Feeling lost in an elephant’s dream
Caught up in the digital stream
Cave of shadows, can’t say what I mean
A million miles far from home
Best foot forward, take a step back
Play defense while on the attack
Sowing discord, can’t cut them no slack
Everybody so alone
If everyone could see
Themselves through some other eyes
Innocent, caught up in the machinery
An algorithmic disguise
Making everything great again
Forget about your family and friends
Looking for a means to an end
Just don’t want to be alone
Fragile gem, split in two
Internal dialogue of them vs. you
Find acceptance with nothing to do
The voices there are all your own
If everyone could see
Themselves through some other eyes
Innocent, caught up in the machinery
An algorithmic disguise
A deeper body ache, and make a bad mistake
A million jumping on
Sharing a bad take, Nobody can quite shake
The feeling that you’re gone
Feeling lost in an elephant’s dream
Getting washed away by the digital stream
If it feels better to share another meme
Doesn’t make you less alone
If everyone could see
Themselves through some other eyes
Innocent, caught up in the machinery
An algorithmic disguise
If everyone could see
Themselves through some other eyes
Innocent, caught up in the machinery
An algorithmic disguise
About this track
This song was originally written for Song Fight!, as part of the "Live Fight" challenge for Song Fight! Live 2021.
It also has a music video, produced during the same few days during which I wrote and recorded this song. Yes, including the animation. Sometimes I can be a little obsessed.
Hippy likes Hippy snacks.
Hippy thinks they taste so good.
Hippy likes the Hippy snacks.
They're made of whole grain wholesome wood.
Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you.
Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you.
Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you.
Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better.
Yuppie likes Yuppie snacks.
Yuppie likes them made of meat.
Yuppie likes the Yuppie snacks.
Suck them from the Yuppie teat.
Yuppie snacks make them better than me, make them better than you.
Yuppie snacks make them better than me, make them better than you.
Yuppie snacks make them better than me, make them better than you.
Yuppie snacks make them better than me, make them better, better, better, better.
Hippy don't like Yuppie snacks.
They prefer things made of soy.
Yuppie don't like hippy snacks.
Would rather play with shiny toy.
Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you.
Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you.
Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them better than you.
Hippy snacks make them better than me, make them bitter.
Everything you like, anything that gets you high
Something there for everyone, something you can try
Getting murry with a furry in the simulated leather
Bondage in a dungeon where you can do it one better
Get your freak flag on
Get your freak flag on
Everything is good in our carved out sexy spaces
From the horniest of normies to the kinkiest of aces
Post it on social if you’re into humiliation
But remember to use content warnings. It’s just polite.
Get your freak flag on
Get your freak flag on
Everything is good as long as everyone’s consenting
Couple with some trans girls who are really into fencing
Peg a strapping young lad with your strapping strap-on cock
But only if he’s legal though, I’ve been around the block
Get your freak flag on
Get your freak flag on
You can be a top or bottom or an indecisive switch
Take them out for breakfast afterwards, if you feel the itch
Safety first, remember to wear rubber, use protection
And get it nice and shiny so you can see your own reflection
mmm, yeah...
Get your freak flag on
Get your freak flag on
Get it on and on
Get your freak flag on
Safeword to your mother
But... not your actual mother
'Cuz that'd be gross
it’s inimical
inimitable
and so predictable
not a miracle
it’s despicable
deliverable
get irritable, with a thread to pull,
feeling minimal
a seeming emptiness
encroaching loneliness
result of pettiness, try to redress
the phoniness
acrimonious
sanctimonious
a former holiness, the brokenness
melodious
finding time to spare
sit in the broken chair
being unaware, without a care
all thoughts laid bare
a tantric suicide
already dead inside
climb up the hillside, across the divide,
smell insecticide
there’s a new tomorrow, it’s falling into place
there’s a new tomorrow, it’s running out of space
there’s a new tomorrow, it’s all fucked up
get your new tomorrow, you’re out of luck
get a steady job, and another piece of me
get a big tv, and another take
get a new degree, stuck in the machinery
in the new tomorrow, you get what you make
it’s inimical
counterfactual
and so predictable
not a miracle
it’s despicable
deliverable
get irritable, with a thread to pull,
feeling minimal
and you simply cannot see what this all has done to me
simply cannot see through the crooked lies
simply cannot see everything that’s eating me
nobody is looking through each others’ eyes
simply cannot see what this all has meant to me
simply cannot see through the skin disguise
simply cannot see all the greater piece of me
walking through the hallway something on the rise
feeling critical
and irritable
analytical
parasitical
apocalyptical
stereotypical
it’s predictable, hypocritical,
and a miracle
About this track
This song was inspired by repeatedly tapping the tuning fork button on my portable amp.
