What is your name?
(set: str-type $name to "Player")(input: 2bind $name)
(link-reveal-goto: "Enter", "menu")[<script>audio.start(audioFiles.menu)</script>]
{
(set: $endings to (ds: ))
(set: $ending_img to (dm:
"Me"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_8bab6bd2da194b55af740066ff76a208~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_452,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_8bab6bd2da194b55af740066ff76a208~mv2.png"
,"The Gaze"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_cb4f5bcddee44d8bac214ce7e568d1d3~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_446,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_cb4f5bcddee44d8bac214ce7e568d1d3~mv2.png"
,"The Shell"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_cc2f4a1f919248d6bacce2fb64f00f24~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_450,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_cc2f4a1f919248d6bacce2fb64f00f24~mv2.png"
,"The Limb"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_953143ae87b8406582092b4558d7c5d9~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_444,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_953143ae87b8406582092b4558d7c5d9~mv2.png"
,"The Hand"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_92803484d3314006a9aacb9c21933caf~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_446,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_92803484d3314006a9aacb9c21933caf~mv2.png"
,"The Husk"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_9520be5f84fa4623ae1b8e0241d30e92~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_446,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_9520be5f84fa4623ae1b8e0241d30e92~mv2.png"
,"The Eye"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_48d21b3e6c6742f2a7e6e61b2a4fd23f~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_446,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_48d21b3e6c6742f2a7e6e61b2a4fd23f~mv2.png"
,"The Martyr"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_151e17ad5da748d7a47ced1ce8aa460b~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_446,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_151e17ad5da748d7a47ced1ce8aa460b~mv2.png"
,"The Joker"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_dc3ab90591084a198ed64240ca054edc~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_448,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_dc3ab90591084a198ed64240ca054edc~mv2.png"
,"The Wheel"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_dc20fa2ad3834ee7918e94f3869fa8c5~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_448,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_dc20fa2ad3834ee7918e94f3869fa8c5~mv2.png"
,"The Bubble"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_59430c3c73ef4a23a7117889e12e75f8~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_446,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_59430c3c73ef4a23a7117889e12e75f8~mv2.png"
,"The Dealer"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_d911d2b624e444999d25bf3762eee869~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_454,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_d911d2b624e444999d25bf3762eee869~mv2.png"
,"The Moon"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_60de82df7afe47009319391192848edd~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_450,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_60de82df7afe47009319391192848edd~mv2.png"
,"The Hourglass"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_cb139b0719144f319f90c96faf1abe95~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_450,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_cb139b0719144f319f90c96faf1abe95~mv2.png"
,"The Dollhouse"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_de2bc310cef0488781d4edf4ae35b776~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_450,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_de2bc310cef0488781d4edf4ae35b776~mv2.png"
,"The Pond"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_a589a6b5c4d344dfae34e919928a4abc~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_444,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_a589a6b5c4d344dfae34e919928a4abc~mv2.png"
,"The Shackle"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_117357a6d31642218574fe31dfc4228c~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_442,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_117357a6d31642218574fe31dfc4228c~mv2.png"
,"The Ear"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_c165e78397b54fe5a40c7e17e8409bd4~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_446,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_c165e78397b54fe5a40c7e17e8409bd4~mv2.png"
,"The Scrunchie"
,"https://static.wixstatic.com/media/27b1da_50a3ada11282439982afe6bb29b94652~mv2.png/v1/fill/w_362,h_452,al_c,q_80,usm_0.66_1.00_0.01/27b1da_50a3ada11282439982afe6bb29b94652~mv2.png"
))
}{=
It’s your first day off in a while.
(click: ?page)[=
You’ve been having weird dreams, where things seem to appear almost exactly perfectly, but just slightly, just oddly, out of place.
(click-goto: ?page, "tutorial.2")
{
(set: $ending_descriptions to (dm:
"Me"
,"As true as it gets. Some of everything, or nothing at all."
,"The Gaze"
,"Can see it all. Influence based on sight and thought."
,"The Shell"
,"A small, safe, nice and cozy hiding place. As long as you’re not forced out."
,"The Limb"
,"Wrapped like a gift on both ends, ready to be offered to all. "
,"The Hand"
,"The hand gives, takes, and feeds on all calls to action. "
,"The Husk"
,"Too far in, exhausted, and left with nothing."
,"The Eye"
,"It trains on itself, stuck like bubblegum, wrapped around."
,"The Martyr"
,"Action before thought, others before the self."
,"The Joker"
,"Playful, action-bound, on a whim."
,"The Wheel"
,"It’s like a marathon. You can’t stop spinning, weaving, creating for all."
,"The Bubble"
,"Surprisingly strong, sharp, impenetrable."
,"The Dealer"
,"Plays the game, knows the rules, creates the pull."
,"The Moon"
,"What a view, to see it all, think it all, but stay removed."
,"The Hourglass"
,"As time passes by, trickling, you can only wish for the power to turn it around."
