Meow

You wake up. Your head feels fuzzy and the patterns on your pillowcase seem somehow larger than you remember them being. You close your eyes briefly, regretting drinking so much at the party last night. It had been fun though. Heck, even [James]<c1| had seemed to be enjoying himself. Ugh. Getting up doesn't seem like an attractive option at all, but it's going to have to happen sometime soon. [[Maybe it will be easier after a nice stretch...]] (click: ?c1)[James Merryweather: Flatmate of two months. Always pays rent on time, very clean, almost certainly some kind of amateur super-villain.] (set: $catscore to 0) (set: $maxcatscore to 3) (set: $fridgemessage to "PLZ GET MILK") (set: $sruthi_attention_fail to false)

You raise your arms up above your head, feeling a lovely stretch in your back. You enjoy the feeling for a moment, before being rudely thrown out of it by the sight of your own arms. They are covered in sleek black fur. Peering up, you see that you also have paws. Not hands, paws. You shake your head, trying to clear it. You must still be asleep. This must be a nightmare. [[Pinch yourself]] [[Look around the room]]

You can't pinch yourself, you have don't have opposable thumbs. This all seems way too real for a dream anyway, you should probably try to figure out what happened. [[Look around the room]]

It's your bedroom, except everything is about ten times bigger than it should be. There's a towering stack of books by the side of the bed that you're pretty sure could squash you flat if jostled the wrong way. Your clothes from last night are in a messy heap on the floor, having not quite made it into the enormous plastic crate filled with a mountain of dirty laundry that sits against the wall. Partly obscured by the laundry mountain is a full length mirror. In it, you can see a small black and white cat staring back at you intently. You shake off the weirdness of seeing yourself as a cat and continue looking for clues. The sun is threading through the wide gap in the haphazardly drawn curtains, making what looks like a perfect warm spot at the foot of the bed. There's still a few of your birthday cards on the windowsill from last month, including a handwritten ['Many Ari Returns!']<c1| card from your uncle. [[Get off the bed]] [[Curl up in that perfect warm spot for a lovely cat nap->Have a lovely little cat nap]] (click: ?c1)[Uncle Bill insists on attempting a new pun of your name each year. Sadly, this year actually marks a high point.]

You try to stand and then fail because you're a cat. Slightly embarrassed, you use all four legs to walk to the edge of the bed. You look down. The floor is a really long way away. You back up slightly, nervous. Looking over your shoulder, you see again that glorious patch of sunlight at the other end of the bed. It looks so warm and inviting. You could just go back to sleep. I mean, you're probably still dreaming anyway, so what's the harm? [[Take the leap of terror off the bed]] [[Have a lovely little cat nap]]

You take a slight run up and throw yourself off the bed. To your surprise, you land lightly and effortlessly on your feet, er, paws. You're about to head for the door when you pause, smelling something. You can't quite place it, it smells like cake, but not quite. The smell is coming from the top of your desk. Some strange feeling tells you that identifying what it is will help you figure out what on earth is going on. [[Follow the smell]]

(set: $catscore to it + 1) You walk over to that glorious, warm patch of sunlight and curl up like a snuggly little cat pretzel. As you close your eyes, you think for a moment that being a cat wouldn't be too terrible, if this really isn't a dream. [Felix]<c1| always seems pretty satisfied. Malevolent, but satisfied. Do you really want to bother trying to figure out what has happened when you could just spend your time napping, eating and chasing things? [[No way! I'm a human, I've got to snap out of this!->Take the leap of terror off the bed]] (click: ?c1)[Felix Snugglepuss: your flatmates' almost definitely evil cat companion. A coal black, very fat tomcat. Only tolerates you when hungry. Luckily, is hungry most of the time. Sometimes you think that he might be plotting your death.]

<div class="small_title">The Tale of Paws Kittiford</div> Once upon a time, in an ordinary flat, in an ordinary town, there lived a cat called Paws Kittiford. No one knows quite where Paws Kittiford came from, but on one fateful day this little kitty appeared in the flat inhabited by Sruthi Vaidynathan, Cassandra Jones and James Merryweather. There had been another person living at the flat too, reportedly called 'Ari', but no mention of this person can be found past the date that Paws arrived and so they are irrelevant to this tale. Paws Kittiford was a fine cat, well versed in sleeping, eating, hiding in boxes and other noble cat pursuits. Much has been told of 'The Twelve Month War' between Paws and Felix Snugglepuss, with some suggesting that Paws surrendered after a number of embarrassing defeats, however this should not tarnish the memory of this fine cat. Paws lived a long, happy and rather [uneventful life]<c1|, providing a wealth of companionship to Sruthi and Cass. Paws was, in conclusion, 'a very good cat'. [[THE END]] (click:?c1)[**Footnote:** There has been no credible evidence to support claims that Paws Kittiford was the 'giant, thirty foot cat' that caused havoc in some sections of town on 3rd August 2023. That cat was never apprehended. It is well documented that Paws, whilst resembling this mystery cat in most aspects, was a mere 23cm in height.]

Getting into the swing of this jumping thing, you first leap onto the desk chair, then onto the top of the desk. Your claws scritch slightly against the cheap wood as you bypass the piles of book towards the smell. There! A plate containing an empty muffin case. There are still a few crumbs, which you quickly polish off. Tasty. A memory comes back. James, seeming oddly merry, handing you the muffin and telling you that he'd made it especially for you. At any other point you would have probably tried to conduct some kind of poison test, but you [Sruthi]<c1| and [Cass]<c2| had been playing some stupid drinking game and so instead you ate the whole thing in two gulps and told James that it was the best muffin you'd ever eaten and that he was the best flatmate that ever existed. You think you might also have hugged him for a really, really long time and he hadn't even told you off or set you on fire or anything. Very suspicious. James definitely has something to do with this. [[Nothing else to do here, best leave the room]] [[Or you could jump down into the laundry mountain and have a nice little nap instead...]] (click: ?c1)[Sruthi Vaidynathan: flatmate, best friend, loveable dork. She's better than you at every competitive game ever invented.] (click: ?c2)[Cassandra Jones: long-suffering partner of Sruthi. She pretty much lives here these days, but that's cool because she's one of the best people you've met. She's terrible at most games, but unlike you, is smart enough to quit early.]

