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Real Talk //WARNING: This game has heavy profanity and themes of racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, and ableism presented in a unserious fashion.// //You are receiving a call// [[Answer it]] [[Ignore it]]

Wha's good OG? I ain't seen you in a hot minute! [[I'm skraight dawg, wassup witchu?->Aight bro, how are you????]] [[Same old, same old. What's the move?]] [[Not gon' lie, I been better.]]

Damn bro, what's got you down in the dumps? [[It's really nothin', jus forget I said it]] [[It don't really concern you for real]] [[On the real, I jus been depressed lately]]

Shit, whatchu in a rush for? We jus got here. [[Aight bro, how are you????]]

I never been better for real. I met this fine shit at the mall yesterday. She was feelin' me from the start. We finna link up this weekend. [[You mad lucky. I'm happy for you bro.]] [[Damn bruh, save some hoes for the rest of us.]] [[You cappin' straight thru ya teeth on God.]]

//Your phone rings on as you wallow in self pity for the rest of the night// //Good job// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Thanks man. She kept talkin' bout her homegirl too bro. Chances are, we could make this shit a two man. You down? [[Is she chopped? I'm not finna take one for the team again.]] [[Depends. She better be fine too.->Is she chopped? I'm not finna take one for the team again.]]

You already know I got that Razputin game. But you ain't bad ya-self. You jus gotta get yo money longer. [[There's more to this shit than paper, dawg.]]

Why you never believe me when I tell you this shit. I got crazy rizz bro. [[Never say the word 'rizz' to me again.]] [['Cause you always sayin' some outlandish shit.]]

Don't you worry, my G. I'mma send you the pics she showed me. Tell me that ain't for you gang. //You check your messages to see what the woman in question looks like. The picture has two girls. One has dark skin and a curly afro. She is quite curvaceous and is wearing a sparkly short dress. The other has pale skin and long dirty blonde hair. She seems to be taller and thinner than the first woman. She is also wearing a rather revealing dress.// [[Which one's the friend bro?]] [[These bitches gotta be a set-up. They want nothin' but yo money brother.]]

The white one, bro. [[She kinda bad, not gonna lie.]] [[Man, I ain't bout that shit->These bitches gotta be a set-up. They want nothin' but yo money brother.]]

Why you always so quick to judge? I know you been watching them Dr. Umar videos again. Not every bitch is tryna take yo bread dawg. Learn to trust for once, damn. [[Shit, maybe you right. Fuck it, I'm down.]] [[Bruh, them hoes look they go clubbin' every weekend.]]

That's what I'm sayin'. This bitch gotta be a solid 8. We gotta pop out for this shit. [[Why do you insist on callin women bitches?]] [[Shit, maybe you right. Fuck it, I'm down.]]

Da fuck you on about? A bitch is a bitch. Ain't nothin to it. [[Don't you think that's a bit hateful?]] [[Aight, whatever. I don't really care anyway.]]

That's more like it. I'mma tell her you down. [[Aight bro, lets get on the game then.]]

You can't jus assume the worst from one picture, my guy. It don matter anyway, we jus tryna crack. We ain't gotta talk to them bitches ever again. [[Why are you like this?]] [[Shiii, you right. Fuck it.->Aight bro, lets get on the game then.]]

But there's no malice behind it. They call themselves bitches. Nobody gives a shit, you jus wildin'. [[Nah you gotta check ya self for real.]] [[Aight, whatever. I don't really care anyway.]]

Yeah whatever. You always on that dumbshit. Maybe if you get a bitch, you'd understand. [[I don't think so buddy, but whatever you say.]] [[Being in a happy relationship with a woman will help me understand your explicit sexism?]]

Shut yo bitch-ass up. I'm sick of your 'holier than thou' bullshit. Jus hop on the game lil bro. //He hangs up on you. You lose 6 straight Fortnite matches and your duo never plays with you again.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Nah, you can't just leave me hanging after sayin' some shit like that. What is it? [[There's this girl...]] [[It really don' matter bro, let's jus move on.]]

Okay dickhead, hop on the game. I'mma whoop yo ass real quick. //The call ends. You go 0 for 23 in 2K that night.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

I'm sorry to hear that bro, you know I'm here for you tho. You can talk about it if you want. [[I don' really want to.]] [[You ain't my therapist, bitch.]] [[Promise you won't talk shit first.]]

Fuck you mean? All hoes want these days is man to take care of em. [[Your world view is extremely limited, gangy.]] [[Well I'm tryna get me a bitch that actually loves me for me.]]

Why are you always like this? I'm not tryna hear a lecture from yo ass right now. [[I'm jus sayin' it like it is for real]] [[Maybe if you weren't so damn toxic...]]

There's no such thing these days. Hoes hate men 'less they pay for they hair and nails and shit. You don even got a roster, talkin' bout some 'bitch that loves me'. Are you even talkin' so a bitch right now? [[That's none of your business, perchance.]] [[Well, there is one.]]

Do it look like I give a fuck? [[I can't see yo ass, goofy->Maybe if you weren't so damn toxic...]]

Get yo fuck-ass off my phone. //The call suddenly ends. You find out you were blocked on all social medias in the morning.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Fuck you mean gang? [[They finna rob us, we not leavin' with our shoes brother-man.]] [[All you care about is fuckin'. You have no respect for any woman but yo moms.]]

You always so damn paranoid. This why you get no bitches, you never tryna crack fine shit for nothin'. If you don't let me help you, ain't nobody finna help you. Not even God himself. You can stay on that dumb shit and die alone for all I care. [[You talkin' mad shit for someone behind screen.]] [[You gonna die alone sooner than me at this rate, goofy.]]

Don't you ever talk about my moms again. I mean that shit. And so what I wanna fuck? Is that not our God-given purpose in life? If there's bitches ready to be single mothers, them I'm there. Ready to be deadbeat-ass father. [[You need jesus.]] [[You need God.->You need jesus.]] [[You need therapy.->You need jesus.]] [[You need prison.->You need jesus.]]

Aight, I'm gettin' on. //You go the double-date over the weekend. It turns out the two women had boyfriends. They caught you two before you even got into the house. You were beaten mercilessly while your friend ran away. You lucky they let you go after taking only your shoes.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

I'm so tired of your preaching. Hop on the damn game bruh. [[Nah, I can't with you no more.]] [[Aight, what we playin.]]

Whatchu you gonna do? Beat my ass? You wouldn't even fight a mosquito. Sit down, lil bro, you not bout that life. I promise you. [[Watch yourself. Next time I see you, it's on sight.]] [[Shit whatever bro, I'mma see you tomorrow or somin'.]]