,"The Dollhouse"
,"World creation… who knew it could be so simple, so malleable, so consistent."
,"The Pond"
,"Like a mirror, sometimes it’s all in your head, reflected and focused on the self."
,"The Shackle"
,"Willing recipient, you have all the tools out, but you’re fine where you are despite it all."
,"The Ear"
,"One side to the ground, sensitive to the sound. Measured risks can be taken."
,"The Scrunchie"
,"A malleable support, no matter the time or need. As long as it’s about hair."
))
}
## Reflections in the Mirror
(if: $endings's length is 0)[There is nothing reflecting back at you.]
[[Go back->menu]]
(else:)[=
(for: each _ending, ...$endings)[
### (if: _ending is "Me")[$name](else:)[_ending]
(print: $ending_descriptions's _ending)
(print: '<img src="' + $ending_img's _ending + '">')
]{=
While the day-to-day actions may matter, you’ve started to really think about the importance of your thoughts in between - that is to say, your asides.
(click-goto: ?page, "tutorial.3"){=
Aside: a short comment, an inner thought, shared with nobody on scene but yourself.
(click: ?page)[=
In a play, asides are a way to share the inner thoughts and feelings of a character directly with an audience.
(click: ?page)[=
But of course, your inner thoughts and feelings in real life matter too.
(click: ?page)[=
And that’s what we will focus on today, all day, in between and mixed within all the action, the activity, and the artistry of living.
(click-goto: ?page, "tutorial.4"){=
Every day looks different, affected by your thoughts as much as your actions.
(click: ?page)[=
So what if you could continue to redo the same day, but just the feelings and where your thoughts may take you?
(click: ?page)[=
What would change?
(click: ?page)[=
What would be the same?
(click: ?page)[=
What part of you will…
(click: ?page)[=
slightly mutate?
(click-goto: ?page, "menu")
# Aside
[[Start My Day->1.0]]
[[How To Play->tutorial.1]]
[[What I See In The Mirror->achievements]]
[[Restart->start]]
{
(set: $action to 0)
(set: $thought to 0)
(set: $esteem to 0)
}It’s my first day off in so long. I can’t even remember the last time I didn’t have to set an alarm to wake up. I know it’s a problem.
<script>audio.start(audioFiles.actI)</script>
(click-goto: ?page, "1.2")Even though I love what I do, I know that I’m overworking myself. That’s what happens when you get so engrossed in your job, when you love it as much as your hobbies. It’s both a medicine and a poison in our capitalistic society. Truly, I’m enslaved by my love for my own creations.
(click-goto: ?page, "1.3")Looking in the mirror, I think to myself: //this needs to change//.
(click: ?page)[=
Maybe, even if it’s just for today, I should promise to try to be different. Motivate myself to have time to //me//, for things outside of just work. I should be more //me//, more //authentic//, more //true// to my thoughts and feelings.
(click: ?page)[=
Maybe that’s how I’ll be able to evolve and become my truest self.
(click-goto: ?page, "1.4")I thought, perhaps, if I told myself this, looking into my eyes in the mirror, repeating it on a loop, day after day, that something would change.
(click-goto: ?page, "1.5")A week ago, I received this deck of cards - they came empty, blank, just a mute, matte tone of iridescent… I don’t even know what colour they are. Nineteen of them in total. The cards came with a note:
(click: ?page)[=//I am a manifestation of your reflection. I mutate with the minutiae of your mind. I represent nothing more than a truth of your reality. But as realities can change, we all deserve the acknowledgement that multiple realities can exist side by side.//
(click-goto: ?page, "1.6")(if: $endings is 0)[(set: $endings to (a:))]I glance at the deck of cards that I had laid out, side by side, all across the wall in even rows.
(click: ?page)[={
(if: $endings's length is 0)[They look the same, unchanged, glinting in the sun. I still don’t know what I’m supposed to do.]
(else-if: $endings's length is 19)[All the cards have been filled in. I suppose that’s how it’s intended to be.]
(else:)[Some cards seem to have manifested “truths of my reality” – I count (if: $endings's length is 1)[a single card](else:)[(print: $endings's length) cards] with shining icons that replaced the flat, empty surface.]
}
(if: $endings contains "true")[
There is that one card, the one I put on its own row because of the odd number of cards… it looks different from the others. I can’t put my finger on why that is.
]
(click-goto: ?page, "1.7")My mind starts drifting, as I stifle a yawn and recall the dream I had last night.
(click: ?page)[=
In my dream, I was a snail. Trudging along slowly, leaving a trail of slime behind, two antennae reaching forward desperate to connect - to grab onto any other life form. As I continued to crawl, my antennae started to grow - and multiply. Eventually, the antennae stopped growing, but it was weird - it felt like I still only had two, yet the others - the “ghost’ forms, perhaps - could be felt just as distinctly.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "Dreams are interesting, they’re just my neurons going crazy while I’m asleep, firing off and making wacky connections. I should do more research at some point.", "1.7a")[(set: $thought to it + 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I almost want to post about it online - maybe on social media, to share with my friends. If I found it cool, they might as well.", "1.8")[(set: $action to it + 1)(set: $esteem to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I wonder what the significance of the radioactive snail was?", "1.7b")[(set: (set: $thought to it + 1))]
(link-reveal-goto: "I decide to shrug it off. No point in dwelling on a dream, anyway.", "1.8")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]
I decide to do some online research soon, maybe even start keeping a dream diary so I can collect more information - data, if you will - on how I dream, and how they affect me.
