You Love Him

[[You awake to the sound of birds.]] { (masteraudio: 'preload') }

6:30 AM Sunlight filters in through the blinds. You blink your eyes against the sudden light, feeling the warmth beside you. //I’ve never had anyone truly care about me before. I’m not very pretty or smart. In fact, most people would call me downright unloveable… I worried that I was broken. But then he found me. I’m not sure why someone like him would stay with me… He’s handsome, popular with women, and successful. I don’t understand what he sees in me. But somehow he says he loves me. It honestly feels too good to be true… my life with him feels like a dream.// [[Kiss his cheek]] [[Keep admiring him]] { (track: 'sadsong','loop', true) (track: 'sadsong', 'playwhenpossible') }

happysong: ./audio/gymnopedie2.mp3, ./audio/gymnopedie2.ogg sadsong: ./audio/gymnopedie3.mp3, ./audio/gymnopedie3.ogg

You lean over and place a soft kiss on his cheek. It’s rough with morning stubble. He stirs at your touch and slowly opens his eyes, giving you a sleepy smile. Your heart flutters in your chest. “Good morning, sweetheart.” He always calls you sweetheart. “Did you sleep well?” “Like a big baby.” He yawns, stretches, and gets up to start getting ready for work. Before leaving the room, he plants a kiss on the top of your head. You mourn the loss of his presence beside you, the mattress still warm where he slept. Leaving a jumbled mess of blankets behind, you drag yourself out of bed to start a quick session of morning yoga. As you’re in the middle of cat-cows, his phone buzzes on the bedside table. [[Pick it up]] [[Leave it]]

The sunlight bathes his sleeping face in gold, and his eyelashes rest against his cheekbones like two black butterflies. He’s so handsome like this, you feel like you could stare at him forever… You’re not sure how much time passes in this hazy morning light. Eventually he stirs, opening his eyes to see you admiring him. “What are you staring at, weirdo?” He flashes a cheeky grin and your heart flutters in your chest. “Just looking at you…” He chuckles at this, shaking his head and muttering something about how strange you are. He gets up to get ready for work. Before leaving the room, he plants a kiss on the top of your head. You mourn the loss of his presence beside you, the mattress still warm where he slept. Leaving a jumbled mess of blankets behind, you drag yourself out of bed to start a quick session of morning yoga. As you’re in the middle of cat-cows, his phone buzzes on the bedside table. [[Pick it up]] [[Leave it]]

You pick up his phone and see one new message from an unsaved number. Good morning, handsome <3 The color drains from your face. You try not to jump to any conclusions. [[Write back]] [[Do nothing]]

It's probably nothing. You finish your stretches and, feeling refreshed, you start to gather your work uniform from the closet. His phone buzzes a second time, persistent. [[Take a peek]] [[Leave it alone]]

Just a quick peek won't hurt... You see two unread messages from an unsaved number. Good morning, handsome <3 Hope you aren’t too tired from last night ;) The color drains from your face. Suddenly you feel sick. He was working late last night, at least that’s what he told you… [[You try not jump to any conclusions.]]

You let the phone buzz in futility as you continue getting ready for work. He comes into the room, wearing only a towel and still wet from the shower. "Your phone's been buzzing like crazy," you mention to him. "Has it? Thanks." He seems disinterested. [[It must not be anything important.]]

You begin to type out a message, hoping to get some answers. At that moment, he enters the room, wearing only a towel. He sees you holding his phone and his facial expression turns sour. “What do you think you’re doing?” “I was just…” [[Confront him.]] [[Make an excuse.]]

At that moment, he enters the room, wearing only a towel. He sees you holding his phone and his facial expression turns sour. “What do you think you’re doing?” “I was just…” [[Confront him.]] [[Make an excuse.]]

“…wondering who's messaging you.” You try to keep your voice firm, but it shakes. His face darkens. He takes the phone out of your hand and looks at the screen. “It was about the meeting last night, and she’s my //coworker//.” He fixes you with a cold stare. “You shouldn’t be looking at other people’s belongings. God, you need to stop being so insecure. We talked about this, remember? I can't deal with it.” Your face burns with shame. He leaves the room and you finish getting ready for work. [[You need to be careful to not let your insecurities get the better of you.]]

“…picking up your phone for you. It was buzzing like crazy.” You hand over the phone, swallowing any negative emotions. You’re sure it’s nothing to worry about. "Oh, was it? Thanks." He's a wonderful man and you don't deserve him. There's no way he would be doing anything suspicious behind your back. [[You need to be careful to not let your insecurities get the better of you...]]

He drives you to work, the same as every other day. When you arrive, you go to open the car door, but he stops you. “Hold on… I want to say I’m sorry for what happened this morning, sweetheart. It was a misunderstanding.” “No, I’m the one who should be sorry... I was being insecure again.” “It’s okay." He gives you a sympathetic smile. "It’s water under the bridge. Let’s put it behind us and both have a good day, alright?” He leans over to give you a kiss before you get out of the car. “Tell you what. I’ll pick you up after your shift, take you home to get changed into something nice, and we'll go out to dinner. How does that sound?” You smile at him. You’re glad he doesn’t seem upset anymore. [[You go to work.]]

You head into the café. One of the regulars, an old man, has already situated himself at the table with a cup of coffee and a book despite the early hour. Your eternally cheerful coworker greets you with a wave. "Mornin', partner. Ready for a new day?" You begin your shift, and there's a bit of a lull between the breakfast and lunch crowds. Time enough to check your phone. 0 new messages [[Send him a message.]]

