Cursed Be

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Shit, //shit//, //''shit!''// Why do peonies have so many <<linkappend "petals?">> <<fadein 2s>>They're getting everywhere. I have to pull slowly too, these petals make a <<cycle "$peonynoise" autoselect>> <<option "popping" pop>> <<option "crackling" crack>> <<option "whistling" whist>> <</cycle>> noise when I pull them. It should be fine so long as no one looks under the bleachers anytime soon, or at least not with a careful eye. This place is usually home to people ditching class, high schoolers making out, and, for today, myself and the petals pulled from my arms falling onto the aluminum. Hopefully, no one will notice any time [[soon]].<</fadein>><</linkappend>>

With the flowers pulled, what else is there to do I suppose, <<linkappend "but leave.">> <<fadein 2s>> There's only a couple of minutes before we're supposed to go to the locker room, but if I walk over there alone someone will //definitely// see. I might as well <</fadein>><<linkappend "join up with the class.">> <<fadein 2s>> Fortunately, it's no challenge to slip back among the crowd, they're all too focused on the <<cycle "$gym" autoselect>> <<option "kickball game" "kickball">> <<option "soccer game" "soccer">> <<option "capture the flag game" "capture the flag">> <</cycle>> to pay attention to my <</fadein>><<linkappend "approach.">><<fadein 2s>> But Mars sees. He probably has been looking for me since I slipped out. As much as I like having my friend in class, it makes these situations really difficult to excuse when they come up, especially since they happen as often as they do. I can't imagine the expression on my face is anything but sheepish. He raises an eyebrow when he spots me. "Where'd you go, Winnie?" "[[I was just... hiding.|"Hiding."]]"<</fadein>> <</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

"Without me?" He looks almost hurt for a second as a pang of guilt hits my stomach. "Whatever, Mini-Winnie. I'm just sad you made me suffer through $gym alone." I roll my eyes. "Can you shut up and never call me that ever again?" "Better than my mom calling me 'Mars Bar'." He grimances. "Come up with a better nickname and I'll use that instead." "How about <<cycle "$nickname" autoselect>> <<option "you call me by my actual name?" "Winnie">> <<option "Wins, it's less syllables." "Wins">> <<option "Mercy, like short for my last name." "Mercy">><</cycle>>" The whistle blows, prompting everyone to drop what they're doing and jog [[towards the door.]]

"Fine, $nickname it is." He smirks. "Just don't leave me alone next time, okay? You know I hate everyone else here, and today we were playing against Robin's class. God, I can't stand her." He walks off, leaving me to head to the locker room. <<timed 4s>> I don't waste any time getting there. Today has been stressful enough already, I need to stay under the radar and not do anything to make it <<linkappend "worse.">> <<fadein 2s>> I made good time getting in, so the bathroom stalls are free. I sigh once the door is closed, free from the judgemental eyes of my classmates. I know they aren't looking at me specifically out there, but I just can't change in the locker room like a normal person. It's not just because I'm self conscious or anything, it's that I cannot control this stupid, //stupid// curse. I'd rather change in the bathroom stall and risk getting yelled at everyday for the next four years than have someone see the flowers that grow from <</fadein>><<linkappend "my body.">><<fadein 2s>> It's been happening for a while now. It wasn't that hard to adjust to at first, just some little buds. I usually wear big sweaters anyways, so it was easy to cover in the beginning, but it rapidly spiralled out of control. It's not just my arms, it's all over and at the worst times. Looking at them blooming out of my skin now makes me <<linkreplace "nauseated.">>nauseated, but to its credit, so does a lot of things.<</linkreplace>> All I can do is <<cycle "$yoink" autoselect>> <<option "pull" "pull">> <<option "yank" "yank">> <<option "pick" "pick">> <</cycle>> the flowers when they grow and hope whatever happens isn't too... <<cycle "$drama" autoselect>> <<option "dramatic" "dr">> <<option "visible" "vi">> <<option "noticeable" "no">> <</cycle>>. I don't know how I'd explain it to anyone if they saw. I guess I've never liked being the center of attention anyway. [[It's just not for me.]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

I change as fast as possible. I don't feel safe undressing here. I never was fond of the idea, the curse was just the <<linkappend "final nail in the coffin.">><<fadein 2s>> I'm out of there in a matter of minutes, making my way to art and trying to find my earbuds in my bag as I walk. I know I put them in there earlier, and sure, cleaning my school bag every once in a while would make this easier, but that's not the issue at hand. As I'm excavating the crumpled papers and literal trash I have in there, I knock into some unfortunate soul at the <</fadein>><<linkappend "water fountain.">> ...who just happens to be [[Robin.|Robin]] //Shit.// <</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

Yup, they are. Of //course// it has to happen now. I steal a glance down, and it's starting to become noticeable, I have to deal with them before it gets any worse. "Um, but yeah, I'll see you around. I have to- class, I have class. Bye!" Before she can respond, I'm <<linkreplace "out of there.">>out of there. <<fadein 2s>> The 300-wing girl's bathroom is thankfully empty. The slam of the stall door echoes through the small cinder block room, as does the sound of my shoes dropping to the floor. Gardenias. White, thick petals spiralled to a <<linkappend "center.">> They're clustered close together, but thankfully have stopped growing.<</linkappend>> The one consistency with the curse is that these flowers always do the same thing when they grow. An Aster will always spray water, no matter where it grows on me, for example. I've tried to keep track of what they do, but it keeps slipping my mind to write them down or keep them in my phone. The few times I remember, I always seem to lose track of where it went. I haven't had Gardenias before, so there's no telling what it will do, since the effects seem to be assigned at <</fadein>><<linkreplace "random.">>random. <<fadein 2s>> Pulling them feels sort of like pulling out a clump of hair at once. It's not that painful, but it isn't pleasant. I usually only pull them one or two at a time to mitigate the discomfort, but I'm rapidly running out of time here. When I $yoink the Gardenias out, a freezing blast shoots past my face and onto the pipes above. Oops. <<cycle "$bathroom" autoselect>> <<option "Well, maybe it'll melt in a minute or two. It's only a few weeks into September, it's pretty warm still. ">> <<option "I have absolutely no idea how to solve this, oh my gosh.">> <<option "I can't reach them, so there's nothing I can really do to unfreeze them.">> <</cycle>> All that there is to do is get rid of the evidence. I dump the crumpled flowers into the toilet and flush — sorry, septic tank — and they go down without issue. The bell is going to ring any second, so I don't waste time [[getting out of there.]]<</fadein>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

I made it in time and settled in. <<timed 1s>> <<fadein 1s>>Art class isn't too <<linkreplace "bad,">> bad — it's one of my favorite classes actually, even though I'm not good at it —<</linkreplace>> but there are more pressing matters to think about during whatever Mr. Floyd is lecturing about. //"The poster child of the pop art era was Andy Warhol, who used prints// <</fadein>><<linkappend "//to-//">> <<fadein 2s>> For starters, I completely embarrassed myself in front of Robin earlier. All I had to do was be normal for two minutes, and I couldn't even handle that. As much as I'd love to just blame it on the curse, it was going bad before the flowers grew. Robin isn't even that popular, so I don't know why I'm so nervous around her. She's a pretty normal girl who enjoys being nice, which is probably why Mars hates her so much. He doesn't like anyone besides me really, but for whatever reason he hates Robin more than anyone. When I asked why he said that she won't sell him cigarettes when she's on shift at her parent's bodega, which I think is perfectly reasonable since he shouldn't be smoking those things anyway. But I don't know if I entirely believe him, because he hated her before he started smoking. //"He used the iconography of the common people, like celebrities and //<</fadein>><<linkappend "//household-//">> <<fadein 2s>> Even aside from all that, I had two different flowers grow in one hour. They've been getting more frequent, and if they continue to do so it's going to get a lot harder to hide. I have to figure out how to make it stop sooner or later, which means figuring out how it works. I could probably try some different stuff over the weekend, but I haven't exactly been keeping track of the situations when it occurs, and there's got to be some common thread- //"The artist's essence, who they are and what they believe, is present in everything they create. We can look at an artist's work and see a reflection of themself// <</fadein>> <<linkappend "//present-//">> I look down at my sketchbook laid flat against the easel. Every artist? <<timed 1s>><<fadein 1s>> I <<cycle "$sketchbook">><<option "flip through">><<option "leaf through">><<option "skim through">><<option "frown at">><</cycle>> some of the pages. There's a lot of stuff I did for class, figure drawings and shading attempts that didn't go quite right. There's also a lot of drawings I did when I should have been doing classwork, little spaceships and stars in the margins with some other half-finished doodles. It was all my work, but it doesn't say anything about me. I don't think a stranger would get a sense of who I am in there. Was I just not trying hard enough, or do I lack whatever fundamental part of the self is necessary for who I am to shine through in my art? "Now, sorry for the tangent, but we're doing landscapes next week. I want you all to somewhere new and draw what you see. I require somewhere new, because if you've been there before you'll get lost in what you think it looks like. I want you to see what this place actually looks like. Got it?" Mr. Floyd gives a tight smile, one that knows that nobody wants to do this. "Now, we can move on to what I actually want to talk about before the period ends-" [[He's interrupted by the phone ringing.]]<</fadein>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

"Just a moment everyone. Shouldn't be too long." He makes a half-hearted attempt to detangle the cord before stepping into the <<linkappend "hall.">> <<fadein 2s>> There's a water tower near my house that I've always wanted to go to. Maybe not climb it, I don't want to get in trouble or anything. Mars has been there actually, he said it was boring. But boring sounds easy to draw, so might as well give it a chance. It's only three-quarters of a mile or so through the woods, and while I'm not one for hiking, that sounds <</fadein>><<linkappend "like a nice walk...">> <<fadein 2s>> I hardly noticed the class exploding into chatter the second Mr. Floyd left, but that was expected. I have my fidget cube in an outer pocket of my school bag since that's the only way it doesn't get swallowed up by whatever horrors lurk inside the main pouch, and I quickly grab it. I use to keep my hands occupied when there isn't anything to do, and it's pretty quiet so it doesn't bother anyone. <</fadein>><<timed 5s>> <<linkappend "\"Hey, Winnie, right?\"">> <<fadein 1s>>The girl next to me is staring at me. I haven't ever spoken to her before, but I recognize her from previous classes. "Yeah... hi?" I have absolutely no clue what her name is. "What's that square thing?" [["This?"]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

"Yeah. The thing you're holding." "Oh, it's a... <<linkappend "fidget cube.\"">> "Like those spinners that were popular a few years ago?" I still can't tell what she wants from me. She didn't bother to introduce herself or anything. "Yeah, like those. It's for- for my concentration." Not a lie, but it somehow felt like it. "Oh, yeah. But hey, mind if I <<linkappend "ask you something weird?\"">> <<fadein 1.5s>> Never a good question. I cannot imagine what it's about, but there's not really a way around it. "Sure. I mean, no, I don't mind." "Why are you so quiet all the time? I always see you sitting by yourself at lunch, and you're always walking to class alone. Maybe if you just talked to people you could find someone to sit with you or <</fadein>> <<linkappend "something.\"">> Oh... <<linkappend "wow.">> Not what I was expecting, much ruder actually.<</linkappend>> I have never been good at making <<linkappend "friends.">> I've been told to just talk to people before, but I'm not great at first impressions. I haven't actually made a new friend in <<linkappend "a long time.">> I'm only friends with Mars because when we were younger we kept getting put next to each other in class since he was a troublemaker and I was a "good influence", and they thought I wouldn't enable him. But that's not <<linkappend "really happening again.">> It's not that I haven't tried, I have a //lot//, actually, it's just that I don't really click with anyone and I always seem to just not get what they mean, or I say something dumb, or they ask questions I don't know the answer to, and I just... wish it were <<linkappend "easier.">><<fadein 2s>> My stomach churns. I don't know what to say to her. I can't tell if she meant that as a genuine question or not, but she's staring at me like she expects me to say something. My mouth is open, but no sound comes out. And just like before, I feel something growing out of me, this time from my [[stomach.]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>> <</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

Oh god, not again. I'm not sticking around to answer her or for anyone to see the mass now forming. I clutch my stomach to press them down and say something about feeling sick as I hop off my stool and rush <<linkappend "out.">> <<fadein 2s>> I pass by Mr. Floyd in the hallway, who covers the receiver with his hand when he sees me. "If you need to go somewhere, ask for a hall pass." I skid to a halt, feeling stems pressed against my arms. It's getting more forceful, and it dawns upon me that they may be poking out the bottom. "I'm sorry. <<cycle "$piss" autoselect>> <<option "Emergency.">><<option "Need the bathroom, now.">><<option "Please let me go?">><</cycle>>" He sighs in response, looking me up and down. There's some chatter through the phone. He waves his hand dismissively and turns away, heading back into his <</fadein>><<linkappend "classroom.">> <<fadein 2s>>I round the corner to an empty hallway. I finally look down and can confirm yes, they are escaping the confines of my sweater. Mr. Floyd did go back inside, and it's too far to the bathroom anyway, so I stick my arm up my shirt and tug them by the handful, wincing at the sensation. A gale blows out from where they were pulled, blowing down the papers thumb-tacked to cork boards, pushing the trashcan back a few inches, and sending some garbage abandoned on the ground hurtling away. The papers float down to the ground as the intercom clicks <</fadein>><<linkappend "on.">> <<fadein 2s>> "Attention students, the 300-wing woman's restroom is out of order, so please use the 100-wing restroom for the remainder of the day. We're looking into the issue now."<</fadein>> <<timed 3s>> I lean back against the hallway wall and slide down with a <<linkappend "groan.">> I let the begonias in my hand fall to the ground.<</linkappend>> [[This is just how life is now, I guess.|Fade to Titl e]] <</timed>> <</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

