I am Vampire?

You awake from uneasy dreams to find yourself covered in sweat, shivering, as a cold breeze touches your skin. The moonlight is bright. You can see that the windows are wide open - with an odd shadow lingering in their frame. [[The shadow moves. ->First Reaction]]

You are paralysed by fear - you can't move! The shadow approaches, nearer and nearer. What do you do? [[A. "Help! Somebody, help!"]] [[B. "Who are you?"->A. "Why are you doing this? What do you want?]] [[C. Reach for the bedside lamp.]]

I just told you: you can't move! Please pay attention. Let's do this again. The shadow approaches yadayada... what do you do? [[A. "Help! Somebody, help!"]] [[B. "Who are you?"->A. "Why are you doing this? What do you want?]]

*Alright this is annoying, I'm muting channel until you've calmed down.* The shadow continues approaching as you mind-yell into the void. The yelling starts to seem pretty pointless, tbh. [[A. "Who are you? What do you want?" ->A. "Why are you doing this? What do you want?]] [[B. You reach for the bedside lamp. ->C. Reach for the bedside lamp.]]

You yell out in panic, but your voice sounds strange - it resonates loudly in your head, but you can't actually **hear** it. Your mouth isn't even moving! *No one will hear you*, the shadow laughs coldly. *You are under spell. There is only you and I, no one else.* Its eyes glow in the dark, they are hypnotising. [[A. "Why are you doing this? What do you want?]] [[B. "I don't get it..."]] [[C. Keep mind-yelling for help.]]

The shadow chuckles menacingly. *Of course not. You are mortal, with stupid mortal brain. You are my victim. I have bewitched you. I have put you into a vampire trance! Ha!* The shadow points its finger at you mockingly. [[A. "Um, hang on, a WHAT trance?"->A. "Why are you doing this? What do you want?]] [[B. "Wait. Did- did you drug me?"]]

*I am vampire!*, the shadow bellows. It steps forward into the moonlight and you can see its true form... which is a scrawny, pale-faced guy in a cape and a, ehm, suit? A tuxedo? You're not sure. It's still dark, but you can tell it's formal wear. **He moves towards you!** [[A. "Oh, fuck!"]] [[A. "What does that mean?"]] [[C. You move back against the headboard.]]

*Fuck is right! I will drink your blood until you die, probably.* He licks his lips in anticipation and maybe arousal. [[A. "Why?"]] [[B. "Why me?"]] [[C. "What do you mean 'probably'?"]]

*I am prince of darkness, servant of satan. I have lived many lives, suffered many deaths, but also not, because I am un-dead. I only walk among the living to feast upon their blood. Look upon me!* He does a thing with his cape where he looks like he has wings. It's pretty scary. [[A. Ok, I see. Can we work something out though? Like, what's the best-case scenario for me here? Do people get out of this?"->C. "What do you mean 'probably'?"]] [[B. "Blood, right? Does it have to be ALL of my blood? How much do you need to 'feast'?"]] [[C. "You're a lord AND a servant? How does that work?"]]

Okay, I told you in the beggining that you can't move. It's okay though, I should have reminded you. That's on me. Just remember, from now on: you can't move because of the vampire hypnosis/trance thing. Right? Okay. **He moves towards you, again!** [[A. "Oh, fuck!"]] [[A. "What does that mean?"]]

*What? Oh. I don't know, there are many factors, really. Distance. Accessibility. It is process, you know...* He trails off. Then, after failing to elaborate, he raises his arms in a **menacing way**, as if to say "alright, let's do this." [[A. "Wait, you don't have to do this!"]] [[B. "Shit, ok. But what can I do right now? Do I have options?"->C. "What do you mean 'probably'?"]] [[C. You remain unconvinced.]]

*I don't know, sometimes people are nice-- nice blood and also personality. And I do many visit, like, "stretch it out". But then they are sick and asking me to turn them into vampire. And I say ok.* He shrugs his shoulders and plays with his cape nervously. Maybe this is a difficult topic for him? [[A. "So, would you recommend being a vampire?"]] [[B. "How do you turn people into vampires? Is it hard?"]] [[C. "Nice personality?"]]

