Dating Demonstration

Welcome to... (t8n-depart:"instant")+(t8n-arrive:"flicker")+(t8n-time:1.3s)(click-goto:?page,"The Dating Demonstration") (click anywhere)

''The Dating(text-style:"fidget")[(text-colour:red)[ Demon]]stration'' Story by Crash Art by James Moses, Crash, Nik K., Hal, Jay4Pay QA by Bee Helped Me With Writing Guys: Shania, Jay4Pay, James Moses Best Boy: Nik K. Intern: Keepi (text-style:"fidget")[ [[Enter if you goddamn dare]]] [(link: "Trigger Warnings (some spoilers)")[==Some routes contain violence, character demise, sexual content, alcohol, drugs, religion, dismemberment, kidnapping, murder, ableism, there is a section where blarfing is mentioned in Zip's work party and on Zip's phone, but it is optional. Most of the violence takes place in Dane's route and is brief but varied. Every route contains crude language and at least some form of cartoon violence.] [(link: "Dedications")[== I dedicate this game to everyone in my life that makes life worth living. From my beloved partner, my best friends, to the anyone who's shown my kindness, helped me smile, even for just a moment when the world feels so grim and unfriendly. I hope that this game can be that little something to make life feel easier, if only for just a moment. That's it, rare passage with zero jokes in it, don't worry, there will be no more of that going on i promise.]

Good for you chump-i mean champ. Anyways you got a text from your boss earlier today, they said you had the day off, and frankly, its not that surprising. Strange new phone apps have been appearing on peoples phone and there is one Candy Crush clone called 'Creature Crush' where its basically the same rules as Candy Crush but instead you're making little lines of angels and they explode upon contact. Its gory and very addictive. Your boss and coworkers have been late and no showing all week, too busy playing it to give you any work, so you have the day off. [[You scroll through the other weird malware apps on your phone]]

Good for you, champ. It's the wee hours, you've just rolled over in bed and started checking your phone. Currently all of your friends are on a group vacation without you and you are //desperate //for entertainment. Strange new phone apps have been appearing on peoples phone and there is one Candy Crush clone called 'Creature Crush' where its basically the same rules as candy crush but instead you're making little lines of angels and they explode upon contact. Its gory and very addictive. Your boss and coworkers have been late and no showing all week, too busy playing it to give you any work lately, so while that's been nice theres been a crazy lack of excitement. [[You scroll through the other weird malware apps on your phone]]

There are a lot of other strange creepy apps that have been using up the data on your phone. You decide to click on one. [[DevilDash]] [[Evil Discord]] [[SlipSlop]] [[Cockout]] [[Bank of Suffering->Put in your Password]] [[Photos (scary)]] [[Cinder]] [[Too risky, I cant afford a new phone and I don't want my data to be compromised.->I don't check off the boxes, I close out the app.]]

When you open it its sort of like Temple Run and Door Dash at the same time!? You have to play Temple Run at the same time as scrolling for takeout to keep the app open without it crashing. The takeout options don't look so good anyways. You're seeing a lot of body part related restaurant and one 'soul' food restaurant, but you don't think it's the kind of soul food that you're familiar with. You let the little guy on the screen get squashed by a boulder and close the app. (t8n-time:2.3s)[[Find another app->You scroll through the other weird malware apps on your phone]]

Huh thats funny, it's just regular Discord. With all of your actual friends on there. Weird. (t8n-time:2.3s)[[Find another app->You scroll through the other weird malware apps on your phone]]

You open it and expect maybe like I don't know....a demonic version of Tiktok? And it is sort of that. It's a constant livestream of lemures slipping on a pile of mud and then giggling about it. It takes you a while to figure out that this might be some soft of fetish content. Then you watch it for hours. You little freak. (t8n-time:2.3s)[[Find another app->You scroll through the other weird malware apps on your phone]] [(link: "Hey buddy I think you spelled 'lemure' wrong.")[==[Hey pal, you may think i've mispelled 'lemur' because there is an infinite amount of typos in this game, but for once this was on purpose. A 'lemure' is a little weak goo devil that appears in dnd. <a href="https://www.dndbeyond.com/monsters/16942-lemure"target="_blank">(See!?)</a>] Grody guys. Not the monkeys.]

It's all the content of Dropout but it's that one problematic actor you hate doing all the parts and he's pantlesss and letting it all hang out. You get out of this one quickly. (t8n-time:2.3s)[[Find another app->You scroll through the other weird malware apps on your phone]]

Disturbingly enough this app seems to have just copied all your pictures from your regular photos app and make you look slightly worse. Maybe? Or you really hope that's what the case is. You're too scared to look at any more pictures of yourself to find out. (t8n-time:2.3s)[[Find another app->You scroll through the other weird malware apps on your phone]]

Words pop up on the screen, centered over a bleeding heart. (text-colour:magenta)[//'Looking for love? Looking for hate? Looking for a victim or your next hot date? It's Cinder!'//] It looks like Tinder, sort of, but it explains that there are a couple of key differences described in very tiny writing at the bottom of the screen. You get the gist of it. Mainly demons use the app to find other demons to fight, fuck or party with, but anyone is allowed to use the app (except for celestials). A pop up appears on the screen giving you a 40 page document to sign before going any further? Do you freaking dare? (t8n-time:2.3s)[[Find another app->You scroll through the other weird malware apps on your phone]] [[I check off all the boxes and begin to make my profile]] [[I check off the boxes and try to look at who's on the app before making a profile of my own->Lets peep the hotties]] [[I don't check off the boxes, I close out the app->I don't check off the boxes, I close out the app.]]

It looks like your bank website but the logo is a cooler, heavy metal font version of it. You're already logged in and you find you are a millionare! Unfortunately not in money but in Suffering Coin! If only you could pay bills with that instead of cash. (t8n-time:2.3s)[[Find another app->You scroll through the other weird malware apps on your phone]]

You find you can't really put any information in here apart from yes or no questions. It seems to be only a feature for paying members or really really hot hotties who were headhunted to be on the app for their looks only. You feel a little hurt, but you answer some of the questions anyways. Have you ever ''not'' put a shopping cart back in the right place? [[yes]] [[what am i the devil?->yes]]

You win! You don't need any of that drama. You stretch and take a nap, enjoying not having a care in the world. While you sleep your malware infected phone gets so hot it burns through your sheets and melts your phone into a puddle of metal. But you figure it could be much worse. Enjoy your lazy Saturday. If you want to change your mind however and play the rest of the game as planned I think that would be pretty cool. [[get back out there slugger->You scroll through the other weird malware apps on your phone]]

Do you use your turn signals on roundabouts? [[always->Have you ever]] [[sometimes->Have you ever]] [[never->Have you ever]] [[I dont drive->Have you ever]]

Have you ever offered to wash dishes at your friends house after they've made you food? [[Yes->Dog Quesh]] [[No->Dog Quesh]] [[Now that you mention it I haven't but I have now been forever changed and I will do that from now on->Dog Quesh]]

You're getting antsy to see all those hot demons, how many questions are there? Have you ever been in a situation where your dog has wanted to go outside because they needed to use the bathroom and you said 'just a minute' or something along those the lines and then you either forgot or were too lazy to get up a minute later and they had to scratch on the door again to get you to actually let them out? [[No->You are a liar]] [[Yes->Wow, you are certainly not a celestial. You definitely belong on this app.]] [[I don't have a dog->That's no excuse.]]

Unfortunately you are a liar and a heathen and I hope you feel shamed. But good news, you're in the right place though and you'll fit right in the demon dating pool! [[Lets peep the hotties]]

Good news, the app has detected that you are pretty much the opposite of a celestial being and that you're in the right place. You'll fit right in the demon dating pool! [[Lets peep the hotties]]

Another popup on screen appears, talking about a recent lawsuit making it so the app needed to perform differently then the other 'not at all similar' dating app based on the mortal plane, Tinder To work within the confines of the law you can only match with one person before the app will self destruct, deleting itself off your phone, Copyright Evil (text-colour:navy)[Imp]corperated. So there is a legal system in hell? You start thinking about how the legal system in hell works and if this app is a punishment in itself, but you continue, the thought of hot demons is a very strong motivator. [[Hottie Number 1->Hottie 1 Zip]]

An image of a group of people in business discussing things at a table. You assume that the person who made this profile is the naked blue imp in the back crossing his arms, being shouldered out by two of his collegues. He has an arrow pointing to him that reads 'me and da crew' <img src="https://i.imgur.com/EM5dYWO.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=50% HEIGHT=50% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:yellow)[ Zip Occupation: Analytics Advisor Passion: When the tie comes off, the horns come on (devil emoji, tongue emoji, sign of the horns emoji, coconut tree emoji, sunglasses emoji, party emoji) We won’t get along if: You're not about the rise and grind Fun Fact: Banned at Chilis ] You always liked Applebee’s® better anyways. Is this the cylindrical hottie for you? [[Work hard, party harder! swipe right! ->zip path]] [[He looks like a fella who would take me out at Applebees® and we'd get a big margarita, swipe right->zip path]] [[I'm too intimidated by this mans business prowess and maturity, swipe left.->Hottie 2 Bloopy]] [[I want to see who else is out there->Hottie 2 Bloopy]]

That's no excuse. You're in the right place. To hell with you! [[Lets peep the hotties]]

Put in your bank password below: (force-input-box:"X","Footlover69") [[No->You scroll through the other weird malware apps on your phone]] [[You dirty dog->Bank of Suffering]]

It's a picture of a VERY curvy blue imp. To be more precise, this imp is 100 percent curves as it is just a circle with stick like limbs poking out. It has a neon eye patch and it's holding a sword and a shield while concentrating very seriously on staying upright on a skateboard. You surmise that if this imp would hold a sword on a skateboard, it would most definitely run with scissors. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/VqTmvIk.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=50% HEIGHT=50% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[Bloopy: Warrior of the Future, Protector of Sweeties Occupation: volunteer mercenary Passion: shredding We won’t get along if: you are a bully or u love syntax Fun Fact: fun fact number 1: I can alllmooosttt do n ollie Fun fact number b, my brother is on this app his name is zip and he's a really nice guy so if you see him please tell him hi for me!!! Hi zip!!!!! one more - pronoun it/its he/him another one = i measure up to 5'7 if I stand on my shield and raise my sword into the air as hard as I can!!! XD]] [[Love a Sk8ter boi, swipe right -> bloopy path]] [[I don't date anyone under 5'7, swipe left->Hottie 3 Dane]] [[See you L8ter boi, swipe left ->Hottie 3 Dane]] [[Let's see who else is out there ->Hottie 3 Dane]]

This seems to be the last person on the app, it doesn't seem to be very widely used. It's a picture of a red demon, with two long horns and a black shaggy mullet. He has got multiple infected looking piercings in his ears and nose. It’s obvious that he’s trying to subtly push his pecs together in the photo to look more muscular. He gets some points for being the most 'humanoid' out of the options, but the picture he took reminds you of midde aged guys on dating apps. His expression is flat, face too close to the camera and why chose a profile picture wearing sunglasses? Do better. <img src=https://i.imgur.com/u0dPHdX.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=50% HEIGHT=50% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:magenta)['''' Dane Occupation: Murder 4 Hire (Just kidding, if ur a cop or mah step dad) Passion: if u do what u love, ull never work a day in ur lyfe. We won’t get along if: u don’t have an extremely flexible view on laws, or if ur a coppo Fun Fact: ive already been to therapy but it didnt wrk ''] Is the edgelord of your dreams? [[I can change him, swipe right->dane path]] [[I can make him worse. swipe right ->dane path]] [[I would rather be alone than date any of these freaks, swipe left->I don't check off the boxes, I close out the app.]] [[can you run me through the other choices again?->Hottie 1 Zip]]

The app plays an animation of blood pouring down the screen and in pink sparkling letters it declares (text-colour:#e599f7)+(bg:(gradient: 0, 0,#ffffff,0,#000000,0.999,#e61919,1,#ffffff,1,#888888))[(text-style:"italic")[// It's a match!//]] It then plays an explosion animation with the greenscreen badly cropped out, and the app is no more. You wonder for a second how the hell you're supposed to get in contact, when your phone rings. It startles you so much you drop it on the floor, and when you pick it back up again a second later, the caller has already hung up. You get a text from the number in question (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[sorry i butt dialed, hiiiiii]] Its your match bloopy! and he/it has a butt! (link: "heeeyy!")[(set: $BloopyGood to "true")(goto: "bloopy reply")] (link: "hi")[(set: $BloopyGood to "true")(goto: "bloopy reply")] (link: "desperate much?")[(set: $BloopyGood to "false")(goto: "bloopy reply")] (link: "whats hanging?")[(set: $BloopyGood to "true")(goto: "bloopy reply")] (link: ":( your call scared me")[(set: $BloopyGood to "false")(goto: "bloopy reply")]

Despite your best judgment, you end up swiping right on Dane! The app plays an animation of blood pouring down the screen and in pink sparkling letters it declares (text-colour:#e599f7)+(bg:(gradient: 0, 0,#ffffff,0,#000000,0.999,#e61919,1,#ffffff,1,#888888))[(text-style:"italic")[// It's a match!//]] It then plays an explosion animation with the greenscreen badly cropped out, and the app is no more. You wonder for a second how the hell you're supposed to get in contact, when you get a text from the number (666) 666-6666. (text-colour:magenta)[hey is this....actually the app didn't give me ur name, whats ur name?] (input: bind $name) [[That's my name don't wear it out]]

$name?

Your name is James? Like...you're THE James Moses?

{(if:$name is "James" or "james" or "moses" or "Moses" or "Boneless Hips" or "grimby" or "crimble" or "crimby")[(text-colour:magenta)[Oh fck!!! Hey james :) (or someone with the same name, i'm assuming its that jimmyjimmyjame prime) Crash told me about u. They literally would not stop yammering about how hot u are and how funny and qt u r. They have like a big frreaking embarrasing crush on you and i guess that mean's I do too. damn.... me and like evry character they create canonically, even the jerk ones. so i'll have to try hard to woo you over. i'm up for the fucking challenge no doubt. n e ways get ready to get ur ass woo'd n treasured tenderly n ur nuts blown off (via how much fun we'll have). well, i'll be over in a bit.]] (if:$name is "Carly" or "Crash" or "Carby" or "crash" or "carly")[Hey! You made this game! You need to get back to coding buddy!] (if:$name is "poop" or "Poop" or "sex guy" or "Sex Guy" or "sexguy" or "Sexguy" or "Dane" or "ur mom" or "butt" or "peepee" or "stonks" or "pee" or "stinky" or "sexnumber")[(text-colour:magenta)[lol thats funny "ok "$name"]] (if:$name is "J" or "jay" or "Jay" or "Jay4pay" or "Pilgore" or "pilgore" or "Litho" or "litho")[(text-colour:magenta)[Heeeey its Crash's friend J!!!!!! or at least someone with the same name? n e ways, crash told me all about u, is that y u clicked on my profile is because you heard about how hot I was ;) well get ready the ride of ur life, and for the love of all that is unholy do not bring the little kinky swamp guy along.]] (if:$name is "Hal" or "Haley" or "hal"or "haley" or "werst" or "Werst" or "wet rag paladin" or "Irimor")[(text-colour:magenta)[ohhhh i acctually heard about u from crash, unless ur just someone with the same name??? i'm honestly pretty surprised that you clicked on my profile. well, if we end up hangin at my place maybe u can teach me how to play dnd and how to make tea wit lava. plz bring the gud stuff.] ] (if:$name is "Sam" or "sam" or "ampersand"or "Ampersand" or "danger cock" or "dangercock" or "Dangercock")[(text-colour:magenta)[ohhhh i acctually heard about u from crash. and i'm not intimidated by ur engineering knowledge at all, because i can punch faster than u can build a rocket at me to blow me up haha. ]] (if:$name is "Nik" or "Kubler" or "Noobler" or "nik" or "nubler")[(text-colour:magenta)[Noobler!?, crsh told me about u. Look buddy, if ur looking ur Damien from monster prom, i'm not him. So don't let that higher ur expectation of me. keep em low, but also know that I'm actually way cooler and not a rip off at all in the least bit. also know that my nuts are indestructible so cooper will be powerless against me. Also in this hell canonically in the lowest layer ur forced to watch princess bride over and over again until you break and admit its not 'that' good of a movie]] (if:$name is "Kendoo" or "Kendall" or "Kendell" or "kendall" or "jiffi" or "kendoo")[(text-colour:magenta)[heeeyyy its the jiff!!! look, i'll b real crash told me all about the dog that you have, n i wanna let you know, i will mainly come over to pet ur dog, but an adventure sounds cool. I hope u habe cooper at the ready, my nuts are indestructible for 1 reason only, and that's to tangle wit da coopy.]] (if:$name is "B" or "Branwyn" or "Bee" or "b" or "bee" or "branwyn")[(text-colour:magenta)[ooooo hey b!!!! Crash told me about u. I think you'll going to especially like me compared to the other losers, but i could b wrong. i do violence. n i like the sound of ur dnd character, they seem like they would be a sick hang.]] (if:$name is "Bloopy" or "bloopy")[(text-colour:magenta)[well, i don't know if you named yourself that on purpose, but this is going to make things confusing.] He texts, breaking the 4th wall.] (if:$name is "Zip" or "zip")[(text-colour:magenta)[well, i don't know if you named yourself that on purpose, but this is going to make things confusing.] He texts, breaking the 4th wall.]} (text-colour:magenta)[anyways ok cool i'm at the video rental store, whats ur favorite movie?] [[Shark Tale->acceptable movies]] [[Fight Club->acceptable movies]] [[Paul Blart Mall Cop->acceptable movies]] [[Ratatouille->acceptable movies]] [[Air Bud->acceptable movies]] [[Air Buddies]] [[John Wick->acceptable movies]] [[Hamilton]] [[Aliens->acceptable movies]] [[Joker]] [[Princess Mononoke->acceptable movies]]

get out of here (I love you)

litho I told you 2 stop buying phones and contacting me i've literally blocked u on everything. whatever. I'm literally looking for a date with a HUMAN PERSON, not swamp thang. I'm blocking u again byeeee. You roll your eyes. [[You're missing out hot stuff.

You get a text at 4:59 (text-colour:#ffe066)[Hold on] [[Did he....did he seriously just text you to tell you to wait?]]

But he did text you sooner than 5:00. So he's a little bit of a rule breaker.... (text-colour:yellow)[Sorry hahaha hey just finished my work, me n da crew are heading to applebee's is casual Are you game? (football emoji, dizzy emoji) ] [[Actually, I was kinda craving a night in, do you want to come over?]] [[As previously established, you love Applebees® so yeah.->dress up]]

You shoot off your text, somehow resisting the famous Applebees® 2 for 2® special meal deal, including two entrees and an appetizer for a discounted price. His reply comes back quickly. (text-colour:yellow)[ohh umm awkward. I'm already Ubering there. Are you coming or not?] [[You turn off your bubble bath with a sigh, text 'okay' and get ready for a night with medicore food and mediorce savings.->dress up]]

You text back and forth to get the address and open your closet. (text-style:"blur","sway")[//'They'//] say that 'you have one chance to make a first impression'. You bet that is something that Zip has even said himself. What are you wearing? (link:"A full suit with a briefcase that you put a bunch of loose change in so it has some weight.")[(set:$outfit to "suit")(goto:"going to bees")] (link:"A football jersey with a blazer on top")[(set:$outfit to "jersey")(goto:"going to bees")] (link: "Ballgown, I'm looking to stand out")[(set: $outfit to "ballgown")(goto: "going to bees")] (link:"A strappy club dress")[(set:$outfit to "club dress")(goto:"going to bees")] (link:"He said casual, right? Hoodie and jeans should do")[(set:$outfit to "hoodie")(goto:"going to bees")]

Macros, aka [(link: "most")[==(css: "font-size: 75%;")['most' you say Crash? Why not all the Macros!? Because this game is a mess!]] of the variables the game has been tracking to make your choices matter! Interesting froma game point perspective and not much else. These are from all paths, if you see some unfamiliar ones, I guess you might just have to keep playing to find out! Name: $name Outfit: $outfit Zip Affinity: $ZipAffinity Dane Affinity: $DaneAffinity Bloopy Affinity: $BloopyAffinity Chelle Affinity: $ChelleAffinity Da Crew Affinity: $DaCrewAffinity Menu item ordered: $Menu Dip you look through Zip's phone?: $looked Was your inital text to bloopy favorable? : $BloopyGood Did you meet Zip before meeting Bloopy?: $metzip Favorite skateboard: $Favoriteskateboard Favorite flower: $favoriteflower Ur tony name: Tony $tony Ur Big warrior title: Tony $tony, $title of the $domain, Protector of the $protected Your room condition: $room What you use to watch dvd's on: $player Whats your ska8ting level: $skate Is the love between you and Bloopy romantic or platonic (nic=platonic, tic=romantic)? $nicortic Shit head meter: $shitheadmeter Anxiety meter: $nervousnelly Crash has a crush on: James (This doesn't change) Do you have a peanut M&M: $peanutmandm Who got hurt? $whogothurt Your gas station order $sweet, $salty, and a $drink Your Crypto Coin: $crypto $coin Do you have a bidet: $bidet Were the police tipped off: $policetippedoff Do you know Dane's weakness?: $knowndaneweakness Your business persona: $urbusinesstitle $urbusinessfirst $urbusinesslast DID YOU LIE ABOUT THE LAVA: $lavalie Dane's Codename: $danecodename Did you Betray Dane? $danetozipswitch Your Codename: $urcodename How krunk are you: $krunk Did you try to poison your date: $Didyoutrytopoisonyourdate What's your weapon? $weapon Medical condition $medicalcondition (click:"Restart")[(restart:)] (text-colour:cyan)[LITTLE SECRET FOR YOU!] If you want to restart and skip the intro, on the page where it asks if you work on saturdays, theres hidden text about an inch below the choices that is avaliable if you go over it slowly and click this phrase that will appear: 'this aint my first go around the rodeo pal, take me to the hot people'. (link-reveal: "Restart")[(restart:)]

Damn looking good shawty, that $outfit looks great on you. You arrive at Applebees® in about 20 minutes after a long Uber ride coincidentally with your least favorite highschool teacher as a driver. You step in the doors of the establishment are instantly hit with the recently changed underwhelming decor style that can only be described as 'corporate warehouse rustic'. You're acutely aware of their design changes and have your own opinions on reddit about it. You wonder if it would be a good topic for the table, but you decide against it, as it might be too controversial. You quickly spot Zip with the same group of business people around him that was in his profile picture, laughing loudly, seemingly a couple drinks in already, and surrounded by a full pitcher of beer and a couple unclaimed margaritas. "Zip!" You call out, the group turns your way. (if: $outfit is "ballgown")[ (set: $ZipAffinity to it + -1) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -1) Almost immediately after catching sight of you the group starts laughing. You check to see if they're accidentally laughing at some jerk behind you but no, you're the only one standing there. You approach them confused. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Zip you never told us your date was a childrens birthday party entertainer!"] The woman next to him laughs. Everyone laughs but zip, who smiles, but stifles his laughter and stays sitting. he notably isn't getting up, kissing your hand, and offering you his seat, leaving you awkwardly standing in the way of servers. (text-colour:yellow)["You look lovely, but please tell me that this whole getup isn't just for me."] Zip jokes with a grin. [[It's not I just respect the sanctity of Applebees®->"It's not I just respect the sanctity of Applebees®"]] [["It is and you should be honored."]] [["bitch, you're literally naked."]] ](else-if: $outfit is "club dress")[ (set: $ZipAffinity to it + 2) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -1) Upon turning around, Zips jaw drops, he walks over to you with a tipsy grin on his face. (text-colour:yellow)["Puh-leeease tell me you're the match I made on Cinder."] He says, holding his chest as if to hold his heart steady. He extends his other blue arm for you to take to escort you to the table All of the other diners strech over their booths to get a look at you, (text-style:"sway")[//you are the Belle of the Applebees®!//] As you get to the table his colleagues are either averting their eyes or looking like slightly embarrassed, as if you might have dressed up a little too much for this Applebees®, but who cares, you think you look hot and so does Zip! He sits you in the booth first next to the woman he was previously sitting next to and snuggles in next to you. You can't help but notice that the woman to your right is looking a little disgruntled about this. [[let it go]] ](else-if: $outfit is "jersey")[ (set: $ZipAffinity to it + 2) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + 2)The group cheers upon looking at you, all except one woman sat next to Zip. "Sports! We love sports! and blazers!" They yell, pointing to their own blazers and the football game currently on the TV. (text-style:"rumble")["Hotdogs!" ]Someone yells. Zip is looking at you with awe, the woman next to him giving you a wry impressed smile. She gets up and lets you slide in the booth next to Zip. Looks like you picked the perfect outfit! [[i'm so good at anticipating the needs of others->let it go]] ](else-if: $outfit is "hoodie")[ (set: $ZipAffinity to it + -2) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -2) The group seems to give you a passive glance before getting back to their loud conversation, it's a little awkward. Zip makes his way past them to come greet you. (text-colour:yellow)["Hey! You're my match on Cinder yeah? I wasn't expecting you to be so..."] He gestures to your outfit. (text-colour:yellow)["Casual! And not in a tech billionaire kind of way!"] He grins confused. You're about to respond before he interrupts you and takes your hand. (text-colour:yellow)["Hey don't worry about it, you're not going to fit in the best with all of my business friends, but we also like other things. Like sports!"] He brings you to the table and sits you in your own chair as the rest of them sit in booths and are definitely judging you. Your casual outfit was a 'casuals' definition of casual, NOT a business persons definition of casual. You should know that you need to have at least a billion in the bank to dress like this. You feel judged and like you'll be excluded from any conversations that contain business terms like synergy, venture capital or margins [[let it go]] [["bitch, you're literally naked."]] ](else-if: $outfit is "suit")[ (set: $ZipAffinity to it + 2) (set: $ChelleAffinity to it + 1) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + 2) immediately you command attention and respect from the group of business people, some giving you a knowing nod. When you approach everyone gets up immediately and offers you their seats eagerly. You chose to sit next to Zip, and push their beers out of the way to make room for your briefcase on the table, like the alpha you are. If you had to put in business terms you'd say the synergy is off the charts and you've made a deep impact on this demographic. Your investment has paid off. [["hello fellow business people!" you shout ->let it go]] ]

The whole group laughs at your outburst, as if it's just some good office mediocre humor. It makes you a little spiteful how much they disrespect your favorite family restaurant, but you swallow it. It wasn't their fault, you were the only person born with this innate knowledge it was just ignorance and these neanderthals needed to be taught. One of his coworkers gets up from the opposite side of the booth and offers you his seat and pats you on the back for such a zinger. [[oh they will learn...->let it go]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -1) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + 2) (set: $ChelleAffinity to it + 1) The whole group laughs at your outburst, as if it's just some good office ribbing, Zip laughs last and looks a little taken aback. One of his coworkers gets up from the opposite side of the booth and offers you his seat and pats you on the back for such a zinger. [[at least his friends like me->let it go]]

"Soo..what can we call you 'Zip's Date'?" One of the many businessmen grins at you. (input: bind $name) [[Go for a handshake]] [[Don't go for a handshake]]

He starts to pull his handout for a handshake but awkwardly pulls it back. "Oh! Well...good to meet you $name! I'm Micheal," he grins. "This bastard is Carlos, this is Terry," He points to the men next to him and points across the table. "You know Zip of course, and thats Chelle!" He points to a red headed woman with a tight ponytail who is too busy nursing a margarita to greet you properly. "Feel free to grab any drinks, we ordered for the table." [[maybe less is more]] [[You can pull this back, show off your impressive wealth of business knowledge by subtely including business vocabulary]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -2) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -2) "Business business! Money money! Buy high sell low! Show //me// the money!" You say as you pump the handshake one more time, Micheal winces, losing the handshake, he yanks his hand back with a frown. [[maybe less is more]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -1) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -2) "Business business! Money money! Buy high sell low! Show //me// the money!" You yell confidently, silencing the restaurant. "Uh yeah, sure." Micheal side eyes Zip in a way that says 'is this guy for real?' [[maybe less is more]]

Suddenly the waitress comes by and starts taking orders, quick! You have but seconds to decide on an order that will impress the group! (set:$Menu to "null") (link: "Burgie Time baby")[(set: $Menu to "Burgie")(goto: "zip reaction food")] (link: "Chili's Irresist-a-bowls®")[(set: $Menu to "Bowls")(goto: "zip reaction food")] (link: "Pasta")[(set: $Menu to "Pasta")(goto: "zip reaction food")] (link: "Seafood, Business people are always eating seafood!")[(set: $Menu to "Seafood")(goto: "zip reaction food")] [[Salad->Chellediss]] (link: "Kids Meal")[(set: $Menu to "Kids Meal")(goto: "zip reaction food")] (link: "Suggest that you get a 2 for 2® appetizer entree deal with Zip")[(set: $Menu to "twofer")(goto: "zip reaction food")] [["What can I get here that has no sugar, no carbs and is fat free?"]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + 1) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + 1) He's impressed that you know the traditional business man greeting and returns your handshake with one firm pump. "Nice to meet you $name! I'm Micheal," he grins. "This bastard is Carlos, this is Terry," He points to the men next to him and points across the table. "You know Zip of course, and thats Chelle!" He points to a red headed woman with a tight ponytail who is too busy nursing a margarita to greet you properly. "Feel free to grab any drinks, we ordered for the table." [[leave it at that->maybe less is more]] [[the more business the better! show off your impressive wealth of business knowledge by subtely including business vocabulary]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["Typical girl, am I right? I like to eat so I’LL have a burger please!"] Chelle says, looking at Zip to see if he thought it was funny. Zip and her male colleagues give a half hearted chuckle. [["Hey Chelle when you put down people for ‘stereotypical feminine’ behaviors, like caring for your health, it doesn’t bring you higher status, it just hurts us all."->Chelle thinks, high affinity]] [[Ignore it, focus your attention on Zip, she just wants attention and you won’t give it to her->zip reaction food]]

{(if:$Menu is "Bowls")[ (set: $ZipAffinity to it +0) No one seems too impressed with your order, it seems like that's what everybody already ate for lunch and the sight of seeing a second Chili's Irresist-a-bowl® is making them kind of sick. Especially Chelle who puts a clothes pin on her nose and points to you as if to say 'you did this'. Tough crowd]} (if:$Menu is "Burgie") [(set: $ZipAffinity to it +1) "Wow! Date eat burgie? Date CAN hang like man!" hoots Terry. Everyone except Chelle chants 'One of us' for a moment, you think that hanging out at this table may be causing some sort of male mass hysteria. Just in case Chelle orders two burgers for herself. ] (if:$Menu is "twofer")[(set: $ZipAffinity to it +1)"Oooohhhhh" The whole table and even the waitress exclaims, giving you suggestive eyes. (text-colour:yellow)["I like it when someone knows what their after.."] Zip whispers to you. (text-colour:yellow)["Very business."] (text-colour:#b197fc)["Zip look at this picture! It's a meme! of a cat!"] Chelle taps him on the shoulder, but Zip waves her off. She looks ashamed ] {(if:$Menu is "Pasta")[(set: $ZipAffinity to it +0) (text-colour:yellow)["I never eat pasta, it makes me too sleepy and then I do less business, am I right guys?]" Zip says loudly to the table, everyone gives an awkward chuckle. You're beginning to think Zip is a try hard.]} (if:$Menu is "Seafood")[(set: $ZipAffinity to it +1) Oh yeah Seafood! Business people are always eating expensive seafood for some reason! So you get the fish and chips and slam your fists on the table like they probably do in Mad Men. "Time is money!" You tell the waitress, who looks at you in only a way an overworked soul drained service worker can. She can tell no one at this table is going to tip.] {(if:$Menu is "Kids Meal")[(set: $ZipAffinity to it +1) Everyone's jaw drops at your order. (text-colour:yellow)["Thats such a good idea, thats like...so economically smart." ]Zip tells you and his friends as they all agree that you made the right choice. It's almost as much food as an adult meal and a 1/3 of the price! And you had the confidence to order it without even asking if you could first! Which you can't but the waitress is too tired to tell you that after being yelled at by the last table. You're a natural ball buster!]} (if:$ChelleAffinity > 2)[The group seems to be ignoring you and Chelle and instead you get a good smell of all the guys armpits as they start cheering for some football reason.] The conversation goes into the topic of a business merger that you have no idea about. You realize you've been here for a half an hour and havent really had a moment alone with Zip. When you look up from the table you notice that only you and Chelle are left at the table and Zip and the other business men are doing a conga line to the mens bathroom. [[Oh well]]

(set: $ChelleAffinity to it + 3) You’re right of course, so as Chelle opens her mouth to parrot the ‘c’mon its just a joke toots’ that was told to her earlier today by one of the male coworkers at the table, she bites her lip and looks genuinely ashamed. She gets as red as her strawberry margarita, slumps down and swirls some slush, deep in thought. You may have changed a life today. [[food for thought->zip reaction food]]

(set: $ChelleAffinity to it + 3) Chelle suddenly laughs with a snort and the whole table looks at her questioningly. Chelle rolls her eyes. (text-colour:#b197fc)[“What? It’s funny. They are obviously referencing ‘A Cinderella Story’ (2004) starring Hillary Duff. That’s like, my favorite movie. It’s a timeless classic.”] Chelle gives you a nod, the others ignore you both. If you don’t know this reference...i don't know what to say to you, its kind of a girlie classic <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_VFs9j95gc"; target="_blank">(Here's a trailer)</a> [[I’ve watched this movie->Impressionforchelle]] [[I have no idea what you’re talking about->maybe watch]]

(text-colour:#faa2c1)[//“You're not very pretty, and you're not very bright. I'm so glad we had this talk!”//] You wow Chelle with your best Jennifer Coolidge Impression, she's in tears shes laughing so hard. You get the feeling that this is the hardest she's laughed in a long time. [[Is this the start of something new? ->zip reaction food]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["Oh"] Chelle says, looking a little embarrassed but still smiling. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Well, maybe we can watch it together sometime?"] She suggests with a friendly shrug, but this offer is quickly lost in the conversation. [[Is this the start of something new? ->zip reaction food]]

But.....Jackpot. it looks like...Zip left his phone. It's open, and unguarded on his seat. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I won't tell."] Says Chelle (if:$ChelleAffinity >= 2)[And you believe her. She grins conspiratorially and busies herself in her own phone.] (if:$ChelleAffinity < 2)[You don't believe her. She goes to text something on her phone and you just have a feeling its something about you.] [[Look through the phone]] [[Don't Look through the phone, wait for Zip.]] [["What's your thoughts on all of this Chelle?"]] (if:$ChelleAffinity < 2)[["Chelle, whats with this dynamic we have going on? It feels unnecessarily toxic.]] (if:$ChelleAffinity > 4)[["Chelle, what do you say we ditch these guys?"]]

(set:$looked to "level1") You pick up the phone, and it's on the messages app, and you're seeing him text back and forth with someone with the contact name 'Brother', their typical exchange repeats itself many times with slightly different iterations each time. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[Brother: hiiii zippy will you come with me to the skatepark? ]] (text-colour:yellow)[Zip: No] (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[Brother: happy saturday! will you come with me and watch me skate? You don't have to even get out of your car you can watch me from the parking lot.]] (text-colour:yellow)[Zip: busy] (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[Brother: Do you want to spend some time together? At the skatepark]] (text-colour:yellow)[Zip: no] Damn this is kind of sad. A new text message pops up at the bottom. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[Brother: can you come pick me up? i'm at the skatepark, I think i hurt myself, i can't tell if my leggies broken ]] He sends a picture of himself after, he's the other blue imp of the app which you recognize from Cinder! He looks to have comic stars floating above his head, which looks to be from aftermath of a skate board wipeout. You start to hear the conga line of businessmen coming out of the bathroom. Luckily they are conga-ing really slowly and you have a feeling you have one more chance to do something with his phone. [[Text his brother back to try to find the address. This seems to be a great chance to escape this date. -> Ziptobloopswitch]] [[Text his brother back to try to find the address. You're kind of worried about him. -> Ziptobloopswitch]] [[Don't risk it, put the phone down]] [[Keep looking through the phone, you have a feeling if you dig a little more, you can find something really embarrassing on here.]] [["Chelle, what do you say we ditch these guys?"]]

Good for you! If there was any morality poins in this game, you would be getting some now. But there's not. Because this is a demon/devil/imp dating game. [[You wait until the conga line returns.->Bringing Conga back]]

(set: $ChelleAffinity to it + 2) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + 2) Chelle looks confused for a moment and then ashamed. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Yeah. You're right, i'm sorry $name. I...I was kind of being toxic huh? ] Chelle looks thoughtfully into her margarita, and glances over at you with a guilty look. (text-colour:#b197fc)["...I don't even know why... He's such a dork."] She says exasperated. She stirs her drink with her straw absent-mindedly. (text-colour:#b197fc)["You're probably too cool for him, $name, you know? Both of us." ] You have the feeling that being on the receiving end of her scorn could be devastating, but when Chelle's words are gentle, they proved much more powerful.] [["What's your thoughts on all of this Chelle?"]] [[Look through the phone]] [[Don't Look through the phone, wait for Zip.]] (if:$ChelleAffinity >= 4)[["Chelle, what do you say we ditch these guys?"]]

(if:$ChelleAffinity >= 4)[Chelle smiles at this and slams the rest of her margarita. She then takes her long wild red out of its constricting ponytail, and massages her scalp like it was giving her a migraine. (text-colour:#b197fc)["You know what? That sounds great."] She grins, grabs her purse and you two scurry out the door. You two end up taking a long walk downtown talking about everything and everything. [["Are you also from hell Chelle? I found Zip on a dating app."]] [["So i'm confused, Is your company a hell based company or is Zip the weird one?"]] [["Whats your favorite place in this town Chelle?"]] [["So how did Zip and you get together initially?"]] ] (if:$ChelleAffinity < 4)[Chelle shrugs. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Uhh no thanks. I don't like you that much."] She goes back to slurping her drink. You have a feeling you would have had to make a couple different choices to hang out with Chelle, but for this playthrough, she's emotionally unavailable to you. [[Damn it. We stan a queen who can confidently say no :,(->Bringing Conga back]] ]

(set: $ChelleAffinity to it + 1) (if:$ChelleAffinity <= 3)[Chelle sighs and crunches on an ice cube. (text-colour:#b197fc)["You should know Zip and I fucked."] She looks at the table, avoiding your eyes. Her brows are slightly furrowed. (text-colour:#b197fc)["We're kind of a 'thing'.] ] (if:$ChelleAffinity > 3)[Chelle looks thoughtfully into her margarita, and glances over at you with a guilty look. (text-colour:#b197fc)["You should know that uh...Zip and I were a thing once. It...it didn't really end well. He kind of blew me off."] She says exasperated. She regards you with a sad smile and a wink. (text-colour:#b197fc)["You're too cool for him, you know?"] She jokes and laughs with a mischevious twinkle in her eye. You have the feeling that being on the receiving end of her scorn could be devastating, but when Chelle's words are gentle, they proved much more powerful.] [[Look through the phone]] [[Don't Look through the phone, wait for Zip.]] (if:$ChelleAffinity < 2)[["Chelle, whats with this dynamic we have going on? It feels unnecessarily toxic.]] (if:$ChelleAffinity >= 4)[["Chelle, what do you say we ditch these guys?"]]

[["Are you also from hell Chelle? I found Zip on a dating app."]] [["Whats your favorite place in this town Chelle?"]] [["So i'm confused, Is your company a hell based company or is Zip the weird one?"]] [["So how did Zip and you get together initially?"]] (if: $looked is "level1" or "level2" or "level3")[["Do you want to know what I found in Zips phone?"]] (If: $outfit is "ballgown")[["I think you owe me an apology for making fun of my sick outfit."]] [["Do you want to ask me anything?"]] (if:(history: where its name contains '"Are you also from hell Chelle? I found Zip on a dating app."')'s length >= 1)[["A Succubus? So you date women too?"]] (if:(history: where its name contains '"Whats your favorite place in this town Chelle?"')'s length >= 1)[["Lets go to the beach!" (end questions)]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["The beach! I love watching the sunsets from there, feeling the water, looking out at the ocean. It's just so powerfully natural."] [[She sighs happily, lost in thought->Shell Quest]]

She looks away and sighs. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Um, it was i guess, just over time. Proximity. He kept asking me to go to Chili's and one day I just said yes, and then he never asked again....and then I was just tagging along like a lost puppy, begging for some more attention. He lost interest almost immediately, probably just saw me as a conquest, and when he won, I was nothing to him."] [[You doubt that he's smart enough to even think that.->Shell Quest]]

She shakes her head no and laughs. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Though I have dated an succubus before. I had to cut that off it was taking too much out of me. She's really cool. Zagore the Sinful. I think she's doing stuff on Youtube now. Theres no hard feelings."] [[lets ask another question->Shell Quest]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["Oh it's Zip that's the weirdo. To be honest, I'm not even sure he was actually hired. He just showed up at the cubical next to me one day and just fit in so well with everyone that I don't even think anyone ever questioned it."] She shrugs and looks to the ground. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I certainly don't think its legal, because he's not being paid, but he doesn't seem to mind. I don't even think he knows what our firm does."] [[lets ask another question->Shell Quest]]

You and Chelle make it to the beach, she immediately takes her pumps and socks of and runs clumsily to get her ankles in the water. She slips while doing so and lands in the sand, you run over to check if she's alright, but stop worrying half way through as she's throwing her head back and laughing. The tide just reaches her and soaks her perfectly creased business pants, but she doesn't seem to care. She sits in the wet sand, feeling something profound. When you reach her side and crouch next to her she tears her eyes away from the beautiful orange and pink sunset, with purple swirling clouds and looks to you with a flat expression. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Do you know how the sunsets look from inside of Applebees®? They don't look like anything, because they don't even have windows, you wouldn't even know what you were missing."] She looks deeply in your eyes and bumps her head on yours, and laughs shyly, and leans in further. Her blush is now matching the hue of the sunset, and is just as beautiful. [[Kiss Chelle->Chelle Ending Kiss]] [[Don't Kiss Chelle but make your romantic intentions clear->Chelle Ending No Kiss]] [[Don't Kiss Chelle (Remain Friends)->Chelle Friending]]

She rolls her eyes at you. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Duh, were you not getting that vibe?"] She grins at you gesturing at her pantsuit. It is pretty gay. [[I the author can say this as a gay->Shell Quest]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["Oh of course!"] She says nudging your shoulder. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Do you date women? Uh...no reason. Just curious."] She blushes. [["Yes."]] [["No."]]

She continues to blush while she asks you the next questions. (text-colour:#b197fc)["What initially attracted you to Zip?"] [["He seemed fun."]] [["I love business."]] [["He seemed like he would buy me a margarita at Applebees®"]] [["It was purely sexual."]]

(set:$outfit to "jersey") (text-colour:#b197fc)["Y'know I totally get that."] She says thoughtfully, kicking a pebble as you two stop at a stoplight. (text-colour:#b197fc)["But I think it's just because he's like...both a male and a douche. Like; society doesn't really have any expectations on him to be an object, to be attractive or matronly, so he CAN be that. You know? Just like, saying he's fun without really having to be fun. And then I have to be the one to be a bitch cleaning up his paper airplanes around the office and tell him to stop. And he gets to be the funny office clown. I don't know. Maybe i'm just spouting nonsense."] She sighs. (if:$outfit is "jersey")[Chelle considers your outfit. (text-colour:#b197fc)["But...well, I guess I don't really know if your fun is the same. you seem to like...sports. And if i have to go to another sports game....well I won't. I saw that movie...you know... //'''Trap'?''//The one made by M. Night Shyamalan? I just cant risk it anyore. She shakes her head.] [(link: "i know this movie")[==(css: "font-size: 50%;")[ what the fuck is that supposed to mean? is she saying that she won't risk a serial killer being in a stadium or she won't risk being caught!?]] [[I dont know this movie->Next question]] ] (if: $outfit is "ballgown")[Chelle considers your outfit. (text-colour:#b197fc)["But...well, I guess I don't really know if your fun is the same. I mean ME, I WOULD want to go to a Bridgerton style ball. Dance around to classical remixes of 2010's music....run away to the gallery overwhelmed and stare longingly at a painting...waiting for my date to notice how i've run away and then scold them for being in the same room as me. How...untoward..."] She raises her eyebrows at you and sways in place. Is this because you're wearing a ballgown?] (if: $outfit is "club dress")[She regains her cheer again soon enough and gestures to your strappy club dress. (text-colour:#b197fc)["But yeah, enough about him. Look at you. I think you look like you can get into waaaay more fun and trouble than all those assholes combined."] She says, not quite able to rest he eyes on your figure, instead focusing her eyes shyly on the ground.] [[Next question]]

(if: $outfit is "suit")[Chelle smiles and gestures to your suit. (text-colour:#b197fc)[ "Well, you did give off an incredible first impression with your outfit."] She gestures to your suit. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Where did you get it even? Nordstroms? Banana Republic? Custom Tailored?"] You sense this is some form of compliment. You shake your change filled suitcase in appreciation.] (if:$outfit is "jersey")[Chelle smiles and gestures to your outfit. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Well, you did make a killer first impression with your half-sports-casual/half-business combo look. When you approached the table I was sure that the guys would think you were way WAY cooler than me. But..."] She fades out for a minute in a thought and comes back beaming at you. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I...I didn't consider that that might not even be important to you...and maybe shouldn't be to me either."] She says, ending the thought in a deep, satisfying sigh.] (if: $outfit is "ballgown")[Chelle looks a little surprised. (text-colour:#b197fc)["What...I mean... they tell you to dress for the job you want. To be honest I think business seems a little mundane for you. I mean well..."] She gestures to your ballgown. (text-colour:#b197fc)["It's obvious you're some sort of Anatasia style lost royalty, don't you think?"] She smiles and blushes. (text-colour:#b197fc)["But I guess royalty needs hobbies too, the skills are surely interchangeable, yeah?"] She nudges you with a playful grin on her face.] (if:$outfit is "hoodie")[She looks at your hoodie and smirks at you. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Ahh I get it. You must be one of those pandemic made 'remote' business workers. That's cool! That's cool!"] She says, holding her hands up as if it is very much not cool. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Personally I couldn't wait to go back to the office, less time to slack off, more time to connect with our betters, but to each their own right? Plus I kept falling asleep, there were no coworkers to small talk with, no nice morning drive....I don't get it myself."] She pats your shoulders. (text-style:"blur","sway")["Shut up Chelle."] You think really hard at her, trying to speak into her mind. (text-style:"blur","sway")["Don't ruin it for the rest of us."]] (text-colour:#b197fc)["Passion is a huge attractor y'know? especially if you have the same passion. But to be fair I don't even think that Zip knows what 'business' is though."] [[You don't either, but you don't tell her that->Next question]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["The bar is in hell. Like literally."] She declares with a headshake. [[Next question]]

She cackles at your answer. When she's not controlling her laugh she has kind of a high pitched witch like laugh, you find it endearing. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I'm no stranger to that. That'll get you in a LOT of trouble."] She giggles again at you. You bet she she has tons of juicy stories to tell [[Next question]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["Do you like animals?"] She asks, looking to be pulling out her phone. [["Yeah."]] [["Ehh."]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["Oh! You'll have to put up with a bit of show and tell then. I wanted to show you a picture of my cat."] She shows you a picture of a hairless kitten in a hand knit green sweater. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/JnQ9K0n.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=70% HEIGHT=70% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:#b197fc)["This is Chips. I had to learn how to knit so I could make sweaters to keep him warm."] She laughs. [["He's adorable."->Cat]] [["That's the ugliest creature ive ever seen."->Cat]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["I wanted to be a vet when I was a kid. Well I still do but...."] She shrugs off that train of thought. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Anyways, I wanted to show you a picture of my cat."] She shows you a picture of a hairless kitten in a hand knit green sweater. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/JnQ9K0n.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=70% HEIGHT=70% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:#b197fc)["This is Chips. I had to learn how to knit so I could make sweaters to keep him warm."] She laughs. [["He's adorable."->Cat]] [["That's the ugliest creature ive ever seen."->Cat]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["I know right?"] She snorts gleefully, giving the picture of Chips on her phone one more smile before stowing it in her pocket. Her joy is making you giddy too, its infectious. [[more questions->Shell Quest]]

''Chelle FriEnding'' Chelle diabolically takes this moment to splash your $outfit with water and the two of you scoop water on eachother until your ass in now sitting in the wet sand too. After her manical laughter dies out, she leans back and starts making a sand angel. (if: $outfit is "hoodie")[Thank goodness you decided to dress so casual, as any other outfit would have been completely ruined at this point.] (if: $outfit is "ballgown")[Your ballgown is no doubt ruined, but this experience may just be worth it. maybe not. This ballgown was several thousand dollars. You'll have to remind Chelle to Venmo you later.] (text-colour:#b197fc)["You know I really, really didn't know what I was missing before. Every night was Applebee's with the boys, and I hated almost every second of it. They talk about work, I pretend that I don't know that they don't know what they're talking about. They make crude jokes, I pretend that their funny. Everything became easier to do when I had a couple $5 Rock & Berry Ritas, from Applebee's® Dollarita® special menu promotion. It made me feel like that was all there was, and I hated it, and I thought that// I was that hate//, but i'm so much more than that. I wouldn't have known it with out you."] She sits back up again, clumps of sand stuck to the back of her hair. (text-colour:#b197fc)["There's so much more to life than getting along with your annoying co-workers. Like...going out with...actual friends."] She looks away, seeming to be a bit embarresed by all of the genuine emotion coming out of her. The wind blows her hair in your direction. It smells like mostly like fresh pear with a hint of AppleBee's® fry oil. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I hope that's okay that I called us friends. I know that...I might have some catching up to do but....thank you $name , I really needed this. I really hope that we...we can do this again sometime, if you want."] Chelle makes herself look at you this time, trying to override her shyness to show you true gratitude. You feel like this girlboss is so much more than meets the eye, and will continue to be a constant in your life. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/HDztdIL.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=70% HEIGHT=70% alt=prologo></img> [[Your character data if you're curious->Character Data]]

''Chelle Lovers Ending B'' Chelle initiates, pressing her lips to yours at a bit of an awkward angle. She pulls back, unsure. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Was that okay?] She asks unsure, stunned, all you can do is nod and return the kiss, this time a more passionate one, your hand caressing the side of her face, her knuckle nocked under your chin. It doesn't stop until you're both breathless. She brushes her hair back and puts her head on your shoulder. (text-colour:#b197fc)["You know I really, really didn't know what I was missing before. Every night was Applebee's with the boys, and I hated almost every second of it. They talk about work, I pretend that I don't know that they don't know what they're talking about. They make crude jokes, I pretend that their funny. Everything became easier to do when I had a couple $5 Rock & Berry Ritas, from Applebee's Dollarita® special menu promotion. It made me feel like that was all there was, and I hated it, and I thought that// I was that hate//, but i'm so much more than that. I wouldn't have known it with out you."] She sits back up again. (text-colour:#b197fc)["There's so much more to life than getting along with your annoying co-workers. Like...I...I was forgetting to live. Really live."] She looks away, seeming to be a bit embarrassed by all of the genuine emotion coming out of her. The wind blows her hair in your direction. It smells like mostly like fresh pear with a hint of AppleBee's fry oil. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I...even though I won't be going to Applebee's anymore with those dolts, I wouldn't mind going back there with you. Or maybe even Chili's®! Or we can even cook at home! or..it doesn't even have to be food...or even like anything."] Shes grinning but obviously flustered. Its hard to imagine such a girlboss trip over her words for you. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I don't know what it is about you, but I um...I know that I'm growing as a person just by being near you, $name. And I'd really like to explore this sometime. I really hope that we...we can do this again sometime, if you want."] Chelle pushes her hand next to yours. Your pinkies touch. You both refocus your attention on the sunset again, but your hearts are with each other. You're surprised, thrilled. You've found someone that you like more than Applebee's® you don't even care that she mentioned their lesser competitor Chili's®. You can barely believe this is the same person who you sat down with initially at the restaurant. This was probably the most one of a kind date experience you've ever had, and you're happy for that. You're excited to grow with her, and share yourself and learn more about her in return. All you had to do was break through Chelle's...shell, to see the treasure that was waiting underneath. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/HDztdIL.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=70% HEIGHT=70% alt=prologo></img> [[Your character data if you're curious->Character Data]]

You give a glance to Chelle, she's still busy with her phone. Text his brother back. Why not? Nothing ventured, noting gained! [[Hey r u ok?]] [[Where are you?]] [[can i see?]]

You put the phone back just in time and strike a flattering pose for Zip when he comes back, just in case he forgot how hot you were. (if:$ChelleAffinity >= 4)[["Chelle, what do you say we ditch these guys?"]] [[You wait until the the conga line returns->Bringing Conga back]]

(set:$looked to "level2") You go to his pictures and start scrolling, it's mostly pictures of him, partying hard and letting loose. You back out for a second and go to where to good stuff is, the hidden photos. Here there is an array of photos of various tax documents...something about his work place, and a personal offshore account, you can't understand. But then something you do understand. A screenshot of his to-do list app that says 'REMEMBER TO HIDE ALL THE PROOF OF YOUR TAX FRAUD AND COMPANY EMBEZZELED FUNDS'. Oh. Oh no Zip. You hear a faint musical 'ba ba ba ba ba-(text-style:"rumble")[''BA'']!" in the background. Fuck, you could look a //little// longer put that would be REALLY pushing it. [[A little more invasion of privacy couldn't hurt.->Zips got talent]] [["Chelle, what do you say we ditch these guys?"]] [[That's all you can see before the group gets too close.->Bringing Conga back]]

(if:$BloopyGood is "true")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[ :))))))))]]] (if:$BloopyGood is "false")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[:(((((((( sry]]] (set:$metzip to "false") (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[do u wanna come meet mee at the skate park? i did a big jump an landed on my knee an got a big gash.]] [[Aren't you supposed to be good at skateboarding?]] [[Do you want me to call an ambulance instead]] [[yeah! Are you okay?]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -1) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[:((( i'm good at the love of skating. r u coming?]] [[lets go sk8!->sk8]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[noooooo i'm an imp and we got the ability to heal super fast, so u gotta come quick if you wan to see it!]] [[lets go sk8!->sk8]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[:))))) i'm ok thanks for asking, i'm an imp and we got the ability to heal super fast, so u gotta come quick if you wan to see it.]] [[lets go sk8!->sk8]]

You rush to the skate park, not bothering to change your outfit to save some time. Luckily it's not too far away, and it only takes you a couple of minutes before you're hearing the siren call of someone blasting Superman by Goldfinger off of a tiny speaker placed on the pavement. You instantly see a little blue circle waving you over frantically. It's Bloopy! (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["quick! hurry, c'mon!]]" Bloopy says in a typical little guy voice. Bloopy bounces up and down on the grass next to the skate park and is exaggeratedly pointing at his knee. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/KwZHoOW.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=50% HEIGHT=50% alt=prologo></img> [[hurry over]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[zipppyyyyy :)))) i'm at the skatepark, come see it its really bloody]] oops, he thinks you're his brother. You'll have to make sure to amend that. But you don't want to explain that you were on a date with him and co-opted his phone. oh well. [[Stay on the date with Zip]] [[Gallavant with his brother!]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[ yeah of course! i'm at the skatepark, come see it its really bloody]] You wonder if demons heal the same way as humans do or is the nonchalance at injury just a skater thing? [[Stay on the date with Zip]] [[Gallavant with his brother!]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[YEAH!!!!! come quick! i'm at the skatepark, come see it its really bloody]] oops, he probably thinks you're his brother. You'll have to make sure to amend that. But you don't want to explain that you were on a date with him and co-opted his phone. oh well. Do you head out? [[Stay on the date with Zip]] [[Gallavant with his brother!]]

You set the phone down on the table. Whether you didn't want to cause drama in the family, love asshole business guys or just trying to make it to the end of the date to have a horrible date story to post on reddit. want to make things work with. [[The conga line returns->Bringing Conga back]]

(set: $metzip to "true") Fuck it! Whether you want to cause some family drama, go skating, see a gnarly wound or find yourself drawn to the pull of a potential lovematch. You're out of there! You collect yourself get up from the table, dunk Zip's phone in a pitcher of beer and you're out the door! [[What kind of trouble will you get up to now? ->sk8]]

As you get closer he dramatically rips off his bandaid to reveal a tiny scrape which he frowns at (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i swear it was way bigger before."]] He frowns and looks at you ashamed, hoping you won't be disappointed. [["Man I kinda wanted to see a horrible wound, I am disappointed."]] [["You were freaking out over this?"]] [["That's ok Bloopy, I'm just glad you're ok."]] [["Don't worry about it dude, i'm sure it was awesome."->"That's ok Bloopy, I'm just glad you're ok."]]

