Paul McCartney Simulator

<script>$('html').removeClass('sixtyeight').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('blank');</script>(set: $inv to (a:)) [<h3>You are now Paul McCartney!</h3>] (live: 3s)[Congratulations! That is a very good person to be.] (live: 4s)[What year is it? [[1968]] [[1973]] [[2018]]]

(if: (passage:)'s name is "inventory")[](else-if: (passage:)'s tags contains "donotshowinventory")[](else-if: (passage:)'s name is "Years")[](else-if: (passage:)'s tags contains "donotshowyears")[] (else:)[ --- Check [[inventory]]. Return to [[year selection.->Check 1968]]]

<script>$('html').removeClass('sixtyeight').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('blank');</script><h2>Inventory</h2> (if: $inv's length > 0)[Your pockets contain a (print: $inv.join(", ")).] (else:)[Currently, your pockets are empty.] (click: "handwritten lyric sheet")[(display: "handwritten lyric sheet")](click: "a warm cuppa")[(display: "a warm cuppa")](click: "all of the sugar cubes in EMI")[(display: "all of the sugar cubes in EMI")](click: "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI")[(display: "almost all of the sugar cubes in EMI")](click: "piano riff")[(display: "piano riff")](click: "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'")[(display: "Ob-La-Di")](click: "tambourine")[(display: "tambourineitem")](click: "handful of jelly babies")[(display: "handful of jelly babies")](click: "Henry McCullough's disdain")[(display: "Henry McCullough's disdain")](click: "fake mustache")[(display: "fake mustache")](click: "an empty teacup")[(display: "an empty teacup")] (link-goto: "Return", (history:)'s last)

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>(if: $inv contains "handwritten lyric sheet")[](else:)[(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "handwritten lyric sheet"))]July 8, 1968 EMI Studios, London Things are tense. You, ever the perfectionist, have been trying to get your latest song, "Ob-La Di, Ob-La-Da," just right and it would be fair to say you are driving your fellow bandmates crazy. In fact, George looks like he's going to slug you if you make him do another take. (if: $inv contains "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI")[You decide to risk it and call for [[another take->Take 28]].](else-if: $inv contains "all of the sugar cubes in EMI")[You decide to risk it and call for [[another take->Take 28]].](else:)[Producer George Martin chirps in over the studio intercom, "What'll it be, Paul? [[Do another take->Take 28]], or [[break for tea->tea]]?"]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>(if: $carpool is 'hubone')[<i>Want to jump directly to the [[escape->Escape Hub 1]]?</i> ](if: $carpool is 'teawire')[(go-to: "Tea onto wires")]June 9, 2018 Liverpool, England You are sitting in the passenger seat of a car, alongside James Corden, a talk show host, who in 2018 was tolerated by the American public. You are appearing on something known as a "Carpool Karaoke" to promote your new album, <i>Egypt Station</i>. (if: $inv contains "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'")[You are halfway through the nineteenth consecutive day of filming. Exhausted, you check your watch and realize it's actually only been 90 minutes. No album promotion is worth all this. This is now: <h2><i>[[The Escape from James Corden's Car->Escape]]</i></h2>](else:)["How about we sing a Beatles tune next, Paul?" James says, enthusiastically. Do you sing "[[Penny Lane]]" with James or do you propose something [[a little more unique from the Beatles catalogue->Exclusive]]?]

A neatly folded piece of lined paper, upon which the lyrics to "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" are written. For legal reasons, these lyrics will not be reproduced here, but you're Paul McCartney and you've sung multiple takes of this song; you know them very well.

<script>$('html').removeClass('sixtyeight').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('blank');</script><h2>Hi, Paul!</h2> <i>What year would you like it to be?</i> (if: $sixtyeight is 'complete')[You've seen all there is to see in <b>1968</b>. Life goes on.](else:)[[1968]] (if: $seventythree is 'complete')[Admiral Halsey notified me / You've done all there is to do in <b>'73</b>.](else:)[[1973]] (if: $eighteen is 'complete')[<b>2018</b> has left the station, fully completed.](else:)[[2018]]<audio src="http://www.ramseyess.com/mccartney/chip.mp3" loop autoplay>

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>"Okay, everyone," you say. "Let's take it from the top..." "Paul, let's give this one a rest," John says. "Why don't we try George's candy song?" "We're so close!" you say, trying to bolster the troops. "I really think we've got it this(if: $inv contains "tambourine")[ time. In fact: I have exactly the thing this song needs!" You reach into your bag and pull out the [[tambourine->ringotambo]].](else:)[(link-reveal: " time.")[(show: ?trange)]"|trange)[ "Wait! Wait, Paul," Ringo says. "Me drums aren't giving me the sound this song needs. This is a pub song. A real toe-tapper. We need something... Something <i>jangly</i> in the mix." You look around the room. You don't see anything that's going to give Ringo the sound he's looking for. You're pretty sure you're not going to find it in this room. Perhaps not even in this year... (if: $inv contains "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI")[Let's explore some other [[eras->Years]].](else-if: $inv contains "all of the sugar cubes in EMI")[Let's explore some other [[eras->Check 1968]].](else-if: $inv contains "Ob-La-Di")[-- Wait. Didn't we already do this?"](else:)[Do you explore some other [[eras->Years]], or do you have some [[tea]]?]]]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "a warm cuppa")) A nice young lady you recognize from around the building enters the room with a steaming teapot, several cups, some sugar cubes and a small container of milk, which she sets down on top of the piano. You make yourself a nice, warm cup. The jangly nerves in the room begin to feel a little less jangly. George is talking again. John still looks cranky, but he's laughing again, so that's pretty cheerful for him as of late. Ringo siddles up to you and mumbles quietly, "Paul, would it be okay if I took some of those sugar cubes with me as a (link-reveal: "snack?")[(show: ?dogs)]"|dogs)[ You consider this for the briefest of moments before responding, "No. Sorry, Ringo. I want the [[sugar cubes->sugar]]."]

