Your browser lacks required capabilities. Please upgrade it or switch to another to continue.
Loading…
,,,The small, wooden cabin is the only touch of civilization for miles. Since I stepped foot in the forest, I have not so much as heard another voice. It's lonely here. But then, it was my choice to be alone.
As the harsh wind bites at me and I face the prospect of spending a cold winter by myself, I'm not sure if I regret that choice or not.
My woolen coat can only do so much before I need to go in to get warm. I rise and enter my little cabin, closing the door behind me and earning a respite from the wind. It isn't much, but what I have here is my own, and it is enough to survive. I've spent the past few weeks preparing for the winter's arrival, and as such my cabin is full of...
[[Food.]]
[[Firewood.]]
<<audio "Desolate" play>>
<<audio "Desolate" volume .5>>
<<audio "Desolate" loop>>
As the days get shorter and colder, hunting will become more difficult, and it will be harder to scrape by day-to-day. The trees, however, will always be there. It is better to stock up on the resources that are harder to come by.
I set my hunting spear and rifle against the wall of the cabin, and rest on the floor in front of my hearth while I cook today's meal. The heat of the fire warms my bones, and the smell of the bird cooking is enough to make my mouth water. It does much to set me at ease.
After eating, I wash myself with a little basin of water collected from the river and go to bed. As I draw the blanket over myself and close my eyes, I hear the eerie howl of a wolf, close enough that it startles me. I shiver, not from the cold.
[[Sleep.|Sleep]]
<<audio "Howl" play>>The cold will kill more quickly and surely than the hunger will.
I set my hunting spear and rifle against the wall of the cabin, and rest on the floor in front of my hearth while I cook my meal. The heat of the fire warms my bones, and the strong smell of duck roasting in the hearth wafts through the cabin. It's enough to make my stomach rumble and my mouth water.
After eating, I wash myself with a little basin of water collected from the river and go to bed. As I draw the blanket over myself and close my eyes, I hear the eerie howl of a wolf, close enough that it startles me. I shiver, not from the cold.
[[Sleep.|Day Two]]
<<audio "Howl" play>>The next day passes quickly, as I am beginning to develop a routine. First, I sweep out the cabin. To a large extent it's futile to try to prevent pests from sharing my home, but I still want to keep a clean and tidy house, another little reminder of civilisation.
I dress in my warm coat and venture outside, checking my traps for small game. I do a little fishing while I still can, before the river freezes over for the winter.
There is time for recreation, too. I have a pencil and a sketchbook, which I have been using to draw and identify the various birds and other wildlife I see. Today, I'm in for a treat: a rare goshawk flies through my meadow and perches for a while on one of the trees. It stays long enough for me to quickly sketch out the bird before it flies away and I am left having to fill in the details by memory.
As the evening comes, so does the snow. It is time to return home. I am looking forward to making a nice meal out of the fish I caught this morning; my stomach growls at the mere thought of it.
Once I arrive at my cabin and shake off my boots, I coax the hearth fire back to life and begin to cook my fish. The meal is delicious. Perhaps I could gather water and trap some living fish inside before the river freezes over; that way, I could have fish even through the winter.
Belly full and body warm, I feel content, and spend a while relaxing by the fire. Eventually, I put my boots back on and prepare to venture outside again to carry my fish scraps out to the refuse pile. I'm not looking forward to the trip in the cold and dark, but to keep my food waste any closer to the cabin would attract pests and predators.
Or perhaps it already has. There is a wolf standing at the edge of the meadow, just past the tree line. My breath catches, as much from wonder as from fear. The wolf's fur is a bright white, comparable in color to the snow falling around it, and its piercing yellow eyes are locked onto mine. For a moment, neither of us move.
I scare it away. (This option not available during this demo.)
[[I offer it my food scraps.|firewood route scraps]]
<<audio "Howl" fadeout>>The next day passes quickly, as I am beginning to develop a routine. First, I sweep out the cabin. To a large extent it's futile to try to prevent pests from sharing my home, but I still want to keep a clean and tidy house, another little reminder of civilisation.
I dress in my warm coat and venture outside with my axe, spending part of the morning chopping enough firewood to last me the next few days. I check my traps for small game and do a little fishing while I still can, before the river freezes over.
There is time for recreation, too. I have a pencil and a sketchbook, which I have been using to draw and identify the various birds and other wildlife I see. Today, I'm in for a treat: a rare goshawk flies through my meadow and perches for a while on one of the trees. It stays long enough for me to quickly sketch out the bird before it flies away and I am left having to fill in the details by memory.
As the evening comes, so does the snow. It is time to return home. I am looking forward to making a nice meal out of the fish I caught this morning; my stomach growls at the mere thought of it.
Once I arrive at my cabin and shake off my boots, I coax the hearth fire back to life and begin to cook my fish. The meal is delicious. Perhaps I could gather water and trap some living fish inside before the river freezes over; that way, I could have fish even through the winter.
Belly full and body warm, I feel content, and spend a while relaxing by the fire. Eventually, I put my boots back on and prepare to venture outside again to carry my fish scraps out to the refuse pile. I'm not looking forward to the trip in the cold and dark, but to keep my food waste any closer to the cabin would attract pests and predators.
Or perhaps it already has. There is a wolf standing at the edge of the meadow, just past the tree line. My breath catches, as much from wonder as from fear. The wolf's fur is a bright white, comparable in color to the snow falling around it, and its piercing yellow eyes are locked onto mine. For a moment, neither of us move.
I scare it away. (This option not available during this demo.)
[[I offer it my food scraps.]]
<<audio "Howl" fadeout>>(Try feeding him the food; this route isn't developed yet)When I take a step forward, the wolf takes a step back, already looking like it might run. Perhaps I should let it ... but a strange feeling of disappointment rises in me at the idea of sending it running and never seeing it again. It's a beautiful creature.
"Hey, it's alright. I don't want to hurt you." I use my softest voice, and the wolf's ears twitch and swivel in response. It doesn't run.
"Is this what you're after?" I raise my little bowl of scraps, and I can see the wolf's nostrils flare as it sniffs my food. "I thought so."
I take a few more steps forward, and the wolf steps back again, wary eyes watching me carefully until I set the bowl down and back away.
"See? That's all."
I retreat back to the entrance of my cabin, and after a few moments, the wolf emerges from the tree line, taking slow, careful steps. I lose my breath again as it reaches the bowl and I get a close view of the white fur that almost seems to glow.
The wolf takes only a few seconds to scarf down the meagre offerings in the bowl before turning and bolting off into the trees. Finally, I let out my breath in a deep sigh of relief tinged with some other, nameless emotion.
I take my bowl back and go to bed.
[[The wolf's yellow eyes follow me in my sleep.|A Present]]The next morning, just as I step outside, I find a dead rabbit lying on my doorstep. A cursory investigation reveals that although most of them have been covered by new fallen snow, a few paw prints remain in the area. The wolf brought this here, it's clear, right to my doorstep. For a moment I am disturbed, imagining the wolf unafraid to come upon me while I am sleeping. If it would dare this much, what else?
It can't be starving if it is leaving food here for me deliberately. If it isn't starving, it must have come to the cabin for some other reason than in search of food. Yet it must have some sense of kindness, if it is leaving me a meal in exchange for what I gave it last night ... and it is readily apparent that the wolf's offer is a much more generous gift than mine.
I kneel to pick up the rabbit and examine it. It's a decent size. I spend some time that morning skinning and preparing it to eat for lunch, alongside a portion of nuts and seeds.
The better part of the day I spend foraging for more nuts, crab apples, and rose hips. That evening, as I prepare my meal, I am unnerved by the realisation of how little meat I have remaining; my traps have not yielded much. I will have to hunt more proactively tomorrow.
I take my food outside to eat that evening, keeping an eye out for the wolf, and I am not disappointed. I catch sight of those bright yellow eyes by the tree line, and a few moments later the head, peering out at me.
"Hello, there."
The wolf doesn't answer, naturally.
"You gave me food last night, after you left, didn't you?" Its ears swivel towards me and its eyes meet mine, giving the distinct impression that it is listening to my words and not just my sounds. "I ... thank you. It was kind of you, wolf."
Its fixed stare unsettles me, and I feel ridiculous talking to an animal as if it were a reasoning creature. My cheeks feel hot, and I drop my eyes for a moment. When I raise them again, the wolf has broken the tree line and stands a little closer, in the meadow.
The hair on the back of my neck rises, and I remember that it had reached my doorstep the previous night while I was asleep.
"What do you want?" I clear my throat to steady my voice. "Not my dinner, I think. Then what?"
The wolf tilts its head and takes another step forward. What could make a wild creature so bold, when it seemed almost timid the night before? "Wolves travel in packs, don't they? Is your pack here, is that why you're braver?" I lift my eyes to scan the forest for any more sets of eyes, but there are none. The wolf keeps its eyes on me; I can feel them even when I am not looking.
"Maybe you're alone. Lonely, even. Like me." The wolf whines, almost as if it is answering me. Or perhaps it just wants some of my food after all. I think about my dwindling meat supplies. Then again, it did give me my lunch.
"I'm sorry. I can't spare anything." (This option not available during this demo.)
[[I share my dinner.]](Try the Firewood route, this one is not very developed yet)When I take a step forward, the wolf takes a step back, already looking like it might run. Perhaps I should let it ... The wolf is thin; I can almost see its ribs showing, even from this distance, and there is a hungry look in its eyes. Although I know this makes it more dangerous, it also rouses my pity. It's a beautiful creature.
"Hey, it's alright. I don't want to hurt you." I use my softest voice, and the wolf's ears twitch and swivel in response. It doesn't run.
"Is this what you're after?" I raise my little bowl of scraps, and I can see the wolf's nostrils flare as it sniffs my food. "I thought so."
I take a few more steps forward, and the wolf steps back again, wary eyes watching me carefully until I set the bowl down and back away.
"See? That's all."
I retreat back to the entrance of my cabin, and after a few moments, the wolf emerges from the tree line, taking slow, careful steps. I lose my breath again as it reaches the bowl and I get a close view of the white fur that almost seems to glow.
The wolf takes only a few seconds to scarf down the meagre offerings in the bowl before turning and bolting off into the trees. Finally, I let out my breath in a deep sigh of relief tinged with some other, nameless emotion.
I take my bowl back and go to bed.
[[The wolf's yellow eyes follow me in my sleep.|Present]](Unfortunately, this route isn't developed yet.)It's only fair, right? What the wolf gave me this morning is more than I gave him last night.
"Here." I set my wooden plate on the ground in front of me. "You can have it."
The wolf approaches gradually, each step halting, waiting for a movement from me that would scare him away. I could not move even if I wanted to. I am barely breathing, our eyes locked together. He is close enough to touch, now. The urge to do so rises in me, but I know he'll run or snap if I do so.
He drops his head, finally, to eat what I've offered. I can see the individual strands of fur, the reflection of my cabin firelight in his eyes. "You are so beautiful," I whisper. The thought comes out of my lips almost involuntarily.
He looks back up at me when I say so. Again, it seems almost that he understands me. Then he turns, and is gone. I head back inside and shake the cold out of my body before I go to bed.
[[I lie awake for some time before sleep takes me.]]
<<audio "Campfire" stop>>There is no rabbit waiting for me at the doorstep today. Instead I am astonished to see, lying in the middle of the meadow, the carcass of a small deer. Around it, the pawprints that prove beyond a doubt who is responsible.
I can't deny the relief it brings me to know that I will not have to hunt today after all. It's clear the creature is helping me somehow, for some reason. As grateful as I am, I can't help but wonder at the purpose.
Generous a present as the deer is, it brings me a lot of work as well. I spend some time butchering and preparing the animal. I clear some of the snow and build a fire pit outside, where it will be easier to smoke large pieces of meat. And of course, smoking the venison itself will take several hours. As I forage for more plant life, I hope the cooking food will not attract animals less helpful than my wolf.
By twilight, I am sitting by the fireside, helping myself to some of the meat which has finished cooking. It is maybe the best thing I have ever tasted. I close my eyes in a moment of bliss. When I open them again, the wolf is there, standing at the edge of the meadow. It feels earlier than he usually arrives-- but then, I have only seen him twice, and who knows how long he had been waiting those times before I came out?
Wild animals are supposed to be frightened of fire. Instead, the wolf seems drawn to it. I don't move, just keep my eyes trained on him. He stops perhaps ten feet away from the fire pit. Unbidden, it occurs to me that if he were to attack me, I would have no chance of escaping back to the cabin before he reached me.
But it is wrong to mistrust him when he has been nothing but helpful thus far.
"You gave me this," I say. His ears swivel in acknowledgement. "Did you come back so that I would share with you again?"
As I tear off another piece of meat and move to offer it to him, the wolf sits, and then lies down, still. This is the first time he does not look as if he will bolt at the slightest misstep, but his yellow eyes still watch me warily.
"No? Something else, then."
I continue eating my meal, looking back up at him every so often. As the minutes pass, we both relax a little, until I feel almost at ease with him lying there. He won't hurt me, unless something changes. I am sure of that.
I could move closer. He seems comfortable, he would not run. The thought of touching him occurs to me again, as it did yesterday. It feels much more possible now. I inch closer to him.
"Are you lonely? Do you want a companion?" He lifts his head, ears twitching. "Maybe you just like the warmth of the fire? An odd wolf you are." He whines softly as I move to stand.
[[I advance, to try to touch him.]]
[[I retreat, so he can lay closer to the fire.]]
<<audio "Desolate" fadeout>>
<<audio "Campfire" play>>
<<audio "Campfire" loop>>
<<audio "Bite" stop>>As I stand, the wolf tenses a bit, so I lower myself again, crouching down almost on all fours and taking a few steps closer to him. He growls lightly, and I feel my stomach clench with equal fear and excitement.
"I don't want to hurt you, and I'm not going to take anything from you." I speak in a low, soft voice, hoping that he will understand me. I reach out to touch him, placing my hand on the top of his head and running my fingers through the fur. "You are so soft," I whisper.
In answer, he growls again, more loudly this time. I wait just a moment longer and then begin to withdraw my hand to leave him the space he is asking for. Just as my arm moves, however, he surges forward and in a swift movement, tears the flesh from my arm.
I scream. My vision wavers, my thoughts scatter. Before I can do anything to defend myself, he is gone. I clutch my arm, which is bleeding profusely, and press hard onto it through the sleeve of my coat in order to slow the loss of blood.
I was kind to him. He was kind to me, too. I trusted him. Yet the moment I got too close, none of that past kindness mattered. My eyes fill with tears-- from new and old pain commingled together.
As soon as I can breathe again, as my vision clears a little, I stagger to my feet and make my way back into my cabin. I have bandages stashed in a bag underneath my bed; I pull it out, shrug my coat off, wash the wound with water from my basin, and then bandage it tightly.
I have no energy to return outside, to put out my campfire and salvage what is left of the wood, nor what is left of my venison. I shiver as I crawl into bed, clutching at my arm again. It throbs. A reminder. A mistake. Trust is a mistake here as much as it was at home.
[[The tears return as I struggle to sleep.|Cry]]
<<audio "Dark" stop>>
<<audio "Bite" play>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" stop>>As I stand, the wolf tenses. It would be a bad idea to try to get closer to him now. Instead, I go about my business, packing away the rest of the meat and bringing my plate with me once I am finished. I leave the fire burning. Normally I wouldn't, but the ground is covered in snow so there is not much danger of setting anything alight, and I have enough firewood that I can spare the expense.
I turn and walk away. When I reach my doorstep, I turn to look. The wolf has crawled closer to the fire and lies curled up, facing the forest, away from me. It is an odd scene, but a peaceful one. It is almost as though he is watching out for me. As I go to bed, knowing he is lying out there no longer unnerves me, but provides a sense of comfort.
[[I sleep better than I have in some time.]]
<<audio "Wind" stop>>The next morning, he is gone, and the fire is reduced to smoldering bits of wood. I push away a feeling of disappointment.
The cold cuts more deeply than usual today and soon sinks into my bones, even as I go about my daily chores. Chopping firewood usually does something to keep me warm, but today my fingers are stiff, and any movement seems to feed the chill rather than disperse it.
I have enough firewood already, so there is no need to push myself. And with my food problem solved, at least temporarily, I can spend the day inside and warm myself by the fire.
I do so. I flesh out some of the birds in my sketchbook, read a little from the books I brought with me, and do some writing of my own in my journal. Then I bring out my sketchbook again and start drawing the wolf the way he looked last night, his eyes glowing in the firelight. My drawing does little to capture his likeness; I set it down after a while in defeat.
The weather only grows worse as the day goes on. I can hear the howling of the wind, and when I look outside, I can't even make out the tree line for the flurry of snow pouring down. The river will freeze over tonight if this continues. I risk a trip out for a short time with a bucket, and manage to capture a few fish inside of it. It is not quite what I had imagined earlier, but keeping them indoors with me should keep them alive for a little while, so that I can have fresh fish another time.
