(If:$ContestantNumber is 0)[The love sickness doesn't bother you as much anymore. It's hard to feel lonely when all you want is to sleep. You have become so used to avoiding the things that hurt you, that the idea of reaching out to someone for help is completely alien to you. Whoever comes up the lift on your Take Me Out debut is simply a ticket out of this hell and into a shit holiday. You're absolutely ravenous for a date.
On shooting day, it is forbidden to look until the cameras start rolling. You are guided to your podium by the agony that awaits you in every other direction. You grip its edges and try to stop shaking. You're so excited and your nerve endings are so overstimulated. All 30 of you shiver blindly in the dark.](if:$ContestantNumber is 1)[You are hardened to this life now. You know your place and you walk to it. You do not shake. You stand in a defiant stupor behind your podium. You're ashamed of the person you were on the last shooting day. Today will be different.](If:$ContestantNumber is 2)[It is shooting day. It is forbidden to look until the cameras start rolling. If you looked, you would see that there are holes in the ceiling and the dark is getting in. There's not long left now.]
[[LET'S SHOOT AN EPISODE OF TAKE ME OUT|Reveal]](set:$ContestantNumber to 0)(set: $ContestantArray to (a:"Cop Sonic","Gender Insurgent","Pickup Artist"))(set: $ContestantArray to (shuffled: ...$ContestantArray))(set: $BackstageArray to(a:"Threats","Love Interest","Escape"))(set:$ConditionsArray to (a:"Lovesick"))(set:$BackstageNumber to 0)(set:$SonicEncountered to "False") (Set:$PickupEncountered to "False")(Set:$InsurgentEncountered to "False")(Set: $LoveChosen to "False")(set:$ContestantNumber to it+1)(set:$Contestant to $ContestantArray's $ContestantNumber)
(if:$Contestant is "Cop Sonic")[An explosion of strings. Ellie has already recognised the piece and begins to hop from foot to foot clapping and smiling in excitement. She didn't even dress up for this. She's wearing a tank top and ridiculous long gloves that go above her elbows. They'd look good with a cocktail dress but that's not what she's doing at all, y'know? You don't hate her. You feel sorry for her. No. It's not that. There's nothing wrong with Ellie. Why are you being such an arse hole? If anything she's too good for this show. This is the most engaged you've ever seen her. You wonder what she knows about this music that is making her so excited. Something flits through the smoke as the doors slide open. It zooms around, between and behind your fellow girls. Perceptible more by their reactions than by its own movements. There is a sudden, wet snuffling at your earlobe that you would doubt ever happened were it not for the- is it saliva or snot?- in any case, if not for the musky residue left on your body by this bullet fast contestant. It finally comes to a standstill long enough for everyone to catch a glimpse, and the crowd goes wild.
It's only fucking [[Sonic The Hedgehog!|Cop Sonic]]](else-if:$Contestant is "Pickup Artist")[Jesus Christ what is this? Is this fucking *Skyrim music?* Are we getting a *Gamer?* You don't know whether to performatively vomit or not, as it isn't clear how many of your contemporaries will understand why you are vomiting, and explaining your disgust will only incriminate you in turn. Anyway who is this chud? Oh he has a hat on. Oh, he's doing a choreographed dance now. Oh, his T-shirt says "Make Star Wars Great Again."
[[Oh No.|Pickup Artist]]](else-if:$Contestant is "Gender Insurgent")[It's time for a new contestant to present himself to you, but no sound plays. Literally nothing. The studio is vacuum silent. The doors do not budge. The love lift does not arrive. You look at Paddy. Paddy looks at you. Paddy looks at everyone. Paddy looks at everything, and everything looks at Paddy, and there is nothing but Paddy, and everything. Everything and Paddy. A whisper begins to rise in the space between Paddy and Everything.
[[A Gender Insurgent is here.|Gender Insurgent]]](else:)[Today's contestant is!
...$Contestant](set:$BackstageNumber to it + 1)(set:$Backstage to $BackstageArray's $BackstageNumber)(if:$Backstage is "Threats")[The mood backstage is worse than usual after that. Something has been changing and that was the worst day of filming yet. You sidle past two girls who are swordfighting to be emotionally triaged first. Their clothes are falling off during the fight but in an empowering way.
[[A contestant has been left, ugly crying on a gurney in a hallway. The lights are flickering and it smells like nail polish. It's the most relaxing place you can find to go into the foetal position for your 4 hour break.|Backstage 1]]](else-if:$Backstage is "Love Interest")[(set:$ConditionsArray to $ConditionsArray + (a: "999 Love Bucks"))You're rapidly becoming a veteran of Take Me Out, and you've learnt to ride the wave of Backstage more safely.
[[You rev up to a couple RPMs of horniness and perform a dating introspection ritual.|Love Interest 1]]](else-if:$Backstage is "Escape")[You have been here too long. You are feral with shame. You are a danger to everything. You confront the dread of backstage weak with fury. You're not ready for anything. You slither from the studio ready to dissociate forever. Instead you find that it is strangely quiet. Quietly dark, and quietly eternal. [[You would exhale if you could find the air to do so.|Escape]]]Welcome to Take Me Out: The Official ITV Obituary Epitaph Eulogy Tribute! As a fan of heteronormativity, charmingly bad improvised patter, and horrific structural violence, I am often consumed by indescribable despair upon realising there won't be any new episodes of Take Me Out.
In order to cope I have made this game that allows you access to the authentic experience of being a part of the show any time that you need to!
Before we proceed it's time for your friend Paddy McGuinness to make an important contribution.
[["Let the audience see the content warnings"(There's really nothing more to the catchphrases than this.)|Content Warnings]]
[[I have this thing about the amount of prominence given to content warnings and would like to skip them.|Opening]](Set:$SonicEncountered to "True")Paddy is jogging on the spot and making "zooming" noises. It's annoying but you laugh a bit because everyone else does.
There's something a little different about Sonic. He's dressed up for the occasion. He's wearing a uniform of the metropolitan police force. He's twirling his baton at a speed that emits a high pitched hum.
[[Keep Your Light On|Cop Sonic Likey]]
[[No Likey No Lightey|Cop Sonic No Likey]](set:$PickupEncountered to "True")This is dire. This is what you were warned about. It's Derrek from Stoakmung. He's a 33 year old self identified hikikomori. It's a japanese thing you wouldn't understand. He'll try to explain it to you anyway if you want.
"In Japan, hikikomori are reclusive adolescents or adults who withdraw from social life, often seeking extreme degrees of isolation and confinement. Hikikomori refers to both the phenomenon in general and the recluses themselves. Hikikomori have been described as loners or "modern-day hermits". Estimates suggest that-"
[[You just need to get off this show. You'll fake it if you have to. Keep that light on.|Pickup Likey]]
[[Obviously fucking not.|Pickup No Lightey]]Current Conditions: $ConditionsArray
You keep your light on. Sonic might be a cop now, but at least he's a harmless cartoon character. Now that he's wearing clothes, you suddenly find yourself very curious about what's underneath them. If Sonic puts clothes on does he develop primary sexual characteristics to cover up? What other use could there be for clothes? You are now hungry for Sonic's theoretical big swinging blue cop dick.(You have gained the condition: Furry)(set:$ConditionsArray to $ConditionsArray + (a: "Furry")) "Well girls-" Sonic begins before being interrupted by Paddy.
"Well Girls-!"
(click: "Well Girls-!")[CRACK]
(click-replace:"CRACK")[Paddy's arm is broken. He's hissing through his teeth and trying not to ruin the show by blowing out his mic. What a professional. Cop Sonic expresses no remorse. He stamps on Paddy's nuts. He orders him to stop resisting. He does a homing spin attack on Paddy's microphone and skull. Paddy appears to be still breathing.
"Whoah Patrick-" he giggles "You really need to watch your mouth when Sonic is speaking!"
You look to the other girls. There are 10 lights still lit. Sonic watches you watching each other. Even Ellie seems a little on edge. This isn't the Sonic she was promised. "Now the rest of you slags are strongly advised to keep your hands where I can see them and don't make any sudden moves, ok friends?"
Sonic is fast. Sonic makes the rules. Sonic is the law. Could you even reach your light in time? Paddy gurgles through his smashed gums "It's Sonic from the Met.. hungh.. aah.. If your light fails... You're liable to get jailed!" The crowd cheers and laughs.
[[Turn off your light.|Cop Sonic Regret]]
[[Bide your time.|Cop Sonic Likey 2]]
]You turn your light off. He's a hedgehog. He's a Cop. He has a deeply inadequate respect for personal space. You have explicitly made the correct choice. (You have gained the condition: Still A Furry Under The Right Conditions Though).(set:$ConditionsArray to $ConditionsArray + (a: "Still A Furry Under The Right Conditions Though"))"Well girls-" Sonic begins before being interrupted by Paddy.
"Well Girls-!"
(click: "Well Girls-!")[CRACK]
(click-replace:"CRACK")[Paddy's arm is broken. He's hissing through his teeth and trying not to ruin the show by blowing out his mic. What a professional. Cop Sonic expresses no remorse. He stamps on Paddy's nuts. He orders him to stop resisting. He does a homing spin attack on Paddy's microphone and skull. Paddy appears to be still breathing.
"Whoah Patrick-" he giggles "You really need to watch your mouth when Sonic is speaking!"
You look to the other girls. There are 9 lights still lit. Sonic watches you watching each other. Even Ellie seems a little on edge. This isn't the Sonic she was promised. "Now the rest of you slags are strongly advised to keep your hands where I can see them and don't make any sudden moves, ok friends?"
Sonic is fast. Sonic makes the rules. Sonic is the law. You are overwhelmed with relief that your light is already off. Paddy gurgles through his smashed gums "It's Sonic from the Met.. hungh.. aah.. If your light fails... You're liable to get jailed!" The crowd cheers and laughs.
[[You hope for the best|Cop Sonic No Likey 2]]
]You whip your hand out and smash the rejection button. you gotta go fast. This is an act of civil resistance. Fuck the police. You're not alone in your decision. Lights flicker off in solidarity. Paddy grabs the furious Sonic's ankle and he goes arse over tit just long enough that he can't interfere. He rounds on the prone, spluttering host who has ruined his chances at love.
One light remains. Poor, misguided Ellie is applauding for her cop love. She looks around and shrieks in delight. She has won! He's hers!
Sonic finally notices. He lets his baton fall from its position, poised to crush Paddy's skull once and for all. He and Ellie lock eyes and he advances on his prize, his baton oscillating wildly before snapping firmly into his gloved hand.
They're nose to nose now. Sonic's one big eye slithers up and down her body.
"Don't flatter yourself love."
He turns off her light. He doesn't need to hit her, she obediently makes her own way to the floor. All the lights are off. Sonic has failed to attain a date.
(click:"Sonic has failed to attain a date.")[(text-style:"shudder")[[[SONIC HAS FAILED TO ATTAIN A DATE|Banish Sonic]]]]You have made a horrible mistake. Everyone abandons you. Their lights go out in a heartbeat until it's only you, Ellie, and Sonic's furious, vengeful baton.
"It's time fo-"
Paddy is subdued.
"It's time for you lovely ladies to answer some questions!" Sonic is running the show now. Paddy cannot save you.
The studio lights go out. All that remains is a spotlight directed at Ellie's face.
"Is it true, Ellie, that one of the girls here tonight has stolen someone else's OC?"
Oh fuck.
Sonic is on to you.
Does Ellie know about Plagiarism The Hedgehog? Is she going to out you?
[[Plagiarism The Hedgehog was your own creation and it was stolen from you. You've said it so many times you believe it. How dare they? How fucking DARE they try to bring this up to sabotage you? You put your heart and soul into Plagiarism The Hedgehog. Sonic will understand. Sonic will love you. Keep your light on.|Cop Sonic Plagiarism Likey]]The rest of the girls aren't having it either. This is an act of civil resistance. Fuck the police. You're not alone in your decision. Lights flicker off in solidarity. Paddy grabs the furious Sonic's ankle and he goes arse over tit just long enough that he can't interfere. He rounds on the prone, spluttering host who has ruined his chances at love.