(click: ?page)[=Hey! One step closer to my goal of being true to my desires!
(click-goto: ?page, "1.8")The mutation was odd. It was as though everything existed all at once, and yet represented nothing more than a wisp of a past, a broken form, a half-forgotten existence. Do my dreams represent my real life in some way? There’s got to be some connection…
(click:?page)[=Am I fragmented???
(click-goto: ?page, "1.8")As my thoughts swirl around, I decide that I need to get ready for the day.
(click: ?page)[=Do I feel well rested?
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "Of course not, that dream was so weird! I deserve better sleep.", "1.9")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I suppose an interesting dream is a point of enjoyment - it’s like watching a movie to recover your emotional stamina.", "1.9")[(set: $thought to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Yeah, why not. I slept better than all those work-filled all-nighters, that’s for sure.", "1.9")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]
I think about my schedule for the day. I know I have to meet up with friends for lunch, and should fit in a little work time here and there… but should I be doing a more thorough review right now?
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "Yes, that’s probably smart. Especially with that work deadline on the horizon… overplanning never hurts.", "1.9a")[(set: $thought to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Nah, I’ve got it. I deserve this day off, it’s been forever. I should treat myself to a nice snack this morning too, splurge a bit. Why not?", "1.10")[(set: $action to it + 1)(set: $esteem to it + 1)]
Hm… well, here’s what I see coming up for me:
(click: ?page)[=9am-12pm: Free time. I should probably do some work at a cafe or something.
(click: ?page)[=12-1pm: Lunch with my friends. I haven’t seen them in a long time, so I’m excited.
(click: ?page)[=1-4pm: Hanging out with friends. Timing may be extended depending on what we do, but I do need to get more work done.
(click: ?page)[=After 4pm: Fit in more work, dinner, and get ready for bed at 11pm. I’ll need an early night to recharge before getting back into my work schedule tomorrow.
(click-goto: ?page, "1.10")Regardless, I think I inevitably have to do some work before I meet up for lunch with my friends.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "I’m so excited about hanging out that I don’t even really care about my work right now. It’s been too long. ", "2.0")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $thought to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I try to map out the most efficient path through my work tasks - it’ll ensure that I can hang out with my friends worry free this afternoon. ", "2.0")[(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I’m stressed just thinking about all that I have to do today… Ugh. I’m excited, but it’s still overwhelming. ", "2.0")[(set: $thought to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I think I’ll just go with the flow. I’m sure it’ll work out - it always does! ", "2.0")[(set: $action to it + 1)]
# Act I
<script>audio.stop()</script>
(click-goto: ?page, "1.1")# Act II
<script>audio.stop()</script>
(click-goto: ?page, "2.1")I settled down at the nearby coffee shop with a latte, a pastry, my laptop on the desk, free wifi at my disposal. And I had just started getting really into my work, connecting all the intricacies and developing a good flow, when my laptop suddenly died.
<script>audio.start(audioFiles.actII)</script>
(click: ?page)[=
Shoot. I didn’t check the battery before leaving. And it looked like I had also forgotten to bring a charger.
(click:?page)[=
I was supposed to work for another half hour before leaving to meet up for lunch… and now here we are again. Staring at myself, looking into my eyes, pupils dilating following the screen’s sudden death.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "What can I even do from here? I might as well just go with the flow and pack up early. ", "2.2")[(set: $action to it + 1)(set: $thought to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I stress. The deadline is in only 48 hours, and yes, I got a lot more done than expected today, but it’s still not a great feeling to have been stopped halfway through. When did I last save? Is auto save even on? I think it is, it always is, but you never know… ", "2.2")[(set: $thought to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I mean, I suppose I didn’t really want to work today - it is //technically// my day off – and when you’re your own boss like I am right now, if I don’t follow my rules, there’s no real enforcement. ", "2.2")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $action to it - 1)]
My mind wanders, running here and there, as I continue to stare at myself in the dead laptop screen.
(click: ?page)[=
Knowing it’ll take 30 minutes to go home and then go to lunch anyway, I decide there’s nothing I can do but sit there and finish my pastry and drink.