//CURSED BE// <<timed 6s>> [[The only way to go is forward.]] <</timed>>

"Hey, wanna come over today? My mom is on a business trip all weekend." Mars looked over at me with an earnest half-smile between sips of his <<linkreplace "monster energy drink.">>monster energy drink, which is yet another thing competing to kill him. They actually banned drinking them at school for health reasons, so he always saves them for the walk home.<</linkreplace>> "Sorry, I have homework. Maybe later." He rolls his eyes. "You're the only person I know who does their homework on Fridays. Just do it Sunday night like a <<linkappend "normal person.\"">> <<fadein 2s>> "I like having it done early, that way I don't have to think about it! And it's not like you're going to suffer being there alone," He snorts. "I have plenty of practice. At least her being <<linkappend "gone,">> yet again,<</linkappend>> gives me time to relax. I'm not exactly excited to deal with her bullshit again. She's going to be super pissed when she sees my history grade, I'm going to be scrubbing that house <</fadein>><<linkappend "top to bottom.\"">> <<fadein 2s>> I can't help but frown. Mars' mom is hard on him when she's around, but usually she isn't even in town. He's always alone in that house taking care of himself. It's actually kind of hard to talk about with him, because I don't really know how to deal with the <<cycle "$mommy" autoselect>><<option "malice on his face">><<option "vitriol in his voice">><<option "anger in his stance">><</cycle>> when he talks about her. <</fadein>> <<linkappend "\"I'm sorry.\"">> <<linkappend "\"For what?\"">> "Your mom. Your grades. <<linkappend "All of it.\"">> "Don't apologize. It's not your fault. She's an adult, and if she were sorry she would say so herself." [["I guess so."]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

He shrugs. I'm quiet for a moment. I wish I could make him <<linkreplace "feel better.">>feel better, but it seems like I never can when it comes to his mom.<</linkreplace>> I don't have much time to think of comforting words anyway, because we quickly reach the bottom of his driveway. "Well, see you later then, $nickname," he says without so much as a wave, digging through his pockets for his keys as he walks up the asphalt. <<timed 2s>><<fadein 2s>>I watch him go for a moment. Mars is always going to be Mars, apathetic and cool. He doesn't seem to care that he's going to be completely alone in that house, he just lets these things happen to him. I could never be like that. Nothing to do about that now, though. I close his mailbox, which was left open at some point earlier, and head off down [[the empty road.]]<</fadein>><</timed>>

The woods are always <<cycle "$woAmbiance">><<option "quiet">><<option "still">><<option "eerie">><</cycle>> during off-season, save for some distant birdsong. Always a pleasant place to be if you want to be alone with your thoughts, but not so much if you're looking for a distraction. I let out a <<linkappend "sigh.">> //How could I possibly keep living like this?// <<fadein 2s>> At any moment, it could all be up. Who knows what even happens then, if everyone finds out about my curse? And what kind of implications does that<</fadein>> <<linkappend "have?">> <<fadein 2s>> Look. I don't know why this is happening. I don't know why the flowers grow when they do or how to control it. But maybe if I can pull myself together, I can keep it in check. Like, if I stop worrying so much, or I be really good about homework and studying so I don't have to stress over school, or I stop getting so emotional whenever stuff goes wrong. <</fadein>><<fadein 5s>> Yeah. As if it were that easy. I'm going to get found out as some kind of weird cursed freak and the government is going to kidnap me and run tests on me or something. I'll never see daylight <</fadein>><<linkappend "again.">><<fadein 2s>> Finally, the top of the hill and the edge of the woods. Calling the way to the water tower a "path" would be generous. It's more like the grass is just less dense if you walk in a certain way up to the tower. I step out of the trees, and a [[heavy scent hits my nose.]]<</fadein>> <</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

I involuntarily sneeze. Some deer about about thirty yards away look up with wide eyes, poised to start running but frozen in place. When I open my eyes, I can see bulges in my jeans over my thighs, little patches of flowers pushing at the <<linkappend "denim.">> <<fadein 2s>> Yeah, I'm not dealing with this right now. Whatever horrible impending nonsense there is can happen out here where there's no one to see it. I brace myself and $yoink the poppies out by the handful, the pain forcing my face to scrunch up. Whatever. Worth it. The petals float to the ground as I walk off. The deer calm and go back to wandering about eating <</fadein>><<linkappend "grass.">> <<fadein 2s>>Moments later, there's a distinct thump behind me. I turn, and one deer is on the ground by the poppies. Another is sniffing them, then promptly falls over as well.<</fadein>> <<timed 3s>> Holy shit. <</timed>><<timed 5s>> I jog over and crouch next to them — they're both still breathing. Asleep maybe? The Wizard of Oz must have gotten it right, but no other time has it correlated with anything. It could just be a coincidence? <<fadein 4s>> I stand up and look around. No one is nearby to have seen it, of course. The deer don't move, not even when I gently nudge one. As much as I want to help, there isn't really anything I can do if they're not going to wake up, and if someone wanders by I'm screwed so... the only option is to leave <</fadein>><<linkappend "them?">> <<fadein 2s>> Yeah. Seems like it. I back away slowly at first, then picking up speed to a light jog as I turn, trying to [[get some distance.]] <</fadein>> <</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

The base of the water tower is about as boring as I expected. There's a fence around it that's long since collapsed, some garbage, and a few electrical boxes humming nearby. I swing my backpack off my shoulder, unzipping it to grab my sketchbook, when I hear something strange. [[Singing?]]

Yes, singing. Faint, but audible. Is someone else out here? Whoever she is, she has a lovely voice. I glance up at the water tower looming overhead, then to the woods on the other side where the singing emanates from. ...It can't hurt to check, can <<linkappend "it?">> <<fadein 3s>> I cross under the tower, looking up at the underside of it. Filthy and dark, blocking out the sun like an eclipse. There's no path here, I have to push through the foliage to proceed and watch where I step. But it does get louder as I hike up the incline, one that became much sharper without my notice, and soon enough I find myself on top of the crest and blocked by some fallen trees. [[The singing immediately stops.]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>>

It takes a moment to find a way around all the fallen trees. I hesitate at the edge of the foliage, straining to look to ensure no one else is coming. It seems clear, so I sprint to the back of the house, just below a window, and crouch, partially out of breath. A large crack in the window and several shards missing from the pane seem to be enough for sound to <<linkappend "escape.">> "I'm very eager to report to Noble about these findings, but since he's away until tonight, I decided to tell you all now, so that we may discuss what course of action we will suggest he takes," states the confident voice of Mr. Floyd. "I have found evidence of //[[Asperata!|MAGIC!]]//<</linkappend>>

"One of my students grew flowers from her skin this afternoon. I thought she was just hiding some flowers she had for some reason at first, but I saw the effects //clear as day.// All I had to do was claim that a student tore down all the papers in the hall to get access to the security cameras. They summoned some sort of wind, which blew down everything in that wing of the school, it was a mess! And //I// have it recorded! I also have reason to believe she can do other wonders." <<linkappend "He pauses.">> "The girl's bathroom had frozen pipes today, frozen pipes. Do you believe that? It's 60 degrees outside. What could cause pipes to become encased in ice in an otherwise perfectly warm room? Of course I couldn't get footage of that, but I saw the aftermath. They're still <<linkappend "cleaning it up.">> "I already looked into the student. ''Winnie Mercado'', a freshman, just fourteen years old, lives on 78 Steine Road, hardly a full mile from here. This strangeness has been under our noses the whole time, in our own town, it //has// to be a sign from our beloved Asperata! We just need to get ahold of this student, figure out her connection, and get her to tell Asperata we're here." The other people inside break into conversation, [[all speaking over each other.|all over each other.]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

I find myself sitting with my back against the wall of a dilapidated house in the middle of the woods, tears streaming down my face and my hand cupped over my mouth. <<linkappend "//''RUN.''//">> I scramble forward on all fours, getting up as I shoot forward, racing for the safety of the trees. Around the trunks, onto the slope, I immediately lose my footing and slide down the incline, branches and bushes whipping by and drawing blood. It doesn't matter, that was probably faster anyway, I clamber to my feet and keep running. I can feel something growing from the back of my <<linkappend "neck.">> I pass under the water tower and across the grass. The deer are still collapsed on the ground on their sides, one blinks awake at the sound of my footsteps and scrambles to its feet with a grunt. The other starts to move as well. I careen into the treeline and try to [[stay upright.]] <</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

I run diagonally to try and take the slope easier, avoiding the trash piles where I can. I narrowly avoid broken chicken wire and glass shards scattered amongst the roots and rocks, desperate to just get //away.// There is no end goal, there is just <<linkappend "running,">> <<linkappend "running,">> as far away as I can in <<linkappend "as little time as possible.">> I finally reach the road and stop, meaning to put my hands on my thighs but just collapsing to the ground, panting desperately. I'm not safe here, I know that, but I need to breathe. My head spins. My stomach churns. <<linkappend "I can't tell which way is up.">> I look up a bit to see the grass at the edge of the road singed. Further past that, a thin trail of burnt foliage. I grasp at the back of my neck, pulling the last few flowers, light purple petals of Rhododendron. I drop them almost instantly, and the grass where they land catches aflame. I smack it a few times, <<linkappend "smothering it.">> <<fadein 2s>> I can't stay here. They know where I live. I don't know what they want me to do, or who Asperata is, or who Noble is, so I have to run away. I don't want to do it alone. I don't want to be alone at all, I don't want to have to be alone after I leave.<</fadein>> <<timed 4s>> //Mars.// <<linkappend "Of course!">> <<fadein 2s>> My phone is at the top of my schoolbag, thank goodness. It takes focused effort to stop my fingers from shaking enough to hit the right contact. "Mars?" "Hi Wi-" "Listen. I'm running away. In twenty minutes. I'm going with or without you. Meet at my house." I hesitate. "Please."<</fadein>> <<timed 5s>> There's a few seconds of silence. "Give me a bit to pack. You're lucky I hate this place." I breathe a sigh of relief. [["See you."]] <</timed>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

My parents are at the kitchen table when I get home, looking at a laptop. My dad waves with a smile as I come in, I wave back but head immediately upstairs. There isn't any time. It is starting to dawn on me that I can't just run away to nowhere, I need a <<linkappend "plan.">><<fadein 2s>> Well, that's difficult, because I live in the middle of nowhere. If this were anywhere more populated, I could get on a train or <<linkreplace "something.">>something. Or less populated, I could hide in the cornfields.<</linkreplace>> There is a train station nearby, actually. "Nearby" being relative, it's something like fifteen miles from here, in Stockwick. <</fadein>><<linkappend "That might be walkable.">><<fadein 2s>> Once we get to the train though, there's not that many routes. Most of them are to other towns <</fadein>><<linkappend "nearby...">> except for <<linkappend "Seattle.">> Wait, Seattle! Aunt Lisa lives there. She said I could come by any time and stay with her, and that probably was an empty gesture, but it can't hurt to try! Seattle's plenty far away, it'll be a lot safer! And once I'm there I can figure out the curse, I won't have school, so I can spend my time trying <<linkappend "different stuff.">> <<fadein 2s>> I'm completely zoned out working on my plan, shoving things in an old backpack when my train of thought is interrupted by poppies growing from the back of my hands. Again? Why? I don't want to pull these here, they'll put me to sleep. [[Unless...]] <</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

I come down the stairs without the bag. "Hey, mom and dad? I picked these from out by the water tower after school, come see how nice they smell!" My smile is <<cycle "$smile" autoselect>><<option "wide">><<option "fake">><<option "wavering">><</cycle>> as I walk up to them, leaning back from the freshly pulled poppies. <<timed 5s>><<fadein 2s>> With my parents slumped over asleep on the table, I shove granola bars and plastic water bottles into my bag. They'll be fine. Those deer were out for a while with just a few petals, they'll probably wake up in a few hours perfectly unharmed and safe. <</fadein>><<linkappend "I hope.">> I walk out the door, being careful to lock it behind me, when I hear a familiar voice. "Can you at least tell me why now, of all times? If you just want to get away you can spend the <<linkappend "weekend at my place.\"">> I whip around. Mars is carrying his school backpack and drinking a Monster energy, <<linkappend "again.">> Those cannot possibly be good for him.<</linkappend>> "We need to go now, I can tell you when we're farther away." I grab his arm and start moving. He lets me drag him away from my house and down the road. My house is the last one on the street, it dead ends at the treeline a few thousand feet away. Once we reach it, it finally dawns upon me that bringing Mars means explaining <<linkappend "what's going on.">> <<fadein 2s>> "We're going to Stockwick to get on a train to Seattle. My aunt lives there and we can stay with her. We can use your phone to navigate for a while, I'm sure they're going to check the location on mine, so I'll turn it off." <</fadein>> <<linkappend "\"You mean the cops will?\"">> "If someone calls them!" "I never thought you were the type to get the police called on you. I'm so proud." "<<linkappend "Shut up.">> This is <<linkappend "serious!">> You'll have to turn yours off too!" <<linkappend "He rolls his eyes.">> "Mars, I need you to take this seriously. We have fifteen miles of forest to walk through." <<timed 2s>><<fadein 2s>> "Yeah, I'll take it seriously when you tell me why you want to run away." I bite my lip and clench my fists. [["You're never going to believe this, but..."]]<</fadein>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>> <</timed>>

<<timed 3s>> <<fadein 3s>> [[Every journey begins with a single step.]]<</fadein>><</timed>>

"So let me get this straight. <<timed 2s>> "You grow flowers from your skin that make things happen, and you have no idea how or why. You went to the water tower and heard singing that led you to a meeting of people, including your art teacher, who were talking about capturing you to use for... research to find out how to talk to someone? So we're running away to Seattle to hide." "Something like that." "Wow." <<linkappend "\"I know.\"">> "When did this start? <<linkappend "\"I don't know,">> a while ago, a few months maybe?" "Were they all from town?" <<linkappend "\"I don't know.\"">> "What can the flowers do?" <<linkappend "\"I don't know!\"">> "Well, what //do// you know?" <<linkappend "I pause.">> "Mr. Floyd said he had- the group had a 'beloved Asperata' and wanted to tell Noble about me. I think those are people?" "That's a whole lot to go on." <<linkappend "\"I know.\"">> "And I'm just supposed to believe you?" <<linkappend "I stop walking.">> "I guess I hoped you would." Mars stops and looks at me. "I know it's a lot to take in, but I've been keeping it a secret all this time, and I-" "And you didn't tell me?" He just stares at me. "You didn't think you could trust your <<linkappend "best friend?\"">> "This hasn't happened to anyone before, how was I supposed to know what to do? I told you now! I could have just run off alone!" "Yeah, I guess you [[could have.]]"<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

