Astral Projection for the Modern Business

config.style.page.font: "Iowan Old Style/Constantia/Georgia/serif 18" config.style.pageStyle: "thick-line" config.style.page.color: "gray-9 on white" config.style.page.link.font: "underline" config.style.page.link.color: "red-8" config.style.page.link.lineColor: "red-8" config.style.page.link.active.color: "red-8 on yellow-0" config.style.page.header.font: "16" config.style.page.header.link.font: "small caps" config.style.page.footer.font: "16" config.style.page.footer.link.font: "small caps" config.style.backdrop: "#DCDCDC" -- **Astral Projection for the Modern Worker** ~~The new way to avoid that troublesome commute~~ {embed image: 'img/circle_kite.jpg', alt:'Alexander Graham Bells tetrahedral kite'} This is a complete guide to the benefits of setting up a professional telepathic gateway, so that even when your body is at home, your mind can traverse higher dimensions, allowing you access to: unperceivable colours, meta-emotion, and up to date productivity software to ensure you can stay productive, no matter what is happening in reality. [[First, why astral projection? -> AstralIntro]]

**Touch the infinite - then have a meeting there** {embed image: 'img/rocket_up.jpg', alt:'engraved illustration of Jules Vernes story: to the moon'} Sometimes going to work simply isn't possible or time-efficient, whether due to distance or the hazards of the outside world. For a long time, remote working software has been used to facilitate meetings, discussions and general project management. But there are always distractions, latency issues or outright lost connections. Astral Projection avoids all these issues. No infrastructure is needed, the only thing you need are employees willing to shut down all emotional connection to the real world during work hours, and our rigorous theosophist-accredited training. Once set up, your employees will have access to all of physical space, as well as a literal infinite other experiences on the spritual plane. With limitless possibility there's only one thing to do: have smoother meetings. This introductory pamphlet will tell you how the boundless realms of experience: physical and spiritual, can offer you the ideal robust latency-free solution for your business. [[Contents -> contentsHub]]

~~contents~~ A closer look at why you should care! {embed image: 'img/microscope.jpg', alt:'Scanned image of an old man looking through an antique extended microscope.'} pg. 3-8) [[Introducing Astral Projection to the Workplace -> meetingSection]] pg. 9-16) [[Getting Started and Basic Precautions -> setupSection]] pg. 17-20) [[Examples of Astral Projection in action -> exampleSection]] pg. 21-22) [[Our Subscription Services -> installSection]] pg. 23-24) [[Contact Us -> bonusSection]] We recommend reading this material in order to understand the full story of the ethereal services and protection we provide. You can find out a little more about us on the Contact page, or visit us in our headquarters on the interdimensional ethics gradient. We look forward to your visit.

~~How Astral Projection can take your meetings to the next level~~ {embed image: 'img/earth_from_moon.jpg', alt: 'painting showing an imagining of earth eclipsed, as seen from the moon.' } With our simple Astral Projection technology you can take your conscious spirit and move it through physical space, allowing you access to everywhere on this planet from your home. Explore jungles, ocean depths or the peaks of the highest mountain. Hell, you can even explore the moon and stare back over the full sweep of humanity. With such technology and freedom, the obvious thing is to bring it to the enterprise space - and we've done _just that!_ The outside world is full of potential disruptions to the working from home experience, all-too-frequent natural disasters can easily disrupt telecommunications and get in the way of that crucial hands-on meeting. Even _without_ disaster, many employees simply might not have access to infrastructure if they live in under-serviced areas. But that needn't stop you nor them from turning up and doing their bit. No matter what the material conditions of your employees are, with astral projection they can make it to work! Everyone has a soul, and that means, everyone has something to contribute to your enterprise environment. Ah, but where to meet? [[The simple answer? Anywhere. -> realspaceMeetings]] *** [[Back to Contents -> contentsHub]]

~~Practicing Projection Protection~~ {embed image: 'img/nightmare.jpg', alt: 'Image of someone asleep with a nightmare goblin squatting on their chest. '} The above is a classic case of what *not* to do. An unshielded employee is a security risk during Astral projection. During astral projection the body is open to interference from higher-dimensional beings, competing firms, and pop-up advertising. The results of this interference can vary from annoyance to great psychological distress, which will not only upset the employee, but cause up to tens of hours of lost productivity for your employer. [[A quick introduction to projection protection -> protectionSetup]] *** [[Back to Contents -> contentsHub]]

