=><=
[[**I Have Loved the
Stars Too Fondly**|directions]]
It's late when you wake up. It's always late when you wake up. Sleeping through the night is a thing so long in your past that it's blurred together with memories of your mother's face, things from days long forgotten.
You roll over and get up, bare feet hitting the floor with a quiet //thump//. You stand and go over to the window, pulling back the curtain with one wrinkled hand. Through the glass you see (set: $location to "a few cars on the street outside your building.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["a few cars on the street outside your building.", "your quiet yard illuminated by the streetlight.", "the dark fields, grass like rolling waves in the soft wind."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$location");'>$location</tw-link>
[[Next.|location]]
Of course, the city. Where else could you have gone? After your retirement, you moved to this fabled "urban jungle." Here, the press of life around you is never still, never quiet, and it fills your days with familiar motion and noise. You'd visited a friend in countryside shortly after you got back to Earth and you hadn't been able to sleep for the silence. You lived so long with the hum of the engines, the soft sounds of the doors, and the lives of the crew that you need the sounds of the city to sleep. Not that you do much of that anyway.
You rest your head on the glass, looking out at the street. Even this late, life continues to move. A car passes every few minutes and you think you can make out a cat prowling along the opposite sidewalk. There are still a few lit windows in the building across from you and occasionally a dark figure moves across one. You crane your neck, but you cannot bring the sky into your field of vision. Perhaps it's better this way.
[[Next.|page3u]]
Of course, the suburbs. Where else could you have gone? You moved to this bright, pleasant neighborhood after you retired to Earth. Here, it is quiet yet alive and you like knowing that lives are growing around you. It's relaxing, but not lonely. You mow the lawn and wave to your neighbors. It's quiet at night, but you've grown used to it, even after all those years sleeping to the hum of engines. You can sleep without those sounds now, for the most part.
You rest your head on the glass, looking out at the street. This late, everything is still and quiet. The world seems motionless and the view might as well be a photograph. It's strange to not be moving. You crane your neck and can see a few stars and a sliver of moon hung above the garage across the cul-de-sac .
[[Next.|page3s]]
Of course, the country. Where else could you have gone? You came to this secluded ranch after your retirement to Earth. It's quiet and restful and, on a clear night, the stars blanket the sky from horizon to horizon. The cicadas and peepers might not sound like an engine, but their songs have become almost as familiar to you since you retired. You can walk in solitude here and think about the world, think about all you've seen, so far away now. Sometimes you feel that you think more than sleep these days.
You rest your head on the glass, looking out at the dark fields. The wind moves quietly across the land like a silent beast through dark waters. You don't have to crane your neck to see the sky through the window; it stretches as far as you can see, stars shining across it like a handful of dropped jewels. So close and yet so far away.
[[Next.|page3c]]
You turn away from the window, better not to try to look up. There are other directions, after all. You walk slowly through your house, bones aching through each shuffling step. When did you become like this, stiff and sore and tired, always so tired? You weren't always like this. Once, you were young and exuberant and glowing bright as any star. Once, you were a cadet fresh off the boat, so to speak, not knowing what the future might hold. Now you've lived that future and it is all your past.
What is left when the future has turned into the past? Another walk around the block? A trip down to the shopping center? How did it all come down to this?
You sit in your living room with your back to the window and remember when you (set: $job to "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.", "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.", "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$job");'>$job</tw-link>
[[Next.|Job]]
You turn away from the window, better not to try to look up. There are other directions, after all. You walk slowly through your apartment, bones aching through each shuffling step. When did you become like this, stiff and sore and tired, always so tired? You weren't always like this. Once, you were young and exuberant and glowing bright as any star. Once, you were a cadet fresh off the boat, so to speak, not knowing what the future might hold. Now you've lived that future and it is all your past.
What is left when the future has turned into the past? Another walk down to the park? A slow trip to the corner store? How did it all come down to this?
You sit in your living room with your back to the window and remember when you (set: $job to "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.", "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.", "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$job");'>$job</tw-link>
[[Next.|Job]]
You turn away from the window, better not to look up. There are other directions, after all. You walk slowly through your house, bones aching through each shuffling step. When did you become like this, stiff and sore and tired, always so tired? You weren't always like this. Once, you were young and exuberant and glowing bright as any star. Once, you were a cadet fresh off the boat, so to speak, not knowing what the future might hold. Now you've lived that future and it is all your past.
What is left when the future has turned into the past? Another walk across the field? A trip down to the farm store? How did it all come down to this?
You sit in your living room with your back to the windows and remember when you (set: $job to "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.", "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.", "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$job");'>$job</tw-link>
[[Next.|Job]]
Your friend, of course. Of course. The best friend you ever had, that anyone could ever have, you imagine.
Hours spent in your cabin or (set: $gender to "hers")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["hers", "his", "theirs"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$gender");'>$gender</tw-link>, talking into the early hours of the morning. You should have been resting, needing your peek capabilities to (if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "pilot the ship")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.")[(print: "maintain security")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "maintain the engines")](else:)[Unknown item.], but how could you not steal those hours? Here and there, whenever your off-duty time lined up, you would talk and laugh, share stories and trials and all the feelings of life. Eating and gaming. Studying and making new friends. Strolling down endless corridors, heads together or simply gazing out the viewing observation window at the vast expanse of //everything// as you sailed past it, the great ship bearing you off to places unknown, worlds unexplored, stars uncharted.
That life was everything to you, but sharing it with another made it all the sweeter.
Your friend, your best friend...
[[Next.|locationsplit1]]
Your lover, of course. Of course. A friend as well, the best friend you'd ever known. But your lover.
Hours spent in your cabin or (set: $gender to "hers")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["hers", "his", "theirs"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$gender");'>$gender</tw-link>, stealing passion from sleep. You should have been resting, needing your peek capabilities to (if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "pilot the ship")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.")[(print: "maintain security")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "maintain the engines")](else:)[Unknown item.], but how could you not steal those hours? Here and there, whenever your off-duty time lined up, you would talk and laugh and touch and love. Eating and gaming. Studying and making friends. Strolling down endless corridors, heads together or simply gazing out the observation deck window at the vast expanse of //everything// as you sailed past it, the great ship bearing you off to places unknown, worlds unexplored, stars uncharted.
That life was everything to you, but sharing it with another made it all the sweeter.
Your love, your perfect love...
[[Next.|locationsplit1]]
**I Have Loved the Stars Too Fondly**
A narrative refelction
Inspired by Gene Roddenberry's //Star Trek//.
Made for Sophie Houlden's itch.io //Star Trek// Jam, June 2016.
Thanks to furkleindustries.com for the cycling links code.
[[Again?|begin]]
(if: $location is "a few cars on the street outside your building.")[(display: "city")](else-if: $location is "your quiet yard illuminated by the streetlight.")[(display: "suburbs")](else-if: $location is "the dark fields, grass like rolling waves in the soft wind.")[(display: "country")](else:)[Unknown item.]
