regardless, i love you

you don't want to confront the thoughts yet. linger on the [[flavor|mouth]] for a little while longer. --- =><= you stroke your chin, lost in thought. would you look more like a (text-style: "blurrier")[fkdjls] if this part of you were different? angular? fuzzy? do you want to look more like a (text-style: "blurrier")[kdfkjs]? do you want to give up the soft curves that make you a (text-style: "blurrier")[dkjfsj]? does it make you a (text-style: "blurrier")[kdfska] at all? can you have soft curves and just accept that you're a (text-style: "blurrier")[jfkdsjffs]? would they accept you if you were a (text-style: "blurrier")[fjkdlsjfklja]? ==> --- it's getting difficult to [[breathe.|neck]]

the thoughts won't end; you can't escape [[yet|chin]]. --- =><= linings of gold and silver. traces of jewels and glittering beads. whispering sweet nothings while wrapping their fingers around you suffocating, gently. is it okay to enjoy it? ==> --- (align: "<==")[lean on [[her|left shoulder]].] (align: "==>")[lean on [[him|right shoulder]].]

thin and frail, so brittle you're scared to hold her. but when you rest your head on hers you feel like the world just might be (text-style: "smear")[worth living in.] go [[down|left arm]], down the rabbit hole.

==> wide and firm, so strong you want to bury yourself in it. but when you rest your head on his, you feel a pang of (text-style: "fade-in-out")[guilt] twisting beautifully with the pure taste of (text-style: "smear")[happiness]. deeper and [[deeper|right arm]] you fall.

inhale. exhale. inhale. [[exhale.|nose]] --- =><= it tastes like him. it's not fruity, like you expected but surprisingly soft. you used to wish it tasted like her but life took you down another path. it's... not a bad path but it confuses you. for so long, the path went forward then turned left and now right. (text-style: "emboss")[*"why can't you make up your mind?"*] why do i have to? ==> --- [[ponder.|chin]]

thoughts, questions, [[answers|forehead]]? --- <== a field of flowers =><======== lavender. <== a picnic =><======== peaches. <== her scent. =><======== (text-style: "blur") [ your scent? ] <== [[her|left cheek]]. ==> camping outdoors ========><= firewood. ==> walks along the beach ========><= ocean. ==> his scent. ========><= (text-style: "blurrier") [ your scent? ] ==> [[him|right cheek]]. --- ==> the [[taste|mouth]] lingers on your tongue.

it's rosy and soft. her skin's always been soft. you reach out to it, but it's cold. pretty and cold, like a doll. [[look, don't touch.|left eye]] --- ==> or maybe you aren't ready yet. it's ok, close your eyes. there are other senses [[too.|nose]]

==> (text-style: "smear")[warmth.] his hand gently cups your cheek as he lays next to you. it's warm. his nails are chewed to the core and calloused in various places but it's (text-style: "smear")[warm]. [[look up.|right eye]] --- <== or maybe you aren't ready yet. it's ok, close your eyes. there are other senses [[too.|nose]]

(set: $girleyes to 'true') you look at her. soft. beautiful. everything you dreamed of. { (if: $boyeyes is 'true') [it feels right. and wrong. you wanted this, didn't you? but his eyes... eyes that met yours. what do you really want? [[listen.|left ear]]] (else:) [your eyes shyly meet hers. (text-style: "blink")[spark.] (text-style: "fade-in-out")[fizz.] they look through you, but not at you. a meaning different from yours. don't cry. [[listen.|left ear]]]} --- ==> or cast blankets over your vision and [[return to pillowy hills.|left cheek]]

(set: $boyeyes to 'true') ==> you look at him. angular, you note. rougher. { (if: $girleyes is 'true') [his eyes look straight through you in a way hers never would. you dart your eyes away but a (text-style: "smear")[warmth] glows in your chest. breathe. relax. [[listen.|right ear]]] (else:) [his eyes captivate you. they pull you in, tearing you from the shell you thought was your own. is this betrayal? (text-style: "blur")[confusion?] (text-style: "blurrier")[love?] be quiet. just [[listen.|right ear]]] } --- <== or cast blankets over your vision and [[return to pillowy hills.|right cheek]]

thoughts dripping [[venom|hair]], poisoning your mind. --- =><= who are you? nobody? (text-style:"blur")[some body?] (text-style:"blurrier")[body?] what body? do you have a (text-style:"rumble")[xxx] or a (text-style:"shudder")[yyy]? does it matter to you? (align: "<==")[where do] (align: "=><=")["you"] (align: "==>")[belong?] ==> --- don't think anymore. [[return|nose]] to your feral senses.

snakes trail down like waterfalls, black, then brown. (mouseover: "snakes trail down like waterfalls, black, then brown.")[sometimes you wish they'd drown you] (mouseover: "sometimes you wish they'd drown you") [wrapping around your neck, protecting you.] ==> (mouseover: "wrapping around your neck, protecting you.") [sometimes you wish they'd disappear --] (mouseover: "sometimes you wish they'd disappear --") [vulnerable but free.] =><= (text-style: "emboss")["why do you want to get rid of your snakes? they're so beautiful. you're a (text-style:"blurrier")[ghfdj] so you should have long snakes."] <== a (text-style:"blurrier")[fjdks] ? is that what you are..? --- ==> slither [[down|forehead]] to your roots.

heart beating. spiraling alone. =><= (text-style: "rumble")[thump.] ==> confusion. =><= (text-style: "rumble")[thump.] <== acceptance. =><= (text-style: "rumble")[[[thump|left eye]]].

