Goblin Encounter

Choose your class. [[Warrior]] A fighter, dedicated to martial techniques and combat discipline. Mage (coming soon) A sorcerer, wielding spells and cantrips rather than sword and shield. Thief (coming soon) A rogue, using wits, charm, and sleight of hand to get what they want. (set: $hometown to "Cobbler's Keep")(set: $setting to "Salvestria") (set: $goblin to 1) (set: $reconcile to 0) (set: $revive to 0)

You begin your journey in the open countryside of $setting, outside the small town of $hometown. In the tall grass you find a goblin, scratching at itself and gnawing on a hunk of meaty bone. I [[strike]] the goblin. I [[examine]] the goblin. I [[pet]] the goblin.

You begin your journey in the open countryside of Kavlaria, outside the small town of $hometown. In the tall grass you find a goblin, scratching at itself and gnawing on a hunk of meaty bone. [[Cast a firebolt at the goblin.|firebolt]] [[Sing the goblin a song.|sing]]

You begin your journey in the open countryside of Kavlaria, outside the small town of $hometown. In the tall grass you find a goblin, scratching at itself and gnawing on a hunk of meaty bone. [[Sneak up to the goblin and ambush it.|ambush]] [[Do a neat trick for the goblin.|trick]]

I, uh, beg your pardon? You want to, uh, //pet// the goblin? Not very fighter-ly of you, I'd say. That's just me, though. Yeah. I [[pet|petactual]] the goblin. On second, thought, I ought to [[strike]] it before it gets the drop on me.

You raise your sword and //rolls dice// //result: 1// The iron blade drops from the hilt. The goblin looks to you, having noticed your blunder and considering its next move. I [[brawl]] the goblin with my bare hands. I take the broken blade and [[carve]] a game of tic-tac-toe into a nearby tree with the goblin.

Double-click this passage to edit it.

You go to pet the goblin, on the, erm, head? On the [[head]], yes. I scratch under its [[chin]], actually. Actually, I'd like to [[strike]] it.

You lunge at the goblin with your hands — your warrior training gives you a working knowledge of grappling, and with that knowledge you sieze the goblin with ease. You stand with the goblin in your grasp. I [[pummel]] it to death. I [[waltz|track]] with the goblin.

Erm, friend — Warrior, it seems as if the goblin might try to attack you if you concern yourself with such mindless distractions. Nah, it's [[cool]]. I suppose I ought to [[go fight it|brawl]] then.

You know what a goblin is, right? Mean, green, level 1 humanoid? I've [[never]] met a goblin in my life, have you? Of course I know, we went to [[college]] together.

You place your hand on the, erm, goblin's head and pat gently. The goblin isn't quite sure what you're doing — and frankly, Warrior, neither am I. I want to be its [[friend]]. I want to [[lull]] it into a false sense of security.

You place your hand under the goblin's, erm, neck, and scratch gently. The goblin isn't quite sure what you're doing — and frankly, Warrior, neither am I. I want to be its [[friend]]. I want to [[lull]] it into a false sense of security.

Well, Warrior, goblins are not meant to be trifled with. They're netural evil, which means they're likely to prey on weaker folk such as yourself. Then [[why]] are we playing tic-tac-toe together? You [[seem]] to know an awful lot about this goblin. Are you a goblin?

What are you talking about? You didn't go to college with this goblin. You are a level 1 Warrior standing in front of a level 1 neutral evil goblin that is holding in its hand a chunk of something else's flesh, still on the bone. I [[slay|brawl]] the goblin like any good Warrior would. I ask the goblin for a [[bite]].

You're not supposed to be playing tic-tac-toe, Warrior! You're suppposed to be fighting the goblin. Fair point, o mighty Narrator. I shall [[lunge|brawl]] at the goblin where it stands. I am fighting the goblin. With my [[wits]]. I feel like this goblin doesn't really [[deserve]] that.

Am I a - no! Goblins are creatures and I'm a Narrator. I am not a goblin, and you're weird for asking that question. Can this goblin be the new [[Narrator]]? It seems like the only goblin experts around here are you and the goblin. I'm just connecting the [[dots]].

I'll be blunt with you — I think neither you nor the goblin have what any normal person would call "wits". This is an abysmal game of tic-tac-toe, by the way. You both failed your Intelligence check and find yourselves at a stalemate. To be [[fair|track]], it's very hard not to stalemate in tic-tac-toe. If we came to a draw, then the goblin and I are equals. I ask it to [[join]] my party. Then the [[only way|brawl]] to reconcile this draw is with hand-to-hand combat.

It's neutral evil! It, by definition, is an active threat to those who are good. Why can't you wrap your head around that? I've seen no [[proof|track]] that it's evil. Why would I take your [[word|track]] for it? Personally, I think there's [[potential|track]] for good in everyone.

It's venison. I [[scarf]] down the whole hunk of meat in front of the goblin. I throw the meat to the ground and [[lunge|brawl]] at the goblin. I [[educate]] goblin on the various spices that compliment to smoky taste of roasted venison.