Mars looks troubled. I concede. "You're right. I'm sorry. Can we keep walking?" He sighs and nods as he <<linkappend "begins to walk again.">><<fadein 1s>> "And I'm sorry for being pushy. It's a lot to process," he says, not looking at me. I shrug. Nothing else to do out here but process. "But I don't like keeping secrets from each other. Can we cut that out officially? Here's one of my big secrets: I once shoplifted a bic lighter and three Hershey bars from the 7-11." "One of?" <</fadein>><<linkappend "I laugh.">><<fadein 1s>> "We're gonna put it all out on the table. You're pretty bad, but //I// once cheated on an english test since I couldn't study. I tried to, but I kept getting distracted."<</fadein>> <<linkappend "He smirks.">> <<fadein 1s>>"That's barely a crime. Anderson's tests are the worst, so the odds are stacked against you. It's like breaking an unjust law in protest. Civil disobedience. But whatever, secrets don't have to be crimes. Like... I don't want to go to college. I just want to move out somewhere and get a job. Why waste the money?" <</fadein>> <<linkappend "I tense up.">><<fadein 1s>> "Well... I like watching nature documentaries unironically." "No way. You just watch nerd shit." <</fadein>> <<linkappend "\"No I don't!">><<fadein 1s>> I like normal movies too. And nature documentaries. They help me fall asleep." "Laaaame. I like true crime podcasts, unironically." <</fadein>> <<linkappend "\"Okay, that's not a secret.">><<fadein 1s>> Everything about you says that you like hearing about horrible unsolved murders and stuff. You're like, the edgiest person I know." "Wow. Could have just told me you didn't like my new hair color." "No, it looks good on you! I'm just saying you need to tell me a real secret. A really big one, because you told me a really obvious truth." He thinks for a second, looking up at the early-evening sky. "A really big secret? <</fadein>><<linkappend "Okay.">> <<timed 1.5s>> <<linkappend "\"I don't actually hate my mom.\"">> His words hang in the air.<<timed 1.5s>> "I just hate that she's never around. She keeps leaving me [[all alone.]]"<</timed>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

<<timed 1.5s>>He doesn't look at me. I can't say anything for a moment, even though I want to, because he never gave any indication of this <<linkappend "before.">> He's always been so vocal about disliking his mom, it's weird to think that he lied about it for <<linkappend "so long.">><<fadein 1s>> "You could talk to her about it when she gets back, maybe she can figure something out with her job?" <</fadein>><<linkappend "Mars starts walking faster.">> I try to catch up, but his legs have always been longer than mine, so it's a struggle. He seems to slow down when he realizes I'm not going to <<linkappend "go away.">><<fadein 2s>> I still don't know what to do about that. It's good to not hate your parents, but this still doesn't sit that well. It's not that I think he's lying, but more that this was so out of my perception of him I can't help but question it. Why did he want me to think he hates his mom?<</fadein>> <<timed 5s>> <<linkappend "I feel a tingling sensation on my palms.">> I look down and am met with little blue flowers with gently tapered spines: love-in-a-mist. Not really an applicable name, but it's not like I have a choice. I must have made some involuntary noise when I saw them, because Mars stops to stare at me. <<linkappend "\"What the fuck?\"">> <<fadein 2s>> "Yeah." "You're not holding those!" I turn my hands upside down to prove his point. "Because they're growing through my hands, yeah." "What happens if you pull them out? Or if I touch them?" "I have no clue! <</fadein>><<linkappend "We can find out though.\"">> Mars immediately steps back, which doesn't help to ease my nerves. I hope this one is [[something cool.]] <</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

When I pull the love-in-a-mist, a thick fog <<fadein 2s>>rolls out<</fadein>> of my hands. I panic and point it upward, but it sinks back down. Mars looks between the fog cloud and me with <<cycle "$marseyes" autoselect>> <<option "wide">><<option "concerned">><<option "mystified">><</cycle>> eyes as it descends, mouth agape. I walk forward until I'm out of the cloud, and Mars emerges a few seconds later. He stops and watches the cloud disperse, hands on his thighs. "Wow! Okay. That's-" He points at the cloud. "Not natural. <<linkappend "You made that.\"">> I'm torn between being embarrassed at the attention and feeling a little proud of it. "The- the flowers did. It comes out of them." <<linkappend "He looks at me.">> "The flowers you... grew from your body." I nod and laugh awkwardly. He runs his hand through his hair. "I'm sorry. You were right. This is real and it sort of sucks. Do you- Do you know why that <<linkappend "happened?\"">> <<fadein 2s>> "Why was it that specifically, or why it grew?" I reach into my pocket and take out my fidget cube. "I don't know. When they grow seems to be pretty random, but with really bad luck since it's always at the worst times. But each type of flower always does the same thing."<</fadein>> <<timed 3s>><<fadein 2s>> He looks down at his hands and seems to be counting on them while he thinks. "That's a lot of different stuff." He looks back up at me, curiousity filling his eyes. "I'm going to figure out how it works." I smile with relief. "Please. It's really the worst, actually. Being cursed kind of sucks."<</fadein>><</timed>><<timed 6s>> He grins. [["It really sucks."|"Magic sucks."]]<</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

Mars shut his phone off after a while, and we kept <<cycle "$walktype" autoselect>> <<option "hiking">> <<option "trudging">> <<option "meandering">><</cycle>> through the woods, fairly certain our course was steady, talking about whatever came to mind. As the evening drew on, we made a pact to take breaks from talking to each other so we don't run out of stuff to talk about too quickly, so I found myself left to reflect in silence as we made our way <<linkappend "through the trees.">> <<fadein 2s>> The thought of my parents finally crosses my mind. They probably woke up by now, it's been a couple of hours. I don't think they called, but I can't risk turning on my phone to check. There's a growing feeling of guilt in my gut, but I didn't have that many options to get away. If I just snuck out a window, they would have noticed pretty quickly if they came to look for me, or I could have fallen and broken something. It isn't permanent. It definitely isn't permanent. The deer woke up. <</fadein>><<linkappend "They'll be fine.">><<fadein 2s>> Staying there could have been <<cycle "$staying" autoselect>> <<option "a terrible idea.">><<option "the end of the world for me.">><<option "a death sentence.">><</cycle>> What if those people wanted to keep me in a cage? What if they wanted to do experiments? What if they wanted to keep me there forever to talk to Asperata, whoever that is? I still don't know why they think I'm connected to her, I mean, I've never heard of her before, I've never even encountered anyone else like me. I don't even know who she is, how am I supposed to be able to talk to her?<</fadein>> <<timed 5s>> <<fadein 2s>> Still, the only thing I can hope to get control of is the curse. If I can figure out what triggers the flowers, maybe I can suppress it and it'll get easier to manage. Yeah, manage <</fadein>> <<linkappend "my... curse....">> It isn't //fair!// Why me? What did I do to deserve to get cursed? I've been having enough of a hard time already without whatever this curse is coming in and making it all worse! There isn't even anything I can do about it. Why can't I just be normal and have normal problems, like worrying about boys or grades or something. Why do I have to be the one who has to ditch everything to run off into the woods in hopes of escaping capture? Why can't- "Hey $nickname? You got some daisies." [[I look down.]]<</linkappend>> <</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

Mars smirks. "No, on your neck. Throat area." I grab at them, and practically leaps backwards. "Watch it!", he <<linkappend "hisses.">> The anger on his face quickly fades as a pink cloud emerges from the daisies, spreading over the area. He's expressionless for a second, his mouth drawn taught, then the corners fold upwards. He starts laughing uproariously, and I tilt my head before I feel it too. <<linkappend "//Laughing gas!//">> That's a new one.<</linkappend>> He's staring at me with an emotion I cannot read in his eyes, laughing like a maniac while I laugh back. He starts stomping off and I follow, trying to keep my eyes open. I hear him start coughing a few yards ahead of me, and I quickly join him <<linkappend "outside of the cloud.">> <<fadein 2s>> He clears his throat for a few seconds, getting the last of it out of his system. "Great. Let's go," he asserts, walking off. I watch him for a few seconds, still coughing, and [[then follow.]] <</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

Mars doesn't say anything for a long time. Every now and then, I try to make some conversation, but he usually just grunts or shrugs. He's <<cycle "$marsdemeanor" autoselect>> <<option "ridiculous">><<option "difficult">><<option "impossible">><</cycle>>. I don't want to have to keep dealing with him when he's like this. I don't even know why he's so mad, it was pretty harmless. But luckily, I don't have to, because just off our course is a low, abandoned building. This one was nothing like the one I saw those people in, it's mostly rotted away. It looks like it was a log cabin with a concrete foundation once upon a time, but had fallen into disrepair out here until it was just one and a half walls with a quarter of a roof. With the sun almost completely set, I was more than willing to throw in the towel. "Hey Mars, do you want to stop for the night? We can sleep in there! I bet it'll protect us from bears and opossums!" "I don't think opossums are really a threat, and I think if a bear really wanted to eat us, that's not going to do any good." <<linkappend "I light up.">> It was more of a response than I expected. "But probably better than sleeping on the ground, right?" He rolls his eyes. "Concrete. Sure." He walks to the ruined cabin and sits on the edge of the foundation, digging through his bag for food. <<linkappend "I walk up behind him and look around.">> There's not really any signs of anyone ever having lived here, the only thing that could have possibly been furniture is a <<linkappend "pile of boards.">> A bookshelf at some point, maybe?<</linkappend>> Either way, it was nearing complete rot. Everything's got to become dirt and worms someday. I sit down next to Mars, who doesn't seem to be up for talking, so <linkappend "I sit there and eat my granola.">> <<fadein 2s>> With the sun fully set, the reality of the situation sets in. I'm in the woods in the middle of nowhere with Mars, running away from home. Running towards Stockwick to get on a train, which I barely even <<linkappend "have money for.">> Holy shit, I forgot to even check if I had money before I left. I know that I have my wallet in there, I kind of just tossed it in, but I didn't even think about what's inside. I know off the top of my head that I have at least sixty-five dollars in there from pet-sitting, which is very fortunate, because I never have that much money.<</linkappend>> And I still haven't even figured out what to say to Aunt Lisa when we get there so she doesn't immediately call my parents, which she probably will anyway and //oh my godddd.// [[I groan and lean back.]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

"I don't think this is going to work, how is going to stay with my aunt going to help?" Mars is quiet for a moment. "I don't know, it was your idea." I stare up at the sky through the treetops, shimmering with stars. "Family is never helpful." I consider saying something <<linkreplace "about his mom.">>about his mom, then decide against it.<</linkreplace>> "I think they can be sometimes." <<linkappend "\"Maybe.\"">><<fadein 2s>> He doesn't look back at me, just out into the trees. "This is buying you time. That's something. Not a ton of it, but enough to try and figure things out a little. Besides," he takes a drink of water, "if you get returned home after they file a missing person, they're gonna watch you all the time. No one's kidnapping you on their watch. Especially if you tell them you have reasonable certainty that you're in danger."<</fadein>> <<linkappend "I sit up.">> "Do you think so?" <<fadein 2s>> "Sure. They're going to put a house arrest anklet on you." I laugh. "I hope. I'm gonna get a really muscular ankle from wearing it all the time." "Just one. You'll be uneven. A real freak. You'll be a viral sensation." <</fadein>> <<linkappend "\"I hope not.">> Also, wait, aren't the cops in our town really dumb? Like... really not good at their jobs? I don't think they could prevent a kidnapping if those people really want to." He takes a minute to answer, gaze fixated on a <<linkappend "point out in the woods.">> <<timed 1.5s>> "Guess we better get to Seattle then." <<timed 1.5s>> <<linkappend "\"We can work on that tomorrow. I'm going to sleep.\"">> He glances at me, then shrugs. More time. I just need more time. It'll all work out, if I just have a [[little more time.]]<</linkappend>><</timed>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

<<timed 1s>> <<fadein 2s>>My eyes snap open to see the inside of a chapel, full of orange light. I cannot see outside of the stained glass windows, but the unfamiliar figures depicted stare down at me. My wrists are manacled together, the bruising around the metal bands indicate that I had been struggling against them for some time. The sweater and jeans I fell asleep in are gone, instead I'm in a white dress with the skirt spread out around me, twisted into a spiral. I'm on a platform slowly rotating in the middle of a pool like the display in a shop, a little novelty for people to marvel at. I try to stand, but my legs are impossibly heavy, all I can do is turn my torso to look around. I lift my bound wrists, the chain attaching the manacles to the platform clinking as I nudge something on my head, I grab it to see that it's an ornate circlet of different <<cycle "$dreamflowers" autoselect>><<option "glowing">><<option "shimmering">><<option "translucent">><<option "rainbow">><</cycle>> flowers, but I <</fadein>> <<linkappend "cannot recall their names.">> <<fadein 2s>> But despite the situation, I feel perfectly calm. I'd been here for a long time. I know why I'm here, it was obvious. I must have dozed off while waiting for someone to seek me out <</fadein>><<linkappend "wherever this is.">> <<fadein 2s>> A tool shed. This place is a tool shed, and I am the tool. I am the staff with twisting branches around an orb, I am the wand inlaid with gems, I am the ring upon the hand of the worshippers of Asperata. I am their source of power, that is my purpose. The platform turns and I see a figure in a robe, the hood obscuring their face. Despite the lack of features, there's a sense that I know them. "Camellia." <</fadein>><<linkappend "I look at my hands.">> <<fadein 2s>> Small buds sprout from my palms and fold open, blooming into Carnations. I can feel the disapproval of the figure, and lean forward to brush my hands together, making the carnations fall to the water. They float away indignantly. I look back up to see several more figures like the first about the room, a few seated in the pews and others watching me from further back. "Create lightning."<</fadein>> <<linkappend "I wait for a moment.">><<timed 1.5s>> <<fadein 2s>> Bright yellow unidentifiable petals sigh as they emerge from my fingertips. I look up for approval and see more figures without faces, all waiting. I delicately curl my fingers in and move my clenched fist upwards before releasing, and a meager shower of sparks scatters out. There are murmurs of disapproval [[among the crowd.]] <</fadein>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

I can feel my heart drop to my stomach. Fear clouds my mind. I try to come up with an excuse, a reason it isn't doing what they want, when singing rings out from above me. I feel my head get wrenched upwards by a <<linkappend "force that I cannot see.">><<fadein 2s>> //"The heart yearns for fields, for spring, for light- but all it's met with is cages, winter, and night. That which is bound always calls for freedom, But this one never knows where to go once it's free."// <</fadein>> <<timed 6s>> I look back to the figures, but none of them have acknowledged the song. I squeeze my eyes shut, desperate to create something, but everything that comes from my hands withers away as soon as it sprouts. A sob wells up in my throat, catching my breath and forcing me to choke. I lean forward to rest on my elbows, hacking and coughing, fighting to get words out. Petals of all kinds flurry from my mouth, making a pile on the ground when they escape my throat. I distantly hear <<linkappend "the sound of a key turning.">> I feel myself get lifted up as I shake, trying to regain air. Skeleton hands as large as I am are curled around my thrashing form, choking on petals. I barely notice the figures all backing away as I'm submerged in water, the hands holding me beneath the surface. Petals fly upwards from my mouth to the surface in place of air. As my vision tunnels, I catch a final glimpse of the water in front of me through the stream of petals, in which a red humanoid with antlers and flowing hair sits cross-legged on the bottom of the pool. Her head tilts in confusion as the last spots of sight fade and water overtakes my lungs. <<timed 10s>>[[And then a soft cry finally escapes my lips.]]<</timed>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>>

