Dying on the Vine

Bertie ‘DermatologicallyTested’ Hamilton(click-append: "Bertie ‘DermatologicallyTested’ Hamilton")[ (Subscriber Count: 63)] is pointing the camera at you, the edge of the slide in the background. You are the star, and it is your moment to shine. [[Let's Go!]] (if: (history:) contains "Why don't you go first?")[ [[Screw this, I'm going home.]] ]

A series of hosepipes has been wound creeper-like around the struts, making the surface slick. The drop looks a lot further from up here than it did from the ground. Bertie is mouthing the word "Catchphrase!" at you! [["I'm 6921DisgruntledWallabies and this is how not to slide!"->I'm 6921DisgruntledWallabies and this is how not to slide!]] (if: (history:) contains "Try to land safely?")[ [["Why don't you go first?"->Why don't you go first?]] ]

You grin as you hurl yourself down the slide, icy water gripping your bare chest. Bertie is following you down, no doubt providing a handsome tracking shot of your arse. Wind is whipping through your hair and teeth. The drop is coming up now, and it really is much steeper than you remember. As you crest the edge, you... [[Try for a flip!]] (if: (history:) contains "Try for a flip!")[ [[Try to land safely?]] ](if: (history:) contains "Try to avoid Bertie")[ [[Try to cling to the edge (Again)]] ]

You contort yourself into a lazy flip as you zoom over the edge. Grass falls away to scaffolding, and you feel a sharp crack to the back of your head. You have impacted edges of the safety net, and with a whimper, You Die.(Click-append: "You Die.")[ OMG!!!-VINESTAR DIES ON VINE(NOT CLICKBAIT!!!) Uploaded by Ms_Gently 145,057 [[Loops->Prime-1]]]

You don't go for your trademark flip, and instead concentrate on not breaking your neck. You fly into the net, landing with a soft *flump*. You weren't exactly stylish, but you made it there alive. [[Celebrate]] (if: (history:) contains "Celebrate")[ [[Roll to the side]] ]

You clumsily stumble to your feet and throw your arms up in celebration. It wasn't a perfect landing, but you've still got to perform for the camera. Speaking of which, said camera flies into you, along with Bertie. You are knocked from your perch, plummet to the ground, and You Die.(Click-append: "You Die.")[ WTF?!?!-VINESTAR KILLS VINESTAR! (CALL THE COPS!) Uploaded by Bi1Het13 573,268 [[Loops->Prime-1]]]

You walk away from Bertie and the slide. It is many years before you see him again, at a reunion. You both have a job in the city. You make plans to see each other that neither of you intend on keeping. Occasionally you look back on that day, and your life as it was then with a sense of loss for something you never had. You wish you could go back. (Click-append: "You wish you could go back.")[ But you can't. You start a family, 2 girls and a loving husband. You move back to the country, scrabbling for that Arcadian serenity you felt atop the scaffold. You Never Find It.(Click-append: "You Never Find It.")[ You spend countless summers chasing thrills and adventure in the hope that you might rekindle that sense of energy and immortality you lost. You Never Feel It.(Click-append: "You Never Feel It.")[ You idly daydream of that time that never was, feeling disjointed with the now. You wish you could stop. You Never Do.(Click-append: "You Never Do.")[ You watch yourself grow old like it was happening to someone else. Events happen around you, but your gaze remains fixed behind you, on that boy standing atop that damned slide. You gradually wither away while those you love watch. Every day there is less and less of you left. And finally, one glorious day, You Die.(Click-append: "You Die.")[ VINESTAR WASTES LIFE AS QUATITY SURVAYOR (EPIC FAIL!!!) Uploaded by 6.022140857x10^^23^^ 16 [[Loops->Prime-1]]]]]]]

You roll out of the way just as Bertie comes crashing down next to you. Any later and he would have caved your head in. However, in doing so you manage to roll off the side of the slide, and onto the ground below. Your legs break with a sound like two boots being smacked together. You agony is short lived however, as soon after, Bertie lands on you, and You Die.(Click-append: "You Die.")[ VINESTAR FIGHTSCENE ("I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND"(STAR WARS(NOT ACTUALLY STAR WARS))) Uploaded by RockemSockemRoadblocks 734,127 [[Loops->Prime-1]]]

Bertie's eyes light up at the idea of being the star of the shot. "Sure!" He tosses the camera to you, still recording. You catch it with a fumble, and train it on him. Almost the moment he's in shot, Bertie dives down the slide, a blur of shoddy focus on the screen. [[Follow]] [[Don't]] (if: (history:) contains "Don't")[ [[Look left, then right, then don't]] ]

You dive after Bertie, following in his wake and keeping the camera trained on him. He crests the edge of the tarpaulin, and disappears. As you aproach the edge, you prepare to... [[Try for a flip!->Try for a flip! 2]] [[Try to avoid Bertie]] (if: (history:) contains "Try to avoid Bertie")[ [[Try to cling to the edge]] ]

You place the phone carefully on the tarpaulin, and climb down. You walk away, leaving Bertie to his fun. Into the path of a truck. Oh yeah, and You Die.(Click-append: "You Die.")[ VINESTAR ABANDONS VINE AND DIES FOR HIS SINS! (2CRAZY2BTRU) Uploaded by SurgeonsGeneralDestiniesChild 58,981 [[Loops->Prime-1]]]

