"I know the answer," I say, fighting down a sudden bout of nerves. What happens if I answer wrong?\n\n"Ohhhh?" Old Green rumbles. "The huuuman answering. How unconventional. Very well. What is it?"\n\n"It's <<$riddle>>."\n\nThere is a long pause.\n\n<<if ($riddle is "silence") or ($riddle is "Silence")>><<set $gnatreact += 5>>The tree breaks into deep, rumbling laughter. "Ho ho ho! The much-vaunted cleverness of huuumans is no myth. Well done."<<else>><<set $gnatreact -= 5>>"That's ... not the answer I had in mind," the tree murmurs. "I suppose I can see it? Hmm."\n\nThere's another awkward pause. "I am not supposed to let you pass if you do not answer the riddle," says the tree, "But Lord Rhys will be cross if you are late. So ... off you go, I suppose."<<endif>>\n\nThe tree opens its mouth wide, leading to a deep cavern. Gnat flits inside at once.\n\n[[I follow, though not so enthusiastically.|Inside the trunk]]

"I'm Kit Calhoun--" I begin, but Gnat buzzes through the air and shushes me.\n\n"No no no there are //rules//, I'm supposed to introduce you!" It buzzes back up to its previous position, and I could swear that its wings somehow sound irritated.\n\n"This," Gnat says, gesturing down toward me, "Is Connected Kit Calhoun, the Chosen One who will Deliver Us from a Very Big Problem."\n\n"Ahh," Old Green says, its knothole pupils turning to face me. "The huuuman."\n\nI shift my weight, a bit uncomfortable.\n\n"Yes, it's all very important," Gnat says. "So if we could maybe ... skip the --"\n\n"Those who would enter the Caves of Faerie must answer a riddle," Old Green drowns out Gnat's protestations.\n\n[[Gnat falls into disappointed silence and listens|The riddle]].

Yeah, I have no idea.\n\n[[By the look of it, neither does Gnat|Stumped by a tree][$riddle = false]].

I open up my satchel and check its contents.\n\nNotepad, pen, tablet PC, credentials, a bit of cash, and my pistol. It's all there still.\n\nI pull out the tablet to see whether I have any signal here. I am irritated but not surprised to see that I do not. Where in the world did my fridge take me?\n\nAt least the tablet works.\n\n[[Look around|previous()]]

//Last time, on Connected Kit...//\n\nI hunch down, holding my satchel in front of me. The fridge's opening is low enough that I have to get on my hands and knees and crawl through.\n\nOnce the plastic floor of the fridge gives way to soft grass, I clamber to my feet. I hear the soft //thud// of the fridge door behind me.\n\nAs I turn, I see that whatever door there was on this side has disappeared. I'm alone with no way back.\n\n"Well," I say aloud to myself. "This is a fine mess."\n\n<<set $gnatreact to 30>>[[And now, a new episode...|An idyllic field]]

You finished episode 2 with Gnat's reaction rating at ... <<$gnatreact>>.\n\n<<if $gnatreact > 50>>Wow, Kit was really polite to Gnat! This is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Maybe.<<else>><<if $gnatreact > 40>>Kit was fairly polite to Gnat in spite of her instincts. Maybe the two will make friends!<<else>><<if $gnatreact > 30>>Kit was civil enough but not too friendly. That's a PI for you.<<else>><<if $gnatreact > 20>>Kit was pretty standoffish. The pixie's got its work cut out for it.<<else>><<if $gnatreact > 10>>It seems like Kit was pretty rude to Gnat. This is gonna be a rough partnership.<<else>>Wow, Kit was really rude to the pixie. They don't get along at all.<<endif>><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>><<endif>>\n\nMy [[Patreon|http://patreon.com/inurashii]] subscribers' scores varied widely, but averaged out to 33. Canonically, Kit was reasonably polite to Gnat but not overly warm.\n\nFrom here you can go to:\n[[The Previous Episode|kit-episode-1.html]]\n[[The Next Episode|kit-episode-2.html]]\n[[The Episode Index|index.html]]

I resume my walk toward the forest path, now with a tiny, buzzing companion.\n\nI strike up a conversation. "So. Gnat."\n\n"Really 'Gnathan' is only one more syllable --"\n\n"What pronoun should I be using for you, kiddo?"\n\n"Don't call me 'kiddo'! But you can call me 'it'!" Gnat declares, first indignant, then proud. "We pixies are hermaphroditic and should be talked about like any other majestic plant. What about you?"\n\n"She."\n\n"Yes of course! I should have known," Gnat bullshits. "On account of your plumage."\n\n[[Soon we reach the path]].