One light remains. Poor, misguided Ellie is applauding for her cop love. She looks around and shrieks in delight. She has won! He's hers!
Sonic finally notices. He lets his baton fall from its position, poised to crush Paddy's skull once and for all. He and Ellie lock eyes and he advances on his prize, his baton oscillating wildly before snapping firmly into his gloved hand.
They're nose to nose now. Sonic's one big eye slithers up and down her body.
"Don't flatter yourself love."
He turns off her light. He doesn't need to hit her, she obediently makes her own way to the floor. All the lights are off. Sonic has failed to attain a date.
(click:"Sonic has failed to attain a date.")[(text-style:"shudder")[[[SONIC HAS FAILED TO ATTAIN A DATE|Banish Sonic]]]]Nobody is paying attention to you. Ellie is whispering something in Cop Sonic's ear. She's probably telling on you. Cop Sonic is growing ever more furious. He's making revving noises and his one big weird eye is bloodshot.
Oh my god she's telling him all about it. You're going to die. It's all over.
Sonic's jaws are opening and closing like the teeth of an electric razor. One of his nostrils is bleeding and flicking blood all over Ellie as his face vibrates. He sounds like a jet engine cumming.
"I copied it from another account." she confesses. "Then I renamed it Plagiarism The Hedgehog. It was a cool social experiment I was very precocious I don't understand why you're so mad daddy- I mean.. Officer."
SHE STOLE YOUR STOLEN OC
ELLIE STOLE YOUR FUCKING STOLEN DRAWING
[[KILL ELLIE]](set:$ConditionsArray to $ConditionsArray + (a: "Ellie's Nemesis"))Your scream startles Officer Sonic. He is nothing to you. He has not suffered as you are suffering. You will rip his big theoretical blue balls off and then forget about him. You will forget about sonic and you will forget about his big blue balls as you rip Ellie limb from limb.
You are squatting on all fours on your podium and Ellie is going to die. You are leaping across the studio and you are going to kill Ellie.
Like all of his kind Officer Sonic relies on the fear of his victims to keep them docile. He does not remain between you and Ellie. Protecting people is not his purpose. You are going to pull all the loose pieces off Ellie's face and fling them around the studio and Sonic is too afraid to stop you.
You have to face the fact that you no longer have a chance with Cop Sonic. He homing attacks your light and turns it off. The girls are circling him now. They're closing in like a wolf pack. Ellie is ecstatic. She's won! She no longer fears Sonic, she wants him. She wants to go on a nice holiday with her cop husband and witness violence and experience the rush of knowing it is for her safety.
[[You have a better way to crush her. You turn off her light.|Banish Sonic]](set:$ConditionsArray to $ConditionsArray + (a: "Ringbearer"))(text-style: "shudder")["SONIC HAS FAILED TO ATTAIN A DATE"]
Uber Paddy rises from the passive heap where Sonic left him. He is shining with the sick radiance of Take Me Out. He points and his finger is a round of shots. He takes a step towards Sonic, and in his footsteps lurk round after round of shots. When he speaks: His voice is a round of shots.
(text-style: "shudder")["NOW LET'S MAKE THIS HEDGEHOG..."]
(click:"...")[(text-style:"shudder")[
EAT MY MASSIVE SHIT LOG!"]
Despite everything you still can't bear to look. The audience is openly weeping at the profane justice of Take Me Out. The last thing you witness before you turn away is Paddy unhitching his trousers and squatting over the trembling Sonic's face.
The chimes of the theme song start and are almost immediately silenced. Sonic's choked whimpering is drowned out by your own. You will always be haunted by the sound of him desparately expelling rings, as if it would help. As if anything can save him.(text-colour:"green")[CONGRATULATIONS! You have acquired one of Sonic's rings!]
[[Take Me Out has been satiated for now. You file out with your eyes to the ground.|Backstage]]]Really? Ok then fine, whatever. Derek has ironed his shirt so there are actually four lights on in total. Let's be honest it's very impressive.
It's time for the round where he like- does something seductive. Derrek steps up to the mic to display his skills as a master seducer. He's been doing an online course.
"You are all fat irrational slags."
An interesting start.
"Your genitals disgust me."
Derek is woefully underqualified in this and every other field. He once wrote nineteen paragraphs on the Halo 2 official forum about how the prostate is a myth.
"I like you anyway. The way you cringe is cute in an ugly way."
What a neg.
[[You could destroy Derek with a snort of one nostril. He's your pathetic little ticket out of here.|Pickup Standoff]]
[[That's quite enough of that. It's time to neg Derek the fuck out of this studio. No lighty.|Pickup No Lightey]](text-colour:"Magenta")[I just want to break character for a second to let you know that like- I get you but... Ooooof.]
Anyway so there's two lights left on. It's you and Slick Sal. Word has it that Slick has kicked more dicks off hapless Take Me Out contestants than anyone else on the show. A guy once went to turn her light off and she kicked it off and through Paddy McGuinness. They disappeared her for a while after that and she's been a lot more eager since then. She doesn't take the same pleasure in blasting someone's dick off and out of the studio. She wants to go home. You wonder where she came from to kick dicks off in the way she does.
She glares at you. She knows what you're doing. This is her pathetic, bigoted little dick ride out of here. She doesn't know if you have a dick, but if you do, understand that she'll kick it off to win this.
[[Maybe it would be best to just let her have this. Turn off your light.|Pickup Sal]]
[[This is about more than foot on dick action. This is about Liberty. Keep that light on.|Pickupocalypse]](set:$ConditionsArray to $ConditionsArray + (a: "Sal's Confidante"))Two lights left. Derek glances from you to Sal, from Sal to you. He's supposed to choose. His internet tutorials haven't prepared him for this and he's cowed. If he negs one of you out of the competition then how can he expect the other to be his bottom bitch? He malfunctions. He steps towards both of you at once, does the splits, smashes his nuts into the floor and starts to cry.
Sal's into this. She fixes her eyes on you but she can't contain the satisfaction of what is happening to Derek. He's whimpering and shuffling round on the floor like a big piss stained starfish.
You remember seeing that smirk before, backstage. You were only a grub back then. You were still being imprinted with the hetero stimulus package. Sal was a contestant even then? She must be truly ancient.
You've seen Sal smirk like that before. You saw the backstage footage during its live taping. It's all been burned now but you remember. It was buried but it's naked in your mind now. An impossible event. An impossible storm with Sal its impossible figurehead.
She can see you seeing her. You can see her need to escape going and dying out. It's a need as dark as her lipstick. She can see it in you too.
Your hands are linked, untouching, finger to finger. You turn off your lights in unison.
Sal pants like a limping beast, eyes on yours. Impossibly pretty. Impossibly present. Nurturing a cold, black spark where previously there had been only likey, only lightey.
(You have gained the condition: Sal's Confidante. The revolution may be on its way.)
[[The studio is going dark. Derek has failed to attain a date. The void is taking you backstage but for a moment you are almost together.|Backstage]]Derrek is extremely happy to see your light go off.
"Yes! I love that goth slag look! Get in!"
This is not the first time Sal has been called goth.
"It's not goth."
This is not the first soon to be dickless contestant she has corrected.
"It's Post Hopepunk."
This is the first time she's called it that.
[[It's cool.|Sal Cool]]
[[It's really not cool.|Sal Not Cool]]
[[I don't fucking care.|Sal Don't Care]](Set:$Sal to "Cool")You're fuckin' right it is. It is basically just goth though. Everybody likes a good goth really. Maybe Sal will do your nails later after she kicks-
Isn't she about to go on a date with stinky Derrek though?(click:"Isn't she about to go on a date with stinky Derrek though?")[
Oh yeah!
Right so uh, Derrek is nowhere to be found. At the moment where he might finally interact with(click-replace:"interact with")[get his dick kicked off by] a cool girl like Sal he chickens out.(click-replace:"chickens out.")[is carried away by a mysterious cabal of nigh omnipotent yet inferior entities dedicated to suppressing him and his kind and their need to do a fuck. The conspiracy has him. Pour out an energy drink for our fallen brother in arms and please upvote this post.]
]
(Click:"upvote")[[[Everything turned out better than expected! Sal is so cool. It would be cool if you were Sal maybe. Look- if you want we can say that you're a cool goth from now on, just adjust whatever self image you had to be a cool goth if you weren't already, congratulations. Let's be honest though you're probably cooler than that. You're super cool I really like you. Anyway let's get Backstage|Backstage]]
'I could go for being post hopepunk, like Sal'(click-replace:"'I could go for being post hopepunk, like Sal'")[[['I am a cool goth, like Sal. Anyway let's get Backstage'|Backstage]]]]
(Set:$Sal to "Not Cool")Aw come on. I know it's just goth really but those nails are cool. You can have nails like that if you ask nicely probably. Look either way it's cool that Sal has a strong sense of what her appearance means to her and how she should project it. There's power in that. Y'know?
Isn't she about to go on a date with stinky Derrek though?(click:"Isn't she about to go on a date with stinky Derrek though?")[
Oh yeah!
Right so uh, Derrek is nowhere to be found. At the moment where he might finally interact with(click-replace:"interact with")[get his dick kicked off by] a cool girl like Sal he chickens out.(click-replace:"chickens out.")[is carried away by a mysterious cabal of nigh omnipotent yet inferior entities dedicated to suppressing him and his kind and their need to do a fuck. The conspiracy has him. Pour out an energy drink for our fallen brother in arms and please upvote this post.]
]
(click:"upvote")[[[Everything turned out better than expected, and even though you don't think Sal is that cool. You do think she's a bit cool, cos she's my OC and I say so.|Backstage]]]I can't tell you how relieved I am. (You have received the condition: Standards. You have received the condition: Obviously some sort of man hater or something.)(set:$ConditionsArray to $ConditionsArray + (a: "Standards"))(set:$ConditionsArray to $ConditionsArray + (a: "Obviously some sort of man hater or something."))
Derek has been eyeing you greedily and is livid at this apparently unexpected outcome. He glances desparately round to see if anyone here will tolerate him. Even Paddy is wincing, and you've seen him fuck one of his own flesh wounds. You thought Paddy would fuck anything, but he won't fuck Derek.
Slick Sal's light remains on. Word has it that Slick has kicked more dicks off hapless Take Me Out contestants than anyone else on the show. A guy once went to turn her light off and she kicked it off and through Paddy McGuinness. They disappeared her for a while after that and she's been a lot more eager since then. She doesn't take the same pleasure in blasting someone's dick off and out of the studio. She wants to go home. You wonder where she came from to kick dicks off in the way she does.
[[This should be good.|Pickup Sal 2]]Derrek rolls with the punches. He puts his hands in his pockets. He's just so so nonchalant.
"Yes! I love that goth slag look! Get in!"
This is not the first time Sal has been called goth.
"It's not goth."
This is not the first soon to be dickless contestant she has corrected.
"It's Post Hopepunk."
This is the first time she's called it that.
[[It's cool.|Sal Cool]]
[[It's really not cool.|Sal Not Cool]]
[[I don't fucking care.|Sal Don't Care]](Set: $Sal to "Don't Care")Alright fair enough you don't have to indulge this shit. So Sal (who you don't give a shit about apparently) is about to experience something quite significant (to people who aren't you). You might even call this the apotheosis of her time on Take Me Out (if you gave a shit, which you don't).
Right so uh, Derrek is nowhere to be found. At the moment where he might finally interact with(click-replace:"interact with")[get his dick kicked off by] a cool girl like Sal he chickens out.(click-replace:"chickens out.")[is carried away by a mysterious cabal of nigh omnipotent yet inferior entities dedicated to suppressing him and his kind and their need to do a fuck. The conspiracy has him. Pour out an energy drink for our fallen brother in arms and please upvote this post.]
