The Only Constant Draft 3

Home 2019/10/27 18:00 Mom and dad are talking. It’s rare – but it means I have a moment to myself. Dad’s playing his favourite jazz music. Mom’s put out tea. Biscuits too - fresh from the oven. And I didn’t once hear the smack of cookie dough hitting the wall (also rare). Peace is rare, actually. Peace like this. Which is sad because the way I’m going, I’ll probably upset it [[by…]] (set: $motherSide to 0) (set: $fatherSide to 0) (set: $silent to 0)

Well. Peace doesn’t last long anyway. Worse, you can’t recreate peace. It just happens. And then it leaves. That’s why I want to disturb it. I want a hold on it – or at least, a hold on something. I don’t have a hold on anything right now. Last month drove that home for me. That’s probably what made me sure of what I want (or, need) to do. All I need now is the courage [[to-]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Jayr, sweetheart, put that away now would you? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Oh for- Jayr! Put down that bloody journal! (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Sorry, mom. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] For the millionth time, Jayr, we agreed you wouldn’t have it out while we’re eating. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I know, mom. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Next time, don’t be sorry and just put the thing down. Now sit down, bloody relax and pass me a cup. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Yes, mom. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] And stop saying “mom” like that. I don’t need your passive-aggressive bullshit. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I…it’s not- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Ugh, just! Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry. You’re right. I’m just…tired, okay? So don’t give me [[lip]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I won’t. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] And this tea is lovely. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Thank you. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Heh. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] What? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Looks like your mother [[needs her meds]] with that tea, eh Jayr?

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Excuse me? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Ah…n-nothing. It’s just I know you took your last pill an hour ago and- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] And what? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[Mom’s fine without the pills, dad.]] [[…]] [[Maybe a nap would help more.]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Thank you, Jayr. Probably longest fucking sentence you’ve said all day. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] …Is it? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Yes. You’ve been way too...quiet. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I’m sorry. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Stop apologising. [[Something’s wrong]]. (set: $motherSide to $motherSide+1)

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Oh, no, please don't stop there. Please, go on. Remind me how dependent I’ve become. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I wasn’t- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Yeah, yeah. Sure you weren't. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Really! I don't even- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] But you do. Even Jayr could tell you that. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I…um… (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Oh wow, look at Miss Fucking Articulate here. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Sorry. I- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Actually…hold on. I…sorry Jayr. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] What..? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] You realise this is probably the most you’ve said all day? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] …It is? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Yes. You’ve been *way* too quiet... (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I’m sorry. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Stop apologising. [[Something’s wrong]]. (set: $silent to $silent+1)

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] And what’s that supposed to mean? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I just meant that…you’re tired. So it’s okay to… (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Okay to? To what? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I…never mind. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No, spit it out. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I…I mean that- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Actually…hold on. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] What..? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Jayr…you realise this is probably the most you’ve said all day? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] …It is? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Yes. You've been way too...quiet. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I’m sorry. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Stop apologising. [[Something’s wrong]]. (set: $fatherSide to $fatherSide+1)

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] …Mom. Don’t…worry. I’m alright. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] I don’t buy that. Not for a second. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[Could I have a biscuit]]?

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] E-excuse me? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] A biscuit. You know, the ones over there? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] What are you on about? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I think…[[I’m just tired]]. Need the energy.

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] I…Fine. Whatever you say. Here. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Thanks. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Tch. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Sorry for the worry. Reckon I’ll be fine in a bit. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] See? Nothing to worry about. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Nothing to worry about? Ha. If you actually bothered to be home most days, you’d know she’s [[talking shit]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Honey, you’re overreacting. Our Jayr’s just a private person. Likes to keep things to herself, you know? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] I know, that’s the *fucking* problem, bit- (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Okay, okay, here we go again. I see you. I can see the pills are wearing off. And that's okay. Just…take a moment to breathe. In...and out...in...and...out. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No, you cretin, it’s not that. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] What? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] That’s not it. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Not even a bit? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] It’s that fucking journal. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] The [[journal?]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] That journal. Where she keeps *aaaaaalll* her secrets so she’ll never have to tell me a thing. Do you know that feels? Hmm? Knowing that your daughter is thinking about… (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] About? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] About…bad things. And when she tries to do bad things you can’t help her. Do you know how that feels? Of course you don’t. Because you’re never fucking here. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Mal- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[Actually, no]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No, we’re not doing this now. Not again. It’s a fucking lovely afternoon and we’re going to enjoy this fucking tea as a fucking family. Alright? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] A-alright… (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] That…sounds like an excellent plan. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Mmm… (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] … (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I still say [[you’re worrying for nothing]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Oh? Do tell? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I mean, don’t you remember writing in your diary as a kid? I was quiet like Jayr. But my diary kept me sane. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Oh, Really? How fascinating. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Of course! It was my salvation! Ah, I chatted such shit about everyone… (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] What…haha…what you thinking [[Jayr’s…talking shit about us]]? In there?