"Are you kidding me?" I exclaim. "A fall like that will kill me!"\n\nGnat sighs and explains, as though to a child, "There's soft fungus down there. Bigger faeries than you have jumped down there without getting hurt."\n\n"And I was supposed to know this because...?"\n\n"Because you're supposed to trust me!"\n\nI roll my eyes, [[but take the jump anyway|Leap of Faith]].

I clap my free hand over my satchel, preparing to draw the pistol, and whirl in place.\n\n"You were looking right at me!" the squeaky voice says as the leaf blows by again. I duck and spin, searching for the source.\n\nThe 'leaf' centers itself a little further from my face, revealing that it is not a leaf, but a four inch tall kid with flickering bug wings. Because of course it is.\n\nI sigh.\n\n"Like you've never seen a pixie before!" The tiny creature squeaks, folding its arms.\n\n"I have never seen a pixie before," I state flatly.\n\n"Oh," it says. "I guess that makes sense."\n* [[Greet the creature as politely as I can manage|Introduce myself][$gnatreact += 5]]\n* [[Demand to know the creature's intent|Ask what it wants]]\n* [[Threaten the creature][$gnatreact -= 5]]

The inside of the tree is dark and hollow. A pit opens just inside, sloping down like a gullet. A faint blue-green glow comes from deep down, showing just how far down the pit goes.\n\nIt's far.\n\n"Ok, we're almost there! Sort of almost almost there," Gnat says with a grin. "Hop in!"\n* [[Hop in|Leap of Faith][$gnatreact += 5]]\n* [[That seems unsafe|Understandable caution][$gnatreact -= 5]]

"Well," I say, gently withdrawing my hand from my satchel. "Thank you for coming out to greet me. I'm a bit at sea, and it'll be nice to have somebody helping me get where I'm going."\n\nThe pixie looks pleased as punch. "Leave it to me! The Pixelles are a proud family, going back //four whole generations//, and we take our responsibilities very seriously!"\n\nI squint at the pixie. I think it's serious.\n\n"Let's head to that path there. I'll get you to the court safely."\n\n[[Back to the path]]

There is a long and uncomfortable silence.\n\nEventually, Old Green lets out a deep sigh that blows my hair back and knocks Gnat out of place.\n\n"I am not supposed to let you pass if you do not answer the riddle," says the tree, "But Lord Rhys will be cross if you are late. So ... off you go, I suppose."\n\nThe tree opens its mouth wide, leading to a deep cavern. Apparently more relieved than embarrassed, Gnat flits inside at once.\n\n[[I follow, though not so enthusiastically.|Inside the trunk]]

This flowery meadow is too colorful to exist.\n\nI'm standing on top of a low hill covered in the brightest-hued [[blossoms]] I have ever seen. As I squint toward the [[horizon]], I see that the colors of the flowers seem to change in waves, forming a pastel rainbow as far as the eye can see.\n\nIn one direction, the meadow stops at a forest. The trees almost seem to have round, fluffy foliage, as though rendered directly from a child's drawing. Looks like there's a [[path]] that runs into the forest.\n\nOther than that, it's just me and [[my satchel]], as out of place as the two of us have ever been.

I crouch for a moment to examine the flowers at my feet. I'm not a botanist, so I can't tell whether these flowers are known to science or whatever, but they look real enough up close.\n\nBut when I stand up again, they sort of seem to form this homogenous, colorful carpet.\n\n[[Look around|previous()]]

Connected Kit Yanked into the Faerie Court: Episode 2

"You have ten seconds to convince me why I shouldn't consider you a threat," I snarl.\n\n"Oberon's nipples!" the creature curses. "Are all humans so rude?"\n\n"I'm a little on edge to get a surprise pixie to the face."\n\n"All you have to do is ask a question and I'll answer it!" the pixie replies, folding its arms frowning.\n* [[Ask its name|Introduce myself]]\n* [[Ask what it wants]]\n* [[Tell it to get lost|No thank you][$gnatreact -= 5]]

"Not without some details," I say. "What are we walking into?"\n\nGnat sighs. After a moment it looks me in the eyes and sighs again, communicating what a deep burden it is to deal with such a tiresome person as me.\n\n"You're wasting more time sighing than you would be if you just told me what's going to happen."\n\n"Do all humans hate surprises as much as you?" Gnat folds its arms.\n\n"No," I reply. "But even they wouldn't want to walk into this blind."\n\n"//Fine//. We're going to go talk to the gatekeeping tree so we can get to the caverns. Happy?"\n\n"It's a start," I reply. "And you're doing all the talking because...?"\n\n"Because I know the tree and you don't! Geez! Can we go do the thing now?"\n\nI nod. "Yeah, that's reasonable. Let's go."\n\n[[We approach the tree]].

