TABLET TROUBLE
Copyright 2020 by Noel T. Cumberland
It's a dark and stormy night. You think to yourself, "Isn't it ALWAYS a dark and stormy night just before something weird happens?" Then you laugh at the silliness of the idea.
Still, you're no dummy. These kinds of storms always lead to a power outage and a stifling case of boredom, so this time - you're prepared! You have your trusty TAD 3000 Tablet, an external battery pack for extra power, and a ton of books downloaded!
You settle down in your favorite recliner, place a refreshing beverage on the side table, and listen to the wind and rain for a moment. The storm is clearly getting nearer, but you feel like you've done all you can to prepare.
You power-up your TAD 3000 and in just a few seconds, you are looking at your huge library of e-books, broken out into categories. Your favorite categories are at the top, and they each seem like a good way to pass the time. You consider your mood and choose...
1) [[You're in the mood for Sci-Fi. There's no bad weather in space, right?|Sci-Fi]]
2) [[Horror seems about right for this weather. Nothing like a good scare, right?|Horror]]You decide that Science Fiction is the way to go. Getting your space-travel on will be a great way to pass the time this evening.
As your finger touches the tablet, your hair suddenly stands on end. Your mouth tastes coppery and you smell the faintest whiff of...something smoky.
With a deafening crash a bolt of lightning arcs into the room, enveloping you and your tablet alike. For a moment, everything is unbearably bright. Then, all is darkness.
You lay motionless, your eyes squeezed shut, then you carefully open them.
[[Open your eyes.|Space Trip Start]]reserved for expansion storyWell, if it’s going to be a dark and stormy night, you may as well scare the willies out of yourself! You decide to try the horror book you’ve been waiting to read, “Z is for Zombie.”
You tap the icon and your hair suddenly stands on end. Your mouth tastes coppery and you smell the faintest whiff of...something smoky.
With a deafening crash, a bolt of lightning arcs into the room, enveloping you and your tablet alike. For a moment, everything is unbearably bright. Then, all is darkness.
You lay motionless, your eyes squeezed shut, then you carefully open them.
[[Open your eyes.|Zombie Start]]You are standing on the bridge of a starship! You look down at yourself and see a crisp, important-looking uniform and a side-arm in a holster.
Glancing around the bridge, you can hardly believe your eyes! Everywhere you look are amazing machines, computer consoles, and controls. At each station you see an attentive crewperson in their equally crisp uniforms.
Most of them are humanoid, but not human. There is a red one, a green/grey one, and even one with three eyes and fur. In the corner, looking very imposing indeed, is a seven-foot bird-like crewmember with dangerous looking talons on his feet and seven "fingers" on his hand.
After a moment, you notice that his "hand" is raised slightly.
You decide to [[call on him.|Bridge2]]"Yes, uh..." you begin awkwardly.
"'Gus,' Captain. First Officer Beaux Gus. I signed on this morning?"
You begin to understand that, somehow, some way, you've been sucked into the 'Space Trip' book you had been wanting to read for a while now. You lament putting off reading it, now that you appear to be IN it. It would have been nice to know what was supposed to happen next!
"Yes, of course, Gus," you answer. "How can I help you?"
Gus's eyes get, amazingly, even bigger than they were before, and he gently points to the viewscreen at the front of the bridge. Hovering in front (you assume) of your ship is a ginormous (again, you assume) and deadly-looking ship with a lot of pointy things that appear to be weapons, even to you.
"Ah. Yes," you say. "That."
You stare at the ship and wonder exactly how you are supposed to get out of this. Behind you is a fairly comfortable-looking Captain's chair. You [[sit|Bridge3]] in it.You strike what you hope looks like a contemplative, but entirely competent pose in your chair and look at the viewscreen. Nothing comes to you.
Despite your instincts telling you to run away, you instead address the crew.
"This is the Captain speaking..." you begin. "Uh, yes. I, um, I suppose you know that. Well anyway, status report, Gus."
Gus steps over to the chair. "Yes, Captain," he says. "Nothing has changed in the past eleven minutes. The Braktolian Hegemony has sent their flagship, the ''Pffasssht'' to deliver an ultimatum to our collective. The ultimatum is, //Abandon this sector, or we will eat you.//"
You consider your options.