You stare for a moment at the closed door. The handle seems impossibly high up, but you've seen enough cat videos in your time to know that this can be done. You muster yourself, take a leap...and flail at empty air. Hmm. You try to remember the correct technique. Up close to the door, walk your front paws up the surface as far as they stretch then- jump! This time you feel the metal of the door against your paws and pull down and back. You overbalance, just barely landing on all four feet in time to scoot in and catch the door before it re-closes. You did it! You're a genius! Elated, you paw the door open further to reveal...[Felix]<c1|. [[Try to convince Felix to help you]] [[Let that no good cat know that this is your turf now->Fight Felix]] (click: ?c1)[Felix Snugglepuss: Cass and Sruthi's almost definitely evil cat companion. A coal black, very fat tomcat. Only tolerates you when hungry. Luckily, is hungry most of the time. Sometimes you think that he might be plotting your death.]

You leap down from the desk and into the welcoming pile of laundry. You burrow into it, just enough so that you are covered by clothes. You know that they should smell bad, but somehow the smell is comforting and relaxing. The gaps in the plastic basket serve as perfect little holes to look through in case James or Felix happen to come within clawing distance. This is great. You never got to hang out in places as amazing as this when you were a human. You should just stay here all day. Or at least until you get hungry. (set: $catscore to it + 1) (if: $catscore >= $maxcatscore -1)[ [[Yeah, you should just stay here all day...]] ] [[No, wait! You've got to get out of your room and get James to turn you back!->Nothing else to do here, best leave the room]]

Felix stares at you, his flat, pale lemon eyes making you shiver. "Hey, uh, Felix. It's Ari. You know, I sometimes give you food..." That's what you try to say, but when it comes out it just sounds like a long string of pathetic little mews. Felix blinks slowly, unmoving. "...so I guess I'm a cat now, and I was wondering if you could maybe-" Felix gives you one further scornful look, then walks straight past you into your room. He's probably going to steal that great patch of sunlight on the bed, or the laundry mountain. That's it, you're never getting those special cat treats for him again. [[Continue into the hallway]]

You step out into the hallway. You can hear the sounds of Sruthi singing along to show tunes in the kitchen/living room at the end of the hall. To your left is the front door of the flat, and directly in front of you is James' room. There's a 'No entry' sign on his door, and he fitted a lock when he moved in. [The only time the door isn't locked is when James is in the process of walking through it]<c1|. He's real social, that one. The door next to James' room is the bathroom, and then across from that is Sruthi and Cass' room. That door is closed too. The only open door is the one at the end of the hall. [[Head through to the kitchen]] [[Try Sruthi's room]] [[Scratch James' door until he answers it]] (click:?c1)[In fact, come to think of it, you've never actually seen James in the hall. For all you know, he teleports from place to place and his door is always, eternally locked. That would seem more his style.]

You pad through the open door into the kitchen/living room. It's pretty pokey, but all of your essentials are here; fridge, oven, table, sofa, buffy box sets. Sruthi is sitting at the table in front of a laptop, alternating between typing with two leaden fingers and using a mouse to drag and drop something around her screen. Oh, and singing along the whole time to what seems like a random mix of songs from musicals, Greased Lightnin' merging effortlessly into Baharon Phool Barsao. Usually you quite enjoy Sruthi's singing, but as a cat it's loud. Maybe that's why Felix is so irritable all the time. [[Get Sruthi's attention]] [[Look around the kitchen]] [[Look around the living area]] (set: $kitchenviewed to false) (set: $livingareaviewed to false) (set: $leftfridgemessage to false) (set: $catapultfired to false)

You walk up the hall and try your door opening trick again on Sruthi's door. It takes you three attempts this time, and you're about to chalk up your earlier success as a fluke when you manage it and the door swings open, creaking loudly. "Sruthi, I told you - I need to get this report done or my boss will kill me." Cass sounds frazzled. Her gaze is fixed intently on the laptop screen in front of her, fingers flying across the keys at speed. There's at least three coffee mugs on the table beside her. Only Sruthi would dare mess with a frazzled, hyper caffeinated Cass. [[Head through to the kitchen]] [[Scratch James' door until he answers it]] [[Knock the coffee cups off the desk with extreme insolence]]

You eye the 'No Entry' sign on James' door, and think about all the times that James has set people on fire for ignoring his commands. Maybe you had better get backup before you confront him. [[Head through to the kitchen]] [[Try Sruthi's room]]

You pad over to the side of the table before leaping up onto it. You open your mouth and say ["meow meow mew meow"]<c1|. Sruthi seems not to notice over the music and the sound of her own singing, so you repeat yourself at greater volume and throw in a swipe to her arm for good measure. "Hey buddy" Sruthi stops singing and turns down the music slightly. Without taking her attention off the laptop screen, she reaches up with the arm you'd swiped and expertly scratches behind one of your ears. It feels slightly demeaning, but oh so good. This must be why Sruthi is the only one out of all of you that Felix actively tolerates. The ever more vocal cat part of your brain is telling you that you must encourage more of this expert ear scratching, whereas the bit that is still Ari is telling you to do something to make Sruthi realise that you're not Felix and help to get you changed back. [[Encourage more petting]] [[Sit on Sruthi's laptop]] (click: ?c1)[translation: "Hey idiot, help me!"]

