Drinking

It was mid October, maybe about a month since [[they]] left you. I've been living in a motel till a friend of mine was talking about a property while I was out [[drinking]] one day. Reluctant to find a place to stay I took it. It's odd though maybe I'm better friends with them than I thought, But what he asked was extrodinarly cheap even for a small beat-up shack like [[this]]

Entering it for the first time I could see the dust in the air as sunlight pierced the window. I would shut the blinds as the sun normally gives me a headache but there are none. The walls are a bland yellow and the room I'm in is dominated by two pieces of furniture a couch and a small wooden table supporting a big box shaped TV. The worn wooden floor creaks with my every step. what to do. (Unless: (visited: "look out window")) [ [[look out window]] ] (Unless: (visited: "put groceries in fridge")) [ [[put groceries in fridge]] ] [[Go to couch]]

I can barely remember them. The last few months of my relationship were hell, They were always nagging me but never bothered to try and help me. [[Stop thinking about it->Start]] (set: $Reflection to it + 1)

As we often were, At least one beer in hand till we slept and till we woke. So what if I drink who doesn't? [[Stop thinking about it]] (set: $Reflection to it + 1)

Entering it for the first time six pack in hand I can see the dust in the air as sunlight pierces the window. The walls are a bland yellow, The room is dominated by two pieces of furniture: A small couch and a small wooden table supporting a big box shaped TV. I would shut the blinds as the sun normally gives me a headache from being hung over but there are none to close. The worn wooden floor creaks with your every step, What a dump. I consider what to do. (Unless: (visited:"Put beer in fridge")) [ [[Put beer in fridge]] ] [[Go to couch]] (Unless: (visited:"look outside")) [ [[look outside]] ]

I stumble over to the fridge and find it is not powered and completely empty. Great. [[go back to the entrance->Stop thinking about it]]

I go to sit down and literally sink as the springs are long since shot. The couch is a deep purple color and fuzzy, given its apparent age it doesn't look to bad. luckly the closest window is next to the door and shines down into the kitchen so it doesn't hit the TV or shine in my eyes. The remote is on the couch cushion closest to me, with nothing better to do I crack open a beer and turn on the TV. (if: $Vchannel1 is false)[[Channel 1]] (if: $Vchannel45 is false)[[Channel 45]] (if: $Vchannel124 is false)[[Channel 124]] (if: $Vchannel1 is true)[[Decide to keep watching channel 1 ->Keep watching]] (if: $Vchannel45 is true)[[Decide to keep watching channel 45 ->Continue watching]] (if: $Vchannel124 is true)[[Decide to keep watching channel 124 ->Think about what's happening]]

It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust but it is a sunny day. This house is in the middle of the woods with the liqour store or any building for that matter being about a ten minute drive. The leaves have started to turn and fall to the ground. I briefly remember raking leaf piles for the little ones but quickly bury that memory. [[Have a drink to forget ->Stop thinking about it]] (set: $Reflection to it + 1)

Asides from a six pack of beer I did actually buy some food. A package of hotdogs. It isn't much but its all you can afford right now after losing my job and shortly after the divorce. Unfortuantely the fridge doesn't seem to work. I am tempted to put them in the fridge but much like my life right now I don't see the point and I don't plan to stop drinking till the case is empty. [[What to do->this]]

It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust but it is a sunny day. This house is in the middle of the woods with the store or any building for that matter being about a ten minute drive. The leaves have started to turn and fall to the ground. I remember raking leaf piles for the little ones and for a brief moment I start to feel a pit open in my stomach. [[Stop thinking about it->this]] (set: $Reflection to it + 1)

Channel 1 has the news "What a fun topic" you think to yourself and subconciously down your drink. [[Watch something else?->Go to couch]] [[Keep watching]] (Set: $Vchannel1 to true) (set: $Consumption to it + 1)