Bloopy hides his almost completely fine knee in shame and looks away. (text-colour:blue)["srry. I swear it was cool, but I usually can heal up in like 15 minutes. but we can make more when we sk8."] (if:$metzip is "true")[You start to wonder how Bloopy even knew to wave you over. So he knew it wasn't his brother coming? Or was your texting style that different? Was it possible he was just waving over any stranger over that he could to look at his knee? "Hey Bloopy, how do you know who I am?" You ask. He looks back at you without a thought in his mind. ] (if:$metzip is "false")[You start to wonder how Bloopy even knew to wave you over. You didn't have a picture on your profile on Cinder, was it possible he was just waving over any stranger over that he could to look at his knee? "Hey Bloopy, how do you know who I am?" You ask. He looks back at you without a thought in his mind. ] (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["whats ur favorite skateboard"]] Bloopy asks. [["Do you mean skating style?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean skateboard trick!?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean my favorite skateboarder?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean favorite piece of skateboarding media?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean type of skateboard!?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean brand of skateboard merchandise!?"->what skateboard]] [["What do you mean, you maniac?!?"->what skateboard]] [["Tony Hawk."]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -1) Bloopy frowns, ashamed and looks around awkwardly, with far away thoughts. (if:$metzip is "true")[You start to wonder how Bloopy even knew to wave you over. So he knew it wasn't his brother coming? Or was your texting style that different? Was it possible he was just waving over any stranger over that he could to look at his knee? "Hey Bloopy, how do you know who I am?" You ask. He looks back at you without a thought in his mind. ] (if:$metzip is "false")[You start to wonder how Bloopy even knew to wave you over. You didn't have a picture on your profile on Cinder, was it possible he was just waving over any stranger over that he could to look at his knee? "Hey Bloopy, how do you know who I am?" You ask. He looks back at you without a thought in his mind. ] (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["whats ur favorite skateboard"]] Bloopy asks. [["Do you mean skating style?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean skateboard trick!?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean my favorite skateboarder?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean favorite piece of skateboarding media?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean type of skateboard!?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean brand of skateboard merchandise!?"->what skateboard]] [["What do you mean, you maniac?!?"->what skateboard]] [["Tony Hawk."]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) Bloopy kicks his little blue feet in the grass and wrinkles the area where a nose would probably be if he had one. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["thnk you. I swear it was cool, but I usually can heal up in like 15 minutes. but it means we i can skate more so i'm happy. i don't mind getting hurt though, scars are like a warriors umm...boy scout badges!"]] (if:$metzip is "true")[You start to wonder how Bloopy even knew to wave you over. So he knew it wasn't his brother coming? Or was your texting style that different? Was it possible he was just waving over any stranger over that he could to look at his knee? "Hey Bloopy, how do you know who I am?" You ask. He looks back at you without a thought in his mind. ] (if:$metzip is "false")[You start to wonder how Bloopy even knew to wave you over. You didn't have a picture on your profile on Cinder, was it possible he was just waving over any stranger over that he could to look at his knee? "Hey Bloopy, how do you know who I am?" You ask. He looks back at you without a thought in his mind. ] (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["whats ur favorite skateboard"]] Bloopy asks. [["Do you mean skating style?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean skateboard trick!?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean my favorite skateboarder?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean favorite piece of skateboarding media?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean type of skateboard!?"->what skateboard]] [["Do you mean brand of skateboard merchandise!?"->what skateboard]] [["What do you mean, you maniac?!?"->what skateboard]] [["Tony Hawk."]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["skateboard"]] he repeats and looks at you questioningly. What a loaded question. (link:'"Tony Hawk"')[(set:$Favoriteskateboard to "tonyhawk")(goto:"ur favorite")] (link:'"Blue"')[(set:$Favoriteskateboard to "blue")(goto:"ur favorite")] (link:'"Ollie"')[(set:$Favoriteskateboard to "ollie")(goto:"ur favorite")] (link:'"Longboard"')[(set:$Favoriteskateboard to "longboard")(goto:"ur favorite")] (link:'"Billabong"')[(set:$Favoriteskateboard to "billabong")(goto:"ur favorite")] (link:'"Goofy"')[(set:$Favoriteskateboard to "goofy")(goto:"ur favorite")] (link:'"Tony Hawks Underground for the ps2"')[(set:$Favoriteskateboard to "pstwo")(goto:"ur favorite")]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 2) (set:$Favoriteskateboard to "tonyhawk1") Bloopy nods sagely surprised at your quick witted knowledge at skateboard. Bloop knows from your answer that he's talking to a real thrasher [[Live, Laugh, Love, Sk8.->ur favorite]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -1) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -2) Everyone laughs stiffly. You've made it awkward at the Applebees®. But you don't care, you're one confident regal motherfucker. You tip a chair over to expel one of the many business men sitting around Zip and take his place, grabbing a napkin to put on your lap and putting on a winning smile. [[act like a royal, be treated like a royal.->let it go]]

{(if: $Favoriteskateboard is "tonyhawk")[ (set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 0) He looks at you suspiciously but then tells you (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["oh nice. thats like the best skateboard there is."]] He gives you a thumbs up. You can tellthat your hesitation to answer made him think that you were stalling for time and that you may have an earpiece in your ear telling you the perfect things to say, like in a disney sitcom/spy movie. ] (else-if: $Favoriteskateboard is "blue")[ (set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) He nods and blushes a little, putting his hands on his cheeks and kicking his feet. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["That's a good skateboard hehe."]] He agrees with a smile, you think it may be due to the fact that he's also blue.] (else-if: $Favoriteskateboard is "ollie")[ (set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["whats that?"]] He asks before jumping up and jerking his skateboard around in the grass, never actually leaving the ground. He does this until he's out of breath. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["just kidding!!!!"]] he says, waiting for applause ] (else-if: $Favoriteskateboard is "longboard")[ (set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) He nods thoughtfully, (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["that's cool, they're reall gud for going to the grocery store. i can only use a shortboard tho so i have to devil dash groceries to my house."]] He says gesturing at his size. Standing up you think he would probably only reach your knee height. You gotta love a charismatic short king/queen.] (else-if: $Favoriteskateboard is "billabong")[ (set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) He scrunches up his head. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["mmm i think billa-bong is for surf boards, but those are just like the skateboards of the sea so thats really cool. i don't know how to do that one. maybe u can teach me sometime"]] He grins at you, eager at the thought of learning a new skill.] (else-if: $Favoriteskateboard is "goofy")[ (set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) He looks confused for a second and then looks far off. You don't have to wonder long about what he's thinking about though.(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i'm thinkin about goofy from mickey mouse skateboardin. do u think goofy would do goofy skatin?"]] he asks, his eyes going back and forth on the half pipe.] (else-if: $Favoriteskateboard is "pstwo")[ (set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) "wow" says Bloopy, the stars revolving around his head suddenly appearing in his eyes. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["u play videogames too? I luv videogames. my paws are too short to hold one controller though so i gotta play with one hand and one foot. prolly y i'm so good at skatin."]] He mimics holding a ps2 controller with his left foot and left hand, he is not wearing shoes so you imagine if you ever invite him to play ps2 games with you, that you may have to put him in the sink so he can wash the dirt off his feet. You're starting to wonder if bloopy is more in the category of 'creature' than 'date-able fella'.] (if: $Favoriteskateboard is "tonyhawk1")[ (set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 0) ]} Before you get a chance to say anything else, his little hand slaps his cheek, you think he's mimicking slapping his forehead, but can't reach. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i'm srry! i'm so rood!! i'm Bloopy! whats ur name??"]] You start to tell him your name and he shakes his head. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["nooo...ur tony name!"]] he specifies. Oh, of course. "Tony (cycling-link: bind $tony, "Zebra","Crocodile","Weasel","Parakeet","Panda","Ham","Dolphin","Mountain Lion","Hippo","Horse","House","Mouse","Turkey","Tiger","Capybara")" [[You answer, obviously.]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["wow tony, I never thought about how $protected needs protecting. thats rly thoughtful of u. I thnk i already said mine so i won't bore u with it. do u wanna go skate now?"]] (link:'"Sure! Im good at skating! (truth)"')[(set:$skate to "good")(goto:"goodskatetruth")] (link:'"Sure! Im good at skating! (lie)"')[(set:$skate to "bad")(goto:"goodskatelie")] (link:'"Bloopy, believe it or not, I actually dont know how to skateboard"')[(set:$skate to "bad")(goto: "noskate")]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["then theres no better time to try, tony!!!"]] Bloopy says excitedly and grabs you by the hand, tucks his skateboard under his arm and leads you over to a the half pipe. You have to bend over entirely so that he can hold your hand. When you both get closer you see that a kid who seems too young to be alone at the skatepark is crying and lying down flat in the middle of halfpipe. Some impatient looking skaters are standing at the side of the halfpipe, glaring at the kid. Bloopy stops at the sight of this and you can tell he's watching you out of the corner of his eye to see your reaction to all of this. [["Boy I can't wait to run that kid over with my skateboard"->Bloopy Warrior of the Future, Protector of Sweeties 'what did you think would happen' ending?]] [["Crying in public is so cringe. Ew lol. Get out of the way kid!"->Bloopy Warrior of the Future, Protector of Sweeties 'what did you think would happen' ending?]] [["Hey there! Do you need help?"]] [[Step back and see if Bloopy knows what to do, you're not great at dealing with tears or children.]]

When you both get closer you see that a kid who seems too young to be alone at the skatepark is crying and lying down flat in the middle of halfpipe. Some impatient looking skaters are standing at the side of the halfpipe, glaring at the kid. Bloopy stops at the sight of this and you can tell he's watching you out of the corner of his eye to see your reaction to all of this. [["Boy I can't wait to run that kid over with my skateboard"->Bloopy Warrior of the Future, Protector of Sweeties 'what did you think would happen' ending?]] [["Crying in public is so cringe. Ew lol. Get out of the way kid!"->Bloopy Warrior of the Future, Protector of Sweeties 'what did you think would happen' ending?]] [["Hey there! Do you need help?"]] [[Step back and see if Bloopy knows what to do, you're not great at dealing with tears or children.]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) When you both get closer you see that a kid who seems too young to be alone at the skatepark is crying and lying down flat in the middle of halfpipe. Some impatient looking skaters are standing at the side of the halfpipe, glaring at the kid. Bloopy stops at the sight of this and you can tell he's watching you out of the corner of his eye to see your reaction to all of this. [["Boy I can't wait to run that kid over with my skateboard"->Bloopy Warrior of the Future, Protector of Sweeties 'what did you think would happen' ending?]] [["Crying in public is so cringe. Ew lol. Get out of the way kid!"->Bloopy Warrior of the Future, Protector of Sweeties 'what did you think would happen' ending?]] [["Hey there! Do you need help?"]] [[Step back and see if Bloopy knows what to do, you're not great at dealing with tears or children.]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 2) You ask the kid, looking around if their parents are anywhere near by. The kid shakes his head no but tries to quiet his crying. Bloopy pulls out a sword, pops off the handle and takes a bandaid out of it and hands it to the kid. The majority of the disgruntled, waiting, skaters take their leave after seeing that Bloopy is carrying a weapon. "Can you follow us? If you're sitting in the middle of the halfpipe you might get hurt again." You say and the kid gets up and takes your hand. (text-colour:lime)[(text-style:"italic","sway")[its sticky]] [[(ew)]]

You look around if their parents are anywhere near by. Bloopy pulls out a sword, pops off the handle and takes a bandaid out of it and hands it to the kid. The majority of the disgruntled, waiting, skaters take their leave after seeing that Bloopy is carrying a weapon on his back. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["did u do a really cool trick tho?" ]]Bloopy asks, the kid sniffles confused. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i can show you a cool trick to cheer you up, but u have to get off the halfpipe so i can do it." ]] That seems to work as the kid shambles off and looks on interested. Bloopy puts his board down on the ground and immediately after putting on foot on it the skateboard shoots out from under him and Bloopy prat falls. The kid laughs. His brother spots him from across the park and comes to pick him up, and Bloopy races to get his board back. You're glad that you let Bloopy handle this. You try to remember his full name title on Cinder. Something like, Bloopy, warrior of the something, protector of the sweeties? Does that have anything to do with that kid? Maybe now is a good time to ask him what that's all about. [["Hey Bloopy, what does being a protector of the sweeties mean?"]]

-5 to sanity -5 to santitation Luckily you don't have to hold the stick hand for long, the kid's brother spots him from across the park and come pick him up. Bloopy looks impressed with your quick action. You try to remember his full name title on Cinder. Bloopy something warrior, protector of the sweeties? Does that have anything to do with that kid? Maybe now is a good time to ask him what that's all about. [["Hey Bloopy, what does being a protector of the sweeties mean?"]]

(text-colour:magenta)[Oh fck!!! Hey james :) Crash told me about u. They literally would not stop yammering about how hot u are and how funny and qt u r. They have like a big frreaking embarresing crush on you and i guess that mean's I do too. damn.... me and like evry character they create canonically, even the jerk ones. so i'll have to try hard to woo you over. i'm up for the fucking challenge no doubt. n e ways get ready to get ur ass woo'd n treasured tenderly n ur nuts blown off (positive). well, i'll be over in a bit.]

(text-colour:magenta)[the taping of the stage play? thats ass pick another one] [[Shark Tale->acceptable movies]] [[Fight Club->acceptable movies]] [[Paul Blart Mall Cop->acceptable movies]] [[Ratatouille->acceptable movies]] [[Air Bud->acceptable movies]] [[Air Buddies]] [[John Wick->acceptable movies]] [[Joker]] [[Princess Mononoke->acceptable movies]] [[why don't you like Hamilton?]]

(text-colour:magenta)[nooooo pick another one] [[Shark Tale->acceptable movies]] [[Fight Club->acceptable movies]] [[Paul Blart Mall Cop->acceptable movies]] [[Ratatouille->acceptable movies]] [[Air Bud->acceptable movies]] [[Air Buddies]] [[John Wick->acceptable movies]] [[Hamilton]] [[Princess Mononoke->acceptable movies]] [[why don't you like the Joker?]]

(text-colour:magenta)[no pick another one] [[Shark Tale->acceptable movies]] [[Fight Club->acceptable movies]] [[Paul Blart Mall Cop->acceptable movies]] [[Ratatouille->acceptable movies]] [[Air Bud->acceptable movies]] [[John Wick->acceptable movies]] [[Hamilton]] [[Joker]] [[Princess Mononoke->acceptable movies]] [[What reason could you have to possibly dislike airbuddies?]]

(text-colour:magenta)[the rampant animal abuse that happened on set, i might a demon but im not an absolute nut case. also don't look it up it'll makeu sad. i'm burdened with knowledge, now pick another film the cashier is looking at me weird] [[Shark Tale->acceptable movies]] [[Fight Club->acceptable movies]] [[Paul Blart Mall Cop->acceptable movies]] [[Ratatouille->acceptable movies]] [[Air Bud->acceptable movies]] [[John Wick->acceptable movies]] [[Hamilton]] [[Joker]] [[Princess Mononoke->acceptable movies]]

(text-colour:magenta)[r u kidding me? it romanticizes historical figures and hoity toity political big wigs like in an un-critical lens, making them look like 'underdogs' but they're like, the most over dogs that could be over dogged. pick another one cmon] [[Shark Tale->acceptable movies]] [[Fight Club->acceptable movies]] [[Paul Blart Mall Cop->acceptable movies]] [[Ratatouille->acceptable movies]] [[Air Bud->acceptable movies]] [[Air Buddies]] [[John Wick->acceptable movies]] [[Joker]] [[Princess Mononoke->acceptable movies]]

(text-colour:magenta)[look, i used to liek the really cool memes with him in it but i was told it was cringe and 'has greater implications towards a pipeline of anti social gender discriminatory politics'. pick a different one] [[Shark Tale->acceptable movies]] [[Fight Club->acceptable movies]] [[Paul Blart Mall Cop->acceptable movies]] [[Ratatouille->acceptable movies]] [[Air Bud->acceptable movies]] [[Air Buddies]] [[John Wick->acceptable movies]] [[Hamilton]] [[Princess Mononoke->acceptable movies]]

(text-colour:magenta)[ok b there soon ] he texts back and you don't hear from him for a bit. Wait a minute, did...did he just invite himself to your house without even asking? You look around your room in a panic. [[You keep it in a neat order.]] [[It's a bit chaotic, but you know where things are and that's what matters. It's not crazy embarrassing]] [[You would describe your room with one of the following adjectives; bio-hazard, regular hazard, disaster or eyesore]]

(set:$room to "chaotic") You get the urge to start putting away the clothes on your 'clothes chair'. Is he really coming over right now? He's not right? You didn't even tell him where you live. So he can't! You make your way to the bathroom to wash the sweat off your face. You're not ready for a date right now you.... [[you haven't even googled 'top ten things to say on a date'->wash your face]] [[you haven't told any of your friends for safety.->wash your face]] [[you haven't had your coffee yet! No one can talk to you before you've had your coffee!->wash your face]] [[you made a mistake, why did you go on a dating app in the first place!->wash your face]] [[you need to clean up!->wash your face]] [[you need to plan a hot outfit!->wash your face]] [[you haven't even asked him the preliminary questions like 'are you a racist' or 'are you a murderer' and 'do you believe in astrology'!?->wash your face]] [[you have to pee!->wash your face]]

(set:$room to "messy") You get the urge to start shoving shit under your bed. Is he really coming over right now? He's not right? You didn't even tell him where you live. So he can't! You make your way to the bathroom to wash the sweat off your face. You're not ready for a date right now you.... [[you haven't yet googled 'top ten things to say on a date'->wash your face]] [[you haven't told any of your friends for safety.->wash your face]] [[you haven't had your coffee yet! No one can talk to you before you've had your coffee!->wash your face]] [[you made a mistake, why did you go on a dating app in the first place!->wash your face]] [[you desperately need to clean up!->wash your face]] [[you need to plan a hot outfit!->wash your face]] [[you haven't even asked him the preliminary questions like 'are you a racist' or 'are you a murderer' and 'do you believe in astrology'!?->wash your face]] [[you have to pee!->wash your face]]

Bloopy shrugs (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["like...when I see a sweetie, i help em i guess."]] [["How many protectors of the sweeties are there?"]] [["How can you tell who's a sweetie and who isn't?"]] [["Aren't you from hell though?"]] [["Is what you're wearing part of the uniform?"]] [["Can you remind me of your full name?"]] [[No more questions, i'm ready to skate]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["well, when ur a kid you get a sweetie free pass until ur like 12, and the u gotta get serious about being nice after that. but otherwise u just know. or at least i always know. don't u?"]] [["Am i a sweetie?"]] [[don't ask, you don't want to know]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i've only met me so far, but i'm sure theres more out there. or maybe even protecting the sweeties might inspire them to be their own warriors."]] [[lets ask another question->Bloopy Quest]]

(if:$BloopyAffinity >= 2)[Bloopy blushes and taps his feet. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["I mean yeah a course, that's why i called u over to see my cool cut. i wanted u to like me."]]He whispers to his feet. It feels nice to be recognized by this weird little fella. Wait a minute does he even know that you're his Cinder date or was he just calling anyone off the street to look at his cut to impress them?] (if:$BloopyAffinity <2)[Bloopy grimaces and doesn't answer. You get the feeling he doesn't want to hurt your feelings. Ouch!] [[back to questions->Bloopy Quest]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["yeah."]] Bloopy answers. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["theres not a lot of sweeties there, so the ones that are there really need protecting."]] [[makes sense->Bloopy Quest]]

You have a feeling if you were told definitively, that you were not in fact a sweetie, you would need a lot more therapy than you already do. [[Lets ask something else->Bloopy Quest]]

(if:$metzip is "true")[["You know, I met your brother Zip?"]] [["How many protectors of the sweeties are there?"]] [["How can you tell who's a sweetie and who isn't?"]] [["Is what you're wearing part of the uniform?"]] [["Can you remind me of your full name?"]] [["What does the 'warrior of the future' part of your name mean?"]] [["Aren't you from hell though?"]] [[No more questions, i'm ready to skate]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Aren't you from hell though?")'s length >= 1)[["So demon's aren't inherently evil?"]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Aren't you from hell though?")'s length >= 1)[["Have you killed anybody Bloopy?"]] (if:(history: where its name contains "How many protectors of the sweeties are there?")'s length >= 1)[["How do I become a Protector Of the Sweeties? Is there an initiation?"]] (if:(history: where its name contains "So demon's aren't inherently evil")'s length >= 1)[["Ok Bloopy, hypothetically, you are riding in a trolley without brakes, headed toward a switch in the tracks five people are tied up there and will killed if the trolley continues on its path. You have access to a switch that would make the trolley change to the other track, but another individual is tied up there. That person is certain to be killed if the switch is activated. So do you switch tracks or not?"]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i don't think so? or maybe yes? i think that being mean is easy so people do that more often than being sweet. being sweet is hard and scary, but it makes everything better for everybody so someone has to make sure the sweeties are ok."]] says Bloopy. [[What does this mean for the lore?->Bloopy Quest]]

Bloopy thinks on it for a moment. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["there's not so far, but if u wanna come up with one with me that would be fun. do u have any suggestions?"]] [["A college style hazing where the initiate has to wear diapers and do your laundry."]] [["The initiate must create a custom bouquet for the other members of the order."]] [["The initiate must do a cool skate trick?"]] [["What if you all have to go around and say something nice about each other?"]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -1) Bloopy looks uncomfortable and doesn't answer. This may be too intrusive of a topic for a first date. [[that wasn't a no though->Bloopy Quest]]

Bloopy hands you his skateboard, (if:$skate is "good")[Like any good skater would, you inspect it before putting your weight on it.It's decorated in layers of graffiti stickers has blue scuffed, loose wheels and very worn grip tape on the top that seems to have been constantly replaced. Its got quite a bit of bend to it, but seems pretty solid. It seems like although Bloopy isn't the best skater, it seems like he's put a lot of time and effort into learning. This is a well loved board, and your happy Bloopy trusts you with it. You hop on the board, one foot at a time and slide over to the pipe, stopping the climb up the half pipe and assess, it's a pretty forgiving wide half pipe with a gradual slope, you think you can get away with some stalls, fakies and kick flips. You're not looking to try anything too crazy on a board you're unfarmiliar with. You take a quick glance at Bloopy, who is watching in complete fascination. You grab the nose, drop and start picking up speed, you reach the lip and... ] (if:$skate is "bad")[You pretend to inspect it before getting on it. It has nice stickers covering the underside and seems to be a blue color underneath. It seems well used, which gives it an authentic appeal. You shakily get on the skateboard and make it to the middle of the halfpipe. Man, it's hard enough just to stay upright (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["you got this tony $tony!!!"]] Bloopy yells and claps. You take a deep breath, and start wobbling back and fortth between the slopes until eventually, feeling nearly out of control, you reach the top and...] (text-style:"underline")[''Get ready for a mini game!''] Whether you can land this trick or not is based on if you can pass the mini game coming up. You have ten seconds to pick out one real skate tricks out of the fakes. When you find one of the the real tricks, click on the link within those ten seconds, or totally wipe out. [[Ready?->minigame]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -1) Bloopy is looking a little fed up with your questions. [[geez ok->Bloopy Quest]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["maybe someday, but i only made one of these."]] He looks at you apologetically at you as you stare in admiration of his awesome neon eye patch. He lifts it up to show you the underside, you notice he does have a second eye. [[cool->Bloopy Quest]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["Bloopy: Warrior of the Future, Protector of Sweeties!"]] He declares raising his sword high in the air. You could have sworn that you almost heard him pronounce the letters as capitals, but it would be impossible to tell. [[more questions->Bloopy Quest]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i like...futuristic gothic fashion. but i can't find a trench coat thats short enough."]] he blushes. Oh so it has nothing to do with him traveling to the future or being from the future. [[that would be too silly->Bloopy Quest]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["that might be ableist...I think?"]] Bloopy narrows his eyes like he's deep in thought, like his black and white perception of sweet and un-sweet is growing a little broader. You think Bloopy might be open to talk about this more after some self reflection. [[we all have room to grow->Bloopy Quest]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) Bloopy squeals at the thought of this. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["that's so thoughtful! I always feel bad about picking flowers but also they make people so happy. theres no flowers in hell, did you know that? maybe that's why i think they're so pretty. what's your favorite flower?"]] (set:$favoriteflower to "null") (link: '"lily"')[(set: $favoriteflower to "lily")(goto: "your favorite flower")] (link: '"R+rose"')[(set: $favoriteflower to "rose")(goto: "your favorite flower")] (link: '"wildflowers"')[(set: $favoriteflower to "wildflowers")(goto: "your favorite flower")] (link: '"sunflower"')[(set: $favoriteflower to "sunflower")(goto: "your favorite flower")] (link: '"hibiscus"')[(set: $favoriteflower to "hibisus")(goto: "your favorite flower")] (link: '"I like weeds, like dandelions"')[(set: $favoriteflower to "dandys")(goto: "your favorite flower")] [["What flower suits me?"]] [["Tell me yours first!"]] [["Bloopy I'll be real, I never thought that hard about it."]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -5) Bloopy frowns at the idea and looks at the pavement. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i think u should go to therapy."]] he says and looks away. [["the worst they can say is no"->Bloopy Quest]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 2) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["hmm I like that. but i think maybe we take it even a step further and we say somethiing we like about all the other members everytime we have a meeting. For example, if u were a protector of the sweeties, i'd say u are a great listener." ]] [["Thanks Bloopy, I think you're a good talker."->Good compliment]] [["Thanks Bloopy, I'd say you're pretty radical."->Good compliment]] [["Thanks Bloopy, I'd say you were fun and spontanious."->Good compliment]] [["Thanks Bloopy, I'd say you were really creative."->Good compliment]] [["Thanks Bloopy, I'd say you're a business expert."->Bad compliment]] [["Thanks Bloopy, your sexual charisma is off the charts."->Weird compliment]] [["Thanks Bloopy, I'd have to think about what I would say about you."->Bloopy Quest]] [["Thanks Bloopy."->Bloopy Quest]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) Bloopy seems happy that you asked, and needs a couple minutes to come to his final decision. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[ "i like african violets. they're a pretty blue and they're really soft if u pet em."]] (link: "Lily")[(set: $favoriteflower to "lily")(goto: "your favorite flower")] (link: "Rose")[(set: $favoriteflower to "rose")(goto: "your favorite flower")] (link: "wildflowers")[(set: $favoriteflower to "wildflowers")(goto: "your favorite flower")] (link: "sunflower")[(set: $favoriteflower to "sunflower")(goto: "your favorite flower")] (link: "hibiscus")[(set: $favoriteflower to "hibisus")(goto: "your favorite flower")] (link: '"I like weeds, like dandelions"')[(set: $favoriteflower to "dandys")(goto: "your favorite flower")] [["What flower suits me?"]] [["Bloopy I'll be real, I never thought that hard about it."]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -3) Bloopy shrugs. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["fair enough." ]] and watches a butterfly flit around his head, you have the feeling you are losing his attention. [[Ipad baby behavior->Bloopy Quest]]

(if:$BloopyAffinity >= 2)[(set: $favoriteflower to "lily of the valley")(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["lily of the valley!"]] he sqorks right away, as if he had been already thinking about this. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["they look like little hats and i think it would be really cute if you had a tiny hat on ur head."]]] (if:$BloopyAffinity <2)[(set: $favoriteflower to "babys breath")His mouth flattens into a line. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["baby's breath."]] he mutters. Damn dude, if you knew anything about anthology, you'd know that that was a sick burn (because it smell like pee).] [[the conversation moves on->Bloopy Quest]]

Bloopy takes out his iphone and writes it on his notes app. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["$favoriteflower .... i'll make sure to remember it. even if you don't want to join the sweetie protecting order, its still nice to get flowers huh?"]] He finishes tapping it out and looks back up at you. it feels nice to be seen. [[Also...Bloopy has the Iphone 16? damn.->Bloopy Quest]]

(text-colour:red)[''Slapper 5000 (align:"<==")+(box:"=X")[ The Gentlemen's Dive] (align:"<==")+(box:"==XXX")[Windscar ] Bugs Bunchy (align:"<==")+(box:"==XXX")[ Modified Pete] (align:"<==")+(box:"=======XXX")[Daffy Duck] (align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX============")[The Hospital Bill Multiplier] Over The Moon (align:"<==")+(box:"==X")[ The Triangle Flip] Possible (align:"<==")+(box:"======XXXXXXX=====")[ Must[[a]]rd] Burger (align:"<==")+(box:"=======XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX========")[Biscoff] '' True Love's Snitch'' (align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXXXXXXXXX")[ [[Impossible->you found it]]] (align:"<==")+(box:"============================XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX=======")[ 69] (align:"<==")+(box:"=======XXX")[The Debbie Salsa] (align:"<==")+(box:"======XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX=========")[ Kick-Me Flip ] (align:"==>")+(box:"==XXX")[ [[The Sex Change->you found it]] ] '' Denny's Grand Slam '' (align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXXXX")[ Bandi-snatch ] ''Texas Road Mouse'' (align:"<==")+(box:"===X")[The Trophy Hunter] [[Staple gun->you found it]]'' (align:"==>")+(box:"XXX==")[Dog Town Backwords] (align:"==>")+(box:"==XXX")[Gravity Drink] Hurry! ] (live: 10s)[(go-to: "too slow")]

. (text-colour:lime)[(text-style:"italic","sway")[then james came over and said hi pretty editor/author/qt your doing such a great job :))]]

(set:$minigame to "failed") Time ran out! [[wipe out!]]

(set:$minigame to "passed") You found it!!! [[It's thrashin time!]]

Hi James, go find the real one now :) kees [[minigame]]

You get to the top of the half pipe, catch some air, you spin a 360, stall and head back down to the other side and extend your hand backwords and down to pull off a sweet burt slide{(if: $outfit is "ballgown")[, all while looking like a 2000's Flying Butterfly™ Barbie® Doll in your ball gown] (else-if: $outfit is "club dress")[, all while wearing the sickest fit any of these nerds have ever seen in your club dress] (else-if: $outfit is "hoodie")[, looking extremely cool in your sick casual skater fit. You knew you picked the right outfit this morning] (else-if: $outfit is "suit")[, Looking extremely out of place in your business attire] }. You slow after that and off the board and let it make its way back to Bloopy who's jaw has dropped. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["aaa! aaaaa! tony!!!! that was the raddest thing ive ever seen!!"]] He cheers. "(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[tony that was insane!!! you should b in the x games! you have to do it again so i can film it!!!"]] he hops around you in astonishment and flails his arms around like a little muppet. [["Sorry bloopy, I think I peaked there."]] <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kl5hLSMpeaQ"; target="_blank">(This is a burt slide if you're curious)</a>

(set: $whogothurt to "you") You get to the top of the half pipe, catch some air, catch some more air...too much air! Bloopy's skateboard sails away from you as suddenly begin coming back to earth. you land back down, hands first and tumble back down to the middle of the halfpipe. Bloopy rushes over to check on you and grabs your shoulders with tears in his eyes. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["u did it tony $tony"]] he assures you through sniffles. "(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[that was the coolest trick i've ever seen"]] [["i don't think I did"]] [["I did it Bloopy, I really did it."]] [["don't patronize me Bloopy"]] [["Bloopy I think I need medical attention"]]

As you go to collect the skateboard, Bloopy is still running around you, acting as your hype man. When you hand him back his board though, he starts to look a little nervous. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["well, i'm not as good as u but i want to try to showoff so u think i'm cool too."]] [["Lets see it!"]] [["I already think you're cool Bloopy."]] [["You could never be cool Bloopy."]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["no!!! you did! you went in to the air and it was like you invented a new trick and it was cooler than any trick that i...that i ever saw!"]] he sniffles and begins to slowly drag you out of the half pipe by your foot. You get the feeling that he really wants you to be proud of yourself for trying. As he pulls you off into the grass, you notice on the pavement behind the halfpipe, when it came back down, a skateboard snapped in half. [["Bloopy I broke your Board!"]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["yeah you did."]] Bloopy gives you a tearful smile, while placing sticking bandaids to your forehead. You get the feeling that Bloopy really wants you to feel proud of yourself for putting yourself out there. You also wonder if Bloopy has anyone to give him such support as well. You hope that you are the person to give him that same positive encouragement. As he helps you up and leads you to the grass, you notice on the pavement behind the halfpipe, when it came back down, a skateboard snapped in half. [["Bloopy I broke your Board!"]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) Bloopy slaps some bandaids on your forehead and begins to drag you out of the half pipe. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i'm so proud of u"]] bloopy says, wiping his eyes. As he pulls you off into the grass, you notice on the pavement behind the halfpipe, when it came back down, a skateboard snapped in half. [["Bloopy I broke your Board!"]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -4) Bloopy steps back without saying much, letting you collect yourself. As you brush yourself off, you notice on the pavement behind the halfpipe, Bloopy's board when it came back down, it snapped in half. [["Bloopy I broke your Board!"]]

Bloopy comes over, looks over to the pavement, at his now broken board. His mouth makes a little 'o' and he sighs and shrugs. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["its ok!"]] Bloopy assures you. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i had it a while, i'm sure it was gonna break soon anyways."]] Before you say another he waves his hands.(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i got it on craigslist, maybe next time we meet we can look on there and u can come with me to pick it up? some people are creeps so i dont wanna go alone. oh and i can drive!"]] Bloopy points to a car in the parking lot, its a black suv with a sticker on the back that says 'don't honk, i'll cry' You simply can't imagine him driving. For one, his feet couldn't even touch the petals if he sat on the seat. [["Can you do the talking? I'll cry."]] [[This is the final straw, you can't get over this "How do you drive Bloopy? It doesn't make any sense!"]] [["Can I see your license?"]] [["I actually am hoping we never cross paths again."->blooplowaffinityend]] [["That sounds great Bloopy."]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["yeah! but only if u can do the ordering if we go through drive throughs to get mcdongles or coffe, my voice is too little to be loud enough when my car engines on. i can do all the other talking though"]] <img src="https://i.imgur.com/LxiId0U.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=70% HEIGHT=70% alt=prologo></img> [[A fair trade->bloopy goes to gas station]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -2) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["let me live my life!"]] Bloopy frowns, looking frustrated Bloopy doesn't seem to like when you point out that they are illogical. [[yeesh!->bloopy goes to gas station]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -1) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["no."]] Bloopy says shyly, looking away. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i had a rlly bad hair day when i took the photo."]] He pauses for a moment. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["r u a cop?"]] He eyes you suspiciously...or should I say he 'eye' you suspiciously because he has only one visible eye? Regardless. [[Relatable->bloopy goes to gas station]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i can do the talking! i just feel like people charge me more sometimes because they know i'm not from the area."]] Bloopy gestures to his horns and blue skin, he doesn't seem to be used to asking for favors. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["o-or sometimes peoples dogs chase me so maybe u can distract them. we can get them treats."]] He beams with a blush. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["n i ken get cobfee 4 us too!!! but u gotta order if we go through drive throughs to get mcdongles or coffe, my voice is too little to be loud enough when my car engines on."]] <img src="https://i.imgur.com/LxiId0U.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=70% HEIGHT=70% alt=prologo></img> [[that sounds great Bloopy->bloopy goes to gas station]]

(set: $whogothurt to "bloop") Bloopy hands you his sword for safe keeping, runs over to the half pipe, peeks over to make sure you're looking and sets the board on the ground. He hops on the board and like a banana peel on the ground, his feet and the board immediely reject eachother and go flying in different directions. Bloopy lands on his head and the skateboard flies into the side of the half pipe and cracks in half [[Pretend you didn't see it]] [[Go over to check if he's okay]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 3) Bloopy blushes. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["that mean's a lot to me, especially from tony $tony, $title of the $domain, protector of the $protected. hehehe!"]] he walks over to the halfpipe with a spring in his step and a smile on his face." [[never change bloopy->"Lets see it!"]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -10) I can't believe someone actually clicked this option. Bloopy's face falls, as he really looks to take this to heart, you have hit him where it really hurts. He awkwardly keeps walking with his skateboard to do a trick, but this heart doesn't look in it anymore. [[maybe you were the devil all along!->"Lets see it!"]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["tony!!! Tony $tony....!!! Did....did u see that?" ]] Bloopy yells as he falls on his side. [["nope."]] [["yes i did."]]

"Bloopy!" You yell and rush over to inspect the little blue circle writhing on the ground. He doesn't seem to be bleeding, just pretty banged up. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["did i do it tony?"]] He asks weakly. [["You did it Bloopy!"]] [["I don't think so Bloopy."]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["are....are you sure??"]] [["I didn't see a thing"]] [["okay, I saw.->"yes i did."]]

You run over and inspect the little blue circle writhing on the ground. He doesn't seem to be bleeding, just pretty banged up. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["did i do it tony?" ]]He asks weakly. [["You did it Bloopy!"]] [["I don't think so Bloopy."]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["are....are you SURE sure??"]] [["I don't even know what you're referring to]] [["Just kidding, I actually did see"->"yes i did."]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -3) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["why weren't u watching"]] Bloopy mumbles and rolls onto his other side, looking despondant. [[i'm kidding I saw!->"yes i did."]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -1) He rolls over onto his face so you can't see it. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["thank u for the honesty"]] he sniffles into the ground. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["it will help me grow"]] [[Is honesty really the best policy?->"you sure did Bloopy."]]

You help Bloopy get to a sitting position and walk around to the back of the half pipe to get his skateboard, which has cracked in two on the pavement. [[Bloopy! Your board broke!->"Bloopy I broke your Board!"]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 2) (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i did it."]] Bloopy repeats and smiles up at you, with watery eyes, looking incredibly proud of himself. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i really did it."]] You have a feeling he really needed a win. [[you sure did Bloopy->"Bloopy I broke your Board!"]]

(if:(history: where its name contains "It's thrashin time!")'s length >= 1)[Bloopy tries to get up and crumples, obviously very hurt from his skateboarding accident. He reaches his arms up to you so that you can drag him over to the grass. You oblige .(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[ "*cough cough* can you get me some asprin and water from the gas station?"]] Bloopy asks fishing a crumpled dollar out of his ?pocket? and handing it to you. [["Sure Bloopy."]] [["Bloopy, I need a high value man, this isn't working for me"->blooplowaffinityend]] ] (if:(history: where its name contains "wipe out!")'s length >= 1)[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i'm going to get you some water and an aspirin at the gas station. stay here and rest okay?"]] Bloopy makes sure you're comfortable. Suddenly as he starts to walk away your grumbling stomach compels you to call out. "Wait Bloopy!" [[your gas station order has only just begun]] ]

Bloops head whips around in surprise. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["what!!! wow! oh...."]] He considers this for a second and looks at you nervously, you can't tell what he's thinks. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["where did you meet zip?"]] he asks. [["We met at Applebee's®."->whatuthinkozip]] [["We went on a date."->whatuthinkozip]] [["We met via Cinder, the dating app, I looked at through his phone and that's how I know of you."->whatuthinkozip]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["oh! wow! i wasn't expecting that. well..."]] Bloopy chews his lip nervously. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["what did you think of him?"]] (if:$outfit is "hoodie")[["To be honest, he made fun of me for dressing casual as soon as I met him, so I didn't like that."]] (if:$outfit is "ballgown")[["To be honest, he made fun of my ballgown as soon as I met him, so I didn't like that."]] [[He seems very different than you, i'll say that->notposi]] [[He seemed like an asshole->notposi]] [[He was...nice...->notposi]] [[He was nice!->posi]] [[He seemed very good at business->posi]] [[His sexual charisma was off the charts, we just weren't a good match->posi]]

Bloopys jaw drops. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i can't believe he did that. i think you're dressed so cool, its like, a perfect skatepark outfit, you look like you're the assistant manager of zumiez! u look like...like u listen to all the coolest bands before anybody even knows about them and that u have the authority to call people 'poserz' but u don't because ur so nice!"]] Bloopy says, looking at you with stars in his eyes. He suddenly looks down and holds his front like he has a tummyache. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i'm sorry tony $tony. that was really mean of him. thnk u for telling me tho."]] He says, conflicted. You get the feeling that its hard for him to reckon with the fact that his brother may not be a sweetie. [[It's hard to believe that the two are related->Bloopy Quest]]

Bloopys jaw drops. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i can't believe he did that to u. tony, i think you look like a princess and and like birds fly on ur arms because they like u and u have a magical singing voice that makes people happy! u r like the best dressed at this skatepark, and maybe even all the skateparks in the world!"]] Bloopy says, looking at you with stars in his eyes. He suddenly looks down and holds his front like he has a tummyache. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i'm really disapointed to hear zip would do something like that. thnk u for telling me tho."]] He says, conflicted. You get the feeling that its hard for him to reckon with the fact that his brother may not be a sweetie. [[It's hard to believe that the two are related->Bloopy Quest]]

Bloopy sighs closes his eyes and frowns (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i'm sorry tony $tony. i know he can be...a lot. i think that he is too focused on what makes him climb the social ladder, and not enough on bugs, rocks, sticks and trinkets. u know, the things that really matter."]] Bloopy says sadly, pulling a piece of string out of his pocket and putting it in your hand. A concession. You get the feeling that its hard for him to reckon with the fact that his brother may not be a sweetie. [[I'll treasure it forever->Bloopy Quest]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 1) Bloopy sighs and kind of half smiles. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["thnks 4 saying so. i know he can be...a lot. he's my brother and i love him, but i feel like he's really taken the wrong approach to making friends. i think that he is too focused on what makes him climb the social ladder, and not enough on bugs, rocks, sticks, cool cuts and trinkets. i'm glad we understand that at least."]] Bloopy says sadly, pulling a piece of string out of his pocket and putting it in your hand. a concession. [[I'll treasure it forever->Bloopy Quest]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["oh!" ]]Bloopy says, looking off into the the distance, despite prior context. He begins to wander away in a direction as the sun sets. Bloopy has forgotten about you and is off on another Bloopy adventure that you are not lucky enough to go along with. //The sun setting under the hills, Bloopy peers ahead into the great land that streched before him, the way seemed long. But the sky was beautiful, and he somehow felt he was headed in the right direction.// You have a feeling if you were a little nicer to Bloopy there might have been a more satifying end to the date, instead of this Stuart Little book Ass ending. ''Bloopy Stuart Little Book Ass Ending'' <img src="https://i.imgur.com/NyyRKP7.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=70% HEIGHT=70% alt=prologo></img> [[Character Data]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["wait!"]] bloopy calls out. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["can u also get me some sour patch kids? i think it'll help me heal."]] [["Sure thing."]] [["You're pushing it."->"Sure thing."]]

Bloopy turns around and looks at you questioningly "Oohh Bloopy! Wait! Warrior, I must burden you with a task, 'lest my health take a turn for the worst! Listen close Bloopy! To properly heal, I require (cycling-link: bind $sweet, "(sweet snack)","Sour Patch kids","M&M's","Starbursts","sour Gummy Worms", "regular Gummy Worms","Reeses Cups","a Snickers","Mike & Ikes","sour Skittles", "regular Skittles","Smarties","little powdered donuts","nerds","tiny personal size Haagen-Dasz", "discounted holiday chocolate","a gimmicky kid candy packaged in a fake cell phone","an ice cream sandwich","a 3 Musketeers","a Herseys chocolate bar","a Herseys Cookies and Cream bar","Muddy Buddies", "kettle corn", "a Twinkie","Twizzlers","Swedish fish","a Rice Crispy Treat","a Ding Dong","a Snowball") and (cycling-link: bind $salty, "(salty snack)","trail mix","a hot dog","pretzels","Cheetos","Cheezits","salt and vinegar chips","some kind of quirkly Planters flavored almonds","Doritos","BBQ chips","sour cream and onion chips","pumpkin seeds","sunflower seeds","wet peanuts","pringles", "beef jerky", "nachos","taquitos ","a protein bar") for moral and to restore my sodium levels to their former glory , and ohhh my throat is so parched, *cough cough* water simply wouldn't do, only a refreshing (cycling-link: bind $drink, "(drink)","fountain drink","Gatorade","Powerade","red bull","Monster", "white Monster","peach Monster", "Rockstar","NOS","sugar free Red Bull,","big sodie","big water","slushie","machine made milkshake","machine brewed cappuccino","doctor peppy", "diet doctor peppy","coca cola","diet cola","ginger ale","coke","diet coke","orange juice","apple juice","black coffee, 30 ounces specifically","sparkling water","Sprite","Squirt","Arizona iced tea","Fanta Orange","Fanta Grape","Arnold Palmer","chocolate milk","kombucha","strawberry milk") can quench this unnatural thrist!" [["Go now Warrior! I shall regain my strength. Hoo...Ha..."]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["it shall be done!" ]]Bloopy shrieks and runs to the cross walk, where he waits for the light to turn to turn green, looks both ways, and arms up, dashes across the street in a muppet like manner. You wonder for a second what it means to date a muppet-I mean an imp. (if: $BloopyAffinity < 4)[[Wait, where is Bloopy going?->blooplowaffinityend]] (if: $BloopyAffinity >= 4)[(link:"You're excited to find out.")[(set:$nicortic to "tic")(goto:"Bloopy Comes Back With Treats")] (link:"It feels a bit wrong, he feels too creature-esque for you to date. The love between you and Bloopy is purely platonic.")[(set:$nicortic to "nic")(goto:"Bloopy Comes Back With Treats")] (link:"You'll figure it out along the way, it feels too soon to decide.")[(set:$nicortic to "nicalt")(goto:"Bloopy Comes Back With Treats")] ]

You walk across the street to the Quick Mart and immediately feel your stomach growl. You're going to need something for substance as well. What are you craving? [[lets check out the sweet section first]]

You first hone in on something sweet, and end up getting (cycling-link: bind $sweet, "(sweet snack)","Sour Patch Kids","M&M's","Starbursts","sour Gummy Worms", "regular Gummy Worms","Reeses Cups","a Snickers","Mike & Ikes","nothing", "sour Skittles", "regular Skittles","Smarties","little powdered donuts","nerds","tiny personal size Haagen-Dasz", "discounted holiday chocolate","a gimmicky kid candy packaged in a fake cell phone","an ice cream sandwich","a 3 Musketeers bar","a Herseys chocolate bar","a Herseys Cookies and Cream bar","Muddy Buddies", "kettle corn", "a Twinkie","Twizzlers","Swedish Fish","a Rice Crispy Treat","a Ding Dong","a Snowball") [[now for something salty]]

This gas station seems pretty small, so you're kind of doubting they'll have your snack of choice, at least they have (cycling-link: bind $salty, "(salty snack)","trail mix","nothing","a hot dog","pretzels","Cheetos","Cheezits","salt and vinegar chips","some kind of quirkly Planters flavored almonds","Doritos","BBQ chips","sour cream and onion chips","pumpkin seeds","sunflower seeds","wet peanuts","pringles", "beef jerky", "nachos","taquitos ","a protein bar"). [[Time to get a drink]]

You look at the water bottles, knowing that's probably what you should be getting. You end up getting a (cycling-link: bind $drink, "(drink)","fountain drink","Gatorade","Powerade","Red Bull","Monster", "white Monster","peach Monster", "Rockstar","NOS","sugar free Red Bull,","big sodie","big water","slushie","machine made milkshake","machine brewed cappuccino","doctor peppy","rockstar fruit punch (for james)", "diet doctor peppy","coca cola","diet cola","ginger ale","coke","diet coke","orange juice","apple juice","black coffee, 30 ounces specifically","sparkling water","Sprite","Squirt","Arizona iced tea","Fanta Orange","Fanta Grape","Arnold Palmer","chocolate milk","kombucha","strawberry milk"), and then double back to pick up another one for Bloopy. Oh wait, didn't Bloopy want something else too? [[Sour worms, water, Tylenol->wrong choice but works]] [[Swedish fish, sparkling water, Advil->wrong choice but works]] [[Sour patch kids, a Monster energy drink, Mucinex->wrong choice]] [[Sour skittles, diet Coke, Ozempic->wrong choice]] [[Sour Patch Kids, water, Asprin->right choice]] [[Habrio gummy bears, water, Prilosec->wrong choice]] [[Cigarettes, trucker hat, cold medicine->wrong choice]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -2) You pay for your items and run back to bloopy with your haul and his, sipping your $drink on the way. You hand him his bag and he inspects the contents and frowns. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["oh, i, um. thenks."]] he mutters, bringing it over to the trash can and dumping out the contents. Bloopy rolls back over, sits next to you and takes bites of your snacks and sips of your drink when you're not looking. (if:$BloopyAffinity > 4)[[you two enjoy sitting with eachother, despite the mishap.->Wondering about Bloopy 2]] (if:$BloopyAffinity <= 4)[[Wait, where is Bloopy going?->blooplowaffinityend]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 2) You pay for your items and walk back to Bloopy with your haul and his, sipping your $drink on the way. You hand him his bag and he inspects the contents. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["hooray! you even remembered the sour patch kids, i know its a little silly but i always get em after i skate. and a second $drink! you're so thoughtful tony $tony, thenk u." ]] Bloopy looks much better already. He pops an asprin, puts his shield on the ground and sets up your hauls on it like a little picnic for the two of you. [[you two enjoy your romantic gas station picnic as the sun sets->Wondering about Bloopy 2]]

You pay for your items and run back to Bloopy with your haul and his, sipping your $drink on the way. You hand him his bag and he inspects the contents and shrugs. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["oh! this isn't exaclty what i asked 4...but it'll work!"]] he takes out the medicine, pops a pill and sips on the second $drink you got him. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["thenk u!"]] He sets up your hauls on the plastic bags, like a little picnic for the two of you. (if:$BloopyAffinity > 4)[[You two enjoy sitting with eachother, unwrapping your snacks in a comfortable moment of silence.->Wondering about Bloopy 2]] (if:$BloopyAffinity <= 4)[[Wait, where is Bloopy going?->blooplowaffinityend]]

(set: $danetozipswitch to "no") You all eat your food quickly, maybe drink a little if you so choose, everyone orders a couple more rounds of drinks, and before you know it, everybody is ready to leave. Zip turns to you with a mischievous twinkle in his eye. (text-colour:yellow)[“Pssst! Are you coming to the after-party? Yeaahh you’re coming! We’re going to dine and dash and go get Ubers there, so be ready.”] Zip whispers and snickers with his friends, sitting on the edge of his seat and gathering his coat. It looks like everybody is a second from bolting, except for Chelle who didn’t seem to be a part of this conversation. For a moment you feel like protesting, this is Applebee’s® after all! You would have to be an animal to ruin the sanctity of this family friendly atmosphere. What if a child saw and thought it was cool and then became a rebellious teenager and did the same in the future, inspiring an army of other rebellious teenagers to skip out on their Applebee’s® bill, eventually causing the closure of the entire chain? Plus, nobody was even finished with their drinks, there were an array of half drunk beers, margaritas and cocktails sitting around the table. [[Fuck yeah lets dine and dash!]] [[Convince them not to dine and dash]] [[Let them think they dined and dashed, and pay the bill yourself]] [[Loudly announce that you will pay, to try to shame them into chipping in some money]] [[Stick the bill on Chelle]] [[Make and mongo mega trash can drink by combining all the drinks around the table into one pitcher]]

(set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + 2) You swallow any guilt at disparaging your favorite chain restaurant, and look around for the last time, knowing you’ll never be able to show your face here again. //Goodbye ordering Applebee’s® Ipad, goodbye ‘the game’, good bye big orange lights, goodbye Applebee’s® Barbara the waitress-// (text-colour:yellow)[“What are you waiting for lets go!” ]Zip laughs and takes your hand and pulls you out of there, you’re the tail end of the rush of giggling business men. Zip seems thrilled, but you notice Barbara looking at your forlornly as the doors swing shut behind you. You’re the third table assigned to her to leave without paying just this week. [[You let Applebee’s® and Barbara down->Meet them outside]]

How are you going to convince them not to dine and dash? [[get angry with them]] [[reason with them]] [[appeal to their better nature]] [[explain it to them in business terms]] [[cry]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + 1) “hell yeah! Let’s go guys! Whoo! Lets blow this joint!” You play it up as everyone gets up to run, and then step on a loose fry on the carpet. “Uh oh! woahhwoahWOoahh” You pretend you’re slipping on it for 10 seconds straight until the group out the door. You head back to the table and leave all of the cash from your wallet on the table. You feel a hand on your shoulder. It’s your waitress, Barbara! “I appreciate it hun. They don’t seem like they got your best interests at heart, you don’t need to pretend to impress them.” Barbara sighs and begins to clear the table. [[You don’t tell Barbara that you do in fact need to impress them because you areso very very insecure->Meet them outside]]

“Oh ok, I guess I’ll get the bill then, if you guys REALLY want to have your little rebellious teenage moment!" You sigh loudly. "Here I go, taking the money out of my wallet! Here I go counting my money! 1...2...boy I guess you guys hate working women huh?” You shrug and nod to your waitress Barbara. Everyone continues to get up and pats you on the back. (text-colour:yellow)[“I’m so glad you get it.” ]Zip smiles and pats you on the shoulder. The crew quickly scatters. In a second everyone is outside and it’s you, Barbara and a 374 dollar ApplebeeBill® waiting for you on the table. Of course guilt tripping wouldn’t work on them, business people get enough of that from their parents, leading them to be business people in the first place. You’re forced to pay the bill, which Barbara really appreciates. You start to walk out to check that they are outside waiting for you when Barbara calls out. “Ah, hey, thanks for…recognizing my hard work. I really appreciate it. And not dining and dashing. Means a lot.” She grins, winks, and heads back down the aisle with a plate of dirty dishes. [[I did it for you Barbara->Meet them outside]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + 2) (set: $ChelleAffinity to it + -5) “No actually, Chelle told me that she would pay for everything, so theres no need!” You yell out. Everybody around the table cheers and Chelle looks up confused from her phone. (text-colour:#b197fc)[“What? Why are we cheering for me?”] She looks around confused as Terry and Micheal are patting her on the back. (text-colour:yellow)[“Hey thanks Chelle, I really appreciate it. Coffee’s on me next time alright?”] Zip winks at her and quickly pulls you out the door tittering before Chelle is in on the joke. You all wait for her on the sidewalk before she comes out looking pissed and at least 200 dollars lighter in cash. [[Business is war, and war is hell, Chelle->Meet them outside]]

You engage your inner chemist and start pouring the drinks into a pitcher. Chelle’s Watermelon margarita, Terry’s piss tasting IPA, Carlos’s olive martini, Micheal’s whiskey sour, Zip’s dark ale. You slosh everything around until it’s a medium foamy brown and drink it down. Oh, it’s foul, but it’s not even breaking top 10 of the worst things you’ve put in your mouth. By the time you’re finished Barbara, your waitress is looking at you with pity as you dizzily try to reorient yourself after drinking 30 ounces of alcohol slurry. “Looks like your friends skipped out hun.” She says sympathetically, handing you the bill. They somehow wracked up 374 dollars in AppleFees®. You have no choice but to pay and wobble outside, hoping that they haven’t really left you. [[Guys wait up!->Meet them outside]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -4) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -4) First you laugh in Zips face, like it’s a joke, everyone looks at you confused. “Wait, you guys must be joking right?” The table is silent. You’re getting incensed. “Unless you’re really going to cross Applebee’s®? You’re fucking joking right? You know that they LOSE money with the 1 dollar, Dollarita® promotions right? And they’re like barely breaking even on the 2 for 20? You’re spitting in the face of affordable family dining culture, AND their affiliate, the National Football League® for crying out loud!” “It’s a chain restaurant…” Terry mumbles, giving you an incredulous look. The only thing keeping you from grandstanding on the table is that you respect Applebee’s® furniture craftsmanship too much wo sully it with your shoes. “Fuck yeah it’s a chain restaurant, Terry. A good chain restaurant, a reliable, cheap chain restaurant that’s specifically known its friendly neighborhood atmosphere and stable career path that fosters growth. And their big ass nachos, and their nationally recognized boneless wings. I mean, you’re speaking like someone who’s never even had their triple chocolate meltdown cake, Terry. I mean HAVE YOU EVEN HAD their triple chocolate meltdown cake, Terry?” You’re screaming at the top of your lungs so the whole restaurant is staring in your direction. Zip moves first, emptying his cash on the table with a roll of his eyes, then Chelle, then Carlos, Micheal and finally that bastard Terry. They get up and start walking to the door, obvious in their sulking. You got them to honor your favorite chain restaurant as it should be probably honored, but at the cost of the vibe. [[Meet them outside]]

“Guys, if you dine and dash here, you’re not going to be able to come back here like, ever, you’ve wracked up the bill, like a lot.” You say, appealing to their reason. Terry shrugs “This isn’t even like the only Applebee’s® around our work, or even the closest. The Applebee’s® on main has better fries anyways.” Terry smirks. Micheal was right in his assessment earlier, Terry is a bastard… [[try to convince them in another way->reasontochoose2]] [[give up and dine and dash->Fuck yeah lets dine and dash!]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -1) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -1) “But…wouldn’t you guys feel bad for the waitress? The service was great and she’s making minimum wage, and she’s not getting a tip. Plus all the cooks and stuff, I think it wouldn’t be like, right.” You say to a group of young business associates, who look at you like you might as well be speaking French to them. [[try to convince them in another way->appealtochoose]] [[give up and dine and dash->Fuck yeah lets dine and dash!]]

