Exam Period

Hmm... should I do it [[slowly and gingerly?]] or [[quickly, like ripping off a plaster?]]

"You have fifteen minutes remaining until the end of the exam." Great I think. What am I supposed to do now? I could [[look over the exam, I guess.]] Or I could [[try to somehow secretly remove the giant BLOOD WEDGIE from my bum crack...]]

All of the answers on the final page swim together as I feel my eyes defocusing as I tune out. I cross my eyes deliberately to see if the reordered words form a serendipitous haiku. Nope. This has been a complete waste of time. I have no idea what I've written and I don't know why I bothered. And my underwear is riding up my bum like it's taken the express lift. Maybe I'd be able to concentrate better if I could [[try to somehow secretly remove the giant BLOOD WEDGIE from my bum crack...]] [[The invigilator clears his throat again.]]

"The exam is now finished." "Put your pens down and close your exam booklets. Invigilators will come around and collect your question papers first. You are not permitted to remove question papers or exam papers from the exam room. Stay in your seat and remain silent until you are told that you may leave. This will be when all of the papers and other materials have been collected. Please leave the exam room quietly and go back to the main school building sensibly as other classes are going on around the school." Oh god. [[I have to get up out of my seat.]]

I shift to the left. I wiggle my hips to the right. God. Throw in the pelvic thrusts and I am basically doing the period stain time warp. It actually is driving me insay-ay-ay-ay-ay-ane. I sing under my breath to the tune of the final line: "Let's never do this again..." My row's invigilator looks in my direction. I scowl at her. She looks pointedly at the clock. Ten minutes left. Crap. I should [[look over the exam, I guess.]]

I slowly stand. My hoodie and bag are at the front of the room and enough of other people's crap is cleared away so that I can see them now. If I can walk forward nonchalantly enough, I can grab my messenger bag and throw it over my shoulder behind me so it covers my bum, and hold my hoodie in front of me. Maybe if my trousers are alright I can use the pad in my bag find Alice and go have dinner. And if there's a stain on my trousers, I can wear my hoodie home, change, and come back for the maths exam this afternoon. Suddenly, I hear some people behind me laughing. Actually, you know what? [[Screw this afternoon's exam. I am going home.]]

I mean, what's going to happen? Maybe if my trousers are alright I can use the pad in my bag find Alice and go have dinner. And if there's a stain on my trousers, I can wear my hoodie home, change, and come back for the maths exam this afternoon. Suddenly, I hear some people behind me laughing. Actually, you know what? [[Screw this afternoon's exam. I am going home.]]

I do not have time for this. I need to go. I will work something out when I get to school. There has to be time to go to the toilet near the exam hall. No wait, that one will be heaving. Reception toilets it is. And I can borrow a pad from Alice. I flush, pull on my clean boxer briefs, put some folded up loo roll down there, wash my hands, and chuck my old pants under my bed. I throw on my school uniform, grab my phone, a packet of crisps from my desk, my messenger bag and my hoodie, and run downstairs and out of the house before anyone can ask me why I'm so late. The bus is pulling up to the bus stop over the road as I pull my hoodie over my head, crisp packet in my mouth. I jump on and flash my bus pass while putting my hood up and fishing in the front pocket for my headphones. I hear loads of shouting coming from upstairs so I sit next to a little old lady in the bottom deck. She is nice and is reading the local paper. I catch up on a charity event for the children's hospital involving local celebrities walking on custard. It's actually pretty funny. I laugh, and she looks over and laughs with me, and shares her paper. It'll be fine, I think. [[We read the paper together until the bus finally pulls up to school.]]

"Hey, loser. Crumbs." "Hey, loser." I reply, wiping crisp crumbs from my chin. I nod to her uniform. "Skirt." "Oh yeah. Thanks." We walk in step through the school gates. Alice rolls her skirt down twice until it's not quite knee length but defintely now below the tops of her thighs. I keep my head down and my voice down and mutter to her, "I need a sanitary towel. Now." Alice stops, hands bunched up in her skirt elastic mid-final-roll and stares at me in horror. "What? What's wrong?" "I... went on the pill two months ago. I didn't tell you because I thought you'd be upset. I don't get periods anymore. I don't have anything with me." I blink at her. I want to [[go right back out the school gates.]]

