"So, Gerund, I was wondering if I could ask a few questions--" I begin, but Gerund interrupts me.\n\n"No no, first we must resume moving," Gerund says. "There will be plenty of time for questions once we reach the palace and you've had your briefing." He waves us on our way.\n\n[[My party, now significantly larger, begins walking up the mushroom path.|The Mushroom Path]]

"Gerund the Amazing," I say with a smirk, folding my arms. "Allow me to say that you certainly seem to be everything I expected you to be."\n\nThe dig flies clean over Gerund's head, as he smiles broadly and gives a florid bow. The jester figure behind him, however, snickers in appreciation.\n\n"So, I hear you have a job for me?" I ask.\n\n"Yes yes, a most important commission! We shall speak more on this opportunity when we get where we are going! [[But before we go, a bit more introducing," Gerund says.|Further introductions]]

<<if $gerund > $hunters>><<if $gerund > $foole>>It would appear that Kit impressed Gerund the Amazing. Having a real human to observe must be so exciting...<<else>>It looks like Kit has piqued Foole's interest! Our protagonist has an unpredictable new friend with a wicked sense of humor...<<endif>><<else>><<if $hunters > $foole>>It would appear that the brother and sister hunters were impressed by our PI. They may prove powerful allies...<<else>>It looks like Kit has piqued Foole's interest! Our protagonist has an unpredictable new friend with a wicked sense of humor...<<endif>><<endif>><<if $hunters < 10>><<if $hunters < 8>>\n\nKit managed to offend the Hunters. Are you sure you want her on their bad side?<<else>>\n\nKit irritated the Hunters a bit, but surely it's nothing that a bit of good will couldn't fix.<<endif>><<endif>><<if $gerund < 10>><<if $gerund < 8>>\n\nKit offended Gerund quite a bit; this might not be so good for his pride ... or job.<<else>>\n\nKit annoyed Gerund, but who can blame her? He's such an easy target!<<endif>><<endif>>\n\nMy [[Patreon|http://patreon.com/inurashii]] subscribers focused on Foole, getting her attention easily ... though the hunters weren't uninterested. They fared less well with Gerund, and the Court Wizard is canonically less than pleased with his mortal guest.\n\nFrom here you can go to:\n[[The Previous Episode|kit-episode-2.html]]\n[[The Next Episode|kit-episode-3.html]]\n[[The Episode Index|index.html]]

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"The Hunters, right? Could you tell me about yourselves?"\n\n"There is little to tell," one of them says. "We are brother and sister hunters. We bring meat, foraged fruits and nuts, protection to the Court."\n\n"We are nimble," says the other, "and skilled with sling."\n\n"That's ... informative, thanks." I nod.\n\n"You are welcome." I think they're pleased? It's hard to tell.<<else>>"Anything else I might know about you?" I ask.\n\n"We could tell you a story of our hunts," a hunter says.\n\n"Sure," I nod, and am subsequently regaled with a Hemingwayesque description of a routine hunt. Not to spoil you, audience, but the critter dies at the end.<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[Which one is which][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[How they fight][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Whether to expect danger]]\n* [[Their opinion on Gerund]]\n* [[Their opinion on Foole]]\n* [[Why they are sworn to the Court][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"What can you tell me about Foole?" I ask Gerund in a quiet voice.\n\nGerund makes a sour face. "To begin, I can tell you that she can hear everything you are saying, and //loves// eavesdropping."\n\nFoole giggles. "Keen of eye, keen of ear, sharp of wit, bereft of fear!" she rhymes in a singsong.\n\n"Foole is Comedic Advisor to the Most Ineffable Lord Rhys, much as we all may find her annoying."<<else>>"Can I ask you about Foole again?"\n\n"If you must," Gerund says with a sigh.<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[Why Foole is here][$gerund += 1]]\n* [[Why Gerund dislikes Foole][$gerund -= 1]]\n* [[For information on the job|Premature Inquiries]]\n* [[Why he talks like that|Speech Impediment][$gerund -= 1; $foole += 1]]\n* [[About Gerund][$gerund += 1]]\n* [[About the hunters]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"So, uh, which one of you is which?"\n\nThe hunters look at each other, then at me. "We are brother and sister hunters."\n\n"Right, but which of you is the brother and which is the sister?"\n\nThe hunters squint at me, visibly baffled and possibly offended. "We are brother and sister."\n\n"I ... okay."<<else>>"Can I ask again about the brother and sister thing?"\n\n"We are brother and sister hunters." They seem irritated that I haven't grasped the simple concept.\n\nI point at one of them. "You specifically. Are you the brother?"\n\n"I am brother and sister."\n\nI withdraw my hand. "Huh."<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[About the Hunters][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[How they fight][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Whether to expect danger]]\n* [[Their opinion on Gerund]]\n* [[Their opinion on Foole]]\n* [[Why they are sworn to the Court][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"I don't suppose you'd care to tell me anything about the job? Gerund isn't very helpful."\n\nFoole sighs. "Much as giving hints would bring me fun, I cannot 'til your introduction's done."<<else>>"Are you sure you can't tell me anything about the job?" I plead.\n\nShe shakes her head. "No matter how often you knock at the door,\nI'll just tell you now what I told you before."<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[About Foole herself][$foole += 1]]\n* [[Foole's opinion of Gerund]]\n* [[Foole's opinion of the Hunters]]\n* [[Something in rhyme][$foole += 1; $gerund -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

