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<div id="title-passage"> //IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN.// </div>
<div id="title-body"> //[[PLAY]]//
//[[CREDITS]]// </div><<cacheaudio "intromusic" "intromusic.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "ambientmusic" "ambientmusic.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "dronemusic" "dronemusic.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "soothingsynth" "soothingsynth.mp3">>
<<cacheaudio "darkmusic" "darkmusic.mp3">>//THIS IS A HORROR GAME THAT DEALS DIRECTLY WITH AGENCY AND AUTONOMY.//
//ELEMENTS OF THE STORY INCLUDE BODY HORROR, ALTERED MENTAL STATES, AND HELPLESSNESS. A [[DETAILED CONTENT WARNING]] IS AVAILABLE.//
//[[CONTINUE]].//
<<audio "intromusic" play volume 0.45 loop>>//A GAME BY
JAMES COLLIER
BRITTNEY HUBLEY
SCOTT JACKSHAW
[[BACK|TITLE]]////THERE IS ALWAYS [[ANOTHER WAY]] TO [[BE]].//<div id="title-warning"> // ACT I
FROM “BEGIN” TO “YOU ARE STILL”:
UNSAFE LIVING SITUATION (STRUCTURAL); AGORAPHOBIA; ISOLATION; DROWNING; CLAUSTROPHOBIA; PANIC ATTACKS.
ACT II
FROM “YOU ARE SQUIRMING” to “…YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE AGAIN”:
BODY HORROR, INCLUDING ANIMAL (SKIN); STARVATION; VICTIM BLAMING; GASLIGHTING; DEREALIZATION AND DISSOCIATION; PARANOIA; DARKNESS; FUTILITY.//
//[[NEXT]]// </div>//YOU KNOW THAT YOUR STORIES HAVE LIVES OUTSIDE OF YOU, AND YOU TELL THEM ANYWAY — [[ALL OF THEM]].
YOU ARE TARRED AND FEATHERED, RELENTLESSLY.////YOU KNOW THAT YOUR STORIES HAVE LIVES OUTSIDE OF YOU, SO YOU KEEP THEM WITH YOU — [[ALL OF THEM]].
YOU ARE CAUSTIC AND NOISY AND ENTIRELY YOURSELF, EXCEPT IN THOSE MOMENTS THAT YOU AREN’T.////THERE ARE ALWAYS OTHER [[WAYS TO BE]].////YOU ARE [[HOME]].//
<<audio "dronemusic" play volume 0.30 loop>>//YOU ARE HOME AND YOUR HOME IS [[NARROW]].////YOUR HOME IS A SET OF NARROW, ACHING STAIRS. YOUR HOME IS MORE STEEP THAN YOU EXPECT, EVEN THOUGH [[YOU KNOW]].////YOUR HOME IS A THROAT, AND YOU ARE CHEWED, BUT NEVER [[SWALLOWED]].////YOUR HOME IS [[MOLDERING]] — BLACK SPOTS FINE AS PETECHIAE.// //THE WALLS BELOW THE WAIST OF YOUR HOME WEEP THROUGH STORMS. THE PLASTER IS ALL [[GUTTED]], ALL MASTICATED, ALL GONE TO [[ROT]]. YOU CHOOSE NOT TO KNOW YOU ARE [[RUINED]].////ON A GLUE TRAP, THERE IS [[SOMETHING|HOME AGAIN]] THAT USED TO CALL THIS HOME.////THE SPINE OF YOUR HOME HAS BEEN PLIED WITH RAINWATER, AND [[RECEDES|HOME AGAIN]].////LIKE FURNITURE, YOUR GRIEF IS STURDY AND [[SIMPLE|HOME AGAIN]].////YOU ARE HOME, AND WHERE THE WEATHER STRIPPING HASN’T CRACKED, THE [[GLASS]] HAS GONE INSTEAD.////IT IS COLD AT HOME, BUT THE LIGHT IS TUNGSTEN, THE SKIN OF EACH BRIGHTENED BULB PULPY AND [[WARM]].////IN WARM LIGHT, ALL HANDS LOOK WARM. [[YOU KNOW BETTER]].//