Alice follows me. Sometimes I hate her. "I'll ask someone else. I think everyone uses tampons though. Do you want -" I spin round and stare at her. "- fine. Maybe go to the disabled toilet and just use a load of loo roll? If you pass this exam you don't have to sit it next year and you can do GCSE art with me!" As much as this totally sucks, two years without seeing my one friend will suck more. I sigh and march back in through the school gates. She quickly follows me. "Fine," I mutter. "See if you can find someone else who has something. I'll try to find you after the exam." She squeezes my shoulder but I shrug away and carry on toward the exam hall. "Good luck!" she calls after me. I realise I have a minute to stop at the disabled toilet near reception. My uniform looks reasonable, I bothered to put on my proper shoes and not my trainers, and I shouldn't be called out by the headteacher if he sees me. At least not since the meeting my mum and the learning mentor and Joe from the youth group had with him... I smirk to myself remembering the way the head spluttered his way through that meeting. That was actually fun. He may actually be too afraid to ever talk to me again. A kid can dream... [[I decide to head toward the main entrance.]]

I walk out of the exam hall and out the side entrance, in the opposite direction of everyone. A couple of kids call to me but I ignore them. I'm out of the gates, and my bus is just pulling up to the bus stop. I jump straight on, show the driver my pass, and sprint up to the top deck. It's completely empty. I sit on my hoodie in the front row of seats, and imagine I'm the driver of the bus, driving away from school forever, as the tears start to fall. [[This is how the story ends this time, but it doesn't have to be how the story ends every time.]]

I wake up late the day of my early GCSE exams. This is not ideal. I look at my phone with one eye and realise I have hit snooze on my alarm five times. Oops. I glance down at my grey trousers on the floor. They're wrinkled, but they'll do, and I helpfully left the belt in them when I stepped out of them last night. Luckily I do have a clean shirt left in the closet. I can see my hair in the reflection of the screensaver on my laptop - it is one day off too greasy to inflict it upon others, but, delightfully, it is standing straight up. It sort of looks intentional. I can get to the exam on time. This will be fine. Why do they even want us to sit GCSE English and Maths at the end of Y9 anyway? [[And then I hear my friend Alice's voice in my head...]]

If you get some GCSEs out of the way now, you can do physics AND art, and then your parents won't freak out and make you choose. And then we will have at least one class together and the next two years won't totally suck. That helps. I mean, the next two years will totally suck, just like my entire life will continue to suck until I get to uni get a flat and get the hell away from my annoying and clueless family. But it helps. I get up and grab my vest and, after a moment's hesitation, some boxer-briefs. The ones I'm wearing don't feel dirty, but I need to get out of the house ten minutes ago so best be prepared. And I may be lazy but even I have standards. I pull my vest on over my head and make my way to the toilet, scratching my bum. I'm not proud. I will probably do okay on these exams, I think. I know this stuff. I aced the mocks last winter. I may even get an A or A*. Just need to get myself on the bus and into the exam hall. The next bus will still be in plenty of time. I close the bathroom door after this tiny pep talk, sit down on the loo, and there's like...ew. Did I shart in the night? Grim. I have a wee, wipe myself and then see the loo roll. Damn. Damn. I smack my forehead with my other hand. How do I have my period today? [[I look round the bathroom.]]

Does mum even get her period anymore? Where the hell are the pads I was using? I dig behind the big wicker laundry thing but they're gone. Did I use them up? Did mum tidy the bathroom? This is not happening. I glance up at the shelves behind me. Ugh. No way. [[My sister's pink plastic applicator tampons can do one.]]

I thank the driver and open my packet of crisps as I leave. The kids from the top deck are shoving each other and throwing someone's bag around. I can't believe they are in my year. I eat my crisps and silently thank whomever invented salt and vinegar flavour. [[I finally see Alice and head in her direction.]]