Ah, but you see, Warrior, goblins are neutral evil. It's unwise to make friends with goblins, for they're a hostile and devious folk. My mistake, then. I [[attack|brawl]] the goblin with my hands, then. It seems pretty [[harmless]]. I didn't [[pick|track]] the Warrior class to be wise, Narrator.

Ha! Very clever, Warrior. I'm sorry I doubted you. Anwyay, you've got the goblin's head in your grasp as you stroke it, erm, lovingly (or so it appears). The goblin complies and revels in the moment, blissfully unaware of your intentions. What's next, Warrior? I sing the goblin a [[lullaby]]. I [[attack|brawl]] the goblin while it's unaware.

What? [[Rock-a-Bye-Baby|lullabyactual]] [[Hush Little Baby|lullabyactual]] [[Kumbaya|lullabyactual]]

Huh? No! The goblin can't be the Narrator. What kind of nonsense is that? At least give it a [[try|goblin]]. I'm sure it'll do fine. Listen, [[Narrator|goblin]], it couldn't do any worse a job than you. Why don't you [[help]] it then, if it'd be so incompetent? Fine. I'm gonna go [[punch|brawl]] it, then.

Connect the dots? Do I look like a goblin to you? Don't answer that, actually. This game is [[literally|track]] a game of answering questions, Narrator. I do [[imagine|track]] you look like a goblin, yes. I bet you look more like one of those [[centaur-type|track]] things.

ALRIGHT, alright, we're getting off-track. Are you going to slay this goblin, or are we gonna have to call it quits here? If you quit, can the goblin be the new [[Narrator]]? Very well. I [[attack|brawl]] the goblin. You [[haven't|rules]] given me a good reason to kill this goblin.

OK, ok, you sing the goblin a lullaby. It falls asleep. It's at this point totally defenseless. What comes next? (And, may I remind you, you're a Warrior - the kind who vanquishes monsters and recieves the same amount of xp whether their enemy is asleep or not.) I [[strike|strike]] it while it's down. I eat the [[meaty bone|scarf]] while it's asleep. Well, I'd better not disturb it. I [[head back]] to $hometown. I [[watch over]] it, so it may sleep in peace.

You can't head back! You're on a grand adventure - go slay that goblin and get some xp! What is this, Baldur's Gate? [[Of course|track]] I can go back. OK. I [[watch over]] it, so it may sleep in peace. OK. I eat the [[meaty bone|scarf]] while it's asleep. Fine. I [[lunge|brawl]] at the goblin.

Harmless? It does 1d6 bludgeoning damage with that hunk of meat it's carrying at a +4. He's certainly not harmless. Hostile, even. Very well, I [[lunge|brawl]] at it before it can damage me. You [[seem]] to know an awful lot about this goblin. Are you a goblin? I want to teach it to [[love]].

That just seems cruel. Why'd you do that. I [[saved|track]] its life - the venison was poisoned! To strike fear into the goblin before I [[attack|brawl]] it. So it can have my [[rations|deserve]] instead. It's a good goblin.

What do you know about spices?! And what in the Forgotten Realms do you think the goblin is going to do with the information you provide? It could [[cook|track]] us nice dinner. We could [[write|track]] a cookbook together. I could [[lie]] to it, and tell it that a deadly poisonous spice is actually edible.

A goblin can never know love, Warrior. You'd best get that through that thick skull of yours. You [[seem]] to know an awful lot about goblins. Are you a goblin? [[Projection|track]], much?

Watch over it? Just attack it! Slay the thing! It's a menace! This thing is [[not a menace|deserve]], it's a cutie. Consider it [[done|brawl]].

Wow, that's dark, even for me. But I'm impressed — I can't deny that. Yeah, OK, this works. What do you tell the goblin? I tell it the [[nearby]] purple blackroot actually complements the venison. I tell it I [[love]] it. I ask it to [[join]] my party.

This is absurd. The goblin is not joining your party. It is a hostile creature, and there's nothing you can do about that. I cast a [[charm]] spell to convince it to follow me. I respect its need for solitude and [[return|head back]] home to $hometown. I take offense to its rejection and [[attack|brawl]].

The goblin heeds your advice and dries and crushes the purple blackroot into a powder before sprinkling the powder atop the venison. The goblin takes a healthy bite from the spiced meat, gauges its flavor, and beams with joy. The goblin is... fine. Warrior, was that not a poisonous flower? I sure [[thought|track]] it was. Not for [[goblins|track]], it isn't. Why would I [[poison|track]] the goblin?

The goblin is short and stocky, green and warted from head to toe. Its teeth are sharp and yellow, caked in the blood that spurts from the hunk of meat it chews on from time to time. The meat clings to a bone, a bone that once belonged to either a member of the local fauna or an unlucky traveller. I [[strike]] the goblin. I [[pet]] the goblin.

You're not a Mage, you're a Warrior! [[C'mon|track]], how hard could it be? Is it too [[late|track]] to swap classes? A [[Warrior|track]] who casts spells, that is.