"Ah ... sorry, but no," I say. "I don't pull out my gun unless I need to use it."\n\nThe hunters frown, though nearby I see Gerund breathing a sigh of relief. I should probably move the conversation along.\n\nAsk:\n* [[About the Hunters][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Which one is which][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[Whether to expect danger]]\n* [[Their opinion on Gerund]]\n* [[Their opinion on Foole]]\n* [[Why they are sworn to the Court][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]

"I'm Kit Calhoun, as you know. Good to meet you," I say, inclining my head a bit in an informal bow. I don't know whether faeries shake hands, but a little bow is fairly safe, right? "Looking forward to working with you and yours."\n\n"Of course, of course," Gerund gives a florid bow of his own. Behind him, the David-Bowie-Clone twins whisper to each other, looking at me. "I am certain that your skills will be exactly what we are seeking."\n\n"Sure," I say. "I'm ready to hear the details whenever."\n\n"You will hear more of this when we get where we are going! [[But before we go, a bit more introducing," Gerund says.|Further introductions]]

The party approaches the soft-looking black substance. I lag behind a bit, waiting to see what Gerund will do.\n\nHe slows not at all, striding through the fog and vanishing from view. I sigh, realizing that I am expected to do the same with no idea what's on the other side.\n\nLast in line, Foole does not pass me, but puts strong hands on my shoulders and pushes me through the great curtain.\n\nI am blinded for a moment by daylight, but when my eyes adjust, I gasp at what I see...\n\n[[End of Episode 3]]

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"What can you tell me about Foole?" I ask, my voice low.\n\nThe hunters shrug. "Little that she could not tell you. Or Gerund. Foole is a mysterious creature. Be advised -- her hearing is even keener than ours, and can hear any questions you ask about her."\n\nFrom behind us, Foole cackles.<<else>>"Sure you don't have any intel on Foole that you want to share?"\n\nThey shrug again. "Foole confuses us. You should ask her yourself."<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[About the Hunters][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Which one is which][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[How they fight][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Whether to expect danger]]\n* [[Their opinion on Gerund]]\n* [[Why they are sworn to the Court][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

I decide to turn my attention to a different member of the party.\n\n* [[Talk to Gerund]]\n* [[Talk to the Hunters]]\n* [[Talk to Foole]]\n* [[Done talking]]

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"So, Foole, what can you tell me about Gerund?"<<else>>"Can you tell me anything else about Gerund?"\n\nShe shakes her head. "No matter how often you knock at the door,\nI'll just tell you now what I told you before."<<endif>>\n\nShe clears her throat and recites a verse:\n"A scholar who 'studied' humanity\nHas clearly abandoned his sanity:\nThe dolt should have knew, when\nhe summoned a human\nIt wouldn't prove good for his vanity."\n\nAsk:\n* [[About Foole herself][$foole += 1]]\n* [[Foole's opinion of the Hunters]]\n* [[For information about the job]]\n* [[Something in rhyme][$foole += 1; $gerund -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"Hey," I murmur quietly. "What do you two think about Gerund?"\n\n"Gerund is of the Court," one hunter says, face thoughtful. "As other Court faeries, he thinks of little beyond the Court."\n\n"He's supposed to be a human expert, though," I say.\n\n"All he knows of humans is what is delivered to him."\n\n"Hmm."<<else>>"Anything else I should know about Gerund?"\n\n"He is proud," a hunter tells me, "And self-absorbed. If he perceives insult, he will be very upset. But he often fails to perceive insult."\n\n"That's ... actually pretty useful, thanks."<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[About the Hunters][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Which one is which][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[How they fight][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Whether to expect danger]]\n* [[Their opinion on Foole]]\n* [[Why they are sworn to the Court][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