You done enough talkin' in my ear for one day. Bitch-ass... //Your friend hangs up on you. You see him the next day and it's as if this conversation never happened// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Bet then. //The phone call cuts off. You meet your friend the next day, but you've completely forgotten about your promise. He suckerpunches you in your gut. You fall to the ground and he continues to kick you while taunting. He makes you bite a curb and stomps the back of your head. You might just regret everything.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Pussy-ass //He hangs up on you. You see him the next day. He makes a punching gesture toward your face but stops right before contact. You flinch and he laughes at you. You've never been so humiliated in your life. You will never financially recover from this.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

//You end the phone call. You never hear from your friend again. Maybe that's for the best.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

//You play Marvel Rivals for 13 hours straight. Your loss streak is so extravagant, your friend is speaking in tongues by the 8th hour. What a day.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

What? You ain't down with the lingo these days, unc? [[You know I don' fuck with that tiktok-brainrot-Kai Cenat-ass bullshit.]] [[You gon' be sayin' shit like "ohio fanum tax" or some shit next.]] [[That ain't lingo, that's that fuckshit twelve-year-olds say.]]

//You can't just say "perchance"// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Ain't no way. You? Of all people? Talkin' to a female? [[Bruh, yes]] [[Nah, I lied.]]

Now you speakin' my language. Tell me everything. [[What do you wanna know?]] [[Well, we ain't really talkin'.]]

I shoulda known. No wonder you have no excitement for another man's success. Get the fuck on the game. //You get on 'the game.' You win the first match and your friend rage quits. You run PvE for the rest of the night.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

What does she look like? Is she bad? [[Of course you only care about looks.]] [[Well, she's about my height. She's pretty thin. She's got great taste in fashion...]]

Huh? [[It's more like we friends tho'.]] [[It's more like we acquaintances.->It's more like we friends tho'.]] [[It's more like I see her sometimes and I quickly look away if we make eye contact.->It's more like we friends tho'.]]

Fuck you mean? That's like the most important part. [[Shit, you right.]] [[Bruh, no. How can you like someone if you don't like they personality?]]

Is she white? [[Yes..]] [[Does it matter?]]

So, spill it, gang [[Well, she's about my height. She's pretty thin. She's got great taste in fashion...]]

Bruh that's some gay shit for real. [[Fuck you mean 'gay shit'?]]

Of course yo ass is in love with a snowbunny. You ain't been watchin enough of them Umar videos. Da fuck are you doin'? [[Bro, don't talk to me with yo racist shit.]] [[I literally don't give a single fuck.]]

Nah, nah, it's skraight. We don't see color, amiright? [[You gotta be bullshittin'.]]

Of course I am, gang. Fuck you doin' fallin for a snowbunny? [[Bro, are you racist?->Bro, don't talk to me with yo racist shit.]]

That's the problem with you, man. You ain't never care about our community. You wanna infect yo blood with the snowbunny's mind virus. [[You're not serious.]] [[What can I say? If it ain't snowin', I ain't goin'.]]

Man, why you hatin' on Kai Cenat? He's a young and rich black man. We should all aspire to be jus like him! [[Yeah, a young and rich black man showin' his ass to thousands of white preteens all day e'erday.]] [[I don' know, I jus don' like 'em]] [[I ain't hatin', he coo'.]]

Bruh, the ohio shit is like so 2023 at this point. [[Now I know you jus bullshittin'.->You know I don' fuck with that tiktok-brainrot-Kai Cenat-ass bullshit.]]

That is true. Kids these days be wildin' with the shit they watch. My aunt be babysittin' this middle schooler. He says the craziest shit to her. She told me he said "salutations huzz" to her last time she pulled up. I think she's finna quit that babysittin' stuff. [[That's a reasonable decision.]]

Do you ever get sick of preachin'? Bro is jus havin' the time of his life meetin' celebrities and shit and here you come wit yo Malcolm X headass talkin' all that bullshit. Does everything gotta go back to white people and racism for you? [[Bitch, we live our whole lives surrounded by racism and you can't see that?]] [[You must be off some hemp or somethin'.]]

You jus mad he got more bread than you could even fathom. [[Yeah, I'm down bad bro.]] [[You really think I give two shits 'bout that?]]

Yeah, he cooler than your bitchass'll ever be. Lemme tell you 'bout this bitch bro. [[Aight, aight. Shit.]]

Outlandish? Like what? [[Remember that time you told me you bagged a eighty year old grandma with dementia?]] [[Didn't you tell me about how you hit the dash after you found out Stacey was trans and her shit was bigger than yours?]]

Now I always ask to see a bitch's birth certificate before I crack. [[That's fucked up.]]

She forgot who I was the next day too. [[Is that legal?]]

Of course I see that shit. But you tryna tell me that even when a black man succeeds, it's some sort of failure for our community. You don't see how fucked up that is? [[I'm jus sayin' it like it is. All them Twitch streamers and shit are jus' indoctrinatin' the youth. You don' see how they love to show off all they money? Don' get me started on all the deep-rooted homophobia and shit they constantly show off on they stream.]] [[You right. We should take all the victories we can for real. If we don't support each other, who will?]] [[I think we've lost the plot a bit.]]

Only that good kush. [[Pass that shit.]] [[You on the devil's lettuce??]]

No way you tryna tell me Twitch streamers are a right wing propaganda pipeline or some shit. [[You took the words right out my mouth.->No (Yes).]] [[No (Yes).]]

That's what I been tryna tell you. People like them are only givin' us more opportunities. Speakin' of, let's take this opportunity to hop on the game. //He abruptly ends the call. You log on to Fortnite and your friend pretends to be live streaming the whole time. He refers to you as 'chat' too many times to count. You get sick of it and log off early. What a day.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Shit, what was we even talkin' about to begin with? [[Somin' bout a bitch.]] [[Talkin' bout how you get no hoes for real.]] [[We was finna hop on the game, I think.]]

You're crazy, my friend. You done with your stupidass rant? [[Yeah, I'm good.->I don' give a single fuck.]]

Oh right. Man, I'on'e'en wanna tell you no more, man. [[Good, keep that shit to ya self.->I don' give a single fuck.]] [[I don' give a single fuck.]] [[At least tell me her name.]]

I guess. Get yo activist-headass on the game. //Your friends ends the call and you join his game, whatever game that is. I just know that you failed to get MVP in any match and your friend made fun of you for it.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

How many percs did you pop today? [[None, da fuck?]] [[Perc sixty, I popped two perc thirties.]]

Yeah right. You ready to game, bruh? [[I guess.->I don' give a single fuck.]]

//Perky dance, I'mma do my perky dance. Perkies. I love perkies.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Good, then less hop on the game. //The phone call cuts off and you play Minecraft survival mode with your friend. He proceeds to kill you and take all your diamonds. He also traps a Warden in your base. What an unfortunate night.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Ummm... [[You gotta be kiddin' me.]] [[Don't tell me you forgot her name.->You gotta be kiddin' me.]] [[I'm honestly concerned for your mental health.->You gotta be kiddin' me.]]

