Title screen image, Kiva and Rowan back to back. Rowan is side-eyeing Kiva and smiling. Kiva is flustered, and looking away.

The Delicate Hearts of Sincerely Affectionate Girls

by Ev Holloway (babycatplanet)

Written for Yuri Jam 2024

Rowan, at age thirteen, standing in the dark hallway of his home, in his pajamas. He watches curiously as his older brother, Hale, comes in the front door.

(NOVEMBER, 2003. Hale arrives far later into the night than Rowan and his dad were expecting. In fact, it's so late, their dad's already fallen asleep; or, at least, Rowan assumes as much. Upon hearing the sound of the front door opening, he comes out of his room...)

Rowan, at age thirteen, standing in the dark hallway of his home, in his pajamas. He watches curiously as his older brother, Hale, comes in the front door.

ROWAN: Hale?

HALE: Ro! Hey...sorry th...that I'm so late.

ROWAN: It's fine.

(He can immediately tell that there must be an...unusual reason, for this late arrival, based on his general uneasiness...)

ROWAN: Did s...something happen?

HALE: Haha, um...

Rowan, at age thirteen, standing in the dark hallway of his home, in his pajamas. He watches curiously as his older brother, Hale, comes in the front door.

HALE: Here. Why don't I...put my stuff away in my room, real fast, and then I'll tell you about it?

ROWAN: Oh, okay...

HALE: Alright. I'll come knocking on your door, then.

ROWAN: Okay.

(Anxiously, Rowan heads back to his room, leaving the door cracked open.)

Rowan, sitting on his couch with an anxious expression.

(He lays back down on his couch, and continues to draw. After a few more minutes, Hale knocks on the doorframe.)

HALE: Can I come in?

(Rowan sits up, resting his sketchbook on his lap.)

ROWAN: Yeah.

(Hale opens the door the rest of the way, then closes it behind himself.)

Hale happily looking upon Rowan's drawing. Rowan is holding it up to show him.

(He sits down on the couch next to Rowan.)

HALE: What'cha drawin'?

(Rowan holds up his sketchbook to show him.)

ROWAN: A centipede.

HALE: Whoa! Freaky!

ROWAN: Heehee...

Hale happily looking upon Rowan's drawing. Rowan is holding it up to show him.

HALE: It looks amazing! You're getting so good.

ROWAN: Thank you.

HALE: ...

ROWAN: ...

HALE: ...So, anyway, um...

Hale reclined back on the couch, with his arms crossed. Rowan glances at him with a surprised expression.

(Hale leans back, and folds his arms over his chest.)

HALE: ...Jake...is...a woman.

ROWAN: W...What?

HALE: Her name is Dorothy, now. Sh...She told me, a few hours ago, that she's transsexual...and plans to transition her sex from male to female.

ROWAN: ...You...can do that?

Hale reclined back on the couch, with his arms crossed. Rowan glances at him with a surprised expression.

(For a moment, Hale gives him a bit of a strange look. He takes a deep breath before continuing.)

HALE: ...Yeah. You can. One of my friends' ex-boyfriends had a transsexual brother--a woman that became a man--so I had already known that was a thing people did, but... Well, I mean, I guess I can't say that I was ENTIRELY surprised. It's just that, y'know, it's not that unusual for a gay guy to be into more feminine things, of course, so... Admittedly, it caught me a little off-guard.

(Rowan's started to feel a little breathless. He pretends that he doesn't know why, for now.)

ROWAN: Oh...

Hale reclined back on the couch, with his arms crossed. Rowan glances at him with a surprised expression.

HALE: Yeah. She spent a long time telling me about all these different things related to gender identity. It was incredibly interesting. Some people aren't even male or female...or, they're both at the same time, in varying amounts. Or...a variety of other possibilities. And, each of th...them might or might not be transsexual, individually, but they're all what's called "genderqueer." Apparently, Dorothy thought she was genderqueer for a while, and never told anyone. But, now, she just wants to be a woman.

ROWAN: W...Wow. That's amazing...

HALE: Yeah. The amount of bravery something like that takes--to tell other people that about yourself--is unbelievable. So, I really admire her for it.

Hale and Rowan, happily talking.

ROWAN: Me too...

(Hale stands up.)

HALE: Haha...alright. Well, give me a hug. I'm going to bed, now. We can talk more in the morning!

(Rowan stands up as well, coming over to hug him. Hale pats his back, then lets him go.)

HALE: I love you.

ROWAN: I love you too.

Hale and Rowan, happily talking.

HALE: I'm always th...thinking about you, and wondering how you're doing. I'm so proud of you, all the time, for hanging in there...