He drives you to work, the same as every other day. The suspicious thoughts - //paranoia//, he once called it- pull at the corners of your mind, willing you to entertain them. You try to push them down as you stare out the window. When you arrive, you go to open the car door, but he stops you. “Hold on a sec. It's been a while since our last real date, hasn't it? Tell you what. I’ll pick you up after your shift, take you home to get changed into something nice, and we'll go out to dinner. How does that sound?” He leans over to give you a kiss before you get out of the car. He's a sweet, caring man and you don't deserve him. [[You go to work.]]

He drives you to work, the same as every other day. You try to suppress your suspicious imagination as you stare out the window. When you arrive, you go to open the car door, but he stops you. “Hold on a sec. It's been a while since our last real date, hasn't it? Tell you what. I’ll pick you up after your shift, take you home to get changed into something nice, and we'll go out to dinner. How does that sound?” He leans over to give you a kiss before you get out of the car. He's a sweet, caring man, and you don't deserve him. [[You go to work.]]

hope your day is going well! ♥ can’t wait for our date tonight You hit send. Your coworker catches you smiling at your phone. “Texting hubby?” he teases. “We’re not married,” you say with a shy smile. “Not yet at least.” He winks at you and continues wiping down the table. The bell on the front door tinkles as a group of customers enters. Just then, your boss comes out from the back office and addresses you. “Uh, can I see you in the office?” You’re not sure what he wants to talk about… You didn’t make any huge mistakes lately. [[Follow him.]]

“Please, have a seat.” He gestures to the chair in front of his messy desk and plops down with a sigh. “No need to look so nervous. I’ve got some good news for you.” "Now where is it..." He shuffles through the pile of papers. "Ah, here it is!" He smiles and pushes a piece of paper across the desk to you. “You’ve been working here so long. It's been what, four years now? All this time you’ve shown me and my wife that you’re a reliable, responsible employee.” You wonder where this is going. “Business has been good enough lately that we're able to take on another manager, and we thought you'd be a good fit for the job. Of course, the promotion would come with a raise as well.” He gestures to the paper. [[Ask him if he’s sure.]]

You wonder why he chose you instead of your popular coworker. You’re a little shy and quiet, and always considered yourself awkward around people. You can do your job well enough, but... “Of course!” he says. “We know we can count on you for this position.” [[Ask him if you can think it over.]]

Your boss looks a little shocked, but he nods. “Sure, you can sleep on it. Why don’t you go ahead and look over this sheet? It has more details about the new responsibilities and wage increase, and if you have any questions, just ask." As you get up to leave, he smiles at you. "We really are hoping you’ll take the job.” You smile and thank him. [[Grab the sheet and walk out of the office.]]

Your coworker is waiting at the counter. “What was that all about?” “They want to give me a promotion,” you explain, still surprised. He grins at you. “Seriously? That’s great news! Congratulations!” “Well, it’s still not a certain thing… I haven’t accepted yet.” “Why not? You’d be a perfect fit. You know this place so well and all the customers like you.” Do they? You wonder. “Thanks..." You pull out your phone. Your message was left on read. [[Send another message.]] [[Let it go.]]

i have some good news for when i see you!!! miss you You press send. You hope you don’t seem too clingy or desperate for attention. [[You finish your shift.]]

You’ll just tell him about the offer later tonight. You don’t him to get annoyed at your constant messaging again. [[You finish your shift.]]

He comes to pick you up at the usual time. He must have had another difficult day at work, you guess - he doesn't ask you about your day at all. “How was work?” You ask him. He doesn’t respond right away. You follow his line of sight out the window and spot a tall, gorgeous woman. Your stomach twists in knots. [[Call him out.]] [[Keep quiet for the rest of the ride home.]]

You don’t say anything. He’ll only think you’re being insecure and naggy again. Plus, as he reminded you the first time you made the mistake of confronting him, //all men look. It just depends whether you catch them or not. // After you go home and change, the two of you head downtown to a nice restaurant – his usual - and hand his car over to a valet. The host greets you and takes you to a table on the balcony with a stunning view of the city sunset. A live pianist is playing tonight. “It’s beautiful,” you say. He smiles and pulls your chair out for you. “Only the best for you, sweetheart.” His almost old-fashioned chivalry was one of the first things that you found so charming about him. Now, you start to wonder if it's genuine. The host places menus in front of you, full of elaborate French names that you can only half understand. “Can I start you off with anything to drink?” “I’ll take the house cab,” he says. [[“Just water is fine for me.”]]

Your eyes scan the menu for the prices. It’s his treat, as always, because you could never afford a place like this on your current wage. After the promotion, however… It could be a different story. You could be the one treating him for once. [[Order the cheapest thing on the menu.]]

“By the way, I have something to tell you…” “Ah! Me first,” he says, taking a sip of his wine. “My work is having a party tomorrow night. I know it’s last minute, but I want you to come. It would mean a lot to me if you could make it.” You’re caught off guard. [["Of course I'll come."]] [["I'll think about it..."]] [["I have something to tell you."]]

He seems pleased. You're relieved. You can finally share your news with him. “I have something to tell you. Today my boss offered me a promotion.” Just then, your food arrives and the waiter places it down in front of you. He takes a bite of his steak and chews it slowly, almost thoughtfully. He takes another sip of his wine before he finally responds. “Is that something you think you’re capable of?” [["I don't know..."]]

He seems displeased, but you press on. You've kept it to yourself long enough. “I have something to tell you. Today my boss offered me a promotion.” Just then, your food arrives and the waiter places it down in front of you. He takes a bite of his steak and chews it slowly, almost thoughtfully. He takes another sip of his wine before he finally responds. “Is that something you think you’re capable of?” [["I don't know..."]]

