what do you miss most?
[[bleeding gold]]
[[holding the world in my fist]]
[[freedom]](set: $missthis to "hold the world in our fists")me too, friend.
do you remember what it was like to have [[power]]?
to [[love]] and to [[be loved]] in return?
(if:(history:) contains "power" and (history:) contains "love" and (history:) contains "be loved")[how could we ever [[forget]]?](set: $missthis to "be free")me too, friend.
do you remember what it was like to [[fly]]?
to know that there was [[nothing]] that could constrain you?
(if:(history:) contains "fly" and (history:) contains "nothing")[how could we ever [[forget]]?](set: $missthis to "bleed gold")me too, friend.
do you remember what it was like to [[cut]] yourself open?
to see the [[stars]] run through your veins?
(if:(history:) contains "stars" and (history:) contains "cut")[how could we ever [[forget]]?]you carried the universe inside of you.
[[could anything rip it away?|bleeding gold]]tiny pinpricks of light fell from your open wounds.
[[could anyone extinguish your fire?|bleeding gold]]you were worshipped.
[[who wouldn't worship you?|holding the world in my fist]]you were loved.
[[who wouldn't love you?|holding the world in my fist]]your followers were beautiful.
[[did they know how important they were?|holding the world in my fist]]i still remember the touch of your wings.
[[were you running away?|freedom]]was it soothing?
[[did you forget me?|freedom]]hello again.
i [[remember|<3]] you.now the sun rises on a new life.
it feels like (set: $myVar to "drowning")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["drowning", "awakening", "dying"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$myVar");'>$myVar</tw-link>
[[yes|beginnings]]{(if: $myVar is "drowning")[you think this might be what drowning feels like.]
(else-if: $myVar is "awakening")[you think you're waking up.]
(else: $myVar is "dying")[you died, and now you're here, and you're still dying.]}
(live: 3s)[it kind of sucks.]
(live: 6s)[but there are good things about being human, you guess.]
(live: 10s)[(set: $good1 to "emotion")[like $good1.(click-replace: "emotion")[love]](stop:)]
(live: 12s)[(set: $good2 to "food")[and $good2.(click-replace: "food")[taste]](stop:)]
(live: 14s)[(set: $good3 to "laughter")[and $good3.(click-replace: "laughter")[light]](stop:)]
(live: 16s)[[[i know|beginnings 2]]]and here you are.
you're human.(click-replace: "human")[''not human'']
choose your name:
zero, the [[fool]]
one, the [[magician]]
two, the [[high priestess]]
three, the [[empress]]
four, the [[emperor]]
five, the [[hierophant]]
six, the [[lover]]
seven, the [[chariot]]
eight, the [[strong]]
nine, the [[hermit]]
ten, the [[fortunate]]
eleven, the [[just]]
twelve, the [[hanged]]
thirteen, the [[dead]]
fourteen, the [[temperate]]
fifteen, the [[devil]]
sixteen, the [[tower]]
seventeen, the [[star]]
eighteen, the [[moon]]
nineteen, the [[sun]]
twenty, the [[judge]]
twenty-one, the [[world]](set: $name to "matija slava")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "ainsley blair")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "vanja eksan")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "citlali xochitl")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "adilet zhyrgal")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "makara pich")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "asti diyar")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "makena vanna")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "isi nuka")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "aldus heike")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "ailbhe quinn")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "aran ciardha")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "akachi ekene")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "ndidi udo")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "adina liron")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "nitzan tal")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "maayan ori")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "nuka malik")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "voski sevan")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "vaska zhenya")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "dawa tashi")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]](set: $name to "kaimana nalani")
$name.
[[this is who i am|who i am]]you whisper it to yourself when you can't sleep—
(//$name, $name, $name//)
but for now, you wake to the sun shining [[brilliantly]] down at your face.
it's [[harsh]] on your eyes.there is a dead [[angel]] in your closet.