Warm as I am by my hearth, and with my belly full of food, I reason against venturing out on the off chance of seeing the wolf again. It is too cold; he will probably not come either, and even if he does it is not worth the cost.
Yet, as twilight falls, he comes to call anyway. I hear a whine, just outside my door, but it is easy enough to mistake it for the wind. The loud bark is not so easily dismissed. He must be standing directly outside of my door. It's not difficult to divine his intent.
[[I open the door to him.]]
<<audio "Campfire" fadeout>>
<<audio "Wind" play>>
<<audio "Wind" loop>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" stop>>
<<audio "Hearth" stop>>He steps inside, past me, and shakes some of the snow from his pelt. From this distance, as he brushes past me, he seems even larger than I realised. On two legs, he would be as tall as I am. My heart is pounding, but I steady myself and close the door. He looks back at me, measuring, and then goes to lie in front of the hearth as he did by the campfire last night.
"You're cold." My voice is full of wonder. I approach the hearth, too, and sit down. His eyes still search me, but he permits me to sit within arms length of him. "Has that been it all along?" He snorts. I smile, feeling a light-heartedness bubble up inside of me. "Have you bribed me with food in order to coax me into letting you by my fire? Well, it has worked."
The wolf lets out a quiet whine, but merely lays his head down on the cabin floor, unwilling or unable to protest. I extend my hand; he sniffs it, and with his clear permission, I rest it on the top of his head. Our eyes meet again, and a shiver runs through me as his bear into mine. There is a tension there. Listening closely, I can hear a faint rumbling, perhaps a growl. Though he seems at peace in my presence, it is a peace within very defined limits. I don't intend to find out what happens if I overstep, remarkable as it is to run my fingers through his fur.
I pull back, stand, and fetch my sketchbook. Though I could not capture him before, it will be easier now that he is lying still in front of me, and I can see the way the light of the fire flickers in his eyes and makes his fur glow. I make a decent sketch, and detail his face, focusing on the intensity of his stare, before I begin to grow tired.
The wind is still howling outside, and the wolf seems to have no intention of venturing back into it. I have no intention of sending him out there, either. I return to the hearth, stoking the fire a bit and adding another log so that it will continue to burn throughout the night. I feel him watching me while I do so.
"I am going to sleep, now." I turn to look at him again. "I would rather you stay while I do. But if you need to leave, be sure you close the door behind you." It no longer seems absurd that he might understand me. He huffs, which I take to be assent.
I undress, wash myself quickly, and pull on my warm sleeping clothes before climbing into bed. Despite my excitement, I feel safe with him lying here, and it does not take long before my eyes are closing of their own accord.
[[I sleep a dreamless sleep.]]
<<audio "Wind" fadeout>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" play>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" loop>>
<<audio "Hearth" play>>
<<audio "Hearth" loop>>(Try the other option; this route isn't developed yet.)When I wake, he is still here. Or rather, the wolf is gone, and in his place there is a man lying before the fire. Even so, I know almost without thinking that he is the very same being.
His hair is such a light blond that it is nearly white, like his coat, and it seems to glow in the firelight just as the wolf's fur did. His body, curled before the fire, is well-muscled, yet slender and graceful-looking. He is naked.
[[He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen.]]
[[I came here to escape my unbidden thoughts, and I won't let them ruin this life, too.]]
<<audio "HowlingWind" fadeout>>
<<audio "Love" stop>>
<<audio "Dark" stop>>My breath leaves me as I rise from the bed and approach more closely. His eyes are closed, and he is sound asleep. His facial features are delicate. There is not a scar, crease or imperfection on them. Long lashes rest lightly on high cheeks. Full lips tilt upwards into a slight smile, soft and gentle, reflecting what must be a peaceful dream.
I cannot stop looking at him, even after I know I have stared for too long. The idea that the wolf has transformed into this young man is inexplicable-- and yet, it does much to explain his odd behavior, his intelligence, the way he is drawn to rather than away from the fire.
A thousand questions run through my mind. I want to wake him and ask them, but I know not how he will react, whether or not this is something I am <em>permitted</em> to see.
[[I wake him.]]
[[I lay my blanket over his body.]]
<<audio "Love" play>>
<<audio "Love" volume .4>>He is far more dangerous as a man than as a wolf. I stare for only a moment before tearing my eyes away, quelling the rising feeling of panic inside of me. He is naked; he is sleeping; it is no concern of mine. I do not want him to find me looking at him when he wakes.
I rise and begin to dress in my warmest clothes. I can still hear the storm outside, but it frightens me less than remaining indoors now. I make no particular effort to muffle my sound as I head out the door with my supplies, hoping that he will have awoken by the time I return.
After a breakfast of cold vension, I spend some time packing the newly-fallen snow into something like an ice box to better protect my food. I break open some of the ice on the river to give myself something to drink. I make my rounds, checking my traps and clearing them out of the snowbanks. By the time I make my way back to the cabin, it is almost afternoon, and I am nearly frozen solid.
The man, and the wolf, are gone when I return. I push away bitter disappointment. That is what I wanted, what I hoped for, why I spent so long away from the fire. Still it hurts. I was afraid that my nature would ruin what little I have here, would throw away my last chance at companionship. And yet despite my efforts, it already has: I am alone now.
I can't put a name to all that I am feeling, and I don't try to. I know that if I look too closely at it, I will fall apart. Instead I look blankly into the hearth while I warm myself.
He will come back. It is both a consolation and a torment.
[[He will come back, and I know not what I will do when he does.|End]]
<<audio "Dark" play>>
<<audio "Dark" volume .6>>
<<audio "Dark" loop>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" play>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" volume .2>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" loop>>It can't wait. I am too curious, and too fascinated. I kneel on the floor of the cabin, place my hand lightly on his shoulder, and shake him gently.
The sweet curve of his lip and the peaceful look on his face vanish in an instant. In a flash, he has twisted away from me and crouches before me, teeth bared and snarling more viciously than I would have imagined possible in a man. I am reminded very suddenly that he is a wild animal, or something like it, and fear for a moment that I have erred, that he will hurt me.
I stumble backwards, heart racing, and fall onto my back. Scarcely breathing, I raise my hands and manage to find words. "It's me! It's me, I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you." Does it even mean anything to him that it's me? I know he can understand me; can he answer me? Even through my fear, I am filled with a sense of anticipation at the idea of hearing him speak.
Slowly, he relaxes and settles back down. His eyes, the same piercing yellow as the wolf's, still watch me warily, but he moves to sit, knees pulled up in front of him so as to cover his most vulnerable parts. "You want me to go?" he asks. He is resigned, but even so there are strains of a melody in his voice.
"No!" It rushes out quickly. Understanding that I am no longer under threat, I push myself back up into an upright position.
"Why, then, have you woken me up?"
It's a reasonable question. The answer feels silly now, and I feel myself flush with embarrassment. "I have questions for you."
He raises his eyebrows, and his lip twists downwards in an expression of disdain. "Could it not have waited?" He sighs and shakes his head, but when he looks back at me he appears to have softened somewhat. "Pardon. You have helped me. I am being rude. What do you want to know?"
Every word he speaks sends a thrill through me. It takes me a moment to form my question.
[["Who are you?"|Who]]
[["Why are you here?"|Why]]
<<audio "Love" fadeout>>He makes a quiet noise, and his body shifts under the covering, but he does not wake. The winter storm is still raging outside, so I stay indoors and make a breakfast of my crab apples and rose hips.
I take up my sketchbook again, and outline the shape of his body as he lies before the hearth. My heart is thumping as I do so, afraid that he might wake and object to the intrusion. Logically, it should be no different to the way I drew him last night. Yet it feels like a different thing entirely.
When he does wake, it is nearly afternoon. I suppose, being a creature of the night, it makes sense that he would not keep the same hours I do. He pushes himself up with his arms, sitting up and turning to look at me. His eyes are the same striking yellow; my chest clenches even as I feel unsettled.
"Hello." My voice is smaller than I wanted it to be. He tilts his head. A few strands of his hair fall away from his face. If he can understand me, surely he can speak. How badly I want to hear him speak.
"Are you hungry? I have the venison you brought me left. A few nuts and fruits, if that is the sort of thing you eat. Or ..." I gesture to the bucket with the fish. "I could cook those for you?"
He moves to examine the bucket, and the blanket falls away from his body. He does not exactly crawl on all fours; his movements are graceful, natural, but he uses all four of his limbs to propel himself. As he looks into the bucket, his eyes darken, and all of a sudden his hand darts out to snatch one of the fish from the water, gripping it tightly in his hand even as it wriggles about.
"No, I mean-- I can cook it in the fire for you."
Heedless of my words, he holds the fish in both hands and brings it to his mouth, tearing it open with his teeth like the wild creature that he is. I look away immediately, but I shudder anyway and feel goosebumps form on my skin.
Aside from the howling of the wind outside and the sickening cracking, squelching sound of him devouring the fish, there is silence. My stomach churns. I tell myself the sound would be the same if he were really a wolf. It does not help much.
When the sound ceases, I dare to look again. He swallows down the last of it and wipes his face using his arm. There is still something dripping onto his chin. I make a face.
"Thank you," he says, yellow eyes fixed on mine again. His voice is soft, almost melodic, and something about it recollects the howl I heard the night before I first saw him.
[["I should thank you."]]
[["Will you wash your hands and face in the basin? Please?"]]
<<audio "Love" fadeout>>There is a wild spark in his eyes. He licks some of the blood from his lips and his chin, and I shiver again. He doesn't respond right away. For a few moments I even wonder if I had imagined that he spoke in the first place. His eyes flicker away from mine towards the water basin, which he grasps in his hands and tips back to take a large drink from. Then he wipes his face again, a bit cleaner this time, and says, "You have already. In word and action. An excess of gratitude is dangerous."
It is not that I wasn't wary of him as a wolf, but there is a contradiction between his feral behavior and demeanor, and the soft beauty of his form, that raises the hair on the back of my neck. He is right, he feels more dangerous now, not less. At the same time, it draws me in. He is more fascinating, too.
The look in his eyes is curious, almost playful. He moves forward, closer to me, and my cheeks feel hot. Yet I can't look away. I can't help but size him up again, my breath catching in my throat. But maybe he is doing something of the same; his nostrils are flaring, just in the same way the wolf had smelled my food. I wonder for a moment if he is thinking about devouring me.
"What are you doing here?" he asks bluntly, but he's more curious than aggressive. My heart seizes in my chest at the question, and I take a moment to collect myself lest I embarrass myself by stammering out my response, but the truth is...
[[I came here to escape civilization.]]
[[I came here to make a home for myself.]]
<<audio "Mystical" play>>
<<audio "Mystical" volume .6>>
<<audio "Mystical" loop>>
<<audio "Forest" stop>>His nose wrinkles, and he tilts his head again. I gesture to the basin of warm water by the hearth, and he turns to regard it skeptically. He puts his hands in the basin, splashes a bit of water on his face, and then plunges his head inside. When he emerges again, he fixes his yellow eyes on me, waiting for me to say something.
"That's a little better." I smile and approach cautiously. He lowers his head a little and looks up at me; with the wary look in his eyes, I can imagine the wolf with his ears pinned back. But he doesn't pull away.
I grab a washcloth, wet it, and wrap it around the soap. "Can I...?" I hold my empty hand out. He is still for a moment, but then, cautiously, he reciprocates. I hold him gently by the wrist, and he allows me to wash his hand, his arm, his other hand. When I raise the cloth to his face, he pulls back and shows his teeth. It doesn't look like a smile.
"It's alright." I raise my hand to try to pacify him. He relaxes a little, then takes the wash cloth from me and scrubs his face with it. I feel much more comfortable with it cleaned of blood and other remnants. "Thank you."
His lips curl into something like a smile, letting out an amused breath through his nose. "So long as you're pleased," he says, and my breath catches to hear him speak again.
"Yes." My cheeks feel hot, and I avert my eyes. He has made no effort to cover himself again since he moved to pick up the fish. There is another moment of silence between us, and I struggle to remember the questions I wanted to ask that morning.
[["Who are you?"]]
[["Why are you here?"]]"That is an odd question," he says. "I am what you see." He gestures to himself, and the motion attracts my gaze again. "And what you have seen."
My brow creases. "Yes, but <em>who</em> are you? What do I call you?"
"What do you want to call me?" He is playing with me now, I can tell that much. I am a little flustered anyway.
"I don't know. I can't just call you Wolf. Don't you have a name?"
He shakes his head. "Without someone to call you by it, there is no such thing as a name. Call me Wolf, until I am something else to you. Then call me that." He says it like <em>when</em>, not if.
"Why have you helped me?"
It takes a moment for him to answer. "You were kind to me first; I could ask you the same question." His gaze lingers on me for a long moment before he continues. "You were interesting. And you would die if I did not." He glances toward the fire, leaving unspoken his other reasons.
"How do you know that? I can hunt. I even have a rifle. I can survive by myself." The sound he makes is not quite a laugh, but I bristle a bit at his amusement. "What's so funny?"
"Come spring, maybe," he says. "It is a curious choice for someone like you to settle here in the Winter."
It is the only question he has asked of me, though he does not ask directly.
I cannot answer him.
"You're right, in the spring ..."
[["I will till the soil and sow seeds."]]
[["I will have learned how to survive in the wild."]]
<<audio "Mystical" stop>>
<<audio "Soft" stop>>My directness surprises him, I think. He raises his eyebrows. It makes him look more human. "I have more cause for being here than you do, I think," he says. "I live here in the forest. Do you imagine I would be able to make a home wherever you come from?"
His answer is obvious, but it touches me closer than I'd imagined. He is a person, he could even be a civilized person. Is it his own monstrousness, or the monstrousness of men, which keeps him apart? It's a question I could ask about myself as much as about him.
"Perhaps you mean, why am I <em>here</em>, with you. In which case I think the answer is still more obvious. It is safer here than outside in this cold." When I don't respond, he presses me directly. "Why are you here?"
It's no more invasive than when I asked it. Less, even, since he did not do so unprompted. Still, I struggle for long enough that it calls more attention to the question, which is exactly what I didn't want.
"I wasn't able to make a home there, either."
It's not a real answer, but it must tell him something of what he wanted to know, because he accepts it. "How do you intend to make your home here?"
[[I will adapt myself to it.]]
[[I will adapt it to my needs.]]
<<audio "Mystical" stop>>
<<audio "Soft" stop>><img src="yelloweyesbanner.png">
<p style="text-align:center">[[The winter is upon us.|Beginning Narration]] </p>
"I will grow my own food. The river is close by to keep everything irrigated. I can build what I need here, there is wood in abundance. Perhaps I will even keep a herd of deer, or something like that."
"It is hard enough to keep a deer from escaping. Harder still when there are predators in abundance." I frown at him. He looks amused. "But that is very well. Until then, you are relying on me to take care of you?" The idea is startling, but he doesn't appear to be teasing me.
"Would you?"
He makes me wait for an answer. "Yes. If I can rest at your hearth when I ask to."
"Yes. I will take care of you, too." I am a little overwhelmed to imagine that we have just made some sort of deal, that I have acted impulsively, that I have opened my home to a stranger-- and not just a stranger, a wild creature, not truly human.
His expression has softened, and there is a real smile on his face, almost like the one he wore when he was sleeping. I suspect that is even more dangerous than his feral nature. I can't bring myself to care.
"I will find, or make, something to clothe you in." He is still naked, and has only drawn the blanket over his lap.
He tilts his head. "I have my fur to wear."
"Yes, but ... not when you are in this shape. No wonder you're cold out there." His eyes level with mine, and just when I feel compelled to apologise, he nods his assent.
"Will I have a coat like yours?" He is teasing again, and answers his own question before I have a chance to do so. "No, I will bring you a new fur, and you will fashion it for me to wear when I am like this."
[[It's a fair exchange.]]
<<audio "Soft" play>>
<<audio "Soft" volume .4>>
<<audio "Soft" loop>>"And until then, you are relying on me to teach you?" His eyes flicker. Something about him looks more predatory.
"Would you?"
He makes me wait for an answer. "Yes. If I can rest at your hearth when I need to."
"Yes. And, if you like, I will make or find something to clothe you in." He is still naked, and has only drawn the blanket across his lap.
"I have my fur to wear." That will do nothing to remedy the issue, but there is no way of arguing the point.
"I suppose you do."
His head dips. "It's agreed, then. Shall we be friends?" I can't tell if he is in earnest or not; the look in his eyes is still wild.
I want to say yes. But friendship is a dangerous thing to give away to someone-- to a man even more than to a wolf. Friendship is something that can be revoked when its object discovers what you truly are. And undoubtedly, we know little about each other. He knows even less about me than I do about him.
[[I trust him anyway.]]
[[I don't answer him.]]
