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<div class="story-body-area title-area red-shadow">
<div class="title-text-area">
<span class="title">DIPHENHYDRAMINE</span>
<br />
<br />a FERRET DRIVE project
<br />written by QuakeRoc ([[Twitter|https://twitter.com/QuakeRoc]] / [[itch|https://quakeroc.itch.io]])
<br />coded/styled by datastains ([[Twitter|https://twitter.com/datastains]] / [[itch|https://datastains.itch.io]])
<br />title art by synesthesia ([[Twitter|https://twitter.com/LUVSTARGRL]] / [[itch|https://luvstargrl.itch.io]])
<br />
<br />
<<link "[show content warnings]">>
<<toggleclass "#cws" "hide">>
<</link>>
<span id="cws" class="hide">
<br />
death, suicide, violence, drug abuse, hallucinations, vomit
</span>
<br />
<<link "[show credits and thanks]">>
<<toggleclass "#credits" "hide">>
<</link>>
<span id="credits" class="hide">
<br />
To everyone we love, and to all those that love us.
</span>
</div>
<span class="next-button"><<button ">_" "1">><</button>></span>
</div><div class="story-body-area red-shadow">
<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
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<</button>></span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<span>
<span class="perspective">This party fucking sucks.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<br />
<span class="perspective">About thirty young adults and adult-adults drinking and sobbing.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">No kids allowed. The teens can mourn a future lost in the park.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I was expecting more debauchery.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Shit like people fucking in the halls,</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">or doing lines off some chests,</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">or stabbing each other and eating guts,</span>
</span>
<span class="final-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">or-</span>
</span>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<span></span>
<span class="side-perspective side-hidden">
Somewhere high above, a fireball looms in the sky. The sun hasn’t been yellow for days, weeks, months. The night hasn’t been dark in days, weeks, months. Time stopped mattering as much when they announced the end of the world. The newscasters looked like jokes, shaking like jello in their stiff suits. Then they started crying, and it wasn’t funny anymore.
</span>
</span>
</span>
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<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
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<</button>></span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<span>
<span class="perspective">I lock myself in the bathroom. The click is comforting. I get to be isolated.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">The loneliest guy in the world, even with someone banging on the door.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">They can’t get in here, this grungy-tile light-flickering sarcophagus.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">They retch. Some yellow vomit trickles in under the bottom.</span>
</span>
<span class="final-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I just roll my eyes away. I’m about to join them.</span>
</span>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<span class="side-perspective side-hidden">
It was pretty normal for a while. Some Twitter users and Facebook democrats wrote long threads about how it wasn’t the end, how a nation as ingenious as America and its allies could pull out a win. Unite the world and shit, right? Then that astrophysicist furry did the math and proved that there literally wasn’t enough accelerant or explosive mass on the planet to even divert it.
</span>
</span>
</span>
</div><div class="story-body-area red-shadow">
<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
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<</button>></span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<span>
<span class="perspective">I stuff my hand into my hoodie pocket. Plastic and paper crinkle back.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I’ve been drinking, so most of today’s a blur. This, though, I can categorize.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I run my fingers across everything inside, counting. I have;</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">- A blister pack of Benadryl, 50mg per pill, total 600mg</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">- A bottle of THC pills, 10mg per pill, total 300mg.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">- Several tabs of LSD, each about 80µg.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">- A baggy with shrooms. I don’t fucking know.</span>
</span>
<span class="final-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">- A smattering of Diazepam tablets. 15mg each.</span>
</span>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<span class="side-perspective side-hidden">
The cops still beat people in the streets, the “justice” systems kept churning, the heads of state still engaged in their petty disputes and saber rattling. It took a month or so for it to set in, once the sky had started turning permanently red. A few little nuclear spats on borders, but no national body had the wherewithal to really end it early. Not like the people themselves. Dropping out.
</span>
</span>
</span>
</div><div class="story-body-area red-shadow">
<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
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<</button>></span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<span>
<span class="perspective">Just like me.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br /><br />
<span class="perspective">I spread them out on the sides of the sink. The crinkle of thin foil is so attractive.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">It’s almost erotic going step-by-step through with your simultaneous suicide and unavoidable, natural death.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Benadryl, two at a time. Six total. Three hundred milligrams.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">They always called me diphenhydramine man, ever since high school.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Two THC pills. They reek. The stinkier, the better. 20mg total.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">The pills hit way harder than anything else. That’s like 60mg of edible.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I eat like four mushrooms. I haven’t had anything to eat since lunch.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">The McDonalds was closing down that night. Some people were still working there, sadly.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Like the Titanic guys, right?</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Two valium. I dunno the doses. I feel rancid already.</span>
</span>
<span class="final-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I put two tabs on my tongue, and I sit down against one end of the tub.</span>
</span>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<span class="side-perspective side-hidden">
The music’s thumping outside the room. There’s some wailing, gnashing of teeth. Maybe the party got a little bit better while you were setting out your tools for the end?