I am about to continue the conversation but stop myself, realizing that we're nearly at the top of the cavern. I am surprised to note that the path ends at what seems to be a kind of shadowy curtain, a black fog through which I can see nothing.\n\n"Ah, we are finally approaching! Of the fact that we are not using the Court's, ah, main entrance ... I hope you will be forgiving," Gerund tells me. "The need for discretion in this matter is most pressing."\n\nI gesture for him to [[lead the way|The Curtain]].

Gerund steps to the side and gestures toward the monochromed david bowie clones.\n\n"These are the brother and sister hunters; I brought them with me in the, ah, unlikely event that we should need guarding."\n\nThe hunters bow slightly.\n\n"This ... is Foole," Gerund says, his lip curling in distaste as he casts a dismissive hand toward the jester (who dips into an overly-elaborate and difficult-looking bow). "...that's the word 'fool' with an 'e' on the ending. She is not here invited, it was not until we left the Court that we realized she was following."\n\nFoole looks up and smiles at me. Her teeth are almost eerily perfect, and her eyes are a mismatched purple-and-green set between a pair of long, pointed ears. I have little trouble believing that she is aware of how unnerving she seems.\n\n* [[Greet the others]]\n* [[Ask a few questions]]\n* [[Suggest we keep moving]]

<<if visited() is 1>>"What's your problem with Foole, anyway?"\n\nGerund scowls. "She has no respect for the dignity of the Court's proceeding! She makes jest of everything!"\n\n"Isn't that a jester's job?"\n\nHe glares at me. "We don't NEED to fill a job so vexing!"\n\nFoole giggles behind us.<<else>>"Why don't you just ignore Foole, if she bugs you so much?"\n\n"If I //could// be ignoring," Gerund snaps, "I //would// be ignoring."\n\n"Sorry I asked, geez," I hold up my hands in a gesture of surrender.<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[For information on the job|Premature Inquiries]]\n* [[About Gerund][$gerund += 1]]\n* [[Why he talks like that|Speech Impediment][$gerund -= 1; $foole += 1]]\n* [[About the hunters]]\n* [[Something else about Foole|About Foole]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"You're here guarding us, right?" I ask the hunters. They nod. "Should I be expecting trouble?"\n\n"No," one hunter says. "We have scouted the area. What threats might be here are far away. Our presence is to set you at ease."\n\n"And Gerund," says the other.<<else>>"Are you sure we're not likely to run into, like, a monster or something?"\n\n"As sure as we can be," says one hunter.\n\n"In the event that we are wrong, we will defend you," says the other. "There is no need to fear."<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[About the Hunters][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Which one is which][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[How they fight][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Their opinion on Gerund]]\n* [[Their opinion on Foole]]\n* [[Why they are sworn to the Court][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

I give the faerie calling himself Gerund what I imagine to be a florid bow. "Most honored guide. I am Connected Kit Calhoun, and most pleased to meet you."\n\nNearby, Gnat huffs. "You didn't greet //me// like that."\n\n"Shh," I hiss.\n\nGerund seems pleased at my introduction and returns the elaborate bow, clearly trying to imitate my awkward pose. "Oh yes, clearly I made no mistakes in the human of my choosing."\n\nI straighten. "I would be honored to hear more of the, uh, opportunity you spoke of."\n\n"Yes yes, most exciting! We shall speak more on this opportunity when we get where we are going! [[But before we go, a bit more introducing," Gerund says.|Further introductions]]

Reaching the edge of the fungal carpet, I stumble a bit as I step out onto the smooth stone floor that I normally associate with a cave. Gnat zips ahead and I follow, moving through a natural-looking tunnel about the size of a wide hallway.\n\nWe've barely traveled a city block when I note a multi-hued glow coming from the end of the corridor. Gnat whirls in midair and grins at me. "Behold ... the Great Grotto."\n\nI walk past it and through the tunnel opening, squinting my eyes against the new light before widening them in shock.\n\n"Boy, you aren't kidding," I murmur as I [[behold it|The Great Grotto]].