//IN WARM LIGHT, THE WALLS OF YOUR HOME ARE ALL JAUNDICED, TOO HONEST, TOO CROWDED; THERE IS [[NOWHERE]] ELSE TO GO.////IT [[SHOULD|YOU KNOW BETTER]] STOP YOU FROM GOING — THAT YOU [[COULD]] KNOW THE NOTHING THAT LIVES EVERYWHERE BUT YOUR HOME.////YOU ARE ON [[THIN ICE]].////YOU ARE ON THIN ICE, AND IT IS ONLY GETTING [[THINNER]].////YOU HAVE NEVER FELT MORE SOLID IN YOUR LIFE, [[MORE SINKING]].////YOUR SINKING FEELING SWELLS, VICIOUS AND SHIFTING AND SOUND, AND YOU KNOW YOU’VE NEVER BEEN [[EVEN]].////YOU’VE NEVER EVEN BEEN SURE OF WHERE TO PUT YOUR FEET, NEVER KNOWN MUCH PAST PUTTING ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF ANOTHER, AND PUTTING YOURSELF ANYWHERE BUT WHERE YOU ALREADY ARE FEELS LIKE NOTHING MORE OR LESS THAN THE FEELING BEFORE [[SINKING]].////THE SINKING IS INSIDE YOU NOW — WHAT WOULD [[WALKING AWAY]] GET YOU?////WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE [[GOING]]?////ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF ANOTHER ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH TO KNOW WHETHER YOUR NEXT STEP WILL SEND YOU THROUGH, BELOW TO WHERE THE SINKING FEELING LIVES WHEN IT [[DOESN’T LIVE]] INSIDE YOUR CHEST.////YOU ARE STILL ON THE ONLY [[GETTING THINNER]] ICE.////[[STILL]], THE SINKING FEELING: [[ONE]] YOU’RE USED TO.////YOU HAVE ONLY EVER LOVED SOMEONE YOU CANNOT [[TOUCH]].////YOU HAVE ONLY EVER WANTED WHAT YOU CANNOT [[HAVE]].////YOU, AN ANCHOR, A SINKING FEELING, KNOW BETTER THAN TO [[TAKE]] SOMETHING YOU LOVE DOWN WITH YOU.////YOU, AN ANCHOR, A SINKING FEELING, KNOW BETTER THAN TO [[TAKE]] SOMEONE YOU LOVE DOWN WITH YOU.////BETWEEN YOU AND THIN ICE, SOMETHING WILL [[GIVE]].////YOU ARE [[LATE]].////YOU ARE LATE — OR, [[YOU WILL BE]] LATE.////A SUBWAY CAR IS PARTIAL, RAMBLING AND CROWDED AND WHEN [[IT STILLS]], IT COMES AS A SHOCK.////IT REMAINS, SO: [[STILL|STILLING]].////A SUBWAY CAR IS PARTIAL; MAYBE AN EIGHTH OF THE WHOLE. YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN PARTIAL TO [[THE SUBWAY]].////THERE WAS NO LULLING TRANSIT TO TRUST, NOT WHERE YOU GREW UP. THERE WAS NO WAY TO FIND THE WAY TO WORK WITH OTHERS, NO MORNING COMMUTE, NO SUBWAY [[STOPPING]].////IN THE UNCOMMON STILLNESS, YOU CONSIDER: THE THIN WALL OF THE SUBWAY CAR, AND THE THINNER [[SPACE BETWEEN]] IT AND THE CHANNEL IN WHICH IT SITS.////THERE IS CONCRETE AND BEYOND THAT CONCRETE, THERE IS SKELETAL REBAR THAT BEARS THE WEIGHT BEYOND IT, AND BEYOND THAT WEIGHT THERE IS EARTH, THE DENSE EARTH [[UNDER A CITY]], PACKED LIKE SNOW BENEATH A BOOT.////YOU ARE NOT GOING [[ANYWHERE]].////THIS SUBWAY CAR IS SO UNLIKE A LUNG, NO SLACK. THIS SUBWAY CAR WAS NEVER MEANT TO BREATHE. YOU KNOW THAT MUCH FROM HOW STALE THE STILL AIR HAS [[GONE]].//
<<audio "intromusic" fadeout>>//WITHOUT THE [[HEAVE]] OF A TRAIN IN MOTION, THE ONLY THING THROWING SOUND INTO THE SUBWAY CAR ARE ALL THE [[LUNGS]] WITHIN IT.////NOW, [[INVOLUNTARY]], YOU HEAVE.////NOT [[YOUR LUNGS|INVOLUNTARY]].////YOUR LUNGS HAVE SEIZED — THEY’VE GONE STILL AS A SUBWAY CAR INSIDE OF YOU, ALL SKELETAL REBAR, [[ALL THE WEIGHT YOU CAN BEAR]] AND THE CONCRETE BESIDES AND THE EARTH BESIDES THAT.////YOU ARE [[STILL|STILLINGS]].//
<<audio "dronemusic" fadeout>>
<<audio "ambientmusic" play volume 0.25 loop>>//YOU ARE [[SQUIRMING]].//