(click-goto: ?page, "2.3")As I pick at my food, I think back to my interaction with the baristas. They were really curt with me, and I felt rushed to make a decision before I was ready. In my stress, I clicked the wrong tip percentage button.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "I shouldn’t have tipped so much. They didn’t respect me anyway, they insulted me, and didn’t deserve the full 20-25% tip that I typically give when I work for hours at a coffee shop. That was a mistake. ", "2.4")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Well, at the end of the day, we’re all living in this system that doesn’t work for us. They’re just trying to pay the bills, no different from me. ", "2.4")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "That said, it’s not like I had a choice. There was one person in line behind me, and it was my own choice to speed up so that I didn’t hog the barista or seem like an annoying Karen who wanted to keep the attention on me forever. ", "2.4")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)]
I look around the coffee shop.
(click: ?page)[=
I’ve never been to this one before, but I have to admit that it’s decorated really well. It makes it the perfect place for people like me who work for hours at a time – really, it feels like they fitted out the space with that intent. I should come here more often.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "I notice the people to my left, chatting away incessantly about some mountain climbing game that I recognized – I scoff, because I can get a sub-hour speed run and they seem to be complaining about how to get to the summit. ", "2.5")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $thought to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "The decorations seem to be inspired by a Norwegian architectural style – simple, sleek, elegant, but leaving room for the coffee shop to add in their own small knick-knacks and plants. They have good taste. ", "2.5")[(set: $action to it - 1)(set: $thought to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I notice that the line at the front of the shop is getting long, and I wonder if I’m outstaying my welcome. I feel kind of bad that the place is so full – I hope they get seats. ", "2.5")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $thought to it + 1)]
I turn back to my laptop. It’s still dead – obviously. No miracles there.
(click: ?page)[=
I think about my work, and compare it to my previous corporate, 9-5 office job.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "I loved the stability of my 9-5; you clock in, clock out, and everything is regimented. You did your simple task, then you didn’t have to think about it ever again. ", "2.5a")[(set: TODO)]
(link-reveal-goto: "As stressful as freelancing is, I do appreciate being allowed to express my creativity and go in my own direction. I think that’s really been an important part of self-discovery and self-growth. ", "2.5b")[(set: TODO)]
(link-reveal-goto:"I mean, whatever man. At the end of the day, all that matters is both jobs paid the bills and keep the lights on. It’s all I can do to keep afloat myself. ", "2.6")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Although my corporate job was boring, it had a purpose: medical insurance. I was saving lives, even if it was only a small piece of the puzzle. That’s how it works, right? Everyone plays their part, and it all works together. It made me feel good about myself and my impact. It just wasn’t sustainable income-wise." ,"2.6")[(set: $thought to it - 1)(set: $esteem to it - 1)](link-reveal-goto: "I mean, whatever man. At the end of the day, all that matters is both jobs paid the bills and keep the lights on. It’s all I can do to keep afloat myself. ", "2.6")[(set: (set: $thought to it - 1))]
(link-reveal-goto: "My old job… I don’t even know what to say. I knew that I was a cog in the system that I can’t change – to be honest, I still am, but just in a different way. I keep thinking about how to reduce the sort of negative impact that my existence brings; my privilege, my happiness, my connections… there’s always so much to consider, to the point at which it almost isn’t worth thinking about. And yet… here I am. ", "2.6")[(set: $thought to it + 1)(set: $action to it - 1)(set: $esteem to it - 1)]
I think back to my decision to quit my job. It was a tough one, but it made sense in so many ways – practically, emotionally, physically. I think about my ambitions and my goals. What can I do to change? What do I want to change?
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "For now, I just want to keep doing what I do. Ambition and goals can come later, once I feel more grounded. For true stability, I have to be methodical and analytical, regardless of my job. ", "2.7")[(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I want to do what I want most – creativity allows so much freedom, so if I don’t take advantage of my desires, it’s not worth it. ", "2.7")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I think I should just go with the flow. That’s what creativity means to me, anyway. Following my artistic direction means being open to those changes. ", "2.7")[(set: $action to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I want to create what is meaningful to others. Things that will help me grow, sure, but more importantly, what can help the broader community. That’s really important to me. ", "2.7")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)]
I look up at the clock, and realize that I’m going to be late for lunch if I don’t leave right now. I scarf down the rest of my pastry, put my laptop away, and rush out of the coffee shop.
(click-goto: ?page, "3.0")# Act III
<script>audio.stop()</script>
(click-goto: ?page, "3.1")Here I am again. Standing in the washroom, facing the mirror above the sink.
<script>audio.start(audioFiles.actIII)</script>
(click: ?page)[=It’s a big, circular one – it illuminates my face and casts a shadow down my eyebrows. I look into my eyes.
