=><=
#CORPSES & CUSTARDS
######a (loosely, arguably just not) 5e compliant
######ridiculous character generator
[[BEGIN->ROLLS]]=><=
Are you:
[[SHOOTY]],
[[PUNCHY]],
[[SMASHY]],
or [[HELLA MAGIC]]?=><=
(set:$wpclass to "shooty")(set:$class to (either: "Ranger", "Fucking Rogue", "McCree", "Stormtrooper"))
You are a (print:$class). (if:$class is "Stormtrooper")[You always miss.](if:$class is "McCree")[It's hiiiigh noon.]
[[CHOOSE ANCESTRY]]=><=
(set:$wpclass to "punchy")(set:$class to (either: "Stoner", "MMA Bro", "Stoner MMA Bro", "Lesbian MMA Bro", "Wrestling Fan", "Bar Brawler", "Literal Kangaroo"))
You are a (print:$class).
(if:$class is not "Literal Kangaroo")[ [[CHOOSE ANCESTRY]] ] (if:$class is "Literal Kangaroo")[ [[YOU ARE LITERALLY A KANGAROO]]. ]=><=
(set:$wpclass to "smashy")(set:$class to (either: "Bardbarian", "Ripped-ass Preacher With a Big Hammer", "The Hulk", "Amazon", "Reinhardt"))
You are a (print:$class).
[[CHOOSE ANCESTRY]] =><=
(set:$wpclass to "weird")(set:$class to (either: "Guitarist", "Shock Jock", "Trash Witch", "Fucking Druid", "Chaos Magic Sorcerer","Bath Bomb Artificer", "Crochet Wizard", "Dirt Wizard", "Weed Warlock", "Kind of Annoying Religious Person", "Super Chill Religious Person", "Literal Cop (Paladin)", "Social Media Influencer"))
You are a (print:$class).
[[CHOOSE ANCESTRY]](print:$name) the (if:$race is not "Literal Kangaroo")[(print:$race) (print:$class)](if:$race is "Literal Kangaroo")[literal, actual kangaroo]
( (print:$pron1) / (print:$pron2) / (print:$pron3) )
wields a (if:$weapon1 is not 0)[(print:$weapon1)](if:$weapon1 is 0)[(print:$weapon2) and a (print:$weapon3)]
is (print:$pers1) and (print:$pers2)
loves (print:$love1) and (print:$love2)
hates (print:$hate); fears (print:$fear)
wants to (print:$motive1) (print:$motive2)
[[ROLL ANOTHER->ROLLS]] =><=
You are a(n) (set:$race to (either: "Klingon", "Hobbit", "Catperson", "Ordennan", "Talking Sword", "Goth Gay (Tiefling)", "Human", "Keebler Elf", "Lawn Gnome", "Giant Robot", "Asari", "Giant Goat", "Green Goblin", "Plantsim", "Weredragon", "Twink (Elf)", "Superhero", "Bug Person", "Little Weird Alien From 'Men In Black'", "Vincent Price", "McElroy", "Mermaid"))(Print:$race).
[[CONTINUE->ROLL FOR WEAPON & TRAITS]]=><=
(transition: "pulse")[R O L L I N G . . .]
(set:$pers1 to (either: "cheerful", "cynical", "blunt", "cowardly", "kind", "rude", "oblivious", "friendly", "old", "depressed", "really cute", "super gay", "irresponsible with money"))
(if:$race is not "Literal Kangaroo")[(set:$pers2 to (either: "prone to stealing", "always high", "always flirting", "into nerd shit", "messy", "always broke", "really cute", "way gay", "vegan", "has a stick up (print:$pron3) ass", "a murder hobo"))](if:$race is "Literal Kangaroo")[(set:$pers2 to "an actual real live talking animal")]
(set:$love1 to (either: "coffee", "violence", "rad wizard spells", "weed", "ramen", "hiking", "beer", "books"))
(set:$love2 to (either: "dogs", "the beach", "sleeping", "sick skateboard tricks", "coffee", "beer", "cats", "pizza", "cool swords"))
(set:$hate to (either: "needing help", "reading", "boredom", "hot weather"))
(set:$fear to (either: "water", "dying alone", "heights", "bees", "birds", "rats", "spiders", "snakes", "performing in front of people", "combat"))
(go-to:"MOTIVES")(set:$race to "Literal Kangaroo")(go-to: "ROLL FOR WEAPON & TRAITS")=><=
(set:$race to 0) (set:$class to 0)(set:$weapon1 to 0)(set:$weapon2 to 0) (set:$weapon3 to 0)(set:$pers1 to 0)(set:$pers2 to 0)(set:$love1 to 0)(set:$love2 to 0)(set:$hate to 0)(set:$fear to 0)(set:$motive1 to 0)(set:$motive2 to 0)(set:$name to (prompt: "enter your character's name.", "type here"))
Your name is (print:$name)
(set:$pron1 to "they")(set:$pron2 to "them")(set:$pron3 to "their")
Default pronouns are (print:$pron1) / (print:$pron2) / (print:$pron3).
Change?
[[USE HE / HIM]]
[[USE SHE / HER]]
[[ENTER MY OWN]]
[[THIS IS FINE]]=><=
(set:$pron1 to "he")(set:$pron2 to "him")(set:$pron3 to "his")
Your pronouns are (print:$pron1) / (print:$pron2) / (print:$pron3).
[[CONFIRM->BEGIN]]=><=
(set:$pron1 to "she")(set:$pron2 to "her")(set:$pron3 to "her")
Your pronouns are (print:$pron1) / (print:$pron2) / (print:$pron3).