[[go to sleep|nighttime]]
[[leave your room|leave your room day 1]]broken wings on a broken body.
[[go back|harsh]]the angel isn't there anymore.
[[go to sleep|nighttime2]]
[[leave your room|leave your room day 2]]{(if: (history:) contains "watering")[your [[monstera deliciosa]] has been watered.]
(else:)[your [[monstera deliciosa]] needs [[watering]].]}
{(if: (history:) contains "medication")[you've taken your medication.]
(else:)[you need to take your [[medication]].]}
you could look out the [[window]].
the world [[outside]] beckons.
or you could [[go back to bed|harsh]].swiss cheese plant. full of holes.
[[just like me|leave your room day 1]]you pour liquid life into the dirt.
[[silent friend|leave your room day 1]]it's not raining anymore, but the streets are still wet.
nobody is outside, as far as you can tell.
[[look away|leave your room day 1]]you are too tired to go outside today.
[[go back|leave your room day 1]]poppy-red pills, down down down your throat, sliding into your stomach and whispering normalities into your brain.
[[i'm not as sick as they want me to be|leave your room day 1]]{(if: (history:) contains "watering2")[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera2]] has been watered.]
(else:)[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera3]] needs [[watering|watering2]].]}
{(if: (history:) contains "medication2")[you've taken your medication.]
(else:)[you need to take your [[medication|medication2]].]}
you could look out the [[window->window two]].
the world [[outside|outside2]] beckons.
or you could [[go back to bed|day 2]].you pour liquid life into the dirt.
[[silent friend|leave your room day 2]]poppy-red pills, down down down your throat, sliding into your stomach and whispering normalities into your brain.
[[i'm not as sick as they want me to be|leave your room day 2]]the streets are dry. three [[moth-girls]] are playing.
[[look away|leave your room day 2]]they are softer than you could ever hope to be.
[[well, now i'm even more depressed|window two]](live: 2s)[(go-to: "day 2")](live:2s)[(go-to: "start")]
you are too tired to go outside today.
[[go back|leave your room day 2]]swiss cheese plant. watered. full of holes.
[[just like me|leave your room day 2]]swiss cheese plant. needs watering. full of holes.
[[just like me|leave your room day 2]]there's god-dust on your bedroom floor.
[[go to sleep|nighttime3]]
[[leave your room|leave your room day 3]]{(if: (history:) contains "watering3")[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera4]] has been watered.]
(else:)[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera5]] needs [[watering|watering3]].]}
{(if: (history:) contains "medication3")[you've taken your medication.]
(else:)[you need to take your [[medication|medication3]].]}
you could look out the [[window->window3]].
the world [[outside|outside3]] beckons.
or you could [[go back to bed|day 3]].(live: 2s)[(go-to: "day 3")](if: (history:) contains "friend")[(live: 2s)[(go-to: "day 4")]]
(else:)[something nags at you, and you can't quite get to sleep.
[[go back|day 3]]]swiss cheese plant. watered. full of holes.
[[just like me|leave your room day 3]]swiss cheese plant. needs watering. full of holes.
[[just like me|leave your room day 3]]you pour liquid life into the dirt.
[[silent friend|leave your room day 3]]poppy-red pills, down down down your throat, sliding into your stomach and whispering normalities into your brain.
[[i'm not as sick as they want me to be|leave your room day 3]]it's [[raining]] again.
[[look away|leave your room day 3]](if: (history:) contains "friend")[you're too tired to go outside again today.
[[go back|leave your room day 3]]]
{(else:)[your [[friend]] is curled up on your lawn.]}//pitpatpitpatpitpat//
[[...|window3]]they watch you from the ground.
you stare at them and pretend not to notice the [[scars]] sunken into their flesh, the [[blood]] on their hands, the [[empty space]] where their wings should've been.
(if: (history:) contains "scars" and (history:) contains "blood" and (history:) contains "empty space")[they break before you do.