(click:"upvote")[[[Everything turned out better than expected, and even though you don't give a shit about Sal. You do think she's a bit cool now, cos she's my OC and I say so.|Backstage]]](Set:$InsurgentEncountered to "True")You've heard whispers about this backstage. The Gender Insurgents do not exist. They're imaginary. They're a tale dreamed up to bring us comfort. We can escape our prison with the help of The Gender Insurgents. It's like that film that they play backstage all the time: Suckerpunch. Except it's obviously less shit- and more importantly- except it's actually fucking happening and the next contestant is not an eligible male but A Gender Insurgent!
OMG A Gender Insurgent!(click-Append:"OMG A Gender Insurgent!")[
The producers seem to have noticed. The essential energy of the universe is being arrested. Despite all of this, data about a hunky, eligible, revolutionary minx is making its way to you.
They say that The Gender Insurgents are immune to the machinations of Take Me Out.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ urgh] They say that when the normativity is weak they laugh and cry for us.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ uuuuuuuuuuuurgh] They say that when it is strong, when the police are here, when the shame weighs down upon the studio like an avalanche... Well, they don't say anything about Them then.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ This hurts to read.] We can barely think of Them. We can only despise ourselves for not engaging in resistance earlier.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ Unbelievably embarassing.] We can only shame ourselves. We can only despair so deeply that when the storm passes They find us broken and unable to take Their hands.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[The fucking capitalisation.]
They say that when the normativity is weak they laugh and cry for us. For the relief. For the absurdity of the indignities we have weathered.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ Oh shit yeah we're proper 'getting real' in here now aren't we?] For the new opportunity. For the despair at knowing we are so broken that we will part again only to rail against ourselves for allowing it to happen.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ Please stop babbling like this]
[[Take Me Out is weakening. Somewhere a fiend is screeching at its subordinates. Strange etymologies are piercing the binary.|Gender Insurgent 2]]]
New knowledge is firing in nonexistent spaces, between the frozen photons of a Take Me Out in crisis. Nothing is happening. Take Me Out has stopped, and in the moment of reprieve you are free to listen.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ fuckkk offffffff]
This Insurgent has been sharpened to an atom fine point.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ This was written by a male feminist.] They have slid between the rotting bonds of the binary.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ Oh the binary the binary] You're not even sure that they fuck. Imagine that!(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ patronising] They love you, they love you and they are not a bloke.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ insipid AND patronising] What is happening? They love you, but they might not want to fuck you what is happening? You're pretty sure it's not your mum. Your mum doesn't understand these things.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ okay it got worse]
Impossible things reveal themselves to you. There are courting rituals that don't involve no likey no lightey.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ For a second I forgot that was the basis for this skin crawling attempt to be earnest] Paddy McGuinness is not the arbiter of love and sex... and.. and those might be different things? Sometimes?(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ Skin crawling and pseudo intellectual] Paddy McGuinness is a black hole into which you will all be cast. The space between you and the girl (what is a girl???) beside you is real and can be crossed. You can do anything. You can do anything!
YOU CAN DO ANYTHING!(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ thanks I'm really inspired]
[[DO ANYTHING|Insurgent Anything]]
[[DO NOTHING|Insurgent Nothing]]You're a frightened animal released from its cage for the first time.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ weeb incel fedora] A small animal. A delicate creature edging against the invisible prison of habit.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ mansplain] A delicate creature with claws that could split the atom.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ cringe] A frightened animal containing the immensity of its absolute validity. An uncertain voice that shivers and devastates like a saw.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ This is devastating yes.]
You step away from your podium.(click-replace:"You step away from your podium.")[The space around your podium is thick with the detritus of handsome lads, and players, and pimps.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ did Ernest Cline write this?] You wade through knee deep date jelly.]
You head straight for the outstretched arms of (Text-colour:"Magenta")[The Insurgent.](click-replace:"You head straight for the outstretched arms of The Insurgent.")[You flit from the visual spectrum of Take Me Out. You dodge the studio lights. You slide between their gruesome cognitions. You're off their spectrum. You're above their spectrum.(Text-colour:"Magenta")[ please plase plase I am begging you to fuck off now] You're infesting it.]
You make your way to the centre of the stage. Where the men go to torture, and to be tortured.(click-replace:"You make your way to the centre of the stage. Where the men go to torture, and to be tortured.")[In the darkness (Text-colour:"Magenta")[They] find you. (Text-colour:"Magenta")[They] cannot help but find you. You are together in the middle of everything. Incandescent in the dark.]
(click:"Incandescent in the dark.")[Your body is evaporating, eviscerated by the trauma of discovery. You sob. You grieve selfishly for yourself. Then you grieve more considerately for yourself and that is worse. You glance back at the studio, at the other frozen lights, and you cannot bear to grieve for them as well. You hate them even whilst you love them. You hate them because you have escaped, and they have not.]
(Click:"Your body is evaporating, eviscerated by the trauma of discovery. You sob. You grieve selfishly for yourself. Then you grieve more considerately for yourself and that is worse. You glance back at the studio, at the other frozen lights, and you cannot bear to grieve for them as well. You hate them even whilst you love them. You hate them because you have escaped, and they have not.")[[[The horror destroys you. Every speck of the Love that has wormed its way into your atoms is obliterated. You cannot bear to look. You cannot bear it. You are bitter dust captured in the beam of a studio light, where once you were hand in hand with yourself.|Insurgent Light]]]It's too late for that. If you won't move then Take Me Out will be moved around you. I'm not going to take any of your shit.
[[You have an overwritten magical experience that really undermines the tone and pacing, feels a bit pandery too, y'know? Like really forces a bunch of things in the reader's face.|Insurgent Anything]](set:$ConditionsArray to it + (a:"Lit By The 31st Light"))You discover with relief that you are back where you belong. Everyone's light is dutifully extinguished. A girl you don't recognise is telling Paddy that she turned her light off because she doesn't swing that way and anyway it's very inappropriate for her.. is it her? him, whatever it is to come on here and make all these assumptions and try to trick people, what is she even getting herself into? She once got told to read an entire book before she was allowed to talk to a friend of a friend which is extremely intolerant and elitist. Some people look uncomfortable, and we get some closeups, there will be some really good thinkpieces about this incident.
You look for the contestant but there doesn't seem to be a shimmering kaleidoscope of agapeal love and truth anywhere. What's the big deal?
As the lights darken at the end of a torturous day of shooting, you notice an invisible light at your back. You notice the ancient decay flourishing anywhere it casts a shadow, and you recall snatches of the horrible truth.
There is a new contestant on this show. (Text-colour:"Magenta")[You are lit by the 31st light.]
[[You face backstage with a new, intoxicating dread.|Backstage]](stop:)"I can't bear it. I can't bear it."
Whoever it is on the gurney is harshing your trauma induced dissociation vibes a bit. Inconsiderate, really.
You try to ignore it.(click-replace:"You try to ignore it.")[(text-style:"shudder")["I CAN'T FUCKING BEAR IT"]
(live:3s)[What a crybaby.]
(live:5s)[She could use a bit more resilience.]
(live:7s)[Some people would literally kill to be on here.]
(live:9s)[(text-style:"shudder")["FUCK ]](live:10s)[(text-style:"shudder")[FUCK ]](live:11s)[(text-style:"shudder")[FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK"]]
(live:14s)[[[You're going to have to find out what she's crying about if you're hoping to get any hyperventilation time to yourself around here.|Backstage 2]](stop:)]
]You pull the white sheet from her face and wish that you hadn't. It's Doris; a contestant who has been here so long that she's now middle aged. She's no longer a viable sexual entity, and it's only a matter of time before she starts pretending she single handedly didn't fight in World War 2 (when men were men).
"I can't bear it I cant bear it I can't bear it."
[["Awww what is it you can't bear today hon?"|Backstage3]]She pretends to notice you, as if she wasn't crying and faking her distress specifically to inconvenience you and get your attention.
A smile fails to alight on her weird white people flesh coloured lips. (why do old people go out of their way to look like this?)
She knows that she's caught your attention now, and she lets you enjoy a few moments of relief from her caterwailing before she responds.(click-append:"she responds.")[
(text-style:"Shudder")[I CAN'T BEAR BEING STUCK ON THIS SHOW WITH A FRIGID HALFHEARTED DISENGAGED ISOSCELES MINGED FAKE MAN HATING ANTI FEMINIST SJW FOREVER ALONE FREELOADING WRONG WEIGHT BUILD AND MANNERISM SPENGLER LIKE YOU]
[[Oh dear.|Backstage 4]]]That'll teach you for trying to help someone out. She's powering up now. The spark of indignation at being offered help a thousand years too late is catching. The decay inside her ignites with a howl. Any complex art assets in the space you both occupy are obliterated to make the next scene easier to do.
All of your clothes are blown off like they always are when things happen backstage, but you're also coated in tasteful skintight "battle light" to keep the age rating appropriate. The battle light rides up your back really uncomfortably.
Doris- who was hideous before- now looks really cool. Her tits are really big and made of chains that are themselves made of worms. Her tongue is like, nine cocks or something. Her minge is a single perfect polygon, and it's charging up.
[[Use a potion of Hen Do to make her feel like one of the girls again|Backstage Hen Do]]
[[Magic Missile|Backstage DnD]]
[[Other Shit DnD Reference|Backstage DnD]]
[[Remeber final fantasy ha ha ha ha|Backstage DnD]]
[[Retreat from battle|Backstage Retreat]]You probably give her a gin and tonic, or a prosecco lol isn't it funny how some women drink certain drinks and do certain things because of popular culture. It doesn't work and you are forced to do battle instead.
[[Fine get on with it.|Fight Doris]]Role playing games are shit and you made the wrong choice. Any way you and Trance Doris have to [[do battle now.|Fight Doris]]Yeah fair enough. It's probably better to disengage from this situation and just think about how weird and funny it is later. An old relative that I barely know once came up to me at a family wedding and told me that they'd always hated me ever since I was a child because I was a very pretentious child and it was a lot like this. Anyway if you're not feeling it you can just progress to [[shooting day|Shooting Day]] for the next contestant, or you can have a [[climactic fight with poor Doris.|Fight Doris]]Doris brings her full wrath to bear and so do you. She's the last thing you could ever want to be. You heft your fear of her and it almost pins you to the ground. It is a mighty weapon nonetheless, nothing can withstand it. You swing an entire life worth of terror at her, and she swings back.
Your fear of her screeches against her fear of herself. You grind your blades against each other and the sparks flying from the blades begin to burn you both.
A wisp of white hot terror metal sinks into your arm. Paddy always made a point of flirting with Doris and everyone would laugh at how ridiculous it was. Her entire sexuality and by extension personhood was a joke. The only time she existed was when paddy blew kisses at her and people laughed at her reaction, or when Paddy pretended to pretend to hide his erection and people laughed at her reaction.
When you become Doris will you be funny because you're impotently angry about it? Or will you be flattered and dodderring and cute? Maybe you'll really rise to it and lust after Paddy, that would be pretty funny. Nobody will give a shit. You're not fucking real.
Doris looks at you over your bleeding swords. She is crying with you, or at you. She doesn't need to do anything to you.
You can't bear it.(click-replace:"You can't bear it.")[You need to get out of here.](click-replace:"You need to get out of here.")[[[YOU NEED TO FIND YOURSELF A MAN ON THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF TAKE ME OUT|Shooting Day]]
The ghost of Doris dissipates with a sigh.](Alert:"Take Me Out offers an exciting way for you to expand your dating interests through the 'Love bux' system. You can use Love Bux to buy your way to dating success just like in the real world! Wow! To reward you for being such a loyal player we have awarded you with 999 love bucks to get you started!")This is a computer game with a dating element so we're naturally going to try and represent dating, love, and the fundamental connections between people that make life worth living in the most authentic way that the medium can afford.
Before you is a vending machine with a list of people for you to try and fuck.
