Self-Indulgence

Ice does not begin to describe the slab I find my bearings upon. It is cold, damp, and not incredibly welcoming when I hardly know how I found myself here. Is it [[NIGHT->NIGHT.]] or [[DAY->DAY.]]?

Night. I am overwhelmed with fatigue. I'll try again [[tomorrow->I.]].

A doorknob creaks and a figure approaches. "Good Morning!" She is oddly cheering for someone holding a captive. At least... I think I'm a captive. "Are you ready?" I [[am->II.]]. I am [[not->I.]].

The nurse leads you to a lobby. It is bright, differing greatly from the damp and cold quarters you found yourself in. A familiar face approaches. "It's so nice to see you." After a hug comparable to that from a dead fish, you follow your mother to her car. Something seems off. [["The weather is nice. It's colder than I remember..."->III.]] [[Say nothing.->X.]]

"The weather is nice. It's colder than I remember..." your mother offers a half smile. "You've been gone for a while. So yes, you're right. It's nice to talk with you again... We really thought we we're going to lose you." [[Ask question->Y.]] [[Agree // Apologize->IV.]]

The drive home is long and silent. You look over at your mother often, but say nothing, nor does she. Time and boredom overwhelm you. You wake up in your bed, door locked, windows barred. You see a note accompanying your breakfast. Your family does not trust you, as you remain more distant than ever. You will remain here until you [[regain their trust->X.]]

"I know. I'm sorry mom..." You offer a meek apology, but know it is best. Though puzzled, you realize you have to play along. "I just don't know how we got here. Kassidy was such a close friend of yours. The entire thing really..." Your mother fights the tears that roll off of her cheeks. "It isn't imporant.." [["It is."->V.]] [[Kassidy?->Y.]]

Confused by your behaviour, your mother panics. You freeze up, overwhelmed by your mother driving recklessly, talking nervously over the phone. You find the car backtracking... and then it is [[dark->NIGHT.]].

Your mother looks at you with a puzzled expression, but says no more. You arrive home around 12 PM. It is only you and your mother home. "I suppose that you really just return to your life as it was, if you can sweetie." What was my life? What had happened that put me "away"? If I didn't want to go back, it was clear that I would need to put the pieces together myself. [[Go to bedroom.->MYROOM.]] [[Take a walk.->HFRONT.]]

You are in your safe haven. You haven't felt the coziness and solace of your room in what feels like forever. You take a look around and become familiar again. Your bed beckons you, as you see your messy desk and a pile of clothes shoved through your closet opening. [[Take a nap->MYROOM.]] [[Clean your mess.->DESK.]] [[Open the closet.->CLOSET.]]

The sun has never felt so welcoming. You drink in its light and warmth. You never really know how much you will miss something until it's gone. How long DID you miss it? You begin to walk down your street when you notice a woman staring at you blankly, as if she has seen a ghost. As you continue walking, she paces quickly up to her porch and hides cautiously behind a screen door. You hear it click from the sidewalk, while she still looks on. [[Approach.->KFRONT.]] [[Keep walking.->STREET.]]

You hear shrill screams that startle you. "GET AWAY FROM THIS HOUSE. HOW DARE YOU. I TOLD YOU NEVER TO COME BACK HERE. I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU CAME BACK, BUT I'LL HAVE YOU SENT RIGHT BACK THERE. GO AWAY. GET OUT." You look confusedly at the familiar face. "SHE DIDN'T DESERVE WHAT YOU DID." You realize you aren't welcome. [[Say something.->KHOUSE]] [[Walk away.->CAPT.]]

You realize that you should probably just head home for now, while the fresh air has done you good. You've had time to think, maybe too much even. You've never felt so exhausted. [[Take a nap.->MYROOM.]] [[Talk to mom.->KITCHEN1.]]

You are advised to use a pen and paper to record your findings and make notes during this game. Pay close attention, and may your instincts guide you. [[BEGIN.->I.]]

Your desk is a reflection of your mind: scattered, and begging to be sorted. You tidy and re-arrange what feels right. Papers, books, pens, photos, and even more clothing. A couple of the photos strike you. [["My first Christmas!"->P1.]] [["Kass and I - 5."->P2.]] [[Put clothing away.->CLOSET.]]

You begin to hang up all of the clothing you left in disarray. At the bottom of the pile, you see some clothes in a plastic bag. They smell rancid, and look stained with a deep red substance. [[Tell mom.->KITCHEN1.]] [[Open.->ROOM2.]]

"Kass and I..." you reflect on a memory flash. You see Kass laying on the floor. There is blood everywhere. You see your hands drip with the guilt of the scene in front of you. She gasps for air and you can feel your flushed skin and hot tears streaming. You hear a voice call from the floor below and your world goes dark. You find yourself back in the present. You have pieced together a part of your lost memory. [[Back to work->MYROOM.]]

