(set: $cutter to false)You find yourself walking on a country path, worn into a field of long grass. To your left looms a crumbling brick wall. On the wall there is a spray-painted message: “HORSE HAIR EXTENSION”. You think nothing of it and [[keep walking]].An abandoned farmhouse looms on the horizon. It is overgrown with weeds and wildflowers. As you get closer, you see scrawled on the wall: “LARGE HORSE”. [[Go inside]] [[Leave it behind]]<div style="display: none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$(document.body).css('background-image', 'url(\'http://i.imgur.com/awDqdyY.png\'),url(\'http://i.imgur.com/GvVnctL.png\')');" /></div>You find the inside of the ruined farmhouse rather melancholic. The space appears to be completely devoid of horses, large or otherwise. This is deeply disturbing to you. [[Leave this place|keep walking]]<div style="display: none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$(document.body).css('background-image', 'none');" /></div>You find yourself in a graveyard of barrels and broken-down farm equipment. A tractor bears the words: “LARGE HORSE HAIR EXTENSION”. Beyond that, an oak cask -- a beautiful little wood number -- advertises “LARGE HAIR EXTENSIONS”. [[Look in the tractor]] [[Look in the barrel]] [[Keep going]]<div style="display: none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$(document.body).css('background-image', 'url(\'http://i.imgur.com/awDqdyY.png\'),url(\'http://i.imgur.com/GvVnctL.png\')');" /></div>(if: $bill is true)[There is a giant hole in the body of the tractor, cut with a handheld laser cutter. It's a really nice freehand circle, if you do say so yourself.](elseif: $cutter is true)[You use the laser cutter to cut through the rusted metal. Inside you find a 5 dollar bill.(set: $bill to true)](else:)[You attempt to open the hood of the tractor. It appears to be rusted shut.] [[Go back|Leave it behind]](if: $beenthrough is true)[You return to the fork in the road. The trees circle around you, taunting you with promises of "LARGE EXTENSION" and "HAIR NOW".](else:)[You walk faster and faster through the night. The road leads you through a forest. A grand chorus of trees surrounds you, singing variations on a common theme -- “LARGE HORSE HAIR”. “HORSE EXTENSION”. “LARGE”. ”HAIR NOW”. You notice that the scrawls are becoming more urgent.(set: $beenthrough to true) You have now sped into a light jog. Ahead the path forks in three.] (if: $horse is true)[ A large horse is now following you around. ] [[Follow the first path]] [[Follow the second path]] [[Follow the third path]] [[Return to the tractor|Leave it behind]]<div style="display: none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$(document.body).css('background-image', 'url(\'http://i.imgur.com/MvsBAF0.png\'),url(\'http://i.imgur.com/lKsBKC4.png\')');" /></div>After walking for about 30 minutes you find yourself back on a street you recognize. Turning around, you cannot see the path that brought you here. (if: $hurt is true)[You gently massage your bruised knuckles -- proof, you decide, that this was not all some kind of dream.] (if: $horse is true and $extension is true)[You turn back around and suddenly realize the large horse you met in the clearing is still following you. How grand! You head home together, the thought of a new life with a new friend shaking you to your core with pure, delirious excitement. You attach the LARGE HORSE HAIR EXTENSION to your friend's already luscious mane. What an incredible day.](elseif: $extension is true)[You are holding a beautiful LARGE HORSE HAIR EXTENSION in your hand, brimming with sadness that there is no horse here to wear it. You trudge home, weary from your day.](elseif: $horse is true)[You turn back around and suddenly realize the large horse you met in the clearing is still following you. How grand! You head home together, the thought of a new life with a new friend shaking you to your core with pure, delirious excitement. And yet, you can't help but feel worried. Worried that this horse will leave you for a friend who can find them the LARGE HORSE HAIR EXTENSION they deserve.](else:)[You have no choice but to put all thoughts of LARGE HORSE HAIR EXTENSIONS from your mind.](if: $secret is true and $bill is true and $extension is true)[ A week later, you find a five-dollar bill in your pocket. You decide to buy some ice cream.] THE END<div style="display: none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$(document.body).css('background-image', 'none');$(document.body).css('background-color', 'white');" /></div>(set: $second to true)You find yourself in a clearing. There is an unspeakably ugly rock right in the middle. Off to the side there is a rose bush.(if: $horse is true)[ A large horse is now following you around.