Attacked by Crows

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YOU are a normal person, chosen by weird fates to experience an adventure that will change YOU forever. But YOU just don't know it yet. What YOU do know is that it is a Monday and YOU are walking towards your favourite place. Be warned, many choices may lead to death or victory. There are only a few TRUE ENDINGS where you will enjoy your favourite place. The Sun is shining and there are few clouds in the air. A gentle breeze ruffles your hair, and the trees around you. For a moment you are as one with the greenery around you, moved by the poetry of the wind. But then you remember that you are a biped mammal, on a course to a destination. [[Remove hair->Bald]] [[Keep walking->Walking onwards]] [[Return Home->Return Home]]

Of course, your hair is just a wig. You undo the weave and reveal your natural pate to the wind, so you can enjoy the breeze as God intended. As you walk, the sounds of bird song in the air dies down. There is a terrible silence in the air. Something is coming. Something from the skies... A murder of crows appears from the trees. They swoop at you, raking your unprotected bonce with their beaks and sharp talons. [[Fight them off->fight crows]] [[Run onwards to your favourite place->run on]]

You continue on towards your destination. Though you are the kind of person to enjoy a moment of relaxation, you are also determined to work hard when necessary. Some find your personality difficult, but others are drawn to your drive. This makes you stand out in a crowd, but you are also comfortable working on a team. You are so busy considering the contradictory but complementary personality traits that you almost don't notice that something is watching you! A glint from a tree shows that somebody is tracking you with a miniature telescope. [[Ignore it, haters gonna hate->press on]] [[Stop to investigate->Investigate Telescope]] [[Drop to the ground and exclaim "My shins, my shins!"->Shin problems]]

You turn to return home, but then you turn back. Should you really turn up your nose at a chance to return to your favourite place? [[Really return home->really return home]] [[Re-think your return to home and return to your real destination->Walking onwards]]

You have a place to get to. Your favourite place. This is the place that brings you the most joy you've ever felt. Nothing should stop you visiting it. You resolutely press on. As you walk, you feel a lightness in your being. Colours seems brighter, the random sounds of street traffic seem like a symphony made just for you. Everything is making sense now, you think more clearly in your favourite place. You know who you are in your favourite place. You can't wait to get there and sit down! A crow flies past overhead. Almost there, you can't wait. A crow circles above, cawing. You wonder what part of your favourite place you should visit first. A couple of crows sweep past your ears. [[Ignore them, they just want attention->ignor crows]] [[Swat them away->swat crows]] [[Run onwards->run onwards]]

A squirrel is watching you through the telescope. You approach and the critter chitters at you. [[Listen to its chittering->listen chitter]] [[Ignore it and continue on your way->press on]]

You drop to the floor. As you cry in pain the trees shake and a huge murder of crows takes into the air. Your shouts have attracted their attention. They circle in the air above you. So many of them that it blocks out the sun. You feel a chilly threat in the air. Will they attack you, despite your ruse? [[It's not a ruse, my shins really hurt->real shins]] [[I'll act my best->act shins]]

You return to your home. Home sweet home. A home or house is a dwelling place of one or more humans, along with possible pets, definite furniture and fittings and likely carpet. This home is your home. You rummage in your pockets. Until you realise that you have forgotten your keys. [[Knock on the door->Knock on door]] [[Forget it! My favourite place is waiting->press on]]

You knock on the door, a foolish whimsy as you live alone. But to your surprise you hear somebody coming to the door! Who is inside your house? After a few seconds, the door swings open and you see a Giant Crow. It's wearing your favourite clothes. "What do you want?" it croaks. "I'm watching my favourite TV program, I hope this is important." It preens its feathers with its beak, keeping one eye on you. "I don't like opening my favourite door to salesmen or lollygaggers." [[Attack it->attack giant crow]] [[Question it->question giant crow]] [[Say you are from the council->council lie]]

You leap forward, filled with revenge at this corvid impersonator, but the crow leaps back and you are left with a handful of feathers. The giant crow pecks back at you and forces you away from your house. "Help, help!" It squawks. It's blocking your doorway and you are left stranded in your own garden. Curtains twitch as neighbours peer at the commotion. This bird is causing quite a ruckus. [[Flee->flee giant crow]] [[Stand your ground->stand your ground]]

"What are you doing in my house?" you question. "What are you doing at my front door?" it rejoinders. "Have you any proof of home ownership?" you challenge it. That stops it for a second. It stares at you with its huge black eyes. "You'd better come in," it says. It stands aside and gestures with a wing for you to enter. [[Walk in past it->walk in past it]] [[Wait for it1]]

"I'm from the council." You keep a straight face, but inside you are filled with glee at your magnificent performance. "Aren't we all dear? But what's that got to do with the price of fish?" The crow flutters its wing. "I'm from the fish department. We're investigating a spate of expensive fish in the area. To answer your question." Your face is fixed in an impassive official grimace, but your heart pounds in your chest at the marvellous improvising you are doing right now. This is gold. "And what's expensive fish got to do with me?" It squawks a mocking laugh. "Fish prices affect Kingfishers-" "I'm a crow dearie." "-and if you have any interest in local biodiversity that should concern you. Crows are notoriously intelligent, and an intelligent species recognises that its own survival depends on a healthy local biodiversity." You smile smugly and your nostrils flare with victory, but inside your emotions are passive and unreadable. You did it the wrong way around, stupid. Thankfully the crow does not notice. It appears to be considering your point. [[Attack whilst it is distracted->attack giant crow]] [[Ask if you can come in-> council in]]

You turn tail and flee, discretion is the better part of valour when facing a giant crow using the tactics of a cuckoo. You hear squawks behind you, taunting you. You cannot resist one last look at your home. As you turn and stare at the giant crow in your doorway, it flaps its wings and makes a raspberry sound at you. Saucy! It slams the door shut. "What's going on here?" You hear the official sounding voice of a policeman. You turn, but relief turns to terror as you see two giant crows in police uniform. They ignore your pleas for help and bundle you into their police car. Somehow you have become the prisoner of a Crow Legal System. You will spend your days doing hard labour in a prison staffed entirely by giant crows. One day you may be able to convince the warder that you are no longer a menace to society and be released into freedom, but for now, your adventure ends here.

You are no match for a giant crow, even on familiar ground like your own front garden. It catches you in the temple with its beak, and the last thing you see is it looming over you. Your adventure ends here.

