and so goes another day

hope: false -- [align center] **WARNING** This work deals with themes of depression and suicide. [[got it]]

[align center] ***And so comes another day*** [[Give up]] [unless hope] [align center] [[Go on|go1]] [if hope] [align center] [[Go on|And so goes another day.]]

Today, you decided to give up. The sun will keep rising and falling. The cars on the street outside will drive right past your house, as they always do. The dogs will keep barking. The birds will keep chirping. Kids outside will take out chalk and draw rainbows all across the sidewalk. Someone will bake a pie and the smell will reach your house. You won't be here for it. One person less to smell the pie, one person less to witness the rainbow, one person less to pet the dogs, one person less to complain about the noise cars make, one person less to see sunsets and sunrises. The theatre goes on but a space in the front row is empty. [[Today, you decided to give up.]]

hope: true -- It's hard. Everything hurts. The shirt you're wearing smells like stale sweat. Your hair is a bunch of messy, oily strands. Your skin started turning gray with all the dirt you didn't wash off. When was your last shower? You can't really remember. The sour taste in your mouth is enough of a tell that you definitely didn't brush your teeth either. But you finally leave your bed. You're shaky and tired already, and you really want to go back, but you stumble right into the bathroom. You know you won't be able to stand in the shower long enough. It's exhausting to even think about. But you splash your face with water, just to wake up, avoiding looking in the dirty mirror the whole way through. It feels better already. It's not everything but it's enough for the moment. You get to the kitchen. All you can find is a cup of cheap ramen, so cheap ramen it is. It's a meal. It tastes like cardboard, like everything does lately, but it's better than nothing. It's actually nice to eat something warm. After a while, you find a piece of hard candy, and sure, it doesn't taste sweet, but sugar is sugar. You don't shower but you change your shirt. You don't brush your teeth but you swish mouthwash for a while. You don't vacuum but you open your window for a bit. There's work to do, so much work to do, but you already did what you could, and it's always better than nothing. Maybe there's hope. Maybe tomorrow, you'll do better. Maybe it'll be all worth it. [[And so goes another day.]]

[[...|Today, you decided to give up.]]

You'll wake up. The sun will keep rising and falling. The cars on the street outside will drive right past your house, as they always do. The dogs will keep barking. The birds will keep chirping. Kids outside will take out chalk and draw rainbows all across the sidewalk. Someone will bake a pie and the smell will reach your house. This whole grand theatre of life will keep going on and you'll be there to see what it has to offer, day by day. One day, your hair will stop being an oily mess. One day, you'll wear a clean shirt on a clean body, and you'll smile to show off your clean teeth. One day, meals will finally have a taste. One day, life won't be a chore. One day. [[One day at a time.|got it]]