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I-I’m not… (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Well that sounds fucking suspicious. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I’m not. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Oh, of course she is! I remember when I was a young boy… (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] What did you write? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Well, why don’t we take a look? I could use a good laugh. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Well, [[I’d really rather you didn’t]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Oh, you’re no fun. Well, alright the- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[Wait]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] …Why? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] H-huh? Me? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Why don’t you want us to see? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Well…I just… (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[You know what?]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Journal. Now. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] But mom… (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Now, Jayr. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] But- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] I said *fucking* now. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Mo-[[WAIT!]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Oh, come now, honey you can’t just take it from her! (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[Dad, please…]] [[I’m sorry, mom…]] [[…->...2]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Oh, come now, Mal! I’m sure Jayr hasn’t- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Quiet. I’m reading. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I…[[alright->readJournal]]. (set: $fatherSide to $fatherSide+1)

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I’m sorry, mom… (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Jayr, don’t… (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] … (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Just…Jayr, don’t be sorry. But I have to know. I have to fucking know… (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[…->readJournal]] (set: $motherSide to $motherSide+1)

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[…->readJournal]] (set: $silent to $silent+1)

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[...->readJournal2]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] …Jayr. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Yes, mother? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[What the fuck does this mean]]?

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I’m sorry, mom. The cookie dough slamming really isn’t all that bad, I promise. I…was just- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No, not that, fuck that. The thing about courage. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Wh-what? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Courage. You said you need *courage* to do something. What is it? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] It’s…nothing… (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Don’t play dumb with me. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[I-]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Let me guess. Another attack? Identity crisis? I’ve heard it all, so come one, let’s do this again, dear daughter, one more time, sure why fuck n… [[…->suicideOop]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Honey? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] ... ... Suicide. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Huh? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[Suicide]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] What? Who? Jayr? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] That’s what this is. Is…Isn’t it, Jayr? Oh…god… (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] No. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] N-no! Of course not. I was just working up the courage to… (link: "talk to you about last month")[ (set: $motherSide to $motherSide+1) (go-to: "notIT") ] (link: "talk to dad about last month")[ (set: $fatherSide to $fatherSide+1) (go-to: "notIT") ] (link: "…just…last month…")[ (set: $silent to $silent+1) (go-to: "notIT") ]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Jayr…that’s not it, [[is it]]?

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Oh, for goodness sake, just stop interrogating the poor girl! You’re imagining things again, Mal! Just like you always do! Jayr’s *not* stupid. Or selfish. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] What? Excuse me? Like you have the fucking right to guess. Are you here when she’s breaking down? When I need to clean the cuts on her arms? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] When she’s burning out? When she looks at me with those cold, dead eyes and- (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Mal- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No. No, you're not. You don’t know shit, Noah. So stop acting like you do. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] (link: "Mother, please calm down...")[ (set: $fatherSide to $fatherSide+1) (go-to: "IWanted") ] (link: "...")[ (set: $silent to $silent+1) (go-to: "IWanted") ] (link: "Father, please calm down..")[ (set: $motherSide to $motherSide+1) (go-to: "IWanted") ]

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Excuse me, but I think I know my own daughter! You know. The one that *I* wanted. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] And I thought I knew why I married such an arrogant prick. So I guess we’re both in the fucking dark. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] ... ...Listen here, Mal- (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[Oh, hey]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] H-huh? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I just realised. [[This teaset is beautiful]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] ... ... [[…What the fuck, Jayr]]?

