wrong with me? I felt dirty and ashamed but I also realized that I needed to hear this, whether I liked it or not. I needed to know what she thought of me.\n\nAnise: I don’t know but I’m going to get to the bottom of this, I assure you. I can’t believe the way he’s acting… I don’t care what you think about this Melissa, I’m going to get the truth out of him whether he likes it or not. [[You’ll see.]]

I went to The Slashing Spades, a pub my good friend Lola Frank went to. She was an eccentric women in her thirties and was known to be quite the ladykiller. There were tales, “legends” I’m sure, of a surly women who’s heart had been melted only to be dumped for some arbitrary reason. Then she’d sulk to this god-forsaken pub near my home and ask me to come over since I was close. The first time we met, she was just finish her graduate degree. While at times, I never really liked to be around her during her moments but today, I wanted this more than anything else. Anything to get away from my future wife for a bit and the stress that comes from wedding planning.\n\nIt didn’t take long for a hunched figure to saunter over to my table with a large stout in hand. I was used to this sort of ritual. First, I’d find a seat, then a drunken figure would usually stagger towards me and the greeting, the greeting was always the same.\n\nLola Frank: That bad, huh?\n\nAnd my response?\n\nA rather audible sigh.\n\nLola sat right next to me in the booth. Her eyes were both curious and inspecting. She knew something was wrong with me but couldn’t quite tell this time what was happening. Normally it only took her a second to analyze my mood but today, it was different and she could tell. After pouring over my eyes, my face, my rugged appearance, she took one more swig of her pint before giving me and even thorough inspection. Finally, her gruff and gravely voice filled the void that was this obscure silence.\n\nLola: So, love troubles?\n\nMe: Yes.\n\nShe was always able to guess what I was feeling. I both loved and hated that about her. Loved because I didn’t need to speak too much or describe how I feel. Hated it because, at the end of the day, she didn’t always see each problem as equal. Sometimes she’d analyze me and write it off as something else before babbling about the latest conquest she had. Today, however, she seemed really concerned. Her face was molded in this strange sculpture of worry and distress.\n\nShe was always able to guess what I was feeling. I both loved and hated that about her. Loved because I didn’t need to speak too much or describe how I feel. Hated it because, at the end of the day, she didn’t always see each problem as equal. Sometimes she’d analyze me and write it off as something else before babbling about the latest conquest she had. Today, however, she seemed really concerned. Her face was molded in this strange sculpture of worry and distress.\n\nLola: What’s wrong?\n\nMe: It’s… It’s Anise.\n\nShe took a quick swig, then her eyes widened.\n\nLola: W-what? Why? What’s going on?\n\nMe: I love her but-\n\nHer eyes were darting all over the place.\n\nLola: But what?\n\t\nMe: I’m not happy.\n\nLola stood up immediately. I could tell she had been drinking; she staggered about like a dizzy panda. She slammed the table, alerting all the customers nearby. I adjusted my collar, I could feel the heat and sweat coming from her.\n\nLola: No! You two are my favorite power couple. What’s going on?\n\nMe: I mean…\n\nI go silent for a moment.\n\nMe: I love her, don’t get me wrong. She’s the light of my life and she’s everything I ever wanted. It’s just-\n\nLola: You’re gay.\n\nI almost jump out of my chair. Stunned, I take a moment to reflect, before vehemently shake my head.\n\nMe: N-no. God no. I just don’t like staring at her like other men do. I’m not interested in her body but more of her… Her.\n\nLola: You don’t like trans girls?\n\nThe next statement gets me out of my seat and causes me to clench my fists. It’s an acusastion I get all the time, being a cis straight man. That being said, no, I love this women more than anything else and I am not going to let some snotnosed lesbian punk try and take the beauty of what I have away from me. I already have to deal with the boys at my work calling me gay and I’m not gonna let some butch lesbian tell me otherwise. Lola didn’t even seem to respond with my gesture, though. She simply yawned and laid her head on the table, her glass of beer still fizzing away. \n\n\t\nLola: Hmph. I see.\n\nThat’s all the response I got from Lola. I thought she would be mad that I tried to get into a fight with her over something “trivial”. She was clearly getting even more and more tipsy. I laid my head on the table as well, wondering if the lesbian girl wonder had finally met her match. To my surprise, she spoke up sooner rather than later. Her voice startled me more than her behavior today.\n\nLola: Maybe your ace.\n\nI had heard the word “ace” before. I heard it on several microblogging sites with very passionate left-leaning women who were trying to self advocate. I had never ever heard it outside of that space however. I propped myself up, perked up by this response. It’s not something Lola typically would do. She’d talk a few lines about how I’m doing, then go back to drinking herself silly. Today, it was different, today… Something was off.\n\nMe: Are you okay?\n\nLola: Me? Yeah! Finally your life isn’t full of sunshine and rainbows. Finally, I can help you with something! Something! Let me guess, never heard about being ace.\n\nI shake my head. Is this supposed to make me feel better? I just let out a deep breath audibly, in the hopes of an explanation.\n\nLola: Alright well, ace stands for asexual. It means you don’t got any sexual attraction to anyone.\n\nMe: Wait, I do like having sex with her! I just… I don’t need it.\n\nLola: Well, that’s called sex-indifferent. Alright, do we gotta have the conversation about the spectrum.\n\nMe: I know about the spectrum, thanks. My wife talks about it all-\n\t\nLola: Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. I mean, the sexual and romantic spectrum.\n\nMe: Err, what?\n\nLola: Alright, lemme lay it down on you thick. The spectrum, right? That’s what people who are trans are on, right? Well, there’s also a sexual spectrum which leans from gay, to straight and then to just “meh” about the whole thing. You’re meh, alright?\n\nMe: I mean-\n\nLola: And then on the romantic scale, I mean… I don’t know you but you could be straight! Or a lesbian. Or or oooor! You could be gay. Y’know what I’m saying?\n\nMe: I think? \n\nI sit there, contemplating things. It feels right but, I wasn’t entirely sure. I sat there, trying to put everything together in my mind. It would make the last twenty years make a whole lot more sense but then, Lola stood up and tapped me on the nose. Lola was giving this big smirk, like she did when she introduced the girls she liked to being a lesbian.\n\nLola: Now hold on there, mister. I get it. I get it. You think you might be ace. But you know what I always say-\n\nMe: “Give it some thought”. Yeah, I got it.\n\nLola: Atta boy. Now get your silly ass out of here before I give it a big ol’ smack. \n\nI roll my eyes. Clearly she’s finally reached her limit. But she’s right. I have time right? Right? I have thirty days until those signature wedding bells chime across our little town of Dupont, Illinois. Maybe I should give it some thorough thought. Maybe… I should look into it a little more.\n\nThe rest of the night was filled with Lola drinking and being merry. After having maybe a little past her limit, she got in her car and drove off. I try to stop her each time from doing that, but she’s too stubborn. “I can drive just fine,” she’d say to me. “Piss off,” she’d counter. There wasn’t much I could do about it. I’d just let her go on her merry way, then I’d walk over to my home to the smell of [[Anise’s wonderful cooking.|Anise's Cooking.]]\n\n

