Pub Simulator

The pub is the perfect level of full. Not too busy to be uncomfortable, but not too quiet to be intimidating. There are plenty of great seating options. Which do you pick? (link: "The snug booth in the corner which has just become vacant.")[(set: $Drink_level to 1)(go-to: "The snug booth in the corner which has just become vacant.")] (link: "At the bar.(You fucking mad thing!)")[(set: $Drink_level to 1)(go-to: "At the bar.(You fucking mad thing!)")] (link: "The beer garden out back.")[(set: $Drink_level to 1)(go-to: "The beer garden out back.")] {(live: 25s)[(link: "After standing there for a while you decide to go home actually")[(set: $Drink_level to 0)(go-to: "After standing there for a while you decide to go home actually")] ]}

Ahh you get a lovely view of the whole pub! You can keep an eye on when the bar is least busy to avoid awkwardly standing there. You can cearly see the signs for the toilets so no need to ask anyone. You are also the focal point of the whole pub so have a good time, but not too good a time as you don't want to ruin it for anyone else.

A perfect little santury of pintdom. You are enclosed from the other patrons allowing for the potenital for more private conversations. You are also next to a beautiful roaring fire, and in this weather it is greatly appreciated.(set: $Scenario to 1) (seq-link:"It's been ages since you've all gotten together, you're going to have a nice few pints tonight, but you won't go too crazy.","Or maybe you will, the night is young after all.","[[You decide to be generous and get the first round]]")

Everyone is staring at you, and not in a good way. The entirity of the pub has instantly made a judgement about you, and they are mostly correct. As a sidenote you have just made friends with the local pintman called Clyde. If you're lucky he'll leave after mooching a few pints of ye. If not he'll probably pick a fight with some big lad and get you all battered half to death.(set: $Scenario to 2) (seq-link:"It's been ages since you've all gotten together, you're going to have a nice few pints tonight, but not go crazy.","Or maybe you will, the night is after all.","[[You decide to be generous and get the first round in]]")

It is pissing rain and you all already knew it was. What a stupid decision. (link: "You go back inside to the nice little snug in the corner")[(go-to: "The snug booth in the corner which has just become vacant.")]

What an anti-climatic evening. Oh well, there's always next time.

Double-click this passage to edit it.

(cycling-link:"The whole group are delighted","Honestly if they weren't so repressed there'd nearly be tears","You're some man/woman for one man/woman.","You go around the table taking orders","Guinness, Murphys, Beamish ","The good old lads.","Then you get to John","...","\"Whatever IPA they have\"","That year in London has changed him.","Turned him soft so it has.","[[What do you do?]]")

Double-click this passage to edit it.

That IPA will probably be a tenner at least. What do you do? (link: "Let him off, he was very good to you when you were going through that break up")[(set: $Drink_level to 1)(set: $Prick_level to 0)(set: $IPA_check to false)(go-to: "and get up to go to the bar")] (link: "Call him out like the bastard he is")[(set: $Drink_level to 1)(set: $Prick_level to 1)(set: $IPA_check to false)(go-to: "Call him out like the bastard he is")] (link: "Let it slide for now, but keep an eye on what he gets when it's his round. Maybe his order mysteriously changes when it's coming out of his own pocket.")[(set: $Drink_level to 1)(set: $Prick_level to 0)(set: $IPA_check to true)(go-to: "and get up to go to the bar")]

(cycling-link:"You make your way to the bar and order a feed of pints.","They're gleaming in the light.","Within them lives the genetic memory of hundreds of years worth of pints","There's a hefty number of them to carry, but they're not beyond you.","As you return to the table you're met by a triumphant cheer.","You hand out the pints as if they were letters from home during some great war.","A hush descends on the table for a moment as if a silent prayer of grace were being said.","And after thanks is given to the lord of pints...","[[You dig in.]]")