[[CONFIRM->BEGIN]]=><=
(set:$pron1 to (prompt: "subject pronoun?", "ex: he, she, they")) (set:$pron2 to (prompt: "object pronoun?", "ex: him, her, them")) (set:$pron3 to (prompt: "possessive pronoun?", "ex: his, her, their"))
Your name is (print:$name).
Your pronouns are (print:$pron1) / (print:$pron2) / (print:$pron3).
Change?
[[USE HE / HIM]]
[[USE SHE / HER]]
[[ENTER DIFFERENT ONES->ENTER MY OWN]]
[[THIS IS FINE]](go-to:"BEGIN")(transition: "pulse")[R O L L I N G . . .]
(if:$wpclass is "smashy")[(set:$weapvalue to (random:1,4)) (if:$weapvalue < 3)[(set:$weapon1 to (either: "bicycle (two-handed)", "bat'leth (two-handed)", "huge lamp (two-handed)", "Guts from Berserk's sword (three-handed)", "battle shovel (two-handed)"))] (if:$weapvalue > 2)[(set:$weapon2 to (either: "hatchet", "bottle of maple syrup", "huge spoon", "broom"))(set:$weapon3 to (either: "rusty nail", "meat cleaver", "pot lid", "bong", "dustpan", "custard"))]]
(if:$wpclass is "punchy")[(set:$weapon1 to " ... nope, only these fists of steel")]
(if:$wpclass is "shooty")[(set:$weapon2 to (either: "hand crossbow", "hand crossbow", "hand crossbow", "hand crossbow", "laser pistol", "phaser", ".44 revolver"))(set:$weapon3 to (either: "dagger", "bottle of maple syrup", "huge spoon", "bong", "half-empty drink", "custard"))]
(if:$wpclass is "weird")[(set:$weapon1 to (either: "gnarled oak staff", "Harry Otter wand", "weird crystal on a stick", "sword cane", "electric violin", "codpiece", "enchanted toilet brush", "jai alai cesta", "custard"))]
(if:$class is "Guitarist" OR "Bardbarian")[(set:$weapon1 to "sick custom axe")]
(if:$class is "Ripped-ass Preacher With a Big Hammer")[(set:$weapon1 to "big fucking hammer (two-handed)")]
(set:$dissin to (transition:"dissolve")+(transition-time: 10s))
$dissin[ [[ALL DONE! VIEW YOUR FINISHED SHEET.->SHEET]] ](transition: "pulse")[R O L L I N G . . .]
(set:$motive1 to (either: "set fire to", "kill", "find", "steal back", "return to", "save", "avenge", "get revenge on", "meet", "live to see", "impress", "be the pride of", "become", "meet up with", "team up with", "be set free from", "defend", "ensure the success of", "sabotage", "imprison", "murder", "bestow a great gift upon", "seek the aid of", "hire", "defeat", "befriend", "find love by the grace of", "pursue", "capture", "win the favor of", "win the heart of", "rip off", "trick", "steal from", "win back", "lose", "liberate", "abandon", "come to a decision about", "safeguard", "protect", "run from", "hide from", "get to", "locate", "secure", "sell out", "travel quickly to", "control", "rule over", "track", "fire", "escape", "oppose", "influence", "betray", "blackmail", "take care of", "conceal", "get to know", "learn about", "rob", "stop", "bury", "look for", "travel to the grave of"))
(set:$motive2 to (either: "(print:$pron3) home and family", "(print:$pron3) true love", "an ancient sword", "a faraway kingdom", "a ghost", "a ghost horse", "a very big dog", "a mysterious monster", "a distant homeland", "a bear", "an unrequited love", "God", "a powerful magic crystal", "a sentient map", "a wizard", "(print:$pron3) children", "(print:$pron3) grandchildren", "(print:$pron3) ancestors", "a king", "a queen", "a noble", "a prince", "a princess", "the military", "a militant group", "a band of mercenaries", "a band of thieves", "a crew of pirates", "a dragon", "a god", "the gods", "a horse", "a maiden or squire of noble blood", "(print:$pron3) glasses", "(print:$pron3) sword", "a demon", "(print:$pron3) patron", "(print:$pron3) past", "a mysterious figure from (print:$pron3) past", "someone who appeared in a vision", "someone foretold of by a seer", "(print:$pron3) friends", "(print:$pron3) friend", "(print:$pron3) colleague", "(print:$pron3) partner", "(print:$pron3) parents", "(print:$pron3) parent", "(print:$pron3) siblings", "(print:$pron3) sibling", "(print:$pron3) sister", "(print:$pron3) brother", "(print:$pron3) mother", "(print:$pron3) father", "(print:$pron3) only child", "(print:$pron3) twin", "(print:$pron3) cousin", "(print:$pron3) childhood caregiver", "(print:$pron3) grandfather", "(print:$pron3) grandmother", "(print:$pron3) elders", "(print:$pron3) grandparent", "(print:$pron3) lands", "(print:$pron3) country", "(print:$pron3) kingdom", "(print:$pron3) holdings", "(print:$pron3) farm", "(print:$pron3) religious order", "a traitor", "(print:$pron3) partner in crime", "(print:$pron3) employee", "(print:$pron3) employer", "(print:$pron3) mentor", "(print:$pron3) superior officer", "Nature herself", "an heir", "a successor", "a student", "a protege", "a landlord", "(print:$pron3) former teacher", "a city", "a town", "a village", "a corpse", "a party", "(print:$pron3) party", "a boyfriend", "(print:$pron3) boyfriend", "a girlfriend", "(print:$pron3) girlfriend", "a person", "someone", "something", "an unknown place", "a partner"))
(go-to:"WEAPONS")