THE CON JOB

**THE CON JOB** by [[ghostwrassler]] [[WHAT THE HECK IS THIS]]

clarityorb.tumblr.com ghostwrassler.tumblr.com for morgan <3 [[back->start]]

[[WHAT]] (set: $height to 0) (set: $eyes to 0) (set: $sinhut to 0) (set: $plushmountain to 0) (set: $figureforest to 0) (set: $sheriff to 0)

WHAT [[THE HECK]]

WHAT THE HECK [[IS THIS.]]

You're looking down at a swathe of white and //holy fucking shit// it's not all white. There is a single brown [[stain]] on your dress. [[Holy. Shit.]]

Is it old ketchup? Dirt?? Blood from the blood sweat and tears and crap you threw into this??? [[This is horseshit!!->IS THIS.]]

You spent //months// working on this. It's the perfect, completely canon-accurate dress from the //[[Warrior Princele Morgan]]// series, book 136, from their final battle against the Sun God. It's the Cooking in Heels arc's outfit, brought to final form by the unleashed Lunar Crystals, raising the titular character up to deity status so they could do battle properly. But one of the key aspects of that fiery, salty, frying-pan-on-pizza-cutter battle was that not a single drop or crumb of food struck the dress in the chaos. That means that this infernal little spot has completely decimated the canon accuracy of your dress. [[As previously stated: holy shit.]]

It's your favourite comic series. The stories are always action packed and completely wild, featuring the series' namesake, Warrior Princele Morgan leading the charge along with a rotating cast of friends, their catchphrase "Welcome to my kitchen!" adorning the cover of every other volume. Your personal favourite arc is the Weird West one, where they managed to tame an entire stampeding herd of gendersteers before they trampled the northern hemisphere--that is, until the Cooking in Heels arc came out, shattering all your expectations and then some. It ended months ago, but you're still feeling the aftershocks. [[So yeah, kinda important to you.->Holy. Shit.]]

Okay. Calm down. Gotta calm down. You know who'll help? Your [[friend]]!

Oh, right on time, here they come now! The card key //swp//'s in and out of the lock and the door opens to reveal your [[tall]] [[short]]

(set: $height to "lofty") (display: "eyes")

(set: $height to "mini") (display: "eyes")

Oh, right on time, here they come now! The card key //swp//'s in and out of the lock and the door opens to reveal your $height [[black]] [[purple]] [[red]] [[blue]] [[weird]]

(set: $eyes to "dark-eyed") (display: "costume")

(set: $eyes to "violet-eyed") (display: "costume")

(set: $eyes to "crimson-eyed") (display: "costume")

(set: $eyes to "aqua-eyed") (display: "costume")

(set: $eyes to "patchy hazel-eyed") (display: "costume")

Oh, right on time, here they come now! The card key //swp//'s in and out of the lock and the door opens to reveal your $height, $eyes [[solemn]] [[candy]] [[victorian]] [[hdmi]]

(set: $costume to "solemn") (display: "friend done")

(set: $costume to "candy") (display: "friend done")

(set: $costume to "victorian") (display: "friend done")

(set: $costume to "hdmi") (display: "friend done")

Oh, right on time, here they come now! The card key //swp//'s in and out of the lock and the door opens to reveal your $height, $eyes friend, (if: $costume is "solemn")[garbed in the geometric black edges of another //WPM// character, grave and kind of edgy.](else:)[](if: $costume is "candy")[swathed in the bubblegum-bright frills of another //WPM// character, neon and crunchy.](else:)[](if: $costume is "victorian")[suited in the elegant lines of another //WPM// character, posh but a little stiff in such closely fit clothes.](else:)[](if: $costume is "hdmi")[wrapped in the slick PVC of another //WPM// character, shiny and definitely not a 90s hacker.](else:)[] [[better get their attention real quick]]

(put: (prompt: "ENTER NAME") into $name) //"$name!!"// [[distress signal sent]]

Time for a mutual panic for a few moments. But $name pulls it together pretty quick. Ever heard of Razzle Dazzle? [[no but it sounds stupid]]

Sure fuckin' does, dude. But it's basically magic, and comes in stick form as of like last year, and is the holy grail of on-the-go stain removal. [[well shit son where do we get some]]

$name knows somebody. Friend of a friend, some guy known for cosplaying Star Sheriff, a bit of a shady person apparently but $name says he's chill. He's probably skulking around the Dealer's Room. [[time to hit the convention floor]]

You're moving fast, hoping nobody spots you (or your spot, as it were). $name's pulling you along pretty quick. It's still kind of early, so the main convention hall hasn't reached maximum crowd yet. The Dealer's room will probably be fuller though, people looking to snag things early.. not exciting. [[flash passes]]