1) [[Abandon the sector.|Run Away1]]
2) [[Attack!!!|Attack1]]
3) [[Ask for suggestions.|Staff Meeting1]]You cast your best steely-eyed gaze at the viewscreen as you struggle not to puke. Heroically, you manage to keep your food down, take a shallow breath, and say to the crew in general, “Navigation?”
What you thought was an empty chair turns around and answers, “Yes, Captain?”
You allow a small “meep” to escape your lips.
“Yes, Captain?” the chair says in response. “Ensign Morton Meep, Navigator. Is there something I can do for you?”
You consider the coincidental nature of its name for a split second before blurting out, “Gone. We need to be gone. Take us gone, please!”
“Shall I lay in an escape vector, Captain?” Meep responds. “Or should I return us to Starbase?”
1) [[Escape vector Alpha, wherever that is...|Run Away1.1]]
2) [[Head for the Starbase|Run Away1.1]]Under a completely unjustified assumption that your ship is tougher than theirs, you make your decision.
"Weapons status?" you say to, you know, whomever.
The Three-eyed FurPerson responds, "All weapons systems primed and ready. Target selection protocol?"
"Uh, Epsilon. Sure, that sounds right, Epsilon. Initiate!"
The Weapons Officer pushes some buttons and the view in front of everyone begins to dance with color. You are slightly disoriented by the lack of sound effects, but the visuals are amazing. You assume the viewscreen is at least 4k!
"No effect, Captain." the weapons officer reports.
1) [[Bluff. Make like that was the plan all along.|Attack1.1]]
2) [[Panic and demand to know why it didn't work.|Attack1.2]]You look at Gus silently and your left eye twitches twice. You think back to all the science fiction stories you've read, searching for a solution. Nothing of any profundity occurs to you.
"Captain," says Gus with a snap of his beak, "Shall we confer?"
"YES!" you leap upon the chance to have someone else make a decision. "Everyone to my conference room!"
"Do you mean 'Action Center' Captain?"
"Oh, yes. Naturally. Let's have a "conference" in my "Action Center"!
No one moves.
Just as the length of the pause reaches and exceeds awkward, you say, "Lead the way, please, Gus."
Your First Officer ruffles his feathers and leads the way out of the room and you promptly [[follow|Staff Meeting2]].You get a sinking feeling in your stomach, and wonder how the crew will react if you ask them where the bathroom is. Your face remains immobile, due to the shock, and you have a death-grip on your console.
"Captain, they are hailing us," says the green/gray crewmember you now assume is the communications officer. You notice for the first time that her eyes blink sideways, but the knowledge somehow fails to usurp the importance of the current situation. "On screen," you answer, pleased that your voice didn't crack.
The viewscreen is suddenly filled with the terrifying image of...Betty White.
After a second or two, you realize that Betty White's hair was never quite that shade of green, nor did it generally have eyes, but everything else about this creature seems straight out of //Golden Girls//.
He/She/It glares at you, and speaks...
[[You Listen.|Attack1.1.1]]"GAAAAAAAGGHHHHH!" you scream at the top of your lungs. All of the crew stare at you with their jaws/beaks/whatevers hanging open. The red one raises his hand just barely.
"Yes?" you say to him, voice cracking a bit.
"I think they heard you," he says, and points at the view-screen.
As impressive as the 4k resolution was earlier, you find yourself wishing it was less-so now. On screen is the biggest, scariest version of Betty White you have ever seen.
After a second or two, you realize that Betty White's hair was never quite that shade of green, nor did it generally have eyes, but everything else about this creature seems straight out of //Golden Girls//.
She/it glares at you, and speaks...
[[You Listen.|Attack1.1.1]]"Your display of might and color-coordination has saved you this day, //Collectivite!//," the weird Betty White thing says. "Tradition dictates that we relinquish this sector for eleven of your Collective cycles. But do not doubt, we will return, and our colors will overwhelm anything the Collective could even imagine! Until then, thank you for being a friend! ''Pffasssht'' out!"
Weird Betty White blinks off of the screen and the ''Pffasssht'' makes a graceful 180 and stretches off into a perspective point somewhere in the North-West corner of the screen.
"Captain, that was brilliant!" the Weapons Officer purrs. "How did you know the Epsilon configuration would set up a plasma-harmonic on their shields without causing any damage? That can only happen with tao-muon reactive hadron shielding, but our best intel says the Hegemony is decades away from that kind of tech!"
"Well, you have to know these things when you're a Captain, you know."