<<audio "soothingsynth" play volume 0.10 loop>>//YOU ARE ON A [[GLUE TRAP]], SQUIRMING.////WHEN CAUGHT IN A GLUE TRAP, SOME MICE WRITHE [[FREE]].////FREE, THEY LEAVE BEHIND THEIR HAIR AND SKIN AND [[DON’T MAKE IT]] FURTHER THAN THE BASEMENT STAIRCASE.////WHAT ARE YOU [[LEAVING]] BEHIND?////YOU’VE BEEN LEAVING FOR SO LONG, AND NOW [[YOU’RE STUCK]].////IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE STAIRCASE, WE CAN CALL THAT [[CLOSE ENOUGH]].////WHAT CAN YOU LEAVE BEHIND THAT YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT? YOU’RE ALL TWISTED UP LIKE A BROKEN HAND AND YOU’RE [[NOT GOING ANYWHERE]], [[NOT WHOLE]].////THIS BASEMENT REEKS, LIKE TURPENTINE AND OCEAN WATER, LIKE PINE AND [[ROT|ROTTING]].////A MOLDERING APPLE, GONE TO PULP BENEATH THE SKIN, IS THE EASIEST SORT TO [[TEAR]].////AS READY AS A GLUE TRAP, THERE IS A HALF-EMPTIED BOTTLE OF PINE SOL [[WAITING FOR YOU]] ON THE FLOOR AT THE FOOT OF THE STAIRS.////THE PLASTIC CASTS A HOLLOW SHADOW, AND [[YOU TAKE IT]] AS A FIRST FINISH LINE TO CROSS.////YOU ALMOST [[MAKE IT]].////YOU ARE [[NOT LYING]]//.//IT’S JUST LIKE YOU, TO CHOOSE TO [[STARVE]].////IT’LL ALL GO TO GUTS ANYWAY, BUT [[MEANDERING]].////BY THE TIME THE BASEMENT STAIRS BECOME OBVIOUS AS THE BETTER OF TWO ENDS — AND IT WILL, THOSE ALWAYS IN SIGHT STEPS, AN INSIPID REMINDER OF THE WAY YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF —YOUR SHOELACE LIMBS WILL NOT GIVE YOU THE [[DIGNITY]] OF HAVING TRIED.////WITH [[NOTHING LEFT|MAKE IT]] TO SCAVENGE BUT MUSCLE, YOUR BODY WILL TURN ITSELF INSIDE OUT, [[SQUIRMING]].////[[YOU AREN’T]].////AN ODD THING TO INSIST ON, BUT [[ALRIGHT]]: YOU ARE NOT LYING.////YOU SAID THAT [[YOU WANTED THIS]].////YOU WANTED [[THIS]].////WHAT, EXACTLY, DID YOU [[EXPECT]]?////DID YOU EXPECT TO FIND A [[HOME|HOMING]] HERE?////YOU MUST KNOW THAT’S NOT WHAT [[PLACES LIKE THIS]] ARE FOR.////DON’T PANIC. YOU’RE NOT DOING YOURSELF ANY [[FAVOURS]]. REMEMBER, YOU WANTED THIS.////EVERYONE ELSE HAS DONE WHAT THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO, AND ALL YOU’VE DONE IS [[INSIST]] YOU AREN’T LYING.////SO MAYBE YOU AREN’T LYING, BUT YOU’VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT WHERE [[IT ALL WENT WRONG]], HAVEN’T YOU?////IT’S SIMPLER THAN THAT: THERE IS NO FIXED POINT, NO OCCASION THAT BROUGHT THIS ON. YOU DON’T SEEM TO [[REMEMBER]]; THIS IS NOT A [[STORY]].////IN THAT WAY, I SUPPOSE [[IT ISN’T SIMPLE]] AT ALL.////IN THAT WAY, I SUPPOSE [[IT ISN’T SIMPLE|SIMPLING]] AT ALL.////DON’T YOU SEE? YOU REMEMBER IT ONE WAY, BUT YOU HAVE THAT [[FALLIBLE]], AWFUL WAY OF REMEMBERING.////YOU’RE ALWAYS TELLING STORIES, AND MAYBE THAT’S THE PROBLEM. YOU’RE SO VERY GOOD AT [[TELLING STORIES]].////NO, YOU ARE NOT A STORYTELLER. YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY INGLORIOUS. YOU ARE AN INSUBSTANTIAL COLLECTION OF ALLERGIES, OVERDRAWN ACCOUNTS, AND A PREDILECTION FOR [[THINGS THAT HURT YOU]].////YOU’LL HAVE TO REALIZE AT SOME POINT, THOUGH, THAT THIS STORY DOES NEED [[AN ENDING]].////NOW, WITHOUT LYING: DO YOU THINK IT [[ENDS WELL]]?