What images do you see in your mind when you feel like you are [[spiralling]] down an ever endless hole?What feelings can you pin point as they enter your mind? Is it always self-loathing? A feeling of giving up? Is there [[no hope]]?When I start to feel like that, I sometimes need someone else to suggest something to me as my mind can't [[keep itself together]].The feeling of hopelessness often looms large in the forefront of my mind when my anxiety hits. I have someone who suggested I [[take a bath]] to try and relax my body and my mind. Someone close to me suggested I [[take a bath]] to try and calm my body and mind. So I [[draw a bath]] .Hot water hitting the porcelain surface. Steam rising. The sounds of water. I look forward to [[quieting the mind]].Once full, I submerge my feet, calves and thighs. [[Slowly adjusting]] to the temperature.I slowly lower my torso until fully covered with [[beautiful hot water]]. I let my head [[sink into the water]] so that it is just covering my ears. [[Muffled sounds]] start to escape from my ears.I can hear [[the sound of my heartbeat]] as loud as a jungle drum.My anixety increases and I hear my heartbeat racing. [[Growing ever louder]].At first it is [[hypnotic]]......but soon it becomes the most powerful source of [[noise and frustration]] in my mind.
My headache [[grows worse]].[[Through the pain]], the muffled sounds and racing heartbeats...My [[IMAGINATION FIRES]]!. My eyes are closed yet things have [[turned red]]......and as I slowly [[breath in and out]]......trying to curb my anxiety [[I start to feel different]].The water [[starts to feels different]].It's slightly thicker and the [[smell of iron]] fills my nostrils.I open my eyes and notice the [[red tinge]] over every object in the bathroom.I bring my hands [[up to my face]]...Where water [[should be]]......is [[dripping blood]].DARK [[RED BLOOD]]I look to my right and notice a [[small razor blade]] resting on the side of the bath.The blade is gleaming red from [[fresh cuts]].[[Am I free]]?I look at my wrists and see two fresh, [[deep cuts on each side]]. My [[blood pumping out]], mixing beautifully with the water.Creating a gorgeous red gas cloud of [[nebula proportions]]I'm so happy. I did it. [[I'm free]]. No more [[self-loathing]].No more [[insecurities]].no more [[guilt]].no more [[responsbility]].As my blood pumps out around me. I smile and [[close my eyes]]. The red tinge dissipates and [[blackness]] slowly ebbs in.My headache is gone and I drift off [[peacfully]].no more ME.How deep does your subconcious mind go when your [[anxiety]] and [[depression]] start to take control?