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Hear me out! Don’t you remember this teaset, mo- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Jayr, for the love of god, not now. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] This teaset. It was Grandma’s wedding gift, wasn’t it? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] So? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] So, you always said it was your favourite gift. Because good love is like good tea…it should- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Soothe the soul… (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Yeah. Yeah, [[E-exactly…]]cheesy, right?

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Oh…yeah… (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[…->yikes]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] So I guess good tea only gets married when it has [[an unwanted child]]?

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] … … … [[Excuse me?]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Oh, you know me. Only joking, dear. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No. What the *fuck* did you just say to me. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] (link: "He’s just joking, mom.")[ (set: $fatherSide to $fatherSide+1) (go-to: "shutUpJayrAgain") ] (link: "Dad, come on…")[ (set: $motherSide to $motherSide+1) (go-to: "notNowJayr") ] (link: "...")[ (set: $silent to $silent+1) (go-to: "You don’t get to do that") ]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Shut up, Jayr. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] You know what? Forget it. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No. No, fuck that. [[You don’t get to do that]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Not now, Jayr. ...Actually, never mind. Forget it. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No. No, fuck that. [[You don’t get to do that]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Look. I’m just saying…that after last month…all we needed to do…was rest. But no. You have to go on one of your paranoid…anger tangent…things. Like you do every week. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] I was- (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] [[Face it, Mal]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] You’re insane. You’re angry. You’re toxic. You're paranoid. And you only ever care about yourself. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] About my…How…how *fucking* dare you? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Mom, da- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Fuck off. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Don’t bring her into this. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Oh, so that’s on me? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Stop. Just...stop. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Stop? Stop what? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Stop *fighting* the world. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Oh, stop fighting? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Yes. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Stop *fighting*? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] *Yes.* (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] What? So you'll have a good wife and a dead child? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] No, you- Actually, no. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Then? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Stop *seeing* things. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Stop seeing things? Things that aren’t there? Things like Jayr’s suicide plot? Or [[the fucking barbie-doll you were with last month]]?

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] ... (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[...Mom, I- ->NotNowJayrRedux]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Not now, Jayr. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] You fucking knew? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Fuck. I’m not stupid. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Did you care? (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Why would I? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I don’t know, you tell me! (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[Honestly?]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] It’s fucking hard to care. You know, what with [[everything else you caused]] last month. You and that fucking whore.

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Oh, don’t…don’t you dare try to pin that on me- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] You were supposed to be watching him. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I was! I was watching him, I- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No, you weren’t. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Mal, I- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] You were with *[[fucking her]]*, weren’t you?

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I…I… (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] That’s what I fucking thought. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] No. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Yes. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] No, I would never- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Never what? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Never fucking what? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I’d never leave him! (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] But you did. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Not for her. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] But you fucking did. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I could never! (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Never? Just like last month? Just like [[Connor]]?

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Like Connor could never fall from a fucking balcony and [[fucking die->NoahOop]]?

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] ...How...[[how dare you?]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Mom…I thought we weren’t talkin- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Fuck. You. Just fuck you Jayr. This fucking man…your fucking brother…he did it. He fucking did it. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Mom, he- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] He fucking did it! (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Fuck you! I…I’d give my life for him, Mal. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] You fucking killed him! (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] He was everything to me! (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No, you fucking killed him! (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I fucking loved him! And now you, you with your gung-ho bullshit soul-crushing anger, [[you’re killing our fucking daughter]]!

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[Shut up.]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] *[[Shut up.->ShutUp2]]*

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[JUST SHUT UP]]!

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Jayr… (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] NO. No, SHUT UP. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Jayr, don’t- (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] NO! MY DEATH IS [[MY FUCKING DECISION]] TO MAKE! SO for the LOVE OF GOD, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] You’re fucking selfish. Both of you. And you have the audacity to question WHY I want to off myself? FUCK YOU. Connor? [[I’m glad he’s dead.]] I’m fucking glad.