I mean, it's basically on the way. I walk in the student door while taking off my hoodie and walk past a million Y7s. I nod to my art teacher as she tries to corral them into some sort of logical direction and stride up to the disabled toilet door. It's locked. [[Should I wait?]] [[Or I could ask the receptionist in the office to open the staff toilet next to me. I look presentable and trustworthy enough.]]

This is one person's story on one really, really bad day - a day that should actually be pretty positive. Menstrual taboos, a lack of provision for menstruation management, gender dysphoria, transphobia and anxiety about potential transphobia all combine with common-or-garden exam stress to produce the disastrous result here, but what could have happened differently? On paper or in Twine (source available in the attached text document), imagine how the answers to these questions could change the story and maybe even improve the outcome. Think about the answers as if you are the main character. Why weren't you expecting your period today? How do you feel about getting your period this morning? Would your mum ever tell you if she still got her period? Could you talk to your sister about periods? Why don't you want to use your sister's tampons? Why do you kick your pants under the bed instead of putting them in the laundry basket in the bathroom? Why does Alice roll up her skirt and then roll it down when she gets to the school gates? Why do you think Alice doens't want to talk to you about going on the pill? What do you think the meeting with your head teacher, your mum, your learning mentor, and your youth group leader was about and what may have led up to it? What could you ask your art teacher when you see her outside reception? Why do you prefer to use the disabled toilet and the staff toilet? Why do you think the medical room used to have free sanitary towels? Why do you think they may have stopped doing this? Where do you think Alice got the sanitary towel from? Is there a better word for 'sanitary towel' that doesn't include the word 'sanitary' or imply that periods are 'unsanitary' or dirty? Why did you forget to take it out of your bag and put it in your pocket? Why does the exam room have such strict rules? How could the rules be different in exams to accomodate people who menstruate? How could the school accomodate menstruation management better day to day? Who else could you talk to about this at school? Who else could you talk to about this outside of school? What would help you to sit your afternoon exam? How many issues in this story would be the same if you were a cis menstruator? How could the day end better for you? This game is designed to be thought about afterward as though it were a Forum Theatre Play. You can create additional scenes in your own version of the game and call it a response. This game is in beta - please leave comments if you'd like to help improve the game or give feedback. If you want to find out more about how to break menstrual taboos through education, check out www.periodpositive.com Cheers, Chella

I stand by the door shifting from foot to foot impatiently as the crowd of Y7s thins out. The bell goes and I realise I have to leg it to the exam hall. [[I head down the back stairs and across the yard.]]

I look into the office to see if it's Nice Receptionist or Horrible Receptionist. [[It's Horrible Receptionist.]] She looks me up and down, but there's nothing she can find to complain about. "Shouldn't you be in form?" "I've got an exam. Can you please open the staff toilet for me? Someone's in the disabled one." She looks delighted. I can tell she's about to turn me down. "Nopupilsinthestafftoiletsschoolrulesorry." She turns back to her typing, lips pursed at a job well done. I glance round to see if there are any sanitary towels in the medical corner - I remember there being some just out there in a basket when I was in Y7. None there now. I turn round and head back out of reception. The disabled toilet is still engaged and now there is a crying Y7 waiting to use it as well. [[I head down the back stairs and across the yard.]]

I put on my hoodie as I get outside. There's a queue forming to enter the exam hall, and I join it. Everyone is a middle or top set Y9 pupil doing the English exam in the morning and the Maths exam in the afternoon. It's nice to get out of lessons for a day, but I really could do without sitting an exam right now. My mind is a complete blank and I can't even remember what's on it. I think we need a calculator for this afternoon. We're stood outside for what feels like ages. One of the bag throwers from the bus is laughing at about a thousand decibels further back in the queue. I wish we were allowed headphones in school hours. Bus kid is laughing at something else now, and his friends are joining in. The queue finally moves indoors. I feel far too warm and I take off my hoodie. We inch up to the exam hall doors, past the gym and the boys' and girls' changing rooms and toilets. Alice suddenly comes out of the girls' changing room in her P.E. kit and slips something into my bag. "Stick it in your pocket before you put your bag and coat down! Sorted!" She vanishes as I get to the exam room door. There is an invigilator at the entrance barking instructions to us to get out a pen and put our coats and bags in a pile at the front. Then he's suddenly assigning us seats like they're lifeboat places on the Titanic. I put down my bag and worry they are going to call out the name on my exam sheet. Please don't call out the name on my exam sheet. Please don't... Phew. They are doing it by surname and not first name. [[I sit down.]]