He pauses mid-step. *What, you have never heard of vampire? Are you stupid or something?* He hesitates, then points to his teeth. But you can't really see, because it's still pretty dark. *This is vampire*, he says. He looks annoyed. [[A. "Ok, go on."->A. "Why?"]] [[B. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."]] [[B. "What are you showing me? I can't see... do you mind turning on the light?"]]

*Turn on the-- no! That'll ruin atmosphere. Are you serious?* He sighs. *Nevermind. Let's get this over with.* **He starts walking towards you, his arms outstretched. There's a super fucked up look in his eyes.** [[A. "Whoa, stay away. Shit, fuck!" ->A. "Oh, fuck!"]] [[B. "Sorry. I forgot about the atmosphere." ->B. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."]]

*No, no. Is okay. Back in old days everybody used to know vampire. They knew the whole deal- like, 'ah, there is vampire here' this are its likes and dislikes now I have to explain so much. Is tiring.* The vampire paces around the room, [[A. "Oh, wow, that sounds really impressive. So you're super old, huh?"]] [[B. "I'm just joking, of course I know what a vampire is. It's all good, bro."]]

*Would I recommend it?* He thinks for a very long time. *I mean, you get lots of super cool powers. Look!* A cloud of smoke appears and he full-on turns into a wolf. The wolf stares at you in anticipation. After a bit, he turns back into his human form, but it's a bit awkward now, because he's naked. He clears his throat. *For real though, there are lot of perks.* [[A. "So you're, like super old, huh?" ->A. "Oh, wow, that sounds really impressive. So you're super old, huh?"]] [[B. "Hm, sounds stressful tbh."]] [[C. "Alright, I'm in! Vampire me!"]]

The vampire starts flipping through your CD collection. *Yeah, sure, I guess. You have to drink my blood and stuff. It's a little gross.* [[A. "How much do I have to drink? Can I mix it in with other stuff? Like, one part blood, 10 parts Gatorade? I could do that."]] [[B. "I don't know. Sounds pretty gross. ->B. "You just drink blood? Nothing else?"]] [[C. "Alright, I'm in! Vampire me!"]]

The vampire actually starts retreating back towards the open window. He splutters: *Well, you know. Nice talking, sharing of, uh, sharing of feelings.* His face turns slightly less pale shade of pale. *You try to trick me, human! Distract me with pleasant talk? Pah! I am here to suck blood only!* **He lunges forward. His mouth is at your neck!** [[A. "Wait, you don't have to do this!"]] [[B. "Yes, I'm ready. Bite me! Do it!"]] [[C. "Alright, let's do this! Release me from this trance, come on. I dare you to fight me!"]]

*What? No, I mean … it’s a bit early for that. Come on.* He steps forward anxiously. Is his face red? *Let me taste blood first.* [[A. "Look, my blood is fine, I'm sure. But I just want a verbal - ehm, telepathic - assurance first that you'll commit to turning me into a vampire. I don't want to be just one of your other victicms, okay? I just want to to feel like I'm ... special."]] [[B. "Vampire me bro, don't be weird!"]]

He sighs and raises up some strange looking, shiny object. *I have app.* He switches on the screen and you see your face next to a three star rating. [[A. "All that, just to find some blood?" ->B. "Hm, sounds stressful tbh."]] [[B. "Wait, how are you collecting this data? Is this legal?"]]

*What, no! Don't be crass. Come on.* The shadow looks offended. [[A. "Sorry, it's just- bewitching? Trance? Sounds a bit ... shady. ->A. "Why are you doing this? What do you want?]] [[B. "What? So I'm supposed just supposed to believe some shadowy dude who breaks into my house and starts talking about spells and bewitching people? Who the fuck are you?"->A. "Why are you doing this? What do you want?]]

*Is okay, I guess.* He hesitates. You can tell he wants to say something, so you wait. *I guess you get to travel. But you have to drink lot of blood, which is bit of hastle. And you can't go to beach.* [[A. "No sun, huh?"]] [[B. "You just drink blood? Nothing else?"]] [[C. "Alright, I'm in! Vampire me!"]]

