D&D DATING SIM

*You enter the lounge, the sconces anchored between fine tapestries flickering light over your skin. The air smells of eucalyptus and frankincense. Red-stained mahogany forms the inviting furniture that lines the room, but your attention is drawn to the folded beige parchment propped on the center table.* [[Read the parchment]]

**Greetings, participant!** **Welcome to your most unique opportunity to find love.** **Two unique beings lie in wait in the rooms beyond, ready to see if you hold the key to the door of their heart.** **Choose one, and good luck on your journey to find love!** Two doors lie on opposite sides of the room. The first is scrawled with an ancient symbol and wings, their edges emblazoned with gold. The second depicts silver lines that spiral around a brain. [[Go through the door emblazoned with the symbol and wings.]] [[Go through the door emblazoned with the spirals and brain.]]

*Candlelight illuminates the room, casting deep shadows into the recesses. For heartbeats, it appears almost empty. But then a voice coils out of the warm darkness, and two yellow pupils illuminate in the corner.* “Why, hello there” *A deep crimson-skinned humanoid slips from the shadows, her leathered bat-like wings furling out behind her. The light cast by the candles illuminates the points of her horns.* “What a remarkable situation we have found ourselves in. When I was told I was to be romanced, I certainly did not picture… you. Well, there are more unfortunate things. Perhaps you have underlying traits that can stimulate my desire. I am Eden, most desired of all the succubae. Pleasure to meet you.” [[Aren’t you supposed to romance me in return?]] [[Um…]] [[Is that what you call a good first impression?]]

*The scent of scrolls, ink, and glue wafts over you as you open the silver door. A grey-blue humanoid stands with a book in hand and the four blue tentacles that extend from his jawline wriggle thoughtfully as he scans the pages. Your entrance causes him to start slightly, but he recovers quickly and gives a nod of his bald, oval head.* “Greetings, bright one. They call me Psylar of Dnim in your language. This is an awkward situation we are in, yes? Well, make yourself comfortable here. I hope we can be friends regardless of romantic outcome.” [[That would be nice. Tell me about yourself, Psylar.]] [[Wow, that’s a lot of tentacles.]] [[What are you?]]

“Ha! Silly little human. If I wanted your affection, it would be mine faster than your heart can beat. Manipulating the lust within simple creatures like you is my profession, after all. So, no. If you desire me, you will have to impress me.” [[That won’t be hard.->Simple creature?!]] [[Simple creature?!]] [[Why would I spend my time on you?]]

“Ah, you are simple minded as well as bland to look at. I should have guessed this whole scenario would be ridiculous.” [[That’s not fair.->Simple creature?!]] [[I am not bland or simple minded!->Simple creature?!]]

“Most would sacrifice their greatest wishes for a chance encounter with me, human. You should appreciate every moment you’re able to spend before me.” [[Wait, let’s rewind.->I’m sorry. Let’s start over.]] [[Why would I spend my time on you?]]

“Have you not seen yourself? You are hardly the most interesting beast I have come across. And your flesh is so… weak. Really, it is quite endearing sometimes. It is simply stunning you can survive alongside beings such as me.” [[If you’re so interesting, then tell me something about yourself.]] [[I can be interesting!]]

“Are you really so ignorant as to not recognize the privilege of being in my presence? I could impose upon your body the greatest pleasure you have ever experienced with a touch of my fingertip, and yet you speak to me so belligerently! I have never encountered a human so exceedingly dense as you!” [[I’m sorry. Let’s start over.]] [[So… you’re saying that I’ve impressed you with my density?]] [[And you never will again. Bye.->Bye.]]

“About… myself? As I said, you have to impress me. I would rather focus on you and what you have come here for. Tell me- what are you looking for in a partner, little human?” [[An equal.]] [[Someone to guide me.]] [[What are *you* looking for?]]

“I would love to see you try to be. Well? Go on, entertain me. I’m waiting.” [[Um… tell me something about yourself?->If you’re so interesting, then tell me something about yourself.]] [[What do you look for in a partner?->What do you look for in a partner?]] [[Forget it.->Bye.]]

“Ah, a safe, considerate choice. Moving in harmony with another humanoid is not an easy task, and it is one you must repeat every single day. Humans are not inclined towards monogamy, in my experience. Though neither are succubae. Humans, though, are inclined towards violence when monogamy fails.” [[I’m not like other humans.]] [[There’s nothing wrong with exploring other relationship dynamics.]]

“Ha! A weak, fleshy deviant you are. How utterly pliable you must be, just like every other human whose dreams I’ve entered.” [[I’m not like other humans.]] [[There is nothing wrong with choosing to submit to another person.->There’s nothing wrong with exploring other relationship dynamics.]]