You ignore him. You were in the middle of saying something you’ve waited long enough already. He seems displeased, but you continue anyway. “Today my boss offered me a promotion.” Just then, your food arrives and the waiter places it down in front of you. He takes a bite of his steak and chews it slowly, almost thoughtfully. He takes another sip of his wine before he finally responds. “Is that something you think you’re capable of?” [["I don't know..."]]

“I’m not sure myself… To be honest, I don’t understand why they offered it to me in the first place. There are other people who'd be better than me.” You think of your coworker with the sunny disposition. “But I could be able to do so much more if I accept the job. I could pay for dates and one day even buy my own car!” The idea seems to amuse him. “Well, you don't have to worry about paying for things or driving, I'm able to take care of everything. And adding extra responsibilities might stress you out. Just keep that in mind.” He sips his wine. You're disappointed. You were hoping that he would support you or say some words of encouragement, but he seems to doubt you as much as you doubt yourself. Suddenly, your phone buzzes a few times. [[Ignore it.]] [[Check the notifications.]]

“Just a sec,” you say, glancing at your phone. 5 new messages [[Check the messages from your sister.]] [[Check the messages from your coworker.]] [[Put your phone away.]]

You choose to ignore it in favor of continuing your dinner. The food is delicious, and the atmosphere turns romantic as night falls. You manage to turn the conversation to a lighter topic, and before you know it, the two of you are laughing and flirting like when you first started dating. [[Grab his hand.]]

hey i haven't heard from you in a while are you alright? i'm coming over to check up on you tm [[Ignore]] [[Respond to her]]

congrats on the offer today! any idea what you’re going to do? let’s hang out after work tomorrow :) [[Ignore]] [[Respond to him]]

“Sorry, I forgot to put my phone on mute.” “Who was that?” “No one,” you lie. He smiles at you. “No need to apologize, sweetheart.” The food is delicious, and the atmosphere turns romantic as night falls. You manage to turn the conversation to a lighter topic, and before you know it, the two of you are laughing and flirting like when you first started dating. [[Grab his hand.]]

You reach across the table to hold his hand. He squeezes yours and smiles. “I love you,” you tell him, overcome by the atmosphere. “I love you too, sweetheart.” He lifts your intertwined hands and kisses them. The waiter returns and asks if you would like dessert. [[Go for it.]]

You put your phone away. You look across the table and see him looking upset. “Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry…” “It’s a little rude to look at your phone when someone is treating you to dinner, you know.” He smiles as if he said something funny, but there’s no warmth behind his eyes. You can’t tell if it’s a joke or not. [["I'm sorry."]]

sorry, been busy lately You start to type out your response to her when he reaches across the table and takes your phone out of your hands. He looks at the screen with mild interest and then pockets it. “It’s rude to look at your phone when someone is treating you to dinner, you know.” He smiles as if he said something funny, but there’s no warmth behind his eyes. You can’t tell if the whole thing is a joke or not. [["I'm sorry."]]

thanks so much You start to type out your response to him when he reaches across the table and takes your phone out of your hands. He looks at the screen with mild interest and then pockets it. “It’s rude to look at your phone when someone is treating you to dinner, you know.” He smiles as if he said something funny, but there’s no warmth behind his eyes. You can’t tell if the whole thing is a joke or not. [["I'm sorry."]]

It’s been a while since you had something sweet, and it’s the perfect way to finish off what turned out to be a lovely date. It looks heavenly – a delicate chocolate gâteau with a side of vanilla ice cream. You pick up the dessert fork and are about to take your first bite. “Should you really be eating that?” he asks from across the table. “I thought you mentioned you wanted to lose weight.” You can’t remember saying anything along those lines. You stop and stare at the food. [[Put the fork down.]] [[Eat it anyway.]]

(set: $b to (text-style: "blur"))The beautiful woman he was staring at on the drive home flashes through your mind. Maybe he would have eyes only for you if you looked more like her. With a trembling hand, you set your fork back down. “If you’re not going to eat it, I will,” he says, pulling the plate to his side of the table. “Don’t want it to go to waste.” You watch in silence as he eats the chocolate dessert you ordered. $b[//Don’t cry.//] [[Try not to cry.]]

(set: $b to (text-style: "blur"))“I never said that,” you say as you take your first bite. “Whatever you say." It tastes as good as it looks, but the image of the beautiful woman he was staring at on the drive home flashes through your mind. Maybe he would have eyes only for you if you looked more like her. Suddenly the food tastes bitter on your tongue. You choke down the rest of your dessert. $b[//Don’t cry.//] [[Try not to cry.]]

"You don't need to apologize, it was only a joke. Lighten up." The waiter returns and asks if you would like dessert. [[You order some.]]

Chocolate always cheers you up, and this hasn't exactly been the greatest date. Actually, you can't remember the last time the two of you had a //nice// date. The dessert arrives and it looks heavenly – a delicate chocolate gâteau with a side of vanilla ice cream. Exactly what you need right now. You pick up the dessert fork and are about to take your first bite. “Should you really be eating that?” he asks from across the table. “I thought you mentioned you wanted to lose weight.” You can’t remember saying anything along those lines. You stop and stare at the food. [[Put the fork down.]] [[Eat it anyway.]]

The drive home is terrible, at least on your end. He seems to be in a good mood, humming along to the radio as he drives. You can’t understand why he’s been acting like this. He's definitely not himself. Something’s come over him lately… but you’re sure that he’ll be back to his normal self soon enough. [[He has to be.]]