"can i come [[inside]]?"]pink. raw. some of them are still scabbed over.
[[okay|friend]]poppy-red. your pills. their hands. their blood.
[[okay|friend]]should be gossamer, should be iridescent, should be opal shimmering.
[[but there's nothing|friend]]they've gotten blood all over your [[coffee mugs]], but you don't mind.
and they're not drinking the [[tea]] you made them.
(if: (history:) contains "tea" and (history:) contains "coffee mugs")["are you lonely, here?"
[["no."]]
[["very."]]
[["i don't know what loneliness is anymore."]]
]you gave them the one shaped like a cat.
[[it's cute|inside]]earl grey.
[[in burnt water|inside]]they look at you, unconvinced.
you shrug, and look out the [[window|windowfriend]].
their [[gaze]] does not leave you.
"i heard that you got stabbed," they say, flatly.
[["yes."]]
[["thank you for reminding me."]]"i figured you would be."
"is that why you came by?" you ask, (set: $response1 to "bitterly")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["bitterly", "sorrowfully", "apathetic"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$response1");'>$response1</tw-link>.
the ghost of a [[smile]] plays around their lips.
"i heard that you got stabbed," they say instead.
[["yes."]]
[["thank you for reminding me."]]"that's funny. i kind of expected you to be an expert on the subject."
their face is unreadable.
are they [[joking]]?
or are they [[serious]]?their blood stained your lawn red.
it'll be a bitch to clean up.
[[if i even bother|"no."]]their eyes are (set: $eyes to "blue")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["blue", "gray", "yellow", "violet", "green", "brown", "there is no color to describe them"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$eyes");'>$eyes</tw-link>
their hands are (set: $hands to "shaky")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["shaky", "still", "calloused", "soft"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$hands");'>$hands</tw-link>
[[okay|"no."]]they raise their eyebrows.
a long moment of silence follows:
(live: 2s)[.]
(live: 4s)[.]
(live: 6s)[.]
(live: 8s)["i came to find you," they say at last.]
(live: 10s)["but i guess you don't need me."
[["i really don't."|i really don't.]]
[["of course i do."|of course i do.]]]they [[laugh]] for the first time in a thousand years.
"you've changed so much."
they pause, and then add, "and not at all."
[["i missed you."]]
[["you too."]]mouth stained (color: #C4606A)[''red''].
[[yikes|"very."]]you manage a smile, but it's more of a grimace.
they look like they want to laugh. they don't.
"i heard that you got stabbed," they say instead.
[["yes."]]
[["thank you for reminding me."]]you frown at them. they smile, wide, all pointed [[teeth]] and bloody lips.
"i heard that you got stabbed," they say.
[["yes."]]
[["thank you for reminding me."]]you try not to remember how they felt brushing against your skin.
[[but that was a long time ago|serious]]their face tightens.
[[they get up to leave.]]they say nothing, only watch you.
[[warily.]]
the sound of bells.
[[heartache|"thank you for reminding me."]]they smile again. //painfully//.
"i came to find you," they say, almost shamefully.
"but i guess you don't need me."
[["i really don't."|i really don't.]]
[["of course i do."|of course i do.]]they smile again. //painfully//.
"it's been... difficult. without you."
they pause.
"i came to find you," they say, almost shamefully.
"but i guess you don't need me."
[["i really don't."|i really don't.]]
[["of course i do."|of course i do.]]they're standing in the doorway, and they look back at you.
"that's really fucked up, $name."
[[and then they're gone]](live: 2s)[(go-to: "leave your room day 3")]"you used to pull water out of the sky for me," they say.
[["so?"]]"maybe it's time for me to repay you."
[["it was a gift."]]they smile again. they are so [[sad]].
"i'll be around, $name."