<<audio "Mystical" play>>
<<audio "Mystical" volume .6>>
<<audio "Mystical" loop>>
<<audio "Forest" stop>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" stop>>As the blizzard outside dies down, I take my axe and bring the basin out to the river, where I can empty the dirty water and refill it with enough for us to drink. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and gather what I need.
By the time I return, however, the young man is gone and the wolf is waiting for me outside the door to the cabin. "Are you going, then, Wolf?"<<if visited("I will adapt it to my needs.")>> I never got his name. <<endif>>
He dips his head. I had no reasonable expectation that he would stay past the point the storm made it necessary. Even from the perspective of his 'taking care of' me, I have plenty of food for the moment, though I will need to do some more foraging tomorrow. And he must hunt for himself, if he prefers to eat raw meat, as it seems he does.
Still, I am disappointed to see him go. He brushes against my side as he passes and glances back at me with an expression that almost resembles a smile, then he goes to drink from the spot in the river where I have broken through the ice.
I watch him disappear into the forest, and though I know not when, I have no doubt that he will return. It is odd, still, not to see him that evening, when he has almost become part of my routine.
[[When I go to sleep, it is the face of the young man, and not the wolf, which haunts me.|End]]
<<audio "Hearth" fadeout>>Congratulations!
You have reached the end of the DEMO of "His Yellow Eyes." If you've enjoyed playing, please consider <a href="https://sinceremercy.itch.io/his-yellow-eyes/donate">supporting its development</a>! I really appreciate any support; this is a story I've wanted to tell for a long time.
If you would prefer a different ending to the story, feel free to restart and make different choices.
In any case, thanks for playing! Any feedback is appreciated, including your comments, ratings, and shares. :)"Instead of Wolf, then, I will call you Friend." It feels odd, still, a little clumsy, but not so impersonal.
"I accept." He grins, and it is both wild and delightful. I feel my cheeks burn again, and he laughs at me for it. Rather than shame, though, there is a warmth in my stomach.
Late in the afternoon, the blizzard dies down enough that I feel comfortable venturing out. I take my axe and bring the basin out to the river, where I can empty the dirty water and refill it with enough for us to drink. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and gather what I need.
By the time I return, however, the young man is gone and the wolf is waiting for me outside the door to the cabin. "Are you going, then, Friend?"
He inclines his head. His tail swishes. I understand implicitly that he is asking me to come with him. For a moment I am tempted, but as I glance out into the forest and its fading light, there is fear in my heart and my better nature prevails. "No." It feels too final. I hasten to clarify. "Next time. It is still too cold, and I am not ready."
He tosses his head and moves his body in a way that almost resembles a shrug. His fur brushes against me on his way out, but he soon turns back to look at me and lets out a huff of something like laughter. He trots over to the river where I have broken through the ice, has a drink, and then disappears.
I know I have made the right decision, but still I feel regret to see him go. He does not return that evening, and I know not when he will, but I'm certain I will see him again soon.
[[When I go to sleep, I am running with him in the forest.|End]]
<<audio "Mystical" fadeout>>
<<audio "Forest" play>>
<<audio "Forest" volume .7>>
<<audio "Forest" loop>>
<<audio "Hearth" fadeout>>I cannot speak. An unbearable silence stretches between us, as the expression in his eyes slowly fades to something softer. Sadder. He was earnest after all, I suppose. There is a thickness in my throat at the knowledge that I have disappointed him.
"Not friends, then. Allies." It isn't what I wanted. I open my mouth to try to tell him so, to apologise, but the words remain caught in my throat. Instead, I nod. For the first time I feel as though there is a wall between us, and after a time he simply turns away to face the fire, wrapping himself in the blanket again. I retreat.
Late in the afternoon, the blizzard dies down enough that I feel comfortable venturing out. I take my axe and bring the basin out to the river, where I can empty the dirty water and refill it with enough for us to drink. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and gather what I need.
By the time I return, however, the young man is gone and the wolf is waiting for me outside the door to the cabin. "Are you going, then, Wolf?"
He dips his head. I had no reasonable expectation that he would stay past the point the storm made it necessary. Still, I am disappointed to see him go. Once again I want to tell him something else. Once again the words fail me.
After a moment of silence, he goes to drink from the spot in the river where I broke through the ice. He turns around to look back at me for a long moment, and then I watch him disappear into the forest.
I don't expect him to return that evening. He does not. The idea occurs to me that he may not return at all, that in attempting to guard against losing his friendship, I may have lost him entirely. I tell myself that he will come back, and when he does, I will apologise.
[[When I sleep, his sad yellow eyes fill my dreams.|End]]
<<audio "Mystical" fadeout>>
<<audio "Hearth" fadeout>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" play>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" volume .6>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" loop>><<cacheaudio "Forest" "audio/forest.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Desolate" "audio/Desolate.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Howl" "audio/wolfHowl.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Wind" "audio/hollowWind.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "HowlingWind" "audio/howlingWind.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Campfire" "audio/campfire.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Hearth" "audio/fireplace.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "StormyWind" "audio/strongStormyWind.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Love" "audio/byYourSide.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Mystical" "audio/mysticalForest.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Soft" "audio/sweetPiano.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Forest" "audio/forest.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Bite" "audio/pacify.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Dark" "audio/scaryDarkSunset.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Clouds" "audio/violetClouds.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Forgiveness" "audio/aGentleTouch.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Finale" "audio/prettyFinaleCMaj.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "SadGoodbye" "audio/sadGoodbyesMarkKueffner.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "Gunshot" "audio/gunshot.mp3">>
<<run UIBar.stow()>><img src="yellowEyesBannerSidebar.png">He is intrigued. "How will you do that?"
"I will learn what to hunt, at what times. I will learn where the best places are to forage. When I can rest and when I must work, what the stars look like from here. I will fill in my sketchbook with all the animals that live here."
"You are relying on me to teach you?" His eyes flicker. Something about him looks more predatory.
"Would you?"
He makes me wait for an answer. "Yes. If I can rest at your hearth when I need to."
"Yes. And, if you like, I will make or find something to clothe you in." He is still naked, and has only drawn the blanket across his lap.
"I have my fur to wear." That will do nothing to remedy the issue, but there is no way of arguing the point.
"I suppose you do."
His head dips. "It's agreed, then. Shall we be friends?"
I want to say yes. Friendship is a dangerous thing to give away to someone-- to a man even more than to a wolf. Friendship is something that men have revoked from me, when they discovered what I truly am. But something tells me we are alike, that if he is safe with me, I am safe with him.
[[I trust him.]]
<<audio "Mystical" play>>
<<audio "Mystical" volume .6>>
<<audio "Mystical" loop>>
<<audio "Forest" stop>>He is intrigued. "How will you do that?"
"Come spring, I will till the soil and sow seeds. Grow my own food. The river is close by to keep everything irrigated. I can build what I need here, there is wood in abundance. Perhaps I will even keep a herd of deer, or something like that."
"It is hard enough to keep a deer from escaping. Harder still when there are predators in abundance." I frown at him. He looks amused. "And you are talking already of what you will do in the spring, but you will have to make it through the winter first. Until then, you are relying on me to take care of you?"
The idea is startling, but he doesn't appear to be teasing me.
"Would you?"
He makes me wait for an answer. "Yes. If I can rest at your hearth when I ask to."
"Yes. I will take care of you, too." We have made some sort of deal, almost without my knowing it. But I want more. His expression has softened, and there is a real smile on his face, almost like the one he wore when he was sleeping. Something tells me we are alike, that if he is safe with me, I am safe with him.
"I will find, or make, something to clothe you in." He is still naked, and has only drawn the blanket over his lap.
He tilts his head. "I have my fur to wear."
"Yes, but ... not when you are in this shape. No wonder you're cold out there." His eyes level with mine, and just when I feel compelled to apologise, he nods his assent.
"Will I have a coat like yours?" He is teasing now, and answers his own question before I have a chance to do so. "No, I will bring you a new fur, and you will fashion it for me to wear when I am like this."
[[It's a fair exchange.]]
<<audio "Soft" play>>
<<audio "Soft" volume .4>>
<<audio "Soft" loop>>"Yes. Yes, we will."
"I accept." He grins, and it is both wild and delightful. I feel my cheeks burn again, and he laughs at me for it. Rather than shame, though, there is a warmth in my stomach.
Late in the afternoon, the blizzard dies down enough that I feel comfortable venturing out. I take my axe and bring the basin out to the river, where I can empty the dirty water and refill it with enough for us to drink. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and gather what I need.
By the time I return, however, the young man is gone and the wolf is waiting for me outside the door to the cabin. "Are you going, then, my friend?"
He inclines his head. His tail swishes. I understand implicitly that he is asking me to come with him. Though I am sorely tempted, as I glance out into the forest and its fading light, there is fear in my heart and my better nature prevails. "No." It feels too final. I hasten to clarify. "Next time. It is still too cold, and I am not ready."
He tosses his head and moves his body in a way that almost resembles a shrug. His fur brushes against me on his way out, but he soon turns back to look at me and lets out a huff of something like laughter. He trots over to the river where I have broken through the ice, has a drink, and then disappears.
I know I have made the right decision, but still I feel regret to see him go. He does not return that evening, and I know not when he will, but I'm certain I will see him again soon.
[[When I go to sleep, I am running with him in the forest.|End]]
<<audio "Mystical" fadeout>>
<<audio "Forest" play>>
<<audio "Forest" volume .7>>
<<audio "Forest" loop>>
<<audio "Hearth" fadeout>>"I left civilization, because I did not suit it very well," I say, holding eye contact with him. Thankfully, he does not ask in what way I was unsuitable.
"You think you belong better in the wild? In the cold? Where you have to hunt for your food, and you have no one to protect you?"
"Yes." The answer is obvious to me, but he seems a little taken aback by it at first ... and then, at once, more interested and more at ease. Some of the tension between us dissipates, even as other parts of it increase.
"Interesting." He looks me up and down, then raises his hand to my shoulder and pushes it lightly, as if teasing me. "Then let <em>me</em> protect you. You would not survive very well without me." I could imagine him sitting back, his tail wagging. Instead he only tilts his chin, the look on his face both playful and predatory.
He has decided it on his own, without my input or permission. We have not truly known each other even for a day-- but I don't mind. I feel the urge to let him draw me in, whatever motives he may have, and I do not resist it. "I would like that."
[[That is all it takes.]]"I want to make a home that suits me better than the one that I came from."
He raises his eyebrows. "You think you belong better in the wild? In the cold? Where you have to hunt for your food, and you have no one to protect you?"
"Yes-- Well, no." I am a little flustered, despite my attempt to collect myself beforehand. "I mean, I am going to make it <em>into</em> a home."
"Are you?" He looks amused. "And how are you going to do that?"
"Come spring, I will till the soil and sow seeds. Grow my own food. The river is close by to keep everything irrigated. I can build what I need here, there is wood in abundance. Perhaps I will even keep a herd of deer, or something like that. I will make myself a little piece of civilization."
He wrinkles his nose. "You have left civilization behind you. You will not be successful building another one here, and you will perish in the winter if you are preparing only for spring. No, the home you are looking for is not the one you've found here." His words are harsh. His demeanor is not, quite. Still I feel on edge.
[[I refuse to accept that I don't belong anywhere.]]
[[He is right; I am unprepared for the place I have found myself in.]]He grins, and it is both wild and delightful. I feel my cheeks burn again, and he laughs at me for it. Rather than shame, though, there is a warmth in my stomach.
Late in the afternoon, the blizzard dies down enough that I feel comfortable venturing out. I take my axe and bring the basin out to the river, where I can empty the dirty water and refill it with enough for us to drink. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and gather what I need.
By the time I return, however, the young man is gone and the wolf is waiting for me outside the door to the cabin. "Are you going, then?" I don't know what to call him. I don't think it makes a difference in what we are to one another.
He inclines his head. His tail swishes. I understand implicitly that he is asking me to come with him. I glance out into the fading light of the forest, and I am afraid. Even so, I whisper, "Yes."
He waits for me. I am not so reckless as to leave my rifle behind, and so I strap it to my back, grab a small bag which I fill with some of my cold venison, and then join him again outside.
His fur brushes against me as he takes the lead, making his way over to the river for a drink. I place my hand on his back, fingers in his fur, and he lets me keep them there, even after he lifts his head and we make our way into the forest.
[[I know not where he is taking me, but I am willing to follow.|End]]
<<audio "Mystical" fadeout>>
<<audio "Forest" play>>
<<audio "Forest" volume .7>>
<<audio "Forest" loop>>
<<audio "Hearth" fadeout>>The next morning, the moment I step outside, I feel the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. As I glance downwards, I note a series of pawprints on the ground, right at my doorstep. I am disturbed, imagining the wolf unafraid to come upon me while I am sleeping. If it would dare this much, what else? There is no sign of it around in the daylight, but nonetheless I am wary as I go about my business.
I spend some time foraging for nuts, crab apples, and rose hips, but I have a decent stock already, and am able to eat a generous lunch. The better part of the day I spend gathering firewood, but I am able to gather less than I would have liked, and my pile looks dangerously small. I will have to work hard tomorrow, especially as I feel a chill in the air.
I take my food outside to eat that evening, keeping an eye out for the wolf, and it appears. I catch sight of those bright yellow eyes by the tree line, and a few moments later the head, peering out at me.
"Hello, there."
The wolf doesn't answer, naturally.
"You came to my home last night." Its ears swivel towards me and its eyes meet mine, giving the distinct impression that it is listening to my words and not just my sounds. "Stay away from here while I'm sleeping. You're not welcome then."
Its fixed stare unsettles me, and I feel ridiculous talking to an animal as if it were a reasoning creature. My cheeks feel hot, and I drop my eyes for a moment. When I raise them again, the wolf has broken the tree line and stands a little closer, in the meadow.
The hair on the back of my neck rises, and I tense. Perhaps I should have brought my rifle outside with me. But it does not appear overtly aggressive, even as I am disturbed by its boldness.
"What do you want?" I clear my throat to steady my voice. "Dinner? Wolves travel in packs, don't they? Is your pack here, is that why you're so brave?" I lift my eyes to scan the forest for any more sets of eyes, but there are none. The wolf keeps its eyes on me; I can feel them even when I am not looking.
"Maybe you're alone. Lonely, even. Like me." The wolf whines, almost as if it is answering me. It sits, finally, a certain distance away from me. I can see more clearly in the light from my cabin how prominently its ribs stick out. But I know if I feed it again, I will embolden it still more to seek out food from me.
[[I go inside to get my rifle.]]
[[I grab a few rabbits to feed it with.]]
<<audio "Bite" stop>>
<<audio "Gunshot" stop>>I fed him once, and that was my mistake. To trust, to allow another being close, is always risky, and I have forseen the danger I am exposing myself to by opening myself to him. I can't afford to be hurt here.
By the time I return with my rifle, he has advanced closer. The firelight from the cabin casts a golden glow over his white fur. He is nearly as large as I am.
"Stay back!" I snap. He looks startled, takes a couple steps back, and crouches low to the ground. "Leave me be." I shoulder my weapon, looking down at him. My breath comes quickly, knowing I cannot back down now that I have taken this course of action.
He's still for a moment, a low growl rumbling from his throat. His bright yellow eyes stare up at me, wide and full of animalistic terror, but there is something more intelligent behind them also. Confusion. Betrayal. Anger.
Suddenly it feels less like I am looking into the eyes of a strange animal, and more like I am looking into a mirror of my own emotions from another time. My stomach seizes. I advance, because otherwise I will lose my resolve. The instant I take a step forward, though, he lunges at me.
I fire the weapon before I even think about it consciously. Not a second later, his jaws close around me and tear the flesh from my arm. There is a scream, a single sound that is a mixture of a human voice and the high-pitched yelp of an animal, and before I can reload my weapon, he has turned to flee, leaving a trail of blood behind him.
I clutch my hand to my arm to try to stop my own bleeding.
[[For a moment I am dizzy, and my vision fades.]]
<<audio "Desolate" stop>>
<<audio "Bite" play>>
<<audio "Bite" volume .6>>
<<audio "Gunshot" play>>I don't think he means to harm me. And I can almost imagine he answered me, when I ask if he is lonely. I feel an odd sort of connection between this beast and I.
"Here." I stand up, and go inside briefly to grab a pair of rabbits, which I drop just beyond the doorstep. "You can have it."
The wolf approaches gradually, each step halting, waiting for a movement from me that would scare him away. I could not move even if I wanted to. I am barely breathing, our eyes locked together. He is close enough to touch, now. The urge to do so rises in me, but I know he'll run or snap if I do so.
He drops his head, finally, to eat what I've offered. I can see the individual strands of fur, the reflection of my cabin firelight in his eyes. "You are so beautiful," I whisper. The thought comes out of my lips almost involuntarily.
He looks back up at me when I say so. Again, it seems almost that he understands me. Then he turns, and is gone. I head back inside and shake the cold out of my body before I go to bed.