ROWAN: I joined the art club recently, and made a couple of n...new friends!

HALE: Oh--OH! That's--WONDERFUL!! You gotta tell me more about it tomorrow!

ROWAN: I will.

Hale and Rowan, happily talking.

HALE: How's Ximun?

ROWAN: Good.

HALE: Are PoolPark and DarkPark still around?

ROWAN: Heehee. Of course. D...DarkPark doesn't come out so much anymore, though. He says he's resting.

HALE: Are they making any new friends, too? Are they getting jealous of your new friends?

ROWAN: Heeheehee! Ximun actually makes friends r...really easy, nowadays.

Hale and Rowan, happily talking.

HALE: He DOES?!

ROWAN: On accident. And then, he doesn't know what to do with them. PoolPark, of course, is really social, but...I've started to n...notice Ximun himself is getting friendlier, too. Just a little. Heehee!

HALE: Oh, how wonderful...

ROWAN: But, I don't think he's getting jealous. If anything, I'm the one getting jealous.

HALE: How come?

Hale and Rowan, happily talking.

ROWAN: ...I d...don't know. I just feel kind of overprotective, I think. He's so fragile. I just get worried that someone's going to hurt him.

HALE: I'd bet you a million bucks he's thinking the exact same thing about you!

ROWAN: I know he is!

HALE: Haha!

ROWAN: I think he still thinks of himself as being r...really tough, though, like he used to be...or, maybe he's never thought of himself that way, actually, with how much he used to say curse words to try to seem scary.

Hale and Rowan, happily talking.

HALE: I knew he did th...that at school, and in his old home, because of his mom telling me. Did he stop, then?

ROWAN: He's done it less and less the longer we've known each other.

HALE: I see...

ROWAN: Heehee. Yeah.

HALE: ...Well, alright. (yawn) Goodnight, Ro. Try to get some sleep, okay?

ROWAN: Okaaay. Goodnight.

Rowan looking at himself in the mirror with a worried expression.

(With that, Hale leaves Rowan's room, closing the door again. Still not having sat back down yet, Rowan goes to look at himself in the mirror.)

ROWAN: (thinking) ...Would I really want to be a girl? Would I want to change sex entirely? I think I would be happier...if I didn't only get to pretend to be a girl when the opportunity arises. That seems like such a huge change, though. I don't know...

Rowan looking at himself in the mirror with a worried expression.

I don't really own any "girly" things. Maybe, if I did, then I would be able to know if I really did want to be a girl? ...I'll just have to figure out how to collect some without anybody noticing, I guess. And, well, NOT being a girl doesn't make me upset enough to feel like I want to kill myself over it...at least, for now. It probably will one day, though, won't it.

...I don't know. I just don't know what to think about that. Maybe I'm just...genderqueer, then, and not transsexual...I don't know...

(Rowan doesn't sleep well that night.)

A compilation of Rowan acquiring the objects described in the text, looking progressively happier with each discovery.

(As time goes on, Rowan learns more and more about the world of alternative gender identity.)

MARCH, 2004. "Sex and gender are separate. The sex on your birth certificate is ink on paper. Who you become later is entirely up to you." Rowan finds a dainty chain necklace abandoned on a park bench, and hopes no one was planning on coming back to look for it. It's an odd find; the clasp is still fully intact. It's as if someone just laid it there intentionally.

SEPTEMBER, 2005. "A sex change is just one part of the transsexual journey. Typically, it all starts with the prescription of hormone replacement therapy." He doesn't find his water bottle in the lost-and-found, but what he does find is a beautiful knit cardigan. When it's still there after an entire week of coming to check if it's been claimed, he decides to take it home for himself. Because, well, if no one's going to miss it, then...

A compilation of Rowan acquiring the objects described in the text, looking progressively happier with each discovery.

JULY, 2006. "Not all transsexuals are born feeling like something's wrong. Some of them don't even figure it out until they're already old and retired!" Finally having gathered up the courage to take the risk, Rowan splits off on his own in the department store, and heads straight for the "Juniors" section. Going off of the sizing charts he found online, and his own measurements of himself, he picks out a bralette, with foam cups inside.

The cashier gives him a strange look, but this purchase otherwise remains as entirely his own secret.

A silhouette of Rowan as a young adult, with a feminine figure and outfit.

A few months later, Rowan begins to dream of being a woman.

Ximun, concerned, looking upon Rowan, who looks away from him nervously.

(NOVEMBER, 2006. Rowan's been dreading this day.)