We’re so happy that you want to stay
But our city’s full please go away
We don’t want to turn away your kind
So come anyway, I guess we won’t mind
We know what you’ve seen on the TV
How we live our lives totally fancy free
But you really ought to know
Portlandia is just a show
We are passive, and aggressive
Sacred bike rights often start fights
But we all drive, when you arrive
We say you'll never need a car
We have hipsters - Silly tricksters
We’re ironic - Catatonic
Brew our own beer, but please don’t fear
‘Cause there’s always PBR
So you live here now, you want a job?
I guess that’s cool - you’re not a slob
You could work at a restaurant
If that is the kind of job you want
What’s that you say? You have a degree?
A master’s in sustainability?
That’s really great, but you oughta know
I just got mine an hour ago
We are passive, and aggressive
Sacred bike rights often start fights
But we all drive, when you arrive
We say you'll never need a car
We have hipsters - Silly tricksters
We’re ironic - Catatonic
Brew our own beer, but please don’t fear
‘Cause there’s always PBR
I guess we can’t talk you out of it
So welcome to Portland, We Give A Shit™
What’s that you say, you love the sky so blue?
Well I guess I’ve got some news for you…
We are passive, and aggressive
Sacred bike rights often start fights
But we all drive, when you arrive
We say you'll never need a car
We have hipsters - Silly tricksters
We’re ironic - Catatonic
Brew our own beer, but please don’t fear
‘Cause there’s always PBR
And there’s always PBR
And there’s always PBR
About this track
This song isn't about Portland, but it also isn't not about Portland.
It's also about Seattle.
But also it was just written for the Song Fight! Live Fight in Portland, in 2015.
Here is the problem: The way I see you is
Colored by all of the things we've been through.
Here is the problem: The way you see me is
All about the things that you think I did to you.
That's how a problem of perspective seems to work;
Gets in the way of love. We think we've been hurt,
We say we've had enough, we lose the will to trust.
That's what a problem of perspective does to us.
Love keeps no score of wrongs, they tell me, but my
Eyes won't open and my heart won't let go.
I make assumptions, despite the things I see, I...
I deny the evidence, I trust what I think I know.
That's how a problem of perspective seems to work;
Gets in the way of love. We think we've been hurt,
We say we've had enough, we lose the will to trust.
That's what a problem of perspective does to us.
At least two sides to every story.
At least one truth for every lie.
The optimist afraid to disbelieve,
The pessimist afraid to try.
That's how a problem of perspective seems to work;
Gets in the way of love. We think we've been hurt,
We say we've had enough, we lose the will to trust.
That's what a problem of perspective does to us.
20 years ago I knew this guy, you probably know the type. His name was Gary or Greg or something, but everyone knew him as Golfpunk. His whole thing was breaking in windows of expensive cars using a golf club to protest the wealth gap or... somethin' like that.
Anyway, he called himself a performance artist, and some rich dude decided it would be funny to give him a Cadillac to drive around, you know, "ironically?" Golfpunk, he changed, man... He changed.
(Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drives a Cadillac)
Now that he had a Cadillac of his own he suddenly felt a lot of empathy for the other Cadillac owners and stopped smashing windows. He wanted to smash things, though, so... he took his golf club to the golf course and... he started playing.
You know, golf.
The rich peoples' sport.
And he was good at it.
(Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron)
(Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron)
(Golfpunk, he drives a nine iron)
(Golfpunk, he's gonna crash and burn)
He ended up entering into a tournament and won a lot of money, but then his past caught up with him and all these rich assholes, like, sued him for the windows he broke. And then he had to go on a big ol' apology tour, 'cause it's not like he hurt anyone or said anything racist, but God forbid some windows get smashed up.