The kitchen takes up the right hand side of the room. Against the far wall is a full size fridge freezer, alphabet magnets scattered across the front of it. Currently, some of them are being used to spell out the note "$fridgemessage". To the left of the fridge is a counter containing a number of tupperwares containing cereal, one of which has a catch that never quite stays closed. On the floor to the left of the counter is a flip-top bin. Against the right side wall are more counters, the oven, a kettle and a microwave. Right now most of the counter space is taken up with dirty plates and glasses from last nights' party. On the floor in front of one of the counters is an empty cat dish and water. In the centre of the kitchen space is a small table with four chairs. On one of those chairs sits Sruthi. (unless: $catapultfired is true)[ (if: $sruthi_attention_fail is true)[ [[That flip top bin in the kitchen would make a perfect catapult...->Jettison cereal]] ] (else:)[ [[Get Sruthi's attention]] ]] [[Look around the living area]] (set: $kitchenviewed to true)

(if: $catapultfired is false or $leftfridgemessage is false)[ Nope, there's nothing on this side of the room that looks useful right now. [[You think you might have better luck in the kitchen->Look around the kitchen]] ] (else:)[ You prowl over to the other side of the room, away from Cass and Sruthi's bickering. Over here there's a lumpen sofa, a tv on a stand, a games console and a few stacked piles of dvds. The remote for the tv is on the sofa. Oh, and the box for the games console is still sitting out. A box! [[You could watch something on tv until they're done bickering.]] [[Never mind that, there's a box! Get in the box!]] ] (set: $livingareaviewed to true)

You jump up onto the counter nearest the fridge. You're close enough now to reach out and rearrange the fridge magnets into a different message. You take a quick look at the letters you have available. There's quite a few key letters missing but you come up with the following options. (link:"HELP! I AM CAT")[(set: $fridgemessage to "HELP! I AM CAT")(goto: "New fridge message")] (link:"ARI BE CAT")[(set: $fridgemessage to "ARI BE CAT")(goto: "New fridge message")] (link:"JAMES BAD MEOW")[(set: $fridgemessage to "JAMES BAD MEOW")(goto: "New fridge message")] (link:"PLZ GET CATNIP")[(set: $fridgemessage to "PLZ GET CATNIP")(goto: "New fridge message")]

Ha. Let's see Sruthi ignore this, you think, as you pad across the kitchen. First, you drag the bin out from the wall slightly. Luckily it must just have been emptied and it slides forward easily. Bit by bit, you shove at the foot pedal with your paws, slowly turning the bin. It seems to take forever and you're not sure that your kitty strength is up to the task but eventually the bin is positioned correctly, with the pedal pointing towards the wall. You pause for a couple of moments, getting your breath back and starting to absent-mindedly lick clean your fur before you catch yourself. Ew. You get back to your feet before literally springing into action, launching yourself up onto the kitchen counter. This will be the hardest part. You use paws and teeth to carefully manoeuvre one of the tupperwares full of cereal - the one that never quite closes properly - over to edge of the counter without it overturning. Then you gently, gently push it out onto the flat lid of the bin. [[Time to fire this catapult!]]

You slide along to the edge of the counter and reach a paw out, grabbing each letter in turn and pulling them into a new order. When you're done, the fridge door reads $fridgemessage (if: $fridgemessage is "PLZ GET CATNIP")[ You're not entirely sure that the message you've left will help at all, but some strange compulsion came over you that you can't quite explain. Possibly you should change it to something more useful. [[Choose new fridge message]] ] (else:)[ There! This should help. (unless: $catapultfired is true)[Now you just need to get Sruthi to take notice.] (set: $leftfridgemessage to true) ] (unless: $fridgemessage is "PLZ GET CATNIP")[ (if: $catapultfired is true)[ [[Wait for Cass and Sruthi to come back and see your message]] ] (else-if: $sruthi_attention_fail is true)[ [[That flip top bin in the kitchen would make a perfect catapult...->Jettison cereal]] ] (else:)[ [[Get Sruthi's attention]] ]]

(set: $catscore to $catscore + 1)You lean into Sruthi's hand, encouraging the attention. She's really very good at this. As she should be, if she is to be one of your human servants. (if: $catscore < $maxcatscore - 1)[You really should be figuring out some way to get Sruthi to help you, but a few more minutes can't hurt, can it? [[Sit on Sruthi's laptop]] ] (else-if: $catscore is $maxcatscore - 1)[Wait...what? Sruthi is your best friend, and you're a human. This is starting to get worrying, you keep on giving in to these cat thoughts and each time you feel a little less like yourself. You've got to snap out of it or you'll never get your old life back. [[Sit on Sruthi's laptop]] ] (else:)[This is great. How could you possibly be worried about anything right now. A thought briefly flickers through your mind, something about a human called Ari. You were supposed to do...something. Whatever. It doesn't seem important. Sruthi stops scratching for a second so you nudge her still hand with one paw to encourage her to resume. She does. All is well with the world. [[Game over: The Tale of Paws Kittiford->You're a cat now, Harry!]] ]