You wait for any nearby trucks that happen to be passing by before you descend. As luck would have it, a truck is passing. Good thing you waited! It ploughs straight into the slide. Bad thing you waited! The resulting bundle of scrap, soil and you is strewn across the hillside in a rust-coloured splatter. You Die.(Click-append: "You Die.")[ TRUCK WIPES OUT SLIDE SO FUNNY (SABOTAGE BY YOUTUBE?!?!) Uploaded by Animal_Fam 601,537 [[Loops->Prime-1]]]

You go for the stylish option, flipping in mid-air. You manage a 180 before the back of your skull collides with the scaffolding, splitting it like a kinder surprise. You probably should have seen this coming. You Die.(Click-append: "You Die.")[ STORY TIME: I WAS ALMOST KILLED?!?! (friend was actually killed)!!! Uploaded by DermatologicallyTested 1,354,854 [[Loops->Prime-1]]]

You veer to the left, trying to avoid where you know Bertie will be. But as you fly over the edge, Bertie is nowhere to be seen. You land on your back with a *pap*. From here, you can see Bertie hanging onto the scaffolding, grinning like a chimp. He leaps from his perch onto you with a cry somewhere between a yelp and a YOLO. The force of the impact rips the tarpaulin from the frame, which billows around the pair of you like a cape as you plummet. As soon as you hit the ground,You Die.(Click-append: "You Die.")[ VINESTARS KILLS VINESTAR AND ALSO SELF (RIP VINESTARS!!!) Uploaded by MasterOfThyme&Spice 3,637,794 [[Loops->Prime-1]]]

As you approach the drop, you grab at the edges of the tarpaulin, clinging onto it. However, you swing into Bertie like some perverse desk toy and you are both knocked from the scaffolding. You ricochet from pole to pole, limbs cracking at odd angles like a slightly different desk toy. You both hit the ground with a meaty thump, and very much unlike a desk toy, You Die.(Click-append: "You Die.")[ VINESTAR QWOPS HIMSELF TO DEATH (WHAT THE QWOP?!?!?) Uploaded by MademoiselleMaupinDeL'Opéra 851,616 [[Loops->Prime-1]]]

Standing just short of two stories high on the side of a hill, there is a slide. To others it is an eyesore, maybe even a health and safety violation. But to you it is a thing of beauty. A creaking monolith of old scaffolding and chemical blue tarpaulin, it sticks out of the frostbitten countryside like an exotic fungus. You climb up outside, the chill of the poles biting into your palms. Bertie, your camera man, is climbing up in your wake. From the top you can see the slide follows the hill down for about 50 meters before arcing up a good 10 feet into a tarpaulin-and-hay crashmat that looks like it was made by someone with a very poor sense of humour. You are Thomas '6921DisgruntledWallabies' Bennett. Subscriber count: 258. Far too low. |Abb>[Solution?] (click-append: ?Abb)[ Slide down this monstrosity. [[Do It For The Vine->Prime-1]] ]

You cling to the edge of the tarpaulin, swinging hard into the metal pipes. Fortunately, it holds. Bertie sails over your head, arms pinwheeling, and lands safely in the net below. However you feel a resounding crash through the scaffolding, and a great and calamitous crash. A truck has crashed into the slide, and the entire thing is about to topple over. Bertie is trying to scrabble out of the net. In the split second you have to react, you... [[Cling on for dear life]] [[Leap to safety]]

You hold onto the scaffolding with all your strength to the scaffolding. This is quite possibly the worst choice you've made this entire game. As you land, you are simultaneously struck by the truck, impaled by a pipe, and hit by a low flying phone. The resulting ball of debris rolls down the hill and into a nearby farm, where it catches fire. Needless to say, You Die.(Click-append: "You Die.")[ TRUCK FURY ROADS VINESTAR Uploaded by MadSadDangerousToNoOne 8,127,393 [[Loops->Prime-1]]]

You leap from the scaffolding, flailing your arms to find purchase. A wave of scrap and tattered fabric is so close behind you fragments catch the back of your neck. You are approaching the safety net, so close now, you can almost touch it...(Click-append: "...")[ The net envelops you, blue tarpaulin hugging close against you. As you do so, the collapsing slide glances of the frame of the net, sending it tumbling to the ground. It is by no means a dignified landing, but you made it. [[Dust yourself down]] [[Do a Flip->Try for a flip! 3]]]

You pull yourself from the tarpaulin, and climb the ruined heap of the scaffolding. What was once the slide is lying in a squat heap a few feet from you, having struck only a glancing blow to the net. Letting out a whoop of delight, you throw your arms up in the air. You Survive.(Click-append: "You Survive.")[ VINESTAR IN SLIDE COLLAPSE (MICHAEL BAY SHIT ALL UP IN HERE) Uploaded by 6921DisgruntledWallabies 238,438,110 [[Loops->The End]]]

You try for a standing back flip, but you trip almost instantly and faceplant into the scaffolding. You Die.(Click-append: "You Die.")[ VINESTAR KILLS SELF MOMENTS AFTER ESCAPING TRUCKAGEDDON Uploaded by (text-style: "mirror")[blacK] 49,732,148 [[Loops->Prime-1]]]

Dying on the Vine AKA Zero Vine Dilemma AKA Vine Hours Vine Persons Vine Doors A Game By Charles Sharples QA by Jack Sharples and Zoe Hooper Made with Twine RIP Vine (24.1.13-17.1.17) Thanks for playing! [[Play Again?->Prime-1]]

Dying On The Vine A story by Charles Sharples [[Start->Intro]] Content Warning:(Click-append: "Content Warning:")[ This game contains infrequent strong language, and very very frequent violent deaths. Reader discretion is advised.]