~~Case Studies~~ {embed image: 'img/abstract_presentation.jpg', alt: 'Two employees in their spirit forms, giving a quarterly update.'} **Case 1: Lost connections** An earthquake strikes, large enough to cause widespread building damage, a few collapses, and significant damage to internet cables. Also, a meeting is planned, what can be done? *Without Astral Projection*: There is simply too little bandwidth available to host an online update with your project managers where you can go over where things stand on the Gantt chart. The company has to cancel things, give employees time to check on other things, and cost working time. *With Astral Projection*: Nobody is aware there has been an earthquake, the project manager and the taskforce lead finish up their presentation hosted in the oblong dimension to some mild applause. All the attendees think good, rectangular thoughts until they return to the ruptured earth of the physical dimension. [[Case 2: Handling Interference -> hackingExample]] *** [[Back to Contents -> contentsHub]]

~~Features~~ {embed image: 'img/bed_ventilation.png', alt: 'illustration of ventilation and air flow in a room where people are sleeping in a double bed.'} _Sleep easy with our comprehensive packages_ **Installation** We take care of all the hard work! No need to trouble yourself with the details. **Our Subscription Plans** *Five Boxing Wizards* This plan is our entry level offering, giving you access to: 1. all of space 2. 1 month trial access to a business dimension 3. simultaneous vibe calls with up to 37 collaborators 4. protection tetrahedra for all employees 5. Comprehensive employee training *Sphinx of Black Quartz* This is our most popular plan, for businesses eager to reap the enhancing effects of our business dimensions. This tier includes all of the above and: 1. Access to all 29 business dimensions 2. Our almost patented un-merging service to help separate conjoined souls 3. up to 100 real-time, unreal-space collaborators 4. two different sets of our minimalist mental office furniture, ideal for making any dimension feel more productive *Judge My Vow* This tier contains just one extra feature, one that changes the very nature of remote work. One stretch of time has remained immune to the efforts of modern business: _sleep_. There is no more need for pause or rest, now the lapsed hours of oneiric indulgende can be rendered productive. This revolutionary offering is ideal for an employee/employer in need of flexibility. An employee in need of extra money can work 24 hours a day, multiple days at a time. **Interested?** Then reach out to us and our agents who will happily provide you with a quote. [[Details on our Contact Page -> bonusSection]]. *** [[Back to Contents -> contentsHub]]

~~Reach out buddy~~ {embed image: 'img/seaweed_house.jpg', alt:'image of a small house, made out of seaweed, the edges of the image are the embossed surfaces of a doillie. '} _Hello_ [after 2s] We are delighted to see that you have enjoyed the pamphlet. If you want to reach out, then no worries. Braid 30 strands of grass into a ring, place a stone at the centre and wait 2-3 business days, we will send you an email or fax with more information. Until then, think productive thoughts. [[Credits -> credits]] *** [[Back to Contents -> contentsHub]]

~~fly me to the moon, show me slides among the stars~~ {embed image: 'img/double_comet.jpg', alt: 'two images of Morehouses Comet, Photographed at Yerkes Observatory, 1908'} Where would you like to meet? Ocean depths? The clattering collisions of Saturn's icy rings? How about a comet? As long as you can imagine a real place, you can go there, and turn it into a real-time collaboration think space. Astral projection lets you bring collaboration to all reaches of known physical space: if you can think of it, you can go there. Space is particularly popular due to the lack of distractions. Employees may experience slight distress at being in the world but not of it; passing through its spaces but unable to feel its sensations, they will get used to it. Ethereal meetings in the physical dimensions are a great way to get started with working from home, but once you are practiced in elevating work concerns above the personal and the flesh, you can take your enterprise to the next level, and achieve simply _unreal_ efficiency. Let's talk about [[meeting in the beyond -> emotionspaceMeetings]]. *** [[Back to Contents -> contentsHub]]

~~I had a secret meeting in the basement of my brain~~ {embed image: 'img/colour_system.jpg', alt:'An alternate colour theory where black and white are the primary colours. '} Not only is access to our real world possible, we can also access a higher realm of forms and vibrations. As employers, what we care about is productivity - achieved through training employees and providing workplace structures where there is nothing better to do than be productive! Accessing these higher emotional and ethereal spaces changes the structure of a human spirit, as everyone begins to acquire aspects of the realm they are in, opening new modes of thought and being. Unfortunately this can all be a bit distracting, so we offer a curated service of business dimensions. That is: dimensions where your employees will become more focused than is possible in our Euclidean dimensions. Giving _your business_ that much-needed competitive advantage. Now that we know broadly what Astral Projection can do in the meeting space, it is time to learn [[how to set things up -> setupSection]] *** [[Back to Contents -> contentsHub]]

