Pick your table. You are GOON #1. The rest are unlicensed opposition. First to 5 LOOT wins (round finishes first). Read every demand out loud in your best pitchman voice — yes, even alone at your computer.
SO YOU'VE ARMED YOURSELF.
The standoff card game for 3–6 armed acquaintances. 15–25 minutes. Ages 10 & up. Nobody dies — that would be merciful.
WHAT'S IN THE BOX
40 Incredible Weapons (20 designs ×2)
14 Genuine Loot
cube-shaped. do not floss.
you are soaking in it
THE POINT
Everyone points a ridiculous space gun at everyone else. The guns don't kill — they make you DO things. First goon to collect 5 LOOT face up wins. Everyone else lives with what they said.
SETUP
- Give each player 3 TEETH cubes.
- Shuffle. Deal each player 4 GUN cards — any Loot dealt goes back in the deck. Deck in the middle.
- The player who most recently bought something they regret goes first.
YOUR TURN
- 1. DRAW one card. If it's LOOT, place it face up in front of you — that IS your draw for the turn. (Treasure costs tempo.)
- 2. FIRE one gun at one opponent. Read the DEMAND out loud in your best pitchman voice. Not optional. The fired gun is discarded.
- Can't fire? Won't fire? Discard 1 card, draw 1.
- Hand limit: 6 cards, checked at end of your turn.
COMPLY OR GRIT TEETH (the target chooses)
- COMPLY: do exactly what the demand says.
- GRIT TEETH: pay 1 Tooth to the supply. The demand fizzles and the gun MALFUNCTIONS — read the fine print. It hits the SHOOTER. These guns are garbage.
BROKEN GOONS
At 0 Teeth you are BROKEN: you comply with everything. Consolation — each time you comply while Broken, draw 1 card.
MULTI-TARGET GUNS
Some guns hit everyone. Any ONE targeted player may grit teeth for the whole group: pay 1 Tooth, the shot fizzles for everybody, the malfunction hits the shooter.
TABLE DEMANDS
Voices, poses, clucking — bits last as long as stated. Dropping your own bit early costs 1 Tooth, enforced gleefully.
WINNING
When someone reaches 5 LOOT, finish the current round — then most Loot wins (ties: most Teeth). If the deck empties, shuffle the discards. On its SECOND exhaustion the store closes: most Loot wins.
TABLE RULINGS (playtested 30,000 times)
- MAGNO-MITT / DISCO at a target with no Loot: legal, nothing happens.
- MIND WORM control on a skipped turn (FREEZE-BREEZE): wasted.
- A shot fired under MIND WORM control can still be gritted by its target.
- HYPNO-COIN's free shot comes from your hand and is discarded normally. No second gun, no shot. Chains are legal.
- WORM-HOLE malfunction: the target may pick ANY other player for the swap.
- Egg-holders can't grit but are NOT Broken (no pity draw).
- BLEND-R-RAY on a hand of 0–1: shuffle in, draw nothing.