I halt into my tracks. "Excuse me, but no. I'm not walking into this blind."\n\n"What? Don't you trust me?" Gnat asks, hurt.\n\nIs it serious? "No, not really," I say. "I //just met you//. Just tell me what we're about to do and I'll go along with it."\n\nGnat sighs. After a moment it looks me in the eyes and sighs again, communicating what a deep burden it is to deal with such a tiresome person as me.\n\n"You're wasting more time sighing than you would be if you just told me what's going to happen."\n\n"Do all humans hate surprises as much as you?" Gnat folds its arms.\n\n"No," I reply. "But even they wouldn't want to walk into this blind."\n\n"//Fine//. We're going to go talk to the gatekeeping tree so we can get to the caverns. Happy?"\n\n"Not yet," I reply. "You're doing all the talking because...?"\n\n"Because I know the tree and you don't! Geez! Can we go do the thing now?"\n\nI shrug. "It'll do for now. But if I need to speak up, I will."\n\nGnat huffs.\n\n[[We approach the tree]].

As we approach the tree, I realize that it is even larger than I thought. The other trees stop growing within 50 feet of it, as its canopy blots out the bright sun in its vicinity. Its trunk is several stories high and easily as big around as a small house.\n\nOnce we are near, the gnarled bark of the tree comes to life, twisting into an aged wooden face.\n\n"Who approaches Old Green?" it asks in a voice so deep and loud that I feel it in my ribcage.\n\nThe little pixie floats up higher and draws itself into an upright posture. "It is I, Gnathan Haversham Pixelles III, here on //official faerie court business//!"\n\n"Oh hullo Gnat," the tree rumbles. "I see you've brought someone."\n* [[Introduce myself to Old Green][$gnatreact -= 5]]\n* [[Let Gnat introduce me]]

Through clenched teeth and over my racing pulse, I manage, "Ok. So. My name is Kit. And you are?"\n\n"Ah! Yes. My name is Gnathan Haversham Pixelles the third, of the honored Pixelles line." It coughs. "Course, everyone just calls me 'Gnat', but I prefer--"\n\n"That'll work," I reply.\n* [[Ask what it wants]]\n* [[Leave|No thank you][$gnatreact -= 5]]

"I thought I was supposed to let you do the talking?" I say dryly.\n\nGnat's eyes go wide. "Oh come on, that was -- please, just answer the riddle."\n\n* [[Bark out the answer|Answer the riddle]]\n* [[Leaf it Unanswered][$gnatreact -= 5]]

"Ok gnat," I say, withdrawing my hand from my satchel with care. "I get that you have a job to do, and apparently so do I. But I don't know you. I don't know the ... Faerie Court. I'm going in blind. So I'm gonna be kind of careful here."\n\nThe pixie puts its little fists on both hips. "You can trust me! The Pixelles are a proud family, going back //four whole generations//, and we take our responsibilities very seriously!"\n\nI squint at the pixie. I think it's serious.\n\n"That's nice," I say, "But I can't trust you. Not yet. My job is to not trust people. You're gonna have to live with that for now. Ok?"\n\nGnat pouts. "Well. I guess that's fair. You're the specialist."\n\n[[Back to the path]]

I shift the satchel on my shoulder and sniff the clean air once, trying to calm my nerves. I slip one hand into the bag and wrap it around my PPQ, just in case.\n\nAs I start walking down the hill, some kind of leaf flutters in front of my face. I wave my free hand to try to brush it away.\n\n"Watch it!" a squeaky voice speaks from somewhere near my head.\n\n[[WHAT]]

"This," Gnat says, gesturing down toward me, "Is Connected Kit Calhoun, the Chosen One who will Deliver Us from a Very Big Problem."\n\n"Ahh," Old Green says, its knothole pupils turning to face me. "The huuuman."\n\nI shift my weight, a bit uncomfortable.\n\n"Yes, it's all very important," Gnat says. "So if we could maybe ... skip the --"\n\n"Those who would enter the Caves of Faerie must answer a riddle," Old Green drowns out Gnat's protestations.\n\n[[Gnat falls into disappointed silence and listens|The riddle]].

I was expecting to attribute the cartoonish nature of the forest to its distance, but still find myself fairly unsurprised when that turns out not to be the case. Each tree is nearly identical, with a smooth trunk and a fluffy canopy above.\n\nI glance over at Gnat, who is already zipping along the neat forest path, and follow.\n\n[[We walk for a while]].

