interview

##Please answer this questionnaire and you will be contacted shortly. [[Ok]]

##What is your age? [[4 months->gender]] [[27 years->gender]] [[countless eons->gender]]

##How do you identify? [[yes->height]] [[no->height]]

##What is your height? (Estimates are acceptable.) [[short->licensed]] [[average->licensed]] [[colossal->licensed]]

##Are you licensed? [[yes->lifting]] [[no->lifting]] [[to do what?->lifting]]

##What is your maximum lifting capability? (As with height, an approximation is acceptable.) [[spoon->texture]] [[dog->smell]] [[car->taste]]

##What is your favorite texture? [[Hand in soft serve->trash]] [[ice bath->quality]] [[lying on rocks in the sun->rock]] [[mouthful of clay->rock]]

##What is your favorite smell? [[pine->quality]] [[lemon cleaner->quality]] [[melted plastic->trash]] [[salted earth->rock]] [[charred flesh->rock]]

##What is your favorite taste? [[salt and vinegar->rock]] [[dirt->rock]] [[paper towels->trash]] [[the blood of your firstborn->quality]]

##What would you consider to be your strongest quality? [[proportionate head->tip]] [[tasteful lack of empathy->afterlife]] [[skilled with forceps->gut]] [[ability to eat an entire box of wheat cereal in one sitting->gut]]

##What is your favorite kind of rock? [[geode->gut]] [[mineral->tip]] [[Dwayne Johnson->afterlife]]

##How much do you tip? [[15%->quantum immortality]] [[20%->quantum immortality]] [[clump of hair->last flash]] [[1 shoe->voice of God]]

##What do you do when you see trash on the sidewalk? [[pick it up to throw it away->tip]] [[leave it->gut]] [[pick it up to build a trash castle->gut]] [[eat it->afterlife]]

##What best describes your current gut feeling? [[discomfort->quantum immortality]] [[anxiety->last flash]] [[terror->voice of God]] [[ecological cascade->voice of God]]

##Do you believe in an afterlife? [[yes->quantum immortality]] [[no->last flash]] [[why do you ask->voice of God]]

##How would you describe the voice of god? (closest approximation from options) [[A choir of cats mewing in unison->thank you]] [[A foghorn but indescribably loud->thank you]] [[Nails on a chalkboard->thank you]] [[White noise rhythms->thank you]]

##What do you think will flash before your eyes when you die? [[Your life->thank you]] [[Your children's faces->thank you]] [[God->thank you]] [[A tunnel with a white light->thank you]]

##Do you believe in quantum immortality? [[Yes->thank you]] [[No-> [[What is that->thank you]]

Thank you. Your answers have been recorded. We will contact you shortly.