<img src="images/hipster.jpg"> ==>
<font size=10>[[Hipster Holocaust|start]]</font> <img src="images/jacklouise.jpg">
Before we begin please choose your character/male female archetype. Lets just call them:
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[[Jack]]
[[Louise]]You're strong, intelligent, dogmatic - Dogmatic's a funny word. Apparently means opinionated, assertive, opinionated. But in a good way. Always the one to fight for the good cause. Get ready to be thrown into a crazy situation that will require you intellect and cunning to succeed.
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[[Continue->continue]](set: $jack to 1)You're a beautiful but sometimes ferocious character with a manly alpha edge. Get ready to be thrown into a crazy situation that will require you intellect and cunning to succeed.
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[[Continue->continue]](set: $louise to 1)You enter a hipster enclave in a pretentious part of London. They appear to be selling antiques but it looks an awful lot like a bunch of overpriced junk.
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[[Browse the junk->Browse]]
[[Chat to the mustachioed shopman->Chatman]]
[[Get out of this hipster hellhole->Leave]]You see an old typewriter with a secret message!!! It looks to be the meaning of life. Truly! I know it seems stupefying that you'd just find the meaning of life in some pretentious old hipster shop in a half broken overpriced type writer but it really is there.
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[[Look closer->browse2]]
[[Grab and run->browse2]]
[[Jesus James and Tessa this is ridiculous, where exactly is this going?->browse2]]His beard looks:
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[[Great to you, super fashionable infact->chatman2]]
[[inoffensive but makes you feel a little vomity->chatman2]]
[[Wiry and gross->chatman2]]You try to leave but the hipster stikes out his hand to the door frame and blocks your passage. "Can I interest you in my vegan tofu jello-tine pate?"
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[[Say yes->leave2]]
[[Say no->leave2]]
[[Isn't some of that stuff not vegan?->leave2]]Suddenly he blurts out: "Can I interest you in my vegan tofu jello-tine pate?"
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[[Say yes->leave2]]
[[Say no->leave2]]
[[Isn't some of that stuff not vegan?->leave2]]He twizzles his perfectly groomed mustache and sighs muttering under his breath "You fabulous twat". It's an annoyingly twee insult.
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[[Eat his food->food]]
[[Smack him->smack]]
[[Eat his face->eat]]
Just as you move in on the meaning of life thingymijiggy the hipster shopkeeper barges pretentiously into your path and exclaims: "Can I interest you in my vegan tofu jello-tine pate?"
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[[Say yes->leave2]]
[[Say no->leave2]]
[[Isn't some of that stuff not vegan?->leave2]]<img src="images/rabbit.jpg">
Jesus. This escalated quickly. Everyone looks at you like a slightly odd person as him eyeballs dangle from you lips.
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(if: $louise is 1)[[[call little wing->wing]]](if: $jack is 1)[[[I'm full. Let's try tinder->tinder]]]You smack him to his great annoyance. But as you do you notice how delicious and plump his face looks. You stomach rumbles.
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[[eat his face->eat]]
[[consume his face->eat]]
[[dine on his visage->eat]]
You start eating the vile putrid substance as he grin inanely at you. It's so devoid of taste, substance, texture. Suddenly the thought of eating his face starts to become overwhelmingly appealing.
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[[eat his face->eat]]
[[consume his face->eat]]
[[dine on his visage->eat]]<img src="images/zands.jpg">
"Oh dear squezze- what have you done now?"
You reply:
"Oh misper, my silly choo choo...etc. etc." The rest of the conversation descends into incomprehensible dribble.
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[[What does it all mean->mean]]
<img src="images/model.jpg">
Jack flicks through the regular suspects.
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[[He'll do (Swipe right)->yes]]
[[Jesus he looks a bit rough (Swipe left)->no]]Lucky you. He conveniently happens to be around the corner. You arrange a date. Better wipe the blood off your mouth first.
Its love at first site and you live the rest of your life happily ever after in his warm embrace. Plus he's great in bed. You have two children called Calvin and Harris.
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[[But what does it all mean->mean]]You wipe the blood off your mouth disappointed with Tinder. Maybe an insightful Independent article will take my mind off things. Besides with my insane memory, this can be future ammunition for a bloody good intellectual debate that i will undoubtedly win.
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[[What does it all mean->mean]]"Erm, what does it all mean friend?"
"I dunno this was your crazy idea anyway."
"I guess it's nonsense"
"Pretty much"
"Then again maybe its incredibly insightful material that leaves our siblings with a curiously ambiguous ending they might fill with their inner though and contemplation"
"Your such a fucking hipster James"
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THE END