(if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "A pilot, of course. How could you have been unsure? Even now, sitting by the coffee table with the stars at your back, you can close your eyes and see the controls laid out before you. You reach out and can almost feel them. Almost. The sounds outside are not the engine. ")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.")[(print: "A security officer, of course. How could you have been unsure? Even now, sitting by the coffee table with the stars are you back, you can feel the old power in your muscles, ready to fight off any danger that might have threatened your fellow crew memebers. Your fingers flick to your hip and can almost feel your phaser there. Almost. You're not as strong as you once were.")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "An engineer, of course. How could you have been unsure? Even now, sitting by the coffee table with the stars at your back, you can close your eyes and see engine humming in front of you, the sound echoing softy in your chest. You can almost feel the vibrations in your bones. Almost. The sounds outside are not the engine.")](else:)[Unknown item.]
You sigh and lean back, eyes open again, but seeing very little. There is so much life around you and yet you see so little. You remember that day, the day you lost your (set: $companion to "friend.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["friend.", "lover."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$companion");'>$companion</tw-link>
[[Next.->companionC]]
(if: $companion is "friend.")[(display: "friend")](else-if: $companion is "lover.")[(display: "lover")](else:)[Unknown item.]
You blink and see before you only the wall of your apartment, hear only the sounds of the city outside your building. How long have you been remembering? How long have you been crying? It's been so many years since you last saw (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face. That day was long before you finally retired, reluctantly settled back to Earth. Still, the memory burns in your mind, a fire that will not go out, a star in supernova that will not die. Your eyes slip closed again and you see (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] standing before you.
You look down at your hands, (if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "gold")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.")[(print: "red")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "red")](else:)[Unknown item.] cuffs rumpled after your long shift. You don't know why you're anxious. Not yet, anyway. You'll know soon enough.
[[Next.|leaving]]
Gender of companion:
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.]
Job:
(if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "pilot")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skys.")[(print: "security")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "enginer")](else:)[Unknown item.]
Cycling:
(set: $NAME to "FIRST")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["FIRST", "SECOND", "THIRD"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$NAME");'>$NAME</tw-link>
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She smiles")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He smiles")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They smile")](else:)[Unknown item.] at you.
"What is it?" (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she asks")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he asks")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they ask")](else:)[Unknown item.], head tilted slightly. "Something wrong?"
"Nothing," you say, shrugging. "I just (set: $responce1 to "miss you when you go")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["miss you when you go", "have a bad feeling", "need some sleep"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$responce1");'>$responce1</tw-link>."
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She nods")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He nods")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They nod")](else:)[Unknown item.] like there's some great meaning in your words. (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She always makes")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He always makes")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They always make")](else:)[Unknown item.] you feel like that, like your words really matter, like you've really been heard. You don't think anyone's ever //heard// you the way (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she does")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he does")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they do")](else:)[Unknown item.].
[[Next.|leavingrealtionsplit]]
"(if: $responce1 is "miss you when you go")[(print: "I miss you too. Every time. But I'll be back soon. It's just a quick look around the plant's surface.")](else-if: $responce1 is "have a bad feeling")[(print: "Don't worry. It's just a quick look around the plant's surface. I've done this a million times.")](else-if: $responce1 is "need some sleep")[(print: "You're off duty. Get out of here and go to bed, silly.")](else:)[Unknown item.]"
You nod, hoping you seem to //hear// (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] in the same way, but you know you're distracted. You're tried and you're stressed and there is something nagging at the back of your mind, a bad feeling.
"I gotta go." (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She jerks her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He jerks his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They jerk their")](else:)[Unknown item.] head towards the transporter room door. The rest of the away team will already be assembled inside.
"Stay safe," you say.
"Of course."
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She turns")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He turns")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They turn")](else:)[Unknown item.] towards the door and you are gripped by the sudden impulse to grab (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] wrist and pull (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] in for a last kiss. Your fingers twitch out, but you see movement out of the corner of your eye. The chief science officer, a cool, distant woman is walking down the corridor towards you. (set: $leaving to "You reach out anyway, regardless of who sees.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You reach out anyway, regardless of who sees.", "You murmur a soft goodbye, hiding passion behind quiet words.", "You step back out of the way of the officer."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$leaving");'>$leaving</tw-link>
[[Next.->leaving3lover]]
(if: $leaving is "You reach out anyway, regardless of who sees.")[(display: "stop")](else-if: $leaving is "You murmur a soft goodbye, hiding passion behind quiet words.")[(display: "words")](else-if: $leaving is "You step back out of the way of the officer.")[(display: "regret")](else:)[Unknown item.]
Of course you did nothing. Of course. No matter how many times you imagine it differently, the memory never changes.
You step quickly and quietly out of the officer's way, offering a barely acknowledged salute as she passes you. By the time you drop it, your lover is gone, having slipped through the transporter room doors while you weren't watching. You know it's just a simple away mission to a class M planet, no more than a few hours of scanning and charting, and yet. And yet.
You turn away and hurry off towards your quarters, not wanting to stay where (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she isn't")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he isn't")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they aren't")](else:)[Unknown item.].
[[Next.|lose]]
Of course you said something. Of course you did.
"Take care of yourself," you say quietly, hoping that (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] will hear the weight in your words, understand all that you cannot say as the officer moves closer.
"I always do," (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she replies")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he replies")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they reply")](else:)[Unknown item.], stepping towards the transporter room door. It's just a simple away mission to a class M planet, no more than a few hours of scanning and charting, and yet. And yet.
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She steps")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He steps")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They step")](else:)[Unknown item.] through the door and out of your sight. You turn away just as the chief science officer reaches you and hurry off towards your quarters.
[[Next.|lose]]
Of course you stopped (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. Of course. How could you not have?
You stepped forward quickly, fingers closing gently on (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] wrist, halting movement, freezing a single moment in time.
"What?" (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she asks")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he asks")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they ask")](else:)[Unknown item.].
You open your mouth, not sure what to say or why you felt the need to stop (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. It's just a simple away mission to a class M planet, no more than a few hours of scanning and charting, and yet. And yet.
The chief science officer clears her throat behind you. You have only moments.
"Just be careful," you say quietly, squeezing (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] fingers tightly, trying to communicate all you're feeling in that one gesture.
"I'm always careful."
"I know."
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She pulls her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He pulls his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They pull their")](else:)[Unknown item.] hand away from yours and go through the doors into the transporter room. You turn away and hurry off towards your quarters.
[[Next.|lose]]
You lie down, but you cannot sleep. Something is //wrong// in a way that you cannot identify. You stare at the ceiling, trying to will yourself into a doze. (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They")](else:)[Unknown item.] would want you to get some rest. There's nothing wrong. You're being silly. And yet.
Eventually, you give up and decide to go to the observation deck, hoping for some mindless distraction.
[[Next.|Observation]]
The observation deck is mostly empty when you get there. A few other off-duty crew members are seated at the far end of the room, talking quietly among themselves. You lean on the rail and look out at the universe. There is so much around you, so much expanding and stretching in every direction. There is everything. And there is the planet, far below and yet so much closer than anything else you can see. You are struck at how much it looks like Earth and you feel (set: $planet to "homesick for the place you grew up")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["homesick for the place you grew up", "glad to be so far from home", "bittersweet about the distance"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$planet");'>$planet</tw-link>. Your (if: $companion is "friend.")[(print: "friend")](else-if: $companion is "lover.")[(print: "lover")](else:)[Unknown item] is down there somewhere with the rest of the away team. You wonder what (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she is")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he is")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they are")](else:)[Unknown item.] doing and imagine (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] looking up at the sky and thinking of you. Of course, (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] could be on the far side of the planet, but who's to say you aren't looking at one another?