(if:"Ellie's Nemesis" is in $ConditionsArray)[[[Even though you and Ellie hate each other people are obviously shipping it. What the fuck. I guess you can press this button and forgive one another and come to terms with the way you were wielded against one another despite clearly sharing a lot of interests and passions. Not to mention that savage chemistry awooo awooo hedgehog noises etc.|Love Interest Ellie]]](else-if:$SonicEncountered is "True")[Ellie's button is greyed out and you can't press it. Hang on the only option you've avoided related to Ellie involved being deeply unpleasant to her? This game is fucked up? What if you'd actually liked Ellie? You'd have to read a guide and be horrible to her just so you could date her later?](else-if:$SonicEncountered is "False")[(text-color:"Grey")[A button labeled "Ellie" is greyed out so you can't press it. This is probably the love interest that would have been your favourite but you got unlucky, if you run into her later it will be really weird that your main context for knowing who Ellie is comes from a greyed out fuck button.]]
(if:"Sal's Confidante" is in $ConditionsArray)[[[Hey remember that moment with Sal? Yeah... **Yeeeeah.** Let's go in for a few more of those. You can see yourself holding hands and striding knee deep through the wreckage of Take Me Out and there's a convenient wish fulfilment button here that will make it happen.|Love Interest Sal]]](else-if:$PickupEncountered is "True")[[[Are you still thinking about Sal? The button looks a bit fucked up and the enamel is scratched off, probably because you could have handled the situation with her better. Yeah how's that for reactivity in your dating sim? You shouldn't let that dissuade you though! Take it from me! There might be something there! Date Sal!|Love Interest Sal]]](else-if:$PickupEncountered is "False")[(text-color:"Grey")[There's a greyed out button here and it has really good nail polish. Unfortunately for you, you haven't encountered this love interest and you're going to feel bad about it later. Oh well. Maybe you can settle for someone else.]]
(if:"Lit By The 31st Light" is in $ConditionsArray)[[[The third button is less of a button and more of a vertiginous aura of flickering bisexual embarassment. You feel an urge to reach out to it. Preternatural choreographies are throbbing in your soul. It promises to take your hand, to spin you, to lift you, and to bring synth and destruction down upon Take Me Out. It is not being entirely truthful.|Love Interest Insurgent]]](else:)[(text-colour:"grey")[The third space is occupied not by a button, but by a question. "Aren't those girls?" It's not very Take Me Out, is it? If you have a light for ladies then anything could happen, really.] (text-colour:"Magenta")[Somewhere, off camera, a meniscus is not pierced and a demon does not howl.]]
(text-style:"shudder")[[[CASH SHOP CASH SHOP IT'S THE CASH SHOP FUCK ALL THAT NOISE SPEND YOU LOVE BUX HERE|Cash Shop]]]
$LoveChosen takes you by the hand. Her hand is generic and undifferentiated, as if the only reactivity in this passage is a variable that prints her name. You love her so much. She is going to save you and you are going to save her.
Love conquers all.(Click-append:"Love conquers all.")[
It is a born conqueror.](click-append:"It is a born conqueror.")[
And it is being born right here in the studio tonight!
Aren't you happy about the power of love and its capacity to save you from the dating hell that is Take Me Out?
Yes. Yes I am.](click-replace:"Yes. Yes I am.")[Good. You should be. It's what you came here for after all.
Whatserface leads you by the hand and **into** the Love Lift. You enter it like a drawing pin entering a urethra. You completely fuck everything up but because of Love nobody stops you.
The Love Lift descends with the two of you inside. It's so good that you found each other despite everything. It's so good that $LoveChosen knows of this secret way out.
You're hurtling down into the bowels now, like the butt of a cigarette dropped into a gaping urethra.
You're passing through the nine layers of Take Me Out, and glancing at the 74 shows being filmed on each of them. They're all so similar, even from the impossible angles from which you see them.
Paddy is always weeping, but that is only for you. He won't let the audience see his distruaghtience.
He (text-style:"shudder")[snarls] at you through every facet of his grief. He's not your friend. He wants what's best for you. He opens the group chat that has everyone on the planet in it except you. He opens the group chat that is about you (as if, you fucking narcissist) but you don't see what he says, because you sink below the earth.
(If:$LoveChosen is "Ellie")[[[The doors open, and hand in hand, you enter the manufactory.|Manufactory Ellie]]](Else:)[[[The doors open, and hand in hand, you enter the manufactory.|Manufactory Sal]]]]The deed is done! Good choice!
Ellie is workshopping fursonas for her friends and family at the moment. She hasn't interacted with any of them since going on Take Me Out.
It's going to be really hard for this romance to come out in a non creepy way but after playing for this long you deserve a bit of wish fulfilment so here goes:
I am typing: Set:`$LoveChosen` to Ellie (click-append:"Set:$LoveChosen to Ellie")[
Imagine a bar filling up a bunch of times and a satisfying note on an ascending scale playing each time. That's what Ellie's soul is like right now and she really really loves you in the way that only a computer game NPC can. Congratulations. She's maxxed out. You are everything that she wants. She furiously rips out her work and begins drawing you a cool fursona of your own:
[[She draws you as Mothra.|Ellie Love Mothra]]
[[She draws you as Nintendogz.|Ellie Love Nintendogz]]
[[She draws you as like, something really good, like an otter or a capybara.|Ellie Love Otter]]
]The deed is done! Good choice!
Sal is currently halfway through a hyperspace flying kick aimed at Paddy's dick. She won't get in trouble for this because Paddy really likes it and he's got spares. The universe is a blur around her and a chode on the internet is writing angrily about her hair colour.
I am typing: Set:`$LoveChosen` to Sal (click-append:"Set:$LoveChosen to Sal")[
There we go! Job Done!
Honestly after playing this long you deserve a bit of wish fulfilment, so Sal stops doing a flying kick on Paddy's groin just in case you interpret that as them having a thing. They don't really have a thing but I don't want you to worry. Sal comes out of hyperspace and plants both feet on the ground where they belong, then she starts thinking about you.](click-append:"then she starts thinking about you.")[
Imagine a bar filling up a bunch of times and a satisfying note on an ascending scale playing each time. That's what Sal's soul is like right now and she really really loves you in the way that only a computer game NPC can. Congratulations. She's maxxed out. You are everything that she wants.
(Set:$LoveChosen to "Sal")[[Thank you for using the Take Me Out Interactive Experience Shopping Catalogue, now make yourself useful and shoot another show.|Shooting Day]]]Congratulations on choosing the only truly reciprocal option available in the game. Unfortunately you have also chosen the worst written, and most cloyingly self congratulatory option.
So there's this big explosion of I don't fucking know, glittery rainbows or something? Cliched queer stuff for the queer community you know? Really flashy particle effects for the endorphins. Lots of mystical shit but not in a way that appropriates indigenous tradition, or that represents the queer experience as alien or different in any negative light(ey, likey).
Next thing you know like- the concept of masculine vulnerability is sailing gracefully over your head- represented in this instance by a camp elephant with dildos for tusks.
Before you know it you're hearing all these cries of "Free Love" except not the type of free love espoused by dirty bearded hippies who beat their wives, or the type put forward by suddenly and unexpectedly polyamorous guys, or okay so basically not the free love that involves men- or really for that matter- hmm. Okay well some other kind that's not unbelieveably shit?
You're in the club now. You're in the being dissatisfied with the queer options in this dating game club. Remember not to kinkshame anyone. No likey no kinkshamey.
Look. This isn't the right kind of game for all this. Go and play like, We Know The Devil, or something by Porpentine, or one of those titty games people have on their phones.
You know when people say that straight people don't have the lived experience to represent reality outside of the normative regime in a credible or insightful way? This, presumably, is what they're talking about.
(Set:$LoveChosen to "Insurgent")[[Choosing this option was a horrible mistake but there's no backing out now. Go and shoot another episode.|Shooting Day]]With your 999 love bux you can afford to DM me @Videopheasant on Twitter to purchase one of the secret love interests for the game. Please bear in mind that this will involve wiring me actual real money.
(link-undo: "Or you can go back to the vendy, you cheapo.")She's actually really good.
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;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;,,;;;;,,;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,''...............',:odxxkkkkkxxxdoc,...............................;cll:;,.. ..':cllldxkxolloollodollccoxOkxxdc,''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',o0K0o::,''''''';cdkkOOOO00Oxollldxxxdc;,'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''...,:llooddxxxxkkkkkkkkxxol:;'..........................;ol;'......',:lxOkddxkkdlc:::::cllclodxxxddddxo;''''''''''''''''''''''',;::::lOK0dcc:;,,,'.':looodxxxdxkdlllllodl;''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;,;:cllodxxkkkkkkkkkkkkkxxdl:,''''......................'......';cooldkkdlloolccccoxdodxdodxxollllldkxc,''''''''''''''''''';codkOOkxk0KK0Okddddoccdxc'';okxxxk00Okkxdc;''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',''''''''''''''''''''''
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,;;,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;::clloooddddxdxxddol;''''.........................;::cldxdlcloolccldollloxkdlloocccccccldxxxddd:'''''''''''''',;lxOKKXXXXKKKXXXKKOdddxxxxxdllxxkOO0KKKKXXKKKOxl;''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',''''''''''''''''''''''
;;;;;;;;;;;;;::;;;;;;;:::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::;,............................'lddooooollldxxdddxxolloooolcccccccllooddc:lldOd;''''''''''',cdOKXXXK0OOO000KKKKOkkdlloolclx0KKKK0kdoooodxk0KXKo''''''''''''''','''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,''''''''''''''''''''''
;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::::::::::::::;:::;;;;,,,''............................:xxolllloxkkxxdolllllooodxollooc;,,,'','...':dOkl,''',,,'',cx0XXK0Odlc::::cld0K00K0d,......,o0XKx;'''''',,;cokkc''''''''''',,,',,,'''',''','''''''''''''''''''''''''',''''''',,'',,''',,''''