(set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -1) (set: $ZipAffinity to it + -1) “Look, fellow business heads, I don’t think you realize this, but that could substantially negatively impact their revenue for this quarter, resulting in either higher prices due to the cost/benefit analysis factoring in this dining and dashing incident. I’m not sure its worth it to risk inflation for the community, for one spontaneous 5 minutes of adrenaline, and about what...40 dollars savings for each of us? Bad business.” You declare, folding your hands into each other. They look at each other, seemingly a little annoyed, but cowed as you’re speaking their language in a very authoritative way. They reluctantly start to gather, taking cash out of their pockets and even leave to exact percent of tip that they were required by law to leave. How generous! [[Meet them outside]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -2) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -2) “Nooo guys…guys I can’t…guys nooo….guys please…you can’t…” You sob wetly as soon the whole restaurant is looking in your direction. The group looks tense but they start taking the cash out of their pockets in an attempt to quiet you down, as they can’t dine and dash with the whole restaurant looking in your direction. As your sniffles dampen, everyone gets up to go and leaves you to trail behind. They’re pretending they don’t know you. [[Meet them outside]]

As you get outside, an 2 Ubers pull up, Zip goes into with Terry right behind them, you try to get in with them, but Terry slams the door and the car speeds off. What the hell? (text-colour:#b197fc)["Oh joy."] Chelle mumbles and takes the back seat next to the others, forcing you to take the dreaded (text-style:"sway")[//(text-colour:green)[front seat in the uber]//]. "Cmon Chelle, you're being kinda harsh." One of them mumbles. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Yeah?"] Chelle sneers, hooking her arms on your headrest.(text-colour:#b197fc)[ "If you think $name is so great, what's everyones names, $name? C'mon, we're waiting."] [[Hope you remember]]

How are you going to convince them? [[get angry with them]] [[reason with them->reason 2]] [[explain it to them in business terms]] [[cry]] [[give up and dine and dash->Fuck yeah lets dine and dash!]]

“Guys, if you dine and dash here, you’re not going to be able to come back here like, ever, you’ve wracked up the bill, like a lot.” You say, appealing to their reason. Terry shrugs “This isn’t even like the only Applebee’s® around our work, or even the closest. The Applebee’s® on main has better fries anyways.” Terry smirks. Micheal was right in his assessment earlier, Terry is a bastard… [[try to convince them in another way->reasontochoose]] [[give up and dine and dash->Fuck yeah lets dine and dash!]]

How are you going to convince them? [[get angry with them]] [[explain it to them in business terms]] [[cry]] [[give up and dine and dash->Fuck yeah lets dine and dash!]]

How are you going to convince them? [[get angry with them]] [[appeal to their better nature->choosetoappeal]] [[explain it to them in business terms]] [[cry]] [[give up and dine and dash->Fuck yeah lets dine and dash!]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -1) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -1) “But…wouldn’t you guys feel bad for the waitress? The service was great and she’s making minimum wage, and she’s not getting a tip. Plus all the cooks and stuff, I think it wouldn’t be like, right.” You say to a group of young business associates, who look at you like you might as well be speaking French to them. [[try to convince them in another way->reasontoappealtochoose]] [[give up and dine and dash->Fuck yeah lets dine and dash!]]

How are you going to convince them? [[get angry with them]] [[explain it to them in business terms]] [[cry]] [[give up and dine and dash->Fuck yeah lets dine and dash!]]

The conga line makes its way back, stumbling over almost every table on the row back. Carlos, Micheal and Terry burst into laugher and fall back into their respective seats. Then all at once Zip is smiling at you, waiting for you to start a new conversation, on the television a touchdown, down the aisle, Barbara, your waitress is coming back with your orders, quick, you have 10 seconds to ask a question before Zip gets distracted with something! [[Quick! Ask him a question!->uhoh]]

Who are you riding with? (set: $pass to 0) (input: bind _password) (link-replace:"Submit") [ (if:_password is "carlos" or "Carlos" or "Chelle" or "Shell" or "Chell" or "Chele" or "chele" or "chelle" or "Micheal" or "micheal" or "michal" or "michel" or "michael" or "Michael")[correct! (set: $pass to it + 1)] (else-if:_password is "terry" or "tery" or "Terry" or "Tery")[He's in the other car!] (else:)[Eeeehh!!! (wrong buzzer sound)] ] (input: bind _password2) (link-replace:"Submit") [ (if:_password2 is "carlos" or "Carlos" or "Chelle" or "Shell" or "Chell" or "Chele" or "chele" or "chelle" or "Micheal" or "micheal" or "michal" or "michel" or "michael" or "Michael")[you got it! (set: $pass to it + 1)] (else-if:_password is "terry" or "tery" or "Terry" or "Tery")[He's in the other freaking car!] (else:)[not even close.]] (input: bind _password3) (link-replace:"Submit") [ (if:_password3 is "carlos" or "Carlos" or "Chelle" or "Shell" or "Chell" or "Chele" or "chele" or "chelle" or "Micheal" or "micheal" or "michal" or "michel" or "michael" or "Michael")[hey! you remembered! (set: $pass to it + 1)] (else-if:_password is "terry" or "tery" or "Terry" or "Tery")[He's in the other car dinkus] (else:)[are you sure about that?] ] [[Lets see how you did]]

[(if:$pass is 3)[[you freaking aced it dude!]] (if:$pass is not 3)[[uh oh, you frucked it up dude.]]]

(set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -5) "Cranston," you say confidently, pointing at Carlos. "Crabby," you point at Chelle, "and...You!!!" You point at Micheal with some finger guns. "You know! you're You! You're that guy! ahaha!" you wink at Micheal, who cringes back at you. Nobody stops you so you keep going. "You're 'that' guy! the 'that guy'! The guy of the hour, the talk of the town! You know who you are! Nobody know who 'you' are but 'you'. So who are you really? We all contain multitudes. But here are the things that I know. You have brown hair. You're wearing a suit-" It's like a curse, you cannot stop talking until everyone reaches the office. As soon as the car stops, Crabby, Cranston and 'You' throw themselves out of it as quickly as they can to end this conversation. [[Oh yeah buddy, you lost affinity points for that one->Work party vibes]]

(set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + 5) "Carlos, Chelle, Micheal of course." You emphasize with a cunty pop of your lips. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Wow, congrats on the bare minimum."] Chelle sighs and everyone is distracted by their phones. [[Don't believe the sass, they're impressed->Work party vibes]]

You roll up outside a shiny grey, tall building with a sign saying 'Mumin Industries'.

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -1) eeehhh!!!! Times up. "Have you ever had a dream that you, um, you had, your, you- you could, you’ll do, you- you wants, you, you could do so, you- you’ll do, you could- you, you want, you want them to do you so much you could do anything?" You ask Zip. He extends his hands out to cover your face so that he can hear the game better. [[His hand smells like a pool noodle.->Leaving Applebees]]

(if:$looked is "level1" or "level2" or "level3")[["I looked through your phone, how do you feel about that?"]] [["Hypothetically, you are riding in a trolley without brakes, headed toward a switch in the tracks five people are tied up there and will killed if the trolley continues on its path. You have access to a switch that would make the trolley change to the other track, but another individual is tied up there. That person is certain to be killed if the switch is activated. So do you switch tracks or not?"->ziptrolley]] [["How much money do you have?"]] [["Can I have some of your money?"]] [["Whats your deepest darkest secret?"]] [["What do you do at your job?"]] [["Do you have any siblings?"]] [["How do you feel about politics?"]] [[This is too much pressure!->too late!]] [["How do you think this date is going?"]] [["Which one of your friends do you like the best? Rank them."]] (live: 7s)[time is half way up!] (live: 13s)[2 more seconds!] (live: 15s)[(go-to: "too late!")]

Classic! the trolley problem always kills on first dates. And somehow you were able to say that in a couple of seconds before he got distracted with anything else. He lets out a sigh and thinks for a moment. (text-colour:yellow)["Man, I don't know, is my boss one of the people tied up?"] He laughs and nudges your shoulder, like that was the punchline. [["Zip, can you clarify what that means? Are you insinuating that you want to run your boss over with a train and would run other people over to do so? Or are you saying you would commit to a heinous action to save your boss? You said that as if I had prior information about your boss, I do not. Explain."->clarify]] [[Let it go]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -1) (text-colour:yellow)["Uh...ha ha ha. I don't know. It's a joke. Bleh!"] He says waggling his tongue, looking at you like you said the strange thing, not him., and he's just charming and hilarious. But he can't gaslight the truth away. [[Zip is not a future snl cast member.->Leaving Applebees]]

"Hahaha. Uh huh..." You say back, pretending to understand his nonsensical open ended joke. Everyone around the table is laughing at the joke. Is everyone pretending to understand the joke and they don't want to make a lull in the conversation enough to call it out? [[you've realized something that you can never unrealize, that these people are losers->Leaving Applebees]]

This question causes Zip to go silent and take a drink of his beer, giving himself a buffer to think for a minute. (text-colour:yellow)["Yeah, one brother. But we're kind of opposites and we're not close. You see he spends all of his time fooling around, with juvenile pastimes like skateboarding. Like what a waste of time."] You bite your tongue on how Zip is currently in the process of getting day drunk at an Applebee's® and let him continue. (text-colour:yellow)["I mean he's a nice guy, y'know? Kind of an idealist. But like, head in the clouds and just not realistic."] [["Damn, sounds like an asshole."]] [["He sounds nice to me."]] [["Sounds like something you should talk about in therapy."]]

Zip chokes on his drink and whips his head around to you, suddenly whispering to you. (text-colour:yellow)["What? Why did you do that? W...wha did you see?"] (if:$looked is "level1" or "level2" or "level3")[["Your brothers texts: I think he's injured."]] (if:$looked is "level2" or "level3")[["You're committing tax fraud."]] (if:$looked is "level2" or "level3")[[Make up a lie, you'll use the tax fraud information later at a more dramatic time.]] (if:$looked is "level3")[[You just shake your head at him, remembering him farting directly into the eyes of David Hasselhoff, Brandy Norwood, and Piers Morgan.]] (if:$looked is "level3")[["Look, that thing that happened on America's Got Talent wasn't //THAT// bad. People will forget. I promise."]] [["Nothing!"]]

Zip looks at you queasily, spots his phone and grabs it in an iron grip. He's sweating profusely, ill at ease with your secrecy, leading you to believe, there might have been something implicating on there. [[Hmm...interesting.->Leaving Applebees]]

(text-colour:yellow)["Oh."] Zip takes a big drink of his beer and looks relieved. (text-colour:yellow)["Just that? Bloopy will be fine. He just wants attention. He's kind of a big attention seeker, and he can't really prioritize things. For example, imps have like, almost instant healing powers. If he broke his leg, it'll take just like, 10 minutes for him to heal. Ignore him. I know I do. Or else he just takes takes takes!" ] [[What else was on his phone that he was so worried about?->Leaving Applebees]]

(set: $knowabouttax to "yes")(text-colour:yellow)["No i'm not!" ]Zip whispers and looks at you, shocked and guilty, spots his phone and grabs it in an iron grip. He's looking at you with eyes that are nervous and pleading, he knows you've seen too much. [["Chill Zip, I don't care, I don't understand taxes anyways."]] [["I want in Zip."]] [["Tax fraud is wrong."]] [["HEY EVERYBODY ZIP IS committing TAX FRAUD!"->i'm not taking the big bribe]]

"Just some pictures of you partying, looking good dude!" You tease. Zip looks at you suspiciously but then drops his shoulders. (text-colour:yellow)["Uhh..yeah. There is some embarrassing stuff on there y'know? Just ask if you want to see pictures next time."] He mumbles and grabs his phone, keeping it close to his side. He seems to have bought your small lie. [[A surprise tool that will help you later->Leaving Applebees]]

Zip gets up from the table, profusely sweating and declares(text-colour:yellow)[ "whoops! I guess I must have a little left in the tank." ]and nods at you to meet him near the bathroom. When you come close to the bathroom, he's chewing his nails and looking at you, ironically, like you're the devil. (text-colour:yellow)["What do you mean you want in?"] [["50% and I wont tell your friends."]] [["gimmie 5 bucks and i'll forget about this whole thing."]]

Well well well, look at you, becoming quite the business person. Zip grits his teeth. (text-colour:yellow)["You...you don't even...they don't even know you! no ones going to believe you! You don't even have the proof anymore!"] [["You don't know that Zip"]] [[Bluff him "Let's go find out then, shall we?->"You don't know that Zip"]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + 1) Zip fishes 5 dollars out of his pocket and slams a crumpled bill in your hands, with reddish purple embarrassed cheeks. (text-colour:yellow)["There, hope you're happy, luckily for you I think extortion is sexy, so lets just get back to our date." ]He grumbles and stomps back to the table. Nice, this 5 bucks will buy at least 5 Dollaritas® of the special Applebee's® Dollaritas@ promotional menu. [[head back to the table, time to get smashed!->->Leaving Applebees]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + 1) (text-colour:yellow)["Damn it!" ]He yells out and faces the wall. He looks back at you, pushing his back out a little bit to make his butt pop. (text-colour:yellow)["You're a damn good negotiator, $name. I can't say its not attractive." ]He bites his lip. (text-colour:yellow)["I like my dates like I like my business. With an agenda. You'd be a shark in the boardroom, and I hope for nothing less in the bedroom." ]He growls and winks. (text-colour:yellow)["You've got yourself a deal."] He saunters back to the table. [[That was a lot->Leaving Applebees]]

(text-colour:yellow)["Good.]" He says, blotting his sweat beads with a handful of fries. (text-colour:yellow)["Me neither, or, at least, that's what i'm going to say if the feds ever catch me."] [["Nice one."->Leaving Applebees]]

Zip narrows his eyes. (text-colour:yellow)["So is paying 5 dollars for a Dollarita® if you're getting the Rock & Berry Rita, or 9 dollars for the Breaking Rock Rita, but they still have it on the menu."] He sneers. (text-colour:yellow)["It's a business eat business world, and i'm in the business of winning."] He says, with a smirk that tells you he thinks that what he said was more clever than it actually was. [["I'm going to report you, Zip, this is wrong!"]] [[Drop it]]

Zip quickly gets his wallet out of his ?pocket? and slides some cash across the table to you. It's a 5 dollar bill. [[Take the 5 and drop it]] [[I'm not going to drop this.]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + 2) (text-colour:yellow)["Damn it!]" He whispers and a little vein pops on his head, he takes the 5 dollars back. (text-colour:yellow)["You seemed business savvy, but I didn't know you were this good. 50 percent, take it or leave it."] He whispers with a bit of his lip. He seems to be really enjoying this. Ew. [[i'm not taking the big bribe]] [[take the big bribe]]

He sighs in relief as you take the bill. (text-colour:yellow)["I knew you were sensible."] He winks at you. And while the 5 dollars makes it so you can order a Rock and Berry Dollarita®, it won't erase the memory of this villain disparaging Applebees® in front of you. [[You'll repent later.->Leaving Applebees]]

He laughs, a short cynical chuckle. (text-colour:yellow)["Everybody's got their price, don't they?"] He rasps. (text-colour:yellow)["Here's your advance, don't spend it all in one place."] [[He hands you a twenty. Man what a cheapo.->Leaving Applebees]]

(text-colour:yellow)["You're incorrigible."] He hisses, knocking everyones food off the table, you two are starting to cause a huge scene. [[You are actually an undercover FBI agent, and this is the moment that you take Zip down.->ZipfreezeFBIending1]] [[You are actually an undercover FBI agent, and this is the moment that you get on the table and make out with Zip.->ZipfreezeFBIending2]]

Zip goes back goes back to watching the game, but is watching you out of the corner of his eye. It's pretty disturbing looking. [[Finally your food comes, breaking the awkward tension->Leaving Applebees]]

(if:$ZipAffinity < 2)[(text-colour:yellow)["Mmhmm!"] Zip says, his eyes suspiciously focused to the upper right corner where the TV is. Either you really didn't hear you are he's too awkward to tell you that this the kind of date that you tell dates about on other dates. A bad date.] (if:$ZipAffinity > 2)[(text-colour:yellow)["Well"] Zip tips his head with a smile. (text-colour:yellow)["You made one hell of an entrance. I'd say it's a little early to tell, but i'm excited to see how the night goes. My coworkers also seem to like you, so you must be a charmer."] You see that he's only watching the football game only a tiny bit through the corner of his eyes while speaking to you. So he must really like you!] [[Now you know.->Leaving Applebees]]

''Zip 'FBI OPEN UP!' Ending A'' You sigh knowingly, and quickly cuff Zip. (text-colour:yellow)["What are you doing?" ]Zip asks surprised. "Zip, Zip, Zip." You chide, his friends are starting to leave, sensing the weird ass vibe you are both creating. "You thought you were being slick, you thought you could get away with an account money drop this big? You made few mistakes, your biggest was trusting me." You take out your FBI badge and slide it across the table, Zip turns a pale blue color. "It's not your fault i'm so damn good at my job, but all the wire fraud is." You shake your head. Your talent, it's a blessing and a curse. The mustached chief bursts in the doors and regards you angrily. "Damn it $name!" They yell. "You're a loose cannon! ...But you always get the job done." They shake their head impressed. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/xFHkJQy.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=75% HEIGHT=75% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:yellow)["Does this mean the dates over?"] Zip mumbles to you. "There never was a date." You roll your eyes and leave the table, as two officers come to haul Zip away. "Unless you're talking about a court date, i'm sure you have a bunch of those coming up." You smile at his astonished face, another classic zinger from officer $name. You walk outside and look at your name badge. You've been undercover for so long now, you don't even know who the real you is. A part of you felt lost, like it would always be with Zip. It was always hard to not catch feelings when you had these long term jobs. For now, all you can do is enjoy the pay raise and start your life over again. [[Character Data]]

''Zip 'FBI OPEN UP!' Ending B'' "Damn it Zip!" You yell and embrace him, as you both crash into the sticky ass Applebee's® table. Your lips collide passionately. You roll to the side break away from the kiss and dig out your FBI badge and throw it to the ground. "I've been trailing you for months! Do you know how hard i've worked on this case!" followed by more intense kissing and heavy petting. Zip's body feels like a pool noodle. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/8vn3osG.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=50% HEIGHT=50% alt=prologo></img> "I've got you, you're busted, Zip." You whisper into his ear (text-colour:yellow)["You're the only one who could outsmart me $name! Yes!]" He laughs like a maniac. (text-colour:yellow)["You...can turn me in, or, we can work together. I know you want to! You feel the undeniable pull of our rivalry $name! Run away with me!" ]The ceiling light shines on his bald blue head and reflects into your eyes. More kissing, a Dollarita® shatters on the floor. You have completely lost yourself to this assignment. If only the chief could see you now, the accusation that you were a 'loose cannon', he wouldn't know how right he was. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/xFHkJQy.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=75% HEIGHT=75% alt=prologo></img> You both run away together, stretching that 3,000 dollars he embezzled with his tax fraud schemes until the last drop. It's a short relationship after that. [[Character Data]]

Zip nods and starts pointing around the table. (text-colour:yellow)["Well, you're off the scale of course. Terry is my number 1, Then Carlos with 2nd, and Micheal is 3rd." ]His friends looks over, awkwardly taking in the news. Only Terry looks pleased and gives Zip a highfive about it. Its quiet around the table for a second as Chelle looks confused. (text-colour:yellow)["Oh whoops. Sorry, Chelle is 5th." ]He grins a Chelle, her expression turns crestfallen. There isn't even a fourth person present. [[At least you know where everyone stands now.->Leaving Applebees]]

(text-colour:yellow)["Oh you know. Like normal stuff, nothing controversial. Like more tax breaks for the rich, y'know, because when I become one, I want to keep my money, right?"] He laughs wryly to all of his friends, who are nodding at him and raising their glasses. (text-colour:#b197fc)["If we're working hard for it, then we deserve every cent. No handouts for anyone."] Chelle agrees. "That's how our parents did it. And their grandparents and their grandparents and now i'm working for it, with a measly stipend from them every month in my humble 1 bedroom highrise apartment that they pay for." Terry declares, everyone nods and agrees. [["Can I have some of your money?"]] [[Gross. Capitalists.->Leaving Applebees]]

Zip narrows his eyes for a second, trying to gauge if you know something or not. (if:$looked is "level2" or "level3")[[Is it the tax fraud that you're committing?->"You're committing tax fraud."]] [["Have you committed any crimes?"]] [["Can I have some of your money?"]] [[Drop it]]

Zip looks a little awkward when you ask this but then smiles. (text-colour:yellow)["I'm an up and comer, you know. and i'm about to come into a lot of money."] He winks at you. You should know its taboo to ask a business person how much money that they have, but luckily, Zip likes bragging. What does he mean that he's about to come into a lot of money? [["Can I have some of your money?"]] [["What do you mean you're about to come into a lot of money?"]]

Zip looks confused. (text-colour:yellow)["Ah, no. unless you have something for me to invest in, like a cyrpto coin or whatever."] [[make up a crypto coin and try to get Zip to invest]] [[Drop it]]

(text-colour:yellow)["Umm... you know. Inventing analytics! marketing tax brackets, reducing the minimum revenue, outsourcing leadership workshopping, micro managing ROI's into W4's, isolating demographics for their assets, presenting icebreaking acquisitions and executing human resources between quarters....Also merging. We do a lot of merging. And then we also...help clients with their portfolios, the diversifying of them, of course. And we're synergizing every chance we get. But mostly merging. "] This guy just said a bunch of barely related business words at you. You don't even know business, but you know enough common sense to realize that this guy doesn't either. He turns around and cheers at the sports on tv before you can call him out. [[Your food orders finally arrive->Leaving Applebees]]

Zip sways around teasingly. (text-colour:blue)["Let's just say, it rhymes with max clod and leave it there." ]He winks and enters a different conversation. lax todd, racks fod, packs god, hax rod, quacks jod... [[Well, you're out of guesses->Leaving Applebees]]

Zip's face drops. (text-colour:yellow)["No."] He declares and faces away from you, to let you know that this conversation is over. (if:$looked is "level2" or "level3")[Based on what you had seen, the answer seemed to be a resounding 'yes'!] [[Fine then keep your secrets->Leaving Applebees]]

{"Umm.....(cycling-link: bind $crypto, "(Your crypto coin)","Loser","Make-a-da-money"," American Dollars","Whatever","Cancel Culture","Sloppy","Fraud","Soggy","Zip","Business", "$name","Gimmiemoney","'Legal'", "Name Generator" )....(cycling-link: bind $coin, "(currency)","Coin","Bucks","Bux","Money")?} [[You shrug.]]

(if:$crypto is "Zip")[Zip curls up his little blue hands into fists. (text-colour:yellow)["Curses! How did you know I didn't trademark my name yet! Damn it!!"] He empties his wallet into his hand and gives it to you. It takes you a while to count out since its mostly coins, but theres a good 47.62 USD in there. Success!] (if:$crypto is "Cancel Culture")[Zip rubs his chin. (text-colour:yellow)["You know what? That is kind of genius. It's like a buzzword, and if it gets canceled, which it will, that will only make the seach term more popular. Not bad, $name." ]He reaches into his wallet and hands you two 20's. You got a peek in there, theres not much more than that. Your surmise he must have really been impressed, and that this man is broke as a joke. ] (if:$crypto is "$name")[He laughs and slaps his knees. (text-colour:yellow)["What a stupid name! That's so funny." ]He chuckles, Micheal 'ahems' and makes eyes between you and Zip. (text-colour:yellow)["Oh shit, that's your name isn't it? I forgot. Damn uh, no, super cool name."] Zip nods, handing you a 5 from his pocket.] (if:$crypto is "Name Generator")[(text-colour:yellow)["You're just looking at a name generator on your phone."] He accuses. "No i'm not!" You say indignantly, "I'm just staring at my crotch!" You say, dropping your phone on the floor so he can't see it. He shakes his head. (text-colour:yellow)["Should have used AI."] He laments. You roll your eyes and go to retrieve your phone, its sitting in a strangely large pile of loose ketchup on the ground. Gross.] (if:$crypto is "(Your crypto coin)" or "Loser" or "Make-a-da-money" or "American Dollars" or "Whatever" or "Sloppy" or "Fraud" or "Soggy" or "Business" or "Gimmiemoney" or "'Legal'")[(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -2)(text-colour:yellow)["You're not even trying!"] He sneers, reaching into your wallet and trying to confiscate your money. Jokes on him, you're broke!] [[Your orders finally arrive->Leaving Applebees]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -2) Zip draws away from you. (text-colour:yellow)["Oh, you believe in 'therapy'?" ]He nods and puts his hands on the table. (text-colour:yellow)["Goooot it."] He says with an eyebrow twitch. You feel the need to correct him at first, because it seems like he thought that 'therapy' is some kind of obscure cryptid, but the conversation moves on. [[Finally your orders arrive->Leaving Applebees]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + 2) Zip gives you a high five. (text-colour:yellow)["Damn that's like the first time anyone but me said anything mean about the guy, i'll bet. Just because youre a 'good person'"] He makes air quotes. (text-colour:yellow)["Doesn't mean everyone should like you. I think he needs more negativity. Everytime he gets taken down a peg, I just feel like i'm a little bit bigger you know?"] Zip smiles and puffs out his chest. [[Ah sibling love!->->Leaving Applebees]]

(text-colour:yellow)["Then why don't you just go on a date with him!?" ]Zip yells and crosses his arms. (text-colour:yellow)["Damn it, just because he's nice he gets everything!" ]Zip kicks a fry from under the table onto your lap, [[which is impressive and gross.->Leaving Applebees]]

(set:$room to "neat") Even if your room is guest ready with a candle lit and fresh bedding, Is he really coming over right now? He's not right? You didn't even tell him where you live. So he can't! You make your way to the bathroom to wash the sweat off your face. You're not ready for a date right now you.... [[you haven't even googled 'top ten things to say on a date'->wash your face]] [[you haven't told any of your friends for safety.->wash your face]] [[you haven't had your coffee yet! No one can talk to you before you've had your coffee!->wash your face]] [[you made a mistake, why did you go on a dating app in the first place!->wash your face]] [[you need to plan a hot outfit!->wash your face]] [[you haven't even asked him the preliminary questions like 'are you a racist' or 'are you a murderer' and 'do you believe in astrology'!?->wash your face]] [[you have to pee!->wash your face]]

You take a breath and try to calm yourself and look to the left. Look, this might come out of left field, but be honest, this is important. Do you have a bidet? (link:"Yes")[(set:$bidet to "yes")(goto:"Exit your bathroom")] (link:"No")[(set:$bidet to "no")(goto:"Exit your bathroom")]

Thank you for answering honestly. This is a very important detail to the story that will come in to handy later, and possibly lock you out of the "good" ending. (if: $bidet is "yes")[ You look at your toilet and functional bidet, thinking you hear some sounds from the plumbing] (if: $bidet is "no")[ You look at your bidet-less toilet, thinking you hear some sounds from the plumbing] ''....crunch...crunch...crunch...'' [[What is that noise?]]

[(text-colour:#c92a2a)[''Crunch! CHSSt CRUNCH! '']] It's getting louder. You realize its not coming from your toilet, but beyond your bathroom door, in your bedroom. It stops for a moment, you press your ear to the door. (text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:#c92a2a)[''CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH CSHHT '']] There it is again! [[It's getting faster and more frequent]]

You look around in a panic for your phone! Damn it you dirty gremlin, this is the one time you went to the bathroom without it! Oh god, you've seen the horror movies, you know what this is. It's obviously... [[The mole people eating your pipes->get out of the bathroom]] [[the sound of someone trying to jam a VHS in a dvd player with no avail->get out of the bathroom]] [[One of your friends who came over to loudly eat chips on your bed->get out of the bathroom]] [[ok, reasonably, it's probably just your date ?knocking? on your door, they have your address from like, probably a facebook data breach.->get out of the bathroom]]

(set:$weapon to "none") The sounds changed. It's a horrible earsplitting scraping sound with a concussive finish of metal rending. You have no idea what it could possibly be now. Whatever it is, you need to do something about it. [[Stay in the bathroom, you've resigned yourself to living the rest of your life in here.->1Stay in the bathroom, you've resigned yourself to living the rest of your life in here.]] [[Shout "Who's there?"]] [[Grab a weapon, just in case]] [[Get it over with, exit the bathroom and face whatever is making that horrible noise.->Discover Dane]]

You look around the bathroom take stock of whats in there, its not much, but you go for a... (link:"hair dryer")[(set:$weapon to "hair dryer")(goto:"bathroom decision")] (link:"wet towel")[(set:$weapon to "wet towel")(goto:"bathroom decision")] (link:"rolled up toilet magazine")[(set:$weapon to "toilet reading material") (goto:"bathroom decision")] (link:"plunger")[(set:$weapon to "plunger")(goto:"bathroom decision")] (link:"listorine bottle")[(set:$weapon to "listorine")(goto:"bathroom decision")]

You have your $weapon in hand, [[Yell: "I have a weapon!"]] [[Exit the bathroom and face whatever is making that horrible noise.->Discover Dane]]

{(if: $weapon is "none")[You exit the bathroom, no weapons but your fists and your wits. ] (if: $weapon is "hair dryer")[You exit the bathroom, one hand wielding the hair dryer like a blunt weapon, the other swinging the cord dangerously in the air to use like a morning star] (if: $weapon is "wet towel")[You give your wet towel one final wring before exit the bathroom, stepping lightly, positioned like a fencer, towel stretched in your hands ready to whip this mother fucker so hard he'll be transported back to the high school locker room.] (if: $weapon is "toilet reading material")[You give your 'toilet readers digest' one final twist before exiting the bathroom. ] (if: $weapon is "plunger")[You exit the bathroom, your plunger still dripping with some stagnant toilet water, it may not hurt the worst out of all the choices, but it'll at least be unpleasant.] (if: $weapon is "listorine")[ You keep the safety cap on the Listerine bottle, knowing you shouldn't use its powers lightly, but if you have to, you're prepared to uncap it and give whoever’s making this noise a good eye rinse.]} Looking into the middle of your room you see a huge burning circle on the ground filled with demonic looking sigils. Farther in, a red tail swishing in agitation. Attached too....a devil....your date from Cinder, sitting on the floor next to your tv, a pile of discarded tech and metal shavings. He seems very focused, jamming something into something. You notices you approaching and gives you a half hearted wave. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/jAyaQIh.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=30% HEIGHT=30% alt=prologo></img> {(if: $room is "neat")[(text-colour:magenta)["Damn bitch, you live like this?"] He says, motioning to your room. (text-colour:magenta)["I guess I should have asked if this was a deal breaker but my place is way less nice. Like...I live in a cave type of 'less nice'."]] (if: $room is "chaotic")[(text-colour:magenta)["Damn bitch, you live like this?" ]He says, motioning to your room.(text-colour:magenta)[ "Just kidding. I like your room" ]He mumbles.] (if: $room is "messy")[(text-colour:magenta)["Damn bitch, you live like this?"] He says, motioning to your disaster of a room. (text-colour:magenta)["I thought I was still in hell when I got here."] He mumbles.]} [[This is a lot to take in.]]

(text-style:"shudder")[//Scraaaaaaape//!!!!!!] Is the sound that answers you. It's too loud to yell over these horrible noises [[Stay in the bathroom, you've resigned yourself to living the rest of your life in here.]] [[Grab a weapon, just in case]] [[Get it over with, exit the bathroom and face whatever is making that horrible noise.->Discover Dane]]

C'mon man. I know its scary but you can't do that. You gotta do something. [[Grab a weapon, just in case]] [[Get it over with, exit the bathroom and face whatever is making that horrible noise.->Discover Dane]]

C'mon man. I know its scary but you can't do that. You gotta do something. [[Shout "Who's there?"->Who's there?]] [[Grab a weapon, just in case]] [[Get it over with, exit the bathroom and face whatever is making that horrible noise.->Discover Dane]]

(text-style:"shudder")[//Scraaaaaaape//!!!!!!] Is the sound that answers you. It's too loud to yell over these horrible noises. [[Grab a weapon, just in case]] [[Get it over with, exit the bathroom and face whatever is making that horrible noise.->Discover Dane]]

The scraping sounds stop for a moment. (text-colour:magenta)["Cool, thanks for bragging, I guess, cool guy."] You hear a sarcastic voice on the other side of the door before the scraping and thumping continues. [[Exit the bathroom and face whatever is making that horrible noise.->Discover Dane]]

You try to discern what's he's so focused on doing, what was making those horrible noises, There's a VHS of 'Blade' in one hand, and he's trying to shove it into a cd slot. Wait...is that your....(cycling-link: bind $player, "DVD player","Playstation","XBOX","computer","laptop")? Whether the tech you had, its now just a pile of gutted shards. He's sticking his hand in the slot opening, seemingly trying to hollow it out so that it’s big enough to fit his VHS of inside of it. He notices the shock on your face and rolls his eyes. (text-colour:magenta)[“Your VHS player is broken. I’m fixing it.”] He says, pulling out a fistful of motherboard and wires and tossing them aside, little metal shavings flaking off his claws. [["I don't have a VHS player"]] [["I think you broke it"]] [["Nice to meet you?"]] [["Get out of my house!"]]

(text-colour:magenta)["No, it'll work! Look!"] He assures you as he stuffs his Blade dvd into the void where your $player‘s innards used to be. He finally is able to jam the tape in, where it snags on a sharp peice of metal and cracks the case and rips up the film. He pulls it out and the tape falls off and unwinds all over the floor. He closes his eyes in frustration. (text-colour:magenta)["Fuuuuck....I'm going to have to pay the damages fee."] He says under his breath and rubs the side of his head. (link:'"YOUR TAPE!? What about me? You owe me!"')[(set:$shitheadmeter to it + 1)(goto:"YOUR TAPE!? What about me? You owe me!")] (link:'"Um, Do you think you can help me pay for this?"')[(set:$nervousnelly to it + 1)(goto:"Um, Do you think you can help me pay for this?")] [["Get out of my house."]]

(text-colour:magenta)["I did not! Look! It's working now!"] He assures you as he stuffs his Blade dvd into the void where your $player‘s innards used to be. He finally is able to jam the tape in, where it snags on a sharp peice of metal and cracks the case and rips up the film. He pulls it out and the tape falls off and unwinds all over the floor. He closes his eyes in frustration. (text-colour:magenta)["Fuuuuck....I'm going to have to pay the damages fee." ]He says under his breath and rubs the side of his head. (link:'"YOUR TAPE!? What about me? You owe me!"')[(set:$shitheadmeter to it + 1)(goto:"YOUR TAPE!? What about me? You owe me!")] (link:'"Um, Do you think you can help me pay for this?"')[(set:$nervousnelly to it + 1)(goto:"Um, Do you think you can help me pay for this?")] [["Get out of my house."]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) He stops jamming for a second to look up at you with a confused look. (text-colour:magenta)["Me? Oh. Thanks. " ]He mumbles. That was a very weird reaction to a very normal sentence to say to someone. (text-colour:magenta)[“Ok, watch this: It's going to work.”] He assures you as he stuffs his Blade dvd into the void where your $player‘s innards used to be. He finally is able to jam the tape in, where it snags on a sharp peice of metal and cracks the case and rips up the film. He pulls it out and the tape falls off and unwinds all over the floor. He closes his eyes in frustration. (text-colour:magenta)["Fuuuuck....I'm going to have to pay the damages fee."] He says under his breath and rubs the side of his head. (link:'"YOUR TAPE!? What about me? You owe me!"')[(set:$shitheadmeter to it + 1)(goto:"YOUR TAPE!? What about me? You owe me!")] (link:'"Um, Do you think you can help me pay for this?"')[(set:$nervousnelly to it + 1)(goto:"Um, Do you think you can help me pay for this?")] [["Get out of my house."]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Stop freaking out. Look, it's going to work!"] He assures you as he stuffs his Blade dvd into the void where your $player ‘s innards used to be. He finally is able to jam the tape in, where it snags on a sharp peice of metal and cracks the case and rips up the film. He pulls it out and the tape falls off and unwinds all over the floor. He closes his eyes in frustration. (text-colour:magenta)["Fuuuuck....I'm going to have to pay the damages fee."] He says under his breath and rubs the side of his head. (link:'"Um, Do you think you can help me pay for this?"')[(set:$nervousnelly to it + 1)(goto:"Um, Do you think you can help me pay for this?")] (link:'"YOUR TAPE!? What about me? You owe me!"')[(set:$shitheadmeter to it + 1)(goto:"YOUR TAPE!? What about me? You owe me!")] [["Get out of my house."]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["You're blaming me?" He looks between you and the deconstructed $player. "You're also at fault too! Who doesn't have a VHS? What is that then? Beta-max? Super 8?"] He picks it up and shakes it, its rattling much more than any $player should. [["Do they not have modern technology in hell?"]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Um.." He looks between you and the deconstructed $player. "Well, I see how I could be a little bit at fault here, but also, who doesn't have a VHS? What is that then? Beta-max? Super 8?"] He picks it up and shakes it, its rattling much more than any $player should. [["Do they not have modern technology in hell?"]] [["Get out of my house!!!"]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Um.. so I get your a little mad."] He looks between you and the deconstructed $player. (text-colour:magenta)["And I see how I could be a little bit at fault here, but also, who doesn't have a VHS? What is that then? Beta-max? Super 8?"] He picks it up and shakes it, its rattling much more than any $player should. [["Do they not have modern technology in hell?"]] [["Get out of my house!!!"]]

(text-colour:magenta)["We have some things like, electricity. We need that for the chairs. Otherwise it's pretty minimal. Maybe someone like a high devil lord would have stuff hoarded, but it would be really rare and nobody is really into the vibe of sharing what they got....and I think devils just maybe aren’t that interested in new technology? Everybody’s just about souls and shit."] He looks down at his Mangled VHS tape and sighs. (text-colour:magenta)[Damn, I thought VHS's were like the new hot shit still. Oh! We do have a Blockbuster so we’re not like, //archaic archaic.//] [["If you don't have modern technology, how did you contact me on a dating app?"]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Ugh dude, you're being serious? You're not going to let me make this up to you?"] He scowls as if you're being the issue. [["No I changed my mind, you're not going anywhere until I get my money."->YOUR TAPE!? What about me? You owe me!]] [["Swiping right was a mistake, the app deleted itself on my phone, give me your phone so I can choose a different date."]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Oh, I mean I have a phone." ]He says, reaching ino the messenger bag, producing the most ancient Nokia you've ever seen. The size of a brick with an antenna on top. It even had a tiny screen that you could barely read, even if you squinted. How would swiping even work on a device like that? (text-colour:magenta)["Just hold on a minute, I think I have a plan" ]He says, picking up the ruined Blade VHS and stuffing it in his bag. He proceeds to sit on the edge of your bed and go through his phone. [["Wait, I didn't ask you to bring Blade anyways. Wheres the movie I picked?"]] [["How did you get into my house?"]] [["Do you want to ‘make a deal’ for my soul?"]] [["Whats your plan?"->Proceed]] [["GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"->"Get out of my house!!!"]]

He points at the large flaming circle on the ground. (text-colour:magenta)[“That.”] When that doesn’t satisfy he rolls his eyes. (text-colour:magenta)[“It’s like an automatized ‘summoning circle’ or whatever. I took it from an incubus who wasn't using it anyways. Don't worry, I can leave. It’s got like…a charge left."] [["You've talked about taking things from others multiple times, can I trust you not to rob me?"]] [[back to questions->Dane Questions]] [["Can you use it to GET OUT OF MY HOUSE?"]]

(text-colour:magenta)[“Please no.”] He groans. (text-colour:magenta)[“I do not want to do any paperwork. Whenever I meet a human, they are always asking me if I can grant them demonic abilities. I don’t get why its hard to understand that I do not want to do homework!”] [[Noted. Drop the subject and ask some other questions->Dane Questions]] [["What kind of demonic powers are we talking about?"]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Ok: Shut up for a second and look."] He says directing you to the screen of his Nokia. You can't see much on the tiny grainy screen, but you can see a faint outline of...a blob, you recognize someone you'd seen on Cinder. The business oriented imp. This picture looked like a more official work headshot, with the name 'Zip' underneath and hen big WANTED under that. It looks like you might have dodged a bullet. (text-colour:magenta)["This is a bounty hunting app, and look: this imp is like, a mile or two away? At an 'Applebees®'? This is great, we get to kill someone! And look: he's on here for fucking tax fraud, this will be easy!"] He grins like a madman. Actually it seemed like you've just traded one bullet for a maybe worse bullet. (link:'"Fuck Yeah! Lets do this!"')[(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1)(goto:'"Fuck yeah! Lets do this!"')] [["Sorry dude, I don't think that I can do a murder."]]

(text-colour:magenta)[“Oh, I wasn’t actually going to rent the movie you wanted. I was just asking to make sure you didn’t have totally ass tastes, (if:(history: where its name contains "Hamilton" or "Airbuddies" or "Joker")'s length >= 1)[//you're on thin ice by the way, //] plus, there’s not many VHS’s available at the Blockbuster in hell. And I had a punch card." ] He takes a Blockbuster punch card out of his jacket pocket. The next rental is free! [["I regret to inform you that all the Blockbusters here have shut down."->thisguyhomeschooled]] [[Ask another Question->Dane Questions]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)[“You don’t have any cool shit anyways.”] He mumbles. By how jealously he looking around in your room, it seems like a transparent lie. You glance at the things that catch his eyes, they seem like mundane items. A pack a gum, your pillow, your favorite mug, by the amount of wonder in his eyes, you can guess that hell probably sucks ass. [[Sad->Dane Questions]]

[["Is Dane your real name? It seems kind of mundane for a devil."]] [["Wait, I didn't ask you to bring Blade anyways. Wheres the movie I picked?"]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Wait, I didn't ask you to bring Blade anyways. Wheres the movie I picked?")'s length >= 1)[["What do you like about Blade anyways?"]] [["How did you get into my house?"]] [["Do you want to ‘make a deal’ for my soul?"]] [["Whats your plan?"->Proceed]] [["GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"->"Can you use it to GET OUT OF MY HOUSE?"]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) He grits his teeth and takes a deep breath. His tail swishes behind him, not unlike an angry cat. (text-colour:magenta)["This is not a line of questioning you want to go down. I'm going to start ignoring you." ] [[You have no choice but to drop it->Dane Questions]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Yeah? What did you think of it?."] [["It's my favorite movie"]] [["It was just alright."]] [["It wasn't my favorite."]] [["Look, I really wanted to like it, I came at it with an open mind, but the gore was crazy and the stuff with his mom was like waaayy weird. Like gross. And the script was bordering on random."->bladediscush]]

He grins excitedly, showcasing the snaggletooth he usually would hide with his signature aloof smize. (text-colour:magenta)["Awesome, more the reason we need to rent another tape. I have a VHS player at my place, maybe we can watch it there. If you...i mean don't mind coming to my place in hell. It's a little hot there, but I have a box fan in case any non-demons would ever want to visit. But like y'know...whatever." ] He looks back to his phone, eys looking far past it. (text-colour:magenta)["Dude you're going to love it. I can't wait to show it to youI'll tell you when any of the cool parts are happening and we can like rewind to watch them over and over and I can tell you what I think about them and then act them out for you and then we can act them out-"] He goes on like this for a while. You are starting to feel glad that the tape broke in the first place. [[Ask another question->Dane Questions]]

He shrugs. (text-colour:magenta)["I can't say I didn't see it coming. It costs an entire soul or 10 gold to rent a movie and the late fees range from a total soul repo, 20 gold or just death if the owner feels like it. Plus the only snacks they carry are predatory birds. So that can't be sustainable up here."] [["Yeah that's Blockbuster for you"->This guy homeschooled]] [["I think the Blockbuster in hell works a little differently" ->This guy homeschooled]]

He nods listening to your criticisms. You kind of were afraid that he was going to blow up at you but he seems to be taking the your opinion rather well. (text-colour:magenta)["I'll be honest with you, I pretty much just watch the fight scenes over and over again, I don't really remember what happens in the rest of the movie. Maybe you can show me a better movie when we're not trying to figure this out."] [[Ask another question->Dane Questions]]

Dane's puts his spreads his hands out front of him as if he's about to explain a complex math problem. (text-colour:magenta)["I mean, what's not to like? He's like so complicated. He was born into evil and he like, uses his innate need for violence for good. Like: he can be violent AND a badass AND a good guy. Have you watched it before?"] [[Yes->watched blade]] [[No->didn't watch blade]]

He shrugs. (text-colour:magenta)["I'll be honest with you, I pretty much just watch the fight scenes over and over again and skip the rest. Maybe you can show me a better movie when we're not trying to figure this out."] [[Ask another question->Dane Questions]]

You notice that his tail starts to wag behind him. (text-colour:magenta)["Fuck yeah. He's why I wear leather jackets and cool sunglasses. I love it when movies are about how violence is cool and good. We'll get another tape after we figure this out and watch the shit out of it."] [[Ask another question->Dane Questions]]

Oh here's this asshole again, the guy who stole your phone and left you with this shit. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/EXn5fk2.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=50% HEIGHT=50% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:magenta)[(font: "monospace")['''' Dane Occupation: Murder 4 Hire (Just kidding, if ur a cop or mah step dad) Passion: if u do what u love, ull never work a day in ur lyfe. We won’t get along if: ur $name. I'm serious dude. If I see you again i'm going to punch you in the ass so hard you'll have two cracks.] (text-colour:white)[(Damn he updated his profile fast. How did he even get Cinder to work again on your phone to post that!?)] (font: "monospace")[Fun Fact: People might say things about me but you shouldn't believe them because I actually am a really fun level headed guy]] (font: "monospace")[Press 1 for no Press 3 for yes] Well, you don't want to risk being punched into the sun. [[Go back to bloopy's profile and press 3-> bloopy path]] [[Go to Zip's profile and press 3 ->zip path]] [[can you run me through the other choices again?->Zip Nokia]]

You’re starting to realize that this guys doesn’t really know much about how things work outside of hell. You wonder how many non-demons he’s actually talked to...and if this isn’t the first time he’s been out of hell, this has to be at least one of few times. His yellow eyes are brushing over everything in your room with a curiosity and wonder concealed by this prickly attitude. [["Am I the first human you've met?"->"How many humans have you actually met?"]]

He shrugs breaks your gaze with a frustrated expression.(text-colour:magenta)[ “No. absolutely not. I've met, like a million. Or whatever. How many there are, I’ve already met them and we’re best friends.”] He goes back to fussing over your $player . You’re almost certain that he’s lying. [["That must be fun to have so many best friends."->That must be fun to have so many best friends.]] [["I don’t think that’s possible."->I don’t think that’s possible.]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)[“Yeah, it’s loads of fun! And I bet you wouldn’t know!” ]He snaps, looking immediately squeezes his eyes shut in regret and tries to back pedal. (text-colour:magenta)[“I mean like, you know...if like....we...became like friends or something…I could introduce you to everybody or whatever.” ]He mumbles, obviously sweating at the impossible to enact idea that he came up with. [[This guy is giving homeschool vibes.->Dane Questions]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)[“What-ever!” ]He yells back, with a dark purple blush on his face that he tries to conceal. [[Drop it, he’s getting embarrassed->Dane Questions]] [["Oh my god, Am I the first human you’ve ever talked to?"->Oh my god, Am I the first human you’ve ever talked to?]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) His eyes suddenly snap towards you in a panic. (text-colour:magenta)[“No! You’re not! I’ve met people! Like, when I tortured them, and I have lots of devil friends too! We like, fight and try to kill each other all the time and it’s so much fun!” ]He babbles defensively, and plops down on your bed looking angrily towards the blue sky in the window. (text-colour:magenta)[“I mean, maybe this is the first time I’m hanging out with someone who’s not screaming at me or trying to kill me or wants something from me but like whatever. Yknow?” ]He mumbles quickly away from you, hoping you don’t hear. [[Life on hell sounds like hell->Dane Questions]]

"What the fuck!" He mumbles to himself before glaring at you. "You think i'm like some kind of earth tourist or something? huh? I've been here a million times. Yeah, maybe I don't know about tech, but i've been to parties here, I bet you can't say the same, loser." He blushes How many there are, I’ve already met them and we’re best friends.” He goes back to fussing over your $player . You’re almost certain that he’s lying.

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Oh! Uh that's okay, I can do it then, you can just come along and watch me be cool." ]He assures you with a casual wave of his claws. [["Ok, I guess i can do that."->"Fuck yeah! Lets do this!"]] [["I don't know if I can aid and abed you committing a murder either..."->I don't know if I can aid and abed you committing a murder either]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Wait really? Fuck yes!"] He pumps his fist, seemingly thinking that you were going to argue against it a little more than you did. (text-colour:magenta)["Ok, ok sweet. I just want you to know also if you need like, any moral stuff, we're not actually // 'killing him killing him'//. " He makes quotations with his claws. "Devils and demons and imps can only be killed on their home plane, we slice him here, he just appears back in hell. You can even do the killing blow if you want! I brought a fuckton of weapons oh-"] He whips around for a second looking around the room and then rummaging through his bag. He pulls out a notebook and is precariously balancing a pencil in his claws. (text-colour:magenta)["This is going to be awesome, we gotta do this right though. Due diligince and all that. Do you have any medical conditions?" ]He asks readying his pencil for your response. [["What? Are you being serious? Why?"]] [[List medical conditions]] [[No medical conditions]]

(text-colour:magenta)["It's not like its like: we're// 'killing him killing him'//. " ] He makes quotations with his claws. (text-colour:magenta)["Devils and demons and imps can only be killed on their home plane, we slice him here, he just appears back in hell. And this guy is doing tax fraud! He's a drip! Even you could beat his ass if you wanted to!"] This still feels wrong. [["I am actually a fragile flower, made for love and not violence."->"I am a physically weak person."]] [["I have a medical exemption."]] [["Even still, I am concerned that I will get arrested for this."]] [["You've talked me into it."->"Fuck yeah! Lets do this!"]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Yeah? What is it?"] He looks you over curiously. "I have (cycling-link: bind $medicalcondition,"Medical Condition","IBS","PMS","Asthma","Depression","Anxiety","Anemia","Migraines","Diabetes ","poor eyesight","poor hearing","body that works bad","a mysterious, other interesting medical thing going on")" And you don't list any other medical conditions because everyone knows you can only have one medical condition at a time at any given point. [[Obviously!]]

Dane takes a notebook out of his satchel fishes out a pencil, hold it precariously in his claws and writes that down. (text-colour:magenta)["What about allergies?"] He asks, completely serious. [["Why are you asking?"]] [[No allergies]] [[List allergies]]

(set: $allergies to "none") (text-colour:magenta)["Ok, no allergies except for like the normal human ones of course right? Like acid, poison etc..." ] [[You nod.->Ready to party]]

He rolls his eyes. (text-colour:magenta)["Why the fuck do you think? We've going on a hunt, I gotta know your weaknesses so I can keep you alive and you can see me kick ass. I can't have you dying via peanut and miss me doing triple backflips and chopping this guy up."] [[No allergies]] [[List allergies]]

(input-box:2bind $allergies,"XX===","Allergies") [[Those are my allergies.]]

(text-colour:magenta)[" Ok, I think I got it all, $allergies , right?"] [["No sorry let me try that again"->List allergies]] [["Yes!"->Ready to party]]

He rolls his eyes. (text-colour:magenta)["Why the fuck do you think? We've going on a bounty hunt, I gotta know your weaknesses so I can keep you alive and you can see me kick ass. I can't have you getting asthma, not being able to breathe, and miss me doing triple backflips and chopping this guy up."] [[List medical conditions]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Alright!"] He claps his hands, slightly startling.(text-colour:magenta)[ "I have more questions about keeping you alive, but i'll ask you on the way, we should probably get going before he moves. But: weapons first!" ]He starts digging through his satchel again, and pulling out objects that are way too big to fit in it. It seems like a Mary Poppins type bag. [[Awesome! Let's see the weapons!]] [[Don't commit to anything, look over curiously]] [["I feel its imperative that you understand that I will not be doing any of the violence"->"I feel it's impreative that you understand, I'm not going to be committing the violence."]]

"I have (cycling-link: bind $medicalcondition,"Medical Condition","IBS","PMS","Asthma","Depression","Anxiety","Anemia","Migraines","Diabetes ","poor eyesight","poor hearing","body that works bad","a mysterious, other interesting medical thing going on")" And you don't list any other medical conditions because everyone knows you can only have one medical condition at a time at any given point. He jots that down, repeating it to himself. (text-colour:magenta)["Ok, and allergies?"] [["Are you fucking with me?"]] [[List allergies->medical exemption 2]] [[No allergies]]

(input-box:2bind $allergies,"XX===","Allergies") [[Those are my allergies.]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) He he sighs and shakes his head, unamused. (text-colour:magenta)["Just tell me what your fucking allergies are."] [[List allergies->medical exemption 2]]

He looks at you suspicious for a moment and writes that down(text-colour:magenta)[. "Okay i'm writing no medical conditions, but if you do have one, you have to tell me ok? Or else if you just up and die it's your fault."] [[Wait i actually have...->List medical conditions]] [[No medical conditions, i'm being serious->allergies]]

(text-colour:magenta)["What about allergies?"] He looks at you expectantly. [["Are you fucking with me?"]] [[No allergies either->No allergies]] [[I do have some allergies->medical exemption 2]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Thats why we have weapons!"] He says, revealing his shark like dentistry. (text-colour:magenta)["And don't even worry about it. I'm strong. I'll do all the bounty hunting. You just gotta watch and hold your ground. And tell me I look cool."] [["I have a medical exemption."]] [["I am concerned that I will get arrested."->I am concered that I will get arrested2]] [["You've talked me into it."->"Fuck yeah! Lets do this!"]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Dude, don't even worry about it, if they try, i'll tell then it was my idea and I made you do it, okay?"] That wouldn't be too far from the truth, you are actively being peer pressured into this. [[I was made for love and not violence->I am am a physically weak person2]] [["I have a medical exemption."]] [[You've talked me into it.->"Fuck yeah! Lets do this!"]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Thats why we have weapons!"] He says, revealing his shark like dentistry. (text-colour:magenta)[ "And don't even worry about it. I'm strong. I'll do all the bounty hunting. You just gotta watch and hold your ground. And tell me I look cool."] [["I have a medical exemption."]] [[You've talked me into it.->"Fuck yeah! Lets do this!"]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Dude, don't even worry about it, if they try, i'll tell then it was my idea and I made you do it, okay?"] That wouldn't be too far from the truth, you are actively being peer pressured into this. [["I have a medical exemption."]] [[You've talked me into it.->"Fuck yeah! Lets do this!"]]