////YOU ARE [[NOT ALONE]].////ALL DRIVEN BY SELF-INTEREST, YOU’D GO SO FAR TO [[PROVE THAT YOU’RE RIGHT]].////DO YOU THINK THAT YOU’RE [[RIGHT]]?////YOU’RE THE ONE WHO [[BROUGHT IT UP]].////IT IS DIFFICULT TO SEPARATE WHAT’S REAL FROM WHAT SEEMS REAL. YOU’LL HAVE TO [[DO BETTER|INSIST]].////YOU’VE TRIED EVERYTHING, IT FEELS LIKE, AND STILL: [[YOU ARE NOT ALONE]].////THESE ARE THIN, KNUCKLED TREES, DENSE AND DOUR, THE KIND OF TREES THAT EVERYONE KNOWS BETTER THAN TO WALK THROUGH AFTER DARK, AND YOU’RE WALKING THROUGH THEM FOR THAT REASON [[EXACTLY]].////[[YOU KNOW BETTER|BETTERING]] THAN TO WALK THROUGH THEM ALONE, BUT YOU AREN’T, ARE YOU? ALONE.////YOU’VE SPLIT YOUR LIP, OR [[SOMEONE HAS]]. IT BLEEDS FREELY.////YOU ARE NOT ALONE, BUT YOU’VE TRIED EVERYTHING YOU CAN THINK OF, [[SEARCHING]] FOR AN OUNCE OF PRIVACY.////YOU CANNOT GET OUT FROM UNDER THE SOMEONE THAT GOES WITH YOU. WHETHER THEY ARE WATCHING DOES NOT MATTER. THEY ARE THERE AND YOU CAN TELL THAT THEY ARE THERE AND IT IS [[RUINING]] YOU.////FOR THE LONGEST TIME, YOU’VE TREATED WINDOWS LIKE ONE WAY [[MIRRORS]]. YOU’VE WATCHED WITH AN ABJECT SORT OF [[CARELESSNESS]] THAT HAS NEVER INVITED OTHERS TO WATCH IN RETURN.////YOU ARE NOT ALONE, AND YOU ARE PULLING UP AS MUCH SKIN AS YOU ARE SCAB WHEN [[YOU RUN]] YOUR SNAGGED NAILS UP AND DOWN YOUR CRAGGY ARMS.////YOU HOLD OUT ONE HAND, AND [[CLUTCH]] AT EACH POPLAR IN TURN.////SOMEONE HAS BROKEN YOUR FINGERS. [[SOMEONE MIGHT’VE BEEN YOU]], BUT THERE’S NO WAY OF KNOWING NOW.////YOU STUMBLE, CAUGHT AND CATCHING YOURSELF BEFORE YOU [[TAKE TO THE DIRT]].////THERE IS THE PAUSE OF YOUR STUMBLED ALMOST FALLING. THERE IS YOUR STAGGERED, INELEGANT BREATHING. THERE IS SOMEONE HERE, AND IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY ARE BREATHING WHERE YOU ARE BREATHING, AN [[ECHO|MIRRORS]] WITHOUT DISTANCE.////YOU BRING A HAND UP, HOLD IT PARALLEL TO THE NEAREST PASSING ASPEN. THE PALE, SCORED FLESH [[MATCHES]] YOUR OWN.////YOU PULL, REKNUCKLING EACH FINGER UNTIL THEY’VE [[TWINNED]] THE TREES.////WHEN EACH FINGER IS WHERE IT BELONGS, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT LEAVING THESE WOODS: YOU ARE NOT ALONE, AND YOU WILL NEVER BE ALONE [[AGAIN]].//
<<audio "soothingsynth" fadeout>>//YOU ARE [[LOST]].//
<<audio "darkmusic" play volume 0.25 loop>>//YOU ARE LOST, AND YOU ARE [[MISSING]] SOME CRUCIAL SENSE OF HOW IT IS YOU’VE GOTTEN SO LOST.////YOU WERE [[SOMEWHERE]] ELSE BEFORE YOU WERE HERE. OR, YOU WERE [[SOMETHING]] ELSE BEFORE YOU WERE THIS. OR, YOU WERE [[SOME OTHER WAY]] THAN THE WAY YOU ARE NOW.////YOU MUST BE [[DREAMING|DREAMINGZ]].////YOU MUST BE [[DREAMING]].////YOU MUST BE [[DREAMING|DREAMINGS]].////YES, YOU ARE DREAMING, AND YOU ARE DREAMING [[YOU ARE LOST]].////YOU ARE LOST, AND THE CURTAIN HAS COME UP [[WITHOUT YOU]].////YOU ARE THE MAIN EVENT, BUT YOU’VE LOST YOUR PLACE IN THE SCRIPT, CAN’T FIND YOURSELF IN THE SHEETS OF MUSIC THAT SPIN AROUND YOU LIKE MOATS OF DUST. YOU ARE UNDER A LIGHT THAT [[SHOULD]] BE WARMING YOU, BUT THE ONLY HEAT YOU HAVE IS YOUR HUMILIATED PAUSE.