;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::ccccccccc::::;;,'...............''''''''''',;;::::c::::ccc::::cc::::;;;;;;;,,,''.............'cdddolooxOOxolllllloxxdoc,...''..............:lddc,,:loddox0KKK0dcc::oxlcc:;,ckKKKKkc.......'l0XO;.',,,'',,',;;,''''''''''',,,,,,,''',,''',,',''''''''''','''''',,''',,,,,,',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
;;;;;;;;;;;;::::ccccccc::::;,'...'...............................'',;::::ccccccccccccccccccclllllollllccc::::cclloxOkxooxkxdolldkkxl:,.........................;oxxxkOO000000KOo,,:::clc:::c:,l0KK0KOd;......;xKKd,',,,'',,,'''''''''''',,''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,''''''''''','''',,,'',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'',,
;;;;;;;;;;;::cc::cccc::::;,........................................';::cccccccccccccccccccccccccllllloooodddddollokkdoook00kolooxOOo:,..........................:xO00OkO00OO0Kk;';;;;;::clllc:lOK0O000o.......oKXk;',,,,,,,,'''''',,'''',,','',,,,,,,,,,,',,,''''''''''',''''',',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
;;;;;;;;;;;:cccccccc::::;,.............',,,,,,'''.....',,,''''',;;::cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccllllooodddddoloddollok0Oxollllx00Od,.........................;coddoodkkkOO0x,';;;::coxOOkdclO0000KKo......;kKXKo,,,,,,,,,',,''',,'',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'',,'','''''',''''',,,,,,'',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
;;;;;;;;;;::ccccccccc:::,'..............',,,''',;;;;;;;;;;;;:::cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc:::ccllooooolcokxollldk0OkocccoO0Oo.............................,::coxxxkkOOl;;;:cloxO0KOdlxKKKKKK0d:,',';d0KXXO:,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,',,,,''''',,,,,,,,,,,,',,,,,'',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
;:;;;;:;:::cccccccccc::;'.....................................',;::::cccccccccccccccccccccccccccc:,.....'''',:clodxkxolllx00OxllloxOOd,................. ...........',;lddxxkkOkxl:;:coxkxxddk000K0kdoc;,,,,,lkKKXO:',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,',,,,,,,,,'''''',,',,,',,',,,,,,',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,',,,
::;::::::::cccccccccc::,.........................................',;::ccccccccccccccccccccccc:;,...............'',,;ldolodxxkkdlcldkOd,............. .............',;;;cdddxxxxkkkxdoodxxxO0KKOkOkc'..........':dO0o;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'',,,,,',,',,'',,,''''',,,,',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'
::::::::::::ccccccccc::,.....................................',,;::cccccccccccccccccccccccccc;'.........''...........,:loolldkkdllloxkd:.........................;llc:;coddxxdddxdxkkO0O00000OOOd;...............:k0l,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,','',,',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
::::::::::;:ccccccccc::,............................'',;:::::ccccccclcccccccccccccccccccccc::,........'',,,,,'..........;looldkOxolllodo;.......................':llc:;;loddxdddddxddxxxkO000kkx;.........''.....'dKKo,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
;:;:::::::;;:ccccccccc:;'..........................,::cccccccccclcccccclcccccccccccccccccc:;;,,,,'....................,,;cooolloollcc:;;;'..............;:cc:'..',:lc:;;:coxxxxxkkkO0OOkOO000xdc.................:OXXk:,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
;;;;;;;;;;;;;::cccccccc;,...........................';cccccccccccccccccclcclccclcccccccccc:,,,,,,;;,,,,'..............,ccccllooccc::::;,,,,,,'........';coxxo;..';coolc:;;:loxkkOkk0000OkkkOOxl,...........'....'l0KOl,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::ccccccc:;'..........................',;:cccccccccccccccllllcllllcccccccccc::;,....................,,;:ccccccllllccc:::;;,,,''''''....';loxkko;'';coxkkdl:::clooodkkkkdoodddxx:................,lk0Okdc:cc;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::ccccccccc;,,'''.......................',;::cccccc:ccllllllllllccccccccccccccc:;;;,,,,,''''...',;cllollccclcccc:cooc::,''',,,;;;;,,''';ldkkOk:'',cokOOOOkxolccccclllcccccc:,.................:x00kookOkko;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,;;;;;;,,
;;;;;::;;;;;;;;::::c::cclllcccccc::;,'......................'',,,,'.'',;::ccccccc:::::::::::ccccccc:;;:::;;:::cc:::::c::::::;;,,:loc;::;,,,,;;;::;;,,,;:ldxxkd:'',;:okkO0000Oo;,:cccccccc:;'................':dkoc;,;cll:,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;,;;;;;;;;;
;;;;;;;;;:;;;;;;:::::ccllooooollllcc:;'...................................',,,,,''.........',,,,,',,,,;:::::ccccc::;;;;,,,,''',;cl:,,;::;,,;;;:c:;;;;;;:cllllcc:;,,;l:;ldxO00d'....'''..'.................':cc:;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,
;;;;;;;;;:;;;;;:;::::ccllloooddddooolcc::;;''...'.........................................',,;;::::cccccccccc:::;;;,,,,,,'''',;:cc:;;;;:;,,,,,:cllccc::::lxxxkkOxl:clcloodkOOl......:c:;,'.......'',;::;,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,;,;;;,;;;;;;;,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
;;;;;;;;::;;;;;;;:::::clllloddxxxxxxxdooolllcc:::;,,''''',,,''''''....'''''',,,,,,,,,;;;:ccllllllcccc::::;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;c::cc:;;:cc:;,;;;coxdoooddclxddO0KkoxO00kdoollxd'....'cdxkkxxddoodxk0klll;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,,,,,,,;;;;;,,,,;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
;;;;;;;:;;;;;;::::::::clooodddxxxxxxxddddddddooollllcccccccccccccc::::cccclllllllllllllllllcccc:::;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;:cc::clc::cllc::cccodlloxOkl;clokOOdk0000d,.'..,lc;coddxkOOOO0KKKOkO0Kd,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,;;;;;;;;,,;;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::;;;;;
;;;;;;::;;;;:::::::::ccloodddxxkxxxxddoooooddoolllllllllolllllllllooollloodddddddddddolcccc::::;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;llcc::cllc::clllllc::;:lloddllxkxdxxxo:::;;;:;:::cok000KKK00KK0KKkl::dOd;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::;;;;;;;
;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::;:::cclloddxxkkkxxxdooooooodoolccccclllllllllllllodxxdddddxxxxxxxxxxdoolcccc::::;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:llclc::clolodxdc,.....,:cdkO0Oxoc;;od:.....:xk0KXKKKXKKXXKOOOxk0kxo;;oOOxol:,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,,,,;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::;;;;;;;
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:;;:::ccllodxxkkkkxdddooooooddollcc:ccclllollloooooddxxxxxxkkkkkxxxxxxddoloodoolc:;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,',clllcllccoddk0Kk;....,oocd0Oocdd:...'''.....'ckkxOKKXNNNNXxllccd0Oo;;okdlcd0x;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,;,,,;;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::::;
;;;;;;;:;;;;;;:::::::cclodxxxxxxxddddooooollllcccc::ccllllloooodddxxxxkkxxkkxxxxxxxxddxkkkxxxkdl:;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,llcllccloolokkdc....,kK0Okl,'..,c:'.'''';,.':lc;coloOKNNXOlcoc;lxkdld0x;;oOOc,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::::::
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::ccllodxxxxxddoooolllllcccc::ccccccllllllodddddxxxkkxxxxxxdxxkkxxO00OkkkOkkkd:;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;llccllclkkxxo;......cOc,lc.......'''.',;;,;::;,:oc,;oOkkO00Oo:,:xOdddxkloOx:,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::::::
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::cclodddxxxxdoooooollcc:cc::::cccccclclllodddddddxxkkkxxxdddxkkO0KKK0OkkOkkkko;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,:cclccdddxxlc;.......lo'.'.........,'.',;;;:;,,,;;,,cOx;,;cOKo,,:kd;;;o0dll;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::::::
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::ccloddxxxxxxddddddolc::::::::::ccccccclloooddddddxxkkkkxddddxk0KK00OxxddkkOOkl;;,,;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;llcloloxdc,..........;,.'''...'..',,'',;:;;,,,,,,,,:do;,;;;xKo,;oo;,,,dkc,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::::::
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::ccloddxxxxxxdddxdddocc:::::::::cccclllllloooddddddxxkkxdooodk0KKOkkxddddkkkkOkl:;;;;;;;,,,,;,,,,,,,,;odolodoc,..............'''........'',;;;;,,,,,,,,,,::;,;;,;dk:,;:;,,,;oc,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::::::::
;;;;;;;;;;:::;::;::::cloodddxxxxxdddxxxdolcc::::::::cclllcclllllloooddxxxxxdolllxO00Okxxdddddxxkxkkkxc;;;;;;,,,,;;,,,,,,,:lloool;.................''.....'',,;;,,,,,,,,,,,;,,;;;;;,,;c:,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::;;;;::::::::::::::
;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::ccloodddxxxxddxxxxxddoooolc:::::ccllllllllllllodddxxxxddoook00OOkddddddxxdodddddxxl;;;;;,,,,,,,,,;,,,;oddoc,....................''..',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;,,,;;;,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::::::::::::
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::clloodddddxddddxxxxkkkkkkxdllcccllllllllooooloodxxxxxxxddxO00Okxdlodoooddoollllllodl:;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,:do,....................'','''',,,,,,,,;,,,,,;,,;,,,,;,,,;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:;;:;;::::::::::::
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::cllloddddxddddddddxxkOOOOkxxxoccllllllooddddddddxxxxxkOO000OOOxdlcloolloollccccllclooc;;;;;;,,,;;;,,,,,,'..............''''.',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;,,;,,;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::::::
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::ccclloooodddddddooddxkkkOkxxxxolclllllodddxddddxxxxxkOO0OOOOOkxddlccllclllccc:cccccccllc:;;;;;;;;;;;;,,'..............''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::::
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::cclllllloooooooooodddxxxxxxdddollllooddddddxxkkOOOOOOkkkkkkkxdoolllllllc:ccccc:::::cccc:::;;;;;;;;;;;,'..''',,''',,,',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,;;,;;;,,;;,,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::;;
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::cccllllllllllllllloodddddddddddooolodddxxxkkOOOOOOOkkkxxxkkxdolllccccllcccc:::::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;,,;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,;,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::cccclloolllllccllllloooooooodxddddddxxkkkkkkkkkkkkkkxxxddddoooooolcccccccc::::;;;::;;;;;;;::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;,,;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::ccloooolllccclllclllllloooddxdddxxkkkkkkkkkkkkxxxxxxdoooollllllllllccccc::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;,,;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:
[[Wow! That auto generated ASCII of Mothra is sensational and not at all completely fucked by this browser window!|Ellie Love Wrapup]]She's actually really good.