What do you do? (link: "Drink it quickly for God's sake! You need to get it past those lips before the brain knows what's going on.")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(set: $Drink_choice to 1)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Second round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Second round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Second round garden")]] (link: "Sup it nicely, you need to savour a pint as fine as this.")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+1)(set: $Drink_choice to 2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Second round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Second round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Second round garden")]] (link: "Down it in one.")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level +3)(set: $Drink_choice to 3)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Second round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Second round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Second round garden")]]

(cycling-link:"Ahh that pint went down easy.","Truly well poured","You said you'd pace yourself,","but now you're not so sure.","We'll see what the night brings.","Just as the last of the group slurp up the end of their pint","Ian is up off his seat ready to get the second round in.","Good old Ian, always good for a round.","The conversation is flowing now.","All the lads are doing well","You're not doing so badly yourself","You had a rough time of it a few years ago, but you're steady out now","You always have to keep an eye on yourself though","but things aren't so bad anymore. ","You stop for a beat thinking about what great friends the lads are","You'd never say it of course.","You can't really be saying stuff like that.","Just as find yourself wondering why not, why can't I say it", "The next round of pints arrive", "[[Thank God for that]]")

Just in time, you'd nearly gone thirsty again. What do you do? (if: $Drink_choice is 1)[(link: "Gulp it down again, nearly quicker than the last time. Might get an old race going")[(set: $Drink_choice to 1)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Third round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Third round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Third round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 2)[(link: "Gulp this one down, quicker than the last time. Might get an old race going")[(set: $Drink_choice to 1)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Third round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Third round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Third round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 3)[(link: "Gulp this one down, not quite as quick as the last time. But still fairly fast to be fair to you.")[(set: $Drink_choice to 1)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Third round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Third round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Third round garden")]]] (if: $Drink_choice is 2)[(link: "Continue to sup away. The night's only just getting going. Don't go too mad")[(set: $Drink_choice to 2)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Third round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Third round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Third round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 1)[(link: "Just sup away at this one. The night's only just getting going. Don't go too mad")[(set: $Drink_choice to 2)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Third round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Third round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Third round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 3)[(link: "Just sup away at this one. The night's only just getting going. Keep the lads guessing")[(set: $Drink_choice to 2)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Third round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Third round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Third round garden")]]] (if: $Drink_choice is 3)[(link: "Down it in one again.")[(set: $Drink_choice to 3)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Third round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Third round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Third round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 1)[(link: "Go a bit harder this time. Down it in one.")[(set: $Drink_choice to 3)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Third round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Third round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Third round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 2)[(link: "Down it in one this time. One go can't hurt.")[(set: $Drink_choice to 3)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Third round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Third round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Third round garden")]]]

(cycling-link:"They're still going down smooth","\"my compliments to the chef!\"","You jokingly say to the lads","It gets a good laugh","You still have it","One of the lads joins in with a tag","\"I'll have seconds\"","a good addition to the joke","met with a hardy laugh","\"Now what's for dessert?\"","a third person adds","It's still on theme, but wasn't really needed","Just a little chuckle this time","\"I was starving!\"","Another lad pipes in.","It barely makes sense to be honest","and it's not all that funny","It just gets laughs out of politeness","There's a lull in the conversation as a result","until John gets up to get the next round. ","You're not even all finished yet, but John isn't one to wait.","He's some operator to be fair to him.","[[He's gone and back before you know it.]]")

(set: $IPA_flip to (random:1,2))(set: $IPA_check to true)(if: $IPA_flip is 1 and $IPA_check is true)[(cycling-link:"John starts passing out the pints","You're all getting a bit loose now","You're a few pints in and the talk is starting to flow","You're not quite slurring your speech","But give it a few more rounds","You spy a look at John's pint as he settles back into his chair","Well I be, it is an IPA after all","I misjudged the man","I'm glad I didn't say anything now","Just because I don't like a pint which tastes like Grapefruit yankee candle doesn't mean the next man can't ","You give him a sly knod", "[[as you raise your glass to your lips]]")](if: $IPA_flip is 2 and $IPA_check is true)[(cycling-link:"John starts passing out the pints","You're all getting a bit loose now","You're a few pints in and the talk is starting to flow","You're not quite slurring your speech","But give it a few more rounds","You spy a look at John's pint as he settles back into his chair","You were dead right","It's a Heineken when it's coming out of his own pocket","Still you're glad you didn't say anything","Let him off sure, I'm sure you've done worse","but you still give him a little stare", "[[as you raise your glass to your lips]]")](if:$IPA_check is false)[Oh that beer look interesting]