////YOU ARE JOINTS AND STRINGS, AND [[LITTLE ELSE BUT KNOWING]] YOU ARE JOINTS AND STRINGS.////YOU KNOW, YOU USED TO MAKE THINGS [[FUN]].////RATHER — YOU USED TO [[MAKE FUN]].////IT CAME EASILY TO YOU, TO LAUGH AT SOMETHING LIKE TRYING, TO MOCK ANYTHING THAT SEEMED LIKE EFFORT. NOW, YOU ARE JOINTS AND STRINGS AND THE TRAPPINGS OF [[APATHY]].////IN THAT WAY, YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN [[A PARODY]], HAVEN’T YOU?////YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN ALL [[SELF-INVOLVED]], ALL TANGLED UP IN YOURSELF, ALL STRINGS AND JOINTS AND [[DREAMS|LOST]].////THERE MIGHT BE A CRY CAUGHT IN YOUR THROAT, BUT THROATS ARE NOT MADE OF JOINTS AND STRINGS. YOU FEEL IT, [[CAUGHT]], NONETHELESS.////YOU ARE NOT [[GOING TO MAKE IT]].////YES, YOU ARE DREAMING, AND THE APARTMENT AROUND YOU IS FAMILIAR, AND [[YOU’VE LOST A TOOTH]].////YOU ARE NOT THE TOOTH YOU’VE LOST, THE MOLAR YOU ROLL AROUND IN ONE PALM, OR THE GAP WHERE THE TOOTH ONCE WAS, THE ACHING SPACE IN YOUR GUMS THAT YOU [[SOOTHE]] WITH YOUR TONGUE.////THE TOOTH NEXT OVER [[TURNS]] WITH YOUR LAVING.////YOU WILL [[LOSE THIS]], TOO.////MORE AWARE NOW THAN EVER BEFORE OF [[HOW MANY TEETH MAKE UP A MOUTH]] — HAVE MADE UP YOUR MOUTH — AS THEY FALL, SOME SNARL INTO THE KNIT OF YOUR SWEATER, INTO YOUR ARCHED FINGERS, AND OTHERS RATTLE TO THE FLOOR.////WITHOUT WANTING TO, YOU LAUGH FROM THE MAW THAT [[USED TO BE A MOUTH]].////YOU REMEMBER HEARING, ONCE, THAT WHEN DREAMING, LOSING YOUR TEETH REPRESENTED A FEAR OF LOSING [[SOMETHING IMPORTANT]].////SOMETHING IMPORTANT, YOU HAD SAID AT THE TIME, [[LIKE YOUR TEETH]]?////[[YOU HAD LAUGHED, THEN, TOO]].////YOU HOLD A FISTFUL OF TEETH THAT USED TO HAVE THE CONTEXT OF YOUR JAW, THAT USED TO SHAPE YOUR CONSONANTS AND SHARPEN YOUR GRIN, AND [[YOU LAUGH]].////YOU’LL [[WAKE UP]] SOON.////OF COURSE YOU WILL — [[THIS IS A DREAM|SOMEWHERE]], [[RIGHT|RIGHTING]]?////YOU’VE NEVER NOT [[WOKEN|CAUGHT]] FROM A DREAM [[BEFORE|MISSING]].////YES, YOU ARE DREAMING, AND [[YOU ARE DREAMING YOU ARE LOST]].////YOU ARE SMALLER THAN YOU’VE EVER BEEN, AND YOU ARE WADING SALTWATER STEADY THROUGH SOMETHING THAT IS [[NOT AN OCEAN]].////THIS IS NOT AN OCEAN, BUT IT MAY AS WELL BE: FEATURELESS AND ROILING AND MORE VAST THAN [[YOU CAN KNOW]].////YOU KNOW THAT [[YOU WERE GOD’S FAVOURITE, ONCE]].////OR, YOU KNOW THAT [[YOU WERE TOLD]] THAT YOU WERE GOD’S FAVOURITE, ONCE.////BUT YOU HAVE NEVER CALLED OR BEEN CALLED IN EARNEST. YOU CONSIDER CALLING NOW. [[YOU WONDER]] IF SOUND WOULD STRIKE ANYTHING BUT THE SILENCE HERE.////YOU WONDER WHERE HERE IS, [[AGAIN|AGAINS]].////[[YOU WONDER AND WADE]].////THERE MUST BE AN [[END]] — THIS IS A DREAM, AFTER ALL.////YOUR ANKLES ARE STIFF UNDER YOUR WEIGHT AND THE WATER, YOUR BRITTLE POSTURE AND CLENCHED JAW, IT’S ALL RATHER [[UNDREAMLIKE]], ISN’T IT?////IN YOUR DREAMS, YOU ARE USUALLY MORE THAN A BODY, MORE THAN FEELING [[FRAUGHT WITH OBLIGATION]] AND [[WASTED WITH EFFORT|FRAUGHT WITH OBLIGATION]].//