English breakfast, splash of milk. Remarkably warm considering how long ago you made it.

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>(set: $mission to 'sugar')(if: $inv contains "all of the sugar cubes in EMI")[](else:)[(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "all of the sugar cubes in EMI"))]It's obvious he's a little disappointed, but he knows you just want what's best for him. "One?" he says, looking morose, as always. Do you [[give him one->Ringosugar]] or [[keep them all->keepsugar]]?

There are probably nine or ten of them. "Ringo doesn't need the sugar," you tell yourself. "It's better that I have them."

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>(set: $inv to $inv - (a: "all of the sugar cubes in EMI"))(if: $inv contains "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI")[](else:)[(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI"))]You reach into your pocket and pull out a single sugar cube. Ringo raises his palms to cradle the cube and you drop it into them. He immediately puts it into his mouth and crunches into it. (if: $inv contains "piano riff")["Fab, Paul. Real fab." You smile, even though you know you've cursed your friend to another sleepless night, high on sugar." You linger for a little bit, taking just a few sips of tea, chatting with the other Beatles, but you're starting to fade. You say goodnight to George Martin in the booth, put on your coat, make sure there aren't any girls lurking outside the studio, and go for a short, [[midnight stroll, back to your flat.->walk1]]](else:)["Fab, Paul. Real fab. Do you think we should try [[another go-round with the song->Take 28]] or do you think the boys need [[more time to cool down->walk1]]?"]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>You look at the clock. "It's nearly 21:00, Richie," you say. "And if I do, you'll never get to sleep..." (if: $inv contains "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'")["You're right, Paul. You're right." Poor guy's gonna be a grump, but you've only got his health in mind and he'll get over it quickly. You linger for a little bit, taking just a few sips of tea, chatting with the other Beatles, but you're starting to fade. You say goodnight to George Martin in the booth, put on your coat, make sure there aren't any girls lurking outside the studio, and go for a short, [[midnight stroll, back to your flat.->walk1]]](else:)["You're right, Paul. You're right." Poor guy's gonna be a grump, but you've only got his health in mind and he'll get over it quickly. He leans in conspiratorially again. "Do you think we should try [[another go-round with the song->Take 28]] or do you think the boys need [[more time to cool down->walk1]]?"]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>You step outside the studio and begin walking through the London streets. It's quiet; only a few double-decker buses and the occasional car break the silence. You arrive at a crosswalk. Do you [[pause]] to reflect upon the crosswalk or [[continue on]]?

Probably eight or nine sugar cubes, you'd guess. (There are eight. You are very good at guessing the number of sugar cubes in your pocket.)

<audio src="http://www.ramseyess.com/mccartney/piano.mp3" autoplay>

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>(if: $inv contains "piano riff")[](else:)[(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "piano riff"))]He plays the opening chords, harder and louder than they were supposed to be played. They resonate in the room, and slowly, the anger drains from John's face. "Do that again, John," George says. He (link-reveal: "does.")[(show: ?does)] |does)[ (if: $inv contains "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'")[](else:)[(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'"))]Then he does it a few more times. You join in with the bass riff. Then George. Ringo starts playing the hell out of that tambourine you gave him. You don't cut the final take of "Ob-La-Di" right then and there, but it has an exciting energy that it had been lacking. You lay down a few more takes, now feeling much better about this [[composition->Take 28b]]. <audio src="http://www.ramseyess.com/mccartney/piano.mp3" autoplay>"] <audio src="http://www.ramseyess.com/mccartney/piano.mp3" autoplay>

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>(if: $mission is 'sugar')[You and the boys decide you've done enough for one night and pack it in. You say goodnight to George Martin in the booth, put on your coat, make sure there aren't any girls lurking outside the studio, and go for a short, [[midnight stroll, back to your flat.->walk1]]](else-if: $mission is 'walked')[It's been a long night. You and the boys decide you've done enough for one night and pack it in. You say goodnight to George Martin in the booth, put on your coat, have the girl in the front call a car, and make your way back to your flat to [[sleep a mighty good sleep.->Check 1968]] (set: $sixtyeight to 'complete')](else:)[After all that playing, you're more than a little bit bushed. You take off the bass, when George calls out to George Martin in the booth, "how 'bout that [[tea]] then?"]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>He pulls over the car, and turns to you. "You feeling okay, Paul?" he asks. You realize that you've just proposed singing a song he's never heard, made up purely of nonsense words. He thinks you're going crazy. You try to switch gears and propose singing a song from the new album. He does so, but you can tell his heart isn't in it. "Okay! I think we've got it!" James says. He flips the turn signal. "Oh! I thought this was a three-day shoot," you say. James pulls over to the side of the road. "Nope. I think we've got it. Thanks again, Sir Paul." You step out of the car and he peels out. Funny. He wasn't as sycophantic as you were expecting. You wonder if you'd be back in that car, rather than here on the streets, walking back to your hotel, if you'd done things differently in [[1968->Check 1968]]...

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>You take a deep breath of the London air. It smells like fresh rain. You look at the crosswalk and the line of cars parked along each side of the street. "Hmmm. A crosswalk," you think. "This could be an interesting album cover." You stand there looking for another moment before coming to a decision: it's 1968. This is more of a <i>futuristic</i> cover concept. You [[continue on]].

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>You pass the barber's, the bank, the fire brigade, and the shelter. Though you walk this route nearly every night, the side of a shop catches your eye. The wall is brick and at one time sported a hand painted advertisement of some kind, but has been painted over in pure white. It's plain brick except for one huge white square. You stop and stare. It's so stark and simple, but it suddenly means everything. You stand there for several minutes. <i>This</i> is an album [[cover.->walk3]]

A large reel of audio tape of you and the boys. It is not a very convenient way to listen to a song.