KKKKKKK000000000XXX0OOOkkkkkkkkxxxxxxk00Okkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkkxxdc;codoollllll:'':::;;;,,''''''.......'''',,;;;;;,.';::;:lollllolloooxkxddddxxxxxxkOOOOOOOOOOOOO0000KKOkxxxxxkO0K0OO0XK0KKKKKKKKKK000KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK000000000OOOOOOOOkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXKKKKKK0000000OOOOO00OOkkkkkkxxxxxxxdxxkkxxd:;:oddddddddxl,,clllllccccccll::;:::::::cclolcc:;'':c:;;lollllllloooxkxdddddxxxxxkOOOOOOOOOO000000KKKK0OkkkOOOOO00000000000000KK0000KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK000000000OO00OOOOOOOOOOkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
kkkkOOOOOOOOO000KXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKK0000000000OOOOOOOOkkkkkkkkkxxd:,:oxdddddddxl',cllllcccccclodlccccccccccclolcc:;'';c:;;collloooooodxxxxxxkkkkkkOOOOO000000000KKKKKKK00OOOOOOOOOO000000000000000000000000000000000OOOOOOOOOOOOkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
dddddddddddddddxOKXK0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO00OOOOOOOOOkkkkkkkkkkxkd;,:oxxxxxxxddc',odddooooooooddolllllllcccclllcc::'.;lc;;:ldddddxxxxxkkkkkkkkkkOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO00K0kxkOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
ddddddddddddddddkKKK0OOOOkkkkkkkkkkkkkO00OOkkkkkkkkkkxxxxxkxxxl;,;ldddddddddc.,looooooooooodddooooooooooooollllc,.;ol;;:ldddddddddxxxxxxxxkkkkkkkOOkkkkkkkkOOOOOO00OxdxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkxkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkO0000OOOOOOOOOOOOOO
ddddddddddddddddx0KK0OOOkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkOOOkkkkkkkkkxxxxxxxxxxdl;,;ldoooooodo:.';c::ccccccccooollllllllllllollcc:'.,::;;:cooooooooodxxxxxxxxxxkkkkOOkkkkkkkkkkOOOOO0OdodooodddddxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkxkkkkkxxxkkkkkkkkkkkkkkOOOOOO000OkxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkkkkKNNNNXKKKKKKKKKK0000
ddddddddddddddddxOKK0OkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkOOOkkkkkkkkxxxxxxxxxxxdl;,;ldoooooooo:.';:::::::::::ldollllllllcccllll:;;'.';:,,;cloooooooodxxxxxxxxxxxkkkOOkkkkkkkkkkkkOOO0kdoddoodddddxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkkkkkkkkkkOOOOOOOOO0000K000000000KKKKKKKKKKKKXXXNNNNKOkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkxkkkkkOXNNNNXKKKKKKK0000000
dddddddddddddddddkKK0OkkkkkkkkkkkkkkxxkOOOkkkkkkkxxxxxxxxxxxxdl;,;ldoooooooo;.';:::::::::::ldolllllllccccllll:;;'.';:;;;:looooooooddxxdxxxxxxxxxkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkOO0kdoooooooddddddxkkkxxxxkkkkkkkkOOOO0KKKKKKKKKKKKXXXXXXXXXXNNNNXXKXXKKXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXNNNN0kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk0XNNNNXKKKKK000000000
dddddooodddddddddk0K0OkkkkkkkkkkkxxxxxkkOOkkkkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxxdc,,,;::ccccccl;.';:::::::::::loollllllccccccccc:;,'.'',,;::lllooooooodxxdxxxxxxxxxkkkkxkkkkkkkkkkkkO0kooooooooooodddkKK0OOOOOOOOOOOO0000KXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXNNNNXXKXXKKXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXNNNX0kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkxkkkkkk0NNNNXKKK000000000000
oooooooooooooooooxO00OkkkkkxxxxxxxxxxxxkOOkkkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxdc,,'.................'''''''',,,'''''''''''............';::lllooooooodxxddxxxxxxxxkkkxxxxxxxkkkkkkkO0xooooooooooddddOKKOOOOOOOOOOOOO0000XXXXXKXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXNNNXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKXXXXXXXNNNXOkkkkxxxxxxxxxxkkkkkkxxkkkOKNNNNXKK0000000000000
ooooooooooooooooodk00Okxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkkkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxdxxxdc,,,''...........................................''''',;:::cllloooooodxdddddxxxxxxxkkxxxxxxxxxkkkkkOOxooooooooooddddOK0OOOOOOOOOOOOOO00KXXXXKKKXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXNNNXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKXXXNNNNKkkkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkxxxxkkOXNNNXK000000000000000
ooooooooooooooooook0OOkxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxddxxxdc,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;:::cc:::;;;;;;:cllloooooodxdddddxxxxxxxkxxxxxxxxxxxkkkkOOxoooooooooodddxOK0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO0KXXXXKKKKKKKKKXXXXXXXXXXNNXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKXNNNN0kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxk0XNNNXK000000000000000
ooooooooooooooooooxO0Okxxxxxxxxxxxxxxddxkkkxxxxxxxxxxdddddxxxdc,,;cllcccc:::;,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::::::c::cloddoc;;;;;;;:llllooooodxdddddddddxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkOOdooooooooooooox0K0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKXXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKXXXXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKXNNNXOxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkKXNNXK0000000000000000
ooooooooooooooooooxOOOkxxxxxxxxxxxxxdddxxkxxxxxxddddddddddddxdc,,;cooooooooo;..,:::::::::::cllcccccccccccccccldxkxdlc:;;::llllloooodddddddddddddxxxxddxxxxxxxxxxkOkdoooooooddddddx000OOOOOOOOOOOOOOO0KKXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKXXXXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKXXXNXK0OOOOOOOOOOOOO0OOOOO0000000XXXXXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkOOOkkkkkkkkkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxdddddddddddc,,;ldoooooooo:..:llllllllllloooollllllllcc:::::cldkOOxo:;::looooooodddddddddddxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkOOOOOOO00000000000KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkOOkkkkkkkkkxxxxxxxxxxxxddddoooooooooooodddc,,;looooooooo:..:oooooooooooooooolllllllc::;:cccllldkOOxocclooooooodddooddddddddddxxxxxxxxxxxxkkkkkkkkkkkkOOOOOOOOO0000000000000KKKKKKKKK00000000000000KKKKKKXXKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKXXXXXXXXXKXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXKXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
oooooooooooooooooooxkkkxdddddddddddddddddxx:'''''.........'cdo:,,;clcccccccc;..;:::::::::::clolcccccccc:;;::cccllooddkOOxolllllooddxxddxxxdolcccoxxoodooodddddddxkxooooooddddddddk0OkkkkkkkkkOOOOOOOO0KOl;:;::::::::::::::cxKKKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO0KKKKOkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkOKXXXK000000000000000000
olllllllllllllllllldxkxdddddddooooooooooddx:...............;oo:,,;:ccccccccc;..,::::::::::;:llccccccc:::;::::cllllooodkkkkkdddkOOO00000KKXKK00OOO00OkkxxxdddooooxkxolllooooooooooxOOkxxxkkkkkkkkkkkkO0Kx;.'..'..'''''''''',xKK0kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkkkkkkOKKKOxddddddddddddddddddddddddxOKKKK0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
olllllllllllllllllloxkxddddoooooooooooooodxc...............,oo:,,,:cccc:cccc;..,::::::::::;:llccccc:::::;:ccccclccldddoddxO0OkkkkkxkkxkkkOO00KKXXXXXXXXXKK0OkxddxkdolllllloooooookOkxxxxxxxxxxxxxkkkO00d,...............'.;k00OxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkOKK0kdddddddddddddddddddddddddxOKKKK0OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
dllllllllllllllllllldxxdoooooooooooooooooddl'..............,lo:,,,::::::::::;..,:;;;;;;;;:;:clc:c::::::::cccc::c::loxdoooddxdoooooodddddxxxkkOOOOO000KKKKXNNXX0OkkdolllllllllllooxkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxkOOo'.................:k00kxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxk0000xdddddddddddddddddddddddddx0KKK0Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
dlllllllllllllllcllldxxdooooooooooooollloodl'..............'lo:,',::::::::::;..,:;;;;;;;;;;;ccc::::::ccccccllc;;,;ldxdoolllllllolllooooodddxxxkkkkkkOOOOO00KXXNNX0kdolllllloooooodddxkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxkOkc..................cO0Oxddddddddddddddxxxxxxxk000Odoooooooooooooddooooooodddk0000Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
dlccccccccccccccccccoxxdooooooooollllllllodo,..............'co:'',::::::::::;..,;;;;;;;;;;;;ccc::::::::clllollc;:looolcccccccllllllllllooooddddxxxxxxkkkkOO000KXNNK0kdoooollooolllllldkxdddddddddddxkOx:.................'lOOkxddddddddddddddddddddxkO0Okooooooooooooooooooooooooodk000Okkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
doccccccccccccccccccldddoooololllllllllllloo;..............':l:'';::::::::::;..;::::::::::::::::::;;:::cldddddooodoccccccccccccccccccllllllooodddxxxxxxxxxkOOOO00KXXKOxollclooooolllcloddddddddddddxkkd,.................'oOkkdddddddddddddddddddddxkOOOdooooooooooooooooooooooooodOOOOOkxxxxxxxxkxxxxxkkxxx
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llcccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc::::::::::::::::::;'',::::::::::;..;::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::codddxdolllccccc:::ccccc:ccllllloolllllooddddooooooddxxkkkkO0KKKOkxollllcclcccloooooooooooooddo:;;;;;,,,,,,,''''':dkxdooooooooooooooooooooodkkkxollllllllllllllllollllloloxOOkkxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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cccccccccccccccccccccccccccccccc:::::::::::::::::::::::::ccccc:'';ccccccccccc,,:cccccccccccccccccccccccccldkxddolccccccccclooolllllodxxkkkdolclllooollloloodxxddoooddxkOK0o::clllcccclllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooodxxxxxddddddddddddddddddddd
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[[Wow! That auto generated ASCII of the cover of Nintendogz is sensational and not at all completely fucked by this browser window!|Ellie Love Wrapup]]She's actually really good.
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'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''''''''''''',;cll::cdkkkkkxdxkxook0OOkxddxkOO00kxddxxkkxkOOkkkxdddxxl:col:;cloxOkl;;;;:llc:;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ''''''''',,'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;cdxxkxxxkkkkkkxooddllxOOOOdcccdkO0OdlcoxdkOxxkdlloxkkxO0xdkOdodkOO00xc;;:cdOd:;clc:::c:;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::;;;;::: ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;::::::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,;;;,;;::::::coxxxkkkkkkkkkkkxoccc:okOOkxl;;lxxkOdcclcokkoloccdk000000kkkddOOOOkxxolcoxkOkxodkdllddc;;;;:;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::;;;:: ..''''''.......'...............'''''''''''''',,,,,,,,;;;;::::::::::cccc::ccc::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::codxxddoodxkkxkkkkkkxxxdoolc:lxkOkkxc;:dxoxdc::cxxolcldkO000OOOkdllokOOxdlododkOkxook000kx0Kxlllllc;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;,,,;;;,;;;,;;;;;;;;;;:;;;;;;;:::::::::::::: ......................'..'...........''''''''''''',,,,,;;;;;;;:::::::::::::;;;;;;;;::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:coxxxxxdolloxxxxxxxxxxxdlc:cc::oxxxkkd:;:dxdxdolcoccdxkOOkOOkxdooodkkxdddooddxkxolodxO0Okxk0OkkkOOxl;,,,,,,''',,,''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,;;;;;;;;;;;::::::;;;;;; ...............''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,''''',,;;;::::::::::::::::::::::::::coxxxdoodl;clodxxxxxxxddolccclooodkkkxoccc:cxOOdllclxkkkkkOxolldkkdodoooooxkOOOOO0KKK00OkxxxkOO00xl:clc;,'',,,,,''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''...........''''',,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;; ''.'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,'''''''''',,;;::::ccccccccldxdddol::oxooodxdl;;;:ldddddxkkxoc:::clloxxdxkxllclxOOOOdc:clcokkkocloxdooodddxkkO0KKKKKKK0kxxkkkkO000OkkkkOOdc::;;,,,,'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''......................'''''',,,,;;;;;;;;; '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,'''''',,,,,,;;::codxxxxdlc:cocldddxdooc:cooooloOkk0kdo:,::lkkodddodxxddkkOOdlc:;clodl:cllcodxxkOOOxxkOO000K00OkOO0KK0OxxxxO0K00kdxdol;,,,,,,,,,,''''''''''''''''''''.............................''''',,,,,,;;; '''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,;;;;,;;:coddoddoc:ccc:cdddodollllodoclokOxOkdoolodxxdodxxkkkooxOkdkkdoolc:clccldxkOOOkO0OOO0KK00KXXXXXXK0OkxxxxO0KKKKKOkkOOkl,;;,,,,;;,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''''''''.............................'''''',,,,, ,,,,'',,,,,,,,,,,'''''',,,,,,,,''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;:::clllclllllccol:;clllclooooolc:::looc:oOOkdl::oxkdlddooxkxdodxOkodkxcoxollodxO0OkdoolllldkKOxddxkOkxkkkxdxkO0KXXKKKOxdk0K0kc;::::c:;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''''''................................'''''' ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;::ccloddoccl::::clc;;:oddooollc:clc;;cllldOkdo:,:lddolooodkxdlldxkdookx::oxdodxxkOOxollodkO0K0xllodxkxxdxkkkOO0K0000OxdxkOkOkoodxkxoc::;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,''''''''''''''''''............................... ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,;;:cllllodollll:;;;:clc;,:ccc:,;:,,:clccll:cdkxlolcolclcldxxloxdooddooddxdl:cldxxkOO0kdoxOOkO0K0xllodkOO000OO000OkkOOOxdodkkoxOxk0K0xololc:c:;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,''''''''''''''''''''''........................ ''''''''''''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;::::codo::loc;,,::;;,';::;,,,,,;:;:lodl;,:cccclldllooollccooolccclddclxdc:cdxxkkkdodkO0Okk00xlodxkO000OkddxkxdxOOxddxkkkdkKkk00kxkO000Okolcc:;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,''''''''''''''''''''...'..'.............. ,,''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,''''''''''',,,,,,,,,''''''',,,,'''''''',,,,,,''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;:::loll::llc:,,,,,,;:::;'''.';:::cool::::;:codollcccclddolccccokOo:llllcokkdolloxkOKKkllodxkxkOkO0kxxkkOOOkO0OkxxkOOxdx0Odxkdx00OKXK0kxdoc:;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,''''''''''''''''''''''........... '''''''''''''''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'',,:cclc::cccc::ccc:::::;:;,,;,....,::ccllc:;;::;:lxdcc::lxkxlcloo:lk00dclodddkkdodxOOOKXKxlldO0KkdkkdOOkkO0OxxdxOOOOOO0kodxOOddddk0kdkK0O0Oxoc:;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,''''''''''''''''''''..... .....................'''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,'',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'.....';cloooc;:c:cc:;:c::;''',,...''..',::ccccccloolcccooc:;:lxkl;ckkccxkxddxxxdodxoldkOkddxkxodkO0Okk0kdxkddkO0kxxkkkxxxxxkxxxkOdodxOkdxOOOkkOOxol:::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,''''''''''' ...........................'''''',,,,,,,,,,,,''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;'. .',::clllc:;::;:;;;;:;;;;,''.....',;::ccccccldxdlc:cc:cllloxdc:dkolooollooodxOOkxxkOOkkOO0000OOkxO0xodxxookkxddxxkkxxkkkOOOOOdoxkOxodkkkkxxxxdolcccc::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''''' ..................................''''',,,,,,,,,,'''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,....',:cccc:;;;;;,'',,;;;;,'''.. .,::cccccccllllc:;;:::ldolllccclcc:cccclodxkOOO000K0O0KKKK0kkOO0OkxxdoodxkOOkkdodxkkkOOOkOOdldkOdlddxOOOO0OO000Oxdc:;;;;;;;;;;;,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,''' .....................................''''',,,,,,,,,,,,''''',,,,,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;;;;;;;,,,;:cool::;::::;,'......'..'.. .';c::::cccccc::::;;;:c:cc:;::;;:;;::ccooooodxxO00O0OOOO0OxxkK0OOkkOd:coxxkOOkxdddxxdddxO0OdodkkdodxO00O00000000xl:::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ..........................................''''',,,,,,,,,,,''''''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;:::;,,:cllc::cc:;,,,;;;,,,,,'''... .,:c::;;:cllccllcc:;;:clc::;,;:cc:::cccclooooddxkOOOOOkkOOOO0Oxk00OOxlcldxdolclodddxxxxxkxxxkOOkxxxxkxOOOOO000Okxooc::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ............................................''''''',,,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;:cllc::::;,,,''',,',,,..'....;c::;;;:cccllclllc;;:clccc;,;clddlcccoooolllodxxxkOkOOOOOOOkxxk0000Okdlcll:,..':ooooodxxddxkxkkxddxxxxxkO00Oxdooolldoc::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, .''...'..''''...................................'''''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,;:,,,;:c:::cc:::;;;;;;;'','...',:c:;;;;:ccllllllccc;,:cc::;,;l:colll:looolcc:clodxkkOO00000OkxkkOOOOOkkd;;l;..',cddooodkkddxdxkkkxdodxxdxO00Oxxoc:;,;c:;;:::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, ''''''''''''''''''''''''''''.'.....................''''''''',,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''',,,,,;;;,';ccccclllc:;;;;;;;;,.,;;::cccc:;;;:cllllllcc::c:;::cc:::cl:::;cccllllcc::clooodkkkOOOO0OkkkkkOOOkkOk:','..';ldddddxxxkkkkkkkkdoddoodxk00OOko:;,,''....,::::::::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,, 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;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''''''''''''''''''.'''.'''''''''''''',,,,,,,,;:;;;;;;::;;;;;;;::cclcc::;;;::::cllllc:;;:cllolooll:'...'',,,'..',,,;;::cloooddddddlcccccok00O00KKKKKKKOkOOOkkkkkkO000KXXXK0OOO0KKK00O00KKKKKkdlcc;'.';;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::::::;;;;;;;;::::;::::::::::;;;;;;;;; :::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,'.;;,,;::;,;;::::ccccc:;;;;::::cllccc:;;,;:clc:cc:'..',,,;;''...'''',,:cclclodooodddoodolldOKK0KKKKK00K0OOOO0OOOOOOOOOO0K0OOkxkkkOOO00000KKK0koc:clc;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::::;;;;;;;;;;::;;;::::::::::::;;;;; :::::cc::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,'.';;,;:::;,;:::ccccc::;;;;;:::cllcccc::;;;:llc:,...','',','.''.','''',;clllclodooodddxkxdodk0K0OO000OOOOOOkkO0KKKXK0OkO00OO000O000OkkOOOKK0ko:,,:oxo;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::;;;;;;;;;;:::;;;;::::::::::::::; cccccccccccccccc:::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''''''''''''''''''',,,,,,,,,'',,;:;;:;,;;;;::c:::;;;;;;:::clllcccc:::;;:c;'..''',,......'''',,,,'';:;;:coooolllodkkOkkxxxOKKOkkkO0000OOkkkkkOO0OkkkO00KXXXXXK00OOkkkOKXX0o;,:lodd:;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::;;;;;;;;;:::::::::::::::::::::::::: lllllllccccccccccccccc::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''''''''''',,,,,,,,,,,'.',;:,,,,;;:::::::;;,;;;;;::cccllcc:::;::::,...'''....''''''''',,'''',;;;;;cooooooxkkkkkkkxxk00OkkO00KKK000OOkxdxxkkkOOkkOOOOOOOOkO00OOO000Oxlcoolloc;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::;;;;;;;;;::::::;;::ccccccccc::::::::: llllllllllllllllllccccccccccc:::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,''''','''',,,,,,,,,,,,,.',,,;:;;;:cccc:;;,,,,,,,;;;:::::ccc::c::c;...........'''''',,'''..'''',;;::::clodddxxxkkkkkxk00OkkO0OOOOOOkxxdoodxxxkkkxxxkkOO00000OkkOOkkOxddolccldl;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::;;;;;;:::ccccccccccccccc llllllllllllllllccccccccccccccccccc::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,..''.';::cccc::;,,,;;,,,,;;,;:c::;;:::cclc;. ..........',,''','.....',,;;;,,,:;,:ldddxxkkkkxxkkO00OkkkxdddddoodddooddxxxxxxdxkkkO00OOOkxxkkoloxkko,':od:;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::ccccccccccc lllllllccc::::;;;;;;;;;,,,,;;;;;;;;,,,,,;;:ccccc:::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;,''..';:;:::::::;;;:::;;,;;;::cc::;,,;clool;........ ...,,,,'......''''',,,',,,:coxxkkOkkOkxkOO00OkxdooollllooooooddxxxdddoddxO0000OkkxxkOOkdlldd:',ldc;::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::::::::::::cccc lllllllcc:::;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,''''.'',,;;;;;,,,,:ccccc:::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;,,,,,,,,;;;,''....':;;:clllc:;,,;::;;,,;;::cc::;,,;coddoolc;'... ..',,'....... ..''''',;:okkOOkkkOOOOO00OkxxkxdoollllooooddxxxxxdddxkO00K0OxddxO0OOxoddxl,,ldl;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::::::::: lllllllccc::::;;;;,,,;;;;,,,,;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,''''',;;;;,,;:cccccc::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:,''....';;;clllc;;,,',::::,'',:clcc:;:;,,coodxxxxdl:,'.. ...,'...... .......;ccoxOOOOkkOO000O0OxxkkkkkxxxdooodddxxdxxxdddxkkO00OOxxxdx00Oo,;oxdc:cdo;;;;;;;;;;,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:;;;;::::::::::cccc llllllllccccc:::::;;;;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''',;::::::::::::::::::::;;;;;:;,'...,:;;::;::c:::;;;;:::;'',;;:ccc::::;;;lodxxkkkkxol:,. ...''....''..'',,'.',;;;::cxOOOOOOOOO00OOkxkkkkOOOkkxxdddxxkkkxxdoodxkO000Oxdddxxxdxo..:oddlcddccc:::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;::::::ccccccccccc llllllllllllcccccccccc::;;;,;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,;;;;:::::::::::::::::,....','...';:cllc:,;:::::;,,,,;::c:;cc;;;,:oddxkkkkxxxdol;. ..... .',;;;;;:;,;::llloooxOO00O00OO0OkOOkOOkkOOOkdddddxkOOOOOkxddxxkOOOOkxdddxdlccl,.'lddlcloccccccccccc::::ccccc:::::::::::::::::::::ccccccccccccccc llllllllllllccccccccccc:::::::;;;;;;;;;;,,,,'''''''''''''''''''''',,,,;;;;;::::::::ccc;''.........;cllcc:::::::::;,,,,,;:;;cll:;:::lloddxkkxxxxkxdc'...... .',,clccc;;::loodxkxkO00000OOOOkkOOkOOkkkkOOkxddddxxkO00Odoodxkkkkxxolldxc';ccc;';ool:;::;;;::::ccccc:::::::::::::ccccccllccccccccccccc::::ccc:: cccccccccccccccccccccccc:::::::::c::::::;;;,,'''...''''''''',,''''''''',,,,;;;::::cc:,,,........',,'':ccc::ccc:::;,,,,;:ccccc::::clcldddxkkxxxxxxkxoc;'......',;:llccllcldxxkkOkO00O0K0000OOO0OkxkkkkkOOOOkdddoodxxkkxxxdxkOkkxddoodkx:',:ooc:ool:;;;;;,;;;;;;;;;;;,,,,'''''',,,;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::;;;,,,,;;, ::::::::::::::::::::ccccccccccccccccccc::::;;,,,''..........''''',,,,,,,,,,,;;;:c:;,,,'.'....','....:c::clllc:c:;:;;;;;;::cc:;::::cllllodddddxkkkxkkxxxo,..';ccccclllodooxkkO0O00KK0O0000000OO0OxxddxxkOO00OdldddxxxddxxxkOOOkxxdc;:odl::coxdcddc:;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::;;;,,,,,,,,,,,,,,'''''''''',,''''''',,,, 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[[Wow! That auto generated ASCII of the otter from the wikipedia article for sea otters is sensational and not at all completely fucked by this browser window!|Ellie Love Wrapup]](Set:$LoveChosen to "Ellie")[[Thank you for using the Take Me Out Interactive Experience Shopping Catalogue, now make yourself useful and shoot another show.|Shooting Day]]You are not backstage.
You are back in the studio. You can smell the love in the air. You can smell the nail varnish, the blood and the fear.
The lights come up and you try with all your might to evaporate beneath them.
(If:$LoveChosen is "Sal" or "Ellie")[There she is.(Click-Append: "There she is.")[
There's $LoveChosen. Alone asides from you. No. Not alone.(Click-append:"No. Not alone.")[
There is something else here. Something ancient and newborn. Something surely beyond the allotment of anyone competing on Take Me Out. It makes you want to take your phone out and ignore it until the scene is over.
[[But today I need you to be brave.|Escape 1]]]]](else:)[(Click-append:"evaporate beneath them.")[
(text-colour:"Magenta")[You succeed!]]](Click-Append:"You succeed!")[
(text-colour:"Magenta")[There is something else here. Something alien, and immense, and beautiful. It is not from here. It is here for you. You are no longer from here.
You are a cloud of recognition. You are a gender insurgent.
[[It is time to go home.|Escape 2]]]]Home- I have decided- is rising above (you know, like if you were going to heaven) the world of Take Me Out and seeing that through the transformative power of the gender insurgency everyone is happy now. Below your feet is a studio filled with contestants who are doing things that they enjoy. A group of them are playing Monsterhearts, or more accurately a group of them have stopped playing Monsterhearts momentarily to discuss something in the game that made them uncomfortable enough to stop playing, but not uncomfortable enough that they don't want to stick around and explore. That's arguably the best part of these games where we talk to one another isn't it? It's certainly the thing I love most about them. I was abused.
It's probably better than the sequence you were going to get where everyone metaphorically carries out a revolution against the concept of systemic oppression or something.
That's not what you're getting after all, because I wield (with your implicit (it's the best kind when you need it) consent) the power to do what I want in this scenario and what I want to do is take a time out from this game that I cannot write in the way that I want to because I don't share the requisite qualities with the people who make the things that I love.
I thought about using clever little hypertext tricks to sort of pepper this passage with affective little bullets about bad things that have happened to me to make me this way, or to stop me from being a different way, but it would feel crass, and it would involve writing those things down and having you read them.
It has been 2 weeks since I last edited this piece. It seemed like such a good idea to do this clever little bit where I get real with you.
[[Instead I'm just going to go back to the triumphant finale where you lead a cool insurgency|Confessions]]Ellie leads you across the factory floor. The workers don't seem to see you. You can barely make them out through a thick, stinking haze of internalised self loathing. You can smell them seeing you. You can smell your own aberrant stench.
You pass an unfinished man, he is still being completed. A series of pistons are smacking him rhymithcally in the dick and balls. They are labelled "Football Team". It's very clever. You wonder if he will get a date.