[[Next.|Observation2]]
You take a seat with a good view of the planet. You stare down at it, still thinking of Earth, of home. (if: $planet is "homesick for the place you grew up")[(print: "You can't help but miss your homeworld. It's been years since you were last there, but it's forever in your heart. You've seen countless wonderful places now and yet you will always think of your planet as beautiful. You love it when you have the rare opportunity to describe it to someone who has never been or who's only seen a small portion of it. It's odd to see Earth, your home and mother, reflected in a strange world below you.")](else-if: $planet is "glad to be so far from home")[(print: "You can't say that you miss it too much. It's been years since you were last there and your thoughts rarely stray to your homeworld anymore. There's nothing wrong with it, per say, but it is nothing more than the place you were born. You were always looking at the stars when you were there and once you reached them, you never looked back. You do not regret this - cannot regret this. Earth is just a planet and there are countless more for you out here.")](else-if: $planet is "bittersweet about the distance")[(print: "You think of where you grew up now and then, but know it's better not to think on it too much. You left behind friends and family, gave up not just your hometown but your home//world// in exchange for the stars. You believe it's a fair trade, more than fair. You have to believe this to keep going, and you do. Mostly. But the planet below you looks so achingly familiar even though you've never seen it before.")](else:)[Unknown item.] You fall into a strange revery thinking of home and of the stars and of everything in between.
You don't realize you've fallen asleep until a voice jerks you awake.
[[Next.|news]]
You look up at the sound of your name and see your superior officer standing beside your seat. You scramble to your feet and give a quick salute, suddenly very aware of the wrinkles in your (if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "gold")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.")[(print: "red")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "red")](else:)[Unknown item.] uniform.
"There's something you need to know."
You frown, wondering if you missed some context in your groggy state. The strange tension that held you when (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] left begins to tighten its hold on you again and feel yourself starting to go pale.
"Sir?" Surely it's nothing. Surely.
Your superior officer looks around, as if unwilling to speak in public, but there is no one near enough to justify further delay.
"It's about the away team."
"Are they delayed," you ask because it can't be anything else. It can't be. He knows you well, your superior officer, knows the things you would need to know. And he's kind. Surely this is just some small thing, some slight delay that he's telling you so you won't worry.
"In a way. Please, sit down."
[[Next.|news2]]
You don't remember hearing him say it.
[[Next.|news3]]
You don't remember anyone ever telling you that (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she is")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he is")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they are")](else:)[Unknown item.] gone. But you know he must have told you. You know it must have been said because the knowledge is rooted deep within your being, gripping your heart like a strangling parasite. You //know// it. But when did you hear it? You cannot remember.
[[Next.|companionsplit2]]
You know it must have been said because, although you do not remember hearing, you remember reacting.
"No." The word (set: $no to "fell quietly from your lips")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["fell quietly from your lips", "burst violently from your mouth", "slipped out, almost a question"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$no");'>$no</tw-link>.
You had just seen (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. Just a few hours ago, (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] had been fine and at your side. How could your whole world have changed in a few hours? (if: $leaving is "You reach out anyway, regardless of who sees.")[(print: "You had touched, exchanged words, a promise to be careful.")](else-if: $leaving is "You murmur a soft goodbye, hiding passion behind quiet words.")[(print: "You had spoken, so recently, warned for safety.")](else-if: $leaving is "You step back out of the way of the officer.")[(print: "And you had stepped away. How could you have stepped away?")](else:)[Unknown item.]
Your love could not be //gone//. A love like that couldn't just vanish. No. No, there had to be some mistake.
[[Next.|news5]]
(if: $no is "fell quietly from your lips")[(display: "news5quiet")](else-if: $no is "burst violently from your mouth")[(display: "news5anger")](else-if: $no is "slipped out, almost a question")[(display: "news5question")](else:)[Unknown item.]
"I'm sorry," he says. Or you think he did. He must have. It's what people say.
"I just saw (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]," you tell him, trying to be reasonable. "(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She was")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He was")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They were")](else:)[Unknown item.] fine, perfectly fine. (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She's")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He's")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They're")](else:)[Unknown item.] still fine. (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She has")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He has")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They have")](else:)[Unknown item.] to be fine. Right?"
"I'm so sorry."
"But it was a simple mission, an easy mission. How could anything have gone wrong?"
You realize that you're crying, shaking and crying, but you don't care - cannot care. This cannot be happening.
[[Next.|locationsplit2]]
"No," you shout again. "No!"
"I'm sorry," he says. Or you think he did. He must have. It's what people say.
"I just saw (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]!" you cry, jumping to your feet. "(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She was")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He was")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They were")](else:)[Unknown item.] fine, perfectly fine. (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She's")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He's")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They're")](else:)[Unknown item.] still fine. (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She's")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He's")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They're")](else:)[Unknown item.] fine!"
"I'm so sorry."
"You're lying! Why are you lying to me?"
"I'm not lying." His voice is calm, almost dead, and it just makes you angrier to be faced with this unshakable calm.
"Yes, you are!"
You realize that you're crying, shaking and crying, but you don't care - cannot care. This cannot be happening.
[[Next.|locationsplit2]]
"No," you whisper again. "No."
"I'm sorry," he says. Or you think he did. He must have. It's what people say.
"I just saw (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]," you plead. "(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She was")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He was")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They were")](else:)[Unknown item.] fine, perfectly fine. (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She's")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He's")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They're")](else:)[Unknown item.] still fine. (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She's")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He's")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They're")](else:)[Unknown item.] fine!"
"I'm so sorry."
You realize that you're crying, shaking and crying, but you don't care - cannot care. This cannot be happening.
[[Next.|locationsplit2]]
You blink away the tears in your eyes and your apartment living room comes back into focus. You are alone and the unseeable stars outside your window are at your back.
You hastily wipe at your eyes. It was so long ago.
You did find out the details in the end, reading them in the clinical report because you could not remember what your commanding officer had told you.
(set: $death to "The franticly aimed phaser blast missing the alien carnivore.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["The franticly aimed phaser blast missing the alien carnivore.", "The alien flora unexpectedly proving to be violent alien fauna.", "The rocks suddenly giving away beneath exploring feet.", "The unexpected gases in the atmosphere reacting with alien anatomy."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$death");'>$death</tw-link> (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "Her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "His")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "Their")](else:)[Unknown item.] companions' descriptions of their attempts to save (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. Everything in terrible detail.
You hadn't been there when they'd beamed (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] body back, but you'd been allowed to visit at the med bay. You'd stood, trembling, outside the door for minutes on end before approaching footsteps had compelled you inside.
[[Next.|visit]]
(if: $sheet is "You grip the sheet and carefully pull it back.")[(display: "liftsheet")](else-if: $sheet is "You hand hovers over the sheet, but you cannot bring yourself to lift it.")[(display: "nosheet")](else:)[Unknown item.]
(if: $death is "The franticly aimed phaser blast missing the alien carnivore.")[(display: "phaserno")](else-if: $death is "The alien flora unexpectedly proving to be violent alien fauna.")[(display: "plantno")](else-if: $death is "The rocks suddenly giving away beneath exploring feet.")[(display: "rocksno")](else-if: $death is "The unexpected gases in the atmosphere reacting with alien anatomy.")[(display: "gasesno")](else:)[Unknown item.]