XIMUN: So...you're going to tell me today about why you've been so down recently, right?

ROWAN: ...

(Rowan has to turn away from him.)

ROWAN: I...I've been...d...doing something...shameful...horrible...

XIMUN: No matter what it is, I'm not going to judge you. You know that, right?

Ximun, concerned, looking upon Rowan, who looks away from him nervously.

ROWAN: ...I have this...perverted...fantasy.

XIMUN: ...What?

ROWAN: For the past couple of years, I've even been collecting s...stuff around it, but...as of recently...it's been...taking over my whole life, my mind, and...I...

XIMUN: What is it?

ROWAN: (sigh) I guess I'll just show you...

XIMUN: Okay...?

Ximun, concerned, looking upon Rowan, who looks away from him nervously.

ROWAN: Can you turn around for a s...second? I'm...going to change clothes.

XIMUN: Um, yeah...

(Ximun turns around. Hands trembling, Rowan goes over to her closet, and pulls out the storage bin buried in the back.)

ROWAN:...Okay. You...can look.

(Immediately, Ximun turns back around.)

Rowan, dressed in all of the effeminate items she's collected over the years. She looks down towards the ground, sobbing.

(Rowan can't even watch. She closes her eyes, unable to bear her shame.)

XIMUN: ...

ROWAN: ...

XIMUN: What do you mean, "perverted fantasy?" You look nice.

ROWAN: ...D...Did you...not n...notice...

XIMUN: ...Is the bra supposed to be the "perverted" part--

Rowan, dressed in all of the effeminate items she's collected over the years. She looks down towards the ground, sobbing.

ROWAN: I w...want to have boobs--take estrogen--and be s...seen as a girl in public, but I don't w...want to commit to it!! I fantasize about fitting in w...with cissexual girls, but--w...with you...and my family...I...(sniff) I s...still want to be a boy!! Even the idea of having boobs while thinking of myself as a boy is exciting to me! Just as much as it is for thinking of myself as a girl with boobs!! Isn't that just--isn't it just--(sob)

D...Disgusting...(sniff) gross, perverted, disgusting...I can't TAKE it anymore!! I just w...want to die!! I don't want this!! I don't want to EXIST like this!!

Ximun holding Rowan's hands as she cries.

(She hears Ximun approaching her. He takes her hands in his own.)

XIMUN: Hey...you know, it's...well, I don't know how comparable these things really are, but...I mean, you already know I'm not going to think the idea of having a "multi-faceted identity" is weird. If either of PoolPark or DarkPark happened to be girls, then I'd just also end up being a girl sometimes, I guess. And, I'd be okay with that. I like having them around.

Plus...if the idea of having boobs and taking estrogen is exciting to you, then I think that just means you're transsexual, and you should do it. Especially if it seems like you'd always be happy about it, even when you don't feel so much like a girl.

Ximun holding Rowan's hands as she cries.

XIMUN: Wasn't it you who told me in the first place that a lot of transsexuals still don't identify as just male or female? I would think a feeling like this must be normal for a lot of transsexuals, then...

ROWAN: ...Yeah...(sniff) I...guess...

XIMUN: Yeah. So...I just...want you to do what makes you happy, and what makes you want to stay alive. I love you. I want you here with me.

ROWAN: I love you...

Ximun resting his forehead against Rowan's. They're both smiling.

(He smiles. She can't help but do the same. He takes a step closer, and rests his forehead against hers, now causing her to hum out a laugh...)

XIMUN: I always want to do everything I can to support you, so...just...let me know what I can do, okay?

ROWAN: This.

XIMUN: Heheheh.

Ximun resting his forehead against Rowan's. They're both smiling.

ROWAN: ...But, also, um...can you...help me...tell Hale, and everyone else, about me being transsexual? W...Well...just Hale, first, so I can get...a consultation for hormone therapy scheduled, but...

XIMUN: Yeah. Of course.

ROWAN: Thank you...

(Ever since that day, she's never been happier.)

Kiva, looking flustered and smiling nervously as she thinks about Rowan.

(DECEMBER, 2006. When Rowan told her last month that she wanted to be a girl, Kiva had gotten...an odd feeling about it. Not because she objected to it, or anything--no, not at all. In fact...it was because, well, she actually really liked the idea of Rowan being a girl. Perhaps...a little too much. Especially considering the fact that Rowan and Ximun are already dating--not to mention the fact that she only just recently became aware of the fact that she, herself, is gay--it's some unfortunate timing for her, to say the least...)