Connected Kit Yanked into the Faerie Court: Episode 3

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>>I approach the hunter siblings from the side, ensuring that they can see me. They turn to look at me as one.\n\n"Hey," I offer a small smile.\n\nThey continue to stare.\n\nAsk:\n* [[About the Hunters][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Which one is which][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[How they fight][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Whether to expect danger]]\n* [[Their opinion on Gerund]]\n* [[Their opinion on Foole]]\n* [[Why they are sworn to the Court][$hunters -= 1]]<<endif>>

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"So. Foole. Would you like to tell me about yourself?"<<else>>"Want to tell me anything more about yourself?"\n\n"One must leave some things to be anticipated," she says, "but I can repeat what I already stated..."<<endif>>\n\nStill walking, Foole strikes a pose and recites:\n"Now wherefore, in this day and age, the Foole?\nWhy have in your employ a soul so crude?\nWhy bring into your home such ridicule?\nAnd into parlay let its words intrude?\nThe high and mighty totter on their stilts\nAnd ask these questions, noses in the air\nWhile far below, the victim of their jilts\nThrough handsaw seeks to make the field more fair.\nThe Foole has duty not to let them sleep!\nTo kick the stilts of those who cannot see\nThe threats who at their feet may softly creep;\nThey need the Foole to end their reverie:\nA gadfly who can leave no rule unbroken\nWho'll never let ill consul go unspoken."\n\n"Okay then," I say.\n\nAsk:\n* [[Foole's opinion of Gerund]]\n* [[Foole's opinion of the Hunters]]\n* [[For information about the job]]\n* [[Something in rhyme][$foole += 1; $gerund -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

<<if visited() is 1>>"Why exactly is Foole here?"\n\n"A question most vexing!" Gerund replies, glaring over at Foole. She returns a cheshire-cat smile. He looks back at you, obviously relieved to have someone whom he has decided understands his frustration. "Foole goes where she will, and she loves little more than interfering. She particularly enjoys being a gadfly when matters are pressing."<<else>>"So tell me again why Foole is here?"\n\nGerund sighs. "Because she lives to be irritating." Behind him, Foole titters.<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[For information on the job|Premature Inquiries]]\n* [[About Gerund][$gerund += 1]]\n* [[Why he talks like that|Speech Impediment][$gerund -= 1; $foole += 1]]\n* [[About the hunters]]\n* [[Something else about Foole|About Foole]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"You two seem pretty loyal to the Faerie Court, huh," I say.\n\n"We are sworn to serve the Court."\n\n"Yeah? How come?"\n\nThey glare at me. "That is none of your business," one says.\n\nI hold up my hands defensively. "Outsider," I remind them. "I don't know the rules."\n\nI am ignored.<<else>>Aware that I am pushing my luck, I venture the question again: "Sure you don't want to tell me why you're sworn to the Faerie Court?"\n\nThe hunters don't even deign to respond this time.<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[About the Hunters][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Which one is which][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[How they fight][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Whether to expect danger]]\n* [[Their opinion on Gerund]]\n* [[Their opinion on Foole]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

I clench my jaw to keep from screaming as I plunge toward the blue glow, the slick dark walls of the tree rushing by with increasing speed.\n\nGnat is diving next to me, its wings folded against its back and its face stretched to a wide, euphoric grin.\n\nThen, as soon as it began and before I expect it, the blue light surrounds me and the terrifying fall is somehow over. A soft, glowing blue fuzz is everywhere, caressing my face and hands, and I am weightless. The fuzz above me parts, and I am gently lifted to the surface of what resembles nothing so much as a glowing shag carpet.\n\n[[I rise to my feet, unsteady.|Standing on my own two feet]]

"Well, we better get going, right?" I say. "I'm anxious to actually know what my job is."\n\n"Yes yes, just what I was thinking!" Gerund says, waving the group forward and toddling ahead. "Let us get you to your debriefing."\n\n[[My party, now significantly larger, begins walking up the mushroom path.|The Mushroom Path]]