==> hearts beating melding into one. =><= (text-style: "rumble")[thump.] <== guilt. =><= (text-style: "rumble")[thump.] ==> acceptance. =><= (text-style: "rumble")[[[thump|right eye]]].

innocent children, locked together written promises, doodled memories [[held|left hand]] close to your heart.

==> young adults, snoring softly quiet secrets, protected sobs [[held|right hand]] close to your heart.

=><= There are still many uncertainties that await you. You've been through so much, but each experience has made you stronger. Wiser. You learned more about yourself each time; it's okay if you still don't know everything yet. That time will come. There's no need to rush. You're doing wonderfully. I am so (text-style: "smear")[proud] of how far you've come. Even if you feel like the world is crashing down on you, [[never forget that|end]]

=><= (text-style: "blurrier")[ a sideways eye lOOking back at yOu .blOOd. staring at yOur sOul .a head emerges. questiOning whO yOu are .breathing life. whO are yOu???] <== (text-style: "blurrier")[ does it matter to [[her|left thigh]]? ] ==> (text-style: "blurrier")[ does it matter to [[him|right thigh]]? ]

cartoon characters, laughter. the feeling of her soft skin as you rest your head on her lap. a lazy weekend, together. (text-style: "shadow")[friends being friends.] wishing for [[more|left calf]].

==> playful shouting, rolling over. the feeling of your body perfect cupped into his. a vibrant weekend, together. (text-style: "smear")[lovers in hand.] wishing for [[more|right calf]].

out of breath, (text-style: "shudder")[staggering] for last place. running a race you were destined to (text-style: "shadow")[lose]. quickly, give up, give up! she reaches her hand out to yours cheering for you from the finish line. you reach out for her hand but in that moment your legs gave up and with it, (text-style: "shadow")[her]. you were running a race you were destined to lose. and holding a hand you were never meant to hold. [[get up|left foot]].

==> puffs of cold air, late night breeze. walking under the star light. slowly, step, step, step. his hand is holding yours washing away your every insecurity. and in that moment, you could see nothing but the blurred figure of (text-style: "smear")[him.] you were walking under the star light. and holding a hand you thought you couldn't hold. take another [[step|right foot]].

like a baby, (text-style: "shudder")[wobbling] around you get up and learn to walk again. standing on your own is not so lonely and one day, (text-style: "smear")[someone will surely stand by your side.] [[walk tall|left calf 2]]

==> like a child, your shoes are much smaller than his. a sign of how much you've yet to experience, how much you get to grow. standing on your own was not so lonely but today,0 (text-style: "smear")[there's someone standing by your side.] [[walk tall|right calf 2]]

You used to lock arms with her all the time. She didn't know it at the time, but those moments meant a lot to you. And you chose to ignore it at the time, but (text-style: "smear")[you loved her]. Years go by, you confess, you get rejected, and life goes on. You fell in love again, but this time with a man, and it confused you. You thought she was your world, but the world is so **big** and you are so (text-style: "subscript")[*small.*] (text-style: "outline")[You etch a flower on your arm and engrave memories of your youth beside it.] It's time to move [[on|left shoulder 2]].

(set: $girlarm to 'true') With or without a shoulder to rest on, with or without answers to your sorrows, the world is worth living in. =><= **The world is worth living in. You are worth living in this world. You are worth more than you could ever imagine.** ==> { (if: $boyarm is 'true') [ Don't ever forget [[that|neck 2]]. ] (else:) [ Even if you are still [[searching|right shoulder]]. ] }

There is more to think about. [[Reflect.|chin]] --- =><= You stare into the mirror, and sparkling jewels stare back at you. You're adorned in jewelry, and it makes you feel (text-style: "smear")[pretty]. Presenting entirely feminine makes you uncomfortable because there is so much more to you than just "female," but it makes you feel (text-style: "smear")[pretty]. And there isn't anything wrong with wanting to feel good in your own [[body|breasts]].

==> You rest your head on his arm and softly gaze into his eyes. =><= *"You know, I really love you. But I also really like women." "Well, that's just one more thing we have in common then, isn't it?"* ==> And that was that. No more (text-style: "expand")[questions]. If it was so easy for him to accept it, why has it been so difficult for you to accept yourself? You close your eyes and feel yourself drifting away. He wraps his arms around you, and you feel like you can finally begin to [[relax|right shoulder 2]].

