How Have Your Experiences Shaped Your Paper?

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Final Essay Assignment Professor Michael Charleston Task: What experiences have contributed to specific aspects of your identity? Read over the list of essay prompts below. Choose one that appeals to you. Topic Prompts: 1. If you could become another person, regardless of [[gender]], who would you become and why? 2. Brainstorm for significant [[first]] experiences in your life. Choose one of these firsts to describe and explain its significance to you. 3. In your life, think about how something [[beyond your control]] prevented you from accomplishing a task. 4. Think about your family and [[cultural background]] and pull out a few that remind you of important times or significant moments. (Remember that the impact of a moment is what makes it significant.) If you feel stuck, think about what has impacted you most in life. Remember this is a draft and grades will not be final!

When you were a little [[girl]], you recall your relatives in the Dominican Republic scolding your mother for dressing you up like a boy because she was afraid you’d get sunburnt in the Caribbean heat. You smirked at the frowned looks of dismay as you were subtly disrupting gender norms and causing havoc in your little Aries mind. It had never crossed my mind until now that this could have been the foundation for what would become a lifetime of [[tomboy->male]] aesthetic and many disappointing trips to the hair salon with my mami...

“The first time is a super broad place to start don’t you think?” You can’t help but think about your first romantic experiences. You’ve always wondered what was more important: worrying about my sexuality or over what others thought about it. Mental images bring you back to cringeworthy moments of first romances past… “It can be. Alex, why don’t you start by thinking about how the term directly applies to you? What’s the first thought that comes to mind and write it out in sentence form.” You start to think back on... …when [[her]] hands lingered against my sides after we hugged goodbye. There was a moment of hesitation before we finally parted. ...when I found myself searching for the feeling you grow up expecting to have, but [[his]] embrace felt hollow.

“You’d think with the plethora of chronic illness I’ve been dealt in life I’d have a long enough list to draw from for this prompt but my biggest obstacle hands-down was last semester’s 3 credit [[fitness & wellness course]] requirement. If I would have known then that the [[Office of Disability]] counted for invisible disabilities and getting me out of 3 hours of hell every week, my GPA would still be //perfect//!” You ramble on as Zoey nervously watches for the time. “Alex, do you find it difficult to talk about this subject? We can go back and focus on-- “No! It’s cool. You have to grow to have a sense of humor about it as a means of maintaining yourself sanity.” You wonder how much your health has shaped you into a self-deprecating and loathsome creature…

"Try being a Latinx kid with a non-Spanish sounding name. I. Dare. You. Being biracial, this prompt is quite loaded for me when I’m never sure what people’s first impression of me is. My parents are no longer together, so I live with my dad during the week and my Mami on the weekends. My Dad is (nearly) 100% [[Irish]] and my Mami is [[Dominican]]." You look down, examining your hands for a second. “Ok Alex, I’m interested. Tell me more.” Zoey asks with a glisten in her eye. "Alright, well let me tell you, growing up in a white neighborhood without the benefits of looking like those around me has been one of the largest impacts on who I am. Growing up white, without any privilege to legitimize it is truly troubling."

You had never been <strike>ghosted</strike> abandoned before and have it hurt so badly. Even when Brian left, a part of you <strike>felt a sense of relief</strike> knew it was for the best. A week later, you saw Ellen in the [[cafeteria]] and wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to approach her. What was supposed to within our own world had turned into the running joke of freshman year. You haven’t come close to experiencing that feeling again: Shame.

But of course, you are a glutton for punishment. As she was leaving the cafeteria you followed her down the hall and shouted her name. You didn’t give her much time to turn around before blurting, “//Hey, why didn’t you ever text me back?//” from across the room (and shit, were you asking for it). She looked you dead in the eyes and yelled, “Alex...I’m sorry but…” and before she could finish you had stepped back so quick you smashed into this poor chick with a tray of curry that smelled so bad you ended up puking right on the spot. You tell yourself awkwardly bashing into an innocent bystander in a cafeteria catastrophe is an infinitely better story to mask your rejected, broken heart. The first time you experienced rejection was when… ...You decided to be honest with those things you call [[feelings]] ...You got [[no game]]

Alex, This is a good start and your work with the writing center shows! One thing to note, you mention this experience being a rejection amongst what I assume is one of your first romantic interactions. But what did you gain from this story? If anything? You need to decide if this narrative is more about building confidence yourself, or is this a tale of self-discovery? It’s certainly a unique perspective to delve into your sexuality, but it’s also important to be aware of your own voice and intention within the narrative! I wasn’t sure if this story was a first experience of embarrassment in a social setting or about the blossoming of your own understanding of yourself romantically. Next time, maybe try a topic that’s a little less personal? Grade: C- Warm Regards, Professor Charleston <<< Unsatisfied with your grade? Maybe you should give another prompt from the [[assignment]] sheet a go. >>>