Your mother is shocked by the sight of you. She takes you in angrily, and what you've brought back into the home. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE NORMAL. I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE, I JUST CAN'T." [[Leave.->MYROOM.]]

You open the bag to find an extremely wine stained bag that you really should have cleaned out months ago. Good one. You continue cleaning when you realize that tossed behind your dirty clothes hamper is a sweater that must have missed the mark. You pull it out to add to your laundry pile, when you notice the reddish brown splatters. Your eyes widen. It's blood. [[Just wash it.->ROOM3.]] [[Show it to mom.->KITCHEN1.]]

Haha. So cute. But not at all helpful. [[Oops.->DESK.]]

"I don't know what I've done." She stops screaming at you long enough to calm down. "Oh God. You don't even know, do you?" She can't help but lose herself in her emotions. You hear the click again, and the screen door opens. Kassidy's mom motions for you to go into the house. [[Go in.->KHOUSE1.]] [["I should go."->KHOUSE2.]]

You hear sirens. You begin to feel a familiar panic, and your body goes cold. Your world spins, and you feel lost again, spiraling downwards into your own mind. The scenery flies by the window you look out of. You take turns you've seen before, and pass by trees that shrowd a building you thought long behind you. [["Welcome back."->I.]]

You walk into Kassidy's home, though it feels emptier this time around. Cloths cover all of the mirrors, and minimal light shines into their lives. Her mother offers you some water, but you decline. "She died. That night... she died." You feel your stomach sink. "I came home and that was it. You were hysterical, and couldn't explain to anyone what happened." Her tone grows harsher. "They still don't really know what happened. But I'm sure I do. You were ready to run out of that window. If I hadn't felt something wrong, who knows..." She trails off. She cannot fight off her emotional turmoil. "You ruined her. You ruined me. But you deserve to know what you did. Get out." [[Plead.->KHOUSE2.]] [[Leave.->STREET.]]

"How DARE YOU JUST THINK YOU CAN DO THIS AGAIN." Whump. Your world goes black. The back of your skull feels hot, while the rest of you slowly freezes over. [[Never underestimate a mother's love.->START.]]

You make note of it, but quickly put it in your laundry pile and start it. Now that it is taken care of, you realize you have more digging to do. You depart from the laundry room and look around your room again. Now that it's clean, you can totally relax. Your flop your tired bones onto the bed, and realize the duvet has never been this starchy, and the sheets never this blue. This isn't your bedding! Not having it. [[Check the Basement.->BASEMENT.]] [[Check the attic.->ATTIC.]]

Now that you have the bedding you put it in your hamper to wash after the current load. The sound of routine calms you more than you have been, as well as the eerily silent house. [[Check Layla's room.->LAYLA.]] [[Go back to attic.->JOURNAL2.]]

You head up to the attic to see what possible boxes your mom could have put away up here. You scower the dusty room for any sign of your lost treasure, hoping that it is neither spider-ridden or ruined. You don't find it, but you find a box of your old journals. [[Read.->JOURNAL.]] [[Check the basement. You have to find that bedding!->BASEMENT.]]

You read through in hopes to fill some holes in your memory. Even though it pains you to remember, you're happy for the help. You and Kassidy often bonded in recent months over your struggles with depression. She confided in you that her mom never paid attention when it came to her depression, but noticed the changes and chalked it up to the angst of a young adult. You sympathized, but felt grateful for your family's support in your open struggle. Kassidy seemed worse in the most recent entries. You did your best to help, but she pulled away more and more. Your entries end here. [[Look for more->JOURNAL2.]] [[Leave.->ROOM5.]]

"No one can know." It's a malicious hiss from behind you. You hear a slam, a click, and then the darkness overwhelms you. [[You are left in the attic to die.->START.]]

You leave the attic just in time to see your sister arrive home. She throws her arms around you. You reciprocate the love, but are still uneasy. "I'M SO HAPPY THAT YOU'RE HOME! What were you doing up there?" [[Be Honest->OATTIC.]] [[Lie.->HALL.]]

"What? Journals? And you think they can tell you more about Kassidy's murder? You have to show me maybe I can help!" [["Yeah!"->JOURNAL2.]]

"Oh I was literally just looking for my bedding. Couldn't find it though!" Layla laughs. "I stole it while you were gone. Hope you don't mind, but you can have it back. You may want to wash it first though, I just got over a nasty flu." You force a smile, and take the bedding from her room. Something doesn't seem right, but you don't have time to look around. "I know I just got home but I'm just going to run to the store to help mom with some shopping. Are you going to be alright alone? What am I saying, you've been alone for months!" Ha. You stick with the forced theme and manage to cough up some laughter. You wave them on and head to the [[basement->BASEMENT.]].