I bolt upright. The sound of crickets persists. <<timed 3s>> The wrecked cabin. I'm in the wrecked cabin. It had all been a dream. <</timed>><<timed 6s>> [[I need to find Mars.]]<</timed>>

Moonlight filters through the branches overhead as I survey my surroundings. Mars' bag is laying on the floor, but he's nowhere to be seen. I jolt up in a panic — he wouldn't just leave, he wouldn't have just //walked away// in the middle of the night when we're already a few miles into the <<linkappend "woods.">> <<linkappend "Would he?">> Geez Winnie, what's wrong with you? He probably just stepped out to use the bathroom. <<timed 3s>>...I'm going to go check to see if he's <<linkappend "outside.">> <<fadein 2s>> I step out of the cabin, where the full moon illuminates the foliage just enough to be able to see without a flashlight. I take a lap around the cabin and spot a beam of light originating from about forty feet away from the cabin. Mars is sitting against a tree, flashlight pointed in his general direction, with a thick branch. He's looking at it intently and dragging a small knife along the surface, carving it into some sort of shape I <</fadein>><<linkappend "can't discern from this distance.">> Since when does he have a <<linkappend "knife?">> It's not that big of a deal, <<linkappend "I mean.">> I can't imagine he'd do anything <<linkappend "bad with it.">> But why hadn't he told me? It seems like an important detail to bring up. He's always been <<cycle "$alwaysbe" autoselect>><<option "the rebellious one">> <<option "the edgy kid">><<option "more willing to take risks">><</cycle>>, but a knife? That seems like he's asking for <<linkappend "trouble.">> I really would have appreciated a heads up of some kind, some sort of warning in case he ever has to use it. And I'm sure he would only use it if it were an emergency but... <<linkappend "why hadn't he told me?">> I'm silent as I stare at him from the shadows. <<linkappend "For the first time, I feel like Mars is a stranger.">> <<fadein 2s>> I can feel something growing from my underarms. I pull at the neck of my shirt to peer at it. Long, thin pink and yellow flowers that open up at the tips of the petals dangle from me, slightly smushed from the fabric. Angel's Trumpet... isn't that one poisonous? I frown and glance back at Mars, who is examining the branch he's carving. He can do his secret whittling. I have more important things to do, like [[get back to sleep.]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>> <</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

I get back to my single blanket on the filthy concrete and sigh as I pull my sweater halfway up, the cool breeze hitting my stomach immediately. I grabbed the Angel's trumpet by the handful and yank all at once, a soft //aughgh// escaping me at the sudden pain. I toss the flowers to the ground a few feet away and watch as they sink through the concrete, <<linkappend "burning a hole in their shape all the way down to dirt.">> Whatever. I don't have time for this. It's a long way to Stockwick, I'm going to need [[my rest to make it there.]]<</linkappend>>

The morning light and birdsong woke me up just after it got Mars. He's sitting on the concrete wrapped in his blanket eating an orange and tossing the peel onto the ground. "G'morning $nickname." He picks up a piece of orange peel and tosses it at my face, hitting his mark. <<linkappend "I sit up and it slides off.">><<fadein 2s>> "Good morning. Ready for a whole day of hiking?" I wipe the crust from my eyes and reach for my bag to get my hairbrush. He stares at me intently. "Yeah, but I actually have some ideas I want to try as we go. About your curse, I mean." He pauses to eat an orange slice as my brush gets caught in a particularly stubborn knot. "I think it has something to do with your emotions. Like, your emotional state determines what flowers grow. Dunno why they grow when they do though." <</fadein>><<linkappend "I pause to think about it.">> "Maybe? It's worth a shot. What's the plan to test it?" <<linkappend "He smiles.">><<fadein 2s>> "I'm going to make you feel different things. Just try to go along with it." He tosses the remainder of the peel at me. "We can get going whenever you're ready." I throw it back at him. "Yeah fine, asshole. But I reserve the right to punch you if you're going to be [[mean about it.]]" <</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

We talk about nothing important for the first hour or so of walking. Mars turns his phone on very briefly in airplane mode to use a compass app to make sure we're going the right way, and he claims we'll get there after nightfall. I'm more optimistic about our pace than that, but I'm not about to <<linkappend "start anything over it.">><<fadein 2s>> "Hey $nickname," Mars says after a few minutes of comfortable silence. "The other day I was in the bodega and overheard this guy talking on the phone. He said that he's been working at this place he hates for eighteen years now — an office, in a sales position. Really was just miserable, the building was falling apart, his coworkers didn't like him, and his boss always picked newer employees for promotions." I give him a look. "But he had stuck around all this time because he really needed it. A friend in a different department got him the job right after high school, he had never gone to <<linkappend "college.">> Couldn't afford it.<</linkappend>> And after all those years of loyalty, he got fired that morning. All he had was his savings, which won't last forever." "Okay..." I frowned and tried to imagine this guy. Mid-thirties, down on his luck, never got the chance to do what he wanted. <</fadein>><<linkappend "I hold the image of him in my mind.">><<fadein 2s>> "And he was on the phone with his friend who got him the job, who said he couldn't do anything about it. The guy who got fired is begging this friend, and the friend says he already tried and the boss said no. Isn't that shitty?" He looks at me expectantly. I take a few seconds to <</fadein>><<linkappend "think about it.">><<fadein 2s>> It sucks that that happened, but isn't it kind of a blessing in disguise? He has savings, he can try to enroll in a community college or something while he tries to find a job doing something he doesn't hate. He's had a lot more time to figure out what he's passionate about, maybe it's <</fadein>><<linkappend "time for a change!">> I can feel flowers blossom from the top of my head. I comb my fingers through my hair to catch on the stems, and pull outwards. Mums, bright and colorful. Now freed, they <<cycle "$mums">> <<option "make little balls of light that hang in the air." "light">> <<option "create a pleasant, but overwhelming smell." "smell">> <<option "cool the air down significantly." "feel">><</cycle>> [[I watch Mars nervously, waiting for his reaction.]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

<<if $mums is "light">>Small balls of light spread around the area, twinkling like stars. Mars raises his eyebrows.<<elseif $mums is "smell">>The air is tainted tea green as the smell spreads. Mars wrinkles his nose.<<else>>The temperature around you two drops fast. Mars shivers.<</if>> "And what are you currently feeling?" he asks. I consider it. "Hopeful! He has the chance to go to school or start in a job he likes now. Things can turn around for him." Mars looks disappointed. "Was that wrong...?" "Whatever. It got something, and that's what matters. We can try <<linkappend "another one.\"">> After a couple of minutes of walking in quiet as I wait, he comes up with something. <<timed 3s>><<fadein 2s>> "Do you ever think about the future? We're going to move out once high school is done and actually start our lives. You can go to college if you want, I'm just not going to. We're not going to have to deal with our parents, or all the mean kids at school who don't talk to us, or these useless classes. You'll be able to do whatever you want. Only stuff that makes you happy. No one can make you do anything when you're older." He pauses. "Besides the government I guess." I smile at the last part, but it <</fadein>><<linkappend "quickly fades.">> I don't know what I want to do after <<linkappend "high school.">> I mean, I just got to it, I didn't think I'd have to decide <<linkappend "so fast.">> My parents want me to go to college, so I guess I <<linkappend "probably will?">> But I don't know where or what I'd major in. And I have time, I know I do, but I am going to have to figure it out <<linkappend "sooner or later.">> There are people in my grade who I hear talking about what they want to major in, which seems weird since it's so far off and things can change, but even having an idea that could change seems better than having <<linkappend "no idea.">> <<linkappend "Right?">> Anxiety swirls in my stomach. I try not to look at Mars. I notice something growing from my sternum and can almost feel <<linkappend "Mars' gaze.">> I turn my head away as I stick my arm up my sweater to grab them, being careful to not get them all at once. When I take my hand out, I can see long, thin red petals- columbines. When I drop the petals and they land, <<cycle "$columbines">><<option "little crackles of electricity surround them." "electric">><<option "they turn into slime." "slime">><<option "they turn invisible." "invis">><</cycle>> [[I stare blankly at them for a moment, then look back up at Mars.]] <</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>>

<<if $columbines is "invis">>"Nice disappearing act," he remarks. I shrug. <<elseif $columbines is "slime">>"Gross. I dare you to touch it." I chuckle, still anxious. "Dude, no way!" <<else>>"I'm glad you dropped them first." I frown and look back at the petals. "Yeah, me too." <</if>> "So, why wasn't it mums again? I've been looking forward to getting out of here forever. It's like, the only hope I really have that things will get better." I avoid eye contact. I don't know what to tell him. His face twists in annoyance for a few seconds. "That's your deal, $nickname. I'll try a better one." I nod, hopeful that I'll do what <<linkappend "he wants.">><<fadein 2s>> "I got one," he announces after a whole ten minutes of concentrating. "Robin keeps trying to talk to me again. She's so fake. She pretends to be all nice to get people to like her just so she can make it hurt more. She'll act interested in what you say and ask you questions, but she doesn't actually care. <</fadein>><<linkappend "And she-\"">> "What did she ever do to you?" I look at him with concern. <<linkappend "He seems almost taken aback.">><<fadein 2s>> "Well- She-" he frowns. "When we were younger, she used to talk to me. A few years after I met you. And we were supposed to hang out, but she didn't show up and said she 'forgot', and then was busy every other time I asked, so I stopped asking." Couldn't she have actually forgotten and been busy? <</fadein>><<linkappend "It doesn't sound like her to lie.">><<fadein 2s>> "That doesn't matter. Since then, she always just kind of pretends it didn't happen. And she won't sell me cigarettes at her parent's bodega, which is stupid. She's just such a typical popular girl, with her perfect grades and perfect fashion. <</fadein>><<linkappend "Doesn't it just make you sick?\"">> <<fadein 2s>> Almost, but I don't think for the same reason. She makes me so nervous. She was the only person besides Mars who ever made any effort to talk to me, and I kind of regret not ever asking her to do something outside of school before all of this. I can see her perfect smile in my mind and the way her eyes would light up when you mentioned something she knew about or laughed at her jokes. I can hardly stand to be near her, she just seems so <<cycle "$robin">><<option "put together and calm">><<option "in control">><<option "perfect">><</cycle>>, I can't imagine what it'd be like if she ever got close to me, I think I'd die if she even brushed by me in the hall, even more so if she <</fadein>><<linkappend "even so much as touched my hand-">> <<linkappend "//Oh my god.//">> I looked down, and could see the top of my sweater bulging as flowers grew from my chest. [[Red roses.]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

I hold my mouth open, unsure of what to say. Mars stops dead in his tracks when he notices, staring at me with an unreadable expression. I speed up, getting some distance between Mars and I before I pull them out. <<linkappend "//Roses. Why does it have to be roses?//">> I'm so stupid. <<linkappend "I'm so //fucking stupid.//">> Mars is going to <<linkreplace "hate me.">>hate me, especially since it's Robin. If it was anyone else, it might have been fine, but not her.<</linkreplace>> I squeeze my eyes shut as tears form. I pray he doesn't say anything. We can just <<linkappend "pretend it isn't there.">> I reach down and pull them out, not even fazed by the sharp pain of thorns. <<linkappend "I want them gone.">> I drop them to my feet, which releases a warm wind that wicks all the dirt off of my clothes and hair. Everything feels warm and soft, like a <<linkappend "load of laundry fresh from the dryer.">> I hear footsteps behind me. I glance over my shoulder to see Mars continuing to walk in the direction we were going, not looking to see if I follow. I can't tell if he's mad or not, but I hurry after him anyway, <<linkappend "keeping a few feet behind.">> <<timed 1.5s>> [[It didn't happen if we don't say it out loud.]]<</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

Several hours pass. Neither of us say anything — what could we? I lag behind Mars by a few yards, using the time to <<linkappend "admire the scenery.">> More accurately, I'm staring blankly at the scenery to avoid acknowledging what happened while trying to figure out what my <<linkreplace "next move is.">>next move is, assuming Aunt Lisa lets us stay with her.<</linkreplace>> Do I get re-enrolled in school? What do I tell my parents? What happens if <<linkappend "they find me there?">> I want to be able to just roll with the punches, but I'm just not built like that. Not knowing what comes next makes me upset, I'm just not spontaneous. I don't want to have to guess, I want to be prepared to face whatever it is. Even if it's horrible, <<linkappend "I'd rather just know.">><<fadein 2s>> Eventually, I give up on trying to come up with a plan. There are too many factors, too many unknowns, I'd have to make six or seven depending on how things play out. <</fadein>><<linkappend "All I can do is wait.">> I feel something brush against my ears. <<linkappend "I pull at them.">><<fadein 2s>> Desert Candles, or Foxtail Lilies. I toss them into some shrubs, not willing to <</fadein>><<linkappend "deal with that right now.">><<fadein 2s>> After a few steps, I stop to look back at them. The bushes they landed on had turned to stone. Mars stops walking when he realizes I'm not following, and groans when he sees. My heart sinks. [["How about we stop for lunch soon?"]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

The brook we stopped by gurgles indignantly as we eat. Mars still has yet to say anything. "So... I'm really glad it's nice out today. I wouldn't want to have to walk <<linkappend "this far in the rain.\"">> <<timed 1.5s>> Nothing. <<linkappend "I try again.">> "And I'm excited to get to Seattle! I've never been to a big city before. We can go <<linkappend "explore it together!\"">> <<timed 1.5s>> Nothing still. He looks at me indifferently. Why must he be so $marsdemeanor? <<timed 3s>><<fadein 2s>> We sit in uncomfortable silence for a while. I finish my last two granola bars and wait for him to finish eating his two crushed sandwiches. [[Is he going to ignore me for the rest of the way there?]] <</fadein>><</timed>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>>