He turns to hiss at you, baring his fangs in disgust. *Do not mix my blood with Gatorade! I have seen the Fall of Constantinople, I was there when Ishtar failed! I have seen things- you, probably, would find pretty hard to believe! How dare you!* [[A. "Sorry. I didn't mean to insult you."->B. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."]] [[B. "Whoa, so you're, like, super old, huh? Did you meet Elvis?" ->A. "Oh, wow, that sounds really impressive. So you're super old, huh?"]] [[C. "Calm down, I don't care. I'll chug a pint of your blood right now, dude. Let's go!" ->C. "Alright, I'm in! Vampire me!"]]

The vampire looks relieved. *Phew, okay. So you know the whole deal? Great!* [[A. "Okay, I guess I'm not getting out of this, am I?" ->B. "I don't know, I guess you can bite me. Seems like I would die in a fist fight with a vampire."]] [[B. "Yes, I'm ready. Bite me! Do it!"]] [[C. "Alright, let's do this! Release me from this trance, come on. I dare you to fight me!"]]

*I kind of have to though.* He shrugs his shoulders: *Like I said, I am vampire.* [[A. What do you mean?" ->A. "Why?"]] [[B. "Ah, right,. I guess that's true. Sorry."->B. "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude."]]

*Well, you gotta find blood. Is pretty much rule number one. That is big hastle for me, because I'm not very outgoing. And you gotta do it at night, when there's no sunlight.* He obviously has more to say. *And, by the way, I have like 30 minute window to buy toiletries. Ever notice how most stores close at 7? How is that fair?* He stares at his feet for a bit. [[A. "No sun, huh?"]] [[B. "You just drink blood? Nothing else?"]] [[C. "Alright, I'm in! Vampire me!"]]

The vampire steps back and does a big, fake, over-the-top laugh. He holds his stomach and pretends to wipe tears from his stupid white face. You wait for him to finish. *Alright, motherfucker, if that's how you want it.* He lifts the spell, **you can move**. He does a Matrix-style-faux-martial-arts move, where he kind of waves his hand at you, as if to say "come at me brah". [[A. "Alright let's do this!"]] [[B. "I don't know, I guess you can bite me. Seems like I would die in a fist fight with a vampire."]]

The vampire looks at you suspiciously. *What's going on now? You want to get bit?* [[A. "I mean, you're gonna turn me into a vampire, right?" ->C. "Alright, I'm in! Vampire me!"]] [[B. "There's no point fighting it. I just want it to be over." ->B. "I don't know, I guess you can bite me. Seems like I would die in a fist fight with a vampire."]] [[C. "I don't think you can do it. I think you're stalling." ->C. "Alright, let's do this! Release me from this trance, come on. I dare you to fight me!"]]

You get up to face the vampire, Mano-a-Mano. The vampire is fast and keeps dodging your punches, but it's fine, you can tell he's wearing out. You just have to keep your guard up, throw out some uppercuts, all you need to do is land a good-- he **bit you** on the hand! You try to shake him off, but he's locked his jaw and you can feel your blood draining fast. God, this is pathetic. Why did you ever think you could win a fist fight against a literal vampire. This was the worst idea. [[You die.]]

The vampire squirms and coughs nervously. *Look, maybe you signed up for something? I don't know, I don't run the app. I'm against this kind of thing. I DON'T EVEN USE FACEBOOK ANYMORE. I just- is good for quick blood, okay?* [[A. "I guess it must be pretty hard finding good blood, huh?" ->B. "Hm, sounds stressful tbh."]] [[B. "Screw that. I can tell that's a beta-version. You're investing in this, aren't you?"]]

The vampire seems a bit weirded out. *Look, I don't know if I gave you wrong impression or something. If I did, that's on me. But I just came here for casual blood sucking, nothing more.* One of his feet is already on the windowsill. *Maybe I come back later, okay? I need to think about what I want.* [[A. "No. I was wrong, okay? You can taste. Here."]] [[B. "I'm-- I'm sorry, I just thought this is what you liked. This is what vampires do, right?" ->B. "I don't know, I guess you can bite me. Seems like I would die in a fist fight with a vampire."]]

*I'm weird? You're weird! I'm normal vampire. There's something wrong with you, asking to be turned. Who does that?* [[A. "Alright, you wanna go? Let's do this! Lift this fucking trance so I can beat your ass!" ->C. "Alright, let's do this! Release me from this trance, come on. I dare you to fight me!"]] [[B. "I'm-- I'm sorry, I just thought this is what you liked. This is what vampires do, right?" ->B. "I don't know, I guess you can bite me. Seems like I would die in a fist fight with a vampire."]]