He shakes his head no, looking conflicted. (set: $eyeballs to "seen") (text-colour:magenta)["Look, $name , its not like i'm trying to be secretive or anything, it's just that when I say my real name in infernal it makes everyones eyes fall out. Its great for first impressions in hell, and its really helped me with my eyeball collection too, see?"] Suddenly eyeballs seem to be erupting out of every pore of his body, all different shapes and sizes and colors blinking at you. [["AAAA!!!"->AAA]] [["Oh GOD!->AAA]] [[Try to not make a big reaction to be polite, but involuntarily gasp a little->AAA]] [[Succesfully stifle scream and move on->Dane Questions]] [["Coooooool."]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Geez sorry!"] He sneers, using his hands to shield himself from view as the eyeballs slorp back into his body. (text-colour:magenta)["You've got eyes too, I'm not screaming at the sight of them" ]He mumbles, looking down at his phone again, his posture stiff, his leg bouncing in awkwardly. Here's hoping body horror isn't a red flag for you. [[Change the subject->Dane Questions]]

He realizes you're being serious and not giving him shit, for a second his expression drops in absolute devastation before he steels himself and spits an ember on your floor, burning a hole in your carpet. (text-colour:magenta)["Fuck, whatever! Asshat! Suit yourself, fine! I needed an upgrade anyways!"] He throws you his phone and swipes yours off the table, simultaniously using his tail to knock the water cup beside your bed over onto your pillow. He launches back, flipping you off and hisses (text-colour:magenta)["See you in hell $name ."] Before dissappearing in the pentagram in an eruption of flames. What an ass. Back to swiping! Taking you about an hour to figure out how to use this ancient tech, you navigate your way to a much different, rudimentary cinder app, where you log in and get a second chance at looking at the hotties [[Hopefully this time it goes better->Zip Nokia]]

Ok so this is...wow, you can barely see this picture on the Nokia's ancient screen. Everything is in really low resolution and looks like it was drawn on a pictrograph. You squint and pull it an inch in front of your face. You //think// you see an image of a group of people in business discussing things at a table with a naked blurry blob in the back. Is this the profile of the naked blob? <img src=https://i.imgur.com/4jKIpiN.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=50% HEIGHT=50% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:yellow)[(font: "monospace")[ Zip Occupation: Analytics Advisor Passion: When the tie comes of, the horns come on (there's a bunch of error messages after this) We won’t get along if: You're not about the rise and grind Fun Fact: Banned at Chilis ]] (font: "monospace")[Press 1 for no Press 3 for yes ] [[Press 3 for yes, hope that you are going on a date with of the business people and not the naked blob ->zip path]] [[Press 3 for yes, hope that you are agreeing to a date with a naked blob->zip path]] [[Press 1, not into this.->Bloopy Nokia]] [[Press 1, I want to see who else is out there->Bloopy Nokia]]

This image is even harder to see. At first you just can see an eye, maybe a sword and shield? A little tongue sticking out? <img src="https://i.imgur.com/e7Nrno6.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=50% HEIGHT=50% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:blue)[(font: "monospace")[Bloopy: Warrior of the Future, Protector of Sweeties Occupation: volunteer mercenary Passion: shredding We won’t get along if: you are a bully or u love syntax Fun Fact: Fun fact number 1: I can ALMOST do an 0llie Fun fact number b, my brother is on this app his name is zip and he's a really nice guy so if you see him please tell him hi for me!!! Hi zip!!!!! one more - pronoun it/its he/him another one = i measure up to 5'7 if I stand on my shield and raise my sword into the air as hard as i can!!! XD]] (font: "monospace")[Press 1 for no Press 3 for yes] [[Press 3, hope that he's cute because I can't see shit -> bloopy path]] [[Press 1, even though you can't see their picture you know hes lying about his height->Dane Nokia]] [[Who else is out there? ->Dane Nokia]] [[Let's see who else is out there ->Hottie 3 Dane]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["I know right!? Dude what do you got, two? You gotta step up your collection!"] He flexes boastfully and pulls off his jacket to show you all of the eyes on his arms and shoulders. Most are strange and abstract, with multiple schlera and split pupil, others changing colors, one looks entirely filled with constellations. He extends his palm out to you, in the middle of it a comparatively normal looking eye. Human-like with an beautiful aqua-sea colored pupil (text-colour:magenta)["That's my favorite, it's a mermaid's eye. Oh-don't worry though she sucked, she was in hell for a reason. Big capitalist, dabbled in medical malpractice, violated child labor laws, you name it."] He closes his palm and the eyeballs suck back into his skin. [[Dang, even merpeople have child labor laws?->Dane Questions]]

[[net with silver trapping]] [[comically large flaming sword that is chuckling darkly]] [[wooden staff, crackling with ?magic? at the end]] [[Bow and arrow made of celestial light]] [[The only guns I need are these ones (finger guns)->I do not want a weapon]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Grab a weapon, just in case")'s length >= 1)[[stick with your bathroom weapon]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["Yeah yeah, look, it's for self defense, okay? Just in case."] He empties his bag onto your bed, and only a minimal amount of ash smears all over your sheets as he lays out his treasures and looks between you with an excited yet vicious expression. [[net with silver trapping]] [[comically large flaming sword that is chuckling darkly]] [[wooden staff, crackling with ?magic? at the end]] [[Bow and arrow made of celestial light]] [[The only guns I need are these ones (finger guns)->I do not want a weapon]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Grab a weapon, just in case")'s length >= 1)[[stick with your bathroom weapon]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) [[net with silver trapping]] [[comically large flaming sword that is chuckling darkly]] [[wooden staff, crackling with ?magic? at the end]] [[Bow and arrow made of celestial light]] [["The only guns I need are these ones!" (finger guns)->I do not want a weapon]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Grab a weapon, just in case")'s length >= 1)[[stick with your bathroom weapon]]

(set:$weapon to "net") You pick up the net, it has considerable weight to it. Its one of the seemingly easier weapon, but unless you have a lot of arm strength you would have to get quite close to the target. This is also a weapon that might get you a lesser sentence if you are implicated in this. People might even think it was a joke. But the weights hanging on the net certainly weren't a joke. [[Choose the net->that sword]] [[Choose something else->"Ok fine."]]

As you reach for it, the sword starting snarling and thrashing, its handle grows claws and lurches to sink them into you. Dane yanks it away quickly. (text-colour:magenta)["Woah! Wait! I forgot to mention!" ]The swords handle claws puncture and bury themselves deep into Dane's arms with not much of a reaction from him. (text-colour:magenta)["This ones cursed, and like its kind of a dick. It sucks your blood when you use it and uses your blood to attack. If you don't make extra, you die kinda quick."] He explains as the sword gulps his blood down. He detaches from it quite easily, splashing blood all over your wall. (text-colour:magenta)["You kinda have to give it a good yank to detach from it too. Maybe this isn't the one."] He lays the bloody, now maniacally cackling sword back on your bed, smearing it on your stuffed animals. [[Better pick another weapon so you don't die->"Ok fine."]]

(set:$weapon to "staff") The possibility to straight up use magic? Very intriquing. You inspect it furthur, a gnarled wooden pole with small sparking firework like projections coming out of the top. You reach your hand out to grab the wizards staff and it rolls towards your hand as if magnetically attracted. It's humming slightly in your hands and only sometimes electrocuting you slightly. (text-colour:magenta)["hell yeah thats a cool one. I got it half off to because its faulty. You could totally be a wizard!" ]Dane muses. (text-colour:magenta)["Just don't ask me how to use it."] [[Choose the staff->that sword]] [[Chose another weapon->"Ok fine."]]

(set:$weapon to "bow") You pick up the bow, it feels like carbonated water and is weightless in your arms. It would put you farther away from combat, so you'd probably be less likely to be hurt. Where were the arrows though? You pull it back to test it and it releases a beautiful rainbow on your wall. (text-colour:magenta)["Yeah, you can keep that if you want. I can't even touch that thing without it searing me." ]Dane scoffs.(text-colour:magenta)[ "I hope it can do more than just rainbows though, or you might be toast."] [[Take the bow->that sword]] [[Choose something else->"Ok fine."]]

(text-colour:magenta)["What? That? Are you serious?" ]He scoffs, motioning to his array of magical weapons. You look at your $weapon , twirl it in your hands. [["Yeah, I just want to see what happens."]] [[No you're right, I've changed my mind]]

His shoulders slump and he throws his hand in the air. (text-colour:magenta)["//Come on// don't be an ass, you dont have to use it, it's for safety! Please?"] [["Ok fine."]] [[Stick to your guns, (but not actually because you don't want any weapons)]]

(set:$weapon to "none") (text-colour:magenta)["Fine, whatever. Be stubborn." ]he huffs and stuffs the weapons back in his bag. He looks at something behind you curiously. (text-colour:magenta)["Who is that?"] He asks pointing at something behind you. [[Turn around and look]] [[Don't turn around]]

He nods. (text-colour:magenta)["Y'know what? I respect that."] He turns around and puts the weapons away, grabbing the large laughing flaming sword, that was burning a hole in your bed. (if: $weapon is "hair dryer")[You glare at his back. He simply doesn't know how versatile a hair dryer could be. He will soon learn...] (if: $weapon is "wet towel")[You hope that your wet towel stays wet long enough to remain lethal by the time you get to Applebee's®, hey but if not, you'll improvise.] (if: $weapon is "toilet reading material")[And it means you'll have reading material for the Uber.] (if: $weapon is "plunger")[You prepare yourself to bring your still dripping plunger into the battlefield aka the Applebee's®] (if: $weapon is "listorine")[ Of course he respects it. Because if you didn't he'd be getting listorine in his eyes. Unlike him you don't need to have a giant flaming sword to protect yourself.] A strangled, hoarse laugh breaks you out of the thought. "(text-colour:magenta)[Sword, shut it!"] Dane yells through gritted teeth at the sword. (text-colour:magenta)["We can watch Home Alone later and i'll prop you in front of the TV and you can laugh all you want...LATER." ]He hisses impatiently. The sword quiets down. He slides it in a strap on his back. [[Let's get going->Noogie]]

You roll your eyes and check behind you, almost certain that this is some kind of prank or something. As you do, he sneaks over and and very obviously tries slip a bottle of 'Angel Piss' in your pants pocket. [["Hey buddy the only piss I want in my pants is my own!"->"I'd rather die"]] [[Let him do it, for some reason->pisspocket]]

You look at him suspiciously. (text-colour:magenta)["No i'm being serious? Who is that!"] He says exasperated, motioning behind you." [[Turn around and look]] [[Don't turn around->Don't turn around2]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) He huffs exasperatedly. (text-colour:magenta)["Damn it. Ok you got me. Will you at least carry this bottle of 'Angel Piss'? Its like Devil mace. For safety. Demon's can get violent, I at least want you to have some chance to get in one good shot to his eyes before he pastes you. "] [["Fine." Put the piss in your pocket->pisspocket]] [["Hey buddy the only piss I want in my pants is my own!"->"I'd rather die"]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)[ "Fucking hell you're so stubborn!"] He bellows and puts the 'Angel Piss' back into his bag. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh well, guess when you die, you're going straight to hell anyways. I'll meet you there to say 'I told you so."] He shakes his head, his pointed teeth bared in a sneer. He grabs the comicaly large gothic sword and slides it into a strap on his back, with exaggerated slow movements, just in case you wanted to compliment him on how bad-ass he looks. [[You don't on principal->Noogie]]

(set:$weapon to "angel piss") (text-colour:magenta)["Careful, it leaks!"] He yells tossing it to you, you catch it and immediately drop it on the floor and wipe your hands on your pants. (text-colour:magenta)["I'm just fucking with you, dude!"] He lets out an explosive laugh before taking your hands and connecting them to the piss sprayer. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't fucking drop that."] He warns, his intense yellow cat-like eyes boring into yours as he slides the large gothic sword into a strap on his back. [[Let's go!->Noogie]]

You take your $weapon and begin to exit your room. Dane comes up behind up, putting an heavy arm on your shoulders and pulling you to towards the ground and then wrapping him forearm around your neck in an iron vice. Ow. (text-colour:magenta)["Damn, i'm fuckin' excited dude. I've never done violence with someone before, I'm usually only doing violence at someone!"] He rubs his oddly sharp knuckles into your hair and grinds them in. [["Hey! Ow! Stop! I'm delicate!!"->"Hey! Ow! I'm a delicate fucking flower!"]] [["You're doing violence! This is violence!!"]] [[Attempt to noogie him back]] [[Roll your eyes and withstand the pain, he just wants a reaction.]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) Luckily the weight on your shoulders lifts and and he backs up holding his claws up in surrender, a shit eating grin still on his face. (text-colour:magenta)["Sorry! Delicate! I'll remember." ]He teases, stretching his arms out.(text-colour:magenta)[ "I'm hitting the bathroom, be ready when i'm out. Don't die while i'm in there."] {(if: $medicalcondition is "Asthma")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget your inhaler, or i'll make you eat it."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "poor eyesight")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring your glasses or i'll kick your ass."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "PMS")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring Midol, or i'll punch your ass so hard it'll make you forget the PMS."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "Migraines")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring Migraine medicine. I guaranteeI will be giving you one."] He grunts. He already has. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "IBS")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring TUMS, or i'll kick your ass."] He grunts. How sweet. ] } (if:$allergies is not "none")[He swings the door open one more time. (text-colour:magenta)["And your epi pen. You're not borrowing mine. I do know some allergy magic, but it also involves me stabbing you with a much bigger knife." ]He slams the bathroom door shut before you can say anything. ] (if: $bidet is "no")[ [[Try not to think about your date pooping->Bidet No]]] (else:)[ [[Try not to think about your date pooping->Bidet Yes]]]

(set: $nervousnelly to it + 1) (text-colour:magenta)["I am not! This is friendship! Look!!! I'm not even using my claws!"] He's shaking your head so hard its vibrating. Luckily the weight on your shoulders lifts and and he backs up holding his claws up in surrender, a shit eating grin still on his face. He gives you one more migraine inducing squeeze before letting you go, stretching out and walking to your bathroom. (text-colour:magenta)["I'm hitting the bathroom, be ready when i'm out."] {(if: $medicalcondition is "Asthma")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget your inhaler, or i'll make you eat it."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "poor eyesight")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring your glasses or i'll kick your ass."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "PMS")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring Midol, or i'll punch your ass so hard it'll make you forget the PMS."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "Migraines")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring Migraine medicine. I guarantee will be giving you one."] He grunts. He already has. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "IBS")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring TUMS, or i'll kick your ass."] He grunts. How sweet. ] } (if:$allergies is not "none")["He swings the door open one more time. (text-colour:magenta)["And your epi pen. You're not borrowing mine. I do know some allergy magic, but it also involves me stabbing you with a much bigger knife." ]He slams the bathroom door shut before you can say anything. ] (if: $bidet is "no")[ [[Try not to think about your date pooping->Bidet No]]] (else:)[ [[Try not to think about your date pooping->Bidet Yes]]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) You try to twist your arm back to reach his head but its no good, you can only pat at his ass gently and he doesn't even seem to notice. You wonder if you can pull his pants down or give him a wedgie but the torture is over soon enough. He gives you one more migraine inducing squeeze before letting you go, stretching out and walking to your bathroom. (text-colour:magenta)["I'm hitting the bathroom, be ready when i'm out."] {(if: $medicalcondition is "Asthma")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget your inhaler, or i'll make you eat it."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "poor eyesight")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring your glasses or i'll kick your ass."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "PMS")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring Midol, or i'll punch your ass so hard it'll make you forget the PMS."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "Migraines")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring Migraine medicine. I guaranteeI will be giving you one."] He grunts. He already has. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "IBS")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring TUMS, or i'll kick your ass."] He grunts. How sweet. ] } (if:$allergies is not "none")[He swings the door open one more time. (text-colour:magenta)["And your epi pen. You're not borrowing mine. I do know some allergy magic, but it also involves me stabbing you with a much bigger knife." ]He slams the bathroom door shut before you can say anything. ] (if: $bidet is "no")[ [[Do demons poop?->Bidet No]]] (else:)[ [[Do demons poop?->Bidet Yes]]]

You count to ten as a knuckle digs into your head, trying not to show him any reaction. It seems to work as he's releasing you soon enough, a content expression on his face. He stretches out and walks to your bathroom. (text-colour:magenta)["I'm hitting the bathroom, be ready when i'm out."] {(if: $medicalcondition is "Asthma")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget your inhaler, or i'll make you eat it."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "poor eyesight")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring your glasses or i'll kick your ass."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "PMS")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring Midol, or i'll punch your ass so hard it'll make you forget the PMS."] He grunts. How sweet. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "Migraines")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring Migraine medicine. I guaranteeI will be giving you one."] He grunts. He already has. ] (if: $medicalcondition is "IBS")[ He stops for a moment and points to your tote bag before closing the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't forget to bring TUMS, or i'll kick your ass."] He grunts. How sweet. ] } (if:$allergies is not "none")[He swings the door open one more time. (text-colour:magenta)["And your epi pen. You're not borrowing mine. I do know some allergy magic, but it also involves me stabbing you with a much bigger knife." ]He slams the bathroom door shut before you can say anything. ] (if: $bidet is "no")[ [[Try not to think about your date pooping->Bidet No]]] (else:)[ [[Try not to think about your date pooping->Bidet Yes]]]

(set: $DaneAffinity to - 999) He shuts your bathroom door, and then not yet a second later comes back out with a disturbed frown on his face. (text-colour:magenta)["Ok, let's go."] He says without affect. [[Ask him whats wrong]] [[Ignore whatever that was and get going->mystery bidet secret]]

(set: $DaneAffinity to + 999) He walks out after washing his hands and grins at you. (text-colour:magenta)["I was worried for a moment that bidets were a hell thing, thank fuck. There wasn't a fire setting but it was pretty good."] He gives you a thumbs up and starts heading to the door. While this didn't seem like a particularly notable moment, you have a feeling, to put it in gaming terms that another option would have put your affinity with him into the negatives. [[Shall we Uber?]]

"Nothing." He mumbles shifting his eyes to the side like a dog thats peed on the floor, except for you have a strong suspition that he didn't even do that in the bathroom he was so quick. [["Seriously, tell me what up?"]] [["Keep your secrets then!"->mystery bidet secret]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Next time when we go to my cave, i've got to put you on some new shit dude."] He sighs and shakes his head, starting to head towards the door. You have a feeling that if this was a game and somewhere, affinity points were being tracked, this was a major blunder and you'd be in the negatives by now. Like- negative 999 affinity points bad. [[Shall we Uber?]]

(text-colour:magenta)["//Nothing//!"] He grumbles, and looks at you with the corner of his eye, waiting for you to ask him one more time before he says what he's thinking. [["Go on, tell me."]] [["Fine, lets just head out"->->mystery bidet secret]]

He scrunches his nose and points to your bathroom. (text-colour:magenta)["You know, you said the world is a lot more high tech, but even hell has bidets man."] He gives your toilet a grimance. (text-colour:magenta)["I mean, if thats my option, no thanks, i'll just wait until I get back to my cave. Or Applebee's®"] [["Applebee's doesn't have Bidets, I assure you."]] [[Ok whatever!]]

(text-colour:magenta)["You don't know that."] He rebuttes, starting to head towards the door. You have a feeling that if this was a game and somewhere, affinity points were being tracked, this was a major blunder and you'd be in the negatives by now. [[Shall we Uber?]]

(text-colour:magenta)["I've got to put you on some new shit dude." ]He shakes his head, starting to head towards the door. You have a feeling that if this was a game and somewhere, affinity points were being tracked, this was a major blunder and you'd be in the negatives by now. [[Shall we Uber?]]

When you get outside Dane offers to let you ride on his back 'spider monkey style' and run to the restaurant, which sounds fun, but you absolutely don't trust him to not pull any shit so you both settle on an Uber. It comes fast enough, though is quiet small. Dane has to hang his giant sword out of the window and let it trail on the street. You insist to the driver that your friend is a cosplayer and just pray he keeps his head low enough and doesn't scrape his horns across the ceiling and do any permanent damage. He coughs in your face to get your attention. (text-colour:magenta)["Hey, I thought of some code names in case we need them. Like, it's probably better that we're not calling eachother by our real names in case anyone wants to track us down and take revenge." ] [[Greeeaat]]

(text-colour:magenta)["So i'm thinking I call you] {(if:$shitheadmeter >= 3)[(cycling-link: bind $urcodename,"(Codename)","Shithead","Fucko","Dingus","Fuckhead","Asshat","Numb Nuts","Twig","Nerd","Shrimp","Twerp","Human","Jerkwad","Big Mouth","Sadsack","Wimp","Baby man","Tiny","Piss Baby", "Lil Pervert", "Diaper Rash")] (if:$shitheadmeter < 3)[(cycling-link: bind $urcodename,"(Codename)","Dude","Skull Fucker","The Brains","Shark Slayer","Princess","Goose","Stick Bug","Human","Brains","Sidekick","Shrimp","Big Mouth","Cowboy","Doctor Pain","DJ Danger","Baller","Baby Man","Peanut","Bubbles","Buttercup")" ]}, (text-colour:magenta)["and you can call me ](cycling-link: bind $danecodename,"(Dane's Codename)","The Destroyer","Prince of hell","Skull Fucker","Doom Herald","Razor Mouth","Blood Bringer","Big Red","Dane 'The Knife' Dreadnaught","Blood Wrath","Lava Lord","Face Eater","The Devourer"," Shark Slayer","The Terminator","Mad Dog","The Bisector","Butcher")" He looks to you for approval. [["Can't I have a cooler name?"]] [["...Sure."]]

(text-colour:magenta)["A cooler name than $urcodename ? Impossible, $urcodename!" ]He punches your shoulder. Ow. (text-colour:magenta)["Now i'm going to throw some rapid fire questions at you, just some...'just in case' questions about human stuff."] You give a quick glance to the driver of the Uber. They seem to be too busy texting and driving to pay you any mind. [[Concerning!]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Alright, $urcodename it is!" ]He grins and bumps into your shoulder and gives you a conspiritorial wink. (text-colour:magenta)[ "Now i'm going to throw some rapid fire questions at you, just some...'just in case' questions about human stuff." ] You give a quick glance to the driver of the Uber. They seem to be too busy texting and driving to pay you any mind. [[Concerning!]]

He takes out his notebook and flips to a page where it seems as if he's already written some questions out in advance. (text-colour:magenta)["Ok first one. You breathe air right? Like-you have to daily. right?"] He asks with furrowed brows, ready to write down your answer. [[Yeah, I kinda have to breathe air constantly.->"Yeah, I kinda have to breathe air."]] [["Not always." (lie)]]

I mean...technically that's not a lie right? Sometimes you breath vapor...carbon dioxide. Air can be a lot of different things! His brows go up in shock as he scribbles it down.(text-colour:magenta)[ "Ok, so then just do it for fun huh. Next question: Where are your most important vital organs? Like if one gets stabbed or something, which organs are ok to go and which ones are you going to be like 'oh no!'"] [[Point to your heart, your brain, your stomach and your lungs.->"Um I hate to tell you but they are all pretty important. Are yours not?"]] [["Um I hate to tell you but they are all pretty important. Are yours not?"]] [["They're all pretty optional."]]

His brows go up in shock as he scribbles it down. (text-colour:magenta)["Ok got it. No burying alive prank..."] he mutters, dictating his scribbles. (text-colour:magenta)["Next question: Where are your most important vital organs? Like if one gets stabbed or something, which organs are ok to go and which ones are you going to be like 'oh no!'"] [[Point to your heart, your brain, your stomach and your lungs.->"Um I hate to tell you but they are all pretty important. Are yours not?"]] [["Um I hate to tell you but they are all pretty important. Are yours not?"]] [["They're all pretty optional."]]

His eyebrows shoot up again, this time with a smile as he jots that down.(text-colour:magenta)[ "Damn that is so good to hear, like a total relief. Here I thought you were all delicate and stuff. Good to know one little stab won't be the end of you."] (text-colour:magenta)["So if you were to...hmm. What temperature of lava can you handle comfortably? Like without dying?"] He asks motioning to your body and then rubbing his chin as if he's deep in thought. [["Whats up with all of these questions involving my death?"]] [["Any temperature lava will kill me."]] (link:'"Lava is nothing to my hearty big boy body. I bathe in it regularly."')[(set:$lavalie to "yes")(goto:"Lava is nothing to my hearty big boy body. I bathe in it regularly.")]

He again widens his eyes in shock and then writes this down and sighs. (text-colour:magenta)["Man that's unfortunate to hear. Thats //so// many weak points. Like is it all humans or were you just built with no armor and too many soft parts I wonder....? Never mind, you wouldn't know that. Next question..."] He reajusts and looks off for a moment, thinking how to word this question. (text-colour:magenta)["So if you were to...hmm. What temperature of lava can you handle comfortably? Like without dying?"] He asks motioning to your body and then rubbing his chin as if he's deep in thought. [["Whats up with all of these questions involving my death?"]] [["Any temperature lava will kill me."]] (link:'"Lava is nothing to my hearty big boy body. I bathe in it regularly."')[(set:$lavalie to "yes")(goto:"Lava is nothing to my hearty big boy body. I bathe in it regularly.")]

(text-colour:magenta)["Oh I'm not planning to. but y'know. I live around lava, I'm around a lot of violence, I dont// really// know if hell has air, and y'know, what if I wanted to prank you and I killed you by accident? If you died would it make it funnier? Yes. But I think that's probably subjective."] He shrugs. He blinks his big dumb yellow eyes in your direction. Sometimes you think this guy is jerk, sometimes you think he's an idiot and other times you suspect this guy is a homicidal maniac. He's checking the box off on three at the moment. [["Any temperature lava will kill me."]] (link:"Lava is nothing to my hearty big boy body. I bathe in it regularly.")[(set:$lavalie to "yes")(goto:"Lava is nothing to my hearty big boy body. I bathe in it regularly.")]

(set:$lavalie to "no") He nods, taking the information in and looks lost in thought, seeming to forget to write this down. You have a feeling there may be a very disturbing story behind this question. [["Can I ask you a couple things?"]] [[Wait out the rest of the ride in silence->DaneApplenees]]

(set:$lavalie to "yes") You make up a little lie about being immune to lava. Maybe it will impress him! His face looks puzzled for a second, like he wants to ask something else, but then he shakes he head and writes that down. (text-colour:magenta)["Huh got it. So lava doesn't kill ALL humans..."] He murmurs. You have no idea what he's talking about and think theres no possible way this could come back later and bite(or burn) you in the ass. [["Can I ask you a couple things?"]] [[Wait out the rest of the ride in silence->DaneApplenees]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Huh? Yeah sure."] He mumbles, stuffing the notebook back in his bag [["So Zip is an imp and you're a devil? Is there big differences?"]] [["Have you had any other dates on Cinder?"]] [["What is your impression of me so far?"]] [["Does hell have Applebee's®?"]] [["Do you have any allergies or medical conditions?"]] [[Wait out the rest of the car ride (Proceed)->DaneApplenees]]

You both leave the Uber and get to Applebee's®, where Dane runs up to the windows and starts sniffing the windowless, brick exterior. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh he's there alright. I can smell him. Imps smell like, almost exactly like pool noodles." ] He looks over to you, trying to see if you’re impressed that he knows what a pool noodle is. [["Ok...i'll bite. How do you know what a pool noodle smells like?"]] [["I literally do not care."->Ok-moving on]]

(set:$knowndaneweakness to "known") He nods taking his epipen out of his bag, flashes to you and shoves it back in. (text-colour:magenta)["Peanuts."] He says flatly. (if: $urcodename is "Peanut")[(text-colour:magenta)["Not 'you' Peanuts to be clear. The 'the Yellow Peanut M&Ms' peanuts.".] That was the worst possible way in which he could describe that."] (if:$allergies is not "none")[(text-colour:magenta)["And you can't borrow it so don't ask. These cost a fortune in hell." ]] [[Damn, this means thai food is basically off the table.->UberQuestions]]

(text-colour:magenta)[“When people say they want a hot tub, they don’t mean like lava HOT. I know that now.” ]He shakes his head sadly. Is this why he asked you about your lava tolerance? Hopefully there's no other huge oversights. [[Here's hoping you didn't lie about being lava-tolerant.->Ok-moving on]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Alright so $urcodename, whats the plan? How do you want to do this?"] Dane looks to you. [["What? Why do I have to come up with the plan?"]] [[Seduce the target]] [[Talk it out with the target]] [[Take on a character alias and go undercover, like in Burn Notice]] [[No plans is the best plans! Chaos reigns!]]

Whats your plan, plan man? [[Seduce the target]] [[Talk it out with the target]] [[Take on a character alias and go undercover, like in Burn Notice]] [[The best plans are no plans at all->No plans is the best plans! Chaos reigns!]]

Dane considers the idea with a nervous smile. (text-colour:magenta)["Well, I mean, I don't really know my strengths in the area, i'm not usually 'the talker' but it sounds fun. I'm willing to find out! Unless you want to do it?"] [[Maybe this would be good for him, have Dane do the seducing->DaneSeduce]] [[You're doing it. You're an expert 'sexpionage' ->YouSeduce]] [[Chicken out and go with a different plan->No plans]]

Dane thinks on this for a moment with an entertained grin on his face. (text-colour:magenta)["Y'know...I genuinely have no idea how that would help us at all, but you're the brains, $urcodename ! Who's playing the Hostage?"] [["Me, Obviously."->HostageYou]] [["You", Obviously."->HostageDane]] [[Back out and choose another plan->No plans]]

Keeping in mind you're in a public place with a violent demon and technically doing something illegal, you feel it might be best to talk things through first with Zip before making a scene in the Applebee's®. You have to think of casualties, getting arrested and possibily a life time Applebee's® ban, you just cant risk that. Maybe this guy is reasonable and theres no need for violence. Maybe he would rather turn himself in, maybe he's been waiting for a chance to do that anyways! Theres only one way to find out. If not, you could always lie to him. You might even be able to use this as a chance to get away ditch Dane. There's a lot of possibilities here. [["I'm going to go talk to him. See if we can work something out."]] [[Reconsider the other plans->No plans]]

"Improv, baby! Let's goooo!" You yell. "Figure it out as we go! What's the worst thing that'll happen?" Dane is looking at you unsure, but shrugs, ready to follow you in to the Applebee's®. [[Then again, it might be better to have some semblance of a plan.->No plans]] [[No rules baby!]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Uhh yeah, it's more like i'm actively closing all of them right now, and seeing less. I have to keep them shut on purpose. I guess it's not normal here to have more than two. Speaking of which, it's not normal to wear clothes in hell, did you know that? Armor if you're fancy, but clothes usually just burn up. When I have stuff on i'm not usually all eyed up, y'know? Like I could but that shit is irritating."] [[Huh. Guess that makes sense.->UberQuestions]]

(if:$shitheadmeter >= 2)[ (text-colour:magenta)["I don't know, $urcodename, its been like, what, ten minutes since we started hanging out? You're a real fucking shithead, but a fun shithead. Shithead positive. And as a shithead myself, I like a shithead who knows how to shithead."] Nicely said.] (if:$shitheadmeter < 2)[He pauses for a moment.(text-colour:magenta)[ "Well, you're less of a shithead then i'm used to. But you're still fun. You give things stakes. I do get a nagging feeling about something my stupid therapist said when i'm around you. Like... the feeling I need to examine my actions and the effect they have on those around me? Some bullshit like that. Don't worry though, I won't let that get in the way of the murder we're about to do."] He reaches over to you and you duck to dodge a second potential noogie.] (if:$nervousnelly >= 2)[(text-colour:magenta)["Also you're like, nervous about everything, I'm kind of used to living more on the edge so it feels unnatural to slow down, but it's a new experience. Maybe if i didn't regrow my limbs and had to breathe air and avoid lava, i'd be less badass too." ] He thinks on that for a moment and grins. (text-colour:magenta)["MMmmm....naaahhhh, I'd still be a badass."]] (if:$nervousnelly < 2)[(text-colour:magenta)["Also, you can fuckin' hang you know? Roll with the punches. You're susceptible to peer pressure, which is a GREAT quality when you're hanging out with me. I think you'd do pretty well in hell. So, no excuse not to come over to my place sometime."]] He looks at your face to see you're your reacting to this news, but before you can say anything he interrupts excitedly. (text-colour:magenta)["What do you think of me?" ]He blurts. [["It feels like this is the beginning of a highly toxic relationship."]] [["This feels like the beginning of a highly toxic, (but fun!) relationship."]] [["It highly depends on if I survive this date."]] [["I'm having a good time, $danecodename "->"I'm having a good time."]] [["The toxic way catergorize and act upon your emotions and morality should be studied in a lab."]] (if:(history: where its name contains "So Zip is an imp and you're a devil? Is there big differences?")'s length >= 1)[["Pit fiend? More like pit friend!"]]

Fuck yeah, are you kidding me? It's time to go undercover, just like your favorite action tv star Michael Westen from the USA Networks moderately popular show Burn Notice (2007-2013). <img src="https://i.imgur.com/IEC4ZHV.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=20% HEIGHT=20% alt=prologo></img> You've been waiting for this chance your whole life. Your alias would be a businessman, big sunglasses, snappy suit, big briefcase. You're fast talking, wearing a headset and telling 'them' to 'SELL SELL SELL!' You'll gain Zip's trust, swindle him into being exactly where you want him to be while perfecting your acting skills. And while Michael usually works alone, but maybe Dane could make a good 'Fiona'? (the arguable heel and love instrest of Micheal in the TV show Burn Notice in case you forgot). Should you risk it? Are you ready to lose yourself in this character? [[Consider other plans->No plans]] [[Go undercover]]

He shakes his head no. (text-colour:magenta)["I don't even know what an Applebee's® is to be honest." ] You let out a sigh. Of course Applebee's® isn't in hell, it's your favorite restaurant for a reason. You have good taste. You have good taste! [[Applebee's® is not mediocre, overly corporate. or depressing, not even a little.->UberQuestions]]

He nods. (text-colour:magenta)["Yeah...hell is usually a 'kill on sight' type deal when seeing new people. Usually with Cinder we can at least talk a little first. Last date was with a succubus. Zagore the Sinful. Nothing crazy, typical hell date, meet up, combat, and do the classic, bet who could rip out the others heart and eat it first....I won." ]He grimaces, look at the carpeted floor. [[Zagore the Sinful...why does that sound familiar...->UberQuestions]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Oh, devil is a catch all, i'm a pit fiend technically but I don't think you know what that is anyways. But, besides the obvious?"] He pulls out his Nokia and points to the picture of Zip (text-colour:magenta)["Imp, blue, weenie, quick, creature-ish, abstract shape, created to be minions, easily tricked, no talents, freaky."] Points to himself.(text-colour:magenta)[ "Pit fiend, red, strong, awesome, humanoid-ish, can use fire, created to be an entertaining fighter, appreciates good cinema." ] This overview feels highly biased [["Do pit fiends have any weaknesses?"]] [[Ask more questions->UberQuestions]]

This gets him to crack a smile and blush.(text-colour:magenta)[ "That makes me want to laugh AND beat you up." ]He says, bashfully looking away, his tail swaying back and forth. [[A generous offer.->UberQuestions]]

[["So Zip is an imp and you're a devil? Is there big differences?"]] [["Have you had any other dates on Cinder?"]] [["What is your impression of me so far?"]] [["Does hell have Applebee's®?"]] [["Do you have any allergies or medical conditions?"]] [[Wait out the rest of the car ride (Proceed)->DaneApplenees]] (if:$eyeballs is "seen")[["Can you see out of all your eyes ?"]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Why are you asking?"] He asks, eyes narrowed. [["Just in case I need to kill you."]] [["No reason! Just curious." (In case you need to kill him)->"You asked me mine."]] [["You asked me mine."]] [["I gotta keep you safe too!"]]

He nods.(text-colour:magenta)[ "Fair. Well um...you know, I haven't thought about it too much. I'm get distracted sometimes. Umm, whatever weapons angels use usually hurt like ass. I don't know if thats universal for all pit fiends though."] [[Good to know->UberQuestions]]

He sighs and shakes off a look of irritation, covering it with a smirk. (text-colour:magenta)["Dude, love to see you try but the thought is laughable. But heres a leg up: radiant damage, what ever angels do is the only thing that can do lasting damage, if you can even get a shot off."] [[Good to know->UberQuestions]]

He laughs so hard some spit lands on your face. (text-colour:magenta)[ "//You// protect ''me''? That's adorable, $urcodename . I haven't thought about it too much honestly. I'm easily distractable sometimes. Umm, what ever weapons that angels use usually hurt like a motherfucker. And peanuts."] (if: $urcodename is "Peanut")[He hold his hands up in a moment in realization. (text-colour:magenta)["Sorry, not YOU, Peanut. The actual nuts peanuts. Well, I guess I don't know that for sure, i've only ever tried to eat one of the two...."] He looks deep in thought.] [[Good to know->UberQuestions]]

You crack your knuckles and commit yourself to the plan, Dane immediately noticing the change in your demeanor, a mischevious smile quickly spreading across his face. "We're going to need a costume change," You declare pointing at the thift store next to the Applebee's®, you boldy snatch Dane's sunglasses of his head and slide them on your face. "And we better make it a quick change." (link:"Go for a millenial tech billionare vibe, comfortable hoodie and jeans.")[(set:$outfit to "tech billionare")(goto:"Undercoverfirstimpressions")] (link:"Go for an office siren look, A tight pencil skirt, white blouse and well fit blazer with some dainty jewlery.")[(set:$outfit to "office siren")(goto:"Undercoverfirstimpressions")] (link:"Used car salesman look. Hawaiian shirt, patterned tie, and the tackiest suit jacket you can find.")[(set:$outfit to "used car salesman")(goto:"Undercoverfirstimpressions")] (link:"Black tuxedo with a bow tie and a white shirt dress.")[(set:$outfit to "fancy child outfit")(goto:"Undercoverfirstimpressions")] (link:"Something that would blend in at any office. A simple grey suit jacket and comfortable but plain dress shirt underneath.")[(set:$outfit to "plain office attire")(goto:"Undercoverfirstimpressions")]

(text-colour:magenta)[ “I got summoned at a pool party once for entertainment. It was a really bad time.”] He shudders and looks at you one more time, to see if you want to opt out of the rest of this story. Man this guy is a yapper. [["OK! Moving on!"->Ok-moving on]] [[Let him finish this possibly disturbing thought.->Let him finish.]]

(text-colour:magenta)["A relationship...?" ]He mumbles, looking into your eyes and blushing and biting his lip. You think that may be the only thing he heard. [[Oh boy.->UberQuestions]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Fair, fair. But even if not and you go to hell, who else do you know there anyways?"] He does have a point. (text-colour:magenta)["I don't have a couch, but if I did, you'd be welcome to it."] [[A generous offer.->UberQuestions]]

He huffs and looks over with an indgnant scoff.(text-colour:magenta)[ "Hey $urcodename ? You're not the only one who's been to therapy, even if those are big words, I know that's not a compliment. Whatever..." ]He brings his attention out the window where his sword is sparking against the road. [[He is the definition of “Can dish it out, but can't take it”->UberQuestions]]

"Oh!" Dane thinks on it for a moment. "Will it make me look lame? Yes. No! Being a hostage is one of the most traumatic things you can go through. (a statistic you pull out of your ass)

Dane steels himself with a breath. (text-colour:magenta)["Alright i'm going in. Think sexy thoughts. Think hot thoughts-"] His shoulders start smoking(text-colour:magenta)[ "-But not too hot thoughts-"] the smoke dispels.(text-colour:magenta)[ "Alright $urcodename , wish me luck!" ] He winks, flexing his biceps through his now burnt jacket. "Good luck $danecodename!" You yell as he erupts in a warriors battle cry and shoves the doors aside. [[For once you wish that Applebee's had windows->DaneFailuretoSeduce]]

To get things done right, you have to do it yourself. You sigh and think your sexiest thoughts. Lola Bunny, Jessica Rabbit, (link: "that one really hot fish in Shark Tale....")[( why am I pretending I don't know her name? I'll say it loud and proud. HER NAME IS ''(text-colour:#ffa94d)[Lola]'' AND (text-colour:#4dabf7)[SHARK TALE] IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE)] It's going to be a challenge, considering you aren't even wearing anything too fancy at the moment. But you're going to have to try your best. "Meet me in the alleyway in five." You say, putting on a dab of Carmex. (text-colour:magenta)["Good luck $urcodename ! Don't fuck it up!" ]Dane pats you on the back and shoves you through the Applebee's® front door. It seems to be very busy at this location, and nobody is really even paying attention to you. There's nowhere to conceal your $weapon, so you just hold it behind your back with one arm. You almost immediately spot Zip, as he is the only blue patron in this restaurant. His blue shining bald head is like a beacon as its reflecting the light above the table. He's sitting with a group of four others who look like business collegues. You take a deep breath and seductively strut your way over to the table and tousle your hair and sigh hotly. You get to the table and put one hand on it, leaning into Zip. [["Hey there, i'm with Top Sexy Business guys monthy and you made number 1. would you consider joining me in my hotel room for an interview?”]] [[Hey Zip! Remember me?? Your college fling? You may not remember because we were soooo drunk. Wanna remake that bad decision?"]] [[You stick your finger in their butter dish and slide it up Zip's tiny spagetti arms. “Such big arms, Were gonna need more butter. Meet me out front.”]]

You run in the door, Dane following close behind. "Hi, table for two?" The waitress at the front asks. Oh no!!! You only thought about talking to Zip, not other people. You stand there awkwardly for way too long trying to figure out what to say, Dane eventually can't take it anymore and speaks for you. (text-colour:magenta)["Sorry ma'am we're uh..here to see someone, we'll be done in a sec."] He says, pulling you by the arm over to Zips table, looking at you, perturbed. (text-colour:magenta)[ "Are you sure you have this under control, $name?" ]He whispers, but before you can think of anything to say to this you're already at Zips table! Man you suck at this! Your college improv group didn't prepare you for anything like this at all! It's just like the dreaded Spring Funnies event, where you got up and stage and blanked out, unable to say a thing. You're back in that exact moment. You're in the spotlight and they're all waiting for you! You try to get words to exit your mouth. You blurt out: ''(text-style:"shudder")["W-we got you Zip!" ]''Too loud! God now the whole restaurant is looking your way. (if:$weapon is "none")[Zip smirks and rolls his eyes.(text-colour:yellow)[ "Yeah, and?"] Fuck he's even better at improv than you are. Dane is saying nothing now, just staring at the scene in horror. (text-colour:yellow)["You don't even have a weapon" ]Zip points at you and looks between you and Dane, whos now glaring at you in absolute //'I told you so'//. Rude.] (else:)[You take out your $weapon and hold it in your hand. Zip smirks and rolls his eyes.(text-colour:yellow)[ "Yeah, and?"] Fuck he's even better at improv than you are. Dane is saying nothing now, just staring at the scene in horror. (text-colour:yellow)["You know you to use that thing?" ]Zip points at your weapon and looks between you and Dane.] (text-colour:yellow)["Damn, this dweeb is super awkward. Do you want to hang out with us instead? We're going to a party." ]Now he's talking to Dane, who's looking at you unsure, the whole situation has spun out of control. (text-colour:magenta)["Well...I-" ] (text-colour:yellow)["C'mon, it has to be better than hanging out with this nerd." ]Dane looks back and forth, crap, he's considering ditching you, it's time for action. You run forward to end Zip with your $weapon, instead slipping on a wet burger peel and (bg:red)[cracking your head on the corner of the table so hard you're seeing red. ] [[You really, really suck at improv->Bleeding out at the Applebee's®]]

Dane thinks on it for a moment. (text-colour:magenta)[ "Well... while i usually like plans with more action...there might be something to just talking to him. But I did also bring my huge sword and it would be a total shame not to use it..." ] He scratches his mullet and balances on each leg and then shrugs. (text-colour:magenta)[ "I mean why not. Go for it! Talking can sometimes be bad ass too. Like when James Bond does it. And! If it doesn't work and he doesn't want to turn himself in, just send him outside and then we find a nice quiet place to obliterate him, sounds good?"] [[Sounds good!]] [[Okay, fine.->Sounds good!]] [[Do we have to hurt him?]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Uhh obviously, i'm the muscle, are you're the brains $urcodename . I mean look at us. Classic duo. Now think of something smart quickly, shithead, before he gets away."] Dane mocks, giving his pecs a little pop. [[Come up with a plan.->No plans]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Again, we're not actually 'killing' him you know, we're just sending him to the other plane. Painfully. In pieces." ]He says, his lip curling into a grinch-like sneer. [["Thanks for the distinction."->Sounds good!]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Good luck $urcodename ! Don't fuck it up!" ]Dane pats you on the back and shoves you through the Applebee's® front door. It seems to be very busy at this location, and nobody is really even paying attention to you. There's nowhere to conceal your $weapon, so you just hold it behind your back. You almost immediately spot Zip, as he is the only blue patron in this restaurant. His blue shining bald head is like a beacon as its reflecting the light above the table. He's sitting with a group of 4 others who look like business collegues. It seems like they are gathering their business blazers and suit jackets and getting ready to head out. You rush over to the table and sit next to Zip, preventing him from getting up. Everybody else at the table is looking at you with mild confussion but still in high spirits, you believe the many margaritas on the table are probably the cause. (text-colour:yellow)["Uh, hi hotness. Can I help you?"] Zip asks with a horny tinge of attitude. This could be it, this is where it could all go horribly wrong, or horribly right. [[Explain the situation honestly to Zip and his friends.]] [[Betray Dane, and go on a date with Zip instead.]] [[Lie to Zip, try to get him to go outside alone.]]

"So...you...remember know how you did the thing with the...taxes..." You say directly to Zip who glances warily at his friends. "Uh...so other people know you did that too apparently, and they aren't happy about that. Other people being...other demons I think. They have a bounty on your head, and um...me and my partner took it. And we thought it would be best if you turned yourself in, you know, that way, no one gets hurt!" You explain , trying to look for any kind of understanding in Zip's eyes. You don't find any, he's panicking, sweating, his eyes darting towards the exits. [[He's about to bolt->Solo Zip loses Chill]]

(set: $danetozipswitch to "yes") "I just...saw you from my table and I thought you looked so...cool..., I couldn't help but to come over." You say quickly. His friends laugh and look over with some snickers and "ooo's" (text-colour:yellow)["Oh um, really? Yeah, hell yeah! Well, I'm Zip we're going to an office party and i need a little arm candy, you game?" ]You only see a quick flash of his smile. ...Does Zip have veneers? You nod quickly, anything to get away from that hotdog-red maniac outside. "Oh my god thats so funny. Of course this would happen to Zip" One of his colleague laughs. "I'm Micheal, This is Terry, Chelle, Carlos." Micheal grins. You don't "Welcome to the party, hope you're not afraid to get a little wild, we kind of can get crazy when we party." You can almost guarantee that this will be a more normal experience than the one that was previously happening, and you welcome a little normalcy. "We're just pregaming right now, feel free to imbibe, we're just settling the bill." He grins, pointing at a huge pitcher of beer left undrunk and a spare watermelon cocktail. Whether you do or not, is up to your imagination. "Well, nice to meet you guys, i'm (input-box:bind $name,"X====",1,"name") [[and i'm ready to party!->LeavingApplebeesDanetoZipSwitch]]

"Zip." You sit down next to him and whisper to him. "I know what you did. A lot of powerful people know what you did, and if you want to live, you need to follow me." You say, mustering all the authoritarian bluff you can. Is Zip buying it? His eyes dart around to the exits, but then he looks down at the floor, considering you as an option. He turns to you and nods. (text-colour:yellow)["I'll follow you. Don't tell any of my coworkers." ]He orders, but the confidence in his speech completely removed. You nod and you two take off towards the door. [[He bought it!->Why are we in the Alley]]

You leave first, telling everybody that you'll get the Uber, they can venmo you later, but really you need to now get Dane off your back so that you can go on the date. You step outside and feel a rush of air on your head, a sword quickly following behind. This is where it ends! [[Gah!->Letdowndane]] [[Aaa!->Letdowndane]] [[What the fuck!->Letdowndane]] [[Hey!->Letdowndane]] [[Easy there girl!->Letdowndane]]

Dane stops the sword before it collides with your head, pulls it over to the side, tip down on the concrete and leans his weight on the handle. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh, $urcodename ! I just figured better be safe than sorry and just kill whoever came out of the Applebee's® first. What's going on in there? Is this motherfucker coming out? Are we getting our money?"] He his expression elated at anticipation of the bloodshed. You can hear Zip and the gang approaching behind you inside the Applebee's®. Even if you admit to wanting to ditch this date, he's still going to go after Zip. You need to think of another lie fast, or its going to be a bloodbath. [[well...->hmm]] [[I umm->hmm]] [[uhhhh->hmm]] [[hmm]] [[so you see...->hmm]] [["I'm gathering information undercover!"]]

[[well...->hmm]] [[I umm->hmm]] [[uhhhh->hmm]] [[hmm]] [[so you see...->hmm]] [["I'm gathering information undercover!"]]

You quickly decide the only thing that could possibly make these lies better is more lies! Dane quickly scrunches up his face trying to grasp how this makes sense. (text-colour:magenta)["What are you...why? This is dumb, I can just kill him. I have a big sword and he's coming right now. Why can't I just end it here?" ] [["Because it will be fun!"]] [["I'll get more information out of him!"]] [["We have to find a better place to do this than in public out on the streets."]] [["I don't want any casualties!"]]

He blows out some air and shrugs, not wanting to completely shoot down your idea. (text-colour:magenta)["I think you and I have very different definitions of fun but...I guess I don't want to ruin your spy fantasy or whatever. We can do this for a little longer, so I guess I just keep following until you give me the signal?"] An almond shape lid opens on his forehead, a red sclera-ed eye with multiple white pupils blinks at you. Gah! What is that about? You don't get an explanation. Suddenly the Applebee's® door burst open, Zip and his group of friends notice you talking to Dane immediately. Zip sizes up Dane and wraps a blue spagetti like arm around your waist. (text-colour:yellow)["Is this guy bothering you babe?"] Zip sneers at Dane timidly. You didn't even know that it was possible to 'sneer timidly'. [["He's my jealous ex-boyfriend."]] [["He was just another Cinder date that I went on."]] [["He's my brother."]]

Dane nods, catching on to your nonsensical idea. (text-colour:magenta)["I mean, I guess that makes sense. I figured it was just a 'kill him and go' type deal, we don't get paid for more info. But maybe you can find out a little bit about the money he's taking and get some for us...wait that's actually brilliant $urcodename! Fuck dude, thats some insane planning, you are the fucking brains."] He punches you in the shoulder excitedly. Ow. An almond shape lid opens on his forehead, a red sclera-ed eye with multiple white pupils blinks at you. Gah! What is that about? You don't get an explanation. Suddenly the Applebee's® door burst open, Zip and his group of friends notice you talking to Dane immediately. Zip sizes up Dane and wraps a blue spagetti like arm around your waist. (text-colour:yellow)["Is this guy bothering you babe?" ] Zip sneers at Dane timidly. You didn't even know that it was possible to 'sneer timidly'. [["He's my jealous ex-boyfriend."]] [["He was just another Cinder date that I went on."]] [["He's my brother."]]

(text-colour:magenta)["So you don't get arrested? I guess that's a good point."] He looks across the street, there is a parking meter cop staring at his giant sword from the opposite side of the road. It seems to be attracting a little bit of attention. (text-colour:magenta)["Damn, its crazy that murder isn't legal here. Such a cultural difference."] He shakes his head with a disturbed expression. An almond shape lid opens on his forehead, a red sclera-ed eye with multiple white pupils blinks at you. Gah! What is that about? You don't get an explanation. Suddenly the Applebee's® door burst open, Zip and his group of friends notice you talking to Dane immediately. Zip sizes up Dane and wraps a blue spagetti like arm around your waist. (text-colour:yellow)["Is this guy bothering you babe?" ] Zip sneers at Dane timidly. You didn't even know that it was possible to 'sneer timidly'. [["He's my jealous ex-boyfriend."]] [["He was just another Cinder date that I went on."]] [["He's my brother."]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Oh you mean his friends? I guess that makes sense. They are a bunch of capitalists though, so they'd be going to hell anyways sometime or other. But I mean if this is another morality thing of yours I get it."] He smiles wryly at you and pokes your shoulder. (text-colour:magenta)["My date, $urcodename , what a big ol softy. Man how can I refuse?"] An almond shape lid opens on his forehead, a red sclera-ed eye with multiple white pupils blinks at you. Gah! What is that about? Suddenly the Applebee's® door burst open, Zip and his group of friends notice you talking to Dane immediately. Zip sizes up Dane and wraps a blue spagetti like arm around your waist. (text-colour:magenta)["Is this guy bothering you babe?"] Zip sneers at Dane timidly. You didn't even know that it was possible to 'sneer timidly'. [["He's my jealous ex-boyfriend."]] [["He was just another Cinder date that I went on."]] [["He's my brother."]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Twins!"] Dane yells out with large toothy smile. You shoot him a look. Zip looks between you two. (text-colour:yellow)[ "Wow, you guys look absolutely nothing alike...."] "We used to, It's like a Sprouse twins situation, the differences became more noticble later on." You blurt out. Did that explanation even work? Didn't the Sprouse twins loop back around into looking like eachother again? You can't remember. Dane clotheslines you into him by reaching forearm infront of your neck and pulls you back. (text-colour:magenta)["Yeah, thats my sibling alright. Hey $urcodename, don't forget to keep in touch right? I'll be around you know? In case you ever need me. I'll be there. Watching." ] He threatens, releasing you with a deep exhale. You stumble back into Zip. Dane takes his sword and wanders off. (text-colour:yellow)["$urcodename?"] Zip whispers to you questioningly. "Just a...uh...familial nickname." You say, hoping you're not visibly sweating. (text-colour:yellow)["Oh, well um...he seemed sweet?"] Zip scratches his head, watching the giant sword slung around Dane's shoulder disappear down the street. You can tell he's thinking on how if this is your brother, what the future in-laws situation will look like. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Damn $name, you gotta introduce me next time, he's hot."] Chelle steps forward and nudges you. You've dodged him. Maybe not for ever, but for at least this moment. Let that be a problem for future you. [[It's time for present you to get in an Uber-XL with 5 of your closest acquaintances]]

God you live for the drama. Zip looks a little warily at the sword but maintains his attitude. (text-colour:yellow)["Back off buddy, this is the game of love, and you lost."] Zip says, leading you both away quickly. Dane holds his non sword hand up in surrender. (text-colour:magenta)["Treat 'em nice, Zip."] Dane says a threatning tone. He winks at you with a smile that doesn't reach his vicious eyes. Yeargh! (text-colour:magenta)["And better not forget me, $urcodename. Cause i'll be around."] He sheaths the sword on his back and wanders away slowly. Was that a threat for Zip? Because that sounded like it was 'just for you' threat. (text-colour:yellow)[ "Holy fuck that guy was scary. you have terrible taste!"] Zip whisper-yells at you. You really do. You've dodged him. Maybe not for ever, but for at least this moment. Let that be a problem for future you. [[It's time for present you to get in an Uber-XL with 5 of your closest acquaintances]]

God you live for the drama. Zip looks a little warily at the sword but maintains his attitude. (text-colour:yellow)["Back off buddy, I think you better accept that you lost."] Zip says, leading you both away quickly. Dane holds his non sword hand up in surrender. (text-colour:magenta)["Treat 'em nice, Zip." ]Dane says a threatning tone. He winks at you with a smile that doesn't reach his vicious eyes. (text-colour:magenta)["And better not forget me, $urcodename. Cause i'll be around."] He sheaths the sword on his back and wanders away slowly. Was that a threat for Zip? Because that sounded like it was 'just a you' threat. (text-colour:yellow)[ "Holy fuck that guy was scary. you have terrible taste!" ]Zip whisper-yells at you. You really do. You've dodged him. Maybe not for ever, but for at least this moment. Let that be a problem for future you. [[It's time for present you to get in an Uber-XL with 5 of your closest acquaintances]]

You notice that Dane also comes out of the Value Village wearing his own outfit. (if: $outfit is "tech billionare")[He seems to have taken some inspiration from your very casual outfit and is in some gray sweatpants and a track jacket, again zipped down enough to show off a gnarly heart scar and his poppable pecs. It's not a bad look. ] (else-if: $outfit is "office siren")[It seems like he dressed to coordinate with you, and is wearing a a tight pencil skirt and a blouse unbuttoned all the way to his belly button, showing off his abs. He's opted for a look without glasses, but has tied the bottom of his mullet back into a little bun, and is sporting some stilleto heels, which he walks suspiciously easy in. You're kind of worried that he's going to be showing you up a little. ] (else-if: $outfit is "used car salesman")[As if he's a rival car salesmen from across the street, his outfit clashes with your hard, alternating tiger prints, crocodile skins and a lot of squeaking leather. You both look atrocious, and even worse right next to eachother. ] (else-if: $outfit is "fancy child outfit")[He is also wearing a tuxedo, one just as ill fitting as yours. You suddenly become self conscious that you look like what a childs idea of what a business men look like.] (else-if: $outfit is "plain office attire")[Its not to different than his regular outfit, as he's still wearing jeans and an open jacket, the jacket is now a suit jacket instead of a leather one. ] You bought a large suitcase to store your weapon in, while Dane's giant sword is hidden in a cello case askew on his back. He seems to think that your plan involved him also assuming a secret identity. You don't know how to tell him otherwise so you let him tag along, despite his ovbious lack of character acting expertise. "Ok Dane. Just follow my lead okay? From now on refer to me as (cycling-link: bind $urbusinesstitle, "Mr.","Mx.","Mrs.") (cycling-link: bind $urbusinessfirst,"(First Name)","Micheal","Larry","Terry","Sticky","Rebecca","Barbara","Jonathan","Cary","Ted","Ferninand","Barry") (cycling-link: bind $urbusinesslast,"(Last Name)","Computer","Talker","Hands","Transportation","Finance","Business","Shampoo","Lowball","Scary","Synergy","Lawyers","BondsnStocks","Westen","Car-Whisperer","Vision","Powerfulpoint"). Got it? You're my intern, you don't need to know what that is and you don't get a name because nobody remembers interns names anyways." (text-colour:magenta)["Ugh, I know what interns are. Devils came up with the concept."] He rolls his eyes. Hmm. Go figure. Eitherway it's time to do your vocal warm ups and start the mission. [["Mememememememe! Mahmah mahmahmahmahmah~"->Hmm. Go figure]] [["On three! One, two, three. BUSINESS"]] [["Brrrr! Mah! MAH!"->Hmm. Go figure]] [["The tip of the tongue the teeth and the lips!"->Hmm. Go figure]] [["Unique New York! Unique New York!->Hmm. Go figure]]

(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["tony $tony."]] He repeats with a smile. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["thas so cool. n ur warrior name?]] You feel it would be pointless to question this and get straight to making up your warrior name. Tony $tony, (cycling-link: bind $title, "(Title)","Gate Keeper", "Girl-Bosser", "Paladin","cowboy", "Assistant Manager", "Knight","Cavalier ","hero","King", "tony", "sheriff", "Queen","warrior","nobleperson","champion","saviour") of the (cycling-link: bind $domain, "(Where you do yo thang)","skatepark","Tony","jungle","desolate isles","internet","concept of shredding","champions","apartment complex","Applebee's®","powerpoint","basketball court","sanctity of scrabble"), Protector of the (cycling-link: bind $protected, "(What you protect)","baddies","bisexuals","frogs","dental hygiene","library","lesbians","Reddit moderators ","franchise","vibe","swamp","dinosaur facts","bedtime","crusty dogs","Tony","bidets","boys nights","tonies","vegetarians","vegans","gays") [["That's my name, don't wear it out."]]