</span>
</span>
</span>
</div><div class="story-body-area red-shadow">
<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
<<script>>
Engine.play("6");
<</script>>
<</button>></span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<span>
<span class="perspective">I wait for it all. You’ll wait with me.</span>
</span>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<span class="side-perspective">
Sure thing.
</span>
</span>
</span>
</div><div class="story-body-area red-shadow">
<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
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<</button>></span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<span>
<span class="perspective">After enough waiting, I start to feel itchy.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I look down and scratch; there’s some spiders, nothing too bad.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">They’re colorful, like orb weavers. Thanks, acid.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Oh, it’s time for the sidegraded shadow people.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">A man with a sword’s sitting on the side of the tub, looking at me.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">He seems sad. Is that because I’m about to die?</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Or is it because his sword won’t stop melting all over the tiles?</span>
</span>
<span class="final-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Colorful spiders. Venom patterns. It’s in my blood now.</span>
</span>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<span class="side-perspective side-hidden">
This man looks like a kind of medieval noble. A knight. He’s wearing little leather booties, covered head to toe in chainmail, and yes, he has a sword. You’re currently hallucinating pretty severely. Try to keep yourself in check until you pass on. I’ll help.
</span>
</span>
</span>
</div><div class="story-body-area red-shadow">
<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
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<</button>></span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<span>
<span class="perspective">“<span class="knight-dialogue">You, child,</span>” he croaks, extending an open palm.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">“<span class="perspective-dialogue">I’m almost thirty.</span>” My voice sounds like gasping. My lips won’t stop shaking.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">“<span class="knight-dialogue">How could you do this to yourself?</span>”</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">“<span class="perspective-dialogue">Myself? Motherfucker, you’re not real, you know what’s going on.</span>”</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">He places his other hand back on the hilt of his sword. It looks red hot.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Oh, the motion is nauseating. It’s like those old Windows cursor trails, but smoothed over.</span>
</span>
<span class="final-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">It keeps repeating because my brain loves to hurt me.</span>
</span>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<span class="side-perspective side-hidden">
The man’s sad because it’s not very Christian to kill yourself; he’s your ancestor, come in your final moments to discourse and judge you. Try not to let it get to you. Thankfully, you feel sober enough that I can remain fairly logical, here. Thanks, valium!
</span>
</span>
</span>
</div><div class="story-body-area red-shadow">
<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
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<</button>></span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<span>
<span class="perspective">“<span class="perspective-dialogue">Dog, fuck off. I don’t need some Ghost of My Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-</span>”</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I go on like this for a bit. It feels good to exhale words instead of blow chunks.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">“<span class="perspective-dialogue">-Great-Grandfather’s Creamy Load to tell me morals at the end of the world.</span>”</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">He huffs. It sounds like a pipe full of steam hissing.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I check my hands to make sure they’re not lobster-red.</span>
</span>
<span class="final-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">They are, but it’s not from boiling water. It’s fine. I’m fine.</span>
</span>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<span class="side-perspective side-hidden">
You’re not fine, but that was the point. Proud of you for sticking to your convictions!
</span>
</span>
</span>
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<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
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<</button>></span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<span>
<span class="perspective">There’s another man now. He’s tall, has braided, blonde hair. His face is covered in blue paint.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">“<span class="perspective-dialogue">Oh, great. More ethnonationalist boogeymen,</span>” I hiss.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">“<span class="druid-dialogue">No, boy. Look at this paint.</span>”</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">He drags his gnarled fingers over his cheeks, dragging them through the flesh.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">The world swims with the curves of his motions. He’s a psychedelic dancer.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">It’s gorgeous. I love this novel kaleidoscope death.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">“<span class="druid-dialogue">Look at these scars.</span>”</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">He digs his nails into his chest, displaying all the ritual scars across his body.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">“<span class="perspective-dialogue">Hey, me too, homie,</span>” I slur out. I lift up my shirt.</span>
</span>
<span class="final-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I thumb over the two anchor-scars on my chest, each hooking up to my nipples.</span>
</span>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<span class="side-perspective side-hidden">
See? This guy gets you. He’s a shaman or a druid or something. Probably Pictish. He, the one linked to the land, really gets you. He really loves you. I love you, too.