Wait, jus gimme a second bruh. It's on the tip of my tongue. Sa- Sssss- Sama--- [[Sam?]] [[Samantha?->Sam?]] [[Kaio-shin-sama???]]

Samantha! It's Samantha. Yeah. [[Jus get on the game.]]

What? [[Jus get on the game.]]

Aight... //The phone call ends quietly, but the COD Zombies game following is anything but quiet. You get surrounded by zombies and scream bloody mary. You are so loud you receive several noise complaints from your neighbors. What an embarrassment you are.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Enough of yo fuckshit. Get on the game, you got me waitin'. //You end the call and play games together into the night. You feel like you didn't push the conversation far enough. But would it be wise to push such a tough-guy over to confront his personal prejudices? You'll never know.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Bruh, I'm not sexist. Where do you get off criticizin' me like that? [[Maybe if you weren't so criticizable...]] [[I'm jus talkin' shit for real gang.->I don't think so buddy, but whatever you say.]]

Okay, brother. But what about you. How would you like it if I talked shit about every little thing you said, huh? [[Try me, pussy.]] [[You're right, I'd feel bad.]]

You always actin' like you better than everyone else in the got-damn world. Like you can do wrong or some shit. I've known you damn near all my life and here's the thing. You fuck up too. You fuck up all the time. [[Damn, bro okay I get it...]]

So stop yappin' and hop on the damn game. Run me my fade. //You join your friend's lobby and get molly-whopped like there's no tomorrow. I mean seriously, he dog-walked you so bad you might have to get on all fours. You lost the privilege to hold a Dualsense controller.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Nah, you don't get it. You ain't better than no one. You got no bitch, you got no money, you gotta pay taxes, you can't afford to live no more. Don't get me started on that fuckass rust bucket you call a car. [[OKAY, stop.]]

This is why that hoe Maria left you for Big Tony. You know why they call him that right? Maybe if you sat down and humbled yourself, yo daddy might actually love you. Oh wait, he disowned yo fuckass. You ain't got shit goin' for you, but you still insist on talkin' the most shit I ever heard. You should jus- //You hang up. There was no way you could listen to anymore of that. You could feel tears welling up in your eyes, but you manage to hold them back. You curl yourself up in your bed. You close your eyes and try not to think. But how could you not? You were just forced to stare yourself in the mirror. What are you even good for?// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

You gotta be gay if you say shit like that. [[???]] [[How does that even correlate?]] [[Tell the truth, you didn't take ya meds today, huh?->How does that even correlate?]]

//'???' is not a valid response// [[How does that even correlate?]] [[Tell the truth, you didn't take ya meds today, huh?->How does that even correlate?]]

You tellin' me you don' care how the bitch look? Ya know, I always had an inkling that you were one of them LGBTs. [[I'm not tho.]] [[Erm, actually it's LGBTQQIAAP+.]] [[So what if I was?]]

Yes you are. //You find out you're gay. Nothing much is different. You still have no bitches.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

☝️🤓 [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

I mean you do you bro. But if you gay then you gotta go. [[Da fuck? Why?]]

You been lyin' to me this whole time. That ain't no real homeboy activity. [[You can't be serious. After all this time?]] [[Nah, you just sayin' that. You really jus don' wanna hang with someone who's gay.]]

I'm the one who should be mad. How could you hide this the whole time? [[Bitch, I'm not gay!]] [[What is wrong with you?]]

Bro thinks he can read my mind or some shit. You really can't trust my word, huh? That's exactly why I can't trust you no more. [[I thought it was 'cause you think I'm gay.]]

I hope you find a man who treats you right. Jus don' bring that weird shit round me. //He suddenly hangs up the phone. You went on with your night very confused. Your friend still remained your friend, but he was never the same with you again. The distance continued to grow until one meeting turned out to be your last meeting. You still have no idea if he genuinely thought you were gay or not.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Nothin' wrong with me. But it's somin' wrong with you fo' sure. [[I don't get it. You say you don't care if I'm gay, but that simple fact would change our enitre relationship?]]

I ain't got no problems with gay people bro. I got problems with liars. [[I'm not lyin' tho'. I'm not gay.->Bitch, I'm not gay!]]

Of course it would. Jus like if you found out I was a woman the whole time, you would have the same reaction on God. [[No I wouldn't. I wouldn't give a shit.]]

Bruh, you cappin'. That like recontextualizes our whole ting. [[That only works under the assumption that people can't be friends if they are capable of being attracted to eachother.]]

Um, that's exactly my point. Once somebody catches feelings, the whole friendship turns into a shipwreck. It can only go south. [[What kinda fucked up mindset is this?]] [[Hol' up. You might be cookin'.]]

Look, try it. You can only be friends with a bitch if she stupid as shit or ugly as fuck. [[I might have to slime you out myself.]] [[Okay, Andrew Tate Junior.->I might have to slime you out myself.]]

I am. But you tellin' me that if I was a bad bitch you wouldn't try to hit? [[Of course I would, homie.]] [[FUCK NO.]] [[Hop on the game, slime.->I might have to slime you out myself.]].]]

Now that's the correct answer. You passed the test. //Congratulations!// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

That's how I know you gay. Get on the game. //What the fuck?// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Aight, that's enough lecturin' yo ass. Hop on the game. //You play Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare. It's a fun game. But you can't help but wonder if your friend was right about what he said. Can a man and woman who are attracted to each other really have a genuine friendship that isn't based on some sort of courtship attempt? That ends up being too heavy of a topic for you so you forget about it and enjoy the funny plant game.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Racist? Black people don' have the power to be racist, gang. I'm jus sayin', what does a snowbunny got for you that a black queen don't? [[I don't care about all'at. I jus think she a bad lil vibe.]] [[Lowkey, I think she's rich.]] [[No more chitlins.]]

Wait, you might be onto somin'. I understand it now. [[You see the vision.]]

No shot. She even got an ass on her? [[No.]] [[Not really.->No.]] [[Yes (No).->No.]]

Oh shit. I take back everything I said. You gotta bag that bitch. [[See, you only care when money's involved.]] [[I have no qualms when it comes to having a sugar mama.]]

Of course not. I'm fuckin' around. I've cracked more white bitches than I can count. [[You're like the devil incarnate.]]

You are devious. Disgusting. Absolutely deplorable. Have you no shame? [[Human emotions such as shame can not reach me.]]

That's what them snowbunnies were saying when I- [[Get the fuck off my phone.]]

Aight. //You hang up. That was not the most pleasant of conversations you've ever had, but it was kind of funny. Speaking of funny, you meet the girl you are interested in a few days later. You chat for a while and you attempt to tell a joke. You can only think of the conversation you had with your friend. Your joke ends up being something about rabbits and black carrots. Safe to say, you've scared the hoes my friend.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

You dare allow the white devil to bore its seed into your black flesh? [[Your kind could not begin to fathom the awesome power this woman holds.]]

