We feel miserable 1.0

"I feel miserable." "I feel miserable." Let me guess, that’s what you were thinking just before you ended up here, right? Don’t worry, that’s how it is for everyone who finds themselves in this place. To be honest, I’m kind of a regular here. I’m the one who built this bar. You’ve got a few minutes before you’re back in the real world. Wanna take the time to chat a bit? Come on, don’t be shy, you must have a few questions! [[You built this bar?]] [[Where are we?]]

In this world, everything’s so simple. All I had to do was imagine it and it appeared. Funny, isn’t it? Not all the laws of physics apply here. I say “not all” because if none of them did, we wouldn’t even be able to have this conversation, but you get what I mean. Truth is, I’m kind of a regular at bars. I go there often… helps me take my mind off things. [[You like bars?]]

Great question—and to be honest, I’m not really sure myself. I’ve been waking up here at night for a few years now. Hard to say why, or how. Everyone who’s shown up here has had… let’s say, issues. So I figure the same goes for me—and by extension, for you too, to some degree. Lucky for you, it’s just the two of us this time. Maybe it’s all just a dream. Maybe you’re not even real. But honestly? I don’t really care. Having some company is always better than being alone. [[You built this bar?]]

Huh? Haha, no, I don’t drink alcohol. Don’t get me wrong, I’m old enough to drink. It’s just… not really my thing, you know? [[You don't like alcohol?]] [[Yeah, I don't like it either.]]

It’s not exactly that. It’s just… how do I explain it? When I create something, I want all the credit to be mine, you know? If I got drunk before writing, I’d never really know if the idea came from me—or from the alcohol. If it turns out bad, sure, I could blame the booze… But if it’s good, I wouldn’t be proud of it. It’d feel like cheating. Unpredictable, chaotic cheating—but still cheating. Peach syrup, though—that doesn’t cheat. Still, don’t you think that’s kind of selfish? Being so insecure that I have an inferiority complex… toward alcohol. Haha. [[You haven’t told me your name yet.]]

Judging by your face, I wouldn’t have guessed. But hey, they say you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Case in point—you’re talking to a bar lover who doesn’t drink. [[You don't like alcohol?]] [[What do you think about alcohol?]]

Maybe this world is just a dream, but just in case, I’m not stupid enough to give my real name to a stranger. You know, there really are crazies everywhere. Not that I think you’re one of them, but it’s kind of a rule I live by. When you’re a woman, you can never be too careful. Call me Umi. That’s my pen name. It’d be awkward if you told me your real name, so just let me give you a code name too, it’ll be quicker. Here, you’ll be Planel. [[Planel? That sounds familiar.]] [[You’re a writer?]]

It’s not a very common name… Actually, it’s pretty unusual. I’m curious where you know it from, but you’ve got great taste if you really do. [[You’re a writer?]]

Ah, uh… yeah, you could say that. Well… I’ve never really published anything. I mean, I have, but nothing that’s really up to the mark yet. [[What do you mean by “up to the mark”?]] [[What kind of stuff do you write?]]

I mean, something I could actually show to others. It’s like every sentence I write feels like I’m reading my middle school diary. Like everything I write instantly becomes ridiculous and outdated. [[Don’t say that about yourself.]] [[It’s the same for me.]]

I couldn’t even tell you. I’ve written quite a lot of stuff. All kinds of things. Sometimes I write poems, sometimes short stories, the beginnings of novels, or comics, movie scripts… Honestly, I’m pretty versatile in my mediocrity. [[Don’t say that about yourself.]]

I can’t help it, it’s stronger than me. But I think it’s important to be tough on yourself sometimes. If you’re always too lenient or too kind, it’s hard to push yourself forward. It’s the same with others. I think a world where everyone is nice to everyone else wouldn’t hold up. I like people to be honest with me, and I try to be the same as much as possible. I want my friends to tell me when I’ve behaved badly, when what I do sucks, or when I’ve hurt them. I think that’s healthier—because that way, kind words and compliments actually sound like compliments. There’s no better feeling than being complimented by someone who’s used to being brutally honest. An environment full of people complimenting you for no reason will probably slow you down more than anything. You won’t be able to gauge your level, the advice you ask for will sound like traps, and you might even end up getting full of yourself. Of course, I’m not saying you have to be mean or cruel—just that you need to be brutally honest with the people you care about. Well, that’s just my opinion. [[I agree with you.]] [[I don't agree with you.]]