[[and then they're gone]]they are (set: $sad to "the whole world crumbling apart")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["the whole world crumbling apart", "broken pieces of pottery", "tired enough to curl up and nap for a thousand more years", "painfully aware that nostalgia is a dirty liar"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$sad");'>$sad</tw-link>.
[[but you don't have the divinity to fix anything anymore|"it was a gift."]]the remnants of power are dripping from your fingertips.
you feel sad.
[[go to sleep|nighttime4]]
[[leave your room|leave your room day 4]](if: (history:) contains "lawn")[(live: 2s)[(go-to: "day 5")]](else:)[you have things to do.
[[go back|day 4]]]{(if: (history:) contains "watering4")[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera6]] has been watered.]
(else:)[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera7]] needs [[watering|watering4]].]}
{(if: (history:) contains "medication4")[you've taken your medication.]
(else:)[you need to take your [[medication|medication4]].]}
you could look out the [[window->window4]].
the world [[outside|outside4]] beckons.
or you could [[go back to bed|day 4]].swiss cheese plant. watered. full of holes.
[[just like me|leave your room day 4]]you pour liquid life into the dirt.
[[silent friend|leave your room day 4]]poppy-red pills, down down down your throat, sliding into your stomach and whispering normalities into your brain.
[[i'm not as sick as they want me to be|leave your room day 4]]your lawn is [[bloody]].
the streets are lined with [[light]].
a [[bird]] opens its mouth, song pouring through.
[[but happiness is fake|leave your room day 4]](if: (history:) contains "neighbor2" and $reaction1 is "raise a hand in greeting")[your neighbor is humming.](else-if: (history:) contains "neighbor2" and $reaction1 is "continue to stare")[your neighbor is gone.](else-if: (history:) contains "neighbor2" and $reaction1 is "look away")[your neighbor is gone.](else:)[your [[neighbor]] is watering flowers, wearing a wide-brimmed sunhat, and pretending not to stare at you.]
(if: (history:) contains "lawn")[[[there's nothing more out here for you|leave your room day 4]]](else:)[you should clean up your [[lawn]].]
swiss cheese plant. needs watering. full of holes.
[[just like me|leave your room day 4]](color: #C4606A)[''poppy-red''].
[[gross|window4]]lanterns. string lights. glowing flowers.
[[spring is coming|window4]]you think about what it would look like with its wings cut off.
[[crush it, smash it, cook it in a stew|window4]]there is work to be done.
rip out the (link-reveal: "weeds")[ ]
spray down the (link-reveal: "grass")[ ]
light the (link-reveal: "lanterns")[ ]
[[yes|lawn2]]they glance up at you and catch you staring back.
their (set: $neighbor1 to "antennae")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["antennae", "wings", "many legs", "many arms"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$neighbor1");'>$neighbor1</tw-link> shuffle uncomfortably.
you (set: $reaction1 to "raise a hand in greeting")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["raise a hand in greeting", "continue to stare", "look away"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$reaction1");'>$reaction1</tw-link>.
[[yes|neighbor2]]
their $neighbor1 tremble. you $reaction1.
(if: $reaction1 is "raise a hand in greeting")[you're not sure, but you think they're smiling.](if: $reaction1 is "continue to stare")[after a moment of prolonged eye contact, they shuffle back inside.](if: $reaction1 is "look away")[they stare at you for a moment, and shuffle back inside.]
[[well, that was interesting|outside4]]typical of your friend to leave (color: #C4606A)[''blood''] all over your grass
[[you guess it's kind of endearing|outside4]]sadness never leaves
[[go to sleep|nighttime5]]
[[leave your room|leave your room day 5]](if: (history:) contains "outside5")[(live: 2s)[(go-to: "day 6")]](else:)[not right now.
[[go back|day 5]]]{(if: (history:) contains "watering5")[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera8]] has been watered.]
(else:)[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera9]] needs [[watering|watering5]].]}
{(if: (history:) contains "medication5")[you've taken your medication.]