(click-goto: ?page, "3.2")Lunch has been going alright. I’ve missed my friends. Right before I left for the washroom, they were chatting about something that happened in the news – an arrest, or something. Health care, something something. I wasn’t really sure – I don’t keep up with the news very often, but some of them were really heated over it, and seemed frustrated.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "I figured that I should do some research before I went back – it would do me well to have a truly nuanced and logical opinion. They might think I’ve been away for a bit, but I’m sure it’ll be fine. ", "3.3")[(set: $thought to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "For my sake, I’ll just pretend and agree with whatever most of them think. That’ll be the path of least resistance for me – there’s no way I can do enough research on this in the time I have left. ", "3.3")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "You know, the right thing to do would be to directly ask them. Show that I’m genuinely interested and want to know more. Show that I care… right? ", "3.3")[(set: $action to it + 1)(set: $esteem to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I’ll just go with the flow – I’ve been here for a while, who knows where the conversation has moved along to now? They’re probably not even talking about this medical stuff anymore – I doubt that it’s //that// big of a conversation topic. ", "3.3")[(set: $action to it + 1)]
Of course, we also talked about lighter topics. My friends noticed me watching our waiter, and pushed me on the topic. I told my friends that I thought they were really cute, and one friend raised their eyebrows. I didn’t quite get their expression – devious? Concerned? Excited? Disappointed? I had no idea.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "Maybe my friend was planning for ways to set us up… you know, do something nice for me for once? They know I’ve been having a tough time, I’m sure that’s what the look was.", "3.4")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Maybe my friend just cared for me – knowing that I had just gone through a breakup, they might be concerned that I was moving on too fast without actually processing it. ", "3.4")[(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Ugh, I always overthink these things. Does it really matter? Nothing ended up happening, so whatever.", "3.4")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]
Now that I thought about it, that same friend had also mentioned going through a really tough time recently. They had just lost someone close to them, and work was busy, and social life was, well, a mess.
(click: ?page)[=It was a really unexpected comment. Nobody in our friend group had known what to say, except a chorus of “I’m sorry” and “I hope things get better”.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "It reminds me of how I felt during my break-up. I should pull them aside later and tell them how I got through it, and let them know I feel much better now. Maybe that’ll help them know there’s a light at the end of the tunnel? ", "3.5")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $thought to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Our words… they felt so empty. I wish I could have done more right then. I think I’ll drop by their place and deliver some food and snacks at some point when they’re available. They could use the company, and I’m sure I can find a way to make time despite my full schedule. ", "3.5")[(set: $action to it + 1)(set: $esteem to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "But also, in a way, they could just need a shoulder to lean on, someone to talk to. They may not need advice or suggestions on where to go – sometimes just having people and hugs is enough. ", "3.5")[(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Who am I kidding? I barely know them. We’re not super super close, so I shouldn’t butt into something I don’t know about. Plus, they changed the topic really fast, so it’s clear I shouldn’t be dwelling on it now. ", "3.5")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]
My other friends kept the conversation relatively light and not overly deep.
(click: ?page)[=As I washed my hands and splashed my face with water, I thought back to the joke my friend made at my expense. Well, they indirectly inferred that freelancing was not great, and said some pretty offensive things.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-goto: "At the table, I had brushed it off. ", "3.5a")
(link-goto: "At the table, I tried to speak up. ", "3.5b")
(link-reveal-goto: "Something I really valued about our friend group is that our trust is built on accountability. We trust each other to hold ourselves accountable for moments when we’re not being our best. It’s the reason we’re still friends, despite how different we’ve all become. Because at the end of the day, being the best person we can be is something we all agree upon. ", "3.6")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I felt awkward about calling my friend out, but it was the right thing for myself. I was also reinforcing my feelings and emotions, since at the end of the day, I was also unsure about my decision to freelance. Calling them out was as much for them as it was a reminder for myself. ", "3.6")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I feel that my friends have shifted, changed. They never would have said something like that, or let a comment like that go by unaccounted for. ", "3.5a2")[(set: $action to it - 1)(set: $thought to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Why am I still friends with them? I could do so much better. These people are like monsters, mutants, if I’m being honest. They kind of suck. ", "3.5a2")[(set: $thought to it + 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
Speaking of which, one of our friends texted me before we met up, and said that our newest friend apparently tends to pull the “oops, I forgot my card! Can someone cover me and I’ll pay them back?” trick every time they get together.
(click: ?page)[=
It’s a new thing – I don’t remember them doing it before, so I guess they’ve unexpectedly changed, realizing that they can take advantage of us.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "I won’t let that happen to me though – I care about my dignity, and I won’t let some fake friend steal my money. We all know they won’t pay me back. ", "3.6")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I’ll just stay quiet… I’m not supposed to even know about this. I’ll let someone else cover their bill and it won’t affect me. None of them are great friends anyway.", "3.6")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "To be honest, there may be a reason for the sudden shift. Maybe they’re down on really hard times, and feel too awkward to admit it, but still wanted to hang out. Maybe we’re the privileged ones here. Despite all of us working to the bone to meet our ends, we have the means to eat out with friends every now and again. Maybe we’re the ones being too obtuse.", "3.6")[(set: $thought to it + 1)(set: $esteem to it - 1)]
Regardless... I’ve been cooped in here for too long – they’ll start to wonder where I’ve gone.
(click: ?page)[=
Next up, we’re going to wander the main boulevard, and get some chores done while hanging out and shopping around for cool things.
