(set:$place to (a:
"reoccurring nightmare",
"horrible premonition",
"dream",
))(set: $dreamstate = 3)(set: $patient = 0)
I have this (link-repeat:"|this>[dream]")[(replace:?this)[(set: $element to $place's 1st)$element](set:$place to(rotated:-1, ...$place))(set: $dreamstate to it + 1)(if: $dreamstate > 3)[(set: $dreamstate to 1)]] that my legs get completely drained...
That I can't even take one more proper [[step]].{(live: 0.5s)[And when I do.(stop:)]}
{(live: 2.5s)[I know it won't end well.(stop:)]}
{(live: 4.5s)[The leg folds and I fall [[forward|floor]].(stop:)]}(set:$struggle to (a:
"painful",
"eternal",
"fantastic",
))
It is a (link-repeat:"|this>[fantastic]")[(replace:?this)[(set: $element to $struggle's 1st)$element](set:$struggle to(rotated:-1, ...$struggle))] struggle.
I grab hold of a railing and trembling pull myself off from the floor.
Only to fall down again.
Hard on the [[hard floor]].
Then I don't [[wake up]].It is tiled, black and white tiles.
Hard cold tiles and the once clean caulk now grey with layers of dust, muck and things rather not named.
{(live: 3s)[Wonder what it would taste like...]}
{(live: 9s)[Salty, a hint of sour, perhaps lemon.]}
{(live: 11.5s)[But mostly dry.(set: $patient = $patient + 1)(stop:)]}
[[But I fell|stand up]]This is now //(if: $dreamstate is 1)[truth](else-if: $dreamstate is 2)[Truth](else:)[TRUTH]//.
[["Beginnings"|Shit]](set: $floored to 0)
{(live: 0.5s)[The floor is cold and [unfriendly]<c1|.
(click-append: ?c1)[, calling for me]
(click-append: "for me")[, and hard]
(stop:)]}
{(live: 1.5s)[I try to [[stand up|floor2]].(stop:)]}I try to (if: $floored > 0)[ [[stand up]]](else:)[ [[stand up|floor2]](set: $floored to 1)].(set: $power = 70)\
(set: $angry = 0)(display: "Power")
**June 17**
It's been three days.
No one has responded to any of my messages for three days.
It is as if they collectively [invented a new holliday (stop:)]<opt1|.\
(click-replace: ?opt1)[decided to abandon me]
Not that it really should make a difference anyhow, they always respond within an hour or [[two|do something about it]].{(font: "monospace")[(live: 0.2s)[BATTERY:
`[`\
(if: $power > 9)[=](else-if: $power > -1)[|](else:)[-(stop:)]\
(if: $power > 19)[=](else-if: $power > 9)[|](else:)[-]\
(if: $power > 29)[=](else-if: $power > 19)[|](else:)[-]\
(if: $power > 39)[=](else-if: $power > 29)[|](else:)[-]\
(if: $power > 49)[=](else-if: $power > 39)[|](else:)[-]\
(if: $power > 59)[=](else-if: $power > 49)[|](else:)[-]\
(if: $power > 69)[=](else-if: $power > 59)[|](else:)[-]\
(if: $power > 79)[=](else-if: $power > 69)[|](else:)[-]\
(if: $power > 89)[=](else-if: $power > 79)[|](else:)[-]\
(if: $power > 99)[=](else-if: $power > 89)[|](else:)[-]\
`]`
(if: $power > -1)[(set: $power = $power - .4)](else:)[(goto: "Death")]]]}
(display: "Power")
**June 23**
It's been a week.
They are [dead, what else could explain this]<opt2|.\
(click-replace: ?opt2)[dead to me]
It really doesn't matter much, I've got my [[research]], and their childish behaviour will not [[affect me]].(display: "Power")(set: $angry = $angry + 1)
(if: $power < 50)[It squeaked. (set: $power = $power + 20)(live: 1s)[(goto: "long")]](else:)[Nothing happened but the clonk and the pain running up from the toe on the left foot.
(set: $angry = $angry + 5)(display: "Power")
It had little effect neither on you nor the speed with which the juice was running out.
You were still doomed, everything going to shitters.
(click-replace: "shitters")[freezing fucking way to soon]
It was either [[stay]] or [[do something about it]].(display: "Power")(set: $angry = $angry + 10)
"Fucking fuck machine"
(live: 2s)[(stop:)"The arse wipe's random mishap did you not come with backup energy."]
[[Fuck!|do something about it]]In that moment
(live: 1s)[//time//(stop:)]
(live: 4s)[inside the bus(stop:)]
(live: 6s)[on the way to work(stop:)]
(live: 8s)[slows (stop:)]\
(live: 10s)[ down (stop:)]
(live: 12s)[(stop:)(goto: "Phone")](display: "Power")
The room(display: "Power")
**Abstract**
**Tags:** [[onto-teology|teleology]], [[holo-integration|holistic]], [[psychoduction|psychoduction]]
[[<<|long]](display: "Power")
Double-click this passage to edit it.(display: "Power")
**Onto-Teology**
The study of the inherent, intrinsic meaning of things.