(else:)[you need to take your [[medication|medication5]].]}
you could look out the [[window->window5]].
the world [[outside|outside5]] beckons.
or you could [[go back to bed|day 5]].swiss cheese plant. watered. full of holes.
a new leaf is sprouting.
[[just like me|leave your room day 5]]swiss cheese plant. needs watering. full of holes.
a new leaf is sprouting.
[[just like me|leave your room day 5]]you pour liquid life into the dirt.
[[silent friend|leave your room day 5]]poppy-red pills, down down down your throat, sliding into your stomach and whispering normalities into your brain.
[[i'm not as sick as they want me to be|leave your room day 5]]the [[streets]] are glowing.
[[turn away|leave your room day 5]]the [[festival]] is coming.
soon, you will (set: $festival to "dance until your insides spill over")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["dance until your insides spill over", "get drunk on liquid nightmares", "kiss the divine and feel the light on your lips", "pretend that you are more than what you are"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$festival");'>$festival</tw-link>
[[two more days|leave your room day 5]]they are already gathering:
(link-replace: "fairies")[blood-drinking monsters, drunk on dreams]
(link-replace: "angels")[singing atrocities, pretending holiness]
(link-replace: "demons")[celestial sin, destroying their fragile vessels]
and even
(link-reveal: "''gods''")[, exhaling the fabric of the universe, muttering lost languages under their breath, soaked in milk and honey]
[[dirty humans trampled underfoot|window5]]''rebirth''.
your skin itches in anticipation.
[[soon|outside5]]today you feel the weight of your own exile.
[[go to sleep|nighttime6]]
[[leave your room|leave your room day 6]](live: 2s)[(go-to: "day 7")]{(if: (history:) contains "watering6")[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera10]] has been watered.]
(else:)[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera11]] needs [[watering|watering6]].]}
{(if: (history:) contains "take them")[you've taken your medication.](else-if: (history:) contains "hide them")[your medication is not here.]
(else:)[you need to take your [[medication|medication6]].]}
you could look out the [[window->window6]].
the world [[outside|outside6]] beckons.
or you could [[go back to bed|day 6]].swiss cheese plant. watered. full of holes.
a new leaf is sprouting.
[[just like me|leave your room day 6]]swiss cheese plant. needs watering. full of holes.
a new leaf is sprouting.
[[just like me|leave your room day 6]]you pour liquid life into the dirt.
[[silent friend|leave your room day 6]]you stare at the pills for a long time.
do you [[take them]]?
or do you [[hide them]]?you can barely look outside; the light is [[blinding]]
[[yes|leave your room day 6]]not now
[[but soon|leave your room day 6]]toss em back like seeds, water them until they bloom in your brain
[[being sick sucks ass|leave your room day 6]]//hide them hide them hide them//
[[i'm not sick|leave your room day 6]]there is divinity out there
[[give it back|window6]](if: (history:) contains "festivalstart")[. . .](else:)[today you will //fly//.]
[[go to sleep|nighttime7]]
[[leave your room|leave your room day 7]](if: (history:) contains "festivalstart")[(live: 2s)[(go-to: "day 8")]](else:)[can't sleep now; the festival is tonight.
[[go back|day 7]]](if: (history:) contains "festivalstart")[. . .
[[no|day 7]]](else:)[{(if: (history:) contains "watering7")[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera12]] has been watered.]
(else:)[your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera13]] needs [[watering|watering7]].]}
{(if: (history:) contains "hide them2")[your medication is not here.](else-if: (history:) contains "hide them")[your medication is not here.]
(else:)[you need to take your [[medication|medication7]].]}
you could look out the [[window->window7]].
the world [[outside|outside7]] beckons.
or you could [[go back to bed|day 7]].]swiss cheese plant. watered. full of holes.
a new leaf is sprouting.
[[just like me|leave your room day 7]]swiss cheese plant. needs watering. full of holes.
a new leaf is sprouting.