''Chelle Lovers Ending A'' You two share an intimate moment leaning into each other, and it feels even more romantic than a kiss. She brushes her hair back and puts her head on your shoulder. (text-colour:#b197fc)["You know I really, really didn't know what I was missing before. Every night was Applebee's with the boys, and I hated almost every second of it. They talk about work, I pretend that I don't know that they don't know what they're talking about. They make crude jokes, I pretend that their funny. Everything became easier to do when I had a couple $5 Rock & Berry Ritas, from Applebee's Dollarita® special menu promotion. It made me feel like that was all there was, and I hated it, and I thought that// I was that hate//, but i'm so much more than that. I wouldn't have known it with out you."] She sits back up again. (text-colour:#b197fc)["There's so much more to life than getting along with your annoying co-workers. Like...I...I was forgetting to live. Really live."] She looks away, seeming to be a bit embarrassed by all of the genuine emotion coming out of her. The wind blows her hair in your direction. It smells like mostly like fresh pear with a hint of AppleBee's® fry oil. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I...even though I won't be going to Applebee's® anymore with those dolts, I wouldn't mind going back there with you. Or maybe even Chili's®! Or we can even cook at home! or..it doesn't even have to be food...or even like anything."] Shes grinning but obviously flustered. Its hard to imagine such a girlboss trip over her words for you. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I don't know what it is about you, but I um...I know that I'm growing as a person just by being near you, $name. And I'd really like to explore this sometime. I really hope that we...we can do this again sometime, if you want."] Chelle pushes her hand next to yours. your pinkies touch. You both refocus your attention on the sunset again, but your hearts are with each other. You're surprised, thrilled. You've found someone that you like more than Applebee's® you don't even care that she mentioned their lesser competitor Chili's®. You can barely believe this is the same person who you sat down with initially at the restaurant. This was probably the most one of a kind date experience you've ever had, and you're happy for that. You're excited to grow with her, and share yourself and learn more about her in return. All you had to do was break through Chelle's...shell, to see the treasure that was waiting underneath. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/HDztdIL.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=70% HEIGHT=70% alt=prologo></img> [[Your character data if you're curious->Character Data]]

You roll up outside a shiny grey, tall building with a sign saying 'Mumin Industries'. You walk inside, cram into an elevator and you're in an office space with a bunch of desks pushed out of the way to make a kind of party zone. The vibes are (text-style:"sway")[//(text-colour:green)[rancid]//]. You can tell there was way too long of an awkward silence before you came, from the people looking desperately at the elevator for some kind of break in the tension. There’s a janitor cleaning desks over at the side and its clear they've been told they can't participate in this work party, from them technically working for a separate entity or some other stupid reason. You can smell the old and mysteriously stained carpet in a thick mysterious funk that permeates every inch of the space. You need to wash your clothes when you leave here. (if: $outfit is "ballgown")[Luckily Zip and his friends take most of the blunt of the social bomb thrown their way, the slurry of typical banter is thrown back and forth between all of them. (css: "font-size: 120%;")[(text-style:"sway")["Hey-looked who showed up!"]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[(text-style:"shudder")["Uh oh, hide the booze!"]] (text-style:"buoy")["Hey! The partys arrived!" ] (css: "font-size: 150%;")[(text-style:"rumble")["Heeyyyy!"]] It's giving you a headache. (text-style:"fidget")[''(css: "font-size: 120%;")["Woah, we don't throw that good of parties. You look like you're in the wrong place!"]] '' You catch a stray bullet as a party goer motions to your outfit. Gah! You look to Zip who's pretending he didn't hear his coworker just explicitly tell you that you look like you don't fit in. Whatever. It's obvious they're jealous] (else-if: $outfit is "hoodie")[ Luckily Zip and his friends take most of the blunt of the social bomb thrown their way, the slurry of typical banter is thrown back and forth between all of them. (css: "font-size: 120%;")[(text-style:"sway")["Hey-looked who showed up!"]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[(text-style:"shudder")["Uh oh, hide the booze!"]] (text-style:"buoy")["Hey! The partys arrived!" ] (css: "font-size: 150%;")[(text-style:"rumble")["Heeyyyy!"]] It's giving you a headache. (text-style:"fidget")[(css: "font-size: 120%;")["Hey, you brought your kid to work too huh? I had no idea you had kids!" One of the office partyers looks to you, and motions to Zip. Oh gross, he thinks you're Zips kid?] ]] (text-colour:yellow)["Oh no, uh, they're just a friend! Yeah...i'm friends with...adults that wear hoodies..."] Zip mumbles, obviously embarrassed. You try to catch his eyes, but he can't seem to stand to look anywhere but a big brown carpet stain.] (else-if: $outfit is "club dress")[Luckily Zip and his friends take most of the blunt of the social bomb thrown their way, the slurry of typical banter is thrown back and forth between all of them. (css: "font-size: 120%;")[(text-style:"sway")["Hey-looked who showed up!"]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[(text-style:"shudder")["Uh oh, hide the booze!"]] (text-style:"buoy")["Hey! The partys arrived!" ] (css: "font-size: 150%;")[(text-style:"rumble")["Heeyyyy!"]] It's giving you a headache. (text-style:"fidget")[(css: "font-size: 120%;")["Woah, we don't throw that good of parties. You look like you're in the wrong place!"]] You catch a stray bullet as a party goer motions to your outfit. Gah! You look to Zip who's pretending he didn't hear his coworker just explicitly tell you that you look like you don't fit in. Whatever. It's obvious they're jealous.] (else-if: $outfit is "jersey")[ Luckily Zip and his friends take most of the blunt of the social bomb thrown their way, the slurry of typical banter is thrown back and forth between all of them. (css: "font-size: 120%;")[(text-style:"sway")["Hey-looked who showed up!"]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[(text-style:"shudder")["Uh oh, hide the booze!"]] (text-style:"buoy")["Hey! The partys arrived!" ] (css: "font-size: 150%;")[(text-style:"rumble")["Heeyyyy!"]] It's giving you a headache. (text-style:"fidget")[(css: "font-size: 120%;")[''"Hey, well why don't you sit and stay a while?"''] ] You catch a stray bullet as a party goer motions to your coat. Gah!] (else-if: $outfit is "suit")[Unfortunately, you're right in the mix, as you wore your best suit and look just as respectable as Zip and his coworkers. Everyone's looking at you and shaking your hand as the slurry of typical banter is thrown at you. (css: "font-size: 120%;")[(text-style:"sway")["Hey-looked who showed up!"]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[(text-style:"shudder")["Uh oh, hide the booze!"]] (text-style:"buoy")["Hey! The partys arrived!" ] (css: "font-size: 150%;")[(text-style:"rumble")["Heeyyyy!"]] Are they confusing you with someone else? Do they think you work here? (text-style:"fidget")[(css: "font-size: 120%;")[''"Hey, well why don't you sit and stay a while?"''] ] You catch another bullet as a party goer motions to your blazer. Gah!] (else:)[Luckily Zip and his friends take most of the blunt of the social bomb thrown their way, the slurry of typical banter is thrown back and forth between all of them. (css: "font-size: 120%;")[(text-style:"sway")["Hey-looked who showed up!"]] (css: "font-size: 80%;")[(text-style:"shudder")["Uh oh, hide the booze!"]] (text-style:"buoy")["Hey! The partys arrived!" ] (css: "font-size: 150%;")[(text-style:"rumble")["Heeyyyy!"]] It's giving you a headache. (text-style:"fidget")[(css: "font-size: 120%;")[''"Hey, well why don't you sit and stay a while?"''] ] You catch a stray bullet as a party goer motions to your coat. Gah!] You wander over to the snacks and drinks table to see what the deal is. There's one huge thing of bland grocery story cupcakes and one huge pile of homemade meat casserole. The creator is standing next to it looking at you expectantly, nowhere is safe! You spy individual mugs of champagne next to her, it seems to be the only booze available. Are you grabbing one before you flee? [[I'm not grabbing a drink->have you imbibed]] [[I'm grabbing a drink->have you imbibed]] [[I'm grabbing multiple drinks->have you imbibed]]

As you get outside, an 2 Ubers pull up. (text-colour:yellow)["Oh yeah sorry, I forgot I called an ubie earlier. I'll take this one!"] Zip says, Terry follows right behind him. You try to get in with them, but Terry slams the door and the car speeds off. What the hell? (text-colour:#b197fc)["Oh joy. Now we all have to split a more expensive Uber for no reason."] Chelle mumbles and takes the back seat next to the others, forcing you to take the dreaded (text-style:"sway")[//(text-colour:green)[front seat in the uber]//]. "Let's come up with a game. Loser has to pay the Uber." Micheal suggests from the back. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Ohhh fun yeah!"] Chelle agrees,, hooking her arms on your headrest.(text-colour:#b197fc)[ " $name, If you remember all of our names, I'll pay for the Uber, if not, you're paying!"] Everyone in the back hollers. What? Fuck! This isn't fun at all! You've known these people for less than 5 minutes. But now they're chanting your name, and you were always terrible with peer pressure. [[Hope you remember]]

hello Fellow corporate wage slaves!

Dane looks at you astonished, as if you're casting some kind of powerful verbal spell. He opens his mouth to say something but he's interupted by you bursting open the Applebee's® double doors confidently and stamping in. [[Let's do this thing->Beginning of applebees business]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Business!"] Dane yells enthusiastically, it seems like he's really enjoying himself. He's speechless, enamored by your confidence. He opens his mouth to say something but he's interupted by you bursting open the Applebee's® double doors confidently and stamping in. [[Let's do this thang->Beginning of applebees business]]

You almost immediately spot Zip, as he's the only blue patron and his blue shining bald head is shining like a beacon reflecting the light above the table. He's sitting with a group of 4 others who look like business collegues. It seems like they are gathering their business blazers and suit jackets and getting ready to head out. You confidently trudge over to their table, sighing and hitting your suitcase on all tables you pass by. Everybody at the table is looking at you with mild confusion but still in high spirits, you believe the many margaritas on the table are probably the cause. What's your first move? [[Take a phone call in front of them, show them that your time is more important than theirs.]] [["Greetings corporate wage slaves! Do you want to know how to become your own boss and unlock unlimited income potential! Do you have a couple minutes to learn about a great new opportunity?"]] [["hello, coworkers! Zip, the boss is in the alley way and wants to have a meeting with you next to the dumpster!"]]

"What is it!? Don't waste my time with this! I told you before and i'll tell you again, don't bother me on my work phone. Don't call me anymore unless theres more than 500,000 on the table! You're a waste of breath, you incompetent toad, DON'T CALL ME!" Everybody whisperes among themselves, throughaly intimated by this business person in front of them, they look to Dane for an explanation. (text-colour:magenta)["Sorry, Its um. Their mom. They have problems"] Dane explains, while everybody begins to look at you with disgust. Damn it! He's making things weird. You can bring this back, but its not going to be easy. "Yeah I have problems, [["problems with my huge savings account just sitting there and no reliable business ventures to fund!"]] [["...problems doing my taxes! Anybody know a reliable accountant that won't skim off the top? I'm incredibly wealthy and I won't even notice if some is missing!"]] [["problems with my Mom! She's a total bitch! Am I right guys?"]]

Zip perks up. (text-colour:yellow)["Oh, Mr Fletcher? I'd better go see him."] To your surprise, Zip needs no convincing and gets up to head there right away, but the woman next to him stops him with a hand on his shoulder. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Hold on Zip."] She says eyeing you and Dane suspiciously. (text-colour:#b197fc)["What does Mr. Fletcher want with Zip, and why do they have to meet next to the dumpster?"] Looks like you might have to convince his coworkers. [["He was talking about giving Zip a promotion!"]] [["He wanted to discuss some discrepencies with the accounting at work."]] [["He's trashed, we need some help getting him back to his place."]]

(text-colour:yellow)["We don't know your mom, man."] Zip says, looking at you with annoyance. Damn it! Just your luck, you ran into a bunch of total mom lovers! (text-colour:yellow)["Look guys, we were about to head out, I think it's best if you just leave us alone."] Zip declares. Dane is looking at you with an antsy expression, reaching the the sword in his cello case. [[Let Dane do it->Duel Zip loses Chill]] [[Keep trying to talk your way out of it->Stay in character, you can talk your way out of this]]

The other business men at the tables expresions range from disbelief to jealousy. (text-colour:yellow)["Oh, hell yes! About time!" ]Zip grins and gets up to leave again. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Zip, you can't be serious, it's obvious that these idiots are lying."] The business woman tries to stop him again but he shakes her off. (text-colour:yellow)["Fuck off Chelle! You're jealous, and you're not holding me back from career growth." ]Zip snaps, her eyes grow wide in shock and she lets go. (text-colour:yellow)["Well, lead me to him, fellow coworkers!"] Zip says, grinning coquettishly at you both. You and Dane grin back at him, one of you barely concealing their murderous intent. It's a big ol grin fest. Zip shoves the business woman next to him aside and gleefully follows as you and Dane make your way outside. (text-colour:magenta)["Nice job, $urbusinesstitle $urcodename $urbusinesslast. I'll wait for him in the alley" ]You're so pleased with yourself, you don't even correct him on your business name. [[You both head outside to catch up with Zip.->Where is the boss]].

Zips eyes bulge as his other coworkers look at him in confusion. (text-colour:yellow)["I...um...I don't know what you could be referring to..." ]He chuckles nervously, his eyes dart around to check the exits. Dane is nervously reaching a hand to retreive his weapon from the cello case. [[Zip is about to bolt->Duel Zip loses Chill]]

(text-colour:yellow)["Snooze you lose!" ]Zip vaults over the table. (text-colour:yellow)["Theres never a better time to ingratiate yourself to the boss than the present!"] Zip declares while running to the door. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Fuckin ass kiss..."] The business woman mumbles and slumps down in her seat. (text-colour:magenta)["Nice job, $urbusinesstitle $urcodename $urbusinesslast. I'll run ahead to the alley and see you there."] You're so pleased with yourself, you don't even correct him on your business name. [[You both head outside to catch up with Zip.->Where is the boss]].

While Zip and Dane, and a couple of the business-men are looking insterested in whatever pyramid scheme-eqsue pitch you've got for the table, the woman at the table immediately bristles. (text-colour:#b197fc)["hello! Guys! This can not be working on you join my HerbSkinny shake tribe or buy any from me. Real friends would buy at least 5 cases of them. I guess it's not my fault if you don't want to invest in yourselves"] She mumbles. (text-colour:#b197fc)["You don't even know this persons name."] "$urbusinesstitle $urbusinessfirst $urbusinesslast!" You declare and outstretch your hand, but no one takes it. The vibe at the table is awkward to say the least. (text-colour:magenta)["I don't think this is working." ]Dane whispers into your ear, looking a bit antsy. You see his hand creeps back towards his cello case where his sword hides. [[Let Dane go nuts->Duel Zip loses Chill]] [[Stay in character, you can talk your way out of this]]

Going full creature, Zip jumps on the table and hisses, making you stumble back and the other people at the table yell and fall back in a panic. He quickly beginning scrambling on all fours up the walls and on the ceiling trying to crawl back quickly towards the entrance with a creepy, spider like speed. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Oh my god!"] Chelle yells, holding her hand bag against her chest. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I had sex with that guy! Ew!"] [[Try to use your weapon]] [[Hope that Dane is ready to swing on him outside]]

(set: $policetippedoff to "yes") Dane's giant sword crashes right through the Applebee's® table, splitting it in half, its contents flying in multiple directions. During the screaming and chaos Zip skitters up the wall like a spider and begins scrambling on the ceiling towards the door. (text-colour:magenta)["Fuck! He's fast! We have to slow him down!" ]Dane yells running towards the entrance. [[Pull out your weapon and try to help->Try to use your weapon with dane]] [[Save the violence for outside, this is already too much]]

You figure that even though Zip doesn't know you, he would look like a real asshole if he didn't comply with a hostage situation endangering someone publically, so it's a good a plan as any. But you need to set some ground rules for Dane. "Is this a sex thing? Are you into this or something?" He says scrunching up his nose. "No!" "No! (lie)" [["No actually hurting me"]] [["No casualties"]] [["Don't forget to have fun!"]] [[Make it look real, but not TOO real. [[Don't forget the objective

"If I say (cycling-link:"(Safeword)","Pineapple","Pteranodon","Hot Elves","Victoria Secret","Marmaduke","Saltines","Ouche-mama","Almondine","Uncrustables") "What?" "My safe word." You answer. "Don't forget it." "Is this a sex thing? Are you into this or something?" He says scrunching up his nose. "No!" "No! (lie)"

Everyone around the table shakes there head suspisiouly, but Zip seems to actually be thinking about it. (text-colour:yellow)["Well...I guess we were just getting off work anyways. I could...spare a moment or two." ]Zip says nonchalantly. You've got him on the hook. "Well my tax documents are in my car, would you like to come look at them with me?" You shrug as Zip vaults over the business woman to get to the aisle. (text-colour:yellow)["Snooze you lose!"] He yells and runs out the door. "What the fuck Zip!? You didn't even pay for your food." One of the businessmen mumbles, picking up his bill. Dane pats you too hard on the shoulder. (text-colour:magenta)["Nice job, $urbusinesstitle $urcodename $urbusinesslast . I'll meet you in the alley."] You're so pleased with yourself, you don't even correct him. [[You head outside to catch up with Zip.->Where is the paperwork]]

(set: $policetippedoff to "no") Zip is heavily breathing next to you, as you swagger to the alley and try to look for Dane. You see the dumpster lid opens an inch and two yellow eyes in the trashy darkness peek out. "Applebee's® throws out all their butter at 9 pm. If we hurry it'll still be...solid-ish. ooOOoo.." You say and walk over to the dumpster, its really hard to stay in character as a sexy butter lover and you're starting to think about how much you've lost yourself in this. Where does the butter lover start and end with you? Do you love butter? Do you even have a strong opinion on it? (text-colour:yellow)["I don't have to...pay for this right? Do you take crypto? Do you work for exposure?"] Zip mumbles before you answer, you get close to the dumpster, and Dane bursts out noisily and snatches Zip by his head and drags him in, causing you both to yell out. The lid slams shut and they bang around in there like they're having Sims woohoo. And then everything goes quiet for a moment. Is it over? Unnerved in the silence you creep towards the dumpster.... (text-style:"fidget")[(text-colour:#dee2e6)[''<span style="font-size: 250%">CLANG!</span>'']] The dumpster lid flies open, Zip in a blue blur launches out and latches on your head. His body is weirdly light and trying to offset his percieved weight, you fall forward. Zip squeaks as he breaks your front fall into the concrete and rolls off into the alley. Dane hops out in a swift motion and pins Zip with a single hand pushing into his face. Zip swings little spagetti arms in the air, not quite reaching Dane's scratched up face. (text-colour:yellow)["You! You whores! This is about the corporate espionage, isn't! I don't regret what I did! Will a lot of good people with families lose their jobs? Yeah, but they didn't even get me cupcakes on my birthday! Chelle got cupcakes! Micheal got cupcakes! Terry got a goddamn sheet cake! Those assholes deserve everything that was coming to them! Look, if you let me go, i'll name my next crypto coin after you! I'll put you in the patreon subscriber shoutout section of my 'Dating for Alpha's' podcast! You can be an honorary Alpha!"] Zip yells, muffled by Dane's hand. Zip punching wildly into the air isn't helping his case. Dane turns to you, with a little smile on his face. (text-colour:magenta)["Me or you?" ]He beams, pointing to your $weapon. You bring out your $weapon and inspect it. Oh, he's casualy asking if you want the finishing blow. Even though you know he's just going to get transported to hell from this, it seems pretty major. [[I'll do it.]] [["All yours bud."]] [["I can't do it, it still feels wrong."]]

Everybody at the table perks up at this. Uh oh, it might have worked a little too well. In fact they all start talking at once and closing in on you like a bunch of well dressed zombies. "Um, one at a time! One at a time, starting with this young man!" You say, backing up and pointing at Zip. Zip thinks for a moment before speaking up. (text-colour:yellow)["Restaurants?]" He says. You wait for him to continue but 'restuarants' was the extent of his idea. "Um...brilliant." You point at Zip. "Don't need to hear any more ideas after that one. You're hired!" Zip fist pumps, deep sighs of dissapointment erupt from around the table. "Ah...I've got the paperwork in the care, lets go...sign it or something." I sigh, losing my bluster. Zip shoves the business woman next to him aside and gleefully follows as you and Dane make your way outside. (text-colour:magenta)["Nice job, $urbusinesstitle $urcodename $urbusinesslast. I'll meet you in the alley."] You're so pleased with yourself, you don't even correct him. [[You head outside to catch up with Zip.->Where is the paperwork]].

He comes back just a minute later covered in a comical amount of lipstick kisses. His tail is tucked flat against his leg. (text-colour:magenta)["It didn't work." ]He mumbles. As you're about to point out the lipstick marks he shakes his head. (text-colour:magenta)["Not Zips, I got to his table and did my stuff, but worked on the wrong person. Man some people are just so horny for demons."] He steadies himself against the wall. [[(side eye->YouSeduce]]

Zip strolls confidently ahead of you, putting his hands on his hips and stopping in front of the alleyway dumpster. (text-colour:yellow)["Ok, this your car? Paperwork in here?"] He sighs pointing at the dumpster, reaching in to grab some greasy receipt papers. "Uh...yep!" You mumble, looking around for where Dane's hiding. Like out of a horror movie, red claws shoot up and sink into Zip's hand. Zip screeches and gets yanked in the dumpster. The lid slams shut and they bang around in there like they're having Sims woohoo. And then everything goes quiet for a moment. Is it over? Unnerved in the silence you creep towards the dumpster.... (text-style:"fidget")[(text-colour:#dee2e6)[''<span style="font-size: 250%">CLANG!</span>'']] The dumpster lid flies open, Zip in a blue blur launches out and latches on your head. His body is weirdly light and trying to offset his percieved weight, you fall forward. Zip squeaks as he breaks your front fall into the concrete and rolls off down the alley. Dane hops out in a swift motion and pins him with a single hand pushing into his face. Zip swings little spagetti arms in the air, not quite reaching Dane's scratched up face. (text-colour:yellow)["This is about the corporate espionage, isn't! I don't regret what I did! Will a lot of good people with families lose their jobs? Yeah, but they didn't even get me cupcakes on my birthday! Chelle got cupcakes! Micheal got cupcakes! Terry got a goddamn sheet cake! Those assholes deserve everything that was coming to them! Look, if you let me go, i'll name my next crypto coin after you! I'll put you in the patreon subscriber shoutout section of my 'Dating for Alpha's' podcast! You can be an honorary Alpha!"] Zip yells, muffled by Dane's hand. Zip punching wildly into the air isn't helping his case. Dane turns to you. (text-colour:magenta)["Me or you?" ]He beams, pointing to your $weapon. You bring out your $weapon and inspect it. Oh, he's casualy asking if you want the finishing blow. Even though you know he's just going to get transported to hell from this, it seems pretty major. [[I'll do it.]] [["All yours bud."]] [["I can't do it, it still feels wrong."]]

You and Dane slowly walk Zip to the alleyway, (text-colour:magenta)["He's in there."] Dane declares, clearing his throat, directing Zip inside a dumpster. (text-colour:yellow)["Thanks losers!"] Zip yells, diving inside. What now? you look at Dane, who turns around who shrugs casually. (text-colour:magenta)["Man I almost feel bad, I'm getting to do the fun part of all of this."] He laughs, before canonballing into the trash after Zip. The lid slams shut and they bang around in there like they're having Sims woohoo. To be clear the 'fun part' for him seemed to be wrestling around in garbage. And then everything goes quiet for a moment. Is it over? Unnerved in the silence you creep towards the dumpster.... (text-style:"fidget")[(text-colour:#dee2e6)[''<span style="font-size: 250%">CLANG!</span>'']] The dumpster lid flies open, Zip in a blue blur launches out and latches on your head. His body is weirdly light and trying to offset his percieved weight, you fall forward. Zip squeaks as he breaks your front fall into the concrete and rolls off into the alley. Dane hops out in a swift motion and pins Zip with a single hand pushing into his face. Zip swings little spagetti arms in the air, not quite reaching Dane's scratched up face. (text-colour:yellow)["This is about the corporate espionage, isn't it?! I don't regret what I did! Will a lot of people with families lose their jobs? Yeah, but they didn't even get me cupcakes on my birthday! Chelle got cupcakes! Micheal got cupcakes! Terry got a goddamn sheet cake! Those assholes deserve everything that was coming to them! Look, if you let me go, i'll name my next crypto coin after you! I'll put you in the patreon subscriber shoutout section of my 'Dating for Alpha's' podcast! You can be an honorary Alpha!"] Zip yells, muffled by Dane's hand. Zip punching wildly into the air isn't helping his case. Dane turns to you excitedly. (text-colour:magenta)["Me or you?" ]He beams, pointing to your $weapon. You bring out your $weapon and inspect it. Oh, he's casualy asking if you want the finishing blow. [[I'll do it.]] [["All yours bud."]] [["I can't do it, it still feels wrong."]]

You take a deep breath and ignore the sweat dripping into your eyes. You can't give up now. What would Micheal Westen say? (align:"<==")+(box:"=XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX=")[(text-style:"smear","sway")[ "What do you do when an operation goes bad? Not much to do, but smile and try to stay alive."] ] Micheal Weston rasps masculinely in your head. Thanks Mike. [[Haha, I was kidding. Um, i'm your coworker and the boss needs to see you in the alleyway RIGHT NOW.->"hello, coworkers! Zip, the boss is in the alley way and wants to have a meeting with you next to the dumpster!"]] [[I know about your tax fraud Zip. What do you have to say for yourself?->"He wanted to discuss some discrepencies with the accounting at work."]] [[Sorry actually what I meant to say is I have lots of money. And I...want to invest it in a great business idea.->"problems with my huge savings account just sitting there and no reliable business ventures to fund!"]] (if:(history: where its name contains "problems with my Mom! She's a total bitch! Am I right guys?\"")'s length >= 1)[["I meant it when I said my moms a bitch and i'm going to double down on that. Someone must relate."]]

You don't have the chance to complain about your mom anymore (consider doing it in therapy instead!). Dane growls impatiently and takes his sword out of the case and prepares to swing while Zip has his back turned. [[Everythings about to go to hell->Duel Zip loses Chill]]

The group at the table looks between eachother and decide to excuse your weird behaivor. Rich people generally are crazy anyways, but before you can react properly, Dane growls impatiently takes his sword out of the case and prepares to swing while Zip has his back turned. [[Everythings about to turn to hell->Duel Zip loses Chill]]

(if: $weapon is "none")[(set: $policetippedoff to "no") You fool! You don't have a weapon! All you can do is watch helplessly as you try to run to catch up with the crawling demon on the ceiling. He escapes out the doors quickly, and you're left breathless trying to catch up behind him. Hopefully Dane is able to pick up your slack.] (if: $weapon is "hair dryer")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")You take the hair dryer out and look around. He's too far to reach with the cable if you were trying to swing it at him like a weapon. And even if you wanted to blast him with hot air, all the outlets you can see are painted over. You're left clumsily running after him, hoping that Dane was ready for him outside.] (if: $weapon is "wet towel")[(set: $policetippedoff to "no")You take the towel out and...it's completely dry and crusty! There's no time to re-moisten it before he gets too far away! You're left clumsily running after him, hoping that Dane was ready for him outside.] (if: $weapon is "toilet reading material")[(set: $policetippedoff to "no")Your 'toilet readers digest' is useless here. You cannot possibly throw it with enough accuracy to nail Zip with it, and you wouldn't want to. This is your only toilet reading material! You clutch it close to your heart and run after him with all your might as he exits the restaurant, hoping that Dane was ready for him. ] (if: $weapon is "plunger")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")(set: $weapon to "used") The plunger you have is now dry of all toilet water. You throw it as hard as you can and remarkably, it does end up grazing Zips backside and landing at an innocent family's table, causing them to scream and run off. Zip turns back and hisses at you. (text-colour:yellow)["Ew! Freak!" ] He yells and continues scurrying on the ceiling out the door. That didn't exactly work out the way you intended. You just keep running out the door as quick as you can, not looking back in embarrassment. You're never going to be able to show your face at Applebees® again. You hope Dane has things covered outside.] (if: $weapon is "listorine")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")(set: $weapon to "used") You uncap your Listerine bottle and hurl it at Zip, but it doesn't even make it half way and just ends up spraying wildly around the restaurant, in margarita, over fries. Later that day after a waitress tries a blue soaked fry she quits her job and becomes an entrepreneur, creating 'mouth washing fries' For kids who refuse to brush their teeth. She goes bankrupt within the year, but this story is not about her. You're left clumsily running after him, hoping that Dane was ready for him outside. ] (if: $weapon is "net")[(set: $policetippedoff to "no")You pull the net out, but realize it's too heavy for you to throw and he's scuttling too quickly for you to aim, you'll have to save the net for later. You stumble over a loose burger, stow the net and keep running after Zip, who's now made it out the door. ] (if: $weapon is "staff")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")(set: $ziphealth to "hurt") You take the staff out, it tingles and it feels like a bunch of wet poprocks go off in your hand as you think violent thoughts towards Zip and aim it up at him. Nothing happens…. Wait….something happens. A spoon from a table below rises up into the air and sticks to him. A fork slips out of a diner's hand and pokes into his shoulder. Butterknives, spoons forks forks, a metal serving tray... all come up to stick to him. You've made Zip into a magnet! You hear him grunt with effort as he tries to reach the next ceiling tile. He can't reach it. He screeches and falls from the sheer weight of the rooms cutlery weighing him down and he slips and crashes into the ground, by the time he recovers, you're almost within reaching distance, he slams the doors open and runs outside, he's still faster than you, but you bet Dane could catch up to him easily now. ] (if: $weapon is "angel piss")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")(set: $weapon to "used")You take out your angel piss, un-cap it, and spray it at the ceiling hoping it will reach. It does reach farther than you would think, but not nearly close enough as it showers a row of diners. Zip sniffs the air and briefly turns around to hiss but continues to scuttle on his way out the door. The piss smell is unbearably strong, and the people screaming at you give you two other great reasons to get out of here as fast as possible] (if: $weapon is "bow")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")(set: $ziphealth to "hurt") You take out your angelic bow and stretch it back, thinking violet yet angelic shots and you release the empty bow and a beautiful golden arrow manifests mid-air and sinks into one of his ass cheeks. He drops from the ceiling to carpet with a screech and the muted 'flumph'. He continues to crawl outside with the arrow sticking out of him, going considerably slower. That sound help Dane out a lot, you're thankful that you picked a long range weapon. Zip reaches the door first, by mere seconds, but you are close behind. ] [[Hope that Dane is ready to swing on him outside]]

Dane was not ready to swing on him outside. As soon as Zip bursts out the door, Dane startles and drops a lit cigarette in shock and starts scrambling for his sword. You see Zip bounding on all fours through the alley way. The corner it cuts through is only a bit longer, Dane could possibily make it in time to run in front of him while you cut off Zips path behind him, but it might be faster to just run straight through to him directly. (if: $ziphealth is "hurt")[He's a bit slowed down from his rough landing before, so you think that whatever approach you choose, you have a good chance of success.] (text-colour:magenta)["What are we doing $urcodename?" ]He shouts, looking desperately at the little blue menace, getting further and further away from you both. [[Both head down the alley, in hopes to catch him quickly.]] [[Split up, you head towards Zip while Dane meets Zip at the end of the alley, cutting off both of Zips exits.]] [[Both head around to the end of the alley to stop him in his path.]]

(set: $policetippedoff to "no") You try to carry an air of authority about you as you lead Zip over to the dumpster. (text-colour:yellow)["Look, if you're doing this because you think i'm going to share my money, I'm going to tell you right now you're shit out of luck." ]Zip says as you both walk towards the dumpsters. "I um...don't care about money, i'm doing this because...I...have a grudge against...the US government." You say, which isn't totally a lie. Suddenly Zip unsheathes his claws like a little cat, pins his little ears back. It looks like he's seconds from launching himself at you. (text-colour:yellow)["How dare you!"] He growls. (text-colour:yellow)["Everybody loves money! And I love the US government!"] He hisses and sneers and jumps at you. You yelp and stumble back, but luckily Zip doesn't reach you. Dane bangs out of the dumpster, sinks his claws into Zip and pulls him down into the dumpster, Zip screeching all the way. The lid slams shut and they bang around in there like they're having Sims woohoo. And then everything goes quiet for a moment. Is it over? Unnerved in the silence you creep towards the dumpster.... (text-style:"fidget")[(text-colour:#dee2e6)[''<span style="font-size: 250%">CLANG!</span>'']] The dumpster lid flies open, Zip in a blue blur launches out and latches on your head. His body is weirdly light and trying to offset his percieved weight, you fall forward. Zip squeaks as he breaks your front fall into the concrete and rolls off into the alley. Dane hops out in a swift motion and pins Zip with a single hand pushing into his face. Zip swings little spagetti arms in the air, not quite reaching Dane's scratched up face. (text-colour:yellow)["Liars! Assholes! Unpatriotic swine! I don't regret what I did! Will a lot of good people with families lose their jobs? They'll build themselves from the gound up, just like I did! With the power of sweet sweet capitalism and demonic magic! It's everybody out for themselves! No handouts! Gahhh!!! They aren't even good people! They didn't even get me cupcakes on my birthday! Where's my participation trophy huh!? Look, if you let me go, i'll name my next crypto coin after you! I'll put you in the patreon subscriber shoutout section of my 'Dating for Alpha's' podcast! You can be an honorary Alpha!"] Zip yells, muffled by Dane's hand. Zip punching wildly into the air isn't helping his case. Dane turns to you, with a little smile on his face. (text-colour:magenta)["Me or you?" ]He beams, pointing to your $weapon. You bring out your $weapon and inspect it. Oh, he's casualy asking if you want the finishing blow. Even though you know he's just going to get transported to hell from this blow, is it a little harsh? But maybe Zip deserves it. [[I'll do it.]] [["All yours bud."]] [["I can't do it, it still feels wrong."]]

Luckily, you know the most important thing about business people. That they're all sex freaks. (text-colour:yellow)["Uhh...um...yeah!" ]Zip stutters with a dry mouth immediately getting up to follow you wherever you want to go. "What about the party Zip?" One of his friends asks, but he ignores them. "Good....boy?" You say unsure, a bit confused about gender since he is infact naked with no holes other than his eyes mouths and two tiny little ear holes. (text-colour:yellow)["Um..imps...imps don't have a...you can call me whatever you can take my money.]" He blurts out. You take his little wet hand in your buttery hand and begin to strut out the door with him, which is difficult, because his body is 90 percent ?cylinder? and 10 percent legs. [[Ew. Ew. Ew.->Alleyway success]]

It feels like such a bold lie it almost feels a little ridiculous, but you go for it, adding on a wink and a lip bite at the end. (text-colour:yellow)["Shut up! I'm in a magazine? For being sexy AND good at business?]" He asks loudly in case his friends didn't hear it the first time. "That's what I said." You repeat. "And the prize, a full spread." you say with a wink. Ew, that one was too much even for you. (text-colour:yellow)["Lead the way."] Zip growls linking his little spagetti arm with yours. You both make your way out the door towards Dane. [[Ew. Ew. Ew.->Where's the hotel?]]

(text-colour:yellow)["Um...as much as i'd like to I don't remember you. Also...I...didn't go to college."] He realizes, trying to look at whatever it is you're hiding behind you with a nervous glance. "Oh, well I guess maybe you were just being creepy at a college party?" You try again. He doesn't answer you, his eyes are on the door. [[Uh oh, he's onto you.->Solo Zip loses Chill]]

(set: $policetippedoff to "no") You lead Zip over to the dumpster in the alleyways behind the Applebee's®. He looks at the dumpster dubiously as you start looking around for Dane. Is he hidden really well, or did he ditch you? (text-colour:yellow)["This...looks like a terrible hotel, but whatever..." ] Zip mumbles, starting to climb into the dumpster. Like out of a horror movie, red claws shoot up and sink into Zip's hand. Zip screeches and gets yanked in the dumpster. The lid slams shut and they bang around in there like they're having Sims woohoo. And then everything goes quiet for a moment. Is it over? Unnerved in the silence you creep towards the dumpster.... (text-style:"fidget")[(text-colour:#dee2e6)[''<span style="font-size: 250%">CLANG!</span>'']] The dumpster lid flies open, Zip in a blue blur launches out and latches on your head. His body is weirdly light and trying to offset his percieved weight, you fall forward. Zip squeaks as he breaks your front fall into the concrete and rolls off into the alley. Dane hops out in a swift motion and pins Zip with a single hand pushing into his face. Zip swings little spagetti arms in the air, not quite reaching Dane's scratched up face. (text-colour:yellow)["You....you whores!!! This is about the corporate espionage, isn't! I don't regret what I did! Will a lot of good people with families lose their jobs? Yeah, but they didn't even get me cupcakes on my birthday! Chelle got cupcakes! Micheal got cupcakes! Terry got a goddamn sheet cake! Those assholes deserve everything that was coming to them! Look, if you let me go, i'll name my next crypto coin after you! I'll put you in the patreon subscriber shoutout section of my 'Dating for Alpha's' podcast! You can be an honorary Alpha!"] Zip yells, muffled by Dane's hand. Zip punching wildly into the air isn't helping his case. Dane turns to you, with a little smile on his face. (text-colour:magenta)["Me or you?" ]He beams, pointing to your $weapon. You bring out your $weapon and inspect it. Oh, he's casualy asking if you want the finishing blow. Even though you know he's just going to get transported to hell from this, it seems pretty major. [[I'll do it.]] [["All yours bud."]] [["I can't do it, it still feels wrong."]]

(if: $weapon is "none")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes") You fool! You don't have a weapon! All you can do is watch helplessly and try to run to catch up with the crawling demon on the ceiling. He escapes out the doors quickly, and you're left breathless trying to catch up behind him. Hopefully Dane is able to pick up your slack.] (if: $weapon is "hair dryer")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")You take the hair dryer out and look around. He's too far to reach with the cable if you were trying to swing it at him like a weapon. And even if you wanted to blast him with hot air, all the outlets you can see are painted over. You're left clumsily stumbling at the tail end of Zip and Dane's chase.] (if: $weapon is "wet towel")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")You take the towel out and...it's completely dry and crusty! There's no time to remoisten it before he gets too far away! (text-colour:magenta)["Did you bring a crusty towel as a weaponl?!"] Dane shouts at you, confused. You're left clumsily stumbling at the tail end of Zip and Dane's chase.] (if: $weapon is "toilet reading material")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")Your 'toilet readers digest' is useless here. You cannot possibly throw it with enough accuracy to nail Zip with it, and you wouldn't want to. This is your only toilet reading material! You clutch it close to your heart and run after him with all your might as he exits the restaurant, hoping that Dane will catch up to him, But Zip seems to be pulling away.] (if: $weapon is "plunger")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")(set: $weapon to "used") The plunger you have is now dry of all toilet water. You throw it as hard as you can and remarkably, it does end up grazing Zips backside and landing at an innocent family's table, splashing them and Dane. Zip and Dane turn back and look at you like the little freak you are. At least they both seemed to be stopped for the same amount of time. After a moment of explatives, Zip continues scurrying on the ceiling out the door. That didn't exactly work out the way you intended. You just keep running out the door as quick as you can not looking back through the embarrassment. You're never going to be able to show your face at Applebees® again.] (if: $weapon is "listorine")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")(set: $weapon to "used") You uncap your Listorine bottle and hurl it at Zip, but it doesn't even make it half way and just ends up spraying wildly around the resteraunt, in margarita, over fries. Later that year after a waitress tries a blue soaked fry she quits her job and becomes an entreprenuer, creating 'mouth washing fries' For kids who refuse to brush their teeth. She goes bankrupt within the year, but this story is not about her. You're left clumsily running after him and Dane, who is shaking his head at your poor weapon choice. ] (if: $weapon is "net")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")You pull the net out, but realize it's too heavy for you to throw and he's scuttling too quickly for you to aim. You stumble over a loose burger, stow the net and keep running after Zip, who's now made it out the door. You and Dane aren't fast enough.] (if: $weapon is "staff")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")(set: $ziphealth to "hurt") (set zip to magnetized.) You take the staff out, it tingles and it feels like a bunch of wet poprocks go off in your hand as you think violent thoughts towards Zip and aim it up at him. And nothing happens. Wait...something happens. A spoon from a table below rises up into the air and sticks to him. A fork slips out of a diner's hand and pokes into his shoulder. a butterknives, spoons forks forks, a metal serving tray... all come up to stick to him. You've made Zip into a magnet! You hear him grunt with effort as he tries to reach the next ceiling tile. He can't reach it. He screeches and falls from the sheer weight of the rooms cutlery weighing him down and he slips and crashes into the ground. (text-colour:magenta)["Holy hell, I've never seen it do that before, that's fucking awesome, $urcodename!"] Dane laughs, losing the chance to pounce on Zip before he recovers. Zip quickly hops up, slams the doors open and runs outside, with Dane cursing and close on his heels. ] (if: $weapon is "angel piss")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")You take out your angel piss, un-cap it, and spray it at the ceiling hoping it will reach. (text-colour:magenta)["No! Not indoors! Oh fucking hell."] Dane gags, gaining a bit of speed from the inspiration to not be near you when you're spraying pee out of a can. It does reach farther than you would think, but not nearly close enough as it showers a row of diners. Zip sniffs the air and briefly turns around to hiss quickly and continue to scuttle on his way out the door. The piss smell is unbearably strong, and the people screaming out you give you two other great reasons to get out of here as fast as possible.] (if: $weapon is "bow")[(set: $policetippedoff to "yes")(set: $ziphealth to "hurt") You take out your angelic bow and stretch it back, thinking violet yet angelic shots and you release the empty bow and a beautiful golden arrow manifests mid-air and sinks into one of his ass cheeks. He drops from the ceiling to carpet with a screech and the muted 'flumph'. Instead of pouncing on him, Dane gets distracted and stops in his tracks to turn and look at you with a rare expression of admiration. (text-colour:magenta)[ "Nice fucking shot..." ]He smirks at you, seeming to consider that he underestimated your abilities. Zip continues to crawl outside with the arrow sticking out of him, going considerably slower. That sound help Dane out a lot, you're thankful that you picked a long range weapon. Zip reaches the door first, by mere seconds, but youand Dane are close behind. ] [[Burst through the doors and continue the chase.->Burst through the doors and continue the chase with Dane]]

(set: $policetippedoff to "yes") "Oh my god! Swing your sword outside! You could have hit someone!" You yell over at Dane and race after him. (text-colour:magenta)["That's what i'm trying to do!"] Dane yells back. You are in so much trouble, there is no possible way you're getting out of this without being charged with something. You hope you can at least stop this maniac from accidently causing ay causilties. (text-colour:magenta)["Go, $urcodename!"] He yells at you as Zip bolts through the front door. Dane waits a moment at the front opening the doors for you. [[Aww. Polite.->Burst through the doors and continue the chase with Dane]]

You both make it out of the restaunt to see Zip bounding on all fours through the alley way. The corner it cuts through is only a bit longer, Dane could possibily make it in time to run in front of him while you cut off Zips path behind him, but it might be faster to just run straight through to him directly. (if: $ziphealth is "hurt")[He's a bit slowed down from his rough landing before, so you think that whatever approach you choose, you have a decent chance of success.] (text-colour:magenta)["What are we doing $urcodename?" ]He shouts, looking desperately at the little blue menace, getting further and further away from you both. [[Both head down the alley, in hopes to catch him quickly.]] [[Split up, you head towards Zip while Dane meets Zip at the end of the alley, cutting off both of Zips exits.]] [[Both head around to the end of the alley to stop him in his path.]]

"Go go go go!" You shout indistinctly and you both surge towards Zip down the alleyway. (if: $ziphealth is "hurt")[Even when Zip is injured it's hard to keep pace with him, you think that catching up to him would be an impossible task without your quick action before. Dane looks at you in panting in frustration. (text-colour:magenta)["This was a stupid idea! So now I get one stupid idea too!"] He barks at you. Before you can reply, he rushes you, picks you up over his shouler and lauches you down the alleyway at Zip with incredible aim. Luckily Zip's styrofoam like body breaks most of the fall as you both crash and tumble away from eachother on opposite sides of the alley. You roll on your side against the wall, cringing at your bruised funny bone and see in the corner of your eyes, Zip regaining his footing and about to pounce on you] (else-if: $ziphealth is not "hurt")[If his name wasn't enough implication, challenging Zip to a footrace was an impossible feat. Zip quickly outpaced you both, tearing down the alley with his feet seldom touching the ground. Dane looks at you in panting frustration. (text-colour:magenta)["This was a stupid idea! So now I get one stupid idea too!"] He barks at you. Before you can reply, he rushes you, picks you up over his shouler and lauches you down the alleyway at Zip with incredible aim. Luckily Zip's styrofoam like body breaks most of the fall as you both crash and tumble away from eachother on opposite sides of the alley. You roll on your side against the wall, cringing at your bruised funny bone and see in the corner of your eyes, Zip regaining his footing and about to pounce on you] You need to do something. Now! [[He's too close, you have to use any weapon you have->use weapon]]

(if: $ziphealth is "hurt")[Dane dashes off to take the long way around while you go directly down the alley, after a small chase you see Zip, limping down the alley gasps as he spots Dane racing towards him. He looks behind himself to look for his escape and finds you are now also in his way. He looks to Dane, and back to you. You both stop 10 feet away from him as his head continues to whip around in anger and confusion. Like a cornerned animal, he snarls and growls and seems to make a quick decision. He positions his back towards Dane and starts running towards you, claws out, deciding that you're the weaker link. ] (else-if: $ziphealth is not "hurt")[Dane grins ands dashes off to take the long way around while you run behind Zip., after a small chase you see Zip, quickly surging ahead, stops and gasps when he see's Dane. He looks behind himself to look for his escape and finds you are now also in his way. He looks to Dane, and back to you. You both stop 10 feet away from him as his head continues to whip around in anger and confusion. Like a cornerned animal, he snarls and growls and seems to make a quick decision. He positions his back towards Dane and starts running towards you, claws out, deciding that you're the weaker link. ] You need to make a decision quick about what you're going to do before you get seriously hurt. [[use weapon->use weapon not on ground]] [[non violence is always an option!->nonviolence not on ground]]

(if: $ziphealth is "hurt")[Even when Zip is injured it's hard to keep pace with him, you think that catching up to him would be an impossible task without your quick actions before. Dane looks at you in panting frustration. (text-colour:magenta)["This was a stupid idea! So now I get one stupid idea too!"] He barks at you. Before you can reply, he rushes you, picks you up over his shouler and lauches you down the alleyway at Zip with incredible aim. Luckily Zip's styrofoam like body breaks most of the fall as you both crash and tumble away from eachother on opposite sides of the alley. You roll on your side against the wall, cringing at your bruised funny bone and see in th corner of your eyes, Zip regaining his footing and about to pounce on you] (else-if: $ziphealth is not "hurt")[If his name wasn't enough implication, challenging Zip to a footrace was an impossible feat. Zip quickly outpaces you both, tearing down the alley with his feet seldom touching the ground. Dane looks at you in panting frustration. (text-colour:magenta)["This was a stupid idea! So now I get one stupid idea too!"] He barks at you. Before you can reply, he rushes you, picks you up over his shouler and lauches you down the alleyway at Zip with incredible aim. Luckily Zip's styrofoam like body breaks most of the fall as you both crash and tumble away from eachother on opposite sides of the alley. You roll on your side against the wall, cringing at your bruised funny bone and see in th corner of your eyes, Zip regaining his footing and about to pounce on you]] You have to do something, now! [[He's too close, you have to use any weapon you have->use weapon]]

(if: $nicortic is "nic")[bloopy seems like someone who would be great to go an adventures with. He's kind and adventurous but also seems like he needs to do a little growing and maturing before getting into a romantic relationship. You hope the Bloopy is feeling the same vibe.] (if: $nicortic is "nicalt")[ You're not quite sure. Bloopy seems capable of great maturity and sweetness, but also great and terrible muppet like silliness. Could you handle more than being platonic with him? You need a little more time to decide.] (if: $nicortic is "tic")[ Hey cool man. I'm not here to judge you on it, I mean I wrote the damn character a romance path.] Bloopy comes running back across the road quickly, shaking a bag at you, and carefully balancing your $drink on his head. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i got ur $drink n ur $sweet...."]] He stops to pant a little (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["they were out of $salty so i got u peenuts instead srry."]] He says, holding a wet bag of boiled '?peanuts?' out to you. (if: $nicortic is "nic")[(link:"Close enough.")[(goto:"BloopyP")]] (else-if: $nicortic is "nicalt")[(link:"Close enough.")[(goto:"BloopyP")]] (else-if: $nicortic is "tic")[(link:"Close enough.")[(goto:"BloopyROM")]]

Its the Bloopy Plantonic Ending!

Its the Bloopy Romantic Ending!