Anyway, we all kind of lost track of him for a long time, but then a few weeks ago he reached out to me and was like, "Hey, remember me?" And I was like, "Hey, I remember you! Man, Golfpunk! It's been a long heckin' time." Then he kinda went silent.
And then he says to me, "So, um, I'm not Golfpunk anymore. I got married, settled down, had kids... now I'm more of a... golf dad."
And I was like, "Oh. Huh. Weird."
And then he said the most offensive thing to me ever:
"And now I drive a Prius."
(Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac)
(Golfpunk, he drove a Cadillac)
Anyway, I guess the moral of the story is it's okay to grow up sometimes, and maybe you're going to grow apart too. And that's alright.
This year had its challenges
All my flowers dead, my
pain got worse, my brain got worse, there’s
something wrong with my head
What happened to my career, it
didn't go my way
Things feel bad, and I'm in fear I
won't live another day
oh, it can only get better
oh, I know it will get better
we see the rise of fascists who think
many lives don’t matter
a president who’s on the brink, only
cares to be flattered
where can our people go from here
it all just seems too much
famine devastation fear
we need a human touch
oh, it can only get better
oh, I know it will get better
but it wasn’t all so bad
some of it was swell
remember all the good times we had
Song Fight! Live went well
We take the hand we have been dealt
this year's problems were a-plenty
2019 really smelt, so
here’s to 2020
oh, it can only get better
oh, I know it will get better
oh, it can only get better
oh, I know it will get better
About this track
This song was written for Song Fight! Live 2020, and I don't think people got the joke that it was a song about how 2020 was going to have been so much better than 2019 was.
(For those reading this from the distant future: It very much wasn't.)
Every day I’m just a little older
I feel a little twinge up in my shoulder
Icing up my limbs until they’re colder
Reduce the burning pain into a smolder
I’ve got fibromyalgia
I’ve got fibromyalgia
I feel a lot of pain but it’s
Mostly in my brain I have
Fibromyalgia
I’ve got Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia
There’s something in my brain that makes me
Sensitive to pain I’ve got
Fibromyalgia
Well I think it’s pretty nice
To eat turmeric and rice
With a spicy Indian curry
And I get so much advice
And I’ve heard it once or twice
About swimming and Pilates and so much yoga
(You should swim do Pilates and so much yoga!)
Fibromyalgia, I’ve got
Fibromyalgia
It’s excruciating pain
That comes from my defective brain
I’ve got fibromyalgia
About this track
I wrote this song the night after I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, based on the then-current understanding of the condition (before new research showed that it's actually an autoimmune condition), and also about my long-time frustration with just how people who don't experience chronic pain talk to people who do.
You can hide yourself down a deep, dark hole
Or hoist yourself on a really tall pole
Anything that’ll help you get away
You can do heavy drugs to numb the pain, or
Ask a surgeon to remove your brain
So you can fit right in and start to play
Change your face and change your name
Hide everything that brings you shame
Or go on a preemptive sneak attack
Dig deep into the viper’s pit
Embroil yourself in petty shit
Just commit ‘coz there’s no turning back
Oh, I wish I didn’t worry oh so much
Oh, I wish I could feel fine
Oh, if only all my hopes weren’t out of touch
I wish my safety wasn’t on the line
If you’re accused of doing a bad crime
Want to hide for a very very very long time
Consider all the possibilities
Make a run for President
Convince the people you are heaven sent
You might just win and then you are home free
Even if you’re caught lying
Everyone gives you points for trying
It’s not that the bear stakes well, it skates at all
Even if you destroy the world
It doesn’t matter, you can fuck every girl
And then you can go home and take your ball
Oh, I wish I didn’t worry oh so much
Oh, I wish I could feel fine
Oh, if only all my hopes weren’t out of touch
I wish my safety wasn’t on the line
In the long run everything will be fine
It will just be a matter of time, in
Twelve billion years this will all be gone
In the meantime just try to survive
The world is better with you alive
Outliving him is a reason to go on
About this track
This was written for Circle of Titles in 2016, when I was assigned the title "Strategies to Live," which felt super relevant given the then-recent Presidential election which was at odds with my safety as a trans person.
It took me five years to release this album, and I kept on feeling like it was too late to release this topical song, and yet, somehow it manages to remain topical.