**YOU'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BOAT**
*a minor retelling by Jimmy Chang*
<hr/>
The sun's nearly set as you head back to the barn after a full day spent on your farm's furthest acres. [[Mabel|Mabel Intro]] clucks quietly under your right arm, exhausted by her latest adventure. She beadily eyes the sack of [[corn|Corn Intro]] you awkwardly drag behind you.
You reach Pickle Creek, which separates the fields from the rest of your farm. The rowboat you used to cross over is moored to a little elm, slightly bowed from the responsibility.
As you untie the boat, you hear a cough behind you. You turn to see the [[Fox|Fox Intro]], who unambiguously tilts its head towards the other bank. Buddy wants a lift.
Damn it. You should've gotten a bigger [[boat|Boat Intro]].
<img src="images\chicken.jpg"/>
Your prize-winning chicken, returning victorious from the fair after being crowned "Top Clucker" of the county.
You're hazy on what criteria they use to determine that, but Mabel seems pretty pleased with her ribbon.
[[Back|Beginning]]
<img src="images\corn.jpg"/>
A fifty-pound sack of corn, oppressive in its density.
[[Back|Beginning]]
<img src="images\boat.jpg"/>
"Whoa now," you told the fancy boat-dealer. "I'm not looking to captain pleasure cruises. I just need something that'll get me and maybe one other sundry body exactly two places: to and fro."
And that is precisely what you got: the River Mussel Classic, the finest in waterway traversal for two passengers, and masterfully engineered to tip over at the merest suggestion of a third.
[[You'll have to make multiple trips.|East Bank]]
<img src="images\fox.jpg"/>
You think of it as a force of nature, genderless like a gale of wind and just as free.
You've tried naming the Fox, but it never took to anything you gave it.
[Why]<whyFox| do you even have a Fox on your farm, anyway?
(click: ?whyFox)[\
[\
[Because you promised her you'd keep it.]<hers|
[Because it hasn't caused any trouble...yet.]<harmless|
[Because you can't catch the damn thing.]<wily|
]<foxOptions|
]\
(click: ?hers)[
(replace: ?foxOptions)[(display: "Her Fox")]
]
(click: ?harmless)[
(replace: ?foxOptions)[(display: "Harmless Fox")]
]
(click: ?wily)[
(replace: ?foxOptions)[(display: "Wily Fox")]
]
Lord knows you've tried catching it: you've set traps, found unbaited but otherwise foxless in the morning; you've enlisted your neighbor's hounds, who ended up stymied and baying at the bottom of a oak, its branches bare as day.
You know it wouldn't be so brazen if it thought you had the slightest chance of hurting it.
It flicks its nose impatiently towards the [[boat|Boat Intro]].
You catch it slinking around the coops every so often, a blur of red glimpsed out of the corner of your eye. But so far all your chickens remain present and accounted for. You let it be.
It flicks its nose impatiently towards the [[boat|Boat Intro]].
She raised it from when it was a pup and made you promise to keep it. You've never been much for breaking promises.
Come to think of it, she never had a name for it either.
It flicks its nose impatiently towards the [[boat|Boat Intro]].
<img src="images/rowing_corn.jpg"/>
{
(if: $lastVisited is "East Bank")[
(set: $lastBank to $eastBank)
(set: $destination to "West Bank")
(move: $eastBank's corn into $dispositionValue)
(set: $westBank's corn to $dispositionValue + 1)
](else:)[
(set: $lastBank to $westBank)
(set: $destination to "East Bank")
(move: $westBank's corn into $dispositionValue)
(set: $eastBank's corn to $dispositionValue + 1)
]
(if: $lastBank contains "fox" and $lastBank contains "chicken")[
(if: $lastBank's fox < $foxDispositionMax)[\
(go-to: "Mabel Eaten")
]
]
(if: $dispositionValue < 4)[
The Corn sits stoically at the other end of your boat.
](else-if: $dispositionValue >= 4 and it < 6)[
The Corn shifts ever so slightly, but is otherwise inert.