(if: $death is "The franticly aimed phaser blast missing the alien carnivore.")[(display: "liftphaser")](else-if: $death is "The alien flora unexpectedly proving to be violent alien fauna.")[(display: "liftplant")](else-if: $death is "The rocks suddenly giving away beneath exploring feet.")[(display: "liftrocks")](else-if: $death is "The unexpected gases in the atmosphere reacting with alien anatomy.")[(display: "liftgases")](else:)[Unknown item.]
The sheet trembles with your hand as you lift it up and away from (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face.
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She looks")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He looks")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They look")](else:)[Unknown item.] peaceful, almost. (set: $eyes to "Brown")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["Brown", "Blue", "Green", "Hazel"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$eyes");'>$eyes</tw-link> eyes closed. Face relaxed. No. Not relaxed. Slack. With only (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face showing, (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] might be asleep. The phaser hit squarely in the chest, you've been informed. No pain. Almost no damage. A slight head-wound, postmortem, when (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] dropped to the alien ground. And yet. (set: $deathreaction to "You cannot resist reaching to touch the slack skin.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You cannot resist reaching to touch the slack skin.", "You cannot bring yourself to touch the slack skin."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$deathreaction");'>$deathreaction</tw-link>
[[Next.|touch]]
The sheet trembles with your hand as you lift it up and away from (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face.
Your stomach roils at the sight. The one side of (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face is... damaged. Damaged beyond recognition. The alien creature that had been mistaken for a plant spit some kind of acid onto (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. It had happened so quickly, you've been told, but you cannot imagine it was painless as you look at the remains of (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "their")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face. The remaining (set: $eyes to "brown")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["brown", "blue", "green", "hazel"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$eyes");'>$eyes</tw-link> eye is closed, but there is no peace to be found there. And yet, one side of (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "their")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face is almost as you remember it, save for the slackness of death. And yet. (set: $deathreaction to "You cannot resist reaching to touch the slack skin.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You cannot resist reaching to touch the slack skin.", "You cannot bring yourself to touch the slack skin."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$deathreaction");'>$deathreaction</tw-link>
[[Next.|touch]]
The sheet trembles with your hand as you lift it up and away from (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face.
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "Her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "His")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "Their")](else:)[Unknown item.] neck snapped in the fall, you've been told, and, if not for the bruising, (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] might look peaceful, almost. (set: $eyes to "Brown")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["Brown", "Blue", "Green", "Hazel"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$eyes");'>$eyes</tw-link> eyes are closed for the last time. A quick death, at least, but you can only imagine the fear. That feeling that grips you for the instant that you cannot find your footing every time you lose your balance, but times a million and going on and on and on until there is //nothing//. You imagine (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] team reaching out, scrambling away from the sudden chasm in the ground, but straining to pull (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] back from the nothing that had opened beneath (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] feet. It took them several hours to retrieve (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] body and you know that under the sheet, (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] body is crushed. And yet. (set: $deathreaction to "You cannot resist reaching to touch the slack skin.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You cannot resist reaching to touch the slack skin.", "You cannot bring yourself to touch the slack skin."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$deathreaction");'>$deathreaction</tw-link>
[[Next.|touch]]
The sheet trembles with your hand as you lift it up and away from (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face.
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She was")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He was")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They were")](else:)[Unknown item.] an alien on that planet and there is always a chance that scans and tests are wrong. There is room for variation in the planet classifications. Maybe (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] death will result in stricter testing requirements. Still, (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she looks")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he looks")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they look")](else:)[Unknown item.] peaceful, almost. (set: $eyes to "Brown")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["Brown", "Blue", "Green", "Hazel"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$eyes");'>$eyes</tw-link> eyes are closed. Familiar face relaxed. No. Not relaxed. Slack. With only (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face showing, (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] might be asleep. But you know that asphyxiation is not a peaceful death. You know that (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "he")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] suffered, struggled. The rest of the team did everything that they could, but it had, you've been told, happened remarkably fast. There was nothing they could have done. And yet. (set: $deathreaction to "You cannot resist reaching to touch the slack skin.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You cannot resist reaching to touch the slack skin.", "You cannot bring yourself to touch the slack skin."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$deathreaction");'>$deathreaction</tw-link>
[[Next.|touch]]
Your shaking fingers brush the edge of the sheet, but you can't lift it, can't stand for your last memory of (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "him")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] to be like this.
But you also can't help imagining.
You were informed that there was.. damage to one side of (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face. Extensive damage. The alien creature that was mistaken for a plant spit some kind of acid onto (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. It happened so quickly, you've been told, but you don't want to see the damage, don't want to have to imagine how (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] died in any more detail than you already can. One (set: $eyes to "brown")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["brown", "blue", "green", "hazel"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$eyes");'>$eyes</tw-link> eye gone and the remaining one...
You take a sharp step back, not wanting to think on it anymore, but unable to imagine ever thinking of anything else again.
[[Next.|locationsplit3]]
Your shaking fingers brush the edge of the sheet, but you can't lift it, can't stand for your last memory of (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "him")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] to be like this.
But you also can't help imagining.
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "Her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "His")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "Their")](else:)[Unknown item.] neck snapped in the fall, you've been told, and you can imagine that (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she looks")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he looks")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they look")](else:)[Unknown item.] peaceful under the sheet, (set: $eyes to "brown")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["brown", "blue", "green", "hazel"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$eyes");'>$eyes</tw-link> eyes closed and face relaxed. You picture (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "him")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] asleep, as you've seen (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "him")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] countless times before. It has to be like that.
And it was a quick death, at least, but you can only imagine the fear. That feeling that grips you for the instant that you cannot find your footing every time you lose your balance, but times a million and going on and on and on until there is //nothing//. You imagine (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] team reaching out, scrambling away from the sudden chasm in the ground, but straining to pull (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] back from the nothing that had opened beneath (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] feet. It took them several hours to retrieve (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] body and you know that under the sheet, (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] body is crushed.
You step back quickly, desperately trying to force the imagines from you mind.
You fail.
[[Next.|locationsplit3]]
Your shaking fingers brush the edge of the sheet, but you can't lift it, can't stand for your last memory of (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "him")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] to be like this.
But you also can't help imagining.
Surely, (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she looks")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he looks")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they look")](else:)[Unknown item.] peaceful, (set: $eyes to "brown")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["brown", "blue", "green", "hazel"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$eyes");'>$eyes</tw-link> eyes closed and face relaxed. You picture (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "him")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] asleep, as you've seen (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "him")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] countless times before. It has to be like that.
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She was")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He was")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They were")](else:)[Unknown item.] an alien on that planet and there is always a chance that scans and tests are wrong. There is room for variation in the planet classifications. Maybe (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] death will result in stricter testing requirements. But you know that asphyxiation is not a peaceful death. You know that (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "he")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] suffered, struggled. The rest of the team did everything that they could, but it had, you've been told, happened remarkably fast. There had been nothing to be done
You step back, not wanting to think on it any longer, though you cannot imagine ever thinking of anything else again.
[[Next.|locationsplit3]]
Your shaking fingers brush the edge of the sheet, but you can't lift it, can't stand for your last memory of (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "him")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] to be like this.
But you also can't help imagining.