The vampire rubs his eyes. He sighs. *I mean, now I feel like you're not having good time here or something.* *I know it sucks getting bit, but that's just how it is. Vampires bite and people get bit. I can't change that.* [[A. You feel like he has more to say.]]

Um, you're dead. Sorry. Let this be a lesson to you: your actions have consequences, don't fuck around with vampires! Peace.

*Yeah, that's a big con, for sure. Nearly puts me off this whole vampire thing, if I'm being honest.* [[A. You feel like he has more to say.]] [[B. "Ah man, that sucks."]]

The vampire sighs. *Yeah, it's not ideal.* *I have friend who keeps telling me there are interesting things happening in craft brewing scene and I am like 'bro, stop, I only drink blood'. It's just ... you feel left out, socially.* [[A. You feel like he has more to say.]] [[B. "Ah man, that sucks."]]

*Sometimes I just ... I mean, what is the point even?* He murmurs something to himself, which you can't quite make out. All you hear is: *I am vampire.* The vampire walks towards the open window and turns to face the rising **sun**. *I am ready lord, take me now. Satan, I revoke you!* [[You wait to see what happens.]]

*Ha! Sucking! Sucking of blood! I nearly forgot ...* He starts hissing and moving towards you. You feel like things might get serious now. [[A. "Okay, I guess I'm getting bit no matter what." ->B. "I don't know, I guess you can bite me. Seems like I would die in a fist fight with a vampire."]] [[B. "Yes, I'm ready. Bite me! Do it!"]] [[C. "Alright, let's do this! Release me from this trance, come on. I dare you to fight me!"]]

Nothing happens. *I guess the sunlight has to touch me directly?* The vampire seems unsure. He scrowls trough something on his phone. *Ah, here we go. Vampire wiki. Sun needs to full on burn me. Otherwise I just get rash.* And so the two of you wait around for 15 minutes or so, chatting and watching random YouTube videos, until the sun has **fully risen**. Then, the vampire suddenly bursts into flames and ruins your carpet! You're unsure how you feel about the whole episode. 3 years later you meet a different vampire and it kills you.

The vampire backs away. *I don't know. It's weird now. I feel weird.* He jumps out of the window. You hear him land awkwardly outside. He limps off into the night.

He half-commits to fake-look at his wrist. *Oh, look, is that the time? Is nearly sunrise.* Before you can say more, he's jumped back out of the window. You can hear him swear and limp off into the night. You get up to close the window. You're too wired to go to sleep now, so you go [[watch TV.]]

You wake up the next morning in front of the TV. Your neck hurts. There's a note in your lap. It reads: "Fuck you! I am vampire."

He scratches his head. *Well, I'm not gonna lie. I was kind of hoping to drain you completely. You see, otherwise I have to go find someone else this week and I really just want to stay in and finish The Good Place.* [[A. "But does it have to be me? Why me?"->B. "Why me?"]] [[B. "Okay, I'm ready. Just get it over with." ->B. "Yes, I'm ready. Bite me! Do it!"]] [[C. "You watch The Good Place? It's so good, right?"]]

*Right? I feel like it is show Michael Shur always wanted to make and the fact that it's on a major network is just-- hang on!* He points at you accusingly. *You try to trick me, human! Distract me with pleasant talk? Pah! I am here to suck blood only!* **He lunges forward. His mouth is at your neck!** [[A. "Okay, just get it over with. Do it quick."->B. "Yes, I'm ready. Bite me! Do it!"]] [[B. "Coward! Release me from this trance and fight me!"->C. "Alright, let's do this! Release me from this trance, come on. I dare you to fight me!"]]

He pauses. *I-- I do devil's work. But is like, how do you say, independent contractor?* *I am my own boss!* He shouts. **He lunges forward. His mouth is at your neck!** [[A. "Okay, just get it over with. Do it quick."->B. "Yes, I'm ready. Bite me! Do it!"]] [[B. "Coward! Release me from this trance and fight me!"->C. "Alright, let's do this! Release me from this trance, come on. I dare you to fight me!"]]