I don't have much time to think about it before the sound of a stick snapping shatters the silence. I look at Mars, who is staring back at me with wide eyes. <<timed 4s>> "...and I think Asperata would like my suggestions for the altar. We haven't updated it in some time, and she has yet to say anything. It just might be that we haven't gotten it right yet." <<linkappend "I tense at the name Asperata.">> Without a doubt, that was the group from back home. <<linkappend "How did they find us?">> Mars doesn't hesitate, he creeps back and sinks into the bushes. I survey the area and dive under a fallen tree that leans against a rock and shrubs, <<linkappend "almost completely obscured.">> I can hear them walking around for a while. The two of them stopped talking about anything important and instead wander around the area, heading in the same general direction we were going. One stops a bit downstream, <<linkappend "giving me a chance to get a look at her.">> She's in an open, flowing white robe over normal clothes. She wears a white mask in the shape of a cow that covers her entire face. I can't quite tell her age, somewhere in her 30s or 40s. She looks up and down the brook and complains to her friend about how long they'd been walking as he walks near her and tells her to shut up. He's tall, around the same age, and dressed similarly except for his mask being in the shape of a koala. He starts walking upstream, <<linkappend "directly">> <<linkappend "towards">> <<linkappend "me.">> <<timed 1.5s>> He stops right in <<linkappend "front of me.">> I can see the mud on his boots and the frayed edge of his robe inches from my face. <<linkappend "I hold my breath.">><<timed 3s>> "This is the low estimate of how far they'd gotten. Let's keep going, they're likely not too far ahead." <<linkappend "I watch them walk out of view.">> I stay there in the dirt for what feels like a very long time. I don't dare breathe too loud. I finally emerge, sighing as most of the tension leaves me and I brush off the dirt and grass stains that had stuck to me. <<timed 5s>> //[["There!"]]//<</timed>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

I bolt. I can't tell quite where the cry came from, but obviously not in the direction I could see, so I run that way. <<linkappend "There are no thoughts.">> <<linkappend "There is no consideration.">> There is only terror and adrenaline pulsing through my veins like a firehose, screaming and pounding at my insides to <<linkappend "//run.//">> I can feel branches and thorns whipping at my face and tearing at my clothes and my bag as I sprint past, grabbing like hands trying to force me to stay. It isn't even enough to slow me down. There is no response to pain, there is only <<linkappend "//panic//,">> <<linkappend "//instinct,//">> and <<linkappend "//away.//">> I have to get away, I cannot let them touch me, I cannot let them get close or <<linkappend "that will be my end.">> I have never ran so fast in my entire life. Surely my muscles must be screaming in pain at this, but I cannot feel them. There is only the instinct to run, the most animalistic part of my brain activating to recognize me as the prey animal I've become. There is only life some distance away from here and death some distance behind me. <<linkappend "I don't stop.">> I can hear them yelling after me, mere yards behind. They are close. They are much too close. I can feel my heart pounding like an earthquake, tremors running through my body <<linkappend "as I sprint.">> I barely feel the flowers growing from the back of my head and I am unable to acknowledge the little that I can. I have no idea what they even are, but the momentum and the wind whipping through my hair blows the petals off their stems, and I hear screams behind me. The sound of their footsteps immediately stops. I don't. I shoot them a glance and see one keeled over, consumed by purple fire as the other tries to put it out. <<linkappend "I keep running.">> Their voices calling after me grow weaker and weaker. The sound of them running through leaves and bushes is replaced by only my thundering footsteps as I duck and weave through the trees. <<linkappend "I cannot stop running.">> <<linkappend "I cannot stop moving.">> <<linkappend "To stand still is to die.">> My body is giving out. I haven't heard them for some time. It has been well over twenty minutes from my estimates. I have no idea where I am. <<linkappend "I have no choice.">> <<fadein 2s>> I slow down and finally come to a stop. Every part of the forest looks like every other, so there isn't any way to tell how far I'd gotten. I take a few final steps, lethargic and pained, to a rock formation and collapse on the ground when I am sure I am obscured. [[I just hope it's far enough.]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

It takes several minutes for my breath and my ability to think to return. <<timed 2s>> <<linkappend "//What the fuck?//">> I run through the options. If they sent people this way, that means they went to my house and I wasn't there. They probably went to Mars' too, that's the first place I'd look. But why not call the police to come get me? Wouldn't it be easier to file for missing persons? <<timed 5s>> I have no idea. I guess it does make sense that they would look for me out here, if they looked all over town. The only quick way out of the area without a car is by train, and this is the shortest way to the nearest train station. <<linkappend "They might be waiting for us there.">> I briefly consider trying to go somewhere else to throw them off. Then I remember that I just ate the last of my food, so either way I need to stop in a town soon. Mars probably is out too... <<timed 5s>><<linkappend "//Mars!//">> I didn't see him run, so he must have still been hiding. He must be freaking out right now, I have to find him. I take out my phone and turn it on. The artificial light seems unnaturally bright after not looking at it for so long. As I'm met with my home screen, I watch it connect to the network. Full service. <<linkappend "I wait for a few seconds.">><<timed 2s>> No new calls or messages. My parents must still be asleep. My heart sinks. It could be something much worse. There's nothing I can do about it now, but... <<linkappend "I hope they're okay.">><<fadein 2s>> 'Send pic of you alone if you're okay,' I text him. I stare at my screen for several minutes, waiting for a response.<</fadein>> <<timed 4s>> A video downloads. <<fadein 2s>>It's him alone, somewhere not by the brook. He flashes a peace sign and spins the phone around to prove there's no one around. I breathe a sigh of relief, and click the [["Share Location" button.]]<</fadein>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

I have some time to myself before Mars gets here. I shut off my phone and lean back, then remember the flowers that grew before. I reach back and feel around through my hair and manage to find a couple stems left. With the flowers in view, I frown. //Wolfsbane?// <<linkappend "I drop it immediately.">> It bursts into purple flames. I frantically wipe my hand off on one of the rocks. Maybe since I grew it, it'll... be okay? They're super poisonous, but I can't remember if it can go through the skin. <<linkappend "Oh god.">><<fadein 2s>> //Winnie, calm down for once. You can't do anything about it. Why would your body grow something you can't touch?// I stare up at the early afternoon clouds. They feel so close out here, maybe because everything else feels <</fadein>><<linkappend "so far away.">> <<linkappend "I really did light that man on fire, huh?">> I mean, I didn't mean to, I didn't //try// to light him on fire, <<linkappend "but...">> it almost feels kind of... <<cycle "$fire" autoselect>><<option "reassuring">><<option "nice">><<option "strange">><</cycle>> to be able to defend myself. I would never try to hurt someone like that, but it //was// <<linkappend "self defense.">> I hope that doesn't make me a bad person. They were trying to kidnap me, and if I had a way to just like... throw a net on them and slow them down, I totally would. My curse isn't easy to control, but this was <<linkappend "still a win, I think.">> Lilac petals lean over my eyes and cover my vision. I frown and pull the flowers from my forehead- pansies. They shiver in my hand and crystallize as a sweet smell wafts around. I squint and sniff, then take a cautious bite. Then a few less cautious ones. Rock candy! <<timed 7s>> "$nickname?" I peer around the rock to see Mars. He looks fine, I don't know why I expected him to not be, but I'm still surprised. I clamber out of the rock formation, pulling my bag behind me. "Yeah! I'm okay. Holy shit. Did they chase you at all?" <<linkappend "He shakes his head virgorously.">> "I know. Holy shit. They never even found me, but I'm glad you're okay." He shoves his hands in his hoodie pockets. "Me too. I don't know if it was just that I got out before you did or- or if they can track me or something." Mars frowns. [["Well, I sure hope not."]]<</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

"I dunno. I think they would have gotten me already if they could. I'm really just kind of-" I look around. "I don't know. I'm kind of worried that- maybe we should go back?" <<timed 1.5s>> <<linkappend "Mars stares at me blankly.">> "Why? That's going to be worse. You can try telling like, the cops you're in danger, what are they going to do? When have those idiots ever been helpful?" I shrug. "I mean, I guess? I just don't like putting you in danger. <<linkappend "Those guys could have really hurt you if they got you.\"">> He rolls his eyes and pulls out his phone. "Yeah right. They probably just want you." He pauses and taps at the screen. "Also," he glares up at me with a piercing gaze, "I can take care of myself. You don't have to worry about my [[well-being.]]"<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

The rest of the afternoon is rather quiet. Mars keeps staring at the compass app on his phone. I keep swivelling my head around to check for anything out of the ordinary. Knowing that they're looking for me is really doing something to my nerves, I can't seem to unclench my jaw and I can feel my heartbeat as I walk. I keep looking to Mars for reassurance, but it just isn't there. I figure that he's just moody, since he said earlier that he wants to be here, but his silence still hurts. I stop bothering to try and start a conversation. It's sure to be better once we can stop walking and have a real meal. <<timed 7s>><<fadein 2s>> As the hours trudge by, I can't help but think about... [[the Future.]] [[who I am anymore.]] [[if I'm really enough.]] <</fadein>><</timed>>

<<timed 2s>><<fadein 2s>>It hurts to think about. The reality of the situation has finally permeated my dense skull. Aunt Lisa is probably going to call my parents once we get there, and this all would have been for nothing. Or even if she agrees to not tell them, my parents are going to come looking for us. Mars' mom probably will too, even if she's never around she's going to eventually come home and see he's not there.<</fadein>> <<linkappend "Even that is all assuming those people I saw don't get me first.">><<fadein 2s>> Even in the best case scenario, I still don't know what'll become of me. Say that we make it to Seattle, Aunt Lisa doesn't tell my parents, and the police don't think to look for us there. Say they don't figure out where we've gone and we get re-enrolled in school somehow. What then? <</fadein>><<linkappend "I just wait out the curse?">><<fadein 2s>> I just... go about life like it's not happening? That I didn't run away from home because I have things in my body that I don't understand? I still don't know what I want to do with myself, and all of this is really limiting my options. Even though I have a few more years to figure it out, it's really starting to weigh on me, I just wish I had more [[time. |arrival]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>> <</timed>>

<<timed 2s>><<fadein 2s>><<linkappend "I barely know who I am anymore.">> <<linkappend "I don't know if I ever did.">> This morning still hangs over me like a swinging chandelier hanging on by a thread, waiting to come crashing down. <<linkappend "I know.">> <<linkappend "I know.">> Robin is- she's just- <<linkappend "she means something to me.">> I don't think she feels the same way <<linkappend "about me.">> Why would she? We barely talk.<</linkappend>> It feels almost gross to think about her like that, like I'm doing something wrong, even though I've never thought of anything... like that to be wrong before. It just feels wrong for me to do it, even though it seems so natural. I guess I never really thought about it that much beforehand.<<timed 5s>> <<linkappend "It seems so obvious in hindsight.">> I can't ever bring this up with Mars again. He doesn't want to hear about it and I don't want to talk about it. We can just deal with it <<linkappend "later on when it matters.">> Even aside from... <<linkappend "all of that,">> as hard as that is to think about it,<</linkappend>> I just feel like I don't know anything about myself besides the fact that I have a curse. I know it's hard to put words to your own personality, but it just feels <<cycle "$whoiam" autoselect>><<option "impossible">><<option "pointless">><<option "hopeless to try">><</cycle>> for me. I like things, but that's not the same as having an identity. I don't think people perceive me as having any sort of personality besides being quiet either. <<linkappend "I'm just sort of...">> blank, and I don't know if it's ever going to get filled with anything.<<timed 2s>> [[Hours trudge by. I don't feel any more real than I did before.|arrival]]<</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</fadein>><</timed>>

<<timed 2s>><<fadein 2s>> I can't help but steal looks at Mars every now and then. He's looking ahead without expression, but his eyes give the impression that he's working through something in his head. At least... I think so. <<linkappend "I'm not really sure anymore.">> I don't know if this gap has always been there or if this is something new. Mars has never been anything but nice to me, and I just kind of... let things go, I guess. I have no idea who he is anymore, I really did fuck up my only friendship. <<linkappend "That's really just...">> <<linkappend "spectacular.">> <<linkappend "I wish I was enough for him.">> <<linkappend "I wish I was enough for other people too, but that feels like a big ask.">> I just keep getting so caught up in my own bullshit I can't see other people right in front of me anymore. <<linkappend "//God.//">> I'm terrible for making him come with me when I'm not even a good friend under normal circumstances. He's been ripped from his old life, for what? For a chance at being collateral damage? <<timed 5s>> [[It hurts. It doesn't stop hurting. |arrival]]<</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</fadein>><</timed>>

<<linkappend "\"Are you okay?\"">> "Huh?" I blink. Mars frowns. <<timed 1.5s>><<fadein 2s>> "I said, are you okay? You've been staring off with this really serious look on your face for a while now." <</fadein>><<linkappend "I dig in my pocket for my fidget cube.">> "Yeah it's- it's fine. Don't worry about it." He shrugs. A heavy silence fills the air. "Do you like me Winnie? <<linkappend "Like, do you like being my friend?\"">> I'm so taken aback, I'm unsure how to answer for a second.<<timed 2s>><<fadein 2s>> "Yeah, I- of course. You're my best friend." I smile, but it feels almost disingenuous, so I drop it. <</fadein>><<linkappend "\"I just don't think I get you anymore.\"">> He stares at me. I can feel the gears in his mind turning. "What do you mean?" "Well, I just don't... <<linkappend "understand you?">> I guess.<</linkappend>> I feel like I don't know you <<linkappend "that well.\"">> <<fadein 2s>> He stays quiet for a minute before turning back to look at me. "I understand you perfectly. You're not very complicated." I feel my face twist a little as I try to determine whether or not that's an insult. "You're easy to figure out. I'm just more complex." <</fadein>><<timed 5s>> <<linkappend "\"Maybe you are.\"">> <<fadein 2s>> "Whatever. Anyway, I think we'll both calm down once we get on the train. Not that much farther to Stockwick, right?" [["Not much farther at all."]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>>

The first sign of Stockwick is a hiking path. The orange trail markers glisten in the evening sun. We follow the trail, dirty and exhausted, until we <<cycle "$arriving" autoselect>><<option "reach">><<option "get to">><<option "stumble into">><</cycle>> a parking lot. I've never been so thankful to see a road in <<linkappend "my entire life.">><<fadein 2s>> I collapse onto the rotting fence keeping the cars from driving onto the grass and take out my water bottle. Mars leans against a car to do the same. We sit there in silence for ten minutes before I finally think to say something. "We actually made it!" Mars looks at me, bewildered. "Yeah. I- I kind of can't <</fadein>><<linkappend"believe we did.\"">><<fadein 2s>> I nod. "Me too." My water finished, I shove the empty container back in the duffel and look around. "I am so hungry. Do you mind if we stop before we get to the train station?" Mars finishes chugging his bottle. "If you didn't ask I was going to make you." I smile. "Perfect. [[Let's get out of here.]]" <</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