Gus comes over and lays a feather across his beak, bowing slightly. "You are clearly the legend I thought you would be when I signed on for this command," he says. Then he turns to the rest of the bridge crew and says, "Let's hear it for the Captain!"
1) [[Revel in the adulation.|Attack.Revel]]
2) [[Be humble.|Attack.Humbel]]The crew celebrates your greatness with far more confetti and strobe-lighting than you would have expected on a ship like this. The Communications Officer, impressively named Prissy Nubbins, pipes Disco music throughout the ship, and Gus shows you a trick with his beak and a shot-glass that would win him a lot of money in a late-night bar back home.
Eventually the red crewmember, who is not the ship's doctor as you had assumed, but is actually just an intern phlebotomist named Janx who had wandered onto the bridge by mistake, leads you to your quarters where you flop down on your bed.
As you are about to drift off to sleep, you see a data padd on the bedside table with a glowing icon that says, "//Captain's Log.//" You've seen enough Sci-Fi TV shows to know what comes next.
[[Activate //Captain's Log//|Sci-Fi.Finish]]You give the crew a moment to celebrate. As the cheers begin to subside, you address the Communications Officer.
"Please put me on ship-wide, uh."
"Nubbins, Sir!" she smiles, sideways blinking at you. "Lieutenant second-class Prissy Nubbins!"
"Yes, forgive me Lieutenant Nubbins. Ship-wide, if you please."
"Yes, Sir!" She pushes several buttons and gives you a nod.
"This is the Captain speaking," you say in your best end-of-the-episode-speech-voice. "The Collective owes you all a debt of gratitute today. If not for the courage of this fearless crew, our mission would be lost! We'd've been eaten by a bunch of geriatric aliens with weird hair. So pat yourselves on the back, because I never could have done it without you."
The crew beams at you in admiration for a moment, then Gus says, "Captain, shall we proceed to our next assignment? There is a report of a weird planet where chronometers go backwards."
"Sounds good, Gus." you say. "Which button takes us there? I'd like to do it myself."
Gus leads you to the navigation console and points to a glowing icon.
You smile and say, "Initiate!" as you [[tap the icon.|Sci-Fi.Finish]]As soon as your finger touches the icon, your hair suddenly stands on end. Your mouth tastes coppery and you smell the faintest whiff of...something smoky.
There's a crackle of lightning that envelopes you, a feeling you are now pretty familiar with. As you feel yourself being transported once again, you make a decision.
1) [[I gotta try that again!|Subsequent Start]]
2) [[That's enough for me, time for my beauty sleep!|The End]]Your hair settles down and your mouth loses that coppery taste. You blink a few times and check to see that you are still in one piece.
After a moment, you realize you are sitting in your favorite recliner again, your tasty beverage beside you! You look at the TAD 3000 in your hand and think to yourself, "Nah! No way that was real!"
Glancing at the tablet screen, you are once more looking at your huge library of e-books, broken out into categories. Your favorite categories are at the top, and since the storm is still going on outside, they each still seem like a good way to pass the time. You consider your mood and choose...
1) [[You're in the mood for Sci-Fi. There's no bad weather in space, right?|Sci-Fi]]
2) [[Horror seems about right for this weather. Nothing like a good scare, right?|Horror]]You blink a few times as your hair settles down and the coppery taste dissipates. The storm outside has passed, and the moon and stars are shining brightly through your picture window.
You drain the refreshing beverage at your side and stand up out of your favorite recliner to stretch.
You look down at the TAD 3000 in your hand. The screen shows all the same icons it did when you first looked at it tonight, but there is also a new one you've never seen before.
Centered in the screen at the top, pinned so it satys put when you scroll, you see a glowing lightning-bolt icon.
You smile, power-down the TAD 3000, and head off to bed.
Just as you are about to drift off to sleep, you think to yourself, "Self, I think tommorow would be an excellent time to see what happens if I [[click that new icon!"|Game Start]]The engines engage as the crew responds to your command, but alarms sound and Meep shudders as he/she/it says, "Captain, we are caught in a tractor beam!
Relying on your years of comic book training, you quickly devise the perfect escape.
1) [[Full power to the engines! Get us out of here! | Boom!]]
2) [[Fire all weapons! Target their, uh, tractor thingy! |Attack1.1]]
3) [[Pull the old, "Dump the trash to fool the tractor beam" maneuver. |Garbage]]The ominous sound of the engine builds and builds.