''Tony's Peas Ending B'' The both of you settle onto the grass and enjoy your snacks. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["hey."]] Bloopy says and gives you a shy smile as you finish your $drink. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i had such a fun day today. i'm really happy that we have a craigslist adventure planned.” ]]You notice out of the corner of your eye, he's covered in dirt and he's sitting on something uncomfortably. (if:$favoriteflower is "lily of the valley" or "babys breath" or "african violets" or "lily" or "rose" or "wildflowers" or "sunflowers" or "hibiscus" or "dandys")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["suprizzze!"]] he squeaks, thrusting a pot of dirt into your hands. Another snack? (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“so funny enough, I was papa-pee-gating (?propagating?) a bunch of $favoriteflower seeds before and I had em in my pocket, but I didn know if u had a pot or good dirt, so I got that too from the green house next to the gas station.”]] You're at a bit of a loss of words, but Bloopy blushes and puts one toe delicately on a pebble. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i can put em in my garden too if u don't have one or if its too much work, tony! i’m also growing tomatos if u need em for pasta sauce."]] He babbles and spins nervously.] (else:)[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["suprizzze!"]] he squeaks, thrusting a pot of dirt into your hands. Another snack? (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“so funny thing, I was propagating a bunch of african violet seeds before and i had em in my pocket, but i didn know if u had a pot or good dirt, so i got that too from the green house next to the gas station.”]] You're at a bit of a loss of words, but Bloopy blushes and puts one toe delicately on a pebble. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["they r my favorite flower n their blue n fuzzy so I thought u can remember our fun day with em. i can put em in my garden too if u don't have one or if its too much work, tony! I’m also growing tomatoes if u need em for pasta sauce."]] He babbles and spins nervously.] "Thanks Bloopy." You finally say, causing him to breath out a sigh of relief. Bloopy seems to calm down and takes a seat besides you and looks at the setting sun. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["srry. i know i can be a lot. its just..."]] he pauses and wiggles for a moment.(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["it hasnt been easy moving to a new plane of existence.”]] (if:$metzip is "true")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“did u know zip used to be in the order of the sweeties? He came up with it but… he grew out of the idea and said it was immature, and I was by myself again in hell. when he had the idea to escape up to here...i dont know I just thought he regretted renouncing sweetness...i was wrong. I know I cant ignore him being a jerk to sweeties like u just because he was my first...any only friend. I needed someone...anyone.”]] His eyes droop. He lets up a sigh and pets a blade of grass. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“i know he’s not a sweetie. I know that we find ourselves on opposite sides of the war of sweetness. one day, we must battle ive accepted that and im so glad to have met another first friend. thenk u tony. for the best day. for making me feel like i belong up here. and not nowhere."]] Geez you had no idea all of this brother drama was plaguing Bloopy’s mind. That’s some heavy shit for a skateboarding blue ball. You don’t really know what to say to this so you just nod and listen and enjoy the sunset with the Bloopster. He moves on quickly though as you notice he already is onto a different train of thought, and has a huge smile on his face. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“u know….. u...don’t have to say anything now but...i think u r potentially already the sweetie protector my order has ever seen. u make my heart feel very safe.”]] He pauses a moment. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“I know ur busy protecting $protected though so I was thinking maybe way could join forces someday?"]]] (if: $metzip is "false")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i already felt like i didnt fit in when i lived in hell and its been tough. I escaped with my brother but hes...kinda made himself scarce so its easy to feel lonely...but not anymore.” he smiles at you. “im so glad to have met my first friend. and have my first friend be someone so cool like u. thenk u tony. for the best day ive ever had. for making me feel like i belong up here an u know….. u...dont have to say anything now but...i think u r potentially already the best sweetie protector my order has ever seen. u make my heart feel very safe.”]] He pauses a moment. [(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[ “ know ur busy protecting $protected though so I was thinking maybe way could join forces someday?"]]]] You open your mouth to answer and he covers the sides of his head, where you think his ear holes might be. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“don’t answer now!! just think on it ok?”]] He screeches happily. he tries to poke his two index fingers together as he blushes but again, cannot reach over his vast round circle body with his very short arms. He runs over to the picnic table next to where you guys laid out your grass picnic, and clambers up on the seats on to the table and jumps straight into the air. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/LFMLGAL.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=90% HEIGHT=90% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i'm friends with the best tony in the world!!!"]] he yells in lowercase, into the setting sun. it isn't often that you meet someone who thinks you're better and cooler than Tony Hawk. There isn't many people who've you met that you could bestow that honor either. You and Bloopy begin to go on many craigslist adventures, and get lots of coffee together, that you have to order because he’s too small to reach the counter. (If you’re wondering about his order, he gets an 8 ounce blueberry flavored soy milk, and he always falls asleep after drinking it). You eventually lose touch with him, as he has to go on the run bisects man at the diner with his sword for calling you a slur for ordering Generic Anthropomorphic Mouse Mascot shaped pancakes (Exact words: “Oh gross, what are you, one of them ‘fuzzies’!?”) You aren’t sure how to feel about this, but you remember the words Bloopy whispered to you before running out of the diner. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[‘for radical change to happen, egregious acts of cruelty must not be tolerated.’ ]] And though you miss your violent yet kind bud's whimsy and ability to make everything fun, you still find that even though you don't have a green thumb, a grand little garden always appears outside of your place and seems to follow you, where ever you move. [[Character Data]]

''bloopy n clyde Ending B'' The both of you settle onto the grass and enjoy your snacks. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["hey."]] Bloopy says and gives you a shy smile as you finish your $drink. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i had such an amazing day today. i'm really happy that we have another date already planned.” ]] You notice out of the corner of your eye, he's covered in dirt and he's sitting on something uncomfortably. (if:$favoriteflower is "lily of the valley" or "babys breath" or "african violets" or "lily" or "rose" or "wildflowers" or "sunflowers" or "hibiscus" or "dandys")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["suprizzze!"]] he squeaks, thrusting a pot of dirt into your hands. Another snack? (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“so funny enough, I was pop-up-gaming (propagating?) a bunch of $favoriteflower seeds before and I had em in my pocket, but I didn know if u had a pot or good dirt, so I got that too from the green house next to the gas station.”]] You're at a bit of a loss of words, but Bloopy blushes and puts one toe delicately on a pebble. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i can put em in my garden too if u don't have one or if its too much work, tony! i’m also growing tomatos if u need em for pasta sauce."]] He babbles and spins nervously.] (else:)[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["suprizzze!"]] he squeaks, thrusting a pot of dirt into your hands. Another snack? (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“so funny thing, I was propagating a bunch of african violet seeds before and i had em in my pocket, but i didn know if u had a pot or good dirt, so i got that too from the green house next to the gas station.”]] You're at a bit of a loss of words, but Bloopy blushes and puts one toe delicately on a pebble. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["they r my favorite flower n their blue n fuzzy so I thought u can remember our fun day with em. i can put em in my garden too if u don't have one or if its too much work, tony! I’m also growing tomatoes if u need em for pasta sauce. Or or or if u want sugar peas or anything else I ken grow em too. It can be our garden."]] He babbles and spins nervously.] <img src="https://i.imgur.com/i4sbmZe.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=90% HEIGHT=90% alt=prologo></img> "Thanks Bloopy." You finally say, causing him to breath out a sigh of relief. Bloopy seems to calm down and takes a seat besides you and looks at the setting sun. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["srry. i know i can be a lot. its just..."]] he pauses and wiggles for a moment. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["it hasnt been easy moving to a new plane of existence.”]] (if:$metzip is "true")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“did u know zip used to be in the order of the sweeties? He came up with it but… he grew out of the idea and said it was immature, and I was by myself again in hell. when he had the idea to escape up to here...i dont know I just thought he regretted renouncing sweetness...i was wrong. I know I cant ignore him being a jerk to sweeties like u just because he was my first...any only friend. I needed someone...anyone.”]] His eyes droop. He lets up a sigh and pets a blade of grass. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“i know he’s not a sweetie. I know that we find ourselves on opposite sides of the war of sweetness. one day, we must battle ive accepted that and im so glad to have met u. thenk u tony. for the best day. for making me feel like i belong up here. and not nowhere."]] You had no idea all of this brother drama was plaguing Bloopy’s mind. That’s some heavy shit for a skateboarding blue ball. You don’t really know what to say to this so you just nod and listen and enjoy the sunset with the Bloopster. He moves on quickly though as you notice he already is onto a different train of thought, and has a huge smile on his face. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“u know….. u...don’t have to say anything now but...i think u r potentially already the sweetie protector my order has ever seen. u make my heart feel very safe.”]] He pauses a moment. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“I know ur busy protecting $protected though so I was thinking maybe way could join forces someday?"]]] (if: $metzip is "false")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i already felt like i didnt fit in when i lived in hell and its been tough. I escaped with my brother but hes...kinda made himself scarce so its easy to feel lonely...but not anymore.” he smiles at you. “im so glad to have met my tony $tony. thenk u tony. for the best day ive ever had. for making me feel like i belong up here an u know….. u...dont have to say anything now but...i think u r potentially already the sweetie protector my order has ever seen. u make my heart feel very safe.”]]] He pauses a moment. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“I know ur busy protecting $protected though so I was thinking maybe way could join forces someday?"] You open your mouth to answer and he covers the sides of his head, where you think his ear holes might be. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“don’t answer now!! just think on it ok?”]] He screeches happily. he tries to poke his two index fingers together as he blushes but again, cannot reach over his vast round circle body with his very short arms. runs over to the picnic table next to where you guys laid out your grass picnic, and clambers up on the seats on to the table and jumps straight into the air. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i'm with the best tony in the world!!!"]] he yells in lowercase, into the setting sun. it isn't often that you meet someone who thinks you're better and cooler than Tony Hawk. There isn't many people who've you met that you could bestow that honor either. You and Bloopy begin to go on many craigslist adventures, and get lots of coffee together, that you have to order because he’s too small to reach the counter. (If you’re wondering about his order, he gets an 8 ounce blueberry flavored soy milk, and he always falls asleep after drinking it.). You eventually have to go on the run with him, as he bisects man at the diner with his sword for calling you a slur for ordering Generic Anthropomorphic Mouse Mascot shaped pancakes (Exact words: “Oh gross, what are you, one of them ‘fuzzies’!?”) You aren’t sure how to feel about this, but Bloopy tells you that (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[‘for radical change to happen, egregious acts of cruelty must not be tolerated.’ ]] Eventually you are swayed by his radical way of thinking, and you’re not the only one as he developers a deeply devoted public fanbase who follow a new politcal ideology called ‘Blue Anarchism’. Bloopy still prefers the term ‘Protector of the Sweeties.’ You two become the Bonnie and Clyde of random acts of kindness and the grassroots founders of what the US government considers a ‘terrorist organization’. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/OOcc8FC.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=60% HEIGHT=60% alt=prologo></img> When the infamy gets too much, you two eventually make yourselves scarce and move in together, adopt a stick bug and name it (text-style:"rumble")[‘Stomper’] and make your living selling blueberry jam at the farmers market. [[Character Data]]

You wonder for a second, your feelings for Bloopy. Is this the start of a great friendship, or a great romance? (if: $BloopyAffinity < 4)[[Wait, where is Bloopy going?->blooplowaffinityend]] (if: $BloopyAffinity >= 4)[(link:"You're excited to find out.")[(set:$nicortic to "tic")(goto:"Bloopy Comes Back With Treats")] (link:"It feels a bit wrong, he feels too creature-esque for you to date. The love between you and Bloopy is purely platonic.")[(set:$nicortic to "nic")(goto:"Bloopy Comes Back With Treats")] (link:"You'll figure it out along the way, it feels too soon to decide.")[(set:$nicortic to "nicalt")(goto:"Bloopy Comes Back With Treats")] ]

(if: $weapon is "none" or "used")[ Dane is still stupidly grinning but it drops for a second. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh, you don't have a weapon that’s right..." ]He mumbles, looking around for something you could use. You sigh. "I never needed a weapon." You say, patting your elbow. Dane backs up quickly, leaving Zip to look at you in horror. (text-colour:yellow)["Look stupid, I can't go back there. I burned all my bridges there. Heh heh you get it, cause its hell?]" Zip babbles as you use a full bag of trash as a step stool. You leap in the air, and elbow drop on him so hard that he explodes into blue Moon Sand. Luckily it softens the fall, or that might have been your first and last elbow drop. (text-colour:magenta)["That...was the coolest thing i've ever fucking seen. You're a fucking legend $urcodename."] Dane huff, his jagged teeth sightly poking out of his open mouth. (text-colour:magenta)["I...I...fuck...I need a second."] He stumbles and puts a hand on the dumpster to steady himself, he reaches in his bag and takes a puff from an inhaler. You may have done the finishing blow as well on Dane as sincere compliments and signs of affection seem to be extremely alien to his demeanor and seem to be confusing his central nervous system. He looks a bit more reddish purple than usual. Is...is he blushing? Or having trouble breathing still? It's hard to tell as he seems a bit too shy all of the sudden to meet your gaze, like he's seeing things in a new light.] (if: $weapon is "hair dryer")[Dane backs off as you start swinging your $weapon dangerously, approaching Zip slowly. (text-colour:yellow)["No!" ]Zip screams.(text-colour:yellow)[ "At least kill me with something cooler you absolute fucking loser!"] He sneers, nevertheless backing up into a trashcan. You figure 8 the hair dryer in the air, turn around, raise it up, to swing under your armpit to upper cut Zip behind your back who explodes in a Moon Sand like texture from the impact. (text-colour:magenta)["Fucking cool. I want to use that weapon next."] Dane says in awe looking at your hairdryer. (text-colour:magenta)["You guys have those in all bathrooms? Man, I wont dare go after someone on the toilet again." ]He murmurs. ] (if: $weapon is "wet towel")[You take the towel out and soak it in a near by mysterious brown puddle. Dane cackles with glee. (text-colour:magenta)["Ohhh fuck that’s brutal. A towel whip? You know there’s a whole section in hell where its just a big lockeroom and big beefed up demons run around slapping your ass with towels? It's like, the most popular one which I can't really understand because that shit hurts." ]He explains, backing away from Zip to be out of your towel whip radius. You'll have to ask him more about that part of hell later. (text-colour:yellow)["No!" ]Zip screams, throwing a burger wrapper at your head. (text-colour:yellow)[ "I won't go back! People are so gullible here, it's like a goldmine! I love capitalism! I love billionaires!" ]He squeals, trying to crawl away, clenching his tiny butt cheeks so you have a smaller target to hit. You whip the towel back and (text-style:"fidget")[(text-colour:#dee2e6)[''<span style="font-size: 250%">Wchaw!</span>'']] RIGHT in the middle of his clementine sized cheek, Zip explodes from the impact into a mess of wet Moon Sand.] (if: $weapon is "toilet reading material")[You hold your 'toilet readers digest' in hand, wondering how can you possibly finish the Imp off. Roll it up real tight? Give a good bum smack? hat wasn't going to impress anyone. You walk closer and contemplate it. Dane becomes a little distracted by the popup facts on the front.// (Did you know!? The average person spends 73 hours per year on the toilet!)// He loses his grip on Zip. (text-colour:magenta)["$urcodename! Fucking move!”] He shouts and races forward to tackle Zip, who's scrambling towards you. Zip flails for your magazine weapon, which is he just barely fumbles as it slides between two of his fingers and scrapes across the little sensitive webbed area in between, the absolute worst and most deadly area to get a paper cut. The last thing you see are wet wobbly Imp eyes, before Zip explodes into a Moon Sand like material that flies everywhere, but mainly on Dane’s face. (text-colour:magenta)[ “Oh gross, my mouth was open! Ok, actually, its not that bad, it’s like blue rasberry-ish.”] Dane considers the taste as you scrape Zip off your shoes. What a way to go, you sympathy cringe and rub your between fingie pads.] (if: $weapon is "plunger")[ You pull out the plunger, Dane smiles softly at you. (text-colour:magenta)["You're a little freak $urcodename."] He shakes his head, but you can see that theres affection there. Zip is totally thrashing now. (text-colour:yellow)[ "No! No no no! I'm not letting that touch me! I'm going, you assholes. See you in hell, hahahaha!" ]Zip cackles, and explodes into Moon Sand in Dane's hands. It's quiet after that for a moment. (text-colour:magenta)[“Y’know...I would have done the same.”] Dane shrugs, giving you an amused smile, wiping the Zip off of his face. Is that just something demons can do?] (if: $weapon is "listorine")[ You take out your bottle of Listerine and look at it. How the hell are you going to use this as a lethal weapon? Listerine in the eyes hurts, but is it deadly? You can’t go back on saying you’re going to do it now or Dane’s going to make fun of you hard core. Sensing your indecision, he looks over to you and holds out a hand, still using the other to smush Zip face and keep him to the ground. (text-colour:magenta)[“Give it here.”] He orders. You uncap it and hand it to him. He tips it back takes a deep breath upwards and then aims his now fire spewing mouth at Zip, who melts like a candle. You’re speechless. (text-colour:magenta)[“Nice assist there, sorry $urcodename, couldn’t let you have all the glory.”] He winks, licks of flame and the smell of mint expelling from his mouth. Damn, this would be the totally wrong time to kiss him, right?] (if: $weapon is "net")[You take out your weighted net and inspect it for a moment. This isn’t a weapon made for finishers, but you can’t back out now. “Any advice how to do a finishing blow with a net?” You ask Dane who turns to you with a thoughtful expression. (text-colour:magenta)[“Um well, to be honest, I’m not really a creative type, more like a bludgeoning type.”] He looks a bashfully away,(text-colour:magenta)[“But...if I had to and...that was like my only option, he’s pretty soft looking, probably...trap him in the net and squeeze him through it so hard that he gets chopped into a bunch of little cubes...?”] Dane shrugs. Zip freezes in place. (text-colour:yellow)[“Ok, fuck this I’m turning myself in.”] Zip says with a disturbed expression before exploding in Dane’s hands, projecting blue Moon Sand all over the alley. Huh, so apparently self destruction was also an option. (text-colour:magenta)[“We did it!” ]Dane cheers with a face full of Zip.] (if: $weapon is "staff")[ You take a deep breath, wave your staff around and wave it in Zips general direction, hoping something will happen. The staff starts vibrating wildly and you have to use both hands to keep it in your grip. Its making noises, playing some kind song, vibrating like a tiny bluetooth speaker overwhelmed by bass. Zip and Dane look over and quiet their fighting to try to listen in. Is it phonk? Was that the kazoo kid? Is it shit meme rap? Whatever it is, it’s kind of growing on you. (text-colour:yellow)[“That actually goes hard.”] Zip mutters and bobs his head to the beat. (text-colour:magenta)[“Can you turn it up?”] Dane asks lightly bobbing, squinting his eyes as if that will help him hear better. It seems like you all found some common ground. Okay, how to turn it up….You press the side of your vibrating staff as if you’re turning up the music on your smart phone. A storm of mini meteors blasts out of the top and hones in on Zip, blasting him to shreds, leaving nothing a deep smoking crater in the alley. Dane is lucky to be swift enough to dive towards the dumpster before he gets atomized. Panting he turns to you with wide eyes; (text-colour:magenta)[“You’re fucking natural wizard dude. That staff’s yours now.”] Dane says climbing out of a trash pile, baffled. While you appreciate the compliment as its feeding into your life long Harry Potter dreams, you’re pretty sure this thing is too volatile to ever use again.] (if: $weapon is "angel piss")[ Ok so you get a little bit of developer secrets now. This page is a mess of macros (commands to make things happen), and I’m going to make it even more of a mess. You’re getting this particular message because you’ve hit the rare combination of wanting to do the final blow with having a can of angel piss, and even though I put it in the game under my own free will, I don’t want to write a pee based fatality. For some reason that’s where I draw the line. Instead I’ll let you pick any other weapon available in this game instead, or just click 'you did it!' at the bottom if none appeal to you and you want to skip it. Happy? (link:"no weapon fatality")[(set:$weapon to "none")(goto:"I’ll do it")] (link:" hair dryer fatality")[(set:$weapon to "hair dryer")(goto:"I’ll do it")] (link:"wet towel fatality")[(set:$weapon to "wet towel")(goto:"I’ll do it")] (link:"Listerine fatality")[(set:$weapon to "listorine")(goto:"I’ll do it")] (link:"toilet magazine fatality")[(set:$weapon to "toilet reading material")(goto:"I’ll do it")] (link:"plunger fatality")[(set:$weapon to "plunger")(goto:"I’ll do it")] (link:"net fatality")[(set:$weapon to "net")(goto:"I’ll do it")] (link:"magic staff fatality")[(set:$weapon to "staff")(goto:"I’ll do it")] (link:"I want the piss flavored fatality that I was promised. I will be happy with nothing else.")[(goto:"Stubborn")]] (if: $weapon is "bow")[You take out your angelic bow and stretch it back, thinking violent, yet angelic thoughts. (text-colour:yellow)[“You idiot! You don’t even have an arrow! Ha!”] Zip yells as Dane holds him up like a target. You release the empty bow and a beautiful slow forming rainbow comes out and flies into Zip, who begins to float and sparkle. Dane drops Zip quickly to avoid its touch. (text-colour:yellow)[“Dumb Ass! A rainbow, HA! That was nothing! That didn’t even….hurt…”] Zips eyes go big.(text-colour:yellow)[ “I’m...i’m not the hero...i’m the villain.”] He murmurs with watery eyes, a slight glow forming around him. (text-colour:yellow)[ “I see now. I’ve been bad, I’m….mean. I’m a mean person. I’m not a team player. I’m not the alpha that I want to be…”] He pauses, closing his eyes with a knowing, cherubic smile. (text-colour:yellow)[“I'm a sigma...an anti-hero...which is even cooler than a hero!”] He declares, stretching out and extending his arms and separating into hundreds of butterflies that Dane jerks around to avoid touching. (text-colour:magenta)[“I...think that worked...but I’m not sure…?” ]He mumbles as you both watch the swarm of blue butterflies disperse into the city.] [[You did it!->LuredZipnocops]]

(text-colour:magenta)["You're so thoughtful, thanks for letting me do my favorite part, $urcodename."] He holds his heart with one clawed hand and smushes Zips face into the concrete with the other. He looks hesitant for a moment and speaks up. (text-colour:magenta)["I don't know if you know this, but going on a...date..with an infernal is kind of unusual, humans and demons don't usually mesh well...but that's like...a shame. Like, we're different for sure, but I think thats what makes it so fun. We just had to give eachother a chance and...we just work, y'know?"] He says, his face growing even more red, seeming uncomfortable saying something so sincere. (text-colour:yellow)["Kill me! Kill me already so I don't have to listen to this! Losers! I'm cringeing to death!" ]Zip shrieks and gargles on the concrete. (text-colour:magenta)["I...like you, $name." ]Dane admits like a dirty secret, totally ignoring Zip.(text-colour:magenta)[ "or whatever..." ]he adds at the end, now unable to look at you. From either cringing to death, or from just the pressure of Dane squashing him in the concrete, Zip expodes into blue Moon Sand that covers the alley. Dane is continuing to ignore it all as granuals of Zip slide down his face. (text-colour:magenta)["And I know...i'm not like...crazy likable or anything. Because of like...just my general unpleasant demeanor, but I...I don't know. Thanks for hanging out today."] He says quitely, flicking blue out of his claws. [[This date was a shit show.->Dislikedane]] [[I like you too Dane.]] [["Can we make out now?"]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Hey don't sweat it, thanks for letting me do my favorite part!"] He smiles at you, a moment of softness and understanding while he shoves Zip into a trash bag. "Oh, well thanks." You say in surprise, you thought you would get a little more shit for this. You hear Dane breathe out sharply. (text-colour:magenta)["Look, im not here 'cause i want to hang out with someone just like me, I want to hang out with someone 'cause they're different, y'know? I mean, not to get fucking lame or something but like, I think we're a good match in that way."] He says, swinging the trash bag full of Zip around as it yells(text-colour:yellow)[ "Fuck you fuck you fuck you!!!! Losers! (text-style:"shudder")[Aaaaa!!!!]" ] Dane tosses it into the air and readies his sword, looking away from you, a little flustered. It seems like sincere displays of emotion were foreign to him. (text-colour:magenta)["I'm more than just the murders I do. I mean yeah I love torture and violence, but like I also like movies, and the color pink. and having a good conversation with a good friend." ]He glances over to smile at you, not looking while the trash bag falls back down and gets bisected by his sword. You close your eyes for a moment to skip seeing the impact. When you open your eyes, Dane is still smiling at you, sheathing his sword. Blue paste covers on the walls of the alley. (text-colour:magenta)["We did it, $urcodename ." ]He smiles, reaching out his hand to... ...well you aren't quite sure. And neither is he. It looks like first he's going in for a noogie, then pulls his hand slightly back into a fist that rears back to playfully punch your shoulder.... No...now his claws hovering over your head. Unsure, his index finger comes down, bent backward to make contact with your forehead while trying to keep the curved claw from poking in and keeps it there. You don't know how to describe this gesture in any other way than grinch-like. (text-colour:magenta)[ "I like you, $name. I think we have a lot to teach eachother." ]His shoulders tighten and he looks away, uncomfortable again. (text-colour:magenta)["Normally here i'd say 'tell anyone and i'll kill you', but I don't know. Not feeling it..." ]He mumbles towards the dumpster, trying to scrape some Zip out from under his nails. [[That makes one of us.->Dislikedane]] [[I like you too Dane.]] [["Can we make out now?"]]

Ok, whatever you little freak. You take out the bottle of angel piss and run over and spray it directly into Zip's eyes. (text-colour:yellow)["Arg!!! My eyes are getting pee in them....to death!"] Zip shrieks and explodes into pee. You cover your face and hurl yourself back and pee little in shock. (text-colour:magenta)["Nice job, $urcodename!" ]Dane grins, doing a little sympathy pee. [[are you happy? because i'm not->LuredZipnocops]]

You both take a moment to reorient after the deed is done. Dane leans casually against the dumpster. (text-colour:magenta)["Sooo...I know you're like a bad ass now, would you want to maybe want to keep the party going? We could hang out at my place, there's a lot more bloodshed to be had in hell if you got the taste for it. If not, we could always just, spend the Soulcoins we got from Zip and watch a movie. I'll send you your half of course, try to find a $player in hell."] [["I feel like I can kill anyone and anything now. Let's do more violence!"->Voluntary hell Adventurer Ending Now with Extra Violence]] [["Lets keep questing! But I think i'm done with violence for a while."->Voluntary hell Adventurer Ending (Hold the Violence Please)]] [["I think I gotta head home for today, it was a lot of excitement for me."]] (if:$lavalie is "yes")[["Lets chill and watch a movie at your place."->Don't lie about Lava]] (if:$lavalie is "no")[["Lets chill and watch a movie at your place."->Lets go to hell for a Movie Marathooon!]]

''Involuntary hell Adventure Ending'' //3 weeks later// (text-colour:magenta)["$urcodename! Did you see that? Look! my fist went through two guys heads at ones!"] Dane yells, raising up his left arm to show off the two limp disturbing demon corpses shish-kabobed on his arm. Life in hell had been pretty...different so far. Whether you forgave Dane for dragging you to hell or not, his instance to replace your $player had brought you guys on numerous life threatening adventures. You were now in Malamontana, the 8th layer, having an all out brawl fest in the middle of hell's only tech store 'Worst Buy', its staff nicknamed 'The Freak Squad', a horde of infernal beings with disturbingly random amounts of disjointed body parts, working as one organism that kept piling on Dane to engulf him it's collective flesh. Unlucky for The Freak Squad, that only provided him with more entertainment as he quickly tore through them, only briefly stopping to show off in your direction every once in a while. One of the collective demons swings a rock at his head, Dane ducks too late and it smashes into one of his horns, producing a small crack. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh you're] (text-style:"shudder")[''(text-colour:red)[FUCKED!]''](text-colour:magenta)["] Dane roars down at them. Baring his teeth and spitting and snarling, he abandons his sword entirely for a more claws on approach at curb stomping the offender. You get that 'Worst Buy' was supposed to be a play on 'Best Buy' but this seemed to big of a departure, as none of the tech was for same, the employees attacked on site, and the 'sales floor' was just a huge labyrinthine dungeon area. Maybe this is why devils needed contracts to get things done, because every 'structured' institution of hell devolved into bloodshed and chaos constantly. Or maybe that's because you've been hanging around with Dane? (if: $weapon is "staff")[ You were off to the side of the fight mostly being left alone, but blasting anyone who dared get close with your staff, which to be fair, you were getting the hang of. Now you only exploded people when you meant to, a huge step up! You also figured out how to hook up your spotify to it, which made it a pretty fun battle companion. //(text-colour:green)[(text-style:"smear","buoy")["Take it! Take our treasure, just fucking leave!"]]// The collective voice of "The Freak Squad moans throughout 100's of mouths. A pile of flesh with wriggling arms for teeth erupts out of the ground of spits up a goo covered dvd player. (text-colour:magenta)["Look! I got it this time! Your $player!"] Dane pants and huffs, stepping over piles of severed, body parts, a wide, open mouth smile on his gore covered face. You tuck your staff under your arm and take a look. Had he finally made good on his promise to replace your $player?] (if: $weapon is "bow")[ You were off to the side of the fight mostly being left alone, using your bow to pick off any demons that came close. You still hadn't figured out the 'lethal' and non 'lethal settings on this thing, and it seemed to switch back and forth between purifying souls and just shooting golden arrows into your foes. //(text-colour:green)[(text-style:"smear","buoy")["Take it! Take our treasure, just fucking leave!"]]// The collective voice of "The Freak Squad moans throughout 100's of mouths. A pile of flesh with wriggling arms for teeth erupts out of the ground of spits up a goo covered dvd player. (text-colour:magenta)["Look! I got it this time! Your $player!"] Dane pants and huffs, stepping over piles of severed body parts, a wide, open mouth smile on his gore covered face. You tuck your bow on your back to take a look. Had he finally made good on his promise to replace your $player?] (if: $weapon is "none" or "used" or "net" or "wet towel" or "toilet reading material" or "listorine bottle" or "plunger" or "hair dryer")[ You were off to the side of the fight mostly being left alone, carrying some defunct tech loot in your arms (SouljaBoyGame, PSP, Eyetoy) in the safety of your newest weapon/armor, a giant radiant bubble that you and Dane had scooped up on one of your first adventures in Alartigia. While it was useful, and pretty much necessary to traverse hell with, it was pretty embarrassing to have to run around in something that looked like a giant hamster ball all the time, though funny when a stray demon looking to take you on touched the radiant field and got tasered. //(text-colour:green)[(text-style:"smear","buoy")["Take it! Take our treasure, just fucking leave!"]]// The collective voice of "The Freak Squad moans throughout 100's of mouths. A pile of flesh with wriggling arms for teeth erupts out of the ground of spits up a goo covered dvd player. (text-colour:magenta)["Look! I got it this time! Your $player!"] Dane pants and huffs, stepping over piles of severed, body parts, a wide, open mouth smile on his gore covered face. You dispel your radiant ball to take a look. Had he finally made good on his promise to replace your $player?] <img src="https://i.imgur.com/Y9JOEpl.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=65% HEIGHT=65% alt=prologo></img> Oh, it is a dvd player! (text-style:"condense")[(text-colour:cyan)[ a...bluray...dvd player]] Your shoulders drop in disappointment. (text-colour:magenta)["Not the right one?" ]Dane grins, snatches it from your hands. and frisbees the tech into the closest cave wall. Your frustration only seems to improve his mood.(text-colour:magenta)[ "Uh oh, guess we just have to keep adventuring until we find it. Hahaha!] You stare into his now familiar crooked wall of bared teeth, noticing that this expression is indistinguishable from the look he gave the rock throwing demon earlier. (text-colour:magenta)[ "Don't sweat it, I hear there’s a greater devil lord nearby who makes regular trips to the surface, we can go rob him anytime. In the meantime, let's have some R&R!"] "Really?" You ask hesitantly, it's been non stop action for the past three weeks. You didn't need to sleep when you were in hell, but man would a nap hit the spot right now. (text-colour:magenta)["Fuck yeah! There's a casino around here, tons of shit to break, and a giant roulette wheel that's also a functioning saw blade that we can push someone in to. And don't worry, I won't bet your soul on any games....'maybe'."] He chides sarcastically, puts his arm around your shoulder and leads your tired form out of the Worst Buy. Both of you guys had a lot to learn about how the other one functioned, and it was hard to sometimes be the only one patient enough to talk through it, but you and Dane made it work while somehow staying mostly civil. Though hell was hot, horrible and gross all around, but you have had a more exciting three weeks than you have ever had, collecting a couple actually amazing treasures like fist sized rubies and an ever refilling Nalgene bottle. You do wonder if you'll ever get back to the mortal realm to enjoy your loot in peace, but in the meantime you might as well try to make the best of it. You did kind of deserve it. (if:(history: where (passage:it)'s tags contains "Offer Dane the peanut M&M.")'s length >= 1)[At least you haven't had any run ins with the Yellow Peanut M&M.] Whether you like it or not, you now have a life long friend, tormentor and adventuring buddy in one demon. [[Your character data if you're curious->Character Data]]

Finally, you two have a moment to breathe until... (text-style:"sway")[(text-colour:#5c7cfa)[Weee](text-colour:#ff6b6b)[ooww ](text-colour:#ff6b6b)[Wee](text-colour:#5c7cfa)[ooww] (text-colour:#5c7cfa)[Wee](text-colour:#ff6b6b)[ooww]] The unmistakable song of sirens, police sirens that is, becoming louder, and louder. Whether you meant to or not, you caused too big of a scene at the Applebees®. As you look at Dane in a panic, he has a manic look in eyes and a wicked, hair raising grin. (text-colour:magenta)["Aw damn, I guess the police heard. What do you think, you'll get 300-500 years? How many centuries can you live for?"] He runs his tongue along his teeth absentmindedly. Just when you're about to ask him what his problem is, he yanks you towards him by the front of your shirt, flips a coin behind his shoulder and begins to tip backwards into the hellish portal it creaes. (text-colour:magenta)["Guess you have no choice but to lay low for a while at my place!" ]He bellows, bursting out in a frenzy of violent laughs. litereally dragging you to hell. (if:$lavalie is "yes")[[You can't help but to think this might have been the outcome that he was hoping for all along->Don't lie about Lava]] (if:$lavalie is "no")[[You can't help but to think this might have been the outcome that he was hoping for all along->Draggedtohell]]

He closes his eyes for a second to digest your response, and smiles. (text-colour:magenta)["...Not just saying that because you think i'll beat you up?"] [["I'm not just saying that."->yee]] [["I am just saying that so you don't beat me up."->nee]] [["Are you going to beat me up?"]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Why would we that when we've got (text-style:"shudder")[MOOVIEES TO WAAATCH!]" ]He yells in a songy voice and lays his heavy arm over your shoulder. (text-colour:magenta)["You're coming right? We're a lot richer now. We got a shit ton of soulcoins for turning in Zip, I bet we could even find you a newer $player in hell if we search around, but it might take some questing. Do you maybe....want to....go back to my place to watch Blade?"] He asks, unable to look at you again. His arm feels unusually hot, but kind of nice of your shoulders. Like a hot pad. [["I think I gotta head home for today, it was a lot of excitement for me."]] [[Lets go to hell for a Movie Marathooon!]]

He huffs and rolls his eyes. (text-colour:magenta)["Yeah whatever, you'll get used to me. You're not so much of an 'easy hang' either."] He gives you a sneers. (text-colour:magenta)[. "Lucky for you, we're a lot richer now. We got a shit ton of soulcoins for turning in Zip, I bet we could even find you a newer $player in hell if we search around, but it might take some searching. You up for it or naw?"] He asks, chewing on his lip. [["I think I gotta head home for today, it was a lot of excitement for me."]] (if:$lavalie is "yes")[[Lets go to hell!!!->Don't lie about Lava]] (if:$lavalie is "no")[[Lets go to hell!!!->Lets go to hell for a Movie Marathooon!]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Dang, brave." ]he smirks, cracking his knuckles absent mindedly. (text-colour:magenta)["Well, um...means a lot y'know I haven't had a lot of friends that //like that// before."] You open your mouth to ask for clarification, but he interrupts you, putting his arm around your shoulders, more gently than before and sans noogie. (text-colour:magenta)["So...we're a lot richer now. We got a shit ton of soulcoins for turning in Zip, I bet we could even find you a newer $player in hell if we search around, but it might take some questing. Do you maybe....want to....go back to my place to watch Blade?"] He asks, unable to look at you again. His arm feels unusually hot, but kind of nice of your shoulders. [["I think I gotta head home for today, it was a lot of excitement for me."]] (if:$lavalie is "yes")[["Lets go to hell!!!"->Don't lie about Lava]] (if:$lavalie is "no")[["Lets go to hell!!!"->Lets go to hell for a Movie Marathooon!]]

He nods trying to hide his dissapointment. (text-colour:magenta)["Hmph. Well then, maybe I might. But it means a lot that you said you like me. You didn't even have to like me, and i'd still hang out with you."] He gives you a slight smile. Wait, what does that even mean? He interrupts your thoughts(text-colour:magenta)[. "Lucky for you, we're a lot richer now. We got a shit ton of soulcoins for turning in Zip, I bet we could even find you a newer $player in hell if we search around, but it might take some questing. Do you maybe....want to....go back to my place to watch Blade?"] He asks, chewing on his lip nervously, unable to look at you. [["I think I gotta head home for today, it was a lot of excitement for me."]] (if:$lavalie is "yes")[["Lets go to hell!!!"->Don't lie about Lava]] (if:$lavalie is "no")[["Lets go to hell!!!"->Lets go to hell for a Movie Marathooon!]]

He thinks for a moment and shakes his head no. [["I'm saying I like you because I mean it."->yee]] [["I'm saying I like you because you're a psycho and i'm hoping if I say this, i'll get out of this alive."->nee]]

''Movie Marathooon Ending'' You both run in high spirits back to Dane’s cave, after a quick stop for refreshments at a human gas station, a portal to hell, and then quickly paid for as many Blockbuster vhs’s as Dane could carry. Thank hell you stopped at the gas station first for a drink. Because it’s hot down here. Like, HOT hot. Incredibly, uncomfortably sweaty hot. And loud. A constant cacophony of screams echoing into the writhing red landscape. You literally have to run because ground in developing little teeth and trying bite through your shoes. Dane in a sudden realization stops outside of a small cave carved out of a low area of rock and you run into his back, just barely keeping your energy drinks from spilling. (text-colour:magenta)["Wait wait wait, $name. I gotta do something. Stay stay stay"] Dane mumbles, runs in to entrance and takes a steaming bucket off of the top of the door, walks a distance and splashes it outside. There was definitely lava in there, the logistics and the material of the bucket and the why it was there in the first place are all questions that come to mind. (text-colour:magenta)["Ok! Come in, Come on! Come see the pad!"] He pulls you into cave, the glow of the lava surounding the area is providing a bit of dim light as you look from outside. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/gMHX7Xm.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=85% HEIGHT=85% alt=prologo></img> It’s pretty humble, the only thing in it being a TV, VHS and Atari on a rolly cart and a pile of….?human bones?….in the corner. Theres a small wooden door off to the side cracked open, inside an immaculate high tech bidet that looks completely out of place. Oh! You spot a box fan! You rush over and sit on the ground and sigh as it blows away some of the oppressive heat. A closer look reveals its plugged into rougly poked holes in the side of the rock cave. {(If: $bidet is "yes")[ (text-colour:magenta)[“Sorry, it’s probably hella hot for you.”] He grimaces, leaning his giant sword next to the wall. (text-colour:magenta)[“Next time...I mean if you want to hang out again, we can totally hang at your house."]] (If: $bidet is "no")[ (text-colour:magenta)["Sorry, it’s probably hella hot for you.”] He grimaces, leaning his giant sword next to the wall. (text-colour:magenta)[“I am totally not hanging at your house until you get a bidet though.”]]} You both end up going through your giant pile of VHS’s and agree to start with the 2nd Terminator (Though annoyingly enough, he keeps insisting that he came up with the name first and the directors took it from him.) <img src=" https://i.imgur.com/IBLexl1.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=15% HEIGHT=15% alt=prologo></img>(css: "font-size: 70%;")+(text-colour:magenta)["see? I look just like him!"] Every single movie watched with Dane is a high energy activity, as you’ve never seen someone so excited by every aspect (it might be that you introduced him to Monster energy drinks). He’s acting things out, asking you to try to mimic characters voices, any stunt he’s yelling at you to run outside and watch him recreate it, and challenging you to do the same. He’s absolutely not as stoic and nonchalant as he wants to appear to be, and to be honest kind of a dork, in an endearing way. After 5 action movies in a row you’re comatose, layed out on the floor in front of the fan, your gas station haul completely ransacked. Not only have survived the date, but you ended up having a lot of fun. Dane looks your way with a hopeful expression. (text-colour:magenta)["Soo...you wouldn't want to...maybe...like...do this again sometime?"] He asks with an uncharacteristic nervousness. While nothing overtly romantic happened during your date, you can't deny that there was some tension. You have a feeling that to be with Dane, its going to be a slow burn that requires a lot of patience. A lot lot of patience. A lot of lot of lot of lot of truckloads of patience. Whatever you answer, that's certainly sequel material baby. [[Your character data if you're curious->Character Data]]

''Best Friends Forever, Whether You Like it or Not Ending'' You see his lip twists in disappointment for a moment, but he goes back to a smirk quickly. (text-colour:magenta)[ "Ah, that's fair then, i'm sure we'll hang out again soon. I'll still get you your $player and stuff."] He steps back from you and fishes out a coin in his pocket which he throws onto the ground. The alley is filled with screams, the smell of charcoal and an unbearable, oppresive heat. The glow of rapid licks of flame from below, creating ominous shadows on Dane's face. (text-colour:magenta)["Later, $name ."] He smiles and hops in, the portal sealing up around him. You might have made the right choice, despite what you've heard, hell seems bad. You take a deep breath and decide to walk home to decompress. What a day. Cinder really was quite the experience. Maybe it was for the better that the app was now deleted on your phone, this was a lot of life threatning drama. You get home quickly and turn on the lights to your place, the two of you left it in an absolute mess, the broken tape and shredded $player still strewn about the floor. You take a few minutes to clean it up to ensure you have no other chores to get done that evening and head to your kitchen for a cup of tea, ready for an easy, quiet night in. (text-colour:magenta)["Where's the outlet?"] Dane yells from your bedroom. Wait, no, what the fuck? You run back into your bedroom and see that Dane has set up an old crtv on a rolly cart, and his holding a pile of VHS's. <img src=" https://i.imgur.com/f2KOz4m.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=85% HEIGHT=85% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:magenta)["Miss me, $urcodename?" ]He grins. (text-colour:magenta)["Spent the money on us, look, I even got you a better $player!"] He points at the ground, at a massive, ancient phonograph. (text-colour:magenta)["This one is even bigger than yours! Hah! You're WELcome!"] You're speechless. {(if: $bidet is "no")[(text-colour:magenta)["Oh! and a Bidet! I installed it while you were doing whatever! Now you'll be sanitary! You little gross goblin! You little dirty birdie! Look look! This one is heated, but don't worry ITS NOT TOO HEATED, like it won't burn your butthole off hahaha and it can also be controlled from your 'phone' aparently? I tried to hook up my nokia to it but it wasn't working but look-" ]He keeps going on and on about this bidet, You're surprised and thankful that he's not going so far as to drop trou and demonstrate. ]} (text-colour:magenta)["Don't fuckin sweat it dude, we're best friends now, I wasn't going to keep you from the high life for long! We're living large now! Look! Not only did I get 'Blade', ! I bought out the whole VHS rental store, we have days of entertainment now so buckle up! Hope you've got some predatory bird flesh, 'cause we're doing a movie marAAAthoooon!" ]He sneers and tips your bookcase over to look for an outlet. It seems like the the days of you having 'quiet nights in' and 'alone time' are over. He's run back over to you and is now shoving different VHS's in your face and shouting about them, so excited that his fingers are melting said VHS's. (text-colour:magenta)["Look! 'Home Alone' 'Homeward Bound', 'Home Alone 2 Lost in New York' I kind of cleared out the 'H' section first..."] Well, you figure if you introduce him to weed and show him Netflix, it might keep him busy and away from being a threat to the public for a while. [[Here's your character data if you're curious!->Character Data]]

''Involuntary hell Adventure Ending'' //3 weeks later// (text-colour:magenta)["$urcodename! Did you see that? Look! my fist went through two guys heads at ones!"] Dane yells, raising up his left arm to show off the two limp disturbing demon corpses shish-kabobed on his arm. Life in hell had been pretty...different so far. Whether you forgave Dane for dragging you to hell or not, his instance to replace your $player had brought you guys on numerous life threatening adventures. You were now in Malamontana, the 8th layer, having an all out brawl fest in the middle of hell's only tech store 'Worst Buy', its staff nicknamed 'The Freak Squad', a horde of infernal beings with disturbingly random amounts of disjointed body parts, working as one organism that kept piling on Dane to engulf him it's collective flesh. Unlucky for The Freak Squad, that only provided him with more entertainment as he quickly tore through them, only briefly stopping to show off in your direction every once in a while. One of the collective demons swings a rock at his head, Dane ducks too late and it smashes into one of his horns, producing a small crack. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh you're] (text-style:"shudder")[''(text-colour:red)[FUCKED!]''](text-colour:magenta)["] Dane roars down at them. Baring his teeth and spitting and snarling, he abandons his sword entirely for a more claws on approach at curb stomping the offender. You get that 'Worst Buy' was supposed to be a play on 'Best Buy' but this seemed to big of a departure, as none of the tech was for same, the employees attacked on site, and the 'sales floor' was just a huge labyrinthine dungeon area. Maybe this is why devils needed contracts to get things done, because every 'structured' institution of hell devolved into bloodshed and chaos constantly. Or maybe that's because you've been hanging around with Dane? {(if: $weapon is "staff")[ You were off to the side of the fight mostly being left alone, but blasting anyone who dared get close with your staff, which to be fair, you were getting the hang of. Now you only exploded people when you meant to, a huge step up! You also figured out how to hook up your spotify to it, which made it a pretty fun battle companion. //(text-colour:green)[(text-style:"smear","buoy")["Take it! Take our treasure, just fucking leave!"]]// The collective voice of "The Freak Squad moans throughout 100's of mouths. A pile of flesh with wriggling arms for teeth erupts out of the ground of spits up a goo covered dvd player. (text-colour:magenta)["Look! I got it this time! Your $player!"] Dane pants and huffs, stepping over piles of severed, body parts, a wide, open mouth smile on his gore covered face. You tuck your staff under your arm and take a look. Had he finally made good on his promise to replace your $player?] (if: $weapon is "bow")[ You were off to the side of the fight mostly being left alone, using your bow to pick off any demons that came close. You still hadn't figured out the 'lethal' and non 'lethal settings on this thing, and it seemed to switch back and forth between purifying souls and just shooting golden arrows into your foes. //(text-colour:green)[(text-style:"smear","buoy")["Take it! Take our treasure, just fucking leave!"]]// The collective voice of "The Freak Squad moans throughout 100's of mouths. A pile of flesh with wriggling arms for teeth erupts out of the ground of spits up a goo covered dvd player. (text-colour:magenta)["Look! I got it this time! Your $player!"] Dane pants and huffs, stepping over piles of severed, body parts, a wide, open mouth smile on his gore covered face. You tuck your bow on your back to take a look. Had he finally made good on his promise to replace your $player?] (if: $weapon is "none" or "used" or "net")[ You were off to the side of the fight mostly being left alone, carrying some defunct tech loot in your arms (SouljaBoyGame, PSP, Eyetoy) in the safety of your newest weapon/armor, a giant radiant bubble that you and Dane had scooped up on one of your first adventures in Alartigia. While it was useful, and pretty much necessary to traverse hell with, it was pretty embarrassing to have to run around in something that looked like a giant hamster ball all the time, though funny when a stray demon looking to take you on touched the radiant field and got tasered. //(text-colour:green)[(text-style:"smear","buoy")["Take it! Take our treasure, just fucking leave!"]]// The collective voice of "The Freak Squad moans throughout 100's of mouths. A pile of flesh with wriggling arms for teeth erupts out of the ground of spits up a goo covered dvd player. (text-colour:magenta)["Look! I got it this time! Your $player!"] Dane pants and huffs, stepping over piles of severed body parts. You dispel your radiant ball to take a look. Had he finally made good on his promise to replace your $player?]} <img src="https://i.imgur.com/Y9JOEpl.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=65% HEIGHT=65% alt=prologo></img> Oh, it is a dvd player! (text-style:"condense")[(text-colour:cyan)[ a...Bluray...dvd player]] Your shoulders drop in disappointment. (text-colour:magenta)["Not the right one?" ]Dane grins, snatches it from your hands. and frisbees the tech into the closest cave wall. Your frustration only seems to improve his mood.(text-colour:magenta)[ "Uh oh, guess we just have to keep adventuring until we find it. No worries though, the police are probably raiding your house right now and haven't forgiven you, so we've got plenty of time." ]You stare into his now familiar crooked wall of bared teeth, noticing that this expression is indistinguishable from the look he gave the rock throwing demon earlier. (text-colour:magenta)[ "Don't sweat it, I hear there’s a greater devil lord nearby who makes regular trips to the surface, we can go rob him anytime. In the meantime, let's have some R&R!"] "Really?" You ask hesitantly, it's been non stop action for the past three weeks. You didn't need to sleep when you were in hell, but man would a nap hit the spot right now. (text-colour:magenta)["Fuck yeah! There's a casino around here, tons of shit to break, and a giant roulette wheel that's also a functioning saw blade that we can push someone in to. And don't worry, I won't bet your soul on any games....'maybe'."] He chides sarcastically, puts his arm around your shoulder and leads your tired form out of the Worst Buy. Both of you guys had a lot to learn about how the other one functioned, and it was hard to sometimes be the only one patient enough to talk through it, but you and Dane made it work while somehow staying mostly civil. Though hell was hot, horrible and gross all around, but you have had a more exciting three weeks than you have ever had, collecting a couple actually amazing treasures like fist sized rubies and an ever refilling Nalgene bottle. You do wonder if you'll ever get back to the mortal realm to enjoy your loot in peace, but in the meantime you might as well try to make the best of it. Whether you like it or not, you now have a life long friend, tormentor and adventuring buddy in one demon. [[Your character data if you're curious->Character Data]]

Fuck this, it's time to defend yourself. (if: $weapon is "none" or "used")[Crap. You either have no weapon, or used your previously. You hunker down, brace yourself and let out a Wrestlemania worthy yell as you prepare for Zip's attack. That's all that this is, right? A performance to be the 'stronger' one? (text-style:"rumble")[''"C'MERE!" '']You shout, before seeing the blue shape take up your whole vision and (bg:red)[headbutts you so hard you black out. ] You wake up to someone gently kicking you shoulder. (text-colour:magenta)["Wow, it's almost as if...some dumb ass should have taken a weapon, when someone tried to give them, a weapon."] Dane rolls his eyes and yanks you up. (text-colour:magenta)["You're lucky I had a 'raise zombie' scroll and your body was mainly intact. I knew it would come in handy." ]He mumbles and walks away. Wait...are you... "Am I..?" You ask, looking down at your body. It appeared normal at least. (text-colour:magenta)["You'll be fine, just don't take off any of your body parts, they won't re-grow anymore. Also I sent Zip to hell. I'm not hearing any thank yous. Whatever."] He waves you off. You'll have to explore the implications of this later. .] (if: $weapon is "hair dryer")[Thank goodness for your hair dryer. You swing it from the cord to hit Zip directly in his head, which stops him. Panicked, Zip feels his head, which now contained a perfect imprint of the hairdryer, as if he was made out of Moon Sand. (text-colour:yellow)["No! My beautiful business face! You Asshole!" ]Zip screams. (text-colour:yellow)["At least kill me with something cooler you absolute fucking loser!"] He sneers, nevertheless backing up into a trashcan. You figure 8 the hair dryer in the air, turn around, raise it up, to swing under your armpit to upper cut Zip behind your back who explodes in a Moon Sand like texture from the impact. (text-colour:magenta)["Woah... that was kind of...cool."] Dane says in awe looking at your hairdryer. (text-colour:magenta)["You guys have those in all bathrooms?" ]He murmurs.] (if: $weapon is "wet towel")[You take the towel out dash to the side to soak it in a near by mysterious brown puddle, this causes Zip some pause. (text-colour:yellow)["No, not again..." ]he mumbles, and makes the fatal mistake of turning away from you to try to face Dane instead. (text-style:"fidget")[(text-colour:#dee2e6)[''<span style="font-size: 250%">Wchaw!</span>'']] RIGHT in the middle of his clementine sized cheek, Zip explodes from the impact into a mess of wet blue Moon Sand. Dane walks up and grimaces proudly. (text-colour:magenta)["We've got a whole layer in hell where...just basically that happens. I might be able to get you a job there if you're looking for one."] You wonder about what kind of benefits you would get working a job in hell. It couldn't possibly be worse than the ones at your current position.] (if: $weapon is "toilet reading material")[You hold your toilet magazine, praying that Zip's weakness happens to be literacy, but to no avail, Zip runs to slash at your head and all you can do is hide behind your precious magazine, which tragically gets ripped to shreds. "No!!!" You cry out, startling Zip. "My magazine! You bastard! You should have killed me instead!" (text-colour:yellow)["What?"] Zip says cringing back, not expecting this explosive of a reaction. (text-style:"rumble")["Kill me you bastard! KILL ME!" ]You shout between tears, totally losing it. What will you read on the toilet now? You're better than people who use their phone on the toilet! You're more sophisticated! You're classy! Dane runs up behind Zip, careens his giant sword low to slash at his feet to knock him over, and uncerimoniously shoves him in a trash bag. (text-colour:magenta)["I thought you said you had a weapon!"] He shouts, trying to cram the trash bag into his messenger bag with disturbing success. "The pen...is mightier...than the sword..." You mumble, wiping your tears. (text-colour:magenta)["Yeah? Well it was '''sword' ''that saved your //Fuck Ass//, idiot! Stop freaking." ]He huffs as you begin to calm from your hysterics.] (if: $weapon is "plunger")[ You pull out the plunger, and Zip quickly does another quick reassessment and skids to a stop to turn around. (text-colour:yellow)[(text-style:"rumble")["Your partner is a freak!"] ]He screeches at dane who welcomes him with open claws. It's a short tussle before a portal bursts open and Dane dunks Zip in like a basketball. You both listening to his descending screams as Dane looks to you. (text-colour:magenta)["You really are a little freak $urcodename."] He shakes his head, but you can see that theres affection there..] (if: $weapon is "listorine")[ You take out your bottle of Listerine, would this be enough to defeat Zip? You look as him nervously and notice that Zip has doubled over and is laughing. (text-colour:yellow)["(text-style:"rumble")[Haha! ]You're an idiot! What do you think you're going to do with that? Esablish a healthy oral routine?"] He mocks, not seeing that Dane has run up behind him to tackle him by his legs. (text-colour:magenta)[''"You don't deserve teeth!"'' ]Dane taunts and starts to try to aim his punches directly at Zips teeth. (text-colour:yellow)["Ok! Stop! I yield! These veneers cost more than your entire life!"] Zip screams before Dane can make contact. (text-colour:magenta)["Think I should take it easy on him?" ]Dane laughs and turns his head to you. Feeling less than generous, you walk over and uncap the listerine and spill a little in Zips eyes. "Don't forget to floss after." You smirk, as Dane cackles with laughter in the background like a lil minion. Zip shrieks again and explodes in to blue Moon Sand all over the alley. Dane wanders over to the dumpster tries his best to cough up the bits of Zip that landed in his mouth. (text-colour:magenta)["You're *hack* ruthless, $urcodename! He grins. Even more than me. Damn!"] He jests, scraping the last of Zip off of his tongue. You pass him the Listerine.] (if: $weapon is "net")[Luckily, you have a perfect weapon for the job. as Zip comes closer you throw the net over him and dive to the side to avoid his impact and hit the deck. Out of breath, you roll over and look behind you, hoping that you didn't miss. You didn't! Zip is completely tangled in the net, gnashing his teeth and rolling around as Dane walks over, a proud expression on his face. (text-colour:magenta)["Shit, thought I was going to have to save your ass, $urcodename. Nice job." ]He says, doling out a rare compliment, balling up the net, opening a portal and kicking Zip through, back to his natural habitat.] (if: $weapon is "staff")[ You take a deep breath, jerk your staff around and wave it in Zips general direction, hoping something will happen. A loud dial tone echoes off the alley wall, making all of you flinch. You hear the horrible sound of someone grasping and struggling to pick up a phone, bonking it on all surfaces in the process. (text-style:"sway")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["hello?" ]]]The staff calls This spell has turned the end of your staff into an incredibly loud speaker phone? (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“hello? oh i know who this is! There's only 1 person who would call and not to talk to me!!! hi!!! it's my brother! hi zip! i forgot u didn't want me to know your new fone number so now you're calling from pay phones! hi!!! did u change ur mind 'nd want to hang out with me? i know u said u didn’t want to go and that u don’t want to hear from me or see me. so now I’m gonna tell you everything that happened in the past five months we haven talked."]] Zip looks cornered and annoyed as he covers the sides of his head to stop the loud goblin-esque voice from invading his ear holes. hell, even Dane is looking around like he wants to bolt. The one sided conversation from the staff continues. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["number one i scraped my knee when i tried to makeup a new trick and and the scrape was in the shape of a maple leaf and i thought that was awesome. numba 2, i went to the doctors office because i thought that the scrape was cool but when i went to the doctors office i actually felt better so then when i went to the doctor i said im actually okay, and he said woah, thats the first time someone said that today. like i was his best patient! anmd he was a really nice guy and i had to pay 300 dollars. aaand he gave me a bandaid just in case i scraped my knee again but i asked him for anothfer because it didn't have-”]] Zip shrieks (text-colour:yellow)[ “Fuck this! I cant deal with all this family drama right now!”] and self destructs, projecting blue Moon Sand all over the alley. You and Dane exchange a look. (text-colour:magenta)[“I think we did it.”] Dane mumbles, looking at the Zip splatter, and then glancing at your staff fearfully.] (if: $weapon is "angel piss")[You uncap your angel piss and spray it down the alley. Luckily, like mace the stream travels a good distance and goes all over Zips face causing him to stop in place, wipe at his eyes furiously and start child-coughing all over the walls. (text-style:"buoy")[(text-colour:yellow)["//OW! //(text-style:"sway")[Owwwww.] Owww!!!"] ]Zip whines between coughs and sniffles, squinting at you tearfully. (text-style:"rumble")[(text-colour:yellow)["Whyyy, why did you do that? Why!?"]] Zip snivels. What, is this motherfucker trying to make you feel bad about macing him when he was just about to try to kill you? (text-style:"sway")[(text-colour:yellow)["(text-style:"buoy")[aaaOOowwwaaahhh. ]Huuurts." ]]He pouts, a string of snot coming out of his nose as he he subetly tries to side step you and continue down the alley. Dane sighs and trips him into a puddle, and then picks him back up and shoves him in his messenger bag. (text-colour:magenta)["Huh, wow. It's almost as if....that thing that I told you would save your ass, totally, saved, your, ass...funny...]" He remarks sarcastically and snatches the can from your hands as you glare at him. ] (if: $weapon is "bow")[You take out your angelic bow and stretch it back, aiming it arrow-less at Zip, praying that some kind of magical effect will happen. It releases a small rainbow that floats through Zip and continues to blow in the breeze down the alley. you prepare yourself to get completely clobbered but Zip starts to slow. (text-colour:yellow)["Huh."] Zip says, seeming to run out of steam for the attack. (text-colour:yellow)["Yknow...this is all kind of silly. Why am I being violent?"] He rubs his neck unsure, looking between you and Dane. (text-colour:yellow)["I...Sorry about all the fuss guys. Do you maybe want to get some drinks at Applebee's® and work this out? It's on me of course." ]He assures you as Dane comes up quickly behind him and smashes his sword down upon Zip violently, exploding him into blue Moon Sand particles. (text-colour:magenta)["I saw it in your eyes. You were turning on me."] Dane glares, putting his sword away. He was right. You can't resist a free margarita.] [[It's over...it's finally over...->ChasedZipcops]]