(click: ?page)[=
Hopefully it’s more upbeat and exciting.
(click-goto: ?page, "4.0")# Act IV
<script>audio.stop()</script>
(click-goto: ?page, "4.1")I find myself standing in front of a shopfront, looking at myself in the reflection once again.
<script>audio.start(audioFiles.actIV)</script>
(click: ?page)[=
Well, well. Here we are, on our own, since we had to go pick up groceries before we could meet back up with the others.
(click-goto: ?page, "4.2")I felt a bit uncomfortable. Back at lunch, what my friend said to me about freelance work didn’t sit right. It’s been swirling around inside ever since. I didn’t mean to say it, but I said something really harmful about their drinking habits earlier while we were all walking out of the restaurant.
My other friends called me out on it, and I apologized. I did genuinely feel a little bad – it was an impulsive, in-the-moment, and out of character thing for me to do.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "I’m glad they called me out, though.", "4.2a")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I’m frustrated that they called me out, but didn’t call my friend out while we were eating lunch. ", "4.2b")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $thought to it + 1)(set: $action to it - 1)](link-reveal-goto: "Accountability is still important to me. That’s the best way to grow as a human being, and be true to my friends.", "4.3")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I’m glad… but it makes me spiral. I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t want to be a bad person; I really didn’t mean it, and now this will make them think I’m a horrible friend. It’s eating me up inside.", "4.3")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $thought to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I don’t even like these people. Clearly, they're ganging up on me at this point just because I’ve been too busy to hang out for the past month or so. They don’t understand how tough it’s been for me to just… stay afloat. ", "4.3")[(set: $action to it - 1)(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $thought to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "It’s unfair, logically speaking. Both were direct insults, so there’s no reason for them to only be worked up about one and not the other. There’s this whole hierarchy when it comes to feelings, emotions, actions, and thoughts. I’d rather that not be the case. I don’t think it’s right; after all, everything is fluid. It’s not fair to stick to, call out, or parade around one moment over another. ", "4.3")[(set: $thought to it - 1)(set: $esteem to it - 1)]
Despite calling me out so brusquely, they //did// remember that I had to work more tonight. They urged me to stay, but I know I also need to go work. The deadline //is// pretty soon, after all. And I want to at least get some sleep tonight.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "I’m glad they care about me… I should stay, even if just for them. I always find more time, don’t I? Let’s not overthink it – I wanted today to be a day off, and all I can think about is work. I should listen to them. ", "4.3a")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I’m glad they care about me, but I really need to go. After my laptop died earlier today, I got less work done than I intended to. All I can think about is my deadline, and it’s stressful. I can hang out with them another day. ", "4.3b")[(set: $thought to it + 1)(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "They didn’t really mean it, did they? They just urged me to stay out of politeness. I mean, look at how they’ve been treating me. I’ll teach them: I can stay. I’ll stay just for the heck of it.", "4.3a")[(set: $action to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Regardless, I should go home. Who cares what they say? It’s for myself. I need to prove to myself that I can complete this project, and do it well.", "4.3b")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $thought to it - 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
I suppose I should stay. My friends //did// mention wanting to go to the antique store after this. Personally, I hate antique stores. I have no idea how I got roped into this, but I’m just not interested.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "Who cares? They love it, and today is about friendship. I can suck it up and go. I care about them. ", "4.5")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $thought to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Whatever. It’ll be like when I was a kid and had to help my parents with grocery shopping. I’ll survive. ", "4.5")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I should complain at least a little bit, just so they know not to do this next time. We’re friends – //all// of our opinions matter, and that includes mine. ", "4.5")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
I’ll need to tell them that I’m leaving. But how should I do it? I could meet up with them, apologize, then leave, or I could just text the apology and go right now.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "Texting feels like the right amount of chill. We’re just friends, not co-workers, and they already knew I was considering going. I’ll just say we can hang out again soon.", "4.5")[(set: $thought to it + 1)(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Despite texting being okay, I can’t help but feel that they would judge me for leaving so soon after we finally got a chance to meet up. I need to at least do this properly, and in person. ", "4.5")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $thought to it + 1)]
After everything, and saying goodbye to my friends, I left to go home. It’s been a long day, and I feel drained. As I stare out the dark window of the bus, I see my own reflection.
(click: ?page)[=
I’m reminded of the dream from this morning, and the goals that I spoke about. Am I living true to myself? Am I doing anything right? Have I made the right decisions?
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "Who knows. I’m too tired to think about it right now. I feel like I need to rest before I get back into work-mode tonight. ", "5.0")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I can’t help but think about my dream during the entire ride home, trying to rationalize and understand it better. ", "5.0")[(set: $thought to it + 1)]
# Act V
<script>audio.stop()</script>
(set: $act_v_resets to 0)
(click-goto: ?page, "5.1")After a few long hours of work, I finally completed my project and could get ready for bed. Sleepily, I made my way to the mirror, where I stood this morning, and where I stand right now.