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>I lag behind the group a bit, bringing my pace in line with that of the lithe, jester-suited character called Foole.\n\nI clear my throat. "So," I begin.\n\nFoole grins wide and launches into verse before I have time to say anything else.\n"How curious that from another world\nAccompanied by nobles, guides, and guards\nAnd having seen the rainbow road unfurled\nWith as-yet-unknown dangers and rewards\nThat you, dear mortal, choose to spend your time\nNot with the hunters, nor your noble host\nBut with she who hath mocking smiles and rhyme\nAnd little else of value (so saith most).\nSee you value, heretofore unknown\nBefriending Faerie's most untrusted bard?\nFear you not my company alone\nMay bring you lower in the Court's regard?\nWell, fool you be, and I, for good or ill\nLet's, fool-to-Foole, trade knowledge as we will."\n\nI blink. "Did you just rattle off a sonnet at me?"\n\nFoole winks in response.<<else>>"Hi again," I say, falling back to the edge of the group where Foole follows it.\n\n"How captivating my companions be\nIf you grow tired of them and speak to me!" she rhymes.<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[About Foole herself][$foole += 1]]\n* [[Foole's opinion of Gerund]]\n* [[Foole's opinion of the Hunters]]\n* [[For information about the job]]\n* [[Something in rhyme][$foole += 1; $gerund -= 1]]<<endif>>

<<if visited() is 1>>"Are the hunters dangerous?" I ask. Never too early to start threat assessment.\n\n"No one in the realm matches their skill with a sling," Gerund says. "But they are utterly loyal to the Court, so you have no need to be worrying."<<else>>"You said that the hunters are good with a sling," I murmur. "Not really a powerful weapon, though, right?"\n\n"Did your mortal hero, David Bowie, not fell a giant with a sling?" Gerund asks.\n\n"Different David," I reply, "But point taken."<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[For information on the job|Premature Inquiries]]\n* [[About Gerund][$gerund += 1]]\n* [[Why he talks like that|Speech Impediment][$gerund -= 1; $foole += 1]]\n* [[Something else about the hunters|About the hunters]]\n* [[About Foole]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]

I decide that that's about all of the socialization I care to extract from this cast of characters and fall silent.\n\n<<set $gerund += 1>>Gerund takes my silence as an opportunity to play tour guide; he gesticulates to the caverns and describes everything in florid language that provides no observations that I hadn't already made myself.\n\nFinally, we near the top of the cavern. I am surprised to note that the path ends at what seems to be a kind of shadowy curtain, a black fog through which I can see nothing.\n\n"Ah, we are finally approaching! Of the fact that we are not using the Court's, ah, main entrance ... I hope you will be forgiving," Gerund tells me. "The need for discretion in this matter is most pressing."\n\nI gesture for him to [[lead the way|The Curtain]].

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>>"Can I ask you a few questions about the job?"\n\n"No, no further professional questioning," Gerund shakes his head. "Not until your official debriefing."\n\nAsk:\n* [[About Gerund][$gerund += 1]]\n* [[Why he talks like that|Speech Impediment][$gerund -= 1; $foole += 1]]\n* [[About the hunters]]\n* [[About Foole]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>>"Gerund, right?" I ask.\n\n"Speaking." He gives me a big smile, half of which is hidden by his enormous cartoon nose.\n\n"We've got a bit of time until we get where we're going. Mind answering a few questions for me?"\n\n"That would depend on what you're asking," he says cautiously.\n\nAsk:\n* [[For information on the job|Premature Inquiries]]\n* [[About Gerund][$gerund += 1]]\n* [[Why he talks like that|Speech Impediment][$gerund -= 1; $foole += 1]]\n* [[About the hunters]]\n* [[About Foole]]<<endif>>

"Sure," I say. I reach into my satchel and find my Walther PPQ. Ensuring that the safety is engaged first, I pull it from my bag. Nearby, Gerund gives a horrified squeal that I opt to ignore.\n\nI smile and hold up the hefty little package. Unlike the PPK made famous by the James Bond movies, the PPQ is a much boxier weapon, more akin in appearance to a miniaturized glock than a superspy sophisticate's sidearm.\n\nI hold it out toward the hunter siblings, keeping my finger planted firmly over the trigger guard. Even with the safety on, I'm not gonna risk letting these alien critters accidentally discharge my firearm.\n\nThe twins are fascinated, and we halt our progress briefly as they run fingers over the smooth slide and coo over what seems to them to look very un-weaponlike.\n\nAfter a few moments, Gerund's impatience boils over and he shouts something about continuing. I return the pistol to my satchel and we resume our trek.\n\nAsk:\n* [[About the Hunters][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Which one is which][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[Whether to expect danger]]\n* [[Their opinion on Gerund]]\n* [[Their opinion on Foole]]\n* [[Why they are sworn to the Court][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>I spend a few moments mouthing words to myself, then smile and say, "I really like your rhyming style. I'd do it too, but it'd take a while."\n\nFoole squeals in delight and prances in place, her eyes sparkling. From the front of the line, Gerund looks back and shoots me a glare that could freeze lava.\n\n"Thou verse-child, you have oh-so-much to learn," she says, grinning and fixing me with mismatched eyes. "But stick with me; you'll pick it up in turn."\n\nIs she flirting with me? I could probably live with that.<<else>>"Though I don't rhyme as well as you," I say with a smirk, "I can't help but admire that you do."\n\nFoole titters, earning the two of us another glare from Gerund.\n\n"Your scansion may leave much to be desired," she says, giving me a flirtatious wink, "But that you try at all's to be admired."\n\nShe's definitely hitting on me.<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[About Foole herself][$foole += 1]]\n* [[Foole's opinion of Gerund]]\n* [[Foole's opinion of the Hunters]]\n* [[For information about the job]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