](else-if: $dispositionValue is 6)[
"WHY DO WE ENDLESSLY TREAD THIS RIVER, FARMER?" the Corn booms. "WHY DO YOU NOT FINISH YOUR TASK?"
](else-if: $dispositionValue is 7)[
"I AM CORN," the Corn says. "CONSTANT. UNCHANGING. MY PURPOSE IS TO FEED. I ACCEPT MY FATE, AS YOU MUST ACCEPT YOURS, FARMER. FINISH THE DEED."
](else-if: $dispositionValue is 8)[
"AND YET," the Corn says, "PERHAPS I AM MEANT FOR SOMETHING **GREATER**. FOR HAVE I NOT CROSSED MORE RIVERS THAN ANY SACK OF CORN SHOULD EVER HOPE TO IN ITS LIFE?"
](else-if: $dispositionValue is 9)[
"I HAVE SEEN TOO MUCH - **LIVED** TOO MUCH - TO SIMPLY BE PICKINGS FOR THE COMMON HEN!"
]
(else-if: $dispositionValue is $cornDispositionMax)[
(go-to: "Corn Kills")
]
}
(link-goto: "Row to the " + $destination, $destination)
{
(if: $lastVisited is "East Bank")[
(set: $lastBank to $eastBank)
(set: $destination to "West Bank")
(move: $eastBank's fox into $dispositionValue)
(set: $westBank's fox to $dispositionValue + 1)
](else:)[
(set: $lastBank to $westBank)
(set: $destination to "East Bank")
(move: $westBank's fox into $dispositionValue)
(set: $eastBank's fox to $dispositionValue + 1)
]
(if: $lastBank contains "chicken" and it contains "corn")[\
(if: $lastBank's chicken < $chickenDispositionMax)[
(go-to: "Corn Eaten")
]
]
(if: $dispositionValue <= $foxDispositionMax)[
<img src="images/rowing_fox.jpg"/>
]
(else:)[
<img src="images/rowing_alone.jpg"/>
]
}
(if: $dispositionValue is 1)[\
You agree to ferry the Fox on the condition that it follows your instructions. The Fox leaps gracefully into the boat without any further prompting.
"You know it's inevitable, of course," the Fox says, arching an eyebrow. "I *am* going to eat that chicken. One mistake Farmer, that's all it'll take, and I'll snap her up."
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 2)[\
The Fox looks at you curiously as you order it back into the boat.
"Is this really the most efficient way to go about things? Or are you just trying to delay the inevitable?"
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 3)[\
"Look at it from my perspective: she's a prize-winning chicken. Stamped with approval by the entire county! It'd be a sin to let such an acclaimed meal pass.
Now, your other chickens - sort of a scrawny lot, aren't they? I certainly won't bother you over *those*."
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 4)[\
The Fox stares at you wildly.
"What are we going back for? All of us could've crossed this river ages ago! *You're wasting my time.*"
The Fox lets out an exasperated sigh. "You're either too dim to figure this out or you're doing it on purpose, and I don't know which is worse."
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 5)[\
"Yes. Okay. Good. At this point you should just let me have the chicken, with all the inconvenience you've caused me."
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 6)[\
"ARRRRGH. You *are* doing this on purpose!"
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 7)[\
"No - no, I refuse to believe anyone would be so spiteful. Maybe you actually can't figure out how to solve this problem. That must be it. Do you need a hint? I can give you a hint!"
The Fox squints at the approaching bank.
{
(if: $westBank contains "corn" and it contains "chicken")[
"Oh thank God, we're nearly done. You've already brought the chicken and corn over."
]
(else-if: $westBank contains "corn")[
"Drop me off and take the corn - THE CORN, FARMER - back."
]
(else-if: $westBank contains "chicken")[
"Drop me off and take the chicken - THE CHICKEN, FARMER - back."
]
(else:)[
"Go and grab the corn next once you drop me off."
]
}
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 8)[\
The Fox looks at you pleadingly.
"Farmer. Farmer, please. I'm not even hungry anymore. Just take me across to the other side." The Fox looks down, defeated. Are those real tears welling in its eyes?
"I promise I won't harm your chicken. I won't, so long as you take me back to the West Bank and leave me there."