What do you do? (if: $Drink_choice is 1)[(link: "You've been setting a good pace tonight and you're not about to slow down")[(set: $Drink_choice to 1)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Fourth round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Fourth round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Fourth round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 2)[(link: "You've been taking it easy tonight, why not kick it up a notch")[(set: $Drink_choice to 1)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Fourth round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Fourth round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Fourth round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 3)[(link: "You gulped down the last pint, you'll go just a hair slower this time.")[(set: $Drink_choice to 1)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Fourth round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Fourth round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Fourth round garden")]]] (if: $Drink_choice is 2)[(link: "You've been savouring them tonight and it's been serving you well. If it aint broke don't fix it.")[(set: $Drink_choice to 2)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Fourth round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Fourth round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Fourth round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 1)[(link: "You've been supping them fast enough tonight and it's been serving you well. But there's no harm in savourying one or two.")[(set: $Drink_choice to 2)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Fourth round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Fourth round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Fourth round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 3)[(link: "You downed the last one and it nearly came back up. You'll take it easy this round.")[(set: $Drink_choice to 2)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Fourth round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Fourth round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Fourth round garden")]]] (if: $Drink_choice is 3)[(link: "Down it in one. Fuck it, down it in less than one, if that's even possible")[(set: $Drink_choice to 3)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Fourth round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Fourth round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Fourth round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 1)[(link: "Down it in one. Fuck it, down it in less than one, if that's even possible")[(set: $Drink_choice to 3)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Fourth round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Fourth round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Fourth round garden")]]](if: $Drink_choice is 2)[(link: "Down it in one. Fuck it, down it in less than one, if that's even possible, you've been going too slow tonight")[(set: $Drink_choice to 3)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(if: $Scenario is 1)[(go-to: "Fourth round")](if: $Scenario is 2)[(go-to: "Fourth round bar")](if: $Scenario is 3)[(go-to: "Fourth round garden")]]]

(if: $Drink_level is <=6)[(cycling-link:"You're nicely buzzed now","You're not too drunk","but you're getting there","If you stick to nice slow pace you'll have a grand night","You're all just at the right level","just enough to get out of your head","but not so much as to not be able to find your way back","And there's no let-up in the conversation","Jesus you love these lads, deep down inside","You'd never say it though","You couldn't really","before you know it the next pint's here", "[[you didn't even remember seeing anyone get up]]")](if: $Drink_level is >6 and $Drink_level is <=8)[(cycling-link:"You're playing a dangerous game now","You've been drinking a bit too fast here and there","and you're right on the edge","If you don't slow down you might ruin the night for yourself","Or more importantly","You might end up ruining it for the rest of the lads","And you wouldn't want that now would you?","Jesus you love these lads","and if you're not careful you're going to end up telling them","One big lull and you're going to blurt it out","this is your last chance to slow down","before you know it the next pint's here", "[[you didn't even remember seeing anyone get up]]")](if: $Drink_level is >8)[(cycling-link:"You're absolutely balobas","You've been skulling pints all night","and now they've all hit you at once","You've probably already ruined the night for yourself","but might be worth slowing down anyway","don't end up ruining it for the rest of the lads","Anything you do now is purely to mitigate the hell which will be your hangover tomorrow","before you know it the next pint's here", "[[you didn't even remember seeing anyone get up]]")]

This is a crucial pint of the night. What do you do? (if: $Drink_choice is 1)[(link: "'Go on, get in there and join your friends'. You neck the pint.")[(set: $Drink_choice to 1)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(go-to: "Fifth round")]](if: $Drink_choice is 2)[(link: "'Go on, get in there and join your friends'. You neck the pint.")[(set: $Drink_choice to 1)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(go-to: "Fifth round")]](if: $Drink_choice is 3)[(link: "'Go on, get in there and join your friends'. You neck the pint.")[(set: $Drink_choice to 1)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(go-to: "Fifth round")]] (if: $Drink_choice is 2)[(link: "Slow and steady wins the race, you gently suckle the pint like a weanling calf just like last time")[(set: $Drink_choice to 2)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+1)(go-to: "Fifth round")]](if: $Drink_choice is 1)[(link: "Slow and steady wins the race, you gently suckle the pint like a weanling calf for a change")[(set: $Drink_choice to 2)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+1)(go-to: "Fifth round")]](if: $Drink_choice is 3)[(link: "Slow and steady wins the race, you gently suckle the pint like a weanling calf for once")[(set: $Drink_choice to 2)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+1)(go-to: "Fifth round")]] (if: $Drink_choice is 3)[(link: "*Gulp* *Burp* What pint?")[(if: $Drink_choice is 3)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level +3)(go-to: "Fifth round")]](if: $Drink_choice is 1)[(link: "*Gulp* *Burp* What pint?")[(if: $Drink_choice is 3)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level +3)(go-to: "Fifth round")]](if: $Drink_choice is 2)[(link: "Down this one shur, just for change!")[(if: $Drink_choice is 3)(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level +3)(go-to: "Fifth round")]]