It doesn't pay to be subtle with Sruthi, so instead of trying to communicate further, you decide to plant yourself firmly on top of her keyboard. There. There's no way she can ignore you now. You have a mere second to congratulate yourself before you experience the disconcerting sensation of being picked up and lifted off the table. "Sorry little bud, promise I'll play with you later but I've got work to do." Whilst in midair, you get a glimpse of Sruthi's screen. She's in the middle of a game of online scrabble. Yeah, Sruthi, important stuff. She places you gently on the floor and then goes back to her game. You sit for a moment and quietly fume. There must be some way to get her attention, you just need to think of what it could be. (set: $sruthi_attention_fail to true) (if: $kitchenviewed is false)[ [[Maybe if you look around the kitchen you'll spot something->Look around the kitchen]] ] (else:)[ [[That flip top bin in the kitchen would make a perfect catapult...->Jettison cereal]] ] (if: $livingareaviewed is false)[ [[or maybe you'll find an idea in the living area->Look around the living area]] ]

You hiss at Felix in the most threatening way you can muster. It comes out as a pathetic whisper, because if Felix seemed like a big cat when you'd been human sized, now he is a terrifying black behemoth. He looks you up and down, like you're a tiny little mouse that he's playing with...then walks straight past you into your room. Humph. He's probably going to steal that great patch of sunlight on the bed, or the laundry mountain. Still, you can't help but feel slightly relieved. As tough as you are, you're no Felix. (set: $catscore to it + 1) (if: $catscore < $maxcatscore - 1)[ [[Continue into the hallway]]](else-if: $catscore is $maxcatscore - 1)[ A thought flickers through your mind, something about humans. Maybe someone called Ari? Wait...that's you! How did you manage to forget who you are, even for a moment? You've got to focus on turning yourself back, soon, or you might be stuck as a cat forever. [[Continue into the hallway]]] (else:)[ A thought flickers through your mind, something about humans. Maybe someone called Ari? Whatever. Humans are large and ungainly and generally useless, so it can't be important. You follow Felix into the room. You'll take whatever comfy spot he hasn't already claimed. If that's okay with him. [[Game over: The Tale of Paws Kittiford->You're a cat now, Harry!]] ]

Sruthi blinks slowly, looking disbelievingly down at you. "Wait, you're not Felix" She calls out in the direction of the hallway. "Hey, Cass, there's a weird cat in the flat" She waits a second for a response. When none comes, she points a finger at you. "Stay there. Just...don't break anything else." She sighs, and turns to head through to her room, presumably to get Cass. You hear her mutter "like there's any use talking to a cat" as she leaves the room. Right. You've got her attention, now you just need to figure out some way of communicating. [[You could write a message on the fridge...->Choose new fridge message]] [[...or try to use Sruthi's laptop]]

You jump up onto the table, sitting down in front of the laptop. Most of the screen is taken up with a game of online scrabble. Sruthi is currently winning, but only just. There's a small window open at the bottom of the screen - it looks like Sruthi is composing an email to her thesis supervisor. The cursor is currently blinking at the start of a new paragraph. [[Type a message]] [[Use the alphabet magnets on the fridge instead->Choose new fridge message]]

Cass looks thoughtfully at you, then at the words on the fridge door, then back at you again. She seems to come to a conclusion. "The cat is Ari" Sruthi laughs. "What? Our flatmate Ari? Our flatmate that's a human person Ari?" "No, our flatmate that's a goldfish Ari." Cass says with some exasperation. "I'm serious. James has turned Ari into a cat, this cat." She points at you. "It's the only thing that makes any sense." "James wouldn't do that." Sruthi protests, "He's the best flatmate ever, and he likes Ari! I think. As much as he likes anyone." You stretch out on the counter. If Sruthi and Cass' track record is anything to go by, this could take all day. They are champion bickerers. Never properly argue or fight about anything serious but bickering? Count them in. Of course, it's usually about [which version of Star Trek is the best]<c1|, or [if there's any merit to the music of Nickelback]<c2|, or other stuff like that, not whether their flatmate has turned their other flatmate into a feline. [[Meow as loud as you can to get their attention]] [[They'll be at this for ages. Explore the living area->Look around the living area]] (click: ?c1)[Cass: The Next Generation, Sruthi: 'that movie with the guy from Sherlock'] (click: ?c2)[Sruthi actually argued yes to this one, but kept having to take breaks because she was laughing too hard.]

You steel yourself for a moment, before leaping with as much force as you can muster down onto the foot pedal. It all happens gloriously, chaotically quickly. The lid of the bin snaps upright with a loud "CLANG!", sending the tupperware spinning into the air, cereal emptying out of it and all over the kitchen floor. The near empty tupperware hits off the edge of the table before thunking to the floor with the rest of the mess. "What the hell?" Sruthi sounds confused and frustrated. You hear her chair scrape across the floor as you stroll out from behind the bin and sit squarely in the middle of the mess you've created, staring up at her. [[Meow proudly->Now to deal with the aftermath]] [[Meow apologetically->Now to deal with the aftermath]] (set: $catapultfired to true)

Of course! You can't talk to anyone but you could type a message. You start, concentrating as hard as you can on hitting the right keys with your paws. It's harder than you expected it to be, but you think you've done okay. [[Take a look at your handiwork->You take a look at your handiwork]] [[The laptop is nice and warm. You could have a nap on it.]]