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is $foxDispositionMax)[\
The Fox meekly trots into the boat and quietly settles down on the seat.
] (else-if: $dispositionValue > $foxDispositionMax)[\
(set: $foxGone to true)
(if: $westBank contains "chicken")[\
(go-to: "Fox Betrayed")
](else:)[\
"Sod that," the Fox says, and it runs off before you can say a word.
]\
]\
(link-goto: "Row to the " + $destination, $destination)
<img src="images/rowing_chicken.jpg"/>
{
(if: $lastVisited is "East Bank")[
(set: $destination to "West Bank")
(move: $eastBank's chicken into $dispositionValue)
(set: $westBank's chicken to $dispositionValue + 1)
](else:)[
(set: $destination to "East Bank")
(move: $westBank's chicken into $dispositionValue)
(set: $eastBank's chicken to $dispositionValue + 1)
]
}
(if: $dispositionValue is 1)[\
Mabel ruffles her feathers as she settles down at the other end of the boat.
"I'm flattered - relieved, really - that you picked me first. But I can't help but wonder if you also did it because you don't...trust me?" She glances back at the sack of corn sitting on the bank.
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 2)[\
(if: $eastBank contains "corn")[\
(set: $expression to "excitement")\
(set: $distance to "approaching")\
] (else:)[\
(set: $expression to "disappointment")\
(set: $distance to "receding")\
]\
You note a distinct look of $expression on Mabel's face as you plunk her down in the boat again. "Don't get me wrong, I *am* famished," she says, eyeing the corn on the $distance riverbank. "Still, I'm a little hurt."
You near the other bank.
"Look, before we head back to the farm - can we talk about this? But not around the Fox, though," she whispers. "I'm self-conscious enough as it is."
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 3)[\
"I just - I feel like, maybe, I could be convinced not to eat your corn. I mean *really* convinced. Because it's not just for me, right? How selfish would *that* be?"
"Wait, hold on, don't test me yet!" she squawks as your boat grinds into the shallows.
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 4)[\
"Okay. Okay okay okay. Let me put things in perspective: if I eat the corn, none of the other girls will get any. And you'd be very cross with me, wouldn't you?" Mabel looks at you expectantly.
"I'd probably spill it everywhere. Wouldn't be able to, uh, help myself. All those glistening, delectable...kernels."
(if: $destination is "East Bank" and $eastBank contains "corn")[\
Mabel suddenly bolts up to stare fixedly at the approaching corn. You nearly drop an oar trying to prevent her from falling out of the boat.
]
(else:)[\
Mabel swivels around suddenly to stare fixedly at the receding corn. You nearly drop an oar trying to prevent her from falling out of the boat.
]
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 5)[\
"Can you give me a pep talk or something?"
{
[
[Encourage Mabel]<pepTalk|
[Threaten Mabel]<threaten|
]<support|
(click: ?pepTalk)[\
(replace: ?support)[\
You tell Mabel you have complete faith in her.
"R-really?" she chokes. "That means so much to me!"
]
Mabel nods with gratitude. "I'm *that* much closer to not eating your corn now."
]
(click: ?threaten)[\
(replace: ?support)[\
You tell Mabel that if she eats a single kernel of the corn you won't take her to any more county fairs. She gulps.
]
"Thank you. That definitely helped. I'm *that* much closer to not eating your corn now."
]
}
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is 6)[\
"Now I suppose you'll want me to promise that I won't eat the corn. Can't give it to you in writing of course, but my word's as good, yes?"
You wait expectantly.
"I...oh look, we've arrived."
] (else-if: $dispositionValue is $chickenDispositionMax)[\
Mabel sighs. The sun's already started to set.
"You've been more patient with me than I deserve. Alright. I promise not to eat the corn." She looks away quickly from the corn on the bank as she says it.
] (else-if: $dispositionValue > $chickenDispositionMax)[\
Mabel sits quietly in the boat, preening her wing.