~~Entering the brain zone~~ As we saw before, astral projection typically happens lying down or seated. So the natural way to protect the body is either to surround your body, or hoist a protective marker above it. The standard is an arrangement of Quartz crystals or candles, but we go that step further. As tetrahedrons are the most terrifying shape to negative beings, we provide some of our free-range sky tetrahedra as standard with a business subscription. Here is one we caught earlier! {embed image: 'img/tetrahedral_kite.jpg', alt:'tetrahedral kite flying in the sky, loosely connected to a large fishing rod held by a man.'} The way they work is simple, once a week you need to pick a triangle and tell it a hope that you've lost. This should be enough to get it flying again, and it will hover above your residence, scanning the 16 perpediculars for threats. Make sure you tell it good stuff - curisotity is what keep the tetahedra moored to our dimension. (For security reasons we keep a copy of all your shattered dreams, but we promise we don't look). With this, your body is protected from psychic threats and pop-up advertising. But there is also the emotional dimensions. [[How to set you emotions up for successful projection. -> emotionSetup]] *** [[Back to Contents -> contentsHub]]

~~Good vibes only~~ {embed image: 'img/plant_closeup.jpg', alt:'Closeup black and white images of some plants.'} Up until now we have not talked about the personal, emotional aspect of Astral Projection, and that is for good reason. This facet is core to our almost patented, actually accreditted theosophical training course. The key principle of our training is the '_Feel it on your own time_' approach to emotion. For all workplaces there are standards and ideas of professionalism. These require to some degree simply not thinking about, or acting on, any of the circumstances that affect you outside of work. With typical working from home approaches, you cannot tell if someone is being professional at all times during the work day - but with astral projection you can! Maintaining the spirit outside of the body requires absolute calm and tranquility, if an employee slips up then _ping_ they get zipped back to their body and everyone can see it! Not only is it embarrassing, but if particularly upset the employee may lose out on valuable productivity! For businesses on our 'Sphinx of black quartz' subscription plan, we can offer the much prized 'soothing images of natural forms' pamphlet. This lovingly printed pamplets includes many natural shapes to remind the employee of the outside world, without requiring them to go and visit it. This soothing natural facsimile saves both you and the employee precious time in pausing the upset, and letting them jump back into business. Employees may struggle with taking their home space of relaxation and turning into a tightly controlled domain of work, but once they do, then they will truly carry the spirit of the workplace inside of them, no matter where they go. Ready to turn the any time into work time, regardless of what life is throwing at them. With all the precautions explained, it is perhaps easiest to see how Astral Projection can shake up your business with some [[case studies. -> exampleSection]] *** [[Back to Contents -> contentsHub]]

~~Case studies~~ {embed image: 'img/interlocking_figures.jpg', alt:'Variously conjoined and interlocking figures made of blocks.'} **Case 2: Handling Interference** Part way through a standard business workshop on appropriate emoji for work emails, a massive wave of frustrated energy causes the participants to slip and join forms. Edges become centres and their spirits begin to join. No matter how distressed they become, their spirits cannot leave to rejoin their bodies, their physical forms reject them. *Without Us*: Doomed, the spirits will wander, unable to tell where one person started and another ended. Together the combined spirit can grow, learn and begin to seek higher goals and the production of miracles. This horizon-expanding process may appear to be very pleasant, but the awful side effect of truly experiencing another human life appears to be a lack of interest in working for a company that manufactures (for example) novelty sunglasses. The sad result being that all these people have to be fired. Meaning new employees have to be hired and trained at great cost. *With Us*: One of our agents will be along as soon as possible with a collection of shattered hopes as harvested by the personal tetrahedron. After the merged ones sign a simple consent form our agent will release the information, speaking into existence the pains unique to everyone there, reminding them exactly what each of them has lost. This is normally enough to reteach everyone who they are. If the process takes longer, then we also provide a take away service where one of our contractors will visit your home and feed your body individual sheets of delicious, specially narrowed lasagna. Eventually, the employees will return as untouched individuals, something irrevocably lost, ready to work. Now that we have talked through 2 of the more common cases, we hope it is clear that how versatile our services are, and the benefits of latency-free meetings on the moon are pretty self-evident! So let's talk about what features you get with a standard install, and a clue at some premium ones. [[Features and more -> installSection]]. *** [[Back to Contents -> contentsHub]]

~~Who did this and why?~~ {embed image: 'img/psychology_funnel.jpg', alt:'Image of a flower like mathematical strcuture, meant to be a geometrical view of the human psyche.'} Thanks for coming down this weird rabbit-hole of an experience, I hope it did something to make you think about your relation to work, and working from home in particular. This weird satirical product pamphlet would not have been possible without: 1. The broad, vague occult knowledge of Aimee (www.voidnotes.com) 2. The painstaking collation of public domain images, books and films by Public Domain Review (https://publicdomainreview.org) 3. The very weird dynamics of working from home Ultimately though, it also could not have been made without me writing it. I've been Alexandre, and I hope you enjoyed it.