6:00 AM A new day. Maybe he’ll be in a good mood today. You want to hold a grudge over what happened last night, but he’s seemed to forget all about it, so you figure that you should let it go, too. You never used to be so critical about your own appearance, but now you find yourself fixating on every flaw you see in the mirror. “You almost done in there? Let’s go, we’re gonna be late.” “Don’t forget about the party tonight, sweetheart. It would mean the world to me if you were there.” He kisses you on the cheek. [[Go to work.]]

You get home and undress. You don’t want to cuddle before bed, but he insists. You're nauseated by the feeling of his arms around you, like two pythons coiled around your chest. He kisses you goodnight, his wine-tinged breath hot in your ear, and you lay in bed awake for hours. His presence beside you is now unbearable. [[You eventually fall asleep.]]

Your coworker greets you with a wave. “Hey! Did you get my messages last night?” “No, sorry, I was… busy.” “Oh, no problem. If you’re free to hang out after work, I figured we could celebrate your promotion!” He lifts up a large, colorful bag. You smile. At least he believes in you. [[Hang out.]] [[Say no.]]

“Yeah, that would be great.” He flashes his big smile, the one that wins over all the customers. “Great! I have a spot in mind that you’ll love.” “You know, you really don’t have to do all this for me…” “Of course I do. You’re the only coworker who’s stuck around long enough to tolerate me all these years.” You text your boyfriend that you have to do something after work today and you won’t be able to make it to his party. Frankly, you don’t care if he’s upset or not. [[Go talk to your boss.]]

“I’m sorry, I have something else planned tonight…” He looks a bit crestfallen. “I understand, no worries. We’ll just have to reschedule for another time.” “We’ll have to do that, yeah. Thank you though.” You smile apologetically at him. [[Talk to your boss.]]

With a shaking hand, you knock on your boss’s office door and push it open. “Oh, great! I was about to come talk to you. Did you make a decision?” He looks at you expectantly. [[Accept the promotion.]] [[Turn it down.]]

It doesn’t matter that your boyfriend doubts you. Your boss and your coworker both believe in you, so you start to believe in yourself. “I did. I’ll be happy to take on the new responsibilities. Thank you for the opportunity.” He looks happy. “Wonderful, I knew we could count on you!” [[You finish the rest of your shift.]]

Your own boyfriend doesn’t even believe in you, so how can you believe in yourself? “I did. I appreciate the offer, but I can’t accept. I’m sorry.” He looks a bit disappointed. “Ah, that’s too bad. We were hoping you would take it.” [[You finish the rest of your shift.]]

It doesn’t matter that your boyfriend doubts you. Your boss and your coworker both believe in you, so you start to believe in yourself. “I did. I’ll be happy to take on the new responsibilities, thank you for the opportunity.” He looks happy. “Wonderful, I knew we could count on you!” [[You go about the rest of your shift.]]

You leave work with your coworker. He guides you down a path near the café that you didn’t know existed, next to the river. There’s a boulder that functions as a stone bench. “This is my secret hideaway where I come to relax after work. It’s kind of a big deal that I’m showing you," he jokes. He pulls a container out of the bag he’s holding. “I made you something!” It’s a batch of chocolate chip cookies. [[You stare at them.]]

You finsh your day as usual, trying to avoid your coworker. The atmosphere between the two of you is a little awkward now. His bag and its mystery contents sits forgotten behind the counter. Your boyfriend comes to pick you up at the same time as always. “Are you coming to the party tonight?” he asks from the driver's seat. [[Go to the party.]] [[Stay home.]]

“What’s wrong? You don’t like them?” he asks. “Don't worry, I didn’t poison them.” “They’re my favorite. But are you sure it’s okay for me to have them?” “Of course, I made them for you after all. Why wouldn’t it be?” [[Tell him you're on a diet.]] [[Say nothing.]]

“It’s just something that someone said…” “Hm? Who said what?” [[Confide in him.]] [[Keep it to yourself.]]

“Oh, no reason. Thank you, you didn’t have to do this for me…” “I know I didn’t have to! I wanted to. Take it.” He pushes the box of cookies into your hands. “I also have something special.” He pulls out two cans of sparkling wine with a glint in his eye. “The gas station’s very finest,” he says in a mock posh accent. You smile and take one from his outstretched hand. [[You crack it open.]]

"Do you really have to do that?" You're filled with righteous indignation and it makes you brave. "Do what?" He looks at you with an innocent expression. Could you have been imagining it...? "Stare at someone else in front of me. It's so disrespectful and I can't stand it." "What? Are you kidding me? I wasn't staring at anyone. I swear, you're so paranoid sometimes." He shakes his head in disgust. //If you weren't so insecure, you wouldn't even be bothered.// The unspoken statement hangs in the air between the two of you. [[Maybe you were imagining it after all.]]

“…well, my boyfriend…” “What did he say?” “He implied that I shouldn’t be eating dessert because I need to lose weight…” “What? That’s horrible.” “Well, he didn’t //say// that exactly, he was trying to help me, I guess…” "Seriously? I had no idea he was such an asshole.” [[Argue.]] [[Agree.]]

“It's nothing, sorry. Don't worry about it.” If you told him the truth, he might think badly of your boyfriend. Speak of the devil - you glance at your phone and see 2 missed calls from him. //Let him be angry//, you think, but deep down you worry what his reaction will be to skipping out on the party and ignoring him. “What’s wrong?” your coworker asks. “Nothing important… it just seems like my boyfriend was trying to get in touch with me.” “Oof. I hope he’s not too upset.” “Yeah… I hope not too.” “Did he say something to you?” “What do you mean?” “It's just recently, you’ve been acting kind of… off. Even less self-confident than usual," he teases. You want to object, but the words die on your tongue. “So... did he say something that hurt you?” [[Tell him the truth.]]