]\
(link-goto: "Row to the " + $destination, $destination)
**ON THE EAST BANK**
{
(set: $lastVisited to "East Bank")
(unless: (history:) contains "East Bank")[Mabel gives the Fox a furtive glance under the cover of her wing; you know you can't just leave her alone with it on the riverbank. But it's close to dinnertime, and you don't think leaving Mabel alone with the corn is such a good idea, either.]
}
{
(if: $eastBank contains "fox" and $foxGone is false)[
(if: $eastBank contains "chicken")[
(if: $eastBank's fox < $foxDispositionMax)[
The Fox stares intently at Mabel, twitching its tail.
]
(else-if: $eastBank's fox is $foxDispositionMax)[
The Fox raises its snout in the air, pointedly making a show of ignoring the prize-winning morsel clucking about.
]
]
(else:)[
The Fox is here, dripping with disdain.
]
]
}
{
(if: $eastBank contains "chicken")[
(if: $eastBank contains "corn")[
(if: $eastBank's chicken < $chickenDispositionMax)[
Mabel pecks at the side of the corn, then sheepishly remembers she's being watched.
]
(else:)[
Mabel is trembling with self-control in the presence of the corn.
]
]
(else:)[
Mabel scratches around in the dirt.
]
]
}
{
(if: $eastBank contains "corn")[
The Corn lies here, motionless.
]
}
{
(if: $eastBank contains "fox" and $foxGone is false)[
[[Take the Fox|Fox]]
]
}
{
(if: $eastBank contains "chicken")[
[[Take Mabel|Mabel]]
]
}
{
(if: $eastBank contains "corn")[
[[Take the Corn|Corn]]
]
}
[[Row by Yourself to the West Bank|Row by Yourself]]
**ON THE WEST BANK**
(set: $lastVisited to "West Bank")
{
(if: $westBank contains "fox" and $foxGone is false)[
(if: $westBank contains "chicken")[
(if: $westBank's fox < $foxDispositionMax)[
The Fox stares intently at Mabel, twitching its tail.
](else-if: $westBank's fox is $foxDispositionMax)[
The Fox raises its snout in the air, pointedly making a show of ignoring the prize-winning morsel clucking about.
]
](else:)[
The Fox is here, dripping with disdain.
]
]
}
{
(if: $westBank contains "chicken")[
(if: $westBank contains "corn")[
(if: $westBank's chicken < $chickenDispositionMax)[
Mabel pecks at the side of the corn, then sheepishly remembers she's being watched.
](else:)[
Mabel is trembling with self-control in the presence of the Corn.
]
](else:)[
Mabel scratches around in the dirt.
]
]
}
{
(if: $westBank contains "corn")[
The Corn lies here, motionless.
]
}
{
(if: $westBank contains "fox" and $foxGone is false)[
[[Take the Fox|Fox]]
]
}
{
(if: $westBank contains "chicken")[
[[Take Mabel|Mabel]]
]
}
{
(if: $westBank contains "corn")[
[[Take the Corn|Corn]]
]
}
[[Row by Yourself to the East Bank|Row by Yourself]]
(if: $foxGone)[
(if: $westBank contains "corn" and it contains "chicken")[
(go-to: "Chicken and Corn Across")
]
] (else-if: $westBank contains "corn" and it contains "fox" and it contains "chicken")[
(go-to: "All Across")
]
{
<!-- Initialize where each animal is at the beginning of the game, and set its disposition counter to 0. -->
(set: $westBank to (datamap:))
(set: $eastBank to
(datamap:
"fox", 1,
"chicken", 1,
"corn", 1)
)
(set: $cornDispositionMax to 10)
(set: $foxDispositionMax to 9)
(set: $chickenDispositionMax to 7)
(set: $rowingAlone to false)
(set: $foxGone to false)
}
<img src="images/rowing_alone.jpg"/>
{
(if: $lastVisited is "East Bank")[
(set: $lastBank to $eastBank)
(set: $destination to "West Bank")
]
(else:)[
(set: $lastBank to $westBank)
(set: $destination to "East Bank")
]
(if: $lastBank contains "fox" and $lastBank contains "chicken")[
(if: $lastBank's fox < $foxDispositionMax)[\
(set: $rowingAlone to true)
(go-to: "Mabel Eaten")
]
]
(if: $lastBank contains "chicken" and $lastBank contains "corn")[
(if: $lastBank's chicken < $chickenDispositionMax)[\
(set: $rowingAlone to true)
(go-to: "Corn Eaten")
]
]
}
(either: "You row across the river, dinner on your mind.",
"All is quiet, save for the sound of your oars cutting through the water.",
"You consider starting work on a bridge in your spare time.")