[[I lie awake for some time before sleep takes me.|Day]]
<<audio "Campfire" stop>>Once again, when I step outside, I see the wolf's footprints around my door, and not just where I offered it the food. I knew this would happen when I fed him again, and while I am still unnerved, a part of me feels excited at the idea of keeping him around.
Even as I know I am low on firewood, I spend time clearing some of the snow and building a fire pit outside, where I can smoke a large amount of venison, so as to keep it from going bad. The cooking takes a number of hours, which I spend chopping firewood nearby. I manage, at least, to replace the wood I've spent on the campfire, and enough for the next day or so.
By twilight, I am sitting by the fireside, helping myself to some of the meat which has finished cooking. It is maybe the best thing I have ever tasted. I close my eyes in a moment of bliss. When I open them again, the wolf is there, standing at the edge of the meadow. It feels earlier than he usually arrives-- but then, I have only seen him twice, and who knows how long he had been waiting those times before I came out?
Wild animals are supposed to be frightened of fire, but it does not seem to deter the hungry wolf. I don't move, just keep my eyes trained on him. He stops perhaps ten feet away from the fire pit. Unbidden, it occurs to me that if he were to attack me, I would have no chance of escaping back to the cabin before he reached me.
"You were here again last night," I say. His ears swivel in acknowledgement. "Did you come back because you imagine I will feed you whenever you like?"
As I tear off another piece of meat and move to offer it to him, the wolf steps closer, lowering his head to take it from my hand, then stepping back. This is the first time he does not look as if he will bolt at the slightest misstep, but his yellow eyes still watch me warily.
Evidently he trusts me. Perhaps I am wrong to mistrust him.
We both continue eating our meals, while I look back up at him every so often. As the minutes pass, we both relax a little, until I feel almost at ease with him lying there. He won't hurt me, unless something changes. I am sure of that.
I could move closer. He seems comfortable, he would not run. The thought of touching him occurs to me again, as it did yesterday. It feels much more possible now. I inch closer to him.
"Are you lonely? Do you want a companion?" He lifts his head, ears twitching. "An odd wolf you are. What has happened to you, that you can't hunt your own food?" He whines softly as I move to stand.
[[I advance, to try to touch him.|Pet]]
[[I retreat, so he can lay closer to the fire.|Back away]]
<<audio "Bite" stop>>
<<audio "Desolate" fadeout>>
<<audio "Campfire" play>>
<<audio "Campfire" loop>>As I stand, the wolf tenses a bit, so I lower myself again, crouching down almost on all fours and taking a few steps closer to him. He growls lightly, and I feel my stomach clench with equal fear and excitement.
"I don't want to hurt you, and I'm not going to take anything from you." I speak in a low, soft voice, hoping that he will understand me. I reach out to touch him, placing my hand on the top of his head and running my fingers through the fur. "You are so soft," I whisper.
In answer, he growls again, more loudly this time. I wait just a moment longer and then begin to withdraw my hand to leave him the space he is asking for. Just as my arm moves, however, he surges forward and in a swift movement, tears the flesh from my arm.
I scream. My vision wavers, my thoughts scatter. Before I can do anything to defend myself, he is gone. I clutch my arm, which is bleeding profusely, and press hard onto it through the sleeve of my coat in order to slow the loss of blood.
I was kind to him. I trusted him. Yet the moment I got too close, none of my kindness mattered. My eyes fill with tears-- from new and old pain commingled together.
As soon as I can breathe again, as my vision clears a little, I stagger to my feet and make my way back into my cabin. I have bandages stashed in a bag underneath my bed; I pull it out, shrug my coat off, wash the wound with water from my basin, and then bandage it tightly.
I have no energy to return outside, to put out my campfire and salvage what is left of the wood, nor what is left of my venison. I shiver as I crawl into bed, clutching at my arm again. It throbs. A reminder. A mistake. Trust is a mistake here as much as it was at home.
[[The tears return as I struggle to sleep.]]
<<audio "Dark" stop>>
<<audio "Bite" play>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" stop>>As I stand, the wolf tenses. It would be a bad idea to try to get closer to him now. Instead, I scrape my scraps and the bones of my meet onto the ground for him to eat. I stay a little while longer before going to smother the flame. I have precious little firewood, and much as I am enjoying his companionship, I need to conserve my resources.
I turn and walk away once it is extinguished. When I reach my doorstep, I look back at him. The wolf is still knawing on one of the venison bones, curled up, facing the forest, away from me. It is an odd scene, but a peaceful one. It is almost as though he is watching out for me. As I go to bed, knowing he is lying out there no longer unnerves me, but provides a sense of comfort.
[[I sleep better than I have in some time.|Good sleep]]
<<audio "HowlingWind" stop>>The cold cuts more deeply than usual the next morning and soon sinks into my bones, even as I go about my daily chores. Chopping firewood usually does something to keep me warm, but today my fingers are stiff, my arm aches, and any movement seems to feed the chill rather than disperse it.
Yet I have no choice. The firewood I used for the campfire last night has been reduced to smoldering charcoal, and as the day goes on, the weather only gets worse. The wind howls; I can hardly make out the tree line for the flurry of snow pouring down. If this continues, the firewood I have will not last two days, and it will only become more difficult to collect.
Shivering violently, arm throbbing, I bring the axe down again and again, collecting a little pile of wood. There is a desperation behind my actions. My mind is slow; it is difficult to reason further than the need to get wood, to prepare for the cold. It is not made easier by the accuracy, or lack thereof, of my swings. Once or twice I even miss the mark entirely.
My arm is bleeding again. I notice it, but it does not register.
I collapse. My eyes close.
...
Someone has their hands under my shoulders. They are dragging me. I struggle to open my eyes.
[[I fade.]]
<<audio "Campfire" fadeout>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" play>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" loop>>
<<audio "Hearth" stop>>
<<audio "Bite" fadeout>>
<<audio "Dark" play>>
<<audio "Dark" volume .6>>
<<audio "Dark" loop>>When I return to myself, I am disoriented. I know not where I am, nor what has happened. All I hear is the howling of the wind, but I don't feel it. I was chopping firewood, and then...
There is a pressure against me, and a softness. I open my eyes and feel my surroundings. I am still wearing my coat, but there is a blanket over my body. My head rests against a soft, warm pillow. A moving pillow? I push myself up a little and then realise, all at once, that I am laying against the wolf, inside my cabin, with a blanket over us both.
I gasp aloud, and the wolf lifts his head to look at me with wide, yellow eyes. His ears are flattened against his head in an expression that could telegraph either danger or submission, I know not which. Then his nose presses lightly to the side of my cheek.
I cannot believe it. I must be in some strange dream; my real body is still outside, unconscious and dying of hypothermia. It is not possible that the wolf found me, dragged me to my cabin, opened the door, pulled me inside, lay a blanket over me and now rests peacefully against me. It cannot be imagined. But his fur is warm, and soft, and my tired body is sorely tempted to simply lie back down and sleep against him.
Another part of me, in the back of my mind, is screaming at me to wake, that I am in danger.
[[I sink back into sleep.|Go to sleep.]]Sleep soon overtakes me.
When I wake again, I am laying in bed. The wind has died down some, but not entirely. I don't hear the crackling of the hearth, but I feel warmer than I would have imagined. My eyes blink open. I note first that I am lying under my blanket, but also a thick white fur coat. The resemblance to the wolf's fur is uncanny, and it disturbs me.
As I sit up, I startle. My eyes lock onto the wolf's piercing yellow gaze, but they are set into the face of a young man, not a wild creature. Yet I know at once, through looking into those eyes, that it must be the same being. His hair is such a blonde color that it is nearly white, like the coat I am lying beneath.
My eyes drop, uncomfortable meeting his stare for such a long period of time. I am no more comfortable gazing at the other parts of him, however. His body is well-muscled, but I can see his ribs prominently through his chest. He is sitting naked in the middle of my floor. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out at first, until I finally settle on what it is I want to say.
[["You bit me."]]
[["You saved me."]]
<<audio "Dark" fadeout>>
<<audio "Clouds" play>>
<<audio "Clouds" volume .4>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" volume .3>>(This route is yet unfinished! Try the other one.)He winces visibly at the words and lowers his head. He can understand me, that much is clear, but can he speak in response? Though he looks like a man, I know he is not one, and it is impossible to know what he is capable of.
"Yes." His voice, soft and melodic, surprises me by its eerie gentleness. "I hope you will forgive me one day."
I am irritated by the audacity of him to ask for forgiveness without explanation or apology. My anger must be clear to him, because he opens his mouth to say something else, but I cut him off. "Why? Why should I? I was kind to you, I trusted you, and you hurt me. Why?"
"I was afraid." His eyes are locked onto mine. "Afraid that you would hurt me, or..." I am trembling; I clench the soft white fur in my fist. "... Or, to be more accurate, I was afraid of your kindness. That I would let you too close, and that if I did you would not stop until I became something other than what I am."
It is not the first time I have heard similar words. The hollow apologies of the man who destroyed my life out of his own cowardice ring through my ears. It was too little too late, then.
[[And it is too late now.]]
[[But it is not too late now.]]
<<audio "Forgiveness" stop>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" stop>>He lowers his head. At first I wonder if he can speak at all, but he must. He is a man. He understands me. Despite my resolution not to trust again, I cannot help but yearn to hear him speak.
And then he does. "I injured you. I hope you will forgive me one day." His voice is gentle, melodic. It has a thrumming tone through it that recalls the howl I heard the night before I first saw him. It makes me lose my breath.
He is so beautiful. My heart aches. I continue staring, even after I know I should stop. I tell myself this is what got me into trouble to begin with. This is what caused my injury the other night.
"Why did you save me?"
"I regret what I did to you. You weren't hurting me. I was just ... afraid."
It is not the first time I have heard words like these. They are easier to accept, this time.
He continues. "I knew I acted wrongly. I didn't think I could make amends, but I came anyway, and you were there. Half-dead already. I couldn't leave you there."
He is more candid, and more docile, than I would have expected him to be. I lift my hand, reaching out in his direction. He stands and approaches. I retract my hand. He stops.
"Will you fetch my bag of bandages from under my bed? And the water basin, if there is any left." He obeys, walking upright, but using all four of his limbs to propel himself fluidly. He kneels to fetch the bag, sets it on the bed, and then finds the basin, taking it in both hands and bringing it to me. He holds it out towards me, but keeps it in his hands to steady it.
I remove my coat, my waistcoat, unbutton my shirt, and pull it overhead. As his eyes settle on me, I feel some embarrassment, and pull the blanket closer, but there is no sense in insisting on modesty at the moment. I unwrap the bandage on my arm; as I wince, the wolf-turned-man lets out a whine.
I have never been squeamish. Still, it is difficult to look at my own injury. I rinse the wound in the basin, and the pain leaves me breathless for a moment, until I bind it up tightly again with a new bandage.
He sets the basin down. There is a moment of silence between us, and I take the time to rally my thoughts and decide what to do.
[[I want him to stay.]]
<<audio "Forgiveness" stop>>"I don't fault you for what you did."
"Oh?" His voice is still gentle, his expression docile. I relax. It would be difficult to blame him; he warned me to the best of his ability at the time.
I smile. "I will not hold it against you, I mean, if you don't hold it against me that I touched you when you did not want me to."
His lips twitch, but do not quite match mine. "We are even, then."
Instead, I am inclined to consider myself in his debt. I should rather have my arm injured and my life saved, after all. I look around myself, running my hands through the white fur spread over my blanket. "Is this yours? Your fur, I mean?" It seems implausible, but no more so than everything which has already transpired.
"Yes," he says. There is a trepidation in his voice, a wariness in his eyes again. "I would take it back when I need it."
I am a little startled; my fingers lay flat. "I have no desire to keep it from you. Do you need it now?"
He relaxes again, sits himself down on the cabin floor. "You may have it for a little longer, if I may have something of yours to eat."
I notice, again, how terribly thin he seems. "You may have plenty to eat," I say, "if you will stay awhile after you are full."
Perhaps he is surprised at first by the suggestion, but when he smiles, it is warm and bright and full, and something solidifies in my heart.
[[In some inexplicable way, we belong to one another.]]
<<audio "Finale" stop>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" volume .2>>
<<audio "Clouds" fadeout>>
<<audio "Forgiveness" play>>
<<audio "Forgiveness" volume .4>>(This route is not finished yet!)When I move to rise from the bed, my body still aches to some degree, and I cry out in pain upon standing. I am forced to sit again almost immediately, a little stunned, but my new friend jumps to his feet, looking at me with concern and touching his hand to my shoulder.
"I'm alright, I think," I say weakly. "I imagine my toes are frostbitten." The pain is almost, but not quite, a secondary concern when compared to how close his body is to mine. I struggle to take a full, deep breath.
"Can I do anything?"
I glance around the room of my cabin. "If you will help me move closer to the hearth..." I lean heavily against him to stand again, and he holds one arm tightly around my waist. My cheeks are burning; it is a wonder he does not remark upon my feverish appearance. By the time I reach the hearth, a mere dozen feet across the room, I am exhausted, and I all but drop into a seated position, though he helps me lower myself down.
"Bring some of my firewood." He has kept me warm through the worst of the storm, and I have enough to spare now for necessities. I can't imagine he is any warmer than I am, now fur-less, though I will remedy that momentarily. As he hands me a few logs, and I start the fire in the hearth, I motion back in the direction of the bed. "You may take your fur now. Some of my food is buried in the snow, outside. Doubtless you will be able to find it. Bring in enough for the both of us, and I will warm it in the fire."
He nods and rises again, but before grabbing his fur he retrieves the blanket and lays it gently around my shoulders. I turn to look at him as he clothes himself; the fur moves oddly in his hands, as if he can manipulate its shape in a different way than I can, but he wraps it around himself like a cloak and heads outside.
His feet are bare. For some reason I thought he would transform into the wolf he was before, and the idea of him going out in bare feet to spare my own frostbitten toes makes me distinctly uncomfortable. But I am selfish, and he makes no objection to my request.
[[I don't try to stop him.]]
<<audio "HowlingWind" stop>>
<<audio "Finale" stop>>There is no need to, either. He returns in a short time with a large amount of food, and my stomach reminds me immediately of how hungry I am. I have not eaten anything in a full day, after all. While the food is roasting, the warmth from the fire settles me, and my friend comes to sit directly beside me. We are, at least, now in comparable states of undress.
"What do I call you, anyway?" I ask, idly rubbing at the bandage on my arm and then forcing myself to stop, to rest my hands at my side.
"Whatever you think of me as, call me that. That is all a name is, after all."
It should be a straightforward question. I stammer for a moment anyway. "I ... I have started to think of you as my friend." I turn away as I say it. I can't bear to meet his eyes, to let them see through me.
But he answers right away. "Then call me that. I would be that. Your friend." There is another brief silence between us. I am brave enough to look back at him, to take and then squeeze his hand. His cheeks, too, are flushed.
I clear my throat, and move to prod at the venison roasting in the fire. "But you will stay, for now? I'll feed you. I should have enough for us to manage until I can hunt more easily again ... though really I imagine you should have better luck on your own."
"I will take care of you through the winter." His eyes settle on me. It occurs to me that it would not be possible to send him away, even if I wanted to, without shutting out a part of myself.
"I will take care of you, too."
[[He stays.|End]]
<<audio "Forgiveness" fadeout>>
<<audio "Finale" play>>
<<audio "Finale" volume .5>>
<<audio "Finale" loop>>The cold cuts more deeply than usual the next morning and soon sinks into my bones, even as I go about my daily chores. My activity usually does something to keep me warm, but today my fingers are stiff, my arm aches, and any movement seems to feed the chill rather than disperse it.
Yet I have no choice. I have nothing to eat. I was not able to store the venison from the night before, nor did I put out the fire, and most of it is burnt to the point of being inedible. I curse myself for being arrogant enough not to hunt yesterday because of it. As the day goes on, the weather only gets worse. The wind howls; I can hardly see more than twenty feet ahead of me for the flurry of snow. It is difficult to hunt under these conditions, but it will only get more difficult in the days to come if this weather continues.
Shivering violently, arm throbbing, I raise my arm and fire another shot at a bird in a tree. I acted in haste, not rationality, and I miss the shot. My mind is slow; it is difficult to reason further than the need to get food, to prepare for the cold. I fire another, desperate shot that has no hope of reaching its mark.
My arm is bleeding again. I notice it, but it does not register.
I collapse. My eyes close.
...
Someone has their hands under my shoulders. They are dragging me. I struggle to open my eyes.
[[I fade.|Drag]]
<<audio "Campfire" fadeout>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" play>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" loop>>
<<audio "Hearth" stop>>
<<audio "Bite" fadeout>>
<<audio "Dark" play>>
<<audio "Dark" volume .6>>
<<audio "Dark" loop>>When I return to myself, I am disoriented. I know not where I am, nor what has happened. All I hear is the howling of the wind, but I don't feel it. I had fired a shot, and then... Have I somehow been shot? There is a little pain, but not where I would expect there to be.