//IN YOUR DREAMS, YOU HAVE NEVER KNOWN THAT HERE, YOU ARE SUBJECT TO [[SALVAGE LAW]]: THAT WHEN YOU STUMBLE — AND YOU WILL STUMBLE — YOU WILL NOT BE SAVED BUT FOR YOUR PARTS, FOR YOUR USE.////YOU MUST BE DREAMING. [[YOU KNOW|CAUGHT]] THAT MUCH.////[[YOU CAN’T|CAUGHT]] KEEP WADING AND WONDERING FOREVER.////PLEASE EXPECT ASPECTS OF THE GRAPHICS AND SOUND TO WARP AND DISTORT THROUGHOUT THE GAME. HEADPHONES ARE RECOMMENDED.//
//[[BEGIN]].////YOU ARE NOT LOOKING AHEAD WHEN YOU HIT THE BRANCH BRACING THE ROAD, OVERCORRECT, AND OCCASION [[THE END]] OF YOUR LIFE.////OR, PERHAPS YOU ARE NOT PAYING ENOUGH ATTENTION WHEN YOU DON’T QUITE SNUFF THE STRICKEN MATCH THAT CATCHES QUICKLY, OCCASIONING [[THE END|THE ENDS]] OF YOUR LIFE.////OR MAYBE, IT’S THAT YOU DID NOT LISTEN WHEN THEY TOLD YOU THAT IT WOULD BREAK YOU DOWN, THAT IT WOULD EAT YOU FROM THE INSIDE, EACH CIGARETTE A SENTENCE WRITTEN OFF THE SUM OF YOU, AND NOW IT HAS OCCASIONED [[THE END|THE ENDZ]] OF YOUR LIFE.////[[THIS COULD GO ON]].////AS YOU KNOW, YOU WILL NEVER BE COMPLETELY OUT OF [[ENDINGS]].////YOU COULD GO ON LIKE THIS, YOU COULD FIND OCCASION AFTER VAPID, VACANT OCCASION, JUST TRYING TO FIND [[A SATISFYING END]].////DO YOU REALLY WANT TO [[STAY HERE]]? DO YOU KNOW THIS PLACE SO WELL? WOULDN’T YOU RATHER [[MOVE ON]], BECOME [[SOMETHING LIKE YOURSELF AGAIN|MOVE ON]]?////[[THAT JUST WON’T DO]].////YOU ARE GOING TO [[AGREE]].////YOU ARE GOING TO [[AGREE|AGREEA]].////YOU KNOW THAT [[YOU ARE GOING TO AGREE]].////YOU KNOW THAT [[YOU ARE GOING TO AGREE|YOU ARE GOING TO AGREEA]].////YOU [[ALWAYS]] DO.////EVEN WHEN YOU OBJECT, YOU ALWAYS AGREE. WHEN YOU COMPLAIN, YOU AGREE. WHEN YOU COMPROMISE, YOU COME AROUND. [[WOULDN’T YOU AGREE]]?////YOU’RE ALL COMPROMISE, ALWAYS HAVE [[BEEN]].////YOU KNOW AS WELL AS ANYONE THAT YOU DON’T TASTE BILE AS MUCH AS YOU [[FEEL IT]], ACRID AT THE BACK OF YOUR SINUSES.////YOU GRIMACE: YOU ARE ALL COMPROMISE, [[ALL DISGUST]].////THAT’S HARDLY A SURPRISE, THESE DAYS. THERE’S SO MUCH TO BE DISGUSTED WITH, [[DON’T YOU THINK]]?////YOU ARE MORE DISGUST AND COMPROMISE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, THESE DAYS; THESE DAYS, YOU’RE PRACTICALLY VARNISHED WITH IT, ARMED WITH YOUR DISGUST. IT’S MORE [[DIFFICULT]] THAN EVER TO JUST MOVE ALONG, ISN’T IT?////YOUR DISGUST IS FOR [[MOTHS]], ANY MOTH WITH MORE WIDTH THAN A DIME.////YOUR DISGUST IS FOR EVERY TIME YOU’VE CHEWED A FLAP OF SKIN OFF YOUR BOTTOM LIP AND HELD IT AGAINST THE BACK OF YOUR TEETH UNTIL YOU CONVINCED YOURSELF TO [[SWALLOW]].////YOUR DISGUST IS FOR SOGGY FOOD AND BROKEN HAIR, [[ANYTHING]] CATCHING AND CLOGGING DRAINS, AND FOR THE SMELL OF OVERCOOKED MEAT, AND FOR THE SOUND OF CERAMICS GRATING AGAINST OTHER CERAMICS.////YOUR DISGUST IS FOR MIRRORS, AND MIRROR-LIKE THINGS — FOR ANYTHING THAT SHOWS YOU YOUR OWN SPLIT, BITTEN-DOWN LIPS AND YOUR BLOWN PUPILS, YOUR EYES RAW FROM SOMETHING [[LIKE SMOKE]].////[[THIS IS NOT YOURS TO KEEP]].////YOU HAVE TO AGREE, THIS WHOLE TIME, YOU’VE JUST BEEN FUMBLING TOWARD THIS. YOU AGREE, THESE STORIES WERE NEVER YOURS TO KEEP.