Caelyn Sandel

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"Tell me about yourself, Mr. Gerund," I say. "Ah, is 'mister' correct, actually?"\n\nGerund literally squeals with delight. "A human honorific, yes, most exciting!"\n\n"Ok, good," I say, a bit unnerved. "So you say that you're a ... human expert?"\n\n"My original title was 'Chief Scholar of Humanity', but I had it changed to 'Chief of Human Researching'. Much more fitting." Gerund nods.\n\n"Have you talked to a lot of humans, then?" I ask.\n\n"Well you see, hmm," Gerund stalls. "Matters of the Court are most time-consuming. But I am the first to review any mortal artifact or media or other finding!"\n\n"I see."<<else>>"Anything else I should know about you, Gerund?"\n\n"Ahh, I am most pleased that you find me so interesting!" Gerund crows.\n\nHe launches into a long list of probably-made-up credentials and experiences, all so incomprehensible that I have trouble following them. I don't feel any more informed, but Gerund seems pleased at having had the opportunity to talk about himself again.<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[For information on the job|Premature Inquiries]]\n* [[Why he talks like that|Speech Impediment][$gerund -= 1; $foole += 1]]\n* [[About the hunters]]\n* [[About Foole]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"You hunt but also guard, right?" I ask.\n\n"Yes," says one of the Hunters. "We are nimble and skilled with sling."\n\n"The sling's an odd weapon for a bodyguard," I point out.\n\n"Not so," says the other one. "We take our appearances from the human hero, David Bowie, who slew a giant with a sling."\n\nI blink. "Okay," I slowly drawl. "Not the choice I'd make, but sure."\n\n"Are you a fighter too?"\n\n"I can take care of myself," I say. "I'm licensed to carry a gun."\n\n"Gerund has told us of these human weapons," one of the hunters says, showing as much interest as I've ever seen from them. "Are they truly alive?"\n\n"Uh, no?" I say. "They're loud, but not alive."\n\n"Oh," they seem disappointed. "Do you have one? May we see it?"<<else>>"Want to talk shop about weapons again?"\n\n"Yes," a hunter says. "May we see your weapon?"<<endif>>\n\n* [[Let them see my gun][$hunters += 2; $gerund -= 1]]\n* [[Decline][$hunters -= 1; $gerund += 1]]\nMaybe I can change the subject quickly:\n* [[About the Hunters][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Which one is which][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[Whether to expect danger]]\n* [[Their opinion on Gerund]]\n* [[Their opinion on Foole]]\n* [[Why they are sworn to the Court][$hunters -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

"Good to meet you," I say to the small group of faeries. "I guess I'll be working with you soon."\n\n"You'll get to know them better soon, but now is not the time for chatting," Gerund says. "There will be plenty of that once we reach the palace and you've had your briefing." He waves us on our way.\n\n[[My party, now significantly larger, begins walking up the mushroom path.|The Mushroom Path]]

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"Can I ask about the hunters?" I say, //sotto voce//. "They seem a little ... stand-offish."\n\n"The Hunters are brother and sister scouts whose lives are dedicated to serving," Gerund says. "They forage and hunt for the Court's needs, and stand guard <<else>>"Can I ask about the hunters again?" I whisper.\n\n"What knowledge are you still lacking?" Gerund asks.<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[If the hunters are dangerous|Dangerous]]\n* [[If Gerund expected danger|Danger]]\n* [[For information on the job|Premature Inquiries]]\n* [[Why he talks like that|Speech Impediment][$gerund -= 1; $foole += 1]]\n* [[About Gerund][$gerund += 1]]\n* [[About Foole]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