(if: $Drink_level is <=8)[(set: $Love_check to false)(cycling-link:"You're in the home stretch now","Looked a bit iffy for a while","but you managed to keep going at the right pace","nights like this are rare","and as you get older they get rarer still","some day you'll have more of these nights behind you than ahead","and that's why it's important to savour every last one of them","life is fleeting","but memories aren't","You'll hold onto a good night as tighly as you would a winning lotto ticket","If you thought about it much more it would bring a tear to your eye", "[[oh here's the next round]]")](if: $Drink_level is >8 and $Drink_level is <=11 and $Prick_level is 0)[(set: $Love_check to true)(cycling-link:"You're pretty fucked now to be honest","You thought about slowing down, but didn't bother","You'll pay the price tomorrow","but you'll enjoy it for now","at least you're not so bad you're going to ruin it for the lads","because you fucking love these lads","And you're going to fucking tell them","there's a brief lull for a moment","the conversation dies down as you all sup in unison","The chatter is replaced with the crackle of the fire","you're first to bring your pint down and wipe your mouth","You take the oppurtunity and you say it","'I love you lads'","There's a pause for a moment, they're not going for it","You worry it won't be taken seriously","But then John says, 'I love ye all too'","Next Ian joins in, 'I love ye lads'","Soon they're all saying","It was a risky gamble, but it paid off","You're delighted with yourself","well worth the hang over tomorrow", "[[oh here's the next round]]")](if: $Drink_level is >8 and $Drink_level is <=11 and $Prick_level is 1)[(set: $Love_check to true)(cycling-link:"You're pretty fucked now to be honest","You were doing well but it gets away from even the best of us","You'll probably pay the price tomorrow","but you'll enjoy it for now","at least you're not so bad you're going to ruin it for the lads","because you fucking love these lads","And you're going to fucking tell them","there's a brief lull for a moment","the conversation dies down as you all sup in unison","The chatter is replaced with the crackle of the fire","you're first to bring your pint down and wipe your mouth","You take the oppurtunity and you say it","'I love you lads'","There's a pause for a moment, they're not going they're not surprised","You worry it won't be taken seriously","But then one of the lads says, 'why'd you have a go at John then'","Next Ian joins in, 'that was a bit mean to be fair'","Soon they're all saying","You start to feel bad now","You're disappointed with yourself","John pipes in","'Ahh don't worry about it man'","Shur you were only messing", "[[Not a great way to end the night]]")](if: $Drink_level is >11)[(set: $Love_check to false)(cycling-link:"You're out of it","You can't follow whats going on","you're slurring every other word","You blurt out out of nowhere 'I love ye lads'","it gets grunts of approval","but your drunkenness has robbed it of scinerity","The nights a write-off","before you know it the next pint's here", "[[oh here's the next round]]")]

(if: $Drink_level is <=8)[The night's nearly wrapping up now. What do you do? (link: "Go on shur, what's the worst that could happen now. Drink it up quick. We're nearly at the end.")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(go-to: "Sixth round")] (link: "A life lived calmly is a life lived well. Tip away at it, you might not even bother finishing it.")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+1)(go-to: "Sixth round")] (link: "You're a bit of mess anyway at this stage. Like pop eye with a can of spinach, you've gulped it in one")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level +3)(go-to: "Sixth round")]](if: $Drink_level is >8 and $Drink_level is <=11)[The night's nearly wrapping up now. What do you do? (link: "Go on shUr, wHaT's the woRst thAt couLd haPPen n0w. DrInk iT uP quiCk. We're neArly at tHe eNd.")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+2)(go-to: "Sixth round")] (link: "A lIfe liVed cAlmly is a lIfe lived Well. TIp away at it, yOu might not eVen bother fiNishing it.")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+1)(go-to: "Sixth round")] (link: "You're a bIt of mEss anYway at thIs stage. LiKe pop eYe with a cAn of spinach, yoU've gulped it In oNe")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level +3)(go-to: "Sixth round")]](if: $Drink_level is >11)[The night's nearly wrapping up now. What do you do? (link: "................................")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+3)(go-to: "Sixth round")] (link: ".........................................")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level+3)(go-to: "Sixth round")] (link: "..........")[(set: $Drink_level to $Drink_level +3)(go-to: "Sixth round")]]