How many meanings a thing can have.
If there are things with exceptionally many or few meanings.
[[<<|research]](display: "Power")
**Holo-Integration**
In some cases a thing is the sum of its parts: [blueberries and pie makes a blueberry pie]<opt3|.\
(click-replace: ?opt3)[]
But in other cases the whole has more complex relationship to its constituents: [water and water is still water]<opt4|.\
(click-replace: ?opt4)[]
[[<<|research]](display: "Power")
**Psychoduction**
How things reshape the observer.
Imagine, the parent that watches the sad child and loses track of all their own priorities and sense of self.
[[<<|research]](set: $power = 49)\
(display: "Power")
Stupid shit phone.
Stupid fuckin planned [[obsolescence|obselesence]]
Why
Did
Someone even [[make you]]?
Do I need to charge you [[every god damn hour]] now? (display: "Power")
//"Here's your brand new phone."//
//"You will learn to depend on it."//
//"Then one day the [[battery]], will just"//
//"vaporize(live: 6s)[(stop:) (unless it explodes first)], and die"//(display: "Power")
Because they are evil greedy shitheads.
No, this anger is //not// over-acting.
I need the phone, now.
[[My life]] fucking depends on it.(display: "Power")
If I as much as look at the facebook app
you're like
//that will be 10% of the [[battery]].//(display: "Power")
(set:$loading to (a:
"..",
"...",
".",
))
Please...
give me a moment more
just enough that I can(live: 1s)[|this>[.](replace:?this)[(set: $element to $loading's 1st)$element](set:$loading to(rotated:-1, ...$loading))]{
(set: $recharge=100)\
(live: 0.05s)[\
(if: $recharge > 0)[(set: $power = $power + 0.5)(set: $recharge = $recharge - 1)]\
(else:)[(stop:)(goto: "My life")]
]
}(display: "Power")
It's been five years of monotony.
**(live: 1s)[five (stop:)(live: 1s)[ long (stop:)(live: 1s)[ years(stop:)]]]**
And finally I reach out through my protective, hard, suffocating [[shell]] and against all [[odds...]](display: "Power")
Wake up and go to work!
Don't talk to strangers on the bus!
Work, and only talk to the screen!
(The screen doesn't talk back)
Someone hushes you, because you are really annoying when you act like that.
Go [[home]]!(set: $loving = true)\
(display: "Power")
Installed //that app//,
and after a few swipes to the left,
I swept right and //they must have too//.
Phone, this is where you //don't run out of power//.
I'm chatting.
The closest I've been to [[talking|how to talk]].
The closest I've been to dating.
[[To anything]].(set: $loving = false)(display: "Power")
Don't bump into any old friends on your way back home!
I [[recognize some people|Recognize people]] on the same commute.
Just stare out the window!
Get off!
Wonder if you even know [[how to talk]]...
[[Insert key]] into lock!(display: "Power")
And perhaps they recognize me.
But I never more than look half a second too long.
Never nod!
Never open my mouth!
Don't you dare say //"hello"//!
[[I]](display: "Power")
Mouth just opens and
the vocal chords prepare, (live: 2s)[tense up.(stop:)]
Lips and tongue in place.
You know how to do this!
Everything is ready for the lungs.
(if: $loving)[It's like kissing.]\
(else:)[It's like riding a bike.]
You never [[forget]].(display: "Power")
It is a sad place: two cacti and another stubborn succulent that refuse the inevitable.
The rest are just ghosts:
The empty gaping and slightly smelly fridge - //(live: 5s)[because who cooks for themselves(stop:)]//.
The hard bed with wrinkled bedding.
The bathroom
[[I]]...(display: "Power")
(set: $lonely = 0)
Never forget that:
[[I]]...(display: "Power")
Anything at all.
All I have is work,
and [[home|Insert key]],
and the sorry commute back and [[forth|home]] to work.(display: "Power")
(set: $lonely = 0)
I [[am]](display: "Power")
I(if: $lonely < 4)[ [[am]] ](else:)[ [[am|lonely]] ] \
(if: $lonely is 0)[utterly (stop:)(set: $lonely = 1)]\
(else-if: $lonely < 3)[miserably (stop:)(set: $lonely = $lonely + 1)]\
(else:)[deeply (stop:)(set: $lonely = $lonely + 1)](display: "Power")
(set: $lonely = $lonely + 1)
I am lonely.\
(mouseover-prepend: "lonely")[ lonely ]
(live: 0.2s)[(set: $power to it - 4)](live: 1s)[A worn(stop:)]
(live: 2s)[Samsung S3(stop:)]
(live: 6s)[flies through the air(stop:)]
(live: 10s)[(goto: "passenger")]As the phone hits the front window.
(live: 2s)[The passenger falls to the floor.(stop:)]
(live: 7s)[(if: $dreamstate is 2)[Violently](else:)[Silently](stop:)]
(live: 11s)[Sobbing(stop:)]
(live: 14s)[(stop:)Replay [[one more time|Dream]]]