</span>
</span>
</span>
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<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
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<</button>></span>
</span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<span>
<span class="perspective">I feel my scars do loopty-loops around my chest. Crawling across me like worms.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I’m still proud of them, but I get the urge to vomit, so I do.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Oh, the technicolor splatter in the porcelain next to melting Christian is beautiful.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I run my fingers through it, imagining the chunks as pills not fully dissolved.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Probably just McDonalds, though. Can’t believe those are still running.</span>
</span>
<span class="continue-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">I should take more Benadryl.</span>
</span>
<span class="final-block">
<br />
<span class="perspective">Do I?</span>
</span>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<span class="side-perspective side-hidden">
</span>
</span>
</span>
<div class="choice-buttons hide">
<span class="choice-button choice-left"><<button "[yes]">>
<<script>>
Engine.play("11");
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<span class="choice-button choice-right"><<button "[no]">>
<<script>>
Engine.play("11");
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<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<div class="rot-low">
<span class="perspective">I’ve got another visitor. Skin is light too, but covered in… soot?</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-low">
<span class="perspective">His hair is matted nonsense. He’s naked. He’s jacked and fat.</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-low">
<span class="perspective">He looks so frightened. Like he’s seeing a ghost.</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-low">
<span class="perspective">He’s recoiling away from the other two. The knight is sobbing.</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-low">
<span class="perspective">“<span class="caveman-dialogue">Why do you do this?</span>”</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-low">
<span class="perspective">“<span class="perspective-dialogue">Shit, dog, I dunno, the world’s ending.</span>”</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-low">
<span class="perspective">“<span class="caveman-dialogue">I did so much, so much… woman and baby, so much… village, so much…</span>”</span>
</div>
<div class="final-block rot-low">
<span class="perspective">He’s shaking.</span>
</div>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<div class="side-perspective rot-low side-hidden">
An ancient, ancient man. Someone who would see demons and spirits in every shaky shadow from the fireplace. Someone who would fight every day for a better life, for the village to grow a little bit. Oh, you’re ruining everything he’s ever set out to create.
</div>
</span>
</span>
</div><div class="story-body-area red-shadow">
<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
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<</button>></span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<div class="rot-med">
<span class="perspective">“<span class="perspective-dialogue-rot-med">So, you’re the one who busted in my Great-Great…everything?</span>”</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-med">
<span class="perspective">The knight and the druid both nod. Their every movement is a blur.</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-med">
<span class="perspective">Stained glass windows liquid mingling and dispersing and swirling.</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-med">
<span class="perspective">Fluid ghosts of smoke and genes. Spiraling helix-people of my ancient super-ego.</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-med">
<span class="perspective">I haven’t stopped vomiting, actually. I feel the echo of every horrid sensation every second.</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-med">
<span class="perspective">Every movement I make resonates throughout the rest of me and doesn’t stop.</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-med">
<span class="perspective rot-med">My hard palate itches. My scalp is against the ceiling. My face is in front of my eyes.</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-med">
<span class="perspective">I put myself into the recovery position. My heartbeat isn’t fast, but every beat stacks on itself.</span>
</div>
<div class="final-block rot-med">
<span class="perspective">It’s the end, whether my body gives out or the meatball in the sky screams its last on me.</span>
</div>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<div class="side-perspective side-hidden rot-med">
</div>
</span>
</span>
</div><div class="story-body-area red-shadow">
<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
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<</button>></span>
<span class="container">
<span class="col-left">
<div class="rot-high">
<span class="perspective">“<span class="caveman-dialogue-rot-high">An endless string of all things,</span>” says the caveman.</span>
</div>
<div class="continue-block rot-high">
<span class="perspective">“<span class="druid-dialogue-rot-high">From the beginning of thought to the end of a line,</span>” says the druid.</span>
</div>
<div class="final-block rot-high">
<span class="perspective">“<span class="knight-dialogue-rot-high">From jumping at shadows, to creating them,</span>” says the knight.</span>
</div>
</span>
<span class="col-right">
<div class="side-perspective side-hidden rot-high">
They’d like for you to participate. Rather, the shattering remnants of your mind and body are swirling chemicals around in your electric-meat, trying to form something from nothing. Think of something nice, impactful. It might be the last thing either of us experience. I love you.
</div>
</span>
</span>
</div><div class="story-body-area red-shadow">
<div class="perspective rot-all">I open my mouth, dry as paper and dripping with bile and drool.</div>
<div class="perspective rot-all">“<span class="perspective-dialogue-rot-all">Forgive me God, I would’ve been a baker.</span>”</div>
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<div class="story-body-area red-shadow">
<<timed 2s>>
<div class="center-text">
<<timed 0.1s>>
<span class="dipshit-normal">IT’S</span>
<<next 0.5s>> <span class="dipshit-normal"> ALREADY</span>
<<next >> <span class="dipshit-normal"> IN</span>
<<next >> <span class="dipshit-normal"> YOUR</span>
<<next >> <span class="dipshit-normal"> BLOOD,</span>
<</timed>>
</div>
<<next 3s>><div class="dipshit-huge center-text"> DIPSHIT</div>
<<next 2s>>
<div class="dipshit-normal center-text">YOU’RE ALREADY DEAD</div>
<<next 5s>>
<br /><br /><span class="side-perspective">Sorry, not really any point in going farther, huh?</span>
<<next 2s>>
<br />
<span class="next-button"><<button ">_">>
<<script>>
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<</button>></span>
<</timed>>
</div>