(if: $Drink_level is <11 and $Prick_level is 0 and $Love_check is false)[(cycling-link:"You're pretty fucked now to be honest","You were doing well but it gets away from even the best of us","You'll probably pay the price tomorrow","but you'll enjoy it for now","at least you're not so bad you're going to ruin it for the lads","because you fucking love these lads","And you're going to fucking tell them","there's a brief lull for a moment","the conversation dies down as you all sup in unison","The chatter is replaced with the crackle of the fire","you're first to bring your pint down and wipe your mouth","You take the oppurtunity and you say it","'I love you lads'","There's a pause for a moment, they're not going they're not surprised","You worry it won't be taken seriously","But then John says, 'I love ye all too'","Next Ian joins in, 'I love ye lads'","Soon they're all saying","It was a risky gamble, but it paid off","You're delighted with yourself","well worth the hang over tomorrow", "[[what a night]]")](if: $Drink_level is <11 and $Prick_level is 1 and $Love_check is false)[(cycling-link:"You're pretty fucked now to be honest","You were doing well but it gets away from even the best of us","You'll probably pay the price tomorrow","but you'll enjoy it for now","at least you're not so bad you're going to ruin it for the lads","because you fucking love these lads","And you're going to fucking tell them","there's a brief lull for a moment","the conversation dies down as you all sup in unison","The chatter is replaced with the crackle of the fire","you're first to bring your pint down and wipe your mouth","You take the oppurtunity and you say it","'I love you lads'","There's a pause for a moment, they're not going they're not surprised","You worry it won't be taken seriously","But then one of the lads says, 'why'd you have a go at John then'","Next Ian joins in, 'that was a bit mean to be fair'","Soon they're all saying","You start to feel bad now","You're disappointed with yourself","John pipes in","'Ahh don't worry about it man'","Shur you were only messing", "[[Not a great way to end the night]]")](if: $Drink_level is <11 and $Prick_level is 0 and $Love_check is true)[(cycling-link:"You're pretty fucked now to be honest","You were doing well but it gets away from even the best of us","You'll probably pay the price tomorrow","but you'll enjoy it for now","at least you're not so bad you're going to ruin it for the lads","because you fucking love these lads","And you're going to fucking tell them","there's a brief lull for a moment","the conversation dies down as you all sup in unison","The chatter is replaced with the crackle of the fire","you're first to bring your pint down and wipe your mouth","You take the oppurtunity and you say it","'I love you lads'","There's a pause for a moment, they're not going for it","Then one of the lads breaks the silence","'You already told us that last round ya eejit'","They all start laughing","but in a nice warm hearted way","As if to say 'what are you like!'","You start laughing too...","even though you can't remember what about","You're delighted with yourself anyway","well worth the hang over tomorrow", "[[what a night]]")](if: $Drink_level is <11 and $Prick_level is 1 and $Love_check is true)[(cycling-link:"You're pretty fucked now to be honest","You were doing well but it gets away from even the best of us","You'll probably pay the price tomorrow","but you'll enjoy it for now","at least you're not so bad you're going to ruin it for the lads","because you fucking love these lads","And you're going to fucking tell them","there's a brief lull for a moment","the conversation dies down as you all sup in unison","The chatter is replaced with the crackle of the fire","you're first to bring your pint down and wipe your mouth","You take the oppurtunity and you say it","'I love you lads'","There's a pause for a moment, they're not going they're not surprised","You worry it won't be taken seriously","But then John says, 'I love ye all too'","Next Ian joins in, 'I love ye lads'","Soon they're all saying","It was a risky gamble, but it paid off","You're delighted with yourself","well worth the hang over tomorrow", "[[what a night]]")](if: $Drink_level is >=11 and $Drink_level is <=13)[(cycling-link:"You'll keep this short and sweet","You're absolutely trollied","You'll pay the price tomorrow for sure","but at least you told the lads you loved them","or did you?","you can't really remember because you're shitfaced","Oh well","[[what a night]]")](if: $Drink_level is >13)[(cycling-link:"................","..................",".............","......","....","WHiSkY!!!",".. ... .....",".........", "[[...---...]]")]