Oh dear. Yes, it really looks like it was written by a cat. Maybe you had better try something else. ----------------------------------------------------------------- To: hector.stern@columbo.edu Subject: Notes from Monday's meeting Dear Dr. Stern I am writing in follow-up to our meeting on Monday. Could you please check the notes I have prepared concerning what we agreed and confirm that they are accurate? [i hjasver mnbeernm, triuermnerdf ioumnrtio as cvxadsasdty bnvyu poiuert erwcviolk flkadsrtmarterw jkhasmnersd./ oplkerassder hjerwlkop m,erw. tyoiurt dseasert dfgriuerwmnd asdmnfd fgdklasrtymnadsrtrem, asrtiou]<c1| ----------------------------------------------------------------- [[Try to leave a message in the scrabble tiles]] [[Use the alphabet magnets on the fridge instead->Choose new fridge message]] (click: ?c1)[intended message: I have been turned into a cat by our evil flatmate James. Please help me. Your dearest friend and flatmate, Ari]

You take a look at the scrabble game on the screen. From the letters that Sruthi has, the only words you could make would be HELP or EVIL, but maybe if you try one of those then you'll get some more useful letters. [[Play HELP->Play scrabble]] [[Play EVIL->Play scrabble]]

The trackpad on Sruthi's laptop is broken, so you have to use the USB mouse that sits by the laptop to play the game. You grip it with both paws and try to manoeuvre it to where you want the pointer to go. It slides wildly across the table, and you end up buffeting it from paw to paw like an air hockey puck. Would it really hurt Sruthi to invest in a mouse mat? The mouse is moving faster and faster, and the faster it goes the more that you know that you must catch it and kill it or your reputation as a fearsome hunter will forever be tarnished. You pounce on the mouse and manage to knock it clean off the table. The harsh sound of plastic hitting the wooden floor snaps you out of your frenzy. You take a look at the laptop. It looks like you didn't manage to make any scrabble words. However, you did accidentally send that email to Sruthi's supervisor. The best thing to do now is to back away from the laptop and pretend you had nothing to do with this. [[Write a message using the primitive but far less dangerous technology of refrigerator magnets->Choose new fridge message]]

You only have to wait a few brief seconds before Sruthi comes back into the room, dragging a reluctant Cass by the hand. "See, Cass?" She points at you, "How did that cat even get in here? We don't have a cat flap, we're on the third floor, and even the postie is scared of Felix." Cass looks at you consideringly, making a small hmming noise. "I think that's less Felix, and more that time James turned her into a yak, love." She corrects absentmindedly, stepping slightly closer to you. "Oh. Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Sruthi grins, "That was cool. And do you remember that time-hey, what's that?" You tap a paw against the fridge door in encouragement. Sruthi looks even more weirded out. "Cass, I think...I think that cat's trying to tell us something..." [[Nod in confirmation->Meow in confirmation]]

You jump onto the sofa, sitting down by the remote control. After a couple of attempts you manage to correctly press the power button and the tv comes to life. Ugh. It's one of those terrible reality shows that Sruthi is always watching. You thwack the remote control a few times with one paw, trying to find something decent to watch. The first time you just manage to turn the tv onto mute, but you manage to correct that and find a channel that is playing a rerun of Frasier, the one with the dog psychiatrist. [[Settle down to watch]] [[A dog! You hate dogs! Attack it!]]

(set: $catscore to it + 1)You pad across the sofa, jump up onto the arm and peer down into the box. It's AMAZING. You've seen boxes before but they've never seemed quite so incredible and perfect. You jump down into it. Oh, it's the perfect size! You can poke your head out and spy on Sruthi and Cass or duck down and become totally invisible. It's so cosy and wonderful and you really do feel like you should stay here for as long as possible. (if: $catscore is $maxcatscore)[ Maybe you don't need those humans to help you. You can't remember why you were so worried about it now. Yes, you should just forget all about it and play in this box for the rest of time. [[The box is so great. You should live in it forever.]] ] (else:)[ Or...wait. Why do you keep on getting distracted so easily? You've got to pull yourself together and stop acting so much like a cat if you want to turn back! [[Go watch tv like a human would->You could watch something on tv until they're done bickering.]] ]

You gather as much air into your lungs as you can and let out what you think is a top rate "MEEEEEEEEOW!" However, it's useless. Cass glances at you briefly, but then turns back to Sruthi, who hasn't seemed to notice at all. "I know you think that James is great," Cass states, "but you've got to admit that he's got a weird sense of humour-" "-An amazing sense of humour-" Cass rolls her eyes, "When I complained about the water pressure, he turned the shower into a tropical rainforest. For a week! You were almost eaten by a tiger!" "What? Terry? He was great. Why didn't we keep him again?" You yawn, tuning them out. You might as well find something else to do for a while, until they're done. [[You could relax over in the living area for a bit...->Look around the living area]]

You hear the humans stop making noise, and footsteps approach. You raise your head up out of the box quickly, then back down. Haha, they'll never find you. "Huh," says the calmer one, "...maybe I was wrong. I think this is just a cat." "What? I'm right? Huh. That's disappointing." The other one has approached the box, and now there's some kind of feathery type thing bobbing in the air above you. You pounce out of the box after it, following as it jumps form place to place. "You know, I think we should call you Paws Kittiford" "That's a terrible name." It's the calm one again. You agree, but names aren't as important as catching that feathery thing. "It's perfect. Look at those little kitty paws." The calm one turns away and starts heading out of the room. "We need to put up missing posters. And figure out where on earth Ari is." The other one seems to be following her, and more importantly, so is the feathery thing. You must catch it. Your reputation as a cat depends on it. [[Game over: The Tale of Paws Kittiford->You're a cat now, Harry!]]

When you came up with this plan, you didn't really consider the fact that cat hearing is way more sensitive than humans'. Luckily, Sruthi and Cass catch on pretty fast, moving a step away from each other. "Man, never thought I'd be scolded by a cat." Sruthi grins, as you turn the tv off. "Hi Ari!" She waves at you. You give her an imperious look. Can't they get to helping you already? "Right." Cass starts "I'm guessing that James is responsible, given that he is the only one of us prone to turning people into animals and [inanimate objects]<c1|." She pauses, a slightly worried expression falling over her features. "There's nothing else for it. We have to confront him. Demand he turns Ari back." "Uh, love, is that the best idea?" Sruthi is wringing her fingers together, sidling from foot to foot like she might just bolt. [[These two definitely need a leader. Go wait for them at James' door.->Go wait for them at James' door]] [[Seems scary. Maybe you should hide under the sofa.]] (click: ?c1)[Cass, of course, is referring to the incident that got James fired from his last job. Apparently, turning your supervisor into a toaster 'because at least then they'd be of some use', is frowned upon at Joey's World of Pancakes.]