YOU’VE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT YOUR STORIES ARE NOT FOR YOU — THAT THERE’S NOWHERE TO GO BUT WHERE YOU ARE GOING — [[NO OTHER WAY TO BE]].////YOU KNOW THAT YOUR STORIES HAVE LIVES OUTSIDE OF YOU, AND YOU [[TELL THEM ANYWAY]].////YOU [[ALWAYS|ALWAYSA]] DO.////EVEN WHEN YOU OBJECT, YOU ALWAYS AGREE. WHEN YOU COMPLAIN, YOU AGREE. WHEN YOU COMPROMISE, YOU COME AROUND. [[WOULDN’T YOU AGREE|WOULDN'T YOU AGREEA]]?////YOU’RE ALL COMPROMISE, ALWAYS HAVE [[BEEN|BEENA]].////YOU KNOW AS WELL AS ANYONE THAT YOU DON’T TASTE BILE AS MUCH AS YOU [[FEEL IT|FEEL ITA]], ACRID AT THE BACK OF YOUR SINUSES.////YOU GRIMACE: YOU ARE ALL COMPROMISE, [[ALL DISGUST|ALL DISGUSTA]].////THAT’S HARDLY A SURPRISE, THESE DAYS. THERE’S SO MUCH TO BE DISGUSTED WITH, [[DON’T YOU THINK|DON'T YOU THINK A]]?////YOU ARE MORE DISGUST AND COMPROMISE THAN ANYTHING ELSE, THESE DAYS; THESE DAYS, YOU’RE PRACTICALLY VARNISHED WITH IT, ARMED WITH YOUR DISGUST. IT’S MORE [[DIFFICULT|DIFFICULT A]] THAN EVER TO JUST MOVE ALONG, ISN’T IT?////YOUR DISGUST IS FOR [[MOTHS|MOTHSA]], ANY MOTH WITH MORE WIDTH THAN A DIME.////YOUR DISGUST IS FOR EVERY TIME YOU’VE CHEWED A FLAP OF SKIN OFF YOUR BOTTOM LIP AND HELD IT AGAINST THE BACK OF YOUR TEETH UNTIL YOU CONVINCED YOURSELF TO [[SWALLOW|SWALLOWA]].////YOUR DISGUST IS FOR SOGGY FOOD AND BROKEN HAIR, [[ANYTHING|ANYTHINGA]] CATCHING AND CLOGGING DRAINS, AND FOR THE SMELL OF OVERCOOKED MEAT, AND FOR THE SOUND OF CERAMICS GRATING AGAINST OTHER CERAMICS.////YOUR DISGUST IS FOR MIRRORS, AND MIRROR-LIKE THINGS — FOR ANYTHING THAT SHOWS YOU YOUR OWN SPLIT, BITTEN-DOWN LIPS AND YOUR BLOWN PUPILS, YOUR EYES RAW FROM SOMETHING [[LIKE SMOKE|LIKE SMOKEA]].////[[THIS IS NOT YOURS TO KEEP|THIS IS NOT YOURS TO KEEPA]].////YOU HAVE TO AGREE, THIS WHOLE TIME, YOU’VE JUST BEEN FUMBLING TOWARD THIS. YOU MUST KNOW THAT THESE STORIES WERE NEVER YOURS TO KEEP — [[EXCEPT FOR WHEN THEY ARE]].