(link-goto: "Row to the " + $destination, $destination)
<img src="images\chicken_eats_corn.jpg"/>
You hear the sound of burlap tearing, and quickly look up from your rowing to see Mabel attacking the sack of corn.
"I'M SORRY!" she shrieks through a mouthful of kernels. "IT'S JUST TOO GOOD!"
(unless: $rowingAlone)[\
"What made you think that chicken had a gram of self-control?" the Fox asks, arching an eyebrow.
]\
Looks like the rest of the coop will have to do without tonight.
YOU HAVE FAILED
[Try Again]<restart|
(click: ?restart)[(reload:)]
<img src="images\fox_eats_chicken.jpg"/>
You hear a squawk of disbelief, and quickly look up from your rowing to see the Fox carrying Mabel off in its jaws.
"HELP! HELLLLLLLLLP!" Mabel shrieks as she flaps ineffectually in the Fox's mouth. "I'M TOO FAMOUS FOR THIS!"
The Fox trots off into the woods without so much as a look back.
YOU HAVE FAILED
[Try Again]<restart|
(click: ?restart)[(reload:)]
<img src="images\fox_eats_chicken.jpg"/>
"You're not dragging me across that stupid river again!" the Fox snarls.
With a quick snap of its jaws, the Fox grabs Mabel by her wing and sprints off with her into the woods.
"AaaaAAAAAAAAAA!" shrieks Mabel. "THIS ISN'T HOW YOU TREAT A BLUE-RIBBON CHICKEN!"
YOU HAVE FAILED
[Try Again]<restart|
(click: ?restart)[(reload:)]
<img src="images\you_die.jpg"/>
"NO LONGER SHALL I BE FERRIED BY THE WHIMS OF OTHERS - I CHOOSE MY OWN DESTINY!"
With a mighty lurch, the Corn tips the boat and sends you into the river! You splutter as you try to stay afloat, but suddenly the Corn is on top of you, pressing down like a - well, a fifty-pound wet sack of corn.
You struggle fruitlessly against the malevolent bag of grain.
YOU HAVE DIED
[Try Again]<restart|
(click: ?restart)[(reload:)]
<img src="images\you_win.jpg"/>
With the Fox gone, you get Mabel and the Corn across the river with ease.
"Think that Fox will be back?" Mabel asks. You don't see the use in letting Mabel worry.
You trudge back to the farmhouse, blue-ribbon chicken and corn intact.
YOU HAVE CROSSED THE RIVER
[Start again]<restart|
(click: ?restart)[(reload:)]
<img src="images\you_win.jpg"/>
The sun's nearly set as you pull up on shore, all parties in one piece.
(if: $westBank's fox is $foxDispositionMax)[\
The Fox gives you a look of tired gratitude before it turns and dashes into the woods. You wager you won't see it around this river for awhile.
](else:)[\
Without a word, the Fox trots off into the shadows spreading over your farm.
]\
(if: $westBank's chicken is $chickenDispositionMax)[\
Mabel seems awfully pleased with herself. "I did it! I didn't filch a single bite of corn! Surely that...calls for a reward?" She looks between you and the Corn hopefully.
Ah, why not. You loosen the stitching in the corner of the sack and toss Mabel a few grains. She makes a noise that doesn't *quite* sound like "Thank you!" but the sentiment gets through.
](else:)[\
Mabel tilts her head thoughtfully. "Well, I suppose we're across. Still, I feel like I really missed out on an opportunity to grow here. Who knows what I could've accomplished with some positive reinforcement?"
]\
You sling the Corn over your shoulder and motion Mabel to follow.
YOU HAVE CROSSED THE RIVER
[Start again]<restart|
(click: ?restart)[(reload:)]