Surely, (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she looks")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he looks")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they look")](else:)[Unknown item.] peaceful, (set: $eyes to "brown")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["brown", "blue", "green", "hazel"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$eyes");'>$eyes</tw-link> eyes closed and face relaxed. You picture (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "him")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] asleep, as you've seen (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "him")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] countless times before. It has to be like that.
The phaser hit squarely in the chest, you've been informed. No pain. Almost no damage. A slight head-wound, postmortem, when (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] dropped to the alien ground.
Peaceful. Surely.
You step back, not wanting to think on it any longer, though you cannot imagine ever thinking of anything else again.
[[Next.|locationsplit3]]
You stand up from your chair, trying to shake the terrible images from you mind, and start the slow journey across your apartment and back to your bed. You hope that you can capture a few more hours of sleep before the dawn. Outside your window, the cars roll by and the nose and light slowly increase as the hours creep onwards.
You remember when day and night had become nothing more than words, something you occasionally witnessed from a distance while in orbit. Now they are your reality once again and you are beholden to them. And yet you still cannot sleep through the night. The stars call you deep in your bones.
[[Next.|night2U]]
(if: $deathreaction is "You cannot resist reaching to touch the slack skin.")[(display: "lifttouch")](else-if: $deathreaction is "You cannot bring yourself to touch the slack skin.")[(display: "sleep")](else:)[Unknown item.]
Your fingers brush against (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] skin. It is cold and still and painfully lifeless. You jerk back as if (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] skin is burning hot and wish you hadn't reached out at all.
[[Next.|locationsplit3]]
It's late when you wake up the next night. It's always late when you wake up and you don't bother trying to get back to sleep. Outside, you hear the rumble of traffic and distant music. The days are getting shorter and colder now, the nights becoming quieter as even the most determined late-night socializers are driven inside for the winter.
You shuffle through your apartment and into the living room. The curtains are drawn, but you are drawn to the window regardless. (set: $curtain to "You pull the curtain back and try to see the stars.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You pull the curtain back and try to see the stars.", "You touch the fabric gently, but turn away from the night."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$curtain");'>$curtain</tw-link>
[[Next|night2Ub]]
(if: $curtain is "You pull the curtain back and try to see the stars.")[(print: "The curtains part beneath your fingers and you look out into the street, illuminated by the handful streetlights on your block. You have to crane your neck to see the sky and your body protests at the abuse with dull aches. It's a cloudy night and you can only barely make out the faint glow of the moon. The stars, somewhere above you, shine only in your memory.")](else-if: $curtain is "You touch the fabric gently, but turn away from the night.")[(print: "You turn your back on the curtained window, but do not yet move away. You imagine the sky as you always do: the way it was when you were a child and you could lie on your back and see what you fancied to be the whole universe. You know the view outside this window is nothing like your memories, but you like to picture it anyway, the blanket of stars resting gently across the skyscrapers.")](else:)[Unknown item.]
Eventually, you return to your favorite chair, with your back to the window once more. Again, your thoughts turn to (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. Most nights, you try to push these thoughts away, but tonight you embrace them, seeking out the brightest memories.
[[Next.|meeting1]]
You are still relatively young when you receive your first major assignment. You first joined up to (set: $join to "discover new worlds")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["discover new worlds", "travel far from home", "see new stars", "meet new beings"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$join");'>$join</tw-link> and this assignment on a Constitution class starship will finally let you go far enough. You cannot wait to leave port at the space station and get underway. You are among a small group of new crew members being shown around the ship and getting orientated to your new assignments before you leave port. When the first tour ends, you feel certain that you will never not be lost in the massive ship, but you know that the rest of the crew was new once too and someone will probably help you when you need to report to (if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "the bridge")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.")[(print: "security")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "engineering")](else:)[Unknown item.] to begin work. But first, a few hours of sleep.
[[Next.|companionsplit3]]
You lose your way several times before you've even left port. You're on your way to the (set: $going to "med bay")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["med bay", "bridge", "mess hall", "engineering deck"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$going");'>$going</tw-link> when you realize you've taken a wrong turn or two. Or maybe three. You stand looking around, hoping something will present itself, but this ship is laid out nothing like your previous assignment, which was well on its way to becoming an antique.
"Are you okay?" asks a voice.
You look up and see (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] standing there. The first thing you notice is (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] (set: $notice to "gaze")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["gaze", "stance", "hair"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$notice");'>$notice</tw-link>. You realizing after a moment that you are staring and you feel suddenly warm and embarrassed.
"You just looked at little lost." (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She laughs")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He laughs")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They laugh")](else:)[Unknown item.] softly and you feel something in your chest swell and something in your stomach twist in a way that isn't unpleasant.
"Just a little," you admit.
[[Next.|meeting3]]
Where you live:
(set: $location to "a few cars on the street outside your building.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["a few cars on the street outside your building.", "your quiet yard illuminated by the streetlight.", "the dark fields, grass like rolling waves in the soft wind."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$location");'>$location</tw-link>
Job:
(set: $job to "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.", "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skys.", "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$job");'>$job</tw-link>
Friend or lover:
(set: $companion to "friend.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["friend.", "lover."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$companion");'>$companion</tw-link>
Companion's gender:
(set: $gender to "hers")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["hers", "his", "theirs"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$gender");'>$gender</tw-link>
Leaving comment:
(set: $responce1 to "miss you when you go")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["miss you when you go", "have a bad feeling", "need some sleep"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$responce1");'>$responce1</tw-link>
Leaving action:
(set: $leaving to "You reach out anyway, regardless of who sees.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You reach out anyway, regardless of who sees.", "You murmer a soft goodbye, hiding passion behind quiet words.", "You step back out of the way of the officer."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$leaving");'>$leaving</tw-link>
Earth feels:
(set: $planet to "homesick for the place you grew up")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["homesick for the place you grew up", "glad to be so far from home", "bittersweat about the distance"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$planet");'>$planet</tw-link>
Repsonce to death:
(set: $no to "fell quietly from your lips")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["fell quietly from your lips", "brust violently from your mouth", "slipped out, almost a question"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$no");'>$no</tw-link>
Means of death:
(set: $death to "The mis-fired phaser at an alien carnavor.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["The mis-fired phaser at an alien carnavor.", "The alien flora suddnely proving to be carnvious alien fauna.", "The rocks suddenly giving away beneath exploring feet.", "The unexpected gases in the atomospher reacting with alien anatomy."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$death");'>$death</tw-link>
Lift sheet or no:
(set: $sheet to "You grip the sheet and carefully pull it back.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You grip the sheet and carefully pull it back.", "You hand hovers over the sheet, but cannot bring yourself to lift it."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$sheet");'>$sheet</tw-link>
Touch death or no:
(set: $deathreaction to "You cannot resist reaching to touch the slack skin.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You cannot resist reaching to touch the slack skin.", "You cannot bring yourself to touch the slack skin."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$deathreaction");'>$deathreaction</tw-link>
Open curtain or no:
(set: $curtain to "You pull the curtain back and try to see the stars.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You pull the curtain back and try to see the stars.", "You touch the frabic gently, but turn anywa from the night."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$curtain");'>$curtain</tw-link>
Reason for joining:
(set: $join to "discover new worlds")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["FIRST", "travel far from home", "see new stars", "meet new beings"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$join");'>$join</tw-link>
Where you're going when you meet:
(set: $going to "med bay")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["med bay", "bridge", "mess hall", "enginering deck"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$going");'>$going</tw-link>
First notice:
(set: $notice to "eyes")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["eyes", "stance", "hair",]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$going");'>$going</tw-link>
Eye color:
<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["Brown", "Blue", "Green", "Hazel"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$eyes");'>$eyes</tw-link>
Companion's job:
(set: $science to "Xenobiology")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["Xenobiology", "Xenobotany", "Xenogeology"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$science");'>$science</tw-link>
You feel yourself flush.