"Captain, the engine is in overload!" yells Gus.
You consider that to be sub-optimal. "Shut down the engines!" you order the crew in general.
Fingers, feathers, fur, and arm-rests fly across various consoles, but the sound keeps building. You look at the console in your own Captain's chair and see an icon glowing and pulsing that says "ABORT".
You see the panic in the rest of the crew. The three-eyed furry one has all his hair standing out, and Gus has begun to molt.
You [[tap the icon |Sci-Fi.Finish]]."I've got an idea, guys," you say. How much garbage do we have on this ship?"
"Garbage, Captain?" asks Gus.
"Yeah, you know. Waste products. Used tissues and milk cartons and stuff. Garbage!"
"We're being drawn in, Captain!" says the Multi-eyed fuzzball manning the weapons console.
Gus finally delivers what you need to hear. "We have approximately 6.3 metric tons of material staged for recycling, if that's what you mean, Captain."
You [[respond with actual (not fabricated) confidence|Dump]]."Dump it. Dump it all!" you yell as the enemy ship grows larger in the viewscreen. (You really are impressed with the picture quality!)
The Weapons Officer purrs as he carries out your command.
There is a slight shimmy as the garbage is dumped, and a larger one as the tractor thingy gets confused and loses its grip on your ship.
"Punch it, Chewie...er, I mean Meep!"
The Navigator spins around in, er, AS his/her/its chair and the universe stretches out around you as the ship warps (or jumps, or whatever they call it in this book) out of Dodge.
The crew looks at you for a moment, then [[bursts into applause|Attack.Humbel]].As the crew settles around the Conference Room (Action Center!) table, you sit in the fancy chair and waive vaguely to the other seats. One spot is empty and you are shocked to see an empty chair roll itself into the slot. You unconsciously utter a little, "meep" of surprise.
"Yes, Captain?" the chair asks as it turns to "face" you. You are so shocked, you are glad you are already sitting, but suddenly you realize what this might mean and jump violently from your seat to examine it closely. Looking at the other chair, you ask, "Did you say that?"
"Yes, Captain. Ensign Morton Meep, Navigator, at your service. There's no need to be concerned," Meep says. "I am the only Aeronian in the Collective. That is just a normal human chair."
You breathe a sigh of relief as the other crewmembers take their places.
"Okay people, I want your name, your job, and your idea for what to do next. You first, Gus."
You sit back and [[pretend to understand what's going on|Staff Meeting3]]."First Officer Beaux Gus, Captain, the giant bird--man says. "I'm your second in command and I am familiar will all operations on the ship. I think we should stand and fight."
Turning to Gus's right, you motion for the three-eyed FurPerson to speak.
"I am Weapons Officer Mrroooooow-pffft! In English it translates to, Fuzzy McStiffins. I say we run as far and fast as we can!"
The green and gray officer licks her face with a surprisingly prehensile tounge and says, "I'm Prissy Nubbins, Communications. I have a pet rock named 'Carl' and my left ankle is artificial, but only as a fashion choice. I also tend to over-communicate at inappropriate times and I agree with First Officer Gus, we should BLAST 'EM!"
You take a moment to digest this, then ask Meep its opinion (although you aren't sure what part of it to address).
"As I said, Captain, Ensign Morton Meep, Navigator, at your service. Respectfully, I think we should run like the wind!"
You take a moment to [[contemplate|Staff Meeting4]] what to do next."Okay, people," you announce. "I guess we have a tie. I think we should..."
"Captain?" a quiet voice pipes up. You turn to see the unassuming young red person who had been hovering just beyond the Conference (Action!) table.
"Oh, yes. Sorry. What do you have for me?"
"Well, my name is Janx and I'm only an Intern in the Phlebotomy Lab, but I think we should negotiate with them. We don't know what they really want."
You replay the entirety of your starship experience in your head, certain there was something about this in the first chapter. Eventually, it comes to you.
"Uh, didn't they say they were going to eat us?"
Janx looks around at the accusing stares of the other crewmembers and bolts for the door. It doesn't open fast enough, he whangs his shoulder on the edge, shoves his way sideways through the opening, and flees.
"Hrumpf," you say. Then you realize what you need to do.
1) With all the confidence of an armadillo in headlights, you say, [["Okay people, we're going to attack! Back to the Bridge!"|Attack1]]
2) You stand, strike a heroic pose, and say, [["Right. We're out of here! To the bridge!|Run Away1.1]]You open your eyes and see that you are standing at the far end of a huge parking lot.