<script>audio.start(audioFiles.actV)</script>
(click: ?page)[=
Today was different. I feel…
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "Good. I’m proud of myself for pushing through and socializing. It’s been too long, and that was good for me to do. ", "5.2")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Tired. Drained. Who am I even kidding? That was a lot, and I need to get a good night’s sleep. ", "5.2")[(set: $thought to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I can’t stop my brain from thinking about whether or not they were judging me. Did they get closer over the past month while I’ve been busy? Are we still close? Did that meet-up feel the same as past ones? No… it didn’t. Why? I can’t put a finger on it, and so the thought consumes me whole despite my fatigue. ", "5.2")[(set: $thought to it + 1)(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "There were so many things that happened, and so many things I want to learn more about. My friends are all interested in different things from me, so every time we meet, I get opportunities to dive outside of my comfort zone. ", "5.2")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $action to it - 1)]
I think through the day again. So many things happened, but one thing stood out most today, and it keeps coming back to me on replay as I try to calm down.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "It seems like I’ve been too confined to my own little world, thinking about myself. There’s so much that I learned today, about the world, about my friends, about other people. I need to open my ears and eyes and go out more. ", "5.3")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I can’t believe how changed, and frankly, horrible some of my friends were today. They were so rude to me. I’m considering not being their friend anymore if this continues. I don’t deserve to be treated like less – nobody does. ", "5.3")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I enjoyed taking today piece by piece, bit by bit. Just going with the flow, you know? ", "5.3")[(set: $thought to it - 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Honestly, I’m too exhausted to even pinpoint what stood out. It’s really overwhelming. ", "5.3")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]I’m not entirely ready to sleep yet, so I wonder about what I should do to relax and wind down before bed.
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "Trash TV isn’t nurturing, but it’s honestly what my brain needs. Something to shut it off. Instant gratification. Stupid punchlines. Honestly questionable ethics. But it’s good when you’re exhausted. ", "5.4")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Honestly, I should post about our hangout online – what would my friends think if I didn’t? I don’t like social media, but they really care about images. It’s been so long since we’ve hung out, and I should do at least that much to show that I care about them. ", "5.4")[(set: $esteem to it - 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I’m sort of interested in doing the research I considered doing earlier today — some more in depth learning about the things that stumped me or confused me. It’ll be nice bed-time reading. ", "5.4")[(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "Frankly, I should just head to bed. That’s the best me-time I could ask for right now even if I don’t feel like it. I know I need it. ", "5.4")[(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
When I shut my eyes, I see myself, in third person, staring at me looking at my reflection in the mirror. It’s me-ception. I know that in my mind, I keep asking the same question:
(click: ?page)[=
//Be honest, am I happy with how my life is right now?//
(click: ?page)[=
(link-reveal-goto: "Yes, yes I am. It’s not perfect, but I’m getting to where I want to be slowly. ", "5.5")[(set: $thought to it - 1)(set: $action to it + 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "No, of course not! I don’t have enough time to myself outside of working, and I can’t do all the things that I want. Yes, I can meet my needs, but that’s not truly //living//. I want to thrive. And before I do, the answer will remain “no”. ", "5.5")[(set: $thought to it + 1)(set: $esteem to it + 1)(set: $action to it - 1)]
(link-reveal-goto: "I don’t think I can answer that right now. But you know what, that’s okay too. I’ll have an answer someday. ", "5.5")[(set: $thought to it - 1)]
Am I ready to sleep?
[[Yes->5.6]]
(if: $act_v_resets is 0)[=
(link-reveal-goto:, "No", "5.2")[(set: $act_v_resets to it + 1)]Goodnight.
<script>audio.stop()</script>
(click-goto: ?page, "5.7")...
(click: ?page)[=
...
(click: ?page)[=
...
(click-goto: ?page, "5.8")I’m dreaming. I know it. But I can’t wake up.
<script>audio.start(audioFiles.menu)</script>
(click: ?page)[=
In the dream, I’m approaching a mirror again. I always see it from the third person – this recurring dream that haunts me even when I’m awake.
(click-goto: ?page, "5.9")This time, something looks slightly different. Slightly… changed. I can’t tell what it is.