You scoot past the giant crow, hugging the wall. Though your hallway was fine for a single person to enter and exit, it was never designed to hold two large creatures, especially not one with enormous wings! The giant crow hunches itself against the other wall, and flattens its beak against the door. You reach your hallway table, where you keep your (not this crow's!) hallway phone and unopened post. Now you are at an impasse. The crow must move its beak out of the way of the door to close it. And the door must be closed so the crow can move out of your way an allow you to enter the House Proper. [[Duck down->duck down]] [[Edge around the hallway table->edge around]]

"After you," you say. It cocks its head to consider you for a moment. The coal black marble of its eyes hide the intention of its unreadable intelligence. It turns and shuffles into the living room. [[Go in after it->follow crow]] [[Slam the door shut->slam door]]

You bend your knees slightly. They make a cracking noise and you are reminded that you are getting a bit older. As a youngster you never had these aches and pains in your body, but middle age is approaching. Are you really happy here, living on your own? Visiting your favourite place all on your own? Is it what you dreamed of as a youngster? [[Ignore the sound and continue your crouch->continue crouch]] [[Make a joke about getting older->knee joke]]

You complete the crouch and the crow turns it head. The door (your front door!) closes and you can now make your way into the living room. [[Go into the living room->living room]] [[Make a run for the stairs->up stairs]]

"I always wanted to learn the piano, but my knees ended up playing the castanets," you say. The giant crow chuckles. "We're all getting older. I keep finding grey feathers in the mirror." "Crows get grey feathers? I didn't know that." "I didn't know humans got creaky knees." You both laugh and share a moment of silence, recognition of your mortality and shared ignorance passes between you. You have so much to learn. [[Ask the crow to move in with you->move in]] [[Continue your crouching->continue crouch]]

You edge around the table. The crow gives you a nod of thanks and turns its beak into the hallway. Now the door (your door!) can be closed. The door closes with a satisfying click and the crow motions its wing for you to enter the living room (your living room!). [[Run upstairs->up stairs]] [[Go into the living room->living room]]

You follow the giant crow, your eyes remain fixed on it the whole time. Who knows what dastardly plan it's brewing in its bird brain? It struts into the living room and you follow after it. [[Go into living room->living room]]

You slam your door shut. You've done it! That giant crow is now trapped in your house. You wonder if that's really a victory. [[Yes of course it is->yes victory]] [[No, I've made a terrible mistake->no victory]]

Of course you knew what you were doing! You don't just pick random choices from a limited set of selections to see what happens! You have a plan and a personality, everything you do is carefully considered to achieve your goals. A crow living in your house is a distraction from your real goal, visiting your favourite place. You chuckle at your cleverness in avoiding this red herring, and gain 10 points (in real life, not in this gamebook, it's your choice how to track these). You exit your garden and trace back your steps. You need to make up time, your favourite place is waiting for you. [[Onwards!->press on]]

Oh dear. You were so impressed at your knowledge of how a door works that you forgot one thing, the crow is inside, and you are outside. Though a less educated person may consider that to be two things, you recognise the inside/outside relation as a single transitive property and thus it is in reality only one thing. You have to be harder on yourself due to your above-average intelligence. Still, you did just shut yourself out of your own house, whilst a giant crow is sitting in your living room, so don't get too cocky. [[Forget it, you have a favourite place to get to->press on pre]] [[Knock on the window->knock on window]]

You run away from your house. It's time you concentrated on the real goal, getting to your favourite place. [[Press on->press on]]

You knock on the window. The crow turns the telly up and ignores you. [[Smash the window->smash window]] [[Give up and return to your journey->press on pre]]

"Why don't you move in? I could do with the company." Your knees are trembling from your halfway crouch, but you've felt a moment of connection here. Something like this only happens a few times in a life, you feel the opportunity to radically change your life. "Move into my own house?" It says sarcastically. "Drop the act, we both know this is my house. We've shared a moment here." It drops its beak and caws ashamedly. "You're right, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." [[Attack whilst its vulnerable->attack giant crow]] [[Repeat your offer->repeat offer]]

You go into the living room and see that all your photos have been removed. Your trip to Disney-land, gone. Graduation photo, not over the fireplace. Your amateur moon photos, disappeared. The professional photos of your first gig, gone-a-roonie. They're all gone. "So, you're claiming that you live here?" The giant crow struts around the living room. Its wings knock a coffee cup from your table. [[Strut yourself->strut]] [[Pick up the cup->calm truth]]

You race upstairs and into your bedroom. The giant crow races after you. You only have a few seconds to make a decision. [[Hide in the cupboard->hide cupboard]] [[Jump out the window->jump out]] [[I spent more than a few seconds reading this->too long]]

"We're not getting any younger." It's true. What started as two strangers fighting over the rights to a domicile has transformed into two strangers realising they will both one day die. The giant crow accepts your offer and moves in. You clean up your guest room and the crow builds a nest in the walk-in cupboard. Each morning the giant crow comes down and you chat over breakfast about current events, weather patterns and neighbourhood gossip. You begin to realise how lonely you've been here. You know the names of all the neighbours, but you never really made friends with them. And they never really made friends with you. You never ask the crows name, and it never offers it, but you don't need to know it. It's your housemate, that's what matters. One day during breakfast you stare out of your window at a sunny day and realise that you never finished that journey to your favourite place. [[It doesn't matter->no matter]] [[This crow can never know->secret crow]] [[Take your housemate there->go with crow]]

You realise the feeling you felt in your favourite place was connection. The connection you have built up with your housemate (the giant crow) has replaced the need to visit a physical location. You carry connection in your heart now. You look over at the giant crow and it looks back at you. What was only a house, that could be taken away by a giant crow, is now a home, a shared life of moments that can never be taken away from either of you. Without knowing it, you created your favourite place here, in this space between two intelligent minds. You have found one of the True Endings to your story.

No, you've shared moments of vulnerability and intimacy with this thing, but you could never show it your favourite place. Your happy domestic life continues. But on days when the giant crow is circling the neighbourhood from above, watching out for people eating sandwiches on park benches, you stare out of the window and wonder if you will ever return to your favourite place. One day perhaps you will muster the courage to visit your favourite place, perhaps even share the location with the giant crow, but for now, your adventure is over.

"Come with me," you say one morning. "Going to catch some strawberries?" the giant crow jokes, a reference to an in-joke you've developed with it. You say nothing, but your eyes are bright. The giant crow, intrigued, follows you out of the front door and along the streets. It senses the spring in your step as you come closer to your destination. Then you are there. White clouds hang motionless in the still summer sky. The bright sun makes shadowy landscapes of their undersides. You've missed this place. You cartwheel, and jump for joy. "Caw, caw!" The giant crow wheels overhead in the sky. Now it's the favourite place of not only you, but of your giant crow housemate. The bird that once stood passive-aggressively in your doorway has become a playmate in the skies. You have found one of the True Endings to your story.

"Can I come in? It's important." "You'd better come in," it says. It stands aside and gestures with a wing for you to enter. [[Walk in past it->walk in past it]] [[Wait for it to go ahead of you->Wait for it1]]

Too early. Your speed was faster than light itself, you have travelled back in time! In the place where you expected to see your favourite place, is a completely different place. Instead of your favourite sights, you see numerous flowering plants and a large inland sea. A large iguanadon munches on leaves nearby, and in the distance you recognise an eotyrannus stalking smaller prey You are in the early cretaceous you suspect, a time long before crows. But also a time long before humanity and any of the luxuries you are used to living with. You had better think quick. [[Think quick->think quick]] [[Put your hair back on->hair back on]] [[Try something else->cret alt]]

You swat at the crows, but it's no use. Crows are an intelligent bird species and can co-ordinate their attacks, and their air manoeuvrability makes you a sitting duck. This will be your swan song. A goose is another species of bird that should be mentioned here. No matter how hard you fight, and how many crows you defeat, more swoop to take their place. And not only take their place, attack you to boot. You fall to the floor, exhausted and bleeding. Wings beat about you. You don't know why they have attacked you, but they have. As your vision fades, all you can hear is the evil cawing of the crows. You have been Attacked by Crows. Your adventure ends here.