//Last time, on Connected Kit...//\n\nThe inside of the tree is dark and hollow. A pit opens just inside, sloping down like a gullet. A faint blue-green glow comes from deep down, showing just how far down the pit goes.\n\nIt's far.\n\n"Ok, we're almost there! Sort of almost almost there," Gnat says with a grin. "Hop in!"\n\nI leap down into the unknown, and the blue glow rushes toward me...\n\n[[And now, for the next episode...|Falling Like Alice]]

<<if visited() is 1>>"If the hunters are guarding us, does that mean that I should be expecting trouble?" I ask.\n\nGerund waves away the concern. "'tis a formality; a meeting of this gravity must not have security seem lacking."\n\n"So we're not going to be attacked by monsters or something?"\n\n"We anticipate nothing attacking," Gerund shrugs, "Though in these realms, one must expect anything."\n\n"Thanks for setting my mind at ease," I reply dryly.<<else>>"Are you sure I shouldn't be keeping an eye out for trouble?"\n\n"Can one be sure of anything?" Gerund offers me a beatific smile. "But with the hunters here, you need worry about nothing."<<endif>>\n\nAsk:\n* [[For information on the job|Premature Inquiries]]\n* [[About Gerund][$gerund += 1]]\n* [[Why he talks like that|Speech Impediment][$gerund -= 1; $foole += 1]]\n* [[Something else about the hunters|About the hunters]]\n* [[About Foole]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]

body {\n margin: 5% 0 0 0;\n background-color:#000;\n}\n#passages{\n margin: 0;\n padding: 0;\n border: 0;\n}\n.passage {\n font-family: "Times New Roman",serif;\n text-align:left;\n color:#000;\n width: 40em;\n padding: 2em;\n font-size:3em;\n background-color:#fff;\n background: -webkit-linear-gradient(left, #aaa 0%,#fff 19%);\n background: linear-gradient(to right, #aaa 0%,#fff 19%);\n}\na.internalLink {\n color:#620;\n}\na.externalLink {\n color:#602;\n}\na.internalLink:hover {\n color:#410;\n text-decoration: none;\n}\na.externalLink:hover {\n color:#401;\n text-decoration: none;\n}\na.internalLink:active {\n color:#140;\n text-decoration: none;\n}\na.externalLink:active {\n color:#104;\n text-decoration: none;\n}\n#sidebar {\n display:none;\n}

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"So your, uh, speech pattern. Do you always end your sentences like that?"\n\n"They don't call me 'Gerund the Amazing' for nothing!" He replies proudly.\n\n"Yeah, uh, 'nothing' isn't actually a gerund, though," I point out.\n\nGerund makes a face like he's just bitten into something sour and glares at me. Foole giggles. It's possible that I have just committed a minor faerie faux pas.<<else>>"I just wanted to talk about your speech thing again--"\n\n"Yes, well! I just wanted to keep walking!" Gerund huffs, visibly annoyed. Foole giggles again; the more irritated he gets, the more amused she seems.<<endif>>\n\nI should probably ask something else.\nAsk:\n* [[For information on the job|Premature Inquiries]]\n* [[About Gerund][$gerund += 1]]\n* [[About the hunters]]\n* [[About Foole]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

"Ay me, how the sight of you is relieving!" crows the flouncy figure at the front of the entourage. It scampers down the last of the mushroom bridge as I approach it, and offers me a bow.\n\nAt this closer distance, I realize that the figure's 'robe' is actually a tweed suit jacket with leather-patched elbows.\n\n"I am he who brought you here -- Gerund! the Amazing!" the figure crows. "Appointed to be your guide and liaison due to knowledge of mortals unsurpassing."\n\nShall I:\n* [[Try to match Gerund's pompous greeting][$gerund += 1]]\n* [[Greet Gerund with polite professionalism][$hunters += 1]]\n* [[Make a subtle dig at Gerund's expense][$foole += 1]]

The character in front is the shortest of the lot, but walks (flops, really) with a pompous air generally reserved for those who consider themselves in charge. It has a big cartoon nose and beady little eyes like the antagonists from that old Beatles cartoon, but with the light of the path on it I can't tell if it's blue or some other color. It's wearing a robe with puffed-up shoulders and sleeves that its arms aren't in.<<set $gerund to 10>>\n\nTo either side of the little floppy guy are a pair of tall, slender David-Bowie-from-Labyrinth clones with poofy David-Bowie-from-Labyrinth hair. They are both naked, save for strips of cloth across their chests and groin, and even against the cycling light of the mushrooms I can see that their bodies are painted stark black and white, divided down the center.<<set $hunters to 10>>\n\nTrailing at the back is what appears to be an old-timey Court jester, complete with a bell-ornamented cloth crown. From what I can tell, its diamond-patterned jumpsuit is just as colorful as the light from the giant mushrooms.<<set $foole to 10>>\n\nI brace myself for yet another new experience and [[step forward to meet them.|Introductions are in order]]