Money makes the world go round, slime. What's so wrong with wantin' more? [[If you think I should take advantage of a woman for it, that's what's wrong.]]

That's a wild statement, but I respect your gall. Go get yo bag, homie. But hop on the game first. //You end the phone call with a new found appreciation for wealthy women. Too bad you're still too poor to afford the battle pass.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

You sacrifice your morals and humanity to lay with a wench? Particulary one who knows not of the suffering our people lived through. [[Our forefathers built this country as the pale demon cracked scars unto their backs. The finest revenge can come only from taking and deflowering his woman.]]

You would foresake your lineage for petty reasons such as vengeance? Our ancestors look down you with in humilation. Do you care not what your own Mother thinks? [[Keep my mother's name out of your filthy mouth, dastard.]] [[My whore of a Mother knows not what is best for our people. And little do you.]]

That's why I fucked yo mama last night, bitch. Hop on the game. [[Aight.]]

Callin' yo own moms a 'whore' is wild. Let's just get on the game bro. [[Aight.]]

//You play several games throughout the night. You feel confident knowing that your friend was the first to break RP this time instead of you. You still lose to him in every match though.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Not yet homie. There's gotta be a better reason you fiendin' for her. She got a BBL or somin'? [[Pancake time.🥞->No.]] [[Fuck no->No.]]

Bro, I know the cookie can't be that good. [[When did I ever say I hit that?]]

What the fuck? Why are you wildin' then? [[When was I wildin?']]

A few passages ago when you called me racist and shit. [[Passages?]]

Shit I messed up. We gotta go bald. [[Huh...->Real Talk]]

You call it 'taking advantage.' I call it 'pro-gamer strats.' If I could freeload off a bitch, I'd take that opportunity with open arms. [[You can have fun with that. I'mma do my own thing.]]

Bro thinks he's Miles Morals the way he be preachin' and shit. Hop on the game, spider-headass. //The phone call ends and you join your friends Playstation party. He asks you if have a certain. You don't and you can't afford to get it. You finally understand what he meant now.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Brother, what the hell are you doing? Are you seriously fiendin' for a bitch you barely know? And you ain't makin' no moves? And you ain't tryna crack? [[I don't barely know 'er. We jus have friendly interactions.]] [[I know bro, I'm lowkey wildin']]

You've already confined ya self to the friendzone? You ain't getting cuffed for naythin'. [[Don't be so doomer about it. I got plans.]] [[I have no idea what I'm doing honestly.->Will you be my God?]]

You need major help. And I'm talkin' some like divine intervention-ass shit. [[Will you be my God?]] [[It's too late for me, I'm afraid.]]

Do yo plans involve makin' a fool of yo self? 'Cause you doin' a good job at the moment. [[Man, you just hatin'.]]

Don't worry bro, I gotchu. We gon' get yo money longer, sip a few PBR's. We'll get you straight. The bitch'll be all up on yo shit faster than you can say "残酷な天使のように少年よ神話になれ". [[What the fuck did you just say?]] [[I understand it now.]]

What does that mean? [[I can't stop thinkin' about her, for real.->I'on know bro. She's on my mind all the damn time.]]

You'll understand when you get older. For now, tell me what the bitch like. [[She ain't no bitch, don't call her that.]] [[Well, she's about my height. She's pretty thin. She's got great taste in fashion...]]

Yeah boy. We gon' get you hooked up real good. I'mma show you the Method. Man. [[Method Man is a crazy pull.]] [[The Method?]]

Fuck yeah I am. You a dumbass fallin' in love with some bitch and you ain't e'en got the drive pursue 'er. Tell me what this brilliant plan is? [[So uh...]]

Oh, look at the white knight go. You mad I called the girl you ain't even dating a bitch? Whatchu gon' do? Fight me? [[Ya know what, fuck it. Yeah. You know where to find me.]]

Bet. Bitch. //The phone call cuts off. The next day you meet your friend at a nearby park ready to engage in fisticuffs. But bro has a glock 19. He shoots you 28 times in the chest. Man, that wasn't the best day you had.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

You wastin' my damn time. You got no plan. You just gonna let this bitch pass you up before you even sell yo self a little bit. She prolly ridin' some other guys schmeat as we speak. [[Schmeat is crazy.]] [[She ain't some random slut, bro]]

Peep game and lock in, gang. You gonna pull up to shawty and start with a compliment. With that, she gon' start feelin' you already. Compliment her shoes or shirt or somin'. Then you gotta- [[Quit all that yappin'. This is real life, not some romcom.]]

//Method Man, of Wu-Tang Clan fame, was featured on Limp Bizkit's 'N 2 Gether Now'// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Damn, bro. Interruptin' me. I was just about to give you the sauce. [[Sauce? That shit was not gonna work for a second.]]

Why are you always hatin'? You know how many birds I pull and you doubtin' my Method. Fine stay single. That hoe ain't ever gonna call you back, dawg. //Your friend ends the call and he continues to make fun of your little crush for weeks. You know he's joking, but it hurts nonetheless. You vow to never talk to him about love again.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Yeah I don't know why I said that. It's like the person writing dialogue really didn't wanna write the word 'dick' in the last passage. [[Passage?->Passages?]]

That's what you think. But these hoes ain't loyal. I would know. I caught my ex sleepin' with my step-dad last summer. Ever since then, I jus hit 'em once and leave 'em. [[Do you not hear ya self when you speak?]] [[Valid.]]

I hear it and I'm cookin'. Now quit your bullshit and hop on the game. //The call ends and you play COD Warzone for too many hours. You think about what your friend said. Are you really letting your chances slip by? Should you make a move like he suggests? You honestly have no idea how to even approach a woman let alone court one. In the end you fail to ever make a move on this woman you adore. So sad.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

//It's not valid, da fuck?// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Fuck no. Yo ass must be tweakin' an some mo' shit. [[What's with the attitude?]]

Are you finna preach to me about weed being bad now too? [[It just is tho.]] [[Do whatchu want, bruh. Put all the poison you need in your body.->It just is tho.]]

Fuck this, I'm finna go smoke. //Your friend hangs up and presumably goes to smoke marijuana. You wonder about how that can be any fun for him. You know you shouldn't judge but you also recognize the health issues that can come from it. In the end it's his choice you figure. You end up playing Roblox alone and get banned for a week.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

You were jus wildin' 'bout how I talk and now you want me to share my hard-earned drugs with you? [[If you put it like that...]] [[I may have overreacted slightly.]]

Uh huh. Now hop on the game before I start rollin' some. //You play Splatoon 3 for approximately sixteen hours straight. You don't know whether you are a squid or a kid by the end of it and your friend can only speak in 'woomies' and 'veemos'. Booyah!// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

At least you recognize that. But this shit cost too much for me to share it with yo fuckass. You ain't even smoke for real. [[I can start.]] [[Aight, I'on' really care anyway.->It just is tho.]]