She hates everyone except the head teacher, and everything except calling parents to let them know their kids are in some infinitesimally slightly wrong version of the uniform and it will cost at least sixty quid to sort it out. The disabled toilet is still occupied. Someone is probably taking an epic dump. I could just head straight back out again. [[Or I could ask the receptionist in the office to open the staff toilet next to me. I look presentable and trustworthy enough.]]

I read the first task and begin. It's easy. I know this! I definitely know this! I remember revising this! I get into it and it's ages before I notice. My shorts have that feeling. [[You know the feeling?]] Oh god. I'm going to have a leak on my trousers. My grey school uniform trousers that it took 15 emails, four phone calls and three letters on letterhead paper to sort out me wearing in the first place. What will everyone say? I think I zoned out for a bit, because the next thing I hear is [[the invigilator clearing his throat.]]

The invigilator from the doorway, an older man with a giant moustache walks to the front of the room and clears his throat. He looks like that man from the old war recruitment poster. Seriously. "I am the chief invigilator for the exams you will be sitting today. The other invigilators and I are responsible for you once you have entered and until you leave. You must follow all instructions given to you by any invigilator during the exam." Damn. I can't get to my bag! I forgot about putting it in my pocket! I'm such an idiot. Hmm... I still have my phone. Maybe I could text someone in here to see if they have something on them. "We have the authority to remove any material or electronic device a student takes out during the course of an exam. These will not be returned until an investigation has been undertaken by myself, the head teacher and by the exam board." Nevermind Ooh - wait! Amy from primary school is in the next row. She'd be nice about it. I wonder if she has a sanitary towel in her pocket. But if she did, she'd probably need it herself. I could get her the one Alice put in my bag and leave it on her desk. Ha! Somehow I can't imagine anyone with anything like that out on their desks. That would blow Lord Kitchener over there's tiny mind. "You may not keep anything other than a pen at your exam desk. You should ensure that you have everything that you will need during the exam with you." Fine... But she's only in the next row - maybe when they're not looking I could lean over... "You are not allowed to ask for or anything from another pupil during the exam. You are not permitted to talk to other pupils once you have found your exam desk. Any talking or other contact with other students once the exam has begun will be reported to the exam board and your head teacher, and you will have your exam paper taken away." Maybe I could just very discreetly get the attention of one of the invigilators. The one for my row looks nice. "If you need to ask an invigilator a question or request additional paper, raise your hand and wait for the invigilator to come over to your desk. Do not shout out to attract the invigilator's attention or leave your desk to speak to an invigilator." The one on my row actually looks kind of evil, now that I think about it. Oh! But we are totally allowed to go to the toilet. I know this. It's a FACT. "You will be allowed to leave the exam room to go to the toilet. Raise your hand and wait for the invigilator to come to you. You will be escorted by an invigilator. Only one student per specific exam will be escorted to the toilet at any one time." Great. This is fine. Everyone goes to the toilet. I can just raise my hand, grab my bag, and go. "You may not remove anything from the exam room during the course of the exam, and you may not remove exam materials and distribute them elsewhere in the school. These will be collected at the end of the exam." That's it. I'm screwed. "You have exactly one hour and ten minutes for this exam. The exam will begin at 9:30 am and it will end at 10:40 am." [[The invigilator tells us to open our question booklets.]]

I feel like my pants are sticky and gross and it's only going to get worse. Like at some point I'm going to cough or lean funny or cross something out and there's going to suddenly be a whole flobbalobba of period in my pants. It is grim. [[The invigilator tells us to open our question booklets.]]