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>(if: $inv contains "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'")[You walk on, arrive at your flat, head upstairs, watch a bit of telly, and [[sleep a mighty good sleep.->Check 1968]](set: $sixtyeight to 'complete')](else:)[That was just what you needed. A little inspiration. You take a deep breath, turn around, and head [[back to the studio->Take 28]].(set: $mission to 'walked')]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(if: $inv contains "tambourine")[](else:)[(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "tambourine"))](set: $seventythree to 'riser')(if: $inv contains "piano riff")[You bound over to Linda's keyboard riser, grabbing a jangly tambourine along the way. "You okay, love? It's 'Big Barn Bed.' You've got this." "It's just-" Linda says, "I know the song. I know what hands need to do. But I hear the crowd out there-" You happen to have the perfect inspirational story for her from your past. Do you [[tell it->piano story]] or do you try a little [[tough love]]?](else:)[You bound over to Linda's keyboard riser, grabbing a tambourine along the way to make it seem a bit more natural to the crowd. "You okay, love? It's 'Big Barn Bed.' You've got this." "It's just-" Linda says, "I know the song. I know what my hands need to do. But I hear the crowd out there, it's the last night, and I see- you're Beatle Paul McCartney! I'm just Regular Linda- The pressure, Paul!" What Linda needs is intensity. To attack the keys. You're reminded of the perfect inspirational anedote to tell her, back with John and the other Beatles in [[1968]]. Or, you can try a little [[tough love]].]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('sixtyeight');</script>(set: $inv to $inv - (a: "tambourine")) You hand the tambourine to Ringo and give him a wink. Ringo thanks you, and gives it an excited preliminary shake. "Seriously, Paul?" John sneers. "Ob-La-Di, Take... 28," George Martin says through the studio intercom. John's face immediately sinks. You've seen this look before. He is angry and he very much wants you to know it. Grumbling, he tromps over the piano. [[(Turn your sound on.)->pianotext]]

It's red, with a timeless, circular design. It reminds you of one Ringo used to play.

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(set: $inv to $inv - (a: "piano riff"))You cut her off (politely). "I know exactly what you're going through." You calm her down and tell her about the time you recorded "Ob-La-Di" and how John attacked the keyboard, transforming the song. You tell it quickly, because there's an audience waiting, but effectively. She nods her head, tentatively, then with purpose. "Okay," she says. "Let's do it." She smiles that (link-reveal: "smile.")[(show: ?flach)]|flach)[ You hop down, and return to the center of the stage to the audience's delight. Then, the entirety of Wings plays a killer version of "Big Barn Bed," followed by 17 more hits. [[Not one audience member leaves dissatisfied.->backstage]]]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(set: $toughlove to 'applied')"Listen, luv. You can do this! I know you can. John and I weren't always all that confident, even with all those birds screaming at us." You pinch her cheek. She glares. This was not the right thing to say. "Fake it 'til ya make it, Mrs. McCartney." You pat the keyboard condescendingly, jump down and return to center stage. Strike two. You make it through the song, and the concert, but at no point does Linda stop glaring. By 1975, Wings is over and by 1977 your marriage is too. Neither of you ever cite it directly, but the cracks that split your union really started that night in 1973. Whoah! That sucks. (if: $inv contains "piano riff")[Why don't we wind this back and [[tell her about the time John played the piano on "Ob-La-Di" back in 1968->piano story]]?](else:)[Now you'll never record <i>Band on the Run</i>, a song all about being busted for drugs alongside your wife. Luckily, we can [[visit other eras->Check 1968]] and avoid this.]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>You head backstage, feeling exuberant. You carry your bass with one hand and throw the other around Linda. You pull her close and kiss the side of her head. It's been a great tour, but you are wiped out and ready to take a little time to recharge, and write some new material. Maybe travel somewhere exotic. Do you want to [[head right home->leave city hall]] or [[hang out with the band for a bit->green room]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(if: $seventythree is "riser")[<i>Want to jump directly to Linda's keyboard [[riser->tambourine]]?</i> ](if: $seventythree is "drugs")[<i>Want to jump directly to the hallway with [[Inspector Vandebilt->leave city hall]]?</i> ](if: $seventythree is "sugar")[<i>Want to jump directly to the hallway with [[Inspector Vandebilt->fake arrest]]?</i> ]July 10th, 1973 Newcastle City Hall in Newcastle, England. It is the closing night of Wings' tour of the United Kingdom. Denny Laine and Henry McCullough are on guitar, Denny Seiwell is on drums and the lovely Linda McCartney is on keys. The crowd is going out of their mind as you wrap up the first song of your set, "<a href="https://youtu.be/mv-NczoS8Ag?t=76" target="_blank">Soily</a>." It's a powerful rocker that blows the roof off the place. You thank the crowd and pump your fist. You look over your shoulder at your wife and notice she's looking a little nervous. Do you [[assume it's just jitters]] and that she'll be fine, or [[do you stop to talk to her->tambourine]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(set: $seventythree to 'drugs')You and Linda start walking towards the back exit at the end of the hallway, arm in arm. It's been a good night. Then, from an adjacent hallway, two bobbies and a man in a mac step between you and the exit. "Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. McCartney," the man in the mac says. "I'm wondering if we might have a word." Do you [[run for it]] or do you try to [[sweet talk]] your way out of it?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>The green room here at Newcastle City Hall isn't huge, but it's enough room for a band of five. As you walk in, you grab a few jelly babies from the snack table. "Great show, Paul!" Denny Laine says. "<i>Really</i> great show," Denny Seiwell adds. As the second Denny to join the group, he's can be very competitive with Laine. "Any songs kicking around for the next album, Pauley?" Henry asks.(if: $inv contains "handful of jelly babies")[](else:)[(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "handful of jelly babies"))](if: $seventythree is 'sugar')[ You don't want Henry to get suspicious, so you [[tell him the truth->Picasso]].](else:)[ Do you want to [[talk about a song->Picasso]] or deflect the question and [[keep it to yourself]]?]

In 1963, George Harrison told a television interviewer that he enjoyed jelly babies ("jelly beans," if you were American, but you're not; you're Paul McCartney). Shortly thereafter, fans were mailing you boxes upon boxes of them and pelting all of you with them on stage until you were sick of them. When you picked these up a decade later enough time had passed.