(But, of course, she can't blame Rowan for that! Nothing is ever Rowan's fault!! Rowan is such a lovely person, and Kiva loves her so much, and she's so kind, and creative, and funny, and cute--and, Kiva has no idea how she's going to deal with all of this, especially now that--)

Kiva and Rowan talking.

ROWAN: W...Will you take me out to do some "girly" things with you?

KIVA: What?!

ROWAN: Heehee! You know...things that I've missed out on, that only girls do together. I w...want to experience those things now, too.

KIVA: Oh...um...yeah! Of course! Ehehe...

ROWAN: Really? You will?!

KIVA: Yeah! I'll have to think of some things, though...

Rowan grinning from ear-to-ear.

(Rowan smiles so wide...and Kiva notices something that she's never noticed before.)

ROWAN: Yay!! Oh, I'm s...so excited! Thank you!!

KIVA: Of course!! Um, by the way...

ROWAN: Hmm?

KIVA: I just noticed you're missing a tooth, back there...has that always been gone like that?

Kiva and Rowan talking.

ROWAN: Oh, I got that one pulled a couple of years ago. It got infected r...really bad.

KIVA: Oh, no! I'm sorry!

ROWAN: It's okay. Everyone in my family has bad teeth. Just like how almost everyone on my dad's side of the family s...stutters. Heehee. I've actually gotten lucky, with the teeth thing. Besides this, I only had braces on my top row of teeth for a year, and that's it.

KIVA: Ohh...

Rowan grinning from ear-to-ear.

ROWAN: Yeah. Besides. I think it just makes my s...smile that much more charming. Heeheehee!

KIVA: Um--Ehehe...yeah! Yeah...

Kiva, smiling nervously, as Rowan looks on in confusion.

KIVA: (thinking) Oh my god. Now I have to plan DATES for us to go on?! I'm sorry, Ximun...please, forgive meee!! Surely, you understand how cute she is too, right?! Right?! You understand!! Oh, no...

Kiva and Rowan looking at skirts.

(DATE 1: THRIFT STORE)

ROWAN: You kn...know, when we came here with Ximun and Adair back in April...

KIVA: Hm?

ROWAN: I had secretly tried on a dress, and showed it only to Ximun.

KIVA: Wha--Really?!

ROWAN: Yeah. But, n...now...I get to look on the women's side, without feeling embarrassed!

Kiva and Rowan looking at skirts.

KIVA: Yeah! Ehehe...good!

ROWAN: I want to buy some more skirts, I think. This one I'm wearing is the only one that I have.

KIVA: Do you want me to help you pick some out?

ROWAN: Please!!

KIVA: Okay!

Kiva and Rowan looking at skirts.

KIVA: ...Ooh! How about this one?

ROWAN: Oh, yes!!

KIVA: Ehehe, do you wanna gather up a few, and then head to the dressing room?

ROWAN: Yeah!

KIVA: Okay!

(Rowan does exactly that.)

Rowan gleefully trying on a long skirt, showing it off to Kiva.

ROWAN: What d...do you think?

KIVA: Ah! You look--so...cute...!!

ROWAN: Huh? What is it?

KIVA: Rowan--Are you wearing a bra?!

ROWAN: Oh! So, that's where you're looking... Heehee, yeah, I w...wanted to today. I don't actually have any boobs to put in there yet. But, now that I'm taking estrogen, I hope that I will soon!

Rowan gleefully trying on a long skirt, showing it off to Kiva.

KIVA: Oh--Okay! Um, sorry, I--just noticed...ehehehe...

ROWAN: Heeheehee!!

KIVA: Sorry, sorry...you look really cute! I like the length on you.

ROWAN: You do? I w...was thinking the same thing. I was gravitating towards the long ones. I like how it flows around when I twirl...heehee!

KIVA: Hehe, yeah, that's always fun!

ROWAN: Also...Kiva?

Rowan with an overjoyed expression. In the corner, Kiva's expression of extreme embarrassment is shown.

KIVA: Huh?

ROWAN: That made me so happy! You can look at my boobs all you want!!

KIVA: GAAH!!

Rowan, looking indecisive. Kiva looks on with curiosity.

(DATE 2: NAIL SALON?)

ROWAN: Oh! I've always w...wanted to have painted nails, but...

KIVA: ...But?

ROWAN: I...um...bite off all of my nails when I get n...nervous, which happens a lot, so...

KIVA: OH! Um, you could get fake nails? Or, have a pedicure done, instead!

ROWAN: Fake nails?

Rowan, looking indecisive. Kiva looks on with curiosity.

KIVA: Yeah! Acrylic nails. They're glued on top of your regular nails.