[[just like me|leave your room day 7]]you pour liquid life into the dirt.
[[silent friend|leave your room day 7]]that's when you decide.
[[i'm not sick|hide them2]]just like that.
[[they don't exist anymore.|leave your room day 7]](if: (history:) contains "window7")[the ''$festival1'' flowers are blooming;
they ''$festival2'' brilliantly under a setting sun
it feels like the whole entire world is ''$festival3''.
[[yes|leave your room day 7]]]
(else:)[the (set: $festival1 to "golden-bell")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["golden-bell", "silver-chain", "iridescent-light"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$festival1");'>$festival1</tw-link> flowers are blooming;
they (set: $festival2 to "glow")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["glow", "weep", "sing"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$festival2");'>$festival2</tw-link> brilliantly under a setting sun
it feels like the whole entire world is (set: $festival3 to "celebrating")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["celebrating", "awakening", "dying", "on its knees"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$festival3");'>$festival3</tw-link>.
[[yes|leave your room day 7]]]
(if: (history:) contains "hide them")[you haven't taken your medication in two days.](else:)[you haven't taken your medication today.]
your head feels (set: $head1 to "delightfully woozy")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["delightfully woozy", "painfully clear", "intoxicatingly empty"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$head1");'>$head1</tw-link>.
but nevermind that—
the [[festival|festivalstart]] has begun.the [[moon|moon2]] has not risen,
yet beings [[dance]] in the streets—
will you [[join them]]?
or will you [[stand apart]]?they told you stories when you were one of the innocent:
(live: 2s)[(transition: "dissolve")[//she chases her lover across the sky
doomed to reflect what was not meant to be her own.//](stop:)]
(live: 5s)[[[but that was years ago|festivalstart]]](if: (history:) contains "dance")[their bodies are ''$bodies''
and
[[it hurts to see|festivalstart]]](else:)[their bodies are (set: $bodies to "twisting into shapes not meant for your eyes")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["twisting into shapes not meant for your eyes", "crying out for release, begging for redemption", "decorated with living designs, reaching out, beckoning", "naked and whole in a way you could never hope to be"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$bodies");'>$bodies</tw-link>
and
[[it hurts to see|festivalstart]]]and as soon as you do, you feel (set: $join to "ecstasy")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["ecstasy", "euphoria", "whole again"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$join");'>$join</tw-link>—
like you [[never died in the first place]]you watch your friend, intoxicated on divinity.
they see you, and [[beckon]]—the sky is singing
(//$name, $name, $name//)
the crowd is singing
(//$name, $name, $name//)
the earth itself
(//$name, $name, $name//)
[[is singing]]and you sing with them,
(//$name, $name, $name//)
and you are born again
(//$name, $name, $name//)
and you are everything, old and new, ancient and young, the whole entire earth is inside of you,
(//$name, $name, $name//)
[[singing]](//$name, $name, $name//)
(//$name, $name, $name//)
(//$name, $name, $name//)
(//$name, $name, $name//)
(//$name, $name, $name//)
(//$name, $name, $name//)
(//$name, $name, $name//)
[[this is who i am!]]and you shout these words into the night.
and you feel...
[[wonderful]].your voice is ringing. they find you.
they hold you.
[[and there is no difference between us]][[we are one, we are many|we are one]]
[[we are one, we are many|we are one]]
[[we are one, we are many|we are one]]
[[we are one, we are many|we are one]]
[[we are one, we are many|we are one]]''we hold the entire universe in our jaws''
''we bleed gold''
''we are [[free]]''and then it's [[gone|day 7]]. . .