I feel a warmth, a pressure, and a softness. I hear the crackling of the fire in my hearth, which comforts me. I am home somehow. My head rests against a soft, warm pillow. A moving pillow? I push myself up a little and then realise, all at once, that I am laying against the wolf, inside my cabin, with a blanket over us both.
I gasp aloud, and the wolf lifts his head to look at me with wide, yellow eyes. His ears are flattened against his head in an expression that could telegraph either danger or submission, I know not which. Then his nose presses lightly to the side of my cheek.
I cannot believe it. I must be in some strange dream; my real body is still outside, unconscious and dying of hypothermia. It is not possible that the wolf found me, dragged me to my cabin, opened the door, pulled me inside and now rests peacefully against me. It cannot be imagined. But his fur is warm, and soft, and my tired body is sorely tempted to simply lie back down and sleep against him.
Another part of me, in the back of my mind, is screaming at me to wake, that I am in danger.
[[Go to sleep.|Wolf sleep]]
<<audio "Hearth" play>>
<<audio "Hearth" loop>>Sleep soon overtakes me.
When I wake again, I am laying in bed. The wind has died down some, but not entirely. I feel warm and comfortable. My eyes blink open. I recall a dream from the previous night, that the wolf was lying here with me, and I am disturbed enough to sit up and take a look around the cabin.
I startle. My eyes lock onto the wolf's piercing yellow gaze, but they are set into the face of a young man, not a wild creature. Yet I know at once, through looking into those eyes, that it must be the same being. His hair is such a blonde color that it is nearly white, like the wolf's coat.
My eyes drop, uncomfortable meeting his stare for such a long period of time. I am no more comfortable gazing at the other parts of him, however. His body is well-muscled, but lean and grateful. He is sitting naked in front of my hearth. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out at first, until I finally settle on what it is I want to say.
[["You bit me."|Resentment]]
[["You saved me."|Gratitude]]
<<audio "Dark" fadeout>>
<<audio "Clouds" play>>
<<audio "Clouds" volume .4>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" volume .3>>
<<audio "Hearth" play>>(I'm still working on this passage!)He winces visibly at the words and lowers his head. He can understand me, that much is clear, but can he speak in response? Though he looks like a man, I know he is not one, and it is impossible to know what he is capable of.
"Yes." His voice, soft and melodic, surprises me by its eerie gentleness. "I hope you will forgive me one day."
I am irritated by the audacity of him to ask for forgiveness without explanation or apology. My anger must be clear to him, because he opens his mouth to say something else, but I cut him off. "Why? Why should I? I was kind to you, I trusted you, and you hurt me. Why?"
"I was afraid." His eyes are locked onto mine. "Afraid that you would hurt me, or..." I am trembling; I clench the blanket in my fist. "... Or, to be more accurate, I was afraid of your kindness. That I would let you too close, and that if I did you would not stop until I became something other than what I am."
It is not the first time I have heard similar words. The hollow apologies of the man who destroyed my life out of his own cowardice ring through my ears. It was too little too late, then.
[[And it is too late now.|Too late]]
[[But it is not too late now.|Not too late]]
<<audio "Forgiveness" stop>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" stop>>He lowers his head. At first I wonder if he can speak at all, but he must. He is a man. He understands me. Despite the painful reminder against trust, I cannot help but yearn to hear him speak.
And then he does. "I injured you. I hope you will forgive me one day." His voice is gentle, melodic. It has a thrumming tone through it that recalls the howl I heard the night before I first saw him. It makes me lose my breath.
He is so beautiful. My heart aches. I continue staring, even after I know I should stop. I tell myself this is what got me into trouble to begin with. This is what caused my injury the other night.
"Why did you save me?"
"I regret what I did to you. You weren't hurting me. I was just ... afraid."
It is not the first time I have heard words like these. They are easier to accept, this time.
He continues. "I knew I acted wrongly. I didn't think I could make amends, but I heard your weapon fire and came to find you lying in the snow. Half-dead already. I couldn't leave you there."
He is more candid, and more docile, than I would have expected him to be. I lift my hand, reaching out in his direction. He stands and approaches. I retract my hand. He stops.
"Will you fetch my bag of bandages from under my bed? And the water basin, if there is any left." He obeys, walking upright, but using all four of his limbs to propel himself fluidly. He kneels to fetch the bag, sets it on the bed, and then finds the basin, taking it in both hands and bringing it to me. He holds it out towards me, but keeps it in his hands to steady it.
I remove my coat, my waistcoat, unbutton my shirt, and pull it overhead. As his eyes settle on me, I feel some embarrassment, and pull the blanket closer, but there is no sense in insisting on modesty at the moment when he is naked himself. I unwrap the bandage on my arm; as I wince, the wolf-turned-man lets out a whine.
I have never been squeamish. Still, it is difficult to look at my own injury. I rinse the wound in the basin and the pain leaves me breathless for a moment, until I bind it up tightly again with a new bandage.
He sets the basin down. There is a moment of silence between us, and I take the time to rally my thoughts and decide what to do.
[[I want him to stay.|Forgive]]
<<audio "Forgiveness" stop>>"I don't fault you for what you did."
"Oh?" His voice is still gentle, his expression docile. I relax. It would be difficult to blame him; he warned me to the best of his ability at the time.
I smile. "I will not hold it against you, I mean, if you don't hold it against me that I touched you when you did not want me to."
His lips twitch, but do not quite match mine. "We are even, then."
Instead, I am inclined to consider myself in his debt. I should rather have my arm injured and my life saved, after all. I look around myself, and note that the presence of a few squirrels, a rabbit, and even a couple fish on the cabin floor. "Did you ... gather these? How?"
"Yes," he says. There is a trepidation in his voice, a wariness in his eyes again. "Your hearth was warm, and I knew enough to add a little wood to it. I could come back to warm myself after each hunt. It would not have been possible without you."
I blink, a little stunned. "I am grateful."
He relaxes again, sits down in front of the hearth. "You are welcome to as much of it as you like, if I may stay here, before your fire, until the storm passes."
I glance outside, at the flurry of snow, and recall how terribly cold I was before he saved me. I could not imagine leaving him to the same fate. "You may stay after that, too."
Perhaps he is surprised at first by the suggestion, but when he smiles, it is warm and bright and full, and something solidifies in my heart.
[[In some inexplicable way, we belong to one another.|Warm]]
<<audio "Finale" stop>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" volume .2>>
<<audio "Clouds" fadeout>>
<<audio "Forgiveness" play>>
<<audio "Forgiveness" volume .4>>(I'm working on this route, but it isn't finished yet.)When I move to rise from the bed, my body still aches to some degree, and I cry out in pain upon standing. I am forced to sit again almost immediately, a little stunned, but my new friend jumps to his feet, looking at me with concern and touching his hand to my shoulder.
"I'm alright, I think," I say weakly. "I imagine my toes are frostbitten." The pain is almost, but not quite, a secondary concern when compared to how close his body is to mine. I cannot help but notice his nakedness. I struggle to take a full, deep breath.
"Can I do anything?"
I glance around the room of my cabin. "If you will help me move closer to the hearth..." I lean heavily against him to stand again, and he holds one arm tightly around my waist. My cheeks are burning; it is a wonder he does not remark upon my feverish appearance. By the time I reach the hearth, a mere dozen feet across the room, I am exhausted, and I all but drop into a seated position, though he helps me lower myself down.
"Bring some of the food. The fish, I think. It will not keep for as long as the rest of it." He nods and rises, grabbing the three of them which he's left on the floor, and returns to sit beside me. He hands one of them to me, and lifts another to his lips with his bare hands.
[[I protest and show him how to cook it.]]
<<audio "Forgiveness" fadeout>>
<<audio "Finale" play>>
<<audio "Finale" volume .5>>
<<audio "Finale" loop>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" stop>>(This passage isn't finished yet! Try the other one.)"Not like that," I say quickly enough that he pauses and regards me curiously. "Let me. I will cook it for you." I hold my hand out.
He appears visibly reluctant, and hesitates a moment, but then he nods and hands it over. I take my knife, scale the three fish, and prepare them slowly enough that he can follow. I lay them on a plank of wood, which I place in the hearth to cook, and then I wash my hands.
As the fish begin to cook and the smell wafts through the rest of the small cabin, my stomach reminds me immediately of how hungry I am. I have not eaten anything in a full day, after all. While the food is roasting, the warmth from the fire settles me, and my friend seems equally at peace.
"What do I call you, anyway?" I ask, idly rubbing at the bandage on my arm and then forcing myself to stop, to rest my hands at my side.
"However you prefer to call me. There is no point to a name without someone to call you by it; I have not bothered until now."
"However I prefer?" I frown a little. It doesn't feel right for a thinking, knowing creature not to have a name of his own. Still, I don't feel comfortable cutting him one out of whole cloth.
He lets out a soft breath, sensing my hesitation. "Whatever you think of me as, call me that."
It should be a straightforward question. I stammer for a moment anyway. "I ... I have started to think of you as my friend." I turn away as I say it. I can't bear to meet his eyes, to let them see through me.
But he answers right away. "Then call me that. I would be that. Your friend." There is another brief silence between us. I am brave enough to look back at him, to take and then squeeze his hand. His cheeks, too, are flushed.
I clear my throat, and move to prod at the bed of coals in the fire. "But you will stay, for now? I don't have much food, but I can hunt again if the storm ends, and ... the hearth is warm, and you are welcome to rest by it."
"I will take care of you through the winter." His eyes settle on me. It feels somehow grander, more final, than my own proposal. Rationally, it is not wise to attach myself more than I already have, when we know so little about each other.
I am well beyond rationality at this point. "Let me take care of you, too. I will find you, or make you, something to wear, and I will protect you from the cold as much as you will protect me from hunger."
He wrinkles his nose, smiling faintly, as if he is amused. "I have my fur to wear."
"Well yes, but as a man you will need real clothing too." His eyes level with mine, and just when I feel compelled to apologise, he nods his assent.
"Will I have a coat like yours?" He is teasing now, and answers his own question before I have a chance to do so. "No, I will bring you a new fur, and you will fashion it in a way you find suitable to wear when I am like this."
"Yes. Another time," I say. "For now, let us eat together."
[[He stays.|End]]"You're wrong." My voice is low and firm. "I will survive until the spring. I have my axe and my rifle, and I will make my place here. I cannot and will not go back."
My answer appears to surprise him, to the point where he falls into silence for a time. He moves to lie on his stomach, crosses his arms in front of himself and looks up at me; I imagine the wolf, lying in the same position with his paws crossed.
I wonder if I have not spoken too harshly. His gaze feels heavy on mine. "You want to survive on your own, then," he says. "You are here because you dislike the company of your own kind, but not their way of doing things."
I stop myself from speaking out in anger. He wouldn't have any context for it. "I am here because I have to be here. And if it means I have to survive on my own, I will. That is all."
Another pause. "And if you don't have to?"
It begins to dawn on me what he is suggesting, and I am silent for a moment, some of my defensiveness dissipating. "I would be grateful to have someone to share it with."
He smiles a little, again, looking more at ease. "I admit I am curious about your way of doing things. I will go soon-- but you will have to show me, when I come around to<<if visited("Firewood.")>> warm myself at your hearth<<endif>><<if visited("Food.")>> share a meal with you<<endif>> every once in a while." It is not a question, but he looks at me like he is expecting an answer.
I nod.
[[I wish I could make him stay for longer.]]My shoulders sink a little. "I don't know what I will do," I admit. "I am just trying to survive. Anything is better than the place that I came from."
Mercifully, he does not press me on the matter. Instead, he moves closer, touches his hand lightly to my shoulder. My cheeks warm again, but it is a comforting touch, one I am grateful for. "Civilization has treated you unkindly. Do not carry its trappings with you."
I nod and raise my eyes to his. The wildness in them entices rather than frightens. "What else am I to do, then? You're right, I can't survive by myself here indefinitely; it is not a place that was made for me."
"Then don't survive by yourself." His words are light, and the look in his eyes is playful again. "Have you not me here?"
I am not sure if he is serious. "You?"
"I'll teach you." He is definitely serious. "And protect you, until the winter is over. And perhaps you will have given up on the need to sow your seeds in the spring."
Even though he is teasing me, there is something else behind his words. A challenge, maybe. "Why?" It feels too good to be true that he has been so consistently generous with me.
He laughs, though. "I rather like you." The way he says it, teasing as if he is delivering a confession, makes my stomach churn with excitement. It is all I can do to steady myself. "Besides, you will let me <<if visited("Firewood.")>>sleep at your fire<<endif>><<if visited("Food.")>>share your food<<endif>> when I wish it, if I do."
It's true, and he knows it well enough to say so without asking. It is frightening to be seen through so easily, but then he has offered still more than he has taken.
[[I am willing to trust him.]]"I will. And I will learn everything you want to teach me."
He grins, and it is both wild and delightful. I feel my cheeks burn again, and he laughs at me for it. Rather than shame, though, there is a warmth in my stomach.
Late in the afternoon, the blizzard dies down enough that I feel comfortable venturing out. I take my axe and bring the basin out to the river, where I can empty the dirty water and refill it with enough for us to drink. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and gather what I need.
By the time I return, however, the young man is gone and the wolf is waiting for me outside the door to the cabin. "Are you going, then?" I don't know what to call him. I don't think it matters.
He inclines his head. His tail swishes. I understand implicitly that he is asking me to come with him. I glance out into the fading light of the forest, and I am afraid. But I remember what he said about teaching me, and my decision to trust him, and I whisper, "Yes."
He waits for me. I am not so reckless as to leave my rifle behind, and so I strap it to my back, grab a small bag which I fill with some of my cold venison, and then join him again outside.
His fur brushes against me as he takes the lead, making his way over to the river for a drink. I place my hand on his back, fingers in his fur, and he lets me keep them there, even after he lifts his head and we make our way into the forest.
[[I know not where he is taking me, but I am willing to follow.|End]]
<<audio "Mystical" fadeout>>
<<audio "Forest" play>>
<<audio "Forest" volume .7>>
<<audio "Forest" loop>>
<<audio "Hearth" fadeout>>Late in the afternoon, the blizzard dies down enough that I feel comfortable venturing out. I take my axe and bring the basin out to the river, where I can empty the dirty water and refill it with enough for us to drink. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and gather what I need.
By the time I return, however, the young man is gone and the wolf is waiting for me outside the door to the cabin. "Are you going, then, Wolf?"
He dips his head. I knew he would. He had told me so, and there was no real reason that he would stay past the point the storm made it necessary. Still, I am disappointed to see him go. I want to tell him so, ask him to stay. I don't. I can tell he would not listen.
After a moment of silence, he goes to drink from the spot in the river where I broke through the ice. He turns around to look back at me for a long moment, and then I watch him disappear into the forest.
I don't expect him to return that evening. He does not. I don't know when he will.
[[My hearth will be burning for him when he does.|End]]
<<audio "Hearth" fadeout>>"That is an odd question," he says. "I am what you see." He gestures to himself, and the motion attracts my gaze. "And what you have seen. I am him. The wolf."
My brow creases. "Yes, but <em>who</em> are you? What do I call you?"
"What do you want to call me?" If he was irritated before, he seems more playful now. Perhaps he simply enjoys flustering me.
"I don't know. I can't just call you Wolf. Don't you have a name?"
He shakes his head. "Without someone to call you by it, there is no such thing as a name. Call me Wolf, until I am something else to you. Then call me that." He says it like <em>when</em>, not if.
"Why have you helped me?"
It takes a moment for him to answer. "You were kind to me first; I could ask you the same question." His gaze lingers on me for a long moment before he continues. "You were interesting. And you would die if I did not." He glances toward the fire, leaving unspoken his other reasons.
"How do you know that? I can hunt. I even have a rifle. I can survive by myself." The sound he makes is not quite a laugh, but I bristle a bit at his amusement. "What's so funny?"
"Come spring, maybe," he says. "It is a curious choice for someone like you to settle here in the Winter."
It is the only question he has asked of me, though he does not ask directly.
I cannot answer him.
"You're right, in the spring ..."
[["I will till the soil and sow seeds."|Till]]
[["I will have learned how to survive in the wild."|Wilderness]]
<<audio "Mystical" stop>>
<<audio "Soft" stop>>My directness surprises him, I think. He raises his eyebrows. It makes him look more human. "I have more cause for being here than you do, I think," he says. "I live here in the forest. Do you imagine I would be able to make a home wherever you come from?"
His answer is obvious, but it touches me closer than I'd imagined. He is a person; he could even be a civilized person. Is it his own monstrousness, or the monstrousness of men, which keeps him apart? It's a question I could ask about myself as much as about him.