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(if: $inv contains "Henry McCullough's disdain")[](else:)[(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Henry McCullough's disdain"))]"Just one," you say. You go on to tell a story that involves the following elements: <ul><li>A vacation in Jamaica</li> <li>Sneaking onto the set of <i>Papillon</i></li> <li>Dustin Hoffman challenging you to write a song based on a magazine article about Pablo Picasso's last words</li> <li>You writing said song on the spot</li></ul> "That's insane," Denny Laine says. "<i>Really</i> insane," Denny Seiwell adds, shooting a glare at Laine. "What a life you lead, McCartney," Henry sneers. You can tell he doesn't believe you. The disdain in his voice is so palpable that it's been added to your [[inventory]]. You've been drifting apart, as of late. He'd be much happier playing guitar with someone else. But on the other hand, he really rips it up on "Live and Let Die." (if: $seventythree is 'sugar')[ "You know, Henry, I nearly forgot," you say, trying not to smile. "There were some police in the hallway looking for you." Five minutes later, Henry McCullough is led out of Newcastle City Hall in [[handcuffs]].](else:)[It's a shame there's so much tension here. Do you [[stick around]] or [[get out of here?->Seiwell]].]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(if: $inv contains "Henry McCullough's disdain")[](else:)[(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "Henry McCullough's disdain"))]"Next album's a blank slate," you say. You take a sip of your drink. "I'm hoping to do something really different for the next one." "Beatle Paul's tank is empty?" Henry sneers. "Well, I hope you find that new sound for <i>your</i> next <i>Wings</i> album." He also takes a swig of whisky: right from the bottle. The disdain in his voice is so palpable that it's been added to your [[inventory]]. You've been drifting apart, musically, as of late. He'd be much happier playing guitar with someone else, you think. But he really rips it up on "Live and Let Die." It's a shame there's so much tension here. "I'm looking forward to that blank slate," Denny Laine says, easing the tension. "I'm <i>really</i> looking forward to it," Denny Seiwell adds, shooting a glare at Laine, bringing the tension right back. Do you [[stick around]] or [[get out of here->Seiwell]]?

You've sensed Wings guitarist Henry McCullough has been angry with you for some time. This is the physical manifestation of this anger.

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>Linda grips your shoulder. "We should probably get back to the kids, darling," she says. You swallow the last of your whisky and stand up. "Be in touch soon, boyos. Enjoy the break!" you say. "Get home safe, McCartneys!" Laine says. "<i>Extra</i> safe," Seiwell adds. You give a slight wave and [[leave as quickly as possible->leave city hall]].

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(if: $inv's length > 0)[You reach into your pockets and pull everything out. <i>Click on an item to see if it'll help Inspector Vanderbilt.</i> You're holding a (print: $inv.join(", ")).] (else:)[Currently, your pockets are empty.](click: "handwritten lyric sheet")[--- One can see the <i>influence</i> of drugs here, but not really useful now. ](click: "fake mustache")[--- It hasn't been that long since your beard phase. You briefly think about putting it on and disguising yourself as one of the bobbys, but it's probably too late to try that. ](click: "a warm cuppa")[--- Maybe. If only you were in The Rutles. ](click: "all of the sugar cubes in EMI")[--- You put the sugar cubes in your left hand. "Have you been hanging out with Ringo?" Linda asks. You clench your fist then slowly open it again revealing a neat pile of white powder. Inspector Vanderbilt's face lights up. "Mr. McCartney, I'm placing you under [[fake arrest->fake arrest]]!"](click: "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI")[--- You put the sugar cubes in your left hand. "Have you been hanging out with Ringo?" Linda asks. You clench your fist then slowly open it again revealing a neat pile of white powder. Inspector Vanderbilt's face lights up. "Mr. McCartney, I'm placing you under [[fake arrest->fake arrest]]!"](click: "piano riff")[--- You already gave this to Linda.](click: "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'")[--- Technically this should still be in the Apple vaults.](click: "tambourine")[--- You give it a shake. Vandebilt doesn't even crack a smile. Disappointing.](click: "handful of jelly babies")[--- Small, pill-like and addictive but not quite helpful at the moment.](click: "Henry McCullough's disdain")[--- Pretty potent stuff, but not getting anybody high. Kind of the opposite, actually.](click: "an empty teacup")[--- No electronics to mess up here, unfortunately.]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(set: $seventythree to 'sugar')(set: $inv to $inv - (a: "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI"))(set: $inv to $inv - (a: "all of the sugar cubes in EMI"))(if: $inv contains "Henry McCullough's disdain")["Actually, Inspector, I think I've got a better idea." You pour the sugar into one of the bobby's cupped hands and carve out a much different plan. Five minutes later, Henry McCullough is led out of Newcastle City Hall in [[handcuffs]].](else:)["Actually, Inspector, I think I've got a better idea." You pour the sugar into one of the bobby's cupped hands. "Just give me one minute. I'm going to run into the [[green room]]."]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>After another minute, out of the view of the fans and cameras, he is released from police custody. Less than a month later, Henry McCullough quits Wings. He does not appear on the album <i>Band on the Run</i>, recorded in Lagos, though this evening does inspire the title track. [[Somehow it's still less stressful to be in Wings than your previous band.->Check 1968]] (set: $seventythree to 'complete')

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>Now he's doing an elaborate bit in which he dresses up in various costumes from moments in your life. You don't need to relive the Nehru jacket period of your life as interpreted by James Corden. You kill time in between costume changes, grow bored, and lock your phone, when something catches your eye between the seats. You can see that the seat adjustment mechanism of the driver's seat has a tangle of exposed wires. That seems strange for such a new looking car. Next to these wires you see some kind of fuzzy object. You reach for it in the narrow opening and manage to snag it between your (link-reveal: "index and middle fingers.")[(show: ?eaaah)]|eaaah)[ It's a black, fake mustache from Corden's <i>Sgt. Pepper's</i>-era costume. It looks a little bit like the one you sported in '67, but it is jet black, massive, and unconvincing as an actual mustache. (if: $inv contains "fake mustache")[](else:)[(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "fake mustache"))] The talk show host opens the door and [[climbs back in with a cloying smirk.->Escape Hub 1]]]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>"I have a <b>great</b> idea," you say. "What if we sing a song that I wrote for <i>The White Album</i> but me and the boys never ended up releasing?" "Oh, wow! An unreleased Beatles exclusive!" James says. He <i>sounds</i> excited, but you get the feeling he'd much rather be singing something more familiar with you. "What's it called?" "I wrote it after we spent our time with the Maharishi," you say. "It's called 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.'" There is a long silence. [["Can we cut the cameras for a second?"->cut]] he says.

