blinking stars

you're laying on your back. the grass is fluffy, it feels nice. there is a tree. you feel warm. the sky is illuminated with bright lights flickering in and out of existence [[stand up->standing up]] [[look at the lights->stars]]

it's cold now. it's dark. this is uncomfortable. [[lay back down->start]] [[walk to the tree->near tree]]

it must be cold up there. no warm blanket of air to hold the heat in. the lights are pretty today. but they seem like they're missing something. [[listen->listening1]]

''WHAT ARE THEY DOING'' [[block it out->stars2]]

the lights are pretty. this is comfortable. [[stand up->standing up]] [[listen->listening2]]

''THE LIGHTS ARE GONE'' [[stop listening->listening2.1]] [[stand up->standing up]]

''STOP RESISTING'' [[keep listening->listening3]] [[stop listening->listening2.2]]

the tree is happy. [[walk around the tree->hellscape]] [[lay down->start]]

now i lay me down to sleep. i pray the lord my soul to keep. if i should die before i wake. i pray to god my soul to take. [[now i lay me down to sleep. i pray the lord my soul to keep. if i should die before i wake. i pray to god my soul to take.->listening4]]

''//STOP RESISTING//'' [[give in->standing up]]

~~''//THERE ARE BODIES. THERE ARE BODIES. THERE ARE BODIES//''~~ [[turn back->stars3]] [[continue->listening3]]

the lights are quiet now. the lights aren't telling their stories. it is dark.

''YES CHILD, GOOD CHILD'' [[you are truth->submit]] [[leave->defy]]

''YES I AM. LISTEN CAREFULLY.'' [[listen->instructions]] [[leave->defy]]

''//~~YOU ARE WORTHLESS, YOU ARE INSIGNIFICANT, YOU ARE UNLOVED~~//'' [[yes->instructions]] [[no->defy2]]

''BLADE'' [[yes->blade]] [[leave->defy]]

red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red river, red sea. [[resist->defy3]] (if: $v is 2)[[[give in->thechoice]] **NOTE:** This option will take you to the alternative ending]

~~''//YOU ARE NO BETTER THAN I//''~~ [[yes->instructions]] [[leave->defy3]]

~~//''YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE''//~~ [[run->run]]

I should just sleep. [[sleep]]

[[wrist]] [[rope]] [[gun]] [[pills]] [[jump]] [[car]]

your lover finds you in the bath, in bloody water, your face is pale. [[next->funeral]]

your sister walks into your room and finds you, puffy and blue faced, dangling from the fan. [[next->funeral]]

your dad finds you on the floor in a pool of blood [[next->funeral]]

your mom finds you foaming at the mouth, a bottle of pills spilled across the floor, and a bottle of whiskey on your desk. [[next->funeral]]

you float down the river, never to be seen again. you are assumed dead a month later. [[next->funeral]]

firefighters find you slumped over in your car, in the garage, fire detectors blaring. [[next->funeral]]

you fall asleep on the couch, at 3:47 AM [[next->end]]

it rains as your casket is lowered into your grave, surrounded by people you loved dressed in black. [[next->end]]

thank you for playing [[play again->title]]

<h1>Author's Note</h1> Hello! I'm Pastell, writing to you from late August, 2020, almost exactly two years after the creation of this game. I'm doing better now, don't worry. **Content Warning:** Going forward in this author's note and into the game itself there are discussions of suicide, self-harm, depression, and body-horror. The original version of this game, written and published in August 2018, included an alternative ending in which you (ish? the perspective of this game isn't particularly clear) pass away from suicide. The way I portrayed this was, in my present opinion, harmful. Despite coming from the mind of someone who was, at the time, depressed and considering suicide; I believe what I wrote teetered on the edge of trauma porn. Accordingly, I now present the second version of the game, in which this author's note has been added. I have also removed that alternative ending. However, for the sake of authenticity and my own personal book-keeping, I'm providing the option to play the original version of the game with an added note before the original alternative ending. You'll be presented with that option at the end of this page. *blinking lights* is a Twine story I made in August of 2018, in a single night on a 10-year-old laptop running Linux while I was in the middle of a heavy depressive episode at the age of 14. As of writing this in August 2020, I'm doing better. *blinking lights* is what I would describe as a somewhat abstract interpretation of my own experience with depression. At the time of writing, I thought it was quite a bit more abstract and "artsy" than I now think it truly is. But I still think it has some value. I don't claim to be a visionary or anything, but if it has value to you then I'm glad. Stay safe <3 [[Play the updated version->start]] (link-reveal: "Play the original")[(set: $v to 2)(go-to: "start")]

<h1>*blinking lights*</h1> [[begin->author's note]]