(if: $weapon is "none" or "used")[And what a shame, you either already used your weapon, or don't have one, do you? You shout, and a blue shape take up your whole vision. (bg:red)[Zip headbutts you so hard you black out. ] You wake up to someone gently kicking you shoulder. (text-colour:magenta)["Wow, it's almost as if...some dumb ass should have taken a weapon, when someone tried to give them, a weapon."] Dane rolls his eyes and yanks you up. (text-colour:magenta)["You're lucky I had a 'raise zombie' scroll and your body was mainly intact. I knew it would come in handy."] He mumbles and walks away. Wait...are you... "Am I..?" You ask, looking down at your body. It appeared normal at least. (text-colour:magenta)["You'll be fine, just don't take off any of your body parts, they won't re-grow anymore. Also I sent Zip to hell. I'm not hearing any thank yous. Whatever."] He waves you off. You'll have to explore the implications of this later.] (if: $weapon is "hair dryer")[ You quickly pull out your hair dryer and steel yourself for violence as you leap forward and try to choke him with the cord. But...he's just a big cylinder, you don't even know where his neck begins or ends. Zip cackles at your attempts, but it's a long enough distraction for Dane to run up behind him, take the cord and pull it all the way through Zips...whatever as if he's pulling a string through wet sand. You back up as it pops off and cringe as you expect to get shattered in gore but you...don't. You look over to find that...Zip doesn't have anything inside. It looks like his body is just a solid chunk of Blue Moon Sand. (text-colour:magenta)["Yeah, Arch Devils get kind of lazy when they make these little guys." ]Dane sighs and stuffs Zips head in his bag. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't worry, i've got all my organs. I even have some extra! Do you want to see?"] Dane says. You don't even look, you're shaking your head no on instinct.] (if: $weapon is "wet towel")[You take the towel out, there is no time to remoisten it. Wait, you've been in this situation before. You think back on your youtube search history. Of course! You looked up safe ways to capture cats to get them in their kennels. You lunge on top of Zip with the towel, and ride it out as he confusedlly hisses and thrashes underneath it, until he's just looking around, confused. (text-colour:yellow)[(text-style:"blur")["Where did everybody go? Where am I?"] ]You hear from under the towel. Miraculously, it worked! Dane walks over and shoves you off, taking Zip in a bundle of towels, ties it up into a little ball, makes a small portal to hell in one of the trashcans and dunks him right in. ] (if: $weapon is "toilet reading material")[But you don't have a weapon. You have a toilets readers digest. It is ripped to shreds before your eyes as you take it out, keeping you from a lethal blow. Before you have time to mourn it, Dane slams into you both, knocking you down the alley. (text-colour:magenta)["I thought you said you had a weapon!"] Dane calls, as you roll to the right, giving him an open shot to run through Zip with his blade. Dane lunges and slams his sword down, and the force explodes Zip into a blue Moon Sand like substance, that covers the two of you. "Knowlege..is a weapon..." You mumble, wiping the Zip from your face and shirt. (text-colour:magenta)["Yeah? Well that's not what saved your //Fuck Ass//, huh? That looked like a good old fashioned '''sword''' to me. ]He sneers and grabs your bicep to pull you to your feet. .] (if: $weapon is "plunger")[ You pull out the plunger, and Zip immediately regrets this, trying to stop the momentum he gained while leaping on you, but it's too late, you stick that shit sucker right on his shit sucker. Zips eyes go wide and his body shudders. Dane quickly runs up behind him and cleaves his sword right through Zips middle section, which bursts a blue Moon Sand texture all over the alley. (text-colour:magenta)["Fucking hell, I'm usually ruthless, but damn, I figured I should put him out of his misery." ]He half grins, half grits his teeth, covered in bits of Zip.(text-colour:magenta)[ “Don't worry, $urcodename, its not that bad.] he reports, pointing to his blue mouth. (text-colour:magenta)[ "It tastes kind of like blue-raspberry."] He reports ] (if: $weapon is "listorine")[ You take out your bottle of Listerine and splash it out into Zips eyes as quickly as you can. He yells and his hands shoot to his eyes as you two make impact. You're quickly regaining your footing though as it seems he's too busy trying to get the alcoholic sting of menthol out of his eyes to continue his assualt. (text-colour:magenta)["Wait wait! I have an idea!"] You hear a quickly approaching Dane yell. He tips his head back and aims his now fire spewing mouth at Zip, who melts like a candle. You’re speechless. (text-colour:magenta)[“Hmm... I guess I could have done that without the mouth wash too. I forgot I could do that. Nice!”] He smirks and holds his hand out to help you up.] (if: $weapon is "net")[You take out the net and toss it at Zip, who lands on you swinging, causing you both to get horribly tangled in it. You're swinging and kicking until your body is completely restrained, and Zip is no better. He has his tail clampers clamping down so hard on your nose there are tears in your eyes. Dane approaches and indecisively positions his sword. He wouldn't take you out out, would he? (text-colour:magenta)["Oh gross $urcodename , you're pissing!"] Dane yells, causing Zip to shriek and instantly find a way to de-tangle from you. Dane picks him up by his scruff and tosses him into a hellish looking portal in his messenger bag. You check your pants, theres no new pee on them. You look to Dane. (text-colour:magenta)["You're not the only brains in this operation."] He smirks, klonking his head with the butt of his sword. ] (if: $weapon is "staff")[You're too close to the staff properly at Zip, so you swing it down as he comes close and bonk him right on the head, he crashes into you and you both take a hard fall. (text-colour:magenta)["Uhh... $urcodename...?"] You hear Dane call out. "What?" You call out, hearing a weird echo to your right. Wait a minute, that wasn't an echo...You look over and you see....yourself...clutching your head and looking up at Dane. "Woah woah wait, I...I don't know what happened, that's not me!" You call out and scramble away from 'not you'. (text-colour:yellow)["Don't listen to them! //That's Zip! //Quick! Get him!"] 'Not you' yells to Dane and looks at you with wide, desperate eyes, confirming your suspicions. The staff has unhelpfully turned Zip into a copy of you. You both scramble up and look warily at Dane, clutching his sword, and then to the staff which now lies in the middle of the alley. (text-colour:yellow)["Look I can prove I know you! You're red and awesome and handsome! How would I know all of that otherwise?" ]Zip yells, he's pitching up his voice and doing a terrible impression of you. Unfortunately Dane seems to be fooled and is now glaring at you. (text-colour:magenta)["Thats all true..." ]He mumbles "Look, he- he's just looking at you and saying stuff! We have codenames! And also he doesn't even know my name!" You argue. (text-colour:yellow)["Of course I do, it's $urcodename!"] Zip argues back. "It's $name, Asshole! You're Zip, that's Dane and $urcodename and $danecodename //are// our ''CODENAMES''!" You hiss back and Dane gasps. You both can't believe that Dane's dumb idea to have codenames actually came into play. 'Zip you' snarls, realizing that he's exposed and you both dive for the staff and land in a pile. (text-colour:yellow)[(text-style:"rumble")["It's me! Get them!"] ] (text-style:"shudder")["I'm me! Don't listen!"] You both are crying out while rolling on the ground, locked in unimpressive impresice close combat. Dane seems to make his decision. He rushes forward kicks one of you off the other and slams down on them with his sword. You turn your head in time to miss witnessing your own death and open your eyes to Dane eyeing you suspiciously, covered in blue MoonSand-like Zip remnants. "Dane..$danecodename...how...did you know?" You ask panting, feeling your eye. Ow, that's going to be a black eye later, 'Zip you' packed quite a punch. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh great, it is you!"] He grins and grabs your arm to help you up. (text-colour:magenta)["It was good odds either way. 50/50 y'know?"] He breathes out a single mischevious laugh. You sincerely, sincerely hope that he is joking.] (if: $weapon is "angel piss")[As soon as you take it out, Zip swings. You hold up the can for cover and his sharp claws puncture the can, causing it to explode, you and Zip are blown back from eachother and you hit the concrete. Chaos, everything is in chaos. The air is covered in a rainbow haze that if you're being honest, kind of smells like cotton candy, but that is something you'll never admit. You get up, and try to find signs of life. You scan the area, and hear coughing, you realize, you aren't coughing. In fact, besides a sudden strong urge to donate, you feel completely fine. You walk out of the haze, and spot Zip, whos gone unconcious next to Dane who's bent over, stabalizing himself on the dumpster wheezing and squeezing his eyes shut. (text-colour:magenta)["That was..."] He devolves into a fit of coughs. (text-colour:magenta)[//"Sick as fuck."//] He gives you a thumbs up. (text-colour:magenta)["It's almost as if...giving your stubborn ass a weapon...*cough* saved your ass. Ugh you smell like shit."] His bloodshot eyes open to glare as he cringes away from you. ] (if: $weapon is "bow")[You take out your angelic bow, he's too close for you to pull the bowstring back. You have no choice but to just swing it down and crack him on the head with it. It makes impact, but it's not the satisfying crack that you thought it would be, it was more like a you had whacked your bow into a solid peice of styrofoam. Zip screeches and flies back, Dane runs up and dips his sword low to hit Zip like an incoming baseball, but again, he's not the right texture for it and he just gets slashed in half. (text-colour:magenta)[(text-style:"rumble")["Sports! Sports! Sports!"]] Dane yells looks to you to join in. You're districted looking over to Zip bisected cylinder, seening that...his body is just completey a solid blue like a big ol pool noodle. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh, yeah, Arch Devils get kind of lazy when they make these little guys." ]Dane smiles and stuffs Zips head in his bag. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't worry, i've got all my organs. I even have some extra! Do you want to see?"] Dane says. You don't even look, you're shaking your head no on instinct.] [[It's finally over.->ChasedZipcops]]

How do you want go go about it? [[Talk shit about his business prowess]] [[Be the good cop to Dane's Bad cop (for a lack of a better term]] [[Bargain with Zip]] [[Convince Zip that this isn't him!]] [[Confuse Zip]]

''Voluntary hell Adventure Ending With Extra Violence'' //3 weeks later// (text-colour:magenta)["$urcodename! Did you see that? Look! my fist went through two guys heads at once!"] Dane yells, raising up his left arm to show off the two limp disturbing demon corpses shish-kabobed on his arm. (if: $weapon is "plunger")[“Kind of busy here, $danecodename!” You yell back, currently holding back a group of aggro demons. “Back! All of you, back!” You yell lunging with your plunger like a saber. The demons warily step back, possibly looking a little disgusted at you, but its hard to tell with beings with multiple eyes and lips and not all in the right place.] (if: $weapon is "hair dryer")[“Kind of busy here, $danecodename!” You yell back, cracking a stray demon in the chin with your trusty $weapon. You’ve gotten really good at whipping it around and decided to stick with it, informally creating your own martial arts techniques to keep it swinging after each hit you land. Though the plastic has melted a little, and you will eventually need an upgrade, it’s a point of pride how far you’ve come with a bathroom weapon.] (if: $weapon is "staff")[ “Kind of busy here, $danecodename!” You yell back, currently holding back a group of aggro demons with your trusty $weapon. Despite your best judgment, you’d picked up your volatile staff aain and learned how to only explode people when trying to. And how to hook up your Spotify to it, which made every fight awesome. You stood next to Dane and held on tight from the recoil as it shot fireworks into the horde of angry flesh monsters. (text-colour:magenta)[“Fuck dude, don’t take out all the big ones, leave me some!”] He winks and dashes next to you to bisect a demon trying its best to sneak up behind you. You grin back at him thankfully, and he’s off in another direction.] (if: $weapon is "bow")[You pulled back on your feather light bow, and a volley of glittering arrows fall into the crowd. (text-colour:magenta)[“Hey shit! Don’t show me up, $urcodename!]” He laughs as he takes a moment to watch in admiration, as your deadly radiant rain came down in groups on the horde.] (if: $weapon is "none" or "used" or "net" or "wet towel" or "toilet reading material" or "listorine bottle")[“Kind of busy here, $danecodename!” You yell back, currently holding back a group of fleshy demons with your radiant force field that you and Dane found adventuring in the 2nd layer, Alartigia. You rolled around in like a hamster ball and used to bowl into any aggressors.] Life in hell had been a non stop adventure so far, his instance to replace your $player had brought you guys on numerous life threatening journeys around the many layers. You were now in Malamontana, the 8th layer, having an all out brawl fest in the middle of hell's only tech store 'Worst Buy'. Its staff was nicknamed 'The Freak Squad', a horde of infernal beings with disturbing amounts of limbs and arms and eyes and mouths working as one organism. It kept piling on Dane to engulf him it's collective flesh. Unlucky for The Freak Squad, that only provided him with more entertainment as he quickly tore through them. (text-colour:magenta)[“Oh man! $urcodename! Did you see what I did now?]” Dane yells again, trying to wave some more gore at you. One of the collective demons swings a rock at his head, Dane ducks too late, it smashes into one of his horns, producing a small crack which finally brings his attention back to the fight. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh you're] (text-style:"shudder")[''(text-colour:red)[FUCKED!]''](text-colour:magenta)["] Dane roars down at them. Baring his teeth and spitting and snarling, He abandons his sword entirely for a more claws on approach at curb stomping the offender. You get that 'Worst Buy' was supposed to be a play on 'Best Buy' but this seemed to big of a departure, as none of the tech was for same, the employees attacked on site, and the 'sales floor' was just a huge labyrinthine dungeon area. You were off to the side of the fight defending some defunct tech loot you both had gathered. (SouljaBoyGame, PSP, An Eyetoy) It might not have been your $player, but it still might be fun to show Dane some of the classics in gaming. //(text-colour:green)[(text-style:"smear","buoy")["Take it! Take our treasure, just fucking leave!"]]// The collective voice of "The Freak Squad moans throughout 100's of mouths. A pile of flesh with wriggling arms for teeth erupts out of the ground of spits up a goo covered dvd player. Dane runs over to grab it. He wipes the machine off and looks to you with a wide, open mouth smile on his gore covered face. His tail whips rapidly behind him, as if wagging. (text-colour:magenta)[“Is this what you’re looking for?”] <img src="https://i.imgur.com/fLZ096T.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=65% HEIGHT=65% alt=prologo></img> You take it from him and turn it in your hands. Oh its a...Bluray player… Did stores even sell Bluray’s anymore? You grimace, trying not to shit on his parade right away. (text-colour:magenta)["Not the right one?" ]Dane grins, snatches it from your hands. and frisbees the tech into the closest cave wall. Nothing seems to be able to dampen his mood at the moment. (text-colour:magenta)[ "Uh oh, guess I just have to keep adventuring with my best friend until we find it!"] He says in a very sing-songy voice. You stare into his now familiar crooked wall of bared teeth, noticing that this grimance is almost indistinguishable from the look he gave the rock throwing demon earlier. The only difference being the very sincere look of elation in his eyes that you notice when he talks about spending more time with you. You can’t help but to smile like a maniac right back. (text-colour:magenta)[ "What do you want to see next? Do you need a breather? Should we hit the surface for some Applebee’s? Or explore here more? I think you’ll like this layer. Oh! There’s a giant casino around here, every cheats yeah, but we can cheat them right back and even better. Oh! You haven’t even met hellhounds! I bet even you could charm them. C’mon!”] He babbles excitedly, puts his arm around your shoulder and whatever you decide to do, you have a blast doing it together. Both of you guys had a lot to learn about how the other one functioned, and it took a lot of patience from the both of you. After a while you two were so close that it seemed like you had been hanging out for a lifetime. Though hell was not the most hospitable, you spent more time there than not, learning about the answers to the universe, gaining knowledge of magic, monsters, and having insane adventures with a partner that you could count on. [[Your character data if you're curious->Character Data]]

''Voluntary hell Adventurer Ending (Hold the Violence Please)'' (text-colour:magenta)["No worries!" ]He smirks, (text-colour:magenta)["Leave it to the pros!"] He summons a hellish portal at your feet and offers his hand to you to help you though. //3 weeks later// (text-colour:magenta)["$urcodename! I think they're ready for you!"] Dane yells from inside of hell's only tech store, 'Worst Buy'. Life in hell had been a non stop adventure so far, his instance to replace your $player had brought you guys on numerous life threatening journeys around the many layers. You were now in Malamontana, the 8th layer, walking outside of the tech store to let Dane do all of the muscle work. He was currently feuding with the staff (nicknamed 'The Freak Squad'), a horde of infernal beings with disturbing amounts of limbs and arms and eyes and mouths working as one organism. Usually you would be able to handle going to a store and asking for stock yourself, but everything worked differently in hell. For example, the employees attacked on site, and the 'sales floor' was just a huge labyrinthine dungeon area with few collected tech items, considered treasures by its odd guardian. So you figure, this seemed like an oppurunity to do a little hell/Mortal realm one two combo move. "Hello, I'd like to speak to your customer service department." You say, coming in strong. Dane standing on a mountain of writhing odd limbed devils (assumedly the collective staff) cackles with glee. //(text-colour:green)[(text-style:"smear","buoy")["No!"]]// The Freak Squad calls. //(text-colour:green)[(text-style:"smear","buoy")["You're the person that called earlier aren't you? You insisted to speak to our manager! We Told you! We're all the collective manager! We can't do this again!"]]// The crowd wails. You both had worn them down! (text-colour:magenta)["Fuck dude, I never knew you could could so much non physcial related misery, that's why you're the brains."] He shrugs, and hops off to admire your ruthlessness. //(text-colour:green)[(text-style:"smear","buoy")["Just fucking take it! Take our treasure! We don't even know what Yelp is!"]]// The crowd moans and hands Dane something. Could it be!? Its not your $player, but looks like a dvd player! Dane runs over to you with a wide, open mouth smile on his gore covered face. His tail whips rapidly behind him, as if wagging. (text-colour:magenta)[“Is this what you’re looking for?”] <img src="https://i.imgur.com/fLZ096T.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=65% HEIGHT=65% alt=prologo></img> You take it from him and turn it in your hands. Oh..... (text-style:"subscript")[(text-colour:cyan)[Its a... Bluray player… ]] Did stores even sell Bluray’s anymore? You grimace, trying not to shit on his parade right away. (text-colour:magenta)["Not the right one?" ]Dane grins, snatches it from your hands. and frisbees the tech into the closest cave wall. Nothing seems to be able to dampen his mood at the moment. (text-colour:magenta)[ "Uh oh, guess I just have to keep adventuring with my best friend until we find it!"] He says in a very sing-songy voice. You stare into his now familiar crooked wall of bared teeth, you can’t help but to smile like a maniac right back. (text-colour:magenta)[ "What do you want to see next? Do you need a breather? Should we hit the surface for some Applebee’s®? Or explore here more? I think you’ll like this layer. Oh! There’s a giant casino around here, every cheats yeah, but i KNOW you can cheat them right back and even better. Oh! You haven’t even met hellhounds! I bet even you could charm them. C’mon!”] He babbles excitedly, puts his arm around your shoulder and whatever you decide to do, you have a blast doing it together. Both of you guys had a lot to learn about how the other one functioned, and it took a lot of patience from the both of you. After a while you two were so close that it seemed like you had been hanging out for a lifetime. Though hell was not the most hospitable, you spent more time there than not, learning about the answers to the universe, gaining knowledge of magic, monsters, and having insane adventures with a partner that you could count on. [[Your character data if you're curious->Character Data]]

He waits for the punchline, but it doesn't come. He looks confused for a second and opens his mouth, closes it, and stares at the window with a smile on his face. His tail starts bump around for a minute before he snatches it and holds it still. [[It seems like his weakness is sincerity->UberQuestions]]

"I bet...I bet you don't even know shit about business! In fact I know that!" You yell which makes Zip growl in frustration. (text-colour:yellow)["How would you even know!? I bet your online portfolio is totally unimpressive!"] Zip shouts back, his face going purple with frustration. "For one, you're completely naked, what businessman walks around completely naked!?" Zip closes his eyes, hurt by this accurate roast. Dane just needs a second more to pounce on him. "and you keep throwing business terms out... (text-style:"underline")[//Real businessmen don't talk business, (text-style:"buoy")[THEY LIVE IT!]"// ] Your words echo down the alley. This explosive finishing statement rocks Zip to his core. He cannot stop thinking about how cool this quote would be plastered on an instagram post with the joker on it. He's too distracted to even notice Dane has tackled him to the ground, picks him back up and slams him into the dumpster and jumps in after him. It briefly flashes with in flames and hellish smells. Dane is the only one who jumps out. (text-colour:magenta)["Not bad $urcodename."] Dane grins. (text-colour:magenta)["Remind me never to not wear clothes around you."] He says, scraping some blue out from under his fingernails. [[It's over, It's finally over->ChasedZipcops]]

"Look Zip, this is your last chance, that guy behind you is fucking nuts. He's crazy! If you come after me, it'll just slow you down, and I can't protect you anymore." You say as Dane gets a running start. Zip turns in a panic to see this and snarls, and runs shoots off towards your direction waving his claws around. You jump back and brace yourself, luckily just in time, Dane throws himself into the alley wall to get momentum to jump off of and tackle Zip from the side and quickly shove him into his messenger bag. (text-colour:magenta)["You aren't a cop....are you?"] He looks at you suspiciously, as he shoves the last leg in. You shake your head no. (text-colour:magenta)["Suurree."] he mumbles, unconvinced. [[It's over, It's finally over->ChasedZipcops]]

You force some fake tears out of your eyes curl up your fists. "This isn't you Zip!" You cry out emotionally. Zip balks. (text-colour:yellow)[//"I don't even know you!"//] He sneers. "''You're wrong!''" You sniff. "I knew who you were, learned to appreciate your quirks...but I don't know who you've become. This isn't the Zip I met at Applebee's® moments ago." Zips shoulders slump. He doesn't notice as Dane throws himself into the alley wall to get momentum to jump off of and tackle Zip from the side. He then picks Zip up by his leg, whips him around like a lasso, bashes him on some trashcans, and shoves his floppy body into his messenger bag. Yeesh. Dane stretches and walks over to you. (text-colour:magenta)["Don't get your hopes up, men never change."] He shakes his head and pats you on the shoulder, leaving a little blue residue on your shoulder. [[It's over, It's finally over->ChasedZipcops]]

"Wait Zip! We can split your reward money three ways! We can go in on it together!" I shout, and Zip immediately stops, trying to calculate things in his head. (text-colour:magenta)["That's! Not! Happening!"] Dane yells and shoulder checks him so hard that Zip becomes a smear on the concrete. (text-colour:magenta)["You were kidding right?"] Dane looks to you, with a judgmental gaze. (text-colour:magenta)["You weren't going to invite him to see Blade with us, were you? Ugh. He seems like he would be a terrible hang." ]Says the terrible hang himself. You sigh and shrug. [[It's over, It's finally over->ChasedZipcops]]

"Yeah! Come at me!" You shout to Zip and then drop your voice. //"That guy behind you is a psycho, help me please!"// You whisper. Zip raises his eyebrows, but doesn't take his eyes off of you. as Dane starts pursuing him in this moment on confusion. "Yeah! Hahaha! Don't worry about me! I'm gonna get this Imp! *im serious, help me dude*" Zip unsheathes his claws again, deciding to ignore whatever you were saying and run through you anyways, but his hesitation has given Dane enough time to pounce on him. He picks Zip up, slams him in the dumpster and jumps in after him. It briefly flashes with in flames and hellish smells, and only Dane jumps out, with a few new scratches on his face, and covered in something that looks like burnt blue MoonSand. (text-colour:magenta)["You were just acting...right?]" He mumbles to you self consciously as he picks some Zip out from under his nails. [[It's over, It's finally over->ChasedZipcops]]

This brings up another question. (align:"<==")[(css: "font-size: 150%;")[Did you Imbibe at the AppleBee's®?]] [[Yes->how krunk are you right now?]] [[No->how krunk are you right now?]]

On a scale from 0 to 10, 0 being not at all and 10 being extremely, how (cycling-link:"krunk","sloppy","smashed","knackered","stonckered","lit","wasted","shitfaced","party-faced","drunk","intoxicated") are you right now? Be honest. (link: "0")[(set: $krunk to "not at all")(goto: "setthakrunkmeter")] (link: "1")[(set: $krunk to "not too much")(goto: "setthakrunkmeter")] (link: "2")[(set: $krunk to "not too much")(goto: "setthakrunkmeter")] (link: "3")[(set: $krunk to "not too much")(goto: "setthakrunkmeter")] (link: "4")[(set: $krunk to "medium")(goto: "setthakrunkmeter")] (link: "5")[(set: $krunk to "medium")(goto: "setthakrunkmeter")] (link: "6")[(set: $krunk to "medium")(goto: "setthakrunkmeter")] (link: "7")[(set: $krunk to "very")(goto: "setthakrunkmeter")] (link: "8")[(set: $krunk to "very")(goto: "setthakrunkmeter")] (link: "9")[(set: $krunk to "very")(goto: "setthakrunkmeter")] (link: "10")[(set: $krunk to "most")(goto: "setthakrunkmeter")]

(if: $krunk is "not at all")[Being sober, it quickly becomes apparent that you are one of the few here that are not sloppy smashed] (if: $krunk is "not too much")[Being fairly sober, it quickly becomes apparent that you are one of the few here that are not sloppy smashed.] (if: $krunk is "medium")[You are not nearly drunk enough to comfortably ignore how awkward everything is here.] (if: $krunk is "very")[The good news is, you're not the only one getting inappropriately sloppy at this work party, so you're not standing out all that much. But being drunk does not make this work party any les agonizing.] (if: $krunk is "most")[The good news is, you're not the only one getting inappropriately sloppy at this work party. But being drunk does not make this work party any less agonizing.] You check the time on your phone. You've only been here for 15 minutes and it feels like you've been here for (text-style:"blur","sway")[hours. ] The person with the meat casserole has come up and asked you 3 seperate times if you 'ate anything yet' passive aggressively. Some one did come late to the party and brought some homemade chocolate chip cookies, which you could really go for, but the casserole person would absolutely take it completely personally. And you don't know whats worse, the tight shoulder to shoulder circle conversations you're seeing with the few people who look maybe actually a little cool to talk to, or the stray over drunk stragglers who continue to corner you and endlessly talk about things like how the poor don't deserve any right and how much of a bitch their wives are. (if: $krunk is "not at all")[For fucks sake you've slapped your thighs and said "Welp!" more times than you ever have in your life, and they are too drunk to get the cue, they just keep talking. Your thighs are starting to burn.] (if: $krunk is "not too much")[For fuck sake you've slapped your thighs and said "Welp!" more times than you ever have in your life, and they are too drunk to get the cue, they just keep talking. Your thighs are starting to burn.] (if: $krunk is "medium")[Even the fact that you're giving completely incoherent statements back doesn't even deter them from their rants. When ever they have a break in a conversation you just keep repeating "Are you still talking?" and they don't even seem to notice.] (if: $krunk is "very")[Luckily your less than coherent replies seem to be pushing them back a bit, as you start cutting people off and asking if they like Twister and interrupting their responses by yelling "I HARDLY KNOW HER" and running from them until they inevitably catch up with you again.] (if: $krunk is "most")[Luckily your less than coherent replies seem to be pushing them back a bit, as you start cutting people off and asking if they like Twister and interrupting their responses by yelling "I HARDLY KNOW HER" and running from them until they inevitably catch up with you again.] Also...you haven't seen Zip or any of his friends this whole time. Did they ditch you? After inviting you to THEIR work party? You twist around and don't see them anywhere in the main area. You look around and see a bathroom to the right that has some smoke coming out of it, and then notice the bosses office door has been cracked open. Before you can choose a direction, everyone around you is gathering and politely hooting as a man is lead to the front. [[What is happening?->FletcherSpeech]]

He holds his hands out and grins his flush face out to the crowd. It looks like he's about to do a speech. “Alright everybody, you know I’m not a speech guy I’ll make it quick. It’s been a hard quarter for us. Sales are down, our biggest investor dropped out. You know what I say?” He puts his middle fingers out and the crowd laughs and cheers. For once in this party the awkward air is dissipating. “We’ve made bigger comebacks before, we’ve done more with less, but…that’s because //we were able to actually trust our employees back then.//” He raises the volume of his speech and starts making intense eye contact with people in the crowd. Everyone looks around and chuckles, confused. [[Uh oh, the vibe is quickly going weird again.->FletcherSpeech2]]

This does not go unnoticed {(if: $krunk is "not at all")[You try your hardest to sneak through employees to get to your destination but their...purposefully not letting you through the crowd? What the hell? You're noticing some angry glares your way as the office inhabitants don't seem to like that you're trying to get out of this strange humiliation ritual before they can. Fletcher looks over to you, noticing the attention isn't all on him anymore.] (if: $krunk is "not too much")[You try your hardest to sneak through employees to get to your destination but their...purposefully not letting you through the crowd? What the hell? You're noticing some angry glares your way as the office inhabitants don't seem to like that you're trying to get out of this strange humiliation ritual before they can. Fletcher looks over to you, noticing the attention isn't all on him anymore.] (if: $krunk is "medium")[You try your hardest to stumble through employees to get to your destination but their...purposefully not letting you through the crowd? What the hell? You're noticing some angry glares your way as the office inhabitants don't seem to like that you're trying to get out of this strange humiliation ritual before they can. Fletcher looks over to you, noticing the attention isn't all on him anymore.] (if: $krunk is "very")[Well, you try to do that, but upon trying to move, your unsteady legs immediately kick the nearest person in their knee pit, causing them to collapse, their drink tipping towards the crowd to give everybody a light alcoholic shower. Fletcher narrows his eyes at you.] (if: $krunk is "most")["I gooog go." You mumble and unsteadily kick the nearest person in their knee pit, causing you both to collapse, their drink tipping towards the crowd to give everybody a light alcoholic shower. Fletcher narrows his eyes at you as you try to recover from a faceful of mysterious, unpleasant carpet smells.]} “And now you can’t even listen to me? When your boss is talking? What could possibly be more important to you in this moment?” The boss, Fletcher yells across the room at you. Everyone’s head turns to see your response. [["I dont work here."]] [["Sorry sir..." (stay and listen to the rest of his rant)->Stay and listen]] [["Umm...I have to use the bathroom?"]] (if: $krunk is "very")[["I think im going to...blarf...."]] (if: $krunk is "most")[[blarf]]

“You (text-style:"rumble")[THINK] I don’t notice? You think I’m stupid? You think your BOSS is stupid? You are so lucky to even have jobs, you know that right? In this ecomony? Every pen you take, every game of solitaire you play, That’s (text-style:"rumble")[MY] money that you’re flushing down the goddamn toilet!” Tears are fully streaming down his face, he takes a swig from a glass of clear liquid he's been sloshing at his side. Luckily for everyone, he seems to be getting too drunk to continue. His speech devolves into (text-style:"sway")[“you guys need to shape up…you guys need to shape up.” ] Over and over again as he paces around and sniffles, adding in dramatic pauses so you can really hear the slight whine of the overhead lights when he does. Eventually around him begins to mutter and mill away as he shuffles away and locks himself in his office and promises that he will ever come out. Well, you're not going to the office now. Where do you check for (text-style:"italic")[Zip N Co]? [[Check the Bathroom->You make it to the bathroom.]]

You walk into the office, the door just barely ajar. The lights are off but you can hear some light tapping on the keyboard behind Fletchers desk, the screen casting light against the wall behind it. [[Approach]] [[Whisper: "Zip is that you?"]] [[Yell: "Zip is that you!?"]] (if: $krunk is "very")[[Trip over the trash can.]] (if: $krunk is "most")[[Trip over the trash can.]]

(if: $krunk is "not at all")[You walk into the office, the door just barely ajar and see a familiar red figure in the window. He's waving his hands outside the window, motioning for you to open it.] (if: $krunk is "not too much")[You walk into the office, the door just barely ajar and see a familiar red figure in the window. He's waving his hands outside the window, motioning for you to open it.] (if: $krunk is "medium")[You walk into the office, the door just barely ajar and see a familiar red figure in the window. He's waving his hands outside the window, motioning for you to open it.] (if: $krunk is "very")[You swagger into the office, the door just barely ajar and see a red figure in the window. He's waving his hands outside the window, motioning for you to open it.] (if: $krunk is "most")[You swagger drunkenly into the office, the door just barely ajar and see a red figure in the window. He's waving his hands outside the window, motioning for you to open it.] [[Open the window]] [[Don't open the window]]

“Yeah you sure don’t! Not anymore!” Fletcher sobs as you turn around. That’s the first time you’ve been fired from a job you didn’t have. And yet it still hurts. Everyone is still staring at you, so you decide it's best to hit the bathroom first and if need be, sneak into his office later. [[You make it to the bathroom.]]

(if:$danetozipswitch is "yes")[Well, I don't want to go too much in to detail about what happens here, but lets say you involuntarily return the champagne to where it came from, back to the biome of the this terrible little office. They do not appreciate it and you are ushered off to the bathroom, your "boss" yelling about how you are 'SO FIRED!' behind you.] (elseif:$danetozipswitch is "no")[Well, I don't want to go too much in to detail about what happens here, but lets say you basically share your Applebee's® dinner with the whole office. They do not appreciate it and you are ushered off to the bathroom, your "boss" yelling about how you are 'SO FIRED!' behind you.] [[I guess you're headed to the bathroom!->You make it to the bathroom.]]

"Ew! Then go! Get out of here! If we get one more biohazard on the carpet I legally have to change it!" Fletcher yells. As you hurry to the bathroom, you hear him drunkenly rant about how it's an employee's responsibility to uphold decorum, especially at leisure events. You are so glad you don't work for this Twat. [[I guess you're headed to the bathroom!->You make it to the bathroom.]]

(if: $krunk is "not at all")[I found a bitemark on my leg, and I think ] (if: $krunk is "not too much")[.] (if: $krunk is "medium")[] (if: $krunk is "very")[] (if: $krunk is "most")["My butt hurts?" You mumble and start to wander away. "Yeah? Probably because you're always SITTING ON IT!" Fletcher yells, which doesn't totally make since since he thinks you work here at his office, and most of the job is done sitting anyways/]

You run over to the window and put the pane up so that Dane can slide under it and jump in the room. (text-colour:magenta)["Hey thanks dude. It's kinda hard to get a grip on whatever they used to make this building. Slippery, I had to really dig my claws in. How goes it?"] Oh right! Dane is here under the pretense that you two are on a date. Hunting Zip to turn in for cash for his broken VHS tape your your broken $player. (if: $krunk is "not at all")[[Thank goodness that you're sober enough to remember that.->"Right! Dane! Sorry!"]] (if: $krunk is "not too much")[[Thank goodness that you're sober enough to remember that.->"Right! Dane! Sorry!"]] (if: $krunk is "medium")[[You're glad you're not too drunk to remember that->"Right! Dane! Sorry!"]] (if: $krunk is "very")[["What are you doing here Gabe?"]] (if: $krunk is "most")[["What are you doing here Gabe?"]]

Dane absentmindedly punches the window open shattering glass all over the office and hops down next to you, assuming you just didn't understand his cue. Oh right! Dane is here under the pretense that you two are on a date. Hunting Zip to turn in for cash for his broken VHS tape your your broken $player. (if: $krunk is "not at all")[[Thank goodness that you're sober enough to remember that.->"Right! Dane! Sorry!"]] (if: $krunk is "not too much")[[Thank goodness that you're sober enough to remember that.->"Right! Dane! Sorry!"]] (if: $krunk is "medium")[[Thank goodness that you're not drunk enough to forget that.->"Right! Dane! Sorry!"]] (if: $krunk is "very")[["What are you doing here Gabe?"]] (if: $krunk is "most")[["What are you doing here Gabe?"]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Gabe?"] He looks at you suspiciously and sniffs the air. (text-colour:magenta)["Ugh, dude! You're wasted! What the fuck! Usually i'm all for partying at inopurtune times, but my VHS is on the line?"] (if: $krunk is "very")[["Right! Dane! Sorry!"]] (if: $krunk is "very")[["Sorry Dave." (You've remembered his name, now you just want to mess with him).]] (if: $krunk is "most")[["Sorry Dave..."]]

He takes your shoulders and shakes them. (text-colour:magenta)["I'm not Dave, dumbass. Do you even remember our codenames?"] "Yeah, you're....$urcodename." You say confidently. You remember that much. Dane closes his eyes in frustion. (text-colour:magenta)["Sure."] He says through gritted fangs. [[Whatever you say, Dehg.->"Right! Dane! Sorry!"]]

He takes your shoulders and shakes them. (text-colour:magenta)["I'm not Dave, dumbass. Do you even remember our codenames?"] "Yeah, you're....$urcodename." You say confidently. You remember that much. Dane closes his eyes in frustration. (text-colour:magenta)["Sure."] He says through tightly grinding fangs. [[Whatever you say, Dehg.->"Right! Dane! Sorry!"]]

(text-colour:magenta)["So? Tell me whats happening? Are we ready to kill now?"] He pulls out his gigantic sword and looks at you confused. [[Time to put this off a little more.]] [[Time to tell Dane the truth.]] [[(Betray Zip, and continue on this path to violence)]] (If: $peanutmandm is "yougotmandm")[[Offer Dane the peanut M&M.]]

Dane doesn't need to know that you were betraying him for real before. And hey, is it even really a betrayal if you never make up your mind? You try to think of where Zip would be at this moment. You don't really think he would ditch this lame ass party. The door was open in here, could it be possible that Zip is hiding in this very room? (text-colour:magenta)["What are you-"] You lift your finger to your mouth and spend a moment to perceive your surroundings. Is anything out of place here? Your eyes catch on a giant orange USB on on the computer on the desk. 'ZIP' is written in big scraggly letters. You jiggle the mouse. The computer screen flashes on and show a complete transfer of documents to the USB. the USB is named "Zips tax fraud USB" the little bit of light in dark office brings your attention to another thing A trash can next to the desk, now you clearly see a big blue lump in it fidgeting around. You direct Dane towards that while you for the USB. (text-colour:yellow)["No! Wait!"] Zip suddenly cries, popping out of the trash can and suprizing you both. (text-colour:yellow)["Look, I'll head straight to hell myself if you let me have the drive. It took me so long to upload all those tax documents. Thirty minutes at least."] You look to Dane. (text-colour:magenta)["Hey, easier for us. They didn't say anything about the documents, just him. Tax fraud seems like too much of a hassle to do ourselves anyways,"] Dane shrugs. Zip pops out of the trashcan, snatches it from your hands and jumps into Dane's messenger bag, his torso hanging out of the top,like he's riding in a little motorcycle side car. You wonder for a moment if Zip needs this money for a good reason. (text-colour:yellow)["I'm going to buy a boat and fill it with hot chicks, and charge admission."] Zip tells you as he fiddles with the USB. (if: $weapon is "none")[(text-colour:magenta)["I guess you really didn't need a weapon. For once I was wrong. Usually this isn't the outcome."]] (if: $weapon is not "none")[(text-colour:magenta)["Sorry you didn't get to use your $weapon. There's always a next time."]] Dane scratches his head and flushes Zip in his messenger bag. Zip spins for a few seconds before disappearing in a burst of flames that shoot up and set off the smoke alarm and an automatic sprinkler system. You hear the party start to evacuate in the other room. [[You two are alone once more.]]

Speak your truth. (if: $krunk is "very" or "most")[What was the reason?? Think, drunk brain, think! [["Dang Daggy. I didn't know how to tell you that you give me the ick. Sorz."->"Dane, I told you that I was going on a seperate mission because I'm just not into you and I wanted the date to end. Sorry I lied."]] [["Look, Darg, I'll be honest, I had a reason and I totally don't remember anymore. Haha! Isn't that funny?"->"Dane, I told you that I was going on a seperate mission because I'm just not into you and I wanted the date to end. Sorry I lied."]] [["You are not my vibe Dad! My vibe is about staying alive and not going to hell and you seem to be...not about that?"->"Dane, I told you that I was going on a seperate mission because I felt that you are a threat to my health and safety."]] [["Look 'Damien from Monster Prom', I may be smashed at thee moment but I'm at least smart enough not to go through with a moida(murder)!"->"Dane, I told you that I was going on a seperate mission because I really did not want to commit a murder and I was stalling as long as possible."]]] (else:)[ [["Dane, I told you that I was going on a seperate mission because I'm just not into you and I wanted the date to end. Sorry I lied."]] [["Dane, I told you that I was going on a seperate mission because I felt that you are a threat to my health and safety."]] [["Dane, I told you that I was going on a seperate mission because I really did not want to commit a murder and I was stalling as long as possible."]]]

"I thought he ran in here but he got away again! I'm still scoping things out, just a little...longer. It might take all night to you know...get done with this party, but y'know, it'll be worth it! We'll get him! Don't worry, it'll just be a little longer!" You lie, visibly sweating. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh well...I guess a little while longer would be okay. I was afraid you were going to say you totally lost him." ](Why didn't you just say that?) (text-colour:magenta)["I can't really smell anything here over the rank carpet smell. Well, i'll be looking for free bricks on the roof. Find me when you're done." ]He mumbles and hops back out the window, crawling up the side of the building like some kind of man spider. [[Surely this will have no consequences.->Ziphears]]

"What is this, highschool?" You add on, rolling your eyes. The crowd gasps at your brashness. "Highschool! Ha! Its more like...I hired a bunch of...highschoolers..." The boss yells, unsure over the crowd. Your sass has at least broken his train of throught. You walk straight to the bathrom, quickly before the train starts again. Nobody's clapping, but you know in your hearts that your actions have inspired the stirrings of rebellion in the hearts of these office workers. [[You make it to the bathroom.]]

(if: (history:) contains "blarf")[You run to the bathroom and push the door open, not getting a proper look around. You hear a voice yell (text-colour:#b197fc)["Hey you were supposed to lock-oh- $name, are you alright?"] You immediately locate the sink and start rinsing your mouth and washing your face. The nausea has stopped at least, now you're just incredibly dehydrated. You look to the left to see Chelle digging in her purse, she hands you a watter bottle. You slide to the floor and start sipping on it. She gives you a halfhearted smile and continues to smoke. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Hey, I think its pretty cool that you immediately got the drunkest at this party. Selfless in a way. That way everyone rallies around side eyeing the drunk person which creates a sense of group comrodery. Makes for a good party."] She shrugs. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Someone's gotta be the one to throw up on the carpet."] You get a better look around the bathroom, all of Zips friends seem to be hiding out here and having their own party. They are passing around a bag of peanut M&M's, a joint, and a bottle of snapps. Wait, wasn't there another one? Terry bangs open a stall and he's crouching on the toilet seat (pants on), smoking a cigarette. He flashes you the peace sign.] (if: (history:) contains '"I think im going to...blarf...."')[You run to the bathroom and push the door open, not getting a proper look around. You hear a voice yell (text-colour:#b197fc)["Hey you were supposed to lock-oh $name, come here."] Some one leads you to the toilet, holds your hair back and hands you a water bottle when the deed is done. surprisingly, it's Chelle! She gives you a half hearted smile and returns to where she was originally sat, balancing on the marble sink counter.You get a better look around the bathroom, all of Zips friends seem to be hiding out here and having their own party. They are passing around a bag of peanut M&M's, a joint, and a bottle of snapps looking at you sympathetically. Wait, wasn't there another one? Terry bangs open a stall and he's crouching on the toilet seat (pants on), smoking a cigarette. He flashes you the peace sign. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Feel better, $name."] She mumbles and motions for you to drink more water.] (if: (history:) contains '"Umm...I have to use the bathroom?"')[You push the bathroom door open to find all of Zips friends sitting on the sinks. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Hey! Terry, you said you locked the door!"] Chelle snaps. Locked the bathroom door?Theres a cloud of weed smoke that escapes the bathroom, you see them passing a bottle of shnapps and a bag of peanut M&M's around. "Heyyy its $name!" Carlos cheers. "Come and join the cool kids!" Micheal cheers and Terry bangs a stall open to show his support. He's crouching on the toilet and smoking a joint with one hand, fist pumping with the other. Chelle quickly runs behind you to shut the door. Are they trying to hotbox? (text-colour:#b197fc)["You're not going to snitch on us, right? If the office hears we have weed in here, everyones going to want to share."]] (else:)[You push the bathroom door open to find all of Zips friends sitting on the sinks. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Hey! Terry, you said you locked the door!"] Chelle snaps. Locked the bathroom door?Theres a cloud of weed smoke that escapes the bathroom, you see them passing a bottle of shnapps and a bag of peanut M&M's around. "Heyyy its $name!" Carlos cheers. "Come and join the cool kids!" Micheal cheers and Terry bangs a stall open to show his support. He's crouching on the toilet and smoking a joint with one hand, fist pumping with the other. Chelle quickly runs behind you to shut the door. Are they trying to hotbox? (text-colour:#b197fc)["You're not going to snitch on us, right? If the office hears we have weed in here, everyones going to want to share."] Chelle looks you over suspiciously.] [["What are you guys doing in here?"]] [["Have you guys seen Zip?"]] [["Can I have some peanut M&M's?"->"I'll take a peanut M&M"]] (if: $krunk is "very" or "most")[ [[Can I have a drink?->No drink]] ](else:)[ [["Can I have a drink?"]] ] [["Can I have a weed?"]] [["What if people need to use the bathroom?"]] [["Are you allowed to smoke weed in this office?"]] [(if:(history: where its name contains "blarf")'s length >= 1)[["Thanks Chelle"]]]

(if: $krunk is "very")[You feel like you're sobering up quickly as the conversation grows tense.] (if: $krunk is "most")[You feel like you're sobering up quickly as the conversation grows tense.] His shoulders drop and his sword tip falls on the ground. You suppose it genuinley did not once occur to him that you were trying to blow him off. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh."] He answers with a sigh, not able to meet your eyes, considering his sword tip as it slides in the carpet. (if:(history: where its name contains "Offer Dane the peanut M&M.")'s length >= 1)[(text-colour:magenta)["And you...knowingly tried to poison me."] He mumbles.] [["I'm sorry."]] [["I wish you would have taken the hint."]] [["I'm sure you'll find your perfect match someday."]] [["Please consider more therapy before having another date."]]

(if: $krunk is "very")[You feel like you're sobering up quickly as the conversation grows tense.] (if: $krunk is "most")[You feel like you're sobering up quickly as the conversation grows tense.] His shoulders drop and his sword tip falls on the ground. You suppose it genuinley did not once occur to him that you were trying to blow him off. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh." ]He answers with a sigh, not able to meet your eyes, considering his sword tip as it slides in the carpet. He laughs humorlessly. (text-colour:magenta)["I guess..I guess you're not wrong, I guess I just thought...I don't know...I guess I was just thinking about what I wanted to do, and I thought it would be exciting...but I...kind of bulldozed...didn't I."] He mumbles, grinding the sword in a little more. (if:(history: where its name contains "Offer Dane the peanut M&M.")'s length >= 1)[(text-colour:magenta)["Hmm, but did you did knowlingly try to poison me."] His eyes narrow.] [["I'm sorry."]] [["I wish you would have taken the hint."]] [["I'm sure you'll find your perfect match someday."]] [["Please consider more therapy before having another date."]]

(if: $krunk is "very")[You feel like you're sobering up quickly as the conversation grows tense.] (if: $krunk is "most")[You feel like you're sobering up quickly as the conversation grows tense.] His shoulders drop and his sword tip falls on the ground. You suppose it genuinley did not once occur to him that you were trying to blow him off. (text-colour:magenta)["Oh."] He answers with a sigh, not able to meet your eyes, considering his sword tip as it slides in the carpet. He swallows before speaking with some difficulty.. (text-colour:magenta)["I guess.. I guess I just thought...I don't know...I guess I was just thinking about what I wanted to do, and I thought it would be exciting...sorry...I...made you do something you don't want to do...and made you feel like you had to...run away."] He mumbles, grinding the sword in a little more. (if:(history: where its name contains "Offer Dane the peanut M&M.")'s length >= 1)[(text-colour:magenta)["and...poison me."] He adds.] [["I'm sorry."]] [["I wish you would have taken the hint."]] [["I'm sure you'll find your perfect match someday."]] [["Please consider more therapy before having another date."]]

He shakes his head and sighs. (text-colour:magenta)["You...you don't have to apologize, that just makes me feel worse. I think it wasn't your fault anyways. I made you feel unsafe, which put you in a position of making you feel like you needed to lie for safety. Which...sucks." ]He grumbles. He's taking this surprisingly maturely. (text-colour:magenta)["I think I have to work on becoming a less...violent person if I want to hang out with mortals. Maybe i'll get there one of these centuries."] He lets out a big breath and stows his sword. (text-colour:magenta)["No hard feelings $name. Well, complicated feelings, but they aren't your bad." ]He says, and waves over his shoulder without looking. He walks towards the window to jump out and make his exit. You have a feeling you're never going to see him again. [["Would it make you feel better if I let you beat me up?"]] [["Wait, you're letting Zip go?"]] [["Is there any chance you'd want to go on another date sometime?"]] (if: $krunk is "very")[[Catch you on the flip side, Grenk]] (if: $krunk is "most")[[Catch you on the flip side, Grenk]]

He closes his eyes and tenses, a couple little eyes popping out of his neck to glare at you. (text-colour:magenta)["I...wish I did too." ]He grumbles, seeming unsure what to add. (text-colour:magenta)["I'll go."] He says. He sheaths his sword and starts heading towards the window to make his exit. [["Would it make you feel better if I let you beat me up?"]] [["Wait, you're letting Zip go?"]] (if: $krunk is "very")[[Catch you on the flip side, Grenk]] (if: $krunk is "most")[[Catch you on the flip side, Grenk]]

(if: $krunk is "very")[You feel like you're sobering up quickly as the conversation grows tense.] (if: $krunk is "most")[You feel like you're sobering up quickly as the conversation grows tense.] (text-colour:magenta)["Oh dont- You don't have to...."] He waves you off and glares at a tiny trash bin. (text-colour:magenta)["Look, $name . I'm not a loser. I don't have to date to be happy-"] (Ouch okay you're ignoring that) (text-colour:magenta)["I just...hoped that I was having a genuine experience with someone so that I could learn how to...nevermind."] He huffs gripping the handle of his sword before stowing it on his back. (text-colour:magenta)["It doesn't matter. I hope your date with Zip is ass."] He grumbles and starts to make his way towards the window. (if:(history: where its name contains "Offer Dane the peanut M&M.")'s length >= 1)[(text-colour:magenta)["And fuck you for trying to poison me AND FAILING. So lame. Worst date ever."] He grinds his teeth as he looks back at you with distain.] [["Would it make you feel better if I let you beat me up?"]] [["Wait, you're letting Zip go?"]]

He just looks at the carpet, confused and angry, and grips his sword with a shaking fist before turning back to you. (text-colour:magenta)["Y'know...fuck. Whatever. Sorry I made you feel unsafe. I hope you have a safe, boring, stupid fun date."] He mumbles and heads towards the window. He sounds sincere, but dejected. [["Would it make you feel better if I let you beat me up?"]] [["Wait, you're letting Zip go?"]] (if: $krunk is "very")[[Catch you on the flip side, Grenk]] (if: $krunk is "most")[[Catch you on the flip side, Grenk]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Ugh, I'm not a total Fuck, $name." I'll let you finish your date. Yeah, I took the contract so I need to finish it. Well, WE took it, but i'll cover your ass. Don't worry, i'm sure your boyfriend will find a way to escape back out to the mortal world, he's done it plenty."] He gives you one last long, somber look before he turns around and hangs out the window. (text-colour:magenta)["I'll make sure you're not around too so you don't have to see it...maybe"] He mumbles before jumping off. [[He leaves you alone, the open window blowing a chill wind in to the dark office space->Ziphears]]

He sneers back at you as he ducks his head through the window. (text-colour:magenta)["Tsch. 50 years too late. Consider therapy, weirdo. If you've been already, get a refund."] He points a claw at you and jumps down. You hear him yell . (text-colour:magenta)["BetterHelp doesn't require their therapists to be liscenced so keep that in miiind!" ] [[He leaves you alone, the open window blowing a chill wind in to the dark office space->Ziphears]]

He sits on the window sil and looks back at you, the orange of the sunset making his skin appear as if it was slightly glowing. (if:(history: where its name contains "Don't open the window")'s length >= 1)[Shards of broken, pulverized glass stick to his skin and glitter like stars.] (text-colour:magenta)["Not a chance loser. See you never." ]He flips you off and launches off the side of the building. [[And that's that.->Ziphears]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -5) You hear the shuffling of trashcan next to the desk, as Zip pops out of it and stares at you with wide blank eyes. How long had he been hiding in here? For the whole party? You gasp and realize he must have heard everything the two of you said.. (text-colour:yellow)["You lied to me. You...you've been trying to kill me. What the fuck?"] He whispers angrily, glancing towards the window to make sure Dane doesn't come back. [["It's not what it looks like!"->It's not what it looks like!]] [["Wait, why are you in here?"->Wait, why are you in here?]]

(text-colour:yellow)["That's what they all say! You asshole! I really liked you, you know that? Damn, you really can't trust a hoe!" ] Suddenly the computer screen light flashes on and shows a complete transfer of documents. You notice a big orange USB sticking out of the big compy on the desk. (text-colour:yellow)[ "Oh that's nothing, just work stuff, don't even bother with it! Look at me! Look at me!"] He chitters nervously. Upon further inspection, You glance over breifly and see a bunch of files for taxes and accounting, being copied into a folder called 'Zips tax fraud USB' {(if:$looked is "level2" or "level3")[This makes sense considering the evidence you saw earlier on Zip's phone. You just didn't know that he would be so bold and egotistical to think he could pull off a Cinder date and corporate espionage during the same crappy office party] (if:$looked is not "level2" or is not "level3")[He's been in here the whole time, using the party as a cover, stealing accounting information off his bosses computer. What role did you play in this? just another distraction?]} Zip looks between you and the computer nervously. You are closer to the computer, you could grab this usb and get him in a lot of trouble. (text-colour:yellow)["Look okay, maybe I have made a very ill-timed decision to complete a months long tax fraud scheme at my work during a Cinder date, but that doesn't mean I don't see this working out.In fact, this is great for you. Who else would I spend the money on? This would be a great monetary oppurtunity for you."] He clears his throat. [[Turn Zip in->Zippy Jail Low Affinity]] [[Don't turn Zip in->Zippy get a Bricky]]

(text-colour:yellow)["You can't turn this around on me! I'm not on trial here!"] Zip crosses his arms. Suddenly the computer screen light flashes on and shows a complete transfer of documents. You notice a big orange USB sticking out of the big compy on the desk. (text-colour:yellow)["Oh that's nothing, just work stuff, don't even bother with it! Look at me! Look at me!" ]He chitters nervously. Upon further inspection, You glance over breifly and see a bunch of files for taxes and accounting, being copied into a folder called "Zips tax fraud USB" (if:$looked is "level2" or "level3")[This makes sense considering the evidence you saw earlier on Zip's phone. You just didn't know that he would be so bold and egotistical to think he could pull off a Cinder date and corporate espionage during the same crappy office party] (if:$looked is not "level2" or is not "level3")[He's been in here the whole time, using the party as a cover, stealing accounting information off his his bosses computer. What role did you play in this? just another distraction?] Zip looks between you and the computer nervously. You are closer to the computer, you could grab this usb and get him in a lot of trouble. (text-colour:yellow)["Look okay, maybe I have made a very ill-timed decision to complete a months long tax fraud scheme at my work during a Cinder date, but that doesn't mean I don't see this working out. In fact, this is great for you. Who else would I spend the money on? This would be a great monetary opportunity for you."] He clears his throat. [[Turn Zip in->Zippy Jail Low Affinity]] [[Don't turn Zip in->Zippy get a Bricky]]

(text-colour:magenta)["I'd say see you in hell, loser, but I won't. Good luck finding a partner for the annual hell Dodgeball competition. Good luck throwing a flaming bowling ball on your own, skin-for-hands."] He sneers and drops out the window. [[You'll worry about that when it comes. And it will come.->Ziphears]]

$ZipAffinity

(text-colour:magenta)["So, i'll be real, uh, I know you were wanting to betray me. But it's cool. Part of the good thing about having so many eyes-"] A familiar almond shape lid opens on his forehead, a red sclera-ed eye with multiple white pupils focuses on you. It blinks away the water from the sprinkler. (text-colour:magenta)["Some of them can see different stuff. Like different planes, or lies, or gaydar." ] You lift your arms to defend yourself but he raises his claws up and approaches you slowly. (text-colour:magenta)["Hey no worries! I'm thinking a little deception is fine, whatever we just have to get even, you know?" ] He yanks you towards him by the front of your shirt. (text-colour:magenta)["Y'know, a little deception never hurt anybody really. In fact, I think you'll fit right in!"] A vicious laugh rips through him. He flips a coin behind his shoulder and begins to tip backwards, pulling you into the hellish portal it creates. Literally dragging you to hell. (if:$lavalie is "yes")[[What a drama queen.->Don't lie about Lava]] (if:$lavalie is "no")[[What a drama queen.->DraggedtohellDanetoZiptoDane]]

''Zippy gets Brickied Ending'' You quickly leave the building, arm and arm with Zip, feeling a strange sensation that something is wrong, and not just your dishonestly or the crime that Zip had commited. Something else. "Zip I feel like I forgot something...." you mumble and take a step back after you exit the builing. (text-colour:yellow)["That's stupid. You're slowing me down"] Zip says, looking like he's going to run off on his own. Unlucky for Zip that's the last thing he ever would get to say on this plane as faster than you can properly react, he explodes into a spray of blue goo that showers your front. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/QpzyhCo.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=40% HEIGHT=40% alt=prologo></img> What happened? Why was there a brick and a bunch of liquid where Zip had been standing? You look up to see a red tail swish quickly out of sight on the roof of company building and realized that it might have slipped your mind that Zip was on borrowed time. You should have asked him for his bank password first (not that he would have given it to you.) <img src="https://i.imgur.com/LW0Zez1.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=90% HEIGHT=90% alt=prologo></img> [[Character Data]] Congrats! This is what I think will either be, the rarest ending, or a close second. For getting such a rare ending you get a [(link: "fun fact")[==(css: "font-size: 75%;")[I make mention of Applebees constantly and that it doesn't have windows in this game. I didn't know this prior to writing that game but apparently that's not true. There was no windows in any ones i've went to but i've recently learned that most Applebees DO have windows, but now I'm not going to take it out. Was this??? a fun???? fact????]]

You walk closer into the office and see Zip scroll through a folder that was in the process of copying to a USB sticking out of the tower. You're looking over his shoulder before he finally notices you and yelps. (text-colour:yellow)["Holy hell, $name! I thought you were a ghost!"] He whisper-yells. Are demon's afraid of ghosts? (text-colour:yellow)["Uh, go back out to the party okay babe? Just getting some...last minute....work things worked on."] He says, minimizing the usb folder and opening a game of Balatro to obscure it from your vision. (if:$looked is "level2" or "level3")[["Look Zip, I looked through your phone earlier, I know you're committing tax fraud."]] [["What are you doing in your bosses office?"]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + 2) You walk closer into the office and see Zip scroll through a folder that was in the process of copying to a USB sticking out of the tower. Zip is looking at you curiously over the side of the computer. (text-colour:yellow)["Hey hot stuff. Did you miss me at the party?"] He whispers back. "Why are we whispering?" you ask as you come behind the computer screen to see him quickly click on Balatro, opening up a game to obscure the screen. (text-colour:yellow)["What? You don't like whispering?"] He says, sitting on the computer desk, and does a little wiggle, pointing at where you think his nipples would be if he had them, obviously trying to distract you from asking any futher questions. (if:$looked is "level2" or "level 3")[["Look Zip, I looked through your phone earlier, I know you're committing tax fraud."]] [["What are you doing in your bosses office?"]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -2) Zip jumps and franticly clicks out of something, opening a game of Balatro to obscure it from your vision. (text-colour:yellow)["Holy hell! Shh!!! $name!" Are you trying to get me caught?"] He clears his throat. (text-colour:yellow)["I meant...i'm actually...just...um, i'm supposed to be be here, okay? You're the weird one just going into a random guys office. Geez, can't a guy play some Balatro on his bosses computer in the dark during a an office party?" ] (if:$looked is "level2")[["Look Zip, I looked through your phone earlier, I know you're committing tax fraud."]] [["What are you doing in your bosses office?"]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + -2) Zip peeks over the computer to peek at you as you hit the ground. (text-colour:yellow)["Shh!!! $name!" Are you trying to get me caught?"] He clears his throat. (text-colour:yellow)["Uh, I mean, i'm just...fixing my...my bosses...i'm organizing his desktop. But its a surprise! So don't tell him." ]He mumbles irritated. (if:$looked is "level2" or "level3")[["Nooo! You can't trick me, you're doing fraud! I saw it! When I went through your phone!" You correct him and put a finger to his lips.->"Look Zip, I looked through your phone earlier, I know you're committing tax fraud."]] [["What are you doing in your bosses office?"]]