Downtown Stockwick isn't that far of a walk, especially not since we cut through a park. Everything on my mind before has been suppressed for the moment, as the overwhelming exhaustion and relief of making it have numbed me to anything else. The area is filled with little local shops and some chains lined up along the streets, people milling about. <<linkappend "No one notices two kids walking through.">> <<fadein 2s>> We stop at a convenience store that's on the way to the train station. The lukewarm hotdogs on rollers have never seemed so appetizing, but I leave Mars to stock up on drinks and snacks for the ride while he tries to decide on what pre-wrapped sandwiches are the least likely to give us food poisoning. As I browse the colorful bags of chips,<</fadein>> <<linkappend "something moves in my peripheral.">><<fadein 2s>> I look over to see a tall man with a badly kept beard down the aisle look away when I turn. There's a moment of unease before I realize that a kid with a duffel bag has some connotations, so he probably thinks I'm going to a sleepover or <<linkappend "running away.">> I mean, I am doing the second one, so I can't blame him.<</linkappend>> I move down the aisle and around the corner to grab some candy. While I slide a few bags off the hooks,<</fadein>> <<linkappend "I get a feeling of being watched.">><<fadein 2s>> I turn in the opposite direction and glance at a sunglasses display with a built-in mirror, in which I can see a semi-distorted picture of the man staring at me again from down the aisle. Coincidence most likely, but the <</fadein>><<linkappend "dread creeps back.">> <<fadein 2s>> I move several aisles away to the fridges and grab a couple of bottles, just to get some distance. I feel myself holding my breath as I pretend to browse more. Sure enough, he appears down the aisle again. I look over at him, confused. He's looking at some bags of ice, but glances up at me with a blank expression when I turn. I pace away from him over to Mars, who is holding about six different sandwiches. "You got money, right? I have like, twenty bucks." //"Mars!"// I hiss. "Some guy is following me." He gets on his tiptoes to <</fadein>><<linkappend "peer over the shelves.">> "Him?" <<linkappend "I look over my shoulder.">> <<fadein 2s>>He's out of sight for the moment. "There is only one other person in here, that's a dumb question," he answers himself. He grabs my shoulder and locks eyes. "Let's get out of here. Pay first." We wander to the counter and dump our stuff. <</fadein>><<linkappend "The cashier gives us an odd look, but doesn't ask questions.">><<fadein 2s>> I count out my change carefully, making sure we have enough for train tickets. I glance over my shoulder as we walk out, Mars walking shoulder to shoulder with me, and see the man at the counter, staring at me and saying something to the cashier. The ding of the automatic doors goes off as [[they shut behind us.]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

"I'm just saying he was acting shady. What if he saw a missing persons' report for us?" I bite my lip and readjust my hold on the plastic bags. "Or even if he wasn't, what if he's some creepy dude who wants to sell us drugs or something?" Mars flicks on a bic lighter and <<linkappend "stares at the flame as he walks.">><<fadein 2s>> "Drug dealers don't approach random teens. Not out here anyway. He's probably just a weird old dude." The flame goes out and he flicks it a few more times. "Maybe you look like his dead daughter or something." I roll my eyes. "Will you cut that out?" <</fadein>><<linkappend "\"What?\"">><<fadein 2s>> "The lighter. You shouldn't have stolen it anyway." He shrugs. "I'm fighting corporate America. They're not going to miss it." I sigh as loud as I can to express my disapproval. He chuckles.<</fadein>> <<linkappend "I can't help but grin.">><<fadein 2s>> For a moment, everything felt... normal. Maybe the woods are just weird. We walked a long way and this is a bad situation, we were just tense. Mars is my best friend, and I don't think my opinion of him could change so quickly. We step up onto the empty train platform just as the sun goes down. The dirty light posts cast long shadows over the concrete as we step into the concrete shelter and I go to the ticket machine. Relief washes over me as the ticket prints, the train to freedom only twenty minutes away. "You're lucky I had an extra ten dollars, otherwise you wouldn't have enough for a ti-"<</fadein>> <<timed 6s>>I freeze as two heavy hands fall on my shoulders, squeezing tightly. <<linkappend "I hold my breath.">> "Glad we found you. Your parents are worried sick." I look to my left to see the man from the store staring at me, a calm smile on his face. "Oh yes, you need to get home immediately." I recognize the voice and whip my head around to see a man in a tapir mask. <<linkappend "I don't need to see his face to recognize the voice as belonging to Mr. Floyd.">> "No, no no no," I breathe, tensing up. I stare blankly at the ground for a second before thrashing to get out. "Let //GO,// you creeps! HELP! Mars!" I'm screaming at the top of my lungs, but it's not enough for anyone to hear. The two men try to grab my stomach and my bag, but I wiggle out and fall to the ground. I scurry back, trying to get to my feet, and look around to look for someone, <<linkappend "//anyone.//">> Instead, I see Mars standing on top of a trash can, using his pocket knife to pry open a security camera. "Mars!", I call, but he ignores me and slices through a few wires. He removes something from it as the realization hits me. "Mars?" <<linkappend "My voice cracks.">> He hops off the trash can and glances at me with an emotionless face before walking off as the man from the store presses my shoulders to the ground and my masked teacher holds a damp cloth to my face. I try to hold my breath, but it's only a matter of minutes before my [[vision goes dark. |Enter Act 3]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

When light penetrates the inescapable darkness you succumbed to, it is not beautiful. It is necessary. <<timed 4s>>Passion is not substance.<</timed>> <<timed 6s>>Hope is a privilege.<</timed>> <<timed 9s>> I am ever-changing. I am ever-growing. I am ethereal. I am all-knowing. I am everything you wish you could be but never are.<</timed>> <<timed 13s>> And I watch. Helpless. Hopeless. Alone.<</timed>> <<timed 16s>>[[Won't you join me?]]<</timed>>

"Mars?" <<linkappend "I look up.">> A tall man in a zebra mask looks at me. "Put your mask on. Noble is about to speak." <<linkappend "I look down at the mask in my hands.">><<fadein 2s>> <<linkappend "White,">> like everyone else's, <</linkappend>>with black geometric details. The long ears are stiff and pointed. The mask of the hare stares back at me. I put it on before it can get a good look. <</fadein>> <<linkappend "I wait in the crowded room with everyone else.">> My peers. My friends. My family. <<timed 2s>><<fadein 2s>> Noble comes out to the plain platform after a few minutes of the group chattering. The room grows quiet. A room of people in white masks and robes, all looking expectantly up at one man in similar attire. He looks out at everyone through the eye holes in his <</fadein>><<linkappend "lion mask.">><<fadein 2s>> "My dear, dear friends," he begins. "There is so much to be grateful for. We are grateful for good health, for good company, and for good times. We are grateful for a beautiful night, beautiful song, and more recently, beautiful blossoms. For you see," <</fadein>><<linkappend "his gaze passes over the crowd.">> <<fadein 2s>>"We have finally, for the first time since our organization's beginning, gotten not only a definite sign from our dear Asperata, but a way to contact her directly." <<linkappend "The crowd breaks into applause.">> The claps echo around the room.<</linkappend>> "We have found a source of real //power.// A girl blessed with the gift of nature from Asperata! It's no surprise she was so close by, from <</fadein>><<linkappend "our very own town.">><<fadein 2s>> "And now, with her here with us, we can truly begin our efforts to contact Asperata so she may release her beautiful gifts upon this world. Our bountiful goddess may reign once more, bestowing her treasures and wonder on all who deserve it, giving those truly great the power to defend that which they love. There will be no more war, there will be no more corruption, there will be no more suffering. Those who have felt pain at the hands of the systems which govern us shall rise up and begin the world anew with the blessing of our goddess. <</fadein>><<linkappend "We will truly be free.">><<fadein 2s>> "The hard part is just now beginning. I beg of you, be patient. There is much to learn about these strange wonders, and we have a long way to go before we can harness it. But I swear, in our lifetimes, we //will// possess it." He pauses, and I can feel him smile. "But for tonight, we have much to celebrate. You have all done so well in this grand work, implore you to enjoy yourselves. Please, please, eat and be merry!" The crowd erupts into cheers once more. <</fadein>> <<timed 8s>> I stay still, staring up at him. Noble waves to the crowd and leaves for his study. <<timed 3s>> [[I don't move.]]<</timed>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

My gaze doesn't move from the spot where he had been for a long time. I can feel people moving around me, the others going about the small celebration that had been set up. <<linkappend "And I cannot stop staring.">> Wasn't this supposed to feel good? Wasn't this supposed to be <<linkappend "what I wanted?">> He didn't even mention me. Not even after I trudged miles through the woods for him. Not even after I helped him get away with it. Not even after I came back victorious. <<timed 4s>> <<linkappend "//I did everything right, why hasn't he said anything?//">> I start walking around without aim. I feel hollow. I can't figure out where I want to go. <<linkappend "I don't know what I want.">> "That girl Winnie used to come over to my house to play with Mars all the time! If I had known she had these blessings, I would have done something sooner!" I look up to see my mom in her camel mask talking to someone in a goat mask. "Hey mom, it's good to see you again." She looks back at me and waves before <<linkappend "turning back to her friend.">> "I mean really, did it just not show up until later? I surely would have noticed!" <<linkappend "I stand next to her.">> "She said she doesn't know when it started. She told me on the hike to Stockwick... which I was with her for?" I look expectantly between the two of them. The goat mask nods. My mother keeps talking without acknowledgement. "I think this is the dawn of a <<linkappend "wonderful new era.">> I just can't wait to see how it turns out! She's always been so polite and quiet, I think she won't be that hard to get on our side." I glare at her. I can feel anger bubbling in my stomach. "And I got her here. If she didn't trust me, she would have run off on her own and we'd never see her again." My mother waves dismissively. "Yes yes. I know. But what matters now is that we can start studying-" [[I don't stay to hear her finish.]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

I lean against a wall and slide down. I can only stare straight ahead past my knees as everything tightens. //Is no one going to give me my fucking credit? <<linkappend "Is it so hard to just say thank you?//">> I can feel myself tremble. I try to still myself. I can feel my face getting warm as fury pumps through my veins, thank Asperata the mask covers it. After everything I did, they're all //still// ignoring me. <<linkappend "What's so fucking great about Winnie?">> Who cares if she has gifts.<</linkappend>> There has got to be <<cycle "$angstyy" autoselect>><<option "other">><<option "easier">><<option "better">><</cycle>> ways to talk to Asperata. I did everything they asked, I listened to her stupid stories and let her talk about her stupid feelings and got her right to them, and no one even cares. My stupid mom won't even look at me. <<linkappend "I softly groan.">> However long ago, in this room, someone said there might be signs of Asperata's presence in the world, if she was still out there. Murmurs broke through the group. My mother stood up and volunteered to look for it. I looked up at her like she was my <<linkappend "saviour.">> Last night, everyone crowded around the center of the room. I was on speakerphone, but they all ignored me once I sent my location. They discussed how they were going to grab her and how to not look suspicious. I said to wait for the train station, they didn't listen. A few minutes later, someone said the same thing, which they all <<linkappend "agreed to.">> An hour ago, a woman in a sheep mask handed me my mask. She started to walk away before I spoke up to ask about the ceremony. She said that they weren't doing one since they had so much to do tonight. I'd get my ceremony later, but they didn't want me hanging around without one. I felt your heart sink, and it still hasn't come out of that hole. I have never the first choice. [[I don't know why I expected different this time.]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

I ball my fists up and resist the urge to punch something. I don't want to make a scene, yet the anger burns inside me like fire and I want it //out,// but I can't even get that small respite. I study the crowd. <<linkappend "Not a single person here cares about me.">> It feels like a crime to want like this. To want people to thank me. To acknowledge me. To maybe even just... <<linkappend "accept me as one of them.">> <<linkappend "To tell me I matter to them.">> <<linkappend "To tell me they love me.">> A lump forms in my throat as I stare at the worn wood floor. It doesn't stop hurting. [[It never stopped hurting.]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

The little bits I did have are gone. It feels like they were never <<linkreplace "even mine.">>even mine. It hurts. It doesn't stop hurting. <<fadein 4s>> Sitting alone last night after the call, whittling branches into points without purpose with my knife, jealousy fueling every stroke of the blade. Why did it have to be Winnie? She doesn't even want it. If I had her gift, then I'd be able to control it. I could get people to care. They'd all watch when I grew dumb flowers and made little <</fadein>><<linkreplace "parlor tricks.">>parlor tricks. <<fadein 4s>> So many times I was just sitting by myself at school. No one wanted to talk to me, I wasn't cool enough or nice enough or whatever for them. They thought I was a miserable sack of <<linkappend "teen angst.">> Maybe they're right.<</linkappend>> And Winnie would be there sometimes, with her dumb tangents and her "It'll work out this time!" and her stupid hands always fidgeting. Then she'd just get up and leave me vulnerable and alone out of nowhere to deal with her stupid flowers. But she never even explained why before dragging me into the woods. I just thought that she'd rather do anything else than talk to me. I thought she hated me. <</fadein>><<linkreplace "Maybe she did.">>Maybe she did.<<fadein 4s>> All those nights alone on the couch. The only light on is the TV, which casts a dim light over the whole room. The last three nights' tv dinners littered the coffee table. I would just stare at the tv for hours on end watching the dumbest crap cable had to offer. Happy families going through little misadventures that resolved in twenty-two minutes. Cartoons for kids where no one has any real problems, wrapped up in eleven. It's never <</fadein>><<linkreplace "that easy.">>that easy. I've always been afraid of <<linkappend "being alone.">> I don't know why having nothing but my own thoughts feels <<linkappend "so miserable.">> I just can't stand the idea that not a single person in the world can't put up with me for that long, no matter <<linkappend "what I do.">> I'm not someone people can like. I'm just a piece of shit who's destined to be forgotten about forever. <<fadein 8s>>[[It will never stop hurting.|It never will stop hurting.]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>><</linkreplace>>