You wake up the next morning. Your hangover is killing you It was worth it though for such a good night. That's it now though, you're taking a break from the booze for a bit Until the phone rings It's one of the lads, they just remembered it's a bank holiday weekend. "Are you up for a few more pints tonight?" Of course you are! [[The End]]

You wake up the next morning. For some reason you're in the bin outside your house. Well at least you made it home...kind of... [[The End]]

(if: $IPA_check is true)[John is an awful bastard] (else:)[(cycling-link:"You make your way to the bar and order a feed of pints.","They're gleaming in the light.","Within them lives the genetic memory of hundreds of years worth of pints","There's a hefty number of them to carry, but they're not beyond you.","As you return to the tabel you're met by a triumph cheer.","You hand out the pints as if they letters from home during some great war.","A hush descends on the table for a moment as if a silent prayer of grace were being said.","And after thanks is given to the lord of pints...","[[You dig in.]]")] (cycling-link:"John starts passing out the pints","You're all getting a bit loose now","You're a few pints in and the talk is starting to flow","You're not quite slurring your speech","But give it a few more rounds","You spy a look at John's pint as he settles back into his chair","Well I be, it is an IPA after all","I misjudged the man","I'm glad I didn't say anything now","Just because I don't like a pint which tastes like Grapefruit yankee candle doesn't mean the next man can't ","You give him a sly knod","[[as you raise your glass to your lips]]")

(cycling-link:"The whole group are delighted","Honestly if they weren't so repressed there'd nearly be tears","You're some man/woman for one man/woman.","You're craning your neck trying to take order orders","Guinness, Murphys, Beamish ","Somehow this Clyde lad has gotten in on a double whiskey","Then you get to John","\"He asks for an IPA","Always has to be awkward","You'd nearly say something, but you couldn't be bothered shouting across the bar","[[luckily the pints are here before you know it]]")

(cycling-link:"They're gleaming in the light.","Within them lives the genetic memory of hundreds of years worth of pints","You can't really say cheers","Given you're facing at an awkward angle from each other","But there's something to be said for sharing pints with friends","Whatever the circumstances","Cydle has already necked his whiskey","But you wait for the last of the lads to be served before taking a sip","And once Ian finally gets his Guinness","[[You dig in.]]")

(cycling-link:"Ahh that pint went down easy.","You said you'd pace yourself,","but now you're not so sure.","We'll see what the night brings.","There's a bit of a lull as the group finish up the last of their pints","You all look around trying to see who's got the next round","Ian eventually steps in to keep the night going","He's a good lad, always willing to get a round without much hassel","Of course Clyde's double Whiskey dampens the mood","But Ian's not the confrontational type","so the double whiskey sneaks by again","The chat is starting to flow a bit now","but it's hard to get that engaged in the when you're back aches from the terrible bar stools","You'd love to move, but you've made your bed and now you've got to lie in it","No matter how uncomfotable it may be", "The next round of pints arrive", "[[Thank God for that]]")

(set: $Fight_flip to (random:1,2)) (if: $Fight_flip is 1)[(cycling-link:"The third round","A decisive round in any nights drinking","The jokes should be flying","The the conversation should be flowing","And the reminiscing should begin","But it's impossible when every whitty reply requires a right angle turn","You're nearly motion sick from swiveling","John gets the next round in.","Which would be rare enough for John now.","He used to be a good laugh, but he's grown a bit distant since he moved away","You'd like to take him aside and maybe say something to him about it","Not in a bad way, in a caring way","But it's not going to fucking happen while you're sat at the bar.","Luckily Clyde makes his goodbyes, no doubt happy to have blagged a couple of double whiskeys","His gate as he leaves reminds you of an emperor penguin you once saw on a school tour to Dubliln Zoo, majestic in it's own way","Meanwhile John gets the orders in and heads out for a quick fag.","He just arrives back", "[[as you raise your glass to your lips]]")] (if: $Fight_flip is 2)[(cycling-link:"The third round","A decisive round in any nights drinking","The jokes should be flying","The the conversation should be flowing","And the reminiscing should begin","But it's impossible when every whitty reply requires a right angle turn","You're nearly motion sick from swiveling","John's about to order the next round","But is interrupted by Clyde slipping right off his stool","Some of the lads around the bar laugh, but you've never really found this sort of stuff funny","Ye all start helping the poor man up","When the bouncer starts coming over","because nothing helps a situation like a tank of a human dressed head to toe in black standing over you","Just as we get Clyde to his feet the enforcer grabs him and starts pulling him out","Ian puts his hand out and pleads to be a bit gentler with the man","He's just fallen flat on his arse for God's sake","Well don't you dare speak sense to a bouncer","Before you know it he's given up on Clyde and has caught a hold of Ian's collar","We're all stepping in now, against our better judgement","And from admist the fray comes an unlikely hero","In the form of Cldye's right hook","You could nearly swear time slowed to a crawl as you watched it happen","Something you'd never seen before","And likely to never see again","As Clyde's whiskey fueled fist connects with the Bouncer's square jaw","You don't usually condone violence","But this was a thing of beauty","The closest thing you've ever seen to asymetical warefare in a pub setting","Clyde seemingly no stranger to the procedure for such instances flees with renewed elegance","You and the lads follow suit","You're out of there and down the road running","Jesus","The night might be over","[[but what a way to end it]]")]