You breeze past the 'guards', two dweebs busy discussing the merits of the latest //Saturn Empress// volume. Ha, as if that series could ever live up to //WPM//.... but there's no time to show them the light. You're in the Artist's Alley. Dealer room is on the right. [[get those heels clackin']]

Good thing you practiced running in heels. $name pulls you towards the dealer's room, where the morning's line has already poured inside. Flash passes again, step inside, and you're immediately engulfed in a sweaty mass of raver yeti legs and pleather trenchcoats. A waifu bobs past, her polyester body clutched tightly beneath an arm. This place is a maze. Where to first? (if: $plushmountain is 0)[ [[plush mountain]] ](else:)[Soft but ultimately barren.] (if: $sinhut is 0)[ [[sin hut]] ](else:)[Leathery but a letdown.] (if: $figureforest is 0)[ [[figure forest]] ](else:)[Only a plastic mimicry of who you need..] (if: $sheriff is 3)[ [[Wait a minute ....]] ](else:)[]

A veritable mountain of soft plush toys, from sweet, heavenly minky horses to cheesy overpriced felt cubemons. The urge to jump into this infamous vendor's stock gets stronger every year, and it doesn't help that the heap is bigger than ever this year. It's looking a little precarious, in fact. Could it fall? [[Unfortunately, no Star Sheriff here.->get those heels clackin']] (set: $plushmountain to 1) (set: $sheriff to $sheriff + 1)

It's actually a kiosk of various rave paraphernelia, from yeti legs to animal ear hoodies, all in neon and black and delightfully garish. But you and $name know it as sin hut in your friend group, since, let's face it, you really come here for the collars and shit. Also known as sin gear. [[Apparently Star Sheriff isn't feeling that, because he's not here.->get those heels clackin']] (set: $sinhut to 1) (set: $sheriff to $sheriff + 1)

All these shelves and cases of figurines are like a little plastic forest, the tallest at great risk of falling each time another over-sprayed pointy wig passes by or a katana gets shouldered in the tight space. Some of these are really old .... [[There's a newer one from the Star Sheriff reboot near the front, but you're looking for flesh and blood.->get those heels clackin']] (set: $figureforest to 1) (set: $sheriff to $sheriff + 1)

A flash of sparkle.. [[could it be]]

The legend. The hero. The glitter. [[holy shit (again)]]

**''//STAR SHERIFF!!!!!!//''** Boy are you glad to see him. [[lead the charge]]

You're sprinting across the Dealer Room's floor, marred skirt bunched in your hands, when disaster strikes. Plush toys. //Everywhere.// [[avalanche!!!!!]]

In a stunning act of heroism, $name takes a blow for you, throwing themself into the path of an oncoming wave of terrified congoers and spewing stuffed animals. You glance back to see the light of a martyr in their $eyes gaze as they hit the floor, their (if: $costume is "solemn")[geometrically garbed](else:)[](if: $costume is "candy")[candy-bright](else:)[](if: $costume is "victorian")[noble-aired](else:)[](if: $costume is "hdmi")[PVC-slick](else:)[] form rapidly disappearing beneath the tidal wave of toys. The pain of sacrifice gripping your heart, you press on, shouldering through the masses. [[Star Sheriff!!]]

Like some kind of sparkling beacon of law (an interesting contrast with this cosplayer's shady demeanour), Star Sheriff turns to look at you. You have to stop and catch your breath, but when you do straighten up you're face to face with the Sheriff himself. "What?" [[give him the Deets]]

You half expected him to demand something in return, but he's surprisingly sympathetic. Well, he did supposedly apply every sequin by hand to his outfit after all .... He hands over the precious stick, a shimmering light in the sea of chaos around you. [[acquired: RAZZLE DAZZLE]]

[[................]]

It's as magic as they say it is. [[<3]]

You, Warrior Princele Morgan, have survived. [[survey the battlefield]]

You return the stick to Star Sheriff and turn to get a look at the chaos all around you. People are tripping and falling everywhere. An uncountable number of plush toys are probably being stolen right now. $name is floundering in a merciless pit of sparklehorses. Utterly decimated. [[But your costume is perfect.]]

[[✦ ✦ ✦ PERFECT!!! ✦ ✦ ✦]]

You jump up onto one of the vendor tables on impulse, the long and freshly-pristine trails of your dress fanning dramatically out behind you. Lifting your frying pan prop high above your head, your [[voice]] rings out over the crowd--

**//WELCOME TO MY KITCHEN!!!!//** [[✦ ✦ ✦]]

**THE CON JOB** by [[ghostwrassler->gw2]] [[CHECK IT THE HECK OUT AGAIN!!!!->WHAT THE HECK IS THIS]]

clarityorb.tumblr.com ghostwrassler.tumblr.com for morgan <3 [[back->✦ ✦ ✦]]

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THE CON JOB
by

ghostwrassler

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS