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It's been years since Odysseus left you behind. "I'll be back in a jiffy, honey," he'd said airily, twirling his spear. "Those Trojans will hand over Helen on a plate, easy-peasy. War? It'll be all over in five minutes, and it only takes a couple of weeks to go from Troy back to Ithaca. You won't even know I'm gone."
Well...
It's been a while, frankly. And contrary to popular belief, you're not much of a fan of housework. Let the maids deal with it.
Boredom.It's been years since Odysseus left you behind. "I'll be back in a jiffy, honey," he'd said airily, twirling his spear. "Those Trojans will hand over Helen on a plate, easy-peasy. War? It'll be all over in five minutes, and it only takes a couple of weeks to go from Troy back to Ithaca. You won't even know I'm gone."
Well...
It's been a while, frankly. And contrary to popular belief, you're not much of a fan of housework. Let the maids deal with it.
[[Boredom.]]
Life in Ithaca has become so unbearably boring, you'd rather have your insides pecked out by an eagle.
So, fed up by all this, you make a decision.
[[Take up embroidery]]
[[Sail off to Troy]]
You spend several weeks of subdued tedium, hard at work making a tapestry depicting the exploits of Hercules.
"Please, ma'am," one of the servants pleads, "I want to hand in my resignation."
"And why so?" you ask petulantly.
"Your embroidery... it's... oh, ma'am, the way you depicted Hercules, he looks like a neurotic lion sitting on a pile of cow dung."
[[Toss the servant out of the window]]
[[Decide that the servant has a valid point]]
You can't just sail off to Troy just like that! You need a boat: a good, sturdy one, capable of surviving monsters and wayward gods without so much as a blink.
Followed by a veritable crowd of servants, you head off to the harbour. There are only two boats available at a reasonable price:
[[The Argo]]
[[The Embargo]]
You were always quite athletic, hence you find it quite easy to defenestrate the offending slave.
The female servant in question lands quite unpleasantly upon an old lady passing by, who turns out to be the goddess Athena in another one of her irritating disguises.
"Ow! You clumsy minx!"
"Sorry, old crone," the servant says apologetically. 'Say, you wouldn't be a goddess in disguise, by any chance? Could I have your autograph? Here's an urn and a paintbrush I just happen to have on me --"
"None of your business," she snaps, and having promptly beaned the servant over the head, she storms right into your house and glares at you in a disquieting way.
"Penelope, wife of Odysseus!" she shrieks most discordantly. "I have come to give you advice!"
[["I don't need advice! Begone!"]]
[["I'm all ears."]]
"Well," you say, pensive, "that was a rude thing to say, Andra, but I do think you're right. I was never meant for embroidery. Never could get the needlework right..."
"Perhaps, ma'am, if you were to..."
"What?"
"Well, I don't mean to intrude, but the master has been gone quite a longish bit of time. Maybe you could, I don't know... organize a search party to bring him back?"
Wow. Now that's an idea.
[[Sail off to Troy]]
"Do you not recognize me?" Athena says in a booming voice. "I am the goddess... ATHENAAAAAAAAH!"
"Oh, so you're that crazy woman with the owls, huh?" you reply mockingly. "The one who was born from someone's headache? Well, begone, or else I'll give you one hell of a migraine, I can promise you!"
"Raaah!" Athena growls, losing her temper. "I'll put a curse on you, by the Three Fates I will!"
[[Ooops.]]
Athena smiles. "Smart girl. I knew you'd listen to reason."
"Aren't you the very personification of Reason itself?" you point out.
"That's what I meant, okay?"
You fidget. "I'm getting bored of this conversation. Please, oh blessed and all mighty Athena, Goddess of Wisdom, enlighten me quickly before I throw you promptly out the nearest window."
"My advice: you must sail off to Troy at once! Your husband, Odysseus, is lying dead drunk in a Trojan bar. You must bring him back before something tosses him to the hogs!"
[[Sail off to Troy]]
[[Ask for a divorce]]
The "Argo" is a splendid ship, vast and imposing. The captain presents himself with a suave manner:
"Hullo. I'm Jason."
He's the outrageously handsome-and-don't-I-know-it type. You hate him at once, but your pride prevents you from turning back.
"Is your ship ready to sail?"
"Always is," Jason replies suavely, combing his hair. "Where might I take you, O beautiful woman?"
[[Slap him]]
[[Reply coldly, "Troy."]]
You ask the captain if that's really the name of his ship.
"The Embargo? Yup, that's it," he replies laconically, spitting out an olive kernel. "I'm Captain Pericles, by the way. I come all the way from Ljubljana."
"Lflubj -- ?"
"Ljubljana."
"Ljubblebana?"
"Never mind. I'll take you to Troy in less time than it takes for Hermes to deliver a FedEx. Deal?"
"Deal."
[[Get on board]]
"All aboard!" Pericles yells. Unfortunately, this almost leads to disaster because:
1) the Embargo isn't much bigger than a canoe
and
2) you have an awful lot of servants.
Some of them get drowned, but most of them swim back to shore safely, leaving only you, Captain Pericles, and a random mongrel aboard the Embargo.
"Would you rather we took a shortcut via the Gulf of Corinth?" the captain asks you, all the while struggling to control his ship as the wind blows with great vigor against the paper-thin sails.
[["Yes!"]]
[["No!"]]
About ten years later, when Odysseus returns at last with an incredibly long beard and one hell of a tale to tell, he discovers that you have been ravaging the neighborhood, thanks to your cursed ability to turn everything that you touch into goats.
"Holy Zeus, Penny!" he exclaims, aghast. He falls back on the couch, struggling to steady his nerves, but the couch tries to chew on his underwear.
Fumbling around, he graps a pitcher of wine to refresh his thirst, and finds only a very small goat with a handle in the place where the pitcher ought to be.
"Oh, for Zeus' sake! How did you do all this?" Odysseus groans.
Filled with the deepest contrition... you facepalm. And are immediately transformed into a goat.
No. No. This can't already be --
The End
"Alrighty! Eastward ho!" Pericles yells, startling the poor mongrel, which almost jumps overboard out of sheer fright.
And so the Embargo sails forth gaily, striding through the Gulf of Corinth.
[[Continue on towards the city of Corinth]]
[[Take a detour to visit Delphi]]
"Divorces haven't been invented yet, Penelope," Athena replies condescendingly. "You'll have to wait a couple of thousand years."
"Well, then turn me into a statue for a couple of thousand years, then!" you retort.
Athena takes you at your word. That is to say, she literally transforms you into a statue.
Centuries later, you are still frozen in the same position, a startled look in your eyes. And when you finally come to life (as a result of the concept of divorce being legalized at last), you discover that there is no point anymore in you getting a divorce, since now your husband is a pile of dust.
You make use of your newfound freedom to write authoritative books about life in Ancient Greece, and end up winning a Nobel Prize.
The End
"As you please, Mrs. Penny Oddity!" he yells back. Why he thinks this is necessary in a craft no longer than your couch is beyond you.
"Odysseus!" you correct him.
And so you sail south into the Ionian Sea, munching on grapes and scratching the random mongrel behind the ear.
Time goes by. Grapes grow scarce. And there's still no land in sight.
[[Eat the dog]]
[[Curse the seven mad gods of the sea]]
Seized by a fit of righteous rage, you slap Jason so hard that he falls overboard and lands in the sea.
The sea nymphs drag him down into the depths of the ocean, leaving you as the sole mistress of the Argo.
[[Take command]]
[[Choose another ship]]
"I wish to go to Troy. My husband is expecting me," you say icily.
"As you wish, my Lady," Jason simpers, unaffected by your tone.
It is only a matter of time before the Argo is striding forth through the Gulf of Corinth, knocking down lesser boats in its wake.
Suddenly, a Kraken emerges from the sea right ahead, a swirling mass of teeth and tentacles.
[[Jump overboard]]
[[Attack the Kraken]]
Driven mad by hunger, you are on the very verge of devouring the poor cur alive, when all of a sudden he begins to talk:
"Penelope! Please do not eat me! I am a god in disguise!"
[[Ignore his pleas]]
[[Ask him who he is]]
"Curse you, Poseidon! Curse you too, Amphitrite! Curse you, Triton and Theseus and Polyphemus and Hades knows what else!"
Upon these words, the sea rages and bubbles and basically goes bonkers.
When you finally come back to your senses, you find yourself lying upon a beach, completely at a loss. A rather large boar is sniffing your hair dubitatively.
[[Attack the boar]]
[[Run away]]
"From now on," you declare boldly, "I, Penelope Odysseus, will take command of the Argo! If anyone contests this, I will toss them overboard! IS THAT CLEAR?"
Hercules (the second in command, a big beefy dude wearing a lion as a cloak) stutters and trembles. "Y-y-yes, ma'am."
It is not long before the Argo arrives into the Gulf of Corinth, with you standing on deck with an air of hauteur, a veritable figure of glory.
Suddenly, a Kraken emerges from the sea right ahead, a swirling mass of teeth and tentacles.
"What do we do now, Captain Penelope?"
[[Kill the Kraken]]
[[Offer the Kraken a job]]
You feel guilty, and decide to pick a different ship for your expedition.
There is only one other option available to you:
[[The Embargo]]
Soon afterwards, while the two of you are roasting the remains of the dog on a spit, Captain Pericles points out that, generally speaking, it's not really a good idea to set fire to one's boat.
"Whatdidyousay?" you ask him, almost choking on a mouthful of dog.
"Um, Penny, well... I don't wish to bother you or anything, but the fact is that this boat is made of wood, you see, and wood is said to be highly flammable, you see, and -- Ouch! OUCH! MY TOES!"
The two of you are forced to jump overboard hastily as the Embargo goes up in a blaze of flames, before it then sinks straight down to the bottom of the sea.
"By Poseidon's beard! Where am I going to find another boat now?" Pericles complains bitterly.
[[Curse the seven mad gods of the sea]]
"I am one of the minor gods!" the dog replies.
"Oh, really? And who would you be, then?" you reply sardonically.
"I am Kanis, the God of Dogs!" he replies, whining. "I am he who guards the guard-dogs. I have many names: He Who Chews Upon The Couches, He Who Defecates Upon Public Property, and so forth... but you may call me Heel."
[["You sound utterly useless."]]
[["Can you help me get to Troy faster?"]]
You arrive at last in Corinth, where you bid good-bye to Pericles and his mangy boat.
"I'll wait for you!" he hollers.
"Drop dead!" you holler back.
Luckily, the wind drowns out your parting words.
[[Do some shopping]]
[[Find a donkey]]
You decide that maybe it would be wise to first consult with the Oracle of Delphos. Perhaps she would have some sage advice to offer.
When you arrive at the Temple, you find yourself stuck in an incredibly long queue of people all eager for cryptic answers to the myriad problems which beset their everyday lives.
A day goes by, and by the time your turn comes around you are literally falling asleep on the spot.
"And what may your question be, O Penelope?" the Oracle inquires.
[["Can you just let me sleep, please..."]]
[["I forgot what it was."]]
[["Where's Odysseus?"]]
You decide to see if you can buy some nice clothes and cakes. It takes you a long time, and when you are finished you suddenly find yourself in a quandary: you no longer have enough money to pay for the rest of the journey.
Disgruntled, you go back to the Embargo, and Pericles takes you all the way back to Ithaca, where you spend the next few years learning archery and shooting arrows at urns.
When Odysseus comes back, he barely recognizes you. "Since when are you so cool and beautiful, Penny?" he gasps.
"Since ten years."
"I guess I've got a lot of catching up to do."
The End
After a lot of searching, you succeed in hiring a donkey to take you all the way to Athens.
The trip is long and tedious. You pass the time away by the means of:
[[singing]]
[[insulting the donkey]]
Your singing is abominable, or so the donkey appears to believe. In order to shorten the agony, the poor animal defies all physical laws and travels at god-like speed towards Athens.
Upon arrival, the donkey takes it upon himself to toss you directly onto the first boat available. He even takes the time to unfurl the sails and push your boat out into the harbour, no mean feat for a quadruped.
With the wind in your back, you're sailing away from Athens, and you're already far away when the authorities realize that one of the boats have been stolen.
[[Sail]]
"Damn you, O sluggish son of Zeus' backside! You miserable dung-eating mule! Your father was so ugly, people fainted upon seeing him and had to be revived with smelling-salts! Your aunt was so stupid, she couldn't tell the difference between an olive and something which had just come out of a goat's butt!"
The donkey is merely bored by your ineffective insults, and the journey slogs along at snail's pace.
When at last you arrive in Athens, you find you are out of cash, so you daringly steal a boat while the owner is busy drinking himself to death.
[[Sail]]
"Yes, of course you may sleep. May you forever have Morpheus' blessing, O Penelope. Ten drachmas, please."
You fall asleep on the spot. When you wake up the next morning, you look a perfect mess, and are none the wiser.
[[Find a donkey]]
"You forgot what it was you wished to ask?" the Oracle exclaims, aghast. "Well, I'll tell you: you wanted to know where your husband was. Ten drachmas, please."
"But -- you didn't answer my question! Why -- ?"
"Sorry, only one question allowed. Hand over those drachmas and make room for the next person, please."
Grudgingly, you hand over the money, and vow never to consult with the Oracle ever again. She is clearly nothing better than an inscrupulous crook.
[[Find a donkey]]
"You wish to know where your husband is?" the Oracle replies. She rolls her eyes, chews on some coca leaves, drinks a swig of opium, and sets fire to a goat.
After some deliberation with the Higher Powers, she turns to you and utters the following words:
"I see a horse made of the flesh of trees, which moves without legs! I see froth of beer and sloth of servants! I see many tribulations! The sea is against him, the owl is with him, and the lightning frankly doesn't care one little bit! Ten drachmas, please."
You grudgingly cough up the cash.
[[Find a donkey]]
From Athens, you sail for many days, the wind constantly blowing in exactly the right direction, thus dispensing you from the irritating inconvenience of actually having to consult a map.
The Aegean Sea stretches out all around you now. Troy is not far!
[[Thank the gods]]
[[Have a nap]]
You lunge forth at the monster, followed by a bevvy of the finest warriors ever to grace the billowing curves of the Mediterranean Sea.
Needless to say, the battle is long and fierce, but at long last the hideous beast is vanquished.
"Hurrah!"
"Youpee!"
"Thalassa! Thalassa!"
"Thalassa? Who's that, your girlfriend?"
"No, you idiot, it's Greek for 'the sea'! Don't you know your own language when you hear it?"
"Why are you yelling 'the sea, the sea' in the first place, anyhow?"
"ENOUGH!" you interject, silencing the crowd of mighty heroes.
[[Sail to Corinth]]
You decide there and then to submit a job proposal to the attention of the ravenous sea monster. To the surprise of all, he accepts, and soon afterwards the Argo is speeding up the Gulf of Corinth, towed along by the Kraken.
The Kraken is so filled to the brim with boundless enthusiasm, he plows straight across the city of Corinth, drags the Argo over miles of farmland (thus racking up untold millions of drachmas in costs and damages), scoots across the Aegean Sea, and finally comes to a screeching halt at the city of Troy.
Feeling a little disoriented, you step off the ship, thank the sea monster for his aid, and bump into Hector, prince of Troy. He looks a little lost for words.
[["Say, have you seen my husband?"]]
[["Say, may I have an autograph?"]]
Now firmly convinced that staying any longer aboard the Argo would be detrimental to your general well-being and structural integrity, you dive into the sea and start swimming away from the ship. The rats follow after you, spurred on by your magnificent display of common sense.
A cursory glance over your shoulder reveals that the Kraken is busy sprinkling the Argo with what appears to be some sort of black condiment. At any rate, one of the giant black "peppercorns" strikes you inopportunely upon the head.
[[Curse the seven mad gods of the sea]]
[[Stay calm and carry on]]
You take out a hairpin, and leap out at the great titan, uttering the following word in a barbaric yell:
"SUUUUUUUSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!"
Then, with a gulp, the monster swallows you up and burps loudly. You wake up in the Underworld, surrounded by ghosts and goats.
"That was a stupid way to die," you say aloud.
Proserpine, Queen of the Dead, shakes her head and puts a kindly hand on your shoulder. "Don't worry, Penny. Have a grapefruit?"
The End
With the aid of your trusty hair-pin, you are on the very point of eviscerating the boar when he cries out desperately:
"Penelope! I am your father!"
[["Nooooooooooooooooo!"]]
[["Sorry, say that again?"]]
Within seconds of coming to your full sense, you leap straight up into the air and begin to run at full steam away from the sandy scene upon which you were washed up.
You crash headlong into another person, knocking them down and making them spill coconut milk all over their clothes.
"Impudent fool!" the strange woman curses. "How dare you make me look foolish? I, who am known by the awe-inspiring name of Circe, will immediately turn you into a sow's ear!"
[["Have mercy!"]]
[["Fear me, for I am Penelope!"]]
"The guy with the big wooden horse? Yeah, he tried to sneak into the city with the rest of the Greeks, but I convinced him that sacking our city wasn't in his best interests." He files his nails idly with a triple-bladed sword.
"Oh, so the war's over, then?"
"Correct," Hector replies. "Helen got herself a lawyer, so your King Mean-Louse will have to go home with a ship full of paperwork to sign. Legal formalities and all that. But don't worry, we'll get a poet to write up this war and exaggerate everything just nicely. I hear there's a blind slave up in Athens who's pretty handy with his hexameters. Omar, his name is, if I've got it right. Anyway, I must be boring you," he adds, glancing at his sundial. "We've having a party in honour of Princess Cassandra, who saved us all from getting our throats slit. How's that sound to you?"
[["Thanks, but I must really find my husband now."]]
[["A little wine can't hurt."]]
"No problem," Hector grins. He signs an urn, which he then gives to you. "As for your husband, he must be over at the local inn, completely pie-eyed, I imagine."
You head over to the place of ill repute, and find Odysseus singing drunken songs while throwing darts at people.
"...ribbity ribbity ribbit... we are frogs! we are frogs! WE ARE FROGS! Ribbity ribbity, goat and the fiddlety, let me be!"
"Enough, honey."
"Wassit? Huh... Penny?"
"We're going home, honey."
"But but but but... Was just 'aving... startin' to 'ave fun... Penny..."
"Now."
The rest is history. Or would be, if it weren't for Homer and his damn hexameters.
"No problem," Hector grins. "He's over at the local inn, completely pie-eyed, I imagine."
You head over to the place of ill repute, and find Odysseus singing drunken songs while throwing darts at people.
"...ribbity ribbity ribbit... we are frogs! we are frogs! WE ARE FROGS! Ribbity ribbity, goat and the fiddlety, let me be!"
"Enough, honey."
"Wassit? Huh... Penny?"
"We're going home, honey."
"But but but but... Was just 'aving... startin' to 'ave fun... Penny..."
"Now."
The rest is history. Or would be, if it weren't for Homer and his damn hexameters.
The End
About three days later, you wake up with the headache of the century, reeking of fish and wine, in the middle of Athens with a tea-cosy on your head.
Wandering about, you find a blind slave who is willing to help you get back to Ithaca, in exchange for the story of your tribulations.
Years later, a highly re-written version of your adventures is released. The title of the epic: "The Odyssey".
The End
You thank the gods for having aided you in your journey.
"You're welcome," Zeus says.
"Have some ambrosia," his wife offers, smiling.
"Always nice to hear some praise," Apollo beams down upon you.
"Keep up the good work, Penny," Artemis adds, giving you a thumbs up.
"I told you she'd manage all right on her own," Athena says to Aphrodite.
And in due time you arrive in Troy, which seems to be no longer laboring under a siege. It's positively blazing with good-will and filled with fun-loving people.
Amazed, you forget to look where you're going, and bump into Hector, prince of Troy. He looks a little lost for words.
[["Say, have you seen my husband?"]]
[["Say, may I have an autograph?"]]
The gods, displeased that you deliberately chose your own personal comfort over offering them your gratitude, immediately smite your boat and send it down to the bottom of the sea.
Ooops.
The End
You swim for many days, until your hair is thick with dried salt and seaweed. But at last you find land, and crawl ashore.
"Whadidthisplate?" you ask a local rustic.
"Huh?"
"What. Is. This. Place?" you repeat, this time as slowly as humanly possible, pronouncing each word carefully to avoid unnecessary confusion.
"This is Corinth," the local rustic replies, and suddenly he throws off his rags and reveals himself to be that dreaded creature that some call the Guide to the Touristic Attractions. "Here's a brochure listing the wonders of the city! Here's a brochure about the city of wonders! Here's a pamphlet about the local institutions! Here's a compendium listing all the possible methods by which you may find yourself ruthlessly mugged if you should take a wrong turning --"
There and then, you bean the blighter over the head with a rock and toss him into the sea.
[[Find a donkey]]
[[Do some shopping]]
With a wordless cry, you try to stab the boar in the heart. Unfortunately, you stumble and fall, merely causing the porcine creature a flesh wound.
The boar roars, and is on the point of goring you when all of sudden the god Apollo descends from the sky on a peculiar mechanical device.
"Wait! Fear not! I come to save you all!"
"What the -- ?" you expostulate, completely at a loss.
"I think this is what is commonly referred to as a 'deus ex machina'," Athena says, stepping out from behind a palm tree. "How unoriginal," she adds, rolling her eyes. "How typically unimaginative."
"Who cares?" Apollo shrugs. With a wave of his hands, he solves all the plot problems, irons out the conflicts, and brings both you and Odysseus back home in his chariot with the sun in tow.
The End
"Penny," the boar continues, "I am your father, transformed into a boar by Circe the Magician! You must leave at once, before she finds you! Flee!"
[[Run away]]
When you arrive in Corinth, Hercules volunteers to carry the ship over the land, thus simplifying matters a great deal.
"You're sure it's not maybe a little too much?" you call down from the deck, a little concerned for his well-being.
"No sweat," Hercules pants, his words belied by by the prodigious amounts of sweat pouring down his domed forehead. "Besides, with any luck, I can count this as one of my compulsory 12 tasks before obtaining my Legendary Hero status."
"Legendary Hero status?"
"Yeah, you get a 20% tax reduction and free theatre tickets. It's pretty neat, huh?"
Soon enough, the Argo is once more striding the waves, with Hercules having the nap of the century deep down in the brig.
The Aegean Sea is calm and blessedly happy. All seems well.
[[Thank the gods]]
[[Have a nap]]
"You want mercy? We're out of stock today. Please come back tomorrow."
And upon these words, Circe turns you into a sow's ear. You spend the rest of existence yearning to be made into a silk purse, for ineffable reasons.
The End
"Penny who?" Circe sneers.
"Penelope the Great!" you reply, trying to put a touch of grandeur into your voice. "I am the most powerful witch that ever lived! I have turned kings into mere tadpoles! I have made cities rise and crumble in the blink of an eye! I have destroyed civilisations and then restored them, exactly the same except for one trivial little detail! I have stopped wars and swallowed up armies! I have lived many thousand of years without aging a day! All these thing, I do without even needing to expend the slightest effort! And the one thing which astounds people most... is my ability to make every single mortal and god forget my very existence!"
Circe, convinced, falls to her knees and starts grovelling. You take this opportunity to stab her in the back with your hair-pin, and then you toss her into the sea without a moment's notice.
The wicked sorceress being now dead, the boar regains human form, and you recognize your long-lost father.
[[Hooray]]
With the aid of your father and the countless sailors now freed from Circe's curse, you build a sturdy ship and sail off to Troy.
The journey is long but surprisingly uneventful. It seems almost too good to be true.
[[Thank the gods]]
[[Have a nap]]
"That's -- that's not a nice thing to say!" Kanis whines. "Since you don't love me, I'll go at once."
And with a petulant wag of his tail, he jumps into the sea, disappearing soon afterwards in a flurry of bubbles.
Pericles groans. "Mrs. Penny, you just got us into the bad graces of a god! That's not generally recommended, y'know."
"He wasn't much of a god, was he?" you reply short-temperedly, pacing up and down the length of the boat.
Pericles sighs.
[[Curse the seven mad gods of the sea]]
"Actually, yes, I can," Kanis replies, wagging his tail. "You see, being a minor god who will never be mentioned in the annals of Greek mythology has its perks."
"Such as?"
"Being able to break the fourth wall."
"I'm sorry, Kanis --"
"Call me Heel, please."
"Heel, I fail to see how property damage is going to help this crappy boat get to its destination."
"Hey!" Pericles interjects, miffed. "It's my boat you're talking about, ma'am. Have a little respect."
You roll your eyes at both of them.
[[Tell Heel that he is perfectly useless->"You sound utterly useless."]]
[[Pressure Heel for more information]]
"What do you mean, 'break the fourth wall'? I don't see any walls here."
"It's like this," Heel explains. "Someone at this very moment is reading our adventures. Most people are unaware that they're only characters in an interactive story. But I have the ability to break the barrier between the reader and us, thus allowing me to achieve some amazing effects."
"Show me."
"With the greatest pleasure, dear Penny," the God of Dogs replies. "Now, the reader will have been steering the thin plot of this work of fiction, by the means of clicking text highlighted in blue. Dear reader, please click the first link in the list below to take Penny straight to the bit where she thanks the gods for helping her."
[[.->Thank the gods]]
[[Continue the adventure]]
"Damn it!" Heel curses. "The reader ignored me and clicked the wrong link! Now we've reached a dead end."
"What do you mean, a dead end?"
"It's what happens when people write branching narratives. Sometimes, through an oversight, they forget to complete a branch, which means that the story stops right here because there are no more links for the reader to click on."
"That sounds bad," Pericles says tonelessly.
"Well, if the story ends here," you say defiantly, "then at least I can have the last