ROWAN: Uh...how do they come off?

KIVA: ...Weeell...you're supposed to get them soaked off in acetone--nail polish remover--buuut, I usually just...end up picking mine off...which isn't very good for your nails. Though, maybe soaking them in nail polish remover isn't very good for them, either...

ROWAN: Oh...then, um, I think I don't really want those. And, uh, I d...don't know if I want someone else to be touching my feet like that.

Rowan, looking indecisive. Kiva looks on with curiosity.

KIVA: Ehehe, that's okay. I don't really like pedicures that much either, actually. If you still want cute nails, though, you could always get some stick-on nails from the drugstore! They come off really easily, but...they're cute! And, they don't damage your nails!

ROWAN: Oh! Okay!!

Kiva and Rowan at the drugstore. Both of them are holding boxes of stick-on nails, and Rowan's also holding a scrunchie.

(DATE 2: DRUGSTORE)

ROWAN: Heehee...it's so fun to look around at all of these girly things.

KIVA: Yeah, there's lots of cute little things around here.

ROWAN: Hmm...I like...these nails.

KIVA: Ooh! Those are so cute!

ROWAN: Heeheehee! Yeah.

Kiva and Rowan at the drugstore. Both of them are holding boxes of stick-on nails, and Rowan's also holding a scrunchie.

KIVA: Hm...I'll get these ones!

ROWAN: Okay! Oh...pretty hair elastics...hmm...I might get one of these, too.

KIVA: A scrunchie!

ROWAN: S...Scrunchie?! That's what these are called?

KIVA: Yeah!

ROWAN: 'Crunchie...shcrunchie...Eeheeheehee! That's so fun to s...say!!

KIVA: Ehehe!!

Kiva and Rowan at the drugstore. Both of them are holding boxes of stick-on nails, and Rowan's also holding a scrunchie.

KIVA: Your hair is so pretty, Rowan. You could probably style it in any way you want!

ROWAN: Heehee! Ximun's little s...sister's styled my hair a few times. She loves hairstyling.

KIVA: I don't blame her!

ROWAN: Do you like hairstyling, Kiva? You can style my hair, if you want!

KIVA: Ah--Maybe! If you want me to!!

ROWAN: Yes...I would love that!

KIVA: Okay...!!

Kiva and Rowan at the drugstore. Both of them are holding boxes of stick-on nails, and Rowan's also holding a scrunchie.

KIVA: It always looks so well-kempt...do you use products on it?

ROWAN: Yes. I've tried a few, but I've generally had the best luck with this one kind of shampoo and conditioner, as well as using a little bit of oil on it. Tea tree oil is my favorite! It s...smells so good!

KIVA: Oh! Yeah, it does...hehe! (thinking) So THAT'S what you always smell like...

Kiva, looking mortified, smiling nervously.

...not that I'm...thinking about that, or anything--KIVA! Stoooop!!

Kiva and Rowan, looking at each other excitedly as they browse the store shelves.

(DATE 3: BLAIRE'S)

ROWAN: Oh my god. This...is...heaven...

KIVA: Ehehehehehe!!

ROWAN: W...What's this?! It looks like a cellphone!

KIVA: It's a compact! There's lip gloss in there, and little cheap eyeshadows--

ROWAN: I'm getting this.

KIVA: Hehe! Yeah, I loved those so much when I was little! Are you interested in makeup, Rowan?

Kiva and Rowan, looking at each other excitedly as they browse the store shelves.

ROWAN: I don't know. I liked it when Ximun did my makeup for Halloween a couple of months ago, though.

KIVA: (thinking) Oh, no. Wait. No, no, no...I should NOT pursue this line of questioning, no, no--

ROWAN: Should I...try makeup?

KIVA: If you want to!

ROWAN: W...Would you be okay with helping me, if I did?

KIVA: Ah...Yeah! Of course!!

Kiva and Rowan, looking at each other excitedly as they browse the store shelves.

ROWAN: Oh! Thank you so much!!

KIVA: Yeah! (thinking) Fuck.

ROWAN: ...It might be fun to try, but I don't know if I w...would do that all the time. It's fun to experience these girly things, but...I think I might be a little more of a tomboy. Heeheehee!

KIVA: Oh...hehe!

Kiva and Rowan talking.

ROWAN: That reminds me...did you kn...know that my first name isn't Rowan?

KIVA: Wait--Really?! Then, what's your first name?

ROWAN: Thomas.

KIVA: So, uh, Thomas Rowan Ackland, then?

ROWAN: Yes.

KIVA: Hehe...I like it!

Kiva and Rowan talking.