I hope she does. That gig's makin' her chump change and the rent is due. Plus her baby daddy ain't payin' no child support. [[Auntie gon' need a real job, huh?]] [[Tell her to make an OnlyFans. I've seen her, I know she'll make bank.]]

Good. Now peep game. She's fine as fuck for real. And she got a friend who's single. She wouldn't stop yappin' 'bout 'er. I'm thinkin' this shit could be a two man if you down. [[Her friend better be fine too then.->Is she chopped? I'm not finna take one for the team again.]] [[Nah, I'm not tryna play around like that.]]

Play around? No way you got a bitch. [[Not exactly 'got'.->Well, there is one.]] [[It's in the works.->Well, there is one.]]

Down bad for bitches and for paper. Could never be me. [[I never said nothin' bout bitches.]] [[I get it, you're God and whatnot.]]

I don' think so. I know so. You were tellin' me the other day bout' how you want some dumbass figurine or somin'. If you got yo bread up, you wouldn't hafta wish for it. You'd have that shit already. [[That's just a figurine bro. It don' matter.]]

Yeah she does. And you need to hop on the game. Run me my ones, pussy. //You two play Brawlhalla for a few hours. You are pretty evenly matched, but in the end the only bout that really matters is the last one. Of course you choke at the last second and fall to your death. Your friend celebrate extravagantly and insults you in ways that you didn't even know were possible. He clips your lose and sends it in the groupchat as well. You'll never live this down.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Bro. //There's a bit of silence followed by the call ending. It seems your joke went a bit too far. You feel like you did nothing wrong, after all that was the kind of joke he'd make at your expense. Maybe it struck too close to home. You wonder if there's some deeper meaning behind this. Alas, you stop caring quickly and head to bed. The next time you see your friend everything seems normal. You make sure not to talk about his aunt like that ever again.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

That's what you sayin' now till that shit is sold out. [[Fuck I want that figure.]]

I knew it. Don' worry brother, we gon' get you right. [[No way, really?]] [[You fuckin' with me.]]

Your birthday is next month right? You know I always come correct. [[And that's why you my GOAT for real.]] [[I don' need yo hand outs, pussy-ass.]]

Yeah I am. Fuck you. //Fuck you.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

I got you homie. Now less hop on the game before it gets too late. //The two of you play a variety of games throughout the night. Some were good. Some were bad. The important part wasn't the games, but rather the time you spent together. You've known your friend for years and he has always been there for you. On your birthday, your friend buys you the figurine you've been wanting. The gesture alone means the world to you. You might not say it aloud, but you can tell that the two of you are an inseparable pair. You hope times like these will never end.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Fine suit ya self. You ain't never gettin' nothin' from me again. You can bet ya soul on that. //You proceed to bet your soul on that. A few days later, you and friend end up at McDonald's for lunch. You go to pay for your order, but your card declines of course. Your friend pokes fun at your lack of financial stability, then quickly pays for your order himself. As the pinpad says 'approved', Death appears in front of you. Wrapped in black, the skeleton carries a crooked scythe which he raises above his head before quickly swiping it through your body. You feel nothing but a force propelling you forward. You turn around to see yourself lying on the ground. Your friend is shaking you, screaming your name, and begging bystanders for help. It seems Death has come for your soul. Ain't that funny.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

I know you ain't got no broad on yo shit, da fuck? [[I might be mackin' on a lil' somin'.->Well, there is one.]] [[That don' mean I'm down bad tho.]]

I am when it comes to gettin' these hoes in my bed. [[I ain't never seen you with a bitch.->Maybe in your dreams.]] [[Maybe in your dreams.]]

How? It's whatchu gotta do these days with them femboys and trans folk walkin' around. [[You say that like they new or somin'.]] [[Bro, a woman's a woman. There ain't nothin' to it.]]

I'on' fuckin' know. Can we get back on subject? You gotta hear 'bout this bitch. [[Aight, aight. Shit.]]

Ain't they? [[No, not at all.]]

I ain't tryna hit no bitch with a dick, homie. [[This is what happens when all you care about is sex.]] [[More for me, idiot.]]

Its about the principle. [[What principle? Your internalized transphobia?]]

I knew you were on that gay shit. [[So what if I am?->So what if I was?]] [[I'm not tho.]]

Shit, I thought it was some new fad or somin'. [[How did you graduate high school?]]

The same way I fucked yo bitch last night. //He hangs up abruptly. You are dumbfounded by such a statement. There is no way sex could lead to him graduating from highschool. Plus, you've never been in a romantic relationship your whole life, so there is no 'bitch' for him to steal from you. In the end, you win this conversation.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Here you go, preachin' again. You prolly voted for Kamala too. Why we always gotta talk politics? Can we just play the game? [[I ain't playin' with yo bigoted ass.]] [[Whatever bro, get on.]]

Fuck you then, bitch. //He quickly ends the phone call. I don't think he liked that. You see him a few days later. He doesn't seem to want to entertain the thought of hanging out with you. You end up barely interacting with him ever again. At least you stood on your beliefs.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

//You end the call and boot up Killing Floor 2. You can't help but think about the preceding conversation. Is there any real point in doing so though? There is no way you can change your friends mind and you know he's never done or said anything out of malicious intent. So why do you feel so uneasy? Is it okay to let it end like this and move on without acknowledging his prejudice? You get a headache from thinking and end up logging off sooner than usual. An aspirin should do the trick.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Even so, my dreams would be ten times more lit than your real life. [[Man, fuck you.]]

But you fuckin' are. I seen your shelf, you got all them anime girls an' shit on there. You gots'ta be a class A gooner. [[I'm not a gooner, I'm a pervert. Know the difference.]] [[Those are just figures bruh. I'm a collector.]]

The only thing you fuckin' is your right hand. Or maybe you one of them weird fellas with the silicon dolls an' body pillows an' shit. [[Not in a million years.]] [[What's wrong with that? Gotta show my waifu the proper love.]]

Yeah sure pal. You ain't foolin' no one. It's no wonder the hoes run away when you pull up. They can smell the degeneracy emanating from your body. [[How do you come up with this shit?]]

//You can hear your friend gagging as he vomits following your remark. You are truly disgusting. Get some help.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

All those years on Call of Duty lobbies. Speaking of CoD, hop on the game. //You play CoD for a few hours and get bored. You end up going to bed early that night. You did get a full eight hours of sleep which felt good.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

The fuck is the difference? [[Well..]]

No sane person collects statues of scantily clad women. Some of which are of questionable age. [[It's just fiction bro.]] [[I don't buy shits like that, I got Goku and shit.]]

Hold that thought. I'on't wanna know. Keep ya mouth shut. Hop on fortnite. //You end up not getting to explain yourself, but does it really matter more than getting a victory royale as an OG? I think not. The two of you get three crowned victories before calling it a night. Good work.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

That's crazy, even fo' me. I'mma hafta talk to you later gang. //He hangs up on you. It seems you've managed to out-freak the master. You feel ashamed of yourself. You talk to your friend the next day and it's like this conversation never happened. Nothing out of the ordinary here.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Oh that makes it totally fine... Sike. It's still weird brother. You need a better hobby or better yet; a bitch on yo dick. [[Fuck that. I like my shit.]]