You sprint forward, and due to your lack of hair, the reduction in air resistance (F=1/2pv^^2^^CA) makes it much easier to run. You outpace the crows easily, you won't be attacked by crows today! However due to your great speed, you arrive at your favourite place much earlier than you intended, in fact, too early... [[How early?->too early]]

//The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side//. No, that's just a reference to //The Simpsons// (Season 5, Episode 10). Which was in itself a reference to the film //Wizard of Oz//. No help here! [[Think smart->think smart]] [[Think hard->think hard]] [[Forget thinking->forget thinking]]

You put your wig back on. Looks good. Now what though? [[Think hard->think hard]]

What's the last thing that a dinosaur would expect? A dinosaur cabaret? Invitation to a charity gala. No. The last thing a dinosaur would expect is a meteorite slamming into the Earth, forever changing the climate. You have no way of making that happen though. [[Think quick->think quick]] [[Think hard->think hard]]

This whole mess started because crows attacked you. What if crows had never existed? You know that coelurosauria are the ancestors of modern birds. Perhaps if you interfered with their evolutionary path, it could affect crows in the future? [[Kill all dinosaurs->kill dinos]] [[Instil a deep love for yourself in dinosaurs->love dinos]]

You are stranded in time, your favourite place will not exist for at least another 66 million years. There is no way you could live that long, even if you ate healthily and developed a good work-life balance. You think hard and realise that to affect events that far in the future you will have to think big. [[Think big->think big]] [[Think small->think small]] [[Think again->think again]]

You purposefully discard the very concept of thought from your mind. You never thought you had it in you, and now you have no thoughts in you. Is this really a good idea? You are unable to tell as you have no ideas in your mind at all. At first you live well, foraging and hunting dinosaurs using primitive instinct, but one day you are attacked and devoured by a Tyrannosaurus Rex. You have been Attacked by an Ancestor of Modern Birds (which includes crows) and your adventure ends here.

Time. Millions of years. Relativity. Entropy. A universe of information floods your mind as you open it to every concept you have ever learned. The event horizon of a black hole. Accretion disks of supermassive blackholes squeezing x-ray fountains from their poles of rotation. The brief glimpse of time that humanity has existed for. Of course. Time travel. If you travelled back through time to get here, you must be able to travel forward in time. You have made your decision. You will travel forwards in time. [[Invent a time machine->invent time]] [[Tutor dinosaurs in time travel->tutor saurs]] [[Just wait->just wait]]

What's the smallest thing you can think of? An atom? No, an electron. No, no a quark. You think of a quark. Without a large hadron collider there is not much you can do with that idea. [[Think again->think again]]

Think again. Think again. Nothing new comes into your mind. [[Think hard->think hard]] [[Think again->think again]] [[Forget it->forget thinking]]

During your long life in the cretaceous period you see many things. Dinosaur species unknown to modern paleontology, along with the familiar velociraptors and triceratops, woolungasauruses swimming in the inland sea, tyrannosauruses fighting over territory, forests of conifers that reach father than modern continents. But you never see the large industrialised technology base that could support genuine efforts to create a time machine. One day your fossilized remains next to a complicated arrangement of gears and dinosaur bones will be discovered and upend humanity's understanding of itself and evolution. But for you, stuck in the cretaceous, your adventure ends here.

The work is slow. First you experiment with taming appropriate species. Herbivores are too passive and fearful, most carnivores are too aggressive. But you find the perfect students in a species of small hunting dinosaurs that you name Futurosaurus. Their lives are short, but you deem this useful to allow fast selective breeding. At first you train them to communicate with clicks and hisses. This allows their pack-based hunting to increase exponentially in effectiveness. For the first time in history a species has excess leisure time, the secret to evolution of inventiveness and experimentation. As you grow old you see them slowly learn to use tools. At first simple crude barricades to protect their eggs and food stores. Near the end of your life they have formed what you consider a true society. Their language has developed past your guidance, they make jokes, tell stories of their hunting and sing hymns to the dawn as they wake. You see this all from your treehouse. You are a living god to them, like Prometheus that brought the secret of fire to them (literally, their little hands could never rub two sticks together). The priest caste can speak a close approximation of English to speak with you. You are unable to teach them the rudiments of Relativity, but you hope that you can send a message through them into their future, where a more civilised race of Futurosaurus will understand. One day through the dim light of your cataracts you see a large shape standing in the doorway. "We found you," it says. True English. Finally they came from the future. "How did you find me?" you croak. "In the legends that were passed down. Scholars and philosophers argued over your existence, but as we studied the fossil record we found that it must be true. The original hymn, found in every religion." It comes closer and you see a feathered ruff, long arms that end in delicate claws. Your Futurosaurs survived the meteor and evolved to become the rulers of the future Earth. "Yes, yes. Speak it, speak it." You feel that you are close to death, but you can die happy knowing you succeeded in your audacious dream. "I'm up a tree. Stuck in the past. Send help." It speaks reverentially. You die happy, knowing that your message was heard. Your adventure ends here.

You stand around and wait. The goal is 66 million years. You make about 5 minutes before you get eaten by a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Your adventure ends here.

Kill all dinosaurs, sounds like the title of a cheesy B-Movie. Perhaps that connotation gave you the idea that you woul have a fine old time of trying to kill every living dinosaur in this time period. You give it a good go, but you are not an immense asteroid that can crash into the planet. You are a single human being, locked in an eternal battle with dinosaur-kind. Your war never ends, and you die of old-age, battle-hardened and cynical. Your adventure ends here.

You decide that your way will be a way of peace, not violence. You think the perhaps if you instil respect for humans into the ancestors of birds, your future attackers will have a very different opinion of you. It's worth a try. You start by befriending all of the local dinosaurs, feeding leaves to the herbivores and feeding herbivores to the carnivores (but never in front of the herbivores). This Machiavellian Feeding schedule results in you becoming the most popular life form in the local area. You make a trophy for yourself: "Most popular life form", and award it to yourself in a yearly ceremony that keeps your hopes up. One day you realise the fruits of your efforts. A strange heat haze effect hovers in the air before you. The colours in the air twisting weave into each other like ink spinning in water. Figures step forth from the anomaly. Human figures! "Hail Odin," they say. [["Hail Odin."->hail odin]] [["Hail who?"->hail who]] [[Run away->flee vikings]]