ROWAN: Thank you...I used to not really like it very much, but I think it's more interesting as a girl's n...name...so, I like it a little more now.

KIVA: Ohh...

ROWAN: What's your middle name? I don't think I know. Somehow, I know Adair's is Estefania, but...

KIVA: Lucille! Kiva Lucille Evans.

ROWAN: Oh!! Lucille...that's s...so pretty!

KIVA: Waaa...thank you!!

Kiva and Rowan talking.

ROWAN: Ximun's middle name is Ernesto.

KIVA: Hehe...that sounds kind of fancy!

ROWAN: Heehee! Ooh, speaking of them, should we send Adair and Ximun a picture?

KIVA: Um...sure!

ROWAN: Yes!! Okay!

Kiva and Rowan posing for a picture. Rowan is taking the picture, cuddling up next to Kiva with a big smile. Kiva looks at her with a nervous smile.

(snap)

ROWAN: Oh...that's s...so cute...heehee!!

KIVA: Ehehe...

Adair and Ximun, looking at Adair's phone.

(Meanwhile...)

ADAIR: Ximun?

XIMUN: Hm?

ADAIR: I think Kiva is stealing your girlfriend.

XIMUN: What?

ADAIR: Take a look at this.

XIMUN: Oh...cute picture.

Adair and Ximun, looking at Adair's phone.

ADAIR: Isn't it?!

XIMUN: Rowan's the one who asked her to take him around like this, though.

ADAIR: Wait--was that an accident, or is Rowan still using "he" pronouns as well?

XIMUN: He's, like...kind of more genderqueer, actually, and not just female. He likes to still have that more masculine part of his identity acknowledged sometimes. So, not an accident.

ADAIR: Ohh. Nice. Okay. Anyway, so, he's stealing my wife from me, then?

Adair and Ximun, looking at Adair's phone.

XIMUN: I suppose so...

ADAIR: Hahahaha! Oh my gosh. Kiva's face in this...I think him coming out made her have a crush on him.

XIMUN: You think so?

ADAIR: Yeah. But, well, I doubt she would be trying to start any mischief, or anything!

XIMUN: I think Rowan might be, though, now that he and Kiva are getting really close.

ADAIR: HAHAHA!! What do you mean by that?!

Rowan, looking at Kiva with a delighted expression.

ROWAN: We look so cute...you look s...so cute today, Kiva!! You know, I've just always thought that you're really pretty!

KIVA: Ah--Thank you!! (thinking) AAAAAAAAA!!

Adair and Ximun talking.

XIMUN: So...technically, we're not actually dating--yes, I had originally asked him out, but we dropped the label pretty quickly, for reasons I'll explain in a second. We just tell people that because it's, uh...still very comparable to what we're doing, and way easier to understand.

Rowan, looking at Kiva with a delighted expression.

ROWAN: Heeheehee...I'm so happy we've been hanging out like this!

I r...really love you!! I love being here with you...and spending time with you...I love every moment I s...spend with you!! You're just so wonderful...

Kiva, with a huge anxious smile, blushing furiously.

KIVA: WAAH!! I...umm...really like you, too!

Rowan, looking distraught.

ROWAN: ...Oh...

KIVA: ...Huh?

ROWAN: ...

KIVA: Rowan?

ROWAN: ...S...Sorry...

KIVA: Um--It's okay! You...don't need to apologize!

Adair and Ximun talking.

XIMUN: As for those "reasons"--one was that the label of "dating" actually made me feel really nervous...even though I wanted almost everything that would supposedly come with it, which is what led me to confess to him anyways, but...besides that, he said that he was only thinking about using the "dating" label as an excuse to be especially affectionate with me, but that it otherwise just kind of...comes naturally to him, with me being his best friend.

You see where I'm going with this?

ADAIR: Oh!

Rowan, looking distraught.

ROWAN: ...

KIVA: ...Um...maybe...let's...leave the store now, then?

(Rowan nods.)

KIVA: Here...give me the little phone thing, I can take care of that, and you can just wait outside--

(Rowan hurriedly pulls a 20-dollar bill out of her wallet, hands it to Kiva, then sprints out the door.)

KIVA: Oh...okay...?!

(Kiva finishes paying, then leaves the store.)

Adair and Ximun talking, with Adair smiling thoughtfully and Ximun looking concerned.

ADAIR: So, basically, you're actually just, like..."super-best" friends who kiss each other now?

XIMUN: Uh, well...yeah. I guess so.

ADAIR: Aw. That's really sweet, actually. Although, Kiva might be on the brink of heart failure right now, if Rowan really is "causing mischief" over there.