You stayed with Brian for months before you could finally be honest about your feelings. To this day, you don’t think he really understood where you were coming from. He said you either know or you don’t, and then dumped you on the spot. You can’t force something even when it’s perfect on paper, and you wish you could just blame it on something stupid like his awful kissing, or his lame sense of humor. You keep telling yourself it was just Brian, and just a bad first experience... The first time you experienced ambivalence… ...you [[repressed]] it for too long ...you learned that horoscopes aren’t always [[accurate]]

Alex, This is a good start and your work with the writing center shows! I’m getting the sense that you don’t like this Brian fellow? I’m a bit unclear as to the relevance of this being a story about a “first time experience” when the narrative centers on your negative perception of your ex-romantic partner. I understand this cannot be easy source material to write about, but I encourage you to delve deeper into why you chose to center this prompt over the first time you realized you weren’t attracted to someone you felt you should have. The answer to that question may spark you to touch on thoughts that you may not have explored yet! Overall, great start but perhaps you should try another writing prompt that is less personal to you? Sometimes some space can allow enough distanced perspective to be more critical about the impact and message of your writing. Grade: C- Warm Regards, Professor Charleston <<< Unsatisfied with your grade? Maybe you should give another prompt from the [[assignment]] sheet a go. >>>

Your birth chart said that we would be perfectly compatible! Your Aries sun and Scorpio rising were to be the perfect match his Virgo/Pisces, but it was all //wrong//. When he kissed you it felt like when your pet dog Coco welcomes you home from vacation. Wet, slobbery, and [[gross]]. Your friends said to give it a chance, and that’s how it should feel but… You just don’t know. This wasn’t like anything you read in books or see in movies. There was no “moment.” It’s not even that he did anything wrong, that’s the scary part.

You always wondered if you would make a handsome Drag King, and wondered who would you make yourself up to be like? With your bone structure, you could probably pass for an androgynous and slender type dude… Do people still think //Ricky Martin// is dreamy? “//Yeah, I’d say he’s a perfect archetype for my male heartthrob persona… //” you say to yourself. The jawline, the smile, the dimples, and that hair…! You would have //almost// all the advantages that come with being a //patriarchal male//, and the additional superficial perks to make all the straight girls <strike>crazy</strike> swoon. His societal expectations are so low he overcame all those cheating scandals with minimum damage! #[[goals]]

Alex, Interesting choice here. This is quite a ramble, to say the least! From what I can uncover, it seems you are trying to evoke a strong sense of wanting to inhabit some of the “perks” that come with being male without being judged by those around you? It also seems the “regardless of gender” aspect of the prompt seems to have struck deeply with you. I strongly implore you to take a step back from this narrative to reevaluate the significance of why a more specific person reflects your ideal self in a more genderless fashion. It seems your desire to choose Mario Lopez is over a perceived ideal of beauty standards rather than a deeper exploration beyond superficial qualities. I see you’ve been visiting the Writing Center, and I hope you continue to work with Zoey. She’s an excellent student and model for college-level essay writing! Grade C- Warm Regards, Professor Charleston <<< Unsatisfied with your grade? Maybe you should give another prompt from the [[assignment]] sheet a go. >>>

You see yourself between some combination of Gina Rodriguez ==after the virgin part== and Ripley ==if she were Latina==. Imagine: A character so fierce she could rip you to shreds as easily as she could smother you kindness!? You decide to call her "//Gipley//”, the female embodiment you were never allowed to be as a little girl. Gipley would be the badass warrior that could also exist in real-life scenarios. She defies her gender by going against all the societal standards that come her way. Her special ability would be to break down barriers imposed by the patriarchy. She is able to live as a woman without the [[societal restraints]] of feminine respectability. She can go for a walk around campus at night without having to worry about her safety ==,and snagging that extra five-finger discount at the bookstore without anyone getting suspicious…==.

You pause for a moment to realize how silly this all sounds. However, it’s hard not to when your options have been severely limited as far as childhood heroes go that actually resemble your likeness in some meaningful way. So until Hollywood can think of better representation and name for my heroin, “Gipley” will have to do. Regardless of gender… ...you just want to feel [[safe]]. ...Gipley is only a [[facade]].