(set: $boyarm to 'true') ==> You had fallen in love so hard with women that you didn't think it was possible to fall in love with a man. But, of course, the world works in mysterious ways, and you find yourself in an unexpected relationship. And it's not a bad thing. You feel guilt for betraying what you labeled yourself as. But labels aren't physical chains binding you to a prison cell; you are (text-style: "smear")[free]. =><= **Do not be afraid of fluidity. Do not be afraid to figure out who you are. You are perfect.** <== { (if: $girlarm is 'true') [ Don't ever forget [[that|neck 2]]. ] (else:) [ Even if you are still [[searching|left shoulder]]. ] }

You always had a weak heart. Your lungs feel like they would (text-style: "rumble")[burst] at any moment if you pushed them too hard. Running, for you, was an impossible dream. Yet, as it goes, you continue to run a race you could never hope to win. And the whole time, she would cheer you on from the sidelines, despite how tired she was too. You remember the fleeting comfort you felt running by her side, moments before she would pass you up. Now you run on different tracks, going different directions, chasing different things. But she still remains by your side, cheering you on. And you continue to do the same for her. Friendship is [[beautiful|left thigh 2]].

(set: $girlleg to 'true') On weekends, she'd often stay over at your house and you'd watch shows together. It was fun, sharing your interests with each other and commenting on silly things that happen to the characters. Now that you live far apart, these weekends are spent with other people, doing other things. But when you go back home and she tells you about a new show she's into, it feels like you never left. (text-style: "smear")[Just friends being friends.] { (if: $boyleg is 'true') [ And it's wonderfully [[bright|private 2]]. ] (else:) [Walking on separate [[paths|right thigh]]. ] }

==> You often go on walks together late at night, when the cool breeze can brush over you and his warm hands can keep you safe. The night sky is lovely, and knowing someone is there to see it with you is even lovelier. After so many rejections, chasing after girls (text-style: "expand")[beyond] your reach, you never imagined you could feel so (text-style: "smear")[happy] with his hand in yours. Love is [[beautiful|right thigh 2]]

==> (set: $boyleg to 'true') Whenever you're playing games together, you like to sit on his lap and feel his arms wrap around you. Playfully shuffling around, screaming as you compete for first place. Just enjoying being together. { (if: $girlleg is 'true') [ Hoping you could stay like this [[forever|private 2]]. ] (else:) [ Thinking about the [[past|left thigh]]. ] }

=><= It doesn't matter what goes here. Whether it was there to begin with or something you choose to change to, **you are still you**. And people who truly love you will continue to love you no matter what. [[Ascend.|breasts]]

the first one. the first to have accepted you and the (text-style: "shudder")[monsters] you locked away. slowly, she melted the ice and warmed your heart until you were certain (text-style: "smear")[you were made to love her.] but slowly, life changes and you're left wondering for what purpose were you made for again? hand in hand, step by step, let's find ourselves [[again|left arm 2]].

==> the last one. the last to have held you so deeply to breathe (text-style: "smear")[life] into you again. quickly, he lit up the flames that had been long since silenced until you were certain (text-style: "blur")[certain] certain that you were made. and slowly, life changes and you're left wondering for what purpose were you made for again? hand in hand, step by step, let's find ourselves [[again|right arm 2]].

{ (if: $girlarm is 'true' and $boyarm is 'true') [ you want to remain in that blissful state once more. take your time, [[enjoy|neck 2]]. ] (else:) [ you're not ready to delve deeper yet. it's alright, turn [[back|neck]]. ]} --- =><= { (if: $boyeyes is 'true' and $girleyes is 'true' and $boyarm is 'true' and $girlarm is 'true' and $boyleg is 'true' and $girlleg is 'true') [You've been through a lot. There were many ups and downs, but you survived. There's one final part to explore now; don't be shy. You can do it. I believe in [[you|heart]].] (elseif: $boyeyes is not 'true' or $girleyes is not 'true') [there is more to see here, but perhaps for another time. you aren't ready [[yet|nose]].] (elseif: $boyarm is not 'true' or $girlarm is not 'true') [there is more to see here, but perhaps for another time. you aren't ready [[yet|neck]].] (else:) [there is more to see here, but perhaps for another time. you aren't ready [[yet|private]].] }

[hello.] (mouseover: "hello.") [i hope you are doing well.] (mouseover: "i hope you are doing well.") [you are about to be faced with a lot of choices.] (mouseover: "you are about to be faced with a lot of choices.") [sometimes it can be scary to not know where you're going.] (mouseover: "sometimes it can be scary to not know where you're going.") [do not be afraid.] (mouseover: "do not be afraid.") [you are safe here.] (mouseover: "you are safe here.") [you can always go back if you need to.] (mouseover: "you can always go back if you need to.") [and when you are ready,] (mouseover: "and when you are ready,") [we can [[begin|nose]].]

=><= [[regardless, i love you.|nose]] by holly cheng.