XIMUN: ...(sigh) Yeah.

Kiva approaching Rowan, who's sitting on a bench outside. Kiva looks worried, and Rowan looks pained.

(When Kiva comes outside, Rowan's sitting on a bench nearby. She glances up at Kiva, acknowledging her presence, but then looks away nervously...)

KIVA: ...Um...do you want to go sit in the truck? It's so cold out here...

(Rowan nods.)

KIVA: Okay!

(They walk back to Kiva's truck. Rowan's still not looking at her.)

Kiva, sitting in her truck, covering her face in embarrassment.

ROWAN: ...

KIVA: ...Sorry...what you said--um, that you really love me--It made me feel funny, because...Um--don't get me wrong, I don't want to, um, interfere with anything between you and Ximun, I promise! This is just me being WEIRD!! But, um--

(She covers her face with embarrassment.)

KIVA: --Ever since you came out as a girl...I've had a huge crush on youuu!! I'm sorry!!

Kiva, sitting in her truck, covering her face in embarrassment.

ROWAN: ...Oh...um...S...Sorry, then, for...being...um...

KIVA: It's okay!! I love that about you! I love that you're so cuddly like that!! I only really started to feel stressed out because I didn't want you to think I was trying to, like--intrude on your relationship, or come onto you, or something!! I'm just--UGH!! I'm so sorry...

ROWAN: You...d...do...like it?

KIVA: Yes!! Of course I do!!

ROWAN: ...Oh...

Kiva and Rowan, sitting next to each other in Kiva's truck. Kiva looks over at Rowan, who has begun to cry.

(Kiva lifts her head to look at Rowan.)

ROWAN:...I...got w...worried. I...I've lost friends that aren't Ximun, for getting too, um...close, I guess...I d...don't know...You don't have to like it. It's...okay. Really.

It's probably...inappropriate anyway, isn't it? To just...go around s...saying those kinds of things. Because, then...if something like this happens...

...

...This...the w...way I "love" other people is...cruel. I should have realized that earlier than now. I'm...s...sorry.

Kiva and Rowan, sitting next to each other in Kiva's truck. Kiva looks over at Rowan, who has begun to cry.

KIVA: No! I love how you love!! I...um...this is...embarrassing, maybe, but...Adair's like that, too! They're always kind of flirty with me, and...well...

...Even if they're just teasing me, and they don't really want to date me, or anything--I really like it!! I wish I had the confidence to reciprocate it...because, well, it's nice to feel so loved, y'know? To be complimented all the time, and paid attention to...hehe...

Especially because...I feel like I'm such a boring person. Boring, and depressing!

ROWAN: W...What? Why?!

KIVA: A lot of people will THINK they want to be friends with me, but then just stop inviting me to things once they learn I'm not always so cheerful all the time.

Kiva and Rowan, sitting next to each other in Kiva's truck. Kiva looks over at Rowan, who has begun to cry.

ROWAN: I love you, Kiva! I--(sniff) I love being your friend!!

KIVA: I love being your friend too, Rowan!!

ROWAN: I'm s...sorry...I hope having a crush on me isn't miserable for you...

KIVA: Of course not!! Hehe...like I said, I was only worried because didn't want it to seem like I was trying to intrude on your relationship with Ximun...

ROWAN: ...I think...maybe I have a crush on you too, and I get crushes on all my close friends, or something...(sniff) The only friend I've ever...wanted to kiss, though, is Ximun, but...

Kiva and Rowan, sitting next to each other in Kiva's truck. Kiva looks over at Rowan, who has begun to cry.

KIVA: Aww...that's so sweet, though!!

ROWAN: Most friends I've had...don't think so...they think it's...creepy, and overwhelming...but...they're n...not my friends anymore, and I never see them now, so...I don't care about their opinions anymore!! If you and Ximun think it makes me cute, then...that's all that matters to me!!

KIVA: Ehehehehehe!!

ROWAN: Heeheehee...can I...um...hold your hand, then?

KIVA: Of course!

Kiva and Rowan holding hands. They're both smiling shyly.

(They reach for each other's hands.)

KIVA: Hehehe...

ROWAN: I kn...know you'll need this hand to drive, but...(sniff) I wanted to, just for a little bit...

KIVA: Yeah! That's okay.

ROWAN: Thank you...heehee.

Kiva and Rowan holding hands. They're both smiling shyly.

(They sit there like that for about another minute. Then, Rowan lets go of her hand.)

ROWAN: Okay.

KIVA: Ready to go?