A replica of the mustache you wore on the cover of <i>Sgt. Pepper's,</i> as interpreted through the mediums of fake fur and very ineffective glue.

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>(set: $carpool to 'hubone')You glance over at your celebrity chauffeur/captor. He looks like he's about to start singing. (if: $inv's length > 0)[You check your pockets and think about using something before you make your next move. You have a (print: $inv.join(", ")).] (else:)[Currently, your pockets are empty. That... shouldn't be the case.](click: "handwritten lyric sheet")[--- You unfold your handwritten lyrics to "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da." "This might be worth something," you think. "What a strange choice to carry them around for 50 years." Now that you're holding these, do you tell James to [[floor it]], [[drive slowly]], or [[hit the brakes]]?(set: $holding to 'lyrics') ](click: "fake mustache")[--- It's still surprisingly sticky. You are reminded that your hair is no longer this dark. Now that you're holding this, do you tell James to [[floor it]], [[drive slowly]], or [[hit the brakes]]?(set: $holding to 'mustache') ](click: "a warm cuppa")[--- Wow! Still full and warm! Weird! Now that you're holding this, do you tell James to [[floor it]], [[drive slowly]], or [[hit the brakes]]?(set: $holding to 'cuppa') ](click: "all of the sugar cubes in EMI")[--- They're a little smaller than they were when you picked them up, just from pocket erosion, but otherwise the same. Now that you're holding them, do you tell James to [[floor it]], [[drive slowly]], or [[hit the brakes]]?(set: $holding to 'sugar') ](click: "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI")[--- They're a little smaller than they were when you picked them up, just from pocket erosion, but otherwise the same. Now that you're holding them, do you tell James to [[floor it]], [[drive slowly]], or [[hit the brakes]]?(set: $holding to 'sugar') ](click: "piano riff")[--- Now that you're remembering these specific notes, do you tell James to [[floor it]], [[drive slowly]], or [[hit the brakes]]?(set: $holding to 'riff') ](click: "tambourine")[--- You give it a shake. Works well. Now that you got this thing out, do you tell James to [[floor it]], [[drive slowly]], or [[hit the brakes]]?(set: $holding to 'tambourine') ](click: "handful of jelly babies")[--- Still a lot of these things left. It turns out you ate enough in the sixties to never make you crave them again. Now that you're holding these, do you tell James to [[floor it]], [[drive slowly]], or [[hit the brakes]]?(set: $holding to 'jelly') ](click: "Henry McCullough's disdain")[--- You're still hanging on to this, huh? Now that you're holding on to the former bandmate's anger, do you tell James to [[floor it]], [[drive slowly]], or [[hit the brakes]]?(set: $holding to 'disdain') ](click: "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'")[--- You're holding an archaic piece of recording material. Now that you got this thing out, do you tell James to [[floor it]], [[drive slowly]], or [[hit the brakes]]?(set: $holding to 'reel') ]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>(if: $holding is "lyrics")[(set: $holding to 'lyrics')He stomps on the gas and you look at the second verse of the song. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape, though. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]] (else-if: $holding is "mustache")[(set: $holding to 'mustache')The mustache is firmly attached to your index finger, and even though he put the pedal to the metal, it's not going anywhere. Pretty impressive... It doesn't seem like this helped you escape, though. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "cuppa")[(set: $holding to 'cuppa')He hits the gas aggressively hard and the tea very nearly spills on your lap. Spilling this while the car is in motion could be really bad news, especially with those exposed wires down there. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape, though. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "sugar")[(set: $holding to 'sugar')The car accelerates and you let go of one of the cubes, but manage to recover it before it gets very far. You count them. They're all still here. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape, though. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "riff")[(set: $holding to 'riff')The speed of the chords being played match the speed of the car. It feels like you're in a heist movie. For a moment, this is a pleasant drive. Then you remember what you're doing and the desire to escape from "Carpool Karaoke" comes back stronger. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape, though. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "tambourine")[(set: $holding to 'tambourine')You shake the tambourine quickly, matching the intensity with which the car is being driven. It annoys both of you. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape, though. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "jelly")[(set: $holding to 'jelly')As James accelerates the car, you clench your fistful of jelly babies, misshaping them slightly. Luckily, they are incredibly resilient. It doesn't seem like this helped you get away, though. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "disdain")[(set: $holding to 'disdain')You already had a lot of anger for this show, but this sudden remembrance of Henry McCullough's disdain for you is not making you feel any more fondly for what's unfolding. This did not help you get away. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "reel")[(set: $holding to 'reel')You hug the precious reel of Beatles music to your chest as the car speeds up suddenly. You resolve to return it to the Apple vaults if/when you are allowed to stop being on this show. This did not help you get away. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>(if: $holding is "lyrics")[(set: $holding to 'lyrics')He continues at a leisurely pace and you look at the bridge of the song. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "mustache")[(set: $holding to 'mustache')The car moves. Your finger itches from the cheap, fake hair. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "cuppa")[(set: $holding to 'cuppa')The car moves forward and your tea stays completely stationary. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "sugar")[(set: $holding to 'sugar')The car continues on. You think about eating a cube, but if you're going to have to sing in a moment, why scratch up the throat needlessly? It doesn't seem like this helped you escape. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "riff")[(set: $holding to 'riff')James hears the piano riff and perks up. You're probably going to have to sing this one now. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "tambourine")[(set: $holding to 'tambourine')The car putters along as you both sit in silence. You tap the tambourine lightly at a very slow pace. Neither one of you knows what to say. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "jelly")[(set: $holding to 'jelly')You are being driven very slowly while holding a fist full of candy. It is difficult to capture in words how unremarkable a moment this is. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "disdain")[(set: $holding to 'disdain')James drives slowly. You remember a former member of Wings. This is a weird day in your life. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "reel")[(set: $holding to 'reel')The slow pace gives you a moment to remember what it was like recording this song. It was much like this moment you are currently in: unpleasant and almost exclusively dominated by The Beatles. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape. Did you want to try [[hitting the brakes->hit the brakes]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>(if: $holding is "lyrics")[(set: $holding to 'lyrics')You screech to a halt and you re-read the chorus of the song. It doesn't seem like this helped you escape. Did you want to try [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "mustache")[(set: $holding to 'mustache')You lurch forward in your seat as the car slams to a stop, but that mustache glue keeps it right on your finger. Sturdy stuff! It doesn't seem like this helped you get out of here. Did you want to try [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "cuppa")[(set: $holding to 'cuppa')James does as you ask and slams on the brakes. Your seatbelt stops you from flying through the windshield, but the tea in your cup gets everywhere, including [[onto the exposed wires that control the driver's side seat mechanism.->Tea onto wires]]](else-if: $holding is "sugar")[(set: $holding to 'sugar')Whoah! You could have dropped these things onto the pretty clean floor mats! Luckily you didn't, but even if you had, it probably would have gone right back into your pocket. It doesn't seem like this helped. Did you want to try [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "riff")[(set: $holding to 'riff')The piano riff mixed with the tromping of the brakes is a confusing sensation. It doesn't seem like this helped you get out of here, though. Did you want to try [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "tambourine")[(set: $holding to 'tambourine')He hits the brakes and the tambourine slips out of your fingers, crashing to the ground. He asks you to put it away. He is right to do so. It doesn't seem like this helped you get off of this show, though. Did you want to try [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "jelly")[(set: $holding to 'jelly')You are jostled back into your passenger-side seat. You make eye contact with James and offer him a jelly baby. "No thanks," he says. "Not a big fan. I probably would only eat those if my life depended on it. <i>You</i> love those things, though, am I right? On one of the Beatles' Christmas Fan Club releases..." This did the opposite of helping you to get off of this show. Did you want to try [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "disdain")[(set: $holding to 'disdain')This is weird. Why did you ask him to hit the brakes? And what do you imagine you're holding? Is it a physical thing? An idea? I don't know either. This weird situation did not help you escape this show. Did you want to try [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]](else-if: $holding is "reel")[(set: $holding to 'reel')The car stops suddenly. You grip the reel hard. James grips the wheel. There is a massive difference between these two things, but it is still the closest you've felt to him all day. You are still being recorded for television next to this man. Did you want to try [[driving slowly->drive slowly]], [[flooring it->floor it]], or do you just want to go [[back to the drawing board?->Escape Hub 1]]]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>(set: $carpool to 'teawire')(set: $inv to $inv - (a: "a warm cuppa"))(if: $inv contains "an empty teacup")[](else:)[(set: $inv to $inv + (a: "an empty teacup"))]Sparks fly from the floor next to the driver's side seat. Suddenly, James's chair begins moving forward. He panics and squirm a bit, but in mere seconds he is pinned in place. You have stopped, blocking a lane of traffic in the center of Liverpool. It doesn't take long before you begin to attract the attention of the locals. Do you [[open the car door]] or [[try to help James]]?