To the left, is a standard-issue Giant-Mart. Housewares, Sporting Goods, Ladies Clothing; the whole nine yards.
To the right, is a little building with a sign reading //US Government Property: KEEP OUT!// It has one broken door in front and no windows. Yeah, probably nothing sinister going on in there.
There are cars and RV’s scattered here and there, but they are all wrecked to one degree or another. An RV close to you is actually turned on its side and you see the barrel of a shotgun poking out from behind the edge.
From one side, you hear a low moaning sound, mixed with the shuffling of feet. You realize what's happening and, sneaking a peek, you see two zombies shambling a little way's off.
Looking at the two buildings in front of you, it finally dawns on you that you must have somehow been sucked INTO the //’Z’ Is for 'Zombie’// book! You need to make a decision, fast!
1) [[First things first. Go for the shotgun!|Shotgun1]]
2) [[Food. Weapons. Toilet paper. You head straight for the Giant-Mart!|Store1]]
3) [[You need more information to figure out what's next, so it's Government Buildings for $500, Alex!|LAB1]]You glance off to your left and see that the shambling horde of zombies you were afraid of is actually just two, and they are still about seventy-five yards off and not looking your way.
Alternatively, the shotgun is just a few feet from you, the barrel poking out from behind the derelict RV. Th sweeten the pot, you also notice a box of shells just beyond it. You approach carefully, careful not to draw attention from the pair of shambling creatures ambling about.
1) [[You grab the gun barrel and pull it to you.|Shotgun1.2]]
2) [[You grab a stick and nudge the shotgun.|Shotgun1.1]]
You pick your way carefully but quickly through the wasteland of a parking lot. There are too many cars and trucks scattered about to be sure if you are being followed, but you assume you are!
You quickly and gratefully note that the glass in the front wall of the store is all intact. The automatic door is slightly ajar, but with some effort you get it open just enough to fit through.
"Hhhmmmmmmnnnnggaahahhhh!" you hear from the parking lot as you heave the door shut on its sliding rail. Now is the time for some decisive thinking. After a solid two seconds of thought, you...
1) [[Secure the door, dude! Seriously! SECURE THE DOOR!| Barricade1]]
2) [[Find shelter, you're going to be here awhile! |Shelter1]]You notice a broom-handle sticking out of the RV. Prying it loose, you use it to nudge the end of the shotgun. Naturally, the gun goes off, spraying buckshot away from you. You leap back and see the shotgun is still shaking periodically as the severed arm and hand holding it reflexively pulls the trigger over and over. Sheesh!
This is too surreal for your taste! The sound of the shotgun has attracted zombies and they are headed your way faster than you would have thought they could go!
One way or the other, //here// is no longer the place for you!
1) [[You are ready for a change of scenery! You head straight for the Giant-Mart! |Store1]]
2) [[You need some quality intel to figure this out. You head for the weird other building.|LAB1]]You grab the barrel and pull it towards you. You feel some resistance, then the gun fires right at you. As you lose consciousness, you see the severed arm attached to the other end of the gun still reflexively pulling the trigger. “Oh crap!” you think, and your mouth starts to taste like it's full of pennies as you [[fade from consciousness. |Subsequent Start]]Your movement attracts the two shambling zombies, who are now shambling much faster, and straight for you! You run as fast as you can, dodging derelict cars, shopping carts, and far more body parts than you expected to see when you first sat down with your refreshing beverage.
The zombies chase you to the end of the parking lot, but stop as you draw near the doors to the weird government building.
Sensing //nothing// ominous about that odd behavior, you [[push your way through the broken door.|LAB1.1]]You get a short way into the building when you are faced with the grossest looking person you have ever seen in your life! His hair is matted and has pencils and a syringe in it. He has lost an ear, but is holding a foot (not his) in his hand, so part-for-part he's breaking even.
"Hmmmnnnhhgggh!" he says, and grabs you with his free hand.
You try to struggle, but this thing is too strong for you. Then, oddly, he shoves you aside with no further violence and heads out through the broken door as fast as he can.
There is every chance that this is not a good sign. You need to figure out the best course of action.