"Perhaps you mean, why am I <em>here</em>, with you. In which case I think the answer is still more obvious. It is safer here than outside in this cold." When I don't respond, he presses me directly. "Why are you here?"
It's no more invasive than when I asked it. Less, even, since he did not do so unprompted. Still, I struggle for long enough that it calls more attention to the question, which is exactly what I didn't want.
"I wasn't able to make a home there, either."
It's not a real answer, but it must tell him something of what he wanted to know, because he accepts it. "How do you intend to make your home here?"
[[I will adapt myself to it.|Wilderness Trust]]
[[I will adapt it to my needs.|Till]]
<<audio "Mystical" stop>>
<<audio "Soft" stop>>"I will grow my own food. The river is close by to keep everything irrigated. I can build what I need here, there is wood in abundance. Perhaps I will even keep a herd of deer, or something like that."
"It is hard enough to keep a deer from escaping. Harder still when there are predators in abundance." I frown at him. He looks amused. "But that is very well. Until then, you are relying on me to take care of you?" The idea is startling, but he appears to be serious.
"Would you?"
He is silent for some time, and the weight of his gaze feels heavy. Finally, he turns away to look at the fire and nods. "Yes. If I can rest at your hearth when I ask to."
"Yes. I will take care of you, too." I am a little overwhelmed to imagine that we have just made some sort of deal, that I have acted impulsively, that I have opened my home to a stranger-- and not just a stranger, a wild creature, not truly human.
His expression has softened, and there is a real smile on his face, almost like the one he wore when he was sleeping. I suspect that is even more dangerous than his feral nature. I can't bring myself to care.
He yawns with a whine, making no effort to cover his mouth. I remember that I have just woken him up, and that it makes sense that he would not keep the hours I do.
"You are tired." It is a stupid question. He nods, letting his legs stretch out before him, and I quickly turn my head away. I am sure it only makes it more obvious that his nakedness affects me.
[["Would you like to go to bed?"]]
<<audio "Soft" play>>
<<audio "Soft" volume .4>>
<<audio "Soft" loop>>"I will learn what to hunt, at what times. I will learn where the best places are to forage. When I can rest and when I must work, what the stars look like from here. I will fill in my sketchbook with all the animals that live here."
"You are relying on me to teach you?" His eyes flicker. Something about him looks more predatory.
That is not what I'd had in mind when I answered him, but it is an intriguing idea. "Would you?"
He is silent for some time, and the weight of his gaze feels heavy. Finally, he turns away to look at the fire and nods. "Yes. If I can rest at your hearth when I need to."
"Yes. The door is open to you."
His head dips. "It's agreed, then. Shall we be friends?" I can't tell if he is earnest or not. The look in his eyes is still wild.
I want to say yes. But friendship is a dangerous thing to give away to someone-- to a man even more than to a wolf. Friendship is something that can be revoked when its object discovers what you truly are. And undoubtedly, we know little about each other. He knows even less about me than I do about him.
[[I trust him anyway.|I trust]]
[[I don't answer him.|Mistrust]]
<<audio "Mystical" play>>
<<audio "Mystical" volume .6>>
<<audio "Mystical" loop>>
<<audio "Forest" stop>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" stop>>"To sleep? Yes." He seems relieved, and I feel guilty for having woken him up again.
"To bed, I mean." I motion towards the bed. "You don't have to sleep on the floor. It will be warmer, even, and you'll have the blanket."
For some reason he appears taken back by the offer. Yet he rises and moves towards the bed while I remain seated on the ground. His motion is not exactly human-like, but neither is he crawling on all fours. He navigates smoothly, using all of his limbs naturally to propel himself. It is as fascinating as it is unsettling.
I watch him climb into the bed and turn himself around a few times, as a dog would when settling down into a nest of blankets. It makes me smile, but I restrain a laugh, worried that he will think I am mocking him.
He pulls the blanket over himself and lays down. When I look over at him, I am met with his striking stare, but it does not take long for his eyes to close, and for his expression to soften as it did before. I am struck suddenly by the realization of how much trust he is extending me. It is a nice change to trust someone and be trusted in return.
[[He sleeps for some time.]]
<<audio "Finale" stop>>I watch him for a little while before getting up and going about my day. The winter storm is still raging outside, so I stay indoors and make a breakfast of my crab apples and rose hips.
I take up my sketchbook again and outline the shape of his body under the blankets. More time is spent detailing his face, the length of his lashes, the fullness of his lips, the slight color in his cheeks. Though it feels much more intimate than the way I drew him last night, I feel no shame about attempting to capture him. He is, after all, permitting me to see him this way, when he did not have to.
The storm dies down by late afternoon, allowing me to take care of my outdoor chores. I bring my axe and water basin to the river. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and refill the basin with enough to drink and to wash myself with for the next day or so. I pack snow tightly around my food to help preserve it, and eat a generous lunch of venison<<if visited("Firewood") warmed by the fire<<endif>>.
While inside, I look over at the sleeping wolf-turned-man. I would not have imagined him, earlier, as a creature (a person) in need of protection, but to know now that I am protecting and sheltering him-- that he will be here to protect and provide for me as well-- fills me with a sense of peace and hope that I had long since believed unattainable for me.
<<if visited("Firewood")>>[[The day is as restful for me as it is for him.]]<<endif>>
<<if visited("Food"))>>[[The day is as restful for me as it is for him.|Domestic food]]<<endif>>
<<audio "Soft" fadeout>>
<<audio "Finale" play>>
<<audio "Finale" volume .6>>
<<audio "Finale" loop>>He dos not wake until that evening, only a little before the time I have grown accustomed to seeing him. He pushes himself up by his arms, looks around, and fixes me with a warm, soft smile. My heart leaps.
"Thank you," he says with a yawn. "I have not slept so well in some time."
A part of me wants to tell him he may always do so. I restrain myself. I do not want to ruin this fragile friendship with overzealousness. "I am glad I could be of assistance. What now?"
"Now?" He sits up, swinging his feet over to touch the ground. "I am hungry, in any case."
"Oh! Of course." He must not have eaten for a full day, now. "There is the venison you've given me, I have a little fish, and--"
He stops me. "I would have you keep the food, and simply provide me the hearth." I would feel discouraged if not for the smile that remains on his face. "Do eat, though. It is nearly time for your own rest, I think; I will go and find something for myself, and perhaps for you in the morning, assuming..."
"Assuming you may come home and rest here tomorrow. Yes. You may." I don't tell him how my heart is soaring at the prospect.
He grins, and it is both wild and delightful. I feel my cheeks burn, and he laughs at me for it. Rather than shame, though, there is a warmth in my stomach.
"Go on, then," he says. "Prepare your hearth."
It does not take long for me to do so, but by the time I turn back around, it is no longer the man standing there but the wolf. Even though I know I will see him again very soon, I still feel a little disappointed to see him go. Perhaps he can sense something of it, because he takes a few steps forward and licks my cheek. I laugh. It is impossible not to.
"I'll see you tomorrow." I place my hand on his cheek, running my fingers through his fur, and he rubs it against my hand. It is softer than I'd imagined. Moments later, he is gone.
[[When I go to sleep, it is the face of the young man, and not the wolf, which haunts me.|End]]"I will learn what to hunt, at what times. I will learn where the best places are to forage. When I can rest and when I must work, what the stars look like from here. I will fill in my sketchbook with all the animals that live here."
"You are relying on me to teach you?" His eyes flicker. Something about him looks more predatory.
That is not what I'd had in mind when I answered him, but it is an intriguing idea. "Would you?"
He is silent for some time, and the weight of his gaze feels heavy. Finally, he turns away to look at the fire and nods. "Yes. If I can rest at your hearth when I need to."
"Yes. The door is open to you."
His head dips. "It's agreed, then. Shall we be friends?"
I want to say yes. Friendship is a dangerous thing to give away to someone-- to a man even more than to a wolf. Friendship is something that men have revoked from me, when they discovered what I truly am. But something tells me we are alike, that if he is safe with me, I am safe with him.
[[I trust him.|Wild trust]]
<<audio "Mystical" play>>
<<audio "Mystical" volume .6>>
<<audio "Mystical" loop>>
<<audio "Forest" stop>>"Instead of Wolf, then, I will call you Friend." It feels odd, still, a little clumsy, but not so impersonal.
"I accept." He grins, and it is both wild and delightful. I feel my cheeks burn again, and he laughs at me for it. Rather than shame, though, there is a warmth in my stomach.
My questions answered, he lays back down in front of the hearth and returns to sleep. I lay the blanket over his body and am struck suddenly by the realization of how much trust he is extending me in turn. How nice it is, to trust and be trusted.
Late in the afternoon, the blizzard dies down enough that I feel comfortable venturing out. I take my axe and bring the basin out to the river, where I can empty the dirty water and refill it with enough for us to drink. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and gather what I need.
By the time I return, however, the young man is gone and the wolf is waiting for me outside the door to the cabin. "Are you going, then, Friend?"
He inclines his head. His tail swishes. I understand implicitly that he is asking me to come with him. For a moment I am tempted, but as I glance out into the forest and its fading light, there is fear in my heart and my better nature prevails. "No." It feels too final. I hasten to clarify. "Next time. It is still too cold, and I am not ready."
He tosses his head and moves his body in a way that almost resembles a shrug. His fur brushes against me on his way out, but he soon turns back to look at me and lets out a huff of something like laughter. He trots over to the river where I have broken through the ice, has a drink, and then disappears.
I know I have made the right decision, but still I feel regret to see him go. He does not return that evening, and I know not when he will, but I'm certain I will see him again soon.
[[When I go to sleep, I am running with him in the forest.|End]]
<<audio "Mystical" fadeout>>
<<audio "Forest" play>>
<<audio "Forest" volume .7>>
<<audio "Forest" loop>>
<<audio "Hearth" fadeout>>I cannot speak. An unbearable silence stretches between us, as the expression in his eyes slowly fades to something softer. Sadder. He was earnest after all, I suppose. There is a thickness in my throat at the knowledge that I have disappointed him.
"Not friends, then. Allies." It isn't what I wanted. I open my mouth to try to tell him so, to apologise, but the words remain caught in my throat. Instead, I nod. For the first time I feel as though there is a wall between us. After a time he simply turns away to face the fire, stretching himself out and lying down again. I retreat, and allow him to sleep.
Late in the afternoon, the blizzard dies down enough that I feel comfortable venturing out. I take my axe and bring the basin out to the river, where I can empty the dirty water and refill it with enough for us to drink. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and gather what I need.
By the time I return, however, the young man is gone and the wolf is waiting for me outside the door to the cabin. "Are you going, then, Wolf?"
He dips his head. I had no reasonable expectation that he would stay past the point the storm made it necessary. Still, I am disappointed to see him go. Once again I want to tell him so. Once again the words fail me.
After a moment of silence, he goes to drink from the spot in the river where I broke through the ice. He turns around to look back at me for a long moment, and then I watch him disappear into the forest.
I don't expect him to return that evening. He does not. The idea occurs to me that he may not return at all, that in attempting to guard against losing his friendship, I may have lost him entirely. I tell myself that he will come back, and when he does, I will apologise.
[[When I sleep, his sad yellow eyes fill my dreams.|End]]
<<audio "Mystical" fadeout>>
<<audio "Hearth" fadeout>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" play>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" volume .6>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" loop>>"Yes. Let us be the best of friends."
He grins, and it is both wild and delightful. I feel my cheeks burn again, and he laughs at me for it. Rather than shame, though, there is a warmth in my stomach.
My questions answered, he lays back down in front of the hearth and returns to sleep. I lay the blanket over his body and am struck suddenly by the realization of how much trust he is extending me in turn. How nice it is to trust and be trusted.
Late in the afternoon, the blizzard dies down enough that I feel comfortable venturing out. I take my axe and bring the basin out to the river, where I can empty the dirty water and refill it with enough for us to drink. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and gather what I need.
By the time I return, however, the young man is gone and the wolf is waiting for me outside the door to the cabin. "Are you going, then, friend?" I don't know what else to call him. I think anything else would matter less.
He inclines his head. His tail swishes. I understand implicitly that he is asking me to come with him. I glance out into the fading light of the forest, and I am afraid. Even so, I whisper, "Yes."
He waits for me. I am not so reckless as to leave my rifle behind, and so I strap it to my back, grab a small bag which I fill with some of my cold venison, and then join him again outside.
His fur brushes against me as he takes the lead, making his way over to the river for a drink. I place my hand on his back, fingers in his fur, and he lets me keep them there, even after he lifts his head and we make our way into the forest.
[[I know not where he is taking me, but I am willing to follow.|End]]
<<audio "Mystical" fadeout>>
<<audio "Forest" play>>
<<audio "Forest" volume .7>>
<<audio "Forest" loop>>
<<audio "Hearth" fadeout>>"I might have died."
His face drops. I can tell he wants to argue with me. He does not. "Yes."
"I can't simply forget that--" As I move my arm to gesture with my words, I wince, and pull it close to me. It stings sharply. I may be safe from the cold, now, but infection may set in. Even if it does not, I can barely chop firewood now.
My anger, sorrow, and panic build as I recall the frantic feeling of the night before. "Go. I have had enough of this, of you-- I came here to be alone and that is what I want to be."
He looks stunned. "But you will die on your own."
My face is hot. "Leave me alone!"
He jumps to his feet and begins to approach me. My hands clench of their own accord into fists and my breath comes more quickly as I prepare to defend myself.
But he only snatches the fur coat from where it rests on top of me, wraps it quickly around his shoulders, and hurries out into the howling wind and snow, otherwise entirely naked and barefoot.
[[Being left alone with my thoughts does not bring the comfort I had hoped for.]]
<<audio "Clouds" fadeout>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" play>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" volume .4>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" loop>>I want to turn away from the look of remorse in his eyes, one I have seen before and want nothing to do with. But in this case, remorse is not useless. It has saved my life. If he did not regret what he did, I would have frozen to death in the snow by now. His apology is not hollow.
It is useless to push it away when I have already forgiven him in my heart. "Is that why you saved me? To make up for it?"
"No." He sighs, and I am strucken by how much like a man he seems now, when even moments before I was looking at him as a wild animal. "I could not have simply left you there, whether or not I did wrong to you beforehand. But it is why I came by in the first place, with the goal of making amends."
He is more candid, and more docile, than I had expected him to be. "I will not hold it against you, if you don't hold it against me that I touched you when you did not want me to."
He relaxes. Some of the tension fades between us, and there is the ghost of a smile on his lips. "Thank you."
I look away, finally, and my eyes rest on my arm. Practicality takes over from there. "Will you fetch my bag of bandages from under my bed? And the water basin, if there is any left." He obeys, walking upright, but using all four of his limbs to propel himself fluidly. He kneels to fetch the bag, sets it on the bed, and then finds the basin, taking it in both hands and bringing it to me. He holds it out towards me, but keeps it in his hands to steady it.
I remove my coat, my waistcoat, unbutton my shirt, and pull it overhead. As his eyes settle on me, I feel some embarrassment, and pull the blanket closer, but there is no sense in insisting on modesty at the moment. I unwrap the bandage on my arm; as I wince, the wolf-turned-man lets out a whine.
I have never been squeamish. Still, it is difficult to look at my own injury. I rinse the wound in the basin, and the pain leaves me breathless for a moment, until I bind it up tightly again with a new bandage.
He sets the basin down. There is a moment of silence between us, and I take the time to rally my thoughts and decide what to do.
[[I want him to stay.|Stay!]]
<<audio "HowlingWind" volume .2>>
<<audio "Clouds" fadeout>>
<<audio "Forgiveness" play>>
<<audio "Forgiveness" volume .4>>I notice again how terribly thin he seems. "Will you stay a while? You can have something to eat, if you do. Or even if you don't. As much as you want."
Perhaps he is surprised at first by the suggestion, but when he smiles, it is warm and bright and full, and something solidifies in my heart. In some way, we are the same; we belong to each other. "I would like that," he says.
When I move to rise from the bed, my body still aches to some degree, and I cry out in pain upon standing. I am forced to sit again almost immediately, a little stunned, but my new friend jumps to his feet, looking at me with concern and touching his hand to my shoulder.
"I'm alright, I think," I say weakly. "I imagine my toes are frostbitten." The pain is almost, but not quite, a secondary concern when compared to how close his body is to mine. I struggle to take a full, deep breath.
"Can I do anything?"
I glance around the room of my cabin. "If you will help me move closer to the hearth..." I lean heavily against him to stand again, and he holds one arm tightly around my waist. My cheeks are burning; it is a wonder he does not remark upon my feverish appearance. By the time I reach the hearth, a mere dozen feet across the room, I am exhausted, and I all but drop into a seated position, though he helps me lower myself down.
"Bring some of my firewood." He has kept me warm through the worst of the storm, and I have enough to spare now for necessities. I can't imagine he is any warmer than I am now that he is furless. As he hands me a few logs, I start the fire in the hearth. "Some of my food is buried in the snow, outside. Doubtless you will be able to find it. Bring in enough for the both of us, and I will warm it in the fire."