(text-colour:yellow)["You..don't know that! You can't prove that! And also looking at someones phone without their permission is probably also illegal too, sooo maybe you're going to jail!" ]He chitters nervously. Upon further inspection, You glance over breifly and see a bunch of files for taxes and accounting, being copied into a folder called "Zips tax fraud USB" Zip looks between you and the computer nervously. You are closer to the computer, you could grab this usb and get him in a lot of trouble. (text-colour:yellow)["Look okay, maybe I have made a very ill-timed decision to complete a months long tax fraud scheme at my work during a Cinder date, but that doesn't mean I don't see this working out. In fact, this is great for you. Who else would I spend the money on? This would be a great monetary opportunity for you."] He clears his throat. [[Turn Zip in->Zippy Jail Low Affinity]] {(if:$ZipAffinity < 2)[[Don't turn Zip in->Zippy and the chick boat low affinity]] (if:$ZipAffinity > 2)[[Don't turn Zip in->Zippy and the Chick Boat High Affinity]]}

(text-colour:yellow)["Oh that's nothing, just work stuff, don't even bother with it! Look at me! Look at me!" ]He chitters nervously. Upon further inspection, You glance over breifly and see a bunch of files for taxes and accounting, being copied into a folder called "Zips tax fraud USB" (if:$looked is "level2" or "level3")[This makes sense considering the evidence you saw earlier on Zip's phone. You just didn't know that he would be so bold and egotistical to think he could pull off a Cinder date and corporate espionage during the same crappy office party] (if:$looked is not "level2" or is not "level3")[He's been in here the whole time, using the party as a cover, stealing accounting information off his bosses computer. What role did you play in this? just another distraction?] Zip looks between you and the computer nervously. You are closer to the computer, you could grab this usb and get him in a lot of trouble. (text-colour:yellow)["Look okay, maybe I have made a very ill-timed decision to complete a months long tax fraud scheme at my work during a Cinder date, but that doesn't mean I don't see this working out. In fact, this is great for you. Who else would I spend the money on? This would be a great monetary opportunity for you."] He clears his throat. [[Turn Zip in->Zippy Jail Low Affinity]] {(if:$ZipAffinity < 2)[[Don't turn Zip in->Zippy and the chick boat low affinity]] (if:$ZipAffinity > 2)[[Don't turn Zip in->Zippy and the Chick Boat High Affinity]]}

(set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + 1) (set: $ChelleAffinity to it + 1) Chelle ignores you. [[But you know she heard.->Bathroom Quest]]

(set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + 1) "Knock yourself out!" Carlos says, handing you the bottle, Chelle glares at him. "Um...I mean drink responsibly." He mumbles with a roll of the eyes. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Just don't make yourself sick, theres enough sloppy drunks in here already."] Chelle complains. [[drink responsibly.]] [[drink irresponsibly.]]

"Are you allowed to smoke weed in the office?" Terry mocks from the stall, not bothering to open he door. Chelle nods. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Yeah, believe it or not, this is actualy the contraband."] She says holding up a single yellow peanut M&M (text-colour:#b197fc)["Fletch- our boss is allergic to peanuts."] She grins and throws the M&M in her mouth. Wow that's even more fucked up. Seeing your expression she rolls her eyes. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Well as long as we're not sucking face with him or kissing his ass like Zip, he'll be fine, $name. Want any?"] She offers you a joint in one hand and the bag of candy in the other. [["I'll take a peanut M&M"]] [[I'll take a weed->"Can I have a weed?"]] [[Nah.->Bathroom Quest]]

(if:(history: where its name contains "I'll take a peanut M&M")'s length >= 1)[(text-colour:#b197fc)["Peanut hog..."] Chelle mumbles.] Chelle throws a single peanut M&M your way. It's a (cycling-link:"yellow","green","blue","orange","red") one. [[Put Peanut M&M in your pocket]] [[Eat Peanut M&M]]

(if: $knowndaneweakness is "known")[Remebering a conversation you had with Dane earlier, you hold the peanut M&M in your hands and think. Didn't Dane say he was allergic to peanuts? Could this single peanut M&M be solve the conumdrum of him hanging around near by to kill your current date? Do you have the [(link: "chutzpah")[==(css: "font-size: 75%;")[(text-colour:#ffc078)[(hello there ][(link: "goy")[==(css: "font-size: 60%;")[(text-colour:#e599f7)[(a term used by Jewish people for a non-Jewish person.)]]] (text-colour:#ffc078)[or curious clicker, this is what Chutzpah means: Chutzpah (Yiddish) is the quality of audacity, for good or for bad. A close English equivalent is sometimes "hubris". The word derives from the Hebrew ḥuṣpāh, meaning "insolence", "cheek" or "audacity". The original Yiddish word negative connotation, but the form has taken on a broader meaning in American English moreso meaning the amount of courage, mettle or ardor that an individual has. No idea why i'm writing this, this is literally such a convoluted path to get to this specific passage, I doubt anyone will see this.)]]] to see this through? You'll decide that when you see Dane next. {(if: $outfit is "ballgown")[Oh wait, no you don't, because you're wearing a g d ballgown and those famously don't have pockets. (You thought I forgot, didn't you?) EHHHH No peanut murder plot for you!] (else-if: $outfit is "club dress")[Oh wait, no you don't, because you're wearing a skin tight club dress and those famously don't have pockets. (You thought I forgot, didn't you?) EHHHH No peanut murder plot for you!] (else-if: $outfit is "jersey")[You slip the peanut in your giant Adam Sandler basketball shorts, and hope that it doesn't get lost in the void.] (else-if: $outfit is "hoodie")[You slip the peanut in your hoodie pocket and make sure that you keep it away from your body so it doesn't melt.] (else-if: $outfit is "suit")[You slip the peanut in your suit jacket pocket and make sure that you keep it away from your body so it doesn't melt.] (else: )[You slip the peanut in your pocket and make sure that you keep it away from your body so it doesn't melt.]} (link:"add one peanut M&M to your inventory.")[(set:$peanutmandm to "yougotmandm")(goto:"Bathroom Quest")] ] (if: $knowndaneweakness is not "known")[Now why would you do that? You're just going to forget about it and it's going to melt in your pocket. And then you're going to put your jacket on the floor next to the door like you usually do. Cut to the next time you're going out, you grab your jacket to wear it again, stick your hands in the pocket and wonder why your hands coming out brown and sticky. I, the author am speaking from experience. [[You think about it more critically and decide to eat the Peanut M&M]] [[This is a choice based game and you have made your choice. Put that sucker in your pocket.]] ]

You eat it, its a peanut M&M ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ [[It's not ass, but its not what you were craving->Bathroom Quest]]

{(if: $outfit is "ballgown")[Oh wait, no you don't, because you're wearing a g d ballgown and those famously don't have pockets. Haha] (else-if: $outfit is "club dress")[Oh wait, no you don't, because you're wearing a skin tight club dress and those famously don't have pockets. Haha.] (else-if: $outfit is "jersey")[You slip the peanut in your giant Adam Sandler basketball shorts, and hope that it doesn't get lost in the void. Maniac] (else-if: $outfit is "hoodie")[You slip the peanut in your hoodie pocket. You fool.] (else-if: $outfit is "suit")[You slip the peanut in your suit jacket pocket like a maniac.] (else: )[You put the peanut M&M in your pocket like a maniac. There is no consequences for doing this, but its just going to be a hassle in the future. I hope it was worth it.]} [[back to questions->Bathroom Quest]]

[["What are you guys doing in here?"]] [["Have you guys seen Zip?"]] [["Can I have some peanut M&M's?"->"I'll take a peanut M&M"]] (if: $krunk is "very" or "most")[ [[Can I have a drink?"->No drink]] ](else:)[ [["Can I have a drink?"]] ] [["Can I have a weed?"]] [["What if people need to use the bathroom?"]] [["Are you allowed to smoke weed in this office?"]] (if:$ChelleAffinity > 4)[["Chelle, do you want to ditch this place and hang out together?"]] (if:$DaCrewAffinity > 4)[["Would you guys like to keep in touch after the date with Zip ends?"]] (if:(history: where its name contains "blarf")'s length >= 1)[["Thanks Chelle"]] (if:(history: where its name contains "Meet them outside")'s length >= 1)[[Head out of the bathroom and check the office->Check the Boss's office]] (if:(history: where its name contains "LeavingApplebeesDanetoZipSwitch")'s length >= 1)[[Go to the office->Daneisintheoffice]]

"Heyy...do you want some chocolate?" You ask innocently, holding our the peanut M&M He rests a hand on his sword, shifting his weight to his back foot, he cocks his head at you, looking the most pissed that you've seen him so far. (text-colour:magenta)["Yeah, $urcodename? I'm pretty fucking sure I told you that i'm allergic to peanuts. And i'm dead fucking sure that you remember that."] The hand on his sword seems less than a bluff than you'd like to think. You try to look surprised and even a bit betrayed at the chocolate covered peanut in your hand. "These have peanuts in them?" You mumble, unconvincing. (text-colour:magenta)["Did you think that I wouldn't know what peanut M&M's are because i'm a devil? The Yellow Peanut M&M rules the 3rd circle of hell, you know, the gluttony one? There's a lot of cannibals in hell, but he's ruthless about it. Something about revenge against all mortals who have consumed his kin. Guess you'll find out soon."] His claws curl in on themselves. [[Put the peanut away in your pocket, never to be heard or seen from again.->Backtoask]] [["Oops! Sorry, I really didn't know."->Backtoask]] [["But you have to try one! They are soooo good! You don't know what you're missing!"]] [["I double dog dare you!"->"But you have to try one! They are soooo good! You don't know what you're missing!"]]

(set: $Didyoutrytopoisonyourdate to "true") He tsks at you disapprovingly. (text-colour:magenta)["You think I'm an idiot or something, $urcodename?"] He accuses. A fang peeks out under his curled lip. He narrows cat like eyes and stares directly into yours, and glances at the M&M, then back to you, and back to the M&M, his expression growing more frustrated. Faster than you react, he snatches it out of your hand and bites it in half, considers the taste, and then spits out the wet peanut on the carpet. Ew. (text-colour:magenta)["That was not worth it. Ugh, you know how rare Epi-Pens are in hell? You don't, dip-shit."] He rummages in his bag and pops the lid, sticking the needle in his thigh. He takes it and throws the now empty canister at your head, It bounces off your forehead with a painful sting. (text-colour:magenta)["Well, now i'll be at the hospital, feel free not to visit me, 'cause i'll be seeing you in hell. That's a guarantee. Me, you and the Yellow Peanut M&M. "] He threatens. (text-colour:magenta)["Have a nice date with the pool noodle, asshole. I'll be waiting."] He turns to glare at you one more time before hoping at the window and you're left with the image of his two (text-style:"blur")[(text-colour:yellow)[yellow eyes]], much like two (text-style:"blur")[(text-colour:yellow)[yellow M&M's]], boring into you ominously. You unconsciously shiver. Well, you might have doomed yourself to being devoured by the Yellow Peanut M&M, but theirs a 'later you' problem. 'current you' is just going to take the win. [['current you' is just going to take the win.->ZiphearsDaneatHospital]]

(text-colour:magenta)["Alright, are you done fucking around and trying to kill me?"] Dane folds his arms and narrows his eyes. (text-colour:magenta)["Wrong target dumb ass, focus that murderous energy on the blue guy."] Well, it could have gone worse, he doesn't seem to be quite under-offended that you tried to poison him. Now how are you going to deal with him? [[Time to tell Dane the truth.]] [[(Betray Zip, and continue on this path to violence)]]

(set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + -1) You tip the bottle back and chug chug chug! (set: $krunk to "most") [[Bathroom Quest]]

(set: $ChelleAffinity to it + 2) (set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + 2) (if: (history:) contains "drink responsibly." or "drink irresponsibly.")[You bring the bottle close to your lips but you're brain wont let you pour any more of this foul poison in your mouth. Ugh, maybe you should have chugged it. Having only a little made it feel like you could taste it that much more. [[Ask some more questions->Bathroom Quest]] ] (else:)[You take one small drink of the schnapps. Or is it a bottle of schnapps filled with straight up rubbing alcohol? [[Whats the difference?->Bathroom Quest]] ]

Carlos starts to hand you the bottle but Chelle intersepts and takes a deep swig. She winces at the taste. (text-colour:#b197fc)["$name's had enough. They're sick, Carlos.] She enunciates harshly and narrows her eyes at Carlos and sets the bottle next to her thigh, she fold and arm and glowers at you daring you to do something about it. [[It's kinda hot.->Bathroom Quest]] [[It's kinda not.->Bathroom Quest]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["Kinda obsessed with him, no?"] Chelle smirks. Terry bangs the stall open. "Well $name IS their date. It's weird that he would just dip." He says quickly before the stall screeches closed again. "It's not that weird." Carlos replies. "He's been just off in his own world lately, taking any excuse to...i don't know...fuck off and do whatever it is that he does." Ohhh group drama. You settle in and hope that they forget you're here so they get into the good stuff. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Look, just forget about him. He's his own man. He can be an ass if he wants. His choice. He's just missing out on these prime appetizers and spirits."] Chelle shakes the bag of peanut m&m's around. "Surprised he even is dating at the moment, he seems to be busy with...something or other. Then again, he's always been a dog eehhehehe." Micheal high fives Carlos, who sticks his hand under the stall and low fives Terry. Chelle just rolls her eyes. (if:$looked is "level2" or "level3")[You're pretty certain that it has something to do with the tax fraud evidence that you've seen on his phone.] [["Why do you guys even hang out with Zip? It doesn't seem like you like him that much."]] [["Maybe he's doing tax fraud."]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["Working."] Chelle answers, and throws a Peanut M&M at Carlos's head. (text-colour:#b197fc)["What does it look like?"] [["Why even come to the work party at all?"]] [[No need for sarcasm->Bathroom Quest]]

(set: $ChelleAffinity to it + 2) (text-colour:#b197fc)["Just one?"] Chelle smirks and hands you the joint. You now have One Weed. [[Suck on it]] [[Blow on it]]

Carlos tips his head and shrugs. (text-colour:#b197fc)["They can piss in a pot.]" Chelle answers. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Or they can leave the party and shit at their own houses, would make the party end sooner."] "I told you guys that I DO need to use the bathroom." Terry announces from the stall, creaking it open to peek out, looking frustrated Micheal and Carlos shake their heads at him. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Don't you fucking dare."] Chelle scowls. (text-colour:#b197fc)["You can't stealth it. We'll know, Terry."] [[The stall creaks closed->Bathroom Quest]]

"Mandatory work parties." Micheal says, hanging a ciggie next to the trash can, reminding you that he exists too. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Plus theres nothing more cozy than having a cooler, smaller, exclusive party inside of a larger lamer party."] Chelle nods in agreement of her own point. [[This is kind of a cool in a 'hanging with your older siblings friends who don't like or respect you' kind of way.' Or is that too much of a deep cut...->Bathroom Quest]]

You conjure up the image of rewinding a tape of someone playing the tuba and suck on the joint like that, and then pass it to Carlos who immediately declares. "Eww, It's wet!" and points in your direction. Luckily no one seems to pay attention to this obvious character assasination and minds their own business. [[Whatever->Bathroom Quest]]

(set: $ChelleAffinity to it + 2) You blow into the joint like its a little tuba and weed sparks come flying out of the end. Micheal, reminding you he exists, walks over and snatches it from you. "Who taught you how to smoke weed?" He mumbles, disturbed. Chelle is smirking at you. At least she thought it was funny. [[Bathroom Quest]]

Everybody seems to stiffen at this. "Dude, you can't just say that in his place of work with no proof. Knock it off." Carlos frowns and doesn't meet your eyes. Chelle is staring directly into your eyes in deep thought, seeming to be considering some things. [[The truth is never popular->Bathroom Quest]]

(set: $DaCrewAffinity to it + 1) "Oh it's just Chelle that has the grudge." Carlos says Chelle's head whips over to glare at him. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Shut up Carlos."] She threatens. He doesn't seem to care. "But we spend most of our waking hours with our coworkers so, might as well try to make it pleasant." He finishes. "Networking!" You hear Terry from the stall. "Keep your enemies close..." Micheal says quietely. Chelle looks at a smear of blood in the sink and stays quiet. [[Your work drama signals are tingling->Bathroom Quest]]

(text-colour:magenta)[Heeeey its Crash's friend J!!!!!! or at least someone with the same name? n e ways, crash told me all about u, is that y u clicked on my profile is because you heard about how hot I was ;) well get ready the ride of ur life, and for the love of all that is unholy do not bring the little kinky swamp guy along.]

Someone rushes to his side to usher him away and get him to stop talking, their stressed expression you have a feeling its HR. “(text-style:"buoy")[No no no], they told me not to talk about this, but I’m going to talk about this.” He slurs getting incensed. They pat him on the shoulders and take his arm but he breaks out of it. “(text-style:"rumble")[''No no NO!''] You guys don’t think I see it but I do. 30 minute lunch breaks turn into 35 minute lunch breaks and then you just ‘have to use the bathroom’ for five whole minutes after that. Do you know what that’s called. Theft, ladies and gentlemen.(text-style:"rumble")['' IT’S CALLED TIME THEFT.'']” His voice cracks as he yells. The sound bounces off the ceiling tiles as the crowd looks around, cringed and confused. It is now officially the worst. This is so embarrassing that that your heart is racing. There is something so deeply and uniquely uncomfortable about this... Where have you felt this feeling before? Oh yeah, (font: "cursive")[middle school]. It's that feeling when when a teacher would get totally fed up with a whole class and lose it in front everybody. You shiver uncomfortably. The vibe in the room is now quickly approaching ‘hostages’. You think if you risk staying any longer, he may actually start crying. [[You're not an employee, you don't have to stay for this. Check in one of the rooms for Zip and his friends.->notemployee]] [[Stay and listen (for some reason)->Stay and listen]]

''Blue is the New Black Ending'' It had been a couple weeks since you turned Zip in and he was sent to prison. (if: $Didyoutrytopoisonyourdate is "true")[Luckily so far you'd heard nothing from Dane. Though from his professed hate of cops, you didn't think that he'd want to be anywhere near where Zip was now. Perhaps turning Zip in was the only way to keep him safe after all....] You couldn’t have imagined that going on one internet date would change the trajectory of your whole career, but it undeniably had. Upon bringing the news of Zip's fraud to his boss Fletcher, the cops were called and you were offered his position as a reward. (They figured that you couldn't possibly do a worse job than Zip had been doing). (if:$DaCrewAffinity > 4)[In the social sense you had quickly replaced Zip's spot in 'Da Crew' Terry had briefly made a play to become the new alpha of the group but you spent all your energy into sabotaging his confidence with some disparaging water cooler banter about how often he microwaved fish in the company kitchen microwave.] (if:$DaCrewAffinity < 4)[You hadn't quite filled the spot that Zip left in 'Da Crew'. Though he was terrible at his job, not very smart, or kind, he had a certain asshole charisma that seemed to keep conversations alive, while yours kind of petered out into nothing.] You were well on your way to finding out what kind of work this company did and what kind of job Zip actually did....if only you could get into computer...Zip's old computer, who's password was being kept a secret by him. You suggested restarting the thing, but everyone was adamant that important company files were hiding in his login with no other backups, a decidedly terrible thing to do (note to self: BACK UP THIS GAME!!!) That brought you to your current location, the visiting area of the prison where Zip had been sent. You had come here a couple times before to beg him for the passwords, but he'd so far been extremely unhelpful. You're already developing a migraine, as you hold the plastic phone up to your ear and see Zip approach through the clear window. He seemed like he always did, in annoyingly high spirits, engaging in a complicated handshake with another inmate. He seemed to somehow be thriving behind bars. His asshole bravado seemed to somehow work on his fellow inmates, and he fell into the dangerous bad boy role, getting swole impossibly fast, sporting a new tattoo every time you would see him. He grins and winks at a guard before sauntering over in slow motion, making sure to show off good angles his big beefy tattooed muscles. You let out a sharp breath out of your nose, you could tell by the slow way he picked up the receiving phone and orbited it around his ear, that he was intent on wasting your time. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/TPUiVFB.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=70% HEIGHT=70% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:yellow)["What's it been, a day? You miss me that bad, $name? I gotta say, for a ruthless business person such as yourself, it's a bad look."] He rasps into the phone. Had he taken up smoking too? "Zip, just give me your computer password. Then we can stop wasting each others time and you don't have to see me again." You huff back, irritated. (text-colour:yellow)["What, and give up this thing we got going? No way! Obviously I need to learn a thing or two from you, about backstabbing and getting ahead. It could come in handy where I am."] He presses his meaty palm against the glass and winks. You pull back, disgusted. (text-colour:yellow)["You thought I'd want you gone? You belong with me, $name. You want me to say it? I admire you. You outplayed me and now I just want back in the game-"] "The only thing I WANT is your password." You snap again. "If you admire me so much, give me the password." Zip sighs and twists the cord around, seeming to consider it. (text-colour:yellow)["Alright, I'll give you a hint. It's not.... 12346. or 22346....or 12456, or 54321...."] He continues to list numbers until visiting hours are over. Whether you liked it or not, if you wanted to keep your lucrative job offer of 70,000 USD yearly, you were going to have to keep visiting this little weirdo and let him yap. Or you could just try 12345. Whichever one comes first. [[Character Data]]

Ending

''King Captain Zip's Hot America True Ending'' A few weeks from that moment had passed. (if: $Didyoutrytopoisonyourdate is "true")[Luckily so far you'd heard nothing from Dane.] You and Zip furiously negotiated how you would share the his tax fraud money. After a while, he had convinced you that his life long dream of buying a boat and filling it with hot people and charging people money to come see the hot people, was a good business idea. He spent all of the funds on this idea and promised that you would be a partner and receive half of the money, and half the perks, he even bought you a matching Gucci bag! Zip grins and bumps your shoulder, it was all coming together. You both were surrounded by hot people, the sun was setting and the ocean sprayed behind the S.S. 'Hot People'. A champagne bottle cork flying off and sailing into the ocean to everyone's delight. Spirits were high. (text-colour:yellow)["I gotta thank you for not turning me in."] Zip says, raising a bubbling glass to you. You pat him on the shoulder and give him a smile with your new veneers he bought you. "Yeah Zip. It's been a lot of fun. When do you think the hot people boat is going to rake in the money? I know you said we're a little....in the red right now?" You say, keeping your voice down so the hot people don't hear. Zip looks back at the disappearing dock in the distance. (text-colour:yellow)["Well, you know, debt doesn't matter when you live on international waters, maritime law and all that." ] "What do you...mean?" You ask, as you hear the engine start to sputter. (text-colour:yellow)["I mean, we're in 97,000 dollars of debt on the land. But on the sea, we're free, $name! Don't you get it? It's our only option. Me, you, the hotties, it's all we need!"] Zip smiles, you're starting to notice the manic look in his eyes. "What do you mean? Why are we out of gas? You said you filled it up to full..." You say whipping your head around. (text-colour:yellow)["I mean it. Sweet, sweet $name. Why did you think The Hot People Boat was 'no phones allowed.'?"] "You said it was for....an escape from social media...a detox...." You mumble and start to back away from this mad man. Zip catches you by the ears. (text-colour:yellow)["You. Me. Hot people. All the lobster we can eat." ]He gestures to the sea.(text-colour:yellow)[ "We're here, $name. We're home."] He says. The hot people are beginning to catch on that somethings wrong. "Zip, you...you can't do this. This is..." You stop your self from saying illegal. It was his tax fraud that brought you two here in the first place, you just had no idea how far he would go. You doubted that he even brought a fishing rod or nets, but you both would probably perish via mutiny way before starving or dehydrating to death. "The....coast guard or some kind of water police will want to rescue people, surely!" You shout, trying to bring Zip to his senses. Y (text-colour:yellow)["Let em try." ]He narrows his eyes, picks up a harpoon gun and cocks it.(text-colour:yellow)[ "and don't call me Shirley."] (Does that joke work in a written format?) He jumps on a bench and begins to yell at the rest of the captives. (text-colour:yellow)["Listen up hotties! I'm in charge now! Congratulations. You select few have been chosen to live in a new kind of society. A society governed solely by me, consisting of only hot people so that we can eventually repopulate the world with our hotness genes. You will have to earn your keep by maintaining your hotness and performing your societal duties on our boat island. Such as lobster getting, cleaning, complimenting my singing when we do group karaoke nights, dumping the poop buckets off the side. There is a place for all in King Captain Zip's Hot America! Except! If! You're! Ugly!"] He pumps his fist as he ends the chant, the disgruntled hotties do not follow along. You've created a megalomaniac, or at least given a megalomaniac a platform. The least you can hope for being King Captain Zip's date is that you can at least receive some extra rations and can skip poop bucket duty every once in a while. (if: $Didyoutrytopoisonyourdate is "true")[If you were lucky, maybe Dane had stowed away to finish the assassination attempt and he wouldn't be in the mood to throw you into the ocean as well.] <img src="https://i.imgur.com/smRFIgV.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=75% HEIGHT=75% alt=prologo></img> [[Character Data]]

''One Blue Asshole Sailing on the Ocean Blue (Low Affinity) Ending'' A few weeks from that moment had passed. (if: $Didyoutrytopoisonyourdate is "true")[Luckily so far you'd heard nothing from Dane.] You and Zip furiously negotiated how you would share the his tax fraud money. After a while, he had convinced you that his life long dream of buying a boat and filling it with hot people and charging people money to come see the hot people, was a good business idea. He spent all of the funds on this idea and promised that you would be a partner. You both walked down the dock, in matching polo's and Ray-Bans® , sipping flutes of champagne as hot people wave at you from the boat in the setting sun. Zip reaches an arm around your shoulder as you both think on what brought you to this moment. (text-colour:yellow)["I did it, you know? I gotta take a moment to appreciate it all. My dream of of my hot people in a boat business has come to fruition."] Zip rasps and puts a huge sausage in his mouth like its a cigar. "You mean our dream?" You retort, as he slides his arm away, immediately his body language has closed off. (text-colour:yellow)["What do you mean? I came up with the idea. Its my fraud money that funded it."] "You said we would be partners. If I kept your secret." You clarify, starting to panic. (text-colour:yellow)["Oh."] Zip looks away awkward. (text-colour:yellow)["Well...look...uh...."] You cross your arms and glare as Zip drains his flute of champagne and throws the glass into the ocean. (text-colour:yellow)["Consider this. As a favor, I'll hire you as one of the hot people on the boat, but technically its an unpaid position as there's no minimum wage limit in international waters. Smart right?"] He grins and starts inching away from you. "You're joking Zip. You promised me half." (text-colour:yellow)["I never said half. I said we'd be 'partners'. I'm not going to have a person doing nothing on my boat. I'm already doing that."] "What does the word 'partner' even MEAN to you?" You cry out. You should have known. You should have known Zip wasn't to be trusted! (text-colour:yellow)["Like a cowboy! Like a cowboy partner!'!"] He tips is faux albino alligator cowboy hat in demonstration. (text-colour:yellow)["You knew I meant that!"] Zip hurries onto the boat, you try to follow, but his hired body guard pushes you back. The boat starts up, blasting black smoke directly into your face as it speeds off into the sunset. You take a deep breath and realize that you were played, but now you don't have to spend any more of your free time with that blow hard. And when his 'Hot Person Boat' business plan eventually fails and the hot people revolt, it may be better not to be on international waters with maritime law. You walk away from the sunset, back to your apartment, considering how much you can sell your Ray-Bans® for. This date wasn't a total loss. (if: $Didyoutrytopoisonyourdate is "true")[Maybe Dane was hiding in the bottom of the boat and this worked out for the best. And maybe the fear of the Yellow Peanut M&M lurking behind every corner would never leave you. Only time would tell.] [[Character Data]] <img src="https://i.imgur.com/HXB6kqQ.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=90% HEIGHT=90% alt=prologo></img> [[Character Data]]

You wonder for a second, your feelings for Bloopy. Is this the start of a great friendship, or a great romance? (if: $BloopyAffinity < 4)[[Wait, where is Bloopy going?->blooplowaffinityend]] (if: $BloopyAffinity >= 4)[(link:"You're excited to find out.")[(set:$nicortic to "tic")(goto:"The Business Card")] (link:"It feels a bit wrong, he feels too creature-esque for you to date. The love between you and Bloopy is purely platonic.")[(set:$nicortic to "nic")(goto:"The Business Card")] (link:"You'll figure it out along the way, it feels too soon to decide.")[(set:$nicortic to "nicalt")(goto:"The Business Card")] ]

''Tony's Peas Ending A'' You decide not to take the businessman's business square. "Ah, no thanks man. I just do it for the love of the sport." You shrug at him. A tear forms behind his beer goggles. "And that's what skateboarding is really about." He nods to you with a quivering lip and walks away with his kid brother. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["that was the coolest thing ive ever saw"]] Bloopy pats your hand and gives you a shy smile as you finish your $drink. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i had such a fun day today. i'm really happy that we have a craigslist adventure planned.”]] You notice out of the corner of your eye, he's covered in dirt and he's sitting on something uncomfortably. (if:$favoriteflower is "lily of the valley" or "babys breath" or "african violets" or "lily" or "rose" or "wildflowers" or "sunflowers" or "hibiscus" or "dandys")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["suprizzze!"]] he squeaks, thrusting a bouquet of $favoriteflower into your hands. They are beautiful, yet slightly crinkled flowers, he seems to have pulled up all of their roots too as big clumps of dirt stick to the bottom of the flowers and shower onto your lower half. Your eyes then focus on the dug up park garden behind you. You're at a bit of a loss of words, but Bloopy pipes up. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i got em from the garden while u were at the gas station gettin the goods! i wanted to thank you for such a fun day, and so i dug up the flower i thought was prettiest.."]] he blushes and puts one toe delicately on a pebble. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i made sure to get em with the roots because they dont look like they take care of em that well here at the park, i figure u can put em in ur garden, or!!! i can put em in my garden too if u don't have one or if its too much work, tony!and!!!! its not stealing cause u cant steal flowers coz they r nature, and nobody can own nature!"]] He babbles and spins nervously.] (else:)[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["suprizzze!"]] he squeaks, thrusting a bouquet of African violets from under his butt and into your hands. They are beautiful, yet slightly sickly flowers that look to have a soft velvety texture if you were to touch them, he seems to have pulled up all of their roots too as big clumps of dirt stick to the bottom of the flowers and shower onto your lower half. Your eyes then focus on the dug up park garden behind you. You're at a bit of a loss of words, but Bloopy pipes up. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i got em from the garden while u were at the gas station gettin the goods! i wanted to thank you for such a fun day, and so i dug up the flower i thought was prettiest. they're...also my favorite too."]] he blushes and puts one toe delicately on a pebble. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i made sure to get em with the roots because they dont look like they take care of em that well here at the park, i figure u can put em in ur garden, or!!! I can put em in my garden too if u don't have one or if its too much work, tony!and!!!! its not stealing cause u cant steal flowers coz they r nature, and nobody can own nature!"]] He babbles and spins nervously.] "Thanks Bloopy." You finally say, causing him to breath out a sigh of relief. Bloopy seems to calm down and takes a seat besides you and looks at the setting sun. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["srry. i know i can be a lot. its just..."]] he pauses and wiggles for a moment. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["it hasnt been easy moving to a new plane of existence.”]] (if:$metzip is "true")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“did u know zip used to be in the order of the sweeties? He came up with it but… he grew out of the idea and said it was immature, and I was by myself again in hell. when he had the idea to escape up to here...i don’t know I just thought he regretted renouncing sweetness...i was wrong. I know I cant ignore him being a jerk to sweeties like u just because he was my first...any only friend. I needed someone...anyone.”]] His eyes droop. He lets up a sigh and pets a blade of grass. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“i know he’s not a sweetie. I know that we find ourselves on opposite sides of the war of sweetness. one day, we must battle ive accepted that and im so glad to have met another first friend. thenk u tony. for the best day. for making me feel like i belong up here. and not nowhere." ]] Geez you had no idea all of this brother drama was plaguing Bloopy’s mind. That’s some heavy shit for a skateboarding blue ball. You don’t really know what to say to this so you just nod and listen and enjoy the sunset with the Bloopster. He moves on quickly though as you notice he already is onto a different train of thought, and has a huge smile on his face. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“u know….. u...don’t have to say anything now but...i think u r potentially already the sweetie protector my order has ever seen. u make my heart feel very safe.” ]] He pauses a moment. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“i know ur busy protecting $protected though so I was thinking maybe way could join forces someday?"]]] (if: $metzip is "false")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i already felt like i didnt fit in when i lived in hell and its been tough. I escaped with my brother but hes...kinda made himself scarce so its easy to feel lonely...but not anymore.” he smiles at you. “im so glad to have met my first friend. and have my first friend be someone so cool like u. thenk u tony. for the best day ive ever had. for making me feel like i belong up here an u know….. u...don’t have to say anything now but...i think u r potentially already the best sweetie protector my order has ever seen. u make my heart feel very safe.”]] He pauses a moment. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“i know ur busy protecting $protected though so I was thinking maybe we could join forces someday?"]]] You open your mouth to answer and he covers the sides of his head, where you think his ear holes might be. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“don’t answer now!! just think on it ok?”]] He screeches happily. he tries to poke his two index fingers together as he blushes but again, cannot reach over his vast round circle body with his very short arms. He runs over to the picnic table next to where you guys laid out your grass picnic, and clambers up on the seats on to the table and jumps straight into the air. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/LFMLGAL.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=90% HEIGHT=90% alt=prologo></img> (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i'm friends with the best tony in the world!!!"]] he yells in lowercase, into the setting sun. it isn't often that you meet someone who thinks you're better and cooler than Tony Hawk. There isn't many people who've you met that you could bestow that honor either. You and Bloopy begin to go on many craigslist adventures, and get lots of coffee together, that you have to order because he’s too small to reach the counter. (If you’re wondering about his order, he gets an 8 ounce blueberry flavored soy milk, and he always falls asleep after drinking it). Unfotunately, after months of great hangs and craiglist journeys, you lose touch with him after an unfotunate incident at the diner that causes him to have to go on the run. Specifically, Bloopy bisects man at the diner with his sword for calling you a slur for ordering Generic Anthropomorphic Mouse Mascot shaped pancakes (Exact words: “Oh gross, what are you, one of them ‘fuzzies’!?”) You aren’t sure how to feel about this, but you remember the words Bloopy whispered to you before running out of the diner. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[‘for radical change to happen, egregious acts of cruelty must not be tolerated.’ ]] And though you miss your violent yet kind bud's whimsy and ability to make everything fun, you still find that even though you don't have a green thumb, a grand little garden always appears outside of your place and seems to follow you, where ever you move. [[Character Data]]

''bloopy n clyde Ending A'' You decide not to take the businessman's business square. "Ah, no thanks man. I just do it for the love of the sport." You shrug at him. A tear forms behind his beer goggles. "And that's what skateboarding is really about." He nods to you with a quivering lip and walks away with his kid brother. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["that was the coolest thing ive ever saw"]] Bloopy pats your hand and gives you a shy smile as you finish your $drink. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i had such a fun day today. i'm really happy that we have another date planned.”]] You notice out of the corner of your eye, he's covered in dirt and he's sitting on something uncomfortably. (if:$favoriteflower is "lily of the valley" or "babys breath" or "african violets" or "lily" or "rose" or "wildflowers" or "sunflowers" or "hibiscus" or "dandys")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["suprizzze!"]] he squeaks, thrusting a bouquet of $favoriteflower into your hands. They are beautiful, yet slightly crinkled flowers, he seems to have pulled up all of their roots too as big clumps of dirt stick to the bottom of the flowers and shower onto your lower half. Your eyes then focus on the dug up park garden behind you. You're at a bit of a loss of words, but Bloopy pipes up. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i got em from the garden while u were at the gas station gettin the goods! i wanted to thank you for such a fun day, and so i dug up the flower i thought was prettiest..."]] he blushes and puts one toe delicately on a pebble. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i made sure to get em with the roots because they dont look like they take care of em that well here at the park, i figure u can put em in ur garden, or!!! i can put em in my garden too if u don't have one or if its too much work, tony!and!!!! its not stealing cause u cant steal flowers coz they r nature, and nobody can own nature!"]] He babbles and spins nervously.] (else:)[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["suprizzze!"]] he squeaks, thrusting a bouquet of African violets from under his butt and into your hands. They are beautiful, yet slightly sickly flowers that look to have a soft velvety texture if you were to touch them, he seems to have pulled up all of their roots too as big clumps of dirt stick to the bottom of the flowers and shower onto your lower half. Your eyes then focus on the dug up park garden behind you. You're at a bit of a loss of words, but Bloopy pipes up. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i got em from the garden while u were at the gas station gettin the goods! i wanted to thank you for such a fun day, and so i dug up the flower i thought was prettiest. they're...also my favorite too. like u!"]] he blushes and puts one toe delicately on a pebble. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i made sure to get em with the roots because they dont look like they take care of em that well here at the park, i figure u can put em in ur garden, or!!! I can put em in my garden too if u don't have one or if its too much work, tony!and!!!! its not stealing cause u cant steal flowers coz they r nature, and nobody can own nature!"]] He babbles and spins nervously.] <img src="https://i.imgur.com/i4sbmZe.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=90% HEIGHT=90% alt=prologo></img> "Thanks Bloopy." You finally say, causing him to breath out a sigh of relief. Bloopy seems to calm down and takes a seat besides you and looks at the setting sun. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["srry. i know i can be a lot. its just..."]] he pauses and wiggles for a moment.(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["it hasnt been easy moving to a new plane of existence.”]] (if:$metzip is "true")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“did u know zip used to be in the order of the sweeties? He came up with it but… he grew out of the idea and said it was immature, and I was by myself again in hell. when he had the idea to escape up to here...i dont know I just thought he regretted renouncing sweetness...i was wrong. I know I cant ignore him being a jerk to sweeties like u just because he was my first...any only friend. I needed someone...anyone.”]] His eyes droop. He lets up a sigh and pets a blade of grass. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“i know he’s not a sweetie. I know that we find ourselves on opposite sides of the war of sweetness. one day, we must battle ive accepted that and im so glad to have met u. thenk u tony. for the best day. for making me feel like i belong up here. and not nowhere."]] You had no idea all of this brother drama was plaguing Bloopy’s mind. That’s some heavy shit for a skateboarding blue ball. You don’t really know what to say to this so you just nod and listen and enjoy the sunset with the Bloopster. He moves on quickly though as you notice he already is onto a different train of thought, and has a huge smile on his face. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“u know….. u...don’t have to say anything now but...i think u r potentially already the sweetie protector my order has ever seen. u make my heart feel very safe.”]] He pauses a moment. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“I know ur busy protecting $protected though so I was thinking maybe way could join forces someday?"]]] (if: $metzip is "false")[(text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i already felt like i didnt fit in when i lived in hell and its been tough. I escaped with my brother but hes...kinda made himself scarce so its easy to feel lonely...but not anymore.” he smiles at you. “im so glad to have met my tony $tony. thenk u tony. for the best day ive ever had. for making me feel like i belong up here an u know….. u...dont have to say anything now but...i think u r potentially already the sweetie protector my order has ever seen. u make my heart feel very safe.”]] He pauses a moment. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")“ know ur busy protecting $protected though so I was thinking maybe way could join forces someday?"]] You open your mouth to answer and he covers the sides of his head, where you think his ear holes might be. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[“don’t answer now!! just think on it ok?”]] He screeches happily. he tries to poke his two index fingers together as he blushes but again, cannot reach over his vast round circle body with his very short arms. runs over to the picnic table next to where you guys laid out your grass picnic, and clambers up on the seats on to the table and jumps straight into the air. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i'm with the best tony in the world!!!"]] he yells in lowercase, into the setting sun. it isn't often that you meet someone who thinks you're better and cooler than Tony Hawk. There isn't many people who've you met that you could bestow that honor either. You and Bloopy begin to go on many craigslist adventures, and get lots of coffee together, that you have to order because he’s too small to reach the counter. (If you’re wondering about his order, he gets an 8 ounce blueberry flavored soy milk, and he always falls asleep after drinking it.). You eventually have to go on the run with him, as he bisects man at the diner with his sword for calling you a slur for ordering Generic Anthropomorphic Mouse Mascot shaped pancakes (Exact words: “Oh gross, what are you, one of them ‘fuzzies’!?”) You aren’t sure how to feel about this, but Bloopy tells you that (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[‘for radical change to happen, egregious acts of cruelty must not be tolerated.’ ]] Eventually you are swayed by his radical way of thinking, and you’re not the only one as he developers a deeply devoted public fanbase who follow a new politcal ideology called ‘Blue Anarchism’. Bloopy still prefers the term ‘Protector of the Sweeties.’ You two become the Bonnie and Clyde of random acts of kindness and the grassroots founders of what the US government considers a ‘terrorist organization’. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/OOcc8FC.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=60% HEIGHT=60% alt=prologo></img> When the infamy gets too much, you two eventually make yourselves scarce and move in together, adopt a stick bug and name it (text-style:"rumble")[‘Stomper’] and make your living selling jam at the farmers market. [[Character Data]]

Chelle blinks at you, confused. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Uhh no. I don't know if you've noticed, but i don't like you very much."] She whips out her phone and starts ignoring you, a slight blush on her face and crosses her legs. Is she just a big ol' tsundere, or is she being honest here? That's one answer you will not get in this playthrough. You have a feeling you would have had to make a couple different choices earlier with this girlboss to have succesfully bonded with her. [[Damn it. We stan a queen who can confidently say no :,(->Bathroom Quest]]

A vulnerable question to pose to three rise n' grind mindset assholes squatting in a bathroom. Chelle looks smug and opens her mouth to say something cutting, but takes too long thinking of something to say. "Sure." Carlos says, distracted, digging into the M&M bag. "You didn't see it but I just shrugged...which meant yes." Terry calls from the stall. You see Micheal nodding from the corner of your eye too, now its just Chelle who looks deep in thought. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I...you know what? You don't seem like a bad hang at all. I'll let you know the next time we're headed to(text-colour:white)[ (Apple)]Bee's(text-colour:white)[(®)]."] She says, worn down by your sparkling personality. [[Will this be a lasting friendship? Only time will tell.->Bathroom Quest]]

{(if: $nicortic is "nic")[Boopy seems like someone who would be great to go an adventures with. He's kind and adventurous but also seems like he needs to do a little growing and maturing before getting into a romantic relationship. You hope the Bloopy is feeling the same vibe.] (if: $nicortic is "nicalt")[ You're not quite sure. Bloopy seems capable of great maturity and sweetness, but also great and terrible muppet like silliness. Could you handle more than being platonic with him? You need a little more time to decide.] (if: $nicortic is "tic")[ Hey cool man. I'm not here to judge you on it, I mean I wrote the damn character a romance path.]} Just as you guys are about to settle in and enjoy your snacks, you see the kid that was crying in the half pipe earlier, next to a business man with beer goggles and a mohawk. radical. "Excuse me, are you...tony $tony?" The rad man asks, fishing in his pocket for a business card. Could this have something to do with the insane trick you landed earlier? "Thanks for helping my little brother earlier. I'm X James, the owner of the X Games, and your moves were so sweet that I wanted to invite you to the next preliminary we're having for up and comers." Bloopy looks at you with wide bug eyes and vibrates slightly, trying not to scream in excitement on your behalf. You have a feeling that taking this business card could change your life entirely all over again. [[Take the business card and go pro.->MotherFucking X Gamed Ending]] (if:$nicortic is "tic")[(link:"Don't take the business card, never trust a man in a suit!")[(goto:"BloopyROMUstore")]] (if:$nicortic is "nic" or "nicalt")[(link:"Don't take the business card, never trust a man in a suit!")[(goto:"BloopyPUstore")]]

''Tony $tony Motherfucking X Gamed Ending'' "And now on the half pipe, the most promising newcomer of the season, Tony $tony!" The announcer yells, you drop into the half pipe and start your routine. Since then your life had been a blur. The skatepark became your training ground, and Bloopy became your number one cheerleader as you got sponsered as an 'up-and-comer' in the skateboarding scene. Even if skateboarding didn't work out, your first sponsers(text-colour:#f783ac)[ '(font: "fantasy")[//PEENERGY//] '] (css: "font-size: 50%;")[(Infamously FDA unapproved and banned in Europe)] had given you enough Energy/Penis enhancement drinks to last you a life time. And you had thought of using your real name to enter but... tony $tony just kind of stuck. The amount of times you'd heard Bloopy chanting it from the park, you couldn't imagine skating under any other name. Bloopy had found success too, turning in his sword, and instead starting a cyber goth fashion line for little round guys. It didn't have many customers besides himself and Danny Devito, but it was more for the love of fashion. You absolutely gave him some ad space on your board to get some more mass appeal but Bloopy only asked for a simple, small (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")['bloopy wuz here']] in blue sharpie. (if:$skate is "good")[After you finish your short routine you dont get top scores but they're very decent for a beginner on the scene. The judges especially liked how you enthusiastically yell (text-style:"buoy")['weee!'] when you get to the top of all your jumps. They also think it's cute that you think skateboard is pronounced 'skateborg' and don't correct you when you do it. ] (if:$skate is "bad")[After you finish your short routine your score isn't incredible, but you land somewhere in the middle with the rest of the the competition. I mean what did you expect? The questions you answers during this game indicated that you weren't good at skateboarding. That one time you thrashed out at the park was some insane beginners luck. Also i wasn't going to bring this up but it probably really annoyed the judges when you tried to convince them that the right way to pronounce it was //'skateborg'//. Why did you do that?] After your set, and you've had a lethal amount of (text-colour:#f783ac)[ '(font: "fantasy")[//PEENERGY//] '] to sate your thirst, you head to the crowd, towards a '''NO LOITERING''' sign that had been crossed out, the words (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")['tony iz my favorite']] written underneath, knowing it could old be one person/imp. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/mV3f2Bd.png"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=90% HEIGHT=90% alt=prologo></img> You jump the barrier and see your favorite techno goth blue ball, decked out in some neon fashion, with a proud smile on his face. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["i thought u'd like it because i took this sign from the outside of a gas station to protest the lack of third spaces in our current society. an it says ur my favorite an thats true"]] he squeaks, waving around his sign. "You're so right Bloopy whens the last time anyone hung out at a god damn mall?" You answer back, obviously. "Oh, here, I brought you yor favorite, the blue one." You say, handing him a "(text-colour:#f783ac)[ '(font: "fantasy")[//PEENERGY//] '] ." He takes it and tosses it up on his head to balance it up there. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["thenks tony $tony. i know ur a big star an all now, but i appreciate that u make time for the little blue guys."]] he blushes and starts vibrating: this time from the cellphone in his cyber trench coat pocket. "So what did you think of my performance Bloopy?" You ask, you hear an interviewer yell out your name behind you. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["that trick u did- oh srry tony, its dany i gotta take this."]] he looks at you apologetically, but you're already being swarmed by the media. He lays the sign on the ground for you to take later and walks out of the crowd, looking back over his shoulder once. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["yeh dany, i was visiting my fr..my favorite skateboarder. ill be over to do tha alterations in a few.]]" he says into the phone, smiling wistfully as you begin to do some crowdwork. Although you two have gone in very different life directions, you will always have that fated day at the skatepark to look back on, and be eachothers number 1 fans from afar. [[Character Data]]

(link:"A full suit with a breifcase that you put a bunch of loose change in so it has some weight.")[(set:$outfit to "suit")] (link:"A football jersey with a blazer on top")[(set:$outfit to "jersey")] (link: "Ballgown, I'm looking to stand out")[(set: $outfit to "ballgown")] (link:"A strappy club dress")[(set:$outfit to "club dress")] [[Work party vibes]]

(set:$looked to "level3") In the deleted folder, you scroll to the beginning, and see a whole ass video. You quickly scroll through it as the group comes uncomfortably close. It's Zip on America's Got Talent, wandering out on the stage, looking completely blasted. A tie is loosely draped on his cylinder body, he's wearing a pair of shorts and he has a little party hat on his head. He is holding a microphone lazily in his fingers and grinning confidently. <img src="https://i.imgur.com/5cKjwK0.jpeg"ALIGN=CENTER WIDTH=50% HEIGHT=50% alt=prologo></img> After the crowd quiets he opens his mouth and then blarfs all over the stage. He then slips in it, slides off the stage and lands on the judges panel, triggering the big X buttons as he falls on them, simultaniously farting so hard that his shorts fly off. That's all you can see before the group gets too close. (if:$ChelleAffinity >= 4)[["Chelle, what do you say we ditch these guys?"]] [[That's all you can see before the group gets too close.->Bringing Conga back]]

Zips eyes widen as he seems to be gauging your meaning. "That's not funny, $name. I'm not allowed within 100 feet of my hero Piers Morgan." [[Finally your food comes, breaking the awkward tension->Leaving Applebees]]

(css: "font-size: 50%;")[(align:"==>")[(link-reveal: "Restart")[(restart:)]]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + 3) Bloopy shuffles his little feet and blushes. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["rlly? aw tony $tony....i feel like u rlly see me. u make me feel like i'm like a cereal mascot in a free cd rom game that came wit da purchase."]] he giggles. [[What does that mean? Is that a good thing? ->Bloopy Quest]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -2) Bloopy looks at you, entirely confused. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")[wat? are u thinkin of my brother zip? did u mix us up or something?]] he mumbles at your very random compliment. Bloopy sighs and fiddles with a candy wrapper he found on the ground. He does not feel seen. [[One blue guy hates capitalism, the other one loves it. Keep it straight!!!->Bloopy Quest]]

(set: $BloopyAffinity to it + -3) Bloopy grimaces at you and throws a clump of dirt in your face. (text-colour:blue)[(font: "cursive")["keep it in ur pants, tony."]] Bloopy shakes his head. [[At least you're WEARING them unlike someone...->Bloopy Quest]]

A strangled, hoarse laugh breaks you out of the thought. "(text-colour:magenta)[Sword, shut it!"] Dane yells through gritted teeth at the sword. (text-colour:magenta)["We can watch Home Alone later and i'll prop you in front of the TV and you can fuckin' laugh the night away...LATER." ]He hisses impatiently. The sword quiets down. He slides it in a strap on his back. [[Let's get going->Noogie]]

(set: $shitheadmeter to it + 1) He rolls his eyes and sighs. (text-colour:magenta)["You're not going to let it go huh? I admit it, I did a wrong thing, get used to it. Now we move on and do something about it!"] He snaps. [["Actually, you're not going anywhere until I get my money."->Dane Questions]] [["Swiping right was a mistake, the app deleted itself on my phone, give me your phone so I can choose a different date."]]

Chelle flushes red and looks away from you. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I..I-i mean..."] She stumbles for a second before gathering the courage to look back at you. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I didn't mean it as like...making fun of you. I mean. You look like a beautiful princess, $name. I think it came out mean in that moment, but i'll be honest, ive never worn something that beautiful in my entire life, and I don't even think i'd have the courage to...you know...have people look at me and stuff, so I don't even think think I could wear it even if I wanted to."] (text-colour:#b197fc)["Let me....let me try it again one more time if thats okay."] She walks a little farther away from you and feigns like she doesn't know you for a moment before looking surprised in your direction, this time, taking a minute to appreciate the intricacies of your gowns design, her jaw finally drops. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Zip you never told us your date has international diplomatic immunity."] She raises her eyebrows and bites her lip. [["That was better."]] [["That was worse."]]

She grins. (text-colour:#b197fc)[I thought so! Nothing sexier than being able to get away with murders internationally. I think thats what it means anyways...] [[alright chelle.->Shell Quest]]

She startles, as if this is shocking news to her. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Are you sure? Man, usually people don't really listen that hard to what I have to say so I don't have to try this hard. Ok. I'll work on it."] She nods and takes out her phone to write down a note. (text-colour:#b197fc)["uhh, but just in case I have to spell it out, having diplomatic immunity, i'm pretty sure means you can commit murders for free."] [[alright chelle.->Shell Quest]]

Her eyes go wide. She starts chewing her lip nervously. (text-colour:#b197fc)["YES! I mean-no. I mean..yeahh but i shouldn't even..."] She looks at you blankly. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Fuck it. YES! I mean....NO!"] It looks like its your call here. (if:$looked is "level1")[ [["He's really mean to his brother."]] ] (if:$looked is "level2" )[ [["He's really mean to his brother."]] [["I'm pretty sure he's embezzeling funds from your company."]] ] (if:$looked is "level3")[ [["He's really mean to his brother."]] [["I'm pretty sure he's embezzeling funds from your company."]] [["A really, really bad audition for America's Got Talent."]] ] [["Uh, nevermind actually."]]

(set: $ZipAffinity to it + 1) (text-colour:yellow)[ "WHAT? Tell me! (text-style:"bold","italic","shudder")[WHAT!? ]" ] He questions you, gripping into the table with his little claws. His tail swishes around nervously behind him and whacks Chelle's ear. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Watch it Zip!"] She hisses and begins to fix her hair back up into a neat pony tail. He dips his head and glowers at you with a deep purple blush on his face, trying to study yours to see what you actually know. He narrows gives you the tiniest of smiles. (text-colour:yellow)["Ok $name...so thats how you want to play it huh? Lets business."] He whispers to you, his voice full on intrique. [[What?->Leaving Applebees]]

(text-colour:yellow)[ "Don't say that!"] he screetches. (text-colour:yellow)[I made a NFT about it to capitalize on my moment of fame. You can personally "own" a digital "3d figurine" of me farting in the face of iconic celebrities today!] His friends begin to all take drinks with a far off look in their faces, you think this might be a point of contention for them. Zip huffs and steals your phone from your pocket to go purchase it on your behalf, but he doesn't know your password and just gets you locked out for at least a couple years before slipping it back in your pocket. [[A later you problem->Leaving Applebees]]

She ponders this for a second. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Y'know I never met him but he did always talk about his brother...Bloopy I think. That he was a slack off...that everybody always preferred Bloopy to him. I mean, maybe there's a reason."] She mumbles. (text-colour:#b197fc)["I wonder if he's single... and also...if demons have...parents?"] She looks at you questioningly, hoping you're an expert. You shrug. [[What kind of family drama exists in their story? Theres hints of it here and there in both their routes. And even Dane's route! Fun. Fun fun fun.->Shell Quest]]

(text-colour:#b197fc)["Wait are you serious?"] She asks, stopping in the middle of the street, causing a glare from a side walk pedestrian behind her. You nod. (text-colour:#b197fc)["Thanks for the tip $name. If I can find evidence...well I have to check if our company has whistleblower sactions. But either way, I might be getting a raise thanks to you. Then we can go on a a real fancy date, and i'm not just talking ordering the Shrimp 'N Parmesan Sirloin at Applebee's®. I'm thinking with that kind of money...we might be able to go to Outback Steakhouse®"] She raises her well plucked eyebrows at you. (text-style:"shudder")[ "Snap out of it Chelle! You're losing yourself to to excesses of wealth!"] You want to yell back. You keep your mouth shut for now. [[You'll never turn your back on Eatin' Good in the Neighborhood. And Australia is about as far as one can be from 'the Neighborhood.'->Shell Quest]]

Chelle looks conflicted. She opens her mouth as if to say something, and decides against it and shuts it. (text-colour:#b197fc)["It's probably for the best, right?"] She nods at you. You nod back. [[It's for the best.->Shell Quest]]

Chelle groans and grabs her head as if suddenly she has been attacked by a migraine. (text-colour:#b197fc)["No no. I don't ever want to talk about that again. $name, he isn't embarresed of that. He made a stupid NFT of it and he is trying to make all of us shill it Like...his audition wasn't even aired because it was so heinous. It's not his 5 minutes of fame, do not let him convince you that. And if he says someone made a 'really catchy remix of it'; number one he's lying, number 2, he's the one who made it.] [[It's for the best->Shell Quest]]

It's a Saturday morning. Do you work on those? [[yes, unfortunately]] [[no]] (text-colour:black)[(link:"this aint my first go around the rodeo pal, take me to the hot people")[(goto:"Lets peep the hotties")]]

(link-reveal: "Restart")[(restart:)]