1) [[Okay, that can't be good. Time to head for the incredible savings and selection of Giant-Mart! |Store1]]
2) [[Well, you came this far. Besides, it's a GOVERNMENT facility. It'll be safe, right? |LAB1.1.1]]It looks like the store has seen better days, but it seems fairly devoid of zombies - for now. Looking around, you spot a switch next to the door that says: //SECURITY GATE// which seems promising.
A quick glance around doesn't present many more options. You figure anything you could move yourself, a zombie can move, so Plan A will have to be it.
You accidentally kick a metal rod about four and a half feet long as you approach the security gate control. It clangs and rolls a couple feet away and comes to a stop as you get cloze enough to see the control. The key is in it, but the wall surrounding the control looks a little scorched.
1) [[What's a little seasoning? Use the key, lower the gate, and move on! |Gate1]]
2) [[Hold on, that metal rod seemed suspiciously right-sized for this situation. Use it to block the door instead. |Rod1]]You make a bee-line for the Sporting Goods area. Considering what's running around in this book, you decide to hide out as long as it takes to figure out what to do!
Darting around a corner, you see just what you were hoping to see. A tent, all set up for display! You formulate a plan.
A. Hide
B. Formulate another plan
[[You head for the tent opening.|Manaquin1]]Arriving at the control box, you look up and see a horrifying, barely-human face with wide eyes, a gaping mouth, and wild, disheveled hair! You are about to cut and run, security door or no security door, when you realize the face is YOU! The controller is set into a mirrored wall which shows you just how terrified and inconvenienced you've been so far today!
Putting your own hellish looks aside, you grab the key and turn it to the position marked, "CLOSE". The security gate slowly trundles down about four inches, then stops.
You feel this is sub-optimal.
Using the tried-and-true method taught to you over a thousand tech-support phone calls, you turn it off, then back on again. The security gate just makes the pathetic sound of failure and stays put.
You, youself, make the pathetic sound of failure, then remember the metal rod you kicked on the way over! Yay! You may live after all!
[[You turn around and grab the metal rod.|Rod1]]You grab the metal rod and return to the door just in time. A freakish, droopy-faced, horror with bad hair and a terrifyingly frenzied style of motion is approaching the door at the same time!
You raise the metal rod to defend yourself and see that the monstrosity has a metal rod as well! Oh.
You realize the monstrosity you are so terrified of is YOU! The walls on either side of the door are stylishly mirrored, and you make a mental note to smash them all if time permits! This has clearly been the kind of day you'd sooner forget.
You step the rest of the way towards the door and [[scream at the top of your lungs.|Rod1.1]]Staring at yu through the glass is another, even more horrifying face than the one that turned out to be you. This face is missing some parts and the horribly misshapen body it's attached to is even worse!
The arms are both there, but they seem to bend in more than just the traditional places. There is blood and what looks a lot like a uvula stuck on the mostrous thing's only remaining cheek, and the dead eyes are somehow able to see you and nothingness at the same time. It reminds you a bit of your ex-.
What was once a human young person is now a horror, clearly intending to feast on your brains!
After the careful consideration one normally takes the time for in a situation such as this, you drop the rod and run into the store as fast as you can! You head for the sporting goods section, sure you can find a good place to hide there!
[[Aisle Six: Camping, Sporting Goods, and AWAY FROM THAT THING! |Shelter1]]Standing next to the entrance to the tent with its back to you is a manaquin, laying a string of fake hotdogs on a shiny red BBQ grill.
You pause, just for a moment, to admire the rugged, outdoorsey outfit and think to yourself, "Self, we need to get some appropriate clothes if we're going to be stuck in a survival story!"
With that in mind, you look around at the many types of clothes available to you and begin making a mental checklist.
Then you come to your senses and remember what you were doing! You remind yourself not to distract yourself again until this whole crazy business is over!
That's when the zombie in the nice clothes, with a name tag that says "Carl," drops the intestines he was eating and grabs you!
You struggle and kick, but you can't get away as Carl [[sinks his teeth into your flesh!|Zombified]]As the monstrous zombie tears the meat from your bones, you feel a strange, numbing sensation. After a couple more bites, you don't really mind it so much.
Soon, you push away from it with a strength you didn't know you had.
"Ngaaahhh!" you yell, right in its face.
"Gwaaaarrawr!" it says right back to you.
"Grmmnnrr?" you enquire.
"MMMnnnhhhhhh..." it replies, and just stands there, staring.