He nods and rises again, going to retrieve the blanket and lay it gently around my shoulders. I turn to look at him as he clothes himself in the fur he had laid on top of me earlier; the fur moves oddly in his hands, as if he can manipulate its shape in a different way than I can, but he wraps it around himself like a cloak and heads outside, barefoot.
For some reason I thought he would transform into the wolf he was before, and the idea of him going out in bare feet to spare my own frostbitten toes makes me distinctly uncomfortable. But I am selfish, and he makes no objection to my request.
[[I don't try to stop him.]]
<<audio "Finale" stop>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" fadeout>>
"I might have died."
His face drops. I can tell he wants to argue with me. He does not. "Yes."
"I can't simply forget that--" As I move my arm to gesture with my words, I wince, and pull it close to me. It stings sharply. I may be safe from the cold, now, but infection may set in. Even if it does not, I am useless at hunting with my arm the way it is.
My anger, sorrow, and panic build as I recall the frantic feeling of the night before. "Go. I have had enough of this, of you-- I came here to be alone and that is what I want to be."
He looks stunned. "But you will die on your own."
My face is hot. "Leave me alone!"
He jumps to his feet and begins to approach me. My hands clench of their own accord into fists and my breath comes more quickly as I prepare to defend myself.
But he only turns and hurries out into the howling wind and snow, entirely naked and barefoot. I tell myself I do not care what happens to him. I am worried about him.
[[Being left alone with my thoughts does not bring the comfort I had hoped for.|No comfort]]
<<audio "Clouds" fadeout>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" play>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" volume .4>>
<<audio "SadGoodbye" loop>>I want to turn away from the look of remorse in his eyes, one I have seen before and want nothing to do with. But in this case, remorse is not useless. It has saved my life. If he did not regret what he did, I would have frozen to death in the snow by now. His apology is not hollow.
It is useless to push it away when I have already forgiven him in my heart. "Is that why you saved me? To make up for it?"
"No." He sighs, and I am strucken by how much like a man he seems now, when even moments before I was looking at him as a wild animal. "I could not have simply left you there, whether or not I did wrong to you beforehand. But it is why I came by in the first place, with the goal of making amends."
He is more candid, and more docile, than I had expected him to be. "I will not hold it against you, if you don't hold it against me that I touched you when you did not want me to."
He relaxes. Some of the tension fades between us, and there is the ghost of a smile on his lips. "Thank you."
I look away, finally, and my eyes rest on my arm. Practicality takes over from there. "Will you fetch my bag of bandages from under my bed? And the water basin, if there is any left." He obeys, walking upright, but using all four of his limbs to propel himself fluidly. He kneels to fetch the bag, sets it on the bed, and then finds the basin, taking it in both hands and bringing it to me. He holds it out towards me, but keeps it in his hands to steady it.
I remove my coat, my waistcoat, unbutton my shirt, and pull it overhead. As his eyes settle on me, I feel some embarrassment, and pull the blanket closer, but there is no sense in insisting on modesty at the moment. I unwrap the bandage on my arm; as I wince, the wolf-turned-man lets out a whine.
I have never been squeamish. Still, it is difficult to look at my own injury. I rinse the wound in the basin, and the pain leaves me breathless for a moment, until I bind it up tightly again with a new bandage.
He sets the basin down. There is a moment of silence between us as I consider all that has happened. I know only one thing.
[[I want him to stay.|Stay !]]
<<audio "HowlingWind" volume .2>>
<<audio "Clouds" fadeout>>
<<audio "Forgiveness" play>>
<<audio "Forgiveness" volume .4>>I look around myself, and note that the presence of a few squirrels, a rabbit, and even a couple fish on the cabin floor. "Did you ... gather these? How?"
"Yes," he says. There is a trepidation in his voice, a wariness in his eyes again. "Your hearth was warm, and I knew enough to add a little wood to it. I could come back to warm myself after each hunt. It would not have been possible without you."
I blink, a little stunned. "I am grateful."
He relaxes again, sits down in front of the hearth. "You are welcome to as much of it as you like, if I may stay here, before your fire, until the storm passes."
I glance outside, at the flurry of snow, and recall how terribly cold I was before he saved me. I could not imagine leaving him to the same fate. "You may stay after that, too."
Perhaps he is surprised at first by the suggestion, but when he smiles, it is warm and bright and full, and something solidifies in my heart.
[[In some inexplicable way, we belong to one another.|Warm]]
<<audio "Finale" stop>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" volume .2>>
<<audio "Clouds" fadeout>>
<<audio "Forgiveness" play>>
<<audio "Forgiveness" volume .4>>My mind replays the moment that brought me here. My man confessing what he had done to me. Telling me how frightened he had been, begging me for forgiveness he knew I could not offer him. Weeping as I packed my things in silence.
Everything I ran away from had found me again, in different form.
It takes a while for me to move, but necessity forces my hand. I secure my bag of bandages from under the bed. When I stand to grab the basin of water from across the room, there is a shooting pain, but I push through it and make the suddenly-arduous journey until I can sit back down with the basin sat beside me.
I undress carefully and begin to shiver even as I wash and rebind my arm. I have precious little firewood to spare, especially if the storm keeps up, but my body needs warmth and I could use a warm meal.
It is another difficult journey to the hearth, but I manage. In a few moments I am sat before the fire, warming both my toes and a bit of venison to eat. My feet ache from the heat, but I know it is doing them good, and I can't afford for them to be too frostbitten to walk by the time I need to venture outside for more firewood.
The silence while I sit and watch the flames flicker feels stifling, even though I have spent the better part of a month in silence. I am alone. I am alone, and I will always be alone. I am alone, I will always be alone, and this is something I had decided well before today, so it is unfair that I am upset about it now.
I am alone. I am safe when I am alone. Letting other people in has only ever hurt me.
[[I miss the man I left behind.|End]]
<<audio "Hearth" play>>My mind replays the moment that brought me here. My man confessing what he had done to me. Telling me how frightened he had been, begging me for forgiveness he knew I could not offer him. Weeping as I packed my things in silence.
Everything I ran away from had found me again, in different form.
It takes a while for me to move, but necessity forces my hand. I secure my bag of bandages from under the bed. When I stand to grab the basin of water from across the room, there is a shooting pain, but I push through it and make the suddenly-arduous journey until I can sit back down with the basin sat beside me.
I undress carefully and begin to shiver even as I wash and rebind my arm. Moving may be difficult, but my body needs warmth and I could use a meal, though I have precious little remaining to eat.
It is another difficult journey to the hearth, but I manage. In a few moments I am sat before the fire, warming my toes and chewing on a pair of crabapples and a root. My feet ache from the heat, but I know it is doing them good, and I can't afford for them to be too frostbitten to walk by tomorrow, when I will need to hunt again.
The silence while I sit and watch the flames flicker feels stifling, even though I have spent the better part of a month in silence. I am alone. I am alone, and I will always be alone. I am alone, I will always be alone, and this is something I had decided well before today, so it is unfair that I am upset about it now.
I am alone. I am safe when I am alone. Letting other people in has only ever hurt me.
[[I miss the man I left behind.|End]]The next morning, he is gone, and all that is left behind are a few bits of broken bones. I push away a feeling of disappointment.
The cold cuts more deeply than usual today and soon sinks into my bones, even as I go about my daily chores. Chopping firewood usually does something to keep me warm, but today my fingers are stiff, and any movement seems to feed the chill rather than disperse it.
Yet I have no choice. The firewood I used for the campfire last night has been reduced to smoldering charcoal, and as the day goes on, the weather only gets worse. The wind howls; I can hardly make out the tree line for the flurry of snow pouring down. If this continues, the firewood I have will not last, and it will only become more difficult to collect.
I don't know how much time passes. My fingers have long since become numb-- so much so that I narrowly avoided chopping one of them off on a poorly aimed swing of my axe. It is hard to think of anything except that I need warmth, and to get warm, I need firewood, and to get firewood, I need to cut.
I am interrupted suddenly by the weight of a presence beside me, pushing rather forcefully. The axe falls from my hands and I scramble to pick it up again, to defend myself, but when I turn it is only the wolf standing there, his head against my arm. Belatedly I realise I am touching his fur, but my fingers can barely sense it.
"What?"
He pushes against me again, and when I don't respond, he takes a scrap of my coat in his teeth and tugs.
"Hey! Don't tear that, I need it!" He stops, but turns around. I have sense enough to understand that he means for me to follow him, and-- crazy or not-- I trust him enough to obey. I grab an armful of firewood and stumble through the snow after him.
[[He leads me back to the cabin.]]
<<audio "Campfire" fadeout>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" play>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" loop>>
<<audio "Hearth" stop>>He steps inside, past me, and shakes some of the snow from his pelt. Once we are in a confined space together, he seems even larger than before. On two legs, he would be as tall as I am. My heart is pounding, but I steady myself and close the door. He looks back at me, measuring, and then goes to lie in front of the hearth as he did by the campfire last night.
"Are you cold?" My voice is full of wonder. I approach the hearth, too, and sit down, placing some of my newly-gathered wood inside and lighting it. Almost immediately, the warmth hits me like a physical force and I shiver. He snorts. I smile, feeling a light-heartedness bubble up inside of me. "No? Am I the fool who has let myself get too cold?"
The wolf lets out a quiet whine, but merely lays his head down on the cabin floor, unwilling or unable to protest. I extend my hand; he sniffs it, and with his clear permission, I rest it on the top of his head. Our eyes meet again, and a shiver runs through me as his bear into mine. There is a tension there. Listening closely, I can hear a faint rumbling, perhaps a growl. Though he seems at peace in my presence, it is a peace within very defined limits. I don't intend to find out what happens if I overstep, remarkable as it is to run my fingers through his fur.
I pull back and remain still for a while. THe warmth of the fire is almost like a physical ache. It is very clear to me that had I stayed out any longer, hypothermia would have set in. I know not how he knew to look for me, but he has saved my life-- perhaps to repay me for the food I have given him.
After some time, I stand and fetch my sketchbook. I try to capture the way the light of the fire flickers in his eyes and makes his fur glow. I make a decent sketch, and detail his face, focusing on the intensity of his stare, before I begin to grow tired.
The wind is still howling outside, and the wolf seems to have no intention of venturing back into it. I have no intention of sending him out there, either. I return to the hearth, stoking the fire a bit and adding a cut of venison to eat. I feel him watching me while I do so.
"You want to share." I smile at him. "Don't worry, that is what I had in mind. To thank you. You have more sense than I, apparently, and it has saved me." I reach my hand out to touch him again, and he lets me stroke his head a few times.
We eat quietly together, and I only feel more tired once we are done. I extinguish the flame; it has done its job warming me and cooking for me, but I can't afford to leave it burning all night when I have my clothes and my blankets to keep me warm enough.
"I am going to sleep, now." I turn to look at him again. "I would rather you stay while I do. But if you need to leave, be sure you close the door behind you." It no longer seems absurd that he might understand me. He huffs, which I take to be assent.
I undress, wash myself quickly, and pull on my warm sleeping clothes before climbing into bed. Despite my excitement, I feel safe with him lying here, and it does not take long before my eyes are closing of their own accord.
[[I sleep a dreamless sleep.|Comfy]]
<<audio "HowlingWind" fadeout>>
<<audio "Wind" play>>
<<audio "Wind" loop>>
<<audio "Hearth" play>>
<<audio "Hearth" loop>>When I wake, he is still here. Or rather, the wolf is gone, and in his place there is a man lying before the hearth. Even so, I know almost without thinking that he is the very same being.
His hair is such a light blond that it is nearly white, like his coat, and it seems to glow in the firelight just as the wolf's fur did. His body, curled before the fire, is well-muscled, yet slender and graceful-looking. He is naked.
[[He is the most beautiful man I have ever seen.|Love]]
[[I came here to escape my unbidden thoughts, and I won't let them ruin this life, too.|Fear]]
<<audio "Hearth" fadeout>>
<<audio "Wind" fadeout>>
<<audio "Love" stop>>
<<audio "Dark" stop>>He is far more dangerous as a man than as a wolf. I stare for only a moment before tearing my eyes away, quelling the rising feeling of panic inside of me. He is naked; he is sleeping; it is no concern of mine. I do not want him to find me looking at him when he wakes.
I rise and begin to dress in my warmest clothes. I can still hear the storm outside, but it frightens me less than remaining indoors now. I make no particular effort to muffle my sound as I head out the door with my supplies, hoping that he will have awoken by the time I return.
After a breakfast of cold vension, I spend some time packing the newly-fallen snow into something like an ice box to better protect my food. I break open some of the ice on the river to give myself something to drink. I make my rounds, checking my traps and clearing them out of the snowbanks. By the time I make my way back to the cabin, it is almost afternoon, and I am nearly frozen solid.
The man, and the wolf, are gone when I return. I push away bitter disappointment. That is what I wanted, what I hoped for, why I left the warmth for so long even knowing what had happened the night before, what he had saved me from. Still it hurts. I was afraid that my nature would ruin what little I have here, would throw away my last chance at companionship. And yet despite my efforts, it already has: I am alone now.
I can't put a name to all that I am feeling, and I don't try to. I know that if I look too closely at it, I will fall apart. Instead I look blankly into the hearth while I relight the fire and warm myself.
He will come back. It is both a consolation and a torment.
[[He will come back, and I know not what I will do when he does.|End]]
<<audio "Dark" play>>
<<audio "Dark" volume .6>>
<<audio "Dark" loop>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" play>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" volume .2>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" loop>>My breath leaves me as I rise from the bed and approach more closely. His eyes are closed, and he is sound asleep. His facial features are delicate. There is not a scar, crease or imperfection on them. Long lashes rest lightly on high cheeks. Full lips tilt upwards into a slight smile, soft and gentle, reflecting what must be a peaceful dream.
I cannot stop looking at him, even after I know I have stared for too long. The idea that the wolf has transformed into this young man is inexplicable-- and yet, it does much to explain his odd behavior, his intelligence, the way he is drawn to rather than away from the fire.
A thousand questions run through my mind. I want to wake him and ask them, but I know not how he will react, whether or not this is something I am <em>permitted</em> to see.
[[I wake him.|Wake]]
[[I lay my blanket over his body.|Blanket]]
<<audio "Love" play>>
<<audio "Love" volume .4>>It can't wait. I am too curious, and too fascinated. I kneel on the floor of the cabin, place my hand lightly on his shoulder, and shake him gently.
The sweet curve of his lip and the peaceful look on his face vanish in an instant. In a flash, he has twisted away from me and crouches before me, teeth bared and snarling more viciously than I would have imagined possible in a man. I am reminded very suddenly that he is a wild animal, or something like it, and fear for a moment that I have erred, that he will hurt me.
I stumble backwards, heart racing, and fall onto my back. Scarcely breathing, I raise my hands and manage to find words. "It's me! It's me, I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you." Does it even mean anything to him that it's me? I know he can understand me; can he answer me? Even through my fear, I am filled with a sense of anticipation at the idea of hearing him speak.
Slowly, he relaxes and settles back down. His eyes, the same piercing yellow as the wolf's, still watch me warily, but he moves to sit, knees pulled up in front of him so as to cover his most vulnerable parts. "You want me to go?" he asks. He is resigned, but even so there are strains of a melody in his voice.
"No!" It rushes out quickly. Understanding that I am no longer under threat, I push myself back up into an upright position.
"Why, then, have you woken me up?"
It's a reasonable question. The answer feels silly now, and I feel myself flush with embarrassment. "I have questions for you."
He raises his eyebrows, and his lip twists downwards in an expression of disdain. "Could it not have waited?" He sighs and shakes his head, but when he looks back at me he appears to have softened somewhat. "Pardon. You are justified in asking. What do you want to know?"
Every word he speaks sends a thrill through me. It takes me a moment to form my question.
[["Who are you?"|Who you]]
[["Why are you here?"|Why here]]
<<audio "Love" fadeout>>He makes a quiet noise, and his body shifts under the covering, but he does not wake. The winter storm is still raging outside, so I stay indoors and make a breakfast of my crab apples and rose hips.
I take up my sketchbook again, and outline the shape of his body as he lies before the hearth. My heart is thumping as I do so, afraid that he might wake and object to the intrusion. Logically, it should be no different to the way I drew him last night. Yet it feels like a different thing entirely.
When he does wake, it is nearly afternoon. I suppose, being a creature of the night, it makes sense that he would not keep the same hours I do. He pushes himself up with his arms, sitting up and turning to look at me. His eyes are the same striking yellow; my chest clenches even as I feel unsettled.
"Hello." My voice is smaller than I wanted it to be. He tilts his head. A few strands of his hair fall away from his face. If he can understand me, surely he can speak. How badly I want to hear him speak.
