So, you're a CatDad. That's what you and your partner call yourselves now you have a cat.
[[That's cute]]
[[Weird]]Isn't it?! He was so small when we found him. He'd been abandoned in rubbish behind our flat. Poor thing.
[[Anyway...]]Well, we like it. It's just us being silly. No need to be so snippy about it.
[[Ok...|Anyway...]]He's all grown up now. The vet calls him 'muscular', which you suppose is a good thing.
But it does mean that he needs more exercise and you need to think about letting him [[outside]].It'll be his first time outside today, which as a CatDad is a pretty big deal. Your other half thinks you [[worry]] too much. You're just trying to be a good CatDad, looking after him.
So, buddy, how we going to do [[this...]]
ANYTHING COULD HAPPEN TO HIM!! WHY SHOULDN'T YOU WORRY?! HE'S MY LITTLE CATLAD!?
[[worry more]]
[[breath, it'll be ok|outside]]Are you sure? A cat. On a leash. That's super odd.
[[He's my cat, and he's wearing a leash.]]
[[Yeah, you're right. It is a little odd for a cat.|this...]]The cat heads out, nervous at first. He sniffs everything: the boot-tree, firewood, hedge, milkbottles. You follow him a little way behind, and sit in the porch [[watching.]]You were against him going out the kitchen door. It'll confuse him you say, because no one else goes out of that door. And the back garden is a much less controlled [[environment.]] Your partner [[disagrees.]] ARRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHH!
[[breath, he'll be ok, let's think about our options|outside]][[Put the cat on a harness and leash]]
[[Let him out the front of the house and only if he's supervised]]
[[Let him out the kitchen door into the back garden]]You try putting the leash on the cat. He hates it. And you for making him wear it. He bites and scratches you as you put it on. Your hands look like blood mittens by the time it's done. You head [[out.]] He strains at the leash. He rolls on his back trying to get the harness off. He glares at you in between doing one or the other. He barely notices anything outside because he's too busy being uncomfortable. In the end, he marches back inside in a sulk.
This has not been a success. But it's a lesson learned for you [[both.]]It's cold. Such was your eagerness to do this that you're only in pyjamas and a dressing gown. You've not even got shoes on. And it's [[cold.]][[Very]] cold.It's so cold you have to go inside to put some shoes on a jumper. The cat will be ok for a minute or two.
[[Get jumper]]
[[Get slippers]]There's the [[new jumper]] you got at Christmas from your parents, or the [[baggy grey jumper]] you got as a hand-me-down from your partner's brother.They're not really suitable for outdoors, but they'll do I guess. Putting on [[shoes]] would probably be better.
Really? It's quiet a nice jumper to be wearing as a last minute pull over. Maybe your hoodie would be a better option[[...]]
Are you sure? It's freezing outside and as stated previously this is baggy, you'll still be kinda cold. Yeah, maybe you're right, I could try to find something else[[...]]Oh [[shit!]]You run back downstairs and out of the front doot. The Cat is nowhere to be seen. You've lost him. What kind of CatDad are you?!
[[He'll come back.]]
[[I'm going to go look for him. |find that cat!]]You wait anxiously, five minutes, ten minutes, time feels like treacle passing through a sieve. You call him. He doesn't come back. What were you thinking?! Go [[find that cat!]] You walk to the end of the drive. He's not there. Suddenly you hear the panicked clucking of next door's [[chickens.]] The cries of the hens become louder and more fraught.
[[Run faster.]]
Sure it's [[fine.]]Through the hedge you can make out some very angry chickens. Wings spread, chests puffed out, sharps peaks raised.
And facing them, paws stuck in the damp soil, is a very, very scared looking cat.
It's his fault, [[let him work it out.]]
[[Rescue him.]]You can hear wings flapping and the strangled sounds of hens in [[terror.|Run faster.]]No. No, you're clearly not going to do that. Get him out of there, you heartless [[monster.|Rescue him.]]Leaning across the chicken wire that separates the hens from the driveway, you scoop your little CatLad out from, what you can only assume, is his almost certain death at the hands of future [[Nando's]] dinners.
[[Bring him indoors.]]Mmmm, love a [[Nando's|Rescue him.]], make mine a Wing Roulette™, with Peri Peri-Chips and Macho Peas.This has not been a success. But a valuable lesson has been learnt by you [[both.]] Look, that didn't go well. But it's ok, because you're trying your best.
Looking after anything, including yourself, will always be a challenge. It's about learning a bit more each time.
So, keep trying. You got this.
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</div>The idea was that in the back garden the cat could get lost less. How wrong you [[were.]]This isn't a discussion. He's going out the [[door.|Let him out the kitchen door into the back garden]]He's got under the fence and into the neighbours' garden. And you can see him panicking because he can't remember how to get back.
Call to [[him.]]
Reach under [[the fence]] to let him out. The cat tries to work out how to get back to you when you call. The gap in the fence where he must have wriggled through has long been forgotten, and now he begins to push and strain under not-at-all-a-gap.
His meows intensify as the task becomes more frantic. You are going to have to [[fetch him.|shed.]]Approaching the fence just panics the cat more, he scrambles this way and that, before disappearing behind the neighbours' [[shed.]]You walk round to the neighbours' house. You knock on the door and explain that you will have to search their shed and back garden to find your cat. Slightly surprised, as you've never met them before, they agree. One of your neighbours offers to help as well.
[[Acompany your neighbour to search.]]
[[Split up and cover more area.]]You join your neighbour to search, as you don't know their house or garden well, or at all in fact. The cat could be anywhere.
Your confused and upset cat is found wandering between the shed and the hedge, bewildered as to how to return to your garden. You scoop him up, and hug him all the way back home.
Oh dear, this has [[not been a success.|both.]]You can hear the cat running around, but the two of you calling is far too stressful for him to cope with as he tries to find you both.
He meows unhappily. And you realise this was not a good idea. Perhaps try [[something else.|Acompany your neighbour to search.]][[Stop making a fuss, the cat is outside!]][[Stop making a fuss, the cat is outside!]][[CatDad|So, you're a CatDad]]. Based on a true story.
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