You settle down of the sofa to watch the show, too preoccupied to notice Sruthi and Cass stop arguing and turn towards you. "Did you see that?" "Uh huh." "That cat just changed the channel from a great show...so that it could watch an old sitcom episode that everyone in the world has already seen." There's a moment of silence, then you hear Sruthi gasp, "Oh my god! That cat is Ari!" She yells the last part, snapping you out of the show. You turn to them. Sruthi is practically jumping up and down with excitement, whilst Cass' expression is a mixture of concern and amusement. "Uh huh, that's what I've been saying for the last, oh, ten minutes." Sruthi hugs Cass tightly. "Oh, you're a genius!" She pulls back, then kisses Cass on the lips. "My genius." Cass pushes at Sruthi's shoulder playfully, but they're both beaming at each other. Usually at this point, you would clear your throat pointedly, but that's another thing that cats can't really do. [[You can however keep turning up the volume on the tv until they realise that they should be focusing on turning their best friend back into a human.]]

You jump off the sofa and bound past Cass and Sruthi, trusting that they will take the hint and follow you. Right enough, Cass is right behind you, dragging along a reluctant Sruthi. "Seriously, Sruth, he's your flatmate" "Yeah, which is how I know better than you just how scary he can be. What if he turns me into a manatee? I can't swim!" You reach James' door. You pause, looking up at the other two. "You know Ari, you make a very cute cat. You sure you don't just want to-ow!" Sruthi stops, rubbing at her side where Cass elbowed her. She sighs, indicating the door "Fine, go ahead." [[Scratch James' door]]

You lift a paw to scratch into the wood of James' door, but Cass calls for you to stop, rapping a knuckle on the door instead. She steps back, taking Sruthi's hand. "No reason to give him another reason to be annoyed at us." she murmurs. There's a moment of hushed, tense anticipation, the click of a lock being slid open, and then the door swings slowly open to reveal James. "Well," he smiles, "to what do I owe the pleasure?" "Turn me back James!" you meow. [You feel like if anyone was to speak cat, it would be James]<c1|, but he just glances down briefly at you before returning his gaze to Sruthi and Cass. "Did you come to introduce me to your new cat?" he asks mildly. Cass glares at him, but doesn't seem able to speak. She nudges Sruthi, who opens her mouth, sputters slightly, then closes it again. This is a disaster. You've got to find some way of shocking one of them out of this daze before James closes the door in your face. [[There's only one thing for it. Claw Sruthi->Claw Sruthi]] [[This human stuff is so boring. Go and have nap in the bathroom sink.]] (click:?c1)[More than once, you've seen James 'talking' with Felix right before Felix decides to claw you, or knock your favourite mug off the counter, or drag your most embarrassing underwear out of your laundry into the middle of the living room. You're pretty sure it's not a coincidence.]

You swing one paw out and sink your claws into one of Sruthi's denim clad legs. "Ow!" she leaps up, hopping on one leg. "I don't think your new cat likes you very much" James comments blandly, his lips curling up into a half smile. Sruthi grabs at the spot on her leg that you clawed, but it seems like it's been enough to counteract The James Effect. "James, did you...did you happen to turn Ari into this cat?" The last few words all run into each other in a bit of a jumble, but she manages to get it all out. James looks at Sruthi, like he's shocked by very suggestion that he would turn one of his flatmates into a cat. Which, to be fair, when addressed to most people would be pretty shocking, but this is James. "You know, I think I'd remember if I'd done that, and it just doesn't come to mind." He considers you for a long moment. "You're sure that this cat is Ari?" "Uh...yes? It was...it was watching tv" Sruthi babbles, not sounding sure at all. "We're sure." Cass interjects. Ah, good, she's recovered too. [[Just sit still and act as human as possible]]

You pounce forward, choosing one mouse and speeding after it. You're gaining on your prey, almost, almost...yes! You dive forward, closing paws together around...nothing. You spin around in confusion. Where did it go? Where did they all go? The room had been swarming with mice a moment before but now there's none. You look up towards the doorway. The tall one by the door is grinning, faced towards you so that the others cant see. The other two wear almost identical expressions of embarrassment and confusion. "I guess maybe we were wrong." One of them admits. You're not sure what about. You hope that they weren't relying on you catching that mouse because you almost can't deal with the embarrassment as it is. You start prowling around the room, just in case it's hiding somewhere. "Yes, I think you must have been" comes a bored voice from the doorway, "As strange as our flatmate is, they are not in the habit of chasing mice. As far as I know." Steps approach, and you find yourself being shooed into the hallway. Hmph. "I'm afraid I have work to do, if that is all?" "Yeah. Sorry James." With that, the door slams. You leave the two stunned humans and prowl down the hallway. Maybe the mice went this way. (set: $catscore to $maxcatscore) [[Game over: The Tale of Paws Kittiford->You're a cat now, Harry!]]