(cycling-link:"You can feel it winding down","There's just something about sitting at the bar that really drains the night","conversation's drying up","You find yourselves reminiscing about Clyde","even though he's only been gone 10 minutes","in a moment of silence one of the lads says those faithful words","'I'd say this is my last round'","after a beat the rest of ye nod in agreement","You can see a few of tight feckers delighted they got away without getting a round this","but you've got a long memory","and short pockets","And you won't soon forget who owes you a pint","You finish off the last of your drink","savouring it best you can","you thought ye might be out for longer","[[but maybe those days are gone]]")

(if: $Drink_level is <=8)[(cycling-link:"You're in the home stretch now","Looked a bit iffy for a while","but you managed to keep going at the right pace","nights like this are rare","and as you get older they get rarer still","some day you'll have more of these nights behind you than ahead","and that's why it's important to savour every last one of them","life is fleeting","but memories aren't","You'll hold onto a good night as tighly as you would a winning lotto ticket","If you thought about it much more it would bring a tear to your eye", "[[oh here's the next round]]")](if: $Drink_level is >8 and $Drink_level is <=11)[(cycling-link:"You're pretty fucked now to be honest","You thought about slowing down, but didn't bother","You'll pay the price tomorrow","but you'll enjoy it for now","at least you're not so bad you're going to ruin it for the lads","because you fucking love these lads","And you're going to fucking tell them","there's a brief lull for a moment","the conversation dies down as you all sup in unison","The chatter is replaced with the crackle of the fire","you're first to bring your pint down and wipe your mouth","You take the oppurtunity and you say it","I love you lads","There's a pause for a moment, they're not going they're not surprised","You worry it won't be taken seriously","But then John says, 'I love ye all too'","Next Ian joins in, 'I love ye lads'","Soon they're all saying","It was a risky gamble, but it paid off","You're delighted with yourself","well worth the hang over tomorrow", "[[oh here's the next round]]")](if: $Drink_level is >11)[(cycling-link:"You're out of it","You can't follow whats going on","you're slurring every other word","You blurt out out of nowhere 'I love ye lads'","it gets grunts of approval","but your drunkenness has robbed it of scinerity","The nights a write-off","before you know it the next pint's here", "[[oh here's the next round]]")]

(if: $Drink_level is <=11)[(cycling-link:"You're pretty fucked now to be honest","You were doing well but it gets away from even the best of us","You'll probably pay the price tomorrow","but you'll enjoy it for now","at least you're not so bad you're going to ruin it for the lads","because you fucking love these lads","And you're going to fucking tell them","there's a brief lull for a moment","the conversation dies down as you all sup in unison","The chatter is replaced with the crackle of the fire","you're first to bring your pint down and wipe your mouth","You take the oppurtunity and you say it","I love you lads","There's a pause for a moment, they're not going they're not surprised","You worry it won't be taken seriously","But then John says, 'I love ye all too'","Next Ian joins in, 'I love ye lads'","Soon they're all saying","It was a risky gamble, but it paid off","You're delighted with yourself","well worth the hang over tomorrow", "[[what a night]]")](if: $Drink_level is >11 and $Drink_level is <=13)[(cycling-link:"You'll keep this short and sweet","You're absolutely trollied","You'll pay the price tomorrow for sure","but at least you told the lads you loved them","or did you?","you can't really remember because you're shitfaced","Oh well","[[what a night]]")](if: $Drink_level is >13)[(cycling-link:"................","..................",".............","......","....","WHiSkY!!!",".. ... .....",".........", "[[...---...]]")]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

(cycling-link:"Ahh that pint went down easy.","Truly it was well poured","You said you'd paace yourself,","but now you're not so sure.","We'll see what the night brings.","Just as the last of the group slurp up the end of their pint","Ian is up off his seat ready to get the second round in.","Good old Ian, always good for a round.","The conversation is flowing now.","All the lads are doing well","You're not doing so badly yourself","You had a rough time of it a few years ago, but you're steady out now","You always have to keep an eye on yourself though","but things aren't so bad anymore. ","You stop for a beat thinking about what great friends the lads are","You'd never say it of course.","You can't really be saying stuff like that.","Just as find yourself wondering why not, why can't I say it", "The next round of pints arrive", "[[Thank God for that]]")