(Rowan wipes away the rest of her tears with her sleeve.)

ROWAN: Yes...

KIVA: Okay!

Kiva and Rowan entering Adair's house, to meet with them and Ximun.

ADAIR: Hey! What'd you guys get?

KIVA: I got a couple of little clips!

ROWAN: This.

ADAIR: NICE!

XIMUN: ...What is that?

ROWAN: There's makeup inside. I'll probably use the lip gloss, but I d...don't know about the eyeshadow.

Kiva and Rowan entering Adair's house, to meet with them and Ximun.

XIMUN: Oh. That looks like something Perrie would buy, just because it was cute.

ROWAN: Heeheehee!

ADAIR: Alrighty. Are we ready to go out for dinner, then?

KIVA: Yes!

XIMUN: Uh-huh.

ADAIR: Okay. But, first...Kiva, come over here with me for a second. I wanna show you something.

KIVA: Um, okay!

Adair and Kiva talking. Adair has a concerned smile, and Kiva has an embarrassed smile.

(Adair leads her around the corner.)

ADAIR: Hey, are you okay?

KIVA: Um--Yeah! Why?

ADAIR: I, uh, noticed you were making an...interesting face in the picture you sent with Rowan, and...well, I dunno. It just seems like, ever since she came out, you've been acting kinda differently about her.

KIVA: Oh--Really?

Adair and Kiva talking. Adair has a concerned smile, and Kiva has an embarrassed smile.

ADAIR: Yeah. I know we're about to go eat dinner, and stuff, so I wasn't expecting you to spill everything to me right this second, or anything. I just wanted to check in.

KIVA: Well...um...what do you mean by "acting differently"?

ADAIR: You seem anxious around her, all of a sudden. I had my own theories as to why, but in case I was wrong, I just wanted to hear what you had to say about it first.

KIVA: Uh...well, whatever your theory is...it's probably right...it's...always right...ehehe...

Adair and Kiva talking. Adair has a concerned smile, and Kiva has an embarrassed smile.

(Adair frowns for a moment, then continues.)

ADAIR: ...I can guess how you feel from what I sense, yes, but how you really feel will always be more complex.

KIVA: I...um...

(...Wait. She still hasn't actually come out as gay to Adair yet, has she? Is this really about to be how she comes out to them?! Well...it's not like Adair hasn't already admitted to feeling attraction to girls before, too--not to mention them also telling her about their gender identity--so...she supposes she'll just try not to worry about it.)

KIVA: Rowan just, um...makes a pretty cute girl, doesn't she...?

Adair and Kiva talking. Adair has a concerned smile, and Kiva has an embarrassed smile.

ADAIR: Hahaha! Yeah, she does!

KIVA: Um...was that...your theory?

ADAIR: Yup.

KIVA: Ehehehe...um...I'm not trying to--interfere with her and Ximun, or anything, I swear! It's just...well, I already really loved her as a boy, to where I thought and now she's a girl...I'm sure you understand, since, uh...it seems like you're never interested in boys that way, either.

(Adair bursts out laughing.)

KIVA: Okay, anyway. Let's go. I'm hungry!!

Adair and Kiva, turned away from each other, both embarrassed. Adair's laughing nervously, and Kiva's covering her mouth.

ADAIR: Wait, wait, wait!! Kivaaa!!

KIVA: Whaaat?!

ADAIR: Hahahaha!! Does this mean you're going to start flirting with me back?!

KIVA: GAAH!!

ADAIR: Sorry, sorry. I should've at least waited until after dinner, huh.

KIVA: You're going to kill meeeeee!!

Adair and Kiva, turned away from each other, both embarrassed. Adair's laughing nervously, and Kiva's covering her mouth.

ADAIR: What?! Oh, no! Then, I'll just stop...

KIVA: ...I was kidding. Don't stop.

ADAIR: Wha--Wow! Ahahahahaha...

KIVA: Okay. Now, I'm going to be too embarrassed to look at you for the next three hours, at least. I'm sitting in the back seat with Rowan.

(Kiva turns around, and starts speedwalking back down the hallway. Adair's laughter continues to echo behind her. It's been so long since she last heard Adair's "true" laugh, like this...their real, cackling kind of laugh that only comes out of them when they're really, truly caught off-guard...which, perhaps ironically, sounds even more fake than their usual laughter happens to sound already.)

Adair, Kiva, Rowan, and Ximun in the car. Adair and Ximun are in the front, both smiling and glancing towards the backseat, where Rowan is sitting in the middle seat just so she can hug Kiva.

end...thank you for reading! ~ ♡

↫ back ↬ next