Whatever bro, jus' know it might be related to why you hoeless. Get on the game now. //You hang up the phone and turn on your Playstation 5. As you hear the beep you look up at your shelf covered in anime figures. You stare deeply at the Rei Ayanami statuette and wonder if your friends had a point. Is it really a weird hobby to have? Suddenly you remember that you find his opinions repulsive and stop worrying about it. You proceed to wipe the floor with him in many rounds of Dragon Ball FighterZ.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

No way your Bible-reading-headass is gonna start smokin'? You don' even got the bread to buy an ounce. [[My poverty strikes again.]]

I know you fuckin' wit' me. But I don't got the energy to deal with yo shit. Hop on the game. //You play Nickolodean All-Star Brawl 2. Why? I don't fuckin' know. You have a lot of fun regardless. That game's underrated to be honest.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Bro really thinks I'mma drop it that fast. He's right. Hop on the game lil bro. [[Lil bro is crazy, we the same age.]]

No way you got yo' panties in a twist over a bitch. [[I knew I shouldn't've said nothing.]] [[Yeah I do bro, you gon' help or what?->I knew I shouldn't've said nothing.]]

Now, normally I'd respect yo' wishes, but I know you. It'll be a lot better for the both of us if you open up now. [[I'd feel a lot better if we just acted like normal and play the game.]]

You don' got no therapist. You the typa fella to hold that shit in 'til it bubbles over and you explode. It's like yo' heart is constitpated. [[That's a crazy way to put it.]]

Okay, now you askin' for too much. [[Huh? You were the one askin' me to talk to you about this.]]

But it's mad true, huh? [[Yeah, I guess.]]

That's what I thought. Now get to talkin' 'fore I gotta deal wit' yo bipolar ass in a few days. [[Aight damn, fine. There's this girl I know.->There's this girl...]]

You know I can't jus' forget you told me you depressed. I'd be a bad friend if I jus' let that slide. [[Bitch, you is a bad friend.]] [[Fine, okay. I'll talk.->Yeah, I guess.]]

What? How am I a bad friend? [[You constantly flexin' yo money and hoes and shit.]] [[You always talk shit about me, no matter the situation.]] [[I can't even think of a positive experience I've had with you.]]

Jus' 'cause I'm better than you at most things doesn't make me a bad friend, gang. [[Do you not hear yourself when you speak?]]

Maybe if you weren't so easy to make fun of, then shit would be different. [[Do you not hear yourself when you speak?]]

Now that's a lie. You don' remember when we went on that roadtrip and the car broke down so we had to wait for a tow to pull up and we sat there for hours just goin' song for song 'til you admitted that I better music taste? [[You call that a positive experience?]] [[Damn, you right. That was a day to remember.]]

Yeah but it's like... I said that 'cause it's like the nice thing to say in this context. I was hopin' you'd say some shit like "Thank you for saying that, but I'm fine. Let's just hop on the game." [[You fucked up, for real.]]

I honestly called you up to chill, bro. I get enough stress and shit at work. I don' needa get another dose of that wit' you. In my opinion, it's your responsibility to deal with yo' depression or bipolar or whatever you got. Not mine. [[But you my friend. You're like obligated to share in my struggle. I'm not some sort of pass time, I'm a person with my own feelings and pro'lems. If you was in my shoes, I'd be down to help you. It's like the social contract that we signed when we became friends.]] [[I get where you're comin' from and I honestly agree. I'm fine dealin' with this shit on my own, but you don' gotta cap and pretend you care about it.]]

I don' give two fucks 'bout no 'social contract' or whatever. I come to you when I wanna play the game or drink or do whatever's fun, bro. I'm not yo' therapist or yo' bitch. I don' got the mental energy for yo' fuckshit honestly. Call me a bad friend or whatever you want, but you gotta respect this boundary that I'm setting. [[Boundary? This more like a wall to stop the Mongols than a simple boundary.]]

Honestly, that's my fault gang. Won't happen again. I'mma try to be more honest wit' you. But, I know you can handle yo' shit without me. If you want I can recommend an actual therapist. [[No thanks, jus' hop on the game.]]

It is what it is. If you can't handle that then we might have to end this thing we got goin'. [[Are you breaking up with me?]] [[All I want from you is something genuine.]]

It's gotta be done at this point. I can't keep dealin' with yo' pro'lems and my own. It's exhaustin' frankly. I wish you nothin' but the best. //The call ends with that statement. You never hear from your friend again. As the days go by, you think of all the times he hurt you and all the times you hurt him over the years. There were so many examples and yet you two stayed close for all that time. Now, suddenly, he's gone and you're alone. He said he wished you the best and at first you thought you felt the same way towards him. However, after all the time that's passed and all the reflection you now feel the opposite. You wish him nothing but the worst.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Fuck you mean 'genuine'? I been wit' you fa' years. [[It's not about the time. I need you to be there for me. To be someone I can talk to about real shit.]]

//You two play games together throughout the night. There's a somber vibe in the air for a while, but it dissipates pretty soon. You feel like you have a better understanding of how your friend feels. The way you see it, he enjoys your presence and seeks it to escape the harsh reality of the outer world. You take pride in your ability to lift his spirits. Too bad he can't do the same for you.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

We talk 'bout real shit all the time. You tweakin'. [[We be talkin' shit, not real shit. I wanna tell you how I feel without havin' to worry 'bout you cuttin' me off or turnin' it to some joke.]]

Well that jus' ain't my style bro. You ain't fam and you ain't my bitch. That kinda shit can only ruin our dynamic, for real. [[Then fuck it, I guess this is goodbye.]]

Yeah, good luck in life. //The call is over. You sit and think to yourself: is this really how it ends? You thought what you had was real and he was someone you could open up to. Maybe he was right, you pushed your problems onto others too easily. You'd let your emotions affect your relationships too many times to count. It was honestly a miracle your friendship with him lasted so long. But now you are alone with no friends, no money, no job, and no one to hold you. Try again later.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Shit, it was fa' me. When you played that FNAF Children or whatever it was I knew I was destined to win. [[But that was jus' a joke pick tho. I had heat, for real.]] [[Being stuck on the side of the road ain't positive, dawg.]]

See? Can I really be a bad friend when I be givin' you endless memories like that? [[Yes.]] [[Maybe you not so bad after all.]]

I hear it loud and clear. All I know is my voice sexy as fuck. No wonder I get all these bitches. [[You can not be this selfabsorbed.]]

Yeah, a bit. You played some Carti. That was heat. But then you followed it up wit' Rebecca Black, so that was not so heat. But you good wit' it. [[That's what I been sayin'. I admit you won tho'.]] [[Truthfully I won that battle if we bein' real.]]