Alex, This is an interesting start. Few things to note- you mention this persona as being quite different from yourself, but why did you focus so much on gender? I didn’t mean for you to take the prompt so literally! Maybe think about a superhero or political figure you really admire? I’d really love to read more about how these characters relate back to //you// instead of what your audience thinks so much. While I see you are utilizing tutors like Zoey at the Writing Center, it seems you still need to work on editing your voice in accordance with your audience! Just like the Miles Morales to Peter Parker, I’m sure there is a heroin alter-ego just waiting to be created and made into the latest action movie! Don’t limit yourself and good effort. Grade: C- Warm Regards, Professor Charleston <<< Unsatisfied with your grade? Maybe you should give another prompt from the [[assignment]] sheet a go. >>>

“Growing up, we’d celebrate holidays like St. Patrick’s Day, and I’d bring leftover soda bread to school only to be met with hostility. People question the authenticity of it, me, my family, and our culture,” you express to Zoey. As an adult, you are questioned on if you only celebrate it as an excuse to get <strike>trashed</strike> intoxicated with your friends. No. “Why doesn’t anybody believe me? It shouldn’t be //THAT// [[hard]] to believe, but for some reason it is.” You choke back your emotions.

“I wish people in my family would ask about my fluency in the Irish language as much as they did Spanish. My ‘Spanglish’ may not be making my ancestors proud, but best believe my mofongo y arroz con gandules is the <strike>shit</strike> best plate of Dominican cuisine the Boogie Down has ever known,” you express to Zoey. It never matters though, you know? Hoping she understood what you meant. I could become the most esteemed historian or chef in my Dominican culture, and still be labeled a gringa because I can’t pronounce my “r’s” with that special Cardi B flavor.” As an adult, you understand the reasons why your mami [[didn’t prioritize]] retaining your cultural language, but it always set you apart from your brown friends. No matter whatever part of my history you choose to preserve, it’s all went to the trash anyways…

Alex, Wow, I can’t imagine the depth of your experiences growing up under such a conflicted sense of identity. For the record, I’m only 25% Irish and have never missed a St. Patty’s Day Parade! While I appreciate your unique perspective on cultural backgrounds, I’m sensing a stronger urge to focus on the negative impacts of your cultural identity rather than embracing the duality of both identities in the shaping of who Alex Carter is. I am truly so lucky to read such diverse narratives from my students here at Hermes Community College over the years, and hope you can also grow to see how diversity can be a more positive experience in your life. Remember to keep visiting the Writing Center! Grade C Warm Regards, Professor Charleston <<< Unsatisfied with your grade? Maybe you should give another prompt from the [[assignment]] sheet a go. >>>

Alex, I really appreciate how personable you are in expressing your background here. I remember when I found out my DNA test resulted in 10% Cherokee, and 5% African American my life would never be the same. Isn’t it amazing to think about how today’s technology can do the work of better framing our cultural backgrounds, making us one step closer to a universal identity, devoid of prejudice!? Try to tap into this energy more for your final project! I’d love to hear more about the merging of culture in your family rather than focus on how these experiences have negatively impacted you. Be sure to continue utilizing the Writing Center as an active resource to better consider your audience’s reaction to such sensitive subject matter. Grade C Warmly, Professor Charleston <<< Unsatisfied with your grade? Maybe you should give another prompt from the [[assignment]] sheet a go. >>>

“I have a rare strain of IBS known as Crohn’s Disease. So I cannot eat specific foods or else my intestinal track is put through the wringer. This can be navigated if you watch what you eat, but the side effects are essentially here to stay. I cannot physically exert myself for long periods without the severe joint pain kicking in. So when I found out that I was being forced to take this course with a physical fitness portion if I wanted to graduate, I freaked out a bit,” you continued on as Zoey’s eyes begin to glaze over. They said that there was an online alternative option, but no one was teaching it that term, so you had [[no choice]].

“When I was a kid, my Scoliosis made it so I couldn’t stand sitting on those damn rickety, old wooden chairs in class and my mom had to advocate on my behalf to get a special chair put in. This resulted in my own teacher and peers openly accusing me of lying so that I could get special privileges in school until I got so pissed and lifted my shirt high enough for what felt like the whole world to see my crooked spine,” you exclaimed as Zoey’s growing discomfort became more apparent. Where was the Office of Disability then? You used to think accommodations were only for paper and exam extensions, but it’s so much [[more]].