I had to figure this out. I can’t keep living a lie. Yet, I fear what Anise will think. I love her but this relationship was built on sexuality. If I tell her, then I’ll ruin what I’ve worked towards. What we both have work towards. If I refuse her, she could take it the wrong way. I had, what I thought, were two choices: I must marry her now and be miserable through marriage or tell her the hard truth and break up. I hadn’t realize that there was a third option, but my fear-addled mind was worn out by the nightmare and the intense pondering that rattled inside my brain, and simply returned to a restless sleep.\n\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t…\n\nAfter a fresh cup of coffee and some breakfast from my beautiful fiance, I began to “hit the books”, as they say and began a deep dive into being asexual. I went to microblogs that were scattered across the web, went into online forums and hung around online chat servers. I learned about an entire world inside of the LGBT community I hadn’t even seen before. I spent days pouring over asexual content, like a wizard pouring over ancient tomes of power. I was hungry for knoweldge, and the more I gained, the more I came to the startling conclusion:\n\nI am Asexual.\n\nIt came like a whisper at first, mere murmurings from a sleepy noggin. Then came the lectures, the online books, the blogs. And suddenly, without warning, it came out like a trumpeting. A harold of new, uncertain times coming. It shook me to my very core, shattering my perceptions of a life I had before, a lie I lead now, and an uncertain future that uncovered before me. As much as I tried to deafen this noise, it became louder and louder. I couldn’t keep quite.\n\nWhile I was talking online, suddenly-\n\ntonfagosu: I know who you are.\n\nI leaped so far that I almost fell out of my chair. I was about to ignore the text, thinking that it was a troll of some kind and then.\n\ntonfagosu: Mike, right? From Saint Christopher’s, right?\n\nI readjusted my posture, and began to type out a response. Before that even happened, a message popped up that shocked me even more.\n\ntonfagosu: It’s Brainard. Brainard Soles.\n\nThis guy. Yes, this guy. Brainard was such a bizarre class member in our school. There was rumors he was autistic but I never really cared. He was just really a strange man. He was trans, just like my fiance, but he was nonbinary. He tended to sit in the corner of the school, playing his portable handheld games and eating ramen with his toes. Yes, his… His toes. I tended to avoid him because the last time I ran into him, he asked me if I advocating for the devil. I decided it was maybe best not to respond to that question, since I knew he liked to trap people in trick questions like that.\n\nI let out a long sigh, then sent a message.\n\nxXxMorbidcurosity2099xXx: Hi Brainard. What do you want?\n\ntonfagosu: I wanted to help with your Anise problem.\n\nxXxMorbidcurosity2099xXx: Anise isn’t a problem, okay? \n\nxXxMorbidcurosity2099xXx: Don’t word it like that, sheesh.\n\ntonfagosu: You want my help or not?\n\nxXxMorbidcurosity2099xXx: Not really? \n\nxXxMorbidcurosity2099xXx: Exactly how can you help me?\n\t\ntonfagosu: I know people.\n\nI try not to let a snort of a laugh out, in fear of Anise overhearing. She was cleaning a pan right next to me and I didn’t want her to ask what I was doing. That would give it away. I compose myself just enough to write back to Brainard.\n\nxXxMorbidcurosity2099xXx: Sure you do. \n\ntonfagosu: Trust me, dude.\n\ntonfagosu: Stick with me and I can show you the world.\n\nxXxMorbidcurosity2099xXx: Is it shining, shimmering, splendid?\n\ntonfagosu: No, it’s mostly disgusting, revolting and disappointing.\n\ntonfagosu: Come on man, please. I wanna help.\n\nI let out the most frustrated sigh before inhaling quickly when Anise looked over her shoulder with a quizzical glance. She thankfully returned back to dishes, and I left myself to my thoughts. Normally, I’d just tell him to go to hell. The idea that Brainard of all people would be my introduction to the world of being asexual would be absolutely insulting. The guy could barely put a sentence together, much less help me with my emotional problems. That being said, I knew the reality of the situation: I needed help and if it was someone close by who knew me personally, then that’d be great. While I didn’t like him personally, who says he’s the same guy? I glance up as I hear a chime on my PC.\n\ntonfagosu: You there?\n\nxXxMorbidcurosity2099xXx: Alright fine. No tricks, okay?\n\ntonfagosu: Yus! You’ll never regret this, man!\n\nI already was.\n\nXXxMorbidcurosity2099xXx: Somewhere public, okay?\n\nxXxMorbidcurosity2099xXx: I’m not hanging out in your sweaty nerd dungeon.\n\ntonfagosu: I figured you’d say that.\n\ntonfagosu: I know a place where all my ace friends hang out.\n\ntonfagosu: See you at the [[Penelope’s Library.|AtPennys]]\n\nI logged off and put my head in my hands. What did I get myself into?