You greet them in kind and they smile. They are tall and muscled, with long blond beards tied into braids. They wear armour covered in Norse-style patterns, but made from a flexible plastic. Of course. Your interference with dinosaur evolution had knock-on effects greater than you ever predicted. The increased affection of crows for humans made interspecies co-operation much more intense. Scandinavian cultures that consider ravens to be the eyes and ears of Odin must have profited from this intense bond, gathering knowledge from all over the world. Their technology outstrips all others. These are Time Vikings, advanced peoples from a world that worships Odin, Freya, Thor and all the Norse deities. "We are Time Vikings, we ride the seas of time, raiding for knowledge and understanding. Ulf Secondhand sensed an anomaly here." The leader, with long beard and technological Viking armour nods to his towering companion. "I told you, Gunnar Quickstep. This is our little anomaly." Ulf holds up his Time Horn. The curved horn glows with LEDs as he points it at you. It emits a low rumble like an elk making a threat. [[Explain your predicament->explain to viking]] [[Predict their explanation->predict explain]] [[Grab the Time Horn->grab horn]]

"Hail who?" "Odin, greatest of the Gods." [["Oh, hail //Odin//."->hail odin]] [["I'm non-religious."->non religion]]

You turn and flee, your time amongst dinosaurs has made you nervous and skittish around humans. The strange figures shout after you, but you are soon lost in the undergrowth of the cretaceous period. They turn and re-enter the anomaly, leaving you to wonder who they were and what brought them here? You will never know. You're training of the dinosaurs will continue for the rest of your life, but you never see the strange anomaly again, or ever see another human being. Your adventure end here.

You explain the strange course of events that brought you here into the cretaceous period, training dinosaurs. They can hardly believe your predicament, but you can hardly believe that they are Time Vikings, so you call it a draw. You are left with a pickle of a situation. Your intervention has changed the course of history, there is no future for you to travel back to. "You are welcome to come and join us," Gunnar Quickstep says. "Well perhaps there is a way..." Ulf Secondhand says. "Shh, Ulf Secondhand." Gunnar waves his companion down. [[Ask Ulf Secondhand what he means->ask ulf]] [[Agree to join their crew->join crew]]

The man standing in front of you is taken aback. "But do the birds of the sky not carry his message? The dream of the mind is the raven-song of the world. Ulf Secondhand hears these truths with his Time Horn." He gestures to the man standing beside him. Ulf is holding a curved horn that looks like a ram's, carved into an instrument. But it glows with LEDs and emits a low pinging sound. [[Hail Odin->hail odin]] [[Grab the Time Horn->grab horn]] [[Run away->flee vikings]]

You leap forward, cackling with glee. Who knows if these strange men are friend or foe? You must have their instrument. "Stop!" they cry. But it is too late. You snatch the Time Horn from Ulf Secondhand and leap into the anomaly behind them. As you suspected it is a gateway into the time streams. But you have no training with this mysterious Time Horn. Will you be able to use it? [[Blow into it hard->blow hard]] [[Sound a softer note->blow soft]] [[Listen to its sounds]]

You take a deep breath and blow as hard as you can through the Time Horn. An immense wave of temporal energy spills out, creating a terrible cyclone of energy. You blew too hard, the time vortex spins around you and seems like it will tear you apart. [[Go with the flow->go flow]] [[Go against the flow->against flow]] [[Suck on the Time Horn->suck horn]]

You blow a gentle parp on the horn. Parp, what a funny word. You chuckle with embarrassment. But parp is what you must do if you are to guide yourself cautiously through the time weave. Your gentle toots take you back into the future. But it is not the future that you left. You materialise in the longhouse of a Time Viking family. "Where are my cousins?" A tall woman with long braided blonde hair stares at you. [[Ulf Secondhand and Gunnar Quickstep sent me to get help->get help]] [[Ulf Quickstep and Gunnar Secondhand sent me to get help->wrong help]] [[Run out the doorway->flee longhouse]]

A Time Viking spends years as a youth, training to understand tiny fragments of the Time Weave. Only when they have passed their training are they allowed to listen to the Time Horn's Song of Infinity. You have none of this training. One blast of infinite information from the Time Horn and your mind is reduced to a quivering jelly. You drift, lost and senseless through the streams of time. Your adventure ends here.

"I expect that you select a ram's horn that spirals according to the Fibonaci sequence, and then electronics inside create time waves that harmonise with entropic effects and allow you to breach the time barrier," you say. You don't want them to think that you have become uncivilised, living in the cretaceous period and feeding dinosaurs to other dinosaurs. "Is that how the Time Horn works?" Gunnar Quickstep asks. "No, that was complete gibberish," Ulf Secondhand replies. [[Explain your predicament->explain to viking]] [[Grab the Time Horn->grab horn]]

She grabs the Time Horn and disappears for a second. Then she reappears with Ulf Secondhand and Gunnar Quickstep. They are shocked to see you in their home, and they glare at you. [[Apologise->sorry vikings]] [[Grab the Time Horn->not horn]]

Leg it. You make it to the doorway despite the Time Viking shouting after you. However, as you throw open the large wooden double doors, a blast of freezing cold air hits you. "Stop that intruder," she cries. Outside the longhouse, a murder of allied crows are waiting, watching the skies for danger. They react to their family being in danger with murderous intent. You are ripped to pieces in a matter of seconds. You have been Attacked by Family Crows, and your adventure ends here.

"Those are not my cousin's names, or my name is not Greta Doubletime." She grabs you and shakes you about. Before you can explain what you were thinking, she throws open the doors of the longhouse and pitches you out into the chilly cold. The Family Crows which have been perching outside set upon your instantly, and rend you into pieces. You have been attacked by Family Crows, and your adventure ends here.

You apologise to Ulf Secondhand and Gunnar Quickstep for stealing their Time Horn. "Ha! It was a brave venture. We forgive you," Ulf Seconhand says. He claps you on the shoulder. They are so impressed by your bravery and honour in apologising that they invite you to join their family. [[Accept->join viking2]] [[Politely refuse->refuse vikings]]

You make a grab for the Time Horn, but you tried that trick already and they are ready for your trick. Ulf Secondhand tackles you whilst Gunnar Quickstep blows a note on the Time Horn. They bundle you into a time portal, and you are cast adrift on the seas of time. With no Time Horn of your own, you will be trapped in this ageless limbo forever. You have an infinity to consider your mistakes. Your adventure ends here.

You ride the storm to its finality. The real finality, the end of everything. You are dropped into the final days of the Universe, when everything has cooled to the same temperature. The arrival of your body does create a whole new epoch of time where your body heat allows the blooming of a quantum civilisation. They worship you as a creator of a final age. For them picoseconds are millennia, but for you it is a brief painful flash of time in which you freeze to death. Your adventure ends here.

You twist your body to resist the storm, and instead of being thrust forward into time, you go back into the very beginning. Things get hot, very hot. Luckily for you this barely registers as you are vaporised into energy before you realise. Your adventure ends here.

A Time Horn is meant to be blown, not sucked, but what do you know? You are just an ordinary person trapped in extraordinary circumstances. You suck on the horn and immediately realise your mistake. Time sucks down through the horn and into your lungs. Your body swells up like a hideous balloon as it fills with time. Memory bubbles of every living thing fill your body, you live a million lifetimes in an instant. In some of them you don't do such a foolish thing as sucking on Time Horn. But in this timeline you have. Your body explodes and implodes at the same time. Your adventure ends here.