You write too? Or maybe you mean you feel the same way in your own field? I’m not surprised. If you’re here, it’s because you feel miserable like me. Like everyone who came before you. You want to know the only difference between you and me? People like you end up disappearing from this place. After a few days, they stop coming here. Me? I’m here every night. Every single time. [[Maybe I'll stay.]] [[I hope you get out of here one day.]]

I don’t really have any special affection for bars themselves. It just so happens that’s where I naturally go when I want to think about something else. I go there when I’m supposed to be working, but instead I end up just sitting and staring at the table for ten minutes. Bars are kind of a toxic relationship. To me, they represent short-term comfort. In other words, escape. Said like that, it’s no wonder the first thing I thought to create, the moment I found myself in an unfamiliar place, was a bar. But I can’t help it. [[You procrastinate?]] [[Then why don’t you work there?]]

Yeah, it’s kind of like my ultimate move if I were in a video game. In an RPG, it’d be that one attack that takes a random number of turns to charge… and most of the time ends up doing no damage at all. The kind of useless move that becomes a fan favorite for challenge runners. Truth is—yeah, I procrastinate a lot. I’m trying to get better, but it’s tough. I’m driven purely by motivation. Sometimes I’ll spend five hours straight on a project without eating or drinking… and other times I won’t touch it for weeks. It’s exhausting. It feels like I’m constantly fighting against myself. She’s strong, that other me… But I figure if I keep going, I’ll start to learn her attack patterns. For now, though, the fact I’m here probably means I just got obliterated again, haha. [[What makes you think you'll ever win?]]

Have you ever tried working in your bed? It’s the same thing. When I’m there, it’s like time stops but also somehow moves five times faster. A warm feeling, but filled with regret. I’m completely incapable of doing anything there and that’s exactly what I like about it. [[I know this kind of feeling.]]

I guess everyone knows a bit about that. Everyone has their own place— their own toxic “safe place". It’s kind of wild, really, how a single place can mean something completely different depending on the person. Each person feels a different vibe, a different smell, a sound. Things others might not notice the same way. I mean, you probably don’t have the same relationship with bars that I do, and I’ll never have the same one you have with your place. [[It’s the same with people, too.]]

That’s true. Each person exists in as many versions as there are people who’ve seen them. Interesting, isn’t it? The “me” I see is completely different from the “me” you see. People interpret what they want to interpret. They understand what they want to understand— often unconsciously, in a way that suits them. In the end, we make up emotions, invent personalities for people we’ll never truly understand. We project a little piece of ourselves onto everyone we know. We assign them feelings, we create a false sense of closeness. Maybe it’s something innate, a trick wired into us to amplify empathy, so we can live together and help each other. Or maybe we’re just born to be self-centered. In the end, nobody really knows anyone. And maybe that’s for the best. Because in your eyes, I am the sweet girl at the bar, chatting casually about everything and nothing. And I’d rather you stay, to me, the quiet person with tired eyes who just listens. But you and I both know, no matter how cheerful or calm I might seem— what kind of state people are really in when they end up here. [[You like bars… does that mean you drink a lot?]]

What do I think? I think it’s the worst drug out there. The only drug where not using it is seen as weird. Isn’t that crazy? It honestly scares me how much control alcohol has over the world. Of course, it’s just my personal opinion, but I don’t think a drink that messes with your vision, coordination, and decision-making can be considered a good thing by any objective standard. It’s a drug, first and foremost— and by extension, it’s addictive. But people who end up addicted didn’t start out that way. They had to try it first. The problem is that alcohol is normalized, trivialized, almost recommended by society. And that’s where everything goes wrong. People who’ve never had a drink still carry a massive risk— because alcohol is everywhere. In TV shows, in movies, in ads, parties, friends, family. It’s blended itself into the idea of fun. But alcohol isn’t fun. [[So… what’s your favorite drink, then?]]

Honestly? Nothing at all. I just tell myself that if I keep spiraling like this, maybe I’ll eventually pull myself out of it— or I’ll have some kind of sudden epiphany. Even if I’m not doing great right now, I’ll keep doing my best, trying to blame myself a little less, and pushing forward. Maybe I’ll never really get out of it, sure. But the future is unpredictable. [[What do you think about the future?]]