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[...->yikes1]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Jayr, what the f- (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I’m happy for you. I’m glad you two were spared from him. And more than that? I’m glad he was fucking spared from [[you]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] [[...->yikes2]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[...->yikes3]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] … … … (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Oh…[[Oh god…]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] S-so…it’s true then? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I…I’m sorry. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Jayr! Is it true? (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] W-what? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] You really…[[you really were going to kill yourself]]?

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] I…yes. I was. I…I thought you’d caught on to that? (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] I…I…no! God, no! I was just saying that to- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Guilt trip me? (set: $max to (max: $motherSide, $silent, $fatherSide))(if: $max is $motherSide)[[[Fuck you->takeMotherSide]]](else-if: $max is $fatherSide) [[[Fuck you->takeFatherSide]]](else:)[[[Fuck you->takeSilentSide]]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Tch. You see, Jayr? This is why I have to keep asking. Why I keep probing. Why I can't fucking leave you alone. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Mom- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Because someone like him? He doesn't care. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Mal- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No. No, I’m done. I know when I've overstayed my welcome. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Mal...are you saying- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] I'm leaving. That's it. [[Nothing left to say.]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Tch. You see, Jayr? This is who you’re standing up for. This fucking coward. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Mom- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No. I’m done. I will not live under a roof where I’m not needed...[[Or wanted->dadNLTS]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] […] (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Tch. You see, Jayr? This is why I can’t leave you alone. (text-colour: (rgba: 255,255,255, 0.5))[Because I’m the only one you can trust.] (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] (text-colour: (rgba: 255,255,255, 0.3))[Ha! The way you are? I wouldn’t trust you not to kill me in my sleep.] (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] (text-colour: (rgba: 255,255,255, 0.2))[Wise.] (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] (text-colour: (rgba: 255,255,255, 0.1))[Melodramatic bitch.] (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] (text-colour: (rgba: 255,255,255, 0.0))[Fucking prick.] (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[…->loop]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] …do *not* expect me to be here.

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[…->loop]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Mom, wh- jus...just wait! Look, let's forget it, okay? Let's just forget today and- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] No, Jayr. I... I'm done forgetting. Leaving? That's long overdue. It's [[got nothing to do with you.]] Okay?

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Nothing to do with her? Mal, are you cr- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Don't. Misunderstand me. [[I'm taking her with me, ->I'm taking her with me.]]Noah.

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Just... Let's get some sleep. We can talk about this in the morning. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] ...Why? Nothing will...change. (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[Exactly. ->And realise...]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[Nothing changes->nothing changes]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] So...[[it's like I said]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] ...It's got nothing to do with me. ...Right. And [[I suppose...->pause]]

...it never really did.

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[Mo-->NoahDumb]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] I'd rather do *that*... ...than leave her with you to die. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] M-mom, wait... This... This should be my choi- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Well [[it's not]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Your dad's still a cheater. You still want to kill herself. I'm still here. And there's only [[one of those things I can fix]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] You're talking about leaving your child. You're talking about *ripping apart* her parents. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[Da-]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Then...[[so be it->Mo-]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Mal- (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Mom...what're you... [[...->crying]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Are...are you [[crying->crying2]]?

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] I've given my life for you. For you and this fucking man. This man who doesn't want me. (text-colour: (rgba: 42, 162, 184, 1))[**Noah:**] Mal, ju- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] And this daughter who [[doesn't care]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Mo- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Not about your own life. And definitely about not [[mine]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] So I don't care. I won't hide my [[tears]] from you anymore.

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Because that's what mothers do. And maybe...that's just [[not a role I'm meant to play->mothers do]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Will you be there when I wake up? [[M-mom? ->when I wake up]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[...->Mom?]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[Mom?->...aMe]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Mom please...[[say something->...sS]].

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] Mom...wait...Mom, ple- (text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Just...get some sleep Jayr. You need it after today. (text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[But...]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] Oh...for *fuck's* sake Jayr. I've spent my years on you. I've spent days worrying. Hours probing. Every moment terrified that I [[won't have a daughter]] when I wake up in the morning.

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[Please...->...I]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[Mom...please...]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[...->answerme]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[...->say something]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 194, 138, 58, 1))[**Mallory:**] [[...->I...]]

(text-colour: (rgba: 96, 163, 108, 1))[**Jayr:**] [[Stay with me]]