You ever have that those times where the problem you’re dealing with has a solution that’s right in front of you? When I was in uni, our study group called them “Those Problems”. Issues that rile you up so much that you take a couple days to rest and return the next day only to find out that it you just needed to plug the right numbers into the quadratic equation so that you’re 15-inch medieval replica trebuchet travels at the correct velocity. Probably should get some sleep sometimes, right? Oops?\n\nMy name is Michael Tan and I’m a college graduate from the University of Dupont. I’m currently engaged to a beautiful women named Anise Jetson. I just finished my last semester and moved into my girlfriend’s loft on East 15th Bradbury Street. Even though I knew her as Aaron, I never forgot when she admitted she was trans and in love with me. I didn’t hesitate for a moment; I loved her to and wanted her to be the happiest women alive. \n\nThat’s… My problem at this moment. While I do love her and I thought she was fantastic, I’d been running into an issue as of that point. I really did love her, don’t get me wrong but… Something was off. I didn’t know what. While I loved the hugs, the kisses and the exquisite amount of fun we had together, there was something amiss. Something was clearly off and I didn’t know why. That’s why, I went to my friend Lola Frank. I decided to have a drink with her and well, this is how things went from pretty normal to a bit on the wild side.\n\n[[This is how I found out that I was ace.|TitleScreen]]