You are honoured at their respect for your honour, but you must respect your original mission. You explain to them what has happened. They listen with interest, but their faces fall as you explain how you trained dinosaurs to respect you. "I'm afraid you have altered the time streams now. We Time Vikings live in symbiosis with the ravens, Odin's eyes and ears. They bring us knowledge from all across the world, which makes us the most technologically advanced culture on Earth," Greta Doubletime says. "Yes, your old future does not exist. Crossing time-streams into alternate dimensions is the most dangerous of ventures," Ulf Secondhand says. "Come you two! Has not our guest shown great courage in stealing our Time Horn, great cunning in using it to return to our home, and great generosity in admitting their mistake? We can but try," Gunnar Quickstep says. [[Ask them to try->try time]] [[Decide to stay with them after all->join viking2]]

They show you how to work the Time Horn, and how to blow the forbidden note that will allow you to cross timestreams. You step into the portal and back into the seas of time. You blow a note and time parts like a woollen sock being unravelled. Except the woollen sock is time itself, and the wool of the sock is the fabric of time itself. The Time Horn shatters under the pressure. You hope this has worked. A hazy picture ravels in front of you. You see your house, and the streets of your neighbourhood. You have travelled back to the beginning of your adventure. [[Leave the time stream->The Beginning]]

"What do you mean, Ulf Secondhand?" you ask. "Well, there are forbidden notes you can play on the Time Horn. Ones that mix the time streams. You may be able to return to your own future." "But it's a foolhardy quest. None who have tried have ever returned to tell the tale," Gunnar Quickstep says. "So they must have succeeded," Ulf Secondhand says. [[Agree to try->agree to try]] [[Ask to join their crew->join crew]]

You agree to join their time travelling travels. They teach you the ways of the Time Horn, how to explore ages past and future. You see sights you would never have imagined. Glittering nursery nebula where stars come into being over aeons, the future of humanity as it strikes out into the wider Universe, the primal soup of Earth when chemicals tentatively chained together to create the first replicating life. Although a small part of you misses your favourite place, you grow to enjoy your rambles through time, an eventually your memories are so filled with wonder and companionship that you even forget how you started this adventure. You are a Time Viking, through and through. The adventure of a person who was Attacked by Crows ends here.

Ulf Secondhand takes a spare Time Horn from his pack and offers it to you. [[Take the horn->try time]]

The pain is real! Onlookers are attracted to your cries and call an ambulance. The sound of its siren scares off the crows. You are bundled into the ambulance and x-rayed at the hospital. The doctor comes to you with heavy news. You have shin splints. He recommends rest and recuperation. "I have good news and bad news," the doctor says. "What's the good news?" "As this condition affects only your shins, it won't affect your ability to play the piano." "But I can't play piano." "That was the bad news." You wondered why they made you play a grand piano in the x-ray room, and now you know. Two dreams crushed by shin splints in one day. With enough rest and recuperation you may be able to one day visit your favourite place, but for now, your adventure ends here.

You act your little socks off. "My shins!" you cry. You point at your naked shins, revealed now that you have taken your socks off. You thought it was just an expression, but the expression has become a reality. You have no socks and must scream. However, crows have the equivalent intelligent of a toddler. Is your acting good enough to fool a toddler? [[Of course, I was in youth theatre->youth theatre]] [[I've never fooled a toddler->no fooling]]

You remember the play. You were an egg, Humpty Dumpty, you think. The heat of the lights made you sweat inside your shell costume. You were wearing a papier-mâché eggshell //and// dungarees, there should have been a law against it. But you were a child star, you didn't understand the business. Pushy parents trying to live vicariously through you put you in that abominable egg-suit. And the year after that into an Abominable Snowman suit in //TinTin in Tibet//. Why were you always the monster? Was it something that adults saw inside you? A hunger for life that they judged to be too much? They were jealous of you. Tears stream down your face as you pretend that your shins are causing you pain. But it's not your shins, no. It's your heart. That's the power of acting, to take the pain of the heart and move it into the sins. Strasbourg eat your shins out. [[And the crows?->crow reaction]]

You admit that you have never fooled a toddler. Every game of peekaboo you've ever played has ended in the child pulling away the teal-towel, revealing your obvious hiding place. And today the tea-towel of your pretence is stripped away by the crows. They divebomb you as you lay on the floor, pecking at you. Soon you are crying in pain, but it is a pain all over your body. You are mercilessly pecked to death by crows. You have been Attacked by Crows and your adventure ends here.

A sombre mood fills the air. The crows have been touched by your pain. Whatever murderous intent they held has now been put aside. One of them reaches out a wing to pat you on the head. It feels healing. [[Thank crows->thanks crows]] [[Attack crows->attack crows]]

"Beware the crows," it chitters. [[Ignore it->ignore squirrel]] [[Ask for help->squirrel ask]]

"Help me, squirrel friend," you plead. The squirrel disappears into its hidey hole. [[Wait->wait for squirrel]] [[Climb the tree->climb tree]]

"I'm no quitter, little critter, I don't need no babysitter." You laugh and leave the rodent to its conspiracy theories. It shakes its head, but it lets you go. "I'm not bitter, it's you that's in the shitter," it whispers. [[Press on->press on]]

"Thanks crows," you say. They peer at you with their strange intelligence. So far away yet so close, you sense the presence of a great potential here. "Have you ever walked the boards?" The crow cocks its head and you explain theatre. The crows huddle closer, it seems they understand what you are telling them. This is a moment that changes your life forever. You take the crows under your wing (a joke that you constantly make and never get tired of), and teach them the works of Shakespeare, Ibsen, Monroe. All the greats. Your favourite place becomes something more. You build a theatre there (planning permission goes through quite quickly when hundreds of crows perch outside the local council offices and peer in the windows). Crow Theatre you call it. You're an actor, not a writer, let's be honest. You have found one of the True Endings to your story.

You reach out and really clock one of the crows in the beak. It's a real haymaker of a punch. Do you have about fifty more of those in you? You may well have, but there is not enough time to clock fifty or more crows on the conk in the time that they take to peck you to pieces. You have been Attacked by Crows and your adventure ends here.

After a moment you hear a click and a doorway in the tree swings open. You jump inside and the floor drops away. It's a lift! //If I was in America, I would call this an elevator.// You think to yourself. But you are not in America, you are in a tree-lift. The lift descends, and you find yourself in a secret underground maze of tunnels. The squirrel orders you to follow it, and marches into the corridor. [[I don't take no orders from a squirrel->no orders]] [[Best to follow along->follow squirrel]]

You climb the tree right to the top. As it sways in the wind and the crows suddenly circle you, you realise that this was what they expected you to do. You have little defence against the murder of crows that flocks around you and pecks you to pieces. You have been Attacked by Crows and your adventure ends here.