THERE’S NOWHERE TO GO BUT WHERE YOU ARE GOING — [[NO OTHER WAY TO BE|NO OTHER WAY TO BEA]].////YOU ARE AT [[THE END|THEENDM]].////MAYBE YOU THINK YOU’VE LEARNED SOME [[DIFFERENCE]] — MAYBE THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A SUBWAY CAR, UNLIKE A LUNG, AND A STAIRCASE, LIKE A THROAT.////YOU SHOOK THE HOLD THAT [[STUCKNESS]] HAD ON YOU, TOOK A STEP ONTO THE GLUE TRAP, INTO THE BLACK WOODS, BACK TO THE BRACING STAGE.////YOU’RE GOING TO [[LEAVE BEHIND]] THIS PARTICULAR SET OF SPIRALS, THESE PARTICULAR SENSES OF BEING STUCK.////YOU ARE GOING, [[AREN’T YOU]]?////MAYBE, IF YOU GO SOMEWHERE ELSE, YOU COULD BE ANOTHER WAY —
AT LEAST, AS MUCH AS ANY OF US COULD.//
//[[END 2/2|TITLE]]////YOU ARE HOME [[AGAIN|AGAIN1]].//
<<audio "intromusic" play volume 0.45 loop>>
<<audio "dronemusic" play volume 0.20 loop>>//YOU ARE HOME AND YOUR HOME IS NARROW [[AGAIN|AGAIN2]].//
//YOUR HOME IS A SET OF NARROW, ACHING STAIRS. YOUR HOME IS MORE STEEP THAN YOU EXPECT, [[AGAIN|AGAIN3]], EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW.////YOUR HOME IS A THROAT, AND YOU ARE CHEWED [[AGAIN|AGAIN4]], BUT NEVER SWALLOWED.////YOUR HOME IS MOLDERING, YOU KNOW — BLACK SPOTS FINE AS PETECHIAE. THE WALLS BELOW THE WAIST OF YOUR HOME WEEP THROUGH STORMS. THE PLASTER IS ALL GUTTED, ALL MASTICATED, ALL GONE TO ROT. YOU CHOOSE [[AGAIN|AGAIN5]] NOT TO KNOW YOU ARE RUINED.////ON A GLUE TRAP, THERE IS SOMETHING THAT USED TO CALL THIS HOME, AND LIKE FURNITURE, YOUR GRIEF IS STURDY AND SIMPLE. THE SPINE OF YOUR HOME HAS BEEN PLIED WITH RAINWATER, AND RECEDES [[AGAIN|AGAIN6]].////YOU ARE HOME, [[AGAIN|AGAIN7]], AND WHERE THE WEATHER STRIPPING HASN’T CRACKED, THE GLASS HAS GONE INSTEAD.////IT, [[AGAIN|AGAIN8]], IS COLD AT HOME, BUT THE LIGHT IS TUNGSTEN, THE SKIN OF EACH BRIGHTENED BULB PULPY AND WARM.////IN WARM LIGHT, ALL HANDS LOOK WARM [[AGAIN|AGAIN9]]. YOU KNOW BETTER.////IN WARM LIGHT, THE WALLS OF YOUR HOME ARE ALL JAUNDICED, TOO HONEST, TOO CROWDED; [[AGAIN|AGAIN10]], THERE IS NOWHERE ELSE TO GO.////YOU KNOW, [[AGAIN|AGAIN11]], THAT THERE IS NOWHERE ELSE TO GO.////IT SHOULD STOP YOU FROM GOING [[AGAIN|AGAIN12]] — THAT YOU COULD KNOW THE NOTHING THAT LIVES EVERYWHERE BUT YOUR HOME.////YOU ARE HOME [[AGAIN|AGAIN13]].////YOU KEEP LOOKING TO THE CLOCK, BUT IT WILL NEVER TELL YOU [[MORE THAN THE TIME]].////YOU’LL TELL [[ANOTHER]].//
<<audio "darkmusic" fadeout>>
<<audio "ambientmusic" fadeout>>//YOU KEEP LOOKING TO THE CLOCK, BUT IT WILL NEVER TELL YOU [[MORE THAN THE TIME|MORE THAN THE TIMEA]].////YOU KNOW THAT YOUR STORIES HAVE LIVES OUTSIDE OF YOU, SO YOU KEEP THEM WITH YOU — [[ALL OF THEM|META]].//
<<audio "darkmusic" fadeout>>
<<audio "ambientmusic" fadeout>>//NO OTHER WAY TO BE, EXCEPT FOR WHEN [[THERE IS|EXCEPT FOR WHEN THEY ARE]].
BUT YOU AGREED — THESE STORIES WERE NEVER YOURS TO KEEP. YOU KNOW THAT YOUR STORIES HAVE LIVES OUTSIDE OF YOU, AND YOU [[TELL THEM ANYWAY]].////YOU ARE HOME [[AGAIN|AGAIN14]].////YOU ARE HOME [[AGAIN|AGAIN15]].////YOU ARE HOME.//
//[[END 1/2|TITLE]]//
<<audio "intromusic" fadeout>>
<<audio "dronemusic" fadeout>><div id="title-warning"> //ACT III
FROM “YOU ARE LOST” TO “THE END”:
DISORIENTATION; DREAM STATES AND UNREALITY; ELEMENTS OF CONTROL/PUPPETRY; BODY HORROR (TEETH); EXISTENTIAL DREAD; AGORAPHOBIA; CAR ACCIDENTS; FIRE AND IMMOLATION; TERMINAL ILLNESS (ASSOCIATED WITH SMOKING); COERCION; MORTALITY.//
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