Channel 45 is cartoons. despite being well into your 40's you never stopped liking cartoons. The cartoon that's on right now is some show about ninja's and snakes. You are melancholic and before you know it your drink is empty. [[Watch something else?->Go to couch]] [[Continue watching]] (set: $Vchannel45 to true) (Set: $Consumption to it + 1)

Channel 124 is a soccer game on some spanish channel. You never really played sports and are indifferent to what's happening on screen, Even more so as you have no idea what the announcers are saying. [[Watch something else? ->Go to couch]] [[Keep watching? ->Think about what's happening]] (Set: $Vchannel124 to true)

The news rolls. Typical garbage I don't care about. Some person in a suit being paid millions to talk about the economy or war or some [[disaster->fight]] thats happen. Why on earth does anyone bother to watch this? As if my mood couldn't be worse this certainly does not help. [[Sit in silence]]

Cartoons play. It must be a later episode in the season you have no idea whats happening or who these characters are. With the exception of the [[fight]] scenes it seems so boring. You begin to grow frustrated and before you know it your second drink is down the hatch. (set: $Consumption to it + 1)

You keep watching and start to find yourself strangely invested. You pick up on some of the rules and the players names, You even begin to feel slightly attached to one team over the other. Its been a while since the [[bottle]] has touched your lips.

Is it really the bottle I am thinking of though? Or am I thinking of how my lips used to touch theirs and how I gave it up? I understand why they left with the kids, My drinking habits are no better for me than they are for them but couldn't they see my suffering as well? How I lost my job, How I started to lose the house, How I started to lose myself? (if: $Consumption is 3)[[It's their fault]] (if: $Reflection is 3)[[It's my fault]] [[Sit in silence]]

I passed out on the couch as I haven't even looked to see where the bed is. The next morning I woke up and dumped an remaining beer outside. I check my phone to see I haven't slept that late as its before noon. I've been without a job since I was fired months ago, maybe today I can drive into town and see what jobs are avalible to at least start somewhere. Ending 1 of 4: The Sun will rise again [[Restart?->Intro]]

I bolt awake. What a weird dream. I wake up on the couch looking around starttled but everything seems alright asides from being in this ugly house with its white walls on this ugly red couch but you think nothing of it. Even better I completely forgot what I was even sad about, this isn't so bad I could just stay on this couch forever. Ending 3 of 4: Just a dream? [[Restart?->Intro]]

Despite the throbbing pain in my shoulder and drunkeness I begin crawling to the door. My good arm grabs the door knob and flings the door open putting me out in the cold air. I crawl only a couple feet foward on the damp grass then collapse looking up towards the stars. [[Time passes->Rest]]

I am unable to move till I catch my breath but whatever I saw doesn't seem to be following me. The sky is clear tonight and I see countless stars. My eyes start to feel heavy and I pass out [[Moon light]]

I wake up at the crack of dawn head pounding. Some how I remember last night and bolt awake. I'm ok. I don't dare go back in that house or tell anyone what I saw after all who'd believe me? I are instilled with a new gratefullness for life and decide to join a group to do something about my drinking. I live in a new place now, Equally as rough shape and late at night I still think about what happened if it was even real or not but only the quietness of the night answers. Ending 4 of 4: Moon light [[Restart?->Intro]]

All of this will be in an example I THINK In order to prevent variables from already being true/false when restarting. Have a before section then beginning. or reset values at the end OR Unless visited ending block <- O R tags (remember unity?) I MADE THIS I JUST NEVER USED THEM <- (good for looping, pick up blank then go back and pick another thing up) (unless (visited where its tag contains "Whatever"))((set variable: true)) In the scenario you want to change a variable by an incrament (set $variable to it + 1) (literally "it", can do minus as well) Create something that is a link without[]: (Link "somehting")(set variable to it +1) (go-to "somehwere")]