You stay sitting still, glaring as insolently as you can at James. He sighs. "Fine." The mice vanish, and you relax slightly. "You lot are no fun at all." Sruthi and Cass look confused. You wonder if they could even see the mice, or if that was just for you. "So you'll be turning Ari back?" Cass inquires hopefully. James shrugs. "Our dear flatmate has passed my little tests and proved that they are not, in fact, a cat. Therefore they will cease to be a cat in, oh..." he checks his watch as though idly considering bus times, "...the next three minutes." Sruthi lets out a cheer that hurriedly morphs into a cough under the weight of James' glare. Cass, being more subtle, directs a small, secret smile at you. "Well, if that is all, I have work to do." James pauses before slamming his door, looking down at you. "A word of advice: if you wish for your lamentable taste in sleepwear to remain secret I'd retire to your room post haste." With those words, James' door slams closed. You take a second to consider just how long Sruthi and Cass would make fun of you if they saw your My Little Pony pyjamas and decide that, for once, it might be best to follow James' advice. [[To your room!->Right, time to not be a cat any more!]]

You make it back into your room and push the door shut with your nose. You really are looking forward to having hands again. "Best. Flatmate. Ever." You hear Sruthi exclaim from the hall. "Never a dull moment!" Cass laughs at Sruthi, before calling out to you through the door. "See you in a bit, Ari!" You hear the sound of their footsteps as they head down the hall and away. And then, you start to feel...weird Your stomach is whooshing, your head is spinning. Your whole body seems to stretch for a split second, as if it was old chewed gum. Then...you're back. You're you again. You have hands, feet, fingers, toes. Even your pyjamas have returned perfectly intact. You quickly pull on clothes, grab Felix from where he's lounging on your bed and, ignoring his mews of annoyance, deposit him in the hallway before slamming your door shut. Yep, it feels good to be back. [[Game over: The Tale of Ari the Human->The Tale of Ari the Human]]

James looks at you for a long moment. You try your best to look dignified and generally not like your average cat. "I see..." James pauses, like he's weighing the facts. "So you're absolutely sure that this cat," he gestures towards you, "is not an ordinary cat, but our quite human flatmate trapped in cat form. Hmm...a predicament indeed." As he says the last sentence, you notice him making some kind of flicking gesture with one hand behind his back. You peer around him, trying to figure out what he's up to, and as you do you see that that his room is full of mice. There must be a hundred of them, skittering across the floor and over his bed and everywhere. You've crouched into a pounce before you even realise what you are doing. [[Mice! Catch the mice! Your pride depends on it!]] [[No, this is a trick! You can't give into it!]]

<div class="small_title">CONGRATULATIONS, YOU WON!</div> Score: You completed the game and didn't get stuck as a cat forever, go you! You used up $catscore lives out of a possible [$maxcatscore]<c1| [[Play again->Wake up]] (click: ?c1)[I guess you thought that cats have nine lives, right? Think again!]

<div class="small_title">GAME OVER</div> Score: Unfortunately, you acted a bit too much like a cat and ended up trapped for good! Better luck next time! [[Try again?->Wake up]]

You relax in the laundry basket, taking turns between snoozing, keeping watch for James, and playing with socks. After a while, you start to think that you might be getting slightly too comfortable being a cat, and that spooks you enough that you clamber out of the basket and onto the floor. You've got the feeling that if you want James to turn you back, you had better find a way of doing it soon. [[Nothing else to do here, best leave the room]]

(set: $catscore to it + 1)(if: $catscore < $maxcatscore - 1)[Woah...what came over you there? There's no actual dog here, it's just on tv. You force yourself to relax. [[Calm down and watch the show->Settle down to watch]] ] (else-if: $catscore is $maxcatscore - 1)[You prepare yourself for an almighty pounce, eyes on the offending mutt, when suddenly he's not there anymore. There's just some middle-aged white guys. You slowly come back to your senses. How did you manage to forget that you were watching tv? You'd been so sure that that dog was in the room with you. This is starting to get scary, you need to figure out how to get turned back as quickly as possible. [[Watch a bit of the show to calm yourself down->Settle down to watch]] ] (else:)[You pounce at the mutt, claws outstretched...and slide right off hard glass to the floor. Hmph. You prowl around and see that the dog seems to be safely encased in some kind of box. Oh well, at least he can't bother you from in there. "Did you see that?" You hear one of the humans say, sounding surprised. "Yeah. I guess I was wrong. I really did think it was Ari." The other one has approached you, crouching down. "You know, I think we should call you Paws Kittiford. Look at those little kitty paws." A hand reaches out and scratches behind your ear. It feels so good that might even be able to deal with that terrible name. [[Game over: The Tale of Paws Kittiford->You're a cat now, Harry!]] ]

Yeah, what's the point of going to James anyway. Who knows what he would do? Better to be stuck as a cat than as a slug, or a bug. You jump down and hide under the sofa. (set: $catscore to $catscore + 1)(if: $catscore < $maxcatscore)[ There's a pause, and you hear Cass' footsteps approach. She kneels down, her face looking huge as she peers under the sofa at you. "It's okay Ari. Sruthi's just being an idiot. We're with you, okay? We'll convince James. Right Sruth?" "Yeah...sorry Ari." Sruthi sounds abashed. You feel a bit stronger, knowing that your friends are on your side. [[Yeah, you'll go confront James together->Go wait for them at James' door]] ](else:)[ There's a pause, and you hear the thud of footsteps approaching. One of the humans kneels down, her face looking huge as she peers under the sofa at you. Her lips move, saying something in a comforting tone, but you've made up your mind, you're a cat now, and that's how you'll stay. You hiss at her, and she only just backs up in time to avoid one swinging paw. [[Game over: The Tale of Paws Kittiford->You're a cat now, Harry!]] ]