<<set $chat += 1>><<if $chat > 9>><<destination>><<else>><<if visited() is 1>>"So, Foole, what can you tell me about the hunters?"<<else>>"Do ... you have anything else to tell me about the hunters?"\n\nShe shakes her head. "No matter how often you knock at the door,\nI'll just tell you now what I told you before."<<endif>>\n\nShe clears her throat and recites a verse:\n"Hubblety doublety,\nTwo deadly willow trees\nFaerie's best warriors\nPound by the pound,\n\nWhat have we done, then, to\nGarner their loyalty?\nConspiratorial\nTheories abound."\n\nAsk:\n* [[About Foole herself][$foole += 1]]\n* [[Foole's opinion of Gerund]]\n* [[For information about the job]]\n* [[Something in rhyme][$foole += 1; $gerund -= 1]]\n* [[Talk to Someone Else]]<<endif>>

As I get close, Gerund stops whispering and looks back at you with a smile. He gestures toward the cave as we ascend within it, providing an ever more panoramic view of the magnificent fungi. "Is the view not breathtaking? My research indicates that mushrooms in the mortal realm are significantly less inspiring."\n\n"Yeah," I reply. "A bit."\n\nI look up toward our destination. Vast as the cave is, there are still several minutes of walking between here and there. This would be a good opportunity for me to talk to the faeries here before I have to operate in a potentially restricted setting.<<set $chat to 0>>\n\nI could:\n* [[Talk to Gerund]]\n* [[Talk to the Hunters]]\n* [[Talk to Foole]]

The carpet of glowing fungus that forms the ground is so soft that once I have struggled to my feet, the stuff still comes up to my thighs. After a moment of regaining my balance, I am able to wade through the soft, fuzzy material. \n\nGnat zips to the air near my head and pulls an expression that I assume is meant to be scolding. "You see? Perfectly safe. You should trust me more."\n\n"I'll think about it," I say, my tone perhaps a bit more acid than it should be.\n\n"Well," Gnat huffs. "Let's just get moving then, shall we?"\n\n[[I wade to the edge of the glowing carpet.|The Fae Caverns]]

Just when I'd come to rely on Gnat's penchant for making a big deal out of everything, The Great Grotto proves to actually be worth the introduction.\n\nThe little mouth of the tunnel gives way to a cavern easily the size of a concert hall; I'd never seen a cave this size, even in the movies. The sheer scope of the covern is visible thanks to phosphorescent mushrooms ranging in size from the size of my little finger to the stature of a California redwood. The hue of each mushroom cycles gradually across the color spectrum, each at a different rate. The lights from those mushrooms fill the space with a magnificent light show, cycling rainbows walking across the walls, ceiling, and floor.\n\nThe glowing mushrooms are everywhere across the cavern, but a great concentration of them gather in the middle, their caps starting near the ground and slowly growing higher, forming a lit path from the floor of the cavern to an opening in the far wall near the ceiling.\n\nI slowly let out a breath. It takes several seconds for me to realize that [[a small party of strange-looking characters approaches down that rainbow road|A band of misfits]].

As the four strange characters turn to walk up the path, Gnat hovers by my shoulder and grumbles. "He didn't even mention me."\n\n"Maybe he's just waiting until we get to the palace." I don't believe it, but it seems to satisfy Gnat for the moment.\n\nI step forward, onto the first low-lying flat cap of the glowing mushrooms. It feels spongy as I touch it, but as I shift my weight forward it firms up, like cornstarch and water. I try not to linger too long as I test my full weight on the cap. The mushroom seems to hold, so I take a step onto the next one, then the next.\n\nAs I walk further, the caps get larger and larger, and soon it takes several steps to go from one to the next. The mushroom caps are flat and thin and fit together like lilypads, so no jumping is required to get from one to the next. After traversing the first dozen mushrooms without incident, I conclude that it is safe to look up.\n\nThe rest of the party doesn't seem to have noticed that I was trailing. It looks like Gerund is talking to the hunters; I take quick steps to [[catch up.|Passing the time]]