<<timed 2s>><<fadein 2s>>I slam against the locked door for what felt like hours. On occasion I can hear footsteps moving hurriedly outside, prompting me to <<linkappend "wail for help,">> but they never so much as slow down.<</linkappend>> I pound my fist against the door one last time and sink down before leaning back until I meet the floor. I push off the door and lay on the filthy floor, <</fadein>><<linkappend "staring at the ceiling.">> This is it. My only friend in the world betrayed me, and now I'm locked away until they <<linkappend "decide I'm useful.">> I won't get to see <<linkappend "my parents again,">> or <<linkappend "my school,">> or <<linkappend "anyone in it.">> Who knows if the police will ever find this place. For all I know, I could be in the middle of the desert, far away from all human civilization. It wouldn't matter, it's going to be all the same, since I assume they're never letting me outside ever again. <<timed 5s>><<fadein 2s>> It doesn't take long for the tears to come. They start slow and warm at first, but as the gravity of my reality sinks in, they grow faster and hotter. I squeeze my eyes shut to get them out, longing for <</fadein>><<linkappend "anywhere that isn't here.">> Yet when I open my eyes, <<linkappend "I'm met with near-darkness.">> It hurts when I try to blink. I feel at my face and am met with the softness of petals. It take a few seconds to register that whatever they are is growing from my //eyes.// I brace myself and very carefully grab the stems of most of them at the base and <<linkappend "yank as quick as I can.">> A few seconds of white-hot pain overtakes my face. Everything is incredibly bright, then all black. I scream. Something molten has spread around my eyes, <<linkappend "filling in all the crevices.">> The pain stops as soon as it started. The memory that I even was in pain feels fuzzy. I can't tell if it had been <<linkappend "my imagination or not.">> I look around. I can see the room I was in before, but everything is much darker and glowing different shades of [[red.]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

I wish you would just say something to me Winnie. Something kind. <<timed 3s>>They say kind words to me, but it's all hollow. They just want to use me. They perform these acts in hopes of getting something out of it.<</timed>> <<timed 7s>>I don't think I understand you though. Can you explain yourself to me?<</timed>> <<timed 10s>>Winnie, look over here. Look- I'm waving. Stop touching your face. The gold shouldn't hurt anymore. Please, [[listen to me.]]<</timed>>

<<linkappend "I finally see her.">> <<fadein 2s>> A woman with red skin and solid gold eyes, with dark antlers emerging from her and a small set of bird wings coming from the back of her head. Near-black curled hair nearly as long as she was tall fell over her shoulders. A long tail has wrapped itself loosely around one of her legs. I would have thought her a demon if she didn't look at me so softly. The vision of her was almost blurred at the edges, like she wasn't really there. I had seen her before, I knew that. <</fadein>><<linkappend "In a dream, maybe?">><<fadein 2s>> She smiles at me with a tenderness that feels so foregin to my current situation. "That's better." Her voice is sticky and sweet like candy, but not sickening. I had heard it before in song, but not <</fadein>><<linkappend "talking to me.">> <<fadein 2s>> "Asperata?" I ask. She nods. I had thought that in this moment, a million questions and feelings would bubble up and froth in me, but nothing came to mind. I can only stare at her in bewilderment for some time before I finally have something. It escapes my mouth like it's fleeing my brain.<</fadein>> <<linkappend "\"Why?\"">> <<fadein 2s>> She looks sheepish. "Why am I cursed, why can't you stop these people, why can't I figure out how to stop it?", I beg. She curls up into a ball, hugging her knees close to her chest and avoids eye contact. I move closer and she flinches. <</fadein>> <<linkappend "She looks up at me with wide eyes.">><<fadein 2s>> She's almost pathetic like this, cowering from a fourteen year old girl. She slides backwards and hesitates before opening her mouth. "[[I was asleep- dormant, you'd call it- for a very long time.]]"<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

"I wasn't supposed to wake up, not for a very, //very// long time. But one day, this man came across the pebble I was inside and he picked me up. <<linkappend "He said it was lucky.">> And he took me home and put me in some clay as decoration, then put that clay in the kiln and fired it. I woke up of course, and rushed out of the pebble thinking this was when I was supposed to wake up, since I was going to get up when the world gets really, really hot. And I got out of there and stood in his house as he stared at me before I realized what happened and made myself invisible. "He put a name to me- <<linkappend "'Asperata'.">> It's a funny word, right?<</linkappend>> And I thought he was going to just forget about me and move on, <<linkappend "but he didn't.">><<fadein 2s>> He kept talking to me, asking me all these questions, showering me with praise. And he wore me down, so I answered him for a bit. But he got so... obsessed with this idea of wonders and spirits, he let it consume him. He started telling other people about me, so I <</fadein>><<linkappend "stopped answering him.">><<fadein 2s>> "I tried to find a way to go back to sleep. I wanted to just forget about all of this and move on, but I couldn't find a way. I was completely alone, everyone like me would be sleeping for a very, very long time." <</fadein>><<linkappend "She looks up at me and gives a half-smile.">> "I should say 'am' completely alone, huh? It hasn't stopped. But," <<linkappend "she pauses to look up at the ceiling.">><<fadein 2s>> "That man made a group around me, and all of his people keep hounding me with questions and prayers and requests for signs of my presence. It really doesn't make sense to me, I don't even<</fadein>> <<linkappend "pretend to understand the world.">><<fadein 2s>> I didn't ask to be woken up, or to be spoken to this way, or even to talk to this man. And whenever confronted with these things I don't know about, I would run away. I would stay invisible and go far into a forest or the hills and sit pitying myself and wishing I knew how to stop it." She looks at me and blinks a few times.<</fadein>> <<linkappend "\"You know?\"">> I break out of the momentary thrall she has over me.<<timed 1.5s>><<fadein 2s>> "Yeah, I- I guess I do." I try to digest her words. "I don't know if that helps me, though." She smiles. "[[I know what will.]]"<</fadein>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

"I've had a lot of time to myself to deal with all this. And I only can deal with it because I let myself confront the unknown and accept that I just can't know some things. Stuff happens without a reason, without any of our input all the time. The world is strange and- and wild, and unreasonable. <<linkappend "We can't control most of the things that happen to us.\"">><<fadein 2s>> She looks at me and tilts her head, her dark waves passing over each other towards her side. "I found peace in knowing that I can control how I react to these things and what I do. I realized that I don't have to fully understand things to let them go, let them happen. I never will know everything, certainly not what's going to happen or why horrible things do happen. But if I let myself not know and I just control what I can, eventually I can know a little more and come out the better for it. <</fadein>><<linkappend "Does that make sense?\"">> <<linkappend "It does.">> Asperata didn't <<linkappend "curse me.">><<fadein 2s>> She's a victim of Noble, just like I am, and she has to deal with not knowing things, like not knowing if she's enough, who she is, or what will become of her. And even though she's stuck in this position, she's fighting back how she can, by not answering them. She can control her own destiny that way, and maybe... <</fadein>><<linkappend "I can too?">> "I want to get out of here. And also stop being cursed." <<linkappend "Asperata smiles.">><<fadein 2s>> "I can help with one of those things!" She's suddenly closer to me, but not any less blurry. "I wish you luck Winnie. I hope you understand more soon." She slowly draws her hand across my face and over my eyes. Everything is dark for a moment before [[my vision returns good as new.]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

I sit up. A handful of marigolds lay scattered by my feet, some <<linkappend "molten gold leaking from one still.">> My hands go to my face, feeling for any metal and finding none. I grab the marigolds, being careful as I grasp them and walk to the door. I wring the marigolds over the handle, the molten gold melting straight through the handle and the locking mechanism. <<linkappend "I kick open the door.">> The door slams into the person standing outside it, who presumably stood up to figure out what the noise was. He stumbles forward, trying not to <<linkappend "fall over.">> In an adrenaline-fueled haze, I pick up the wooden chair he probably was sitting on before I got out and smash him over the head with it. <<linkappend "He falls to the ground.">> I think he's still breathing, but he isn't getting up. Hopefully he stays out <<linkappend "for a while.">> I can hear hurried footsteps coming down a hallway. I brace myself, and swing again with <<linkappend "all my might.">> The chair splinters against the approaching man's ribs, and he cries out in pain. He grabs at the air where I was as I duck out of the way and kick his ankles, sweeping his feet out from under him. He hits the ground //hard//, giving me enough time to hit him with the remainder of the chair. <<linkappend "He doesn't get up.">> I stop and stare at the two bodies for a minute, panting. They're still breathing. I think they're both breathing. //Fuck,// is all I can think. <<linkappend "//It's fine.//">> <<fadein 2s>> [[I just need to get out of here.]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

<<timed 2s>><<fadein 2s>>I stare at that spot on the floor for what feels like a long time. People move around me but don't acknowledge my form slumped up against a wall.<</fadein>> <<linkappend "Why would they? I'm just some kid.">> Maybe there's still a way to get the <<linkappend "recognition I desire.">> Maybe I just didn't do things quite right, maybe I just didn't go as <<linkappend "far as I needed.">> Maybe they don't know what they want until <<linkappend "I show them.">> I could have just gotten Winnie here sooner, I'm a fool for letting it get as far as it did. I can be what they want me to if I just focus everything on that. I know Winnie better than everyone. I can figure out her powers and <<linkappend "get them for myself.">> They'll have to listen to me then, when I use it and become the best at it out of anyone. I can be better than even Noble. I'll show them all then, I'll show them all that I <<linkappend "deserve their praise.">> I can deserve their love, I just have to work harder. I stand up. I have to go find Winnie. She obviously won't trust me anymore, but I don't have to pretend to like her. <<linkappend "A part of me turns at that thought.">> I used to like her. She was a good friend for a while, but people change. She's not the only one who did. <<timed 3s>><<fadein 2s>> I leave the room and head to the east stairs. The building isn't huge, but it will take a minute to get down there with all the people I have to push through. I'll show them. [[I'll show them all.]]<</fadein>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

<<timed 3s>><<fadein 2s>> I head up a set of stairs. The sign on them marks this as the west staircase. My grip on the chair leg tightens as I peer around the corner and see someone in white robes standing in the hallway against a wall, looking at her phone.<</fadein>> <<linkappend "I barely hesitate.">> In one swift motion, I go up to her and swing. She's caught off guard and hits the ground. I don't check to see if she's still moving, <<linkappend "I don't have the time.">> Buds are sprouting from my shoulders through the tears in my sweater and blooming into wide yellow and red flowers— Nasturtium, I think. I don't know what they do, yet I have no choice but to put trust that I will get what I need, so I pull them and throw them into the [[nearest doorway.]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

Standing in the middle of it, staring at me is a man with a lion mask in the same style as the others. I can just barely see his eyes, and they glint with something menacing. <<timed 3s>>He grabs something on the table and clicks it, making it expand into a bo staff. I try to back out of there, <<linkappend "but it's too late.">> Faster than I can react, he's practically on top of me, pinning me against the bookshelf with his staff. "Asperata, it's been so long. Why are you trying to leave?", he whispers, eyes narrowing. "You can't run away from me forever. You haven't left my mind since the second I saw you. And look at everything I built for you! We're few in number now, but soon enough we will be many and you can have your way with the world. Everything that once was yours will be in your control again." He tilts his head as I cower, my <<linkappend "breath catching in my throat.">> "Asperata, I worship you. You must listen to me. I know you want to talk to me again, you have sent me this gift. A spark of strangeness in this world to prove you're still there, how sweet." He moves closer to me to inspect me. I press my cheek to the books. "How sickeningly sweet." "I can't talk to her," <<linkappend "I assert.">> "I didn't know who she is. I don't know why all of this is happening to me." I try to stand my ground despite the terror gripping my heart. "I don't know how to control it or make it happen. It just does. I don't-" <<linkappend "I swallow as he inspects me.">> "I don't think Asperata has anything to do with it. I think it just //is.//" "How disappointing. I dream of strange wonders. It permeates my every waking thought. More than anything, I want to bring the unexplained back to the world. Is that so wrong?" He pauses to lean back and look out the doorway for a second, finally processing what's out there. His staff presses forcefully into my shoulders. <<linkappend "He turns back to me.">> "I am so close to cracking it. You are one of the final pieces to this puzzle, and I've been waiting so long to meet someone like you. Someone with such..." He holds my chin and drags his thumb across my cheek. "...talents." I punch him in the solar plexus with <<linkappend "all the might I have in my body.">> He keels over and drops his staff. I don't hesitate to get out of there. [[I can hear him groan behind me as I scramble up the vines and into the main room.]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

I get on top of the vines only to be as <<linkappend "lost as before.">> Surely one of the doors leads to an exit, but I have no idea which. I can't stop to decide, I have to move.<</linkappend>> I start scrambling for a nearby doorframe when I hear the grunt of Noble behind me as he hauls himself onto the vines. "Don't make this difficult. You can run away now, I'll just capture you again." I sprint the best I can for the exit, but his legs are much longer than mine, and he gets in front to <<linkappend "block me easily.">> I spin on my heels to get to another, stumbling over the vines as the people captured within try to pry themselves free. I don't even make it half way before Noble bounds around to stand in front of me again. He starts to approach and I spin to run. He sticks out his bo staff and trips me. I start crawling backwards, desperately <<linkappend "kicking at him.">> He calmly walks towards me, just out of reach. I flip and try to get up, but he put the end of his bo staff on my back and pushes me down. "Winnie, stop it. You're being ridiculous." I run out of places to go and flip back over to face him as I am forced into the corner. He stands and looks down at me, backlit by the fluorescent bulbs above. "I am not going to let you get away when you hold all the answers I seek. I'm not going to hurt you, I just want you to cooperate with me so we can both learn more about your strange condition. I'll let you go once I have my own, it really won't be that bad." I open my mouth to retort, but find my voice gone. <<linkappend "Adrenaline and terror ripples through me.">> "It's not that bad here. You'll have all these people here taking care of you, you won't have to worry about homework or anything, and you can learn how to control your powers." I manage to make a few <<linkappend "pathetic noises.">> "You won't have to worry about anything ever again. We'll talk to your parents. It'll all work out fine. You and Asperata can spread these powers to the world, and you'll finally have a real purpose." I can hear my heart pounding in my ears. <<linkappend "I want to throw up.">> <<linkappend "I want to scream.">> <<linkappend "I want to die right here so I don't have to face this.">> Then something switches in my mind. <<linkappend "//I can fight back.//">> I try to speak, but only air escapes. I explode into a fit of coughing. His shoulders lower in confusion. I recognize the first petal that escapes my mouth— a white and purple petunia petal. He looks down at it as it floats to the ground, not changing his stance. <<timed 5s>> [[My throat burns as the flowers sprout through it.]]<</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