You pass the rest of the evening drinking with him, laughing and having a good time. You even have some of the cookies he made you. You glance at your phone and see 2 missed calls from your boyfriend. //Let him be angry//, you think, but deep down you worry what his reaction will be to skipping out on the party and ignoring him. “What’s wrong?” your coworker asks. “Nothing important… it just seems like my boyfriend was trying to get in touch with me.” “Oof. I hope he’s not too upset.” “Yeah… I hope not too.” “Did he say something to you?” “What do you mean?” “It's just recently, you’ve been acting kind of… off. Even less self-confident than usual," he teases. You want to object, but the words die on your tongue. “So... did he say something that hurt you?” [[Tell him how you feel.]]

“He isn’t always like this…” Defending him comes to you by instinct, but your protest sounds hollow even to your own ears. “He’s just been acting strange lately.” Your coworker looks concerned for you. “I hope you don’t think this is too bold of me, but can I ask you why you stay with him?” [[His question catches you off guard.]]

“He has been more of an asshole lately…” “Maybe he was always like this and you just didn’t know,” he suggests gently. You want to argue. You feel the instinct rising up, but the words die on your lips and you can only stare in silence. (link:"//Maybe he was always like this...//")[(go-to:"Leaving never seemed like an option to you.")]

“Because I love him,” you reply automatically. But in reality, you’ve never thought about why you stay with him. [[Leaving never seemed like an option to you.]]

“Hey, I’m sorry for putting a damper on things,” he says. “Just know that you’re never alone, okay? You don’t have to stay with someone who treats you badly. You can text me anytime and I’ll come running.” He gives you a reassuring smile, and for a moment you feel like everything is going to be okay. He pulls out two cans of sparkling wine. “I know it’s not the fancy stuff, but I thought it might cheer you up.” "Thank you." You smile and take one from his outstretched hand. [[You crack one open.]]

You pass the rest of the evening drinking with him, laughing and having a good time. You even have some of the cookies he made you. Long after the sun has set, you say your goodbyes and thank him once more. He offers you a ride home, but you decline. [[You catch the bus home.]]

You try to sneak into the apartment, but your boyfriend is already back from his party. He's seated at the table with his arms crossed, looking at you with an unreadable expression. Your lighthearted buzz disappears instantly. "So. You wanna tell me what's going on?" His slurred speech makes it clear that he's quite drunk. You huddle near the door, nervous to step any further into the room. "...What do you mean?" you offer. Your voice is weak. He scoffs. "You ditch the event that I went out of my way to invite you, leaving me looking like the only idiot without a guest. You turn off your phone so I can't get in touch with you. And now you're sneaking in like some kind of criminal!" He gestures violently. You know deep down that you didn't do anything wrong, but he's an expert at making you feel guilty. [["I was just with a friend..."]]

You can only nod. It's embarrassing that it's gotten bad enough for others to notice. You never wanted to burden anyone else with your feelings, especially not your coworker. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry for putting a damper on things,” he says. “Just know that you’re never alone, okay? You don’t have to stay with someone who treats you badly. You can text me anytime and I’ll come running.” He gives you a reassuring smile, and for a moment you feel like everything is going to be okay. He pulls out two cans of sparkling wine. “I know it’s not the fancy stuff, but I thought it might cheer you up.” "Thank you." You smile and take one from his outstretched hand. [[You crack one open.]]

You can only nod. It's embarrassing that it's gotten bad enough for others to notice. You never wanted to burden anyone else with your feelings, especially not your coworker. The wine must be getting to you - your eyes start to tear up against your will. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry for bringing up such a sensitive topic,” he says. “Just know that you’re never alone, okay? You don’t have to stay with someone who treats you badly. You can text me anytime and I’ll come running.” He gives you a reassuring smile, and for a moment you feel like everything is going to be okay. "Thank you," you tell him. "For everything." "It's my pleasure, don't mention it. And I meant what I said, okay?" Long after the sun has set, you say your goodbyes and thank him once more. He offers you a ride home, but you decline. [[You catch the bus home.]]

“Yes, I’ll come.” You learned long ago that if you just go along with what he wants, you won't have to deal with his bad mood. The two of you change at home and head to the work party. When you arrive, you feel completely out your element. Your clothes aren't nice like everyone else's, and you feel small and somehow dirty. The people he works with might be your customers, you realize. You think about how it would be so embarrassing for him if these important people recognized you from your menial job. Your boyfriend’s coworkers and their guests mingle, sipping cocktails and speaking loudly over the music. [[You hide behind him, trying to disappear.]]

You hurry to think of a convincing lie. “Sorry, I’m not feeling so well today… I don’t think I should go.” He looks over at you with a raised eyebrow. “Huh. If you say so.” He drops you off at home, and your phone buzzes as you head inside. It's from your sister. i'm coming over rn After about 10 minutes, she arrives at the apartment and makes herself at home. [["You didn't have to come all this way."]]

“Don’t be so shy,” he hisses at you as a gorgeous woman approaches the two of you. The sunlight reflects off her sequined dress, making her look simply radiant. “Darling, how //are// you!” She throws her arms around your boyfriend. “I’d like you to meet someone,” he says to you. “This is my coworker.” “It’s nice to meet you,” you say, feeling like a mouse in her beautiful presence. She gives you a million-dollar smile and a greeting that you barely process. [[The party continues.]]