After a few more moments of fidgeting, Gnat turns a bit to face me.\n\n"Um," it says. "I don't suppose you're any good at riddles?"\n\n"Sorry kiddo," I shrug.\n\n"Maybe you could, I dunno, guess?"\n* [[Give the riddle another try]]\n* [[Sorry, but no|Leaf it Unanswered][$gnatreact -= 5]]

Rather, I walk. Gnat zips ahead, stopping every so often to let me catch up.\n\nI'm not personally inclined to hurry; this place is unfamiliar and I don't trust its cheerful look. I've heard enough of Grimm's fairy tales to know how horribly wrong things like this can go.\n\nEventually I can see our destination as the trees thin out a bit: a tree taller and wider than the others, its trunk more gnarled and natural.\n\nAs we approach the tree, Gnat turns back to me and jabs a finger, its face stern. "Now when we get to the tree, just let me do the talking. Ok?"\n* [[Agree][$gnatreact += 5]]\n* [[Ask for details first]]\n* [[Refuse][$gnatreact -= 5]]

A clean dirt path that starts just as the flowers stop, leading into the storybook forest.\n\nNormally, my instincts as a PI would be screaming at me to avoid stepping into something so deliberately laid out for my benefit, but the fact of the matter is that my instincts as a PI are //already// screaming at everything happening right now.\n\nBesides, it looks like my alternative is to walk for miles over hills that I can clearly see are featureless.\n* [[I'll follow the path.|Interrupted]]\n* [[I want to look around some more.|An idyllic field]]

After a few more moments of fidgeting, Gnat turns a bit to face me.\n\n"Um," it says. "I don't suppose you're any good at riddles?"\n\n"Yeah, I think I got this one figured out," I reply.\n\n"Want to help me out maybe?"\n* [[Answer the riddle]]\n* [[Leave Gnat swinging in the wind][$gnatreact -= 5]]

I nod. "Sure, you're the guide."\n\n"That's right," Gnathan says, pleased. "I am."\n\n[[We approach the tree]].

"Here is your riddle," Old Green thunders.\n\n''"If you say my name in my presence, I disappear. Who am I?"''\n\nGnat buzzes in place for a few moments. I ignore it and think to myself for a moment.\n\nDo I know the answer to the riddle?\n* [[Yes]]\n* [[No]]

There is a long, uncomfortable silence as Gnat fidgets in midair.\n\nWell, it wanted me to keep quiet and let it do the talking<<if $riddle is false>>.\n\n[[Wait and see if Gnat answers]]<<else>>, but it seems like it hasn't figured out the riddle.\n* [[Answer the riddle][$gnatreact -= 5]]\n* [[Give Gnat time to answer][$gnatreact += 5]]<<endif>>

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I leap down into the unknown, and the blue glow rushes toward me...\n\n[[End of Episode 2]]

<<set $riddle to prompt("If you say my name in my presence, I disappear. Who am I?","my answer")>>\n\nOf course I know. It's <<$riddle>>.\n\n[[Gnat doesn't seem so sure, though.|Stumped by a tree]]

<<set $riddle to prompt("If you say my name in my presence, I disappear. Who am I?","my answer")>>\n\nEr, maybe it's ... <<$riddle>>?\n\n[[Let's hope so.|Answer the riddle]].

Those hills must go on for miles, and not a sign of civilization anywhere I can see.\n\nWhere the hell am I?\n\n[[Look around|previous()]]

Colin Sandel

"Look, what do you want?" I try to force my voice into a less hostile tone.\n\n"Yes! Good!" the pixie says, puffing its tiny chest with pride. "I, Gnathan Haversham Pixelles, have been appointed as ... your guide!"\n\n"My guide, huh? Also, I'm gonna call you Gnat."\n\nThe pixie droops a little. "Fine. But yes, I'm your guide! I have been assigned to get you safely to the Faerie Court."\n\nWell, we have continuity, at least.\n* [[Accept graciously][$gnatreact += 5]]\n* [[Accept cautiously]]\n* [[Decline|No thank you][$gnatreact -= 5]]

"Look, kid," I begin,\n\n"Gnathan! I am not a kid, I am 2 years old!"\n\nI stare for a moment before continuing. "How bout Gnat."\n\nThe pixie makes a grumpy noise.\n\n"Anyway, Gnat, I'm sure that you mean well. But I'm gonna go now, and it'd be great if you didn't follow me. I'm kind of a lone wolf, all right?"\n\n"Well, that's all very nice," Gnat says, putting its hands on its hips, "But I am a Pixelles and we are a proud family that has been around for four whole generations, and when we have a job to do, we //do it//."\n\n"Okay?" I shrug. "So?"\n\n"So I'm coming with you and you will not be rid of me. That's that."\n\nI sigh.\n\n[[Back to the path]]