From EMI studios. Simple design, but retains heat well.

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Oh," you say, relaxing a bit. "What's happening?" "I'll keep it simple: we haven't had any high-profile arrests in some time and now our funding is on the line. We want to arrest a rocker in front of the cameras and then, once we're out of sight, just let them go." "Just a publicity thing," Linda said. "I think we could do that." She looks to you. Another McCartney drug bust isn't going to scandalize anyone after the year you've both had. And it might actually get you out of the building quicker. "The rocker in question just can't <i>actually</i> have drugs on them," Vandebilt says, pointedly. "In a perfect world they'd be carrying something we could confuse as drugs..." (if: $inv contains "all of the sugar cubes in EMI")[You smile. "I think I've got [[just the thing->pockets]]."](else-if: $inv contains "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI")[You smile. "I think I've got [[just the thing->pockets]]."](else:)[You panic. You don't have anything that will help. But you know where you can get something. (if: $inv contains "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'")[[[Back with the Beatles in the sixties->tea]].](else:)[ [[1968->1968]].]]

(if: $sixtyeight is 'complete')[(go-to: "Check 1973")](else:)[(go-to: "Years")]

(if: $seventythree is 'complete')[(go-to: "Check 2018")](else:)[(go-to: "Years")]

(if: $eighteen is 'complete')[(go-to: "End Screen")](else:)[(go-to: "Years")]

<script>$('html').removeClass('sixtyeight').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('seventythree').addClass('blank');</script><img src="http://www.ramseyess.com/mccartney/logo.jpg" width=800><h5>by <a href="http://www.ramseyess.com" target="_blank">Ramsey Ess</a></h5> <h3>You did it!</h3> (live: 3s)[Congratulations! You were successfully Paul McCartney!] (live: 4s)[<b>High Scores</b>] (live: 5s)[<b><font color="gold">2. You - 3 years</font></b>] (live: 6s)[1. The Actual Paul McCartney - 83 years] (live: 8s)[Paul McCartney will return in <i>The Paul McCartney Simulator 2: Chaos Vs. Creation in the Backyard</i>.] <audio id="myAudio" autoplay> <source src="http://www.ramseyess.com/mccartney/chipwin.mp3" type="audio/mpeg"> </audio> <script> function myFunction() { var x = document.getElementById("myAudio").autoplay; document.getElementById("demo").innerHTML = x; } </script>

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>You grip the door handle, finally free of this stupid show, then look over at James. "Are you going to go fetch a producer?" he says, meekly. As much as you want to get out of this car, you can't just leave the talk show host like this. You decide you're going to have to [[try to help James]].