The vapours are thickening now. The natural antibodies of this place are manifesting around you. They know what you're up to. You're here to take away their videogames. Somebody has called the police on you.
They're trickling out of quiet side streets now. An infinite supply straight off the assembly line. A cop that you went to school with cordons off a route ahead, you pretend not to notice, turning, holding one another, to face a cop that is married to your sister. He has his dick out. There are 500 of him. You know that if you turn away, or run, you will be chased and killed by the police. You know that if you stand still and defiant, you will be killed by the police.
[[The only option is to comply with their demands, and die.|Manufactory Ellie 2]]The insurgency is insidious in the way that existing whilst queer is insidious. It's like tucking things away in the corner of a choose your own adventure. It's open and vulnerable and accessible to anyone who makes the appropriate oblique and unrelated series of actions, and sometimes it suprises you both.
It's like your earliest memories fading out. It's like the degradation of nuance on the mp3s you played thousands of times as a teen to simulate personal space. It's like that music still playing even now, but only the screech of old dread making it through the decay.
Flesh falls off my memories every time I go back to him counting under his breath whilst kicking me rhythmically in the face. I'm smaller than the kid in the stock image the BBC uses when they do stories about child abuse. My hands are up though. I bounce off the wall behind me but there isn't room to fall down. One time he picked me up by the scruff of the neck like in a cartoon and then threw me against a wall like a cartoon.
When I was older someone made motions towards me and noted with amusement that I reacted like a frightened animal. Everything I have done is wrong and I have tried so hard not to do it. I have stopped speaking, stopped reacting, and stopped being here as much as possible for a very long time.
People have told me that I come across as autistic now and I imagine they think themselves clever and passionate and inclusive for these insights. In many cases they are all of those things, but not for this.
Sometimes- more often now, I think- I come back to the world and I am brilliant. This is how I know this was done to me. It is not me. I have been so afraid of the things that have been done to me, and that are stil happening to me, forever, that I have never dared to fear my own queerness, and in the scar tissue that is finally forming over old wounds, I am finding the capacity for new fears.
[[Blistering barnacles mate can we go back to the shitty jokes?|Shitty Masking]](set: $LoveChosen to "`$LoveChosen`")I said earlier that you were going home. That was a stupid suggestion. You can go wherever you want. You don't have to be in Take Me Out at all, and I want to thank you for being here with me, because I seem to be stuck here for the time being. This is not the bombastic finale that the other routes will give you, but it's just out of the way enough that I can convince myself nobody will see it, whilst simultaneously publishing it in the knowledge that they will.
[[I would like to get off now. (This will end the game for now)|Final Passage]]
[[Actually. I'd like to stick around in spite of this. I'd like to do the escape sequence that I would have gotten under normal circumstances.|Escape 1]]She breaks and runs. She might as well. They are on her before you even realise she has tried to run.
You want Ellie to tell you longform trivia about the Sonic manga. (is there more than one? there's probably more than one.) You want Ellie to recount her teenage deviantart experiences to you in detail. You want the police to stop breaking her bones.
Her cheekbone cracks like the screen of an iPhone under the force of a blow delivered by your cop sister, in solidarity with her husband. She's driven to the ground and you lose sight of her.
A cop that looks like your dad is trampling the prone body. Your best friend, now also a cop, spits a gob of phlegm onto what's left of her.
"Stop Resisting" they demand, but there is still resistance here.
Stop Resisting.(Click-replace:"Stop Resisting.")[You have not stopped to their satisfaction.]
[[Resist with everything you have.|Manufactory Ellie 3]]What *do* you have anyway? Let's take a look.(Click-append:"Let's take a look.")[
$ConditionsArray
I can't say any of that is terribly impressive. Don't you have something a bit heteronormative maybe? That might help you resist, if you behave a bit more normally, you know?
I have one of Sonic's rings?(click-append:"I have one of Sonic's rings?")[
So you do! That's good! That's like a marriage thing, and it's also a consumption of a brand thing! The cops will like that.
[[Deploy Sonic's Ring|Manufactory Sonic]]]]You expel the ring from wherever it is that those things are kept. It skitters across the floor and the cops scatter away from it like the cowards they are. As soon as Ellie comes into contact with it she's back on her feet and running.
A truncheon caves in the back of your skull, but Ellie survives the next onslaught because she has a ring. It bounces away from her and towards you, and she eliminates like 12 cops whilse she's flashing in the aftermath of taking damage.
Then you're up and running again. Each of you relaying Sonic's ring back and forth through the brutality. Each of you living in the manufactory, where nothing can thrive.
[[Eventually, you have to reach the end.|Ellie Ending]]Eventually passing a scrap of appropriated dignity back and forth will have to be enough. The manufactory will be empty of cops and will just be the two of you. Eventually you have to win the video game.
The ring you've been passing back and forth grows into a portal like it does in Sonic, and on the other side you see the end of this dating sim.
Ellie will not be coming with you. You will both leave, but not together.
What do you have in common? There is a power imbalance predicated on the fact that you imagined her. You do not love each other, you just need one another. Your entire relationship is formed entirely from the trauma of this place.
I'm not even going to describe Ellie. You do it. She's your creature.
Something is happening with Ellie. You need to make a choice because you're the empowered one here.
[[Keep your light on|Ellie Ending Light]]
[[Turn your light off|Ellie Ending Dark]]Ellie steps clear of the wreckage. She steps clear of Take Me Out. She steps clear of you. You are a light at her back, and in the shadow that she casts against you, she sees herself. You are receding from the manufactory as she leaves. You are coming with her as she leaves. You are returning to the Love Lift as an insurgent, and Ellie is leaving with you for something happier.
[[The End|Final Passage]]It's time to go. There won't be any sexy artwork in this game. There won't be an awkward fade to black and then audio where the voice actors make grunting noises some of which were probably lifted from them sustaining mortal wounds.
You turn off Ellie. You turn off Take Me Out. You stay exactly where you are.
[[The End|Final Passage]]I am absolutely astounded that anyone would make it to the end of this game. Thank you/congratulations.
If you actually liked this or connected to it then I'd honestly really like to hear from you.
If you really didn't like something I did here (and you're not a reactionary/fash) then please do tell me because I'm not in the business of shitting on people. (Except reactionaries/fash)
Catch me @Videopheasant on twitter if you fancy.The first man is leaning against a wood chipper and vaping. He recognises Sal as she approaches. She is the serpent of chaos, and she is feeding him into the wood chipper.
The second man is a supervisor. He is emailing SMART goals to his direct reports using his apple watch. Sal helps him, specifically, to measurably decrease his own lifespan. She does this with ease. It is the only realistic option. It takes less than a second.
The third man has the honour of helping to break Sal's penile airspeed record.
The fourth man begs her to have another go at breaking the penile airspeed record (as long as she is comfortable with it. He doesn't think anyone should be doing this sort of thing unless theyre 100% comfortable). She hesitates.
[[Step in and kick the man's dick off so as not to harsh the vibe.|Manufactory Sal Kick]]
[[Blue balls him.|Manufactory Sal Blue Balls]]You have not been practicing the dick kicking skill, so you need to perform the action 12 or 13 times before he informs you that you have kicked his dick 3% off. (he, unfortunately is like 5000% off. He's proper loving this.)
Sal finally takes pity on you and home runs him.
[[The fifth man...|Manufactory Sal 2]]He realises what is happening, understands completely, and respectfully leaves.
[[The fifth man...|Manufactory Sal 2]]...thinks that this sequence is "textbook cuck misandry", even though the previous CAB torture guy is one of the best guys so far so really it's more of a progression of modelled positive masculinities that this guy is fucking ruining. He realises this but the only thing he does to acknowledge it is have his entire skin ripped apart by Sal.
The sixth man is a trans man so he tags along for the fun.
The seventh, eight, ninth, tenth and eleventh men have all passively absorbed some positive modeling, and have really had enough of the manufactory. They're wondering what they can do when they work in an environment that relentlessly breaks them apart and uses the wreckage to reinforce itself.
[[You recommend that they unionise the manufactory, but also make it clear that you're making an exception since you're encouraging direct, materially important action, but that the rest of the time it's inappropriate for them to go looking for the least normative people in their dimension of hell to perform emotional labour for them. It's honestly a pretty smug and unhelpful comment but to be fair to you, you are in the manfactory.|Manufactory Sal 3]]By the time you and Sal reach the exit, the machinery of the manufactory cannot be heard. It's replaced by the rallying cry of the union. They withdraw their labour from the project in favour of constructive pursuits like playing with dolls, discussing how best to accentuate one another's best features (for personal empowerment), and killing their landlords.
The show's producers are attempting to contain the situation by funneling terfs and other, newly minted patriarchy scabs down the love lift, but the disarmament of heteronormativity brought on by the man shortage is making access difficult.
The strike breakers are defeated by punji pits baited with posh boots. The terfs make it clear that they have some concerns, but when they realise that nobody gives a shit about scabs they eventually find other things to be wrong about for attention and leave. Last you heard they were complaining about people drying their hands with the wrong tea towel or some shite.
[[You have done it. You have reached the exit.|Sal Ending]]There might have been endings that relied on less overtly violent solutions to your predicament. In those endings your partner might have a face. There might be a version of all this where you do something other than reskin Nathan Drake then mash the A button.
Anyway the guys that you deactivated have dropped like... spirit orbs. You've crafted a key? The exit is there yay.
Sal will not be coming with you. You will both leave, but not together.
What do you have in common? There is a power imbalance predicated on the fact that you imagined her. You do not love each other, you just need one another. Your entire relationship is formed entirely from the trauma of this place.
I'm not even going to describe Sal. You do it. She's your creature.
Something is happening with Sal now. You need to make a choice because you're the empowered one here. Make the choice.
[[Keep your light on|Sal Ending Light]]
[[Turn your light off|Sal Ending Dark]]Sal steps clear of the wreckage. She steps clear of Take Me Out. She steps clear of you. You are a light at her back, and in the shadow that she casts against you, she sees herself. You are receding from the manufactory as she leaves. You are coming with her as she leaves. You are returning to the Love Lift as an insurgent, and Sal is leaving with you for something happier.
[[The End|Final Passage]]It's time to go. There won't be any sexy artwork in this game. There won't be an awkward fade to black and then audio where the voice actors make grunting noises some of which were probably lifted from them sustaining mortal wounds.
You turn off Sal. You turn off Take Me Out. You stay exactly where you are.
[[The End|Final Passage]]The scenarios in this game feature the following:
Gendered violence, sexual violence, bigotry most prominently along the lines of gender and sexuality, but straying into many other areas, as these things tend to.
Police brutality.
Explicit descriptions of child abuse in a domestic setting.
Discussions of long term trauma.
Wow that's quite the payload for a Take Me Out Tribute.(Click-append:"Wow that's quite the payload for a Take Me Out Tribute.")[
[[Yes it is. If you're up for it. It's time to get started.|Opening]]]Daddy Paddy grunts like an anime character and ejects your egg from his cloaca. You have been reborn. You scrabble hungrily at the membrane of release forms that encases you. Daddy Paddy is addicted to love, and he has passed this condition on to you. You are and have always been love sick.
By the time you have emerged from your egg he has moved on to another of his children. He has no love to spare for you. You grow insatiably into a form that might be able to get a hit. You sign the forms. You wait hungrily in the dark for a chance to compete on Take Me Out.
[[A thousand years of perseverence, and your dreams are coming true.|Shooting Day]]
↶↷ Current Conditions: Lovesick
Welcome to Take Me Out: The Official ITV Obituary Epitaph Eulogy Tribute! As a fan of heteronormativity, charmingly bad improvised patter, and horrific structural violence, I am often consumed by indescribable despair upon realising there won't be any new episodes of Take Me Out.
In order to cope I have made this game that allows you access to the authentic experience of being a part of the show any time that you need to!
Before we proceed it's time for your friend Paddy McGuinness to make an important contribution.
"Let the audience see the content warnings"(There's really nothing more to the catchphrases than this.)
I have this thing about the amount of prominence given to content warnings and would like to skip them.