Haha, you're scared of the future, aren't you? You're like an open book. I think the future should be seen as full of opportunities. It never turns out the way you predict in the long run and that’s what makes it interesting. Of course, it can be unpredictable in all the wrong ways, but it won’t stay that way forever. I think all you really need to do is try your best— so that when the good kinds of unpredictability show up, you’re ready for them. If you freeze up and let fear take over, you might not even see those opportunities… or worse, you might mistake them for threats. Of course, I’m not exactly a role model. I’m just saying. But there’s a character I really like who often says: "When there is the chance to make a choice, make one that you know you won't regret." I think that's important. [[You like bars… does that mean you drink a lot?]]

Let me think… I’ve got a lot, it’s no coincidence I spend half my time in a bar. If we’re talking all-time favorites, I’d say: Lemonade, hot chocolate, coffee, apple juice, and peach syrup. And if I had to pick a top three, it’d be: Milk, banana smoothie and water. Water’s important. Don’t forget to drink some. [[You haven’t told me your name yet.]]

I have to say, not many people take the time to listen to my endless monologues. Maybe you said you agreed because you weren’t really listening and didn’t want to take any risks. Maybe you said you agreed because it seemed obvious to you, and it feels almost weird to put it into words the way I did. Or maybe you had never thought about it before, and I strongly inspired you to think like me without giving you time to really reflect. Actually, I say all this but I don’t really care. If I’m telling you this, it’s to express what I think, not to convince you. You should express how you feel more often. At first, you’ll think it’s a double-edged sword, but in the end, you’ll realize the edge was your fear of seeing other people’s reactions. And fear in JRPGs is often what makes you skip your turn. [[So, you’re actually a fan of video games.]]

I’ll tell you, that’s a good thing. It takes all kinds to make a world, and it shows, in a way, that you don’t let yourself be influenced and that you stay true to your opinions. Me, I struggle with that. Every time someone shares their point of view, I tend to agree right away. Then I run into someone with the opposite opinion and end up changing my mind again. I guess that means I’m easily influenced. Like my brain just takes what people say as the truth. Weird, isn’t it? Kind of like a video game quest you never question simply because the game isn’t designed for that. [[So, you’re actually a fan of video games.]]

Maybe. Others have told me that before. Honestly, I’d feel sorry for you if that were really the case. Even if this world seems incredible and magical, it’s really just a pale copy—a simulation to remind you how much of what you can do here is out of reach in the real world. A kind of claustrophobic freedom. Trust me, you don’t want to stay in this hell. [[I hope you get out of here one day.]] [[I want to help you get out.]]

I hope so too. The problem with this illusion is that it eventually blends with my reality—it’s comfortable. The deeper I sink into the mattress, the harder it is to get out of bed. I need to learn how to suffer. I need to learn how to feel pain and use it to move forward. You know, like the berserkers in RPGs. Or like that gunbreaker who sacrifices their HP to become invincible. But nobody develops the reflex to use it if they’re not used to taking damage. [[So, you’re actually a fan of video games.]]

Haha, don’t make me laugh. You were probably the kind of brat who thought a hug to your depressed crush would be enough to cure her. Things don’t work like that. You don’t know me, and you’re already ready to give everything to “save” me. You know, that kind of thinking is a bit unhealthy, in my opinion. You must be used to the “I can fix her” trope, but the truth is much crueler. The savior syndrome is very selfish, did you know? But should I remind you that you’re stuck here too, even if only for a short time? Your desire to save me says more about you than it does about me, but I’m not cruel enough to elaborate. Let’s just say you would have ignored me if I were an old bearded man. I need to deal with my problems myself. This vicious cycle is my fight, and I intend to keep going until the end. You’d better focus on yours. And I think I have some leads... [[I hope you get out of here one day.]]

You could say that. Actually, it’s because- Oh… I think it’s time for you. Don’t worry, you’ll return to your world as if nothing happened. See you next time, maybe, my friend. [[Wake up.]]

//You wake up from a sleep that feels like it lasted an eternity. Your mind seems clearer than usual.// ----------- //Hey, it’s MashinN! I hope you enjoyed these conversations as much as I enjoyed writing them. This short story contains several minor choices that slightly change the dialogues. If you have some time, feel free to hit play and try again with different choices. I’m on vacation right now, so I didn’t have time to make a fully illustrated Visual Novel, but when I do, I’ll probably release a prettier, more complete version of this game with more content.. Until then, take care! :p// [[Play]]