“I hope you don’t mind if I sit here.” It's the beautiful woman from earlier. His coworker- what was her name? “Not at all.” You scoot over to make room for her and she sits down next to you. She leans closer to you, a conspiratorial look in her eye. She smells sweet, like wine. “Don’t worry, honey. I’m not interested in your man, and I promise you I'm not trying to steal him.” [[You don’t know what to say.]]

She scoots closer to you. “I’m not interested in getting involved with anyone,” she insists. “Why? Because love doesn’t even exist. You might think you’re in love now, but even the happiest couple you know… well, let’s just say if you could read their thoughts or see what they do in private when no one else is looking… you’d agree with me.” You find it difficult to keep her gaze, and you look down to stare into your glass. [[Your boyfriend approaches.]]

You can immediately tell from his mannerisms that he’s quite tipsy. “What are you two discussing?” he demands. “Oh, I was only saying not to put too much faith in love," she says as if it's the simplest thing in the world, laying back in the chair. He scoffs and waves a dismissive hand at her. “Ignore her. She’s just drunk and upset because her partner’s divorcing her.” She fixes him a dirty look. "As if that's any of //your// business." “It’s about time we went home, anyway," he says, glancing at his watch. A lot of the guests are beginning to filter out. You wonder if it’s safe for him to drive with how much he’s been drinking, but it’s not like you can drive home. You don’t even have a license. You say nothing. "Well, did you have a good time?" he asks. [[Lie.]] [[Tell the truth.]]

It will be easier if you just keep him happy. "Yeah, I had a great time." He looks pleased with himself and the rest of the drive passes peacefully... Until you arrive at the apartment building, that is. He backs into an open parking space and there's a sickening crunch as the car collides with a pole. "Son of a bitch!" he shouts, slamming his fists on the steering wheel. You jump. He gets out to check on the damage, and you can hear him muttering curses as he shakes his head. //If only you had your license, this wouldn't have happened.// He doesn't say a word to you, but somehow you feel the blame radiating off of him in waves. He stalks to the apartment and you dread following him, but eventually you do. Avoiding him, you shed your drab clothing and hop into the shower, letting the scalding hot water cleanse you. His bad mood will wear off and he'll be back to normal tomorrow, you're sure of it. [[You dry off and get dressed.]]

“Well, I guess I felt a little awkward… I didn’t really know anyone.” “If you felt awkward it’s your own fault,” he says, the harshness of his tone making you jump. “I could have introduced you to anyone you wanted. But you didn’t even try to talk to them, you just sat and hid in the corner the whole time like you always do.” You say nothing, shrinking into yourself. Wishing you were anywhere but here, trapped with him. Wishing you could disappear. "Honestly, I don't even know why I bother bringing you anywhere. You always find something to complain about, because you're always so goddamn miserable that you can't stand anyone else being happy!" You arrive at the apartment and he slams the car door behind him. You can feel the hostility radiating off of him and dread following him up to the apartment, but eventually you do. Avoiding him, you shed your drab clothing and hop into the shower, letting the scalding hot water cleanse you. His bad mood will wear off and he'll be back to normal tomorrow, you're sure of it. [[You dry off and get dressed.]]

You get changed into your pajamas and head out into the kitchen. Your boyfriend is sitting at the table, eating some microwave food. You realize you’re quite hungry - you didn't have anything to eat at the party. “Can I have some of that?” you ask him timidly. He gives you a look and sets his fork down with a huff. Not a minute later, he stalks across the room and slams a plate down in front of you. Half of the food is frozen, half of it is burnt. "Happy now?" [[Eat the food.]]

Not wanting to upset him any further, you nod silently and try to eat. You don’t know what’s happening with him lately. You're not sure where this cruel person came from- he’s not the man you fell in love with. He’ll be back to his normal self soon, you tell yourself. You choke back the tears that threaten to fall as you swallow the cold, burnt food. [[You love him.]]

(set: $b to (text-style: "blur"))After he finishes his food, he storms into the bedroom and slams the door without a word. You don't dare follow him, so you resign yourself to sleeping on the couch. There aren't any blankets. You lay down alone in the cold, dark room. Overwhelmed, you begin to cry. When did things get so bad? Why isn't he going back to the sweet, loving man that you knew when you first started dating him? $b[//What did you do wrong?//] You're worried that your mere presence will upset him even more, but you have nowhere to hide. You want to disappear, but this is his apartment and you have nowhere else to go. (link:"Text your coworker.")[(go-to:"BadEndingOne")] (link:"Text your sister.")[(go-to:"BadEndingThree")] [[Do nothing.]]

No one is coming to save you. You’re all alone now, and it’s your fault. You’re not special. You’re not lovable. You were never strong or brave. (link:"We can")[(go-to:"Go to work.")]not escape from the prisons we build for ourselves.

(set: $s to (text-style: "strike"))After he finishes his food, he storms into the bedroom and slams the door without a word. Scared of angering him, you resign yourself to sleeping on the couch. There aren't any blankets. You lay down alone in the cold, dark room. Overwhelmed, you begin to cry. When did things get so bad? Why isn't he going back to the sweet, loving man that you knew when you first started dating him? You're worried that your mere presence will upset him even more, but you have nowhere to hide. You want to disappear, but this is his apartment and you have nowhere else to go. $s [Text your coworker.] You pushed everyone away. (link:"Text your sister.")[(go-to:"BadEndingTwo")] [[Do nothing.]]