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>Of course, by "help James" you're not going to <i>free</i> him. You're going to give him sustenance to survive until someone from his staff shows up to get him out of there. (if: $inv contains "handful of jelly babies")[(if: $inv's length > 0)[You check your pockets for something that will keep James Corden alive. You have a (print: $inv.join(", ")).] (else:)[Currently, your pockets are empty. That... shouldn't be the case.](click: "handwritten lyric sheet")[--- He could eat the ancient paper, but that doesn't feel like a good ending for this piece of music history. ](click: "fake mustache")[--- It goes so close to a person's mouth, yet is not edible. You waste precious seconds of your life with this thought. ](click: "an empty teacup")[--- Not really going to do much good, since you've dumped it all over the floor. ](click: "all of the sugar cubes in EMI")[--- It might sustain him for a little while, but ultimately will take time off of his life. Probably better to just hang on to them. ](click: "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI")[--- It might sustain him for a little while, but ultimately will take time off of his life. Probably better to just hang on to them. ](click: "piano riff")[--- Nice riff, but mostly inedible. ](click: "tambourine")[--- A very tough chew. Might be able to get something nutritious out of the drumhead, but it might be some kind of leather, and you do not support eating animals. ](click: "handful of jelly babies")[--- You toss James the handful of decades old candy. "In case I'm gone for a while," you say. "Oh. You... are going to get help, though, right?" "Gnah," you say without commiting to an answer. [[You turn to open the door->Escape Hub 2]]. ](click: "Henry McCullough's disdain")[--- Too confusing to even contemplate. ](click: "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'")[--- And deprive future Beatles re-releases of exclusive bonus material? You're not that desperate. ]](else:)[It doesn't look like you have anything in your pockets that will keep James alive. Maybe if you did things a little differently [[in the past->Check 1968]]?]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>(set: $inv to $inv - (a: "handful of jelly babies"))You see through the heavily tinted windows that are tons of onlookers trying to figure out why a car has stopped here. If Beatle Paul McCartney steps out, you're going to be mobbed immediately. Do you [[step outside anyway]] or try to [[disguise yourself]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>You open the door and hop out. "Paul!" someone immediately shouts. Unfortunately, if someone shouts "Paul" in Liverpool, it's going to attract a lot of attention. Within seconds you are mobbed. Let's try [[exiting the car differently->disguise yourself]] this time.

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>(if: $inv's length > 0)[You check your pockets for something you could use to disguise yourself from the Liverpool locals. You have a (print: $inv.join(", ")).] (else:)[Currently, your pockets are empty. That... shouldn't be the case.](click: "handwritten lyric sheet")[--- Maybe you could make an origami hat with this? Probably not going to get you very far. ](click: "fake mustache")[--- It is very different from your current hair color, but your mustache period was a long time ago. You put on the fake mustache and while you still look a lot like Paul McCartney, the <i>actual</i> Paul doesn't have a mustache. It's just enough to not arouse suspicion. You affix the fake mustache to your upper lip, and [[open the door to the car->freedom]]. ](click: "an empty teacup")[--- A very tiny hat that will not really conceal anything. ](click: "all of the sugar cubes in EMI")[--- Not much help as a disguise. ](click: "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI")[--- Not much help as a disguise. ](click: "piano riff")[--- You'd have to play it deafeningly loud in order for it to help you get away. In fact, if anything, it's going to make it even more obvious that you are Paul McCartney if you start playing iconic Beatles riffs at them. ](click: "tambourine")[--- It could make a very unimpressive hat, but that's probably not going to do it. ](click: "Henry McCullough's disdain")[--- While it would be a little unusual to see a disdainful Paul McCartney, it's not a great plan. ](click: "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'")[--- The only thing you can think to do with this is create some kind of magnetic mummy. Not a great use of Beatles history. ]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>(set: $eighteen to 'complete')You step out. A few heads turn, and a few eyes narrow, but nobody seems to fully see through the disguise. You walk briskly away from the stationary car, then you jog away, then you full on sprint away. Once you've created enough distance, you pull out your cellphone and call your assistant. A few minutes later, a car has arrived. You pull off the fake mustache, hand it to a young kid who is walking by, and hop in your car. [[And that's how you escaped from James Corden's car.->Check 1968]]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Ah, she'll be fine," you think. You turn around, give her a reassuring wink, and count off. "One! Two! One, two, three..." All of the band members come in with the opening notes of "Big Barn Bed," with one exception: Linda. She's frozen. "Back in a tick," you say into your mic. You bound up the [[riser->tambourine]] to Linda and her keyboards.

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>You and James sing "Penny Lane" together. You try to stay in the moment, but you can't help but remember that you've sung for Presidents, dignitaries, celebrities and your Queen. Now you're being made to sing along to your songs with the fourth or fifth-most popular late night host in America. Do you attempt to [[exit the car]] or do you just complete the special and just [[go through the motions]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>You tug at the door handle. It's locked. James turns his head, slowly. "Where do you think you're going, Sir Paul? You're not going anywhere..." The shooting days stretch on for what feels like an eternity. You are trapped in a Carpool prison of your own making. As you joylessly perform song after song from your back-catalogue, you can't help but wonder if things would have turned out differently if only you had finished that song back in [[1968]]...

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('seventythree').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('eighteen');</script>The shooting days stretch on for what feels like an eternity. You are trapped in a Carpool prison of your own making. As you joylessly perform song after song from your back-catalogue, you can't help but wonder if things would have turned out differently if only you had finished that song back in [[1968]]...