(click-goto: ?page, "5.10"){
<!--Determine ending here-->
(if: $action > 0)[(set: $action_value to "R")]
(else-if: $action < 0)[(set: $action_value to "L")]
(else:)[(set: $action_value to "M")]
(if: $thought > 0)[(set: $thought_value to "R")]
(else-if: $thought < 0)[(set: $thought_value to "L")]
(else:)[(set: $thought_value to "M")]
(if: $esteem > 0)[(set: $esteem_value to "R")]
(else-if: $esteem < 0)[(set: $esteem_value to "L")]
(else:)[(set: $esteem_value to "M")]
(if: $action_value is "M" and $thought_value is "M" and $esteem_value is "M")[(set: $ending_name to "Me")]
(else-if: $action_value is "R" and $thought_value is "R" and $esteem_value is "R")[(set: $ending_name to "Me")]
(else-if: $action_value is "L" and $thought_value is "L" and $esteem_value is "L")[(set: $ending_name to "Me")]
(else-if: $action_value is "L" and $thought_value is "M" and $esteem_value is "M")[(set: $ending_name to "The Gaze")]
(else-if: $action_value is "M" and $thought_value is "L" and $esteem_value is "M")[(set: $ending_name to "The Shell")]
(else-if: $action_value is "M" and $thought_value is "M" and $esteem_value is "L")[(set: $ending_name to "The Limb")]
(else-if: $action_value is "R" and $thought_value is "M" and $esteem_value is "M")[(set: $ending_name to "The Hand")]
(else-if: $action_value is "M" and $thought_value is "R" and $esteem_value is "M")[(set: $ending_name to "The Husk")]
(else-if: $action_value is "M" and $thought_value is "M" and $esteem_value is "R")[(set: $ending_name to "The Eye")]
(else-if: $action_value is "R" and $thought_value is "M" and $esteem_value is "L")[(set: $ending_name to "The Martyr")]
(else-if: $action_value is "R" and $thought_value is "L" and $esteem_value is "M")[(set: $ending_name to "The Joker")]
(else-if: $action_value is "M" and $thought_value is "R" and $esteem_value is "L")[(set: $ending_name to "The Wheel")]
(else-if: $action_value is "M" and $thought_value is "L" and $esteem_value is "R")[(set: $ending_name to "The Bubble")]
(else-if: $action_value is "L" and $thought_value is "R" and $esteem_value is "M")[(set: $ending_name to "The Dealer")]
(else-if: $action_value is "L" and $thought_value is "M" and $esteem_value is "R")[(set: $ending_name to "The Moon")]
(else-if: $action_value is "R" and $thought_value is "R" and $esteem_value is "M")[(set: $ending_name to "The Hourglass")]
(else-if: $action_value is "R" and $thought_value is "R" and $esteem_value is "L")[(set: $ending_name to "The Hourglass")]
(else-if: $action_value is "R" and $thought_value is "M" and $esteem_value is "R")[(set: $ending_name to "The Dollhouse")]
(else-if: $action_value is "R" and $thought_value is "L" and $esteem_value is "R")[(set: $ending_name to "The Dollhouse")]
(else-if: $action_value is "M" and $thought_value is "R" and $esteem_value is "R")[(set: $ending_name to "The Pond")]
(else-if: $action_value is "L" and $thought_value is "R" and $esteem_value is "R")[(set: $ending_name to "The Pond")]
(else-if: $action_value is "L" and $thought_value is "L" and $esteem_value is "M")[(set: $ending_name to "The Shackle")]
(else-if: $action_value is "L" and $thought_value is "L" and $esteem_value is "R")[(set: $ending_name to "The Shackle")]
(else-if: $action_value is "L" and $thought_value is "M" and $esteem_value is "L")[(set: $ending_name to "The Ear")]
(else-if: $action_value is "L" and $thought_value is "R" and $esteem_value is "L")[(set: $ending_name to "The Ear")]
(else-if: $action_value is "M" and $thought_value is "L" and $esteem_value is "L")[(set: $ending_name to "The Scrunchie")]
(else-if: $action_value is "R" and $thought_value is "L" and $esteem_value is "L")[(set: $ending_name to "The Scrunchie")]
}As I approach the mirror, I see that I’m holding a card. This is different – it looks like the empty cards that I have hanging up in my room, but… it’s not blank.
(click: ?page)[=
Instead, this card has an icon and words on it.
(click: ?page)[=
It says… (if: $ending_name is "Me")[$name](else:)[$ending_name].
(click: ?page)[=
(print: '<img src="' + $ending_img's $ending_name + '">')
(click-goto: ?page, "5.11")(if: $ending_name is "Me")[$name](else:)[$ending_name], huh? I suppose that means something’s changed enough for the cards to change, even if this is only a dream.
(click: ?page)[=
The cards are only supposed to change when I do. I don't feel different, but now the cards show something that has manifested, materialized… mutated. If it has changed… does that mean I have, too?
(click: ?page)[={
(if: $endings's length is 0)[I’ve never seen anything like this before. It’s slightly eerie, but… beautiful. ]
(else:)[It makes me want to check my collection of cards tomorrow, see if I’ve added one to the collection. ]}
(if: $ending_name is "Me")[
This card in particular seems special. I don’t know why, but something about it screams authenticity, uniqueness, and difference.
]
(click-goto: ?page, "5.12"){
<!--Add to your endings-->
(set: $endings to (ds: $ending_name, ...$endings))
}I still don’t know what these cards represent. I don’t know how I’m seeing one in my dream, but it makes me want to relive the day once again, and try to pick up on the subtleties.
(click: ?page)[=
What have I done differently?
(click: ?page)[=
Even if I didn’t intend for it to happen, I suppose unexpected changes do exist.
(click-goto: ?page, "menu")