"A little," you admit. "I just got transferred here. I was trying to get to (if: $going is "med bay")[(print: "med bay")](else-if: $going is "bridge")[(print: "the bridge")](else-if: $going is "mess hall")[(print: "the mess hall")](else-if: $going is "the engineering deck")[(print: "the engineering deck")](else:)[Unknown item.]," you explain. "(if: $going is "med bay")[(print: "They need to clear up something in my medical charts. Some out of date scan or something.")](else-if: $going is "bridge")[(print: "I'm supposed to meet my commanding officer there.")](else-if: $going is "mess hall")[(print: "I was just trying to get some dinner, but I got turned around.")](else-if: $going is "the engineering deck")[(print: "I have a friend from the academy who works down there.")](else:)[Unknown item.]"
"Oh," (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she says")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he says")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they say")](else:)[Unknown item.] brightly. "I can show you. Come on."
"Um, okay," you stammer and stumble to follow (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "them")[(print: "they say")](else:)[Unknown item.].
Eventually, you fall into stride together, winding through the corridors towards, you assume, (if: $going is "med bay")[(print: "the med bay")](else-if: $going is "bridge")[(print: "the bridge")](else-if: $going is "mess hall")[(print: "the mess hall")](else-if: $going is "the engineering deck")[(print: "engineering")](else:)[Unknown item.].
"So," (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she says")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he says")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they say")](else:)[Unknown item.] taking in your (if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "gold")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.")[(print: "red")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "red")](else:)[Unknown item.] uniform, "where do you work?"
"(if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "I'm a pilot")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.")[(print: "In security")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "Down in engineering")](else:)[Unknown item.]," you tell (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.], smiling somewhat nervously.
"I'm a scientist," (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she says, her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he says, his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they say, their")](else:)[Unknown item.] (if: $eyes is "Brown")[(print: "brown")](else-if: $eyes is "Blue")[(print: "blue")](else-if: $eyes is "Green")[(print: "green")](else-if: $eyes is "Hazel")[(print: "hazel")](else:)[Unknown item.] eyes sparkling. You can tell at once that this is someone who loves what they do. "(set: $science to "Xenobiology")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["Xenobiology", "Xenobotany", "Xenogeology"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$science");'>$science</tw-link> to be specific." (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She fidgets")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He fidgets")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They fidget")](else:)[Unknown item.] with the gold braid on (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] cuff and you wonder if there was a recent promotion. "It's faster if we just take the turbolift," (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she says")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he says")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they say")](else:)[Unknown item.] and suddenly you are standing much closer together.
[[Next.|meeting4]]
You are dizzy when you reach (if: $going is "med bay")[(print: "the med bay")](else-if: $going is "bridge")[(print: "the bridge")](else-if: $going is "mess hall")[(print: "the mess hall")](else-if: $going is "the engineering deck")[(print: "the engineering deck")](else:)[Unknown item.]. (if: $companion is "friend.")[(print: "You talked of nothing important in the turbolift")](else-if: $companion is "lover.")[(print: "Nothing happened in the turbolift")](else:)[Unknown item.] and yet you know that your whole world has changed forever.
[[Next.|meeting5]]
And from there it goes on.
You learn your way around the ship and eventually you aren't the new (if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "pilot")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.")[(print: "security officer")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "engineer")](else:)[Unknown item.] anymore. Eventually, people ask //you// for directions.
And eventually, you //know// (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. You could replicate (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] entire personnel file. But it's more than that. It's... it's everything. You've never known anyone like you know (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. You pass each other in the corridor and can say everything about your days in single glance and small smile. (if: $companion is "friend.")[(print: "You wonder if others are jealous of your friendship, but you cannot care. You've never had a friend like this before and")](else-if: $companion is "lover.")[(print: "You know that others must know, that they probably gossip, but neither of you care. You've never had a love like this before and")](else:)[Unknown item.] everything between you is perfect.
[[Next.|locationsplit4]]
You are alone when it happens. You are usually alone, but you have found comfort in that, somehow. There is very little that upsets you now and, when it happens, that final tightness in your chest, you do not fight it. A darkness that is neither the night sky nor the void between the outermost stars comes around you, wrapping you up and pulling you down. Still, you do not fight it. You would not say that you have faith, but you think, perhaps, that you will see (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] again, (if: $companion is "friend.")[(print: "the best friend you ever had")](else-if: $companion is "lover.")[(print: "the love of your life")](else:)[Unknown item.]. The darkness envelopes your mind and you are at peace.
You have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night.
[[Credits.]]
Life on Earth away from the stars is as slow and monotonous as the rising and setting of the sun, the only star that shines on you now. Retirement does not suit you and yet you know you are too old now for anything else. You think sometimes you should have retired to another world or at least another place on this one. A place where you can see the stars. But this is your lot and you must find a way to be content with it.
[[Next.|ending1]]
In-text links will let you shape your narrative and the word "next" will move you forward.
[[Next.|begin]]
(if: $location is "a few cars on the street outside your building.")[(display: "tearsU")](else-if: $location is "your quiet yard illuminated by the streetlight.")[(display: "tearsS")](else-if: $location is "the dark fields, grass like rolling waves in the soft wind.")[(display: "tearsC")](else:)[Unknown item.]
You blink and see before you only the wall of your living room, hear only the country creatures outside your house. How long have you been remembering? How long have you been crying? It's been so many years since you last saw (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face. That day was long before you finally retired, reluctantly settled back onto the Earth. Still, the memory burns in your mind, a fire that will not go out, a star in supernova that will not die. Your eyes slip closed again and you see (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] standing before you.
You look down at your hands, (if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "gold")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.")[(print: "red")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "red")](else:)[Unknown item.] cuffs rumpled after a long shift. You don't know why you're anxious. Not yet, anyway. You'll know soon enough.
[[Next.|leaving]]
You blink and see before you only the wall of your living room, hear only the quiet sounds of suburbia. How long have you been remembering? How long have you been crying? It's been so many years since you last saw (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] face. That day was long before you finally retired, reluctantly settled back onto the Earth. Still, the memory burns in your mind, a fire that will not go out, a star in supernova that will not die. Your eyes slip closed again and you see (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] standing before you.
You look down at your hands, (if: $job is "guided a ship across the sky, untold tons of metal responding to your gentle touch.")[(print: "gold")](else-if: $job is "protected your fellows, ensuring their safety as you explored unknown lands and skies.")[(print: "red")](else-if: $job is "healed and improved the body of the ship that protected you, keeping her alive and well.")[(print: "red")](else:)[Unknown item.] cuffs rumpled after a long shift. You don't know why you're anxious. Not yet, anyway. You'll know soon enough.