(set: $s to (text-style: "strike"))After he finishes his food, he storms into the bedroom and slams the door without a word. Scared of angering him, you resign yourself to sleeping on the couch. There aren't any blankets. You lay down alone in the cold, dark room. Overwhelmed, you begin to cry. When did things get so bad? Why isn't he going back to the sweet, loving man that you knew when you first started dating him? You're worried that your mere presence will upset him even more, but you have nowhere to hide. You want to disappear, but this is his apartment and you have nowhere else to go. $s [Text your coworker.] You pushed everyone away. $s [Text your sister.] You did this to yourself. [[Do nothing.]]

(set: $s to (text-style: "strike"))After he finishes his food, he storms into the bedroom and slams the door without a word. Scared of angering him, you resign yourself to sleeping on the couch. There aren't any blankets. You lay down alone in the cold, dark room. Overwhelmed, you begin to cry. When did things get so bad? Why isn't he going back to the sweet, loving man that you knew when you first started dating him? You're worried that your mere presence will upset him even more, but you have nowhere to hide. You want to disappear, but this is his apartment and you have nowhere else to go. (link:"Text your coworker.")[(go-to:"BadEndingFour")] $s [Text your sister.] You did this to yourself. [[Do nothing.]]

(set: $s to (text-style: "strike"))After he finishes his food, he storms into the bedroom and slams the door without a word. Scared of angering him, you resign yourself to sleeping on the couch. There aren't any blankets. You lay down alone in the cold, dark room. Overwhelmed, you begin to cry. When did things get so bad? Why isn't he going back to the sweet, loving man that you knew when you first started dating him? You're worried that your mere presence will upset him even more, but you have nowhere to hide. You want to disappear, but this is his apartment and you have nowhere else to go. $s [Text your coworker.] You pushed everyone away. $s [Text your sister.] You did this to yourself. [[Do nothing.]]

After you go home and change, the two of you head downtown to a nice restaurant – his usual - and hand his car over to a valet. The host greets you and takes you to a table on the balcony with a stunning view of the city sunset. A live pianist is playing tonight. “It’s beautiful,” you say. He smiles and pulls your chair out for you. “Only the best for you, sweetheart.” His almost old-fashioned chivalry was one of the first things that you found so charming about him. Now, you start to wonder if it's genuine. The host places menus in front of you, full of elaborate French names that you can only half understand. “Can I start you off with anything to drink?” “I’ll take the house cab,” he says. [[“Just water is fine for me.”]]

(set: $b to (text-style: "blur"))"You expect me to believe that?" He stands up suddenly. "If you were just with a friend, then why didn't you answer your phone? You cheating on me?" You shake your head, starting to tear up. It's all so overwhelming - your heart is racing in your chest and you want to turn and run. You wish you could be somewhere, //anywhere// but here. "You're so full of shit. Everything that I do for you, and you treat me like this. Unbelievable." He storms past you and you wince, but he ignores you. He goes into the bedroom and slams the door with a bang. You don't dare follow him, so you resign yourself to sleeping on the couch. There aren't any blankets. You lay down alone in the cold, dark room. Your tears fall freely now. When did things get so bad? Why isn't he going back to the sweet, loving man that you knew when you first started dating him? $b[//What did you do wrong?//] You're worried that your mere presence will upset him even more, but you have nowhere to hide. You want to disappear, but this is his apartment and you have nowhere else to go. [[Text your coworker.]] [[Do nothing.]]

You fish your phone out of your pocket and pull up your messaging app. 16% battery remaining. hey remember when you said you would come running? I need you You hit send and shut your eyes. He might be asleep by now, or maybe he didn't really mean what he said earlier. After all, why would anyone want to help someone like you? You're about to give up hope and accept your fate when your phone buzzes. i'm on my way :) It feels silly, but you start to cry with relief. Once you gather yourself, you hop off the couch and grab a few of your things from the living room. You don't know when you'll return or if you'll ever see the rest of your things - or //Him// - again, but you shut the door behind you and don't look back. [[Fin.]]

It takes an average of 7 tries before someone leaves an abusive relationship for good. If you're going through or have been through a similar experience, you are stronger than you know. You are not alone. (link:"replay")[(go-to:"Opening")]

She scoffs. "It's not //that// far, y'know. Anyways, what's up with you lately? You've been ignoring my messages." Your sister has always been a straight talker, unafraid and unashamed to say what she thinks. Independent and strong. The total opposite of you. She pushes on. "Listen, I know we had our differences growing up. But everyone misses you. It's not the same ever since you stopped coming around." “Well, you know how my boyfriend is. He doesn’t like visiting and the bus doesn’t come out that way.” You feel guilty - when was the last time you saw your parents, anyway? [[She rolls her eyes at you.]]

"You know you can just call me and I’ll pick you up, right?" “I know that, but… I feel bad having you drive all this way. I don’t want to cause any trouble for you.” And, you don't mention, your boyfriend doesn't like it when you visit your family. He looks down on them and says they're a bad influence on you. It's true that you didn't have the perfect childhood, and they aren't rich or important like his parents are, but you miss them. They're not bad people... “Bullshit,” she shoots back. “I’m your sister. It’s not causing me any trouble." "Seriously, are you sure there isn’t anything wrong with you? You look bad. Like, //real// bad. Have you been sleeping okay?” [[Confide in her.]] [[Keep quiet.]]

"I guess things haven't been the best lately..." you admit to her. "How so?" "We've been fighting a lot. Most of it is my fault, though." She raises a skeptical eyebrow at you. "You want me to be completely honest? He's an ass." You look around the room, terrified that somehow he can hear her blasphemy. [[Argue with her.]] [[Agree with her.]]