You double check that the house is clear and you go into Layla's room. You take notice of her bedside table, the window, and under her bed a box sticks out slightly. [[Bedside table.->LAYLATABLE1.]] [[Check window.->LAYLAWINDOW.]] [[Pick up box.->LAYLABED.]]

You turn on the bedside table lamp and begin to rummage. You find lipbalms, magazines, and pencils, but nothing interesting. "Find what you were looking for?" Your hairs stand on end. Layla walks closer and you can feel her seething. "Why were you going through my things? You stupid bitch!" She screams a shrill scream that reminds you of your childhood. Layla had a habit of manipulating the situation such that your parents always took her side. Toys, parties, and even relationships -- Layla always got her way. Even if it meant you going down for it. "MOM SHE TRIED TO ATTACK ME!" You see your mother in the doorway now, horrified. You see a pencil dug into Layla's arm and her eyes wild. Your mother hurriedly dials 9-1-1. You stutter and slur your sentences quickly, to no avail. Your mother backs away from you in fear as the aids swoop in. [[You're carried off, again.->CAPT.]]

You check the window, but see your car still in the driveway. You hear your mother in the kitchen heading out the door, but look out again and don't see Layla. You quickly head over to the [[bedside table.->LAYLATABLE1.]]

You pick up the box and carefully lift its lid. You find newspaper clippings of Kassidy's murder story, as well as what unfolded in the weeks that followed. Your committal to the sanitarium, Kassidy's family's heartache.. it's all in there. You pull up the clippings to find another journal, and a small butterfly knife. It's iridescence glimmers even in the low light. It has been cleaned, and polished as if it were new again, but it has dulled. [[Take journal, go to sidetable.->LAYLATABLE1.]] [[Take journal and knife.->ROOMMID.]]

You are unsure what to do with all of this new information. Your mind is whirring, but you know you have to do something. It is taking all of your strength not to give up, and just accept what has happened and move on. Your bed seems like the best place to be. And yet justice spins on the brink of your thoughts... you consider the pain of Kassidy's family, and their need for closure.. [[Take findings to Kassidy's family.->KHOUSE2.]] [[Take findings to police.->POLICE.]] [[Wait. Talk to your mother and show her what you have found.->KITCHEN1.]]

This is the kind of situation where it would be wonderful to have a cell phone. If only yours wasn't taken away, because your family's lack of understanding and ignorance. You aren't in pieces, your thoughts are whole. You really did not do anything, and you have proof now. You overcome your mind's weight and know you have to do this. For you, and most importantly for Kassidy. You tuck the contents of Layla's lockbox in a backpack and rush out of the house. [[Take a bike from the garage.->GARAGE.]] [[Run.->RUN.]]

You open the garage to find your bike, but you can't see it anywhere. It is only at this moment that you vaguely remember a bike accident, sans helmet, and your mother vowed to never replace your mangled bike because of your refusal to conform to safety standards. Shit. A car rolls up behind you. You flush with panic, again, and completely solidify. You drop the box in a flurry of panic, and its contents fall everywhere. Your mother shrieks and you can see Layla's grim smile. It all points to you, when you did nothing at all. [[You have incriminated yourself.->START.]]

You can't even feel your feet touching the ground as you fly out of your house. You make sure, though, to shut the door and leave to trace of your tracks. Running was the right choice, because you can hide if necessary. The police station is not far. You hop over fences and scurry between buildings in hopes of avoiding car traffic. No need drawing attention to yourself, right? You enter the police station. [["I NEED TO SPEAK TO SOMEBODY!"->WRONG.]] [["I'm looking for..."->RIGHT.]]

The officers immediately in your midst smile and calmly sit you down. You wait patiently as you see a van pull up. "ROOK MEADOW SANITARIUM." "You'll be able to speak to someone who knows just how to help." You could not keep composure long enough. [[You made yourself stand out.->START.]]

You ask for the detective assigned to your case, without saying who you were, just that you had information for them. The detective welcomes you into his office. You place the items on his desk, explaining where you got them and now: who you are. He shakes his head in disbelief. Layla's journal outlines it all. She was always jealous of you, and worried that your relationship with Kassidy that helped you with your self-esteem and to work through your struggles was too positive. She could not have you outshining her, and she also could not have another garnering your attention more than she could have. She knew she could set up Kassidy's murder as a suicide, but your presence was even more productive for her. She was rid of you both, and could shine. The detective made the appropriate calls, and Layla was not prepared. She was taken away to Rook Meadow, where SHE belonged. Kassidy's murder was solved, your name was cleared, and your memory was restored. Often with depression, your memories can become repressed or forgotten due to increased stress on the brain. But there are always methods of working this out. Mental health awareness is important. It's not only important that we take care of ourselves, but also that we support others through whatever they are going through. "Crazy" isn't a face-value judgement.