"Are you hungry? I have more of the venison we ate last night. A few nuts and fruits, if that is the sort of thing you eat. Or ..." I gesture a bucket in the corner of the cabin, which contains a few fish. "I could cook those for you?"
He moves to examine the bucket, and the blanket falls away from his body. He does not exactly crawl on all fours; his movements are graceful, natural, but he uses all four of his limbs to propel himself. As he looks into the bucket, his eyes darken, and all of a sudden his hand darts out to snatch one of the fish from the water, gripping it tightly in his hand even as it wriggles about.
"No, I mean-- I can cook it in the fire for you."
Heedless of my words, he holds the fish in both hands and brings it to his mouth, tearing it open with his teeth like the wild creature that he is. I look away immediately, but I shudder anyway and feel goosebumps form on my skin.
Aside from the howling of the wind outside and the sickening cracking, squelching sound of him devouring the fish, there is silence. My stomach churns. I tell myself the sound would be the same if he were really a wolf. It does not help much.
When the sound ceases, I dare to look again. He swallows down the last of it and wipes his face using his arm. There is still something dripping onto his chin. I make a face.
"Thank you," he says, yellow eyes fixed on mine again. His voice is soft, almost melodic, and something about it recollects the howl I heard the night before I first saw him.
[["I should thank you."|Thanks]]
[["Will you wash your hands and face in the basin? Please?"|Wash]]
<<audio "Love" fadeout>>There is a wild spark in his eyes. He licks some of the blood from his lips and his chin, and I shiver again. He doesn't respond right away. For a few moments I even wonder if I had imagined that he spoke in the first place. His eyes flicker away from mine towards the water basin, which he grasps in his hands and tips back to take a large drink from. Then he wipes his face again, a bit cleaner this time, and says, "You have more than repaid me for it already."
It is not that I wasn't wary of him as a wolf, but there is a contradiction between his feral behavior and demeanor, and the soft beauty of his form, that raises the hair on the back of my neck. He is right, he feels more dangerous now, not less. At the same time, it draws me in. He is more fascinating, too.
The look in his eyes is curious, almost playful. He moves forward, closer to me, and my cheeks feel hot. Yet I can't look away. I can't help but size him up again, my breath catching in my throat. But maybe he is doing something of the same; his nostrils are flaring, just in the same way the wolf had smelled my food. I wonder for a moment if he is thinking about devouring me.
"What are you doing here?" he asks bluntly, but he's more curious than aggressive. My heart seizes in my chest at the question, and I take a moment to collect myself lest I embarrass myself by stammering out my response, but the truth is...
[[I came here to escape civilization.]]
[[I came here to make a home for myself.]]
<<audio "Mystical" play>>
<<audio "Mystical" volume .6>>
<<audio "Mystical" loop>>
<<audio "Forest" stop>>His nose wrinkles, and he tilts his head again. I gesture to the basin of cold water, and he turns to regard it skeptically. He puts his hands in the basin, splashes a bit of water on his face, and then plunges his head inside. When he emerges again, he fixes his yellow eyes on me, waiting for me to say something.
"That's a little better." I smile and approach cautiously. He lowers his head a little and looks up at me; with the wary look in his eyes, I can imagine the wolf with his ears pinned back. But he doesn't pull away.
I grab a washcloth, wet it, and wrap it around the soap. "Can I...?" I hold my empty hand out. He is still for a moment, but then, cautiously, he reciprocates. I hold him gently by the wrist, and he allows me to wash his hand, his arm, his other hand. When I raise the cloth to his face, he pulls back and shows his teeth. It doesn't look like a smile.
"It's alright." I raise my hand to try to pacify him. He relaxes a little, then takes the wash cloth from me and scrubs his face with it. I feel much more comfortable with it cleaned of blood and other remnants. "Thank you."
His lips curl into something like a smile, letting out an amused breath through his nose. "So long as you're pleased," he says, and my breath catches to hear him speak again.
"Yes." My cheeks feel hot, and I avert my eyes. He has made no effort to cover himself again since he moved to pick up the fish. There is another moment of silence between us, and I struggle to remember the questions I wanted to ask that morning.
[["Who are you?"|Who you]]
[["Why are you here?"|Why here]]"That is an odd question," he says. "I am what you see." He gestures to himself, and the motion attracts my gaze again. "And what you have seen."
My brow creases. "Yes, but <em>who</em> are you? What do I call you?"
"What do you want to call me?" He is playing with me now, I can tell that much. I am a little flustered anyway.
"I don't know. I can't just call you Wolf. Don't you have a name?"
He shakes his head. "Without someone to call you by it, there is no such thing as a name. Call me Wolf, until I am something else to you. Then call me that." He says it like <em>when</em>, not if.
"Why have you helped me?"
It takes a moment for him to answer. "You were kind to me first; I could ask you the same question." His gaze lingers on me for a long moment before he continues. "You were interesting. And you would die if I did not." He glances toward the empty hearth.
I bristle a little defensively, but I have to concede the point. "I underestimated my ability to store firewood, and the difficulties of the cold."
"Come spring, maybe, you will fare better" he says. "It is a curious choice for someone like you to settle here in the Winter."
It is the only question he has asked of me, though he does not ask directly.
I cannot answer him.
"You're right, once spring comes ..."
[["I will shape this land into my home."|Mold wild]]
[["I will have adapted myself to survive in the wild."|Mold self]]
<<audio "Mystical" stop>>
<<audio "Soft" stop>>My directness surprises him, I think. He raises his eyebrows. It makes him look more human. "I have more cause for being here than you do, I think," he says. "I live here in the forest. Do you imagine I would be able to make a home wherever you come from?"
His answer is obvious, but it touches me closer than I'd imagined. He is a person, he could even be a civilized person. Is it his own monstrousness, or the monstrousness of men, which keeps him apart? It's a question I could ask about myself as much as about him.
"Perhaps you mean, why am I <em>here</em>, with you. In which case I think the answer is still more obvious." When I don't respond, he presses me directly. "Why are you here?"
It's no more invasive than when I asked it. Less, even, since he did not do so unprompted. Still, I struggle for long enough that it calls more attention to the question, which is exactly what I didn't want.
"I wasn't able to make a home there, either."
It's not a real answer, but it must tell him something of what he wanted to know, because he accepts it. "How do you intend to make your home here?"
[[I will adapt myself to it.|Mold self]]
[[I will adapt it to my needs.|Mold wild]]
<<audio "Mystical" stop>>
<<audio "Soft" stop>>He is intrigued. "How will you do that?"
"I will learn what to hunt, at what times. I will learn where the best places are to forage. When I can rest and when I must work, what the stars look like from here. I will fill in my sketchbook with all the animals that live here."
"If you do not die of cold first," he says wryly. I make a face, but he just smiles back at me. "You mean to learn those things all by yourself?" His eyes flicker. Something about him looks more predatory.
It takes me a moment to consider what he is suggesting. "You would show me?"
He makes me wait for an answer. "I am accustomed to the cold, to the hunger, to scarcity. And you could grow accustomed to those things, too, I am sure. But it will be easier with two. Yes. If you will share with me in turn."
"If you like, I will make or find something to clothe you in." He is still naked, and has only drawn the blanket across his lap.
"I have my fur to wear." That will do nothing to remedy the issue, but there is no way of arguing the point.
"I suppose you do."
His head dips. "It's agreed, then. Shall we be friends?"
I want to say yes. Friendship is a dangerous thing to give away to someone-- to a man even more than to a wolf. Friendship is something that men have revoked from me when they discovered what I truly am.<<if visited("Blanket")>> But something tells me we are alike, that if he is safe with me, I am safe with him.<<endif>><<if visited("Wake")>> And undoubtedly, we know little about each other. He knows even less about me than I do about him.<<endif>>
[[I trust him.]]
<<if visited("Wake")>>[[I don't trust him.]]<<endif>>
<<audio "Mystical" play>>
<<audio "Mystical" volume .6>>
<<audio "Mystical" loop>>
<<audio "Forest" stop>>He is intrigued. "How will you do that?"
"Come spring, I will till the soil and sow seeds. Grow my own food. The river is close by to keep everything irrigated. I can build what I need here, there is wood in abundance. Perhaps I will even keep a herd of deer, or something like that."
"It is hard enough to keep a deer from escaping. Harder still when there are predators in abundance." I frown at him. He looks amused. "And you are talking of the abundant wood you can harvest in the spring, but in the meantime you don't have enough for the winter. Until then, you are relying on me to take care of you?"
The idea is startling, but he doesn't appear to be teasing me.
"Would you?"
He makes me wait for an answer. "Yes. If you will feed me, I will look after you."
<<if visited("Wake")>>"Yes. I will take care of you, too." I am a little overwhelmed to imagine that we have just made some sort of deal, that I have acted impulsively, that I have opened my home to a stranger-- and not just a stranger, a wild creature, not truly human.
His expression has softened, and there is a real smile on his face, almost like the one he wore when he was sleeping. I suspect that is even more dangerous than his feral nature. I can't bring myself to care.
He yawns with a whine, making no effort to cover his mouth. I remember that I have just woken him up, and that it makes sense that he would not keep the hours I do.
"You are tired." It is a stupid question. He nods, letting his legs stretch out before him, and I quickly turn my head away. I am sure it only makes it more obvious that his nakedness affects me.
[["Would you like to go to bed?"]]<<endif>>
<<if visited("Blanket")>>"Yes. I will take care of you, too." We have made some sort of deal, almost without my knowing it. But I want more. His expression has softened, and there is a real smile on his face, almost like the one he wore when he was sleeping. Something tells me we are alike, that if he is safe with me, I am safe with him.
"I will find, or make, something to clothe you in." He is still naked, and has only drawn the blanket over his lap.
He tilts his head. "I have my fur to wear."
"Yes, but ... not when you are in this shape. No wonder you're cold out there." His eyes level with mine, and just when I feel compelled to apologise, he nods his assent.
"Will I have a coat like yours?" He is teasing now, and answers his own question before I have a chance to do so. "No, I will bring you a new fur, and you will fashion it for me to wear when I am like this." There is something odd behind his tone of voice, but then this is uncertain for both of us.
[[It is a partnership.]]<<endif>>
<<audio "Soft" play>>
<<audio "Soft" volume .4>>
<<audio "Soft" loop>>As the blizzard outside dies down, I take my axe and bring the basin out to the river, where I can empty the dirty water and refill it with enough for us to drink. As I suspected, the river has frozen over, but the ice is thin enough that I can break it easily and gather what I need.
By the time I return, however, the young man is gone and the wolf is waiting for me outside the door to the cabin. "Are you going, then, Wolf?"<<if visited("I will adapt it to my needs.")>> I never got his name. <<endif>>
He dips his head. I had no reasonable expectation that he would stay past the point the storm made it necessary. Even though I have promised to feed him when necessary, he must prefer to hunt for himself.
Still, I am disappointed to see him go. He brushes against my side as he passes and glances back at me with an expression that almost resembles a smile, then he goes to drink from the spot in the river where I have broken through the ice.
I watch him disappear into the forest, and though I know not when, I have no doubt that he will return. It is odd, still, not to see him that evening, when he has almost become part of my routine. It is odder still to go to bed to a cold hearth, with my blanket pulled tightly around myself, and to try to pull vestiges of warmth from the memory of sitting by the fire with him.
[[When I go to sleep, it is the face of the young man, and not the wolf, which haunts me.|End]]
Double-click this passage to edit it.He dos not wake until that evening, only a little before the time I have grown accustomed to seeing him. He pushes himself up by his arms, looks around, and fixes me with a warm, soft smile. My heart leaps.
"Thank you," he says with a yawn. "I have not slept so well in some time."
A part of me wants to tell him he may always do so. I restrain myself. I do not want to ruin this fragile friendship with overzealousness. "I am glad I could be of assistance. What now?"
"Now?" He sits up, swinging his feet over to touch the ground. "I am hungry, in any case."
"Oh! Of course." He must not have eaten for a full day, now. "There is the venison we had last night, I have a little fish, and--"
He stops me. "The fish, I think. It won't keep as well as the rest of it."
I take my knife, scale the three fish, and prepare them slowly enough that he can follow. I lay them on a plank of wood, which I place in the hearth to cook, and then I wash my hands.
As the fish begin to cook and the smell wafts through the rest of the small cabin, my stomach reminds me of how hungry I am, too. While the food is roasting, the warmth from the fire settles me, and my friend seems equally at peace.
"Will you stay?" I ask, as we finish our meal.
He shakes his head. "Not tonight. I'll stay only until it is time for you to sleep. But I will see you tomorrow, after you have rested well and the storm dies down."
I want more time with him. But it is only a few moments longer until I am extinguishing the fire and washing myself in the quickly-cooling water basin.
It does not take long for me to do so, but by the time I turn back around, it is no longer the man standing there but the wolf. Even though I know I will see him again very soon, I still feel disappointed to see him go. Perhaps he can sense something of it, because he takes a few steps forward and licks my cheek. I laugh. It is impossible not to.
"I'll see you tomorrow," I say. I place my hand on his cheek, running my fingers through his fur, and he rubs it against my hand. It is softer than I'd imagined. Moments later, he is gone.
[[When I go to sleep, it is the face of the young man, and not the wolf, which haunts me.|End]]It takes me a moment to recover myself enough to take my rifle and go back inside, to wash my arm in my basin of water and then to bandage it tightly with the bandages I keep stashed in a bag underneath my bed.
I extinguish the fire before I climb into bed. My arm aches, but my thoughts linger on the look in his eyes more than the pain that I feel. Exhausted, I fall asleep quickly, but I don't get much rest.
In my dream, I am in his position. I hear the crack of the gunshot echo in the air, I feel the pain of the bullet pierce me, and I am looking up into the old, familiar eyes of a man I used to love.
When I wake in the morning, I am not surprised to feel the pain in my arm, but it takes me a moment to remember I have been bitten, not shot. I struggle out of bed, clean my wound and change my bandages, before dressing and heading outside.
[[There is no sign of the wolf.]]
<<audio "Gunshot" stop>>
<<audio "Bite" volume .2>>Even the trail of blood from the night before is gone, replaced, I suppose, by fresh snow.
The day passes by slowly and quickly at once. I prepare a fire pit outside to smoke some venison, which fortunately does not involve chopping any new firewood. Still, it is an arduous task with my injury. I take frequent breaks, I can do only a little at a time, and my progress feels agonizingly slow.
Before I know it, it is evening. I am sitting by the fire pit eating my hard-earned meal, but my focus is concentrated at the edge of the forest. I have my rifle next to me, in case his hunger should drive him to come again, in case he thinks I am weak, that he may finish me off.
I wonder if he is dead now, if I killed him.
[[I can't tell if I am relieved or disappointed when he does not come.]]
<<audio "Campfire" play>>
<<audio "Campfire" loop>>
<<audio "Dark" stop>>
<<audio "Bite" fadeout>>Either way, I sleep uneasily.
The cold cuts more deeply than usual the next morning and soon sinks into my bones, even as I go about my daily chores. Chopping firewood usually does something to keep me warm, but today my fingers are stiff, my arm aches, and any movement seems to feed the chill rather than disperse it.
Yet I have no choice. The fire pit I made the evening before means my wood supply is dangerously low, and as the day goes on, the weather only gets worse. The wind howls; I can hardly make out the tree line for the flurry of snow pouring down. If this continues, the firewood I have will not last two days, and it will only become more difficult to collect from here on out.
Shivering violently, arm throbbing, I bring the axe down again and again, collecting a little pile of wood. There is a desperation behind my actions. My mind is slow; it is difficult to reason further than the need to get wood, to prepare for the cold. It is not made easier by the accuracy, or lack thereof, of my swings. Once or twice I even miss the mark entirely.
My arm begins bleeding again. I notice it, but distantly, as if I am looking at someone else.
I collapse.
...
Some instinct of self-preservation forces me onto my knees. The snow where I fell is red. I am bleeding, but I can stem the flow if I make it back to the cabin. I do not feel cold, but I know it is the cold that is killing me now.
I raise my head. At the edge of the clearing, I see the body of the wolf. He is lying still, blanketed more in snow than in fur. Instead of standing, instead of turning to face the cabin, I drag myself closer to him. I don't have the strength for anything else.
I am so tired.
I lay my head down in the snow next to his.
The last thing I see before mine close are [[his yellow eyes]].
<<audio "Campfire" fadeout>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" play>>
<<audio "HowlingWind" loop>>
<<audio "Bite" stop>>
<<audio "Dark" play>>
<<audio "Dark" volume .6>>
<<audio "Dark" loop>>You have reached one of the endings of "His Yellow Eyes."
If you've enjoyed this demo, please consider <a href="https://sinceremercy.itch.io/his-yellow-eyes/donate">supporting its continued development</a>.
If you would prefer a different ending to the story, feel free to restart and make different choices.
In any case, thanks for playing! Any support is appreciated, including your comments, ratings, and shares. :)
<<audio "HowlingWind" fadeout>>