Your vision clouds and you can think of nothing but meat. Rare meat. Like, //really// rare meat. And brains. Braaaaiiiinnnssss!
[[With the last of your human perception, you notice a coppery taste in your mouth and feel a tingling sensation.|Subsequent Start]]Slowly, you creep into the building. In front of you is a reception desk with a pudgy headless body sitting in front of a dark computer console. The tie looks like it was red to begin with, but the white shirt is clearly never coming clean. The nametag says "Ted," which matches the blood-stained keycard in the lanyard in front of him.
Behind Ted there are two doors labeled "Research & Development," and "Testing." You liberate Ted's keycard and wipe the blood on the last unstained portion of his shirt while you contemplate your next move.
1) [[Well, YOU wanted answers. Check out the R&D department.|R&D1]]
2) [[If there's going to be a cure, you need to test it, right? You decide to TEST that theory!|Testing1]]The door opens easily when you swipe Ted's card. You walk into a room that would give Stephen King nighmares (or the giggles, hard to be sure). Your brain insists this is just a laboratory, but while you expected to see bodies, or parts of them, you weren't expecting them to all be neatly presented on a table, clinically clean and sterile-looking. And labeled.
Laid out neatly, you see "Samantha's Liver," "Greg's Spleen," "Justin's Pancreas," "Lamont's Lungs," and "Ted's Head."
You let your gaze stay on the last one for a second, then you slowly look at the photo on the keycard in your hand. Just to be sure they are one and the same, you look back at the perported, "Ted's Head," which promplty opens its eyes and looks at you.
Taking stock of the situation in a cold, logical manner, [[you scream.|Scream1]]You make your way to the door marked, "Testing," and waive Ted's Keycard at the lock. There is a brief buzzing, and the door swings open.
Cautiously, you walk inside and take stock of the testing room. In the far corner, there is a cell built into the corner of the room, housing a zombie in a lab coat. Its back is turned to you and it is reaching through the bars towards a table.
On the table, you see an array of syringes. The four nearest the cell are empty, but there is a fifth resting just out of reach of the zombie, and it has a glowing pink liquid in it, which makes you uneasy.
Suddenly, the zombie seems to realize you are there and it turns around, reaching both hands through the bars at you and screaming.
"Gwwaammmnnnrrrrrr!!!!"
You look at this caged creature and feel it's only fair to return the favor, so you [[scream as well.|Scream2]]AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
[[That's better.|R&D2]]The eyes narrow and fill with hunger, as the face contorts and tries to snap at you. The movement overbalances the crazed cranium, and it falls over, rolling across the table. It tries in vain to take bites out of all the other organs lying there as it slowly careens to the end and falls to the floor with a sickening, yet satisfying //splat//.
You think seriously about screaming again, but you don't want to run out of energy too soon, so you gulp down your fear, and look to see what else in this room may be of use.
Set into the wall on the far side (Ted side) of the table is a monitor that has a blinking green button at the bottom.
[[You step across and press it.|R&D3]]The monitor hums to life and shows a middle-aged woman in a lab coat, speaking into a microphone with a cultured Portugese accent.
"Unfortunately, the Genetic Regression Of Another's Neurology, or G.R.O.A.N. project, has taken another unfortunate turn. Several subjects broke out of the testing facility this morning before we could complete the antidote protocol, and are at large as we speak. Reports indicate that they have spread the condition to the customers at the Giant-Mart next door. Since the incubation period is under two minutes in most cases, we expect this problem to spread throughout the Tri-State Area within a day."
At this point in the video, an assistant comes in, carrying Ted's severed, dripping, and angry head, placing it on the table.
"Doctor Romero, one of them bit Ted. I'm afraid he didn't make it."
You let that last phrase sink in for just a second. No. Ted did not make it.
You look away from the monitor and down at poor Ted's poor head. [[You crouch down to have a word.|R&D4]]"Well, Ted," you say, "there may be a cure in that other room, so I guess you're on your own again."
You feel like this is the time for a clever parting gesture, so you...
1) [[Pat good ol' Ted's Head and say, "Keep your head up, Pal!"|TedBites]]
2) [[Stand up and say, "Next time, you better keep your head in the game, Ted old buddy!"|Testing1]]You overbalance trying to pat the top of his head and jam your hand right into his mouth.
You try to yank your hand back, but Ted clamps down, holding on with the strength of the undead (you guess).