"You're not my dad!" you shout at it. Some kind of childhood issue just bubbled up there. The squirrel turns, but its too late, you have raced off in a huff. You soon find yourself lost in a maze of tunnels, some far too small for you to fit in. Presently you hear scampering. A squirrel patrol. [[Hide from them->hide squirrel]] [[Give yourself up->give up squirrel]] [[Attack them->attack squirrel]]

You are led into a huge strategy room. Fish float by outside, you are underneath the sea! A grizzled squirrel greets you. "Welcome to Atlantis. I am Rattatosk." "We have been locked in a war with the crows and ravens for millennia. We heard tell that they were planning to attack you, and decided that an enemy of the crows is a friend to us." [[Flee the chamber->hide squirrel]] [[Ask how it can help you->ask for help]] [[Ask how you can help it->ask help squirrel]]

You run deep into the edges of the tunnel system. You live the rest of your miserable life in fear. Fear of crows. Fear of squirrels. Fear of being discovered. Your adventure ends here.

You surrender yourself to them. "I've done nothing wrong," you say. "Nobody said you had. But it's not safe to wander these corridors alone." They point their spears at you and prod you. You can do nothing but follow their painful directing. [[Where do they take you?->follow squirrel]]

One squirrel is easy to defeat. A group of squirrels is manageable for a human. But a squad of highly trained squirrel commandos in their home territory? You have no chance. You are torn to pieces with military precision. Your adventure ends here.

Squirreled away in Atlantis, you have plenty of time to yourself. How best to spend your time? [[Study Atlantean magics->magic study]] [[Wander the corridors of Atlantis->wander atlantis]] [[Spend time with the squirrels->sqirrel life]]

You devote years of your life into researching the ancient lore of this realm. You teach yourself to read Atlantean and Deep Atlantean. What is the focus of your study? [[Astral projection->astral study]] [[Immortality->immortal study]] [[Defence against crows->anticrow magic]]

The pathways of Atlantis become as familiar to you as a lover's face. Though the murals have faded, you learn the stories of the Atlanteans from the broken traces of their art. You follow heroes as they plumb the depths to fight the squids that strangle. You see the triumph of their mages as they fought against starfish as large as ships. One day something captures your attention from a window. A light glinting in the dark waters. [[Look away->look away]] [[Look closer->look closer]] [[Look out->look out]]

You spend your days lazing around Atlantis and eating acorns. It's a good life. One day you look in the mirror and are shocked to see a human looking back at you. You have spent so long amongst the squirrels that you consider yourself to be one. From that day on you never look into a mirror again. You want to forget your old life and live in the moment with your squirrel chums. Your adventure ends here.

Astral projection, the ability to project one's soul out of one's body. This is surely a skill to be mastered. At first the spell is so taxing that you can only manage to project your soul for a few seconds. Long enough to peer through the door of your Atlantean apartment, but useless for anything else. Still, you persist and begin to increase your spirit journeys. One day you venture out into the waters surrounding Atlantis. You see a pod of whales swimming through the deep, majestic and huge. This whets your appetite for more astral projection. You spend your days roaming the surface of the Earth. Your spirit form is undetectable to crows, and they never bother you again. As your mastery grows, so too does your ambition. You visit the moon, stand on its stark grey surface and look down on the blue jewel of the Earth. You make preparations to visit the other planets. You have visited your favourite place many times of course, in spirit form. But now the Universe is your favourite place. A vista of unimaginable adventure lays before you. You have found one of the True Endings to your story.

Life. What's it all about? You decide the only way to really understand is to live forever. You study the forbidden spells that can halt aging, cure infirmities and sustain a full head of hair with a minimal of chemicals. The alchemical secrets of the body are opened to you, and one day you realise that you will live forever. On the day that the Sun swells up into a red giant and boils away the seas, you return to the lifeless surface. There are no crows now to bother you. You realise what it all means. Of course. Your efforts were worth it. From the perspective of an immortal being that is outliving its own planet, the meaning of life becomes obvious. But from the perspective of playing a gamebook, your adventure ends here.

To your surprise the Atlanteans took a great interest in birds, or sky-fish as they called them. They had great knowledge of the seas but their information on the surface world was sketchy at best. Birds represented a fascinating unknown to their scholars. You scoff at many of their outlandish ideas about skyfish (that clouds are birdspawn, that birds bathe in sunlight or that But they do have spells of protection against skyfish, perhaps prepared for a potential invasion of the surface world. Of course underwater there is no way to test them. Will you ever gather the courage to return to the surface? [[Yes, gird my spell-loins and return to the surface->return with magic]] [[No, this is just theoretical->theory study]]

It's time. You collect your tomes, practice your incantations and arcane gestures. You stride through the corridors of Atlantis, mysterious power crackles around you. Squirrels are afraid to approach you. You enter the lift that brought you here, all those years ago. You entered Atlantis in ignorance. Now you will leave it in a lift. Your eyes burn with barely contained magical efficacy as you fidget in the lift. Eventually the lift stops and the secret tree door swings open. Your sorcerous tendons flex and propel you out into the world. You are ready, splayed in the fabulous pose you learned from the Doctor Mordrid movie. [[Protection Against Sky-fish->prot skyfish]] [[Calamitous Abjuration of the Sky-fish->abjure skyfish]] [[All Encompassing Fumarole of Apocalyptic Destruction->apoc spell]]

You have resigned yourself to a life safe underwater, away from the terrible sky-fish, as you have come to call them. Eventually your knowledge of the surface world fades away, and your life is spent writing treatises on the mysterious sky-fish. Your adventure ends here.

A field of energy emerges from your waggling fingers and creates a barrier around you. You stride right into your favourite place. As soon as you do, crows pelt down from the sky in attack formation. They have been waiting for you all these years! But the barrier holds. They bounce off your magical protection. You laugh and laugh. I mean, you really guffaw. Passers by are alarmed at the sight of you cackling madly as crows repeatedly bounce off of your shield. But what do you care of the opinion of mere mortals? They would shudder to contemplate even a fraction of your forbidden knowledge. You spend the rest of the day ensconced in your cosmic protections, laughing loudly, and more importantly; enjoying your favourite place. You have found one of the True Endings to your story.

A somewhat challenging spell, but you are certain you have mastered it. The years spent hiding in Atlantis have ignited a fiery dislike of crows and an almost unbreakable inclination to finally enjoy your favourite place. The Deep Atlantean phrases ring out. The names of the Forbidden Gods are spoken. Thy sky darkens. The spell works. But it works too well. You only wanted to abjure crows, but you abjure every single bird on the planet. In a matter of seconds all avian life-forms are ejected out of the upper stratosphere and into space. Satellites are disrupted, ending the worldwide reach of the internet. Airlines are disrupted for months due to the damage caused to planes in flight. Also, every single bird on the planet was shot into space. Are you crazy? Why would you do such a thing? The guilt that hangs heavy on your heart prevents you from ever enjoying your favourite place again. Perhaps one day you will master a spell that can bring back the birds from space, and resurrect them. But for now, your adventure ends here.