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>You grab Linda's arm and you run in the opposite direction. They give chase. What do you throw at them to try and stop them? (if: $inv's length > 0)[You have a (print: $inv.join(", ")).](else:)[Currently, your pockets are empty. That is kind of improbable. Why not get some stuff from [[some other eras->Check 1968]]?](click-goto: "handwritten lyric sheet", 'lyricsrun')(click-goto: "fake mustache", 'mustacherun')(click-goto: "a warm cuppa", 'cupparun')(click-goto: "all of the sugar cubes in EMI", 'sugarrun')(click-goto: "all but one of the sugar cubes in EMI", 'sugarrun')(click-goto: "piano riff", 'pianorun')(click-goto: "audio reel of Take 28 of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da'", 'reelrun')(click-goto: "tambourine", 'tamborun')(click-goto: "handful of jelly babies", 'jellyrun')(click-goto: "Henry McCullough's disdain", 'disdainrun')(click-goto: "an empty teacup", 'cuprun')

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Boys, I'm just trying to go home with the missus," you try. "It's been a long night. How about an autograph?" "Won't be long, McCartneys," he says. "I'm Inspector Vandebilt. I'm afraid we've got to have a bit of a chat about illegal substances." Your heart sinks. "I just went through this in March, fellas. I'm not growing any more pot in Scotland. Scout's honor." Linda pipes up. "You can search us. After we got busted in Sweden last year, we've gone totally clean," she lies. "No, no, it's nothing like that," Inspector Vandebilt says. "Well, it's a little like that." He loses all of his stoicism as panic flashes on his face. "We need your [[help]]."

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Take this!" you yell. You throw the lyrics sheet. It flutters to the floor, disappointingly. You and Linda are promptly arrested for attempted assault of an agent of the law. Not good. Why don't we undo this and try [[a different approach->sweet talk]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Take this!" you yell. You throw the fake mustache. It flutters to the floor, disappointingly. You and Linda are promptly arrested for attempted assault of an agent of the law. Not good. Why don't we undo this and try [[a different approach->sweet talk]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>You pop a couple of jelly babies into your mouth. Denny Laine talks about a house he's thinking about buying and you zone out. Do you [[keep sitting]] or [[get a move on->Seiwell]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>You haven't heard a word anyone has said for the last five minutes. Bored, you take a sip of whisky and, for obvious reasons, your song "Help" pops into your head. "I should write another song like that," you think. "Maybe I could shout another one syllable word." Do you want to think about some [[shoutable one syllable words]] or do you want to [[leave the green room->Seiwell]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(live: 1s)[Goat!] (live: 2s)[Flute!] (live: 3s)[Paunch!] (live: 4s)[Crest!] (live: 5s)[Bleach!] (live: 6s)[Trace!] (live: 7s)[<i>uhhhhhh...</i>] (live: 9s)[Art!] (live: 10s)[Mill!] (live: 11s)[Cream!] (live: 12s)[Latch!] (live: 14s)[Do you want to [[keep going]] or [[head out->Seiwell]]?]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(live: 1s)[Slime!] (live: 2s)[Turn!] (live: 3s)[Tooth!] (live: 4s)[Form!] (live: 5s)[Crew!] (live: 6s)[Queen!] (live: 7s)[Herb!] (live: 8s)[Great!] (live: 9s)[Grate!] (live: 10s)[Fling!] (live: 11s)[Edge!] (live: 12s)[Glove!] (live: 13s)[Slab!] (live: 14s)[Bond!] (live: 15s)[Jet!] (live: 17s)[<i>Oooo. There might be something there...</i>] (live: 19s)[Jet!] (live: 21s)[<i>Yeah! Do you [[keep brainstorming]] or [[leave the green room->Seiwell]]?</i>]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script><h1>No.</h1> (live:2s)[(go-to: "Seiwell")]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>(live: 1s)[Bell!] (live: 2s)[Drawer!] (live: 3s)[Vat!] (live: 4s)[Inn!] (live: 5s)[Dine!] (live: 7s)[<i> You know, I think we really nailed it with "jet."</i>] (live: 9s)[Salt!] (live: 10s)[They're!] (live: 11s)[Bulb!] (live: 12s)[<i>[[More words->more words]] or [[exit finally->Seiwell]]?</i>]

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Take this!" you yell. You throw the cup of tea. It hits one of the cops, and he is visibly irritated. Luckily it wasn't still boiling. You and Linda are promptly arrested for attempted assault and moistening of an agent of the law. Not good. Why don't we undo this and try [[a different approach->sweet talk]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Take this!" you yell. You throw the sugar cubes. One of the cops crushes them under their boots as you are tackled by the others. You and Linda are promptly arrested for attempted assault of an agent of the law. Not good. Why don't we undo this and try [[a different approach->sweet talk]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>You already gave this to Linda.

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Take this!" you yell. You throw the reel. It unspools itself, disappointingly. You and Linda are promptly arrested for attempted assault of an agent of the law. Your fellow Beatles are mad at you for destorying a perfectly good piece of band history. Not good. Why don't we undo this and try [[a different approach->sweet talk]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Take this!" you yell. You throw the tambourine. It has a killer sound, but is otherwise ineffective. You and Linda are promptly arrested for attempted assault of an agent of the law. Not good. Why don't we undo this and try [[a different approach->sweet talk]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Take this!" you yell. You throw the candy. They scatter across the floor, but do nothing to help your getaway. You and Linda are promptly arrested for attempted assault of an agent of the law. Not good. Why don't we undo this and try [[a different approach->sweet talk]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Take this!" you yell. Then you throw... the concept of hatred? You are so confused by your own actions that you stand stock still, allowing yourself to be tackled by the officers. You and Linda are promptly arrested for attempted assault of an agent of the law. Not good. Why don't we undo this and try [[a different approach->sweet talk]]?

<script>$('html').removeClass('blank').removeClass('eighteen').removeClass('sixtyeight').addClass('seventythree');</script>"Take this!" you yell. You throw the cup. It smahes on the ground. You and Linda are promptly arrested for attempted assault of an agent of the law. Not good. Why don't we undo this and try [[a different approach->sweet talk]]?