(set: $second to false)](else:)[ Something is hiding behind the rose bush. You can't quite make it out.] [[Investigate the rock]] [[Investigate the bush]] [[Return to the fork in the road|Keep going]](if: $horse is true)[You look behind the tiny bush and find a bunch of trampled grass. If you had to guess, you'd say a large horse was standing here not moments before.](else:)[You look behind the tiny bush and find a large horse. The horse looks at you as if you have somehow wordlessly reached an understanding.(set: $horse to true)] [[back|Follow the second path]]This is, without a doubt, the most obscene and offensive-looking rock in existence. Its appearance is an affront to the concept of vision. You are so glad this rock cannot read thoughts, because it probably looks even uglier when it cries. [[back|Follow the second path]](set: $beendown to true)You are standing in the ditch. It is quieter and less chilly down here, out of the wind. To your left is an open sewage tube with a diameter of roughly 7 feet. To your right there is another similarly-sized tube, packed to the brim with dirt. (if: $horse is true)[ The horse watches you from the ledge above. ] [[Go left]] [[Go right]] [[Climb back up|Follow the third path]]<div style="display: none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$(document.body).css('background-image', 'url(\'http://i.imgur.com/hsqr5J3.png\'),url(\'http://i.imgur.com/vZQifQ4.png\')');$(document.body).css('background-position', 'left bottom, right bottom');$(document.body).css('background-color', 'white');" /></div>You walk into the mouth of the open sewage tube. It smells much less rank than you were expecting, though a slight whisper of stink still lingers in the air. The tube is wide and tall enough for you to walk comfortably through, and the ground is mercifully clean. Nailed to the corrugated metal just inside the pipe is a wooden sign. Someone has painted a white arrow on the planks, pointing into the depths of the sewage system. [[Go deeper]] [[Exit the tube|Climb down]]<div style="display: none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$(document.body).css('background-image', 'url(\'http://i.imgur.com/YylKkQc.png\')');$(document.body).css('background-color', 'black');$(document.body).css('background-position', 'center');" /></div>(if: $secret is true)[Someone has put a fake wall of dirt into the mouth of this tube. There is now a hole in it, thanks to your trusty laser cutter. ](else:)[This tube is entirely full of dirt. You test the dirt and it appears to be packed solid. Depending on how long the tube is, it could take anywhere from an afternoon to a full week to dig through it all. [[Punch the dirt in anger]](if: $hurt is true and $cutter is true)[ [[Use your laser cutter on the dirt]]]] [[Leave|Climb down]](if: $secondCave is true)[You are in a pleasantly-sized cave at the end of a long, sewer-y hall. There is a mattress, a lantern, and a variety of odds and ends to one side of underground room. In the middle of the cave you see a shadowy figure seated at a wooden table. A large sign taped to the table announces: "LARGE HORSE HAIR EXTENSIONS FOR SALE"](else:)[At the end of the tube the walls open into a pleasantly-sized cave. There is a mattress, a lantern, and a variety of odds and ends to one side of underground room. In the middle of the cave you see a shadowy figure seated at a wooden table. A large sign, like the physical manifestation of every sigh of relief you've ever expelled in your lifetime, is taped to the table. It proclaims: "LARGE HORSE HAIR EXTENSIONS FOR SALE"(set: $secondCave to true)] [[Approach the figure]] [[Leave|Go left]]<div style="display: none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$(document.body).css('background-image', 'url(\'http://i.imgur.com/cF3ZvRx.png\'),url(\'http://i.imgur.com/oO2v5r3.png\')');$(document.body).css('background-color', 'black');$(document.body).css('background-position', 'left bottom, right bottom');" /></div>(if: $hurt is true)[You are NOT doing that again. Your hand still hurts from last time.](else:)[You punch the dirt wall and hurt your hand. A little bit of dirt falls away.