<<linkappend "I am not a tool.">> <<linkappend "I am not a commodity.">> <<linkappend "I am not an //experiment//">> or <<linkappend "//plaything//">> or <<linkappend "//gift.//">> I am a human being with value and worth, <<linkappend "I am deserving of the space I take up.">> I don't know everything, not about the future or myself or how others see me, and that is <<linkappend "the most human thing about me.">> And I'm not about to let some //fucking scumbag// control what I do just because he says he can. <<timed 4s>> I scream at the top of my lungs. Petals, stems, and whole flowers burst from my mouth and release a blinding radiant energy that <<linkappend "encompasses Noble.">> <<timed 2s>><<fadein 2s>> It takes several seconds for the room to darken enough for me to see Noble's slumped over form. His robes are partially disintegrated, revealing civilian clothes underneath. The exposed skin is severely burned. I stare at him for a few seconds before I <</fadein>><<linkappend "throw up into the vines.">> I crouch there for a minute, waiting for my stomach to empty. My head spins. At the very least, I no longer can feel the nasty sensation of flowers filling the back of my mouth. <<timed 5s>><<fadein 2s>> I finally find the strength to get up. I use my foot to lift up Noble's mask and can see his face is unharmed, but not one that I recognize. I wait for a moment to ensure he's breathing. He seems to be, but it doesn't take a medical degree to determine that he's going to die if he doesn't get to a hospital soon. He's a piece of shit, but I don't think I could sleep at night if I let him die. <</fadein>><<linkappend "I shudder at the thought.">><<timed 1.5s>><<fadein 4s>> [[When I look up, I'm met with a familiar face standing on the vines, looking at me with repulsion.|When I look up, I'm met wth a familiar face standing on the vines, looking at me with repulsion.]]<</fadein>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

//''"You took EVERYTHING from me!"''// <<timed 4s>> Mars is red in the face. I've never seen him so furious. His face twists in ugly malice. "You motherfucker, you had to go and do all of this? You hurt my family, my friends, and-" his voice cracks. "You hurt //ME!//" <<linkappend "I can only watch him.">> "You never cared about me, you just- you just //use people!// You don't care about anyone but yourself! You horrible bitch, you don't ever stop to think about how your actions affect people? How you just left me alone all those times, how you just //watched// me be in that fucking house alone, how you had to go and let everyone know about your curse and start all of this bullshit! Couldn't you have just stayed quiet and figured it out? Couldn't you have just //been there for me?//" He draws his knife. My gaze catch on it and don't move. <<linkappend "He takes a few shaky steps forward until he sees Noble's body. He gags.">> <<linkappend "\"Did you kill him?\"">><<fadein 2s>> "No." I look back up at his face. Shock and disgust fills it. He looks back at me. "All you do is hurt people. I cannot //believe// Asperata chose you of all people to give gifts to. It could have been //me.//" <</fadein>> <<linkappend "Something clicks.">><<fadein 2s>> I finally understand Mars. There's no way I could have gotten the full picture before, yet he had been hurting in silence all along. "I'm sorry." "Don't apologize now! You could have just not done any of this!" <</fadein>><<linkappend "I can see tears streaming down his face.">> "I have wanted to be you for so long. Even before all this shit. People don't think you're a freak. Your parents are around. People at least realize you're there and don't say all sorts of horrible stuff about you when they do. If they knew who you really are, they would. I would have done great things with blessings from Asperata, and you won't even try." <<linkappend "He's trembling.">> "You //NEVER// thought about me, you never even tried to care. You never even liked me, you never loved me, if you did then //none of this would have happened.//" He falls to his knees and wipes his face with the sleeves of his robe. "[[No one ever did.]]"<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

I let him cry for a few minutes. He wails like he's dying, fingers still clenched so tight around his pocket knife his knuckles are white. <<timed 3s>><<fadein 2s>> Love comes in a lot of forms. I loved him as a friend — the way I'm sure he means — I just never said it as much as I should have. Mars needed me, and while he did some inexcusable things, I should have seen the signs before it was too late. I finally take a few steps towards him. "I'm sorry Mars." He doesn't acknowledge me. "We both made mistakes. You don't have to forgive me. I'm-" I look around the room. A few people had escaped the vines and are leaving through a doorway I hadn't been to yet. "I don't forgive you either. This is a lot. But I don't want to leave you here alone. I don't want you to keep being alone." I offer him my hand. "I'll walk you home." <</fadein>><</timed>><<timed 12s>><<fadein 2s>> He looks up with me in utter confusion for a moment before malice spreads through his expression again. He sniffs. "Get out of here." He shakes his head to clear it and lifts up his knife. "Get the fuck out of here or I'll kill you. I'm armed."<</fadein>><</timed>><<timed 15s>><<fadein 2s>> I retract my hand. Despair radiates off of him. I've never seen so much animosity on someone's face before. I swallow. Mars is beyond my help. I want to bring him out of his pit of misery and malevolence, but he doesn't want me to, and there's nothing I can do. If he wants my help, he can find me later, but I cannot help him if he doesn't want me to. I take a deep breath. "Alright. Goodbye Mars. [[I wish you the best.]]"<</fadein>><</timed>>

"Goodbye, $nickname." <<timed 4s>><<fadein 3s>> I pause for a moment as I walk away and glance back at him. He's still crouched on the vines, looking where I stood before. Guilt fills my gut, but I ignore it. He doesn't want my help, and I cannot give it to him unless he changes his mind. I slide down the vines as bright red petals start to obscure the center of my vision. I wait until I cross the threshold of the door out <</fadein>><<linkappend "before pulling them.">> Glitter fills the air and flits back inside, gradually clearing the vines that spilled out of the doorway. I don't hang around to watch. <<timed 4s>><<fadein 2s>> I recognize the scenery — this is the cabin I stumbled upon before I ran away. The final rays of golden hour illuminate the scenery. I walk towards the treeline and start to make my way [[down the slope|actualization]]<</fadein>><</timed>><</linkappend>><</timed>>

I make it to the base of the water tower silently and without issue. I climb over the collapsed fence and to the base, where a metal ladder leads the way to the top. I climb up a few rungs, just enough to see over the tips of the trees, and look up at the moon as it <<linkappend "drifts higher in the sky.">><<fadein 2s>> The last bits of sunlight have escaped, and I watch as the twilight gives way to night.<</fadein>> <<timed 4s>><<fadein 2s>> I feel something strange, and look down. A few dwarf sunflowers bloom from my collarbones. I smile, and [[leave them be.|leave it be.]]<</fadein>><</timed>><</linkappend>>

<<timed 1s>><<fadein 3s>>Thank you for playing!<</fadein>><</timed>> <<timed 4s>><<fadein 3s>> Written for Twine in Sugarcube 2.31 All drawings done by Gale Pollard. All images and sounds used under Creative Commons fair use license. Image Credits: Pixabay: https://pixabay.com/photos/sunbeams-forest-fog-trees-woods-1547273/ https://pixabay.com/photos/school-lockers-hallway-high-school-417612/ https://pixabay.com/photos/watercolour-brush-embroidery-paint-3534528/ https://pixabay.com/photos/miami-texas-village-buildings-road-181085/ https://pixabay.com/photos/way-stones-forest-the-fog-1371027/ https://pixabay.com/photos/water-tower-water-tower-blue-sky-2547410/ https://pixabay.com/photos/house-blockhouse-tree-balance-beam-889223/ https://pixabay.com/photos/kitchen-rooms-house-interior-design-347315/ https://pixabay.com/photos/trees-forest-forest-path-sunlight-3410846/ https://pixabay.com/photos/nature-forest-sun-moss-rays-green-3294681/ https://pixabay.com/id/photos/sungai-hutan-pohon-sungai-kecil-5709287/ https://pixabay.com/id/photos/bulan-di-malam-hari-cahaya-bulan-54671/ https://pixabay.com/id/photos/pohon-batang-akar-kulit-569275/ https://pixabay.com/id/photos/hutan-alam-outdoors-jalan-pohon-1868028/ https://pixabay.com/id/photos/katedral-arsitektur-pedalaman-5756535/ https://pixabay.com/id/photos/kamar-dingin-pendinginan-rumah-3363774/ Unsplash: https://unsplash.com/photos/8e7PqGcngwI https://unsplash.com/photos/vEe0Lp0inC8 https://unsplash.com/photos/wYbtw9hoW18 https://unsplash.com/photos/BzMAEoIuSlk https://unsplash.com/photos/rxeKKXHqz50 https://unsplash.com/photos/kuT7X8djcMM https://unsplash.com/photos/AprjC9X_D8w Pexels: https://www.pexels.com/photo/forest-moss-norway-40513/ https://www.pexels.com/photo/bright-painted-abstract-background-with-flow-effect-and-spots-3651579/ Sound: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FwVTkB-BIvM&ab_channel=BurghRecords <</fadein>><</timed>>

She looks at me with her wide, brown eyes that look golden when the light hits them right and laughs, making her chestnut curls bounce. "Oops, careful there!" Her voice is low, but has this soothing tone to it that makes my gut lurch. Are my hands <<linkappend "sweating?">> Gross.<</linkappend>> I shove them in my pockets before she can <<linkappend "notice.">> "Sorry! I'm sorry. I should have been looking." <<timed 2s>> <<fadein 2s>>"It's fine. Don't worry about it." A kind sentiment, but a foolish suggestion. I'm going to worry about it. "Hey, did you hear about Kyle's party this weekend? I was thinking about going, but I'm not really sure if I'm up for it."<</fadein>> <<linkappend "Party?">> People around here have <<linkappend "parties?">> That's the first I'm hearing about it, and I've lived in this dump of a town for fourteen years. <<fadein 2s>>"No, yeah, um, totally. I'm not going though, I have... plans." Yeah, totally. I must look <<linkappend "like an idiot.">> <<linkappend "She can tell I'm not invited.">> She probably knew and wanted to rub it in.<</linkappend>><</linkappend>> "But maybe... next time I'll go?" No, Robin wouldn't do that. <<linkappend "She's sweet.">> She's... really nice, actually.<</linkappend>> We don't talk often, but whenever we do, she's always kind. And I guess I kind of wish I could be like that? It seems exhausting though. I have no clue how she manages. "Yeah, wish I did. Not really much to do around here, at least not until you get a driver's license. What are you doing?"<</fadein>> <<linkappend "\"Oh,\"">> Nothing, probably, but I can't tell her that. <<fadein 2s>>"Mars and I were going to marathon all of the Lord of the Rings movies. I've already seen them, like, a hundred times, but Mars hasn't." Sure. I'm not actually going to do that this weekend, but I've been meaning to, and it's better than the real answer. She smiles, and I feel my mind swim. She's practically lighting up the <</fadein>><<linkappend "hallway.">><<fadein 2s>> "I'd ask to join, but I don't think Mars likes me that much. I'm not really sure why?" She looks <<linkappend "dejected.">> Then her eyes go wide.<</linkappend>> "Oh! I- I don't mean to gossip. I don't have anything, like, against him. He really does seem cool, I just kind of wish he'd give me a chance, you know? I know he's your best friend and all." She tilts her head. "Maybe we can watch them some other time <<linkappend "then.\"">> She wants to hang out with <<linkappend "me?">> Maybe it's just because I haven't hung out with anyone besides Mars in forever, maybe it's just how much eye contact she's making, but the thought is <<linkreplace "terrifying.">>terrifying in a good way, I think.<</linkreplace>> "Yeah... for sure." There's not much time to process this before I feel my shoes tightening. Are the flowers growing out of my [[feet?]]<</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</timed>><</linkappend>>

The water tower is surprisingly difficult to get to. There's plenty of trash out in the woods this side of town, but it seems to be much more hazardous here than usual. Broken beer bottles, cut-up chain link fences, and piles of moss-covered magazines littered the ground. I'm fairly certain there's a hiking path that's clear nearby, so it'd be in my best interest to take that when I go back and just walk along [[the road the rest of the way home.|the road home.]]

I peak through the gnarled, upturned roots. Beyond where I stand is a clearing, and in that clearing a one-story house in poor condition with lit windows. I have never heard of a house being up here before, much less one with working electricity. It certainly isn't a building for the water tower, I didn't see a path between them and I don't know what purpose it'd even serve. There aren't any cars parked outside, but there are most definitely people within. Some of the blinds are broken — deliberately or rotted away, who knows — and I can see movement through the <<linkappend "gaps.">> And as I look around, a pair of people approach the house. Two adults, not any I recognize, dressed in street clothes, chatting. I cannot make out what they're saying from here, but they seem in good spirits. <<linkappend "They enter.">> <<linkappend "Then another pair.">> <<linkappend "Then three people.">> Then a single person, who I do <<linkappend"recognize.">> <<fadein 2s>> Mr.Floyd, the art teacher. He enters quickly, with a wide smile. I watch for a few minutes, and it seems no one else is coming. [[I go to the window.|Go to the window]]<</fadein>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>

An exploration of coming of age, identity, and growing up as a woman made for Twine by Gale Pollard.

<<set $nickname to "Winnie">>

EMM_AJPGSAS222 "Cursed Be", Undergraduate Electronic Mixed Media. Click red text to interact with the story. The Save/Load feature may be used to stop the game and return to your place later. [[Start]]

Luck is on my side, because not only was this the main room, enormous vines explode from the petals and over take the space, spanning about six feet high. <<linkappend "I climb in and on top of the pile.">> It's fairly sturdy to stand on, though I can see random thrashing, entangled limbs poking through in different parts. People are screaming. Some of the quicker ones resisted getting caught and now scrambled towards me, trying to stop me before I could get out. I bolt, not going anywhere besides away from their grasps. I feel something growing under my sleeves, so I slow for a few seconds to pull them up and am met with the familiar purple flowers of Rhododendron covering my forearms. Just as I recall what they do, <<linkappend "a woman grabs my wrist.">> I jerk my arm upwards, causing her grip to shift down and crush some petals. Her glove bursts into flames. <<linkappend "I rake my hands down my forearms.">> The flames expand out for a few feet. There seems to be a realization that this isn't worth it, and the few remaining free people scatter in different directions, most slipping in through the tops of doorways to safety. I stamp out the bit of vines that caught aflame. There isn't much time to celebrate my victory, because there are still a good number of people trying to get out of the impossibly thick vines that fill the floor. I look around, panting, for a doorway that might <<linkappend "lead outside.">> I pick the one nearest to me and slide down the vines, stumbling a few feet through the doorway. <<timed 4s>> [[I'm met with a medium-sized room lined with bookshelves and tables covered in papers.]]<</timed>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>><</linkappend>>