For a brief moment I reflect on how I got here. I try and remember how did our last argument go? I had come home late again after drinking it must have been a month or two since I got fired "You're home late...''//Again//''" "Listen I've had a long day going from interview to interview trying to get something decent get off my back" "What did she say after that? (text-color:orange)[["Oh please"->correct 1]] (text-color:red)[["I know"->wrong1]]

Oh please 'I've been busy' doing what? You've probably been out drinking four? five hours?" (text-color:red)[["Shut your mouth"->This leads to death]] (text-color:orange)[["Can you blame me?"->This leads to life maybe]]

"I know it's been hard but you can't keep coming home like this" (text-color:red)[["I'll do whatever I please"->This leads to death]] (text-color:orange)[["I know I just...I'm really trying" ->This leads to life maybe]]

(text-color:red)["SHUT YOUR MOUTH I'LL DO AS I PLEASE"] Except I'm no longer in the memory I'm back here screaming to nobody [[It's their fault]]

"I know it's been hard, I know that doesn't excuse me but I'm really struggling" "Listen I love you, I do but this isn't good for you, me and especially the kids. If you keep this up I will file for divorce" "I-" The pain of that conversation comes crashing back to you (set: $Reflection to it + 1) (if: $Reflection is 3)[[It's my fault]] [[It's their fault]]

My head is pounding, I am filled with rage which quickly turns to sorrow. The sun has long since set. The room is...who cares what the room looks like? The only thing on my mind is how empty it feels. How could they just leave me couldn't they see I did everything for them? After music didn't work out and my career went no where they were my purpose? My head hangs towards the floor as I hold it in my hands. I look up and freeze [[There's something in the corner]]

The little thing's throughout the day make me reflect. I used to work a retail job, Did decent to. I wanted to be a musician but I found no jobs for me plus instruments and schooling was expensive. It wasn't till I meet them that I felt meaning in a long time. I looked down at the bottle in my hand. [[Put it down]]

I don't bother to get a second glance at it the door is right next to the couch but upon jumping up from the couch I immediately trip on one of the many bottles strewn about the floor. I fall hard [[Crawl to the door]]

I go to set it down but my mind starts to fight me. I already lost it all I may as well have this [[no]] [[Just finish this one]]

(text-color:red)[[This is all you have]] (text-color:red)[[This is all you have]] (text-color:red)[[This is all you have]] (text-color:red)[[This is all you have]] (text-color:red)[[This is all you have]] (text-color:red)[[This is not all I have->This is not all]] (text-color:red)[[This is all you have]] (text-color:red)[[This is all you have]] (text-color:red)[[This is all you have]] (text-color:red)[[This is all you have]]

I can't help it and drink the rest. [[Go to sleep]]

I start to shake slightly the bottle I want so desperately to put down remains in my hand. Till all of a sudden it drops and shatters on the floor. I'll clean it up in the morning. [[Go to bed->The Sun will rise again]]

I've been drunk more times then I can count hallucinations are not something that happens and yet whatever is looking at me shouldn't exist. It glows slightly a dim grey color but is mostly dark flickering like TV static. Its body is like muscle fibers or strings or worms and in the gaps I see what looks like a crude drawing of eyes, Their must be hundreds of them in those small gaps. [[Run]] [[look closer->Just a Dream?]]

I think for a moment then stop. I was never good at that anyways. I was never good with my passion for instruments, I was only good with being content for them and now they are gone. [[Go to sleep]]

I wake up to sunlight filling the room and get right to drinking. Thing's may have been different but my purpose is gone. I have a feeling most of my days will be like this for awhile at least. Ending 2 of 4: Same old Same old [[Restart?->Intro]]

I can't help it and drink the rest. [[Go to sleep]]

Trigger warning: SUBSTANCE ABUSE, SWEARING, DEPRESSION Content warning: VIOLENCE, MENTAL ILLNESS, TORTURE [[Continue?->Start]] (set: $Reflection to 0) (set: $Consumption to 0) (Set: $Vchannel124 to false) (set: $Vchannel45 to false) (Set: $Vchannel1 to false)