You beat the goblin into a bloody pulp. The menace to the citizens of $hometown has been vanquished, all thanks to you, mighty Warrior. You are awarded 50 xp for your efforts. Many more grand adventures will await you as you cross these expansive plains and discover new foes and allies! (set: $goblin to 0) [[Huzzah|end]]! Onward to greater adventure! [[If you say so...|end]](if: $reconcile is 0)[ [[I dunno|dunno]], it just feels like I murdered a goblin in cold blood.]

That's the spirit! Onward, to greater adventure!

Aw, c'mon, Warrior. Don't think of it like that. You're protecting the countryside and growing as a person. Goblins are evil folk. (if: $goblin is 0)[ I [[suppose|end]] that's the right way to see it.](if: $goblin is 1)[ I [[suppose|pummel]] that's the right way to see it. Let's end this, then.] How can you [[say|authority]] that to be true for every goblin? Who [[defines|authority]] good and evil, here? I don't think any [[species|authority]] can be inherently malicious, do you?

OK, Warrior. I'll go down the list for you. You're a Warrior. You get xp for killing creatures. Goblins are creatures. When you get xp, you become stronger. A better Warrior. Don't you want to become a better warrior? I [[thought|dunno]] being a Warrior would be heroic. Not like this. But [[why|dunno]] does it have to be at the expense of this harmless goblin? Well, when you put it like that, I guess I'll [[attack|brawl]] the goblin. Well, I [[don't like|Narrator]] these rules. I want a new Narrator, like the goblin.

I suppose that's under my jurisdiction as the Narrator, but I'm just reading what the rules say. You're not a very good Narrator if your every word [[hinges]] on someone else's.(if: $goblin is 0)[(if: $revive is 0)[ Well, if it's all under your jurisdiction, then you can bring it back to [[life]], can't you?]](if: $goblin is 0)[ Narrator knows best, I suppose. Let us go [[onward|end]], then.](if: $goblin is 1)[ Narrator knows best, I suppose. Let's [[kill|pummel]] this goblin once and for all, then.(set: $reconcile to 1)]

Back to life? I mean, yes, technically. I suppose there's some necromantic magic available in this world. Good. [[Do it|revive]], then. Necromancy isn't my cup of tea. I suppose I'll just carry [[onward|end]].

Listen, pal, I never claimed to be a brilliant Narrator, alright? But I'm the one you've got, and I don't see any alternatives from where I'm sitting. (if: $goblin is 0)[ I want the goblin to be my [[Narrator|ghost]] instead.](if: $goblin is 1)[ I want the goblin to be my [[Narrator]] instead.](if: $goblin is 0)[ Fair enough, I suppose. Let us go [[onward|end]], then.](if: $goblin is 1)[ Fair enough, I suppose. Let's [[kill|pummel]] this goblin once and for all, then.(set: $reconcile to 1)]

//*sigh*// Fine, OK, I'll do it. A whirlwind of wild magic blows in from the north, swirling and uprooting trees and shrubs around you. You duck for cover and watch as the storm ravages the countryside. Before long, the worst has passed, and you clamor out of your de facto trench and look to the body of the goblin. It is now, beyond all expectations and circumstances, simply sleeping.(set: $revive to 1)(set: $goblin to 1) [[Walk up to]] the goblin.

The goblin is, surely enough, dead asleep. It's at this point totally defenseless. What comes next? (And, may I remind you, you're a Warrior - the kind of vanquishes monsters and recieves the same amount of xp whether their enemy is asleep or not.) I [[strike|strike]] it while it's down. I eat the [[meaty bone|scarf]] while it's asleep. Well, I'd better not disturb him. I [[head back]] to $hometown. I [[watch over]] it, so it may sleep in peace.

FINE! Have it your way, you incompetent Warrior, you! See how this goes with a dolt of a (if: $goblin is 0)[dead, ghostly ]goblin at the helm, won't you? This is the //actual// Narrator signing off! [[...]]

... Help? It's not like we're sitting next to each other, or anything. That's not really how this works, but I appreciate the sentiment. OK, I'll [[fight|brawl]] the goblin like a good Warrior, then. Then [[step aside|goblin]] and let it work, Narrator.

[[.....]]

[[.......]]

{(live: 4s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[ //Hello, Warrior! Are you ready for your new, pretty adventure?//(stop:)]]} {(live: 4s)[(t8n: "dissolve")[Let's travel [[onward|end]], goblin! (stop:)]]} <audio src="https://goblinboi.yolasite.com/resources/goblin%20boi.mp3" autoplay>

Dude. The goblin's dead. What's it gonna do, come back as a ghost? I guess [[not|end]]. Lead the way, Narrator.(if: $revive is 0)[ Just bring it back to [[life]].] [[...Yes.|goblinghost]] Aren't all Narrators [[ghosts|goblinghost]] or something?

That is untrue and you know it - FINE! Have it your way, you incompetent Warrior, you! See how this goes with a dolt of a (if: $goblin is 0)[dead, ghostly ]goblin at the helm, won't you? This is the //actual// Narrator signing off! [[...]]