Did you never learn how to answer questions? Honestly! How dense of you to continue pressing into my personal details I have expressly deviated from! [[I’m sorry.]] [[You can’t have a relationship without personal details.]]

“Yes, everyone likes to believe that they are special, don’t they? That belief is lovely for dragging you into a miserable cycle of trying to prove that you are the one humanoid that is entirely unique. Tell me, little unique human, if I allowed you to see more of me beyond this, how would you delight me?” [[We would go on a moonlit walk through an enchanted forest.->Moonlit walk/Homecooked Dinner]] [[We would have a homecooked dinner served by candlelight.->Moonlit walk/Homecooked Dinner]] [[I would take you to explore together a place you had never seen before.]]

“Oh? How interesting. Surprisingly, we agree there. What else could we agree on, I wonder? Tell me. If I allowed you to see more of me beyond this, how would you delight me?” [[We would go on a moonlit walk through an enchanted forest.->Moonlit walk/Homecooked Dinner]] [[We would have a homecooked dinner served by candlelight.->Moonlit walk/Homecooked Dinner]] [[I would take you to explore together a place you had never seen before.]]

“My, perhaps there is more to you than I assumed. Though you will have trouble finding such a place; I am a woman of culture and diversity of travel. There are few places I have not been. Here is another question, then… what first attracts you to a partner?” [[Their body.]] [[Their aura.]] [[Their voice.->Their body.]]

“I don’t see any point in continuing to speak to one another. You are obviously nothing more than any other shallow, vain human. This process was for naught.” [[Bye.]]

“Oh! That is exactly what I am most drawn to as well! There is no clearer indication of what kind of person one is beyond their aura. And, I confess, yours is… not reprehensible at all. Indeed, it’s quite enjoyable. In certain lights.” [[Your aura is more than enjoyable.]] [[Your aura is off putting.]]

“Are you sure you were not just drawn by my body? I wouldn’t blame you. It’s my inherent nature as a succubus, after all. I am naturally physically undeniable.” [[Your looks aren’t magically overpowering.]] [[Your beauty is second to your aura.]]

“What is that supposed to mean!? My aura is nothing short of stunning- none of my previous partners have ever had complaints!” [[I meant that your aura is so stunning that it’s overwhelming!]] [[They were definitely lying.]]

“Mmm… I apologize, I am not easily surprised, nor caught short of words. You have intrigued me, human.” [[Let me intrigue you further.]] [[I need to explore other options.->Bye.]]

“And what are you insinuating, exactly? That my magic is not effective to you? That you are immune to my allure? That I am weakened while I am around you?” [[No, of course not!]] [[Well, now that you mention it…]]

“Yes, I believe I will. Very well, then. I will happily accompany you on a continued date another time. I look forward to… exploring you.” [[Romance Found!]]

*The Succubus' sharp cheekbones darken with blush as she takes your hand and leads you from the room, her wings fluttering every so often with what you assume is happiness. The two of you leave the chamber together, ready to embark on a journey of love beyond this experimental dating dungeon.* [[The End.->Entrance]]

"…I suppose there is truth in that. I… apologize. I had forgotten why we are here. Fine. In the interest of being wooed, I will divulge part of myself. After all, I cannot expect you to do the same if I refuse, yes? Very well then. What would you like to know about me?" [[What do you look for in a partner?]] [[Actually, I don’t want to know.->Bye.]]

Hmph. Such a faux pas is not unexpected from one of your breeding. As for your question... you may falsely believe that a succubus feeds on physical touch alone. No, sweet human: it is a person’s aura that feeds me, and it is of upmost importance that the being I take to bed has a delectable one. There is no clearer indication of what kind of person one is beyond their aura. [[What is my aura like?]]

“You may falsely believe that a succubus feeds on physical touch alone. No, sweet human: it is a person’s aura that feeds me, and it is of upmost importance that the being I take to bed has a delectable one. There is no clearer indication of what kind of person one is beyond their aura.” [[What is my aura like?]]

“Yours is… not reprehensible at all. Indeed, it’s quite enjoyable. In certain lights.” [[Your aura is more than enjoyable.]] [[Your aura is off putting.]]

"…Ha. I… suppose so. That’s not a flattering thing, mind you." [[Great. Let’s start over.->I’m sorry. Let’s start over.]]

“I do not know how you could possibly repair the abhorrent impression you have made so far, but I suppose I’m stuck here for now anyway. Speak, then.” [[Tell me about yourself.->If you’re so interesting, then tell me something about yourself.]] [[Actually, forget it.->Bye.]]

You exit the succubus's room hastily, returning to the lounge room and shutting the door behind you. Across the way, the silver door stares back at you, your remaining chance at love. [[Go through the door emblazoned with the spirals and brain.]]

