Night Terror

I keep running. They're coming for [[me.]]

[[It never ends, doesn't it?]]

When will they ever just [[stop]]?

I didn't ask for this. But I keep [[fighting]]... Sometimes I dream that I'm not [[here]]...

They always chase me. They never [[give up.]] Give up, give up, give up. Whispers incantations spells. They're hunting me. They want to [[tear me apart]]. It never ends doesn't it?

It's not something I can control. It's a part of me, my history, the very way I [[am]]. I have always had my head in the [[clouds]], wishing I could be someone else... But then I just had to deal with it, [[okay?!]]

These voices keep [[yelling]] incessantly, a never-ending diatribe of incoherence. I don't know what's [[real]] anymore.

I didn't choose to be this way. I was born like this. It's not my fault that I am [[different]].

Is this a [[dream|real]] or is this real life?

I still don't understand. I bet you don't [[either.]]

I escape. It was just a [[bad dream...]]

Wake up. Wake up. [[Wake up]]

[[different|loser]]

I [[can't|either.]]...

I feel my body shaking. Fear, agony, or [[something else|okay?!]]

I'll never get you off my [[mind|bad dream...]].

^^eyes wide open^^ Damp sheets, hot sweats, screaming in the middle of the night. Night terrors. You ever have 'em? It's paralyzing. You wake up, trapped in your dreams, unconsciously awake. Then, your eyes open. You see dark shadowy figures pressing their faces against yours. I suppose the [[Zoloft]] isn't working anymore.

I feel trapped in my difference. I wonder what Freud would have to say about my dreams? "Your ego is inflated," he would say. I guess. Maybe. "Your repression of your desires are directly communicating with your unconscious [[mind]]." Um, okay... Freud would look at me sternly, I'd like to believe and ask me, "your sexual fantasies are overlapping with your unconscious. Stop being a [[loser]] and get laid already." What an asshole right?

There's a time when the [[resisting]] has to stop. ''grow up''. ^^grow up^^. ''grow up''.

[[loser|mind]]

I think it started with the [[nightmares.]] The nightmares were manifestations of the //go go go// mentatlity of our lives. Our consumption and obsessions with the media, with each other, with validation, with posed shots and perfect words.

I hated going to bed because I knew the dreams and visions and hallucinations would come to me. It knew my weakest moment. The only time I had to calm down after the day. [[The nightmares...]]

Always haunting me. I get help, okay? By now you're probably assuming that I'm so messed up, right? I'm different, but I want to be normal, just like [[you.]] ~ [[escape]] ~

Do you ever fight with your own consciousness? I bet you don't even realize it. Do you realize what it's like to live with this? Maybe we can [[help]] each other out? Or... [[not]]... It's really up to you...

the ~~psychiatrist~~ witch doctor recommends that I up my dosage of the prescription meds I'm on. But, is that really necessary? I think I know what I [[need]]. Do [[you?]]

Okay, fine. ''LEAVE'' then. Stop wasting my [[time|end]].

Wild woods and forests. Fresh air. The gurgling of the streams. Animal tracks. Fish caught on a line. //nature// Thanks for the motivation. I really needed that. Let's hope this works, you and me, my [[friend|end]].

Just stop to listen sometimes. Someone told me that once. Just //s t o p//. Sometimes that's a load of shit. Who knows what will happen, but I'll try. I hope you will too. It's hard out there, so take care of yourself, [[okay?|end]]

an exploration of the struggles between the self (ego), the mind, dreams and the subconscious. (if you are suffering from anxiety/panic disorder/depression, etc., please seek professional help, but also a good resource is https://www.7cups.com/). //created by Lisa Tower//

// I sighed a big breath into the wind but it did not allow me to release what was inside of me. An unshakable feeling of damnation, a questionable emotion bubbling to the surface. I sat on the curb, surrounded by the loudness and the colours of the city and [[wept.]]//

I guess it started when I was little- not the nightmares. But that feeling of thoughts constantly racing across your mind. When it first started, I remember blanket forts and childhood laughter. My mother was always concerned, but that's how moms are supposed to be right. But as a child, I always had this sense of [[damnation]]. Like you know, maybe everything in my perfect suburban bubble was soon to collapse. Like buildings getting torn down to make way for brand new condos, I had this feeling that everything is going to change. Freud, my ego was inflated at the age of eight.

''[[damnation|you.]]''