[[Next.|leaving]]
(if: $location is "a few cars on the street outside your building.")[(display: "backU")](else-if: $location is "your quiet yard illuminated by the streetlight.")[(display: "backS")](else-if: $location is "the dark fields, grass like rolling waves in the soft wind.")[(display: "backc")](else:)[Unknown item.]
You blink away the tears in your eyes and your living room comes back into focus. You are alone and the stars outside your window are at your back.
You hastily wipe at your eyes. It was so long ago.
You found out the details in the end, reading them in the clinical report because you could not remember what your commanding officer had told you.
(set: $death to "The franticly aimed phaser blast missing the alien carnivore.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["The franticly aimed phaser blast missing the alien carnivore.", "The alien flora unexpectedly proving to be violent alien fauna.", "The rocks suddenly giving away beneath exploring feet.", "The unexpected gases in the atmosphere reacting with alien anatomy."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$death");'>$death</tw-link> (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "Her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "His")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "Their")](else:)[Unknown item.] companions descriptions of their attempts to save (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. Everything in terrible detail.
You hadn't been there when they'd beamed (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] body back, but you'd been allowed to visit at the med bay. You'd stood, trembling, outside the door for minutes on end before approaching footsteps had compelled you inside.
[[Next.|visit]]
You blink away the tears in your eyes and your living room comes back into focus. You are alone and the countless stars outside your window are at your back.
You hastily wipe at your eyes. It was so long ago.
You found out the details in the end, reading them in the clinical report because you could not remember what your commanding officer had told you.
(set: $death to "The franticly aimed phaser blast missing the alien carnivore.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["The franticly aimed phaser blast missing the alien carnivore.", "The alien flora unexpectedly proving to be violent alien fauna.", "The rocks suddenly giving away beneath exploring feet.", "The unexpected gases in the atmosphere reacting with alien anatomy."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$death");'>$death</tw-link> (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "Her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "His")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "Their")](else:)[Unknown item.] companions descriptions of their attempts to save (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. Everything in terrible detail.
You hadn't been there when they'd beamed (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] body back, but you'd been allowed to visit at the med bay. You'd stood, trembling, outside the door for minutes on end before approaching footsteps had compelled you inside.
[[Next.|visit]]
(if: $location is "a few cars on the street outside your building.")[(display: "sleepU")](else-if: $location is "your quiet yard illuminated by the streetlight.")[(display: "sleeps")](else-if: $location is "the dark fields, grass like rolling waves in the soft wind.")[(display: "sleepc")](else:)[Unknown item.]
You stand up from your chair, trying to shake the terrible images from you mind, and start the slow journey through your home and back to your bed. You hope that you can capture a few more hours of sleep before the dawn. Outside your window, the insects hum and the birds begin to chirp. Soon, morning will come and the school bus will arrive for the neighborhood children, whisking them away to the beginning of their lives.
You remember when day and night had become nothing more than words, something you occasionally witnessed from a distance while in orbit. Now they are your reality once again and you are beholden to them. And yet you still cannot sleep through the night. The stars call you deep in your bones.
[[Next.|night2s]]
You stand up from your chair, trying to shake the terrible images from you mind, and start the slow journey through your home and back to your bed. You hope that you can capture a few more hours of sleep before the dawn. Outside, the wind whispers through the field and the creatures are beginning to stir.
You remember when day and night had become nothing more than words, something you occasionally witnessed from a distance while in orbit. Now they are your reality once again and you are beholden to them. And yet you still cannot sleep through the night. The stars call you deep in your bones.
[[Next.|night2c]]
(if: $location is "a few cars on the street outside your building.")[(display: "backU2")](else-if: $location is "your quiet yard illuminated by the streetlight.")[(display: "backs2")](else-if: $location is "the dark fields, grass like rolling waves in the soft wind.")[(display: "backc2")](else:)[Unknown item.]
Life on Earth away from the stars is as slow and monotonous as the rising and setting of the sun, the only star that shines on you now. Retirement does not suit you and yet you know you are too old now for anything else. You think sometimes you should have retired to another world or at least another place on this one. A place where you cannot see the distant stars. But this is your lot and you must find a way to be content with it.
[[Next.|ending1]]
Life on Earth away from the stars is as slow and monotonous as the rising and setting of the sun, the only star that shines on you now. Retirement does not suit you and yet you know you are too old now for anything else. You think sometimes you should have retired to another world or at least another place on this one. A place where you can see more stars. Or maybe fewer. You're never sure which would hurt less. But this is your lot and you must find a way to be content with it.
[[Next.|ending1]]
It's late when you wake up the next night. It's always late when you wake up and you don't bother trying to get back to sleep. It's quiet outside, the neighbors long gone to bed. The days are getting shorter and colder now, the nights becoming even more quiet as the darkness inspirers earlier bedtimes.
You shuffle through your house and into the living room. The curtains are closed, but you are drawn to the window regardless. (set: $curtain to "You pull the curtain back and try to see the stars.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You pull the curtain back and try to see the stars.", "You touch the fabric gently, but turn away from the night."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$curtain");'>$curtain</tw-link>
[[Next.|night2sb]]
It's late when you wake up the next night. It's always late when you wake up and you don't bother trying to get back to sleep. Outside you hear the wind, faster and louder tonight, and an owl hooting somewhere off in the darkness. The days are getting shorter and colder now, the nights becoming quieter as the creatures begin to settle down for the winter.
You shuffle through your house and into the living room. The curtains are shut, but you are drawn to the window regardless. (set: $curtain to "You pull the curtain back and try to see the stars.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You pull the curtain back and try to see the stars.", "You touch the fabric gently, but turn away from the night."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$curtain");'>$curtain</tw-link>
[[Next.|night2cb]]
(if: $curtain is "You pull the curtain back and try to see the stars.")[(print: "The curtains part beneath your fingers and you see out into the dark fields, dimly illuminated by the faint glow of the moon. The sky stretches out almost endlessly, but it's a cloudy night and only a few stars are bright enough to shine through.")](else-if: $curtain is "You touch the fabric gently, but turn away from the night.")[(print: "You turn your back on the curtained window, but do not yet move away. You imagine the sky as you always do: the way it was when you were a child and you could lie on your back and see what you fancied to be the whole universe. You know the view outside this window is not quite the same as your memories, but you like to picture it anyway, the blanket of stars resting gently over your fields.")](else:)[Unknown item.]
Eventually, you return to your favorite chair, with your back to the window once more. Again, your thoughts turn to (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. Most nights, you try to push these thoughts away, but tonight you embrace them, seeking out the brightest memories.
[[Next.|meeting1]]
(if: $curtain is "You pull the curtain back and try to see the stars.")[(print: "The curtains part beneath your fingers and you see out into the cal-da-sac, illuminated by a few picturesque streetlamps. Above the house across the street, you can see the glow of the moon, shining through the clouds, but none of the stars are bright enough to be seen tonight.")](else-if: $curtain is "You touch the fabric gently, but turn away from the night.")[(print: "You turn your back on the curtained window, but do not yet move away. You imagine the sky as you always do: the way it was when you were a child and you could lie on your back and see what you fancied to be the whole universe. You know the view outside this window is nothing like your memories, but you like to picture it anyway, the blanket of stars resting gently on the roofs of the suburban neighborhood.")](else:)[Unknown item.]