[[go to sleep|nighttime8]]
[[leave your room|leave your room day 8]]—but you stand still, and do not join.
this is a celebration of rebirth.
but you have died once already.
and you've decided:
[[reincarnation is a filthy liar.]](css: "font-size: 20pt")[you were promised (set: $reincarnation to "a new life")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["a new life", "freedom from past sin", "ignorant bliss"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$reincarnation");'>$reincarnation</tw-link>
but you are a dirty soul
[[so you have received a dirty body]]](css: "font-size: 22pt")[you were promised $reincarnation
you were [[promised]]](css: "font-size: 24pt")[your (set: $head2 to "head")<tw-link class='cyclingLink' data-cycling-texts='["head", "heart"]' onclick='clickCyclingLink(this, "$head2");'>$head2</tw-link> is pounding
[[against the pavement, feet, pounding]]]
(css: "font-size: 26pt")[your friend emerges from the crowd
they catch you as you fall]
(css: "font-size: 30pt")[[[$head2 shatter $head2 shatter $head2 shatter shatter shatter|free]]]can't sleep.
[[go back|day 8]]your [[monstera deliciosa|monstera14]] has been watered.
(if: (history:) contains "medication8")[you've taken your medication.](else:)[your [[medication|medication8]] is back.]
(if: (history:) contains "medication8" and (history:) contains "monstera14")[ [[your friend is sitting at the table.]]]swiss cheese plant. watered...?
[[uh|leave your room day 8]]didn't this stuff stop existing yesterday?
[[might as well]]you are tired of metaphors.
they are pills, and you swallow them.
[[sick and sad, sick and sad|leave your room day 8]]"you took your medication," they state.
[["how did you get it?"]]
[["i guess i did."]]
[["the story wouldn't let me progress if i didn't."]]they smile impishly.
"you keep forgetting you're human now, don't you?"
[["what does that have to do with anything?"]]
[["i'm very aware of it, thank you."]]
[["...yes."]]they smile sadly.
"you keep forgetting you're human now, don't you?"
[["what does that have to do with anything?"]]
[["i'm very aware of it, thank you."]]
[["...yes."]]they smile painfully.
"even now, you have limited options, don't you?"
[["i hate being controlled like this."]]
[["it's not so bad."]]"nothing, i guess. i keep forgetting too."
[[there's a long pause]]"i'm sorry."
[[there's a long pause]]"if it makes you feel any better, i do too."
[[there's a long pause]]they look at you, wary.
"you keep forgetting you're human now, don't you?"
[["what does that have to do with anything?"]]
[["i'm very aware of it, thank you."]]
[["...yes."]]they shrug, noncomittal.
"you keep forgetting you're human now, don't you?"
[["what does that have to do with anything?"]]
[["i'm very aware of it, thank you."]]
[["...yes."]]"what do you miss most?"
[[and you think about it]]and finally you ask—
[["do you remember what it was like to $missthis?"|end]](live: 2s)[(go-to: "end2")]your name was $name.
your monstera deliciosa (if: (history:) contains "watering" and (history:) contains "watering2" and (history:) contains "watering3" and (history:) contains "watering4" and (history:) contains "watering5" and (history:) contains "watering6" and (history:) contains "watering7")[thrived, living well beyond what was expected. after all, being full of holes isn't necessarily a sign of illness—sometimes it's just how you are.](else:)[died, leaving behind a mess of potting soil and dead leaves. after all, taking care of other living things is difficult—sometimes you just need to take care of yourself first, and that's okay.]
your mental health (if: (history:) contains "medication" and (history:) contains "medication2" and (history:) contains "medication3" and (history:) contains "medication4" and (history:) contains "medication5" and (history:) contains "take them")[is doing okay. you're learning how to be a little kinder to yourself when it counts.](else:)[deteriorated somewhat, but learning curves aren't perfect. you're learning to forgive yourself for your mistakes.]
your friend (if: (history:) contains "i really don't.")[is a little distant. you love each other regardless—it's not a bad thing to need to be alone.](else:)[and you are close. it makes the bad stuff easier to handle, a little.]
[[i am proud of you.|end3]]Double-click this passage to edit it.//created by sjb//
//thank you//
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