“Hm. I suppose you’re not wrong. Are you sure you were not just drawn by my body? I wouldn’t blame you. It’s my inherent nature as a succubus, after all. I am naturally physically undeniable.” [[Your looks aren’t magically overpowering.]] [[Your beauty is second to your aura.]]

“I’ve had it! Get out of my face, you pungent little mortal, before I rip your throat out with my teeth!” [[Bye.]]

“You need to choose your language more carefully. You speak like a blind man shoots arrows. Now. What was it that you were trying to tell me?” [[Your beauty is second to your aura.]]

“I’ve had it! Get out of my face, you pungent little mortal, before I rip your throat out with my teeth!” [[Bye.]]

“Oh, there’s not much to know about me, really. I conduct research for the Mindflayer Consort, so I aid in categorizing and transcribing significant findings for the history and future of my species. It’s not exhilarating work, but it’s honest and fair. What about you? Are you a fan of scrolls and ledgers?” [[Yes. I love reading.]] [[No; books bore me.]]

“Er… yes, that is quite typical of us Mindflayers. Do my tentacles bother you?” [[Yes.]] [[Of course not!]] [[They’re beautiful.]]

"Ah, I should have assumed you would be taken off guard. My apologies. I am a Mindflayer. We are a civilized race privy to enhanced psionic capabilities as bolstered by our biology. Quite fascinating science, really. Does that bother you?" [[Of course not!]] [[A little bit…]] [[“Mindflayer” is a creepy name.->Yes.]]

“How drearily human. Those kinds of domestic activities may qualify as “dates” for your kind, but creatures of divine origin such as me have experienced more than you will ever be able to. Here is your last chance to impress me. What first attracts you to a partner?” [[Their body.]] [[Their aura.]] [[Their voice.->Their body.]]

“A human after my own heart! For me, a good book leaves its ink imprinted on the walls of your mind for all eternity once its read, its words swirling and mixing with the letters of other manuscripts until they create the vast landscape of your own unique psyche. Tell me, what volumes hold your heart?” [[*The Chronicles of Wixamon the Wise* by Jayne Pendragon]] [[*Chastity’s Horn* by G.M. Mercer]] [[I can’t choose a favorite.]]

"That’s highly unfortunate. Gaining knowledge is one of my greatest, purest sources of joy. But every being has their own source of happiness! So tell me then. What brings you delight if not reading?" [[Looking at you.->Looking at you!]] [[Eating.]] [[Nothing.]]

“Oho! A classic! I can’t say that every entry in the Chronicles was effective, but the fourth installation wherein Wixamon defeats the Peryton by feeding it vegetable hearts in place of real ones- brilliant! I’ve secretly always hoped for a chance to try his method and test its effectiveness, but, alas, I was not born an adventurous squidling. I am quite happy amongst my scrolls. And you? What makes you happiest in this world?” [[Reading, of course!]] [[Sunsets and leisurely strolls.]] [[Looking at you!]]

“Oh my. I-I dare say that I do recognize that title… only by reputation, of course! I would never glance at such a perverse texts… ahem… unless it was required for research purposes. Anywho! What of you? What makes you happiest in this world?” [[Reading, of course!]] [[Sunsets and leisurely strolls.]] [[Looking at you!]]

"No favorite? Ah, I suppose that is understandable, though slightly disappointing. You can learn so much from a person by the tomes they devour. Nonetheless. Perhaps we shall find common ground in food? What meal most satisfies you?" [[Salad and a light soup on the side.]] [[What satisfies *you*?]] [[A good mutton stew and cup of ale.]]

“It is as if you are inside my mind! How very many folds your brain must have- that is to say, how intelligent you clearly are! I must admit, I had my doubts about this process of finding romance when it was initially proposed… but from our few moments together, I feel as though we are of a kindred spirit. If this were to continue go just as swimmingly as it has, I would love to chat more over a fine meal. What meal most satisfies you? [[Salad and a light soup on the side.]] [[What satisfies *you*?]] [[A good mutton stew and cup of ale.]]

"I do wish I got out of the conservatory more; a walk with a keen minded friend sounds lovely. Perhaps you could incentivize me to take a lunch break one day for a little stroll. Well, if we’re planning the day, what about lunch, then? What food best satisfies you?" [[Salad and a light soup on the side.]] [[What satisfies *you*?]] [[A good mutton stew and cup of ale.]]

"O-oh my… I appreciate the thought, but, ahem… I must admit that your forwardness makes me uncomfortable. Perhaps we should get to know one another better over, perhaps, a meal before things progress, yes? What meal most satisfies you?" [[Salad and a light soup on the side.]] [[What satisfies *you*?]] [[A good mutton stew and cup of ale.]]