Eventually, you return to your favorite chair, with your back to the window once more. Again, your thoughts turn to (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. Most nights, you try to push these thoughts away, but tonight you embrace them, seeking out the brightest memories.
[[Next.|meeting1]]
"(if: $responce1 is "miss you when you go")[(print: "I miss you too. But I'll be back soon. It's just a quick look around the plant's surface.")](else-if: $responce1 is "have a bad feeling")[(print: "Don't worry. It's just a quick look around the plant's surface. I've done this a million times.")](else-if: $responce1 is "need some sleep")[(print: "You're off duty. Get out of here and go to bed, silly.")](else:)[Unknown item.]"
You nod, hoping you seem to //hear// (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] in the same way, but you know you're distracted. You're tried and you're stressed and there is something nagging at the back of your mind, a bad feeling.
"I gotta go." (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She jerks her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He jerks his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They jerk their")](else:)[Unknown item.] head towards the transporter room door. The rest of the away team will already be assembled inside.
"Stay safe," you say.
"I will," (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she replies")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he replies")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they reply")](else:)[Unknown item.], making a face.
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She turns")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He turns")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They turn")](else:)[Unknown item.] towards the door and you are gripped by the sudden impulse to grab (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] wrist and pull (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] in for a hug. Your fingers twitch out, but you see movement out of the corner of your eye. The chief science officer, a cool, distant woman is walking down the corridor towards you. (set: $leaving to "You reach out anyway, hoping the officer keeps judgement to herself.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You reach out anyway, hoping the officer keeps judgement to herself.", "You murmur a quiet goodbye, smiling tightly and hoping for the best.", "You step back out of the way of the officer, falling into official posture."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$leaving");'>$leaving</tw-link>
[[Next.->leaving3friend]]
(if: $companion is "friend.")[(display: "leaving2friend")](else-if: $companion is "lover.")[(display: "leaving2love")](else:)[Unknown item.]
(if: $leaving is "You reach out anyway, hoping the officer keeps judgement to herself.")[(display: "hug")](else-if: $leaving is "You murmur a quiet goodbye, smiling tightly and hoping for the best.")[(display: "goodbye")](else-if: $leaving is "You step back out of the way of the officer, falling into official posture.")[(display: "nothing")](else:)[Unknown item.]
Of course you stopped (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. Of course. How could you not have?
You step forward quickly, fingers closing gently on (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] wrist, halting movement, freezing a single moment in time.
"What?" (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she asks")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he asks")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they ask")](else:)[Unknown item.].
You open your mouth, not sure what to say. It's just a simple away mission to a class M planet, no more than a few hours of scanning and charting, and yet. And yet.
The chief science officer clears her throat behind you, but you don't care. You pull (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] into a quick hug.
"Just be careful," you say quietly, holding (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] tightly to you.
"I'm always careful," (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she says")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he says")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they say")](else:)[Unknown item.], laughing softly into your shoulder.
"I know."
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She pulls")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He pulls")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They pull")](else:)[Unknown item.] away from your arms and goes through the doors into the transporter room. You turn away and hurry off towards your quarters.
[[Next.|lose]]
Of course you said something. Of course you did.
"Take care of yourself," you say quietly, hoping that (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] will hear the weight in your words, understand all that you cannot say as the officer moves closer.
"I always do," (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she replies")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he replies")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they reply")](else:)[Unknown item.], smiling and stepping towards the transporter room door. It's just a simple away mission to a class M planet, no more than a few hours of scanning and charting, and yet. And yet.
"I'll see you later," you say.
(if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She waves and steps")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He waves and steps")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They wave and step")](else:)[Unknown item.] through the door and out of your sight. You turn away just as the chief science officer reaches you and hurry off towards your quarters.
[[Next.|lose]]
Of course you did nothing. Of course. No matter how many times you imagine it differently, the memory never changes.
You step quickly and quietly out of the officer's way, offering a barely acknowledged salute as she passes you. By the time you drop it, your friend is gone, having slipped through the transporter room doors while you weren't watching. You know it's just a simple away mission to a class M planet, no more than a few hours of scanning and charting, and yet. And yet.
You turn away and hurry off towards your quarters, not wanting to stay where (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she isn't")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he isn't")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they aren't")](else:)[Unknown item.].
[[Next.|lose]]
(if: $companion is "friend.")[(display: "news4f")](else-if: $companion is "lover.")[(display: "news4")](else:)[Unknown item.]
You know it must have been said because, although you do not remember hearing, you remember reacting.
"No." The word (set: $no to "fell quietly from your lips")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["fell quietly from your lips", "burst violently from your mouth", "slipped out, almost a question"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$no");'>$no</tw-link>.
You had just seen (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.]. Just a few hours ago, (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they")](else:)[Unknown item.] had been fine and at your side. (if: $leaving is "You reach out anyway, hoping the officer keeps judgement to herself.")[(print: "You had embraced, warned for safety.")](else-if: $leaving is "You murmur a quiet goodbye, smiling tightly and hoping for the best.")[(print: "You had spoken, so recently.")](else-if: $leaving is "You step back out of the way of the officer, falling into official posture.")[(print: "And You had done nothing. How could you have failed to say goodbye?")](else:)[Unknown item.] How could your whole world have changed in a few hours?
[[Next.|news5f]]
(if: $no is "fell quietly from your lips")[(display: "news5quiet")](else-if: $no is "burst violently from your mouth")[(display: "news5anger")](else-if: $no is "slipped out, almost a question")[(display: "news5question")](else:)[Unknown item.]
You lose your way several times before you've even left port. You're on your way to the (set: $going to "med bay")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["med bay", "bridge", "mess hall", "engineering deck"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$going");'>$going</tw-link> when you realize you've taken a wrong turn or two. Or maybe three. You stand looking around, hoping something will present itself, but this ship is laid out nothing like your previous assignment, which was well on its way to becoming an antique.
"Are you okay?" asks a voice.
You look up and see (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] standing in front of you. Something about (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "him")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "them")](else:)[Unknown item.] makes you smile at once and you feel suddenly lighter. Something about this stranger makes you feel that (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "she is")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "he is")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "they are")](else:)[Unknown item.] not a stranger at all.
"You just looked at little lost." (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "She laughs")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "He laughs")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "They laugh")](else:)[Unknown item.] softly and you feel something in your chest swell.
"Just a little," you admit.
[[Next.|meeting3]]
(if: $companion is "friend.")[(display: "meeting2f")](else-if: $companion is "lover.")[(display: "meeting2l")](else:)[Unknown item.]
No one bothers you as you approach the bed where (if: $gender is "hers")[(print: "her")](else-if: $gender is "his")[(print: "his")](else-if: $gender is "theirs")[(print: "their")](else:)[Unknown item.] body lies under a white sheet. (if: $companion is "friend.")[(print: "Your friendship was known throughout the ship, a perfect example of interdepartmental bonding, they'd said.")](else-if: $companion is "lover.")[(print: "It was no secret what is - was - between the two of you.")](else:)[Unknown item.]
You reach out, hand shaking, for the sheet. (set: $sheet to "You grip the sheet and carefully pull it back.")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["You grip the sheet and carefully pull it back.", "You hand hovers over the sheet, but you cannot bring yourself to lift it."]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$sheet");'>$sheet</tw-link>
[[Next.|sheet]]