This was the most powerful spell that you ever learned. What use is power if one does not use it? You plant your feet wide, throw your hands up to the skies and call out the pulsating incantations that will summon up the end of the world. It doesn't even mention sky-fish in the title, this is a spell designed to end everything. Why you did it, history books can never say, because there are no books or history after the moment you finish this spell. The earth erupts, spilling its heaving magmatic blood across the surface. Seas boil and the entire planet turns inside out. This is very unwelcome news for everything living on Earth. Your adventure ends here.

You snap your head in the other direction, best not to peer at the strange things of the deeps. You continue on, but you realise the same old tunnels are getting boring. How would you prefer to spend your time? [[Study Atlantean magic->magic study]] [[Spend more time with the squirrels->sqirrel life]]

The light is beautiful, so beautiful. You want to be close to it, as close as possible. You climb into an airlock in a daze. Water floods in, but you are uncaring, the light calls you. When the out door opens, you are gobbled up by a Lanternfish. It's hypnotic light has lured you to your doom, and your adventure ends here.

"Look out!" you shout. Then chuckle to yourself. Very amusing. But it doesn't solve the mystery of the light in the dark. [[Look closer->look closer]] [[Look away->look away]]

"How can you help me?" "We can only offer you sanctuary here, in Atlantis." Rattatosk gestures his cute little paws around. "Our forces are stretched thin as it is. If we had more squirrels, I could provide you with a bodyguard on the surface. But as it is I could only send one squirrel with you." [[Stay in Atlantis->stay atlantis]] [[Ask to return to the surface alone->return alone]] [[Ask for a bodyguard->ask bodyguard]]

"How can I help you?" The squirrels erupt into a chittering sound that you realise is laughter. They are mocking you. "A human, help a squirrel!" they laugh. But Rattatosk puts his hand up for silence. A musing look is on his face, and a bushy tail is on his bottom. "A human... help squirrels. Yes, I believe there is something you can do for us." He comes up to you and inspects your hands. Your ginormous human hands. "We can only carry one acorn at a time, but this one-" He holds up your hand. "-this one can carry //many// acorns." The squirrels roar in approval and their noses twitch. You spend the rest of your life being ferried back and forth to the surface, shovelling up great handfuls of acorns in your ginormous human hands and taking them back to Atlantis. Your adventure ends here.

It's too risky to return to the surface, even with the protection of a squirrel. You decide that all you can do is live the rest of your life in the ancient adandoned city of Atlantis, now re-populated by squirrels. It's the only sensible option. [[The days pass->Atlantis life]]

You have to face this challenge on your own. They take you back to the surface and you exit the tree. There is a strange silence in the air. Are the crows really lying in wait for you? [[Press on->press on]]

"I advise you to re-consider. The only squirrels I could spare are not prime fighters." [[Decide to return to the surface alone->return alone]] [[Ask again->ask again]]

"As you wish. Malcolm!" Rattatosk shouts out for your bodyguard. A largish grey squirrel wearing a tinyish baseball cap enters the strategy room on a skateboard. He does a sick ollie and skids to a halt in front of you. From his bushy tail he pulls out a yo-yo and does a //walk the dog trick//. "'Sup?" he says. "Malcolm is a historian with a special interest in human fads of the nineties. We have absolutely no use for him." Malcolm does a //round the world// trick. "Radical!" he squeaks. "If you want a bodyguard then Malcolm is the only squirrel I can spare. Again, I counsel you to re-consider the safety of your plan to return to the surface. Malcom does a //sidewinder// trick with his yo-yo whilst rail grinding the edge of the strategy table. "Cowabunga!" he squeaks. [[You will stay here after all->stay atlantis]] [[You like this Malcolm fellow->take malcolm]] [[You will go back alone->no malcolm]]

"I like this guy!" you say. Something about the little fella gives you a vibe, a good vibe. "As you wish." Rattatosk shakes his head. "Booyah!" Malcolm squeaks. "Let's go human bro." He skates out of the room, sliding up walls and rail grinding on pipes, rails, even the spears of passing squirrel patrols. You have to admit, he can skate. Unfortunately as you make it to the lift his yo-yo string gets tangled in his wheels and he faceplants right outside the door of it. He makes a painful and hilarious sounding "Oof!" [[Help him up->help malcolm]] [[Rattatosk was right, this guy is a loser->roast malcolm]]

"I will return to the surface alone and take my chances," you say. "Bogus!" Malcolm squeaks. He manuals towards you and stares up at you. "Just because I'm a bodacious historian doesn't mean I can't lay down some truly heinous terror on the crows." [[Ok, you'll take this guy->take malcolm]] [[No, seriously, just like, chill Malcolm dude->chill malcolm]]

"Chill little squirrel dude." "Gag me with a spoon," he squeaks. He does a kickflip over the table and skates back to where he came from. You can't help but feel that you let him down somehow. [[Return alone->return alone]]

"Later, loser." You stride in the lift. "Roasted, by my own era of slang," Malcolm groans. The door shuts and you are on your way to the surface. When the door opens again you are at the same tree that started this little diversion. The air is strangely quiet, are crows really hiding in waiting to attack you? [[Press on->press on]]

"Listen. I believe in you, you don't need to show off so much. There's no need to skate and do totally outsanding yo-yo tricks at the same time. We're in this together, let's work as a team." "Thanks. I mean, bodacious amounts of thanks, dude." Malcolm pulls his little baseball cap around so that you can't see the tears in his eyes. Tears of gratitude. If nothing else comes from this adventure, you at least know that you have given confidence to a squirrel with extensive knowledge of human fad culture from 1990-1999. [["To the surface little squirrel dude"->malcolm surface]]

You tut and ignore their shameful behaviour. Though they are social creatures of some intelligence, crows are nevertheless immune to human shaming. Your passive-aggressive approach does nothing to protect you from the pecking beaks of hundreds of crows. Your adventure ends here.

You swat at the crows. They swat back. There are more of them than you, but you are stronger. Still, there are many of them attacking you. A simple swatting will not do the job, you need some kind of strategy. [[Swat the ringleader->swat leader]] [[Swat the smaller ones->swat smaller]]

You run, you fall. You stand, you run again. You cry, you fall. You live, you learn. You love, you learn. The words of Alanis Morissette come to you. What an album, it really came out of nowhere and became the soundtrack of your summer of '95. How can one album hold so much raw aggressive truth and tender honesty? You will never know. Lost in your reverie about the first time you heard the piercing opening lines of "You Oughta Know" growl out of the radio, you are set upon by crows and pecked to death. Perhaps //you oughta know// not to just lie there and think about seminal Canadian singer-songwriters in the middle of a pitched battle against avian foes. Your adventure ends here.