(cycling-link:"They're still going down smooth","\"my compliments to the chef!\"","You jokingly say to the lads","It gets a good laugh","You still have it","One of the lads joins in with a tag","\"I'll have seconds\"","a good addition to the joke","met with a hardy laugh","\"Now what's for dessert?\"","a third person adds","It's still on theme, but wasn't really needed","Just a little chuckle","\"I was starving!\"","Another lad pipes in.","It barely makes sense to be honest","and it's all that funny","It just gets laughs out of politeness","There's a lull in the conversation as a result","until John gets up to get the next round. ","You're not even all finished yet, but John isn't one to wait.","He's some operator to be fair to him.","[[He's gone and back before you know it.]]")

(if: $Drink_level is <=6)[(cycling-link:"You're nicely buzzed now","You're not too drunk","but you're getting there","If you stick to nice slow pace you'll have a grand night","You're all just at the right level","just enough to get out of your head","but not so much as to not be able to find your way back","And there's no let-up in the conversation","Jesus you love these lads, deep down inside","You'd never say it though","You couldn't really","before you know it the next pint's here", "[[you didn't even remember seeing anyone get up]]")](if: $Drink_level is >=6 and $Drink_level is <=8)[(cycling-link:"You're playing a dnagerous game now","You've been drinking a bit too fast here and there","and you're right on the edge","If don't slow down you might ruin the night for yourself","Or more importantly","You might end up ruining it for the rest of the lads","And you wouldn't want that for such great lads","Jesus you love these lads","and if you're not careful you're going to end up telling them","One big lull and you're going to blurt it out","this is your last chance to slow down","before you know it the next pint's here", "[[you didn't even remember seeing anyone get up]]")](if: $Drink_level is >8)[(cycling-link:"You're absolutely balobas","You've been skulling pints all night","and now they've all hit you at once","You've probably already ruined the night for yourself","but might be worth slowing down anyway","don't end up ruining it for the rest of the lads","Anything you do now is purely to mitigate the hell which will be your hangover tomorrow","before you know it the next pint's here", "[[you didn't even remember seeing anyone get up]]")]

You're a bit disappointed the night didn't go as planned, but let's be honest. You got one hell of a story from it. And it's hard to put a price on a memory like that. [[The End]]

You had a nice night, but it wasn't anything remarkable. There'll be no headache tomorrow that's for sure, but you won't be raving to people about the great time you had come Monday either. Oh well, there'll be more nights out. You'll make sure of it. [[The End]]

(cycling-link:"\"Woah, look at the big man with his IPA!\"","The group starts a collective \"oooohhhh\"","A mocking gesture which you assume goes back to the beginning of time","The first time an individual dared to suggest putting meat on a fire was probably met with that reaction","Making fun of friends has probably set back human progress 1000s of years in the grand scheme of things","But my God it can be fun sometimes","Except for John of course","He's always been a bit red faced, but he's definitely blushing","You do feel a bit bad, but it had to be done.","He laughs along in the end,","but you can tell he's died a little on the inside.","You tell him you're only messing","[[and get up to go to the bar]]")

The night drifted away after that for you. If there's anything worse than being told off, it's being told off by your friends. You didn't even care about the hangover the next day. You just keep thinking about what an arse you made of yourself. The lads joined in sure, but it wasn't nice to do that to John. Especially when you think he's been acting a bit distant later. You give him a call that evening and sort things out. You feel all the better for it. You're off the drink for a bit now. [[The End]]

Double-click this passage to edit it.

Thank you for playing Pub Simulator I hope you enjoyed it. There are a few different paths so feel free to play it again some time. I hope to iterate on this over time, and potentially add more features/figure out how to host my audio natively. If you'd like to suggest anything to me, please get in touch at chaoticshrimplives@gmail.com Pub Simulator is written and coded by Roger O'Sullivan The music is also by Roger O'Sullivan If you enjoyed this please consider following me on social media Twitter: @RogerOSullivan Youtube: Chaotic Shrimp Instagram: "@No Context Roger" TikTok: @ChaoticShrimp Or donate to me at https://ko-fi.com/chaoticshrimp (link: "Play again?")[(reload:)]

To fully enjoy this I recommend listening to this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrq1AibFg8U while you play. Click below to begin (link: "You step into a lively pub")[(go-to: "You step into a lively pub")]