“That sounds delightful! My family has passed down a light, creamy gehirn bisque recipe through the generations- the secret ingredient makes it positively to die for! I would love to share a bowl with you and discuss more about my research.” [[That would be lovely.]] [[What is the secret ingredient?->What is it?]]

"Oh! Well, er, aha. My flavor of taste is a little… unorthodox, you may call it. It is of a… sometimes taboo variety, so most not of my culture do not understand. But I do so enjoy. A good salad!" [[What is it?]] [[A salad would be nice to share.->That would be lovely.]]

"I’m afraid I can’t share your zest for that brand of meal. I try to restrain my diet considerably, and I find mutton especially to be of a contaminating quality, more or less. Ah, no offense to you intended! To each their own tastes, of course. Perhaps, though, this relationship is not meant to be. I do wish you luck on your future pursuits. Mayhaps we shall meet again in a more intellectual setting." [[Goodbye.]]

“Then it shall be so. A date we shall have, and I so do look forward to getting to know the flavor of your mind much, much more intimately.” [[ROMANCE FOUND!]]

*The Mindflayer's grey-blue cheeks turn pink as you take his hand and lead him from his book-laden room back to the lounge. Psylar's tentacles wriggle with what you assume to be happiness as you walk hand in hand. The two of you leave the chamber together, ready to embark on a journey of love beyond this experimental dating dungeon.* [[The End.->Entrance]]

You exit the mindflayer's room hastily, returning to the lounge room and shutting the door behind you. Across the way, the golden door stares back at you, your remaining chance at love. [[Go through the door emblazoned with the symbol and wings.]]

"I-I would rather not say. This has gone so nicely, and… wouldn’t it be nice to spend some more time together?" [[You’re right.->That would be lovely.]] [[Tell me.]]

"All right! Your mind is exceedingly stubborn and unmoving! I’ll tell you… but you must promise not to change the way you look at me once you know." [[I promise.]] [[No promises.]]

"Though we’ve only known one another for a short time, I feel a bond with you I cannot deny. With your word… I will trust in you. I partake only in vegetable and fruit matter for my meals… alongside meat of the brain. It is a long-held tradition by my race, for it is believed that consuming the brains of others is what grants us our enhanced psionic capabilities. Please do not let this change how you think of me. I take strides to ensure most of my meals are ethically sourced and cruelty free." [[That’s disgusting!]] [[I understand and my feelings are unchanged.]]

"How could I trust someone who will not give me their word? I am sorry, but this will never work out between us. Please leave." [[Goodbye.]]

"You vile, false-tongued deceiver! You gave me your word! I was a fool to think anyone would accept me. Begone! I will not suffer at the scorn of your judgement! I will find love from one who accepts me for my all!" [[Goodbye.]]

"Oh! Oh, wow, oh my! A-are you sure? Well! This is splendid! Splendid indeed! Thank you for your trust and kindness. I knew from the gentle waves of your mind that you were someone special. I promise you will come to love brains just as much as I. I will introduce you to a variety of new palates! A date we shall have, and I so do look forward to getting to know the flavor of your mind much, much more intimately.” [[ROMANCE FOUND!]]

"We share a passion for food, then! What meal most satisfies you?" [[Salad and a light soup on the side.]] [[What satisfies *you*?]] [[A good mutton stew and cup of ale.]]

"This obviously appears to be some kind of joke to you! I do not have time to spare for a smooth-brained human who wants nothing but to toy with my heart. I’ll have none of it! Leave me." [[Goodbye.]]

"Indeed! You should be so lucky that I am not my ancestors, or I would have melted what little brain resides between your ears and consumed it as soup! Begone! Take your foul mind elsewhere!" [[Goodbye.]]

"…Right then. I feel as though we’ve gotten off on the wrong, uh, tentacle. Aha. Psylar of Dnim of the Researcher’s Guild, at your service. Might we get to know one another?" [[Please, tell me about yourself!->That would be nice. Tell me about yourself, Psylar.]] [[Maybe another time…->Goodbye.]]

“Oh, my- um, thank you! I’m glad you think so. I do try to take good care of them. Keep them free of dust bunnies, crumbs, and the like. Ah, I do apologize, I feel as though we’ve gotten off on the wrong, uh, tentacle. Aha. Psylar of Dnim of the Researcher’s Guild, at your service. Might we get to know one another?" [[Please, tell me about yourself!->That would be nice. Tell me about yourself, Psylar.]] [[Maybe another time…->Goodbye.]]

Then you are free to leave. I am not one to entertain unwilling company. [[Sweet. See ya.->Goodbye.]] [[No, let’s talk.->Of course not!]]