But we had so much fun, bruh. See you jus' lookin' for reasons to hate. You jus' a bitch for real. [[If I'm a bitch, then I'm the baddest bitch.]] [[Fuck you, dumbass.]]

Man, you such a hater for real. Do you have no sense of joy in yo' life to the point where you can't even find good in tough situations. Go ahead and stay maudlin, bitchass. You don' deserve me. //He hangs up. You may have gone a bit too far there. After that conversation, you and friend don't talk very much anymore. You still occasionally play games together, but the sessions no longer last very deep into the night and the vibes are all off. You regret calling him a bad friend with all your heart, but you have no idea how to begin apologizing. It's a skill you've reglected to learn. Maybe it's time for some classes.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

That's what I'm tryna tell you. Listen, I may make fun of yo' ass more often than not, but I still love you dawg. You been my homie since day one, ain't nothing gonna change that. [[Thanks man, I love you too. I really appreciate you sayin that.]]

I am the egoist. //I don' even like Bluelock.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

//Playboi Carti is a big fat liar. He said '2024, music' yet he did not drop. Fuck him.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Fuck you too. pussy-ass. Hope you get hit by a semi on the freeway goin' 72. [[Kill yourself, bitch.]]

Type shit. [[What?]]

//Type shit.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Glad you recognize your loss. Now come lose on the game. //The two of you play Guilty Gear for the next three hours. You lose the first few matches, but your comeback game is unmatched. You proceed the never lose another game. You win so much your friend begins to rage. At some point you hear banging through his mic. After the last match, you can hear him throw his controller across his room. By the screams following it seems he has broken it. You take pride in know you cost him another seventy dollars. Good job.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

No way in hell you did. Yo' fuckass music taste does not compare to mine in the slightest. No Uzi, no Future, no nothin'. You tryna go song fo' song again, homie? [[Run me my fade, pussy.]] [[I don' got time for yo' fuckshit tonight.]]

Bet, dickhead. //The two of end up in a Discord call, sharing music back and forth for what seems like an eternity. It is a hard fought battle of attrition, but you wage war valiantly. For every song he plays, you strike back with full force until you have no more songs. Once you run out, your friends plays his best track yet. You are completely outclassed, there is no way you can recover from this. You lose the battle, but at least you still have your pride.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Fine, but then you gotta accept your loss bitch boy. Hop on the game. //You hang up and boot up Apex Legends. You still have not accepted your loss, but you'd rather play a game then risk losing to your friend in a music battle again. Too bad you don't win a single match of Apex Legends that night.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Yeah so let's jus' get on the game and have a good time. //You two play games long into the night. You bathe in your bromance and reminisce on your past together. It is one of the best nights you've had in a long time. You're able to forget about your troubles all together even if only for one night. That means a lot to you. So it hurts even worse when February 26th comes and your friend slimes you out in a public park.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

So? You got lil bro energy, so you lil bro. That's it. [[I'm not gonna let that slide.]] [[Nah, you the lil bro in this partnership.]]

The fuck yo' lil depression havin' ass gon' do about it? [[I got shootas, you don' wanna meet 'em.]] [[Pro'ly cry in a corner somewhere.]]

Bro, I might as well be yo' daddy. Fuck is you talkin' about? [[Yo mama be callin' me daddy tho'.]] [[Ain't no way in hell that could be true.]]

Yeah, and they names are "bitchless" and "impoverished". You ain't foolin' no one. I know you ain't talk to no one but me. The only shootin' you be doin' is in yo' pants when any female crosses yo' path. [[That is so not true. I've never even had a wet dream.]]

Yeah and I'll smash yo bitch while you do it. Oh wait, you ain't got one. You don' want my help? Stay sad for all I care. //Your friend hangs up and you're left alone for the night. Like every other night. Is there any way for you out of this hell? You refuse to open up and yet you yearn for affection and a genuine relationship. You act out when you're down, but get upset when others try to reach out. Your hypocrisy knows no bounds. How you've managed to keep your friend around all these years is an enigma. Good luck saving this friendship.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Yeah it is, 'cause yo mama been lovin' on me. You shoulda seen 'er the other night. That shit was all like "boh boh boh boh" and I got her moanin' like "aaaah aaaah" and her shit was clappin' like "pop pop po-" [[I didn't need the onomatopoeia, thank you very much.]]

My mama dead, bitch. [[Skill issue honestly.]] [[Oh shit, I'm sorry.]]

Did I really need to know that? [[It was imperative.]]

Wait, are you asexual? Is that why you got no bitches? You doin' it on purpose? [[How do you even jump to that conclusion?]]

That or you gay. Pick one and stick to it fam. [[Neither, I'm straight.]] [[Be so for real right now.]]

It's okay buddy, we don' judge in the big '25. You can be whatever you want. [[I don' think you believe what you sayin'.]] [[Yeah exactly, so hop off my dick.]]

Aight, let's hop on the game. That's real. //Your friend ends the call. You proceed to play NBA 2K for about thirty minutes before realizing it's literally the same game as last year's. You both regret buying this game immediately and decide it's been to go to sleep than play that trash. Goodnight.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Who cares what I think, the world gon' turn no matter what. You need the same typa mentality. Listen, don' you feel a lil better after jus' talkin' a bit? [[Yeah, I guess I do.]] [[You only make me feel worse with your bullshit.]]

You'd like that wouldn't you? If I was hoppin' on yo dick. Gay ass. [[Yeah, I would actually.]] [[Fuck no, why you gotta make everything weird.]]

That's crazy. You be lookin' at me that way? Wit' them saucy eyes? [[Yeah big boy, you lookin' mad juicy right now.]] [[No bitch, issa joke. I'm surprised actual women look at you at all.]]

You the only makin' it weird wit' yo' gay ass. If you like men, jus' say that. [[But I don't.->I'm not tho.]]

Nah, miss me wit that gay shit. //Your friend hangs up abruptly. It seems he wasn't enjoying your banter or your flirting. He just might not be homosexual. Luckily, he realizes you were joking and your next interaction plays out as if this never happened.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Of course they do I'm flawless. Which is bouta be my KD when we hop on the game. //You two play Paladins for 4.6 hours. Your friend was right, his KD is flawless. Meanwhile you get berated for your lackluster healing each match. Maybe you need to find a new main.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Now that's what I'm talkin' about. And you'll feel even better once you hop on the game. //You both end up playing Roblox obbies. You find out you're pretty good at them, while your friend struggles to get past the first few jumps. What a noob.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Well I'mma make you feel worse in a second. Hop online bro. //The phonecall ends suddenly. You get on Smash Bros. Ultimate and proceed to get absolutely washed by your friend. You can barely get one stock off each match. You indeed do feel worse.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

//That's fucked up.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

You fucked up for that. Man, I'll talk to you later. //He hangs up the call. You feel really bad for your remark. You had no idea his mother was dead. Why did he never say anything about it? You can't even pinpoint a time when it could have happened. You remember how nice of a lady she was. Her home cooking was something you always looked forward to. You can't believe something like that could have happened without you ever hearing about it. It must have been really hard on your friend, to the point where he buried his grief deep inside. You feel like a terrible person.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Too much? [[Completely, and my moms ain't no hoe like that bruh.]]