Alex, I had never considered an obstacle to overcome in life such as being someone with an “invisible disability.” How truly profound! Either physical or psychological it is true there are always internal constraints that block us from progressing in life. Is it really something that’s THAT difficult to share? That is why it is key to take advantage of resources like the Writing Center to help aid you during times you may not feel up to your best! Additionally, I would further ask you to question your placement of perspective in time and space. Is this something you’ve overcome? Why dwell on the more painful aspects rather than develop how empowered you’ve become in spite of your health? I appreciate your narrative choice, but I worry you’ve missed the point in portraying an outlook that shows not only a barrier but how you’ve overcome and shaped a better, stronger YOU in the process! Great effort! Grade: C Warm Regards, Professor Charleston <<< Unsatisfied with your grade? Maybe you should give another prompt from the [[assignment]] sheet a go. >>>

Alex, Personal health was not the expected route I envisioned with this prompt, but I admire your very personal approach. I’d hate for the institution to be represented in a way that is not considerate of our students' needs, especially just as our main library finally got that accessibility ramp installed after all the student rallying. There is always a friendly face, including mine here to assist you in any way while you are a student here! For the final draft, I’d love to hear more about your diagnosis and symptoms as a barrier rather than the institution that has afforded you this wonderful opportunity! In fact, did you know you could also request appointments with the Writing Center online a month earlier than your peers at the start of each semester with your accommodations? Take advantage of every opportunity Alex and a great start! Grade: C- Warm Regards Professor Charleston <<< Unsatisfied with your grade? Maybe you should give another prompt from the [[assignment]] sheet a go. >>>

This game is an experiment to think broadly about our own identities and experiences in academic spaces within higher education. Our purpose is to question the role of the "player" in understanding how race, gender, sexuality, disability, and other intersecting identifiers are systemically representative or misrepresented in the knowledge production process. Brought to you by: 2 Spunky LatinX Kids- //Anthony Wheeler & Raven Gomez// You are [[Alex Carter]]

Ok, it’s time to stop procrastinating...You’re finishing up lunch and decide to get started on your final paper. It’s a self-reflection assignment which means you don’t need a work cited but should stop by the Writing Center anyways. You heard your classmate mention that Professor Charleston gives out extra credit for making the effort, and let’s not pretend like you don’t need it. It’s your last semester at Hermes Community College, and you promised yourself it wouldn’t take another lifetime to get your associate's degree. You say goodbye to your friends in the cafeteria and start to head over. Take the [[elevator]]? Take the [[stairs]]?

As you approach the elevator, it reads “OUT OF SERVICE”, forcing you to do the thing you hate most: take the [[stairs]].

While climbing up the stairs, a shadowy figure approaches from the staircase above. As you turn the corner, it becomes apparent the universe is conspiring against you. You can’t mistake that regretfully familiar laugh and flagrant smell you grew to loathe over the six dragged on months you dated. It’s your ex-boyfriend, Brian, and his sidekick Tyler smoking up by the stairs instead of going to class. Immediately upon spotting you, Brian opens his big mouth and yells: “Disappointed they’re serving sausages for lunch today?” (Tyler fist-bumps him and cracks a haughty smile.) His company churns your stomach. It might have been his ‘herbal’ perfume, which hangs around your nostrils like a lingering unwanted guest. Or that sordid smile, which was forever plastered on his face. You... [[Ignore->hallway door]] their asses [[Confront->Excuse Me]] these idiots

“Well, given how close you and Tyler are sitting together, I’m sure you’ve had your fill of sausages. So there must not be any left for me anyway.” You smile as Brian and Tyler repel away from one another, leaving with a contact high and lvl up in swag points for the day. You reach the [[hallway door]] like it’s the stairway to heaven.

Almost at your destination, you walk down the hallway and pass by the Transfer Office. Filled with a wave of anxiety, your thoughts are filled with every possible reason why it would never be relevant to walk through that office. Your stomach then sinks as you realize Professor Charleston’s assignment just sounds like a glorified personal statement, and wonder if you should’ve made an appointment here instead. Oh well. You don’t even know if a four-year college is a possibility for you anyway. It’s way too expensive, and financial aid only covers so much for a poor, 1st generation college student who chose to take the G.E.D over the SATs… Finally, you approach the [[Writing Center]].

Of course, there’s a wait. The student-worker looked at you as they pointed towards the line, and you go ahead and take a seat. Annoyed, you start to text your manager you might be a little late but decide against it. You’d rather start working on this assignment than think about your shift later. You start to reflect on your experiences and how to relate it all in a way that makes sense for a college paper. You pull out the assignment sheet and start to remind yourself of the [[assignment->name call]].

Unfortunately, the student-worker lazily motions you down the corridor towards a writing instructor’s station before you get a chance to brainstorm for your session. Time to get personal with a [[complete stranger]] over an assignment all about yourself! On a scholarly level of course… You nervously ponder how to sound more prepared for this writing exercise than you actually are. “Great start Alex,” you mumble to yourself.