(set: $catscore to $catscore + 1)(if: $catscore < $maxcatscore)[ You turn and walk a couple of steps down the hall before catching yourself. What on earth are you doing? This is your chance to get your own body back and you're going to quit this easily? (link:"Yeah, being a human sucks. You need a nap")[(set: $catscore to $maxcatscore)(goto: "This human stuff is so boring. Go and have nap in the bathroom sink.")] [[No way! You're a human!->Claw Sruthi]] ](else:)[As you wander away down the hall, you hear the two friendlier humans calling after you. They seem concerned, but it's probably some boring human thing and you really need a good nap. You can make it up to them later by graciously allowing them to pet you. You pad into the kitchen, jump up onto the toilet, then into the sink. You curl up and close your eyes. [[Game over: The Tale of Paws Kittiford->You're a cat now, Harry!]] ]

(set: $catscore to $catscore + 1)You step onto the nice warm laptop and curl up. You close your eyes, relaxing completely for a moment before you think you hear footsteps approaching. (if: $catscore is $maxcatscore - 1)[ For a moment, you think about just ignoring it. Don't you deserve a proper cat nap? It's been such a tiring day after all. Would it really be so terrible if you don't convince Sruthi and Cass to help you? Being a cat is pretty okay. You shake your head, coming to your senses again. You can't give in, you need to get moving! [[Get up and look at the message you wrote->You take a look at your handiwork]] [[It's probably ruined now, better leave a message using the fridge magnets->Choose new fridge message]] ](else-if: $catscore < $maxcatscore - 1)[ Quick, you've got to leave some kind of message before Sruthi and Cass get back! [[Get up and look at the message you wrote->You take a look at your handiwork]] [[It's probably ruined now, better leave a message using the fridge magnets->Choose new fridge message]] ](else:)[ You ignore it, yawning and closing your eyes. You deserve a proper cat nap. It's been such a tiring day after all. Anyway, it will just be some boring human business, you're not sure why you could possibly have been worried about it. The best thing about being a cat is that you don't need to concern yourself with any of that stuff at all. Nope, all you need to worry about is having a nice, long, sleep. [[Game over: The Tale of Paws Kittiford->You're a cat now, Harry!]] ]

<div id="title-contents"> <div id="title" class="titletext">Meow</div> a text adventure game written by Nye Todd using twine 2.0 [[START GAME->Wake up]] </div>

(set: $catscore to $catscore + 1)(if: $catscore < $maxcatscore - 1)[No way, do you have a death wish? Just get out of the room quick before she spots you. [[Head through to the kitchen]] ] (else-if: $catscore is $maxcatscore - 1)[Yeah, that could be funny. You silently stalk up to the desk, preparing yourself to leap up onto it. You can see Cass' expression from here though, and it's enough to give you pause. Her face is fixed into a frown, dark-ringed eyes staring at her screen unblinkingly as she types. She looks stressed, and tired. You sit back, considering. Cass' boss is a transphobic jerk and you know that he's been getting to her recently, setting her impossible tasks just so he can berate her when she fails. She's been trying not to let it show, but both you and Sruthi have been pretty worried about her. Maybe knocking the cups over wouldn't be too funny, come to think of it. Maybe it would just be mean. [[Yeah, you should just leave and head to the kitchen->Head through to the kitchen]] [[Mean, schmean, you're a cat! Let the coffee meet the carpet!->Knock the coffee cups off the desk with extreme insolence]]] (else:)[Oh yes, the expression on the human's face when you tip those cups off the desk will be perfect. Barely able to contain your excitement, you spring forward and leap up onto the desk. The human looks up at the clatter of your claws against the desk top. "Felix," she starts with a sigh, before frowning, "...wait, who are you?" You ignore her. Her question doesn't seem to have anything to do with food and therefore can't possibly be important. Instead, you push out a paw, slowly inching the cup closest to you over towards the edge of the desk. "Nonononono!" The cup is snatched up and moved over to the centre of the desk. You fix your stare on this human that has dared to disrupt you and start pushing one of the other mugs instead. Who does she think she is? You hear a loud sigh, and then you're in the air, hands gripping under your front legs. She holds you up to face her, standing now. "Well, aren't you a little terror?" She sounds irritated, but there's affection there too. "I don't suppose I'm going to get anything done until we find out where you've come from, eh? Come on then, let's go find Sruthi." With that, she adjusts you in her arms and heads out the door. [[Game over: The Tale of Paws Kittiford->You're a cat now, Harry!]] ]

<div class="small_title">The Tale of Ari the Human</div> Once upon a time, in an ordinary flat, in an ordinary town, there lived a human called Ari Kaplan. On one fateful day Ari was turned into a little kitty by their flatmate James Merryweather. However, with the aid of their best friends Sruthi Vaidynathan and Cassandra Jones they managed to regain their human form. Luckily, Ari escaped this experience [largely unscathed.]<c1| It would please the author to report that Ari lived out the rest of their life without further incident, however that would not be true. In recent years, many stories have surfaced of strange misadventures involving Ari and their flatmates. Doubtless, many of these are [likely fabrications]<c2| but at the very least we can be sure that Ari did not live a quiet life. The true extent of their adventures may be lost to time, but the stories that have lived on have brought amusement and joy to many. That, in itself, is a sign of a life well lived. [[THE END->GAME OVER]] (click:?c1)[**Footnote 1:** Some minor side-effects were reported, such as a week or so of coughing up furballs, and a lasting compulsion to climb inside any large box encountered.] (click:?c2)[**Footnote 2:** One such tall tale suggests that Ari, Sruthi and Cassandra spent a month fighting monsters and dragons after a table-top RPG session with James spilled over into reality. Another tells of Ari and Sruthi freeing Cass from the clutches of the vile witch Hexadrone, storming her fortress on the back of a huge, fire-breathing dragon (which the most imaginative reporters claimed was actually James). Obviously, these tales are far too bizarre to be believed by any reputable source.]