What followed was quite possibly the weirdest but most intriguing dream I think I’ve ever had. I didn’t really dream since I was in high school. I was under so much pressure during my time as an engineer student, that the dreams I did have where disjointed and rather fragmented. This one was very real, and something I feared the most. It started on the day of my wedding…\n\n(Priest): We gather today on this most blessed day to unite these wonderful people in marriage. This choice has not been made lightly and we today they publicly declare their utmost devotion to each other. As we all know, a relationship is built on good faith, pliability and a strong helping of endearment towards one another. We hope that this couple can maintain these most fundamental qualities through rough times, the good times and anything in between that these two people may experience. \n\nI gulp for some reason. I look at the crowd. Lola is tapping her foot, looking expectantly at me. My parents as well and an unfamiliar face is peering at me through the bleachers, unconcerned and unfettered by the proceedings. I’m looking at this person longingly, confused and unsure. The priest continues, though I appear not to listen. Then…\n\n(Priest): … through all the hardships and triumphs that come with this most sacred ritual?\n\nI take a deep exhale and at the top of my lungs I say:\n\nMe: No.\n\nGasps and horror fill the empty room. Everyone, including Lola reacts with shock. Everyone except this figure in the background. I stand uncomfortably, watching the peering of a thousand eyes. Finally I look at Anise, who’s eyes are welling up. I wish I could have told her that I don’t know why that came out, that I do love her, that I want this to be. All I said instead was:\n\nMe: No. I don’t want her. I want him.\n\nAnd I point to the man in the back. His eyebrows raise with curiosity, though he doesn’t seem to really show any emotion sans the typical nonchalance that covers his face. He then gives me a wink before I wake up in a hot sweat. Next to me is Anise, who holds me even tighter. I feel like she can tell, even in her sleep, that [[the night was especially not mine.|TheMorningAfter]]

30 Days until Wedding Bells

Team Koala Lampoon

Fin

Anise: Welcome home!\t\n\nBefore I could even step one foot into the door, the adenoidal and throaty voice of my lovely fiance bounces around our rather small studio duplex. Her arms wrapping around my waist as she kisses my face with her cherry-chapstick covered lips. She let’s go and giggles, her big beaming smile washing away and fear or worry I had at the pub.\n\nAnise: How was your day, sweetcheeks?\n\nI wrap my lips around hers and give her the most intense kiss I ever have.\n\nMe: Now that I’m getting to see you? Incredible.\n\nAnise: Oh, you!\n\nShe blushes big time. Despite the conversation I had earlier, I don’t feel like I love her any less. Her beautiful smile, her chirpy chimes as I enter the door, the prepared meals that I get after a long day of job searching… She never ceases to amaze me. Anise Jetson truly is the love of my life.\n\nAnise: Are you feeling alright? You look really tired, hun.\n\nI freeze for a moment, hoping she didn’t catch onto the fact that I had been questioning our relationship with Lola. We both stare awkwardly at each other before Anise gives out a hearty laugh. She gives me a quick peck on the lips and then hugs me close.\n\nAnise: It’s just… You’ve been feeling really distant lately. I want to make sure my future husband is alright!\n\nI let out a long sigh and straddle her waist. To my surprise however, she pushed away. She began to fidget, looking down at her feet. I try to get a glimpse of her face but I can barely see it as her hair covers it entirely.\n\nMe: Anise.\n\nAnise: Do you love me?\n\nThe question shot me through the heart like a dart. “Do you love me,” I mouthed silently. Of course I loved her, why would she say something like that? Did I say or do something that showed it. Then I remembered the conversation at the bar. I knew that I loved this women dearly still, regardless of how I felt sexually about her. I gave her a kiss on the cheek.\n\nMe: Of course, I do. You’re the spice in my life, after all. I’m just stressed, okay? The wedding planning and the job search is taking a lot out of me. I will never abandon you, okay?\n\nSuddenly, her face brightened up and she let a smile across her lips. She ran up to me and gave me the biggest hug I had ever received from her during our nearly decade length relationship.\n\n\t\nAnise: Okay! That just means I gotta help you feel better soon! Let’s get some food in you and then we can sleep together. How does that sound.\n\nI give her one final big kiss before dinner.\n\nMe: Sounds incredible. [[Just like you]]~