“And you also didn’t save a version on your laptop, right? OK, well no shame in admitting you need to start from scratch. Let’s circle back to this [[assignment]] sheet you got there.” You could swear you just saw her roll her eyes in a flash of a second, and shudder for making yourself look like an utter trash mammal.

“I mean, don’t you think this prompt is a little too elementary school? I thought I dropped out to avoid these kinds of assignments in K-12.” “Alex, let’s focus on the assignment. We already used half of our session time. It’s important to ask yourself who you want to be at all stages of life, don’t you agree?” [[...->gender paths]]

Then again, this way of thinking never bodes well in our family. I remember when my brother, who’s father is Dominican like our mami, found a doll amongst his action figures in his toy chest. I’ve never seen someone yell at a child that way, and for what? He destroyed the doll right in front of him because it was “for girls.” The blatant aggression towards gender norms seems to be a clear restraint on our ability to be who we want to be. Regardless of Gender… [[Comfort]] comes before expectations. [[Suaveness]] is the key to scoring the woman of my dreams.

Your mami learned pretty quickly that barbie dolls and domestic-centered toys were not enough for you, a spunky little girl during playtime. Growing up you recall attempting to swap clothes between a barbie doll and your favorite G.I Joe action figure being met with reactions of horror as poor G.I Joe’s bushy chest hair disagreed with the sequin dress squished against him, and yet you couldn’t stop smiling at your newly created doll. Why wasn’t there ever an army badass edition [[barbie->female]]?

Growing up, whenever you spent time with your Dad’s family, you were very uncomfortable. Your cousins would tease you about your thick, wavy black hair. Whenever they got into fights with one another, they would point fingers and place the blame entirely on you, and your grandmother and aunt never seemed to question the validity of their claims. You were labeled as the “bad kid,” despite spending 90% of these family functions kept yourself. “The significance of my cultural background is… ...what taught me that diversity isn’t always [[inclusive]].” ...that whiteness can’t be [[legitimized]] for me.”

“Is it wrong to feel my most authentic brown self amongst my white friends?” you try to ask without sounding completely ignorant. Somehow any knowledge on my cultural history is so much more fascinating and meaningful my audience can’t tell the difference between different dialects of Spanish. Sure, maybe some people assume I’m Mexican sometimes, but it sure beats being called an Americana any day. The significance of your cultural background is…. ...that cultural [[assimilation]] denied you your ancestral language. ...[[Spanglish]] should be its own official language.

You realized how animated you’ve become describing this memory as you almost revealed your crooked spine for a second time for your whole community college to see, but you stop and control yourself. “It wasn’t until adulthood I realized it’s services like the Office of Disability that serve as a legitimizing force of protection to advocate for my needs instead of treating every day at school like a [[battle]].”

“Being somebody with an invisible disability means something. I can’t enter a new building without scanning the environment so I know where a damn bathroom is in case my pain starts. Yet, people need some kind of proof since it isn’t outwardly obvious. From friends telling me to ‘just hold it’ to substitute teachers refusing to allow me to leave class growing up because it looked like I was ‘taking advantage.’ This idea that disability needs to be visible has made my life so much harder than it has to be, [[Zoey]].”

“Hello Alex,” the tutor greets me as I take a seat by their desk. “Since you didn’t book an appointment with a tutor 24 hours in advance, and are here for our drop-in hours, it is my job to introduce myself, Zoey and I work here as a peer-tutor here at the writing center. Our sessions typically run between 20-30 minutes and I am happy to take a look at any writing drafts you may have ready for me? If not we can always brainstorm and get you started! We don’t have much time so let’s get to work! “Hey, Zoey. Sure, I actually… ...haven’t really had the time to get started, between work and school. I brought the [[assignment]] sheet with me though.” ...I [[wrote down an idea or two]], but I brought the wrong notebook with me today. I think it was something about--

Zoey straightens up as if she wasn’t paying much attention until you said her name. “This seems to be a passion of yours, Alex.” “Uh, no, it’s my life.” You roll your eyes and turn back to your notepad. “Despite things being beyond my control…. ...the college should still be more [[accommodating]] to students with these chronic issues.” ...I wish I could find a way to make my illness part of who I am and not just [[cloud]] who I am.”

You ponder as you realize you’ve come a long way from those days to now secretly privileging yourself to plenty of extensions on exams. What happened to that rambunctious girl who didn’t take crap from anyone? What I thought was empowering really just accomplished its goal of making me feel as silent as ever in my classrooms like I’m carrying some secret… Despite things being beyond your control…. ...knowledge is the key to [[accessibility]] ...[[ODS]] > Health Services.