You shake your hand to try to escape, but that just helps him tear the meat from your fingers as you scream and run in circles. A moment passes, and you feel a strange numbness. As Ted chews a bit more, you don't really mind it so much.
Soon, you shove his head away with a strength you didn't know you had. Ted's head rolls across the table and stops near the edge, facing you.
"Ngaaahhh!" you yell, right in its face.
"Gwaaaarrawr!" he seems to mouth right back to you.
"Grmmnnrr?" you enquire.
"MMMnnnhhhhhh..." Ted silently replies, and closes his eyes.
Your vision clouds and you can think of nothing but meat. Rare meat. Like, //really// rare meat. And brains. Braaaaiiiinnnssss!
[[With the last of your human perception, you notice a coppery taste in your mouth and feel a tingling sensation.|Subsequent Start]]AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!
(Honestly, this was not as bad as it seemed at first. Embarassed, you cut the scream a little short.)
[[That's better.|Testing2]]With that out of the way, you realize you recognize this particular zombie. You approach to within a safe distance and read the name stitched into the lab coat. "Dr. Georgina Romero - G.R.O.A.N. Director"
She seems to have an almost human quality to her facial expression. Certainly more than any of the other horrifying creatures you've encountered so far.
Watching closely, you see that her eyes keep darting from you to the glowing syringe and back. Almost as if she's trying to tell you something!
You can only think of two reasons for her to do that. Either she wants you to inject her with that shot, or to inject yourself. Thinking quickly, you realize what she must mean.
1) [[She's a doctor, so she clearly wants to save you. You grab the syringe and inject yourself immediately.|Testing2.1]]
2) [[No other zombie has acted like this. She must need that shot to revert back to human form! You give her the shot|Testing2.2]]You very carefully grab the syringe from the table and look at the needle. It is very, very scary-looking.
You look one last time at the Zombie Doctor, then raise the syringe to your neck. The zombie goes crazy and beats her face and hands against the bars, Screaming her head off.
"GRRAAWWWNNNDDT! GRRAAWWWNNNDDT!"
"Yeah, thanks," you say. "I'm just sorry you couldn't have made it too."
You give it a minute or two to kick in, but you don't feel anything. Then you realize, why would you feel anything? Immunity doesn't have a feeling!
Zombie Dr. Romero is going completely nuts in the corner, clearly in celebration of your good fortune. You go over to thank her, and she is reaching for you in probable jubilation, so you step in a bit for a quick hug before you go.
The former doctor grabs your arm with tremendous strength! You try to struggle, but this thing is too strong for you. She drags you close and manages to clamp down on your shoulder with her teeth.
[[You begin to think that syringe was really meant for her after all.|Zombified]]You grab the syringe, careful to stay way clear of Zombie Dr. Romero. She reaches for you, but not with the meanace you have come to expect from Humanus-Zombicus.
Taking a deep breath, you reach in and jab her in the neck, plunging the glowing liquid into her as fast as possible. She half-heartedly nips at you, but her heart isn't in it and she misses cleanly.
You step back and wait, watching for anything to happen. About twenty seconds pass with no change when suddenly her eyes go wide, she rears back, and projectile-vomits the most noxious, disgusting black sludge you've seen since the last time you had gas-station coffee. Like, a LOT of it.
You feel a bit green at the gills yourself, and your stomach is considering adding to the mess when, weakly, you hear a clipped, Portugese accent.
"What day is it?" she asks (exactly the thing you would have expected a newly-recovored zombie to ask). In awe, you tell her the answer and [[wait for her reply.|Testing2.3]]"Oh my goodness!" The now fully-human Dr. Romero says. "The creatures must have covered the entire Tri-Stae Area by now! Get me out of here!"
You think about how she was a horrifying, flesh-eating, nightmare just a few moments ago, but recognizing a convenient, sciency plot contrivance when you see one, you simply take Ted's keycard and open the cage.
"Thank you," she says. "Now quickly, you must have the vaccine before another creature comes in here. I have not synthesized any more of the antidote yet."
She looks around and sees, under the table, a small case with a sophisticated-looking injection gun loaded with a glowing green liquid. Without waiting for permission, she injects you with it and then grabs both of your shoulders, turning you towards her.
"Now we have a chance. A chance to save the world! Thank you!"
You smile. Then you start feeling very warm and your hair stands up just a bit. [[You notice a coppery taste in your mouth and feel a pleasant, tingling sensation.|Subsequent Start]]