(set: $hurt to true) (if: $horse is true)[ The horse neighs sympathetically from above.]] [[Leave|Climb down]](if: $secondTalk is true)[You approach the figure.](else:)[As you approach, a voice, like a chorus of ten thousand horses, emanates from the shadowy mass you desperately hope is friendly.] (if: $extension is true)["THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BUYING A LARGE HORSE HAIR EXTENSION" screeches the figure. [[Buy another extension]] [[Go back|Go deeper]]](elseif: $angered is true)["I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT OF HERE SO PLEASE GET OUT OF HERE" it screams. [[Leave|Go deeper]]](else:)["ARE YOU HERE FOR MY LARGE HORSE HAIR EXTENSIONS" shouts the funny little figure. "[[Yes please]]" "[[Hand them over, villain!]]" "[[No thank you]]"]"I'M SO GLAD" screams the silhouette. "WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU LIKE OF THE HAIR" it yells. "THE HORSE EXTENSION SHOULD BE OF WHAT HUE IS WHAT I AM ASKING YOU NOW" "[[Something conservative]]" "[[Something a little off the beaten path]]" "[[Something zany]]""YOU'RE NOT VERY NICE" yells the figure. "I'LL GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE BUT ONLY ONE" "[[I'm sorry. I would love a horse hair extension|Yes please]]" "[[I have never apologized for anything in my entire life and I will not start now]]""OKAY" screams the bizarre shadow. "PLEASE COME BACK IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND"(set: $secondTalk to true) [[The conversation ends.|Go deeper]]"HERE IS A HAIR EXTENSION WITH BLONDE HIGHLIGHTS FOR A HORSE" screams the shadow. "IT COSTS FIVE DOLLARS" (if: $bill is true or $secret is true)["[[Here you go|Pay]]"](else:)["[[I don't have any money!]]"]"HERE IS A BLUE HAIR EXTENSION FOR A HORSE" screams the shadow. "IT COSTS FIVE DOLLARS" (if: $bill is true or $secret is true)["[[Here you go|Pay]]"](else:)["[[I don't have any money!]]"]"WHAT AN UNPLEASANT BUFFOON YOU ARE" shouts the dark figure. "GET OUT OF MY CAVE"(set: $angered to true)(set: $secondTalk to true) [[The conversation ends.|Go deeper]]"HERE IS A BROWN HAIR EXTENSION FOR A HORSE" screams the shadow. "IT COSTS FIVE DOLLARS" (if: $bill is true or $secret is true)["[[Here you go|Pay]]"](else:)["[[I don't have any money!]]"]"THANK YOU SO MUCH" yells the figure. "PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS ABOUT THIS SHOP" Figuring your business here is concluded, you say goodbye and step away from the table.(set: $extension to true) [[Awesome|Go deeper]]"THEN I CANNOT HELP YOU" screeches the shadowy figure. "AND PROBABLY NO ONE CAN" You shuffle sadly out away from the table. You vow to find a five-dollar bill so you may return and fulfill your destiny. [[Alright|Go deeper]]You follow the third path. It leads out of the forest, to the edge of a short cliff overlooking a sewage ditch. There is no garbage, water, or sludge; one of the protruding metal tubes is blocked up with a heck of a lot of dirt. It's like someone cleared out this ditch by cramming all the soil into the sewage pipe.(if: $horse is true)[ As you look over the edge the horse snorts and whinnies excitedly.] [[Climb down]] [[Return to the fork in the road|Keep going]]<div style="display: none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$(document.body).css('background-image', 'url(\'http://i.imgur.com/awDqdyY.png\'),url(\'http://i.imgur.com/GvVnctL.png\')');" /></div>You aim the handheld laser cutter at the dirt and fire. You carefully slice a perfect circle into the dirt wall and turn off the laser. As you approach the dirt wall, the circle falls backward into the pipe. As it turns out, the dirt was merely a thin veneer hiding a secret room. You peer inside but mostly see darkness. [[Enter the tube]] [[Leave|Climb down]]You climb into the tube. You fumble around in the dark for a while and find the space to be very small, and very empty. You are pretty bummed out, to be honest. Oh well. You decide to leave, and make your way back to the hole in the dirt wall. As you approach the portal, your foot slides out from under you. You fall hard on your back. You are having a rough day, pain-wise, to say the least. You grope around on the ground for whatever made you slip up. In the small patch of light streaming in from outdoors, you find (if: $bill is true)[another](else:)[a] five-dollar bill. Today is your lucky day! Deciding not to press your luck, you leave the tube while you're ahead.(set: $secret to true) [[Good riddance|Climb down]]<div style="display: none;"><img src="!@#$" onerror="$(document.body).css('background-image', 'url(\'http://i.imgur.com/YylKkQc.png\')');$(document.body).css('background-color', 'black');$(document.body).css('background-position', 'center');$(document.body).css('color', '#fff !important');" /></div>You ask the figure if you can buy another horse hair extension. (if: $secret is true and $bill is true)[You pull out your other five-dollar bill.] "I'M SORRY, BUT I REALLY DON'T HAVE A LOT OF THESE" the diminutive spectre screeches. "I'M AFRAID I HAVE A POLICY OF ONE EXTENSION PER CUSTOMER" [[Bummer|Go deeper]](if: $cutter is true)[You look inside the barrel. It is empty.](else:)[You look inside the barrel. At the bottom, there is a handheld laser cutter. You pull it out of the barrel and put it into your pocket.(set: $cutter to true)] [[Go back|Leave it behind]]