It's true, you can ask her. Hop on the game when you done. [[Fine, I will.]]

//You hang up and call your mother. You haven't seen her in quite a while, but you know she was looking for a new relationship last you time you saw her. When she answers, you have a normal greeting and chat before you ask the pressing question. She has indeed been seeing someone recently. Her description matches your friend almost spot-on. You are shocked and say a quick goodbye to your mother before hanging up. You take a minute to contemplate the information you just received. Is she really having sex with your friend? Or is it some other guy who happens to be similar to your friend. One situation is worse but either way it means your mother is attracted to men like your friend, which leaves him vindicated no matter what. You decide it's better to forgo games tonight and keep this to yourself.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Nah, nah. I'mma help you don' worry. You gotta tell me 'bout her first tho. Why's she got you so down bad? [[I'on know bro. She's on my mind all the damn time.]]

Ah shit, that is not a good sign. Go on. [[I know bro. Every little thing she does affects my whole mood.]]

You really lettin' some bitch ruin ya' whole vibe, huh? [[I'm not tryin' to.]] [[I'm obsessed, for real.]]

That's how it starts. But then you gon' find ya' self doin' shit all unusual like. You finna go outta yo way see her and shit and it'll only make it worse. [[It's already started, bro.]]

Obsessed with a bitch that ain't e'en yours? That's wild. [[Yeah it's wild. That's why I gotta change that.]] [[I gots ta' move on from this, bro.]]

You think you can bag the bitch? [[I can try.]] [[I'm confident, she been droppin' all sorts a' hints.]]

Exactly, but you gon' need some professional help. This sound like one of them mental disorders. I know a few therapists. [[Nah, I'mma thug it out.]] [[How do you know a few therapists?]]

You're cooked, gang. There's nathin' I can do to help yo' ass. Issa lost cause. [[Fuck you mean? You not even gon' try?]]

You done gave yo' soul to Satan already. It's finito. Jus' hop on the game, fuckboy. //You two play video games for two hours. Every single thing in the game reminds you of her. How is this any way to live? The only path forward may just be a lobotomy.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

You gonna hafta do more than try, my friend. Do you even know if this hoe is feelin' you? [[I think she is a lil'.]] [[Pro'ly not if I'm bein' honest.]]

Yeah? Like what? [[She talks to me.->she does]] [[Sometimes she looks me in the eyes.->she does]] [[She sits down next to me, unprompted.->she does]] [[She calls me by my name.->she does]] [[Sometimes she shows my things she likes.->she does]]

Shit, suit ya' self. Less get on the game then. //The two of you end up gaming for a few too many hours. Despite your unresolved issues, you have quite a fun time anyway.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

I fucked 'em. [[I shoulda guessed.]]

They'll get you straight, tho. One of them got like five stars on Google reviews. [[No way that's the credentials you givin' me right now.]] [[Good enough.]]

It's your choice whether to trust 'em. And it's my turn to trust that you'll hop on the game right now. //You do indeed 'hop on the game right now'. You two play Overwatch 2 and discover that the game is absolute dogwater. Blizzard is a terrible company that shouldn't exist. This isn't even part of the story, I just had to say this. I wish nothing but the worst to the game Overwatch 2.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

More than good enough, 'cause you need one bad. If you lucky, maybe she'll fuck you too. Let you taste some freedom from yo' virgin shackles. [[That's not exactly what I meant.]]

You stupid as fuck. Ya know that? [[What? How?]]

Not a single one of those means shit. That's normal ass friendly behavior. She is not feelin' yo dumbass. [[But, no female ever been like this wit' me before.]]

You jus' made me really sad. I'on'e'en wanna play the game no more. This is jus' too sad. We need to get you a bitch this second. [[I'on want some bitch, I want her.]] [[You're so right, gang.]]

That ship has long since sailed. You been friendzoned since the day you met 'er. We gettin' you some pussy tonight gang. Open Hinge right the fuck now. //The two of spend about thirty minutes on the Hinge dating app with your friend guiding your every move. By the end, he's somehow already secured you a date for that same night. It's like magic. You go on this date and meet the women he managed to set you up with. Through the course of the night it becomes clear that this lady is extremely willing to put out on the first date. Once you've had this epiphany, you no longer even care about the sex. You just wanna know what kind of training your friend went through to have this kind of power. You end up leaving the woman behind to go ponder this mystery in silence.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

I know I am, now get on Hinge. You gon' fuck tonight if it's the last thing I do. //With all the determination in the world, you manage to somehow get a date on Hinge. Based on the messages, it's clear that this date is only an excuse to have sex for both of you. You'd normally condemn this behavior, but now that it's you in the driver's seat, it feels nothing but exciting. You meet the woman at her house. There is little time for pleasantries before things escalate. You quickly find yourself in her bed waiting for her to 'slip into something more comfortable.' As cliched as it is this gets you evermore excited. You've never been so thankful for your friend of so many years. You figure you might as well slip into your own more comfortable attire: your birthday suit. You think it'll be a big surprise for your new lady-friend. Well, maybe an average surprise. Sadly, the one to receive this surprise isn't the woman, but rather a tall, muscly, man. You should've guess it wouldn't be this easy. Of course, it was a setup and you end up walking home in your underwear.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

A lil isn't good enough. You need to rizz her up. [[That ain't happenin' chief.]]

You're hopeless, gangy. [[I'm already aware. I'mma jus' let things run they course.]]

Why the fuck not? [[I can barely talk to the lady at the Walgreens pharmacy. You think I can mack on a bitch?]]

Oh god, you're so cooked. It's not even funny no more. We gotta send you to rizz bootcamp. //You get sent to Rizz Bootcamp. There you learn that you are even worse at talking to women than you previously thought. You are so bad, the drill instuctors are baffled and have no choice but to send you to prison since your "rizz" can only be considered harassment at this point. Have fun with your new cellmate: The Jiggler.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

That's the opposite of tryin'. Whatever man. Lets get on the game. I can't take yo' shit much longer. //You two spend some time surfing games to play. You end up getting bored before you even choose one so you both decide to just go to bed. Goodnight.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]]

Don't care. Hop on Fortnite. //You play Fortnite for too long, though it does help get your mind off things. You two work exceptionally well as a duo and end every game in the top 5. You just might be GOAT'ed.// [[Replay story?->Real Talk]] //Author's note: it is 6am, I have not slept in 20 hours. I have spent over 12 hours working on this game. I am never doing this again.//