You knock the largest crow out of the air. It caws and falls to the floor. The rest of the crows flutter away immediately. It seems you have identified their ringleader. The poor thing eyes you as it pants on the floor. [[Leave it be->leave crowleader]] [[Finish it off->finish crowleader]] [[Question it->question crow]]

You swat tiny crows from the sky. Your guilt at swiping down each one is inversely proportional to the size of it. But they made you do it! You're only protecting yourself. That's what you say to yourself as your fat human hand smacks down on top of a crow no larger than a hummingbird. The crows get smaller. Sensing your guilt, the crow leadership sends in their smallest crows. Bee-size corvids swarm around you, but you can show no mercy. The last miniature crow falls, and you stand, breathless. You did it. But you became the one thing you swore never to be: a miniature crow murderer. [[They made me do it->made me]] [[What have I done?->what done]]

It may be unwise, but you cannot bring yourself to finish off a defenceless beast. You leave it behind. The other crows crowd around their fallen leader. You tense for a counter-attack that never comes. It seems that your act of mercy has impressed them, or embarrassed them enough to respect your strength. [[Carry on->defeat all]]

They started it. You do something horrible to the crow, so that it will never bother you again. You stride on to your favourite place. It's still your favourite place. But the shine has been taken off it, because of the heinous act of defeating a defenceless enemy. The weather is quite nice, so you do have a nice day once you forget about it. Your adventure ends here.

It was self-defence. In many parts of America you are sure this is legal. You refuse to consider the actual law of the UK, which is where this terrible (possible) crime was perpetrated. The human mind is a wonderful thing, though. With your justification in place, the incident falls away from your mind. [[Carry on->defeat all]]

What have you done? A great many things. You knocked your Aunty Carol's wedding cake over and blamed it on the flower girl. Once in the woods you heard a cry for help and never investigated. You may have accidentally poisoned your neighbour's dog (you were going for the neighbour). Your internal rap sheet of guilt spills up, it's never-ending. This final act of decimating what could be its own unique species of impossibly and unexplainably tiny crows is the final straw. Your mind snaps and you're are plunged into a fugue state. Your adventure ends here.

"Bob is twice the age of Sally at Bob's tenth birthday party. Una is half the age of Sally at Una's tenth birthday party. When Bob is 50, how old is Una?" Solve that crow! "35," it caws. [[Correct->crow correct]] [[Wrong->wrong crow]]

It solved your riddle. You have to respect its intelligence. What can you do but leave it be? [[Leave it be->leave crowleader]]

"Wrong! Una died in a car crash when she was 20." Smugness, and a perverse disregard for mathematical logic. If there are two things that crows hate, its smugness and a perverse disregard for mathematical logic. Your face just provided them with both. They peck you into smug little bits. Your adventure ends here.

You make it to your favourite place untouched by further attacks. The sun is shining high in the sky, white clouds scud across the blue sky. All is peaceful. You sense a balance has come to the world. The trees bow to you in the wind, the grass sings your name. This is where you are supposed to be. You have finished your journey, and though many more adventures await you, you can rest easy. You have found a True Ending to your adventure.

You step out onto the surface of the Earth once more. The breeze is a welcome change from the wet-fur smell of Atlantis. Malcolm edges his skateboard out of the lift. He's never been to the surface! "Is it safe or bogus?" he asks. He does a //sidewinder//. [["Safe with me, buddy->safe malcolm]]

"We're a team, we have nothing to fear," you say this for your benefit as much as Malcolm's. But it proves to be true. You see the hint of shadows in the sky, circling crows ready to attack. Then Malcolm does a truly audacious //no comply// or //gravity pull// and the shadows disappear. The longer you stay above ground, the braver Malcolm gets, and the closer you get to your favourite place. When you arrive there is no hint of murderous corvids. Confused and possibly frightened by Malcolm's constant stream of '90s slang, skateboard and yo-yo tricks, they never bother you again. "Here it is, my favourite place," you say. The sunshine is warm and welcoming on your brow. "No, our totally fly favourite place," Malcolm says. He does a //kickflip//. And it's true. Your share journey has forged an unbreakable bond between the two of you. Your only problem now is whether to put him down as a dependant or pet on the census forms. You have found a True Ending to your story.

You pick up a garden gnome and heft it through the window. "Help, help! Vandal!" the crow shouts out. Two crow police offers race out from their hiding to arrest you. This is exactly what they were waiting for. They ignore your pleas for help and bundle you into their police car. Somehow you have become the prisoner of a Crow Legal System. You will spend your days doing hard labour in a prison staffed entirely by giant crows. One day you may be able to convince the warder that you are no longer a menace to society and be released into freedom, but for now, your adventure ends here.

It's a tight fit in the cupboard. Not because of all your clothes, you recently cleaned out your old outfits to give to a charity shop. So what's crowding you? It's the monster in the cupboard. You have jumped from the frying pan into the fire. The monster gobbles you up. Your adventure ends here.

You've seen action heroes leap through windows, it can't be that hard. (text-style:"rumble")[*CRASH*] It is that hard. You crash into your double-glazed bedroom window, then off your double-glazed window. You didn't think ahead to install stunt glass in your house. Who would? As you stand up, the giant crow enters the room. In your groggy state you stand no chance, and you are pecked to death in your own bedroom. Your adventure ends here.

You're honest, I'll give you that. The giant crow on the other hand, decides to give you a serious beating. Perhaps honesty was not the best policy in this scenario. Your adventure ends here.

You strut around the living room. "Stop copying me," it says. "Stop copying me," you mock it. "Stop stop," it says in its stupid crow voice. "Stop stop," you reply in your impression of its stupid crow voice. "Leave my house and I'll stop," you say. "Leave my house and I'll stop," the crow replies. You've trapped yourself. Crows are excellent mimics and neither one of you will back down. You spend the rest of your life circling the living room, mimicking a crow which is mimicking you, mimicking it. Your adventure ends here.

"Hold this mug," you say. You take your mug from the coffee table and hold it out. "I'm not thirsty." The crow shuffles nervously. Its wings are not made to hold the mug, and it knows it. "Change the TV channel," you say. The crow pecks at the TV remote and its huge beak cracks it in two. "Bloody builders," it mutters. "You don't live here! Nothing in this house is built for a creature like you," you crow. "Only a human could live here." You jump up on your sofa. "And *I* am that human!" You raise your arms, your point has been made. There can be no argument. The crow hands its head and shuffles from your house. You watch it leave and fasten your door. Never again will you allow a giant corvid to take over your house. Unfortunately that means that you will never leave your house again, nor visit your favourite place (except virtually in 2073 when public VR drones allow people to log into them and experience the outside world). So for now, your adventure ends here.

Your time amongst the dinosaurs has taught you that time travelling Vikings will only appear once in a lifetime. Why throw away this chance to start a new life in a new world? You agree to join their time travelling travels. They teach you the ways of the Time Horn, how to explore ages past and future. You see sights you would never have imagined. Glittering nursery nebula where stars come into being over aeons, the future of humanity as it strikes out into the wider Universe, the primal soup of Earth when chemicals tentatively chained together to create the first replicating life. Although a small part of you misses your favourite place, you grow to enjoy your rambles through time, an eventually your memories are so filled with wonder and companionship that you even forget how you started this adventure. You are a Time Viking, through and through. The adventure of a person who was Attacked by Crows ends here.

<img src="CrowCover.png" width=512 class=center> [[Begin the adventure->The Beginning]]