"No, everything is perfectly fine." You don't want to burden her with your problems, and you don't want her to think poorly of your boyfriend. "Don't worry about me." You fake a smile. "You've always been a terrible liar," she says. "What's really going on?" You drop your gaze, reluctant to open up. "I guess things haven't been the best lately..." you admit. "How so?" "We've been fighting a lot. Most of it is my fault, though." She raises a skeptical eyebrow at you. "You want me to be completely honest? He's an ass." You look around the room, terrified that somehow he can hear her blasphemy. [[Argue with her.]] [[Agree with her.]]

It’s nearing sunset, and you find yourself sitting alone in the corner as everyone chatters behind you. You clutch your glass with both hands. The outside is sleek with condensation; the ice cubes melted long ago. You stare up at the flickering light of a tiki torch, and a moth flitters around it in erratic circles. [[The moth flies into the flame.]]

Protesting comes to you by instinct. "He's not! He's a good man, and he's so kind to me. I don't deserve him..." "Is he really, though? You just said you've been fighting lately, you ignore all of my messages, and you stopped coming to visit. To top it off, you look like hell. You're a shell of your former self, you just don't see it." She grabs you by the shoulders. "Listen to me. I know you - you used to be so tough and full of self-confidence. Remember? That's you. This person you are now isn't you... he's bringing you down and making you into someone you're not." You meet her gaze. She looks so concerned for you. You ponder over her words, are they the truth? You can vaguely recall a time when you believed in yourself. When you loved yourself. [[Hug her.]]

You want to object, but deep down a part of you wonders... what if she's right? She grabs you by the shoulders. "Listen to me. You might not like what I'm about to say, but you need to hear it. This isn't you. I remember when you used to be so tough and full of self-confidence. He's tearing you down and making you into someone you're not. I think you'd be better off getting far away from him." You meet her gaze. She looks so concerned for you. You ponder over her words, are they the truth? You can vaguely recall a time when you believed in yourself. When you loved yourself. [[Hug her.]]

You pull her close and start to cry. "Thank you," is all you can say. She holds you tight and you feel safe. "Hey, don't cry. I'm your sister, it's what I'm here for. Do you need somewhere to stay?" You shake your head, wiping your eyes. "I think I'm okay for right now." You still have faith you can work things out with him - that you can talk to him and he'll change for the better. "I don't think you should stay with him, but it's your choice in the end. Just remember that I'm always a phone call away. And you're never a burden to me. We're family. Got it?" You hug her once more and she turns to leave. "And honestly? I never liked him from the moment I met him. He's kind of a condescending prick. And he's not very cute. You can do better." [[You see her out.]]

Her words linger in your mind long after she's gone. You take a shower, mulling everything over as the scalding water runs over your skin. Maybe things haven't been the best between the two of you lately, but you can work it out. He's not that bad of a guy. You love him. He's going to go back to his normal self, especially after you tell him your concerns. He'll listen. You get dressed and compose yourself, ready to have a difficult discussion. The front door opens and he stumbles in, clearly quite drunk. "Hey, you're back. How was the party?" He turns to you with a nasty glint in his eye. "You wanna know how the party was? I was the only idiot without a guest, thanks to you." You swallow, shrinking back. He's in such a bad mood, there's no way he'll want to listen to you now. "...Oh. I'm really sorry. I wasn't feeling good and didn't want to hold you back." He shakes his head and pushes past you. "Doesn't matter now." [[Talk to him.]]

As intimidating as it is, you follow him. "There's something I want to talk to you about." "Does it have to be now?" He groans. You nearly give up, but you push on for the sake of the relationship. You love him and would do anything to save what the two of you have. This was your decision. "Yes." You take a deep breath and shut your eyes, summoning your strength. "I don't know what's been going on lately, but I don't like fighting with you. I'm really sorry if I did something wrong. Just tell me what needs to change so we can go back to normal. Please..." He looks at you like you're insane. "What on earth are you on about? Everything is fine." "Everything is not fine! You haven't been yourself lately, and it's affecting me too. Everyone says so." "Wait, who's everyone? Who have you been talking to?" He stares at you coldly and you know that you've made a mistake. "Is it that trashy sister of yours again?" You stay quiet. "I told you to stay away from her, she's filling your head with bullshit and making you even more paranoid than usual. That whole family of yours is crazy." [[Fight back.]]

No. There's no going back to normal after this. You pull out your phone. you were right after all. i'm sorry can you come get me? No response. She's probably asleep by now... You nearly give up hope and start to head back when your phone buzzes. i got u. on my way now You sigh in relief and look up to the stars. You don't know when you'll return or if you'll ever see the rest of your things - or //Him// - again, but for now, you're free. And for now, that's all that matters. [[Fin.]]

"No, they're not! They're good people and you haven't even given them a fair chance!" He rolls his eyes. "I've had enough. I don't have to stand here and take this shit in my own home." He storms past you toward the bedroom. "So you're just giving up?" you shout desperately. "You're giving up on us?" "What the hell are you talking about? For the last time, there's nothing wrong! And if you're so hung up on the fact that there is, maybe you're as crazy as the rest of your batshit family!" He slams the door to the bedroom so hard that the room rattles. [[Storm out.]]

(set: $b to (text-style: "blur")) Grabbing your shoes and a jacket, you leave. The night air is cool against your heated skin. You walk for miles, lost in the hurricane of thoughts that swirls through your mind. When did things get so bad? Why isn't he going back to the sweet, loving man that you knew when you first started dating him? $b[//What did you do wrong?//] Where are you supposed to go from here? If you head back, he might act like nothing happened tomorrow morning. That's what he always does after a fight. Everything can go back to normal... [[Text your sister.]] (link:"Head back to the apartment.")[(go-to:"Do nothing.")]